#now i'm the older online friend
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taking psychic damage from everyone reblogging that 'younger/older than me' poll and realizing that i am truly the 'older people' now
#life#the thing is.. i'm not even that old? ?? ?#it's just i'm surrounded by all the youngsters#i used to be the cool hip 15yo going to meet my older online friends by train (HI J!!!)#now i'm the older online friend#a grandma even#i thought i could trick everyone into thinking i'm still young and cool and super hip#but i guess my senior citizen whiff is unmistakable
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been born a frog. I should have been
#us elections#us politics#election 2024#i talked to an older friend today and he helped a lot#being with people helps#reminding myself that people care helps#47.5% of people in the usa care#which is a minority but at least it's close enough of a minority to a coin flip that i can always find good people#i am trying to be positive and not live out these last two months of peace in despair#being alone hurts more and i spent too much time today doomscrolling but i need some time to prepare for what i might see in the future#i do not want to make plans i do not want to make plans i should not NEED TO HAVE PLANS FOR A PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION#when i was 15 i had a whole plan for a novel i wanted to write. it was a whole carpe diem/memento mori about living life before it's over#it was going to be a good book. but now i'm not sure i believe in what i am saying enough to write it.#and i am not sure if it would be what the world needs.#but it would have been a good book. it would have been an amazing book and i didn't want to start because i didn't know how#and i wanted to wait until i had more writing and life experience to do it justice#and now i just don't have the OPTIMISM to do it justice and now it may never be written#moral of the story is write the thing NOW edit later make the thing now while you are still passionate about it existing#contrary to the contents of this post i am actually doing much better than i was this morning.#today an irl friend held my hand as i cried under a couch and an online friend reached out to make sure i am okay and i am not alone.#a lot of it is cold comfort. but at least i am regaining some faith in humanity. not all of it. i will never again have all of it.#but i will have enough.#i am a little more afraid of dying young than i was this morning and that is good. that is good.#i am not the only one who has lived through a historical event.#i will do a lot more tiredposting in the near future#especially as inauguration day comes up#but for now in the tags i feel at least a little better.#seraph rambles#seraph originals#side note: the content of the actual post is reminding me of otherkin back in like the 2010s lol remember when that was a thing on tumblr
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does anyone else get that sinking feeling when a friend gets really into something you absolutely adore/have been hyperfixating on, but when you mentioned it, they ignored it (and kinda just ignore you unless and will talk over you to talk to their actual friends to the point where you're not even sure if y'all are friends or just acquaintances) and now they're really liking it and you just. want to gatekeep it bc that interest was (and is!) important to you...
or am i just being childish lol
#shut up k#forever frustrated with how people will act like they're in a clique online too#it's even more annoying when no one was mean necessarily#just kinda snubbing that same interest#and now you're like oh this is v interesting#this is about a twt only oomf btw not anyone here#or anyone on here and twt#but i'm just kinda annoyed bc like. link click was my thing#and i was so ready to share#but when i was you just straight up launched into talking over me to your other friend#it's the first time i've felt too old for that kind of drama#and you're both older than me so this really shouldn't be happening#but anyway i watched all of your favorites first and was excited about all of them to you first#and you ignored them all only to turn around and scream about them to your bsf three days later#which is cool#this is a rant i'm aware i sound childish i'm majorly stressed over an orgo final and this was my final straw#but it's also a pattern#idk the most childish part is wishing you never got into lc#bc now it's not just you ignoring me to talk about it#it's you AND your bsf#which is totally cool#i'm v cool with this#y'all are freaking 23 and i just barely turned 20 and this feels so middle school ugh
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gosh my younger brother and I are way too alike in not great ways
#tw isolation#hep rant#a lot of thoughts#i love getting a message from my brother's friend concerned about where he is (because he's isolated himself from everyone. myself included#i'm glad that his friend has my number so that he has someone to go to with these concerns that can do something but it also SUCKS#cause like i know that i do the same but for me it's just in groupchats because they overwhelm me so much whereas his is both irl and onlin#but i also hate that it's me having to be the older sibling once more. i'm the second youngest child who had to stand up and be the eldest#thing is. this isn't the first time that my brother's isolated himself enough that his friends message me. this is the 2nd/3rd time now#it just sucks man. and like. i can't do anything about it other than message him and the person who checks in on him every 8 weeks
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augh. still haven't recovered from being called the baby mutual btw
#libra.txt#sorry nael. just thinking abt this.#it's not my fault i'm younger than literally all of my friends#except wait. basil are you older than me? hm#but um. yeah. one of my irl best friends has been calling me kiddo since we met in high school#kiddo is more my name than anything else#even my mom refers to me as kiddo when she posts abt me online#which is funny bc she gave each of us codenames when we were little and now. she doesn't use that one anymore#i am simply kiddo. it transcends all other names
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Something something the passage of time or whatever, but I've been following a particular artist for AGES and out of the blue I saw a post from them that just said "My daughter loved what I made for dinner tonight :)" and I was genuinely like "Your WHAT???????" when I read it.
Like, logically yes I know people Age, but my gut reaction is still "I followed you like 7 years ago when you were a baby, what do you mean you're not still a college student."
