#no matter how much i dont think my writing is any good ik that some people still like my fics

[messyoungie]

HABITS TO DROP WHEN GETTING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER

➝ CREATING UNAUTHENTIC & UNINTENTIONAL GOALS

the biggest mistakes you can make when creating goals is making goals that aren’t true to you and making goals for the sake of making goals.

it can be so exciting when you decide to get your life together. I mean, of course it is! there are so many possibilities! but when you start planning, don’t just write down the goals you see circulating on social media. what works for someone else may not be what works for you. don’t make your goals and habits based on what’s trending or popular in the self improvement community.

think about what you actually need for a minute. what is actually necessary? your goals and habits aren’t here to be glamorous, they’re here to help regardless of how simple or small they are. the point of thinking up new habits is to improve your life, so be intentional with your goals. what will practicing this habit or achieving this goal give you?

when you’re first starting out, your goals don’t have to be anything too crazy or intense. for example, let’s say you want to become a pink pilates girl and get into fitness. you shouldn’t jump right into it and say your goal is to work out for 2 hours 5 times a week. let’s consider some factors first. have you been living a completely sedentary kind of lifestyle? then try looking for exercises that’ll wake up dormant muscles. your goal should then be to repeat those exercises for how ever many times a week. then you’ll work your way up from there. (it’s important we don’t harm the body, so be mindful with your fitness goals.) what about your schedule? how much time can you actually give to working out? can your body even endure working out for that long?

anyways, hopefully you see what I mean. when creating goals, it’s not about having the “aesthetic” habits and goals that you may see on tiktok or tumblr. it’s about doing what is actually good for you and what’ll help you the most with where you are now in your journey. so please put some thought into your goals and where they’ll take you. creating unauthentic and unintentional habits will also mean you’ll be less likely to keep practicing them after a few times. at the end of the day, that doesn’t help you achieve anything and you’re left with a broken promise you’ve made to yourself. which leads me to my next point…

➝ NOT KEEPING YOUR WORD WHEN IT COMES TO YOU

let me start off by saying this— if you don’t even listen to yourself, why should anyone else? (harsh, ik)

a HUGE reason as to why people have no self confidence is because they don’t listen to themselves or keep the promises they’ve made to themselves. if you have no self trust, how could you have any self confidence?

now, building discipline can definitely be a challenge so if you want to start somewhere easy, nip your false promises in the bud and stop yourself from making them. that’s what I did when I was first trying to stop this habit. when my addiction to tiktok was at its peak I would always tell myself the usual “ten more minutes and then I’ll stop scrolling.” when I wanted to stop making false promises, I knew I had no control or discipline so the only thing I could do is be real with myself. I’d cut myself off when I heard myself say “five more minutes” because I knew it wasn’t going to happen. if I wasn’t going to quit my bad habit, then the least I could do is be honest with myself.

the things that you are constantly telling yourself, whether they’re mindless or intentional, matter.

so, stop telling yourself seemingly harmless lies. unnecessary false promises that you know are false will only fill you with tension.

➝ SEEING FAILURE AS AN INVITATION TO GIVE UP

this applies to so many things.

you wanted to be consistent with your reading goals but haven’t read a chapter in a week? dont give up. don’t tell yourself that being consistent is too hard for you, that since you missed a week this habit isn’t for you. make your goal a bit easier or give yourself another chance.

you wanted to spend more time doing art but it’s not turning out how you expected? dont give up. dont give yourself the title of a “bad artist” and never pick up a pencil again. move forward, give yourself another chance.

you wanted to quit your Instagram addiction but after a couple days you went back to scrolling for hours on ig reels? Don’t give up. dont tell yourself that this addiction isn’t gonna go away, don’t go back to the bad habit because you slipped up. give yourself another chance.

I think a lot of us (myself included) tend to give up at the first sign of failure, instead of reminding ourselves to keep going. it’d be wonderful if you could get it right on the first try. if you could read ten books a month right away after not reading a book in three years. if you could watch hours worth of tutorials and sketch the perfect portrait on the first attempt. if you could uninstall instagram for good and never feel the urge to go back. that would all be so amazing, but it’s not always the reality. expect the best from yourself and do the best you can, but also give yourself some compassion. keep in mind that you won’t always do things perfectly right away and that’s one thousand percent okay. when you feel yourself slipping up on your brand new goal, don’t end it there at the first failure. allow yourself to move forward, because the only other direction to move is backwards.

[sukirichi]

Okay! Back on my phone battery died ahahha

Well you can say my resentment for her is big cause as a proud tooru fucker i went ahead and reread the first chapters to find this

This is from chapter 7 what basically summarize why tooru was always cold to her. I remember something more but i might be misremembering due to my hate lmfao but i always saw this as Tooru being forced fo marry someone he didnt love and ultimately have his 'freedom' stolen hence why he resented her so much and honestly made me resent her too ahahahha also the whole obsess theme playing again when he went to her room as kids and she had this huge ass painting of him hanging there...

Bruh i dunno i know im biased but i rereading old chapters and seeing how tooru is all soft to us and hates to be shackled to maiko just makes me want him to be happy 🥺 with us

Oh and also i would never EVER invite iris to my sanctuary like nah ah nope never bitch would sleeo at the beach outside, i would not let her step a foot inside my house after she KNOWINGLY fucked a married man

'but i was here first' he was still married and YOU DIDNT EVEN LOVE HIM

I would maybe feel a bit bad if she loved him like a tiny tiny bad still would hate her for the fact that it doesnt matter if she was there first HE WAS MARRIEDDDDDDD

But knowing she never even loved him 🙂🙃🤡

Also i have the feeling the whole 'lets be friends' bs is because she wants us to ultimately petty her since shes pregnant now like somehow she knows we can destroy her. Or her marriage with omi. I totally dont see her doing that out of the kindness of her heart. OR ACTUALLY she feeling pressure from the queen in some way since the queen wanted us to play friends with iris and well the queen can fuck iris up aswell.

But thank you iris for confirming rin does love us <3

Im just scared the iris kid will fuck rins head up.. And shes also been sickly and shit if this isnt grounds to manipulate rin.. After all she did manipulative him until now in a way.

I wanted to say something else about rin but i kinda forgot since im pissed dhdhahhajsj 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thank you for the update! As usual love your writing and the first part really made me happy.. Made me imagine the trip to the house with rin very vividly 🥺

cackling at little maiko casually having a portrait of tooru in her room 😭 and yep the whole “forced” thing was how he feels towards their marriage. maiko and tooru were actually arranged by the queen to be married, although it isn’t really known or officially stated that it was arranged because they already knew each other since they were kids + it had been maiko’s fleeting thought that like, “oh, your majesty, i like tooru. it’d be wonderful if i could marry him.” just a silly little musing of a teenage girl, but the queen saw it as an opportunity that’d be good for the crown and presented the idea to tooru 😔 and at that time he needed the extra power and stability to be a more well-respected prince, so he went along with the marriage. and yes omg !! i do miss our tooruyn days… unfortunately, i had to scrap away the ideas I had for that because it was quite a popular demand to make him and maiko work out 🫡 I wasn’t opposed to that and I think it’d be great to focus more on omiyn <3 SO SORRY IF THAT WASN’T WHAT YOU LIKED BESTIE IK TOORU IS YOUR NUMBER ONE BUT I HAD TO DO IT FOR THE PLOT 😭🙏🏻

‘but I was here first’ nobody asked iris lmfAOOOO

and yep, iris asking to be friends was not done out of the kindness of her heart at all lol. i don’t even think she has any kindness in her heart… but she’s not doing it at all for rintaro lol. she’s trying to be on yn’s good side because she knows her marriage with omi is falling apart. for the five years they’ve been married, kiyoomi has always been neutral and uncaring – he knows iris is cheating on him, but he doesn’t care 😹 not once has kiyoomi shown that he plans on divorcing her. he just avoids her and acts like she doesn’t exist, and that’s fine enough for iris, as long as they’re married. but now that she’s pregnant with rin’s baby AND kiyoomi is having feelings for yn… yeah, iris is feeling anxious. we’ll see though what she’ll do with her pregnancy!!

and aww thank you so much, I’m so happy you enjoyed the latest update! I HOPE YOU KNOW that I always appreciate you taking the time to read and send in all your thoughts, they make me super happy and warm knowing you’re so supportive. SO THANK YOU BESTIE SENDING YOU LOTS OF LOVEE 💫🌷💕

[eliziarts]

It really gets me how you can't say shit about Helluva Boss (or Hazbin Hotel for that matter) to actually critique without fans getting buthurt, and the only people agreeing with you people who just hate Vivzipop (for the record i dont lol). But here are my gripes that I wish people were actually talking about (btw I really *want* to love Helluva Boss and none of this is mean-spirited, just things I've noticed that I wish the team would fix, or I believe are beyond fixing):

1. The very confused tone. I know a lot of people deflect any criticism from the show by saying 'oh but it's a comedy you shouldn't take it too seriously'. Here's the thing- it's literally taking itself too seriously. There's a balance that a show can have between dark elements and humor, but Helluva Boss consistently tries to tackle very, VERY heavy subjects. This combined with the Brandon Rodgers-essque d!ck joke comedy doesn't.. work. At least not in the way they're attempting. I think the most egregious example of this is the scene in the latest episode when Moxie's dad is literally threatening to kill him if he doesn't follow through with an arranged marriage... immeadiatly followed by Moxie walking though a hall of wall d!ldos. It kind of says, 'hey, we were taking this really seriously 2 seconds ago, but jk actually now you should laugh!'

