#kinda cathartic feeling but stupid
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Oh right I just remembered the dream I had last night
#my posts#my dreams#will post in tags as long as it fits i guess bc its kinda long and i may get personal lmao anyeays!#it started with me being with two girls i was friends with during elementary school. i havent seen them basically since then#one of them looked older bc due to reasons i searched for her online just to see how she was doing.#in the dream her eyes were changing. contacts apparently. something tells me she told me about her wanting them when we were younger#i cant tell if thats real life info or dream info. the other looks as i remember her.by the time school ended i was closer to this last girl#in fact i was angry at the other one so yeah i wasn't close with her anymore. so in the dream i ended up falling asleep kinda cuddled#with the last girl. i know before this i talked with both of them. separately. but i didbt remember what about h#when i woke up*#then i 'woke up' in the dream. i was now in an old building. it was an apartment complex vut it makes me think of museums and stuff#bc of the size and architecture. and looking out the window it was like a park or a zoo of sorts#i talk with the last girl whos still there. i cant remember how she looked at this point in the dream. we were talking about cats#i was thinking about mine and how theyre gone. she mentions hers (which she never had irl) and i go out the window? kinda in the park?#searching for. the cats. and something else. jumping on what would separate zoo or park areast as if they were vines#... while wearing only underwear and a tshirt#by the end i know some people see me but i go on in my desperate search until i land face down on the floor and laugh and cry hysterically#and i woke up lmao#kinda cathartic feeling but stupid#but I've been feeling bad so I'm not surprised#also i feel i dream about animals kinda when stressed#and also the ex friends too it has happened lmao#and while being in underwear or naked in dreams is kinda normal im sure its bc i was like that before sleeping and looked at myself#in the mirror while in a mood and ended up like :/ lmao anyways thats it im gonna try to sleep i think
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It's always "Shou and Ritsu need to blow stuff up with their minds for mental health reasons" or Ritsu and Teru or even Shou and Teru!
But what about Mob? When does he get to blow stuff up with his mind for funsies? For shits and giggles? He didn't go through all of those meltdowns and character development for nothing, let him go ham on a junkyard car or something smh
I believe in Mob's narrative given right to fuck shit up sometimes
#im hungry i should do homework i should also finish all of my other drafted posts BUT I AM LAZY#ive been starting to write fic tho at least thats productive. fic thats kind of relevant to this actually hm#listen i just want more Mob content where he does smth reckless or stupid with his powers he deserves it#or just in general tbh i need more content of mob being kinda mean or having arguments with ppl like to a healthy degree ok#but i still want him to. yanno. lash out and stuff. experience emotion. have him get angry over petty stuff#the first mp100 fic ive ever started writing/drafting had mob and ritsu having a proper fight post canon#i just need it for my OWN mental health. let them have dumb sibling fights and have mob express his annoyances#itd be funny and cathartic. for me at least. ill finish that shit one day its been assembled and disassembled but ill figure it out#eventually#let mob feel and express all of the ugly emotions he didnt allow himself to acknowledge for years pls#its my favourite thing#anyway.#mp100#mob psycho 100#shigeo kageyama#cine te a intrebat
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Chapter 89
I just finished Chapter 89
#I just finished Chapter 89… I don’t know what else to say… I have a lot to say… but… like… no. Just no.#Kingdom of Ash spoilers in tag and I guess kinda post but not really#90s only gonna hurt more with Abraxos & Narene & I hate reading reactions & Dorian’s not there & Manon my love like what do we do now what#first read#reading reacts#live updates#read with me#cry with me die with me idk cause why with me all I have now is bad rhymes cause my brain has been evaporated too (too soon?)#read along#Chapter 89#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah Jessica Maas why did you do this to me#I miss ACOTAR where no one dies#I mean it’s well written#and I’m fangirl heartbroken#but also real world crying#cathartic read world grief Maasverse moments and love and loving and hope and destruction and despair and fangirling and feels and agh#this better have a happy ending#I can’t keep calm but I guess I’ll read on#I don’t know the last time a book made me actually cry this much and broke my heart so deeply… I miss you already Asterin… Vesta… Sorrel… 13#stupid tag letter count cut off stopping me from listing them all but my loves … always … until the darkness claims us… and even then…#I am not okay#I am dead inside#I will never recover#KoA actually stands for Killed Off All of my soul that’s what the KOA part means#SARAH WHAT DID YOU DO#I wish I could hug fictional characters#haven’t finished the book yet just the chapter that finished me#once 13 always 13#I prefered live Fenrys since it ACTUALLY INVOLVED LIVING
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pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:
the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon
to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)
the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon
pretty much everything about that gible
blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)
boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen
pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character
#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit#the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league#but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle#i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/#that battling didnt even come up once#ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one#but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me#and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just#had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we#but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc#where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass#she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask#the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy#but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own#have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent#like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward#rewarding#imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show#as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all#was kind of a shitty move#like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th#which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself#by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!!#like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there#so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall#echoed voice
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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strangers : poolside | dave york
pairing: dave york x f!reader word count: 6622 content warnings: 18+ blog; ANGST, soft!Dave, established relationship, miscommunication (like a lot), mentions of alcohol and food, workaholic Dave, morning breath, Dave’s stupid phone, talks of marital woes, slight exhibitionism, breast/nipple/clit play, a random handsome stranger, jealous Dave, talk of having or wanting children, a kiss of fluff, implied/alluding to infidelity (there is none, reader just doesn’t know this), reader is mentioned wearing lingerie and a bathing suit- but zero description features, no age given but it’s implied she’s at least over 30, no y/n, established relationship, this is au- no Carol or kids, if I missed anything let me know. notes: ahh! I’m so nervous for this chapter!! But so excited for it also. I’m so glad I took my time with it so it could be exactly what it needed to be— which is kinda of a roller coaster of emotions. While the story is completely fictional, this has felt very cathartic to me because I dealt with a lot of similar thoughts/feelings as the reader. Anywho! Biggest thank you to @gnpwdrnwhiskey for literally holding my hand through this and helping me work through it. 💕 strangers masterlist | previous | next | inspo board | playlist
The soft glow of the television bathes the hotel room in a soft ambient flicker. Faint colors and scene changes adjust the room’s atmosphere. Actors silently exchanging words back and forth, expressions all the more dramatic with the muted volume. The movie you’ve been looking forward to seeing, long forgotten, playing out in silence across the screen.
As expected, the bed is better than anything you have ever slept in. Its plush mattress, divine and soft. Similar to what you assume it might be like to doze off among the clouds. It braces your bodies with ease through shifting positions as the evening extends into the early hours of the next day.
The intricate structure of lace and mesh material felt exquisite on your skin. Molding over your body like it was made for you and only you. The cups of the teasing bra cradling the weight of your breast, pushed up on display, enticing enough to bring a man to his knees— the plan at least. Taking your time, admiring yourself in the bathroom mirror once everything was in place. Your eyes roaming over your body, letting your hands follow suit. Imaging all the ways Dave would map over your skin in the same manner. The prospect for what was to come was thrilling. Desire blooming in your veins. Arousal warm and already pooling in the crotch of your panties. It was evident, your body filled with pent up lust, ready to be satiated by your husband.
You delicately dotted drops of perfume to your skin— base of your throat, behind your ears, inner wrists. The warmth from your pulse points amplifying the lush fig and sandalwood notes, blending with your natural pheromones instantaneously. Before rejoining Dave, you slipped a hotel robe over your body, concealing the lacey number with wild anticipation.
His hands, gentle where they met your body with a soft caressing motion. Not rushed or seeking more than they were ready for. Blazing heat emitted from him, scorching your skin with a fieriness you so desperately craved. They stilled. Lingered.
Dave. Your voice cautious, velvety sweet, calling out to him.
The sounds that fell from his lips were beyond anything you could have prepared for. A booming roar reverberated through him. Filling the room. Consuming you. As quickly as the rousing fuse had been lit, it had just as quickly fizzled out mid burn.
Dave’s snoring was like a shock to the system. The warm buzz of arousal dissolved into a cold emptiness as you lay in bed alongside Dave’s sleeping form. No amount of lace or lack thereof, seemed to be enough to seduce the sluggish man, already nodding off when you had come slinking out from the bathroom. Propped up on pillows, his eyelids growing heavy with each forced blink as stared blankly at the television. His dinner plate picked over and discarded onto the nightstand.
This scenario you knew all too well— and regularly. The build up, always so hopeful. The prospect of Dave having his way with you, pure exhilaration. Your body so desperate, in need of a release that didn’t hail from a hurried moment alone with a tiny vibrating wand before crawling into bed with Dave’s sleeping form.
Your brain refused to shut off as you lay staring up at the ceiling, willing away tears. You finally settled on the only thing that made sense at this early hour. He no longer desired you like he once did. No amount of time or vacations away could restore that connection. Then there was also that outcome that you dreaded the idea of entertaining— maybe it just wasn’t you he desired.
*
The whole evening had been on a constant loop. Replaying and taking precedence over your usual fictional fantasies that unfolded upon entering a heavy slumber. The hotel suite balcony offered a reprieve from the room, quietly sipping your coffee alone.
It was mid morning when you decided to crawl out of bed, in desperate need of something to numb the dullness that settled behind your eyes. Sleep did little to ease the tornado of thoughts that swept through your mind as the sun rose over the coast of California. Your brain had a funny way of tormenting you with fabricated information. On high alert the minute it sensed uncertainty, in search of answers to unasked questions.
As the coastal fog burned off, you were able to properly take in the view. A colony of gulls flew by, their collaborative squawking was every bit as annoying as it was captivating.
Fellow early risers strolled the sidewalks below, coffees and large water bottles in tow, all absorbed in their little private worlds. Couples hand in hand, in search of the perfect ocean view to start their day. A strange feeling of resentment had crept in. These strangers, carrying on with their lives, seemingly unaware of the jealousy you harbored for their happiness.
Your thoughts trail back to Dave and the evening again. It was only the first day and the optimism around this vacation was starting to wane.
“Shit— I must have really needed some fucking sleep.” Dave groans as he joins you on the balcony, his hands rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The sheet wrinkles embedded into the side of his face matched the similar ones on his cotton pajama pants and gray sleep shirt. His sleep etched voice is one of your favorite things to wake up to each morning. “I don’t even remember falling asleep at all.”
His body molds into yours, caging you in against the edge of the balcony. He’s warm and soft first thing in the morning. Like a moth to a flame, his lips find your skin. Tiny wet pecks from the base of your neck to your temple.
There was a point in time where things in your marriage felt very easy and Dave wasn’t always so invested in his work. You never felt like you were competing with files and phone calls for his undivided attention. The infatuation he held for you was palpable, leaving little room for doubt or worry.
When you met Dave there was an enigmatic quality about him. Neither of you were in a relationship or seeking out one, but also not completely opposed to the prospect of exploring one if something happened to fall into your laps. A chance meeting at a bar when his drink had literally fallen into your lap led to the rest of the evening spent tucked away in a dimly lit booth. The buzz of alcohol had you talking his ear off, and he allowed you to do so, consuming every little detail about you.
