#my therapist wanted me to practice positive self thoughts

[lokislittlesigyn]

Isnt knocking supposed to Ask people if you can come in? Not just? Serve as a signal you Are coming in? :’)))))) gosh I am shaking

[papyrus-in-practice]

IT'S WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY, FOLKS!!!!

So, I wanted to post something a bit different!

A common prompt I use with my clients is a positive affirmation jar which is a project in which the client decorates a jar and writes positive affirmation on slips of paper to keep in the jar. In the case that I run out of jars, I make boxes out of paper. A couple weeks ago, I had an idea while and that was to fuse this prompt and Superhero Therapy.

Superhero therapy was initially conceptualized as a form of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that used superheroes or other characters from media to facilitate the acceptance of oneself and one’s emotions and the commitment to move forward. 

Clients engaging in superhero therapy may be prompted to reflect on their own experiences in life and identify a “superhero” they may relate to or look up to. “Superheroes” don’t have to be the cape-wearing people with superhuman abilities. They can be any characters we find in any media. What defines a “superhero” in superhero therapy is a character that you can relate to on some level and one that possesses strength, wisdom, or other traits you admire. 

Especially when diving into the topic of change, clients might be encouraged to imagine: if that “superhero” showed up at the exact moment you needed them the most, what kind of message would they tell you? This prompt takes that part and creates a physical object that can relay those messages when you need it most. 

Basically, what I did is I thought of characters that I felt I could relate to or look up to. These are my “superheroes”, characters that have strength, wisdom, or another trait that I admire. I drew these characters out and collaged them onto a box.

After the box was done, I wrote short lines that each character might say to me during times when I need encouragement the most. I made sure to label each one so I knew who was talking. I'm still adding some messages, so it's almost "done".

Since I tend to need encouragement the most when I’m at work, I put it in my office!

It was a fun project and I wanted to share it with y’all.

Quick disclaimer, this isn’t therapy nor any kind of substitute for therapy. This is more of a project I did to essentially play-test a prompt. Still, I think other folks could benefit from doing it, too. We’ve all got our own self-defeating thoughts rampaging through our brains and, sometimes, we need a reminder from our inspirations to direct us towards our values. Superhero therapy is a lot about naming and recognizing our unhelpful thoughts as thoughts. Then, we make the commitment by pursuing our values through the characters we admire

Characters from left to right:

Toriel(Toby Fox's Undertale)

Papyrus(Toby Fox's Undertale/Papyrus in Practice)

Sans(Toby Fox's Undertale)

Doc(@tehrogueva Therapist!Sans)

Baggs(@megalommi Megalosomnia)

Dream(@jokublog Dreamtale)

Nightmare(@jokublog Dreamtale)

I also wanted to shout out @wishing-stones Rabble and Rampallians since I also felt really connected with their portrayal of Baggs, Dream, and Nightmare!

Luz and Eda(The Owl House by Dana Terrace)

Andromachus(Vampire Therapist by Cyrus Nemati, @littlebatgames)

References: 

Scarlet, J., & Alves, W. (2017). Superhero therapy: Mindfulness skills to help teens and young adults deal with anxiety, depression, and trauma. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Washington, K. (2019, April 25). What is Superhero Therapy? Denver Health. October 10, 2024, https://www.denverhealth.org/blog/2019/04/what-is-superhero-therapy

[gothicflowers]

Call Of Duty x GN!Reader

How they would react to you telling them about your anxiety disorder.

Warnings: talks of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is inspired by my own struggles as a diagnosed individual with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Please do not self diagnose or glamorize mental disorders or illnesses.

Sitting down for lunch after this mornings long meeting felt like heaven. A much needed battery recharging time for you. Taking a moment to practice your positive affirmations and breathing like your therapist said you felt the anxiety simmer down. Only to be interrupted by a tray being placed on your small two person table.

“You’re kinda quiet and shy. It’s actually kinda nice being around someone that doesn’t feel the need to be the loudest voice in the room.” He nonchalantly hands you an electrolyte drink and takes a seat across from you before continuing his rambling. You look back down at your half eaten sandwich diverted your eyes from his. Eye contact is a struggle you’ve been working on. Still listening to his words you nod your head so he doesn’t think you’re ignoring him.

“I mean we all have to know how to be assertive in this line of work, but I can really appreciate your demeanor as a person. You have a calming energy about you.”

You laughed at his description of you and couldn’t help the words from spilling out. “Thanks, it’s actually just a disorder.” You let out a faint laugh. You always tried to find the humor in your situation.

He was too stunned to speak or finish putting his sandwich in his mouth. He put it back down on his plate before trying to find the right words. He was worried his words had came across as rude and disrespectful. All of which he was trying to avoid.

After realizing your blurted out confession you took a brief moment to compose yourself and your thoughts. Looking up at him you gave a faint smile trying to show you’re not upset. “I have what’s called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. People with the condition can struggle with different things.” Trying to describe your struggles isn’t something you’re great at but maybe he’ll understand? “Personally, I don’t do well in social situations, interactions or speaking up. It sometimes leads to anxiety, stress, overthinking and panic attacks if it’s real bad. I prefer to be hidden in the background away from everyone’s attention. I know my comfort zones and when to push myself. But it’s never affected by ability as a soldier.” You nod your head at your own explanation.

He smiles and nods. “I appreciate you telling me that so I understand you better. I do apologize if me saying your shy or quiet came across rude. I genuinely find you to be a great person to be around.”

“Actually you probably went about it in possibly the kindest way I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been told my quietness is rude or snobbish. Which is far from how I want to be perceived. So I actually appreciate someone taking a liking to it.”

It was nice being able to have a conversation about your disorder without feelings judging. Nor did he offer unsolicited advice. Instead he recognized that it was something you don’t openly share and appreciated your trust in him. And his opinion of you didn’t change. After feeling closed off from your team you felt a little more comfortable, with him at least.

Alex Keller, Rudy (Roldofo) Parra, Gaz (Kyle) Garrick, Roach, John Price, Nikolai, Logan Walker

[neverinsignificant]

How I Am Getting Myself Out of A Funk

This past month, I’ve been in a very terrible funk that has left me with overwhelming stress, an unregulated nervous system, feelings of discomfort (hopelessness, worthlessness, etc…), bloating and a bad case of imposter syndrome. I realize I’ve been wallowing in my own self pity and not taking care of myself the way I should, so I am being honest and admitting that I am scared as to what road my life may take if I do not improve where I know I can by taking the necessary steps. Here’s how I’m getting myself out of this funk:

• Taking my iron medication

I was prescribed medication for my iron deficiency anemia years ago and I haven’t been taking them due to my fear of swallowing pills. I use to let them dissolve in orange juice, but I grew to hate the taste and realized I wasn’t getting the full benefits by doing it this way. I have a complicated history with pills and I would like to get over it by learning & possibly speaking with a specialist who can help me get over my fear as iron has many benefits that would be beneficial to my body.

