#maybe a bad-ish ending
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Hi, I played the entirety of Viatica a few hours ago, I enjoyed it, but I have one small gripe with the ending. It feels like it wasn't really earned, like no matter which choices I could've picked, I didn't work for it. It's entirely linear, like no one could've died during the rebellion ending.
Hello, thanks for giving my story a try. 😊
That’s completely valid and I hear you. There’s 2 big reasons for that. One, I don’t like reading bad endings, and I REALLY don’t like writing them. 😅 I don’t like major character death (as in MCs and ROs). I understand many people want that in their stories, and while I can appreciate a well-written tragic scene, I don’t enjoy writing one myself. Chapter 10 nearly wrecked me, lol. So that choice was self indulgent on my part.
And two, and this is a big one and kind of plays into my first reason, Viatica was a labor of love. I’ve mentioned before but it’s adapted from a novella I wrote 25 years ago. Yes, it was linear because of this. The original was never published, but not for lack of trying. And it’s always been a bit of disappoint in the back of my mind. So this was me finally publishing the story I always wanted to write. The fact that I get to share it with you all, and have the response that it has had, has been the cherry on top. Believe me, I appreciate it soo much! ❤️ But ultimately, I had a desperate need to see this story published this way.
I do plan to explore more drama and (shudder) angst in the new IF. Not all the ROs will get along, there may even be some betrayals, and MC doesn’t have to always be the good guy. I’m not sure if I’ll go full on bad ending, but we’ll see!
#maybe a bad-ish ending#like bad adjacent#interactive fiction#writing#viatica#happy ending#ask me anything
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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i am sooo setting myself up for hate with this but like...damn! y'all really hate epic calypso and i...really don't? i don't know if it's lack of background knowledge on one (or both) of our parts or just knowledge of different versions of the myth/character or different interpretations of love in paradise/not sorry for loving you but like...
calypso hurts odysseus. but not maliciously? he's a victim, and so is she.
i think possibly the lyric "under my spell we're stuck" is making people think she's the one keeping them on the island? she's not. she's a prisoner, too. hopefully the next saga makes that clearer? i think from the clips we've got of not sorry it might.
i don't think she's using the words of his dead friends to mock or trigger or harm him or even to try to manipulate him. it's possible she doesn't even realize what she's saying - how would she know the origins of those phrases? If she's hearing them as he talks in his sleep, even odds they sound like affirmations. they sound positive - i'll stay in your heart! greet the world with open arms! in the best possibility, she's trying to comfort him.
that is of course an optimistic view. call me polites, i guess. but even as she is hurting odysseus - and she is, i don't deny that! - i can't see it as because she's another example of an evil god. i think for better or worse - she doesn't know any better. it doesn't excuse her violations of boundaries, but she has a childlike, self-centered perspective because for so long she HAS just been herself. the world DOES revolve around her. it doesn't make it right. but it doesn't make her a villain.
i've already seen people complaining about how she refuses to apologize in not sorry for loving you. but she does. she apologizes for everything (say too little too late, fine, but she does) EXCEPT loving him. and her love has never been the thing causing harm. her actions have. she shouldn't apologize for loving him.
also also - within epic canon, as of what we know now, i don't think those aforementioned actions include sexual assault. there are differences between epic and the odyssey. that has been made abundantly clear. and other incidents of violence and sexual assault within epic are clearly articulated. if these aren't, i don't think we can assume they're there.
epic calypso isn't odyssey calypso. or pjo calypso. or any other calypso except: epic calypso.