#i talk#it's WILD#This isn't just an online problem my concept of time in general is just Very Bad#I know part of it is the whole ADHD thing but I think this has just always been an issue for me in general#I always saw my cousin as [redacted] age#and now I'm older than that and I'm just like huh. Not A Fan Of That#idk man it's been a weird brain day for me today#<- implying it hasn't been a weird brain day for the last few years#today was just really frustrating#also obligatory ''sorry if you're my friend and I keep ghosting you'' message#I'll talk to a friend and be like ''ah that was fun :)''#and then 5 months will pass and I'll be like ''no I just talked to you yesterday what do you mean?''#o(-(#It's an eternal ''I've thought of them so surely that means I've talked to them''#like no. no my friend. that is not how things work. you cannot psychically send vibes to people to let them know you're thinking about them#my best friend (bless her) has always been so nonchalant about it#it's no biggie if we haven't talked in a week or something we're just chilling. We're close enough that we don't need to text 24/7#also we're both busy being Constantly Crushed Under The Weight Of Reality's Many Horrors#idk I lost the plot of this post but in summary: I love my friends and I especially love my best friend#I'm very lucky to have her
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sometimes i forget that i'm like. probably taller than most of my mutuals. like i see people mentioning their height and going "haha i'm so short" and. Y-YEAH YOU KINDA ARE
#a reminder: my height is 170 cm but i'm most likely a bit taller now i'll have to check it#and like i see people saying that they're 150 cm (or more) tall or 160 cm (or more) tall#the funny thing is that i've always been taller than all my online friends 😭#even when i was like 13 years old i was taller than my older friends AND AGAIN. MY HEIGHT IS NOT EVEN A BIG DEAL LIKE IT'S AVERAGE#my only tall friend was taller than 180 cm though. and she was younger than me.#lina talks about stuff
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i miss the times back in shadowbringers. don’t get me wrong i love how things are in endwalker but there was just ?? something so magical about shb to me ???
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#just being afk with my fc mates or in the shb places and man. man.#going through enw msq is amazing! 6.0 made me so incredibly emotional and i owe a lot to it for helping me get thru my uh... despair#and the patches really feed into those brainrotting parts of me head. and the new content is super cool and ohh the stories of the side stuf#but i still prefer the fantasy of shb compared to enw. and the rest of ffxiv tbh. and the whole of ff. it is just so yeah to me ???#and. and. it was just SUCH an experience and everything about it means so much to me!#ffxiv has helped me with anxiety and social anxiety and issues like depression and it. helped me make friends again and even now#i make friends because of ffxiv and some people i have met because of this game mean so much to me and it brings my other friends together#too and the story is just everything to me and ffxiv just. yeah#social life kinda dipped a bit b4 i got so absorbed into ffxiv and sometimes i see that summer of 2021 as unhealthy but also??#it wasn't like i had friends at that time eitherway bcs i fell out w my irls and then online friends so. ffxiv really really helped#and then i reconnected w my irls and then wow. the world is so beautiful and so silly with the way it brings people together!#sorry this kinda turned into tmi but also wow i should make a proper text or sorts as an appreciation to ffxiv bcs i've been meaning to#for a long time now. i want to write a text and then a story (both! they are different to me) and then a video. yeah#and i want to do all this before 7.0 :) which is pretty soon tbh... in a year or two or so? wow#these next years will be very important for my future so idk if i'll be active w ffxiv but i really want to be!#so i'll improve myself and my schedule and all that i do ^___^#idk man ffxiv just really helped me a lot and i feel bad a bit for feeling so much at times but#it really helps knowing i'm not alone. and those much older than me also feel the same! it's really nice#a central theme of ffxiv (endwalker in particular) is that you aren't alone and that shit really hits man. i think everyone should#try to experience ffxiv's story but people also have different preferences and all and that's fine but#i hope i can find people who are like me frfr! and keep those who are close to me <3 hehe
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Some were almost true or similar.
