#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly
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polyam!lawhan + first dates
lawhan is the pairing i didn't know i needed until very recently (also courtesy of you—there is a recurring theme here lol)
yesss - for context to everyone else, we've been discussing lawhan over on @littlebearnation so if you wanna join in, hop on over there! also i made this moreso just... date headcanons lol, hope thats okay!
liam lawson x gn!reader x jack doohan (date headcanons)
cw: briefly suggestive
due to how awkward the three of you were, you decided to go on multiple "first dates" - liam with jack, liam with you, jack with you and then all three of you together
liam and jack's date was a simple movie date, catching a random action flick that both of them were already interested in prior to the confession of their feelings for one another
the date ended with liam kissing jack's cheek before rushing back to his car all embarrassed (he wouldn't admit it for ages but jack's heart was racing for the whole night after that)
liam's date with you was kind of a silly idea, but you decided to go to karaoke together so liam could "serenade" you (his words, not yours)
it goes well, you and liam have a grand old time and fall into fits of laughter many times over, before you two go your separate ways with rosy cheeks
your date with jack? mini golf. you have no idea why you went with this but, much like your date with liam, it was so much fun that you didn't regret it
you could clearly tell that jack wanted to kiss you throughout the entire evening so, when you said goodbye, you kissed his cheek and watched him turn a pretty shade of pink
the date the three of you had was a picnic - something simple yet cute to enjoy in between hectic pre-race preparations
the three of you laughed until you cried and took many silly but cute photos of each other until all of your phones were straight up begging for storage
you got together as a trio on that picnic date and now you really enjoy going on dates with them
shopping dates aren't that common but are always chaotic when they do happen - picking out silly accessories to drape upon the others, silly mirror selfies and awkward giggles in the more adult stores you sometimes decide to enter
movie dates also aren't that uncommon, especially considering the fact that liam calls the lil movie watching fun times you have on planes dates - you're almost positive you've gotten through just about everything on netflix together
you're almost always down to try out various random classes that liam and jack find on the internet, delighting in the chaos the three of you inevitable go on to create
going out for food after races isn't that uncommon either, even moreso if someone has a bad race - you like to drown your sorrows in sweet, sweet restaurant food
lazy days in bed during weeks off from racing started to become more commonplace after you three moved in together and now it's like... basically impossible to get liam out of bed in the mornings because he loves cuddling you two
padel dates - an f1 classic! you're not the best but jack is always willing to help you even if it means putting his hands on your wrist & waist and guiding you, ignoring the way you brush back against him
why yes, that did lead to a cramped threesome in the showers
both boys love you so much that they are willing to go on just about any date possible if it means the three of you get to relax, cool off and forget about the pressures of the f1 season for a couple of hours
y'all get spotted in public together so much... rip ya personal life, babe
© all rights to babybearnation 2025.
#ᵔᴥᵔ fics#sir bear's sweetheart special#bear's inbox#koalapastries#liam lawson#liam lawson x reader#ll30#ll30 x reader#jack doohan#jack doohan x reader#jd7#jd7 x reader#formula 1#formula 1 x reader#f1#f1 x reader#babybearnation
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Bed Chem
Requested: no
A/N: based on Bed Chem by Sabrina Carpenter. This came to me on a drive home.
Pairing: Nico Hischier x reader
Words: around 1700
Warning(s): mentions of sex, swearing
It was an ordinary night at the rink. Nico Hischier had just finished a long practice session with the Devils, sweat dripping down his forehead as he made his way to the locker room. His teammates were busy joking around, talking about dinner plans, but Nico was distracted. He had been thinking about her ever since they met. It was the first time in a while that someone had caught his attention so completely.
He remembered that day clearly: the bright sunlight filtering through the windows as he hurried to his car, late for an interview with the media team. But then, there she was, standing outside the arena, her sheer dress billowing slightly in the wind. She was on the phone, clearly distracted by something. And yet, when she noticed him, her eyes caught his, and for a moment, time seemed to slow.
She was stunning—her smile radiant as she stepped forward. “You’re Nico, right?”
He nodded, still caught off guard by the whole situation.
“I’m Y/n,” she had said, “I’m a huge fan of yours. Mind if I take a quick picture?”