Dave shared minimal information about himself. Very on brand for his reserved but alluring demeanor. Aside from basic introductory facts, the only real thing you knew about him was his recent discharge from the military and his onboarding career in the CIA.
By the end of the night, you felt there was something intriguing about Dave, completely drawn to him. He was kind, generous and clearly the greatest listener. Ideally, he was someone you could see yourself with, wanting to know the ins and outs of who he was. So much so, you gave him your number. Scrawled across a beer soaked napkin, the ink bleeding out as each digit was carefully written out. He even said he’d call, leaving you with a kiss on your cheek before rejoining his buddies and calling it a night.
It was a week before you heard from him again, nearly giving up any hope he would be even remotely interested in you.
You learned that Dave’s walls were strong. Built of the strongest concrete. Resistant and impermeable to the elements. Over time his walls couldn’t withstand the depth at which you were willing to endure for him. Slowly crumbling and exposed. Finding that underneath the rubble was a man who was all in. A man who loved hard and never once made you question his loyalty to you.
“We can blame it on the jet lag.” You laugh softly into the coffee mug, taking another sip— definitely in need of more.
“Good morning, Honey.” He says, nudging his aquiline nose into your cheek, instinctively turning into him.
“Morning, Babe.” Dave turns you, the top of your robe slides off your shoulder— exposing the lace set you were still wearing.
“You’re still wearing it. Didn’t even get the chance to peel it off of you like I wanted to last night.” Pulling at the robe belt, the front falls open. Dave’s eyes widened, taking you all in, his irises now a deeper shade of his usual brown. “
“Yeah, well—“ You huffed, suppressing the impulse to acknowledge the hurt that was still ever-present.
“Fuck— Baby, I’m sorry. I'm two for two now. Let me make it up to you?”
Dave’s hands breach the inside of your robe. His hips flush to you— he’s hard, morning wood ready and eager. His deft fingers slide up the length of your spine, your skin covered in goosebumps once he reaches the clasp of the bra.
“Morning coffee breath— I’m gonna go brush my teeth.” Your head swerves his oncoming kiss, pulling the front of your robe closed again.
A hitch in your confidence. Curling in on yourself as you dislodge your body from where he has you pinned. That hot coiling response building in your lower abdomen, moments ago desperate for the way Dave wants you, now subsiding to a low simmer.
“You— um, have those calls you still need to make this morning?” You ask him, standing half way through the door, turning enough to catch the sunlight illuminating the bafflement on Dave’s face.
“Uh— Yeah. Still need to make those calls.” Dave’s dejected tone hits you like a bucket of ice. His head hanging and palms digging into his eyes.
“How long do you think it should take?”
“Few hours, give or take. Done by noon at the latest.”
“Okay. Maybe, if you’re up for it when you’re done— maybe we can go to the pool? Lounge a bit. Have some drinks. I got some new bathing suits, and have been dying to wear them. I think you might even like them.” An olive branch in the form of you served on a platter wearing minimal clothing. The likelihood of Dave accepting is rather favorable.
It’s unmistakable, devouring you— all conspicuous like and intense. Surveying every inch of your form leaning against the doorway.
Up the length of your smooth bare legs. The front of the robe flapping with the ocean breeze offering a peek of thigh and black lace. The fingers of your free hand toy with the collar, making it lay askew across your chest. A single breast exposed to cool morning air, nipple tight against the sheer material.
His gaze finally meets yours, shoulders lowering to their normal level. The slightest lift at the corner of his mouth, tip of his tongue gliding over his full bottom lip. Both of you landing on the same page, temptation reciprocated with blatant irresistibility.
“Yeah— Yeah, we can definitely do that.” He replied, his smile widening, the corner of his eyes crinkled— the Dave you fell in love with all those years ago in his truest form.
“Okay. I’ll order us some breakfast then. More coffee too. I drank the whole pot.” There’s a giddy feeling erupting inside of you. It seems like it’s been ages since you’ve seen Dave smile— genuinely smiling.
“Not surprised by that one bit. Hey—“ Capturing your attention before you’ve completely left the balcony. “I love you, you know that right?”
“Of course I do. I love you, too.”
Maybe it’s complacency that makes you feel like things within your marriage are stagnant, even borderline dull as of recently. The lack of regular intimacy, a normal thing all couples encounter at some point through their years together, not a telltale sign of extramarital meandering. Maybe that’s also not a bad thing. Just a season of life. A small hiccup in your otherwise normal and loving relationship.
*
As promised, it’s noon by the time Dave wraps up his final phone call and you’re both sitting atop the roof of the hotel. Basking in the sweltering rays of the California sun is exactly what was needed after being cooped up in the room all morning.
Breakfast in bed while Dave paced the length of the balcony. One phone call after the next, all varying in degrees of duration and intensity based on how animated Dave’s hand gestures and contorted expressions were. You had delivered his plate of eggs, sausage and toast during his first call, leaving it on the small table along with a fresh pot of coffee. He kissed you and mouthed a ‘thank you’ before sinking his teeth into the burnt buttered bread and continuing his meeting or whatever it was he was doing.
The minute he walked in announcing he was finished, your two piece suit was on and you were throwing Dave’s swim trunks at him from across the room. Tote bag containing pool lounging necessities— sunscreen, sunglasses, current book, wallet —was packed and waiting by the door. Your sheer excitement filled the room, a contagious feeling in the way Dave was mildly laughing at your frantic antics.
Either you both were the only ones staying at this hotel or no one else found joy in a gorgeous rooftop pool like you did. In the few hours spent lounging poolside, there was one, maybe two, other guests that also had an afternoon by the pool on their itinerary, too. There was a silent understanding among everyone that they stay in their respective spaces, evenly spaced out.
No one was complaining though. Fewer people meant less people lined up for cocktail refills at the bar. Fewer obnoxious conversations you didn’t have to drown out while focusing on the romance novel you were close to finishing. Zero avoidance of bodies in the water while Dave and you took a dip to cool off. Aside from visiting the pacific, this is how you intended to spend the rest of your days in California.
The moment you dive into your book, time and everything around you becomesa faint distraction from the fictional world you're absorbed in. The sheriff with his cowboy drawl and ridiculously handsome mustache, falls for the sweet baker. A reunion of past lovers, doing life together somewhere on the east coast in the small town they both reside in. A typical smitten cowboy vying for her love and attention at any chance he gets. There’s a permanent smile plastered across your face, dog-eared corners for future you to return to with the intention to relive the passages all over again. Page by page, you’re so engrossed with their whirlwind romance— you never want it to end.
The book consumes you longer than you planned for. So much so, you're unaware of the fact that Dave is no longer immersed in the LA Times he picked up in the hotel lobby earlier. The inked paper now folded neatly and discarded on the ground next to your tote.
Dave’s tortoise colored shades blocking out the sun and hiding the fact that he’s passed out. For how long, you’re not sure. Breathing is light and rhythmic. His usual thundering snore trades for small puffs of air from his parted lips. His bare golden chest, now a pale shade of red— shit!
Folding the current page of the book, tossing it to the end of your lounge chair, you sit up in search for more sunscreen for Dave, and yourself. Sifting through the contents of your tote, finding the bottle conveniently at the bottom. Hating the feeling of residual lotion getting between your jewelry, you remove your rings and toss them into a secured pocket inside the tote.
“Dave? Babe, wake up!” Gently nudging his bare shoulder to wake him.
“Hmmm—“ Dave grumbles a string of incoherent sleep laden words, lifting his head in your direction.
“Sorry. You passed out and I was so caught up in my book, I didn’t realize the umbrella shade wasn’t covering us anymore. You’re not completely burnt, but we’ve been here for a while. Sit up and let me put some more sunscreen on you.” You motion for him to sit forward, then squeeze a heaping amount of lotion in your hand, tossing the back into the tote.
Dave hissed, his back arching as you smooth the lotion over his warmed skin, allowing himself to ease into your touch after a few tensed moments. His head hangs below his shoulders as you continue to work the sunscreen over every inch of him that’s exposed to the blazing sun.
“Fuuuuck— that feels nice.” He groans when your touch switches to a different pressure. Adjusting your focus from protecting him from the harmful rays to pampering him, working out the built up tension he carries around daily.
Your fingers dig into the meat of his back as they glide up the length of his spine, pinching and squeezing over the rounded muscles of his shoulders. Thumbs pressing into the tender spot in his neck he’s been rubbing at for the better part of the last few weeks, craning his neck to the side. So relaxed you can barely make out his mumbled appreciation. “That fucking knot has been bothering me— Ouch! Fucking hell, woman!”
“Shh! So dramatic.” You laugh, easing up on the pressure. Your hands still lingering, smoothing over his broadness, taking advantage of the closeness.
“Oh, quit it. Those hands always were fucking magic, though. Already feels better when I move it.” Demonstrating how limber and loose it feels, rolling his head from side to side.
Were. His use of past tense doesn’t go unnoticed. It might have just been an unintentional slip, but its use isn’t lost on you in the slightest. It feels like it’s been ages, since you had explored each other— more than just a fleeting brush of hands. Reveling in an endless honeymoon phase, well beyond the traditional sense. You can only assume he had that same realization too, hence his choice in using were instead of are. But this moment feels too good to dwell on the logistics of proper past and present tense, so you push the thought aside.
“I’m sure if you play your cards right, there’s plenty more magic these hands can do later.” You playfully purred, not missing the way Dave’s eyebrows jut up from behind his sunglasses— that catches his attention.
You settle back into your lounge chair, sliding the straps of your bikini top down and off your arms, turning it into a makeshift strapless top as you prepare to cover yourself in a fresh layer of sunscreen.
“What are you doing?” Dave tilts his head forward, just enough so he can peer at you over his glasses.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m reapplying some on myself, too.” Running the oily lotion up your arms and shoulders.
“Here. Let me help you. Seems only fair.” His hand reaches out to you.
“It’s fine, Dave. I can manage.”
You’re not sure why you're shocked by his offer. Probably because you just assumed he would be diving back into reading up on worldly news. Top slimy politician was fighting for his life against rather damning accusations— the man is guilty, solely based on public opinion polls and your inherent duty as a woman to always believe the woman. Research shows more couples are putting their careers first, waiting to have children well into their thirties— that one does catch your eye, making a mental note to snag the article at some point. Sure, you can manage, but you also don’t want to. Not with him right here, so willing and capable.
“Don’t be stubborn, Baby. And don’t think I won’t drag that sweet ass of yours over here if I have to. Give me the bottle and sit down.”
It feels incredible. You have to remind yourself that you’re both in a public setting. This isn’t the time nor the place to let the salacious side of you self-indulge, but Dave’s hands are inducing the most carnal thoughts and it’s taking everything in you to not haul him back up to the room.
Dave had practically hauled you into the chair. Maneuvering you both into a comfortable sitting position, his legs spread and feet planted firmly on the ground and you practically sitting in his lap.
The task at hand is long forgotten, no longer a priority or even a relevant thought as you melted into him. His chest firm against your back, thighs caging and tight against your own.