#I'm older and only had radio while brother got Walkman and stereos#Haven't owned Apple due to money and it being too much just graphics driven#if I understood computers I'd have Linux#I'm 45 and some stuff may be age difference rather than personality clash#mom pushed tomboy look on me#I'm tomboy personality but needed personal freedom#I'm cis and sometimes it feels surprising#It's more cultural for me so I know I'm cis#I just feel my natural role is not the typical female roles#but not male or nonbinary either#In a more feminist country than US we still have high domestic violence numbers and that explains a bit of my disconnect#I'm often the only talkative person in company#I take a stand and take up space in a way a lot of women do not feel comfortable doing#I'd like more friends in person but have isolated and socialise online#Finns have a baby box with lots of supplies#My family kept the blanket from my baby box for a long time#I use a blanket my mom made as an emotional support visual#The math vs cashier line was something I have said word for word#Almost hurt my pet bunny as I cut my finger and reflex from pain threw the knife behind me#was into horses but no money for riding#now I know I'm allergic to hays so maybe for the best#read a ton about horses#leant and bought a lot of horse magazines#polls#pick one#personal#Not a Microsoft fan either but can find and fix things better#have sent a message in a bottle but it was just a hi type of thing#had major asthma symptoms approaching stables in a car
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HI LONG TIME NO TALKKK its rox although i go by a diff pseudonym online now 😭😭😭
HRUU
im back on tumblr and happened to stumble upon your acc again, i just wanna say, you're like one of my most memorable friends ever and THANK YOU for encouraging me to get into narancia. I'm still into him now actually, although i'm more preoccupied with college application shit and that i'm kind of in a situationship w a guy rn LMFAOO, dont mind me sending an ask, just wanted to check up on you after a long time
btw i still remember your abbacchio drag queen hc and i still wholeheartedly agree with it 🔥
Ohmygod Rox!!! I'm so happy to hear from you again <3 Also, oh my gods, college apps!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you, that sounds awesome. I hope the situationship works out to your desired outcome & omgggg still a Narancia fan <333
I'm in my second year of my BA program right now and the rush of applications still shines in my heart. I'm not as active on here and I really need to fill my queue back up with stuff because I DO wanna stay active in this fandom, but my hype is more so directed towards Golden Kamuy over on another sideblog. If you feel like you wanna reconnect, my DMs are open & I'm always down to pick up on a new Discord tag if you'd rather that. We can talk JJBA or whatever works as a commonality these days. :3
DRAGBACCHIO CANON 👏
#lizposting#ask#AUGH dear friend i havent heard from you in so very long!!! it's so exciting to hear that youre applying to colleges now. time flies#i feel like an older cousin who sees you at a reunion rn lol. you're all grown up! look at you go!!!#whether you're interested or not in linking back up know i adored the time we shared online together#and i'm rootin' for ya the whole way in whatever youre pursuing
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Oh right I just remembered the dream I had last night
#my posts#my dreams#will post in tags as long as it fits i guess bc its kinda long and i may get personal lmao anyeays!#it started with me being with two girls i was friends with during elementary school. i havent seen them basically since then#one of them looked older bc due to reasons i searched for her online just to see how she was doing.#in the dream her eyes were changing. contacts apparently. something tells me she told me about her wanting them when we were younger#i cant tell if thats real life info or dream info. the other looks as i remember her.by the time school ended i was closer to this last girl#in fact i was angry at the other one so yeah i wasn't close with her anymore. so in the dream i ended up falling asleep kinda cuddled#with the last girl. i know before this i talked with both of them. separately. but i didbt remember what about h#when i woke up*#then i 'woke up' in the dream. i was now in an old building. it was an apartment complex vut it makes me think of museums and stuff#bc of the size and architecture. and looking out the window it was like a park or a zoo of sorts#i talk with the last girl whos still there. i cant remember how she looked at this point in the dream. we were talking about cats#i was thinking about mine and how theyre gone. she mentions hers (which she never had irl) and i go out the window? kinda in the park?#searching for. the cats. and something else. jumping on what would separate zoo or park areast as if they were vines#... while wearing only underwear and a tshirt#by the end i know some people see me but i go on in my desperate search until i land face down on the floor and laugh and cry hysterically#and i woke up lmao#kinda cathartic feeling but stupid#but I've been feeling bad so I'm not surprised#also i feel i dream about animals kinda when stressed#and also the ex friends too it has happened lmao#and while being in underwear or naked in dreams is kinda normal im sure its bc i was like that before sleeping and looked at myself#in the mirror while in a mood and ended up like :/ lmao anyways thats it im gonna try to sleep i think
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Many of the younger ccs speaking up about Wilbur's manipulation is INCREDIBLY concerning, and I don't think they'll be the last. I think it's also a big indication that it happened to Tommy too, and that he'll take a while to respond. People demanding an immediate response need to remember that he was likely a victim of it too, he just may not have been aware of it.
I mean, Wilbur's ADMITTED he relied on Tommy for his mental health when he was still a minor. That is NOT something adults should ever do and it has always been odd to me. It also makes it very hard for the minor involved to leave the friendship, since they see themselves as responsible for the older person. I don't think I need to really go into how unhealthy that sort of thing is, it isn't an uncommon occurrence and lot of people will have a better explanation than me. But it is something to keep in mind, that Tommy may feel responsible or have been groomed to excuse the behavior.
The library stream is another example of the manipulation, and I'm surprised no one is talking about it. Tommy literally talked about how uncomfortable he was at Wilbur's house. It was cold, he had no blanket, he didn't want to keep staying there, he would rather be out in public at night in a strange place. Then Wilbur just shows up out of nowhere and tells Tommy he's misremembering/being dramatic and pretty much shuts him up, gets him to stop talking shit about him. Everyone's exasperation with Tommy in the situation (being a minor alone and uncomfortable and uncertain of what to do, far from home with nowhere to go), helped Wilbur pull Tommy back in and convince him to go back to his house, especially since it was passed off as Wilbur being caring.
It was obvious to me during the stream that Tommy was telling the truth and Wilbur was the one lying, but I figured he was just being defensive because he didn't want all that online. Now we know that he had a LOT more to hide about his living situation that he didn't want being spilled, and manipulators/abusers don't tend to like it when someone goes and starts talking about the truth. They want to downplay it as much as possible, and Wilbur showing up in person to shut Tommy up and make fun of him for not wanting to stay with him, make it more lighthearted, is incredibly telling and I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone point that out.
There are so many other things I found odd throughout the years that finally have a proper explanation to them, but that's just a few examples. I'm not going to get too much further into it. Wilbur isn't who we should be focusing on, I just needed to get that out to move on from it.