Nico, ever the polite guy, agreed. She snapped a few photos, but there was an undeniable spark between them, something more than just a fan meeting a player.
Before she walked away, she handed him her number with a sly grin. "In case you ever want to chat."
That was it. The brief encounter that had his heart racing long after it ended.
The next morning, as Nico sat in his flat sipping coffee. He thought about shooting her a text, not really knowing what to say to her without making it weird. So he texted her:
“Hey, I know this might be weird, but you seem cool. Let’s talk sometime :) Hope I didn’t look too sweaty yesterday haha”
A few moments later, her response popped up:
“Definitely! Lol, no worries, you looked great. :)” Nico couldn't help but smile.
They texted back and forth, talking about everything and nothing in particular. She was funny, smart, and made him feel at ease in a way that was rare for him. It wasn’t long before he found himself thinking about her all the time. He liked the way she made him laugh, how she didn’t treat him like a celebrity but as just Nico, the guy who was just as awkward about his feelings as anyone else.
___
Weeks passed, and every time Nico saw Y/n, it felt like something was pulling them closer. They met for coffee, for casual walks through the city, and sometimes just sat in his flat, talking for hours about random things. He admired her confidence, the way she looked at him with those wide, bright eyes that never seemed to shy away. There was something magnetic about her, something that kept him coming back for more.
And then, one night, everything changed. It was late, and Nico had just come back from an away game. He was tired but couldn't stop thinking about Y/n, who had just messaged him:
“Hey, are you free next week? I bet we'd have really good bed chem.”
He chuckled to himself, reading it over again. She was bold, that was for sure. But he couldn’t ignore the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw those words.
“Bed chem? What do you mean by that?” he replied, a smirk playing on his lips.
She didn't answer immediately. Nico put his phone down and started to get ready for bed, when suddenly, another message popped up:
“You know what I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t feel it too. ;)”
Nico’s breath caught in his chest. Was it possible she was as into this as he was? There was no way it was all just in his head, right?
___
The next time they saw each other, it was at a small dinner party with a few friends. Nico had been looking for an excuse to get closer to Y/n, and now that he was here, he could barely concentrate on anything else. She walked into the room, wearing a simple yet elegant outfit, and Nico's gaze immediately landed on her. The way she smiled when she caught him staring sent a rush through him. His friends had been going on and on about the latest game, but Nico’s mind was elsewhere.
Y/n was talking with one of his teammates, laughing at something, her eyes sparkling. Nico found himself drawn to her, even across the room. When their eyes met, she flashed him that smile again, the one that made his heart skip. He couldn’t help himself. He excused himself from the conversation he was in and made his way over to her.
“Hey,” he said softly, leaning against the wall beside her.
“Hey you,” she replied, her voice a little breathless. “What’s up?”
“Not much,” he said, looking into her eyes. “Just trying to figure out how to ask you out without sounding like a total dork.”
Y/n raised an eyebrow, a playful smile tugging at her lips. “Well, you’re definitely not failing so far.”
Nico chuckled, relaxing a little. “I don’t know, I think I might be. Want to grab dinner next week?” He stepped even closer to her, if that was even possible.
Her eyes twinkled. “I’d love to.” His heart pounded in his chest as he leaned in to kiss her. It was soft at first, tentative, but quickly deepened into something more intense. There was no denying it—what they had was electric.
___
The days leading up to their dinner date were filled with anticipation. Nico found himself constantly thinking about her, wondering what it would be like to finally spend more time together, alone. It was obvious that there was something between them, but he couldn’t help but feel the anxiety of not knowing where it would go.
The night of their dinner, Nico met her at a small, cozy restaurant in the city. She looked incredible in a little black dress that hugged her figure perfectly, and the way she smiled when she saw him made his heart race all over again.
As they sat down, the conversation flowed easily, just like it always had. They talked about everything—his latest games, her work, her favourite books. But underneath the casual chatter, Nico felt something more building between them. It wasn’t just attraction; it was something deeper, something that felt like it had always been there, waiting to surface.
“So,” Y/n said, taking a sip of her wine and eyeing him playfully. “How’s the whole ‘bed chem’ idea working out for you?”
