#am i supposed to keep some distance? am i supposed to keep arguing whenever one of them says something unkind or inflammatory?
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thebirdandhersong · 1 year ago
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well mark that down as situation 2938489 that I don't know how to handle
#i would love advice on this if y'all have any thoughts to share because i know what my parents think and im having trouble sorting it out#i love these three friends of mine but it is really draining to be around them now because all they will talk about is church drama#(re: our old church) and rehashing it all and being Outraged about the horrors etc etc#either that or being downright condescending about protestants/non denominations and acting like it's funny to talk like that all the time#i end up being more angry or resentful or exasperated at the end of our conversations than glad and at peace like i did before#(before all THIS ish happened and the three of them were like okay this is all we're going to talk about now)#i've tried to say in gentle ways (i am simply not capable of this kind of blunt confrontation) that maybe we should not be talking#so uncharitably towards other people especially behind their backs. like. yes bad things happened. we have to acknowledge that.#but continually making jokes and jibes at a priest's expense really rubs me the wrong way especially since i KNOW that he loves us#and in many ways was trying his best in the circumstances. and are we not supposed to be loving our neighbour#and is this not downright slander to keep going on this way esp since it goes on for HOURS at a time#anyway i don't know what to DO because if i keep chatting with them/meeting up with them conversation will be 90% this thing and i Hate It#but on the other hand i feel responsibility towards them because my godson's one of them and another is a friend who is a fairly recent#convert and if i leave them to stew in their own echo chamber i doubt it'll do them good#am i supposed to keep some distance? am i supposed to keep arguing whenever one of them says something unkind or inflammatory?#am i supposed to keep speaking up so that they hear a different perspective? am i supposed to run in the other direction for my own peace o#mind? anyway i am still thinking this over and it stresses me OUT#it used to be fun and life giving to be around these people and now it is so exhausting and seriously alarming in many ways
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abbinurmel · 7 months ago
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You know something, part of my brain really wants to scream and cry whenever I see one of these guys. And that unfortunate "kill it with fire!" reflex, is idiotic, because most such creatures can't possibly hurt you, they're good for the world ecosystems and either way one should not indiscriminately wanna kill ANY sentient thing, bla bla bla, the whole usual drill.....:
- and y'know something?? I can have both these views in equal amount, and be GLAD of them co-existing in me, because, irrational to the developed modern world a phobia it may be, I DO believe these phobias on some primal level exist for a reason... or at least a reason that over generations of evolution is now rendered entirely obsolete. I DO believe we knew once that creatures of this nature, if not specifically this species, something buggy and leggy LIKE this vinegaroon aesthetically, COULD hurt us in the wild, like a scorpion's stinger or a tarantula bite or a wasp nest getting stepped on. Nature's not supposed to be comfortable and cute and convenient for anybody!- it's SUPPOSED to make us react with adrenaline and wariness, it just is doing what it needs to survive, and that makes it both beautiful and dangerous. Our collective stupid monkey brains just apply now that once ancient only somewhat needed fear, over EVERY scenario touching nature, and the unfamiliar alienating prejudice only increases the more detached from the environment we are.
What I am TRYING in a nutshell to say is, DO NOT KILL IT with fire!!! Even though it's correct that some part of you does! Bugs are frightening and they are supposed to be, and it is cool they even exist, and it is COOL THAT YOU FEEL ANY FEAR at anything this small and preciously fragile AT ALL....these things are exotic Kaiju nightmare gods to their prey, and to us we should treat them like the godlike tiny hideous dangerous beauties they are, while using that fear to appreciate, not denunciate, like in an eldritch or fey sorta way...it is a miracle that you are surrounded by the diverse natural chaos of Life!.....We as humans NEED mystery and things out there that are super gross and bizarre and ugly and can kill us,! We NEED things like that, to inspire us, to motivate us to be safe, and keep distance from nature so we DO NOT HARM it by coming into contact with it. We are supposed to wanna leave Nature alone because we are truly the most dangerous!
While I know I will probably never grow into a person who wants to end up with a vinegaroon crawling one night in their bed, I CAN be GRATEFUL I get to live in a world where such an event is even A POSSIBILITY I GET TO HAVE. IT IS COOL that I get to be surrounded by thousands of unique and often unsettling unpredictable and mostly innocent creatures, only a very very few could actually harm me, and I appreciate whatever God or mysterious forces of Destiny that arranged for me to get the privilege to co-exist among them all/be able to live in a time where I can be allowed to have and savor these fears, I am not delusional, but I am also going to be someone who has the gift to SAFELY LEARN ACCURATE INFORMATION ABOUT THE WHOLE NATURAL WORLD, ANY TIME I WANT!
Like do you guys understand how special this is for us???
Centuries ago if you had a fear of something, some weird new dangerous animal shows up and it makes trouble, or it just LOOKS dangerous and scary, what can you really do about it outside either 'fuck around and find out' or 'shun it in terrified superstition, just to play it safe on the off chance its nasty?' You didn't get often libraries, or tomes with really truly well sourced info, you could never have photo proof or video documented footage or wikis with updates with each new discovery. Not even the concept of a SCIENTIST, or a basic unbiased nature researcher in of itself was really a true thing for eons until human civilization started getting truly handle on its own thing. Shamans and foragers you can argue may have been the earliest examples of such, but you still at end of the day would only be able to rely on HEARSAY of your local tribe leaders, and not every tribe elder had his or her information straight or every iota of experience one can glean from the wild. You only had whatever limited window of knowledge your forefathers chose to pass to you, and whatever subjective personal bias or unique experiences you savored each trek you randomly took thru the woods.
I think it's fabulous I can live in a world where I can (hopefully) never have to physically come up in person with a vinegaroon or something BUT I somehow unpredictably *COULD*, like a faery or a bump in with a tiny goblin or a witch. Will they be a kind-hearted and misunderstood sorta witch, or the type who wanna eat you? Who knows! That's what makes it interesting! And best of all I SAFELY AM STILL ALLOWED TO SEE AND DISCOVER THEM AT A DISTANCE!❤️❤️❤️
AND I AM SOOOO APPRECIATIVE we are growing into a world that loves and understands them and other 'ugly' underappreciated critters like these better. It is so lame having these phobias as an excuse to just ignorant blind yourself to kindness or knowledge, when instead, that phobia is supposed to be A DNA ENGRAVED BADGE OF *RESPECT* PASSED DOWN FROM YOUR ANCESTORS.
Tremble and respect yon leggy twitchy assholes.
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Stella really is one of the most perfect Creatures ever I think. few can Creature as well as she
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chloegong · 3 years ago
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that semi-AU romajuliette + benmars fic
i need a permanent place to store this after dumping a random google doc on twitter so here it is, the author writing fic for her own book because people gave me headcanons and they were too good not to make use of
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the one where juliette and marshall go out for a night out on the town and roma and ben have to go along to supervise because one time they accidentally committed arson —headcanon from twitter user @leonidasvaldz
a semi AU where Benedikt and Marshall were hanging out with Roma and Juliette in those happy months R&J had together in 1922 before everything went wrong (aka you can take this as canon because it will fit the timeline but the characters won’t have memory of this in the actual published books)
Disclaimer: i wrote this in one go inside a starbucks please expect ao3 user chloegong and not Author Chloe Gong who does multiple rounds of edits on her books
Second Disclaimer: nobody go putting this on goodreads before someone on my publishing team kicks my ass (rightfully so, i’m on deadline rn and i’m writing fanfic instead of my real contracted manuscript)
Mandatory reminder that Our Violent Ends is available for preorder with all links here :)
__
It wasn’t supposed to happen again. And yet, somehow, Benedikt was watching fire curl around the side of the building, the roof beams giving a loud groan before shuddering and caving in on itself.
He turned a look onto Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”
~
Five hours earlier...
Juliette climbed in through the window of Roma’s bedroom, careful to hug the burlap bag close to her chest as she landed on his carpet. The howling wind outside drowned out some of the clinking, but the glass bottles were still making a racket no matter how carefully she hugged the bag. She had gone full throttle for tonight; when no one was watching and her relatives were downstairs crowing over a game of cards, she had snuck around and robbed the liquor cabinets at the Scarlet mansion quite generously. Now she dropped the bag onto Roma’s floor with a huff, brushing a curl of hair out of her eyes.
“Where’s Marshall?”
Roma looked up from where he was reading, putting his book down and rising from the bed smoothly.
“Well, hello.” He strode toward her, stopping before her with his arms crossed. “Lovely to see you too. You do know it is my bedroom you just snuck into, right?”
Juliette pretended to jump in surprise, looking around wildly. “Do you jest? Oh, bother. Let me climb back out and go find my real lover. Marshall! Where are—”
With a huff that seemed to double as a laugh, Roma grabbed her wrist before she could turn around and leave through the window again.
“You’re hilarious,” he said dryly.
“I know.” Juliette reached up with her free hand, clasping her cold fingers right onto his neck. Though her palm was freezing from the bitter temperatures outside, Roma hardly flinched, he only shrugged his shoulder up to keep her hand there. He couldn’t fight back the grin. For several seconds, the two of them only stood there, looking like a pair of idiots smiling at each other.
Then his door opened.
“Are we interrupting something?”
Marshall bounded into the room, throwing the door wide open. With a horrified expression, Benedikt hurried in after him and closed the door quickly, listening for movement on the other side.
“Yes, leave the door wide open,” Benedikt said. “While any White Flower strolling the corridor can peer in and see the Scarlet heir standing there in a silly coat.”
Juliette stepped away from Roma, peering down at herself as if she had forgotten what she put on. “I didn’t think it was that silly. It’s my disguise.”
“You do look a little like a housewife,” Marshall said, considering the coat.
“A fifteen-year-old housewife?”
“I suppose that is exactly why you look a little silly.”
Juliette pulled a face, but refrained from arguing further. She was here tonight because Marshall wanted to see the new Scarlet club that opened along Thibet Road, and she had promised she could sneak him in. Unfortunately, Marshall was bad at keeping secrets, and the worst at keeping secrets from Benedikt. The moment that Benedikt heard Marshall was planning on entering Scarlet territory, he had decided that he would come in accompaniment.
Juliette supposed it was only fair. Benedikt didn’t entirely trust her, but he was nice enough. He tolerated her presence and always kept an eye over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t spotted on their territory if she poked her head in to see Roma. While Juliette didn’t know much about Marshall either, he was far warmer than his best friend, and for the first time last week, they had even enjoyed an outing with just the two of them. Juliette Cai and Marshall Seo—out and about in the border territories on a quaint evening.
That outing had ended with accidental arson though, so it was rather possible that exacerbated Benedikt’s desire to play chaperone. And of course, if Benedikt was coming along, Roma wanted to tag along too.
The arson was hardly their fault, Juliette and Marshall had maintained when the Montagovs asked questions. What kind of person left a stack of hay out beside a bar? And what kind of hay was that easily flammable just from accidentally whacking one of the lanterns on the awning onto the stack?
“All right.” Juliette hauled the bag up again. “Are we ready to sneak onto Scarlet territory?”
“Absolutely not,” Benedikt muttered, strolling past her for Roma’s window. “But is that going to stop either of you?”
Before anyone could answer him, Benedikt had already hopped the small gap between windows, climbing into their neighboring building for their route out unspotted.
“Great!” Juliette said. She passed the bag to Roma so he could do the carrying. What was the point of converting a rival gang enemy into a lover if not to lug around her heavy things? “Glad we’re all so enthusiastic.”
Roma sighed, clambering onto his sill and making the climb too. “The things I do for you, dorogaya.”
Marshall hurried after him. “I would argue you’re actually doing this for me, dearest Roma!”
With a snort, Juliette climbed out last, and pulled the window after her.
~
The Scarlet club had been a bust. Of course, Benedikt had figured that would be the case from the get-go, especially if they were sneaking in at such a late hour to avoid being seen by anyone important in the Scarlet Gang. At least Juliette had provided good alcohol, and now he squinted at the label of the wine bottle under the street lamps while they walked, taking the smaller main roads along the periphery of the city.
Up ahead, Roma and Juliette were whispering to each other, though they didn’t sound like they were talking in full sentences. Those two always communicated in looks and gestures, swapping languages whenever they felt like it and ending up with some incoherent tangle of words that no one else could comprehend.
“Is there anything left in that?”
Benedikt glanced to his side, shaking the bottle to show Marshall. “One last swig. All yours.”
Marshall took the bottle. He put it to his lips and swung up, his head tipped to the sky and the line of his throat bared to the night. Benedikt shivered suddenly, a line of goosebumps rising at the back of his neck. The season had turned cold and the wind that blew onto his face was biting. He wrote off his shudder to the chill, to the temperature dropping with the longer they spent outside at such an hour.
Suddenly, Marshall was squinting into the distance. “Hey.” His call summoned Roma and Juliette’s attention from ahead, who both turned around to see what the matter was.
Marshall pointed to the dark shape off the end of the road. “Isn’t that the abandoned factory we lost to the Scarlets?”
“Is it?” Juliette asked, a sudden glee in her face.
“Why would you say that?” Roma bemoaned. He didn’t bother trying to stop her as Juliette hurried ahead, eager to explore the factory. “Look what you’ve done.”
But Marshall was wearing a similar expression, his eyes scanning the factory as they approached closer and closer. Wordlessly, he handed the bottle back to Benedikt, and though Benedikt’s head was spinning from the drink, he still recognized the exact face that Marshall made before he was going to get himself into trouble.
“Mars—”
“I’ll keep an eye on her,” he insisted, tipping his chin forward. Juliette had disappeared into the factory. “You two be look-out. We wouldn’t want someone finding us here, right?”
Benedikt scarcely had a second to argue back. Marshall was already hurrying off.
~
Inside the factory, Juliette trailed her hands along the dark walls, her eyes wide. The machines looked strange in the moonlight, but stranger while sitting so idle. She was used to seeing rows and rows of workers in the daytime, trailing after her father as he ran inspections on the work of their trade partners. It might have been the wine in her system, but everything seemed to sway: sitting so inactive in movement that her eyes were imagining movement.
“Pst.”
Juliette almost jumped out of her skin.
“Christ,” she muttered, whirling around with a hand on her heart. Marshall slunk out from the shadows, both his hands in his pockets. “You gave me a fright.”
“Me? Frightening?” Marshall picked up a strange object on the table, inspected it for several seconds, then set it back down. “I am the least frightening person on the planet.”
“Yes, well, when it’s so dark, even a cuddly teddy bear would be terrifying.” Juliette felt around her dress. She thought she had tucked her lighter in here somewhere. There were little pockets sewn around the sleeves and armholes that she kept all her weapons, though if anyone asked, she would say she had the ability to materialize them out of thin air.
“Do you scream often at teddy bears?”
“Only when they sneak up on me.”
“I don’t see you screaming at Roma.”
“He gets a special pass. He’s only a teddy bear on the inside.”
Marshall snorted. He leaned down, trying to read the paper taped down to the table. At last, Juliette found her lighter—it was actually in her sock—and she brought it close, thumbing down the sparkwheel for a flame.
“Do not touch—for demolishing,” Marshall read under the new light. “Are the Scarlets going to build something new here?”
“I wouldn’t know,” Juliette replied. “My father doesn’t include me in his business meetings yet.”
“Hmm.” The shadows of the factory danced. Juliette thought she saw someone darting in her periphery, and she whirled around, but it was only Marshall’s shadow. Unfortunately, she had scared Marshall with her movement, and he bumped into her, asking, “What? What is it?”
The lighter flew out of her hands, landing on the paper.
“Nothing, nothing!” Juliette assured. “I was seeing things.”
But Marshall wasn’t convinced. He swiveled around. Peered hard into a corner. “Was it ghosts? I know this city has ghosts. All that death creates so many ghosts.”
Juliette tried to look where he was looking. She couldn’t see anything except the dark.
“There is no such thing as ghosts.”
“Just last week, I felt something walk by me and then there was no one when I looked. I swear to you, if it wasn’t ghosts then I—” Marshall stopped suddenly, turning around to look at the table. “Uh… is that supposed to happen?”
Juliette whirled around too. The whole table was on fire. “Oh, God.”
With a sudden pop, the fire sprung up and licked up to the walls. There had to be something sprayed inside the factory already to prepare for demolition, or else the flames would not be traveling with such intensive speed.
“Marshall,” Juliette said simply.
“Yes?”
She looked at him. “When the Montagovs ask, we blame the factory and say we have no idea what happened. Run!”
~
Benedikt and Roma kept watch in relative silence. Benedikt’s head was spinning, and his cousin looked like his head was doing the same if his swaying was any indication. Roma was humming softly under his breath, toeing the grass that grew around the abandoned factory.
Then, there was a sudden sound from inside, and the first tendrils of flames blew out from the topmost windows.
“Roma,” Benedikt said plainly. “I’m willing to bet my life savings that Juliette Cai just committed arson.”
Roma tilted his head up, his jaw dropping agape. At first, he could only stare at the growing fire, eating up the roof beams. Then, he said: “To be fair, it could have been Marshall.”
Benedikt threw his arms into the air. “Who looks more like the arson type, Juliette or Marshall?”
“Is that a trick question?”
“The answer was Juliette!”
Benedikt pinched the bridge of his nose. He was rapidly growing concerned, but before he could suggest they go in to search for the two, Juliette and Marshall ran out from the factory—laughing. The factory was burning down, and they were laughing, grasping at each other and spinning in circles right in front of the factory. They looked a sight: seconds away from collapsing atop of each other in utter delirium.
Benedikt turned to Roma. “Your girlfriend is a maniac.”
Roma was struggling to hold back his laugh watching her with Marshall. “I think she’s magnificent.”
Marshall stumbled, and Juliette squealed, reaching out to grab his arm before he could trip and land flat on his face. Benedikt almost—almost—let a smile slip. Before Roma could sight it and tease him for enjoying himself after all, he cleared his throat.
“What happened?” he bellowed.
“Faulty factory!” Marshall called back.
Benedikt shook his head, turning on his heel. They needed to get out of here before someone reported the fire.
“Come on!” he called back to the three. “Let’s go before the Municipal Police arrive.”
Upon Benedikt’s summons, Marshall left Juliette’s side and hurried to catch up. He slowed to a stroll once he was beside Benedikt, but Benedikt could feel Marshall watching him.
“What?” Benedikt asked. He glanced over his shoulder to make sure his cousin was following too. Thankfully he was, though it was mostly Juliette hauling him along, their hands clasped together and swinging while Roma kept looking at the fire.
“I think you enjoyed yourself,” Marshall replied smugly. “After all that complaining about sneaking into Scarlet territory.”
Benedikt reached out and rapped his knuckles on Marshall’s skull. With a shriek, Marshall darted ahead.
“You want me to enjoy myself?” Benedikt shouted after him, breaking into a run too. “Come back then! Let me throttle you!”
FIN.
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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years ago
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Hey Angel - Harry Styles
a/n: since i had so much time on my hand at work lately (not anymore unfortunately) i used it wisely and cooked up this PA themed fic bc i absolutely love this trope. it’s lengthy and kinda emotional? kinda, lol. hope you’ll like it and as always, feedback is much appreciated!!
warning: sexual content
word count: 11.5k
masterlist
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Harry likes to pretend he is tall enough to comfortably rest his chin on the top of your head when he stands behind you, but that’s not true. He has to push himself a little to his tippy toes and push you down at the same time to fit his chin above you, his arms weighing down on your shoulders. You stopped arguing him that you need to push your hips forward when he does this so you don’t carry his whole weight.
“Tha’s rude, you do not have to do tha’!” he defended himself every time you brought up, so you just stopped.
Now as you watch the game of air hockey unfold in front of you, a half empty pint in your hand, you don’t even budge when you feel a chiseled chin resting on the top of your head, you push your hips forward without a second thought to shorten your height. You catch a glimpse of a tattooed forearm on your shoulder, Harry’s chest presses against your back gently.
He doesn’t stay in this position too long, it’s making it hard to drink so soon enough, he wraps his left arm around your shoulders, coming to stand next to you, sipping on his tequila on the rocks.
“Hey you,” you smile at him as he gives you a side look, a boyish smirk tugging on his pink lips. “Everything alright?”
“Everything is fine.”
“You need something? How much have you had to drink?” you ask furrowing your eyebrows, looking down at his glass that was certainly full when you last saw him about ten minutes ago.
“Shush, stop pretending like you’re working,” he waves at your face, his words melting together, definitely thanks to the alcohol he has consumed tonight.
“I know I’m not working, I’m just tryna’ be your friend and look out for you.” Bringing your own drink up to your lips, you give him a look, but he just smirks at you playfully.
“Uh-huh, whatever. Don’t worry about me.”
“I always worry about you, H,” you sigh dramatically and it makes him laugh with his head falling back.
“Is this the part where you tell me I’m some spoiled brat celebrity you ‘ave to babysit for your living? And that I always do ridiculous shit so you ‘ave to keep an eye on me at all times?”
You can’t push your smile down at how far this statement is from reality. You just like to tease him about being a typical, asshole rockstar when he is literally your favorite person in the world without a doubt.
“Oh Angel, you can’t fool me,” he cackles, squeezing you to his side before taking another sip from his drink.
“Wouldn’t even try to,” you mumble with an amused smile. “Havin’ fun, birthday boy?” you ask, leaning into his side. You would never admit, but you love how touchy Harry can get sometimes, not really caring about physical boundaries, especially when he drinks. The hugs, the squeezes, the touches, they always make your heart flutter even after knowing him for years.
“I’m havin’ a blast. What about you?”
“What about me? It’s not my birthday,” you chuckle shortly.
“So what? I can’t make sure you’re enjoying your night?” he frowns at you dramatically that just makes you laugh.
“I’m having a great night. It’s just that my boss keeps coming after me even though I’m supposed to be off the clock.”
You peek up at him to see the grin on his face at your teasing. The dynamic between the two of you has been like this since day one. The constant bickering and teasing is what really brought the two of you close, you are so similar, it’s like you can see a male version of yourself when you look at him.
“Tell the dude to fuck off,” he mumbles into his drink and you bump your hip against him, but he just holds you tight to his side as an answer.
Soon enough, Harry joins the game and you watch him play from the side, obviously cheering on his opponent to annoy him, earning some pretty dirty looks from him whenever they score against him and you let out a “woho!” in victory.
“Y’know, it’s not too nice to cheer against the birthday boy, is it?” he calls you out when the table is taken by someone else and he joins you at the side again.
“Am I not allowed to choose who I want to cheer to?” you ask with a faked puzzled look and he presses his lips into a thin line, glaring down at you intently.
“Don’t test me, Angel,” he grumbles into your ear before walking off to join his friends who came out to celebrate with him today.
It’s a pretty lowkey celebration, since he is still in the middle of filming Don’t Worry Darling, so he couldn’t really travel far from the set, but some of his dearest friends were able to come here and celebrate with him and his cast members.
You stand at the bar and your eyes find him every time you scan the place, not able to keep your gaze away from him for too long, he just demands the attention. Or at least yours.
You’ve never met anyone like him. When you got the chance to be his personal assistant four years ago at the very beginning of his solo career, you never thought how he’ll move right into your heart and never leave it. Whether you look at him as your boss or your friend, you can’t deny that he changed your life and you’ve learned so much from him, you can only hope he thinks of you somewhat the same. However you always tell yourself: what could you possibly give for The Harry Styles? He has everything in the whole wide world.
Harry catches you staring and he arches a brow at you, abandoning the conversation he has been in for the past minutes, mouthing you “what’s up, Angel”, his accent thick even without hearing his voice.
He’s been calling you Angel for longer than you can remember. When you asked him why the nickname, he said it’s because One Direction’s song Hey Angel was written about you. It was a fat lie, you haven’t met him when the song was written, but his words still tightened your chest, playing with the thought of Harry writing a song about you.
As cheesy and cliché as it is, you fell for him faster than you’d like to admit. You tried to fight it for a while, convince yourself it’s just a silly crush, but you soon had to realize you outgrew that after the first few weeks working with him. How could you not fall for him? He is everything any woman could wish for and he has you wrapped around his fingers, just like he has half the female population, probably.
You shake your head in his way, not sure how to tell him you just got lost in your thoughts about him. In fact, he occupies your mind pretty much all the time, but he doesn’t have to know about that.
He excuses himself from the table and walks up to you, a slow breath leaving your nose as you watch him approach you.
“Tired?” he asks, stopping in front of you, placing his empty glass to the counter.
“Kinda,” you nod.
“Want to head home soon?”
“Don’t worry about me. I can just call a taxi and go home, you don’t have to come.”