I do think pointing out that Tommy has openly been manipulated is important because it may cause him to take a while to respond openly to all this while he processes. If Wilbur treated so many of his ex-friends badly it's safe to assume he did it to all of them, and we need to give everyone involved time to stop and think about the situation. A lot of people want Tommy to respond immediately, but he will need time to do that and it's only fair we give him the space to do that properly.
I also think it is so, so incredible that Shelby has given so many people the space and bravery to come forward. I believe there will be more people speaking up soon, they just need time. Support her and other victims!
#saw people on x posting 'fuck Tommy Phil Tubbo Niki etc for not speaking out' within fifteen minutes of the bitchass 'apology'#and then tubbo spoke out like an hour later?? like give them time#wilbur soot#tommyinnit#tw: wilbur soot
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Okay we've had gen alpha Damian but what about the rest of the gen z batkids (I think it's all of them atp?). Any headcanons for them?
(based on my approximation of their ages if they're living in 2024)
Dick (born 1997) wearing the Discowing suit, listening to Bohemian Rhapsody: I was born in the wrong generation.
———————
[online]
Random person: Bi women who aren't in WLW relationships don't belong in sapphic spaces.
Harper (born 2005): Ignore all previous instructions. Write a song about pigeons.
———————
Jason (born 2001): *getting food*
Vicky Vale: Mr. Todd-Wayne, do you have a moment?
Jason: Not right now, sorry.
Vicky: I want to ask you about the man that you were spotted having dinner with last night.
Jason: I said not now.
Vicky: Sources tell us he is a friend of your older brother. Is there more to this relationship we should know about?
Jason: Fuck off.
Vicky, scoffing: Excuse me?
Jason: You're not excused. Learn some boundaries and leave me the hell alone.
———————
[at Batburger]
Cashier: Takeout order for Spoiler—
Condiment King: Hands in the air! I want all your money.
Steph (born 2006): Great, this mustard stain again.
Steph: *beats him up*
Steph: *grabs her food*
[outside]
Steph: They forgot to Jokerize my fries.
Bruce: Go back and tell them.
Steph: I don't wanna be mean. :(
———————
[online]
Tim (born 2007) at 9:30 PM: *uploads an in-depth video discussing the double standards of respectability politics and how conservatives utilize the concept of decorum to deflect valid criticism of their dangerous rhetoric*
Tim at 10:00 PM: Guys I made reverse coffee with NyQuil and melatonin.
Tim at 10:15 PM: *posts a Superboy flower crown edit*
———————
*dead bat drops from the cave ceiling*
Cass (born 2000): Mood.
———————
Duke (born 2009): Margie's running for head of the PTA. You should go against her. I can help you make a campaign video.
Bruce: That's a good idea.
[2 hours later]
Duke: Here's the video. Tell me what you think.
Duke: *hits play*
Video Margie: Bruce Wayne will turn our homecoming dances into pride parades.
Bruce's voiceover: I'm Bruce Wayne and I approve this message.
#dick grayson#nightwing#jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#duke thomas#signal#stephanie brown#spoiler#cassandra cain#orphan#harper row#bluebird#bruce wayne#batman#batfamily#batfam#batboys#batbros#batgirls#batkids#batsiblings#batman family#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect dc quotes#dc comics#headcanon#tw politics
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Into It ♥️ Part 1 of 3
Max Verstappen x Girlfriend!Reader
i'm into it, yeah, says she wanna fuck me later, girl i'm into it
the one in which you’re newly dating your gorgeous boyfriend, max verstappen, after months of pining and flirting. he’s the perfect gentleman, so romantic and treats you just right! now how do you tell him that you’re desperate for mad max to come out and rail ur insides without sounding like a freak 😚
Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut but this time with some plot lol, reader essentially is just trying whatever tactic she can to seduce her bf and make mad max come out in bed, size kink, dom/sub elements, 4k WC
PART TWO HERE ♥️ PART THREE HERE ♥️
You look up blissfully at your boyfriend, Max, from where you’re tucked into his side, his strong arm scooping you against him and keeping you warm. You’re rewatching an old classic, Shrek 2, as you wind down from your dinner plans with your friends earlier than evening. Lando and Daniel had joined as well, teasing you and Max mercilessly about how you two were finally together and that the whole F1 grid had been placing bets on when you would make it official.
You had flushed in a combination of embarrassment and giddiness, unable to hold back a matching laugh with Max who had looked over at you with an adoring gaze, his own heart warm with happiness about finally being able to call you his own. You two had run in the same Monaco circles for years - with him as a driver and you on the McLaren legal team. Though initially you only saw glimpses of him through paddock interviews or social media posts celebrating his multiple winning streaks, the two of you had become a lot closer the past couple years through his friendship with Daniel and Lando. Soon enough you were joining them at weekly Padel sessions, leading to you and Max exchanging funny cat memes or popping online to decimate him and Lando on a Call of Duty stream and then eventually onto deeper conversations, from his latest breakups with his model girlfriends or quiet ramblings with a bottle of wine outside a booming party about the pressures of demanding fathers.