Nico laughed, his cheeks reddening slightly. “Well, I’m starting to think there might be something to it.”
Y/n smiled, leaning closer. “I’m glad you’re finally catching on.”
___
A few weeks later, things were still progressing between them. They’d spent more time together, the chemistry undeniable. Nico couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so drawn to someone. They were in sync in a way he hadn’t expected, and the longer they spent together, the harder it became to imagine his life without her.
One evening, after a long practice, Nico invited Y/n over to his flat to relax. He wasn’t sure why, but something about tonight felt different. There was an electricity in the air, a tension that neither of them had acknowledged before.
As Y/n entered his flat, she smiled at him. “Hey, I brought wine. Figured we could make a night of it.”
“Sounds perfect,” Nico said, his voice low.
They sat down on the couch, the conversation easy, but Nico couldn’t stop thinking about how close she was. Her perfume filled the air, her hand just inches from his. His pulse quickened as he finally broke the silence.
“Y/n… I’ve been thinking about this—about us.”
She turned to face him, her eyes intense and curious. “What do you mean?”
He hesitated for a moment, searching for the right words. “I think we’ve got something real here. Something different. And I don’t want to just keep playing around.”
Y/n smiled softly, her fingers brushing his. “I think we’ve been dancing around this long enough, Nico. I want this too.”
Without another word, Nico leaned in, kissing her gently at first, as if testing the waters. But soon, it deepened—passionate, urgent. All the unspoken tension between them spilled out in that kiss. It was a different kiss than the one they shared in the restaurant, this one felt more charged with sexual tension.
“Do you want to move this to the bedroom?” Nico asked her as he pulled away from her lips before attaching his to her neck.
She couldn’t help but gasp at the feeling. “Yes, please.” She breathed out. Nico quickly picked her up and made his way to his bedroom. He took off his shirt as soon as they entered the room. “Fuck, you’re hot.” Is all she managed to get out.
“Can I go down on you first, I really want to taste you.” He looked at her, his eyes darkening as he made his way to his bed.
“I have a better idea. Have you ever tried this one?”
___
The next week, Nico couldn’t help but laugh as he read through a text message from Y/n:
“I bet the thermostat’s set at six-nine now, huh?”
He smiled, typing back: “It’s a little warmer than that, but I think the bed chem is off the charts.”
Her reply came quickly: “Good. Because I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
Nico’s heart swelled. She wasn’t just someone he had chemistry with—she was someone he couldn’t imagine being without. And as they lay together, tangled in the sheets, Nico knew that this was only the beginning of something truly incredible.
#nico hischier blurb#nico hischier fanfic#nico hischier imagine#nico hischier#nico hischier x reader#nico hischier smut#nico fanfic#nico smut#nh13#nj devils#new jersey devils#devils hockey#nhl nico#nhl fanfiction#nhl players
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wordless ways to say "i love you": 27. leaving a plate of food in the microwave for when they have a late shift.
for @hanleiahothwars
It was past 2200 when Leia finally got off her shift and headed for the Falcon, hoping she was still on time to catch Han, Chewie and Luke after dinner—and in time for some leftovers, so she wouldn’t have to circle back to the mess hall on her way to bed. She’d told them she might be a little late, but they’d finally received an update on a group of missing operatives, and it’d been over an hour before a rescue mission could be put together for the following day and Leia was finally relieved of duty.
The Falcon’s ramp was down, but inside everything was dim and quiet. Leia still wandered into the main hold, only to have her suspicions confirmed: she was a lot late to dinner. Luke had clearly left, but somebody on the freighter had to be up and about if they hadn’t yet closed the ramp. She was halfway down the corridor to the cockpit when she felt movement behind her—for a fleeting second, she was convinced she could tell it was Han, and her heart skipped a beat.
When she turned around, she found Chewie waving at her. She wasn’t disappointed to see Chewie. She liked Chewie. She was only mildly let down to find out her guess hadn’t been accurate.
‘Hey Chewie,’ she said, tamping down those ridiculous thoughts as she walked back into the main hold. ‘Sorry I couldn’t make dinner. Looks like I missed everyone.’
