#which i am so grateful for obviously
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johndonneswife · 8 months ago
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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selfcarecap · 1 month ago
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It’s so sad when you comment/reblog with something really nice on a fic and the writer never replies bc like I don’t even know if they read it? I was trying to make their day and don’t even know if they saw it or cared about it 😭
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unopenablebox · 7 months ago
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i love TAing. some parts of it are stressful but running office hours and just getting to talk through a concept with the students until we've identified the source of their confusion and successfully resolved it is so satisfying and fun.
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I did something completely out of my comfort zone and I lived!
#Wasn’t prepared for freeway driving at all but I surprisingly didn’t screw myself or the person following me over#now that I have Siri hooked up to the car stereo that is#Also nothing quite like being on high alert all day to give you a tension headache#But fortunately for me it wasn’t warranted because if anyone wanted to like chop me up and put me in a freezer they would have#But I’m talking to you now and I’m obviously not dead so woohoo#Don’t worry I never go into anything unprepared. And I’m the most resourceful person I know other than my father#Who does not surpass me but equals me#But yeah they’re actually nice and neurodivergently-honest and not trying to love bomb me so far as I can tell#Because I was getting “this is weird” vibes but never the “don’t do this you’re gonna die” feeling#And they’re quite obviously auDHD so I crunched some numbers based on observable behavior and determined#much of the bubbly “too much” behavior was coming from that#but I was unaccustomed to it because I’m on the polar opposite end of the DSM for ADHD (unsure of autism)#and am less likely to recognize behaviors I don’t engage in as being a symptom of neurodivergence#If that makes any sense at all#Like I’m heavily heavily introverted and quiet and soft-spoken and never initiate friendly physical contact with anyone while talking#I’m very reserved with people I don’t know and am in possession of the most blunted affect known to man and don’t reveal my hand#Ever#So seeing someone engage in the opposite of those behaviors to a degree that isn’t normal with me made me take a step or two back#because my sensory/social/trauma issues are opposed to those kind of things#So I prepared just in case my assessment of them was incorrect but everything turned out fine.#I may be extremely introverted and socially awkward (or at least I feel like I am)#but I make up for it by being able to read shrimp social cues— social cues you didn’t even know existed#(And I also project the vibe of “I have eyes in the back of my head” which makes me kind of scary for someone as slight as I am)#But yeah I’m grateful to have met them and that they’re nice#It sounds like I don’t like them but I swear I do. The circumstances of the journey made me more apprehensive than the person themself
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rimouskis · 1 year ago
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I'm going to preface this story by saying: I don't necessarily believe in karma, but
I may have been walking through today with a vague sense of disbelief tainted with unkind smugness after my tiktok fyp was flooded with poor fans who tried to get presale ticket to one mr n. kahan's new tour only to find that demand was through the roof and GA pit tickets were seriously going for $300, in presale, and even the "worst" tickets in the lawn were going for $70
and while I undoubtedly think it's deeply unethical for both platforms (thanks ticketmaster) and artists to allow such dramatic ticket cost inflation, I also generally don't relate...
I (VERY LUCKILY) gravitate towards smaller acts, and the most I've paid for a ticket all year has been, like... $90 for a ticket to beyonce, which got cancelled and I was refunded lol. if I look back at all my receipts from shows this year, most have been around $50/ticket after fees, and several have been closer to $20. my favorite show I've seen all year was a $15 ticket.
it's mostly luck—I tend to like smaller acts, and I've been seeing mainly rock acts this year, and those tickets simply don't run as high as pop acts. and part of me is honestly very grateful that I haven't been swept into any of the really recent huge acts.