“Don’t be silly, we go to the same place, obviously we’re gonna go home together.”
Since filming has started, Harry and you’ve been sharing a nice apartment near the set. It was his idea to rent a place for the two of you, rather than to stay at a hotel. At first you didn’t think it would be a good idea, but of course, he convinced you to live with him for the months while the movie is being filmed. So now you basically live with Harry, share pretty much all your living space with him, except your bedroom.
“But it’s your birthday, stay as long as you want,” you tell him, not wanting to snatch him away from his friends on his big day.
“We’re filming in the afternoon tomorrow, can’t drag the night too long either way,” he shrugs, trying to make you believe it’s really nothing.
No matter how badly you try to convince him to stay, he doesn’t bulge and starts saying goodbye within an hour, calling the two of you a car to take you home. He is clearly tipsy, but not drunk. Once you’re in the car, Harry’s hand finds yours and he pulls you closer in the backseat until your thighs are pressed together. He curls an arm around your shoulders, holding you tight to his side, sinking down in the seat. You let your head rest on his shoulder, enjoying the closeness of his body, pressing down any worrying thought that usually makes its way to your mind every time Harry gets a little cozier than the usual.
The rational side of your brain knows you should be keeping some distance from him for the sake of your own sanity and emotional health, but you just can’t. Denying these little moments from yourself would be like pure torture and your heart can’t take that for sure.
“What are you thinkin’ about?” he murmurs, his nose nuzzling into your hair and you just shrug your shoulders.
“Nothing,” you mumble your lie.
“Liar, I can hear the gears turning in that pretty head of yours,” he grins down at you as your eyes lock for a moment. Thank God for the darkness in the car, because you can feel your cheeks heating up. The last thing you need is for Harry to see how nervous he can make you feel with just a simple compliment.
“Stop being nosy, you don’t have to know everything all the time.” You poke his side with your elbow, it makes him jump a little before he snuggles back to your side.
“That’s not true, you know I’m entitled to hold every knowledge in the world.” He tries to hide his smirk, but he fails miserably and you just laugh at him with your head falling back to his shoulder.
“Harry Styles, you are something else,” you sigh shaking your head at him.
Arriving home Harry keeps an arm around you as you walk up to the front door, fishing your keys out of your bag since you’d bet Harry didn’t bring his. There’s a chance he hasn’t even used his copy since you’ve been here, he knows you always have yours and you haven’t really left without each other so far, always staying around the other.
“Want to shower first?” he hums, walking inside, his arm leaving your shoulders and though you feel lighter without the extra weight, you wish it was still there.
“Go for it, I’m gonna clean up the mess I made when I got ready earlier,” you tell him, heading into your bedroom where the floor is littered with half your wardrobe from earlier, when you were trying to figure out what to wear for the little outing.
Harry disappears in the shared bathroom and a moment later you hear the water running. You go around your room, picking up the dresses you voted against, placing them back into the wardrobe and then you put away your makeup you left on your bed in your hurry.
“Bathroom is yours!” Harry calls out just when you finish, you hear his bedroom door open and close so you grab a clean oversized t-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts before occupying the bathroom.
The warm shower feels nice, it’s been a long day since you started on set, Harry had a few scenes to film before you could leave in the afternoon. You wash away the day, scrub your makeup off and then take off the rest with your wipes once you’re out. You brush your hair and use some lotion for your dry skin before getting dressed and leaving the steamy bathroom.
Padding down the short hallway you hear nothing coming from Harry’s bedroom and you wonder if he’s already asleep, but once you step inside your room you see that he is cozied up on your bed, your covers pulled up to his naked chest, a pillow tucked under his head as he scrolls through his phone so shamelessly, as if it was his own room.
“Did you take the wrong turn in the hallway?” you ask with an arched eyebrow as you throw your dirty clothes to your temporary hamper, which is basically your emptied out suitcase.
“Nope,” he grins smugly, you have to roll your eyes at him. He locks his phone, dropping it to the side table, watching you move around, getting ready for bed and his eyes on your figure feel like they’re burning down on your skin.
“You know, it’s rude to stare,” you comment not even looking at him, but you just know he is still staring at you. Grabbing a hairtie from the little dresses in the corner of your room you reach back to loosely braid your hair, but his voice stops you.
“Wait,” he pleads and you furrow your eyebrows at him. “Can I do it?”
You give him a confused look as he pushes himself up into a sitting position, his green eyes are glimmering from the tiredness and the alcohol he has consumed tonight.
“You want to braid my hair?”
“Yeah,” he nods. You hesitate for a moment but join him on the bed at last, turning your back against him, giving him full control over your hair.
A shiver runs down your spine when you feel his fingers raking through your strands. He is so gentle and careful as you feel him section your hair off to three parts.
“Didn’t know you can braid,” you tell him, eyes fixated on the sheets in front of you.
“Gemma taught me, but I’m not the best at it.”
“So I’ll look atrocious?” you tease him smiling to yourself. He pokes the back of your neck with his fingers before continuing his work.
“You could never look atrocious, even if you tried.”
“And you are such a flirt,” you sigh. Over the years you’ve gotten used to his flirty act, it’s just who he is and though in the beginning your breath always got caught in your throat when he said something cheesy, now you just brush it off, only thinking about his words when you are alone in the night, struggling to fall asleep because you’re once again, thinking about him.
“M’telling the truth. Have I told you how beautiful you looked tonight?”
“Mmm,” you hum. He has told you that you looked pretty when the two of you left and he saw you walk out of your room in your black skinny jeans and flowy sheer top on, your hair loosely curled, but you didn’t really know what to say, so you just smiled at him and it’s the same now. You’re not the best at taking compliments.
“You really did. You always are.”
“And once again, you are such a flirt.”
“Complimenting a pretty woman is being a flirt?” he asks pretending to be offended as he carefully works on your hair and you wish you could see his focused face as he is trying to keep track of the sections between his fingers. At a lack of a witty comeback, you just shrug your shoulders, fumbling with your fingers on your lap.
You both fall silent as he concentrates on your hair and you manage to stop thinking, just focus on how his fingers keep brushing against your back every time he crosses two sections over each other.
“Hairtie, please,” he asks, his hand appearing next to you with his palm upwards. You place it in his hand and he finishes up his masterpiece. “There, it didn’t turn out as bad as I thought,” he comments once he is done. Reaching back you run your fingers over the braid and it feels good, he did a great job.
“Thanks,” you smile at him shyly, turning around. He leans back, making himself comfortable once again and you arch an eyebrow at him. “Need me to walk you back to your room, sir?”
“No, I’m perfectly fine here,” he grins smugly, tugging his arm behind his head as he takes up the right side of the bed.
“You’re planning to sleep here?”
“Please, don’t make me sleep alone on my birthday!” he pouts, giving you those damned puppy eyes. How could you ever say no to him?
“You better not push me off the bed in your sleep,” you mumble before getting under the covers.
You turn off the bedside lamp and the two of you start moving around, finding a comfortable pose to sleep in and you end up facing each other on your sides, Harry’s face squished into the pillow as his eyes are roaming over the hand you have laid between your faces.
His fingers start to inch towards yours until he hooks his pinky with yours, the touch sending a warm feeling down your spine.
“I hate sleeping alone,” he mumbles into the semi-darkness.
“Why?”
“Don’t you like it when there’s someone next to you? When you wake up and you’re not alone?”
“I like it, but I don’t hate sleeping alone either,” you tell him as your eyes fall to your linked pinky fingers. “Why do you hate it? You have the bed all to yourself, and there’s no chance of waking up to someone snoring or talking in their sleep.”
He huffs out a laugh as he buries his head deeper into the pillow.
“It makes me feel lonely. Which is ridiculous, because I’m never alone.”
“But lonely and alone are not the same, so it’s not ridiculous. You can feel lonely when you’re not alone.”
“I know,” he nods, his eyes watching your linked fingers intently, before he moves his hand so it’s now covering yours, his warm palm wrapping around your much smaller hand. “I’m never lonely with you, though.”
“So… you are only lonely when you’re sleeping or in the bathroom, because we basically spend every moment of the day together.” You smirk at him and see his dimple form in his cheek as he smiles at you nodding.
“That’s right. We are like glued together.”
“How aren’t we sick of each other already?”
“That’s never gonna happen.”
“You sure about that?” You raise your eyebrows at him with an amused smile, he is too sure about that answer.
“One hundred percent. You’re my favorite person.”
“Is that what you tell everyone?”
He gives you a look, but you just chuckle, sinking further into your pillow. His fingers start playing with your hand as he draws a deep breath.
“I only tell this to m’ mum and Gemma. No one else.”
Your heart starts racing at the thought of him seeing you on the same level as his closest family. You know how much his mum and sister mean to him, but you never thought you are anywhere near them in his eyes.
“You’re my favorite person too,” you whisper as your eyes meet over your joined hands. He smiles at you warmly, his floppy curls falling into his forehead and you want to run your fingers through them, feel how soft they are under your touch. Harry scoots closer, your faces only a few inches away from each other as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
For a moment you just watch him, thinking how good it feels to have him in your bed. How amazing it is to end the day with him so close to you. You wish all days would end like this, you wouldn’t have another bad day with him next to you.
Lying there and watching him slowly fall asleep, his hand still on yours, the bitter thought eats itself into your mind that he is only here because he feels lonely and wanted to be close to someone, not you particularly. And though you’re glad it’s you he ended up next to, you try not to get too accustomed to the feeling, because you’re just a temporary fix to his loneliness.
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The door to Harry’s trailer opens and he walks in wearing his blue dress pants and crispy white dress shirt, fumbling with the top buttons to undo them. You glance up at him from your laptop where you’ve been working on his schedule for the upcoming weeks while he was filming.
“Hey, how did it go?” you ask as he places his water bottle to the vanity and then sits in the chair he spends his mornings in while his hair is being styled and tattoos are covered.
“Good. Messed up only a few times. Whacha’ working on?”
“Just your schedule, I’ll email it to you when I’m done, though you never check it.”
“Hey, I do check it! I like your color coding. I just suck at using it and you’re always here to remind me of the important stuff.”
You roll your eyes, continuing to type away on your keyboard as he moves around, having a snack and texting back people.
“Florence is coming over for a little after we’re done. We can order something,” he speaks up grabbing your attention again.
“Cool,” you nod with a small smile. “Is she staying the night?”
“No, we just thought it would be nice to hang out a little without dressed like this,” he chuckles looking down at himself.
“What’s wrong with Jack’s clothes? You look neat.”
“Do I?” he cocks an eyebrow cheekily, placing his hands to his hips as he looks down at you.
“Yeah. It’s a nice change after all the grandpa clothes,” you tease him and he gasps pretending to be offended at your words, though you both know you have nothing against his style. In fact, you love how he just wears whatever he wants, not caring what others would think.
“Watch your mouth or you can’t wear my bode jacket again,” he warns you holding up his pointing finger, shaking it at you, but you just chuckle at him, finishing up what you’ve been working on before shutting the laptop down.
“How long until you’re done?”
“Just a few more scenes. I think we can leave in about two hours.”
“Alright.”
“You done working?”
“Mhm, for now.”
“Come and watch the filming. You’re always so hidden in here.”
“Because I always have work to do,” you point out, putting the laptop to the side from your lap.
“Yeah, but you’re done now, so come out and watch me be the next Leonardo DiCaprio,” he smugly tells you, and it makes you roll your eyes at him.
“You’re so humble, H. Is something that comes with the age?” you tease him standing up from the small sofa, grabbing your phone from the table.
“You’ll find out in a year,” he smirks back as you follow him out of the trailer, back to the set.
Later that day you, Florence and Harry are chilling back at your apartment, munching on the pizza you ordered, watching some documentary on Netflix, just enjoying a lazy evening. You’ve become quite close with Florence, her personality is a lot like yours so you got along well from the beginning, the three of you often do things together outside of set.
You and Harry are sharing the couch while Florence is curled up on the loveseat. The temperature at the apartment is always nice, but you often catch yourself feeling a little cold in the evening, but it has more to do with the tiredness rather than with the heating of the place. When you pull your legs underneath you to warm your feet, Harry notices the action and knows right away that you’re starting to feel cold as always. Reaching down he grabs a blanket from the basket next to the couch and he wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to him.
“Come ‘ere,” he mumbles, draping the blanket over the two of you. You shuffle closer to him, making yourself comfortable at his side as he makes sure you’re fully tugged in. Then he leaves an arm around you, his fingers gently grazing your shoulder as he turns his attention back at the movie.
Glancing over at Florence you see the puzzled look on her, but you ignore it biting into your bottom lip, turning back to watch the movie though you’re having a hard time focusing. All you can think about is Harry’s touch on you.
It’s almost midnight when Florence calls herself a taxi. Harry picks up the glasses you used and volunteers to wash them, leaving you and Florence alone in the living room.
“So, what’s up with you and Harry?” she questions right away without beating around the bush.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you two has always been close, but now… it seems all too… couple-like.” She narrows her eyes at you, hands on her hips, looking like a mother questioning her daughter.
“Don’t be silly.”
“I’m not,” she scoffs. Then you pretend to be busy with folding the blanket, but you can feel her intent stare on you before she speaks up again. “You like him, don’t you?”
“What?” you huff with a not too Oscar-worthy expression on your face that was supposed to hide the panic in you. “Well of course I like him, he is my friend and boss.”
“But not just like that. You like like him.”
“Florence,” you sigh, just when Harry walks out of the kitchen, oblivious to the conversation that he just interrupted.
“You sure you don’t want to spend the night?” he politely asks her, but she just shakes her head.
“I’m not really up for spending the night on the couch.”
“You wouldn’t have to, you can sleep in my bed,” he simply offers and something is telling you he shouldn’t open his mouth again.
“You’re not taking the couch because of me.”
“I wouldn’t, I usually sleep at Y/N’s,” he states as if it was nothing, but you instantly freeze.
Yes, ever since his birthday he has spent way more nights in your bed than in his own, always raving to you how well he can sleep when you’re next to him and you couldn’t bear the thought of him feeling lonely, so you’ve been letting him occupy half of your bed through the nights. He usually holds your hand falling asleep and then you wake up tangled together, sometimes he is cuddling you from behind, other times you’re the one curled up to his side. He treats it so casually, like it really is nothing, he just always goes on his day when you wake up so you decided to not make it into a big deal either.
Florence gives you a wide eyed look that you try hard to ignore, while Harry is so oblivious to what he just caused with his statement.
“I uhh—thanks but I’m fine going home. Besides, I think my car is already here. See you guys on set tomorrow. Y/N?” she calls out walking towards the front door.
“Hm?”
“We’ll talk later,” she tells you and it’s a strong message that she won’t just leave it at that.
“Uh, yeah, sure,” you nod awkwardly, waving her goodbye.
You and Harry clean up together and as always, he is the first one to use the bathroom and by the time you’re done, he is in your bed, waiting for you to join him. You don’t comment on his presence anymore, part of you afraid he would stop spending the night in your bed and you definitely don’t want that. Not much is left from filming, meaning that soon you are forced to go home where you and Harry do not live at the same place so you’re gonna have to sleep alone, like you did before. Only now you are way too hooked on the feeling of having him in your bed, even if it’s not in the way you truly want, it’s better than nothing.
The moment you get under the sheets, Harry reaches out and pulls you to his side. He hasn’t done this often when you went to sleep, only sneaking some small touches, but you don’t mind him being a little extra clingy.
“Filming is almost over,” you mumble into his chest, your hand lazily resting where his ribcage ends in his chest.
“Mhm.” There’s a short silence before he speaks up again. “What about it, Angel?”
“It’s just that it’s going to be weird going home. I got used to living here.” It’s your way saying that you’re gonna miss having him around all the time, but you’re not sure if he understands the hint. It doesn’t really matter anyway.
“You like cramped together with me?” he chuckles lowly.
“Was kinda nice,” you smile.
“Remember how you threatened me to throw my shit out if I leave my dirty clothes on the floor?”
“I do,” you smirk, thinking back to the conversation where you agreed to live with him while he is filming. “Didn’t find any clothes on the floor, so you get an A for that.”
“Wow, was this… a compliment?”
“Shut up, I always compliment you!” you laugh smacking his chest gently.
“Oh, no. You don’t compliment, you just tell me when I managed not to fuck something up,” he corrects you and your cheeks are heating up about how well he knows you.
“Those are compliments in my book, don’t be greedy.”
“M’not. I love how grounded you keep me with treating me like this.”
“Like what?” you ask furrowing your eyebrows.
“Like a normal person. With you, I don’t have to be afraid that I earn something because of who I am. You give no shit about my name, you always keep me in check and I appreciate that.”
“Can’t let you have a too big of a head,” you smirk, closing your eyes. He laughs with you, squeezing you a little before you both fall into silence, drifting off to sleep in each other’s arms.
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You’ve managed to avoid Florence in the past few days. Her burning look has been making you way too nervous, you know she wants to know more about what’s going on between you and Harry, but truth to be told, you have no idea what to tell her.
Yeah, I’m definitely in love with him and we’ve been sharing a bed for a few weeks because he feels lonely alone at night, so he uses me to ease the feeling while I just let him because as I said, I’m in love with the man.
No, you can’t tell her that.
Now there’s only two days left from filming, meaning that only two more nights to spend with Harry and it’s making you a nervous wreck to think about sleeping alone in your bedroom.
You round the corner in the maze of the trailers after a phone call you had with Jeff when you run out of luck and bump right into Florence.
“I’ve been looking for you, Y/N. Come have lunch with me in my trailer,” she smiles sweetly, grabbing you by your hand so you can’t escape her this time.
“Oh I wanted to call—“
“Do it later,” she simply cuts you off.
Soon, you find yourself in her trailer as she eats her burger while she eyes you with suspicion.
“So, you and Harry sleep together?”
“Well, not like that. We really just sleep in the same bed.”
“Oh, makes perfect sense, sleeping in the same bed as your boss. Very casual.”
“Don’t make it sound so weird,” you frown at her words. You definitely don’t see Harry as your boss. You do work for him, but it never felt like he stands anywhere above you, the two of you have always been equal even before you became close friends.
“You gotta admit it’s pretty unusual,” she points out and you just look away from her. “So let’s talk about how you’re in love with him.”
“What? I never said that!” you protest, but she just gives you a look that says ‘cut the crap, girl’ and you know there’s no use to try to trick her, she sees right through you. “Don’t fucking look at me like that, I have enough shit on my plate without your judgment.”
“Oh, I’m not judging you. I’m just wondering why you two are not together already.”
You practically snort at her statement, finding it quite absurd and ridiculous.
“What? You two are perfect for each other and I’m pretty sure Harry loves you too.”
“Yeah, as a friend.”
“That’s not how friends act, Y/N. He wouldn’t beg himself into your bed every night if he was just your friend.”
“He is just lonely. He doesn’t need me, just someone to be with him.”
“That’s bullshit,” she scoffs. “You two are just being idiots.” Just as you are about to answer, your phone starts ringing. Harry’s smiley face appears on the screen, making you extremely nervous because of the conversation you are having with Florence.
“Hey,” you breathe out answering the call.
“Hey, where are you?”
“Just, talking with Florence. What’s up?”
“I got an email from Jeff and I have some questions.”
“I’ll be there in a sec.”
“Thank you Angel,” he hums before ending the call.
“I gotta go. Please don’t… bring any of this up for Harry,” you ask Florence, heading to the exit.
“You’ve gotta sort your shit out. This is not ideal, Y/N.”
“I know it,” you growl under your breath, leaving the trailer. You chew on your bottom lip nervously as you march back to Harry’s trailer. You feel so confused and anxious about this whole situation and the worst thing is that you have no idea what to do about it. Telling him how you feel seems like a stupid idea, but mostly because you’re terrified of rejection. What if it all meant nothing to him? If you were right and he is just lonely and uses you to help himself, it has nothing to do with you. You wouldn’t survive the heartbreak it would give you if he told you he doesn’t see you more than just a friend.
As you walk into his trailer he is sitting on the sofa with his phone in his hands. He glances up at you, a warm smile tugging on his lips as you take a deep breath, feeling very much out of place suddenly. Unfortunately, he immediately senses your discomfort.
“Everything alright, Angel?”
Angel. This nickname could make your knees go weak in a heartbeat and you hate how much effect it has on you. Especially in this state of mind you’re currently in.
“I just…” You shake your head shutting your eyes. “Why do you keep calling me that?” you ask, sounding way more desperate than you intended to. Harry puts his phone aside, looking a little puzzled at your sudden weird act, but he seems more worried for you.
“I, uhh—“
“And don’t tell me it’s because Hey Angel is about me. We didn’t know each other back then.”
You have no idea where this is coming from or why you even questioned him about it all of a sudden, but Florence just totally threw you off with what she just said. Harry stares back at you, probably vigorously looking for the reason why you are acting up now, but luckily, he doesn’t try to turn it into a joke as always.
“I call you Angel, because you remind me of the song. It wasn’t written about you, but the lyrics match up with… you.”
“What?” you ask in confusion.
“I wish I could be more like you, do you wish you could be more like me?” he quotes the song, not singing the words, simply just talking them as he stares back at you. “I see you at the bar, at the edge of my bed, backseat of my car, in the back of my head,” he continues and you feel your throat doing dry just from the way he softly speaks, standing only a few feet away from you. “I come alive when I hear your voice, it’s a beautiful sound, it’s a beautiful noise.”
You never really gave it another thought, but now that he has told you this, it hit you hard in the chest. You weren’t expecting, especially because those lines are rather meaningful, to you at least.
“I thought of it once not long after we first met and thought calling you Angel would suit you. Do you mind it? I can just… stop calling you that if you don’t like it.”
You shake your head. You never want him to stop calling you that even if it’s not that meaningful for him. If it’s just some game. It’s great to know that something reminded him of you.
“No, it’s… it’s alright.” Your voice is small, barely more than just a whisper. It’s a little too much at once. Florence’s words are still stuck in your head, and what he just said has felt like he just gripped your heart even if he doesn’t know.
You take a shaky breath, forcing yourself to come back from this hazy state of mind.
“So, what about that email?”
“You alright?” Reaching forward he takes your hand and you try not to flinch at his touch, just smile at him nodding.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He squeezes your hand before dropping it and he luckily doesn’t ask any more questions.
 You stay oddly quiet for the rest of the day and Harry surely knows something is wrong, but he respects you enough not to bug you about it any longer. He just stays close to you as much as he can, trying his best to take your mind off of whatever keeps you occupied.
On the way home you and Harry drop by a supermarket, buy some quick dinner, not wanting to stack the fridge when you’re leaving so soon. Then you sit in the living room, eating and watching some random movie that’s on TV. You snuggle to his side on the couch naturally, he doesn’t even have to pull you close this time. The thought of having left only one more night in the apartment makes you want to sue every little moment you have left in this bubble.
Harry makes you have a shower first tonight and when you come out from the bathroom, your bed is already nicely made, inviting you warmly. He is quick to finish with his shower and joins you in bed barely five minutes later. You move towards each other instantly, his arms curling around your form soothingly as you make yourself comfortable, melted into his embrace. You feel his lips pressing against your forehead and you almost start crying at the small action.
“Angel, I don’t know what has upset you, but I’m here for you, alright? You’re not alone,” he murmurs softly.
“I know,” you whisper. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me. I would do anything for you, just like you do so much for me. You’ve got me.”
I wish, you think to yourself. You have him, but not the way you’ve been desiring. His hand moves to cup your face as he lifts your head so you are looking into his eyes in the darkened room, but there’s enough light coming through the window that you see his features. He runs his thumb across your cheek, gently caressing your skin and everywhere he touches you, it feels like your body is in flames. This something has been building up inside you and now you’re not sure how long you’ll be able to control yourself. And just as you think about how you really should put some distance between the two of you so you won’t regret it later, the unexpected happens.
Harry pulls you up just enough so when he moves his head he is able to place his lips on yours, kissing you out of the blue. His lips feel so soft, so fitting on your mouth, you let out a whimper when he goes further than just a gentle kiss, taking your bottom lip between his properly. It’s an out of world experience, you’ve imagined it so many times, but you never thought it would actually happen and now that it is very much happening, your whole mind goes blank and for a split second… everything feels right. You kiss him back with fever and with each passing moment the kiss grows more passionate and way hungrier than how it started. Harry’s arm tightens around you, almost pulling you on top of him and you can’t make yourself stop, not that you want to.