It’s when his hands cup your breast that nearly sends you into another dimension, so brazen and menacing. A practiced musician, slowly plucking each string of his beloved instrument as the chords play the intro to his well rehearsed song. Rolling your peaked nipples between his fingers, the fabric of your top adding just the right amount of pinched pulsation. Your eyes fluttering shut as your head falls back onto his shoulder, stifling a moan as pleasure surges through you.
“I swear to god, Dave— fuck! Someone is going to catch us! ahh! Y-you need to s-stop before…”
“Hmmm. I don’t know, Baby— I think you want them to see. Want them to catch my hands all over you. Hear the sounds I’m able to pull from you. I could probably fuck you right here and no one would even care.” Dave murmurs into your ear. A husked sonorous tone that has you completely surrendering to him.
He seems to have this whole thing thoroughly thought out in a brief amount of time. Keen to his surroundings, already having scanned the entire area, aware of the people situated in cabanas on the far corner of the pool— paying no mind to either of you. His methodical nature takes hold, even as exposed as you are, he’d never put you in any situation he didn’t have complete confidence in.
“Dave—“ Your body writhes with each continuous change in motion, the way he’s oscillating between a dizzy tweak of your nipples and the sudden dart of his tongue grazing your ear lobe.
“You’d like that wouldn’t you. It’s been so long— fucking miss the way you feel, Baby.” Fuck. He’s not wrong.
You might have even mentioned you would be into it at some point. All vulnerable and the slightest possibility of being detected. It was more thrilling than you had expected it to be. You weren’t even ashamed how you were so absolutely turned on by your own boldness.
“Please—“
“I bet you’re fucking wet for me too. Hmm? Would take much— pull those skimpy little bottoms to the side, bet I’d slide right in.” God you were! Unquestionably so, and throbbing.
His hand traveled to where you’ve been craving him for so long, fingers brushing the top of your bathing suit bottoms.
“Christ! Don’t you d-dare put those lotion covered fingers anywhere near my— Fuuuuck!”
Dave wouldn’t dare, but that doesn’t mean he won’t work around it. His hand cupping your clothed mound, your eager hips rocking against the heel of his palm. His face smashes into your cheek when he feels how wet you are, your bottoms sticky with arousal and clinging to your pussy as he slides two fingers back up to your aching clit. Groaning as he takes your lobe between his teeth and gently bites down.
“Tsk tsk!” Clicking his tongue in a menacing manner. “Eyes open, Baby. Need you to keep watch, can’t have anyone seeing you while you fall apart.”
You’ve missed this side of him. Spontaneous sex was always something that was a regular occurrence in your early relationship even well into your marriage. You always looked forward to the days he’d come home without so much as a hello when he walked through the front door. His briefcase and coat were abandoned somewhere in the entryway— I missed you so much today. Need you right now —and then he was fucking you like a starved man against the wall in the hallway.
“Dave—“ Your lashes flutter, the sun unforgiving as you fight to keep your eyes focused on your surroundings. Your body so desperate for pleasure, so willing to succumb, just needing a little help to get there.
Each tender circle he draws over your clit has your brain muddled with bliss. A restrained whimper escapes, doing your best to concentrate as Dave continues to work you into a euphoric mess. But it’s so hard when your body has been yearning for this, all of this, for so long.
Your nails bite into his thighs as your lower abdomen begins to tighten.
“Baby, you’re gonna have to be quiet. Those gorgeous sounds are gonna get us in trouble.” Fuck! Almost there! So fucking close—
BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ
“Dave— is that…” The lounge vibrates, halting Dave’s movements. The orgasm that was just starting to barrel towards you, vanishing from your grasp.
“Shit! I, uh, think someone saw us—“ What?! No one is even paying attention!
Dave extricates himself from the chair, adjusting his sunglasses and his pronounced erection bulging under his swim trunks. He hastily grabs for some things as you sit perplexed by the sudden change in his demeanor. Your sexy audacious husband is gone before your eyes— leaving you with the tight lipped cryptic Dave, who you can’t seem to get a read on.
“What the fuck, Dave!” Watching as he slips on his sandals and throws his shirt over himself, playing no mind to a single button.
“Let’s finish this later— when we get back to the room, hmm? I’m gonna… go get us more drinks.” He says as he kisses the top of your head and heads in the direction of the bar. Hoping he brings back some shots, because you’re gonna need something strong to take the fucking edge off.
“Yeah— sure…” You say. Stunned and breathless.
*
You're not sure if you want to cry, scream or laugh as you crawl back into your chair. Maybe a mixture of all of them. What a sight that would be.
That brief glimpse of the fun adventurous Dave was intoxicating, even now your body is still buzzing and aroused. There’s a pang in your chest at how quickly he was able to mold back into the man you’ve needed for the past year, yearned to have back. Then instantly closed off and distant as if it never happened. Maybe the sun was getting to you, that whole moment some fucking hallucinated fantasy.
Rather than dwell on it, you push the hurt aside. You reach for your book and settle back into the chair. Finding where you left off and jumping back in with the handsome sheriff, who literally worships the ground that this woman walks on— must be nice.
“S’cuse me ma’am. Sorry to bother you, but is this seat taken?” A deep voice breaks your concentration, realizing he’s in fact asking you if the unoccupied seat next to you is available.
A man in his mid forties, maybe early fifties is standing at the foot of the chair next to you. Your sunglasses hide the fact that you're giving him a once over, noting every detail about this random stranger who’s decided of all the empty seats, he wants the one next to you.
His hair is slightly disheveled in a deliberate manner. Peppered streaks of gray throughout his curly locks. He’s wearing green and red plaid swim shorts and a worn dark blue t-shirt, kind of an odd pairing but it seems to work for him. You notice a dimple hidden beneath the gray scruff that almost hides his angular features. He seems harmless and rather handsome— plus, it would be rude to turn him away with no explanation.
“Nope. Feel free to use it.” You smile at him kindly and go in search of the words you had just read.
“Thanks so much.” He says as he removes his shirt and settles down on the lounge chair.
“Of course. It’s no problem at all.” You tell him.
You don’t even dare to look in his direction. You imagine this is what Eve felt like, tempted and allured by carnality in the form of an apple. Except your carnal desire is a fizzling orgasm your husband couldn’t even be bothered to deliver, now reawakening at the sight of this beautiful man.
You would never act on anything, even as beautiful as he was, you were married and you love Dave— but that didn’t mean you couldn't admire, sunglasses masking your lingering eyes.
“I’m Joel by the way. Joel Miller.” His hand outstretched to you, that damn dimple even more pronounced when he smiles.
“I take it you’re not from around these parts are you now, Joel.” You give him your name and return the handshake— his grip is rather firm, but friendly.
“What gave it away?” He laughs. There’s a hint of southern drawl woven into his rich voice.
“Well, you don’t seem like the California boy type for starters. Not that that’s a bad thing— I just get the impression you’re far from home.” You fold another page and drop your book into your bag, your attempt at reading sidelined again.
“You’d be correct then. Texas— born ‘n raised. Since we’re makin’ impressions, I’m gonna guess you’re not from ‘round here either?” He looks over to you, his arms crossed over his tanned chest. The breeze catching a few of his curls, tossing them about.
“You would also be correct. So what brings you all the way west, cowboy?”
“My daughter, actually. She’s gettin’ married this week. Fiancé’s family is out here and they’ve got connections and what not, so they’re able to do it here at the hotel. They put me up in one of the suites, bein’ I am the father of the bride an’ all.”
“Oh! Congratulations then. I’m sure you’re so excited then.”
“Yea’. Crazy seein’ her all grown up an’ goin’ off on her own. Still got one more though. She’s turning 16– little wild thing she is. Keeps me on my toes, but I love her for it.”
You get the sense that being a father is one of his favorite things. He hasn’t stopped smiling since he started talking about his kids.
“You and your wife must be so proud.”
“Nah, no wife— or girlfriend. Jus’ me and my girls. So, now that I’ve bothered you with my life story. What brings you out this way to California?”
What am I even doing in California? You think to yourself. It’s then you catch sight of your husband at the bar. Dave is already looking in your direction, leaning against the wood counter, waving at you with his phone glued to his ear.
“See that guy over at the bar? The one talking on the phone.” You wave back at Dave. You pick up on the shift in his demeanor from where you're sitting. His jaw clenched and brows furrowed enough you can make out the deep lines across his forehead. If you didn’t know any better, you would think he was shooting daggers at Joel— but you do know better, and that’s exactly what’s happening. “That’s my husband. We’re supposed to be here relaxing— not working. But he’s over there taking a phone call, when he was going to grab us more drinks and I’m here relaxing. Maybe one day he’ll actually show some interest in me again— until then it’s just work work work. Geez— I’m sorry to dump all of that personal shit on you. Like you even care about a stranger's marital problems.”
“No need to apologize— I get it. My ex and me had our own issues. Tried to work through them, for the sake of the kids n’ all.” He says, waving off your apology.
“I’m guessing it didn’t go so well?” You look out over the pool, catching a few gulls passing over. You can already sense his heavy answer before he even gives it to you.
“Well, she’s my ex for a reason. But it’s for the best. And not saying that’s what’s gonna happen for you. We love our kids and do this whole co-parentin’ thing better than when we were married. Umm— y'all got any kids?”
“Uhh— no, no kids. Yet… I think? I mean, we both talked about once our careers were established we would start trying. And we did try for a bit, but never got pregnant, which we were okay with— figured it would happen when it happens. But now, I’m not really sure if it’s what he wants anymore.” You pick at the polish on your nails.
You realize it’s been awhile since you and Dave readdressed the conversation about having kids. It’s always been idling in the back of your mind. Becoming a mother was something you would love to do. With Dave never really ever being present or interested in any sort of in-depth conversation, you haven’t really discussed where you both stand now on the topic.
“Have you asked him?”
“No. I haven’t. I probably sh—“
You’re cut off when Dave reappears, holding nothing but his phone and wallet.
“Hey, Sweetheart!” There’s a hint of irritation in his voice, his tone a slightly higher pitch than usual, though he tries to hide it as he bends to kiss the top of your head.
“Babe, this is Joel. He’s here for his oldest daughter’s wedding. Joel, this is my husband Dave. Where’s our drinks?” Attempting to ease the weird tension he brought back with him instead of your drinks. .
Dave’s glaring at Joel. His lips pressed in a tight line and his nostrils flared. Irritated? No, it’s jealousy. He’s jealous and it’s oozing from him. Dave was jealous at the attention, all innocent and friendly, that you were receiving from another man.
“Uh, nice to meet you.” Dave reaches over you, taking Joel’s hand in his. He’s friendly enough, even though his smile looks rather forced. “We hate to run out on you like this, Joel— we’ve got dinner reservations later on and the sun is starting to get to me. You don’t mind if we head to the room early, Babe.”
“Yeah, of course, Baby. Let’s go— you probably need more water and some rest before dinner.” You get up from the chair to pull your cover up dress on and begin to gather everything between yours and Joel’s chair, throwing it haphazardly back into your bag. “It was so nice meeting you, Joel. Hope your daughter has a beautiful day and you have a great time.”