• Growing comfortable with my therapist

I recently started therapy and as much as I like my therapist, it has been hard to open up to them as much as I’d like. I know it’s because this is a new experience, but once I grow the courage to discuss some of the things I really want, I know my stress levels will decrease and mental health improve because I won’t have to worry about them anymore.

• Cultivating gratitude

I complain…. A lot because if it ain’t one thing, it’s another but by cultivating gratitude, I can practice to be more thankful of what I have and lessen my desire for more and negative thoughts. It will also lead me back to the path of my spiritual journey, which I seem to have slightly abandoned.

• Consume more water

I made a Habits I’m Not Waiting Until January to Implement post back in December where I said this same thing and I wasn’t consistent, but it’s never too late to do so now.

• Working out with positive intentions

Usually when I workout it has been with the intention to develop a certain body type, which lead to me closely examining and prodding at my body in the mirror, but as someone that comes from a family with people who develop physical health issues as they age, it’s important for me to workout simply to remain healthy, especially as I am still young with an able body. Develop stronger knees; hip mobility; straight posture, strength building.

• Breathwork + thought-stopping

This will go hand in hand with meditation. Simply saying “stop” to negative thinking doesn’t usually work for me, but what does is reframing the thoughts I’m having by making a positive light out of it or actively listing solutions. I don’t tend to be consistent with this, but I’ll try.

• Focus on my gut health

Lymphatic drainage by dry brushing, drinking peppermint tea, eating cleaner based foods, consume more fiber-rich foods, cut out gluten, eating more with smaller portions.

• Say “Girl, fuck you”

To people, emotions, circumstances. Simply dismissing the issue has sometimes helped, especially if they’re minor. Living in delusion isn’t always bad.

I’m not a “clean,” health and wellness guru, goop using (whatever tf that is), green juice drinking everyday girl and that’s okay. This is fairly new to me and I didn’t notice the severity of my health until I felt a sharp pain in my chest from stressing. I won’t fully immerge myself in this “aesthetic” as it isn’t in my interest to do so, but I will incorporate some of the habits to my benefits.

“Everyday the sun won’t shine, but that’s why I love tomorrow!” 🌟 -Glorilla

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

♡Weekly Chronicles♡

Hey babes! I've missed you guysss I am so happy I had an amazing trip it was so nice. I went to a convention in Maryland for 5 days it was so nice. I definitely left with a lot of knowledge so many amazing people spoke at the lectures<3 and I'm sorry I missed the weekly affirmations for this week.

♡Education♡

I applied for all my classes for next semester before my trip. I’m low-key excited about the classes I have coming up. Lot of different courses since I'm almost done with my major required classes now I need to fill the rest of my credits with electives. I have an art class next semester just for fun. I can't wait to meet the people in my classes. I have to take this math class I am not excited for at all I hate math lol so every time I update you girliesss on this class I'll probably be complaining lol.

♡Mental♡

Interacting with different people this past week has been very good for me mentally. It brought me back to pre-quarantine Khadija who was such a big extrovert. After covid, I started to have mild social anxiety so this was needed. I dealt with a little insecurities while on my trip interacting with so many beautiful women I started to doubt my looks comparison is the thief of joy, I practiced a lot of the methods my therapist recommended like canceling one negative thought with two positive thoughts. I realized I was all in my head for no reason. I love watching Leo Skepi when I am feeling this way he always gets me together. I highly recommend him if you are dealing with a lack of discipline, self-confidence, or just need someone to get you together with tough love he is that guyyy. Side noteee I missed my antidepressant dose twice in a row because of traveling back to New York and it low-key made me hazy like it was super weird but I took it today. 

♡Physical♡

While I was away I ate super bad! The event was an African-focused event so the food there wasn’t healthy at all. I was going to stick to my diet while on my trip but I decided I'm on a trip let me relax and I don't regret it at all. But I am seeing the consequences of my food choices now I am soooo bloated lol. So I am starting a cleanse tomorrow for the next 14 days I already prepped my ginger shot for the morning I want to flush my system out completely going into the new year. I don't recommend cleanses especially to my babes that have dealt with ED’s always consult your doctors before starting anything. I just do what works for me. 

♡Hobbies♡

Now that I am back I can get back to being consistent with my Italian, pilates, and weight lifting. I was so sad I could not lift I feel like I'm low-key obsessed with lifting lol it feels so good and I've been seeing results, especially in my lower body. While I was gone I didn't have any time to do my hobbies they had us in lectures and events constantly. I practiced my Italian once which I'm happy about. I plan on starting jewelry making next week I'm super excited it was one of my favorite hobbies when I was in middle school. I used to make earrings and bracelets. 

♡Plans For The Weekend♡

My birthday is Sunday, December 31st! I am turning 21 yay! I am super excited I don't have anything planned for my birthday. I am going to have a mini celebration with my family and watch the ball drop my siblings bought me presents so I'm excited to open everything. I'm starting my cleanse so I'll be working out and taking good care of my body internally and externally so I'll be off social media this weekend and focused on my mental and physical health. I plan on creating my vision board and listing my goals this year. My dad is ordering my camera I used to have a YouTube channel but I took a break to work on my self-improvement journey I do plan on getting back on my YouTube grind soon lol so look out for that coming out in 2024! 

This week's little journal entrieee a lot happened this week and I'm excited to see what this new year brings babesss. Comment your plans this weekend and how did your week go?

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi everyone,

I found a helpful article from ADDitude talking about ways to stop catastrophizing.

This excerpt is going to be somewhat long, so I apologize in advance:

3 Ways to Stop Catastrophizing:

To shift toxic worry into something productive, you need to first recognize that you are catastrophizing. This happens when your brain’s amygdala (the fight, flight or freeze) organ in the limbic system-the emotional region) figuratively takes over your thinking brain (your prefrontal cortex) by activating adrenaline and cortisol. Your entire being is focused on obtaining safety and feeling secure. Basically, the part of you that runs from tigers and steps aside from racing cars begins controlling all your responses.

1. Dismantle the “What-Ifs”

To regain control, turn down the volume on your catastrophic thinking by remembering past successes, tools, interventions, and statements you’ve used to overcome perceived dangers. When I’m in a “what-if” spiral, I shift my thinking to “What could go right?”