#post#my two cents.gif#the vehement hate im seeing is wild#it's so different than the reaction to circe#or the other gods#or the suitors#im not saying my interpretation is the right one but i have it and here we are lol#positive vibes only!!! as in feel ur feelings no shade or hate from me#epic the musical#this isnt even to get into the fact that the end of love in paradise is one snapshot of time and clearly a bad fucking day in a trauma life#but in not sorry ody says he loves her - they have good(ish at least) times too#then again athena says 7 years she's kept you - so maybe in epic canon it is calypso's fault and i should eat my own words
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Even if the two of us are torn apart
Let go of me
Take my revolution 🌸✨
#this started off as a ‘wwx would love utenas gender’#then moved onto ‘wwx would love Utena in general’#and ended with ‘lwj is the only man on this earth who could get anthy#(man or man adjacent)#wei wuxain#wei ying#wwx#lwj#lan zhan#lan wangji#mdzs#mdzs fanart#idk why the quality is so bad (;﹏;)#revolutionary girl utena#ish? maybe?#idk if it’s rude to add the utena tagg if i’m just referencing the pose?#ily utena girlies i’m just used to twitter#my art :)
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well mark that down as situation 2938489 that I don't know how to handle
#i would love advice on this if y'all have any thoughts to share because i know what my parents think and im having trouble sorting it out#i love these three friends of mine but it is really draining to be around them now because all they will talk about is church drama#(re: our old church) and rehashing it all and being Outraged about the horrors etc etc#either that or being downright condescending about protestants/non denominations and acting like it's funny to talk like that all the time#i end up being more angry or resentful or exasperated at the end of our conversations than glad and at peace like i did before#(before all THIS ish happened and the three of them were like okay this is all we're going to talk about now)#i've tried to say in gentle ways (i am simply not capable of this kind of blunt confrontation) that maybe we should not be talking#so uncharitably towards other people especially behind their backs. like. yes bad things happened. we have to acknowledge that.#but continually making jokes and jibes at a priest's expense really rubs me the wrong way especially since i KNOW that he loves us#and in many ways was trying his best in the circumstances. and are we not supposed to be loving our neighbour#and is this not downright slander to keep going on this way esp since it goes on for HOURS at a time#anyway i don't know what to DO because if i keep chatting with them/meeting up with them conversation will be 90% this thing and i Hate It#but on the other hand i feel responsibility towards them because my godson's one of them and another is a friend who is a fairly recent#convert and if i leave them to stew in their own echo chamber i doubt it'll do them good#am i supposed to keep some distance? am i supposed to keep arguing whenever one of them says something unkind or inflammatory?#am i supposed to keep speaking up so that they hear a different perspective? am i supposed to run in the other direction for my own peace o#mind? anyway i am still thinking this over and it stresses me OUT#it used to be fun and life giving to be around these people and now it is so exhausting and seriously alarming in many ways
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honestly i alwaysthink abt a big missed opportunity in paranorman . Laika made agatha’s poltergeist electricity themed, which is cool and all, and is a nice representation of how fractious she’s become- flickering around, warping and crackling like a bolt of lightning, resembling the storm she’s summoned over the town. but other than that, i see no deeper significance of it to her character/story.
Instead, if they made her more Firelike that’d 1. be awesome, and her storm would have been raining Fire. not just thunder n lightning but FIRE !! 2. would have some fucking horrific implications on how she was killed, (the movie wasn’t afraid to get dark, child death and all, but further implying that said child was BURNED ALIVE at the stake like convicted witches occasionally were might’ve been a step too far) and 3. wouldve felt so much more Meaningful. Norman describes what she’s become in his retelling of her life, “the longer it(her ghost) stayed, the less there was of the little girl,” and it’s so fitting to compare That, her bitterness eating away at her, to a burning, all consuming fire. that would’ve made the resolution so much more of an emotional Gutpunch, as after Normal finally breaks through to Agatha, both he and she, the Real Agatha, not the vengeful ghost, briefly find themselves in a lush forest, where everything is in full bloom. compare that to how rotted, almost BURNT, the forest surrounding her grave looked earlier…
the fire’s been put out, and everything that was lost can finally regrow…
#my rambles#paranorman#im sorry. the movie fucks me up so bad#FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKL RGHRRHHGAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!#it’s not a perfect movie but jesus christ i always tear up a little watcjing it#trembling towards the end of typing this cos i was so consumed by The Feels#well im also kinda on the floor freezing my ass off#maybe. ? ish?