Juxtaposition doesn't work if it actively confuses its audience on what to feel. I'm not sure how much influence Vivzie and Brandon have on the outcome of the show vs the rest of the writing team, but it seems like Brandon's humor and Vivzie's tendency to write melodramatic soap opera scenes just aren't really meshing together quite right. I wish it had more similar pacing and tone shifts that HH had, because it felt more sudden in a purposeful way, rather than 'we're too lazy to find a good transition between these two scenes.'

2. Why does Vivziepop never write interesting female characters? I know this is talked about a bit more, but it's growing increasingly prevalent in Helluva Boss. We still haven't gotten an episode focused on any of the female leads that's actually about *them*.

Millie is practically nonexistent without her relationship to Moxie. Even the episode where we meet her family, it doesn't give us any insight about her. Every time she goes feral(tm) it's either to save her husband or it's part of a group fight. The only backstory we got for Loona was there to service Blitzo's character, and show us *his* reaction. The only things we've seen with Octavia were put there to help us learn more about Stolas. Even in the scene where they only had Loona and Octavia on the screen, it didn't feel like it was about them at all. It didn't feel like the scene existed to show us them bonding about their shitty dads. It felt like the scene was there to once again ask the audience to give Blitzo and Stolas pity points. Which- brings me to my next problem.

3. Its justifications of abuse. I know they're in hell. Most of them should be shitty people, and they are! But I wish the story would stop trying to pretend they're not. Helluva Boss keeps doing this thing where it draws a line between 'good' abuse and 'bad' abuse. And this kind of completely changed Stolas and Blitzo's relationship. Ik some people may like this change but I personally don't.

Earlier on, we were made to believe Stolas kind of fucked up by cheating on his wife. Not only did this affect Stella (tho ofc we later learn it's due to image reasons) but his daughter as well. It's just generally an uncomfortable and tricky situation. And I liked it! It was interesting and had levels of nuance. However, now that we know that he was basically being abused by Stella this entire time, and met Blitzo when they were kids (which is a WHOLE OTHER UNCOMFORTABLE CAN OF WORMS LMAO) the audience no longer feels like Stolas did anything wrong. Now his actions feel justified.

As much as I loved his confrontational scene with Stella the first time I watched it, as I know many people did, I also know that it kind of ruined any sense of nuance that whole situation had. Now, Stolas suddenly has been absolved from any previously implied mistakes. And, Stella is portrayed as this 1 dimensional cruel monster.

Which brings me to the point of abuse in this show. It's a very prevalent theme, and it's a heavy one for a show branded as a sit-com to portray (hard, but not impossible). But it fails on the end that it doesn't stay consistent in its condemnation of it. Every time a character does something 'bad', as soon as we find out there is a reason for this bad behavior, the show suddenly makes it seem like we should feel bad for them and that their actions are justified because they're a broken person. See: the narrative around Stolas' affair suddenly being changed as soon as we find out he was being abused by Stella.

Inconsistent emotional consequences in writing is lazy for sure. But the real problem is when it gets to the abuse side of things, it can actually become harmful. It's implied that Blitzo had an emotionally abusive relationship with Verosika. But ohh we know he had a fucked up childhood and has fear of forming emotional bonds so! Geuss it's okay! But when it comes to Stella, she's just downright mean, 1 dimensional, and literally says she's doing things for no reason other than to make Stolas suffer.

It's important to note that every single time a character gets a *reason* for their assholery, it becomes a *justification* in the way the show frames it. But whenever a character doesn't have a reason for being as asshole, like Stella (at least not one that's shown), that's where the show then draws the line.

This is harmful! Hate to break it to you but the bulk of abusive people out there were abused themselves. They have multitudes of reasons for why they are the way they are. But that doesn't excuse their actions! And I really hate that this is the standard of framing Helluva Boss has set up for their show because now, no matter how bad a character's actions are, they can slap on a sad backstory and suddenly make that character a sympathetic one.

Yeah but anyways idk. If you read all of that I thank you for taking ur time to listen to my 2 cents. The last episode I really enjoyed was the Ozzie's one and I'm just kinda bummed at a lot of this stuff I mentioned.

[kings-highway]

I read Time Enough yesterday from start to finish (yes I had other things to do, no that did not stop me) and I am still thinking about it. I left a little comment but I wanted to say more. (Sorry if this is a bit incomprehensible, I'm Very tired)

Your angst is always written in such an immersive and impressive way, but this story in particular hit so strongly. I thought it was so well done. Everything Daichi did and felt was so believable. And the feelings of having to move through a life like that was absolutely heart breaking. The relationships were so believable and idk how to phrase it other than genuine? Realistic?

It was just such an intense and beautiful piece, and Daichi's journey/cycle of monotony to acting out to trying to find stability again was so well done and so relatable. I was right along with him at one point like "obviously he has to learn a lesson here, but come on he did! He's trying to live life more!" Only to realize at the end that he still really wasn't, not really, not in the way that really allowed him to appreciate it. It wasn't that he needed to appreciate life by acting more or less predictable, it's that he needed to learn to appreciate life by appreciating his own, by learning to take care of himself, by asking for help and letting others take care of him. I've read several of your stories now where this is a major theme for him and I was STILL too immersed in his mindset to see it right away! That's very good writing imo <3

If you want to answer (ik some people don't like explaining story choices and that's fine too! I have my theories) what moment in that last day was it that broke the loop? Or was there no one moment, but just the process of the day itself and those leading up to it that did it?

First, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely and sincere ask in my inbox. You've got my giggling and kicking my feet like a child on christmas. It means so much that someone like you is reading and appreciating my work 🤍🤍

Second, I dont mind answering at all! I know a few others had speculated regarding the circumstances of the time loop so I can definitely share my decision making process

[Spoilers for literally nearly every chapter of Time Enough below, if you havent read it yet.]

And the answer is... Nothing.

Though that doesnt mean it wasnt intentional on my part, that nothingness means something to me.

The logic of the time loop is simply "sometimes time gets stuck in a loop, and unfortunately this time Daichi is aware of it." There is no real reason why it breaks on that specific day that it does, it could have just as easily broken the day before or the day after or in twelve years.

While I played around with the idea of Daichi having to "break" it in some way, there was no version of that that didnt position someone in his life as more important than another, or incite further questions about the universe. (although it does make me giggle imagining if the second half took a sharp left turn into Daichi and Oikawa hunting and fighting aliens.)

You could read this story as a metaphor for depression or burnout, optionally.

The truth is, every choice Daichi made always mattered. Each day did not come with definitive evidence that it would loop again into the next, it just coincidentally did for approximately two years. As suddenly and jarringly as it breaks in the 11th chapter, that could have been any chapter. Thats why so many end with the 00:00 moment, because it wasn't a given and it was important to mention. What would have happened if it had broken after he's slept with and romanced Oikawa? [Would he have pursued this new connection? left it as a one night stand? how would his life have moved forward after that kind of insane connection as Oikawa would believe he had his time loop experience?] What would have happened if it had broken after Tendou had been hit by the truck? [Tendou would be dead - what will he tell anyone?] What if it had broken after punching Iwaizumi? While he's standing, frostbitten in Iceland? After any random day he thought didnt matter? After he kills himself?

Daichi was never any more safe from his consequences in the loop as he was in linear time, he just got lucky.

And thats the point. How many times have you [the reader] skipped a class because its "boring and repetive?" phone in an essay because its "just" 10%? declined to hang out with a friend you havent seen in a while because "eh, maybe next weekend."

Choices always matter. Even if you think you have calculated the worst possible end, every single day has the ability to dramatically shift the direction of your life if you use it right. There is no such thing as a day that doesnt matter.