Follow your “what-ifs” to the end of the line. Ask yourself, “What if this happened? And then what? And what if that happened? And then what?” Keep going until there’s some resolution. Can you live with that resolution?

Try to consider best-case outcomes in addition to worst-case scenarios. What might happen that could be positive? Can I predict any happiness instead of pain?

2. Set Up a Buddy System

Toxic worry intensifies in isolation. So, set up a buddy system with someone you trust who can offer a different perspective. Who could you call or text if you’re in a poisonous worry spiral? Do you have a therapist, coach, or counselor? Whether you are concerned about perfectionism, personal relationships, or sociopolitical injustices, who could be your ally in these dark moments?

3. Create a Plan

Come up with a plan for escaping your next spiral. Make a list of self-soothing actions to take when worry rears its ugly head. Post it somewhere accessible, like on your phone or sticky notes at home. Your plan can include settle-me-down phrases such as “I’m afraid, and I know how to be brave” or “Things work out, keep breathing.” It can also contain a list of activities to slow your reactivity, such as drinking a glass of water, walking outside, cuddling a pet, getting a hug, etc. Here are some more ideas:

Exercise. Daily exercise pumps up your endorphins, which bathe your brain with good feelings. When I wake up feeling “ugh,” a run or bike ride gets me out of my negative headspace.

Create a playlist. Categorize songs into different playlists on your phone, label them “angry songs,” “sad songs,” “happy songs,” “how-to-stop-worrying songs,” etc.

Practice mindfulness to interrupt the pattern of negative thinking. Meditate. Do yoga. Listen to the birds. Drink a cup of tea. Do a crossword puzzle. Play Wordle.

Try triangle breathing. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, and exhale slowly for six counts. Do several rounds of this.

As always, the full article will be linked below if anyone wants to read more. I hope many of you found this helpful.

ADHD

Catastrophizing

[inflatingnblue]

I just wanna say that you’re beautiful, all the kinky shit aside. I’ve been getting posts recommended to me on my tumblr fyp that say you liked them, and they’re all horrible upsetting pro-ana stuff, and I don’t know if those are old likes or new ones, but I hope you aren’t falling prey to those demons. They’re always wrong, and all they ever want is to erase you and make you less of who you’re meant to be. You deserve better 💜

This is a long one, friends, so feel free to skip.

First, thank you for sending, Anon. You didn't have to and you still did.

Recovery is complicated, and that's an understatement. Although I like Violet and "blowing up," that's all in fantasy land. In the real world, I would like nothing more than to lose weight.

For the longest time I've believed that my worth comes from being thin and beautiful, that things would make sense and fall into place. That I wouldn't hate myself anymore if I could just get to the right size and then being the right size would also equate to beauty.

I started gaining weight after I was in recovery for a year. I gained a lot over the course of several years. I couldn't figure out what was wrong; working with my dietitian, going to the doctor's, getting test after test to just be told 🤷🏻‍♀️. I thought I was losing my mind. It was really hard to focus on recovery and I slipped a lot.

I was (and still am) extremely aware of how much space I take up and compared myself to those around me. I was (and still am) extremely aware of the fat shaming that happens around me. I hated leaving the house because I knew I would be judged for my size, and that judgment is still a fear I experience today.

I relapsed during 2022 and lost a "significant" amount of weight. I'm using quotes because that's how my therapist described it. I wish I had lost more so it didn't seem significant enough. Then in 2023 I finally found the answer I was looking for - lipedema. I was very grateful to know what was wrong, but it still sucks.

This year I've been working on recovery and it's been fucking difficult. I can't seem to just stay on one side. One day I'm gonna do my best and eat regularly and try to be nice to myself. The next day I may flip and start thinking about weight loss. This time the ED would work, I'll make sure it works. Pat myself on the back if I didn't eat while in the office or got a certain number of steps in. It's exhausting ping ponging back and forth.

My FYP matches that ping pong game. Sometimes I'm not even looking for ED related stuff and it hits me in the face. This might sound weird to some - EDs are very seductive. They can easily be called an addiction. My neuropathways are ready and raring to go down the highway to ED Land. Sometimes I can stop it along the way and sometimes I can't. Some of the posts feel comforting because I know I'm not alone. Some of the posts would be pretty alarming for most people with the imagery and text. I know it's not helpful to look at the pro ana and ED related posts. Just like I can be in awe with how big someone's tummy is, I can also be in awe of various pro ana content.

I know the actual problem is feeling like I don't deserve better. I punish myself for not meeting the high expectations I've collected over the years. Self compassion is still a foreign concept. Logically I understand why it's important to practice, it just seems wrong for some reason.

Again, Anon, I really appreciate you reaching out and voicing concern. It's helpful to hear the same positive and supportive messages from different areas of my life. And I'm sorry you're getting these recommendations. I didn't realize that would happen and now I remember I turned off the option to get recommendations. 😬 Just know I heard you. I'm sure you already know that change is slow, although I'll be more mindful of what I like on here.

Thanks 💙

[royalbilliards]

i would LOVE to hear your opinion on maruki's therapy bc i see a lot of ppl saying he sucked as a therapist and i've never seen one so i can't really say anything with certainty...... but idk, i want joker to have at least an okay therapist just because it's a nice touch. also i think it's more satisfying narratively when maruki is someone joker can lean on for support and get attached to, but then has to oppose because shitty actualization. idk. pathetic wet man makes me go brrrrrr

Welcome to the autism zone.

So a lot of my thoughts on maruki’s therapy comes from my own experiences with a therapist in the past (I’m trying to get a new one right now) but. A lot of what Maruki’s ‘confidant perks’ and what they’re called suggest he’s giving Joker treatment for anxiety and depression, which makes a lot of sense given the way he acts in public outside of the joker persona, and the situation he’s in at Shujin (being bullied, for lack of a better term because it’s 5 am and I just woke up, and ostracised due to Kamoshida spilling his criminal record).

Practices like mindfulness and wakefulness sound like bullshit when you first have to start them, mostly because of the names, but the practices themselves are grounding techniques, being able to be present in your body, aware of your surroundings, and not letting yourself spiral via panic or depression and stuff. Detox is a term for drug addiction and alcoholism rehab, they’re not exactly practices we know Joker needs help with, but they’re most likely preventative measures, so that he doesn’t go Down those paths BECAUSE of his situation, which honestly makes sense, depression, anxiety, bullying from peers and the rest of it, including his criminal record and the way Japan treats students with criminal records, it makes sense that Joker could have easily gone down those routes if he didn’t have his friends and the metaverse to blow off steam and have an outlet for his emotions that he isn’t allowed to have in his day to day life. Flow is also a form of therapy treatment for handling depression, and mostly focus’ on capturing moments of positive mental states and allowing yourself to be completely focused and involved in Enjoyable activities that make you happy.