‘[We were going to wait for you, but Han was summoned to fix a problem with one of the X-Wings going out tomorrow, and Luke has an early shift],’ Chewie explained. ‘[Han asked me to wait a little longer for you.]’
‘I see… Well, I’m glad to have caught you at least,’ Leia said, giving him a smile and touching his arm briefly. ‘But I don’t want to keep you up—it was really kind of you to wait, but texting me would have been fine—it’s on me for being so late.’
Mess hall leftovers it was, then.
‘I’ll see you guys soon, all right?’ she said, starting to walk past him. It had been a long night, and loath as she was to admit it, she’d been looking forward to a couple of hours among friends, sharing in a meal that had been prepared with more than nutritional value in mind.
‘[Princess, wait!]’ Chewie roared behind her. ‘[That’s not all I had to say to you. Have you eaten yet?]’
‘No, but don’t worry about it—I’ll grab something from the kitchens.’
Sometimes there were sandwiches made with the leftovers available for people on the night shifts, although, since they went by an honour code, their availability tended to vary. If she didn’t have such luck, she could always grab a ration pack. Nobody was greedy about those.
Chewie shook his head. ‘[You don’t have to. Han saved you a plate from dinner and left it in the microwave. That’s why I stayed up.]’
‘Oh, really?’ She immediately brightened at the prospect of getting to enjoy Han’s cooking after all; a vast step up from even the least disgusting ration pack and the mess hall sandwiches. Chewie was already crossing over to the corner of the main hold that served as an unofficial galley, and turning on the microwave (on top of which rested the thermapad somewhat precariously—that was the way things were at the Falcon).
‘That’s very thoughtful,’ Leia said. ‘Thank you, Chewie.’
‘[It’s really Han you should thank],’ the Wookiee mentioned, bringing the hot plate to the dejarik table after a couple of minutes. ‘[He made sure we did not eat all of it. Of course Luke and I wanted you to have the leftovers… it’s just that it was hard to remember because it was nerf stew night.]’
‘Of course,’ Leia said, sitting down at the table and breathing in the flavourful steam of the dish, stomach growling in anticipation. She grabbed the fork Chewie had set down for her, but paused for a moment, as her throat grew tight. Yes; she was glad she got to enjoy Han’s food after all. He didn’t always do it in the most obvious ways, and he’d be quick to deny it if told so, but inviting her and Luke for dinner was one way in which he went against script and showed that he cared. And right now, sitting with a plate of steaming homemade food he’d made sure to save for her even though he didn't have to, that was exactly what she felt: cared for.
#hanleia#han x leia#han solo#leia organa#chewbacca#2025#ficlet#rated G#period: preesb#wordless ways to say i love you#enjoy!#not beta read so please ignore any mistakes
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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dont worry about me, got all the luck I need
#id in alt#my art#kobra kid#yes it took a while to build that collection yes it acts as an impromptu flail#something something stealing good luck charms from other racers (sometimes corpses sometimes not)#he'll take a racers lucky charms for losing over carbons/supplies (everyone hates that). he makes it personal lol#kobra voice: well CLEARLY it wasnt working for them#cherri voice: when you get jumped for this. I'll help#boy doesnt care if its good or bad luck hell take everything he can get#does it work? probably not. has he lost yet? probably not#also to list all the charms I added :] acorn bat cherries rabbits foot mustard seed ace of spades clover ladybug fish bell horseshoe#triple sevens snake eyes rosary/bad luck beads!!#also kobras knuckle tats say lucky yyou and the back of their hands are just. littered with stick and pokes of other luck symbols#way to tkake a motif and beat it into the ground
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oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show
#i remember everyone loving the podcast when it came out#but as someone who was an active fan of audio dramas and podcasts for years at that point the show just. made me frustrated#i realized later after listening to left right game that qcode has this very strange and almost uncanny production behind it#where they get incredibly famous actors to play characters and then bank their marketing on that alone#and the writing is always *almost* good. like sometimes you start to think you might actually be listening to a good show#bc i mean the audio quality and special effects are all stellar#but then the writing and acting is always just a little bit too over-the-top and dramatic for it to feel natural#like the writers don’t know how to portray emotion without visuals so they just make everything Way Too Intense#and each time it feels like they just ask ‘what’s the most insane thing that can happen next?’