As a metaphor for depression and burnout, you're absolutely right. Daichi's loop is broken the moment he tells Suga that he'll let him take care of him. The moment he admits there's a problem and makes a promise he intends to keep. The act of loving and being loved in return is scary and difficult but sometimes it is the only way to succeed. [Its important here to mention that this is not romantic love I refer to.] And that means trying. Agreeing to do something you think is pointless [Daichi doesnt believe a psychiatrist can help; its a time loop] but he trusts Suga anyway and agrees sincerely.

As a story, it was nothing anyone did.

Daichi just got lucky that when the loop broke he was safe and surrounded by people who would care for him.

Free will and individual agency are massive themes in my stories and perhaps thats just a product of my own current age and experience. I think in a lot of ways I havent quite gotten the hang of it myself even if I understand it in my mind. Understanding it intuitively is a lot harder.

But it gets a little bit easier for me when I can write it out and share it with people like you who care as much for these characters and stories and appreciate them in the same way.

Thank you so much for asking <3 Inbox is always open and yall can message me any time if you wanna chat about anything to just scream. [The chickens in my brain will do their best to scream back.]

[whwie]

okay this happened like two days ago but

so I'm like bantering with him and honestly it's been good, like I genuinely feel I've got our dynamic back whatever that is without me feeling too nervous. like we friends or whateva (this is not me trying to act like it doesn't matter, I genuinely dont know if I'm friends with him((ppl have to really cement it into me that we r)))

anyways we bantering or smth and he makes a joke about me (idk what, it doesn't really matter), towards me and then I'm like exaggerated being like ughhh and then I say "I fucking hate u!" but this like being screamed across a wide room so it's kinda lost it sassy tone and im like oh shit, feeling a bit guilty

and then he says some sarcastic shit like "yeah u definitely hate me, I know that well(?)"

HUH.

the question mark is there bc like its been 2 days and I didn't want mullover it too much so I don't exactly remember what he said but I was like and I'm still like ????????????

I'm definitely overthinking our current banter but like bro like how do u have the balls to idk fucking make jokes at me? with me? LIKE IK UR OBSERVANT THERE'S NO WAY U DONT NOTICE I STILL LIKE U

why am I like pointing out that I'm over thinking, all my diary posts are for overthinking.

anyways im glad we vibing but deep down just a little I'm hurt of what I'm not too sure.

anyways he's fucking stupid, how did this happen, but I mean he's pretty fucking cute so it's whatever ig ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'll just keep looking from the side until,,, idk I don't see him or probably any of the ppl on my floor as often next term.

funny moment time aka me simping:

I got to see him more often in a white tank top and damn. I mean yall don't understand bro I fucking— Sigh. Everytime I see him wearing it I fucking,,, ughhhhhh omfggg,,,, I start being like omg wait i should stick around him more. Sigh I'm a fan. like my last post about him, I was writing that drunk right, but that night he took off him like button up shirt he was wearing on top and bro. my drunk mind shortcircuted. I was like "OMFG" he was playing beer ball in my room and I just turned into SUCH A FAN. and then he left my room :( and then I was like imma go to where he is and then I spent the rest of the night with him and few other friends just talking late into the night. it was an enjoyable night :). can I say he's so fine here or is that weird but maaaaannnnnn...

white tank top on him 10/10—I understand the het girlies and this is why I'm bi

[madame-fear]

i'm just going to ask this because i want to see if i'm alone on this one or not (and warning i'm going to be explicit because there's no other way)

some days ago one person in my fandom posted a fic about oral sex with the bsd characters and the title was that, like, straight up that sentence. and for the record i thought: well i've seen this concept a milion times already, even me i wrote about this a lot of times, nothing new (i even made a bet with myself saying: surely it's going to be the ''does he prefer to give or recieve'' type of fic that was really popular in anime fandoms years ago lmao)

well in any case, it wasn't that specific fic troupe but it alternated between giving and recieving between certain characters. and as i read through it, even if it was good, i thought to myself once more, bro, i've seen this a milion times already. just pwp, the same concept, since i was 17 or so.

and what a surprise when i check the notes. 700, 37 reblogs.

and my problem with this comes here, because, i feel so frustraetd whenever i try to do the same concept, even if it has been reused 100 of times, just because newer stuff doesn't work well for small accounts like mine, because they get ignored. but suddenly, when another account does the same idea i wanted to do, they get so much interaction? like how do you even manage that? i'm 100% sure i could post the same and not even get 10 reblogs (because it has happened) and suddenly another acc does it and they get so many

i'm a petty bitch ik but like- i dont get it. new stuff doesn't work because it's either too much or it gets ignored, the same concept doesn't work either because it's been seen too many times and gets ignored as well, but would you look at that, a bigger account or even someone who only has 100 followers more than me has that many interactions

then this writers come to you saying that interactions don't matter lmfao

My darling love,, don’t even worry about that, I totally get how you feel, this is pretty much universal since it happens in ALL of the fandoms I guess. This is more common in the HOTD fandom than you think!!

Interactions are absolutely fundamental to us writers. And anyone who says otherwise either doesn’t want to admit it, is trying to cheer you up or smth, or I don’t know — but it’s not wrong at all to admit we not only write for our own satisfaction, but as well for interaction. Interaction is what keeps us motivated to write more things, knowing people will see and appreciate your effort by commenting, reblogging, or liking your work.

In the HOTD fandom it happens the exact same. Maybe you write headcanons, or a one shot with a particular plot for a particular character (or several), and maybe you get... At a maximum, 80 notes. But a popular acc does it? They are exploded in notes. 30 reblogs, 300+ likes, 15 comments. Good for them! But perhaps it’s the same reused plot thousands of times and no one even cares about small writers, they just straight up go praising the big accs and exploding them in interactions, while smaller accs are left out.

And for small writers, seeing people favouring certain accounts more than others, that just lowers your motivation and makes you feel like shit; sometimes even making you want to stop writing. So yes, interactions do matter despite anyone else saying otherwise. And trust me I get how you feel because it happened to me so many times that it made me feel awful, like some people don’t even TRY to focus on smaller, new writers. :/

[idyllic-affections]

So quick question, ik your currently in the middle of the Xianzhou Arc but how much do you know about the High Cloud Quintet? Im pretty sure it’s not really mentioned that much in the story quest but i wanna know how much you know about since i have one BIG BRAINROT OF PLATONIC HSR CHARCTER AND READER BREWING that i wanna share but i dont wanna spoil you

All of the vidyadhara are aware they are going to forget everything but they seem to fine with it. They all know when they’re going to be self reincarnate, so im guessing they have some time to wrap up some loose ends. Also about the vidyadhara writing diaries thing, that is actually canon, as some vidyadhara leave diaries, information or heirlooms for their incarnation to inherit. However, many newly reborn vidyadhara lack emotion and are unable to identify sentimental items belonging to their past selves, so any discarded items are resold as trinkets. Which is honestly sad but a good source of angst if you know what i mean ;)

But yeah they cant pass down their lineage which fun fact, caused one of the Xianzhou ship, the Xianzhou Fanghu to cut off most of their communication and trade with the other Xianzhou ships (the reason was they are trying to recuparate from the Third Abundance War)The Xianzhou Fanghu is mostly governed by the Vidyadhara and with how they are trying so hard to avoid their population to decrease (bc again if a viydhara dies, it becomes a very serious issue) i have a feeling it is definitely going to be part of the story quest in the unknown future. (How do i know all this? The HSR wiki and my incessant need to research everything and anything relating to my brainrot :) )

Ok so i sadly havent played the fontaine quest yet (i have no time to play genshin impact and honkai star rail together. So i have to sacrifice one of them T.T) but what do you think of ex fatui agent reader adopting Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet? Am i saying that the reader should adopt anyone who are traumatized by the fatui? Yes. Am i trying to make the “Traumatized by the Fatui support club” bigger? Also yes. Idk i just want some hurt/comfort

Why do i feel like Qingque would run the second she sees her older sibling? Like she’s just slacking off but then her older sibling gets around the corner and she’s just gone. No evidence that she was ever there as she is NOT going to deal with their scolding today. She is immensely scared of their scolding and anytime they come back, she would be uncharacteristically doing her work. Basically Sayu and Kano Nana (a shrine maiden who is tasked to look after our sleepy ninja) vibes

- 🐱 Anon

hi lovely! i know like... nothing at all, but nonetheless, please do send me your brainrot and i'll get around to replying once i know more <33 if you put a spoiler warning at the top, i'll know to scroll past. plus i don't really take spoilers too seriously so don't worry too much!

