#my mental health journey with DID

[dissociativecollective]

I woke up, still lost in the haze of sleep. Then, I slipped back into slumber, drifting away forever. My things were all in their usual spots, not where I'd left them. Who are you, always trailing me like a shadow from my past? Who are you, watching my every move, watching my back? Who are you, slowly taking my life bit by bit? Your hands feel like mine, your eyes see what I see, your heart beats like mine, your soul feels like mine. You have nothing of your own - and neither do I. Maybe that's why I've always felt incomplete.

...Who are you, showing up just when I need you, exactly where I need you? Who are you, the only one who truly gets me? My hands are cold, but yours are warm, yet they're the same hands. Drop me a note, let me know how your day went. I'll muster a smile in the mirror - just for you. I search for you in every reflection. You're like a guiding light, always there. Who are you? Your hands are my hands, your eyes are my eyes, your heart is my heart, your soul is my soul. You make me whole. I get it now. You're a part of me, my closest friend, my protector.

[petrow1tch]

They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

What’s everyone’s morning routine like? and do you wish you could change anything about it??

[system-of-a-feather]

A Routine Self-Care / Healing Thing I Do

(And have done for a while. I'm mostly sharing it because I was thinking about it and its relation to other values and thoughts I have and felt like sharing it)

Temporarily denying access to a main coping tool

It sounds counter intuitive, but every so often - either when I want to develop myself more or when I feel like I am stuck for no particular reason and thus feeling as though my life has grown dull and empty - I look at what I spend most of my time doing, particularly to relax, and I say "hey for the next week, we aren't going to do that. Its still there, but that action is off limits" and I choose to limit the usage of whatever I usually spend my time doing

It can cause some stress and so I don't push myself to abide by it 100%, but I try to stick to it when I can, because I often find that when a dominating coping mechanism and time sink is removed, there opens up a vacuum and that vacuum serves to provide a lot of opportunity to introduce new habits, new skills, and see life in a more creative and open manner.

It causes a mild amount of adjustment stress, but so long as the coping mechanism is still there to return to (and you let yourself dabble if it ever gets too stressful with the interest of still minimizing usage) that adjustment stress is a small payment for experiencing new things and being able to expand the things that you can self sooth with.

Not only is this helpful for having diversified coping strategies and introducing healthier habits, but it also practices and helps reinforce to the emotional / trauma brain that sometimes when things that we love and are used to regularly using to sooth aren't available, that we are okay and able to manage with other coping tools - including ones we haven't acquired. It reinforces the idea that even without our familiar coping tools, the world has a lot of things out there that can fill the role as something soothing.

And when you practice the unavailability of preferred coping tools in a space where they aren't ACTUALLY 100% unavailable, you can practice and develop the tolerance to that lack of access in a space where you still have control how much you can tolerate

Then, when life makes it so that something you prefer to cope with is unavailable, you have built up a better relationship with yourself, the world, and coping to feel a little more safe waiting until your preferred coping is available again; because you do this regularly when the access is in your hands. You've survived it multiple times, because its just part of your daily life and practice. Sometimes you don't have what you usually use to meet your needs, and that's okay. There's plenty in the world out there.

[jojo-schmo]

My old Good Omens art from 2019-2020!! :O (In somewhat chronological order)

In the interest of sharing my art in one place, I thought I'd revisit this era of my art! I made much more traditional art at the time. But I like thinking about the evolution of my skills over the past few years.

Director's commentary below:

I believe the first four images are from 2019, when the first season of GO came out. Boy, did that show come out at a good time for me! I was in a deep art slump that had lasted for a few years at that point. Long story short, because of untreated depression and a chronic illness that brought me physical pain, I didn't get everything I wanted to get out of college classes and I was deeply self-conscious of my skill level. I knew I wanted to tell stories but I was frustrated that I seemingly couldn’t make my ideas come to life at all.