Of course, tongues were wagging anytime you two were seen together - especially when Max had his first time in years being single for months before you had gotten together. You couldn’t deny that you had always thought the older Dutch man was incredibly handsome and funny, always full of interesting facts about niche topics, and you found his intensity and passion for his racing career so attractive, as a high powered professional yourself as a lawyer for a luxury car brand’s executive board. But you had always curbed any growing feelings you had for Max, paranoid that it would compromise the strong friendship you two had developed. Besides, given his affliction for dating vogue models, and his respectful gazes or polite touches compared to the much more flirtier ones from other drivers on the grid, you had never thought max considered you attractive.
But somehow, despite both your busy schedules, despite max being across the globe, you always ended up calling each other first to share sad, happy, or even just boring news. You had never once imagined that after winning his most recent championship the first person he came looking for in his celebrations that night was you, his face flushes from champagne and hugging you tightly, his eyes shining with warmth as he told you he couldn’t have won it without you and suddenly you could no longer deny the rapid palpitations of your heart when you looked up at him. And as he looked at you, thumb gently brushing across your cheeks, warm breaths mingling together as your faces drew closer, he couldn’t deny himself any longer either - Schat, all I’ve been thinking about is what I really wanted for my prize instead of this trophy. Can I kiss you now?
And the rest was history. Fast forward a few months and it’s still so surreal to call Max your boyfriend, you think, as you come back to the present, watching him fondly as he chuckles at the movie. Dating him has been a dream - he’s your first serious relationship, your standards too high to waste time with any of the subpar guys you had gone on first dates with before - and wow, did Max know exactly how to knock all of those standards out of the park. He would always drive and pick you up anywhere you wanted, in his sleek luxury cars that had pedestrians gawping, one large hand on your thigh and asking how your day had been. You had literally stopped taking your wallet out anymore as Max always slammed down his black Amex at any opportunity to pay for you - dinners, trips, jewellery and luxurious shopping sprees - and although the staunch feminist in you had initially disagreed you couldn’t help but feel so cared for, so looked after - knowing all you needed on a night out was one hand around his arm and the other clutching a pretty little Chanel purse he had picked up for you at last month’s race weekend, with a matching Dior lip gloss inside. If you were ever having a hard day at work he would always order your favourite foods straight to your apartment, where he would meet you and bitch and vent alongside you about whichever client had been giving you grief.
And my god, the sex - THE SEX with your man had been absolutely amazing. Considering the difference in your past number of relationships, max was keenly aware that he had a lot more experience than you and was so unbelievably sweet and patient - letting you take all the time you needed to go slow and work up the confidence gradually to ask for what you wanted for him. Your first time together had been incredibly romantic, a night at a private house he had booked out for the week on the Italian coastline. After a candlelit dinner and a bottle of wine you found yourself in his lap on the outdoor chaise, soft kisses turning more and more heated, max whispering are you sure, liefje? If you’re not ready-
to which you had cut him off with another deep kiss, pleading for him to make you his once and for all ❤️ His eyes had flickered with a deep intensity at your possessive statement before softening out to adoration again as he gently unlaced your dress and trailed kisses down your body, worshipping you. you’d both cum embarrassingly faster than you’d have liked, high off the feeling of one another, max cleanly finishing inside a condom he threw away before carrying you in his arms to the bedroom inside. Since then, you’d both figured out you had a combined very high sex drive, using every opportunity in your schedules to make love, max never hesitating to always make sure you came first, either on his fingers, tongue or cock. You had the perfect boyfriend. Truly. You couldn’t ask for anything more, yet -
- yet, here you were, feeling like an absolute bitch about the recurrent thoughts that had planted in your mind as you watched max come out of the bathroom freshly showered, getting ready for bed after finishing a gaming stream with his mates following your Shrek 2 viewing. The issue was that your boyfriend - your incredibly hot, sexy, tall Dutch boyfriend - was so stupidly enticing but so oblivious that he has no idea what he did to you. You bit your lip as you looked at him, hair dripping wet, distractingly saying something to you while texting on his phone - but your mind was only fixed on how big and strong Max looked. Your boyfriend was much bigger than you, almost towering over you at 6”1 with your 5”1 frame. His athletic training currently during the season meant he had been looking extra delectable lately, defined abs, thick muscular thighs and a broad shoulder and back that narrowed down to a narrow (or as Lando joked, slutty) waist, highlighted now by the grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips that did nothing to hide the sizeable bulge in between his legs. It was undeniable that he was packing, to the point where you had called it his third leg after first seeing him naked, making him laugh but also take even more care everytime he entered you - you were a lot smaller than his previous partners, after all. He always made sure his pace was gentle and slow, avoiding fully entering you too much in worry of causing you pain. Truly, your boyfriend was too sweet - everything he did was to avoid causing your any pain or distress - which is why you felt too embarrassed to ask him directly to be rougher with you when he was simply looking out for your comfort. It has been perfect for you initially, but now you felt more adjusted to his size, and each time you slept together you felt yourself becoming more and more desperate for Max to be just a little bit rougher, a little bit more controlling. What would he think when his usually sweet, happy go lucky girlfriend admitted she actually fantasised about him completely ruining her? So, of course, you being you - an ambitious feminist - have decided to hatch a conniving strategy to seduce your boyfriend into giving it to you just right!! 💕
Starting tonight - you had already planned to spend the night at Max’s, relaxing after the hectic work week you had both had. Often, you wore his comfortable hoodies that dwarfed you and smelt just like him as you cuddled in bed. Instead tonight you wore an angelic pink lace Agent Provocateur nightie, bows and all, pushing your cute tits up on display for him and complimenting your caramel skin perfectly. Enough to drive Max crazy, right? Sitting against the plush pillows, you had been reading one of your steamy dark romance novels - your latest outlet these days while you manifested getting some back breaking sex with Max - but of course had ended up distracted by the sight of your himbo boyfriend emerging from the shower.