THEY'RE AWARE?!?! THEY KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN????? i am INSANE about them omgwmevskhnevbf ALSO I LOVE THAT I LOVE BEING RIGHT /lh but ohkhngkhngbg...... that idea is so fascinating to me. it doesn't have to be sentimental, i think. it could just be... information. which i imagine if it were somehow useful to the newer incarnation, they'd be more inclined to keep what was left behind. but at the same time i don't think it matters if they keep it, because i feel like... there's a sort of distinction between incarnations. i feel like it would be wrong to consider them the same people. i imagine there are probably some vidyadharas who lived vastly different lives throughout incarnations. so it feels like there should be a certain amount of... distance and separation between incarnations. so perhaps rather than seeing it as "my past self left something behind for me," it would be more like "my predecessor left something behind for me" because in a way, incarnations could be seen as related, but maybe they shouldn't be seen as the same as one another?!?!?! IDK I'M RAMBLING SORRY

as for lyney lynette and freminet--were they traumatized by the fatui, though? i'm not sure that they were. i don't think they're evil, but i also don't think they were victims of the fatui necessarily and i think they work voluntarily for arlecchino. i think their intentions are good. i do not think the fontaine siblings are evil... but, ex-fatui agent [name] knows better than anyone that the fatui is downright evil and wicked. dottore's affairs generally do not concern the knave, so i think they would be less guarded around the siblings despite knowing that they are fatui, because what are they going to do? tell arlecchino? it doesn't concern her. i also believe [name] would warn them. "i know you all have good intentions," they'd say, "and you want to help, but the fatui does not help. they have never helped. a shitty person can do one good thing, but that does not make them any less of a shitty person." which is in reference to the good thing arle did. didn't she like... murder a creepy old guy?? yeah. i think. anyway. idk if that's canon or not but. [name] wants to help them, they do, but they are not willing to put their family (collei & scara) in danger for some random kids. what those three do is up to them. [name] knows the most vile sides of the fatui very personally. their advice, when it comes to the fatui, is not to be taken lightly. if the fontaine siblings want to run away? great. [name] will help. they've evaded the doctor for years; if he can't catch them, what makes the knave think she could find the siblings if they were helping them hide? she couldn't. simple. but if the siblings don't want to run? fine by [name], but that will be the last time they speak to those three, no matter how much they plead and promise not to utter a word about the fact that they met a highly-coveted fatui escapee.

[name]'s family comes first.

but please note that i haven't done the quest either! so idk how in-character that is for the fontaine siblings.

ANYWAY AIDHSKGJG SHE TOTALLY WOULD. she may have been slacking off before but you BET she is up on her feet and running for her life the second she hears that her big sibling is back.

[bluehwale-main]

hellooo ik its me again spamming inbox again 😁 ykw ykw

i miss u like i legit miss u sm that like i feel like my day is incomplete without talking to u it feels like a hollow yk that emptiness u get after finishing a kdrama thats what im feeling as i write this (becoming too much in love behaviour but its fine cuz i love uu nd being a liz simp is better than living alone without love in ur lifee) that without talking to feels like my day is incomplete but ik u are taking time off to collect ur thoughts achieve mental peace (hoping u get it during ur time off ) nd become calm nd ik how badly negative comments affect a person cuz they never get forgotten they just get buried nd come up whenver u get into a bad headspace but its fine we all get into bad headspaces go thru hard times nd i believe in u can get thru it u can nd take as much time as u need i will waiting for u with open arms to embrace u nd let u rest

nd ykw in a span of 4days sm things happened first i finished all the movies of to all the boys i have loved before but i didnt watvh xo kitty cuz they should made it as a netflix original movie instead of making it as a kdrama + eng series (i rly dont like eng series never watched any 😭😭 cuz i dont feel the connect the way i feel with kdramas ) nd after finishing i was like 😭😭 how do i get such a sweet guy (its an dream which no guy would be able to fulfill ) anw moving on

i tried to talk or more likely comfort a guy he is going thru hard time i can see it on jis fsce no matter how much he tries to mask it it can be seen in his expression nd eyes 😭( i dont like but as a genuine frnd im concerned abt him as i wasnt talking to him for a week ( i get too tired ti socialize in thr evening 😞that i dont text anyone ) so i wrote this a huge block of texting with some advice with some caring words okay nd telling everything will be fine nd all i sent it after 2minutes i was like this is so cringe 😭😭😭😭😭 nd i was like i sound like a girl who has a crush on him ( i dont 😭hes the type of person who has a huge ego nd i dont like egoistic ppl but to me he doesnt shows ego idk why 🥴🥴nd he is kinda dumb )

nd after i deleted i was like think ren thinkkk sm thoughts were going on in my mind like i HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE COMFROTED A GUY let alone have a guy frnd even tho i had one he confessed to me nd the friendship turned into dust 😭 nd from the start i always had female frinds even tho i have some guy frnds but we arent close to be considered frnds like classmate things ykk nd with the guy i wanted to comfort he considers me his frnd but i dont 😭 i have a very peculiar criteria of considering ppl as frnds 😭 but it is what it is so at last i texted him be well nd take care nd i also said it is overhelming to u atm but it will become better trust me he said see u soon i read nd didnt reply cuz idk.what to say 😭😭 nd ykw i suck at comforting guys cuz with girls its like u can say ily to them nd write a long ass message for them nd yk its a connect 😭 like i want a guy who genuinely is only intrested im friendship not in f2l nd i cant even say a guy i love u randomly if i trying to comfort them they might take it literally nd another trouble 😭😭 well i have never said that i dont plan to 😭 anw take careeee have a good day

[chilumi-shipper]

Gosh im so fuckimg nervous this is my first time doing this EVER. Im not even sure if you're accepting reqs rn but I'll risk it. Also im in love with the pAIN. It hurts so good. I keep re reading every angst/fluff u write cuz ik they're all worth it OMIGAD oki,

may i req any angst to fluff with my bby man arataki itto?ㅠㅠ I keep looking for any but to no avail then came across your acc, (been rereading ur works for months i feel like a creep holy shiieet) like idk how u do it because I dont have a specific imagine in my mind OMG TF I talk too much okay I'll go

also ily HEHEH ♡╮ ( ´ ▽ ` ) ╭♡

My Favorite Girl

Arataki Itto x Shrine Maiden!Fem!Reader

Summary: You were definitely an odd couple, but it just worked out. Despite his somewhat idiotic attitude and the fact that he doesn't have a stable income, you loved him with all your heart. Although, you can never tell if he feels the same way about you, he definitely loves you, but... will you ever mean more to him than his gang? Will he ever gleefully talk about you like he talks about his deputy? Will he ever fondly think that you are just so amazing, like how he thinks of Kuki Shinobu?

Part 2

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Despite the Arataki Gang's infamous title of being a pretty rowdy and a troublemaking group of idiots, you were quite fond of them, they're a funny group, never failing to make you laugh, they stick by each other, you have to admire that loyalty, and they make your one and oni the person that he is. You have to appreciate that.

No matter the overwhelming differences between you and Itto, it seems that fate has brought the both of you together, it really shocked many of your fellow Shrine Maidens.

You were given the title of "The Arataki Gang's Honorary Maiden", you treasured that title just as much as you did your official title at the Grand Narukami Shrine. Whenever you could, you'd do some ordinary things for the Gang, just like a normal member would, send out flyers for whatever goofy festival or play or event they may be planning on doing, providing them with food and a shelter if they ever get themselves up to some trouble again, which they frequently do, you're the one that Ushi goes to for comfort when he sometimes gets fed up by all the stupidity around him, you're even the person to find if anyone of them manage to find themselves in a cell.

"Y/N!" You hear Itto's energetic voice call for you, though it wasn't only you he managed to get the attention of. As always, he manages to get everyone's attention at the shrine whenever he visits.

As the gang approaches you, all smiles like the usual, (except when their smiles linger with the look of guilt when they need to tell you that they messed something up) you see a familiar girl with green hair walk with them.

"Check it out! An official new member of the Arataki Gang." The way Itto spoke makes it obvious that he's so proud, you understood of course, nobody really wanted to join them before because of their neverending... conflicts.

Their happy expressions were contagious, you also couldn't help but smile. "Oh, I feel like I've seen you from somewhere." You directed your words to the masked girl. She seems to turn flustered scratching the back of her head.

"Yeahhhhh... I was here the other day... with my mother..." When the girl answered, it finally clicked, the other day, a woman and her daughter were arguing there at the shrine, the mother talking about her daughter being a shrine maiden, with a stable income and a good future and all that, whilst the daughter was arguing that the job just wasn't for her.

"Ohh, yeah, I remember now!" You smiled sweetly at the girl, unknowing of the blush that she hid behind her mask when you showed such warmth towards her. "I guess you found your real passion now."