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i gotta say, 13 hours into omori, i don't get why people call it a horror game
#omori#like there's been occasional creepy scenes but they're usually quite short especially compared to the broader tone of the game#it does have a serious story. about like. trauma and failing friendships? that i'm really intrigued by as it slowly uncovers#like maybe it leans further into horror elements as the game goes on but i gotta say the elements that do exist aren't enough for me#to explicitly call it 'horror'#don't get me wrong i love this game and i love the spooky moments they're really fun!#i just went thru the train ride bit which was pretty fun i liked how the shadow at the end says the name of ur real-world character#even though ur playing as omori in the dream world#also no spoilers but it's unclear to me as of now if omori is just haunted by the memory of his sister's death#or if her spirit is Actually haunting him#also i had flowers and i thought maybe i cld put them on her grave but it didn't give me the option#also i loved the moment where kel talks about hero's depression and the way he himself was overlooked by h#their parents#man. i love all these characters so much#god the scene where aubrey fights you in the church and the whole time all the churchgoers are whispering about how terrible she is#i felt so bad for her man#also her design in the real world is cool as hell#also i actually lost to aubrey during the church scene but i didn't get a game over she just let me be and left#omori spoilers#i know the game is old-ish but my wording may have implied i wasn't going to spoil and i totally did#what i meant was don't tell me abt the future story of the game i'm only on 'three days left'
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i know i’ve said that being able to do the stereotypical insane ao3 authors notes is fun and amusing to me but can the universe NOT take that as a challenge to add more shit to my list of things to add next time i post ???? like. fucking. Calm Down Please.
#situations keep happening and i am TIRED#had to restrain a kid at work today which was AWFUL but he was trying to run into the road so i literally had to#almost cried bc of it but got the situation under control#but then when on my way to meet w coworkers to carpool to a meeting#my tire popped#super fun times super awesome super great#i mean my mom helped and we got it all fixed and handled#but basically from noon to like 6pm my mom and i were dealing w it bc everything had to be COMPLICATED#so i only just got home like 45 mins ago ish and i am SO tired holy fuck#but im eating left over orange chicken and then gonna shower and then just gonna be lazy and read and maybe write#if i have the brain power i will work on hb chp17#but i also have a 4 hour training for work tomorrow so yeehaw#its 12:30-4:30 which isnt that bad but still#im also going to my dads afterwards to stay the night and visit him and my siblings#which is a good thing dont get me wrong i love visiting them#it just means i wont have a lot of freetime this weekend to work on writing and cleaning and stuff#not the end of the world and definitely worth it to see my dad and my baby siblings#but i wish it was a 3 day weekend so i could also have a day to just stay home and do things that i havent had the time to do yk#oh well. tis life. adulthood. having to handle situations and finding the best out of shitty circumstances. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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📖
#speedrunning a book today#bc a friend gave me a whole stack of ones she wanted me to read#and she’s potentially moving away the end of this summer#I want to return them but she doesn’t have a good idea of my taste#so it’s such a slog to get through lol#like lifting brain muscles#and I feel bad bc half of this ish is YA#such a speed read I am so disinterested#where are the stormy castles where are the long lists of how many people have died in war that the protagonist maybe met once#where are the dragons and medieval cloaks#why should I care about a college freshman with divorced parents#I don’t#i don’t care#but I will finish it dangit#and come up with four valid points so she feels seen#before she leaves to move to a small town to live with a boyfriend I have met once#I feel like our lives are becoming the plot of one of her books 🤣#nonsims#rant post
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies
Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)
#syncrovoid.txt#delete later#OKAY SO! this makes it sound like i have a super important job but really we are understaffed and ive barely worked there a year now#graduated college a few years early 'cause i finished high school early (kinda? it's complicated)#now i am in a position where i am in the role of a whole Quality Assurance team (testing and write ups)#a Task Manager/Planner#Software Developer and maybe engineer? not sure the differences. lots of planning and programming and debugging ect ect#plus managing the coworker that messed up and doing his stuff because it just isnt good enough. which i WILL put in my end day notes#our team is like 4 people lol. we severely need more because rhe art department has like 10 people??#crunch time is.. so rough..#its weirdddddd thinking about this job since its like i did a speedrun into a high expectations job BUT in my defense i was hired before#i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??