“Thank you. Now you two get outta here and enjoy your evening. My brother is wanderin’ around somewhere. I’m sure he’ll end up here at some point. Nice meetin’ y'all.” Joel says, giving a cordial nod and a two finger wave.
You call out to Dave when you realize he’s already halfway to the exit, hoping he’ll snap out of whatever this thing is he’s doing. Knowing it’s more than just the sun that’s bothering him.
“Dave, what’s going on? Are you okay?” You ask, stepping into the elevator with him.
“I’m good. Got a bit of a headache. Probably just too much sun.” His thumb smashes into the floor number. The elevator doors slowly obstructing the rooftop view.
*
The walk back to the room felt like it was never ending. The slap on your sandals against the carpeted floor and exchanged hello’s with the sweet old lady dragging far more bars than she could handle were the only sounds echoing through the long hallway.
Dave’s body, all broad and inflexible, blocked the room door as he searched for the key card in his wallet.
“Dave? Are you going to talk to me and tell me what’s actually going on?” You ask softly.
The door beeps and Dave pushes it open. He seems to not have lost all his senses because he holds it open for you.
“Dave, will you at least look at me— please?” You toss everything you’re carrying onto the bed, watching him walk over to the floor to the large windows.
Even from behind, you know he’s wearing his sharp scowl. Proven by the way his hip is cocked out and on hand resting on his waist, head hanging with his attention on the floor. Too embarrassed to acknowledge he might have overreacted up at the pool.
“Dave, were you jealous?.” You ask, your voice velvety and sweet. Taking a few tempered steps, you close the distance between you and where he’s standing, needing him to know everything was okay. You smooth over his solid back, all brooding with his shoulder blades tightly drawn together. One hand sliding around to his chest and the other reaching for the hand hanging at his side, intertwining your fingers with his, your grip tightening around him. “Baby— you were, weren't you? It’s okay if you were, you know. It’s obviously a natural reaction to have. I know I’d react the same way if it were you and some gorgeous woman. But baby, you know I only have eyes for you and only you— always. I love you, Dave.”
“I love you and I’m sorry.” Dave sighs, his hand squeezing back. I overreacted and shouldn’t have— it's implied without him actually voicing it, but you know he means it.
“Did you still want to go out for dinner? If you’re not feeling up to it, we can just order in again so you can rest.” You ask him, resting your nose and lips against his sun warmed skin, breathing him in.
His aroma is pungent, but familiarly pleasant. A subtle note of coconut blends with his trademark spicy musk and sweat. It reminds you of the summer while you were dating, Dave whisked you away to Rehoboth Beach on the coast of Delaware. Renting out a beach house on the water where you spent every morning watching the sun flee the horizon from the front porch. Evenings spent walking near the water’s edge, recounting your favorite parts of the day and dreaming of a future together.
“Yeah, we can still go out. I just— I need a minute. Gonna get some fresh air.” He says, turning his head to tell you over his shoulder.
“Okay. I’m going to take a quick shower then.” You kiss the nape of his neck before you leave, grabbing the robe off the accent chair as you head to the bathroom.
At the flick of the switch, a soft glow of light cascades from the decorative wall sconces. Everything becomes very automatic as you move through the room, placing the robe over the sink, ridding yourself of your pool attire, thrown into a growing pile in the corner of the room. Intent on unwinding, trusting the spray of hot water will alleviate the weight of today’s tension before going out with your husband, until you hear Dave’s voice fading as he walks out into the balcony, muffled by the distant waves and passing cars.
“Hey, Ashley. It’s Dave, sorry about earlier…”
Ashley. It’s light and beautiful, and yet feels like the most threatening thing to have ever pierce through your heart. All your emotions flowing, congealing as one giant mass within your ribcage. Its numbness best describes the way you feel, hollowing out the pain in your chest. It's too much to deal with or even believe. You shut the door, avoidance being one of your worst traits— but if you don’t confront it, it doesn’t exist.
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A bit of a loaded question, I know, but do you have any TF ships you prefer and would like to share?
I need you to be aware that you're opening pandora's box here. The vibes range anywhere from "god this is hot" to "god this is cute" to "their dynamic is so fucking interesting and i want to study them under laboratory conditions" to "this hurts so much and I need the drama, I am CRYING" to smashing barbie dolls together. I have crackships you ain't even THOUGHT about. I throw ships at the wall just to see if they stick. I like a lot of ships. Arguably too damn many. So many that I'm putting this under a cut to spare people from the long post. So many that I have to sort them by continuity so you're not staring at an unorganized list longer than do you love the color of the sky.
TFA
shockbee I feel has a lot of the potential for shockwave fearing what happens when bee finds out he's not longarm. Like a lot of the scenes in auto boot camp read to me like shockwave really did want bee as an ally while he climbs the ranks, and there's some juicy potential for shocker starting out as just using him until he actually catches feelings. Especially in aus where bee really did join the elite guard. Like can you imagine the drama. The heartbreak. The trust issues. Bee realizing he never really knew the guy he could trust most. Wondering if he's even safe to be around. If anything was even real. Shockwave wondering the same things. Hhhhhhhhh.
I do enjoy shockblurr conceptually but I'm not crazy about how they're usually portrayed in the fandom bc I feel like we're all forgetting that shockwave is a ball of anxiety and murder, and Blurr is a straight laced fuckin nerd who can't shut his mouth. An overpowered, highly capable nerd, but a nerd still. I like what the artist katzske does with them a lot tho.
I'm also a blitzbee enjoyer but on a less "bee can fix him and itll be so sweet" level and more "god imagine how annoying they'd be together." Looney Tunes levels of fucking with people. Either that or bumblebee is just horny on main and really likes the thought of bagging a con, but then he goes and catches feelings.
prowlbulk owns my entire heart. They're so sweet on each other and prowl really respects and appreciates bulkhead way more than bulky's used to. And bulkhead admires so much of prowl's skill and perspective. They work so well together as a couple and it's fucking adorable. With a hint of tragedy bc. Well. You know.
Bulkbee is also incredibly cute bc I'm a sucker for besties that very slowly realize they love each other so much it makes them look stupid. Good in romantic or qpr flavors. Bee already climbs all over bulkhead like a squirrel, they're so fuckin affectionate and very very stupid in social settings.
I like Optimus and blackarachnia from a drama standpoint bc God. They are tragic. They are MESSY. I genuinely think there's no happy ending for them. The trust is gone. But they still miss each other so much and they just CANT move on, so they keep stringing each other along. They're just hurting themselves and each other every time one does anything nice for the other. It's the kinda shit that just slowly rips your heart out. OP please don't text your ex. OP pLEASE
Megop is a classic but I feel we as a fandom underutilize how much Optimus pisses off Megatron. He is an asshole cat knocking shit off the counter for attention. Megs lets him be worse when he is so so fucking tired of being good. He loves that he hates him and he hates that he loves him. Full on "my esteemed rival" "dearly detested." Fighting each other is cathartic and addictive. Megatron finds it infuriating but he can't deny how much he likes having a worthy opponent, how fitting it is that the cosmos sent him so deadly a nemesis, and yet how lame it is that he was so forgettable at first so now he feels dumb being mildly obsessed with him. Optimus is just glad he has someone who doesn't expect him to be perfect and nice and upstanding. He can vent out a lot of his less noble feelings or impulses that he's had completely repressed for ages. The pressure's off in a lot of ways. And I think in an enemies to lovers sense, watching them figure out how to make that setup and that very odd mutual desire to be in each other's lives into something healthier could be really compelling. Or tragic in a "why did I let myself need you? Why the fuck did I let myself need you?" way.
Beeprowl is funny but I only really like it in a "you annoy me SO MUCH let's make out about it" way. Nothing committed, just dispelling the tension without having to kill each other. It is just kinda nice seeing them have genuinely sweet moments though. Squidbob ass relationship.
Lugnut and Strika are the perfect Decepticon power couple and I love them so much. So very much. Lugnut loves his big terrifying wife capable of leveling cities, and she loves her sweet devoted husband who could throw her across the room. I think they break chairs over each other's heads for fun and have been trying to seduce Megatron into a threesome for ages.
Shockwave and Megatron are also incredibly good. The loyalty. The "I commit my whole existence to you. I am yours, in mind body and soul. I will go wherever you need me to, I will put myself in immeasurable danger for you, just please say I'm doing a good job" and "all my efforts would be lost without you. In a world where I have been vulnerable and terrified, where I have been stabbed in the back by people I thought I could wholly trust, I can look at you and know, unwaveringly, you won't do the same. I trust you completely." It's Delicious. It's absolutely codependent but god it's tasty.
Also honestly? Bulkhead and the constructicons could make a pretty cute throuple. He wants them to be better. They want him to be worse. He just wants them to do honest work and they want him to stop letting stuffy, elitist autobot society control him so much. They love each other, they're friends (even if the constructicons don't totally remember the first night they met him). And they really do enjoy each other's company. They're just guys being dudes. Just dudes being guys. Just guys being gays. (It's also just nice when bulkhead gets to be the smaller one, scrapper totally carries him around like a big ol' cat).
I really like prowl being torn between lockdown and jazz. They're the devil and angel on his shoulders. Lockdown tempting him into relapsing, feeling himself fall into old habits, forsaking everything he's learned about patience and respect and being conscientious of the world around him. Jazz picking him back up when he slips, making him WANT to keep being better. And prowl can't decide if he wants to be loved in spite of all his toxic traits or BECAUSE of them. It's got me in a chokehold, your honor.
Megastar is fun in tfa because 1. It's implied Megatron never actually abused starscream while they were on the same side (the first thing starscream says after waking up from being shot is "YOU DARE STRIKE ME, MEGATRON?" which reads to me like this is a new development). Megs doesn't actually hurt anyone working for him other than Sumdac, who he fucking hates (at least not on-screen), and the only reason he was as aggro to starscream post-revival was because he knew screamer is the reason he spent all that fucking time as just a severed head. He used to actually trust him, sort of, even if he was a scheming, sycophantic little weasel. And 2. It's pretty obvious they have history together. I genuinely truly believe they were exes and Starscream only planted a bomb on him because he couldn't be fucking normal about the divorce. You look at how they bitch at each other in deep space and then immediately fall into what is most likely their old dynamic of getting things done and shooting the shit and tell me they never had an intense romantic stint that went horribly wrong. Starscream calls him Meggy in his internal logs for fucks sake.
Oh also sumdac x megatron. It started as a crackship of mine but I really love the idea of sumdac feeling legitimately guilty for taking Megatron apart and unknowingly violating him the way he did, even if Megatron is terrible. Like the dynamic of "you lied to me" "if I told you who I really was, I would be dead. I don't owe you the truth when you held me captive. I was vulnerable. I was TERRIFIED. I did what I had to in order to keep myself safe. And you come to ME with accusations of doing you wrong? When YOU held all the power? And then when I'd taken back the power you left me without, made you feel what I felt, I'm a monster?" "I never meant to hurt you" "Well you did. And now you know just how much damage you did." Like it's such an interesting angle, ESPECIALLY when you consider that sumdac probably grew to legitimately care about Megatron while he was in his lab. He wanted to do right by him. He wanted to see him restored and thriving. He was his robot buddy that made a birthday gift for his kid once. Some part of him probably misses him after he's gone, some part of him probably feels guilty too, even through all the rage and hurt and fear and betrayal. That's complicated feelings!! That's juicy!!!!!