With a little force, Harry pushes the two of you around so now you’re lying on the mattress and he holds himself up above you, his lips never disconnecting from yours. He licks into your mouth, pulling and tugging on your lips, making your whole body go weak just for him.
But then, as if reality hit you in the head, you realize what’s happening.
“Harry,” you gasp pulling back, gasping for air. “This—We…”
“Angel, let me take care of you. Please,” he begs out of breath.
“What…”
“I want to make you feel good. I want to take care of you, please let me.” He sounds so desperate, like he would do anything for this and you are not strong enough to deny it from him.
It’s just his pity. He’s been using you for his needs, now he wants to give some back, it’s nothing more, you think to yourself. It can’t be more.
You lack the willpower to make a rational decision, so as you stare up into his eyes that appear so dark due to the lack of proper lighting, you just nod before he leans down and kisses you again.
He holds himself up on one arm while his free hand wanders down your body, touching you at places you have never felt him before. He palms your left breast, squeezing it gently and it makes you moan into his mouth before his hand moves down the curve of your waist until it reaches your sleeping shorts. Your body is burning for him and you can’t stop it from reacting to everything he does. You buckle your hips up when you feel his fingers gently graze along your pubic bone, even though you’re still fully clothed.
“What do you want me to do, Angel? I’ll do anything you want me to,” he pants between kisses as his hand moves to cup your heated core, making you moan again from the sensation of his touch there.
“I need you,” is all you manage to get out.
“I’m right here. You got me. What do you want me to do? Please, tell me, Angel,” he whines, forehead pressed against yours and his hips fall, pressing against your thigh, making you realize how excited he has gotten. His erection is hard under the fabric of his boxers, almost aching to be freed. There’s no way you can take any teasing or a long foreplay. You need him inside you now before you burst.
“Harry, I need you inside me. Please,” you whimper, almost cry, before he kisses you again, hard and demanding as he simply pushes your shorts down, revealing your naked sex since you don’t wear any underwear to bed. You grab the waistband of his boxers too and push it down until he can wiggle his legs out of them, leaving him completely naked in your bed while you still have a top covering your upper body, however he is quick to change that. He grabs the hem and starts pulling it off, your hands helping him so a few moments later you’re completely naked underneath him.
“Fuck, Angel,” he breathes out, his perfect, pink lips attacking the side of your throat, kissing and nibbling on the skin, going down to your breasts, giving the same amount of attention to both while you turn into jelly under his touch. lacing your fingers through his hair you cry out his name as you can feel him leaving a mark on your left breast, his tongue swirling against the spot he just completely destroyed before he brings himself back up so he can kiss you again and again with so much hunger, it’s hard to tell where you end and where he starts. Everything melts together and you’re such a mess in every possible way.
His hand gently reaches down between your legs and parts your shaking thighs before he cups you drenched pussy, his middle finger sliding between your folds, a shameless moan slipping from your mouth, right into his as your lips are still attached.
“So wet, I can’t wait to make you feel good, baby. Let me make you feel good.”
“Harry, just… please,” you pant, surely feeling yourself lose the last bits of your nerves.
“D’you have a condom?” he asks, head lifting up a bit so he can look into your eyes.
“I-In my, um, the makeup bag,” you try to explain gesturing towards your dresser where your makeup bag sits on top, two condoms somewhere inside it. Harry pecks your lips before pulling away from you, the lack of his weight on top of you making you shiver.
He digs into the bag until he finds what he’s been looking for, tearing the packaging open with his teeth and he rolls it on while he walks back, not wasting another moment. You cling onto him like a koala bear once he is back in bed, his massive body covering you again.
“Just tell me how you like it, I’ll do anything,” he mumbles against your shivering lips as he pushes the head in first, stopping for a second before the rest of his cock buries inside you, completely taking your breath away. He is bigger than anyone you’ve ever been with, filling up every inch of you, your walls stretching around him as he stills once he is all the way inside you.
This is it. This is the moment you’ve imagined oh so many times, feeling him the closest possible, his cock buried inside you, his cheek pressed against yours as he holds himself up on top of you. Years of yearning and endless nights when you imagined your hand was his… and now it’s your reality. And though you know it’s gonna change everything, you can’t tell yourself to stop.
Harry lifts his head, pecking your lips gently, calling you Angel over and over again as he starts moving, the friction between your legs growing with each thrust. He fits inside you so well, you won’t be able to enjoy sex with anyone else now that you’ve experienced it with Harry. All of a sudden, he has become the epitome of your whole life.
“Tell me what you want, Angel. Do you want me to go slow or fast? Tell me how to make you feel good.” His lips brush against yours with each word while you’re just trying to catch your breath, fingers digging into his back, the euphoria building up inside you gradually.
“A little faster,” you breathe out, speaking feels like a hard task at the moment. Harry picks his pace up, finding just the right rhythm that makes you wrap your legs around his waist so he can go even deeper with each thrust he makes.
“Look at me, Angel. Let me see your eyes,” he begs, his hand cupping your cheek. He runs his thumb along the line of your lower lip before he takes it between his lips, tugging on it gently, kissing you like you’re his last breath on Earth. He is devouring you, body melts together with yours, all your senses are strictly focused on him. He is all you see, hear, feel and taste.
Your gaze meets his and the way he looks at you, like you’re his whole entire world, it makes your eyes tear up. You want it to be true, you want it to be reality, you want it to be more than just about needs and satisfaction, but it’s not and your consciousness is not letting you believe otherwise.
“Oh Angel,” he softly hums, wiping away a tear that escaped the corner of your eye and ran down the side of your face. Keeping up his rhythm he kisses along your jawline, your cheek, your lips, the side of your face, the bridge of your nose, everywhere he can before returning to your lips with a hungry, passion filled kiss.
“Harry…” you whimper, holding your thighs tighter around his waist as you feel yourself nearing the edge.
“Let it go for me, Angel. I wanna see you feel good, cum for me,” he tells you, eyes never leaving yours as you are ready to burst underneath him.
“Harry, I-I need you!” The words fall from your lips as a desperate beg, arms wrapping around his torso tight, as if he could disappear from your embrace any moment.
“I’m right here, Angel. Right here,” he soothes you, kissing your lips sweetly as proof that he is not just a trick your mind is playing on you. “Are you close, baby? Are you gonna cum for me?”
“Yes! Yes!” you pant, losing control over your body and all your senses. It’s gonna be intense, you can tell and it hasn’t even started yet, you just know it’ll shake you to the core.
“Good girl. Let me make you feel good.” “So good,” you breathe out before Harry occupies your lips with his once again.
It doesn’t take long. He keeps thrusting in the perfect angle and it throws you right over the edge. Harry demands you look him in the eyes when your orgasm wash you over and the intensity of it all almost makes you cry again. You burst, lose yourself under him, screaming his name as if you were praying to all higher forces. In a way, you are, because for a moment you really think you completely vanish from this world.
Harry follows you just a few more thrusts later, falling out of his rhythm as he grunts and moans your name, face buried into the crook of your neck while you tug on his hair, the feeling of his soft locks between your fingers is like pure heaven.
He stills, but stays inside you as he looks up, his eyes filled with satisfaction and contentment as he cups your face again, kissing you long, taking his time with you.
As you come off your high and the clouds of euphoria clears off, reality sets in more painfully than ever. Your limbs are paralyzed and you feel like you are outside your own body, just watching everything happen as if you were a third person in the room. Harry rolls to the side, chest heaving wildly as he is trying to regulate himself. Once he is able to breathe without panting, he pecks your shoulder gently and makes a quick round to the bathroom. You hear water running and then his feet padding on the floor, but you can’t bring yourself to move, you just lie there, completely drained out. It doesn’t change even when Harry gently cleans you off with a damp washing cloth, throwing it to the side to take care of it in the morning. He pulls the covers over the two of you and scoops you into his arms. You manage to bring your arm up to his chest as your head rests on his shoulder. His fingers are dancing up and down your arm, his steady breathing keeping your overcrowded head grounded. And then… he starts singing so softly, it’s almost just a whisper.
“Hey Angel, oh, I wish I could be more like you. Do you wish you could be more like me?”
Your eyes shut close, the damn tears flooding again, but you keep your sobs drowned in your throat. Instead you force yourself to sleep and hope you live to see the morning, because you feel like your heart is about to give up on you.
 When you wake up, you genuinely feel like you’ve drunk through last night and now have the worst hangover. It’s like you’ve been hit on the head with a chair. You slowly come to your senses and realize that you’re completely naked in bed and there’s a body curled to your side, equally naked.
The shock sets in first because you realize, once again, that what happened last night wasn’t just a fever dream, it actually happened. And then you basically jump out of bed when you look at the small digital clock on the bedside and see that the two of you have ten minutes to leave if you don’t want to be late to the last day of filming.
“Harry! Harry get up!” you smack him, kicking the covers off and grabbing your top and shorts from the floor, quickly putting them on. The man in talk growls, just rolling to his back without even opening his eyes. “Harry damn it! We have ten minutes or you’ll be late!” you snap at him and it somewhat wakes him up. With furrowed eyebrows at puckered lips, he lifts his head up and looks around.
Those lips were kissing you last night.
“What?” he mumbles in confusion.
“We overslept, get up. We have… eight minutes left.”
“Shit,” he mumbles under his breath, finally getting out of bed, reaching for his boxers.
It’s a shitshow as the two of you try to get ready on time and though you are running just a few minutes late, the driver of the taxi manages to speed down the streets fast enough that you arrive to set just in time.
During the whole ride, you feel Harry’s burning eyes on you, but thank God, you get a call from Jeffrey the moment you get into the car and it lasts the whole ride so you don’t have to talk with him about what happened last night.
“Y/N,” he tries when you’re still on the phone and he is already done with hair and makeup, heading to set to start filming.
“What?” you mouth at him.
“Can we talk later?”
“I’m busy. Go, I’m sure they are waiting for you,” you whisper to him and he looks so disappointed, but he nods and walks away. Your heart breaks as you lower the phone. You have been out of the call for some time, just didn’t want to talk to him.
Quite frankly, you’re not ready to talk to him about what happened last night. You don’t want to hear him say that he was just trying to help you out last night, that it wasn’t anything serious, just some messing around. It was just two people trying not to feel lonely.
Walking back into his trailer you can feel your chest tightening, a sharp pain shooting right into your heart the more you think about him. It was a mistake, you shouldn’t have done it because you are the one with the feelings and now you are the one struggling with the consequences of your little get together.
The more you think about it, the worse it gets and you feel like you’re about to suffocate. You need to get out of here, there’s no way you can face him now.
It all happens so fast. Before you can even second guess your decision, you’re on your way back to the apartment to pack all your stuff and get on the first flight back home. You need to put distance between you and him, spending one more night in the same apartment would make you go nuts. So while Harry is filming, completely oblivious to what you’re doing, you pack up your room as fast as possible and head to the airport to hop on the plane that leaves at four pm.
With a racing heart you check all your baggage in and make it through security when Harry first calls you. At first, you want to ignore it, but then you find yourself swiping your thumb across the screen.
“Hey,” you shortly greet him.
“Hey, where are you? Have been looking for you everywhere.” “I um… I’m at the airport,” you answer and the silence on the other end is deafening for a moment.
“You are at the what?” he then snaps.
“I had a, um, kind of emergency, so I’m heading back home now. Sorry, I would have called you, but didn’t know when you’d be off set.”
“You fucking packed and left already? You’re really at the airport?” He is fuming, Raging. You can tell he is pacing in the trailer, vigorously running his fingers through his hair, ruining it without a care. You almost feel guilty, but then again, you just know facing him now would break you. You’ll get back to him when you’ve pulled your shit together.
“I am, calm down, alright? Not a big deal.” “You just left on our last day here without a fucking word! And when am I seeing you again?”
“I, uhh—I need to be home for a while, but you’ll be fine. I’ll stay in touch with you in email and text.”
“Fucking text? Email?” he is barking now. Good thing you are not there because it would be a disaster. “Y/N, you can’t be serious. We-we were supposed to talk. You can’t just fucking disappear like this.”
“We’ll talk, alright?”
“When?”
“Later,” you simply tell him at a loss for a better answer. Hopefully, never, you think to yourself, but don’t say it out loud.
“Okay, you’re not doing this. Don’t you dare get on a plane, I’m going to the airport right now. You’re not leaving.”
“Well, I am and you’re not coming here,” you clap back, but you can already hear him moving around, probably gathering his stuff so he can leave right away.
“Swear to God if you get on that plane, I’m—“ He cuts himself off, no idea what to really say and you just sigh, closing your eyes. People rush by you and as you glance at the big screen you see that your plane is boarding.
“Harry, just… it’ll be better like this, alright? You’ll be fine, I’ll see you… when I see you. Have fun on your last day on set.”
You end the call before he could get another word out and put it on airplane mode right away as you grab your backpack and head to your gate.
Using your time on the plane wisely, you put together a very detailed schedule for Harry so he knows everything about his next few weeks and you can minimize your contact with him. You even set up a bunch of reminders in his calendar so he won’t miss his appointments.
When you set feet on the ground again, you expect the distance between you and Harry to feel comforting and freeing, but it’s the opposite. An ache in your chest is getting heavier as you get yourself a taxi and head home, feeling more alone than ever in your life.
Your home doesn’t feel like a home. Not without that one person who could make any place your home, but you can’t see him right now, not until you learn how to exist around him without the urge to faint.
Going to bed alone is pure torture. Every moment you are waiting to hear Harry shuffling around in the apartment, you miss his little snorts when he is watching the TV, his singing coming from the shower, but most importantly, you miss having him so close to you in bed. Now that you’re lying on your own, your bed feels so cold, it brings you tears as reality sets in. You miss him. You miss him more than anything and you can’t imagine a time when it won’t hurt anymore.
The crying pushes you into a shallow slumber sometime in the middle of the night, however, you’re rudely shaken back to consciousness when you hear someone banging on your door like crazy, pushing the doorbell constantly.
“Jesus fuck,” you mumble with a grimace, pulling a hoodie on as you make your way to the door hazily, probably still half asleep because you open the door without checking who it is through the peephole and you end up staring up at none other than Harry. “What the—What are you doing here?” you breathe out, panic sets in fast and your hands start shaking at the sight of him.
Harry steps inside without invitation and closes the door behind him, a stern expression on his handsome face.
“Y/N, what the fuck were you thinking when you left like that?”
“I-I told you, it was an emergency.”
“What kind of emergency? Because I called your mom and sisters, they all said nothing happened in the family, so what could possibly happen that needed you here immediately?”
“I don’t have to explain shit to you.” Shaking your head you try to step back to put some distance between the two of you, but he doesn’t let you, taking a step forward at the same time.
“Well I think we have a lot to talk about after last night, don’t you think?”
“I don’t want to talk,” you shake your head biting into your bottom lip. This wasn’t supposed to happen, why couldn’t he just stay where he was? “How did you even get here so fast?”
“Left as soon as we wrapped.”
“Where are all your stuff?”
“Left everything there, I’ll just go back and pack it up, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that for a girl who genuinely hates any form of working out, you ran pretty fast from you today.”
Any other day you would have laughed at his comparison, but not today. You just stand there, chewing on the inside of your cheeks as you try to figure out what to do or say. You were not ready to face him so soon.
“What do you want me to say?” you ask desperately, throwing your hands into the air.
“Tell me what it meant for you,” he calmly answers and you want to shake him. How is he so peaceful?
“No,” you shake your head. “I’m not doing this to myself, okay? I need time, Harry.”
“For what?”
“So I can get myself over this, alright? I need time, I—fuck this,” you growl, feeling the tears flooding your eyes again. Damn it!
“Why the fuck do you want to get yourself over it?”
“Because it obviously didn’t mean the same thing to me as it meant to you!” you snap at him and he raises his eyebrows at you in a way that tells you “you’re stupid”.
“What do you think it meant to me?”
“Probably nothing,” you scoff rolling your eyes, but the anger that bursts from him quickly washes your attitude away.
“Fucking nothing? You think I would get on a fucking plane first thing after filming for ten hours straight just to come after you? You think I spent all my nights with you these past weeks because you mean nothing to me? You know, for a smart girl, you can be pretty dumb sometimes.”
You blink at him in utter confusion, his words knocked you off your feet. He exhales sharply, long fingers running through his messy curls as he tries his best to calm himself down. When he is finally breathing somewhat normally his wildly vibrant green eyes meet your widened stare.
“Y/N, I thought we were on the same page. What did you think it was all about?” he softly asks, seeing how shook you still are.
“I, uhh—I thought this was all just some kind of distraction. You said you were feeling lonely, I thought you were just… kind of using me. And then last night was you returning the favor.”
“Hell no,” he breathes out shaking his head as he steps closer and this time you don’t back away from him. You let his hands run down your arms until they find your hands. “I thought this was clear, but I’m gonna say it then. I’m in love with you, Y/N, have been for a long time, I was just being a pussy and didn’t know how you’d take it. But then, when you didn’t kick me out of your bed the first night we slept together, it got me hoping and it was all heading just the right direction. Then last night happened and I was so damn sure this would be our turning point but then…” He breathes out shakily again, as if the thought still upsets him. “When I called you and you said you were at the airport… I love you, Angel, but I was ready to murder you.”
You let out a faint chuckle, feeling the tears bubbling in your eyes.
“Why did you run away instead of talking to me? Did you not trust me?” he asks softly, a hand coming up to cup your jaw gently.
“I didn’t trust myself,” you admit weakly.
“Oh Angel…” Leaning down he kisses your forehead tenderly, his lips feel like soft feathers against your hot skin. “Do you need me to tell you again how in love I am with you or are you gonna believe me? You’re not planning to run away again, are you?” he teases you making you chuckle as you shake your head.
“I’m not gonna run away, but I would love to hear you say you love me again.”
“I love you. I love you so fucking much, Angel, don’t you ever think otherwise for a moment, okay?”
You nod, lips curling into your mouth as your teary eyes meet his green orbs.
“I love you too, Harry.”
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that,” he chuckles breathing out in relief and it makes you smile. “I would never just use you. Love you way too much for that, Angel. You are everything to me.”
“Wish I knew that earlier,” you mumble with a bitter chuckle. It would have saved you a lot of tears.
“I will never stop saying it to you.” His forehead rests against yours, noses touching as his arms curl around your frame, pulling you close to him until you’re pressed up against his hard chest. “Just out of curiosity, what were you thinking when I told you, you reminded me of Hey Angel? Because I think it pretty much gave me away, but apparently, I was wrong,” he chuckles lowly, pulling back a little so he can look you in the eyes.
“I honestly have no idea,” you admit with an awkward chuckle. “I just had a conversation with Florence before that where she called me out about my feelings for you and I was still kind of in shock. Probably took it as just your usual flirty behavior.”
“I’ll admit I do flirt some, but haven’t you realized it’s different with you?”
“I guess not.” “Angel, you are… something else,” he chuckles in disbelief before leaning down he finally presses his lips against yours. You giggle into his lips, arms wrapping around his neck as he lifts you up from the ground, twirling you around, a squeal slipping from your mouth.
“So, now you have to go back to pack your stuff?” you question, still wrapped into his arms completely and you don’t want to exist any other way. This is where you belong.
“Yeah. Had to chase down this Angel who thought she could run away from me.”
“So how are you planning to get to New York by four tomorrow when you’re still here and have to go back to pack? Have you checked the schedule I sent you? You’re not gonna make it.” You cock your head to the side with an arched brow.
“Did you just go back to full assistant mode right after we confessed our love for each other?”
“Someone has to be responsible and we both know it’s always me.”
“I’ll just hire someone to do it for me, I’ll leave to New York from here. Happy?” he grins at you as you nod.
“Very. Because this means you can stay the night here.”
“Seeing the fact that I literally have nowhere else to go, because even my house keys are in the suitcase I left back… I very much need to stay here for the night,” he points out.
“Good. Come on, my bed felt empty without you,” you giggle, pulling him towards your bedroom and he follows you eagerly.
“I can definitely help that.”
 Thank you for reading! Please like/reblog if you enjoyed!
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cinnamonest · 3 years ago
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How do you make gross incel hentai adict Xiao sound so fucking hot like
Ohmygod
It makes me want to choke on his dick
I am STILL obsessed with this concept so continuing bc I can (//fem darling + some sexism): he also gets really into internet sex trends. Like, I mentioned the choker-snapping thing, but also all the egirl crazes and trends like the virgin killer sweater, the thigh high sock garters with spikes and heart shapes, the cow print bikini thing, maid uniforms, cat keyhole lingerie, schoolgirl uniforms, cosplays, collars, those rubber paddles that leave a shape welted into your skin (which you have to try out, just for fun, even if you didn't do anything). You have at least like 5 pairs of different sets of those animal tail butt plugs and ear hairbands that you're more or less forced to walk around in, complete with a little bell collar. The best part about those is they can be combined with the other outfits :)
Sex trends... Well yes there was the "snap my choker" thing back the past two years that he got super into and still wants to try for real, and in the current date darling would be suffering from that Jack-O challenge... Yeah your body can totally bend that way. Just keep trying, he wants a picture. Also the pencil challenge from a few years back... Also wants to see you try. Finds it cute if you can't, it keeps dropping to the floor, so he gets a video of your desperate attempts. And if you can, gets a picture of the result. Either of which is to jerk off to whenever he has to be away for whatever reason.
And when I say porn addict I don't mean just actively searching for porn, but rather, it's so ingrained in his brain that he's integrated it into every outlet he has, which just perpetuates the addiction in a cyclic sort of way. Open Twitter? Immediately bombarded with porn. Reddit? Porn. Tumblr? Let's be real there's still plenty of porn here too. Most games he plays are those gross dude-oriented ones with anime girls in next to no clothes running around, etc etc. He has no social media or app that he doesn't have some sort of pornographic content that will pop up nearly immediately. It's.... Bad. But on the... bright (?) side, you don't have to worry about him becoming one of those dudes that prefers porn to the real thing... Quite the opposite. At this point it's all just, to your dismay, inspiration material.
See, he has a firm belief that if he has you, he shouldn't have to jerk off ever again. He can cum in you, and should have rights to your body at any time he wants, that's what wom- uh, girlfriends are supposed to be for. He pays for everything since you're not employed (not by your choice, but you know better than to argue that anymore), and takes care of you, buys stuff for you. He does the whole protector and provider role (by sitting at his computer all day to earn money, and occasionally taking out one of your old exes), so you do your part and clean up, make him food (you made the mistake of cooking once and now he refuses to ever go back to ramen), and be an available set of holes at any time that does what he wants. Well, that's not the only requirement -- you're also supposed to have a good attitude about it... The girls in porn are always eager and happy to take dick and get abused. So no pouting or complaining... You're supposed to be sweet about it (spare love bombs ma'am?? Please?) And certainly no disobedience. It's so arrogant and self centered to think you have the right to deny or disobey a good boyfriend that takes such good care of you. Or perhaps just simple minded, like you definitely are, not bright, he says. You just can't think logically, you're not capable of reason, you think emotionally. Yeah... A porn obsession, particularly the kind of porn he likes that tends to see the girls in extremely submissive roles, does not exactly help make his views on your sex any better or more positive, quite the opposite.
Boy is chronically online, anything he sees he wants to try... And now he has real living breathing pussy available! So he can actually do so rather than just dreaming about it, now that he threw out all those crusty socks and cheap pocket pussy.
He sees some Twitter porn of a couple using one of those short distance remote control vibes in a public place... Now you have one. Sure, you're not going outside, but it's still fun to use it from across the room while he's working or gaming and you're all tied up, occasionally turning it up super high only to deny you again and again. It gives him motivation to do his work so he can get back to you sooner. So now he actually gets work done faster than ever.
The hentai addiction/egirl weeb culture degeneracy is worse though. Definitely buys you that one famous bad dragon blue tentacle dildo. You can't put it in your pussy, though... No he's not insecure, it's just, you have perfectly good dick right here for that hole. You can use it to train your throat and ass though! That's why he got it for you. Will definitely shove it into your poor ass and leave you tied down so that you can't move, having to stay like that for ages while he works.
Also, the faces. Hope you're not too quiet or still when you cum... Haven't you seen hentai girls?? You're supposed to like, make that face, stick your tongue out, and squeal a lot. Unfortunately, if you don't match up to porn actresses and hentai girls in terms of how you cum (and let's be real, who does?), he takes that as a sign that you're faking it. That's not good. Not only does it make him grumpy and pouty, but it means you'll cum until he's certain you're not faking it. Again, this creates a very unfortunate cycle of confirmation bias. By the fifth straight orgasm in a row, you're whimpering and sniffling from the overstimulation, begging and crying and wailing and.... Ah, so that's what you're like when you really cum, since he still insists the other times were fake. Which means that again, in the future, nothing less than that full crying and wailing will be believed. Poor darling.