#did a four year course in 2 BY ACCIDENT!! i picked it on a whim. but haha i was picked to give advice and a breakdown on the course so it#could be reworked into a 3 year course (with teachers that dont tell you to learn everything yourself) so that was neat#im rambling again but i have silly little guy privileges and a whole lot of thoughts haha#anywho i am SO hyped to move!! I'll finally get away from the creepy guy upstairs (i could rant for days about him but he is 0/10 the worst)#it will be so cool having access to a kitchen!! and literally anything more than 1 singular room#(it isnt as bad as it sounds i just have a weird life. many strange happenings and phenomenons)#<- fun fact about me! because why not? no one knows where i came from and i dont 100% know if my birthday is my birthday#i just kinda. exist. @:P#i mean technically i was found somewhere and donated to some folks (they called some different people and whoever got there first got me)#but still i think it is very silly! i have no ties to a past not my lived one! i exist as a singularity!#anywho dont think about it too hard like i guess technically ive been orphaned like twice but shhhhhhhh#wow. i am so sleep deprived. i am so so sorry to anyone who may read this#i promise im normal#@:|
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hey lovelies! this is my first time using polls… so I got a question from all of you
#i don’t expect people to read this regardless but eh it was worth the try#im on my sem break rn and i got another 2 week before class starts#basically im kinda free-ish#been meaning to do some art trades but …#i am also scared if i drew someone’s oc in bad expectation and i fear people might ghost their part again and it truly sucks#((majority i got are ocs drawing trade)#< sorry sorry maybe im just being paranoid#i did trades with few artists from the past and it was really fun!! and that’s the positive side#dw tho my reqs are always open until i make a post about it!!#i got 2 ask art (super fun too!!!) of my ocs in the inbox i wanna finish soon#anyway.. we shall see the result after this poll ended in 24 hours from now 👍#potato.post#text
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rewatching the bad batch arc from s7 and i fully forgot that it took up the entire first three episodes of the season like damn
#not complaining bc yk my boy echo <3#but still#idk why i remembered it only being two episodes#maybe bc they rescue echo at the end of ep 2?#also hunter's voice is VERY crosshair-ish in s7 if that makes sense#star wars#the clone wars#the bad batch
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I guess it's not overly common, or maybe it is and it's just in fiction, because there's plenty of them, and good in depth ones...but I also have always kind of liked or at least had interest for Bangelus I always was bummed there was never another meeting w them. It was something of ATS that didn't make sense since she was all he thought about last time he was out and he even almost ended the world. It was waste that rematch never happened....
I definitely agree, anon. I imagine a lot of it has to do with the legal issues at the time, of course. With Buffy and Angel being on different networks and the networks not really wanting the different characters to appear on each other's shows.
And, perhaps, the writers felt like if they had a Buffy vs. Angelus thing again--even if there would of course be some differences this time--it would be too much like Buffy season two, so instead they had Angelus vs. Faith instead (which I do love).
But it definitely is weird that Angelus didn't seem to mention Buffy much in Angel season 4, when she was all he thought about before. I think the most we get is him calling Buffy "a pistol," (which is a great line), and him calling Dawn and asking if Buffy's there (to figure out if the Slayer in town he's hearing about is Buffy or Faith), right?
To be honest, we can't deny that some of this might also be because season four is where a lot of where the Angel/C*ordelia plot line is. And during that, the show kind of stopped mentioning Buffy (to maybe try and give the illusion that Angel had moved on some, to try and get the audience to stop thinking of the Angel/Buffy pairing, or moreover to get people to not question... "Wait, how is Angel pursuing a relationship when he still has the curse when the whole reason he left Buffy is because he can't have a relationship if he still has the curse?"). So that might also be part of it. But I definitely think it's moreso the first points.
And, I know I'm biased here, of course (though I do still enjoy Angel/C*ordelia some, though Angel/Buffy is my OTP now), but I don't think Angelus really had feelings for C*ordelia (Buffy seems to be the only person that both the man and demon in him loved). Or if he did, it wasn't like what he felt for Buffy. Because if he had, wouldn't they have made him crazy like his feelings for Buffy had? Like, wouldn't he have wanted to destroy her for making him love her, too, if that had been a thing? So I don't think something like "Angelus had feelings for C*ordelia and that's why he didn't really think about Buffy in season four" was a thing.
The closest we probably ever get to seeing Buffy and Angelus ever interact again in canon is the comics (I don't know if you've read those, anon).