Being alive was very difficult for me at the time and I was fighting my own dark and negative thoughts that I directed towards myself constantly. I didn't see a psychiatrist until the Spring of 2020, and only then did things start getting better. If I had to describe it, it's like a storm in my head finally cleared. The weight on my shoulders lightened up a lot. I had enough mental clarity to gain more self-awareness and really work on myself. And that included my art. And it shows a little in the last few drawings.

(Side note, I am much, much better now. Medication and ongoing therapy has completely changed the quality of my life. I am very happy to be here!)

Anyway, I was making efforts to get better at drawing after college by taking Aaron Blaise's online art classes. (Side note, his class on drawing human anatomy helped me immensely!!) But it was just the beginning of a long art improvement journey!

But I see the stiffness and insecurity that was still present in my art from that time. Whenever I shared it on Twitter (which was my main social media at the time) I'd be lucky to hit ten notes. It didn't bother me all the time, but it did get discouraging as time went on. Until one day I decided to just deal with it. Whatever the reason was that nobody was seeing my art- whether it was due to the Twitter algorithm or if my art was just not appealing enough. I was going to keep drawing. If nobody clicked the like heart on my art, fine! I was going to keep throwing it into the void anyway and see what sticks. If it got ten likes or one I tried not to care as much.

My transition from drawing what I thought other people wanted to see, to drawing what made me happy, made a huge difference. Likes and reblogs do feel really good, but I'm happy to hear even what one person likes about my work. I try to keep that mindset with me as much as I can. And I'm not perfect at it. But it helps me a lot.

Of course that transition in my mindset was gradual. Took place over a few years. But I realized lately that I have a confidence in my art that I've never had before. And I'm really happy about that!!

All this to say, whether you've been drawing/writing for ten years, one year, or a few months, it's always nice to remember where you came from and far you've come.

Looking back, I wish I could tell my past self that her best was yet to come. And I still have a long way to go but I'm excited to see what I can make in the coming years!

If I had one preachy piece of advice to offer as a final note, remember that the ability to draw and write is an awesome skill to have. A skill that not every human being has. But a skill that can be developed and cultivated over time if nurtured. It's a beautiful thing to me, to be able to create something that didn't exist before. Something that only you can bring to life. And while it might not resonate with everyone who sees it, it might resonate with one person. And I love that. So when you can, create things that make you happy, the happiness might just be contagious to its viewers. <3

...I think I should draw some more Good Omens sometime soon. I miss those guys and they are dear to me :)

[motherhenna]

wanted to share an almost full-body pic for the first time in probably almost a decade because for once I'm actually proud of how I'm progressing and think that the changes I'm making will end up being permanent bc I'm genuinely enjoying them. Plus, the few selfies I have shared over the last five years have been very photoshopped and at flattering angles, so I feel like most of y'all don't know what I actually look like. So this is me in my children's theater teacher fit last monday!

I'm 17 lbs down from my highest ever weight, but my trainer thinks I'm probably up at least ten to fifteen lbs in muscle. I'm cooking my own food, eating more reasonable portions, and going to the gym at least five times a week because I want to, not because I feel shame or guilt. And now that I'm working as hard as I am, I'm a lot less triggered by looking at new pictures of myself because I know I'm doing my best. I'm still obese, and probably will be for awhile more, but I'm starting to appreciate what I look like and feel like. And hopefully it'll just get better from here!

[girlitfeelsgood]

I am getting so fed up with myself I just can't get myself to do anything

[pastelince]

You ever have a fellow mentally ill person basically call you ableist for not being able to be there for them anymore?

Like, my brother in christ, we are both suffering here. What am I supposed to do? Prioritize only you and hurt myself?

Guilting me (and my friends) by saying your disorder "isn't pretty enough for you" is accusatory and manipulative. I̲t̲'̲s̲ ̲n̲o̲t̲ ̲t̲h̲e̲ ̲t̲r̲u̲t̲h̲. It's only hurtful, and doesn't make helping you any easier.