Itto crossed his arms proudly. "That's right! This is Kuki Shinobu! Our new member, just thought I should introduce you two to each other, but now that seems unnecessary." Itto looked at the green haired girl.

"Heh, good thing Shinobu didn't choose to be a boring old Shrine Maiden." Mamoru, one of the members of the gang, stated, instantly getting elbowed by Genta.

"You idiot! Do you know where we are?!"

You took no offense, even laughing at their poor attempt of covering what he said.

"Oh, no offense, Y/N." Mamoru said sheepishly, "We like you! You aren't one of those stick in the mud Shrine Maidens!" Another elbow from Genta stopped him from speaking, as you pretend to be oblivious of the dirty glares they were getting from your co-workers.

"Well, we should definitely be going now!" Itto leaned down a bit, stealing a kiss on your lips as a goodbye. "I'll see you back home." His words were gentler when his forehead is pressed against yours.

"Try not to get arrested again." You whispered back, just as gentle despite the meaning of your words. "Or else I might how to cuddle with Ushi again tonight."

"Not gonna happen." Another kiss and he was off with his gang.

...

...

...

After that... it was like you've been replaced.

Ever so slowly did it show that you were no longer needed in the group. Kuki Shinobu was one amazing addition, so much so that she became a Deputy Leader a week after her arrival.

It seems like you're gently being pushed away, it felt like now that you have a replacement, they don't want you anymore.

You no longer received news about the group, it's like you're not gonna be invited to any more card games and beetle fights and 'festivals'.

At first you understood, you were kinda always busy, you aren't always gonna be there, so it's great that the idiots have someone to have their backs and get them out of trouble when you're not around.

"Where are you going?" You were standing behind Itto, as he was about to leave through the front door. He never mentioned any affairs he had to go to that night.

Itto looked back at you and smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head and said, "I've got some things planned with the gang. Is it okay if I come home late?"

You gulped, looking down a bit. "Y-Yeah, okay, sure." His smile turned bigger, going up to you and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"Great! Thanks!" He left eagerly, whilst you sighed and tried to endure a wave of disappointment.

You walked to the kitchen, "He forgot..." You felt a tear run down your cheek, your hand quick to wipe it away as you take the pot of Itto's favorite off the stove and transferring a portion for yourself on a plate, the rest you just plan to give away to the nice seniors living next door.

Maybe it was just you that felt off with the changes, feeling bad that you don't get to spend as much time with your beloved as much as you would want to. But then again, that could just be you being overly attached.

Maybe it was just your own insecurities speaking when you see that Itto holds so much adoration for Shinobu, adoration that he has never showed to anyone before.

Maybe it was just your own jealous thoughts taking over when Itto keeps bailing on you and your plans in favor of going with his gang.

And from feeling like you're no longer a part of the Arataki Gang, it went to feeling like you were no longer an important part of Itto's life.

"Shinobu's basically the best gal there is!" He thinks so highly of her, you can't help but let jealousy cloud your mind. You were at the same restaurant they happen to walk into just now.

You knew it was wrong, but you listen in on the group's conversation, "She just got her school certificate from that big shot school in Liyue! We gotta celebrate!" You thought that eating at the restaurant might give you some time to think and feel relaxed, but it would seem like there was just a constant feeling eating at your skin everytime you think about the ever closing relationship between Itto and Shinobu.

"Hey, how about Tuesday next week, boss? I hear that there's gonna be this massive star shower that night."

"It's called a meteor shower, you idiot!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool! Remember that nice spot we set up our Drumalong Festival? Let's celebrate there again. I bet we get a clear shot of the beautiful sky there!" Itto suggested as you feel your heart sink a bit.

"It's not like I have anything planned, we can get started getting the things we need to celebrate now." Tears started to burn your eyes, you couldn't help but just look down at your food, feeling devastated about what you heard.

Next Tuesday is your birthday.

You thought that maybe it would be nice to go on a night picnic with him and watch the nice show in the sky, you aren't much for big celebrations with tons of people, heck, you'd rather have Itto bring his gang along, they always makes things fun and entertaining.

You had it all planned out in your head too, you thought that it would make up for all the time that you lost when he would bail on you. You already asked him to join you a few days ago, it seems that he forgot that he agreed.

But at least now, you're absolutely sure of what you are to Itto now.

...You had your great times with him.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

"You're leaving?" Itto sounded like a kicked puppy, looking at your back as you pack a portion of your clothes into a bag.

You didn't bother looking at him, continuing to pack as you answered, "Y-Yeah, I have to go to Watatsumi Island for work stuff." You noticed that your voice started trembling, so you kept your answer short.

Itto looked over your shoulder, seeing a big pile of items in your bag. "That's a lot of stuff. Are you staying there for like... a week or something?" He chuckled, though it sounded as if it was in uncertainty, he really hopes you're not gonna be gone that long.

You sniff, you feel that your eyes are a bit sore from crying yourself to sleep the past few days. You felt fatigue, hopelessness, heartbreak, all that just in the span of a few days.

"A month, actually?"

The Oni almost couldn't believe his ears. "W-What? That's so long." He tried laughing a bit to ease a bit of the shock he felt, yet his laugh only came out awkward and confused.

"It's not like you'll notice I'm gone." It was what you wanted to say, however you kept it in.

"A-Alright, when will you be leaving? I can help you haul you stuff to the boat." You zipped up your bag before finally looking back at him.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at your face, it's not the first time these past few days that he didn't notice the tired look in your eyes.

You took something out from your pocket, taking out a purple envelope, you brought Itto's attention to the object.

Today is your birthday the festival in Kuki Shinobu's honor. And today is also the day that special meteor shower will be happening.

He still hasn't realized.

"Hey, isn't that the envelope for our festival. We'll go there together tonight, right?" He smiled sweetly at you, you were gonna miss that pure smile of his.

"Actually..." You sighed, handing him the invitation. "I'm l-leaving tonight, so you don't have to come see me off at the docks." You felt your heart ache as you see his face visible fall.

"O-Ohh..." It was a rare sight, Itto was at a lost for words, and despite your frustrations, your annoyance of being pushed away and being forgotten, you stepped closer to him before leaning down and kissing his forehead. "That soon, huh?"

"...Yeah." You shoved all the negative emotions down, hoping that your long trip to Watatsumi will clear your mind and void you of all the bad feelings you've been getting.

Itto's big arms wrapped around your form, he was sat on the bed as you were standing up, he rested his head on your stomach, feeling his disappointment grow by the second.

And he doesn't know why, but... there's been a part of his subconscious eating away at him all day, like... he's missing something important.

You pull away from the embrace much to your lover's dismay. You caress his face, smiling as he leaned in to your touch. This was actually one of the few moments that you get to spend time with him that isn't just you two getting ready for bed and sleeping.

"This is possibly one of the last moments I'll have with you."

You try not to let your tears spill out, you think that when you leave, he'll finally realize that... he doesn't need you...

A litte Shrine Maiden, boring and dull, in contrast with his exciting and kind of stupid way of living. You start looking back at what people have said about you relationship.

It's just a fever dream, it won't last.

He'll probably get tired of her soon enough.

She's just getting herself into more trouble being with an Oni. Especially that idiotic one.

You've never cared for what people have said about you, but they seem to be proving true right now.

You look into his eyes, smiling before leaning down for a kiss.

"One last kiss... Before I let you go..."

The man before you felt a strange feeling as you kissed him, the kiss was so passionate, yet it seemed full of sadness.

He shook off the weird feeling.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Itto sits at the docks of Ritou, waiting for a boat that would have the love of his life on it. There was a neatly wrapped present beside him, inside contained a beautiful jade necklace he bought with a portion of his saved up mora, along with a letter he poured all his feelings for you onto.

It has been 1 month 2 weeks and 3 days...

You were just a little bit behind on the schedule, he convinced himself. At some point, you'll be waving your hand, greeting him before you even come to the docks. He'll be coming to the docks everyday with the present until the day comes.

He's got a whole apology speech as well! If you got mad at him and chose to take the job at Watatsumi because he forgot your birthday, he has been practicing the words he wants to say to you.

He really misses you.

On your birthday, the meteor shower could apparently be seen from all over Inazuma, so chances are, you probably saw the glimmering stars as well. He just wished that he could have been with you.

Itto has been beating himself up for forgetting about your day ever since you left. He's been going to the Grand Narukami Shrine and have asked your co-workers almost single day about when you will come back and if there's any way you can come back early, they never give a preferable answer.

He understood the tired look you had now, the sadness in your eyes when he would come home late. You probably felt so alone when he's been going out so much, barely ever checking up on you, only ever being in the house to sleep and then leave immediately.