#’oh ok he’s gonna chop dave’s dick off’#and every time you start to actually like a character they say something misogynistic or just otherwise batshit fucking insane#not to mention that time in left right game where a girl confessed her love to her best friend before LITERALLY DYING FOR HER#only for the best friend in the next scene to be like ‘erm i’m not gay 😐 awkward…’ and she’s NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN#qcode productions are kinda like the fast fashion of fiction podcasts i think#they churn out so many so quickly and they always feel just slightly unnatural or superficial#not to mention when i tried looking into them years ago and it’s impossible to find#literally anything about them. like their minimalist ass website was so insanely insanely vague#and yet clearly they’ve gotta have a fuck ton of money backing them to have this absurd amount of a-list talent on board#(which really i think that is all they care about)#anyways yeah some markiplier fans are gonna get pissed at me for not kissing the ground he walks on. but i was one of you. i AM one of you#and i hate that somebody out there is holding the iron lung movie over us like we’re dogs and if we wanna watch it#we gotta watch this show. which BTW they are giving no details about where to watch it#and seemingly no promotion or marketing material for a show that’s been in production for years coming out in less than 3 weeks#just weird as fuck man. and i don’t even think mark has much to do with it
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I still haven't watched much one piece other than the episodes where Sanji joins the crew
But I can't stop thinking about Sanji having to use his Kitchen Voice to get the rest of the crew's attention for some reason, and they all just snap to attention so fast they're all left wondering 'what the hell just happened???'
#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#is this anything?#i don't know. I'm still trying to figure this out without letting myself get obsessed yet.#if you don't know what i mean by Kitchen Voice. allow me to try to explain:#restaurant kitchens are noisy and fastpaced and chaotic#and sometimes the person you need is all the way on the other end#and you need to get their attention and you need their attention the first time#that's where the Kitchen Voice comes in#(it also needs to be able to convey information clearly and concisely)#it is very much a learned skill just as much as anything else in a professional kitchen#my mentor was a drill sargent before she became a chef#and she was terrifying#since zeff was a pirate before opening the baratie I'd imagine he's just as terrifying#and also taught sanji his Kitchen Voice along with everything else
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Messy school doodles HAHEHHE
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Season 2 Robbie (not canon Robbie ofc, but rather the "S2" of my own fic which I may or may not ever finish). The lore is that his hair was MUCH longer than this, but it got shaved off due to Lore Reasons™ and now it's growing back :]
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NOT STAN. That's my beta Dipper HAHEHHEE. My notes are just emphasizing how similar they look. Me, earlier today, drawing beta Dipper: "STAN PINES ?! 😨😮😮😨😨😨"
Perhaps. Gay people. I am thinking about it really hard fr
#sometimes writing a story is toying with different dynamics and being like “auughh i LOVE this plotline but it'd go completely against -#- everything else in the whole story 😭“ so I gotta kill my darlings.#and I don't mean “killing off a character”#i mean “killing off this cool ass dynamic that sounds awesome but may not fit the story I'm trying to tell”#anyway#gay people... perhaps#do you see the amazing dynamic these two would have in the context of the story I'm making ??? no you don't#because i haven't told you anything about my story LMAO AHDHABHAHAHR#but point is: i love them#god#toxic yaoi is real#they've got the situationship that can almost rival whatever the hell Stanford Pines had going on (unfortunately they do not beat him)#they've got a dynamic that makes others think they don't care about eachother at all. that they hate eachother and that's all#and they DID hate eachother for most of their time together but after a bunch of years spent with no one else to rely on except eachother?#maybe you DO hate them still. but you can't deny the bond you share because the only other person in the world who GETS IT is him#you've seen him at his best and worst. you've driven him to the brink of insanity. you've taken everything from him#and yet you cuddle when the night is cold and it's so so lonely outside#you know how he likes his pancakes. how he'd rather cut his hair off than brush it. how he's entranced by the stars he never saw so clearly#you recognize when he's about to have a panic attack. you sit with him til he calms down. you hold hands and miss your families together#and you know he's the toughest person you know. so the occasional bang sessions? oh; those are NOT gentle#there's nothing more than a single safeword they never used more than once. because they've been together for so long and they know how far-#-they can push until it becomes too much. but to be gentle? to be soft? to a person who has grown so used to dodging your knives?