Because all of these therapy treatments that we get named from his confidant perks are Real therapy treatments that both Work and are widely used to treat specific mental health problems (Depression, Anxiety and Self-worth) we get both an insight into how Joker is actually feeling about things outside of what he shows and how useful these techniques are in his actual day to day life, because he’s using them to handle stressful situations in the metaverse.

There’s also the fact that Before everything, and AFTER everything, Joker doesn’t seem to hold much animosity towards Maruki, yes Akechi does and he’s Totally allowed to hate him, but neither Yoshizawa or Joker do, when Yoshizawa is more than justified in being angry and frustrated with him. And it might just be due to the abysmal lack of characterisation Yoshizawa gets, but mostly she seems like she too, like Joker, WANTS to help him, because we know that Maruki himself struggles with Self-worth problems, delusions of grandeur, a messiah complex (in both definitions of the term) anxiety and depression (along with a few other spicier things I don’t feel like mentioning because I’d need to bring up the psa’s on how demonised disorders need to be treated with respect since no one can do that on the internet). But there doesn’t seem to Be animosity between the three of them. Mostly just worry about someone they both cared about, and trusted.

There’s also the fact that, Jokers interactions with Maruki do not End After you help him with his research, we’re just cut off from the interaction at that point, because Joker in canon is explaining to Sae other more important things, he probably doesn’t feel the need to tell her the confidential therapy treatment he’s receiving at school. Their interaction continues, we get a fade to black, so it’s obvious he is getting actual therapy treatment, but Maruki has probably picked up on Jokers earth shattering savior complex and is easing him into the idea of therapeutic treatment by having him assist in his research, so Joker is more inclined to accept the help, since it’s a Transaction to Joker. If Maruki had more time to be Jokers therapist, and I assume he would have at some point Offered to continue his work as Jokers therapist after his tenure at Shujin ending, he would have eventually been able to work on that with Joker, and weaned him off Needing to help people all the time, and viewing social interactions as a transactional thing.

Anyways, yeah, I don’t think Maruki is a bad therapist outside of the horrors, I think people just don’t think about it because it isn’t spoon fed to them in a social link interaction, which is where the assumption that he’s Only using Joker as a sounding board comes from. But what would I know I just did media studies and have a special interest in analysing media, SHRUG

[misscammiedawn]

Plurality Weekend

Hey all. This post is for anyone discovering my blog for the first time this weekend. My name is Cammie Dawn and I write a lot about DID and Hypnokink. Both of these things will be quite relevant this weekend.

I'm attending The Plurality Positivity World Conference (info in link) this weekend after our therapist sent us to last year's event and it went well. Unrelated to the event, I'm also a panelist for a talk on hypnokink and plurality tomorrow (Saturday 5/18 at 1pm-3pm CST - info in link)

Networking at the PPWC for my Media, Myself and I essays (one kind person has already reached out to us about them which makes me glow with pride and grateful to know my stuff is getting out there) and providing my links to the panel tomorrow, I imagine I may get a few first time visitors to my blog. I thought I'd do a quick "resources and links" post.

For Media Essays:

Recontextualized Memory and Unprocessed Trauma in Umineko - A visual novel about generational trauma goes over how a young woman goes over and over the events of a tragedy in her childhood and how adult knowledge will recontextualize our adult recollections.

Derealization in Night in the Woods and Metal gear Solid 2 - Describing the sensation of derealization where the brain stops connecting associations between the self and the things one perceives in their surroundings. One example displaying how this impacts a person living with DPDR and the other showing an example of a game attempting to make a player share the experience with the player character.

DID and the healing process in Mr. Robot - A run down of the experiences of discovery, exploration, rejection and healing within DID as displayed in each season of Mr. Robot, along with a disappointed rundown of why the final episode fumbled the ball.

Bruce Banner and the roles of his alters - A breakdown of the formation of The Incredible Hulk’s DID and what roles his many alters play.

Romantic relationships with systems - A look at the marriage between Bruce Banner and Betty Talbot-Ross Banner in Hulk comics and a frank discussion between Betty and one of Bruce’s alters about how relationships function in a system.

Personality Play in Penlight - A review of one of the routes for a hypnokink visual novel called Penlight in which the protagonist hypnotizes a woman to have an alter personality, along with some descriptions of how dangerous play like that works in real life and what the consequences could be.

For Hypnokink Resources (more in our Hypnokink Writings tag):

Hypnosis and Dissociative Disorders - A Rebuttal to a recent claim at a hypnosis convention that we shouldn't practice with those who dissociate as part of a mental illness.

Ethical Personality Play - A discussion about the real psychological damage that can and will happen if you play with personality play in hypnokink without setting safeties and grounding as part of your play.

Unreality and Hypnosis - A small note about how derealization symptoms mingle with hypnokink and why grounding and ensuring "reality remains in the scene" is important.

Anyway. Thank you all. For those who follow me normally, I appreciate you indulging the link spam.

[recoverywithgh0ul]

-home for lost thoughts-

Things that helped my recovery, and things that definitely didn’t. Obviously recovery is a very personal experience, and things that work for others, may not work for you, and vice versa. I’m just sharing what works for me, so maybe people can either see a different perspective, relate, or find inspiration. General TW for this whole post it will touch on uncensored topics such as calorie counting apps, weight checking, and fear foods. If that’s a lot for you, I’d suggest you skip this post, but i wish you well in your recovery <3

I’m going to start off with the things that absolutely did not help, and if anything, sent me into a complete spiral. Why? Gotta start somewhere, and it’s best always to end on a good note~

—————���—————————————-

Weight checks- I feel like this is probably a no brainer, but these are probably the worst for me. Even if it was good news it was the eventual “when will i ruin it?” Thought, which would giving up, and lead to a binge, and the whole cycle. Looking back, to avoid this, just shifting my perspective to not going to the all or nothing place honestly would’ve helped a lot. Which is what I’m working on now thankfully :>

Free eating- as I’ve mentioned a lot, i don’t understand what a healthy portion looks like, i was never taught. So going into adulthood like that, really negatively impacted me because when i wanted to get healthy even when i tried i still had no idea what i was doing. Something has countered this, but it’ll be in the next section.

Calorie counter apps- never helped me, they’ve always encouraged obsessive behavior, and also caused shame, especially if i had gone over a few calories. I can see the appeal, but for me- they’ve always done more harm than good.