Probably got camgirl darling to send him bathwater and straight up chugs it smh
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actual-changeling · 9 months ago
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I agree with everything (very good explanation btw!) except the part about Crowley running away.
I've talked about their respective primary and secondary trauma responses, a post that you can find here, but to recap:
Crowley's primary survival response is fight, you are forced to fight if you keep continuously disobeying the people in charge of the system, and only if there situation seems completely hopeless (and fight is no linger a viable option) does he switch over to flight.
The one and only time Crowley actually considers running away is not at the bandstand, that's him presenting an idea in case everything goes to shit, not him asking Aziraphale to run right this moment. However, when hell is coming after him with the intention of torturing him for all eternity, fighting that seems understandably impossible—so he asks Aziraphale to run with him.
Yet he still returns to his flat. He still stays and he fights even though it feels hopeless. No matter what happens, no matter how much he wants to run and run and run, Crowley always stands his ground until it is ripped away from underneath him and then some.
The other coping mechanisms you mention are more... complex than him convincing himself that verbal abuse is love. In my opinion, Crowley is very much aware of what healthy relationships are supposed to look like (to a degree), the part he doesn't know is
a) how to make it possible and
b) what that dynamic looks like from within.
Crowley is incredibly self-aware to a fault, and he is definitely struggling to regain control whenever he can feel it slipping. Yelling at his plants is probably also about blaming himself, but the much bigger part is that he is simply trying to control them.
Not verbal abuse as love but yelling and trying to control every single thing about his plants' growth so he has control about something. Control that is absolute, not conditional, private, and, at large, harmless. Control for the sake of control.
In season two, we see him being outright gentle with his plants—no yelling, they look more imperfect, and he only starts scrambling for control once everything goes off the rails (again).
Leaving the bookshop after their argument wasn't him fleeing per se, just doing what Aziraphale had told him to do and getting away from the whole situation. Space and distance are good and incredibly necessary if the other person is refusing to listen.
I'd argue the solution is not loving each other but rather learning how to exist for their own sake, not God's, not heaven's, not each other's—their own. Crowley's problem is that his life revolved around Aziraphale—what he wants, needs, demands, threatens—and he was too afraid to try and become more independent because Aziraphale has made it very clear that if Crowley disobeys, he will be rejected. After his fall, he is terrified of that happening again, and the thing is he was right. It DID happen again. Aziraphale chose Gabriel over him, chose the Metatron over him, chose heaven over him time and time again.
You cannot fix that with a relationship, you fix that by building a life and sense of self that is reliant on no one but yourself. Then, and only then, can you have a long-term, stable relationship, and it requires Aziraphale to change too. Otherwise it won't work and he will keep hurting Crowley.
Personally, I am very uncomfortable with "love" as this magical concept that is the answer to everything. Love is a feeling, an emotion, it is no better at fixing something than happiness or excitement. You can have healthy, incredibly beneficial long-term relationships without love, and you can have horribly unbalanced & unhealthy ones with love.
The defining factor here is not love, it's the relationship with the self and the respect towards the other person/people involved.
i think one of the reasons why crowley and aziraphale stuck together for six thousand years is because when it comes down to it, they have pretty much the same problems—they're just at entirely different stages of dealing with it.
aziraphale sees god and wants to be what he thinks she wants him to be. everything they've been told as angels amounts more or less to the same personality blue-print, and he is trying to fit himself into. unfortunately, as even he realises, there is so much wrong with the standards and ideologies, his goal is not only unachievable but also fundamentally fucked up.
his current solution for that is to compartmentalise the parts that don't make sense to him and otherwise try to get as close to it as possible without abandoning what he has of himself.
meanwhile crowley never fit into that shape to begin with, not even remotely, and he fell from grace because of it. all that pain, rejection, and suffering, but there are still standards, simply different ones compared to before. if you don't fit into one shape, you're supposed to squeeze yourself into the other—but he doesn't want to.
crowley wants his freedom, to be him, whatever that turns out to mean, and he wants aziraphale there with him, and yet he cannot fully let go of god.
they're both looking at the sky and screaming love me back.
aziraphale continues because i can be what you want me to be, while crowley says i'm still your child, i still want to be wanted but for myself—you made me like this, love me like this.
they're both terrified of the way the other is dealing with it, which is why they split; it was never about miscommunication, it's a fundamental difference in beliefs that cannot be combined.
crowley could never go back to obeying that way and aziraphale cannot fathom giving up on it just yet (though in season 3 he hopefully FINALLY will).
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luimagines · 3 years ago
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You give them a kiss!
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Masterlist
Despite the earlier confusion, I’ve got it done! Here you go Anon!
Since there wasn’t any specification, it’s set platonically (but maybe hidden feels) so I hope that’s ok.
Content under the cut!
Wind
You hear Wind call your name. It’s loud and joyful and inexplicably full of excitement.
It immediately light your heart and you turn to see where the voice came from. Wind is starting to run in your direction something clenched in his hand. You can see it sway from his grip but he’s moving too fast for you to get a good view of what it is.
He stops in front of you, hiding what he had behind his back with a a wide grin his face. “I’ve got something for you!~”
You smile and drop what you’re doing, giving him your full attention. “What is it Pirate?”
“Close your eyes.”
You raise an eyebrow.
“Please!”
You oblige.
There’s a moment of silence before you feel something being placed on your head. It’s light but it feels oddly familiar and you open your eyes.
Whatever was in Wind’s hands before is gone and he’s staring at you with a pleased look on his face.
You slowly raise your hands to touch what it is and feel yourself smile.
It’s a flower crown.
“I made it myself!” Wind declares proudly. “Hyrule showed me how to make them. It’s not exactly the first one I made... That one didn’t come out as good, I think. But I like this one and thought it would look great on you!”
Your smile widens to a grin and you pull Wind into a hug. Your heart swells in adoration for this boy and you spin him around somewhat. “I love it! Thank you!”
You pull away slightly and give him a kiss on the forehead as thanks. “You’re very sweet.”
There’s a slight blush on his face as he pulls away from you, but his smile never falters. “Well, I’m glad you like it.”
Twilight
"Hey Twilight!" You skip to his side and place your hands on your hips. "How are you on this beautiful day?"
"I'm doing mighty fine, thank you." Twilight tosses a grin over his shoulder before he goes back to checking through Epona's supplies.
"What-cha doing?"
"Just checking through an old bag of mine. I'm looking for a new shirt."
This piques your interest. "Why?"
"My current one is starting to smell to kingdom come so while it needs to be washed, I need to find my other one."
"Well... I mean it's not that....Yeah..... Wild and I didn't want to say anything, but at least you're aware."
"Ok. Thanks." Twi deadpans. "I can feel your support from miles away. I am so glad that I'm traveling with you lot."
"We like having you around too!" You grin and punch his shoulder lightly. "Enough so that it's easy to tolerate the dog smell."
"You know what-" Twilight takes a swing in your direction but you easily dodge it. He's quick to follow you and take another swing.
You catch it and bring his fist towards your mouth to place a quick kiss on his knuckles.
"Maybe a shower will help too." You grin.
Twilight groans and takes his hand back. "I'll take that into consideration."
He begin to absentmindedly rub his thumb over where you kiss him even as he turns away from you and back to Epona.
"Glad I could help."
"Get out!"
You leave laughing.
Warrior
"Excuse me, but I need your assistance." Warrior walks up to and puts a gentle hand on your shoulder. "It'll only take a moment."
"Sure thing Capitan." You grin and drop your little project into your pocket. "What do you need?"
"I heard that you have a specific set of skills that I believe would help me greatly in a personal endeavor of mine."
"Drop the fancy talk." You deadpan. "It only makes you look suspicious."
"I want you to teach me about flowers." He admits in a rush.
"...Why?"
"...Seeecret." Warrior hisses through his teeth, unwilling to tell you why. "You're good at knowing what plants do what and how they help people. You're the best person to go to."
"It comes with the territory of herbalism." You grin. "But it's not all about flowers. I'd have to know what you're going to do with the plants if you want me to help you."
Warrior pauses and he takes a while to think about your reply. There's a moment where you can see that's he's battling himself about your conditions. Somewhere among the lines he comes a consensus and sighs. "...But it was supposed to be for you."
There's a blush on his face and he begins to scratch the back of his neck. He's not meeting your eyes.
His reveal surprises you and you smile at the soft confession. You stare at him for a little moment longer you snort. "Ok fine. I'll let you keep your secrets. I've been teaching Hyrule about being an herbalist and he's learning at an incredibly fast rate. He's your second best bet at this point."
"The Traveler?" Warrior blinks. "When did you start doing that?"
"A while ago." You shrug and skip in his direction until you're toe to toe.
"Whatever your surprise is I'm sure I'll like it." You say and go up onto your tip toes to place a quick kiss on his cheek. "You're a sweetheart. thank you in advance. I'll be waiting!"
You hear Warrior audibly gulp as you leave. "Ok! I'll- I'll get working on it!"
Wild
"Wild! I'm bored!" You cry out and flop onto the ground.
You were placed on Wild babysitting duty, curtesy of Twilight, while the others went to go scope out the nearest village for both supplies and information. But because of Wild stepping out of line and going against orders, he was benched until further notice.
"We're both bored." Wild groans and flops on top of your stomach.
You grunt with the unexpected pressure and force from the hit and drop your arm onto his face. "What can we do!?"
"I don't know!"
"But you always have something on your mind."
"That doesn't mean I can just pop out an idea whenever I want!" He shouts back. "My creative process is an enigma. Not even I can control it or will it into action."
You sigh. "So now what?"
A moment of silence.
"Wanna make out?"
"What?" You sit up, pushing Wild off of you in the process.
"Kidding! Kidding!" Wild laughs and holds his hands up in surrender. "I saw an opportunity and I took it."
"Wild." You deadpan, not elaborating on anything else. You do not continue your sentence.
Wild descends into snorts and giggles at your unamused face and he's completely lost himself in his own head.
In the distance you can hear Legend and Warrior arguing with each other and know that you're time alone with the wild child is up. A wicked streak kicks up inside you and you smirk to yourself.
Before the others can come close enough to see the both of you, you maneuver upwards and into Wild's personal space and place a kiss smackdab on his cheek- stilling him entirely.
"Next time-" You say as you stand. "-Tell me what you want to do before the others can come and interrupt."
You send him a quick wink and leave him to his thoughts. You're quick to greet the others and act as if nothing had happened at all.
Wild is still stunned and red in the face where you left him even as the others come close to the camp.
Twilight goes to question what's wrong with him but from what you can hear, Wild doesn't kiss and tell.
Time
Time calls your name with audible hesitation.
It's unusual to say the least and it's enough for you to drop every you're doing and give him all of your attention. "What's up? Is something wrong?"
Time doesn't say anything nor does he make eye contact, and it's even more concern as the moment passes.
"Are you ok?" You stand and make your way toward him.
Time clears his throat for a hot second and takes a steadying breath to meet your eyes. "Everything is fine, it's just, I wanted to ask for your opinion."
You're confused. "That's it? Time, you freaked me out for a second. Ask away."
"Um..." Time stalls intelligently. "Wind pointed out there's a shore line nearby. I was thinking the boys could use a day off....play in the water or the sand, just a break to-"
"YES! Yes! Yes!" You scream and jump up in excitement. "Really? Are we that close? We can have a beach day? Are you serious? Can we go?"
You can feel yourself beam and if he were to say that everyone was getting ice cream and can sleep in tomorrow then you were sure you'd be vibrating.
He looks at you with mild surprise but a soft smile crosses over his face.
"Link, that's a great idea!" You jump on him, hug him, wrap your arms around his neck and give him a kiss on the cheek. "This is great! When? Today? Tomorrow?"
You drop and jump a bit on your toes still.
He grins. "I wanted to see if we could camp there tonight, and spend the whole day tomorrow just relaxing."
"I can do that! We can do that! This is great! It'll be so much fun! I hope there's waves. I've wanted to teach Wild how to surf and maybe we can get Twilight to join. This is great!" You're too excited to think about where to go but Time points in a direction behind with a wink.
"How about you go help pack up the camp? I'll go collect the boys!"
"Absolutely! You absolute champion!" You run off to go meet up with some of the others and do your given task.
Time chuckles a bit and places his fingertips against where your lips were. It wasn't the reaction he was expecting, but he's not complaining.
Legend
"Excuse me Mr. Hero, what do you think you're doing?" You walk up behind Legend and put your hands on your hips.
You had caught him going through your bag. As obvious as it was that he was trying to be stealthy, he wasn't fast enough to get out before you came back.
Legend freezes on the spot and doesn't turn around to look at you.
"Why are you going through my stuff?" You raises an eyebrow and try to not yell. It's a barely restrained rage that flows through your blood as someone goes through your things without your permission. But it's Legend, you trust him and you don't want to take things out of proportion or escalate things higher than they should.
"I... Um..." Legend gulps and stands up, leaving your bag alone. He kicks the flap over, hiding the insides of it from other prying eyes.
You keep your eyebrow raised and watch as he squirms uncomfortably under your stare.
"I was trying to see if you needed anything." He somehow manages to look up and look you in the eye.
"Like?"
"Supplies."
"Like?" You press.
"Just stuff." Legend snaps and walks away. "We got back from shopping. I just wanted to know if you needed anything."
"And you didn't think to just ask?"
"It's whatever!" He storms away a little quicker than you think he would normally. He's hiding something.
You quickly make your way to your bag and shuffle through it.
You're not missing anything.
Nothing of yours is gone but there's a new thing you notice.
You see three new healing potions that were decidedly not there before along with four packs of trail mix and food stuffs that look nothing like what you usually pack for yourself.
Understanding cascades over you like a wave and you take a deep breath to calm the last of your budding anger.
You seal your bag and leave it there, quickly following after Legend before he can get too far.
You power walk next to him and stop him with a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."
"I didn't do anything!" Legend pulls himself away from you.
"Doubt it." You lean in and place a quick kiss on his temple before he can get away from you entirely. "Thank you. I saw what you did."
"And what did I do?" He wipes it off aggressively.
"Something very kind."
Legend stills once more and keeps rubbing off your kiss. "...It's nothing."
You snort and begin to walk away from him. "Regardless, thank you."
"...You're welcome."
Hyrule
“Would you believe me if I said that I’ve never seen someone be able to do this before?” You ask Hyrule one day out of the blue.
“Do what exactly?” He pauses the spell, your wound stays only marginally healed because of it.
“Do magic.” You shrug. “It’s... not really a thing where I’m from. We have magician but they’re all for show and it’s mostly illusions. You know, smoke and mirrors and the like. If you can figure out how they do it when it’s pretty simple.”
“That sounds... depressing.” Hyrule twists his face and goes back to healing you. “I can’t imagine what that’s like.”
“It’s not so bad. It’s mostly for fun.” You try to sit up now that the pain isn’t as severe. Hyrule doesn’t let you. “Can’t lose what you never had.”
“But it’s all I’ve ever had.” Hyrule’s eyebrows furrow and you can see the gears turning in his head. 
You let him think in the time it takes for you to get fully healed. Hyrule has always needed a little space to get his thoughts together before he says something. 
You’re fully healed in seconds and Hyrule leans away from you. You get to finally sit up fully and you take his hand in yours. He lets you take it and lets you study his hand with gentle fascination. 
No words are exchanged between the two of you and you pull his hand even closer to you. Before Hyrule can even think of pulling away you place a kiss against his knuckles.
“It’s a gift.” You say. “Don’t take it for granted.”
Hyrule smiles slightly and grips your hand. “Thanks. I think you might have a concussion though.”
“It’s nothing you can prove.” You answer with a loopy smile.
Hyrule snorts and stretches his hand by your head.
“Oh, yeah.” He grins. “That explains it.”
Four
Four calls your name with slight hesitation and you instantly give your attention to him out of concern. 
When you see him, he’s hiding something behind his back, slightly hunched back and has a blush on his face. He doesn’t appear to be injured or in any sort of pain so it can’t so bad.
“Four?” You stand up fully and begin to walk in his direction. “Everything ok? Is something wrong?”
Four shoots up and begins to stammer slightly. “No, I- You see- It’s nothing! Everything’s fine.”
“Four.”
“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just- it’s nothing.” Four laughs unconvincingly and scratches the back of his neck. “Here. I made this for you.”
Four holds out a little package covered in cloth with both of his hands and refuses to make eye contact with you.
Intrigued, you close the distance between you two and reach out to take it. The cloth seems high quality and you wonder how much it must have cost to get even a fraction of the square he’s just given you. The package itself is hefty or at least heavier than you thought it would be. 
Four is still refusing to make eye contact but he stays with the clear intent of watching for your reaction. 
You unfold the cloth over the weight and hold it from under. Repeating a similar action for the other side, you see underneath it two beautifully crafted twin daggers. The hilt is what catches your attention the most. It has red and black accents, each of the colors swirl around each other and mimic the wings of a butterfly when placed side by side. There was a hook at the end of each dagger, expertly hidden and you wouldn’t have found it if it hadn’t nagged your sleeve as you passed your fingers over the blade.
You looked with intrigue and gently picked up the blades out of the cloth. You tossed the cloth onto your shoulder and hooked the blades together out of curiosity. 
They fit together perfectly to create an elongated weapon.
“You made this?” Your breath leaves you in a whisper as you admire the craftmanship. “How? When?”
“It’s a secret.” Four grins softly, not bothering to hide his self satisfied smirk..
“And it’s for me?” You grip it tighter and flip it through your fingers, spinning it slowly. 
“Yup.”
You don’t reply, too enraptured in taking it all in. Even as you spin it, it’s astonishingly light for both of them being combined than you feel it should be. 
It must have taken a while to make this.
“Do you like it?” Four returns to be being bashful and kicks the dirt softly.
Your head snaps in his direction and you fling your arms around him. “I love it!”
Four takes a step back from the collision and is too shocked to hug you back.
“Thank you!” You shout and give him the biggest kiss you think you get away with on his cheek.
“I’m totally showing these off!” You bounce off of him. “Wild’s going to be so jealous! Thank you Four!”
You run away to find something to use them against as Four stays behind.
A hand slowly reaches up and touches the cheek where you kissed him. “You’re welcome.”
Sky
“SKY!” You shout and take off in a running sprint. You’re by his side in seconds and you’re quick to wrap your arms around him. He wraps his arms around you as well and turns your momentum in a spin.
“Well hello there!” He calls back in return, a grin on his face. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?”
“Would it just be enough to say that I just missed you?” You grin back and get off of his back, keeping your arm wrapped around his shoulders.
"Perhaps, if I didn't know you as well I do." Sky replies with a subtle smirk.
"Rude."
"Am I wrong?" Sky raises a teasing eyebrow.
"That's what you think. I am a ball of mystery." You let him go and step away. "I am in no way predictable. There's no way you can know all my moves."
"I bet that I could."
"I doubt it."
"Try me."
"Alright." You tilt your head up and place a kiss squarely on his cheek.
It stuns him in place and you grin at the result.
"Bet you didn't see that coming."
"Admittedly-" Sky gulps and blushes all the way to his neck. "-I did not."
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parksrway · 3 years ago
Note
This is a coupon to ramble about your favorite character or oc as much as you want use it whenever
*grabs sheik by the collar and drags him up to the counter*
hi I'd like to redeem this
hehe blorbo hehe blorbo that's him that's him hehe that's my blorbo have you looked at him recently he's my blorbo if you didn't know hehe 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
no but fr sheik is SUCH a source of comfort for me. if I am ever sad I think about sheik. if I'm happy I think about sheik. if I'm mad I think about sheik. I literally am always thinking about him and I don't think a fictional character has consumed my thoughts quite like this weird little guy has
he's just. idk. I put a lot of myself into his character so that's probably why I'm so attached DHHDJFKSKDK
hmmm what to talk about what to talk about
hhhhh he's just my favorite
if I was asked something specific I'm sure I would be able to give an entire dissertation DJHDJFJSHFJKD
hmmmmmmmm
okay okay okay so at first sheik has a complicated relationship with link right
after the triforce appeared on his hand when Zelda reached out to him, he became resentful because well. he'd grown up thinking one thing and then suddenly he's some "chosen one" whose whole purpose is pretty much to be a human shield and die in the process. this uh. kind of pisses him off for multiple reasons.
so he's got a lot of repressed anger he's gotta work through and. because link is. well. link. sheik sees him as the reason for everything. and ends up sort of taking some of that anger out on him. but obviously it's expected of him to keep link safe so he's like constantly arguing with himself about it because he WANTS to be mad but he also HAS to protect him because if he doesn't then he's letting all of Hyrule down. so he just ends up being distant and cold.
but he's also distant because well. he's also not "supposed" to be close to the hero.
this is because he's. expendable. that's the whole thing. he doesn't need to be kept alive. he's there to make sure link doesn't die, by throwing himself in the way of danger and sacrificing his own life for the greater good. and if he and link get close, and something happens to him, that could throw a wrench in link's progress and slow everything down. so sheik keeps his distance. or he at least tries to
but link has a way of worming into people's hearts
because despite how unimportant sheik is and how much sheik feels he doesn't deserve it, link still shows him kindness. link shouldn't care about him, he's not supposed to, but he still does.
sheik struggles a lot with his self image. it wasn't very bad until well. the triforce showed up and his entire self concept was flipped upside down. before everything he saw himself as well. a part of impa's family with no strings attached. but after.. . ........ yeah it's not great. and it makes me SAD.
ooooh baby he hates himself BUT BUT BUT!!!! HE SLOWLY LEARNS TO VALUE HIMSELF MORE AND THAT HE DESERVES NICE THINGS AND IT MAKES ME EMOTIONAL COMFORT CHARACTER COMFORT CHARACTER COMFORT CHARACTER COMFORT CHARACTER COMFORT CHARACTER COMFORT CHARACTER COMFORT CHARACTER
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imagineredwood · 4 years ago
Text
1. “Out of everyone, I really didn’t think you would do this to me.” “I didn’t!” - Angel Reyes
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Summary: Adelita is pregnant, and with how unreliable Angel has been lately, that’s more than suspicious.
Pairing: Angel Reyes x female reader 
Warnings: Angst, emotional hurt/comfort, mention of cheating, arguing
Word count: 1.1K
A/N: Y’all know I’m a slut for hurting my own feelings as well as yours lmao 🥺🥺 Angst through the mf roof, but I know we all like that shit 🥴
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“Leave me alone, Angel. I told you to give me some fucking space.”
“No! I didn’t even do anything. Just fucking talk to me!”
The Mayan was exasperated and terrified, the crease between his brows deeper than you had ever seen it as he watched you pack your things into a bag. You ignored him, continuing to shovel clothing into it, Angel’s hands suddenly gripping your wrists and yanking them away from the tote. He held them in his hands tightly, forcing you to turn and face him. He dipped down to put himself at eye perfect level with you, trying to give you no choice but to look him in the panicked eyes. His voice was gentler this time when he spoke in hopes that it would maybe be enough to get a reason out of you.
“What the fuck is going on? Talk to me mami, please. What did I do? Tell me what I did so I can fix it. Please.”
You shook your head, growing more and more frustrated by the second.
“I’m over it, Angel.”
“Over what? Me going on runs? Me staying at the clubhouse late? Me forgetting to call you back sometimes? What is it?”
“I know that she’s pregnant.”
“Who’s pregnant?”
“Adelita!”
Your voice trembled despite you trying to keep it together, your heart sinking deeper and deeper into your stomach by the second. Angel’s eyes were narrowed into slits now as confusion obscured his face, his head shaking side to side as he tried to understand.
“And? What the fuck does that have to do with me?”
You sighed and shook your head, trying to move yourself out of his grip before he could see the tears that were flooding your eyes. Angel was not allowing it.
“What, you think I’m the one that got her pregnant?!”
Managing to free them from his grasp, you tossed your arms out to the side and stared at him head on, not bothering to hide the tears that streaked down your cheeks.
“You spend more time with her than you do me. You cancel our dates because you’re out in the desert with her or off somewhere else. You always seem to be able to make time for her, but what about me? You drop whatever plans you have with me whenever she needs you. Doesn’t matter how far in advance I tell you or how important they are to me. You’ll move mountains to please her and you couldn’t give a fuck less how I feel or what I want. You run around out there with her in secret and now she’s pregnant out of the blue. What am I supposed to think?”