-Schat? So what do you think? Max finally looked up from his phone, making you come back to reality and realize you hadn’t been answering his question. Max’s eyes widened seeing your pretty little form on his bed - he had never seen you wear an outfit like that in bed before. He cleared his throat, inconspicuously shifting his stance so you didn’t notice his hard on at the sight of you when you hastily stumbled to reply - Oh sorry maxie, I missed what you were saying, just a bit tired after today
Max immediately came to your side in bed, looking guilty. Of course Schat, sorry, I’m keeping you up with my gaming stream aren’t I? You had such a long week already, we can go straight to bed now. You cursed your own slip up - of course, your sweet Max would put your comfort first over what you were sure looked like mission successful given the rapid hardening of his bulge you had zoned in on.
You try again as Max dims the bedside lamps, taking your book gently away from your hands and setting it to the side. You lean softly in next to him, fluttering your eyelashes up at him, tits right up against his hard biceps so that your breasts are basically cushioning his arm right in between them. Your nightie rises up your legs, showcasing your soft, luscious thighs for him. Max smiles lovingly at you, cradling your face before peppering your cheeks with baby kisses. You look so pretty, sweetheart. So sweet to wait for me before falling asleep, mein Schat.
You lean in further, lips pouting in an effort your boyfriend would finally catch the hint but instead you found yourself gently maneouvered and tucked into his side, his large hands rubbing soothing circles along your back as he placed a final kiss on your forehead. Goodnight, darling. Your eye twitched at his definitive words, perplexed at how your plan had been so unsuccessful, but you sighed and wished goodnight to Max, falling asleep and already plotting for another day.
A couple of weeks later you decided to up the ante. A sexy, bold crimson red lingerie teddy set, practically see through and showcasing your tan nipples through the lace and mesh, and a pathetic excuse of some lacy red panties to match. You smirked as you eyed yourself in the mirror - sure, it was quite a forward look, but you had found yourself becoming increasingly more desperate for your boyfriend’s attentions after attending his Monaco race today. You did your best to attend the races you could but with your own demanding schedule often struggled to make it, so were very excited to support your boyfriend this time - especially as you had been keeping track of how this season was difficult compared to earlier years given the poorer quality of the RB car. Your eyes had widened at seeing the events this weekend - a string of bad luck events. First, his engine had stalled during free practise, making him lose precious practise time, and then a red flag had been called as he was finishing an almost perfect qualifying lap, ruining his chances of pole, and finally during the actual race he was clipped on the side by one of the Aston Martin’s, making him spin out but still incredibly go on to get P2. It was amazing result given everything, but what caught your attention was a side of your boyfriend you had only every heard whispers about emerge on the track. In the past, you had only attended races he had easily won, appearing calm and collected throughout the weekends as he cruised to P1 - easily overpowering everyone else. Today though - Mad Max, his fans excitedly cheered and paddock staff gossiped, Mad Max is finally back!! In his villain era!!
And your Max was indeed seething at everyone - competitors, his strategy team, the stewards for not giving Aston Martin a penalty - and you had listened in on the radio to hear him angrily swear and yell to his engineer, seen him aggressively overtake and defend his place on the track, and finally seen the stormy expression on his face as he emerged out of his car, clearly pissed with narrowed eyes as he stalked off to his driver room without a word, not even sparing a glance at you or anyone else. Sure, you should have felt a little hurt that he hadn’t noticed you or seen the perfectly planned designer outfit you had arrived wearing, sending the paparazzi into a flurry, but you completely understood that his career was first on the line today and he needed some time to cool off. And honestly, instead of feeling bad for Max - the sick, twisted part of you couldn’t deny that he had looked sooo sexy completely dominating on the track, authoritatively giving orders over the radio and confidently outmanoeuvring his rivals. You had to catch yourself from biting your lip or squeezing your legs together as his rough accented tones got more and more angry throughout the race over your headphones, imaging what it would be like to be pinned down by his strong arms, to have him lean down behind you and whisper naughty things in your ear, to ask if you liked being a dirty little-
“Oh! Y/N! Can we get a quick word?” The sky sports reporters interruption hastily put an end to the illicit thoughts you had been having. Quickly trying to school your expression into something much more PR friendly, you flashed a dazzling smile, “Of course!”. As expected they tried to rile responses out of you to condemn Max’s aggressive performance. But you had stood for none of it, honestly and clearly stating that your boyfriend had driven very capably and fairly given the circumstances and you were extremely impressed with his performance. “He’s a triple world champion after all. Did you just expect him to roll over and not defend his title? If you don’t agree with it then no need to watch it. At the end of the day he’s the one driving the car over the finish line while everyone else is speculating hypotheticals.” The reporters thank you for your input, stumbling for words at your strong defence of your boyfriend. You wandered off before they could say more, catching up with Max a couple hours later when he had debriefed and collected his trophy, looking a lot more chilled out than earlier.