#that is a whole entire INSULT !!! how DARE you treat me like I'm fragile NOW after we spent our lives on opposite sides of a battlefield?#how DARE you be gentle to me now after you ripped open my guts and shoved salt and dirt inside?#you know how much i can handle and you know I've always loved the thrill#so don't you dare make this any less of a battle unless you want me to bash your head in with a hammer. moron#the real valenpines dynamic i stg. i love them so much you don't understand#i can't believe I'm gonna have to sacrifice this dynamic#robbie valentino#dipper pines
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#ohhhhhh my fucking god. omg. omg#i really need to learn to trust my own instincts about people#there's this dude - let's call him biff - who lives in my city#he's always been very consistent about staying in touch with me over the years even though we don't really have any shared interests#i met him when he was dating this girl i was friends with. then they broke up & he wanted to hang out with me#then he started dating someone else & they got married and had a kid#and after a while he stopped messaging me (fine by me)... UNTIL#i posted on fb the other day that i was starting the process of quitting everything Meta#and that people should comment if they wanted my contact info elsewhere#after making this post i thought 'hmmm maybe i should have restricted the audience to the only people i actually WANT to stay in touch with'#but it was too late. biff had already messaged me and asked for my number#stupidly i gave it to him. he (a german) joked 'still no german number i see?'#(it is clearly a german number. also i live in fckn germany. and have done so for 7 years. how the hell would i not have a german number?)#then he realized that & added me on whatsapp (kinda silly bc i explicitly said i'm going to quit the whole metaverse eventually but oh well)#first message: 'how u doing?' this man is in his 40s and has still never learned to type properly#second message: he said that he (singular) had recently moved to a new apartment and was not doing great#which makes me think that maybe he's gotten divorced and that's why he's suddenly so eager to reach out to me again#and he added apropos nothing 'but the good thing is that now i'll finally get to see the harry potter movies!'#ummm... great? fuck that transphobe but have fun i guess? what a weird thing to mention#third message was - just fucking WAIT FOR IT - 'what do u think about what's going on in the US recently? are you planning on going back?'#if y'all know me by now you know that this kind of question drives me bonkers#so i replied 'no i'm never going back. i live in germany. kinda sick of people asking me that. I LIVE HERE'#and i just... godddd my intuition is so depressingly good sometimes.#the moment his name popped up in my messages i had this sinking feeling of 'why did i give him my contact info'#and then what do you know... in his next two messages alone there were at least three minor red flags#NOTE TO SELF: TRUST YOUR FUCKING INSTINCT#why haven't i learned this yet? i do not need a 'valid reason' to softly let someone slip out of my life#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant
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for the record: i very much enjoy reading critical and meta analysis of warriors, especially analyses that cover more serious topics like the series’s depiction of abusive relationships, ableism, misogyny, elements of insensitivity to and appropriation from indigenous cultures, etc.. i just get EXHAUSTED watching people engaging in bad faith discourse and harassing other fans, even though i am fortunate enough to have never experienced that sort of harassment myself
#sometimes i think younger fandom members who haven’t developed media literacy yet will see discussion about these heavier topics#and decide that discoursing about everything is THE MORAL THING TO DO !!!#and i think it’s important to educate people about issues in the text the books (re: portrayals of ableism/cultural appropriation)#but then you have people who feel the need to be that intense in response to EVERYTHING. including stuff that is clearly an error#which is why you get people who are like ‘if you ship breezpelt and heathertail you are a BAD PERSON because they are RELATED’#when they have been a canon couple for SEVEN REAL WORLD YEARS and were only retconned to be related in a super edition like a year ago#AND NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE 😭😭😭😭
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I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone
Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.
At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that.
