#Persistent depressive disorder

[dorianbrightmusic]

Having depression is inherently depressing.

That is – when every tiny task is utterly exhausting, it's pretty frustrating. When you once weren't exhausted by these tasks – when you know you used to be someone else – that's downright devastating. When you're wondering whether you're going to get that energy back and not knowing, that's also exhausting.

When you are feeling inherently more stupid because depression has cognitively ruined you, that's embarrassing and confusing and so upsetting. When you are unsure whether you will ever get your old cognition back, that's terrifying. When you do not, in fact, ever return to pre-depression baseline, that's just exhausting.

When you are numb, trying to go through the motions of happiness; sadness; fear; frustration; and phatic interest is so, so tiring. When you cannot effectively perform these emotion states, it is embarrassing and isolating.

When you are too tired and too numb to be social, you are alone.

'What do you have to be depressed about?' Well, this disease is inherently giving me something to be depressed about. And it's very easy to want to cling to that, because at least it's an answer.

And frankly, I think folks who haven't gone through depression may not understand that oftentimes, recovery from a bad episode is kinda piecemeal. My cognition, my disposition, and my capacity for optimism are all substantially altered from where they were pre–depression. I cannot take the person I used to be for granted, and I cannot take the beliefs I used to hold as gospel. Even when I'm not depressed, depression has altered most parts of my life and thoroughly warped my sense of self. I cannot safely believe in baseline happiness at this point.

I'm not saying this to complain, but to make a point. Depression alters your life in ways that, even outside of a depressive episode, give you things to be depressed about. It can completely ruin your sense of who you are, what your world is, and what your future holds. It makes it that much more tempting to believe in the depression narrative of loneliness and helplessness, and it makes those narratives subjectively very real. All of this makes the depression (should it return) and its consequences (however monumentally they've carved into your life) so much harder to deal with.

[oshidorifuufu]

i think a life like mine will just fade away

[whopissedmypants]

Existence is exhausting

I have so little energy for the smallest of things or tasks and omg is it so hard. I don’t want to kill myself or anything but it’s so fucking difficult not being able to do anything about it.

Knowing what’s wrong with you and knowing that it can’t really get fixed is so fucking hard.

[mymusingsaftermidnight]

I'm not gonna lie. Its really annoying that persistent depressive disorder is like... Persistent

[silverlyrics]

Functional Depression be like:

These are your tasks for the day:

- go to work

- prepare your meals (can be supplemented by ready-made food, comes with negative debuff of Expense)

- do your laundry

- wash your dishes

- do your school work

You may only do these tasks at 0.5 capacity. Some tasks can be canceled for more capacity given to other tasks.

Unavailable tasks:

- clean bathroom

- most hobbies

- vacuuming (has been unavailable for several months)

- grocery shopping

- homework (assignment due in five days)

- talk to friends

- thoughts

[keyofmgy]

scrolling through the persistent depressive disorder tag and holy shit some of you bitches actually get me. hate that for y’all

[noodlecaboodle24]

(TW suic1dal ideation)

say what you want but billie eilish's 'listen before i go' is such a powerful and painful song. it's so simply written but still hits you like a freight train if you've ever had su1cidal ideation or attempted. also, her whispery singing was perfect for that album imo. anyway these are my favourite lines from the song.

Leave me like you do (Like you do)

Sorry can't save me now

Sorry there's no way out (Sorry)

I'm not okay, I feel so scattered

Don't say I'm all that matters

Leave me, déjà vu (Hmm)

Call my friends and tell them that I love them

And I'll miss them

But I'm not sorry

[shoshoychoqsh]

Paralysis again. How I waste my days.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals; p. 522

[jacenotjason]

me when the persistent depression is persistent:

[why-dontiknow]

Somedays I can't stand seeing people happy at the age I was so miserable at, realising my world stopped spinning but kept on for what seems like everyone else. And I'm still so broken and I have to live with that, while others can just live.

[pdd-culture-is]

PDD culture is finding yourself not wanting to get better because you've been this way for so long that you feel like you'll be a completely different person if you get better

[aki-bara]

(COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE)

Depression Tips

Only sleep at night. (good luck!)

Eat food. (No really.)

Stop thinking. (No really.)

Consume media to assist in the cessation of thoughts.

Don't meditate (unless it helps).

Be around people you know and typically like even if you hate it. (unless that makes things worse)

Don't go to crowded places alone, you WILL feel terrible!

Cry a lot even if it makes people uncomfortable.

Look unbelievably schlubby.

Don't talk to anyone on the phone or online. Only talk face to face so they can see how depressed you are and take that into consideration.

Don't make ANY commitments.

[oshidorifuufu]

sometimes when i have this motivation to get better in my head i always end up realising i actually just like the thought and aesthetic of being a mentally healthy person rather than actually being one

i’m too mentally ill to actually do it

[joint-hurty-juice]

having like 5 mental illnesses is so fucking bullshit. there should be a limit on how fucked up your brain can be. and don't even get me STARTED on having like 5 mental illness AND a chronic illness. hell world hell world hell world

[toffee-4]

all roads lead to Rome (psychiatric diagnosis)

[divinescannibalism]

lotus flower persistent depression flag

✦ ✦ wanted to do my own persistent depression flag, as someone with this disorder, the green that is the color most present of the flag represents the persistence, the symptons, the empty/"grey" feelings, etc.

i named it lotus flower flag due to the meanings of this flower, meaning: calm , overcoming adversity, rebirth, the overall meaning of the flower is overcoming and calmness, that's why i choosed this flower

OO1 - requested by, no one, self indulgent

OO2 - flag coined by: the overseer

OO3 - tagging ; @accessmogai for id and @mad-pride for archival