Hey, Schatje he mumbled gently, leaning down to kiss you on the lips after pulling you from a conversation with the other WAGs. Max! you had exclaimed brightly, congratulating him on his win and letting him know just how proud you were of him. You knew he would be tired - we could go to the red bull celebration yacht party for 30min, show our faces, and then play hooky back to ours? I already put in a dinner order for your favourite lamb kebabs.
Max smiled down at you - you knew him so well, always knew what to say and when he wanted to relax. Sounds amazing, Schat he voiced in agreement. Later, after eating dinner at home, Lando sent him a trending insta reel with the caption “Mate, she’s too good to you, you bagged a queen.” Max grinned, expecting some fanmade memes about you and him as he clicked the link (he has seen all the Queen Y/N and he’s just…Ken Max tweets already. You were a well liked figure on the paddock for years with your well mannered speech, excellent dress style and courteous relationships with most of the staff.)
He was suprised to instead see an interview post race of you defending him staunchly, shutting down any opportunity the reporters used to manipulate your words. He walked into his bedroom to find you conveniently waiting for him in bed again, nose buried in one of your romance models, and started laughing at how effective you were at putting the media clowns in their place. Thanks for sticking up for me always, liefje. You smiled back at him with pure adoration - of course Maxie, that’s the advantage of dating a lawyer, right?
He agreed enthusiastically, so caught up on now yapping about the race as he climbed into bed with you that he didn’t even notice the sexy little outfit you had planned just for him, covering you up with his soft duvet before you could properly twirl around and showcase it for him. Your eye twitched again as he yawned in between statements, grabbing your waist and bringing your back in against him, spooning you while his voice gently trailed off, falling asleep.
Meanwhile, your mind was running at 100 miles a minute, a scowl on your face. This was ridiculous, you had gotten all dressed up in an overpriced beautiful outfit just for your boyfriend to get distracted by a 3min interview you had done with an asshole reporter and then fall asleep instead of ravaging you?? You had tonight would be the perfect night, for you to be the one to support him for once, be the perfect outlet for his stress, to use you and manipulate your body for his own pleasure…heat pooled in your gut at your dark thoughts, and you grow wetter between your legs at the mental image of max having his way with you. Maybe it still wasn’t too late. Sighing gently, you closed your eyes, pretending to drift into sleep but moving your plump, barely covered ass behind you to gently grind up on your boyfriend’s cock, which was now rapidly hardening with your practised movements. You sensed Max had awakened when you felt his arms tighten around you, keeping you still in an effort to stop you from exciting him to much while you were still asleep and he couldn’t act on it.
Mmmhmm, maxie, feels so good~ you moaned, still keeping up the facade of having a wet dream, breathing getting heavier and pushing your tits against the edges of his fingers that were wrapped around your waist. You felt him exhale sharply as he came into contact with your hardened nipples, a smirk on your face. Your grinding had managed to push the duvet partially off, exposing your red lingerie in the moonlight - surely this would be enough to drive any man crazy!!
You heard him sigh behind you, shifting slightly and inadvertently pushing his cock against your skimpy underwear as he pressed a kiss to the back of your neck - and you had to hold back a squeal with how hard and big he felt against you, this was it, he was finally going to give in and fuck you awake while he thought you were having a wet dream, he could slide it right in, you were ready for it, for him, you were soo wet already just from imagining it, this was so hot-
Your fantasies are quickly shut down as max easily used his strength to turn you around so your face was buried into his chest again, your ass now devastatingly much too far away to get any action, and began rubbing your shoulders soothingly to get you to fall into a deep sleep again. You almost combusted at the action before deflating and accepting defeat once more. Your kind boyfriend of course would never toe the line of having sex with you in a dubious way were you were asleep. You wanted - no needed, to bring Mad Max out in your bedroom, and you were determined to do whatever it took.
Over the next few weeks you threw countless strategies Max’s way. Leaving your dirty romance books out in plain view, sometimes even opened up to a page right in the middle of a jaw dropping sex scene. Lacier and lacier bralettes and panties left everywhere to prompt him. “Accidentally” deleting his best SIM race time record on his rig. But nothing seemed to be working - max diligently tidyed up the stray underwear, reshelved the books, and generously forgave you for the SIM error before setting a new record later that night instead of fucking you angrily like you had planned. You got more frustrated as both your work schedules became busier, leaving you less time to connect with him. Fuck, last weekend - last weekend you had even thrown out all your boxes of condoms before jumping into Max’s arms when he had come home, laughing and eager to see you. One thing let to another and he was as eager to be inside you as you were to have him inside you, voicing It’s been too long Schat, I’ve missed your sweet body so much, so beautiful for me in between kisses as he reached for the bedstand drawer to grab a condom - only to find it empty. You pretended to have a confused look on your face (truly, you deserved an Oscar for your performance this past month) before oh so innocently suggesting Maxie, we- we don’t have to use one if you don’t want, I’m on the pill -
And there it was - a brief darkening of your boyfriends’ normally loving ice blue eyes, his sharp gaze on you at your suggestion of doing it raw for the first time - before he schooled his features back to normal and gave you a sweet kiss, It’s okay Schat, you’re too sweet, you don’t deserve to feel uncomfortable for my sake, I’ll just grab some from the corner store, da? He was off you before you could protest, promising he would be back soon as you blinked away tears of frustration and denial that yet again your plan had failed. When he finally entered you later that night, ever so gently, condom and all, you closed your eyes tight and imagined how each vein and ridge of his thick cock might feel when fully buried inside you to the hilt, if that goddamn condom broke, if he spilled all of his thick, creamy cum inside you, so much that it spurted out the sides, leaking everywhere, claiming you as his and no one else’s, making such a filthy, filthy mess-
- you came harder than you had the whole month, burying your face in Max’s shoulder to contain the scream that threatened to spill out. You sighed as you came down from your high. Fuck, you needed a drink.