Itto held on to the precious moment you shared before you left, as he selfishly chose to go to the festival instead of bidding you goodbye, the last time he saw you was in your shared house. The sweet kiss you shared lingered in his mind, he clung onto that memory in hopes that you're not too mad at him to just up and leave and never come back.

"Woah... Didn't see you there, Beefcake." Despite trying to put some enthusiasm in his voice, the sadness the Oni felt was to obvious to mask.

Ushi slid by his side, looking at the see that his owner was previously staring at. Itto chuckled at the bull's action. "Yeah, I miss her too." He couldn't help but sigh.

The little animal reached for it's side, and it caught Itto by surprise when Ushi pulled out a single rose, before looking back to the horizon again.

"Hah, well, it looks like my competition for my Y/N's love is back huh?" He smiled. "Have you got a speech of your own ready?"

Ushi looked at his owner unimpressed, nodding before laying the rose on top of Itto's present.

Behind them, Kuki Shinobu was standing, feeling ever so empathetic for the two souls that seem to have lost their light.

The gang has been like her family, including you, even if you weren't around as often as the other members, you were the one that always made her comfortable, you were witty but also a fun person to be around with. If it weren't for you telling her that her path should be hers to choose on the day her mother forced her to go to the Grand Narukami Shrine, she would have never ended up with such amazing people.

She looked behind her, where Akira, Genta, Mamoru stood.

"Looks like we're going to Watatsumi Island."

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

There'll be a part 2, just don't know when ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wrote this in very small increments over the course of two weeks, and the last part I literally wrote when I'm laying in bed at 3 am with 10% battery.

Anon, I hope you like it. I'm sorry if it's not Angst to Fluff yet like you asked, but it's kinda ling and I'm a bit tired. Still, thanks so much fir the request, I actually quite enjoyed thinking about this and writing this.

[makiema]

finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel. 

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

 Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is  both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part: 

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway,  this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is: 

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about  is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have: 

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is: 

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is  smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt  find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to  up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:  

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human. 

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol. 

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer) 

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya. 

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer. 

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon. 

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

HI i just wanted to say that i really enjoy your twilight metas (as those are the only ones ive read so far) and you're a genius. it's awesome to me how realistically you think about characters and the plot, which i have never been able to do because i always get confused. thank you especially for your post about jacob and how the fandom treats him bc ive always had mixed feelings! i love him (the fanon/new moon him ofc) but i also felt rly weird about the whole SA thing, especially as a brown boy thats been villainized (i didnt SA anyone i just realized how that sounds) i understood that it had racist roots but it still...happened, yk? anyways u put it beautifully and its alot easier to understand how i feel about him now. also like everything else u post about!! i despise the cullens w my every being but its so entertaining to see their dynamic and actions laid out. mostly bc it solidifies my hatred but anyways. they also kind of change my views on other characters, like i always kinda liked bella (i dont like alot of things she does but alot of the fan content i see on her made her feel rly relatable) and its rly interesting to see that she would be a kind of absent parent, bc id never considered it like that and it makes so much sense and woah. u have so much evidence to back up ur theories and opinions too--i tend to get lost in fanon but i dont rly do that w ur posts! even ones where ur spitballing its just muah chefs kiss i love. i write alot of self fulfilling fanfiction and tbh it does not feel the same when the characters r too ooc and ur posts have helped a fuck ton! ur super cool and i love ur stuff keep going :)

i do have some questions tho u dont have to acknowledge it at all and ik you tend to focus more on the cullens, but what do you think the wolf pack is like now that jacob, leah, and seth have left, and now that they have so many new members? do you think any other girls would have shifted and how would they be treated? ik leah was kind of alienated in canon not only bc shes a girl but also bc of her feelings, and i cant tell if the pack would be wary of her/treat her the same as leah, or if they would have learned their lesson.

have a good day!

Well first, thank you, I'm very flattered. I'm going to go ahead and acknowledge @therealvinelle here as well as she's I believe the one who originally posted the post about the very complicated topic of Jacob Black and his terrible choices throughout the series.

As for your questions there are a few pack questions in my inbox but it's mostly a matter that people keep asking questions about Bella and she keeps getting eaten.

Also, I'm not sure you want me answering these questions. Like all of Twilight, it's a bleak pit of despair.

But here we go

What About the Pack/Tribe After Breaking Dawn

There's a lot of shit going on in the tribe right now. Jacob leaving is just part of it.

They have an unprecedented number of shifters in the community and that's going to spell... a lot of issues in the years to come.

Namely, per Sam and Emily, domestic violence will be through the roof and kept very hushed up for the understandable reason of these people look like they were mauled by bears. This will also likely increase the number of deaths in the tribe, especially among those who are young. Accidents happen, it's not good, this is going to have a devastating impact on the people.

You also have a lot of angry, disaffected, young men who can no longer really be a part of society. They can't really attend school, can't even really leave the reservation for fear of turning into a wolf, they can't hold a job, at the age of nineteen or younger they each had their futures ripped away from them.

Some, Seth, handle this very well (possibly because he hasn't clued into what this means yet), others like Jake... do not. These people have had their lives turned upside down and in some cases utterly ruined: that's not good in any society.

Then you have the imprinting, lord, the imprinting.

To date, there's the Sam, Emily, and Leah disaster. The three of them handled it very well, but it still utterly destroyed Leah's life and emotional stability. Not helping, of course, is that Leah has had her very identity taken from her, has no privacy, and her only option of escape is to follow Jacob around which... we'll get to in a few paragraphs.

Added to that, you have the Claire/Quil disaster, in which the tribe is desperately trying to handle it by a) keeping it very quiet b) trying to make Quil just be the babysitter. That's unlikely to work out for them and is just angstfest all around and no one's fault.

And then, of course, Jacob/Renesmee. Jacob, having now imprinted, will follow Renesmee to the ends of the earth. He has no other purpose now. Which means that Leah and Seth, who are in his pack, get to follow along and uproot their lives. For the tribe this means they'll never be rid of the Cullens, not truly, and Billy has lost his son entirely. Not to mention it's guaranteed to go awful places.

Then you have the paternity questions this whole thing drudges up, the trauma of these children having to be sacred warriors and having slaughtered demons with human faces, many of whom were also once children and more.

The tribe and the pack are a goddamn mess.

Jacob imprinting on the Cullen hybrid daughter and leaving the tribe? Yeah, it's weird and no one likes it, but that isn't even the peak of the nonsense these people have to deal with.

Would the Other Girls Shift?

No.

Leah seems to have won the genetic shitty lottery. In 600 years of shifting, there has never been another woman, and Leah has all shifting bloodlines in her veins.

It seems Leah was just very unlucky.

Were other girls to shift I imagine they'd face much the same situation. Suddenly teenage boys are witnessing them naked, all the time, they have no choice to become sacred warriors (a role not typically meant for women and which will very much feel like 'the boy's club') and I don't get the idea that anyone learned anything from Leah.

Jake certainly didn't, he just thought she was Uber Bitch until she begged him to let her in his new pack and reminded him she was a human being with feelings.

The concept genuinely had not occurred to him.

TL;DR Remember kids, Twilight is despair

[liquidstar]

hi with this post going around i wanna copypaste some replies i left in response to another reblog too. the rebloger was saying that its also okay to enjoy problematic content (which, to be clear, i agreed with on a base level, but felt it needed more context since that can often be code for something much less nuanced)

this one should come with a bit of a disclaimer about whatever the thing youre enjoying is and in what way though. thoughtcrimes arent real, but actively choosing to watch lolicon hentai is a conscious decision. though ik thats not what youre talking abt here, i just feel like its something important to bring up, bc of how these types of discussions can get warped to mean "my frozen incest fanfiction is actually totally ok and if you disagree youre harming ppl w OCD" which i dont want the take away to be. i dont want ppl to use vague stereotypes of my disorder as a talking point to justify that kind of shit- because thats not the point and also doesnt help people with OCD at all! esp with POCD to be lumped together with... that crowed. again ik thats not what you mean im just saying it to clarify the slippery slope before someone takes it there for real! critical thought is important at all turns and such. and people with OCD are not incapable of critical thought, or understanding when media can actually be harmful in the real world. we still know how to separate the two, as should most people. that's what i mean by the response to it mattering more than the act of consuming. we might struggle a bit more with aspects of this, usually in the mental side (ruminations and obsessions) and thought crimes arent real! but actual actions are!