Angel shook his head, genuinely shocked that you believed he would do that to you. Sure, he hadn’t been the best boyfriend he could be, unreliable at best and neglectful at worst, but he would never cheat on you, much less be heartless and foolish enough to have a child with someone else in the process.
“I’ve never cheated on you, especially not with her. I know I haven’t been the best man that I can be for you but give me some credit.”
“Out of everyone, I really didn’t think you would do this to me.”
“I didn’t!”
It stung him to know that you thought he would be unfaithful, but it hurt even more to know that was how much he had made you doubt yourself. His distance had convinced you that you were no longer important to him, and that couldn’t have been further from the truth. You sniffled and wiped at your eyes, the sight breaking Angel’s heart.
“So it’s just a crazy coincidence then, huh.”
Angel sighed, standing up straight as he tried to make sure not to raise his voice.
“I don’t know who got her pregnant. Maybe it was her right hand, maybe it was Galindo, I don’t fuckin’ know who it was, and I don’t care, because it wasn’t me. All I’m trying to do is save my club. Make things safer so I can give you a better life. That’s all I want. She’s just a piece of the puzzle to make that happen. Nothing else. I swear to you. I would never do that to you. You’re my world, you can’t just leave.”
His voice cracked at the end, his own eyes watering as worry overwhelmed him at the thought that he could lose you over a misunderstanding. You were everything to him, and your pain was his pain. He could see that you were calming down, your chest no longer rising and falling as quickly in anger and despair, and he hoped that meant you would be more receptive. Reaching forward gently, he took your face in his hands, cradling your cheeks tenderly as his eyes locked with yours, his gaze unwavering.
“I didn’t cheat. I never have. I never will. I promised you that in the very beginning and I meant that shit. I struck gold with you, mi vida. I’m never going to ruin us.”
He felt the tension beginning to drain from your body and he continued, hoping that he was getting his point across.
“I know it's not fair that I cancel our dates or come home late when you spend the whole evening cooking me my favorite meal. You’re always there for me and I’m not there for you. That’s wrong and I know it, and I gotta do better. I fuck up a lot, but I’ve never fucked up like that and I won’t, I promise.”
He could see that he had broken through the wall you had put up, convincing you of the truth that he had never been unfaithful, and he tugged you into his chest holding onto you tightly as if you would slip away if he didn’t. He left kiss after kiss to your hair, speaking against it quietly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel special enough.” 
You nodded against his chest, pulling away after a moment to offer your own apology. 
“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.” 
Angel shook his head quickly. 
“I didn’t give you enough reason to believe me. That’s my fault. I’ll do better, ok?”
You nodded as you looked up at him, Angel using his thumbs to brush away the leftover tears that had gathered in your lashes. You reached up yourself to wipe away the one on his cheek. Leaving a soft kiss on your forehead, he pulled you with him. 
“Come on, let’s go order something for dinner and watch some movies.”
Looking up at him, you inquired about the plans he had told you he had.
“I thought you had to do something with EZ and Coco tonight?”
Angel waved his hand dismissively and began walking with you out of the bedroom and into the living room, hands holding onto your waist affectionately.
“They can handle it themselves. I’m staying in with my baby tonight.”
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General taglist @piccasoe @ateliefloresdaprimavera @gemini0410 @woahitslucyylu @my-rosegold-soul @that-chick212 @everyhowlmarksthedead @glimmerglittergirl​ @elcococruz @fanaticfangurl21 @encounterthepast @iambabyharry @svintsandghosts @starrynite7114 @saturnsaree @multiyfandomgirl40 @destynelseclipsa @sadeyesgf @queenbeered
Mayans taglist @dazzledamazon  @abunnykisses @briana-mishell24 @angelreyesgirl @wrcn9fvlcver @peaches009 @capt-canadian @thesandbeneathmytoes @krysiewithak @bisexual-space-slut @appropriate-writers-name @cind-in-real-life @blessedboo @montanaraed @kkim120 @megapeacelovemusic-blog  @blowmymbackout​
Angel taglist @cardenasarmy
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allywritesforfun · 3 years ago
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{Behind the Glasses} c!Eret x Fem!Reader
summary: you are about to get married to Eret, but you still don't know what he's trying to hide from you. you have to find out before you commit
pronouns: she/her
word count: 1569
trigger warning: kind of angsty
masterlist
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The days in the castle were always fun. Eret was a great king and to be honest, he didn't do much except build. No one really needed his help and he tried to stay out of every fight on the server after his betrayal.
Shortly after he became King, you two met. It was really a ‘love at first sight’ moment. You just knew that you had to go talk to him. And now here you are, years later as his Queen in waiting.
Today was an alright day. You and Eret didn't do much except walk around, sit by the lake, and you did do a little cleaning. It was night time now. You started the fireplace while he got into his night wear.
“Eret, love,” You called out. “Are you hungry or anything? I can make some potatoes.”
Eret appeared from the hallway, “No, I’m alright. I should be able to make it through the night. I think I just wanna stay in here and snuggle.”
You smiled, “Okay, I like the sound of that.”
Eret brought in a blanket and a few pillows and placed them on the ground. You ended up pushing them a little further back to make sure that they didn't catch on fire. You were always nervous about fires and explosions. The server was so unpredictable in nature. You always feared of messing up. If something ever got destroyed or broken while you were just with Eret, everyone would accuse you of being a traitor. And you couldn't blame. If you were anyone else you would think the same.
Eret noticed a while back how careful you were. Almost everything that you did outside was staged. The people had no reason to trust you. You don't have any huge or interesting backstory. You just kinda joined and started living your life. You could understand why they might’ve thought that you were strange and wanted to avoid you. 
You trusted Eret with your life. You knew that he was ready to burn empires to the ground if they tried to hurt you. But you never really knew much about Eret. Well you knew a lot, but it all came from stories of others, not himself. You tried not to look too far into it, but it lurked in the back of your mind.
Eret sat down next to you, getting as close as possible that he could without squishing you. He took his cape and placed it over both of your shoulders.
You two stared at the fire. You always wondered how it looked to him. Those glasses are all darkened out. If you couldn't see into them, how was he supposed to see out?
“You know we’re inside right?” You asked.
Eret awkwardly chuckled, “Well yeah, we’ve been inside for a while now.”
“There’s no sun in here,” You pointed out. “You can take off those glasses.”
He backed away from you, “Absolutely not.”
No one has ever told you why he wears the glasses 24/7. It was frustrating to you. Whenever you tried to ask him about it, he would distance himself and go all quiet for the rest of the day. You tried asking other people, but they never told you anything. ‘It’s just best if he tells you,’ they all would say.
You were sick of being denied. You had to know. And it was going to be today whether he liked it or not. You guys are gonna get married soon. You had to know every part of him before you could make the full commitment.
“Eret,” You lowered your voice. “It feels like everyone else knows about the glasses except me. No one will tell me what they’re about. It's not fair. I’m supposed to be the one that knows everything about you, but people know secrets about you that I don't know.”
“Good,” Eret said. “They listen to orders well.”
“What?”
“You heard me,” Eret told you. “I told them not to tell you otherwise there would be a punishment.”
You looked at him astonished. You always felt like an outsider. You assumed it was because of Eret and people just didn't want to get close to you, but it wasn't about that. You could have friends right now if it wasn't for Eret. You could belong to something more than the throne, “You’re joking right?”
Eret shook his head, “It's better this way.”
“No, it's not,” You argued. “I have no friends. I have you and that's all. I could be living an actual life right now, but no. You had to go threaten the people for what? For glasses? That's ridiculous.”
You stood up and started pacing around. When you're mad you pace, it was the best way to get your energy out in a nonviolent way.
“Sit back down,” Eret urged. “Just don't worry about it. Come here and snuggle.”
You shook your head, at this point you couldn't even look at him, “No, I'm leaving.”
“Leaving?” Eret repeated. “Don't leave. It's not that big of a deal. I won't keep them on forever.”
“Not a big deal?” You asked. “It's big enough of a deal to threaten everyone! To isolate me!”
“I didn’t think people would avoid you!” Eret stood up. “I really didn't mean for that to happen, that was a consequence. I’m really sorry about that, I really am.”
“Tell me what the glasses are for. You take them off when I’m asleep and when you know you’re going to be alone, that’s it. Tell me what they’re hiding.”
He shook his head, “I-I ca-”
You cut him off, “Then we’re done. If I don't know who you are, then I can't trust you. And if you can't trust me to know, then it's not worth it.”
Eret tried to walk closer to you but you backed away, “Don't do this.”
You nodded, “I'm knowing right now or I’m leaving the Greater SMP all together. You won't see me ever again.”
Eret shook his head. He went quiet for a couple seconds debating, “Okay. But there’s all a purpose to this okay? It doesn't affect my person at all. I'm still who I am, alright?”
You nodded, “Go on then.”
He looked at you and placed his fingers to them, he didn't move. He roughly pulled his hand away from them, “I won't let you put mirrors in here for a reason you know.”
You nodded, “Yeah, at first you didn’t want to see yourself after the betrayal. You couldn't even look at yourself. Now that I’m here you don't want me to get in my head about how I look.”
He nodded, “All of that is true. But these glasses, they hide a part of me that I don't wanna remember existed. That's the deeper reason why I won't have mirrors in here. I scare people, and sometimes I scare myself.”
You were beyond confused at this point, “Just tell me, Eret. It's alright.”
“Just don't be scared,” He begged. “Just give me a minute after to compose myself. You’re the first person to see this part of me.”
You nodded, “I'm not leaving.”
Eret took a deep breath and slowly took them off. He was right, you were scared at first, but you did your best to hide it. You froze up. His eyes, pure white looking back at you. You stood confused and panicked. You kept in mind what he said about giving him a minute. You slowly walked towards him, holding your hand out. He gently took it, pulling you closer.
“Your eyes,” You started, “I mean-obviously your eyes, but. How did this happen?”
“I was born with it,” He whispered. “I don't know much about them at all. I just know that he has them.”
You hugged Eret. You could feel that he was weak just from talking about it.
He continued on, “I’m nothing like him. I-I promise. I don't wanna hurt anyone. The betrayal... “
You cut him off. You noticed that he never said his name. You could feel that he was disappointed in himself since he was born and learned about him, “The betrayal was something that you were tricked into doing. Dream took advantage of that. L’manberg doesn’t matter anymore. It's blown up by its own founder. Really, don't worry about it. No one cares anymore.”
“I hurt people. Got them killed,” Eret said, laying his head on your shoulder.
“It’s okay, Eret,” You pulled away to look at him and smiled. “They are quite pretty, you know.”
He shook his head, “Don't flatter me. You can't even tell where I’m looking.”
You laughed, “That just makes you more interesting. I love them.”
“You’re not scared of me?”
“No,” You replied. “I have no reason to be. You haven't done a thing to me or anyone to make anyone think that you would ever come close to doing what he does. Just relax okay? Thank you for telling me. I understand if you want to wear them ins-”
“I don't want to,” He happily said. “Everything is so dark, there’s no vibrancy.” He leaned in closer to you, rubbing your cheek with his hand. “Like your eyes, they have color. Like I never got to see them because you were either sleeping or these damn glasses.”
You smiled, “Then keep them off, you look beautiful.”
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senacal · 4 years ago
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hi hi hi i LOOOOOVE your erik stuff and i hope u don’t mind me requesting and requesting because i think you’re an amazing writer! i was hoping to see a erik x female reader fluff:) i’ve always wanted to read a jealous erik fic when he has a crush on the reader ya know! i’ve always pictured her to be a mutant professor at school and all:)
Exceptional
Request:  By malfoys-demigod
Pairing: Erik Lehnsherr x Fem Reader
Prompt: hi hi hi I LOOOOOVE your Erik stuff and I hope u don’t mind me requesting and requesting because I think you’re an amazing writer! I was hoping to see an Erik x female reader fluff:) I’ve always wanted to read a jealous Erik fic when he has a crush on the reader ya know! I’ve always pictured her to be a mutant professor at school and all:)
Warnings: Is jealousy really a warning? IDK but jealousy
Author’s Note: I won’t mind you requesting lol, I love getting requests 😊  Thank you so much for enjoying my writing 💖 Again, I am so sorry for how long this took for me to write 😬 
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Erik always prided himself on how well he was able to control his feelings. Sure, he used to let them control him; however, he always hid them well. One look at him, and no one could tell how he was truly feeling. The only people able to read his feelings were empaths, or Charles (but Charles used his telepathy, so that was cheating). 
When Erik had met (Y/N), he wasn’t sure what to expect. At first, he thought of her as any other person, irrelevant. He didn’t know her, so why should he care for her? But then she was always there. He later found out that Charles had employed her at his school for the gifted. It was with a great obligation that made him get to know her. Charles liked to hold dinner parties for the staff and his friends to mingle outside of school hours. Erik would always try to get out of it, but, he always manages to get roped into those engagements no matter what he said or lied about. It was as though Charles would use his powers to get Erik to attend. It tempted him to use his helmet again to block him out, but maybe he’s just overthinking it. 
It was at one of these events that Erik first spoke to (Y/N). She was standing near the refreshments, so really, it wasn’t like it was completely out of his way to talk to her. She had smiled kindly at him, the first person to do so. It was no secret that he had a troubled past and many of the professors employed under Charles never seemed to let him forget. So it was refreshing to know that someone wasn’t holding his faults over him. He was immediately enthralled by her. They spoke nearly the whole night. He found himself enjoying the sound of her laugh and the way her eyes lit up when she spoke about the things she was passionate about. Erik never believed in love at first sight, and really he didn’t think this applied either, but he knew from that moment on, he would make it his duty to keep the smile in her eyes and that laugh in place. 
From then on, Erik didn’t argue with Charles over attending the dinner parties, and he didn’t bother making excuses when (Y/N) needed his help with her class. Whatever she wanted, he made sure she would get without any troubles. They soon became best friends within no time. He was fine with that too because then he knew he would always be in her life. He was the one she went to when she had a problem,  and the one she went to when she had good news. Life was suddenly going his way and he had no fucking clue what to do from there. He supposed he could continue like normal, talk to her, laugh with her, but there was a part of him that wanted more. She was an amazing girl. Who wouldn’t want to be with her?
Which was the problem. He knew there were people interested in her, he wasn’t completely oblivious. He would usually spot them from the distance whenever he wasn’t with her. There would be another professor talking to her, trying to get her to laugh at some stupid joke he made. Erik would clench his jaw, and he swore one of the metal benches was crushed near him. He couldn’t be too sure that was him though. He brushed it off at the time as a fluke. There was no way she’d fall for that cheap trick. So the next day when it happened again, Erik couldn’t help but insert himself between (Y/N) and the other guy. 
(Y/N) instantly lit up in his presence. Erik was a great guy and anyone who didn’t see that was an absolute idiot. Getting to know Erik was her favorite thing to do. Being a part of the school gave her insight into his past, sure, but that didn’t mean she knew who Erik actually was. If growing up in a half mutant, half-human family taught her anything, it was that people can change. She found out that her mother was taught to hate mutants but then she met her father. So no, (Y/N) wasn’t going to let Erik’s past block her judgment. Erik turned out to be the most genuine man she has had the pleasure to meet. Sometimes he would show off his powers to her, so she would talk him into demonstrating for her classes. She always looked forward to the days he would help her with the younger mutants. 
Sometimes she could swear that Erik might like her back, but who was she kidding? She wasn’t anything spectacular. Her powers weren’t anything extraordinary compared to her co-workers, her powers were rather boring. (Y/N) used to enjoy the fact that her powers were quite mundane, she could easily manipulate a person’s choice, but it would only last a moment. Now she wished she had a power that was worthy of Erik. She knew he had a hatred towards humans at one point, so she was nervous that maybe he would be appalled about her half-human family. 
(Y/N)’s thoughts were once again interrupted when she felt someone touching her arm. She looked up to see Professor Cassidy smiling at her. He had a boyish charm to him and she knew that he liked her, but she didn’t feel the same way. She was finding it harder to let him down gently. 
“So? What do you say?” He asked nervously.
“Uh, about?” (Y/N) furrowed her brows. 
“A date? With me?” Sean ran his hand through his hair nervously. This was not turning out how he imagined. For one, Erik wasn’t there glaring at him when he imagined asking (Y/N) on a date. 
“I…” (Y/N) glanced from Erik’s stone expression and back to Sean’s nervous smile, “I uh, I have plans, I’m sorry Sean.” (Y/N) lied, “Erik promised to help me with uh, a thing,” She winced internally at her crappy excuse.
Erik smirked, happy to hear her turn Sean down. Sure, Sean wasn’t a bad guy, but he’d be damned if he started dating (Y/N). She was too good for him, She was too good for anyone.
“Oh, uh, okay, no worries,” Sean looked back at Erik one last time before leaving the two mutants alone.
“So I’m helping you with a thing?” Erik asked smugly.
“Oh shut up, I panicked, okay?” (Y/N) bumped her shoulder against his side, “He’s a nice guy, but I only think of him as a friend.”
“Ouch, even that hurts me,” he laughed despite his words.
“Hmm, so what brings you by?” (Y/N) wondered.
“What do you mean?” Erik avoided her gaze. 
“I think you know,” She raised her brow, she was tempted to ‘persuade’ him to tell her the truth, but Charles made a rule not to use their powers against anyone’s will unless absolutely necessary. 
“Nothing, I just saw you over here and thought I’d say hello,” He shrugged. 
“Okay… now that you’ve said hello, what now?” (Y/N) leaned against the wall beside her.
“Maybe we could do a thing?” Erik smiled.
“Haha, very funny,” (Y/N) rolled her eyes. She may have liked Erik but she didn’t appreciate being teased.
“I’m serious,” Erik lifted her chin so their eyes could meet, “Let’s do something together.”
(Y/N) stared into his eyes, looking for any hints of insincerity, “Like what?”
Erik shrugged, “anything you’d like.”
“As friends?” 
“Well I- I was hoping maybe as more than friends?” Erik cleared his throat. He hasn’t felt this nervous in… ever. He has never felt nervous like this before.
“Okay,” (Y/N) grinned, “But don’t tell Sean just yet.”
Erik’s eyes narrowed, “Why not?”
“I just turned him down, I don’t think he’d be too pleased to hear that I’ve agreed to go out with you,” (Y/N) tucked a strand of her (H/C) behind her ear.
“So?” Erik couldn’t help but scoff.
(Y/N) tilted her head, looking at him quizically. “You were jealous,” She laughed.
“What? No, I wasn’t! I was the opposite of jealous. Why would I be-” Erik looked at the amusement clearly written in her eyes, “Don’t tell anyone.” He begged.
“Only if you don’t say anything to Sean, at least not yet.” (Y/N) bribed.
Erik sighed heavily, “Fine.”
“Awe, such a romantic,” (Y/N) laughed. She kissed Erik’s cheek softly, “Now about that thing we’ll be doing?” 
Erik’s heart fluttered in his chest. This was all new to him, but as long as (Y/N) was by his side, he would do whatever he could to keep her happy. It was also nice knowing no other guy would be able to take her out on a date now that she agreed to be with him.
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mrsluthordanvers · 4 years ago
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CJ STOPPP juliet and sawyer's reunion is my absolute favorite part of that entire shit show of a series and now you've suggested a supercorp take?? how dare you??? i'm feeling a lot thanks i hate it
you’re having feelings? you’re having feelings?!
well then definitely don’t think about Kara and Lena as girlfriends trying to save the world during crisis. Don’t think about Kara waking up on her couch without any memory of crisis ever happening or the world before it. Don’t think about how Kara feels different when she’s around Lena now. Sure, she knows that she’s had a crush on the woman since the first day Lena’s red bottom heels stepped onto DEO property after the LuthorCorp take over.
That’s not new.
What’s new is this feeling that she suddenly knows Lena. A woman she’s barely had more than one polite conversation with. Now there’s this constant buzz in the back of her head that tells her she knows Lena from somewhere other than the DEO. Which is impossible. She can describe the day she met Lena in vivid detail, there’s no way she met Lena before.
And yet every time they’re in the same room together Kara finds herself staring. Trying desperately to pull back the curtain of haze she can feel inside her head that is hiding something she feels she’s supposed to know, that she needs to know.
Lena doesn’t seem to be similarly affected as far as Kara can tell. She’s still the perfect example of professionalism as she walks around the DEO and Kara has to do everything in her power not to follow Lena around until she figures out what’s bugging her. Not that Kara sees an issue with that plan, but Alex has told her it might be weird, so she hasn’t.
In fact, she tries to keep her distance. The further she is from Lena, the less she feels haunted by the idea that there’s something important she should remember. But despite Kara’s best efforts, they keep getting drawn together. Kara doesn’t remember ever seeing Lena this often before… last week. Now Lena’s in the lab whenever Alex calls Kara down there for something. She’s in every debriefing. She’s even in the break room making coffee every time Kara tries to sneak in there for a snack.
That’s when she decides to embrace it. She wants to be around Lena, the world wants her to be around Lena, who’s an alien to argue.
“I thought you could use some fried sugary goodness in your life. You eat donuts, right?” Kara barely stretches out her arm to offer the grease-stained bag when it hits her.
“I thought you could use some fried sugary goodness in your life. You eat donuts, right?” Kara lifts a white paper bag between her and Lena.
“Well, I am human.” Lena smirks as she takes the bag from Kara, leading her with a laugh to a white leather couch.
“Kara!”
Kara blinks once and finds Lena standing before her with a concerned look on her face, one hand reaching towards Kara.
“Is everything-“
Lena’s fingers brush against Kara’s forearm.
Tears run down Lena’s face as Kara kisses her. Cool hands cupping her jaw like she’s going to disappear through Lena’s fingers.
“You lied to me.” Lena gasps as she pulls back, more tears falling down her face.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Kara croaks as she runs her thumbs over Lena’s cheeks over and over again trying to catch all the tears.
“I thought I lost you.”
“I’m right here.”
Kara and Lena jolt apart with wide eyes.
“Did you feel that?” Kara whispers, eyes searching Lena’s face as she nods.
Kara takes a tentative step forward, reaching slowly for Lena, giving her time to step away. When she stays where she is, Kara slowly wraps her hand around Lena’s fingers making them both gasp.
Suddenly Kara is flooded with memories. They flash by one by one, from the moment they met until the moment Lena told Kara she loved her, each going by faster then the last until they’re at crisis. Kara’s gripping Lena’s fingers tighter as it passes in a blur but still much too slow for Kara’s liking. When she opens her eyes Lena’s crying too, even as she starts to smile.
“Kara…” Lena hiccups, and Kara catches her around the middle as Lena falls into her and burrows her face into Lena’s hair. She can feel Lena’s hands fisting in her cape pulling her closer and closer, holding her so tight Kara knows Lena would be hurting anyone else.
“I got you.” Kara whispers as she strokes Lena’s hair, holding her as tight as she’s allowed. “I got you.”
“Kara,” Lena laughs, tears running down her face as she pulls back to cup Kara’s jaw like she’s going to disappear through her fingers. “Kiss me.”
Kara laughs wetly as she leans forward, letting Lena pull her forward until their lips brush. It’s soft and loving and a little tentative at first, but then Lena tilts her head and slides one hand to cup the back of Kara’s neck and suddenly it’s hot and desperate and Kara’s head is spinning.
“-never letting you go again,” Lena gasps quietly when she pulls back just enough to break their kiss.
“Never.” Kara agrees readily as she tugs Lena in again.
---
I know you sent me this two weeks ago when I finished LOST but I wanted to write a thing so here we are... 
In case anyone wanted more context...I finished watching LOST for the first time and wrote this post bc I’m incapable of watching a tv show without making it about Kara and Lena
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eunoiaflow3r · 4 years ago
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i hate u, i love u // spencer reid x fem!reader
spencer reid x reader
aaron hotchner x reader
part one - part two
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a/n: did i damn near put this entire song in this fic? yes, yes i did i’m so sorry....highly unedited.
how was your guys’ holiday?
warning(s): language. angst. fluff....
word count: 2.6k
request(ed): yes.
summary: old things try to get fixed, while new feelings and places...arise and get mixed.
(wtf am i dr. seuss now??)
——————————————&———————————
feeling used, but i’m still missing you. and i can’t see the end of this, just wanna feel your kiss, against my lips
and now all this time, is passing by.... but i can’t seem to tell you why. it hurts me every time i see you realize how much i need you...
Seeing Spencer and actually letting all of that out did a number on you. You apologized to Aaron countless times and he said it was okay countless times but you still felt so bad. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve your drama, and not to mention how embarrassing it’s been. You felt like you ruined his whole night. It was supposed to be fun and yet you didn’t have any. He said he did but you know Hotch didn’t.