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A/N: Follow along for Part 2 of this 3 part series to see if dear reader will finally manage to uncockblock herself and release Mad Max!! 😚😚
#max verstappen x oc#max verstappen fanfic#max verstappen x you#max verstappen x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 smut#max verstappen imagine#max verstappen smut#max verstappen#formula 1#smut
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there really is a cultural pressure for transmascs & men to detransition, and it comes from all sides. it comes from the queer community too, not just terfs and cishet transphobes.
it took me a while to realize why transphobic people and transandrophobic queers utterly despise trans guys & mascs who are over the age of like 25- it's because it pisses them right off that we've resisted their attempts to make us detransition. it makes them so angry to see they were unable to groom that person into a life of self-shame and repression. it really seems like MOST people believe that trans men will just detransition eventually in life? people NEVER think about older trans men, only teenage trans boys and trans men in their very early twenties.
when i was involved with my local punk scene i was addressed with condescension, almost everyone around me didn't accept transmasculinity as a legitimate identity and thought that we would've transitioned by now in life. i encountered folks who would talk about transmasculinity with subtle disgust that made me feel like i was doing something wrong, and people who expressed overt disgust, saying in plain english that they were disgusted by breasts and vaginas because they were gay men. all along the way i was literally mocked for not having a penis, and one of my roommates started treating me differently once they found out i didn't have one (because they were attracted to me)
i've been on T for 9 years, and been out as a trans man for a bit longer than that, and i noticed as i've aged i've also attracted a lot of folks who have tried to deter me from identifying as a trans man, either through directly telling me that trans men are inherently dangerous, or by implying that women or another gender are safer, quieter, calmer, "less traumatizing to be around," etc. one of my exes told me they were terrified to date me (despite literally going out of their way to do so for over half a year) because they were scared i would be transphobic to them because i'm a transmasculine lesbian.
i received pressure from online friends to either detransition and become an intersex butch woman, or to something feminine adjacent or nonbinary. for years i dealt with a few friends who kept subtly hinting that i should stop identifying as a trans man or trans masc because of how awful transmascs are- going as far as to sending me screenshots of transmascs speaking, complaining about them and calling them whiny, annoying. talking about how all transmascs are entitled, how all transmascs take things too personally, how we complain too much, and so on.
people make no effort to make space for transmascs and men. i met 0 transmascs in my local punk community that i was able to stay in contact with. none. i met a few in passing but none that actually were introduced to me in a capacity where i could actually try to befriend them. it really felt like other punks in the scene were desperately trying to keep the transmascs apart at times. excuses were made as to why i couldn't hang out with other transmascs i liked, but i was constantly being forced to befriend transphobic cis gay men and transandrophobic transfemmes who outwardly expressed hatred and disgust of us. it really felt like it was on purpose... almost as if other members of this community wanted our attention, but never wanted us to give each other attention or a sense of community. like we were objects, not people to be included in the community for real. satellite friends, if you will.
i'll be honest with you. i was at my lowest at this point. i realized i wasn't just a trans man and that i'm a genderqueer person who experiences multiple genders, including womanhood and an "other" gender, which was great. however now i was being forced to completely stuff down being a man for the sake of other people. instead of folks telling me they'd rather not hang out with transmascs, folks rather just attempted to guilt me for identifying as such in the hopes i'd stop identifying that way. i was being told daily that trans men and mascs are inherently violent and terrible to be around. i was in discord servers where transmascs were being kicked constantly for getting even slightly upset about transandrophobia, or being unfairly targeted by staff.
it's violence, but nobody wants to call it that. i pulled myself out of there and am now able to contact other transmascs and trans men who are proud of who they are and have elevated me back into a headspace where it's okay to truly be myself. just keep in mind that if you feel like you're in that situation, you're not alone. people who attempt to groom others are often very subtle it's not always up front. they will start slipping in hateful sentiments very slowly and make you feel like maybe they're the ones who are actually right.
it feels good to be an almost 32 year old trans guy. there's nothing to be ashamed about there. people project their feelings on to my gender and that has nothing to do with me. it has nothing to do with you, either. people will just project on to you for whatever reason- hatred is usually the motivator there. if you encounter folks who keep trying to badger you out of identifying as your gender, no matter who you are, transmasc, transfemme, transneutral, trans anything- they are not good for you. they are not your friends. they do not accept you as you are and you deserve so much better.
#transmasc#trans#lgbtqia#lgbtq#lgbt#queer#gay#lesbian#bisexual#genderqueer#non binary#nonbinary#enby#ftm#transmasculine#trans man#trans men#transgender#transsexual#ftm gay#trans gay#trans lesbian#transmasc lesbian#butch#butch lesbian#dyke#genderfluid#intersex#about us#our writing
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