In season 8, I feel like Twilight (this other persona of Angel's, who, is, like partly good and partly bad; and also being possessed by his and Buffy's kind-of-evil kid [it's a super long and complicated story)] is kind of Angelus-like to me. But also Angel-like some. And yes, he and Buffy do end up fighting.
And then in season 10, Angelus makes a brief appearance (when his great-grandsire brings him out again) and he jealously attacks Spike in knowing that at the moment Buffy has chosen to be with him instead. And this definitely seems to hint, of course, that Angelus has finally accepted his feelings for Buffy by this point (the Twilight stuff kind of did, too--if you choose to see Twilight as partly Angelus at all--since he was choosing to be with Buffy and trying to create a perfect world with her, where they and everyone they loved could be together).
There's also a part in the tie-in book "Monster Island" (that takes place in early Buffy season 6 and Angel season 3), where Buffy and Angel (and Gunn) are kidnapped by the Big Bad of the book's minions. To try and get them out, Tara casts a spell to get all magical creatures to attack each other (thinking the demons would then turn against each other, and they could just easily swoop in and save Buffy and Angel at that point). But she didn't count on Buffy and Angel also being magical creatures, of course (or even herself being a magical creature), so Buffy and Angel are trying to break from their bonds to kill each other. And Angel is starting to be very Angelus-like (like, Angel even thinks that), though he's trying to fight it.
...This reply is all over the place. And I don't know if it makes much sense. Sorry about that! But like you, I do kind of wish that we'd gotten more Bangelus in canon! Like, it's cool that in the comics it seems that Angelus has undergone some sort of journey offscreen and accepted his love for Buffy, but I wish we had seen that onscreen somewhere.
But oh well. I guess that's what fanfiction is for:)
Thanks for the ask!
Edit: There's also more Buffy and Angelus in the book "Night Terrors," a Buffy Choose Your Own Adventure book. But if you get on the path where Angelus shows up, it's sort of an alternate canon to Buffy season two, as he shows up earlier there than he did in season two (before he and Buffy make love, etc.).
Angelus is also in the book "One Thing or Your Mother," and the classic comic "Ring of Fire," but they're more missing moments/episodes from season two, than Angelus showing up in a later season and seeing Buffy again or anything like that. I do highly recommend both, however, since you're a Bangelus fan. Especially "One Thing or Your Mother." Oh! And in the tie-in-novel "Here Be Monsters" (that takes place during Buffy season three), there's a section where Buffy is seeing her worst nightmares. I think it's Angelus she sees (and I think she sees herself killing him again? it's been a while), who tells her that she knows how their story is going to have to end (with her killing him once more), and she'd better make it stick this time.
In the tie-in book, "The Evil That Men Do" (a book that takes place in season three), Buffy and Angel are kidnapped by Helen (a former vampire lover of Angelus') and her lover and forced to try to kill each other in a gladiator-like game. They pretend that they've turned on each other to get out of it and get their enemies to try to kill one another (as Helen's lover was always jealous of her and Angelus, and now he fears they're going to be together again).
In the classic comic "City of Despair" (that takes place in Buffy season 4/Angel season 1) Buffy and Angel are abducted to another dimension (called the City of Despair, actually), and forced to battle each other. They both have these collars on their necks, that are impossible to remove and will kill them if they disobey. They're also, like, almost forced to fight against their will: their bodies moving with a mind of their own, I mean. But eventually Buffy realizes that it's literally people's despair keeping them there. She convinces Angel to try to fight against the feeling with her for just one moment: the two of them embrace, and then escape.
Edit 2: Wait. I guess there's also the Buffy book "Big Bad," that has Buffy and Angelus in it, but I haven't read it yet. So I can't tell you how good or in-character that one is atm. And unlike how the original tie-in books and classic comics were always okayed by at least one of the original writers, I'm not sure if these new novels have been. I'm thinking not?
Edit 3: And though a part of me is loath to mention Boom, since they're not canon and I have... not very positive emotions about these comics in a lot of ways. In the first Buffy/Angel comic they were doing, Angel ended up possessed by something called the Hellmother, I believe it was called, while he and Buffy were on a mission in the Hellmouth together. And then Buffy ended up having to fight him.