I like the thought of Shockwave and Optimus but that's mostly for sexy reasons. Something about a big, smooth talking, scary cryptid monster, very well spoken and elegant, seducing Good, Upstanding Autobot Optimus to The Dark Side. This is mostly because Optimus is a huge nerd and so is Shockwave. I think Shockwave could potentially pique his interest with uncensored versions of the history Optimus is already a huge dweeb about, and seal the deal with a few gentle touches and honeyed words. From Optimus's perspective this is Very Obviously a Honeypot Trap but the trouble is Shockwave is very hot and very sweet on him and starting to seem less and less evil so he's not sure how long he can keep his guard up when the temptation is this strong. He has a duty to fight Decepticons and shut out their lies but man. He's so tired. And Shockwave's berth is very warm. There is something satisfying about seeing him choose to be selfish after nearly a whole show of him taking the high road. (It's even better if he gets attached when eventually Shockwave's Cool Sexy Collected vibes falter and he sees how much of an anxious, panicky dork he actually is)
Ratchet x Arcee are also very very cute together. Old married dorks. Ratchet's so soft with her and he wants her to be okay. She genuinely likes him and he makes the nightmare she's subjected herself to bearable. "Don't call me sir, I work for a living!" They're both horrifically traumatized, they understand each other on a level most bots can't, and they can ground each other when it gets bad. God. You know they're slow dancing in the kitchen together. You know they're sickeningly domestic with each other. They are holding hands in the park on a comically small bench on earth right as we SPEAK.
I also just kind of like the idea of team prime being a polycule (other than ratchet, who is just watching the young bots having relationship drama and rolling his optics (the age gap and mentor role make me personally a little uncomfortable but I have nothing against people who do include him, they're all adults, its chill)). I like the thought of these losers getting home after a long day and collapsing into a cuddle pile, either on the couch or on the floor. They all love each other so much already, I think they should kiss about it, but they're super repressed so it's So Very Shy and Cautious and Sweet.
The same goes for the Decepticons but more in a "cons are pretty casual about sex anyway, they're in close proximity, and they tolerate each other at least so nearly everyone has a fuck buds setup with each other" way. I feel like the autobots are super repressed in that regard so the cons started leaning into being sluts to stick it to the mech along with all the other freaks shit they're cool with. God help Blackarachnia, she goes from Autobot repression to all her coworkers being sluts on main and she Does Not Know what to do about that (also it would make a lot of sense if that's why she started leaning into the femme fatale thing so hard)
TFP
Optiratch my beloved. Gay old men who would do anything for each other, even when they really don't agree on how to proceed. They're best friends, they're husbands, they're crushing on each other and they think it's unrequited, they just started dating, they've been married for eons. All of it works soooo well. They know each other well enough that they can communicate by just kinda grunting in specific ways. I need them to hold hands SO bad.
Megop is also Very Good here. Literally the most divorced robots to ever exist. Megatron NEEDS Optimus back and Optimus still holds a torch for megs, but it's so fucking funny because they're clearly on fundamentally different levels of "I miss you." Like Optimus is kinda sad and he does want the old Megatronus back, but Megatron does these whole fuckin elaborate stunts to get Optimus to pay attention to him again and then locks himself in his room with a pint of ice cream and dark energon to cry about him. Mans is NOT coping. Alternatively, Optimus is coping just as poorly on the inside and he really does still love Megatron just as much but he knows that's a selfish desire that he quiets with everything else he sacrifices about himself in the name of being a good leader. Least repressed Optimus.
Bulkhead and wheeljack should get to kiss on the mouth I think. If Arcee can call Wheeljack Bulkhead's boyfriend, and bulkhead does not deny it, logic dictates they should in fact French kiss sloppy style for a whole minute on live TV. It can happen. Only on the hub.
KOBD are adorable together, they are so unhinged and stupid and they love each other so much. Like the team rocket of the nemesis. Breakdown loves his husband soooo much and knockout misses him so bad when Silas gets him. And you KNOW they're freaks bc knockout is totally convinced that breakdown would've loved seeing how he torments Silas in bd's body. He's probably right about it too.
I also wholly support Ms. June Darby for trying to seduce Optimus. Me too girl, get that robo ass. Go get jack a new cooler dad. It's also very cute to imagine Optimus, the bigass 30 foot robot, the stoic leader of the Autobots who keeps stonefaced through just about anything, flustered and crushing on a very small and very flirty human.
For some reason the show was kind of trying to tease Bulkhead x Arcee for exactly one episode and then never again and like. Look. I understand it was a forced het ship that was there to distract people from how gay they accidentally made the show. I know it'd probably just be Arcee rebounding after losing Cliffjumper. But I think them having a fwb type relationship while she works through her feelings could be interesting. Though this could just be because Bulkhead is big sweet and comforting and him holding anyone and making them feel safe while they're Going Through it is enough to get me saying God I Wish That Were Me.
Bumblebee and Smokescreen appeal to me in the same way seemingly very hetero frat bros who are apparently a very sweet and affectionate gay couple do. It's an inherently funny irony and also theyre just both cute himbos.
TFP Megastar is horrifically unhealthy in general and there is absolutely no way in hell it could work out. Not pre-war, not post-megs-redemption, nada. Which is why it has my brain in a chokehold. This is one of the ships I like because it's fascinating and because god it HURTS. Like I have my gripes with how the show portrayed the abuse overall but there were some things they were cooking with. Starscream being an obvious victim but then turning around and inflicting it on everyone around him? Girl no, the cycle of violence and abuse!!!! Girl no, you're refusing to do the complex emotional work of accepting that what happened to you wasnt okay and thus you carry out the behaviors you've gaslit yourself into thinking are normal!!!!!! Girl no, society has failed you and you have no support systems to help you break the cycles, but you also simply refuse to try in the first place because your pride wouldn't allow it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cortical psychic patch was literally my fave showcase of their dynamic in the whole show. "I don't want to play this game anymore!" Like jfc ouch. Also the thought of post redemption Megatron lamenting how he treated Starscream, not having considered the damage he's done to him before now. Trying to make it right and only making it all worse by inserting himself into Starscream's life again and realizing how badly he's broken him, how fucked it is that Starscream seems to revere him after EVERYTHING. God. GOD. I'm in agony.
Speaking of starscream in the cycle of abuse, KOSS has postcanon potential. (Post Predacons Rising, rid does not exist 😌) Like. They've proven they feel some type of way about each other. "I've always admired your lustrous finish." "😏" But Knockout was the first person in starscream's life to set a boundary in a healthy way. And when starscream inevitably ignores those boundaries and knockout leaves, you know how much it fucking hurts starscream to realize how badly he fucked up. But of course, the pride. He can't apologize. Can't admit he's the reason knockout betrayed him. So he'll choke back the tears. He'll try to, anyway. But he can't stop the agony in his voice while he feebly spits out "Fine! I hope Unicron eats you too!!" You know the second they shut the door on him, the waterworks started, and so did the closest thing to self reflection Starscream's ever done. He Has the Potential to be Better with Knockout, but he NEEDS to put in the work, and the suspense of wondering if he WILL fucks my whole shit up.
Rescue Bots
It is so close to canon that blades and bumblebee are boyfriends. Hell I believe it pretty much IS canon. He loves that bug so much. He gets jealous when he hangs out with Dani and not him. He hugs him for a photo the first chance he gets. And since we know blades is confirmed as being into dudes, I think we all know what they were getting at. TFP bumblebee has an anxious twink boyfriend that lives in Maine and we have no idea whatsoever if the rest of team prime knows.
Graham and boulder pine for each other like you would not believe. Once again, pretty much canon. You can't just have boulder keep telling Graham "well I like you just how you are" when Graham's trying to impress a girl and expect me to not think he has a big stupid gay crush on his best friend. They love each other so much as partners and as friends, I know damn well they'd be SICKENINGLY cute together as boyfriends. They'd probably try to stealth it at first bc a human and a giant robot alien in love? What'll the others think?? Gotta keep it secret. Sneaking off into the woods so Boulder can work on his "art projects" but in fact they are kissing. They're not as slick as they think they are, Chief Burns 100% picks up what's going on but he lets them think they're sneaky. Nobody actually has any problems with it other than Kade making fun of them a little but don't worry that's just him projecting.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, Heatwave and Kade are the worst fucking tsunderes about crushing on each other. Between heatwave refusing to let down the brooding tough guy persona and kade being so insistent on staying hyper masculine (to the point where mild internalized homophobia is inevitable), neither of them can just be honest about how much they mean to each other and they gotta resort to getting each other's attention by being mean in very low stakes ways. I am drowning, there is no sign of land, you are coming down with me, hand in unloveable hand, except they're not drowning and they're just dunking each other in a kiddie pool repeatedly.
Heatwave and quickshadow are fun for similar reasons but with less shit lord pranks and/or lowbrow bitching, and more classy verbal sniping and sparring with each other because heatwave thinks it's hot when quickshadow kicks his ass. They're insufferably competitive and I think that could be very fun and incredibly messy, especially since they both need to learn how to communicate. Very bisexual, they are forced to share the brain cell, 10/10
I also just enjoy the idea of all the bots being in a polycule the same way I like the idea for TFA's team prime. They're very sweet together and they clearly care about each other a lot. Its just kind of nice when they all hold hands together, you feel me? They're sneaking off to kiss in the bunker bc they don't know if the humans know dudes can like other dudes. They are also not as subtle as they think they are.
Oh also doc Greene and chief burns dated once when they were teenagers and it didn't work out but they stayed besties, nobody can change my mind on this.
Beast Wars
Dinobot and Megatron are exes, 100%. Dinobot is probably the only being in the known universe that Megatron actually kind of cares about other than himself and his rubber duck. Otherwise he wouldn't keep trying to fucking clone him to make a version that will never leave him. There's also some implications here and there that Megatron really did want the world to be better for Predacons (along with the desire for power, anyway) and that preds are genuinely treated unfairly, so there's a pretty compelling angle of dinobot having been drawn to megatron because he saw someone with noble goals and a way to fix their fucked up world before becoming disillusioned with the dishonorable tyrant he turned out to be.
Dinobot and Optimus are also very good together bc it really truly feels like Dinobot finally found the guy with honor he thought he saw in Megatron. And he's infuriating half the time because he isn't nearly as bloodthirsty as he's used to, but GODDAMN does he make him Feel Things. The entire episode Gorilla Warfare has me obsessed with them. The bitching. Dinobot freaking the fuck out and Optimus tenderly removing the seed pod stuck to the back of his neck that was freaking him out and only laughing at him a little. Dinobot constantly trying to choose violence. The stupid smile when Optimus also chooses violence and Dinobot realizes he fucked up. THE BEDSIDE VIGIL. "It was my shift" AND YOU KNOW THEY WEREN'T TAKING SHIFTS. THE FLOWER ON THE BEDSIDE TABLE. "it is good to have you back." "Back home or back to normal?" "...both." THEY'RE HOMOSEXUAL, YOUR HONOR.