I think of all the people scrabbling for boygenius or taylor swift tickets and how much money they've had to shell out... how a lot of them don't even GET to see the acts they want to see because they've been priced out or tickets sold out. I can't remember the last time a show I wanted to go to sold out lol. maybe bastille in london?
and again, it's just a matter of luck that I'm not really into any of these megastars and therefore don't have to compete in the gladiator arena to try to see shows I want to see, but sometimes luck manifests as a feeling of self-satisfaction, you know? who among us hasn't experienced a little self-superiority from time to time.
look, if YOUR tiktok was flooded with people saying concerts have been awful since 2021 (including rock and metal shows), but every concert YOU'VE been to since 2021 was amazing and the crowds were really good and you always got tickets and it never broke the bank, you'd feel pretty validated in your choice of musicians and the crowds they attract too, alright?? sue me! I felt frugal AND undeservedly clever!
anyways back to karma. guess who got invited and subsequently agreed to shell out $70 to sit in a lawn and listen to mr. n. kahan sing. I'll give you a hint, her tumblr username starts with an r and ends with an s
#I KNOW LIKE. A SINGLE ONE OF HIS SONGS.#the thing about me is I'm earnestly really good at not judging other ppls music taste because:#I have a whole 1000-song playlist dedicated to music I love but don't play for other ppl bc I regard it as my Fun Time No Taste Music#and it's not that it's bad it's just not as curated as I prefer my music showed to other people lol#and that means I don't judge people for getting really into a band that doesn't do it for me personally#but. I will admit that I have that deeply annoying personality trait wherein if a billion people get into something...#for unknown reasons my own desire to learn about and get into that thing plummets. hashtag hipster. hashtag annoying#so that's kinda why I've never explored a lot of mega-popular musicians#(see: hozier; mitski; boygenius; taylor swift; one direction; noah kahan; etc etc)#+ obviously I don't make quality judgements off of that. I've heard some hozier songs. he's very good. I like handfuls of TS and 1D's music#but I don't have the drive to Also Get Into It#which means I never have to fucking melee for tickets in the queue ahaha and I am very grateful for that#but idk. I think there's something to be said for purposefully seeking out midsize or small acts. I don't really like stadium shows!#my fave concert this year had less than 100 attendees and the lead singer walked right off the stage into the crowd#everyone was chill and gave him space (this was the friday pilots club show)#and I think I can compare it to big vs. small fandom#small fandoms tend to be well-behaved bc everyone knows everyone and beef poisons the whole space lol#and also it's a matter of numbers! the more people who are in a space... the higher likelihood someone's an asshole#and I've been in tiny fandoms that blew up (hellooooo omgcp) and saw that happen firsthand#and I sort of suspect that rule holds true for concert spaces/music fanbases! more people = more variables = higher likelihood of foolery#hell I think of when I was really into 2010s alt rock DURING the 2010s and had to deal with assholes at alt j concerts hahahah#and it was just because I *was* into the music that WAS of-the-time in 2015!!!!#and now as an agèd 20something who likes metal shows I'm just chilling and watching pits form at lowkey 1400-capacity venues#because that's the scene! and I'm not in the thick of it with the current Music Of The Hour#anyways all this is to say that I don't think noah kahan is bad or untalented or unworthy of seeing!!!!#clearly he is if I'm going to fork over $70plusfees to see him with my friend#it's just that I'm grateful my tastes have veered into the cheaper side of the music industry.#I think I'd keel over if my favorite artist was TS and I had to deal with. all that. to go see her.#stronger than the marines etc etc
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plushie-lovey · 1 year ago
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Looking to order a new plushie in honor of my birthday today
#obviously the plush wont be here in time cause again my birthday is literally right now right this second#but this is a gift I wanna get myself#especially because Im sad today. its been a very mid bday#my fam took me out to lunch but my sis took part of my food cause we always trade some#but it ended up being half ofmy portion so I didn't get to eat a lot of the main course#amd other than that I've done literally everything else I do daily today#like I went to look around the nearby mall which Im at literally every day cause its close to work/is my bus stop#and then went home after an hour because I've already seen literally everything there#and now I get to sit at home on the corner of my bed on my phone. ir maybe draw on my pc#like I do every day of my life#amd Im sure some people will be like “why didn't you do smth different” couldn't because I have tp bus everywhere#amd nobody wanted to wake up or get dressed to go out until 2#then we went to eat. amd by the time we were done it was 4#so too late to travel by bus anywhere interesting cause it'd take an hour n a half/2 hours to arrive at wherever#caus by time we get there we gotta get the bus in an hour or 2 before it stops running for the day#and maybe I should just be grateful fpr a normal day and that I got to spend it with family#but my family sucks but I am appreciative#but this is a milestone birthday#idk if it's selfish t want a little more than the norm or not because of it. my mind is leaning towards yes#but anyways. plushies#idk whatIm getting yet#I want something colorful I think#I'll show pics when I choose/order#viti shoosh
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scattered-winter · 2 years ago
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I love my shows but if I see one more piece of queer media say "sex is what makes us human" then I just might turn into the joker
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longroadstonowhere · 1 year ago
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man, it's so hard to find good versions of iron chef nowadays
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spontaneousglitterbees · 2 years ago
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so im working on an ask rn and started doing some drawings but its taking longer than anticipated so i might (?) pare down what i first thought of and come back to it
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citrinesparkles · 2 years ago
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having a moment about comics again. love those silly little things
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emjaydoubleyou · 5 months ago
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this post is fearmongering. the results of this study are concerning and should definitely be a matter of public discussion, but this is certainly not the conclusion the researchers came to.