You’d have to make it up to him somehow soon but you didn’t know how. How are you supposed to fix this? Any of this??
It feels like you’re being sucked into the eye of a tornado little by little and you just can’t get out. It feels like everyone else is safe on the ground feet planted and they’re all just staring at you and laughing. Staring and not helping.
Your chest hurt. You hated feeling like this. So helpless...and stuck. You were stuck and not ready to fix it...well...part of it. You could still fix one thing. You didn’t have to be stuck here. Here in this small apartment with no room for anything let alone breathe. You needed space. You needed change. You needed control. Everything is spinning in circles and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t stop it.
So why not do something that could help you? That you’ve been meaning to do but never had the time for?
Apartment searching. Well...bigger apartment searching.
Where you were staying now was a studio apartment. You loved the open concept except for how small it was. You just need room.
Before...
“I like it here. It’s so small and cute.”
You could tell cute was a foreign word to Spencer when it came to describing a building. But he was trying. You thought he was cute.
“Thanks Spencer but I’m thinking something different. Maybe another bedroom for a roommate...or just a bigger one for y’know...another person.”
You never really brought up the idea of moving in together before. Sure, it’d be easier...his job was nearby, and there was a bus stop at the end of the street, and there was you....so his reaction kind of put you...off.
“Roommate sounds good. One of your friends maybe? Although I wouldn’t want her to y’know...interrupt us.” He had that cute seductive tone to his voice but he wasn’t sounding very cute and seductive.
You weren’t going to argue. “Yeah...a roommate. Who do you think I should ask?” you paused. “Sara or Malia?”
Spencer was quiet for a moment, like he was thinking. “Malia maybe?”
You didn’t have a friend named Malia.
And that’s what hurt the most you think. The fact that you still thought about him 24/7 even though what you had with him wasn’t perfect. You thought it was before..you thought he was before..but now you’re realizing nothing about it was perfect but at least it was something. Now you have nothing.
It was only the afternoon so you decided to look for some places. You found 3 places suitable for what you were looking for. All 3 were good sizes, good prices, and a good amount away from your job and college. You felt almost lucky. This felt almost too easy.
Until you saw the first two places in person. They were okay, but not really what you were looking for.
The last place though...the place was great, the location was great, the neighborhood was great, hell even the yard. Hell, you’d have no use for it, you didn’t have a kid but it was still a nice looking yard. You could tell that someone in the apartment, hopefully your new neighbor, took great care of the gardens.
You looked around at the surrounding mix of apartments and houses (mostly houses) and saw 2 little kids playing in the house 2 houses over. One of them looked like Jack. It couldn’t be, right? Hotch’s house wasn’t over here.
Nevertheless you watched for a few seconds and it was Jack. You decided to go over and say hi.
Jack stopped playing and immediately ran towards you.
“Y/N!!” He grinned. You got down to his level and hugged him back just as enthusiastically.
“Hey Jackie! Whatcha doin?” He only let you call him that. Only you.
“Sleepover. This is Sam. It’s almost time for Ana to drop me off at home though.”
You said hi to Sam and asked if Ana was his mom. She was and as soon as you told Sam your name, Ana came out of the house and waved you over.
“Hey, I’m Y/N. Friend of Jack’s and Hotch.”
She smiled. And shook your hand.
“I’m Ana. I’ve heard about you! Jack talks about you quite a lot.”
You and Ana talked for a while. She seemed like a really amazing person. If you end up getting the place you could see you and her becoming great friends, and since she seemed really busy you offered to take Jack home. She protested but you insisted. It wasn’t like you were doing much anyway. The landlord had already left and you were just going to go home anyway.
On the way to Hotch’s you bought Jack his favorite ice cream. You couldn’t help it.
The whole car ride Jack’s conversation thankfully distracted you but when you got to his house you couldn’t help but remember that night and how embarrassed you felt.
Seeing Hotch only made it worse. Especially since he wasn’t wearing his work clothes- just a shirt and sweatpants, and you couldn’t help but look because he looked incredibly.....good. He looked so great and you were so mad at yourself for how that night ended with him. You were supposed to be having fun and neither of you did.
He hugged you when you got to the door anyway. You explained to him what happened- even the apartment searching while he invited you in for coffee.
A whole year with Spence and he never invited you in. Ever.
Do you miss me like I miss you? Fucked around and got attached to you Friends can break your heart too And I’m always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit I put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit I type a text but then I never mind that shit I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
“Mom, please, I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
Your mom gave you a look over her mug that said, ‘Do I look like I’m dumb?’ And she wasn’t. Perhaps you weren’t any good at hiding your feelings. Could everyone tell?
You were doing better now.
It’s been a month? Maybe two.
Either way it’s been a while and you weren’t as hurt as you were before. Some nights you woke up heart aching, tears falling, but you aren’t as bad as you were those first few weeks.
Truth is, you missed Spencer. You spent those weeks blaming yourself and wondering why you why you?
But you accepted that you weren’t ready for that answer. A part of you had forgiven Spencer. A part.
You were still heartbroken. You were still angry and hurt. But you’ve been trying to move on. In fact, you’d be moving entirely. Yesterday you finished all the paperwork with your new landlord. You were going to finish packing after visiting your mom.
“Momma I’m fine there’s just a lot going on right now.”
She wouldn’t accept that answer. She persisted you told her what was wrong. So you did. You told her about Spencer...and about Hotch...
Aaron.
You had been spending some weekends with him. Some were alone, just the two of you, and other times it was the three of you. Him, Jack, and you. Whenever you thought about Hotch you had the feeling in your stomach you got whenever you heard from Spencer.
But you still have that feeling for Spencer.
Things were so confusing right now - you weren’t sure if you wanted to move on from Spencer. You didn’t want to rush in with Aaron either though. That’d hurt the both of you.
Last weekend...
“Y/N you cannot tell me you think New Girl is better than Friends.”
Aaron was in a gray shirt and sweatpants while you were in relatively the same. You both sat together on his couch each a cup of coffee in your hands. You had promised you’d help him shop with Jack for new clothes and you had just agreed to stay the night since it had gotten so late.
“Oh a hundred percent. New Girl is way better.”
Hotch laughed.
“Friends is a classic. There wouldn’t be a New Girl without Friends.”
“There wouldn’t be a Friends without Living Single Aaron.”
He rolled his eyes but conceded. “True but still. Friends is better.”
You hadn’t been that happy in a while. You were breathing...you were living. Out in the open. Unbidden.
You ever wonder what we could have been? You said you wouldn’t and you fucking did Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix Now all my drinks and all my feelings are fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn’t be missing Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing But I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings
There was a bottle of liquor in your hand
You would have gone to the bar but you were too sad for it. You didn’t have the will.
Earlier today you decided that you should get a muffin from the coffee shop and see how Em was doing. Right when you got to the door, who was in the window caught your eye.
Spencer.
Spencer and JJ.
Laughing, and eating, and kissing...
In the open. Out in public.
Were you just not good enough? Was that it? Could you not understand him because you didn’t work in the BAU? Was what you had all one sided?
Unanswered questions and half a bottle later you were passed out on your couch crying.
You thought you were over it for sure this time. But it still fucking hurts. Is keeping your heart open waiting for him even worth it?
The next morning you took a hot shower. The hottest shower you could handle. You were hungover, and you felt like shit but you still had to pack the rest of your things to move. You still had to move.
Your speakers were on the highest level and your music was so loud you didn’t hear the door knock. You only screamed when you felt someone behind you.
It was Aaron.
“Jesus christ!!” You went to turn down the music.
“You could have killed me!”
“Yes I very well could have!” His arms were crossed. He was upset but still in a playful mood. You could tell. “I could have been a serial killer, you have to lock your doors!”
You rolled your eyes. “Okay, okay, I’ll lock my doors next time.”
He nodded approval as you went to the refrigerator to get him a bottle of water.
“What’s going on?”
“Oh I didn’t tell you?” How had that slipped your mind?
He shook his head.
“I’m moving.”
“You’re moving?” He looked disappointed.
“Yeah not far. A few houses down from Ana actually.”
“Oh good.” He said relieved.”
After that, he decided he wanted to help you. It was nice not being alone even though you told him he didn’t have to stay. He wanted to.
He even helped you transfer the boxes to your new apartment. You didn’t know Aaron had a voice on him...but he did.
“We built this city!” he sang/shouted.
“We built this city on rock and -“
“We built this city!” he answered.
“We built this city on rock and -“
“Rollllllllll” you sang together.
You giggled when the song was over and he grabbed your hand for the rest of the drive. You didn’t pull away. It felt too nice. It felt too right.
After helping you put your boxes into your next place it was time for him to head home. He told you that he could stay and help some more if you wanted but you could tell he was tired. You were tired. You told him you’d call if you needed any more help.
He made you promise you would because he knows you won’t if you feel like you absolutely can do it yourself even when you shouldn’t.
You promised.
On his way out there was a moment where you could have kissed him. Where you were saying goodbye and you were in the doorway and you were close enough to...but you didn’t. You weren’t ready. He knew you weren’t ready. He knew.
The feelings you have for Hotch keep growing but the feelings you have for Spencer stay the same. Spencer used to be your everything. But you weren’t his. You needed someone who would put you first. Well...close to first. Jack should always come first. Always.
You need to come first when it comes to women. Spencer didn’t put you first. Would he ever?
All alone I watch you watch her Like she’s the only girl you’ve ever seen You don’t care you never did You don’t give a damn about me
Yeah, all alone I watch you watch her She is the only thing you ever see How is it you never notice That you are slowly killing me?
Your phones ringtone was blaring and when you opened your tired eyes to read the time on your bedside table it read ‘3 AM.’ Who would call this late? Or...early? Either way you didn’t check the screen and just decided to click green and put the phone to your ear.
“Hello?” Your voice was groggy and you were a little annoyed to be woken up so early. It’s rude to do that to someone. Especially someone who only went to bed three hours ago.
“Y/N.” It wasn’t a question and it wasn’t in command. It was a sigh of relief followed by sniffles and a hiccup. It was Spencer.
“I didn’t think you’d pick up.” he said.
“You’re lucky I didn’t check my screen I should just -“
The only form of communication you’ve had with him since the incident was a few texts. Dry texts. On both ends.
“No!” he panicked. “Please don’t hang up please, please, I - I couldn’t sleep.”
You shut your eyes in frustration. “You called me at three in the morning because you couldn’t sleep?”
“No, I - I’m apologizing because I couldn’t sleep, no I - I’m apologizing because I was - I don’t know -“
“Spencer I really don’t have time for this. I have things to do tomorrow. What’s today Tuesday? We’ll have coffee or something Friday, okay?”
There was silence on the other end for a few seconds. “I have a date, no I mean plans Friday..uhm, Sunday?”
“Sunday.”
And you hung up the phone. You didn’t mean to sound bitter, you didn’t but seriously? You were actually willing to see him for once - maybe a decision your unconscious, pining, mind made - but still, and he can’t because of a date? A date?
With JJ no doubt. Of course it was JJ. It’s always been JJ. Every single time. “I can’t today Y/N JJ needs,” or “JJ called I gotta go,” or “Shoot I’m sorry I know we had plans but JJ -“
Will it always be JJ? Will she always be number one? Has she always been number one and you just never realized it? Have you been the girl he just hung out with because he couldn’t with her?
A few months ago...
“I bought chinese.” You grinned.
“Smells so good.” Spencer took the bags from your hands and kissed you on the cheek.
Spencer picked the movie this time since you picked it last time. He was sitting in the middle of the couch while you had your legs draped across his. Occasionally he’d bring his hand down to rub your legs.
Things were fine. Things were content. Until his phone rang.
“Y/N, It’s JJ I have to go.”
“What does she need?” you ask genuinely worried.
“Nothing I don’t think. I just gotta go.”
I hate you, I love you I hate that I love you You want her, you need her And I’ll never be her
———————————-—&—————————————-
i literally have no idea what this is i -
team hotch or spence?
if you have any ideas or scene ideas PLEASE tell me
i’m really trying on this happy ending thing
a spencer apology/talk scene is cominggg
i’m liking the idea of two endings? maybe?
spencer tag list: @hotchsbabygirl @pinkdiamond1016 @thefemalestorywriter @sizzlingclamturtlesludge @samyilf123 @mathchampagne @studywithrosie01 @reniescarlett @drreidsconverse @eveliiinnn27 @bweakmybonez
comments tag list: @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks @geekgirleve @jhiddles03 @carlgrxmes @dreatine @meowiemari @thedaughterofhotchniss @we-are-dreamers42 @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @silverchains9182 @realalpacorn @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @matthew-gray-g @minami97 @mgg-th1996 @peculiarinsomniac @secondratecomplaint @fallinallinmendes @fantastic-fans @eldahae @psych0crybaby @tclaerh @ashwarren32 @spenciegoob @mustbeaweasleyginger @abschaffer2
410 notes · View notes
yoonpobs · 4 years ago
Text
to the touch | pjm
pairing: park jimin x oc (ft. brother yoongi)
genre: mutual pining, fluff, cute crushes, brothers best friend
warnings: JIMIN that's it
words: 5, 216
summary: he's back
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“You’re … you’re here?” You squeak and it’s not one of your best moments even if you were sure Yoongi would argue otherwise and that you rarely had average moments, to begin with. But there was something about spontaneity and surprise that threw you off in the worst way possible and made your brain short-circuit to the point where you’re unable to throw coherent thoughts together. And this was definitely a surprise, one that you’d never expected to happen because—
“I am,” Jimin says curtly, tossing you a firm nod of his head when he pushes you aside and steps into your apartment like he’s been year a thousand times. But in reality, it’s his first time standing at your doorstep, first time knocking on your door, and definitely the first step he’s ever had the chance to get a glimpse of how your living room looks like.
You’re still gaping at the entrance with the door open and you’re sure if any of your neighbors were to step out of their homes, they’d just see a lone girl outside that looked a little too unnerved to bother. When you snap out of it and turn your body to face your visitor, he’s already made himself comfortable on your couch and it’s hard to piece together the fact that Jimin was quite in fact in your living room, and lounging on your couch, staring at your television like it was the most normal thing in the world.
“W-What—how?” You croak because there are about ten million different thoughts running through your head but the most pressing one is how Jimin looked … different.
A good difference, for sure. He’s always been handsome and unreasonably so. Especially with the way that he’s dyed his hair back to black and the gentle fluff of how it lays atop his head. You note that he still kept his style despite him going MIA for three years and wore slacks that shaped his legs (and butt) beautifully with a casual shirt tucked into the waistband of his pants. It was unfair how effortlessly good-looking he was on a spontaneous occasion while you looked anything but, especially with your sweats and old tank top.
But Jimin had always been a little hard to read. Terrifying and brassy all at once but never obstructive—although you’d argue that his presence was the obstruction as it is of how distracted you feel whenever he was around you years ago. It’s like you never learned how to accommodate his presence because he happened to fill every space with just his body even if he wasn’t that tall.
“I thought I’d pay a visit. Your brother gave me your address.” He says, finally turning his head to face you, and its still blank like every expression you remember made towards you. You expected nothing more or nothing less than the way he stares you over and makes you feel like the outsider in your own home.
“Yoongi …” You grit, cursing your brother mentally and hoping he’d make use of that stupid sibling telepathy power he claims he has to receive your gripe.
You clear your throat as you awkwardly shuffle closer towards the couch and hover awkwardly by the arm of the sofa to keep your distance. It’s been years and it’s still a little unfamiliar to see Jimin right in front of you, and not someone you kept at the back of your mind.
“You could’ve called …” You say softly while fiddling with your thumbs. Jimin just raises an eyebrow at you and you feel stupid for saying that already.
Some things don’t change and it’s proven when your heart still beats the same when he’s around you. You cursed at yourself for being weak-willed because you thought time would help you get over your silly crush on Jimin but you also long acknowledged the fact that it wasn’t just a crush. It was more.
You hated falling for the cliches of crushing on your brother’s best friend, especially one that was just emotionally reserved and detached ninety percent of the time. The only conversations you remember having with Jimin were the ones that you were blushing at him when he looked at you a little longer than usual, or when he drove you to and from school when Yoongi left for university.
But then he disappeared, without saying goodbye and you only found out from his parents that he got into a dance program abroad and packed his things and left. Obviously, twenty-year-old you was devastated because you somehow convinced yourself that he enjoyed your presence even if he was huffing and puffing every five minutes when you’d fall into a ramble of your own.
He changed his number and he wasn’t a social media person so you had no idea what he was doing or how he was, besides the occasional mention of his name in conversations you had with your brother. It sucked. Majorly. Because you really liked him even if he was cold because you knew that Jimin was a good person. A cold and shitty person wouldn’t pat you on your head before your wisdom teeth extraction and mumble it’s okay if he wasn’t kind.
“The place is nice.” He ignores your statement and glances around your apartment and you feel smaller. You do feel a little relieved that he approved of the place, and you did spend hours browsing through catalogues and going through roommates until you decided that this was perfect. Granted, it was a little pricey but you valued comfort and a decent workplace to really get you motivated.
“Thank you.” You mumble, still shifting on the balls of your feet and Jimin just raises an eyebrow at your impersonal stance. You know he wouldn’t point it out because he wasn’t that kind of guy, but his face often spoke for him so you swallowed all the concerns you had and took a seat at the edge of the sofa, as far away from him as possible.
“Do you live alone?” He asks. You’re about to respond but he doesn’t let you.
“It’s dangerous if you do. Do you really just answer the door for anyone without checking who it is? You’ll get yourself into some serious trouble if you aren’t careful.” He chides you.
You want to scoff at him because you were an adult and you’ve learnt a few things along the road to adulthood. Jimin was always a little on edge most of the time and you knew he was just bad at expressing his emotions so you never faulted him for it. But now, you were a little older and not as naive—but unfortunately still very much into him.
“God Jimin, it’s fine—”
The door opens and both your heads immediately turn to the source, and Jimin is sharp with his movements and you try to not allow your heart to flutter when he tugs you closer to him and hides your body with his own as if he thought it was an intruder. But you knew better, so you knew it was—
“Tae. You’re back early.” You greet your roommate who only eyes the man on the couch who has you situated behind him like he was your personal shield. His bag is tugged over his shoulder and you see a few of his art supplies threatening to fall out so you hop off the couch to help him with his belongings, and Jimin’s gaze just burns harder onto the back of your skull.
When you’re close enough, Taehyung leans in and gives a brief glance over at Jimin who is still piercing him with a fierce gaze.
“Why is your booty call staring at me like I’ve murdered ten kittens?” Taehyung whisper yells and you glare at him, pinching his hip because just because he thought he was being quiet didn’t mean that he could easily get rid of his naturally loud voice.
“That is not my booty call!” You respond equally as agitated, “That’s … Jimin.”
Taehyung’s eyes bulge out of his socket when he looks over your shoulder once more to still see Jimin glaring at the two of you.
“Why is he so fucking scary? You said he was nice!” Taehyung hisses.
“He is nice!” You weakly defend, “He’s just … scary looking?”
You know it doesn’t convince Taehyung because he’s sighing and dropping his belongings to the floor, offering Jimin as sincere of a smile as he can muster even though you’re fully aware that he’s terrified of the man on your living room couch.
“Hi! I didn’t know _____ was having guests over. I’m Taehyung.” He smiles brightly at said guest but Jimin just blinks at his cordiality and then looks over to you.
“Is he your boyfriend?” The question throws you off guard and you can tell that Taehyung even more terrified when Jimin completely ignores his presence even though he was the tallest person in the room.
You splutter for a response even if the answer to that was obvious. But Jimin had a shitty way of interrogating people, even if it probably would work in legal settings because he was just terrifying enough for you to stumble over your words and make you look guiltier than you were.
“Unfortunately not.” Taehyung thinks he’s saving you when he lightly jokes with Jimin. And you want to facepalm because Jimin was aloof and impartial to everything, and had horrible skills of reading the room because you were sure that Jimin thought that Taehyung wanted to get in your pants.
“Tae, would you excuse us for a second?” You smile stiffly at Taehyung who is quick to oblige as he darts into his room.
Jimin now has his arms folded across his chest in a manner that makes him look more hostile, but you knew him well enough that you suppose he just had a lot of questions.
“Did you really have to be like that?” You ask irritably as Jimin scoffs at you.
“Please, do enlighten me. All I did was ask you a simple question, which you couldn’t even answer. What was that about?” Jimin responds equally as displeased but you had so many questions and you didn’t need to deal with his mini tantrum right now, especially between the walls of your own home.
“Don’t turn this on me! You turned up to my house unannounced after three years of no contact and you expect me to bend at your will? What do you take me for? A puppet?” You retaliate with petulancy and you can tell Jimin is slowly getting more annoyed by the second but won’t blow up just yet. Or probably because you had another person in the house.
“Am I not allowed to visit?” Jimin raises an eyebrow.
You scoff at his audacity because Jimin was seriously so bad at reading emotions. You weren’t even sure why you liked him but your heart never made reasonable decisions for you.
“We haven’t spoken in years, Jimin!” You throw your hands in the air, “I didn’t even know where you were or what you were doing because you disappeared like you were running away from a crime!”
“Did I need to update you on my whereabouts?” You know his question is genuine even though it was posed a little rough and you want to pull at your hair because obviously, you wanted to know! Jimin was the person you spent the most time with, outside of school, and one day he wasn’t anymore.
“Of course! I thought we were—I thought … why did you just disappear?” For some reason, it was hard to say that you and Jimin were friends either because the only reason why he’d ever tolerate you in the first place was that he was a good friend to Yoongi and you were just someone that came with it by association. He never outwardly said that he hated spending time with you but he never said he enjoyed it either.
Jimin raises an eyebrow and stands up, and you notice that he still towers over you. He walks towards you slowly, and you feel all the hotter under his intense scrutiny that you just want to retreat to your bedroom and forget this ever happened.
“You don’t need to know.” He says and you feel yourself deflate, “I wanted to visit because your brother’s worried about you.”
The confession just annoys you because you knew to a certain extent that Jimin wouldn’t be here from … wherever he was … if it was only for your brother. He had to give a shit somewhere deep down in him enough to make an effort to get your address from your brother, then turn up on your doorstep unannounced with his usual impassioned stare.
“Oh fuck off, will you? I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.” You bite back.
Jimin shoots you an unimpressed stare at your snappishness and he won't lie and say that he was pleasantly surprised to see you after a long time. You were always pretty, in an unconventional way, he supposes. You never made an effort to look nice but just did with the way you approached life, even when you were younger. But now that you were standing in front of him with a bite that you didn't have when he left, he's intrigued.
"You weren't so rude before I left." He smirks at you.
His gaze also makes you burn and you avoid his eyes when it searches for yours. You hate that his tone makes you feel funny and that you wanted him to be a little mean.
"Yeah, well—that's what happens when you don't see someone after three years with no contact or notice. They change. They get a little annoyed because someone is just too emotionally constipated to ever make any effort to keep in touch." You narrow your eyes at him.
"Why are you throwing a hissy fit? Needed me to keep you company?" He prompts.
You flush but still glare at him.
"Whatever, Jimin. I just would've appreciated it if you called. Or at least have done something to let me know that you were alive." You mutter.
Somehow, he's managed to cage you in with his body against the back of the sofa, and your breath hitches when you feel his broad chest pressed on yours. You didn't realise it happened until he places his arms by your side, effectively leaving you with no room to leave. You gulp because this is the closest you've ever been to Jimin and you feel dizzy. He smells fresh like laundry and flowers. It's a huge juxtaposition to his demeanour, but he smells good and you want to nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck.
"Why would I? You're Yoongi's sister. Not my girlfriend." He smirks.
You huff and roll your eyes. The reminder stings a little and you know he's baiting you.
"So? Were we not at least friends?" You snap.
He wants to laugh because you're obviously annoyed at the casual way he referred to you as Yoongi's little sister. You're frowning but attempting to pretend that it didn't bother you.
Jimin would be lying if he said he was never interested. Because he was, undoubtedly so. But back then when you were still navigating your way at the beginning of adulthood with Yoongi constantly breathing down his neck, he would have never done anything to compromise his friendship with your brother; or lead you on. But now you were standing in front of him, soft and sweet with a little edge to you that draws him in.
"Do you usually have crushes on your friends?" He pushes.
Your eyes widen and snap up to look at his teasing expression. His smirk is apparent against the rest of his face and you feel absolutely mortified that he's so close to you when he called you out.