Dinobot (shit maybe I just really like dinobot) with Rattrap is good for similar reasons but the vibes are totally different. DoOp is all soft and sweet and patient and light ribbing, Dinotrap is talking shit at each other as a love language. Dinobot is a good guy but he's also, fundamentally, a bitch. Rattrap has proven he can match his freak by bitching right back. They love each other by pretending to hate each other. To the point where if Rattrap doesn't hear any comebacks he genuinely starts worrying because "oh, we aren't playing the game, why aren't you playing, are you okay?" They have so many soft tender moments where they prove they actually love each other. Their last conversation is talking shit!!!! "You're just a slag spouting saurian, but it's nice to know where you stand." "Upwind of you for preference, rodent." They loved each other!!!!!! Rattrap is fucked up over losing him!!!!!!!!!!! It's bittersweet, it's tragic, it hurts so bad and I love them so much!!!! They're stupid your honor!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a much sillier side, I do love Rattrap x Rhinox. Rattrap kissed that man twice. On the mouth. On screen. Annoying little gremlin who goes "nyehhhh" x big stoic dude who goes "hn." And they're both tech guys so they probably work on projects together a lot. And they all survive and are fine bc beast machines isnt real 💖
I have my problems with Silverbolt in general but I cannot deny that he and Blackarachnia are pretty damn cute together. He loves his girlfriend, they trash her shitty ex together, she loves that he doesn't try to change her. She gets to be the bad girl and the sweet knight in shining armor still loves her. "Dark poison of my heart" like c'mon.
Airazor and Tigatron are also pretty cute AND they have the honor of being the first canon gay couple in the tf franchise bc of the Japanese dub, which made Airazor a dude but left the romance unchanged (the Japanese dub was also just generally fuckin insane tho so it's not all that shocking).
Waspinator and Terrorsaur are boyfriends for real and for canon, John hasbro told me himself.
RiD 2001
I ship skybyte with that one girl that lives in a state of constant talking-car-based torment. Why? Because when I watched rid with my roommate we had a running joke that eventually they'd meet and have a whole robotfucker romcom arc and it kinda just stuck. This is my only rid ship and I will not be taking criticism on it.
Cyberverse
Bumblebee, Hot Rod and Cheetor are in a polycule together and nobody can tell me they aren't. Just how it's gotta be.
I want Perceptor and Dead End to kiss so badly. They're technically canon already given how hard the creators ship them. They hold hands your honor. "only a bolthead would go out there... UGH I'm such a BOLTHEAD" HES IN LOVE YOUR HONOR.
Hot Rod and Soundwave are great as enemies to lovers, they're so annoying 💖. I feel like they'd start playing gay chicken and be married with three kids wondering when the other guy is gonna back out.
SHOCKWAVE AND WHEELJACK OH MY GOD. fellas is it gay to program your drones which are just tiny versions of your own altmode to dance funny to Tetris music specifically because it makes your lame ass boyfriend laugh and then keep that function eons after you break up and still remember exactly what the command is? Fellas is it gay to get kidnapped by your ex and then get really excited about all the cool shit he's been making while you were separated? I wish they could've gotten a happy ending man, they could've been so cute together.
I don't ship it romantically but I believe in Grimlock & Arcee qpr. They love each other so so much they would've readily died for each other. I love their dynamic, they're insane 💖
Same goes for Shadowstriker and Soundwave tbh. Decepticon besties, and Shadowstriker being aro kinda just feels right. I like to think they cuddle and talk shit about Shockwave while Sounders blasts heavy metal. They play cod as the most insufferable duo.
Megop in cyberverse is so good because it really feels like they Had a relationship but it was unstable and moved too fast and they just assumed they were on the same page about things without communicating properly until suddenly they were in serious disagreement, and TRIED to work it out in a mature way but they were simply Doomed From the Start. And then it culminates in a whole fucking war but it rages so long, and they are so tired of fighting, and they realize they want to try again because nobody was really to blame for how things ended because they both handled it poorly. I wish they got that chance to try again properly. I wish when Optimus retired to just fuck around and vibe, he could've taken Megatron with him. I wish they could've fallen in love all over again.
Oh also Slipstream and Windblade being lesbian enemies to lovers bait was Fucking Phenomenal and I Love it So Much. They're smug and terrible and I want them to make out. They can make each other worse 💖
G1
I have not seen that much of g1 but I do know a few things are absolute truth.
Soundwave is gay for Megatron. This is arguably reciprocated.
Shockwave is gay for Megatron. This is not reciprocated but it is taken advantage of.
Starscream vacillates between gay for Megatron and trying to kill him. Megatron seems to reciprocate but only a little bit. Enough to keep him alive because he's cute. But megs also gets a lot of cuteness aggression so he feels the need to chuck starscream against the wall every now and then.
Powerglide and Astoria are tied for the pinnacle of robot on human romance in the entire tf franchise with Tracks and Raul, and if none of them come back in ANY tf media, I will riot.
Cliffjumper and Mirage have fucked at least once.
Wheeljack and Ratchet are gay married.
Optimus is bisexual and he loves elita-1 but there is something distinctly homoerotic going on with Megatron.
Conclusion
I like when the robots kiss <3
#not polls#anon i hope this is what you wanted#bc once i get going i simply do not shut up.#megatron's bookmark
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Ah this is cringe as heck for me, but screw it, the last ask you got about a person not feeling much sympathy all for Peppi-No really was great, kudos to the OP of that comment since it really got me thinking, why even if I agree what the dude is doing is awful... I actually feel pretty fucking bad for him XD.
Like, I think we can all agree we've done shit in our lives that wasn't great, and that doesn't diminish the harm done or the fact other people have gotten hurt from our own stupid decisions. I also just think sympathetic villains are so interesting. (when done right, and hell you could argue even if he is the protagonist of the DMW AU, Peppi-No is a bit of an anti-villian) it really makes you think about the fact its so normal for people do try to avoid the consequences of their actions. I'm sure everyone has done something bad and instead of admitting fault have doubled down and tried to save face because they were SURE they could "fix" it without getting hurt from it.
Sure most of the time, (...I hope) its not as bad as murdering a person and taking on their identity... I think there is something really human about wanting to not get hurt, and feeling like shit about regrets we've had.
I think that Peppi-No even if what he doing is wrong, still... I dunno I can empathize. I mean.. he's sooo sowwy 🥺, its kinda pathetic, like a more extreme version of a puppy that just destroyed something important to you. Like "awww... you asshole, you're so cute though but goddamn it..."
I both am loving the angst of this AU and know its going to be so cathartic to see Peppi-no finally deal with his lie blowing up in his face and suffering MORE >:). I feel sympathy yes but I also love angst hehe.
(sorry if that wasn't super well worded? I don't normally send things like these >//>)
I assure you, it’s not cringe! It’s nice to see both sides voice their opinions!
Personally, I’m pretty divided on how I feel about Peppi-no. Part of me wants to strangle him for what he did (and what he might still do*cough* ), but at the same time, he’s,like you said, a sad, pathetic "sowwy" puppy, and I can’t help but feel bad for him.
When he took a piece of Peppino, he may have gained a conscience but not emotional maturity. He’s like a kid who just realized he fucked up in the worst way possible and is terrified of the consequenses. And fear can drive people to do terrible things, after all. Before that, his entire existence was just scrambling around, making pizzas out of whatever he could find: pigs, other clones, pizza monsters. He ended many lives, that but never faced any sort of repercussions. Never got a chance to learn "murder bad" ,
Then he takes a bite out of one of the kind Peppino—bam! Conscience, coherent thoughts, and memories of the guy he killed flood into his head. Can you imagine the whiplash, the shock, the stress? I certainly can’t.
Obviously, I’m not some dough doppelgänger pretending to be someone I killed. That would just be silly… no, really, I’m not.. But I can relate a little to what Peppi-no’s going through.
And let’s be honest, how many of us would have the absolute balls of steel to admit we killed someone’s friend in cold blood? Sure, it’s the morally right thing to do, but… you know. I’m not sure I could. (Once again purely hypothetical scenario)
Peppi-no's actions are unexcusable, he should know better than this by now, but at the same time you can kinda understand why he acts the way he does.
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bad batch finale thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
first of all damn. like damn. they really did it. those crazy sons of bitches did it. they ended this beloved show in a way that was cathartic, happy, full of tension, and did all the characters justice. my faith in star wars has been restored. i am so happy
—— the tension was unmatched this whole episode. like narratively, killing off tech told us as the audience that no one is safe, there’s no plot armor. so the whole time i was like omg they’re all gonna die but they dIDNT BECAUSE THEYRE THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS AND BECAUSE THEY HAVE LOYALTY AND LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND THATS WHAT THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT. LOYALTY AND LOVE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
—— CROSSHAIRS HAND IM SOBBING there is something so heart wrenching but amazing about his 'shooting hand' being taken away from him. it's like the physical embodiment of why he was created but now that he's free of that embodiment, he can choose to be whatever he wants. such a good choice narratively imo
—— that elite task force was badass i'm obsessed with their designs and their fighting styles i kinda wish we got more of them but they were also terrifying
—— crosshair finally made the shot that mattered the MOST. i love him so much. like he seriously means so much to me idec
—— still bummed that tech is actually dead (no he’s not haha loser i’m happy in my delusions). while i do think it’s technically more realistic for clone soldiers bred to die and raised with the expectation that they’ll be killed in battle to lack emotion, i think the lack of emotion this season was to its detriment. however i will say that the “clone force 99 died with tech” line was so good it pretty much made up for it lol
—— THE ENDING WAAA A A AAA A. A A A A. A AAA. A A A A A. A A AAA AAA AAA AAAA A A AAAAAA A A. omega and hera best friends confirmed. they were rebellion pilots together. omega is in the rebellion. like that is just the perfect ending to her character i can’t even. because of course she would. and i love her. i’m so proud of her. she is the heart and soul of this show and anyone who hated her is prolly feelin realllll silly right now
—— damn we’re really just not gonna know who the cx 2 operative was huh. like. he really was just a guy
—— that last shot of tech’s glasses almost got me i fr almost cried. he would be so so so proud of omega. he would be proud of all of them
—— omegas and hunters older designs mean everything to me. just. storytelling through clothes will never not be my favorite thing. her little skull patch 😭🫠 the bandana 🫠🥲
this show means so much to me, truly. it has inspired me artistically, comforted me, and connected me to some amazing people. i don’t even feel stupid for writing all these thoughts about a ‘silly little star wars show’ because damn it this is what art and stories means to people!! this is how powerful they can be! i do not need to hide behind jokes and irony to communicate how much this artistic work means to me!