the point of the study was to assess the risks of exposure to toxic metals- something one of the co-authors notes are “ubiquitous” fwiw- via menstrual products. Their research confirmed that these metals are indeed present in tampons, but no further conclusions are drawn. it is possible the metal entered into the cotton from the soil, which is a well-known phenomenon; cotton is so good at lifting heavy metals that it has actually been suggested as a part of the solution for revitalizing polluted ground.
the authors conclude with an acknowledgement that the study should be repeated- their sample size was 60 tampons- and a suggestion that further testing ought to be done to indicate whether or not these metals can even leech out of the tampon in the first place, let alone whether or not such leeching could occur at levels deleterious to human health.
there is, in fact, a body of research- too small, for sure, but much larger than this single study- indicating that long-term proper tampon use has no observable negative impact on health. i am grateful and thrilled that more research is being done and i hope that this study is the first of many on this line of questioning, but i am really frustrated at this post and the response it got.
obviously, if this study alters your approach to menstrual health, more power to you. consumers should be informed-risk-takers, and menstrual health is double-obviously a very personal choice. but it definitely wasn't the researchers concluding that you ought to “avoid using tampons at all cost," only this tumblr user did. the lead author of the paper, in fact, specifically says that she hopes people do NOT panic about the results.
(the notes of the post were disappointing. people affirming that they knew they were right to be suspicious of tampons all along, or even recommending alternatives that actually have very little to no research regarding the safety of long-term use, etc. it’s a different conversation, but categorical distrust of tampons is old-school misogyny. you certainly shouldn't wear them if you don’t want to, but there is nothing inherently scary or wrong about them, and people who prefer them are not being reckless or crass.)
((if you're really worried about exposure to heavy metals, you may want to turn a critical eye to fast fashion, as an aside))
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made-of-starlightt · 2 months ago
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I will get to enjoy New England fall I will get to enjoy New England fall I will
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backtodecembertv · 5 months ago
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well now that i’ve delivered my very altruistic forgiveness (sort of) to punk boy via drunk text, i am officially declaring no contact ever again except for basic pleasantries if i have to see him at events. going to focus on the important things in life (finding a hot girl to rail me)
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assaultmystic · 8 months ago
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this is particularly timely with contemporary discussions of transmisogyny taking place on tumblr at the minute. whipping girl’s occasional positioning as *the text* on transmisogyny does a serious disservice to the ways in which its scope is fundamentally limited, which are explained very well here.
i would actually like to hear more of your thoughts on whipping girl, whenever you feel ready enough to talk about it. i've only ever heard positive recommendations for it. i was thinking of reading it. i've read one or two introductory 101 texts on transmisogyny as well as some medium/substack posts, and always looking to read more as a tme person. ty!
