crankycalcifer

[crankycalcifer]

“People are inherently terrible” no!!! Have you ever seen a child wait for their friend while they tie their shoelaces? Have you ever known someone who would bring hurt squirrels and rabbits and mice to the nearest vet just so it doesn’t suffer? Have you seen someone grieve? Have you ever read something that hit your heart like a freight train? Have you looked at the stars and felt an unexplainable joy? Have you ever baked bread? Have you shared a meal with a friend? Have you not seen it? All the love? All the good? I know it’s hard to see sometimes, I know there’s pain everywhere. But look, there’s a child helping another up after a hard fall. Look, there’s someone giving their umbrella to a stranger. Look, there’s someone admiring the spring flowers. Look, there’s good, there’s good, there’s good. Look!!!!

[crankycalcifer]

[crankycalcifer]

[crankycalcifer]

In ~these times~ it is important for queer people to be reminded of what "coming out" originally meant. "Coming out" did not mean telling all of your co-workers something super stigmatized and vulnerable about you, wearing your queer status on your sleeve in public, informing the police or government institutions about your sexuality, or even telling your parents. "Coming out" meant venturing out into the queer community; being among other queers as a queer yourself.

Coming out isn't about telling the entire world when doing so is not safe for you, it's not about arming your enemies with information they could use against you. No, coming out is about making a fulfilling queer life possible for yourself through participation in the queer community. It is about escaping the restrictions and dangers of the cisgender heterosexual world by rooting oneself more deeply into the queer one.

And you can always do that. No matter how oppressed we are. No matter how much the culture shifts and policies are enacted to terrorize us. We are always able to be ourselves when we are amongst each other. And living our queerness has always been a collective social project, not just a matter of personal exposure.

[crankycalcifer]

[crankycalcifer]

thank your local trans girl for being alive right now

[crankycalcifer]

Now a new study looking at 400,000 youths from 88 countries around the world suggests such bans are making a difference in reducing youth violence. It marks the first systematic assessment of whether an association exists between a ban on corporal punishment and the frequency in which adolescents get into fights. 

[crankycalcifer]

[crankycalcifer]

In regards of the Trump government scraping all trans inclusion in its queer information portion of its websites I have made this thing. Spread the word. Don't let them pretend we never existed.

P.S: Don't like! Reblog! <3

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[crankycalcifer]

ur future nurse is using chapgpt to glide thru school u better take care of urself

[crankycalcifer]

[crankycalcifer]

btw one of the key components of actually being in a healthy relationship is just asking for things that you want. i keep seeing posts on this website saying 'i really want to do/receive [X] but my partner has never done it'. just ask. 'nobody exchanges love letters anymore' ask. 'i want to have my partner's hair in a locket like the victorians' just ask. 'i want to be bought flowers regularly :((' literally just ask. your partner doesn't know they're being held to these expectations and that you're unhappy unless you tell them. it's so unfair to expect your partner to read your mind. 'it's less special if you have to ask :((' grow up and stop pretending you're the lead in a romcom. when people say communication is crucial they mean it !! just ask !!

[crankycalcifer]

this is for all the gay trans men: there are gay/bi/pan/queer men who will be attracted to you. there are probably queer men who are attracted to you right now. i know the gay community might feel hostile towards us, but there are those who will see you as a real man and find you attractive. trans AND cis. and those who are kind of in between. you are wonderful, you are beautiful, you are attractive and you're infinitely worthy of love. don't give up on yourself.

[crankycalcifer]

Survival Tip: Do something (doomscrolling doesn't count)

Stress Response 101:

Brains in general are evolutionally wired to prioritize information that it perceives as being threatening (Source)

When our brain perceives threat, lots of things happen neurochemically and hormonally to switch our brain into super stupid survival space (Source)

Super stupid survival space is about escaping the tiger that is chasing us and not about making intelligent, reasonable long term decisions (Source)

We basically have four options in super stupid survival space: fight, flight, freeze, fawn based on a instantaneous, reflexive, unconscious decision our brain makes that is sort of informed by our past experiences and sort of informed by a quick scan of the environment and sort of random based on the electrical charge of our spine juices and brain jelly (Source)