"W-What? A crush? I didn't have a crush on you!" You rebuff him with a stuttery voice and you weakly try to push him away.
But he locks you in position with his hands around your wrist as he leans down and crowds you further with his presence.
"You didn't?" He feigns hurt, then he pulls away abruptly and you're immediately chasing his warmth, "Shame. I would've liked that a lot."
You gape at him when he shuffles away, putting some distance between the two of you as he dusts his hands on his slacks, giving you a curt smile; one that never reached his eyes but that was still Jimin being friendly.
"Y-You what ...?" You squeak.
Jimin shrugs and walks towards your door and you're half-terrified and half-relieved at the prospect of him leaving. But you're more terrified because you don't know if you'll ever see him again and with your current interaction you don't think you'll ever get over him.
"Usually a cute girl crushing on me would be a huge ego boost ... but you didn't, so ..." He trails off.
You bite your lips as you play with your hands. You know he's teasing you and you didn't know when he's gotten so forward, or good at this game. But you suppose Jimin has always been charming too, even if he was bad at emotions. He was good at playing them. And the way he rakes his eyes over your body only to bite his lip makes you burn in want.
He's about to turn the knob of your door but you reach out to grab his wrist before your mind can tell you it's a bad idea.
"W-What if I ... what if I ..." You mumble, hands wrapped loosely around his wrist as he turns around, leaning against the door the way boys do that was super hot for no reason.
"Speak up, bunny."
The nickname only makes you blush harder because it reminded you of all the times he's ever called you that stupid childhood nickname that somehow followed you up until adulthood. But you had to admit the way that Jimin uses it makes you feel ...warm. Like you want him to call you bunny for whatever reason he does so.
"WhatifIdid ...?" You mutter quickly and softly that Jimin leans in to get a better listen, also prompting you to speak louder.
"Couldn't hear you." He sing-songs.
You grit your teeth and swallow your pride because even after three years, you were soft and pliant for Park Jimin even if he was hot to the touch. You just wanted to please him.
"What if I did?" You say a little louder, braver, with determined eyes, "What if I did have a crush on you?"
He grins at you in Jimin fashion that was still a little reserved but warm because you knew him. You knew that was what he wanted to hear. So, he rests his body against the door and gestures his finger in a come-hither motion to get you to step closer, which you oblige. It should've been offensive that he could summon you so easily, but Jimin was a lot of things but he would never take advantage of your passiveness.
"I don't know. What would you have done if I hadn't left? Play friends? Family maybe?" He teases.
You scrunch your nose at the prospect of playing family with him because you've heard that phrase way too many times. Your parents at one point kept on saying how you had two older brothers instead of one because Jimin was always there, but they were blissfully unaware of your crush and the way you'd frown at the suggestion.
"We would've hung out more ..." You mumble.
Jimin snorts but cocks his head for you to continue.
"What's the point of this?" You huff, shutting your eyes when you can feel his gaze on you.
"You tell me. You were the one with the crush."
You want to correct him and say am the one with the crush, but you bite your tongue.
"You're the one who wants to know." You respond with indignation.
He chuckles, low and deep before he tilts your chin upwards with his index finger.
"You're still a little girl, aren't you ______?" You think it's the first time Jimin has called your name the entire time he's been here and you almost whine with the sultry look he's giving you.
Jimin applauds his self-control because you were a sight to behold. Even if you were in sweats and a tank, with your glasses drooping slightly down your nose and tangled hair, you still were so appealing even if you didn't know. You looked comfortable, homey and it did make Jimin burn with an ugly monster to know that 'Tae' could see you like this daily.
"Am not." You growl, but he only thinks you look like an angry bunny.
"You are. You don't know how to ask for things, hm?" He hums, tracing a finger up your jaw to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.
"I so do know how to ask for things that I want. I do it all the time." You retort petulantly like you had a point to prove but Jimin only chuckles darkly.
"Then what do you want right now?"
Jimin's question is expected but it also throws you off-guard.
"R-Right n-now?" You stutter.
He tuts as if he expected your bewildered and shocked expression.
"When else but now, bunny?" He whispers as his gaze has you locked in a trance when your eyes dart to his lips when he drags his tongue over it. You're entrapped in him because his mouth suddenly looked really inviting.
"I really wanna ..." You mumble, ears flushing a pretty shade of red and you lean into Jimin's hand when he cradles your cheek gently.
Jimin was capable of being gentle, even though he chose not to. But he never was, though there was something about you that made his territorial, made him want to fight. He didn't know when he started feeling this way but he supposed it was a flurry of emotions and the accumulation of the times he's spent with you throughout the years. Three years didn't do him justice and only made him think of you more. He knew he was hard to read, and frankly even harder to understand. Jimin also knew that you were fully aware of this fact. But that didn't deter you in trying to get to know him, to prick yourself against all his edges that were harder to accept.
You were sweet and naive, a type of person that Jimin would usually scoff at. But your one-dimensional and idealistic view of the world was fresh to him, even if that meant you were living in your head most of the time. It never took away from the fact that you were kind and understanding. The type of person that cracked all of Jimin's harshness made him want to try.
But it didn't mean he wasn't going to have his fun. He liked seeing you like this, gentle and warm, close to him as you look at him with a hazy expression.
"Wanna do what?" He prods, reaching his hand to the back of your hair to tug your face closer to his, but maintaining enough distance to prompt you to make the first move.
Jimin would do it. But he wanted to be sure that you wanted this, and not the idea of him. Sure, he was giving you hints and nudging you, but he also was aware of the fact that you'd never say or do anything that you didn't want. You were always clear-cut about this type of thing.
"You know ... that ... thing ..." You mumble, shifting on your feet as he glances down to your face.
You still looked unsure, but you leaned into his hold regardless, and Jimin took that as a good sign. You just need a little push.
"You know I'm not that bright. You need to tell me, bunny." He says gently.
You can't stop the small whimper in the back of your throat at the nickname and it's taking everything in Jimin's willpower to not take you against this wall. He would, but you deserved sweet things and he wanted to try be that for you.
"I ... I wanna ..." You whisper, "Wanna ... kiss you."
You clutch his t-shirt in his hands and when you glance up he's grinning widely as if he's won the lottery.
He nods his head ever so softly, and you take that as a cue to lean in.
When you do kiss him, you already feel your knees buckling because it's like everything you dreamed and more. Jimin was the right amount of assertive and gentle that makes you chase his mouth even if you were pressed up against him. He takes the lead eventually when his hand cups your jaw to angle your mouth deeper into his, and your body flush against his.
You feel like a teenager again having your first kiss, but it may as well be because you've always wondered what it was like to share your first kiss with Jimin back in high school.
"Is that all?" He whispers against your lips, but before you can respond—
"Oh fuck, I'm sorry!" You hear Taehyung squeak and that makes you pull away from Jimin, highly embarrassed to be caught making out with him against your door like a horny teenager.
You want to curse at Taehyung but he's already ducking into the kitchen before you can get any words out.
Jimin doesn't look affected, if anything, he looks pleased. The moment you shared a clear testament of who you belonged to and Jimin loved the fact of people knowing it was him.
When you look at Jimin, you're equally parts flushed from the kiss but giddy too. You give him a shy smile, and Jimin just chuckles lowly at your bashfulness.
"I'll see you around, ______," Jimin smirks at you when he reaches for the doorknob to leave. You follow him out, wanting a little more privacy even if it was in the hallway of your apartment complex.
When Jimin steps out and with you behind him, you swing on your feet as he observes your next actions. You clear your throat, even though you were confused and glad—because that was the closest thing you could get from Jimin that was affection so you'd take it.
"So ... what does this ..." You mumble, before shaking your head.
Jimin raises an eyebrow.
"What did I say about asking for what you want?" He berates you as if he was speaking to a child, but his tone is still curt and a little detached, but very like Jimin. You know that it's him and you like that anyways.
"Don't make me say it ... it's already embarrassing as it is ..." You whine, burying your head into his t-shirt.
Jimin welcomes the sudden closeness and pats you softly on the head. It's a little stiff because he still isn't used to physical affection that wasn't 'intimate', but he did say he would try for you.
"Again: I'm not that bright." He teases.
You roll your eyes, but then bite your lips when you see he's waiting for a response.
"... what does this mean for us?" You ask softly.
Jimin smiles at you and decides to grant you a gentle kiss to your forehead. A kiss that was so domestic and soft that you feel your heart soar.
"Check your phone." Is all he says when he waves you goodbye, as you stare at him dumbly, heart still fluttering and cheeks burning.
When you return back into your home, you lean against your door as you press a hand to your chest to feel the way your heart beats rapidly against it. You feel weak in the knees but so blissful that you let out a squeal into the palm of your hands.
Once you've calmed down, and offered Taehyung a look that said you'll explain later—you rush to check your phone, only to smile at what lies on the screen.
Unknown Number [17:21]: hi bunny
Unknown Number [17:21]: save my contact
Unknown Number [17:21]: make sure that when people see it they'll know you're mine
Unknown Number [17:22]: see you soon
Unknown Number [17:22]: if you're still a little slow ... it's jimin
Unknown Number [17:25]: ❤️
You notice the heart emoji was sent a few minutes after the rest of his texts, which showed you that he may have contemplated whether or not to send it. You feel your heart flutter, as you plop back onto your bed, a wide grin splaying on your face.
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extra scene
"I'm sorry ... what?" Yoongi chokes on the piece of meat he just shoved into his mouth as he stares at his best friend in the face as if he'd grown another head. But as usual, he seemed to only attract people that were vastly similar to him, and Jimin's face is unreadable as ever. But Yoongi knows he's serious and not fucking around because he's looking intently at the older boy for a response.
"So?" Jimin says casually, leaning into his seat and Yoongi needs to chug down a glass of water to ensure that the food goes down all the way before he can say anything to the question Jimin just posed him with.
"You want my sister's address ... to ... I'm sorry, correct me if I'm wrong but I had a fall and I may have a concussion so I don't know if I'm hearing things right," Yoongi deadpans but Jimin just rolls his eyes at the older one's dramatics before nodding his head for him to continue.
"You want her address to ... confess to her?" Yoongi says hesitantly and Jimin nods his head as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
But it wasn't. Because as long as Yoongi's known Jimin, he's been all detached and broody, uninterested in everything and everyone. He's never shown the slightest interest in anyone and usually opted for casual hookups than actual relationships so clearly, Yoongi is a little skeptical.
"Are you okay?" Yoongi asks baffled.
Jimin nods, folding his arms across his chest.
"Yes. I went for a medical check-up that day and my doctor said he's never seen results as impeccable as mine." Jimin says blandly.
Yoongi scoffs.
"You're just not ... the dating type, you know? Much less ... with my sister?" It sounds weird to even Yoongi's ears. He grew out of his childish mindset and had no problem with Jimin dating you, but it was still weird to see his best friend showing interest in you.
"I like her. And I respect you. Which is why I came to you before I did anything."
Yoongi gapes at his best friend, who looks much softer than he usually does.
"Wow ... I just ..." Yoongi exhales, "Damn."
Jimin offers a small smile before gesturing to their food.
"At least we can really be brothers now." Yoongi jokes, sliding a piece of paper with your address on it to Jimin.
Jimin smiles fondly at the paper before tucking it into his shirt jacket.
The image of you in white, smiling and looking only at him drives him to see you the next day.
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sebbybooks · 3 years ago
Text
Wreck My Daydream
Part Two
Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction
18+
Tagged🎄
@wayward-mikaelson
Cataglottism
(n.) kissing with tongue
I’m already wet and Sebastian barely even touched me.
I hardly gave myself a moment to be ashamed or even stir in the crass words I was using even if I had only thought them. Like a diary I suppose there was no need to lie to myself considering it was one hundred percent true. I, Nellie Lennox, was unabashedly met with unending desires that washed away my trepidations that led up to this moment.
In its place I felt this newfound sense of possibilities that I wasn’t actually making an ass out of myself with my sudden confession of feelings for Sebastian. In my defense I didn’t just wake up one morning after having some epiphany as to why I wanted to be with him. The thought of us together made itself at home in the back of my mind.
Almost like a what if. . .
However, I couldn’t help but be terrified of all the ways it could go wrong. What if I had made things weird between us forcing us apart? Life would be a bitter existence if Sebastian wasn’t around in some capacity. For the longest time I tried to find him in different relationships. It is a messed up philosophy, but it almost worked. Whenever things would get too serious it nearly terrified me. I was their someday and they were my maybe. I owed this last relationship that is still so freshly cut more than that.
I owed myself that.
On the unique and rare chance I somehow got lost in a very realistic maladaptive daydream, I’m pretty certain Sebastian wants this too. Just thinking about what he had told me seconds ago made my heartbeat drum to a dizzy rhythm. Imagining myself getting fucked to the beat of it was a completely different type of sensation.
Retraining my focus on the now I could see it in Sebastian’s face all the wheels going around in his head. Confusion? Uncertainty? Regret?
“You don’t get to do that.” I tell him. I felt like I was going to climb out of my own skin if he left me suspended in the silence for a second longer. Sebastian tipped his face closer to mine, our lips gingerly brushing against each other. Perhaps he was feeling ambivalent in regards of his feelings for me? After all this was sprung on him in the middle of the night.
Sebastian shook his head as if he was at war with himself. “I want to.” His voice was strained and dangerously low, like something was causing him utter misery being this close, yet not knowing exactly when to pull away.
“Then why don’t you.” I dared him.
I was growing impatient with this slow burn we had somehow started. I wanted to play with this fire. If I got burned in the end by his touch then so be it. At least I would forever be marked with a reminder of knowing that I at least went after something I wanted with no apology. I wanted to see how far he was willingly to go.
Sebastian removed his hand from the security of being wrapped around me. I feigned a disappointed sigh at the lack of contact. My entire body must have been on autopilot , because I didn’t recognize the position I was in. I practically sat in his lap with one leg wrapped around him and the other one mindlessly dangling over the bed. Of course the mind reader that Sebastian was naturally grabbed ahold of the side of my thigh and wrapped it around his back.
It wasn’t like I was naive to sex or never had my fair share of romantic conquest. Regardless of my experiences I still felt like a gigantic ball of nerves. The way he stared down at me with a heated look in his eyes as if he wanted to posses every inch of me. Hell, I felt like I could come undone from that alone.
The hand that was planted on my back slowly drifted downward trailing the curve of my backside gripping my ass through my thinly silk hunter green shorts that matched the top. Earlier I had berated myself for wearing scantly clad pajamas to bed. Now I am thanking my lucky stars I opted out of the option of wearing a red Christmas onesie that had polar bears wearing scarfs around their necks. They were ones my mother insisted the whole family wear.
If I had I probably would not have been able to feel his erection that was restrained in his sweatpants. Trying to situate myself closer I rocked into him slightly, massaging myself on him. My ears didn’t miss the subtle groan Sebastian let out from the feel of my weight pressing further into him.
His silence wasn’t lost on me and he still hadn’t answered my question so I did it again. I wanted him to say something. My nervousness abated at this point. I twined my arms around his neck, grinding myself against him again and again. All the while Sebastian watched my every movement with a hint of a star struck look in his eyes. The feeling was certainly mutual I was even shocking myself at my behavior.
“Nellie,” Sebastian finally says, voice husky. He usually only ever calls me by my nickname so I was more than sure that he was not fully himself.
“I’m a big girl Sebastian I can handle whatever you need to say.” I tell him, holding in my breath.
“Alright,” he said with uncertainty. “You and me, this, it’s not a good idea.” His tone was barely audible and even more so he sounded hurt. Everything in me froze.
“And why is that?” I asked him more confused than ever. Suddenly feeling absolutely self conscious as I over analyzed every intimate word I just shared with him. I was even more horrified by the fact that I was dry humping my best friend.
He let out a darkly laugh. “It’s pretty damn obvious Nells.” Sebastian says rather ominously.
“...It’s not actually.” For someone that wants nothing out of this, Sebastian was holding on to me like an anchor and I on the other hand just wanted to get away and sink.
Admittedly, I was losing this game of tug a war. There was only so much I was willing to endure even I had my limits. “You’re giving me whiplash Sebastian .” I tell him honestly, “ I’m not like those other girls you go for that are satisfied with you just dangling yourself in front of them like a piece of cake that I can’t have. I meant what I said when I told you I didn’t say it just to hear you say the same.” My voice could only rise so high in pitch.
I definitely didn’t want to wake up the upstairs guest that would love nothing more than to recap this conversation over breakfast. Then like an unexpected bolt of lighting startling you from a distance, Sebastian kissed me.
Sebastian
I am a selfish bastard.
My mind fell quiet when I looked at her. I wanted to swim in the serenity and peacefulness that was this smart, vibrant, sexy, and uniqueness this woman possessed. I only wondered even in the darkness could Nellie see my eyes as plainly as I can see hers. If so could she see the shame reflecting in them? I could feel the nagging weight of my conscience siting on both of my shoulders, arguing back and forth over what I should and shouldn’t do. It was kind of ironic that the devil in my ear insisted that I give in to the angel in my lap.
God knows I waited for her and that I would keep waiting if I had to in this lifetime or the next. It was always going to be Nellie for me. I wanted to tell her all of this, but the longer I held on to this slice of heaven I was given during this random hour. I also knew that this moment was fleeting. I basked in the way she looked at me, the way she held on to me like I was an object of virtue. I also got a sample of what it would be like to lose her the second she began to slip away on her own accord. So, I did what any poor fool would do in my position. I kissed her.
It wasn’t exactly suave or how I imagined it would go. My mouth sort of crushed against her unmoving lips in a rushed and unskilled manner. Frankly, I wasn’t sure what I was doing, I certainly could do a hell of a lot better than this. An yet, it was still like I predicted it would be, filled with pure unadulterated pleasure. Nellie’s lips were sweet and warm, exactly how I imagined forbidden fruit to taste like.
A perfect mixture of firm and softness that drove me wild. She flattened her hands on my bare chest as if to brace herself. Nellie pushed herself away, but her face was still so close to me. She didn’t speak and neither could I. I forced myself to look up at her and hoped that she could see I would do everything in my power to earn her forgiveness. That it was a mistake I will make right somehow.
“Nell,” I let out an exasperated breath. “ I have a need for you that goes deeper than just lust and I know that it will never truly be sated. The killer thing is I’m already at risk of losing you before I even had you.”
Nellie stared hazily up at me.“You already have me.” She whispered, our lips still grazing. Those four simple words set off a firework in me. This time when I kissed her our mouths came together like we needed to feed off of each other’s oxygen in order to survive. I’d suffer if I didn’t have it.
My mouth was greedy for hers, and I could imagine she felt the same. The moment I felt her lips slightly part open to let me in, less than a second our tongues slid together in a torrid and sensually slow pace. We kissed like a couple of eager teenagers. My heart threatened to leap from my chest when the tip of Nell’s tongue moved across my bottom lip. She tastes like gingerbread , mixed with some other divine flavor that I can only assume is Nellie. She arched herself closer into my chest and I could feel the points of her hardened nipples through her top. I seized the opportunity to press her body close because I needed more.
I wanted to feel the heat of her soft skin on mine. She returned her arms back around my neck tightly holding me in place as she angled her head kissing me back with the same ferocity. Deeply, and oh so thoroughly by the way she sucked on my tongue. I had a rough grip on her ass keeping Nellie steady as she straddled me. I was so damn hard for her. If my dick could get even harder it was bound to. Nellie did that thing again where she grinds down on my erection and I cursed at myself to not combust. I grabbed ahold of her hips guiding her to move faster, harder.
I kept telling myself to savor her, fucking take my time with this moment. I couldn’t just rip those tiny little shorts off and sink myself into her over and over until we’ve both had enough. But even then I would always need more of her. I wasn't a sentimental man, with Nellie I at least wanted to try. I wanted my first night with Nell to be a little less spontaneous than this. It wasn’t like I came prepared for festivities filled with endless fucks. Plus the added fact I couldn’t let things get too carried away especially since she still didn’t know what I have done.
Yeah, I am a very selfish bastard.
I didn’t want this to end. I wanted my mouth to explore every single part of Nellie. I wanted the taste of her to live on my tongue. I wanted to go as far as she and my consciousness would allow me.
“I need to touch you.” I panted, between every nip and kiss I left on the delicate area of skin under her jaw.
“You’re already touching me.” She says with a soft laugh, which was a melody to my ears. I was but at the same time I wasn’t. I needed to rid Nellie of any barrier that prevented me from branding her skin with my touch.
“This…off.” I tug gently on the bottom of her tank top before returning my hands to rest on her thighs, caressing them as I sucked on her neck for dear life. Going back and forth between grazing her neck with my teeth then licking over the area to soothe any imprint I’ve left.
Nellie crisscrossed her arms reaching for the hem of her top gracefully pulling it over her head. She purposely fell backwards onto the mattress aiming her shirt at my face. For as long as I’ve known Nell she was never one to be shy in her own skin.
“Imagine how unsexy that would have been if I hit my head on the headboard.”
“As long as you didn’t hurt yourself I would have just pretended that I didn’t see a thing.” I teased.
“Ah, to think they wonder where all of the good men have gone.” Nell scrunched up her nose pretending to be lost in critical thought.
I cock my head to the side. “Mm-hmm. Are you mocking me?”
“What if I am?”Her plump wet lips spread into a smile.
It was miracle I caught a word of what she said to me. I swallowed a groan as my eyes drift over the area of her body that was naked from the waist up. Nellie was clearly a stolen painting from the Louvre that I had no intention of returning. All I could do was stare.
With her legs still draped around me, my hands slide up the curve of her torso passing her ribs. I sensed that she was watching me, but I didn’t dare take my eyes off of her just yet. The pads of my fingers traced over to her breast and my mouth practically watered at the sight of them. She was ethereal.
“Don’t suddenly go mute on me Sebastian.” She let out a shaky breath.
I’ve heard her say my name a thousand times. Hearing her say it in this state created a feeling of warmth that filled my chest. I could only begin to imagine the different ways I wanted to hear her call out my name. My gift, my best friend, my Nellie. Those last words had a sting to them even as I thought them. Deep down I knew that was never going to be true.
I eased all the way down my tongue traveling around the dip of her navel. Creating a path up the center of her abdomen. I knew that Nell was extremely ticklish. The slightest form of contact would automatically turn her into a ninja. From the way she was pressing herself back into the mattress I knew she was trying her hardest not to flee. Of course I found it rather enticing so I made sure to spend extra time over the areas of her exposed skin I knew to be the most sensitive. Brushing the tip of my nose between her breast my mouth finally latched on to what I’ve been waiting for.
“So fucking beautiful.” I say as I graze my mouth over the stiff peak of her nipple. I was in awe over the ability that they simultaneously could feel hard yet felt extremely soft. I dragged the tip of my tongue around the bud of it in a languid movement before sucking it in deep. I loved listening to the sounds she made while I sucked and devoured as much as I could fit into my mouth. I wanted to hear a symphony of the noises that escaped from Nellie.
Going for one after the other not wanting to miss out on either. Nellie kept a limp hand pressed into my hair keeping me close as if I dared to stop.
Writhing underneath me Nellie gasped,“Touch me.”
Now she understood what I meant. My own body felt betrayed by my decision. I literally ached from pain and pleasure. Truthfully I wouldn’t opt for a better scenario than this. I would be more than gratified with giving Nellie an orgasm or two.
Still leaving featherlight kisses across her chest. With one hand I reach down and brushed along the dip of Nellie’s hip, then began to tug away at her shorts. To my surprise she was bare underneath. This was a new and uncharted territory we were crossing.
Tell me to stop, say that this is just the wrong time, tell me we would never work. Those words never escaped me, the sound of the goddamn doorbell intervened for her. My movements hesitated then shortly I picked up on inaudible chattering out in the hall. Nellie turned her head in the direction towards the door which I hoped like hell was locked. “Maybe we should go see what’s going on.” Her eyes widened.
“Or we could stay here and not shame the fact that I was two seconds away from wrapping your legs around my face while I tasted the slickness between your thighs. ” Nellie released a ragged breath and I meant every word.
To my dissatisfaction we were composed in under three minutes. I felt a strange sense of comfort and pride seeing that ever so often I’d catch Nellie looking in my direction smiling like she had some big secret she was bursting to tell. Which only made me feel like an even bigger asshole. The walk downstairs was surprisingly noisy. Someone had plugged the Christmas tree back up and there was a chilly wind breaking in as the front door came to an immediate shut.