It doesn't matter if your disorder is stigmatized; you don't get to start basically implying people are ableist for not being able to constantly be tolerant and be supportive of you.

People run out of spoons! People have other shit going on outside of you!! OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALSO DISABLED BY THEIR MENTAL ILLNESSES!!

If they leave, it's not because your disorder is "ugly." It's because they have their own priorities.

[habitual-creatures]

Uhhh Not sure if this is tmi. Sorry, but I apparently DID relapse, actually. Uh-

I'm just sorta talking about it for some reason below the cut because I can't explain this to my roommates or anyone tbh. Because I don't know how to explain my mental health. And like what- HOW THE FUCK DO I NOT REMEMBER.

Mmmmmmmmm- Okay. Yep.

Forgot that happened.

Was wondering why my arm felt so itchy...

My wrist/forearm looks like it got clawed to shit by a cat.

Soooo...

Well, fuck.

There goes that whatever-amount-of-time-without.

Guess I'm starting over again.

Even if I don't remember doing it, I still fucking did. So... oh fucking well...

These look like hell on my fucking arm. What the fuck did I even DO?

Uh... mod fails don't relapse challenge?

[bookishfeylin]

Hmm. I didn't want to do this, but after receiving a lot of harassment here and on Ao3 I'm debating abandoning ACOHAS. It is just... not fun to go there and expect negativity all the time about THAT ONE THING so my internet experience would be much better by simply stopping with that one fic BUT it also is the fic of my heart and I have so many arcs I want to complete, so I have really mixed feelings on it :(

[crowleyaj]

for the first time ever I set a long term goal for myself to work towards (save enough money for a six month solo backpacking trip) and life really does feel a bit better thanks to it. knowing that there's something I'm looking forward to. that I'm giving this desk job two years. that it has a purpose. so far my life has been very "let's just see what happens idk I don't have plans" but this? this feels good. and for someone who was so depressed I barely got out of the house two years ago it feels like a huge step tbh

[parvuls]

okay wait I'm writing an actual post so I can start handling all these emotions

[comfortableinthesilence]

Finishing work, playing some Fallout 4 and sat chilling on my decking starting night one of dog sitting Pip (our family dog). My mum and step-dad (I always feel weird saying that. Guess I could use partner lol. Sorry rambling) have gone away for the weekend for their wedding anniversary. So it’s just me and pip for the weekend! I apologise in advance for the copious amount of doggo pics 🤣🙈

[eddie-rifff]

im down to taking 3 psych meds daily from 5. i think thats good. there was a point where i really needed all 5 but i think i really just need an ssri and maybe something for anxiety on top of that. currently im on an ssri, a mood stabilizer (which i never needed to begin with...), and an snri. i was prescribed the mood stabilizer almost 10 years ago because i was misdiagnosed as bipolar II when in hindsight they should have diagnosed me with autism (what i described and my doc thought was bipolar mania was just autistic excitement) but like whatever. anyway i am on that and i really dont think i need to be but the last time i tried going off of it it was pretty bad. i was at 225 mg and i went down to 200 which was ok but then i went down to 175 and my mood was, well, really unstable. so i went back up to 200 where ive been for idk 7 years. so now im like dependent on this drug i didnt need in the first place. i dont like taking drugs that i dont need to be on u know. i also dont think the snri is really doing much but at least that was for a legit diagnosis.

[princekirijo]

Even if you don't plan on stay around it's good to see you're doing ok, I was worried

It is GOOD to see you too man I'm sorry for worrying u 🙏 I missed y'all fr

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

If I See You Again Tomorrow

YA contemporary/light sci-fi

follows a boy almost a year into a time loop, who has almost given up on finding a way out

until a new boy shows up at his school - which has never happened before - and he’s motivated to step out of his monotony and maybe find a way out

exploring loneliness and social isolation