The tiger that is chasing us doesn't have to actually be a tiger. It can be something we thought was a tiger, or something we were taught to associate with a tiger, or something that happened the last time we were chased by a tiger, etc (Source)

Replace tiger with anything our brain thinks is stressful (traffic, political information, social interactions, etc.) and the same process takes place (Source)

Completing the stress cycle:

If we don't address the threat in some way (e.g. fight- and the scary thing dies or gets scared away, flight- run away from the threat, freeze- the threat thinks you're dead and doesn't eat you, the threat doesn't see you and moves on, fawn- the threat is on your side now and promises not to eat you so your safe-ish now) our body and brain will continue to function as though we are still being chased by the tiger (Source)

This, understandably, fucks our shit up (Source)

To survive, we have to complete the stress cycle. We have to identify the physiological stress response, move our selves our of the super stupid survival space and back into the grounded, neutral, can make reasonable long term decisions space (Source)

If we keep ourselves in the stress response, our bodies literally disintegrate at the molecular level (Source)

Do this, not that

Practice resilience, the ability to experience stress and move oneself from a state of hyper-activation (too much activation: fight, flight, fawn) or hypo-activation (too little activation: freeze) to our area of normal functioning (the "window of tolerance") (Source)

Other minority groups know how to do this better than we do (Source) (Source)

This is *much* harder for folks with ADHD (Source)

We have to learn to identify a stress response, take responsibility for the things under our control, and complete the stress cycle.

Don't say: "But everything is hard and bad and I can't possibly do anything else"

Do this instead: Do something. Validate ("This is hard and it makes sense that I feel overwhelmed and scared), identify stress response ("I want to fight with someone on the internet, who actually thinks the same way I do and wants the same things I do, about this"; "I am going to avoid it and do nothing and disassociate in my house"; "I am just going to move to a different country and that will fix everything"), complete the stress cycle ("I can't do very much, but I can check on my trans friends"/"I can take a shower so my body feels more comfortable"/"I can make sure that I attend my community support group"/"I can research, collate, and disseminate information about effective forms of political activism")

Don't say: "But I have (insert identity marker or disability or geographic issue or impact of social systemic oppression) so I can't do anything"

Say Instead: Do something. Validate ("Things are more difficult for me. There are probably things I cannot do, cannot do at this time, or are too costly in terms of resources for me to do and keep myself safe and well. It makes sense that I feel sad and angry about that") identify stress response ("I am going to attack this person on the internet because they didn't think about my specific needs."; "I am going to assume that my help is not going to be useful or that no one will want it"; "Someone should come and save me"; "I am going to blame this system or this person for what is wrong and excuse myself from having to do anything") complete the stress cycle ("Things are hard and I have limited time and energy. I can't do everything. I can make intentional choices about the things under my control. I can choose to mediate for 20 minutes. I can choose to go for a walk. I can decide I am going to give myself experiences that are positive, exciting, and meaningful") (Source)

Don't say: "Its a holocaust and we are all going into concentration camps"

Say Instead: Do something. Validate ("This is really scary. I don't know what is going to happen and I know that things could get really unsafe/unsafer for me and the people I care about. It feels like I need to do something urgently. This reaction makes sense because...*fill in for what's true for you*") identify stress response ("If I continue to live in the emotional space that a genocide is imminent and unavoidable, it makes me feel like I have to fight everyone or give up."; "If I sit with all of my anger and powerlessness, it feels too big and I can't feel anything else") complete the stress cycle ("I am going to set limits to how often or how deeply I interact with information that is scary or speculative. I am going to make sure I put myself in situations that remind me that people do have power, do care about each other, and can do important things to help one another. I will resist being pulled into black/white extremist thinking. I will identify and articulate harm when I see it and maintain my own embodied understanding of safety which informs the boundaries I set and requests I make").

[crankycalcifer]

there's probably a better way of wording the last part but like come on it doesn't matter if we're all the same to fascists

[crankycalcifer]

Executive orders do not change the Constitution or laws passed in Congress.

Push back. Use your voice. Stay engaged.

DO NOT SUBMIT IN ADVANCE.

There are more of us than them.