Feeling like i can’t have certain foods because I’ll lose control- this in the long run as never helped, because then these foods feel forbidden, and when i finally allow myself them- I’ll eat them until I’m sick, but if I incorporate them into a healthy diet, I’ve noticed i actually crave them less. So I’m slowly regaining back my control. And so can you~

Those are the main ones for me. Let’s end this on a good note, and move onto the positive :>

—————————————————————-

Portion plates- it might sound silly or restrictive, but the really do help me, especially if I’m feeling a craving to clean my plate, there’s only so much metaphorical ‘damage’ i can do. For me it works, for everyone, it definitely will not. You should always do what works for you and your body~

Adding in foods I’m craving in moderation, or making healthier dupes- so, just like it says, craving chips? Have a bit, just add something to it. Like some cucumber and hummus, or carrots and cottage cheese. Want cookies? Eat it with some Greek yogurt and fruit. (All suggestions not medical advice) you can have what you’re craving just add something with some bulk so it fills you up~ so you’re satisfying a craving, but also feeling satiated.

Combating limiting beliefs with positive self talk- instead of punishing myself for having a bad thought, or getting mad I’m not ‘fully healed’ trying to practice patience, and self positivity and give myself that mental comfort to heal myself like i know I’m worthy of. Seeking outside validation can only help to a point, because if even you don’t believe it, it’s not going to benefit you. Recovery is a journey healing not only your relationship with food, but your relationship with yourself. And you deserve to finally be healed~

Therapy or coaching sessions- again self explanatory, but super beneficial, especially when you feel hopeless and can’t do it alone. Sometimes even finding resources online, like quick videos on YouTube just to understand things more, or to gain insight or advice. For me personally, the more i understand something, the easier it is for me to tackle it. There are so many great food therapists on instagram especially that share such great advice, that i urge you just to watch a few reels. Help is attainable, i promise it’s not impossible.

That’s all i can really think of for this post, as always, good luck on your journey! Remember you are worth it <3 until next time~

[mysteriouseggsbenedict]

I don't have a therapist right now so Tumblr is getting all of my thoughts...

I just got hired for what honestly feels like a dream summer position, and it's a big deal for me because I have struggled majorly with employment in the past. Getting through a job interview while autistic is pretty much a special form of hell. So now that I've succeeded I'm really proud of myself for working hard at getting better at something that's difficult for me. It feels like I won at this game finally.

But it also is kind of, like, still shitty. So I struggled in a system that is unaccommodating to me, failed multiple times and took some big hits to my self confidence, but after working really hard I overcame those difficulties to Win At Capitalism? Is that really something to celebrate?

It's like the "disabled person is so determined and inspirational that they navigate inaccessible environments through the force of their will" narrative.

There's just something that rubs me the wrong way about congratulating myself for succeeding in a job interview, as opposed to, you know, living a life that's free of the need to participate in job interviews. In a world that is actually ideal, we wouldn't need to kill ourselves developing interview skills just to survive in our society's economic system.

I did utilize accommodations for my interviews that made a huge, huge impact in my success. So I guess my own argument isn't perfect, because I did modify the situation in some ways, instead of muscling through the completely traditional interview format.

Asking for the questions in advance changed the game for me. So far, I have asked for questions in advance prior to three job interviews, and none of the employers questioned me or refused to send them. So I was able to prepare answers to the questions before the interview and even practice speaking through them out loud. I can get tongue-tied if I'm trying to speak off-the-cuff, so doing this basically allowed me to articulate an accurate impression of my skills.

In the interview for the job that I got hired for, they told me that I'm able to use visual aids if I want, so I actually prepared a slideshow to screenshare during the interview. I had my qualifications on the slides so there was no way I'd mess up telling the employer about them. It was great to have an aid on the screen for me to follow along with as I talked, and it also demonstrated that I had prepared for the interview.

Since most of my mutuals on here are also neurodivergent, I'm curious if you have thoughts. Have you figured out ways to succeed at interviews? Or not? What has helped you the most? What's your mindset around conforming to expectations and trying to train yourself to perform well? (I'm also a little bit curious just because I'm finishing up a research project about this exact topic, because I always end up centering my research around the stuff that is bothering me in my real life, lol).

[hypergamiss]

Hi there! I've been going through some difficulties repeatedly in my academics and life in general that i want to resolve once and for all and make sure it's in the past. I've been having issues during my viva and a massive inferiority complex over others having more practical experience than me in my field and not being good enough. I thought the baggage of my teens and my self concept back then had gotten better but these patterns keep making an appearance and reminding me how much time I've lost over these issues. I've come to the conclusion over the years that i have a habit of putting myself down and the negative self talk is reducing my chances of getting better at anything. I'm so frustrated that I'm this way because I repeatedly get told that I'm an excellent student and I have a bright future ahead but my own perception of myself is so distorted that it's coming in the way of achieving things. What's more is that people can see this inferiority much more than before. Obviously it's hard to miss due to my behaviour and that makes me an easy target too. Ik i should try to find the solution myself but i really need another person's POV and opinion on where I could start. I've decided this year is going to mark the end of my negative self concept! I'd be very grateful for your advice. Thank you ❤

It sounds like you're taking a fantastic first step towards conquering that negativity! Recognizing these patterns and actively seeking ways to break free is a powerful move. Here are some ideas to get you started on your journey towards a more positive self-image:

Challenge the Voice in Your Head:

Fact-check your thoughts: When that inner critic starts whispering, stop and question its validity. Are those thoughts based on facts or just negative self-talk?

Reframe the narrative: Instead of "I'm not good enough," try "This is a challenge, and I'm going to learn from it."

Focus on Growth:

Celebrate small wins: Every step forward counts! Did you ace a quiz? Did you present your ideas more confidently during class discussions? Acknowledge these achievements, no matter how small.

Embrace "yet": When comparing yourself to others, remember they too started somewhere. Instead of "They're so much better," try "They're experienced, and I can get there yet."

Self-Compassion is Key:

Forgive past mistakes: We all make them. Learn from them and let go of the guilt or shame.

Practice self-care: Prioritize activities that make you feel good – exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones. A healthy you is a more confident you.

Seek Support:

Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist: Sharing your struggles can be incredibly helpful. A professional can provide guidance and tools to manage negativity.

Additional Resources:

Explore online resources like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques for managing negative thoughts.

Consider self-help books on building self-esteem and overcoming imposter syndrome.

Remember: Change takes time and effort. Don't get discouraged if you have setbacks. Celebrate your progress, and keep reminding yourself of how far you've come. You've got this!

Here's a bonus tip:

Write down your positive qualities and goals. Reviewing them regularly can be a powerful way to combat negativity.