Nellie’s parents were both moving around in a fast pace trying to find new spots to put a couple of suitcases. I had to swallow down a chuckle at the sight of their bold choice of pajamas. Nellie had already beaten me to the bottom of the staircase just as I rounded the corner of the spiral stairs.
“Cousin!” Vanessa squealed rushing over towards Nellie, who excitedly embraced her the same. They exchanged a few excitable words to each other that I tuned out. I was busy focusing on the six foot son of a bitch with a puppy dog expression on his face standing awkwardly behind them.
“Now you know Nells Bells you can’t have Christmas without good ole St. Nicholas can you?” She winked at a stone faced Nellie who just looked straight ahead at her ex boyfriend Nick. “I hope it’s okay I brought him over with me. I saw him at the airport dozed off in a chair.” Vanessa whispered as she leaned into Nell, like she just earned a gold star. Soon as Vanessa’s wild dark brown eyes caught ahold me I knew my bubble was about to pop.
“Something told me I was off the naughty list this year.” Vanessa bit at her glossed up lips and made a beeline towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist. She smelled like an overtly sweet perfume that tortured my sinuses. “Did you forget how to work a phone or what? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for days. I miss you.” She cooed.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nellie watching the two of us. This was my punishment.
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plainbrunettelbl · 5 years ago
Text
ABO (A) Half Shark Kirishima Eijiro x (O) Reader Forever Love
Word count: 4921
Warnings: None. 
Title: ABO (A) Half Shark Kirishima Eijiro x (O) Reader Forever Love
Summary: You go to the beach and meet a strange shark tooth Alpha. 
(Gif not mine) 
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🦈-Summer was here and you were ready to enjoy the sun. 
🦈-You wasted no time packing a beach bag and driving to see the gritty sand and blue water. You wore a pair of sunglasses, you were glad you did since the sun was high in the sky and it wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon. 
🦈-You all but leaped out of your car and dashed across the sand. You adored summer and missed the feeling of sand under your feet. Before you could get fully sucked in by the sparkling waves you made sure to put on a thick layer of sunscreen. 
🦈-You didn’t want to mess with skin cancer. 
🦈-Once you were all lathered up you set your beach towel down and sat on it until the sunscreen had soaked in a bit. As soon as your phone beeped telling you it was time you were running into the blue water. 
🦈-The cool water was a shock to your body but you embraced it the feeling.
🦈-You were heating up a bit sitting on the beach so it was really refreshing having the cool water lapping against your skin. You should have brought a tube but you were in a hurry to get to the beach so you left it for another time. 
🦈-You pushed all your thoughts away and simply floated. 
🦈-It was twenty minutes later that you opened your eyes. You paused as you looked around and saw that you were farther from the shore than you thought. You weren't the greatest swimmer around so you started to panic a bit but your focus on the distance between you and the shore was pushed aside when something brushed against your foot. 
🦈-You looked down and gasped. A grey fin and shark teeth greeted you. You swiftly kicked at the figure and tried to swim away. You didn’t get very far before a red-headed man sputtered up in front of you. You paused your escape and gaped at him. 
🦈-“Why did you kick me?” He whined, rubbing the top of his head. 
🦈-“Why did you touch my feet?” You argued, if you weren’t using your arms to keep you upright you would have thrown them in air. 
🦈-“I was interested in your second hands.” He frowned, pushing his crimson hair out of his eyes. 
🦈-You spotted silver skin scattered around his tan hand. It almost reminded you of scales. If that didn’t alert you to the fact that he wasn’t human his gills did. Three neatly lined gills fluttered on his neck. The sight was intriguing. 
🦈-“My second hands? You mean my feet?” You asked, still gliding your arms around to keep you upright now that you weren’t floating on your back. 
🦈-“The second hands you have keeping you afloat. I have a tail and you have second hands.” He pointed out, lifting his tail higher to the surface to show you.  
🦈-His tail reminded you of a shark, grey on the sides but white in the middle. If his sharp teeth were any indicator you would say he was some type of shark male hybrid. If he were to turn around you would probably see a shark fin on his back. 
🦈-“Are you gonna eat me?” You almost slapped your self at the stupid question that escaped your mouth. 
🦈-“What?! Why would I eat you? I don’t eat humans.” He huffed, obviously offended you thought he would eat you. 
🦈-Not only have you met a half-human hybrid but you managed to kick him in the face and offend him in all of but five minutes. You wouldn’t be surprised if he decided he did want to eat you. 
🦈-“Then what do you eat?” You asked, tilting your head at him. 
🦈-He drew his head back, surprised that you asked him such a question. Weren’t humans supposed to be scared of someone like him? This is the most human contact he has gotten in decades. His Alpha was oddly quiet in your presence. 
🦈-Was he observing the strange human too? Nevertheless, this human wasn’t afraid of him, he found that admirable of her. He didn’t have many friends. His best friend was a tan puffer fish that was annoyed at him half the time. 
🦈-“Fish, like any other shark.” He said, grinning at the thought of feasting on the scaly creature, his razor-sharp teeth making an appearance again. 
🦈-“Oh.” You replied, your brain trying to catch up with everything. 
🦈-“What do you eat?” He asked, curious about what humans consume. He sometimes saw humans licking a cream-like treat or eating something round and long on a stick. He was interested in what this little human ate. 
🦈-“Ummm… food? Red meat? Vegetables?” You said, not sure what he wanted to hear. 
🦈-“Is red meat good? Better than fish?” He asked, excited by this new information. 
🦈-“I can get you some if you want. I know they sell kabobs on the pier.” You thought, remembering people walk by you with some in their hands while you waited for your sunscreen to soak in. 
🦈-“You would bring me some!” His eyes sparkled, excited at the thought of trying something other than fish. 
🦈-“I mean yeah, I could.” You answered, trying not to blush over his excited face. This male shark hybrid was a handsome one. It was the least you could do, you did kick him in the face and offend the poor guy. 
🦈-“Wait, but then you would have to leave. How do I know if you are coming back?” He narrowed his eyes, not eager for this sweet-smelling human to leave yet. His Alpha pushed forward and nearly growled at the thought. 
🦈-In truth, the poor male was attention-starved. He was a pretty intimidating guy, all the sea life tended to stay away from him. Now that he had someone’s attention he didn’t want them to go away. He didn’t have to dwell much on the thought of you leaving before a soft sound invaded his ears. 
🦈-It was a gentle ring that made his whole body warm. You were giggling at his brooding face. 
🦈-“Of course I am coming back. Now that I know you aren’t gonna eat me I can pester you with all sorts of questions.” You smiled, thinking of all the tales he would have about the deep blue sea. 
🦈-This would be an interesting friendship… or more. 
***
🦈-Your friendship has bloomed over the last two weeks. It was tradition to come down to the beach whenever you could and buy him a kabob before making your way down to the pier. The main pier was busy and bustling with people but the small one meant for the local fishermen was still pretty vacant and empty. 
🦈-You tried to stay in the water the first week but it just wasn’t practical. You had to wash and dry your swimsuit so many times it was tearing at the seams. Floating on a tube was better but it still had its drawbacks. 
🦈-Your fingers and toes would winkle like raisins. 
🦈-Eijiro was fascinated by your feet and wouldn’t stop trying to touch and nibble on them. You had noticed pretty quickly that although he wasn’t interested in eating you he had some sort of fascination with softly nibbling on you. 
🦈-When you asked him about it he said it was a shark thing. He has grown up with his parents doing it so he thought it was normal to do so to his new human friend. 
🦈-You had just sat down at the pier and dipped your feet into the cold water, not even a second later a sharp pair of teeth were nibbling on your toes. You let out an airy giggle, already used to his odd behavior.
🦈-“Save the chewing for your kabob, Eijiro.” You teased, lifting your toes out of the water and leaned down to show the steaming kabob to him. 
🦈-He was quick to burst out of the water and snatch it up with his sharp teeth. He reminded you of a human version of jaws when he did that. 
🦈-“Thank you, Y/N. You know you don’t have to keep buying me meat all the time.” He said while nearly chomping on the wooden stick. 
🦈-“I don’t mind. If I didn’t spend it on you I would spend it on something else. Like this bracelet. I saw it while walking down the pier to get your kabob. It caught my eye and I instantly purchased it.  It’s too big for me but I like the color.” You hummed, showing him the threaded black and red bracelet on your wrist. 
🦈-In the time it took you to respond he had already finished his kabob, he made sure to put the stick on the pier. You would take it later and throw it away properly. 
🦈-“Oh, that’s a nice bracelet.” He commented, not taking his eyes off it. 
🦈-He peered at it with an awed look in his eyes. Completely unrelated he lifted his hand to mess with his hair, showcasing his empty wrist. Silently hoping you would spot it and say something. 
🦈-“Oh! Would you like it? I don’t think I can wear it without worrying it would slide off. You have a bigger wrist than me so it should fit you better.” You offered, taking off the red bracelet and dangling it on your finger above him. 
🦈-You never saw him move that fast before. The bracelet was already snatched out of your hand and on his wrist in the blink of an eye. You were right, it fit more snug on his tanned wrist than yours. 
🦈-“Make sure not to lose it. I bet it is a whole other story losing something in the sea rather than on land.” You thought, swishing your legs in the water. 
🦈-“I won’t take it off.” He nearly growled, something primal lurked in his eyes.  
🦈-Your Omega was nearly purring at the look. You merely nodded and shifted your eyes to the blue sky. You noticed there were a lot more clouds in the sky than normal, you hoped it didn’t rain. 
🦈-“What happens when it rains? Do you go back to your cave and wait it out like a regular human?” You questioned, looking down into his ruby eyes. 
🦈-“Sometimes I stock up on fish when it is just a small shower. If it starts lightning and thundering I usually chill in my den until it passes. You don’t want to be out in the open when lightning strikes down.” He commented, holding back a wince. 
🦈-“Huh. I hadn’t thought about that.” You said, kicking your feet out and splashing his face with water. 
🦈-He retaliated by catching on of your feet and playfully chewing on it. His teeth were tickling you, you reach down and grab a handful of his red hair. You tried to yank him off but he wouldn’t budge. He was a stubborn shark when it came to his prey. 
🦈-Not that you were prey to him. He just considered you to be his. Especially after your little gift to him. To give shark-kind a gift it meant you had started the courting process. The next time he saw you he would give you one back, to solidify your courtship. 
🦈-“Quit it Eijiro! You’re tickling me.” You laughed, leaning down even further, your face inches from his. 
🦈-Once he felt your soft breath on his face he let go and tilted his head up at you. Now it was your turn to fell his breath on your face. The closeness was enough to make your Omega swoon. You felt your mind was playing tricks on you when you heard a gentle purr coming from him. 
🦈-It was like you were in a trance, your eyes caught his lips and it was all you could focus on. You slowly felt yourself leaning even further down to him. He was leaning forward as well. His breath coming out in big pants. 
🦈-His tail was swishing rapidly in the water. Almost like a puppies tail would when they get excited. 
🦈-“You trying to drown yourself, girl!” An older man’s voice called out from the distance. 
🦈-You quickly put both of your feet on Eijiro’s shoulders and pushed him down. You would have been worried if he was human but since he was half-shark you knew he would be safe. Safer than someone finding out his kind existed. 
🦈-Sure there were shifters on land but people held major prejudice against them. You could only imagine the type of hysteria if humans found out they were surrounded by shifters on land and in the water. 
🦈-Maybe it was because you knew a few shifters and that was why you didn’t freak out when you first discovered him. 
🦈-“I thought I saw a crab!” You yelled, turning to look over your shoulder. 
🦈-An old man with a long fishing pole made his way down the pier. He wore a yellow raincoat with boots to match. He was the definition of fisherman. 
🦈-“Well, that’s good to hear. I hope to catch a lot of them tonight. Supposed to start raining soon.” He drawled, tipping his yellow hat up at the sky. 
🦈-While he was talking you still felt the warmth of Eijiro’s shoulders on your feet. You tapped him on both shoulders, silently telling him to swim away. His response was to slide a hand up your ankle. He wasn’t leaving until you were. 
🦈-“Oh. I better get going then. I wouldn’t want to get caught in the rain.” You said, leaning one hand down to clasp his hand and squeeze it before pulling your feet out of the water and slipping back on your flip flops. 
🦈-You made sure to grab his kabob stick before leaving. You shot him one last look. He was still submerged under the water. His face reminded you of a wounded puppy. You were leaving so soon. Your Omega was whining at the ordeal but there wasn’t much you could do. 
🦈-You didn’t bring your swimsuit so you couldn’t swim with him. Plus the rain wouldn’t have helped matters either. He would have to go back to his cave anyways. 
🦈-“See you later, little crab.” You softly said, giving him a half-smile.
🦈-You turned around and began walking back to your car. You couldn’t believe you were about to kiss him! Your heart was pounding in your chest. He was your friend, not your boyfriend!
🦈-You had to get your emotions under control. You both were from two separate lands, it would never work. You pushed down your sadness and kept walking down the pier, leaving a sad shark behind. 
***
🦈-“Hey, Y/n, do you have the paperwork I told you have done ready?” One of your Alpha coworkers asked, peering over at you in your small cubical. 
🦈-“Yeah, I just finished typing it up.” You replied, leaning over your desk to get the file. 
🦈-Your scent must have wafted her way. 
🦈-“Are you seeing anyone? Your scent smells different. Kinda reminds me of the ocean.” She prodded, eager to hear some gossip.  
🦈-You instantly flushed, your little trips to the beach must be affecting your scent. It was usually a soft peppermint smell. Now it was intertwined with a hint of saltwater. 
🦈-“N-no, I’m not seeing anyone. I think it is just because I am spending so much time at the beach lately.” You answered, handing her the file over your cubical wall. 
🦈-“Oh, well you should go on a few courting dates. Nothing better than summer love.” She grinned, thinking of all the Omega’s she could court this summer. 
🦈-“I’ll let you know if I do.” You said, looking back over at your computer screen. 
🦈-Should you start looking for a potential Alpha? You had no reason not to look for one. At that moment a certain shark-toothed male popped up into your head. 
🦈-No! He was off-limits. You should focus on Alphas you could actual court. 
🦈-It was decided, you would start looking for a potential mate. 
***
🦈-“So, have you eaten here before?” You asked, looking up from your plate of spaghetti, you speared a big meatball and brought it to your mouth. 
🦈-You had met him on a dating app. You didn’t know that he was vegetarian until he was ordering at the start of the date. You had placed your order before him so it was a tiny bit embarrassing eating meat in front of him. 
🦈-“Yes. They have a really good vegetarian selection here.” He said, looking down at his meatless meal. 
🦈-You had to admit that this Alpha was very attractive. He had had shoulder-length brown hair, glowing golden eyes, and a strong jawline. He would have made your Omega melt if it wasn’t for someone else. 
🦈-During the meal you found yourself comparing this Alpha to the sliver skinned one that seemed to take up your thoughts. 
🦈-Your Omega couldn’t help but nick-pick at him. 
🦈-He didn’t love meat like a certain someone, his teeth are dull, and he doesn’t have spiky crimson hair. He was nothing like her Alpha. Yes, her Alpha. She had started calling him that after your last encounter. You tried to correct her but she wasn’t having it. 
🦈-You tried to listen to the Alpha sitting across from you but your heart wasn’t into it. Your heart seemed to feel heavy lately, it might have had something to do with your absence from the beach. You hadn’t been back to the pier for a whole week. 
🦈-Your heart was telling you it was time to reunite with the muscled male. You finally submitted to those thoughts. You would go to see him tomorrow. 
🦈-That had your Omega purring and bouncing around. She was finally gonna see her Alpha!
***
🦈-Your Omega was jumping around excitingly as soon as you pulled into the beach parking area. She was gonna see her Alpha! You had an image of her rolling around on her back happily. You, on the other hand, were a bit nervous stepping out of the car. 
🦈-You knew going to the pier wasn’t an option. 
🦈-Your Omega had cut off that train of thought as soon as it appeared and wouldn’t even let you consider it. She wanted you in the water and as close to her Alpha as you could get. You knew this absence was hard on her so you didn’t argue.
🦈-Since your other bathing suit was beyond repair you went out and bought a new one. 
🦈-A solid red one. It was a tiny bit more revealing than your other one but once you saw it you knew it was the one. Your Omega chirped in agreement, stating that it matched Eijiro’s eyes. You felt pretty confident in it. 
🦈-You had paired it with a white cover-up. You grabbed your beach bag and made your way down to the sand. The instant your feet touched the sand you felt a pair of eyes on you. You knew whose eyes they were. 
🦈-You knew if you looked out into the water you would catch a glimpse of him but you stopped yourself. You knew if you saw his red hair peeking through the waves you would skip putting on sunscreen and dive into the water. 
🦈-You didn’t need to deal with a sunburn along with your confusing feelings. 
🦈-So you lathered up and waited, much to your Omega’s disappointment. You made sure to put on a lot because you knew as soon as you stepped into the ocean Eijiro wasn’t gonna let you out of his grasp for one second. 
🦈-From the intensity of his gaze, you were half thinking he was gonna drag you under and take you to his cave. 
🦈-Once your sunscreen was dry you finally headed towards the water. The water was cold as usual but it wasn’t the reason why your skin was covered in goosebumps. Your heart was pounding each step. Once the water went up to your waist you started swimming further from the shoreline. 
🦈-You were barely halfway to where you usually meet up when you felt his touch on your ankle. Just by the grip alone, you knew he was just as touched starved as you. This week without him made you miss his gentle caresses on your legs and the oddly comforting way he nibbled on you. 
🦈-Once you swam far enough for the shore he yanked you down. Your eyes stung at the saltwater but that didn’t stop you from looking at him underwater. His smile was big and wide, his razor-sharp teeth on full display. 
🦈-He didn’t waste a second pulling you into his arms. The cold water was long forgotten when you were tucked safely in his warm embrace. If you weren’t already holding your breath it would have been taken away. 
🦈-He couldn’t hear your Omega’s purring but he felt the vibrations coming from your chest. 
🦈-He instantly let out his own warm purr. He was so happy you finally showed up! He was worried you had somehow forgotten about him. That maybe you didn’t enjoy his company as much as he enjoyed yours. 
🦈-He swore he wouldn’t even care if you never brought him another piece of red meat again. As long as he had you in his arms he was satisfied. He didn’t hold himself back from nibbling on your neck a little now that he had you wrapped up in his grasp. His Alpha telling him that this was the spot he planned to mark when he bonded to you. 
🦈-He tapped his shoulder, signaling that you needed air, with reluctance he led you to the surface. 
🦈-He wanted to be underwater with you forever. Everything faded away when you were under the blue currents together. 
🦈-You broke the surface with a tiny gasp. 
🦈-“I’m so happy you’re back! I missed you.” He breathed, still not believing you were here in his arms and not somewhere on land where he couldn’t see or hold you. 
🦈-“I’m sorry. Things came up.” You said, not quite meeting his eyes. You didn’t want to see the sadness lurking in his ruby orbs. 
🦈-“That’s fine. I am just glad you are back.” He said, acting like he wasn’t desperately searching for you the entire week.
🦈-“You know I will always come back for my little crab.” You joked, hoping to lift the mood a bit. 
🦈-He laughed, playfully pushing you away. You laughed along with him, the heaviness in your chest from the past week finally lifting. 
🦈-“I’ll show you a crab!” He chuckled, making his hands into claws and pinching you. 
🦈-You giggled, trying to pinch him back. Something caught his eye, his gaze was focused in the direction of the shore. You turned to look and saw a blond surfer dude riding a wave. His hair looked a little familiar so you said so. 
🦈-“Huh, his hair reminds me of the Alpha I went on a courting date with. His hair was brown though.” You hummed, looking at the guy fall off his board. 
🦈-“Courting date? You went on a courting date?” His voice dropped a few octaves, his eyes turning hard. 
🦈-“Yeah? Is there a problem?” You asked, your eyebrow lifting. 
🦈-“A problem! Yes! We are courting Y/N!” He exclaimed, pulling his arm out of the water and pointing at the bracelet you gave him.
🦈-You tilted your head, confused. Did he think it was a courting gift? He couldn’t have. For it to be a courting gift it would need to be made by you. You were sure you told him you bought it from a shop on the pier. 
🦈-“I didn’t make it. It isn’t a courting gift, Eijiro.” As much as it hurt your heart to say it, it was true. 
🦈-“Yes, it is! If you give me a gift it means you want to court me. I accepted it so we are courting. I even have a gift for you.” He said, lifting up his other gift. A pearl bracelet sat on his wrist. It was obviously made for you since it looked way too small for his thick wrist. 
🦈-He slid it off and put it on you. The white pearls glistened under the sunlight. 
🦈-You looked at it in awe, the bracelet was beautifully made. The warm mood was broken when someone called out to you from behind. 
🦈-“You okay out there?” A voice yelled. 
🦈-You turned to see the surfer you both were talking about holding onto his board and look at you. He was about 20 feet from you so he couldn’t see your little red friend. That didn’t mean you didn’t shove the poor boy underwater.
🦈-Eijiro didn’t mind, he was just enjoying the feel of your hands on his shoulders.
🦈-You looked around and supposed you were a bit too far from shore.
🦈-“I’m fine! I’m a great swimmer.” You yelled back, smiling at the nicely tanned boy. 
🦈-While your swimming did improve a little after you started hanging out with the shark boy you still weren’t expert level. You only felt safe so far out in the deep because you had Eijiro by your side. You knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. 
🦈-The surfer gave you a nod and smile before turning his attention back on the upcoming waves. 
🦈-It was apparent Eijiro didn’t like that your attention was off him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down under the water with him. Before you could blink the saltwater out of your eyes his lips were on yours. 
🦈-In an instant, all of your worries and fears washed away. You sank into the kiss with a delighted purr. You brought your hands up and weaved them through his hair. Your legs wrapped around his waist. You tried not to smile as you felt him slightly nibble on your lip. 
🦈-The only thought running through your mind was that you knew Eijiro wouldn’t be your summer love, he would be your forever love. 
Bonus: 
🦈-You sat on your pier and waited for your Alpha to come back. That’s right, your pier. After you bonded with Eijiro you both found out he would be able to shift between human and half-shark. With his new second hands, he was free to join you on land. 
🦈-The first thing he did was rent a boat and became a fisherman. The boat was just a cover while he shifted into his half-shark form and rounded up fish to sell. It wasn’t long before he was bringing in some money and together you both purchased a beach house with its own pier. 
🦈-Right now you sat on the pier with a huge metal pot by your side. Usually, you would eagerly hold it in your lap but your baby bump wouldn’t let you. 
🦈-Not too long after you moved into the house the both of you found out you were carrying a pup. Eijiro’s nearly passed out in happiness that day.   
🦈-The one thing about this pup was that it loved seafood. Now Eijirio was a fan of red meat but his pup couldn’t get enough of the sea. Poor Eijiro was devastated when your pup wouldn’t let him cook red meat in the house anymore since it made you want to throw up at the smell. 
🦈-Still, he happily gave it up for the time being, anything to make sure you and the pup were both comfortable. 
🦈-Tonight was seafood boil, that was where the big pot came in handy. Your lovely Alpha was out hunting the savorly little things. Your mouth was already watering at the thought of them. Like he heard your thoughts, Eijiro popped out of the water proudly holding up a big net filled with your latest craving. 
🦈-You could have sworn your eyes were sparkling. 
🦈- “I caught a lot just in case you are still craving them tomorrow.” He happily stated, pulling himself up on the pier. His tail was gone in seconds and in their place were his strong calves. Once he was situated on the deck he put his net into the pot sitting by your side. 
🦈-“Thank you, Alpha! I am so excited!” You beamed, looking down at the pot. 
🦈-It seems your pup was excited as well, they were dancing up a storm. You lovingly rubbed your stomach before standing up and reaching for the pot. Eijiro was quick to brush your hands away and picked up the pot. 
🦈-He wasn’t about to let his Omega carry ten pounds of shrimp while pregnant with his pup. His Alpha nearly growled at the thought. He might have been a little overprotective of you now that you were with pup. 
🦈-The sun was dipping in the sky, everything was orange and blue. You leaned against your Alpha’s side as you walked back to your home. You couldn’t have been any happier. 
🦈-“I love you, my shark boi.” You said, nuzzling into his side. 
🦈-“I love you too, Omega.” He grinned, leaning down to place a kiss on your head. 
This was my first time writing a sort of shark/merman AU. Please tell me what you think of it! I might write more for it when summer hits. 
That being said, please wash your hands and stay safe guys! 
Please reblog and leave a note. Both really help motivate me to write more. 
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