#sometimes I forget I lived in Pennsylvania for a year literally because I just don't share that memory with anyone#I haven't kept in touch with anyone I met there either#a whole (small) chapter of my life that feels like it had no impact#other than teaching me that east cost humidity suuucks#like.... yeah okay so I had severe depression for half of it and I learned how to get over it#so okay that's at least some personal growth I got from the chapter#actually you know what yeah sometimes even the *bad* or *short term* chapters of your life are actually really good for you#because even then you are learning a lot about who you are#I may be mega lonely right now. but what I'm learning about myself is that I value my friends above all else#and that I can make due living pretty much anywhere and doing anything. it's clearly not as important to me as the people I'm with#and that will indeed influence the next steps in my life and make my next chapters happier since I know what I do and do not like#Idk yet how long I'll stay here in Oregon. When I moved here I was prepared to spend 5+ years of my life in Portland#now I'm like. eh. pretty locations are fun vacation destinations but everything becomes boring when you live there and get used to it#so might as well pick the location with the people you love the most#or maybe everything just seems boring to me right now because I'm depressed again. whatever#i'll finish school and get a job and figure out my next life steps after that
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I don't think you can actually tell the difference between someone having a legimate issue or difficulty completing work vs someone 'just being lazy' that easily actually.
#Sorry sorry lots of talk about group work today and everyone's a fucking struggler who's basically doing it solo or whatever#And that topic of conversation has always made me feel Bad because I've always had trouble keeping up the pace at which most people work#It's part of the reason I tend to leave stuff so late because i get scared and then work all the time no breaks.#It always disclaim it's gonna take me about 5x longer to do work most people can probably complete in an hour#Because I get very stressed and I'm a perfectionist and my brain is weird and overthinks everything ever#I have not yet found any solution to this issue. I am convinced there isn't one except leaving it all to the last week and using the panic#To pull all nighters every other day. To get it done#But I can't fucking. Do that if out progress is logged on a repo... Thinking ahead to out next assignment#I've already had the hard talk with my friends about it and they where all very nice to me but I still feel bad a bit#And I'm glad they know it's not because I don't care I care so hard it fucks me up to the point where it gets really difficult asdfhdhd#But idk sometimes people will bring examples up of one of their teammates 'clearly just being lazy and not caring enough' and it's just#Something I can fall into doing as well. So like. I don't think it's that easy to tell actually#Like I get if it's a pattern then you kinda have to intervene because yknow it's a grade you need to get#I hope if I ever fall so bad I stop working that my friends would pop in to ask me if they could help. But people are very. Mean about it#Idk where I was going with this I just wish I was better than I am I guess. Aughhh#I should go to bed <<< feels bad as fuck because they got nothing done today#android.txt
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When Sophia rang this morning, she said she'd slept on the couch, still in yesterday's clothes, had knocked over the coffee and it had spilt everywhere and everything was wet and she couldn't even light her cigarette and
#normal people problems#also my work emails had a fit today and i clearly need to resign and i hate everything and#i could tell Sophia was in a bad mood when she rang at 5 minutes to 5pm and yet that's when i told her I'm leaving early next Monday#and that i have an exam on the 8th#she's like 'what exam?????' Jesus Christ Sophia i already mentioned it to you#it's just so hard to train the new girl#sure I'm being a baby about it all but it's just so hard and i hate it and Sophia rings every two seconds telling me to do something else#so I'm doing like several things at once and the new girl is obviously confused and i just#Jenette and Colleen did so much like not huge things just a whole lot of little things and i can barely keep up with everything#and then to show a new girl how to do things#like it takes double the amount of time to explain#aw man i didn't even put the petty cash money away#or send out the correspondence#everything's so much up to shit#i just#i feel so awful though because I'm definitely not doing enough and i know Sophia needs me to do more (invoices) but i just#I'm so dumb and everything is a mess and#i barely take lunch breaks like just eat kitkats and freddos and juice throughout the day that's it#also he barely talks to me in the office and i have to be around a married couple but at least i get to banter with Tony sometimes#Tony come on tell me about your girlfriend and we'll double date I've seen she's the man i know how double dates work#I'm violet as a boy and he is eunice and Tony is Channing Tatum and his girlfriend is Olivia and#i see nothing wrong with this
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is parade underwear acutally like, good?? have any of you tried it?