You've already made a great decision to take control of your self-image. This year can absolutely be the year you leave your negative self-concept in the past! Keep going, you've got a bright future ahead. 🤍

[multiplicity-positivity]

I realized a week ago when I was forcing a switch (despite my friend telling me that it was a bad idea since the alter that I was trying to get switch in clearly didn't want to front) that I lack respect for the other alters in the system. I don't know why I feel this way and I want to change this. But I don't know how. Our system lacks communication due to unknown fears of mine and I know it is the reason for these issues. I struggle to respect myself so how can I respect others that are similar to me in the body?

This turned out pretty long, so here’s my TLDR - full version under the cut:

I’ve been in your shoes, anon. For me, treating my alters as individuals rather than parts of me helped me start treating them with more kindness. Communication can probably get better with practice - especially if you start out with some genuine apologies and commit to positive change. Therapy would probably help with this, but you don’t have to have tons of self respect in order to start respecting your headmates. It will be hard to commit to making better choices about how you treat your headmates. Don’t give up though!! The more you choose to be kind, the easier it will be to choose kindness in the future. Best of luck with this - I really know how hard it can be.

💫 Parker

Hey, so I’m my system’s host and it also was very difficult for me to start treating my alters with kindness and respect at first. I have LOTS of issues with self-hatred, and I hated these other people in my head who were stealing my life away. But even though I still have some issues with self-loathing, I do think I’ve made progress with treating my headmates a bit better.

In our system, we’ve kind of done a 180 from treating each other as separate individual people to treating each other as parts of a whole. At first, seeing my alters as other people really helped me start showing them kindness. Since I couldn’t show kindness or respect to myself, trying to view my alters as separate people helped me distance myself from them in order to be a bit more compassionate.

You might struggle to respect yourself, but do you respect your friends, family, loved ones? How about people who help you even as strangers, like service workers and first responders? Idk but for me, trying to see my alters as individual people separate from me helped me see their humanity and begin to accept them for who they are. I know attempting to unlearn self hatred and poor self respect is a huge undertaking, but maybe starting by trying to respect your alters as people would be a good way to start.

As far as communication goes, that’s something that will definitely require time, patience, and practice. In all seriousness, your alters might not be interested in keeping in touch with you at first if they don’t feel respected. So don’t give up if things seem to move slowly or not at all at first. If you want, you can check out our post on establishing contact with headmates, which might help y’all a bit with forging better connections.

It may help if you start off on the right foot with some apologies. Alters have thoughts, feelings, wants, and desires, and they deserve to be apologized to when they’ve been wronged. A simple “hey, I’m really sorry for trying to force you to switch when you didn’t want to,” or “I’m so sorry I haven’t been very respectful of y’all - I want to make an effort to treat you with more kindness and make an effort to get to know you” Can really go a long ways with patching things up. Of course, it may take some time for them to come around and start trusting you, but if you show a willingness to change and make some real efforts towards it, I really believe you can start to make a difference.

With all of this, therapy would probably help. A therapist could help you work on your difficulties with self respect, and could probably help your alters feel more seen and understood, too. I totally understand if you don’t have access to therapy or don’t want it for any reason, but I thought I’d still put it out there.

All in all, I don’t think you have to respect yourself in order to respect your alters - and these things will come with time and patience, taking things one day at a time and one choice at a time. Every time you choose kindness and compassion (for yourself or your alters), you’re taking a step in the right direction. You might slip up sometimes, especially at first, and that’s okay! It’s important to learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes - what matters more than our past choices are the ones we make in the present. So as long as you keep at it, keep trying to show your alters compassion, even if you can’t do the same for yourself, and try not to dwell on past mistakes, you really can improve.

Key word here - try. Keep attempting. Be relentless with your attempts at kindness. Don’t give up, even when it gets hard. Cuz it really will get hard. And you will probably slip up. But as long as you get back up and keep trying, you really do have the ability to make this huge change. I believe in you! And with some time, I fully trust that your alters will start believing in you too.

Anon, I really am wishing you the best of luck with this. It’ll be slow going, but I have full faith in your ability to start treating the rest of your system with the respect and kindness they deserve. I’m so sorry this got so long, but I really am wishing your whole system a future full of kindness, respect, and self compassion. I hope this helps - I’m really sorry if it doesn’t. Anyway, thank you for reaching out.

💫 Parker

[sapphic-sex-ed]

I know this is just a me problem & I need to just suck it up and deal with it but I feel... incredibly guilty about not wanting to have sex with my friends. For one, I've never had a friend actually want to engage in that with me so a part of it might be me feeling bad about "not being good enough", but another part of me feels like the queer community is advancing to new places that gives them more joy, freedom, and love and it feels like since the topic is so triggering to me (for no good reason mind you) that I just don't really belong? I haven't been able to talk to other queer people or go to pride events because I'm in such a small, homophobic town. But I feel like if I showed up to a queer event, I just wouldn't fit in and they just would not like me. Not only for looking overly masculine and kinda yucky (not in way thats celebrated in the queer community) after my transition, but because the accomodations I would need for my triggers would just be too unrealistic to expect them to accomodate to (I've been in therapy for nearly 10 yrs, unfortunately some triggers just dont go away). And also bc I'm a sapphic trans guy and ,, man idk if that would piss people off.

I just want to ask, is it okay if I still view sex as sacred for myself but don't think poorly of people who have casual sex or sex with friends? If anything, I'm envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having.

I’m glad to hear you’re seeing a therapist, it’s very clear from your ask that you’re struggling with very low self-worth and I’ve been there and it sucks.

As for your question itself — sex positivity and sex acceptance are about finding a sexuality that feels good for you and don’t shame those whose sexuality feels good to them but isn’t the same as yours. If sex is something sacred to you that is for you alone or only to share with a select few then that is always valid as long as it feels good to you. At the same time, having sex with friends and having multiple partners is just as valid as long as it’s what the people practicing it wants. Neither one has the right to shame or devalue the other.