<3
#big huge rambly post but thank you for reading lol#so happy with that ending#so happy my doubts were proven wrong#the bad batch#star wars#tbb#the bad batch season 3#tbb spoilers#tbb hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb echo#tbb crosshair#good art is so important#thank you star wars for actually letting them be happy#thanks bad batch. i’ll love you forever
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Cat now you have to share your favorite vilainess isekais the people need to know
GOD ok hmmmmm. In no particular order but here are my favourites and its strongest qualities:
Beware of the villainess
Pros: Very funny, sympathetic to original female lead and villainess alike. Very self aware and critical of common tropes of the genre, specially regarding shitty male leads. Rare example of non subservient maid as well. Can't miss it with this one.
Cons: Male lead is boring and a bit annoyingly protective. I wish it was yuri. At least he's pathetic so there is that. Only character of colour is an agressive werewolf iirc so not great.
2. Death is the Only Ending for the Villainess
Pros: Condemns shitty male leads, very sympathetic to the original villainess. Very cathartic in the 'shaming your abusive family' way. Good kind of pain and suffering. I find it very satisfying.
Cons: I don't like any of the male leads. Theres a yandere-esque guy, which is game ending for me but maybe not for you so, eh.
3. Milady just wants to relax
Pros: Very satisfying and pleasant to read. She's fairly self sufficient at the start, and it avoids having the guys constantly rescue her. It's been a while so I dont rememeber details, but I gave it a high grade. Male leads have very fun furry designs.
Cons: Male leads have very lame human designs. They start doing annoying things like picking her up randomly later on. I dont know how it ends.
4. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass
Pros: Great revenge story. Main character is actually a villainess and gets to do shady, fucked up things. I don't hate the male lead. I personally find her very cute and I like inherent tragedy of her relationship with her evil ass sister.
Cons: I dont have a problem with that personally but her revenge has basically no bad consequences for her so dont expect this kind of depth. Still think its cool.
5. I Became the Stepmother of An Irrevocable Dark Family
Pros: This one is kinda mid actually and I only read the novel BUT it has my favourite mother and child relationship in these. I found the kid genuinely very cute and endearing.
Cons: The guy is a fucking idiot and it has one of the most convoluted, stupid isekai reasons I have ever seen to justify that.
6. I want to be you, Just for a day
Pros: Focused on the female lead and villainess and their deeply complicated relationship. Sympathetic to both of them and actually bothers with their feelings and struggles inherent to their positions. Revenge story. Very intense but cool.
Cons: Really dark in terms of abuse, violence etc. I don't know if the shitty male lead guy is end game or not so beware.
I like some others but they're not villainesses or at more mid so. There you go.
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Friends to lovers headcanons with Donnie! One of my fav Jake g twinks :D (Donnie is college age)
Warnings/tags: smut. Donnies kind of creepy, but not like uncharacteristically creepy y'know? Femdom Reader, sub Donnie, switch pilot.
Okay so Donnie first
I'm sticking with the childhood friends sort of story like in "study Session", you guys were little hell raisers together.
He tells you about his delusions and you help him figure out what's real and what's not on bad days.
He always thought he was protective and jealous because you'd known each other so long, but he finally gets it through his skull that he's super into you.
He starts coming up with reasons you should come over more often. He got a new CD you should come over and listen to it, he needs help with his homework, how did you make that weird bracelet thing Maggie needs a birthday gift, etc.
When he decides he wants to confess, he trys to orchastrate it in a cute romantic way but things keep going wrong or he can't get the courage. Then one day you guys are hanging out and just talking, and it's normal and it isn't really special but the fact that it feels special is what makes it special (y'know?). And he realizes the reason he loves you is that he doesn't feel like he needs to perform around you, he can make stupid jokes and have his real laugh (he snorts), and he just blurts it out.
He either says "you're so beautiful" or "I think I love you" and then goes really quiet and red bcuz he's a cutie who has a hard time with emotions
NSFW
So I'm obsessed with Donnie being a creepy little horny fuck because it's fun and I won't be accepting criticism.
He steals your clothes. He's stealing your hoodies if you leave them at his house, he grabbed a pair of your underwear when he came over for your birthday.
When he's home alone he like to shove his face into whatever clothes of yours he has, underwear or bras are his favorite but shirts work, and rut on his bed. He would jerk off but he needs his hands to touch and feel the clothes and he needs you so bad
He gets off on the fact that it's kinda gross. He fantasizes about you finding out and making fun of him for it (kinda that's fucking disgusting show me how you do it, type stuff)
Gets sooooo overwhelmed and oversensitive that he cries. He just can't handle it
Goes brain dead when you ride him. It's his favorite position because he can just lay there and get pussy drunk.
Makes this weird little whimper grunt noise before he comes
Noisy as fuck, you always have to tell him to quiet down.
Tell him what to do and be kinda mean to him, he needs it so bad. He feels so directionless that he just wants to follow instructions sometimes. Also he's always up in his head about being a weirdo and it's cathartic to hear it from someone he trusts in a safe place
That's all folks :)
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Okay so revewing your pre-canon Grimwalkers and events, I think I'm seeing the path Belos's mindset is taking that eventually leads to Hunter.
A lot of the Grimwalkers are aware that they're Grimwalkers. It's a little different every time, but this is clearly a model that has been working for Belos, so he uses it a lot. Currently I think the only Grimwalkers who DON'T know they're Grimwalkers are Temperance and Hunter.
I get the feeling that Belos is usually pretty cool with the Grimwalkers knowing what they are. Probably easier for him that way too, since he doesn't have to keep up a whole song and dance. But I think he kinda started experimenting a bit with Temperance, if not earlier, probably due to what went down with Tell and the aftermath of that. So I think over time the thought process is…
Tell-no-lies - Knows he's a Grimwalker, is good at his job, also manages to have a secret lover that leads to his betrayal. Crap.
Virtue - Knows he's a Grimwalker, is decent at his job, I'll humor his plan but actually it's kinda stupid and he likes the palismen so nevermind we're done here.
Enoch - Tell-no-lies's daughter, not a Grimwalker but it's cruelly cathartic playing house like she's my niece, it's a shame I was never able to control Evelyn and her whelp like this, this whole situation is very amusing--oh gdi she tried to kill me.
Temperance - Maybe it's the Grimwalker thing that's causing problems, maybe telling them they aren't real people is what makes them so determined to act like real people. I'll let this one think he's a real person. With amnesia. And no one knows who he is or where he comes from so that takes care of the backstory. Now he can focus on his job - oh okay he'd rather look for answers instead. Shoot.
Jasper - YOU KNOW WHAT, BACK TO THE KNOWING-YOU'RE-A-GRIMWALKER MODEL, BUT MORE INTENSE THIS TIME. NO PERSONHOOD FOR YOU. NO EMOTIONS FOR YOU. ANY FEELINGS YOU FEEL ARE FAKE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM. Just focus on your job. Oh. Oh, wow, that worked. That worked really well. I can even rip his spine out and he just thinks that normal. And he is VERY good at his job, not that I'll tell him that. Wow, he's even lasted 12 years! Incredible! I'm looking forward to killing him but this one's had a good run! Clearly I just need to make them repress all their emotions and thoughts and feelings forever and that'll make them efficient and--why is he stealing the baby. How can your mental health be in shambles when you don't have a mental to health? Ugh, die.
Hunter - So I COULD just kill this kid and start over, but. Jasper DID posit an intriguing idea. This COULD actually be a Grimwalker-who-doesn't-know-he's-a-Grimwalker that works. It didn't work with Temperance cuz he couldn't just accept that he'd never ever learn his backstory. But Hunter here could literally just grow up in his backstory. He'd never question it. It's perfect. It's annoying that he's gonna be a useless baby for so long but I can deal. I've missed having a nibling to torment. Sure, Enoch tried to kill me, but she had a mother to give her other perspectives on life; this kid has NO ONE. I can DEFINITELY do better molding this one into what I want him to be! It's perfect!
And thus why he tells the Collector, a minute after Jasper's death, that raising Hunter will be an interesting experiment. It's a set of variables he's never had a chance to work with before, building on the methods he's already tried in the past.
I really do like the fact that Jasper's deathbed bargaining gives a good reason for Hunter, specifically, to grow up from infancy, while most (all?) other Grimwalkers in your headcanon were older when they got picked. Canon implies that there've been so many Grimwalkers that they really can't have had a regular lifespan, so most of them being picked as adults makes sense, and then Jasper's story makes Hunter's lifespan also make sense.
Also, I think I feel the worst for Temperance, in terms of his understanding. He never knew the truth, and he barely got a lie. Hunter at least thought he knew who he was, even if Belos lied the entire time; Temperance never even got that much. What a sad existence. :(
YESSSS YOU CAN SEE THE THROUGH LINE!
He is ALWAYS playing a game with them. He literally does not need the Grimwalkers. They exist only because he wants something to hurt, some way to keep punishing his brother again and again and again. Every time he tries something different because it is FUN to him. A way to pass the time, even. He wants to make something perfect. A perfect soldier, servant, brother, father, son, wife, friend. Something he can hurt as much as he wants. Something that will never betray him no matter what. Something good at its job but also without it's own life beyond him. And jasper was almost there. He was almost perfect. He lasts a very long time because of it.
But Hunter is presenting him specifically with the opportunity to redo a unique situation he'd already tried and failed, and now with some new ideas on how to do better. AND the opportunity to continue to punish a dead man- the same way he's punishing tell now.
And honestly the only reason he DID fail with hunter is he stopped playing the game. Luz showed up and he was SO much more interested in her he basically stopped managing hunter which meant he got so much more leeway to exist beyond his brainwashing. If Belos had been on the ball hunter would probably never have left. As usual, Belos is the one fucking himself over with his own cruelty.
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List 7 comfort films and tag 7 people!
Tagged by @ihaventcomeupwthanameforaheroyet ! thanks!! I WROTE DOWN A FEW FAVS OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD (IN NO ORDER) AND HAD 9, SO, I THINK IWTV 1994 GOES WITHOUT SAYING LMFAO, ALSO HONORABLE MENTION TO AMERICAN PSYCHO BC IT MAKES ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF EVERY TIME BUT I ULTIMATELY CUT IT FROM THIS PRESITIGOUS LIST.
is it obnoxious if i put some pictures in the post too? Sorry I get really excited to talk about movies hkjdslgasd please don't feel obligated to put pictures in yours, I'm just being extra.
Terminator 2: Judgment Day [1991]
LISTEN I CRY EVERY FUCKING TIME it's just the best, ROBOT DADDY??? HOT MOMMY???? The T-1000 is so scary?? ALL THESE RIDICULOUS EPIC FIGHT SCENES AND THE ACTORS ARE JUST NOT EMOTING AT ALL BECAUSE THEY'RE ROBOTS? The director's cut with the extra scene where John is trying to teach the Terminator to smile and you realize when he does his little side smirk it's because he's copying John's smile, bc when he copied randos it didnt fit on his face?!??! Eddie Furlong's voice cracking which feels like such a happy accident because he's a weak little fragile human in contrast to the killing machine?? PLEASE.