thanks for asking! I'm gonna try to be concise because I'm stuck on my phone for the month, but here are my thoughts on whipping girl:
serano is at her strongest in the book in three areas: manifestations of transmisogyny in media (e.g. how trans caricatures pervade movies), the history of medical institutions developing a pathology of transsexuality (like the diagnostics of blanchard et al. or how trans people seeking healthcare were and continue to be forced into acting out prescribed expressions and manufacturing memories), and the construction of her own transition narrative (telling the reader what it was like for her to grow up desiring femininity in a way that confused her, the experience of crossdressing, the effects of hrt for her)
whenever she's just sticking to this, I think she effectively communicates a lot that the unaware reader could benefit from—even many trans women/transfems/tma people who are otherwise in tune with the history of medicalized transsexualism and our popular depictions could probably benefit from her own personal narrative, by nature of how variegated our experiences can be.
unfortunately I think the book fails at its primary—stated—goal, which is to theorize about transmisogyny. in the big picture this is a bifurcated failure:
on one branch of her argument, she remains committed to there being something biologically essential/innate about gender. this manifests thru multiple claims: that we have "innate inclinations" toward masculinity/femininity and "subconscious sex" rather than what I believe, which is that the latter are constructed categories imposed on different matrices of behaviour/expression/desire in different cultural contexts; that there is "definitely a biological component to gender" (close paraphrase) after a discussion of how she believes E and T tend to affect people (thus equivocating gender with dominant hormones!); that we have such a thing as "physical sex" which is the composition of our culturally decided "sex characteristics" (don't ask me how the dividing line is drawn) even as she says we should stop using "biological sex" as a term; that there is "no harm" in agreeing that "sex" is largely bimodal with some exceptions; that social constructionism is necessarily erasure of transsexual experiences in early childhood... altogether she is unwilling to relinquish arguments about the partial "innateness" of femininity/masculinity and gender. this is at tension with her admission on several occasions that these are neither culturally/geographically nor temporally stable concepts! but that doesn't seem to be a line she can follow thru on.
on another, intertwining branch, she engages in what I think is a deep and widespread mistake in the theorizing of transmisogyny: reducing it (mechanistically) to anti-effeminacy. it is her stated thesis at the start that masculinity is universally preferred to femininity. she doesn't offer a definition of either term until one of the final chapters, where she defines them as the behaviours and expressions associated with a particular gender. but I think this reduction just misunderstands transmisogyny. it is even in tension with an observation she makes early on, that trans women are often punished for their perceived masculinity! but again, this is a thought she seems unable or unwilling to follow thru with.
my problem with the thesis is that masculinity and femininity do not float free of gender—it is not possible to speak of their valuation in the abstract. anyone who grew up as a masculine cis girl and never "grew out" of that "phase" can attest to the violence wrought upon expressions of masculinity from women. and this applies doubly so to the subjects of transmisogyny! not only are we punished for any perceived bleed-through of masculinity from our supposed "underlying male selves", those of us who are willingly masculine and thriving as mascs are punished for our failure to conform to the rules of the normative womanhood that is imposed on us (just as we are punished for any willing femininity as "false" and predatory upon cis womanhood—observe that transmisogyny is reactive degendering in every case!).
on both branches serano makes only perfunctory remarks about the intersections with race, class, and colonialism. "sex" as such was made to only be accessible to the "civilized", most of all the white european! for a racialized person and particularly a Black person navigating gender the waters are just not the same; the signifiers of sex neither available in the same way, nor granted the same medical legitimacy. what is the "physical sex" of someone who is de-sexed altogether? how can gender have a "biologically innate" component when its expressions between the bourgeoisie and the working class are at total odds with one another? this all goes for the masculine/feminine distinctions as well. what sense is there in the claim that we have innately masculine/feminine inclinations when globally (and transmisogyny has been made global!) what is feminine and masculine can be very nearly mirrored? nor is "masculinity is always considered superior to femininity" innocent of obviating race. transmisogynoir adds yet further degendering thru the coercive masculinization of someone as a Black woman—masculinization as punishment, again!
and as a final point, the account fails to be materialist. there is no attempt to place transmisogyny in its role as an instrument of political economy or, as jules gill-peterson might say, as a tool of statecraft. it is just a psychological response to the way the world is, as far as serano has anything to say about it. but how did the world become that way, and why?? serano's solution, the abolition of what she calls gender entitlement, is naive to the fact that gender entitlement is necessary to the maintenance of the capitalist state, which is structured thru patriarchy and built on colonialism. it is not possible to reskin this into something innocuous!
this is why I cannot recommend whipping girl as a work about transmisogyny except at the most shallow level. it could be a helpful critical read, but imo, it is just wrong about transmisogyny.