unfortunately, you wont actually see these replies if you check the comments (which is why i added them here). because i was blocked seconds after leaving them. apparently, even though i gave the responder the benefit of the doubt with the whole "slippery slope" of "yeah! fiction doesnt effect reality! lets all draw explicit content of children!" i checked and they... actually did in fact write what seems to be voltron pedoincest fanfiction and had "antis dni" in their bio (i missed that somehow, honestly thats on me). i think they also deleted their reblog, so i doubt people will find them. which is for the best because im not trying to get harassment sent anyones way either.

but this is still exactly what i was afraid of- our disorder being used as a talking point for the same stupid pedantic tumblr discourse that was the issue to begin with. being used as if we're not autonomous people who can make our own choices regarding media consumption, but rather an objectified hypothetical to get a moral one-upping in the black-and-white view of the outgroup. stop that shit. if youre here to do that either way YOU are part of the problem. you are not helping those with OCD this way. and the second that is pointed out you will delete the post supporting them and block the op? fuck you!

and the thing is, in terms of OCD, ANY mentality with a set of morals presented as all-or-nothing black-and-white is harmful. if youre seeing this and thinking it "dunks" on the other side of the discourse, youre missing the point. because the other side does the exact same shit. in this case, the argument with that "pro" crowed is basically "either all media depictions of xyz are good, or all media depictions of xyz are bad, and since i enjoy some depictions of xyz then they must all be good, and anyone who says otherwise is an evil anti" (aforementioned black-and-white thinking).

so with that, you posit the idea that anyone who has any sort of critical thought or issues with certain tropes of depictions of sensitive topics in any piece of media ever, must be an Evil Puritanical Conservative, ergo you have to never voice critique in media or the way it's engaged with. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT BETTER FOR PEOPLE WITH MORAL OCD? YOU ARE JUST AS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!

dont you dare use this shit as a talking point in your pedantic discourse when the whole point of the post is THATS THE ISSUE TO BEGIN WITH! this shit is just as much the root of the problem as what i was talking about in the post. dont use this shit to outright tell us that we cant think for ourselves and have to go by your stringent unnuanced discourse as a guide. thats the issue. thats the problem i was talking about to begin with. YOU just as much are the voice of the fictional tumblr discourser inside our heads, youre just using different buzzwords. and this site continues to be awful to people with OCD. fellow OCDers do yourselves a favor and, like me, get the fuck out of these groups.

look this site really is awful for ppl with OCD so i just wanna reassure anyone that you are not Tainted Forever for consuming a piece of media with questionable content. the fact that youre able to recognize it speaks to your critical thinking skills, which is good, certain depictions should be critiqued. but you dont need to ruminate on it to the point where you begin to feel guilty for simply witnessing gross or creepy writing choices. you dont have to vindicate yourself to the fictional tumblr discourser inside your head, saying that youre now a bad person bc you watched the wrong anime. your actual response to it still matters of course, but thats that and this is this. just seeing it is neutral, you didnt commit a thought crime. its literally fine.

[onemillionvolts]

GM CYNO

what if i told you every single question in the ask game should be answered, that or WHO IS THE SEXUEST PERSIN THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

GOOD MORNING HI HI. BET. im gonna do all of them you bet i wont but i will. youre the best for this btw

IMMEDIATELY? PFFFF HOW LONG DO U HAVE LET ME GET MY LIST

0. height

i yam 5 foot 6 (and a half)

1. virgin?

what the fuck did you just call me? /lhj

anyways in my head yes i am and thats what matters isnt it

2. shoe size

i wear 11s and god i wish that thing people say about shoe size was true 🤙

3 + 4 + 5. do you smoke/drink/do drugs

no and i never plan to <33

6. age you get mistaken for

i.. honestly have no answer to this tbh

7 + 8. do you have (and/or want) any tattoos?

i don't have any, i'd like one/some but i'm not really sure what i'd get

9 + 10. do you have/want any piercings

no to both PFFFF i think like... a clip on lip piercing would probably be my personal limit

11. best friend

...ego stroker much, tumblr user wangshu? /t PFFFFF

12. relationship status

harem with fake 2d men single. yeah uh. single

13. biggest turn ons

tbh... i cant think of any off the top of my head that aren't painfully obvious

14. biggest turn offs

ducklips iykyk

15. favorite movie

i'm not kidding when i say step brothers. but if you want a more respectable answer, nightmare before christmas

16. i'll love you if

you aren't an asshole??? i mean ik it's hypocritical of me to say but cmon

17. someone you miss

i've lost a lot of family over the years so probably someone there tbh

18. most traumatic experience

when my ex lived with me and i wish i was joking it was that fucking bad

19. A fact about your personality

which one /hj

i do think.. i overcompensate a lot by trying to be funny bc i dont feel like i HAVE a personality so there's that about me

20. What i hate most about myself

mm thats a toughie it could be the appearance or the voice or the attachment issues or the codependency issues or the jealousy issues or the mood swings or the weak immune system or the several mental illnesses or holy shit this is turning into a pity party

21. what i love most about myself

im an alright writer i guess? and id like to think i'm a good friend

22. what i want to be when i get older

i just wanna write man idc what

23. my relationship with my sibling(s)

i have 0 of them

24. my relationship with my parents

my moms cool but the less said about my dad the better

25. my idea of the perfect date

literally just staying in and watching a movie with snacks and stuff... honestly never thought about it much

26. My biggest pet peeves

UM UM um people who think the world revolves around them people who don't know the difference between their there and they're um people who Unironically Capitalize Every Word Like This oh i could go on

27. a description of the person i like

big hat dumb bowlcut open kimono /j

28. description of the person i dislike the most

um literally jusr my dad so. narcissistic explosive annoying abusive etc etc

29. A reason i've lied to a friend

only time i'm lyin is when i say tiggy ain't best boy 💯

30. what i hate most about work/school

it kinda semi interferes w my night owl ways but otherwise i'm chill

31. what your last text message says

gonna use actual texts cause using disc is too easy 👹 it was just me asking my mom if she wanted a drink from mcdonalds from last sunday

32. what words upset me the most

does this mean like. just words you hate or a phrase/sentence that upsets u...

uh i'll do it both ways. the word bussin makes me want to fall down an abyss a la childe ajax tartaglia

and uh. i hate being told i don't do enough, specifically by people who don't do jack shit in the first place. AGAIN iykyk

33. what words make me feel best abt myself

oh it was the second thing. honestly don't hve an answer to this but i just hold onto any compliment i get for actual years so there's that about me

34. what i find attractive in women

eyes its eyes

35. what i find attractive in men

sense of humor tbh

36. where i would like to live

somewhere close to a big city so that it isn't massively crowded and loud and overwhelming all the time but i'm close enough to stores and hospitals and all that stuff

37. One of my insecurities

i feel like this has already been asked in like 6 different ways.. prolly my body tho

38. my childhood career choice

honestly i've.. always been kinda laughably indecisive about this type of thing. i never wanted to be like, an astronaut or fireman or any of the cliche stuff that kids talk about i.. don't think i ever thought of it actually

39. my favorite ice cream flavor

cookies n cream 👹 specifically like a cookies n cream cheesecake blizzard from like dq or culvers.. that shit is unmatched

40. Who i wish i could be

a mentally stable person or cyno genshin (real)

41. where i want to be right now

in bed <///3

42. the last thing i ate

leftover pizza <3

43. SEXIEST PERSON THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

TIGHNARI FINAL ANSWRR I DONT PERCEIVE REAL PEOPLE

44. a random fact about anything

all odd numbers contain the letter E

GOLLY THIS WAS SO FUN.

[sour-n-salty-citrus]

Do you like the backstory for rick? Idk I kinda preferred it when Rick's past was a complete mystery and i dont really care about diane at all. I didn't expect the writers to actually write a canon for him either but I guess they realised how much the audience wanted one for him

Ajdjdjeidjs ack, I'll be honest I'm not... keen on it.

(Bolly-quinn actually puts it into words well how I feel about Rick's backstory here)

I liked the mystery element of his backstory! I know it's always exciting to have things in canon, but like... it being open to interpretation was something I always appreciated.

And... ugh, hoo boy. I'm torn. I mean, I love that Rick is completely different from what dudebros and like- "high iq" redditors present him as. He's a man who loved his wife and daughter, loved them so much he would rather give up travelling the multiverse, becoming a genius scientist, just to stay with them. He was vulnerable, soft, and caring. He wasn't nihilistic and reckless and selfish and some "alpha male who wouldn't let anything tie him down". He was ridiculously romantic, optimistic, sweet and loving, and maybe even kind.

And I don't give a shit.

I don't! I don't care. This might sound incredibly cruel and unfair, but I don't care that Rick lost his family.

Ok- let me explain.