I notice a pattern in your ask, where you make claims about how you feel people will respond to you. This is a normal thing our human brains do, but this anxiety seems to be preventing you from going out and trying. You think but you do not know that people wouldn’t accept you. Thou think but you do not know that you wouldn’t fit in. Internet queer discourse is poison basically and people in the irl communities are usually a lot more accepting. Online we kinda forget that we’re interacting with other people, but irl we can’t do that as easily (although dehumanization of minorities is a thing, so not impossible but it takes a lot more organized, structural effort). In Swedish we have this expression “provtänka” which roughly translates to “try-thinking” or “attempting-think” where we sort of say a thought we had to other people, usually friends, to try it out. It can be something beneficial like “wait isn’t it strange that inflation is up 4% but benefits have only increased by 2,6%?” and then we can all curse capitalism together. But it can also be (and this is a real example of a thing I said when I was 16) “there are so many bad parents like shouldn’t the government like make you take tests and and out a license for you to reproduce so no children get harmed” and your friends will rightfully go “no wtf??? That’s such an over-reach of government power what are you on???”. Like you try out a thought that you haven’t thought about that much or aren’t that invested in and you do a vibe check basically. Like that pregnancy thought was whack but I hadn’t really thought about it. Luckily my friends were reasonable people who asked what tf was wrong with me and explained why that was a horrible thing and I haven’t thought that way since. Online, you sorta either get jumped which has the effect of you doubling down on your not even fully formed opinion bc you get defensive, or you find other whack jobs who agree and that’s how radicalization happens.

So to the point bc I lost it bc that who I am as a person: people are a lot more forgiving offline and if someone has doubts initially, they’re less likely to voice them, and if they do they’re likely to get checked, and if they don’t just spending time with you will humanize you (which is why people from bigger cities are usually more open-minded, bc exposure to people different than them).

And a last point to wrap up: you write that you’re “envious of them for being able to have such a connection to their friends that I would never be comfortable having”. Relationships aren’t a hierarchy. Romantic relationships aren’t superior to friendships, and sex with friends isn’t superior to hook-ups or long-term partners, and partnered sex isn’t superior to solo sex. They’re different flavors and not everyone will like the same thing. I can’t stand olives but I love pineapple on pizza. I once dated a girl who despised potatoes. Neither is better than the other. I can’t really understand why she would hate potatoes and most people I believe find it strange, but like that’s just her preference. And I know many people find me strange for my choices in pizza toppings (pineapple, banana and curry).

That is to say: it sucks when you feel left out of some type of relationship you’ll never have — I’m an only child hand have always been envious of people with siblings — but that doesn’t mean that type is “better” or that that type of connection is “deeper” than what’s possible within the types of relationships that would fit you.

-mod liz

[crankycalcifer]

What is good therapy? (part 2/?)

Therapy should be more than worksheets and "homework" assignments.

Sometimes, high quality therapy involves exploring and practicing a particular skill or set of skills (like coping strategies or new ways of communicating). This is good. We have lots of research that shows that changes in behaviors can positively impact emotional experiences, physical health, relational satisfaction, etc. However, changes in behavior are not a panacea; there are real limitations to what changing behavior can accomplish.

For example, many of my clients have childhood histories of trauma. These usually involve their parents/primary caregivers and they usually have lasting and far-reaching impacts on how they form and keep relationships (attachment style, level of physiological arousal in stressful situations, beliefs about self-worth, etc.). Changing behaviors, like increasing self-advocacy, is good. It could even help someone to feel like they are the kind of person that is worth self-advocating for. They might even be surprised at changes they see in others as a result of their changed behavior. However, this is rarely sufficient to create new beliefs about oneself or about how relationships work.

Often folks need a combination of new information/psychoeducation, changes in their behavior, and new experiences to help activate their emotional selves.

For example, I often assign my clients a thought project or behavioral experiment in between sessions. Sometimes I ask them to do something that I am pretty sure they are not going to do (e.g. "I want you to consider buying yourself something from the store that you really love, not because you need it or it has a practical function, but because it brings you some amount of joy and bring it in next week). We talk about how they are not going to do it and I give them permission not do it. I assure them that if they don't do it, I will not be mad and it will not change the way I feel towards them or interact with them. They usually come back the next session and want to avoid talking about it, because they didn't do it. When I ask them about it, they get uncomfortable and don't know how to respond. They feel bad, maybe even guilty. In the therapy relationship, I am often seen as the authority figure and they have let the authority figure down. Am I going to get mad? Am I going to apply more pressure? Will this harm the relationship in some way? All kinds of past relationship patterns can suddenly rush to the surface and start to clamor for attention or rush in to protect some vulnerable emotional part of the client. I see this happen and use my role as the therapist to provide a different experience. I channel a nurturing energy and remind them that their value as a person is not found in their productivity, that I am not mad in the slightest, that I completely understand that they may not have had the information or skills they needed to complete this task. I am warm, compassionate, kind. I demonstrate with my body language, my word choice, my level of attentiveness that our relationship is safe and that they are allowed to say no to things or not complete things without fear of punishment. Sometimes client's get angry with me, an experience that I welcome. I often apologize, ask for more information, take responsibility for what I did or didn't do and model holding myself accountable.

Therapy is at its most powerful when the therapist and client have a genuine relationship. For this relationship to be genuine, you need more than worksheets and behavior modification. You need care and the ability to take risks in ways that are safe.

[uncloseted]

how to actively let go of shame and actually love yourself? mantras and affirmations feel so phony and my thoughts actively work to combat them almost, i feel so ashamed of my past and my mistakes that i feel like i can’t overcome them and i can’t love myself because of them? i know it’s important but how to actually make changes that don’t feel superficial, i’m not beautiful or smart or worthy so those mantras make me feel worse :/

Anonymous asked:

How to learn to love yourself and feel worthy in practical ways? Self love and mantras always seem like a mindset I can't learn or truly believe, due to my bad choices and also being treated as unworthy and unimportant and stupid it feels weird to say "i'm worthy, I deserve good things, I deserve love" when I've been show so many time that I'm not and I don't; both by my own failures and actions and by those around me, how do i practically build up self love and confidence in a way that sticks and doesn't feel like phony or like it doesn't apply to me bc I've done such bad things and I was born bad? I know a lot of my fucks ups were due to insecurity and shame and jealousy so I know i need to work on myself, but how?

Anonymous asked:

how to love yourself despite your own past and fuckups? I find it so hard to love myself and develop good self esteem when i can see in my flaws and mistakes and all i know is people treating me less than worthy, i don't feel like self love mantras apply to me because i'm not a good person or beautiful or worthy, and the things i've done and what i am and the way i've been treated prove that, but i know lacking self loves leads to envy and bad choices for me, how i do improve this?

It seems like this is something you're really struggling with and that's really impacting your life. If you can, I would really recommend looking for a therapist who can help you work through these feelings. Mental health professionals have training that can help them figure out what kinds of therapy will work for you and come up with strategies to help you start loving and appreciating yourself. If you're in the US, most health insurance plans do cover therapy, so I would start there. They should have a list of the therapists that are covered in network. PsychologyToday also has a great therapist finder that lets you get a better sense of what different therapists are like, what kinds of therapy they do, and the approach that they take. If your insurance doesn't cover therapy, there are also lower-cost online services like BetterHelp, Talkspace, Calmerry, Alma, and Open Path Collective. If you're a teenager, Teen Counseling is also an option. Working through our feelings is hard, but it's easier when we have someone on our team who can help us figure out what the next step is and keep our progress on track.