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pathologicalreid · 1 year ago
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newly creds | S.R.
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in which the BAU team wants to see your newly issued credentials
who? spencer reid x fem!BAU!reader
category: fluff
content warnings: marriage. changing your name. slightly suggestive at the end but nothing explicit.
word count: 498
a/n: first and foremost, thank you so much for 100 followers AND for almost 3k likes i am so astounded by this im just so grateful. i absolutely wrote this while i was supposed to be doing privacy law homework. very proud of the title too. also today is my birthday so legally you have to like and reblog this!!! please enjoy <3
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“So, let’s see it,” Derek prodded as he leaned over your desk, obviously searching the surface of it for something.
You peered up at him, “Can I help you?”
Before he could properly answer you, Emily entered the bullpen. Her eyes found you and she hastily piled her things on her desk before joining Morgan next to yours. “Do you have it?” She asked, dark hair shining as she inspected your desk.
Obviously, you had missed some sort of memo about whatever ‘it’ is. “I have uh, half of a bagel?” You offered helplessly, gesturing to your unfinished breakfast that was waiting patiently for you on top of a napkin.
“Y/N!” Penelope called your name from the glass doors she was rushing through, “Did I miss it? I want to see!”
Spencer rounded the corner of your desk, slowly placing a mug of fresh coffee on your desk, next to your abandoned bagel. “What’s going on?” He asked, carefully bringing his cup of coffee to his mouth to take a sip.
You shrugged, “They all want to see something but won’t tell me what ‘it’ is.” You grumbled, holding out your left hand, “Is this it?” The whole team had seen your ring already, Emily, Penelope, and JJ had even helped Spencer pick it out. You wondered if maybe they all wanted to see the engagement ring with your wedding band.
“Y/N,” another voice called, you resisted the urge to bury your face in your hands as you turned to face JJ. “Did you get the envelope that was on your desk? It got delivered to me by mistake, but I kept it safe while you two were honeymooning.”
Your lips parted, “Oh!” Quickly, you realized what everyone was pestering you about. You and Spencer had just gotten back from your weeklong honeymoon. The both of you got to work first, just to find a package on your desk. Rolling your chair back slightly, you rolled your eyes, “You know, you all could’ve just said something.”
You reached into your desk drawer and pulled out your credentials before unclipping your badge from your belt loop. Handing your creds to Derek and your badge to Garcia, who squealed in excitement, you couldn’t help but smile at Spencer. “SSA Y/N Reid,” Derek said, sounding like a proud parent.
Spencer placed a hand on your shoulder, and you beamed, “I wasn’t expecting them so quickly, I don’t even have my new driver’s license yet.”
“Does this mean you’re both going to answer to Reid now?” Emily asked, smiling at the prospect of confusion.
Shaking your head, you took your badge back, “Not unless it’s a prank. Hotch actually specifically asked us not to do that.”
“Welcome back,” Rossi said, walking into the bullpen and passing your desk. “I sure hope the two of you had the same kind of fun I did on my third honeymoon,” he teased, winking as he continued up to his office.
Spencer choked on his coffee.
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tarotbydelilah444 · 2 months ago
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pac: your first night with your future spouse
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hi guys! I am back with another pac reading. I am super grateful for 700+ followers and wanted to give you guys a quick and spicy pac reading as a thank you. anyways I hope you all enjoy and as always sending you love & light.