Hellraiser [1987]
IT'S WEIRD, IT'S KINKY, IT'S GAY, IT'S CHEESY, IT'S GOT PRACTICAL EFFECTS THAT ARE KINDA COOL BUT KINDA STUPID, IT'S GOT THE GRAINY 80S COZY FEEL, IT'S GOT INCREDIBLE FEMALE SEXUALITY AND BAD ACTING, I JUST LOVE IT. It's just a movie I put on when I need to relax and wow it just makes me really happy ;.;
Pet Sematary [1989]
okay this one and the next one and the last one are all GRAINY 80S COZY FEEL, you have to understand that I grew up watching 80s horror from like the age of 5 so that flim look, the grain, the flat lighting, it just !!!!!!! gives me so much cozy fuzzy warmth for childhood and I just adore it. Anyway !!!!!!1 I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH it's so extremely dark and also extremely absurd, somehow it's so magnetic that you are immediately immersed even though it's got the aesthetic of a bad TV movie, it's just wonderful I adore it. ALSO a rare super faithful Stephen King adaptation!
An American Werewolf in London [1981]
PRACTICAL EFFECTS MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!11 blah blah cozy 80s, but also! FUNNY! ROMANTIC! TRAGIC! SCARY WHEN IT NEEDS TO BE! I'm so deeply deeply impressed by the practical effects in this film, too! But wow it's so good every time, the hot nurse in this movie is a crazy monsterfucker I adore her, it's a good Armand/Daniel AU, the end is a gut punch every fucking time, it's the best, a naked American man stole my balloons, etc. Absolutely perfect film.
Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain [2001]
VISUALLY STUNNING FILM ABOUT AN ASEXUAL WOMAN WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY, PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I think this movie like, changed my life maybe? I think I saw it when I was 15 or so and it just had such a huge impact on me. I used to watch it so much I would just turn the subtitles off because I'd get distracted and didnt even need them anymore. It's a movie I used to bring with me when I traveled, like I brought the DVD with me when I studied abroad because I was so scared I'd have anxiety or get homesick, I just always wanted to be able to watch it if I need to. IF I WATCH THIS AT THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH I CRY MY EYES OUT which is cathartic in the end, idk if it's comfy or comforting but wow. but wow really amazing film it's so beautiful and had such a huge impact on my worldview and my creativity and the way I write and the way I do photography and just !!! ;.; I'm gonna cry!
The Departed [2006]
I really like it when Leo DiCaprio cries and he's not a super crybaby in his one but he does scream in pain and have the shit beat out of him and has panic attacks and needs anxiety meds! The cast is sick! The music is amazing! It's such cool storytelling!!! It's exciting every time! The ending fucks! GOD. Just wonderful, I love it so much. The Blu-ray starts over every time it ends so every time I watch it I tend to walk away and let it loop all day LOL. It's disgusting how many times I've watched it. ALSO MY BABE VERA FARMIGA WHAT A MILF god i love her.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall [2008]
this is like such a perfect comedy for my sense of humor, INCLUDING A BONUS DRACULA SUBPLOT CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, but is actually such a clever and lovely story about getting over heartbreak wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this movie so fucking much oh my god. Also ever since I worked on ships I feel like especially potent to it because there's something about the social community within the resort that feels so much like the community of a cruise ship crew!! ;.;
Tagging (but no pressure!): @rugbertgoeshome @hekateinhell @mothmage @apoptoses @cup-of-lixx @somevagrantchild @covenofthearticulate
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for the ask game: 28, 29, 31?
28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?
29. What's the hardest thing about writing?
31. What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)? [+ what made it difficult and how did you power through it?]
28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?
If you're stuck on a fic, write out your vaguest plans and ideas for it super informally like you're telling them to a friend. (Or like, actually tell them to a friend, but sometimes we're lone fandom warriors or shy or don't want to give spoilers etc. etc.!) Or even talk through it out loud à la rubber duck debugging!
Our brain genuinely processes information differently when we're translating those vague ideas/impulses into actual words (and esp. when you add the 'out loud' component) so a lot of the time it can help you make connections that you wouldn't have otherwise to help you get unstuck!
The informality is an important bit, though– if you try and make your outline all ~writerly~ then you're just going to get stuck over word choice like if you were actually trying to write. Be sloppy! Be messy! Skip over the parts you don't have figured out with "and then stuff happens and–!" Make meme references! The point is just to get your brain chugging at the idea from another angle, not to do the actual writing. My own outlines are suuuuper informal for this reason.
29. What's the hardest thing about writing?
Motivation, lmao. But aside from that, on a technical level I find transitions difficult, especially when I need to communicate that there were some things that happened over the time period I'm kinda yadda-yaddaing over– figuring out what details are important enough to actually show vs mention is tough!
31. What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)? [+ what made it difficult and how did you power through it?]
YNYD was the toughest just on the sheer basis of organizing, planning, committing to and executing a fic of that length! The final chapters in particular were tough just because I had a lot of fallout to cover within just the two chapters, in a way where I was balancing doing the scenes justice with not having both Peter and Tony have the same exact conversations over and over again with multiple characters, so that was hard. But it's my baby and I was very determined to see it through, so I stuck it out!
Other than that– the last two chapters of double-blind were also tough because I needed to figure out when and how much information to give about Tony's plans without it being a huge exposition dump, and I also needed to seed the hints about Peter's plan without making Tony look totally stupid for not catching on himself. But I rubber duck debugged that one with my sibling lmao (I told you it works!) and figured it out!
And for a totally different variety of "tough," something chronic (bit demonic) ended up hitting a lot closer to home than I realized before I started writing, so I was in a bit of a different headspace for that one than I usually am when writing angsty stuff, but it was ultimately very cathartic, haha.
Thanks for playing! 💖
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putting my stranger things band au out into the world
weve got steve on main vocals/guitar
robin on bass/backup vocals (although there are a couple songs where she takes main)
and max on drums
do they have a specific genre? who tf knows i chose these songs for their lyrics and story but i imagine some would be modified to create a more uniform sound
now for the album in order(please hear me out on some of these):
Dear Reader- Taylor Swift (steves song to dustin)
BNBG- Djo (steve meeting eddie and discovering hes bi)
To Love a Boy- Maya Hawke (robin song!! self explanatory)
Change- Djo (steve reflecting on who he used to be vs who he is now)
Dial Drunk- Noah Kahan (steve gets arrested for xyz and his parents wont answer)
Somebody’s Baby- Sidney Gish (robin song 2!! start of her crush on nancy)
Acolyte- Slaughter Beach, Dog (90% written by steve before eddies death and finished after)
Run the World!!!- Dayglow (written by max! they all call it their fun song but its definitely still more about her ptsd and depression)
Strange Time- Matt Maltese (steve wrote this soon after eddie died)
Coffee- Chappell Roan (duet between steve and robin about their shared ex, nancy. they all ofc still love her and are very close friends but this was written during a rough patch post ronance breakup)
Brother- Fenne Lily (co-written by max and steve about their relationship)
ceilings- Lizzy McAlpine (steve keeps forgetting that eddie has died)
Francesca- Hozier (stobins soulmate song! written by robin because she knows steve feels guilty about dragging her into the upside down but she doesnt regret it because now she has him)
vague storyline is that steve starts getting into music to cope with all of the upside down shit sometime between end of season 1 and season 2. he starts seeing eddie after season 3 and is head over heels for him before eddie (still) dies at the end of season 4 and is (obviously) heartbroken.
after max heals she starts learning the drums to help process emotions better and also around this time robin and nancy start a budding romance. steve learns about max playing the drums and starts having jam sessions w her and later on robin also joins and its just very cathartic for them all. nancy and robin are kinda on again off again until steve and robin write Coffee together which firmly puts them in the past and they remain good friends after. (i love ronance i swear but for whatever reason in this au i just dont see them lasting longterm) (also i feel bad because the story of Coffee feels like it makes out nancy to be a villain and i love her i swear)
after a few years steve, robin, and max decide to start playing local bars and small shows and eventually are discovered and release their first and only album. the album gets wildly popular and they tour for a bit but none of them really wanted fame and decided that they really just preferred making music in their living rooms. they do pop up shows at small venues every now and again and they still consider themselves A Band.
likely they get rediscovered on tik tok or something and everyone is coming up with theories on the story of the album(stupid shit like ‘he said eddie in acolyte right’ ‘no dude he said annie steve isnt gay god some people’ or some weird love triangle involving steve robin and some mystery person) so they all make a video talking about the history of the band and steve comes out and opens up about how some of the songs are about eddies death (which starts another fire once people find out that steves eddie is eddie munson because obviously everyones heard of the hawkins murders at which point steve releases a video basically telling everyone to not talk about shit they know nothing about and to fuck off and leave him alone and after that the band is never heard from online again) happily ever after the end :) i just needed this out of my brain
#this is literally such a mess#and this au will be living in my brain forever#stranger things#steddie#stobin#platonic stobin#realizing i really like parentheses
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Omg Quin the Marco brainrot is heavy rn
This whole weekend!! I listened to the new tswift album and every love ish song I thought of him even if it didn’t quite fit
I’m so down bad lmao
Omgggg but also it’s a lot of heartbreak/breakup songs and it got me thinking of like one piece dudes reactions to you listening to that kinda stuff. Heartbreak OR love songs
Marco I feel would be super unbothered if it’s like a new something coming out or just something catchy that’s on the radio. More concern if you’re listening after a tiff >>
Meanwhile the love songs if you’re coming up and singing it to him he would love and maybe twirl you in a dance. or if he catches you singing along to it he’d just listen and watch as quietly as possible. Maybe a lil smug
Poor puppy dog ace would be super concerned I feel like and it’d be like aww baby dw it’s not about YOU
Gotta counter it with singing cheesy love songs at him he’d def also grab you to dance but be a lot more clumsy about it but it’s really too cute
Sabo and Law I think would be somewhat similar for both in that they have a lot of trust issues deep down so you singing some heartbreak/breakup songs would make them a little sus. I think Sabo would let it roll off and ask about it maybe and law would sulk 💀💀
But the love songs! Law would def roll his eyes but enjoy it internally and Sabo would smile at you and pull you close
There’s a song rn called stupid in love stuck in my head and I just think of singing it to Marco and the amused look he’d have on his face and just
💀💀🫠🫠
Send help
Marco forcibly booted Law out of my top spot
Sorry for the rambley 2am thoughts. I didn’t have time to reread birds of a feather but I hit some chapters up >> I was searching for some new stuff of the bird and came up empty 🫠🫠
You left 41 new comments XD I had a feeling I was going to come onto tumblr and see just how wild your brainrot had gotten. You tore through a lot of my short stories on here too <3 None of this is a complaint by the way, it made for a great morning when I got up =3
I like the songs idea that's so sweet. Marco would definitely dance with you, regardless of his opinion on the song, knowing it's something you're enjoying. If you're listening to the breakup songs after a little spat, he'd check in, communication isn't an issue for him, but barring any other signs he'd probably assume it was just a way to release any lingering pressure. Cathartic more than concerning.
I feel like Sabo would dance with you a little too, more smoothly than Ace, but less elegant than Marco. Sabo learned all the proper moves and steps, but would rather be silly with it. Ace never really learned anything "proper" but does enjoy dancing, and that's where the differences come from.
I can see him enjoying that song too /nod nod/ this one, yes?
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