Positive Self Talk

All that said, like I was talking about here, I think figuring out how to forgive yourself and, eventually, learn how to love yourself is a process that takes time. As much as I wish there was, there's no magic bullet for self esteem. Building yourself back up, no matter what approach you take, will feel stupid and false at first. When we've spent our entire lives believing one thing about ourselves, we can't just flip a switch and believe something else. Our brains will push back on trying to change the way that we think because our brains truly believe that those thoughts are keeping us safe. But the more that we challenge those beliefs that we have about ourselves and the more that we repeat the alternatives to ourselves, the easier it becomes to start considering that it's possible they're true, and eventually the easier it becomes to believe them.

I want to be clear that I'm not saying you should recite mantras to yourself in the mirror every morning (although that can work, too). Maybe right now, that's way too much. Instead, I would try to notice when you're having a negative thought about yourself such as "I was born bad" and then gently suggest an alternative to yourself. "Is it possible that I wasn't born bad because nobody is born a bad person?" Even if you immediately reject that idea, just considering it is a start. Every time you have the thought that you were born a bad person, just gently ask yourself to consider that maybe nobody was born a bad person. The more times you do that, the more you might be able to get to "nobody is born bad." And then if you keep asking yourself to consider that nobody is born bad, you might be able to get to, "I wasn't born a bad person." The more times you ask yourself to consider the possibility that you weren't born a bad person, then you might be able to get to, "I wasn't born a bad person. Is it possible that I developed these maladaptive coping skills due to something in my childhood or the way I was raised?" It's a long and often slow process, but eventually you can get to "I did the things I did because [insert thing here- didn't have the tools to cope with feelings of jealousy/felt like I always had to look out for myself because nobody else was going to/was raised to feel ashamed of myself for being who I am/whatever], and although that doesn't make my actions okay, I can forgive myself for not having acted differently." And from there, eventually you can get to, "I am worthy of love and respect despite the things that I did." And from there, then maybe you can start looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, "I am worthy! I deserve good things! I deserve love!" But you can't just jump into the deep end with things like this; you have to take it one baby step at a time.

Other Therapies

All that said, for some people, therapies that are focused on challenging thought patterns can be really hard. If that's the case for you, it might work better to take an approach that focuses on acceptance. There are two main therapies in this group- "Dialectical Behavioral Therapy" and "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy". As I said before, it's best if you can find a therapist who specializes in this kind of therapy and who can help you work through your thoughts and feelings. But if that's not a possibility, there are some at-home resources you can use to help yourself.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is designed to help you manage difficult, intense emotions and to better handle interpersonal relationships. There are some good self-help DBT resources here and here. DBT has four core skills that build on each other:

Mindfulness: these are skills that are focused on being present in the current moment. Mindfulness includes things like observing your thoughts and feelings without judgement, doing a mental scan of your body from head to toe, noticing the emotions you're experiencing and describing them, and exercises where you focus on your breathing. Mindfulness helps us realize that our emotions are impermanent, which allows us to better regulate them when we're experiencing negative emotions.

Distress Tolerance: these are skills that are focused on helping you learn to cope with distressing emotions and difficult situations. Distress tolerance includes things like making a list of distracting activities for when you feel yourself headed into an emotional crisis, using grounding techniques (like describing 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste), and other methods of self soothing. In your case, the distress tolerance skill of radical acceptance might be particularly useful, since it focuses on accepting and making peace with things that cannot be changed, like past events, and letting go of the distress we hold because of those events. Distress tolerance skills allow us to be more confident and resilient in our day to day lives.

Emotional Regulation: these are skills that are focused on helping you manage your emotions, change negative emotions, and increase the number of positive emotions you have. Emotional regulation involves things like recognizing and naming the emotions that you're experiencing, accepting that your emotions are valid, identifying distortions in your patterns of thinking, practicing feeling uncomfortable, and coming up with a plan for when difficult situations arise.

Interpersonal Effectiveness: these are skills that are focused on helping you manage your relationships with other people. Interpersonal effectiveness involves things like identifying your communication style, learning how to listen attentively and validate other people's emotions, and how to build trust in relationships. These skills allow us to build a support network of people who can build us up when we don't feel like we can do it ourselves.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) asks us to view "negative" emotions like sadness, anger, and jealousy as a natural part of life, accept that these feelings are appropriate responses to situations that we're put in, and to commit to changing our behaviors so they're in line with our values. There are some good self-help resources for ACT here and here. The book "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris is also a really popular starting place. ACT has six core skills:

Acceptance: as with DBT, acceptance is a big part of ACT. In ACT, acceptance involves acknowledging and embracing difficult emotions without judgement or trying to change them.

Mindfulness: also as with DBT, mindfulness is a big part of ACT. The skills you'll build here are similar to the ones I mentioned above- observing your emotions and thoughts without judgement, meditation, doing a mental scan of your body, and breathing exercises.

Cognitive Defusion: Cognitive defusion involves distancing yourself from your thoughts and feelings, which leads you to change how you react to them and to have a more objective perspective on them. Instead of assuming that our thoughts and emotions are true, this skill teaches us to ask whether the thoughts and feelings we have are true. Techniques for this skill can include things like singing our thoughts, noticing the automatic reaction we have to certain thoughts or feelings, or using language to distance ourselves from those thoughts and feelings (For example, "I'm noticing that I'm having the feeling that I was born a bad person" instead of "I was born a bad person").

Self as Context or The Observing Self: This skill asks us to recognize that our physical and emotional states are temporary. As people, we're more than just our emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Because we are not our emotions or thoughts, we can choose how we react to the emotions and thoughts that we have. Exercises in this group can include things like exploring the roles we play in our day-to-day lives and noticing the things that stay consistent throughout those role switches that we experience.

Values: This skill asks us to identify what our personal values are. When we know what our values are and are trying our best to live in line with them, it's easier to avoid acting from a place of negativity (like shame, jealousy, anger, and fear).

Committed Action: finally, committed action asks us to create long-term goals that are in line with our values. What are the concrete steps you would need to take in order to align with your values and positively impact your life?

Final Thoughts

I know this all probably feels like a lot of work, and I would imagine that some of it doesn't feel immediately relevant to your pressing concern. But by learning these skills, either thought positive self-talk, DBT, or ACT, it will become easier to accept your past, tolerate your discomfort with the person that you used to be, change the way that you think and feel about yourself, and change the way that you interact with the world moving forward.