- Delilah 🤍
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P1 : ace of cups + nine of pentacles + eight of swords + the wheel
I pick up that your future spouse wants to spoil you and satisfy your every want, need, and desire on your first night together. There is a profound love that the two of you have for one another, you and your person share a past life connection which explains why there is a strong and magnetic chemistry brewing between you and your person on your first night. Your person absolutely values, adores, and respects you deeply and they want to shower you in all their love in a romantic, and obviously in a sexual sense. There is a sense of impatience that is coming from your partner, but it mostly because they want you so badly, but will try their best to restrain themselves and be gentle with you. This may be someone’s first time, or your person just want to ensure that you are comfortable and take their sweet and precious time to explore every inch of you. There will be a lot of intense eye contact going on between you and your fp, staring into each other’s soul the entire time. This is definitely a weakness for both of you because I see that both of you will be aroused the entire time from the level of intensity and sexual tension present in that moment. The sex will begin with an intermission, so expect lots of sweet and tender kisses all over each others’ body. you and your future spouse will take turns tasting each others plentiful juices that will have you screaming, moaning, crying, and cursing their name from all the pleasure that they are giving you and vice versa (they will be so turned on by this and how wet/ hard you get for them). Your person may also desire to give you backshots as well. The sex will be sensual and slow, yet very tender & passionate. Like I stated previously, your person wants to take their time exploring every inch of you, so be prepared for a long night of lovemaking. This is more than just a night of passion for your person, they want to merge with you, as they want your souls to be intertwined in this moment and forever. They truly do love you and want to satisfy you, not only a physical level, but a metaphysical level. They will want to see everything, they want you to bare yourself to them and they will do the same. They will be very attentive to you, making sure you feel comfortable and satisfied at the same damn time, often paying attention to your facial expressions, body language, movement, and noises you make as they rock your world. It will definitely be an emotional experience for the both of you, but specifically for you in a good way. For some, you and your fp first night together may occur in or near a body of water (shower, bath, pool, hot tub, rain, ocean, beach, etc). I see you and your person being unable to keep your hands to yourself, so you can definitely expect to go for a couple more rounds in every position conceivably possible that could may lead to the two of you conceiving, or until you both collapse in each others arms from all the sweet and pleasurable love-making.
extra messages: March, summertime, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Libra, Virgo, Taurus, 7th house, 2nd house, and 6th house, in my feelings, August, very soon, “ I don’t care if we get caught” 
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P2: five of swords + queen of pentacles + the world + nine of swords + two of cups 
Okay… so there is a need for someone to release their inhibitions, this could be either you or your future spouse. Someone could be afraid to allow themselves to be free when it comes to sex even though there is a burning desire that burns inside of you for your person or vice versa (apply it as you see fit). Your person wants you to fully surrender yourself to them and trust that they won’t hurt you and that you are safe with them. They want you to feel comfortable and confident in yourself to allow yourself the right to pleasure, but that can only happen with trust and vulnerability. I’m picking up that some of you may deal with insecurities when it comes to your body or even when it comes to the topic of sex. You may even be worried that your future spouse will judge you or that you won’t satisfy them, but I feel like some of these doubts are in your head (not to discredit your feelings), but I think you will be so in your head about your first night with them. Let me gas you up, your future spouse is even privileged to be in your presence and they will love every single thing about you and will reassure you that you are the most stunning woman that they have and will always love. Your person doesn’t judge nor will they criticize you, they love and respect you so much regardless of what you say or think about yourself. You are everything and more to this person and they would be more than honored if you allow them to show you exactly how loved and absolutely appealing you are to them. For others, I feel like some of you could feel too overwhelmed or shy to initiate your true desires to your person, yet I can sense that your person can sense this and will want to encourage you to step outside of your coyness and lay your burdens down. They know that deep down you are a freak, even though you come off as modest when you in these streets. If your partner is artsy, I see them wanting to paint you nude as their muse. The purpose is for you to see what they see from their perspective and to at least help ease your anxiety and worry. I’m also seeing a private show as well, so maybe your person might want you to dance for them and tease each other slipping each other clothes off one by one. Your person will be in awe of your body, like they see it as a masterpiece and work of art. It’s so appealing to them that they are almost eager to touch and kiss all over your beautiful body to make you forget all about your insecurities and worries. Your fp touches on your body will ignite all the hidden passions and desires you have been keeping locked away, it almost as if their touch has an intoxicating and powerful effect on your body, awakening it after a long hibernation. For some, your future spouse is more experienced than you in sex, so they will know exactly what they are doing in the bedroom and know exactly how to work your body (your person is packing) and want you to sit back and enjoy the pleasure. They will be very tender and intentional on how they touch you, so touching you in all the right places that will guarantee to make you weak and thirsty for more. They will lay you down and be nice, slow, and gentle with you, giving you sweet and passionate kisses, and talking you through the entire experience (giving words of encouragement) as they ease in and out of you. They love to hear you moan and coming undone as they pleasure you. Your person is most concern with your needs, as they want you to enjoy this moment to the fullest and let it all out, literally. By the end, you and your person may climax at the same time, this person may finish inside of you, they desire to have/build a family with you right away because they love you so much. Your person may even profess “I love you” or how much they love you during sex. This will definitely be a healing and transformative experience for you in a good way. I see that you will finally feel so free and pleased after sex with your person. You will feel like you are in a daze or you are in some type of trance after your first night with your person. 