#long post#bangelus#bangel#asked and answered#this also gets into headcanon territory of course: but i'd like to believe s4!angelus would have eventually come to sunnydale. but he was#being more careful. and doing things a bit differently this time. after last time#but it's def possible. imo. since we don't see into angelus' head in s4 that much as compared to s2#but you know... as much as i would have loved to see buffy vs angelus again in angel s4 and buffy s7. it might be best it didn't happen#in the shows and is just a fanfic (a very good) fanfic thing. buffy went through much that season. and the seasons prior. she didn't need#that too. another user said this (can't think of their name right now). but hearing angelus was back while she was dealing with the first#and trying to protect all the potentials probably WOULD have put her on suicide watch. my poor girl#also in another choose your own adventure book. colony. you can get bad endings where buffy and angel pretty much kill each other#since in that book either angel buffy or giles got the whammy put on them by the big bad#also bad endings in night terrors where angelus kills buffy#but those kinds of things are par for the course with choose your own adventure books#colony takes place in s2 too#but of course none of that would be canon. those bad endings#though it could be canon where angel or buffy got the whammy put on them but then got broken out of it: those endings#excuse me while i just add in all of the buffy/angel fight scenes i can think of. i guess. that people might not know about here#that are maybe angelus-esque (some of these definitely stretching that. i know). since it might somewhat kind of-ish be a bit of what#you're looking for anon#also. side note. all of these buffy books and comics are actually really good. even the first buffy/angel boom story i prefer much more to#some of their later stuff probably#and angelus himself has been in some of the boom comics now. though not at the same time as buffy sadly#and i don't know how in-character or not he's been. because i sort of stopped reading boom. but what little i did see with him looked like#it might have been taking him in a strange direction. but i may be wrong#there's also the angel book 'impressions' where these stones are making all of the demons act wild/angry which. if you haven't guessed.#makes angel act more like angelus and sort of pulls angelus out more and more as the book progresses (until things are resolved) and in#that book angel thinks of buffy twice there#that book takes place during angel season 3/buffy season 6
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went to a frat house for the first time and finished a beer all by myself <3 it was a coors lite so it barely counts as a beer but it's still the first beer i've gotten through without a friend's help
#we were there for maybe 30 minutes max and then went to a party that was rolled as we were en route so we ended up walking in circles for a#bit trying to find this man my friend's friend has been trying to flirt with for apparently years#anyway i think i have thoroughly hit my party quota for the quarter if not the year 🫶 my hips feel worse than they dod after my first 8#hour shift in 6 months#although i will probably make an appearance next weekend bc it's my friend's 21st but like#i miss living with my friend she was sooo fun to get drunk with especially in public :/ but also at home :/ god i miss my friends so bad#anyway. have a beautiful night/morning/day <3 it is 3:30 am so i will be out like a light momentarily#ALSO i'm getting my florence pugh-ish haircut in 13 hours i'm so excited 🫶🫶🫶🫶#a post
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every time a new thing with my depression kicks up I’m like 😐 bc it’s been 12 years at this point why the fuck are their new symptoms. I thought I had a handle on this shit but apparently not
#As of last year-ish I started having big ol’ struggles with food#like- I’ve never really struggled with food before and now it’s like one meal a day is fine ig bc apparently I’m not hungry? But I know I A#or maybe I forgot to eat bc I had breakfast and then whoops it’s now 4pm and I just didn’t have lunch. I don’t feel hungry#in general I feel numb like mentally#physically exhausted#idk I just :/#in the mood to disappear from the face of the earth#Personal#I’ve been doing a lot of personal posts lately and I gotta stress that I’m not doing this for attention or pity I’m using my stupid little#blog like a diary#I SHOULD write it down instead bc I- oversharing always feels cringe in the end#like stfu no one cares and it’s true or uh oh that’s the depression#idk I feel bad and being sick doesn’t help and then worrying about taking time from here freaks me out bc fomo and insecurity#idkidkidk not gonna say I wanna die but goddamn I wish I was in a healthy body with a job I liked and my own place#and I’m getting worse bc the meltdowns have started up again#sooooo fun#I love being mentally ill and physically ill I loooooove being alive and being stuck living through situations I want to be OUT OF. FUCK
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