#there are more companies that do youtube sponsorships than there used to be#it used to be that all sponsorships on all sponsored channels were the same products/companies youve heard of from other youtubers#and they were all once scams or evil#there's more variety now and not everyone is sponsored by all the same things#you see more genuine reviews in sponsorships from people who deliberately do fewer of them#i mean get that bag if you wanna give a sponsorship to an overpriced not that great product i guess if it funds good work#but im getting way off topic#is parade good? because i feel like you don't see em *everywhere* but they do quite a few sponsors#i trust mika's rhetoric tbh she doesnt just promote everything and gives a good review#i found mixed opinions in a thread on reddit#have y'all tried parade? do you like them?#because i have so much old underwear to throw out and should get like good quality underwear that is cute sometimes#i dont wanna order 5 of them for $30 if i dont know its good#..........also putting $50 bras on sale for 8 bucks is sus as hell like#so clearly the full price is a scam right? right? how good is the quality of the stuff theyre selling at full price#the number of sales they do is also slightly dubious theyre never not doing huge sales that end quickly#i might wanna try them but yeah not just yet#shut up kaily#i like that theyre made of recycled materials tho#that was a drawing factor to me#i forgot to mention that somewhere
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ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee
#love my roommate but urghhhh. sorry they dont make enough fictional female characters that interest u but u dont need to justify it to me#write your mlm its literally fine. sorry but ur not gonna gain my respect or approval by defending why u write more mlm than wlw#i dont care if u have equal amounts of each or not LOL we just have different tastes thats all there is to it#and I KNOOOOOOWWWW she writes femslash too im not denying that !!!!!!#most of my fav media is lesbian centric bc I have a strong connection to my identity as a dyke. so i gravitate towards things that explore-#that + complex relationships to gender + its social enforcement etcetc. and its easier for me to get attached to characters that i can-#connect with bc we have shared experiences or the world percieves us in similar ways or we percieve the world in similar ways etc#and shes said she DOESNT feel particularly attached to her sexuality in that way. so ofc shes not going to be looking for the same things-#in media and thats OKAY!!#literally have nothing against her writing gay men i like some fictional mlm relationships myself!! and its cool that she enjoys it#i just find it disappointing that we dont have much in common taste-wise bc thatd be more fun to talk abt#but thats why i come on tumblr dot com.. to talk abt fictional women w dykes who understand them like i do amen#and im happy to listen to her talk abt things she likes and projects shes clearly enjoying working on like thats awesome love to hear it#but sometimes its like shes trying to persuade me abt smth but theres nothing to persuade. i dont knooooow#like ik shes not trying to get me into her interests she already has plenty of friends who are. but theres no approval to win from me???#i think im just annoyed bc i feel like i cant rly talk abt the things im into w her bc she disliked them so much#and also annoying to be around someone who shares an identity w me but is clearly more uncomfortable w it than i am#maybe thats not even true actually the real reason im annoyed is bc ive had a long and exhausting week and im coming down from-#my first day on new meds and im soooo so so tired have i sajd that already. and my head hurts#and i want a fucking hug and im just projecting my lack of physical and emotional intimacy onto her bc she happens to be the person i-#spend the most time with. but thats really unfair of me its not her fault or obligation at all. ah i just want to shower and sleeeepp#and tomorrow day 2 of meds im gonna get so much shit done!!!!!!!! i hope.. i wanna finish drafting my comic too teehee#wouldnt it be so crazy if now im medicated i might actually be able to start and finish projects i reallyyyy want to do..#well i wont get my hopes up yet#anyway........#another day another 5 million tag rambling post complaining abt everything. and dont expect me to ever stop 😚#.diaries#literally why would i care abt the tastes of a girl whose fave character in tlt was naberius........#she rly had to pick one of the ONLY men and not even one of the particularly interesting ones. and shes not even straight???? her loss 🙄
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🦋
#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons.#like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao.#but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want#stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for#rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area#had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v.#i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom.#&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that#until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while#fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao.#but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao.#he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story.#&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it#filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate.#he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao#&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic.#he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao.#he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had#&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed.#he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him.#he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole.#&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious.#when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come.#to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao.#but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there?#will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it?#&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao.#like it could be worse i guess lmao.
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