extra messages: Mea Culpa (movie), August, Cancer, Pisces, Scorpio, Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, springtime, June, birthday, next year, healer, creativity, honeymoon, self-sabotage, crown chakra (enlightenment), nothing was the same, “don’t run from me” 
channeled songs:
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P3: the tower + the devil + six of cups + ace of wands + the star + three of cups
The first half of this reading will be about the dynamic of your relationship with your future spouse. This reading is timeless. For those who choose this pile, your future spouse might be your current person or if you have recently reconciled with a love interest, this may be confirmation that this is the person that you will likely marry, so take it if it resonates. You and your future spouse could be twin flames, since I am seeing divine feminine and divine masculine energy in the reading. The love between the two of you is very strong and intense because the two of you mirror each other, the best parts and the worst parts of each other. You and your spouse are/were brought together in this lifetime to learn lessons and work through any issues that are presently affecting your connection which could explain why you and this person keep finding your way back to each other even after you have parted ways. I sense there is a runner and chaser dynamic between you and your person that will continue until the two are able to face  and heal your own insecurities, traumas, and inner struggles to enjoy a loving and healthy union. One of you want to embrace the connection in all it’s entirety, and the other is choosing to run away and self-sabotage out of fear because they aren’t ready to accept and face themselves to be ready for this union, even though they love you and cannot deny the intensity this connection brings. There is or will be a period of separation between you and your person, but it will be very important for you both and for the betterment of the connection. It will allow the two of you to evolve and heal independently to come together to build a stronger and loving  relationship, if both parties accept this connection in its entirety. The first night together will be hot, steamy, passionate, and raw to say the least. The sexual tension between you and your future spouse is so undeniably powerful that it will be hard for your person to resist themselves. I see black lingerie, so for some, you will be wearing lingerie and putting on a little show for them and this will immediately send them overboard and into a sex-crazed frenzy. Your fs will be exploding with lust that they have tried so tirelessly to tame and resist for so long and it will be evidently impossible for them to continue to resist the temptation to just tear your clothes off and end it all. Your future spouse has been waiting quite some time to have access to your body that they often fantasized all the things they want to do to you, whenever the opportunity presented itself. They fantasize about making you submit yourself to them. They want to taste you over and over again until you scream their name. They want to leave passion marks all over your body to show everyone that you are solely theirs and theirs alone. They want to tie you up and show you who’s in control. I sense that your person kept these fantasies to themselves because they didn’t want to scare you or mislead you to think that “sex” was the only thing they wanted from you, but now that they have the chance, they are ready to unleash their inner beast. For some, this may not be you and this person “first night” together, so maybe you and this person were intimate in the past, but this time will be different, it will definitely be better than the first time. Mind-blowing is the best word to describe your first night together. The sex between you and your person will be so much intenser, passionate, spiritual, emotional, and loving all at once. I see a lot of roughhousing, riding, long penetrative strokes, fondling, and fingering until you both come undone. You and your person could definitely experience a Kundalini awakening as you climax in unison. The first night together will definitely be a healing and transformative experience for you and your future spouse, that will only bring you closer together to never be broken again.  channeled songs :
extra messages: June, October, 666, 10th house, 6th house, throat chakra, “ I like you,” September, February, solar plexus chakra, summertime, Taurus, November, divine masculine, player, Cancer, Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, Scorpio, Aries, pregnancy, “nobody compares to you,” worn out
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