I'm... disappointed. I'm disappointed that losing Beth and Diane is all it was that made Rick into the complete and utter monster he is today (or the start of the series anyway). I don't mean to undermine his loss and grief- at all! It's just... for him to go on a (seemingly decades long) killing spree, slaughtering any version of himself he seemed to come across... christ. Maybe in his eyes, they were all as bad as that One. Which is understandable. I'm very lucky to have not experienced that kind of loss. I haven't had to Grieve the way Rick did. Maybe I just don't get it, because I've never felt it. That's fair.

It just felt... god, I don't want to say excessive. I know, people process grief in different ways, and for some it manifests in unhealthy ways, some lash out at the world, fixate on trying to find an explanation, to find justice, etc. And I like how Rick was an absolute inconsolable wreck at first. Something like that, it needs time to process and overcome before you can start moving again.

I just- I don't know. Something rubbed me the wrong way about it all.

It's like- it's not that I wanted Rick to have spent all that time partying or something. It's just- argh, i don't know! Maybe someone else can put it into better words lol.

I hate that he immediately jumped into not giving a single shit about other people (save birdperson and squanchy!). Like- when he blew up those aliens who gave him whatever it was he needed. Ah- ok, they probably weren't exactly innocent or anything, but still. I think it was just I felt if we ever saw Rick's backstory, I'd want it to be a slow decline into who he is, show him gradually losing so much of his morality and becoming so jaded. Idk i guess i just wanted it to be like, a series of significant (and lesser but still important) events that lead to him going down that path rather than- this ONE thing that just apparently completely ruined him? And yeah ik ik it was a BIG thing, but like- i guess i was expecting.... more? Maybe something like idk Rick trying to save all the other Beths and Dianes and failing, idk, just... something more.

I actually would have preferred it if Diane lived. I dont know, I just- man I really hate the dead wife/daughter turns ordinary man into callous asshole trope. I agree, it's hard to really care all that much for Diane, and for a while I couldn't understand why. I thought, idk, is it internalised misogyny? Do I just not like Diane because I want to ship Rick with someone else?

I think I get it now. Diane, for all her significance in Rick's backstory, just... isn't a character. She's just- the motivation Rick needed to kick off the story. You could replace her with literally anybody else Rick could have loved and it wouldn't feel any different. She just doesn't feel special. She's no more unique than any other Dead Wife. We get nothing, literally nothing of her. I kept thinking, why? Why does this just not hit that hard? Rick's had emotional moments with Beth, with Birdperson, even with Summer and Jerry. And then I got it- it doesn't feel earned. It felt like how you feel when you see side characters or extras in the background of an action movie die. Maybe some faint sadness, but mainly nothing. We as an audience get nothing from Diane, we don't know her, don't get to see how she matters to Rick, don't get to see her relationship with Rick, we don't get any chance to connect with her character. So when she dies and Rick gets his montage of seeking revenge, it doesn't feel earned. It feels more like I'm being told about how this guy suffered than really seeing it (which i believe, may have been the writers intention actually...). It's kind of like a feeling of "damn that sucks bro... and?". There's no real heavy emotional response that I could really get from it...

I actually would have preferred if Rick and Diane broke up, divorced. I feel like that would offer so much more for them BOTH as chatacters. Instead of their relationship being happy and sunshine and rainbows until a Big Bad came in and took that away, I'd prefer it if Rick's downfall was just... his fault. (Actually His fault.) If his marriage fell apart because he couldn't make it work. If he estranged his daughter because he couldn't properly handle fatherhood, despite loving her. If he was flawed, terribly flawed, because of his own misjudgement and shortcomings. I guess my biggest problem, is that this is presented as someone having the perfect life, which is then taken away as a result of someone Else. It's too easy to then say, oh, it's not his fault he's like that! He had his heart broken, his life ruined! He lost himself in a revenge spree, poor thing... I'd have rathered if it was just a little bit more... realistic? If Rick had been the root cause of his own problems. If he'd experienced tragedy, but also been the cause of much more. I just wish there'd been more of a balance? It just felt so rushed. And not because of the montage- it just like Rick became completely apathetic way too fast. I just hate hate HATE the "he was a good guy with the perfect little life until tragedy struck and he was never the same". Rick never made the effort to improve his life, to do better, to be better. He's actively a cruel, callous, unkind person (complex, yes, but these are traits no one can deny he harbours). He's done far worse than was done to him, and that will never be justifiable to me... it just all feels so very cliche and out of place, and out of everything, this was the one thing I had hoped they wouldn't do.

I think the writers are aware of this, strangely enough. I mean, Rick even calls it his "crybaby backstory". I think they didn't want to leave it open any longer, and just got it out of the way. I don't think they really want to elaborate on it anymore. From what I predict, they want to focus on the here and now of Rick (and Morty, haha), and the development of who Rick is NOW, instead of who he WAS. I think they kind of just went, here's your gut-punch, your tragic backstory, now leave it alone. Diane is dead, Rick had a hard past, the series is about moving on and change. Now can we PLEASE get back to the sci-fi shenanigans?

(There was something I LOVED about the backstory though, and that was the soundtrack! Like the music for the Battle of Bloodridge, it fucking SLAPPPEDDDD. I can't imagine making synthwave emotional, but it actually kind of worked! The swell of the music actually did a lot more for getting a reaction out of me than the content lmaooo. It kind of reminded me of Kurzegast's "optimistic nihilism" for some reason... I actually liked the Bloodridge track so much, it got me a little into synthwave, which i never listened to before! The music producers this season have just KILLED IT!)

[isaksforelsket]

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[kimtaegis]

WOMAN HIIII!!!!💖💖HOW IS MY ANGEL DOINGG??? babi i love youuuu<333 sooo i wanted to let uk that im doing find and i wanted to check in on u too!! anywasyysysysy i saw a couple of posts abt u being overwhelmed and im aware of u feeling this way, u do quite sometimes and just like the prev times, firstly i wanna say that i understand. and i feel the same way most of the time. uk when i had just become an army i spent a lot of time being an army w/o any social media and i still like the vibes of that time than my time spent on tumblr/exploring twt. anyways, i just wanna say that its okay and u should give yourself a break. pls take care of yoself. watch run btw or wtw and dont follow the updates. will 100% give u peace. like, trust me on this one.

secondly, abt u feeling,,,,,, insignificant. woman. w all due respect, shut the genuine fuck up. do u not know how impactful are u?!?!? do u not know how amazing u are?? ure literally an angel okay?? irdk what my tumblr feed wouldve looked like if it werent for u. ure amazing. ure kind. ure beautiful inside out. yes not millions know u/follow u but u still matter to a lot of ppl and thats enough. its not imp to be at the top,,, ultimately if u think abt it even bts have pretty much each other and a few friends outside of it and thas allll that matters hon. everyone has a diff journey and we should never compare ourselves w others. i struggle w it too and ik its easier said than done but when u stop comparing yourself even for just a bit, u see how bful and mess free life is.

sometimes i feel like these long paras may be annoying for u like no one asked n**ka fkn relax😬but i really wish to like,,,,, be there for u if that makes sense??? no? okay. in short, ure free to bin it if u dont want this but i hope u can feel better by reading this. and even replying or not replying, keeping it priv or wtw its all upto u. i just cant see one of the most bful souls ive ever met being sad and overwhelmed :(

chugg that water down baby, helps wonders<3 listen to some music, dance to some hoe songs (fkn mood imo) or just dance in general. let that adrenaline kick in and... wlel imma stop talking now🤣😅babe ill see u mf sooonnn!! take care<33 million kithies for u and holding yo hand like tae does yoon's :3 💖💖💖 (🐯)

hello my sweetest love! It’s so good to hear from you, I’m glad that you’re doing well 💞 I hope you don’t mind a rather short answer from me this time around; I am incredibly grateful for everything you said and it’s really comforting to know that you care about me enough to take time out of your day to write me these lovely messages, I still don’t know how I deserve that 💔 I’ve gone through a really tough episode recently, and while yes, it had also to do with some stuff that had happened on tumblr, it was mostly triggered by my actual real life fears and problems. I think I’m getting better at taking a step back from here when I feel overwhelmed by content, my own negativity and/ or fears that I have and that’s good! I also think that I won’t be sharing so much of my mental instability anymore on here lmao, and just stay offline when I’m feeling bad. So that’s why I won’t talk more in depth about what you said in this ask, I really do hope that’s okay 💘 I adore you so much for cheering me on and making me smile (and blush!!) so much with your sweet compliments, you really make my heart flutter babe! I’m repeating myself but – thank you, so so much. You always make me feel better about myself and what I do and I’m just so utterly thankful. I love you, take care!! ❤️❤️