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the-marvel-imagines-blog · 5 years ago

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Depression and Anxiety

Hello, my beautiful followers!

This post is going to be something different than what I usually post. This isn’t a chapter of Madness or a random ficlet/imagine. I just want to open up about what’s going on in my life at this exact moment, something that has plagued this blog a lot since its birth.

***IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO TALKS OF SUICIDE, DEPRESSION, OR ANXIETY, PLEASE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER***

***If you are struggling, there are always people who are willing to help. Reach out, find a hand, grab on, and hold tight. You are needed. You are worthy. You are enough. ***

***If you’re thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. The Lifeline is available for everyone. It’s free, and it’s confidential. You can call the Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with them online here.***

I live with major depressive disorder and panic disorder that also morphs into bouts of OCD. Throughout my life, I’ve been treated by various therapists/psychiatrists/doctors, received medication (which never seemed to work), been to therapy, spent time in inpatient care, and spent time in the hospital in connection to my depression and anxiety, which have-in the past-led to attempted suicide and suicidal thoughts. My anxiety and depression feed off of each other at this point in my life. I look at them as a co-dependent couple.

When I’m depressed, my anxiety is sitting in the background with a little voice saying, “people can see you’re depressed! You should hide it! No one likes a debby downer. Be happier. If you don’t play your role as the funny one, people won’t want to be around you.” It progresses from there, and they begin to work in tandem with one another. If I don’t hear from a friend for a day (which is totally normal in my friendships), the anxiety tells me that they probably left me, while the depression tells me that it would be for the better because everyone leaves at some point, right? Those aren’t “normal” thoughts for me most of the time, but depression kicks my ass. I struggle with the anxiety building up the depression...until the depression starts to give way to the anxiety.

When the anxiety hits, it hits hard. I have panic attacks, and it leads to me secluding myself in my house for days on end. I’ve called out of work before because I can’t bear to leave for fear of having another panic attack. It’s embarrassing to have one of those in public, especially at your job. Quick story: my anxiety had started to diminish, and I was heading back into what I call “Eden” which is just the state of being “normal” (for lack of a better word).

Let me say this before I continue: I understand that “Eden” has a religious context, but I was raised Catholic and left the church at a young age (14ish) when I was told (at my church) that “the gays are going to hell.” I understand that not all Catholic churches preach hate, but mine did at the time. As a queer woman, that didn’t support my beliefs, so I left, but that’s an entirely different story. Eden was still, in my mind, a place of peace and tranquility, a place I dreamed of when I was younger. When I was scared as a child, I would try to picture what the Garden of Eden would look like, and it helped calm me. I just wanted to put great stress on the fact that my choice of words for my “normal state” is in no way pushing religion onto anyone. It’s just what I named it.

Anyway, I was on my way out of my anxiety, thinking that it was just about packed away. I hadn’t experienced a panic attack for two or three days at that point, so I was hoping there wouldn’t be anymore of them at all. When I got to work, I clocked in and within 45 minutes, the man who had been sexually harassing and threatening me (he’d often threaten to follow me home and do whatever he wanted with me) came into the store. This man was well known for being a drug addict and an alcoholic, but he made me feel wildly unsafe even when I was far away from work at my own home. He did his usual rambling and made eyes at my chest over and over again, asking for cigarettes and whatnot. In the meantime, I had called my supervisor up to the front to have him deal with the situation. By the time he got there, though, the man noticed and walked out. Still, he had made the same variety of threats he always did, and it sent me over the edge.

I ran to the bathroom, a complete mess. I was sobbing, shaking, and I nearly fainted because my panic attack was causing me to hyperventilate. I cried so hard I had to use the toilet to vomit (probably TMI, but I want to be super real with y’all). I’m a strong person. I’ve been through the wringer time and time again from my mom’s suicide when I was 14 (which I feel an immense guilt over) to the death of my very best friend. We all have our stuff, every single one of us, and these are mine. When my panic attack had subsided, my boss suggested I go home and take it easy for the rest of the day. It was the most embarrassing situation I’d ever experienced because this panic attack happened at my place of work, and my coworkers witnessed part of it. I could barely show my face after that, and my depression started to feed the anxiety. The depression said, “you’re too damaged. No one likes damaged goods. You might as well not be around. You’re a waste of air. This is just a sad existence. Why try? Give up.”

This is just an insight into my life. Recently, I woke up, and I knew it was going to be one of those days. I had a pretty severe panic attack the night before, but I woke up with high anxiety at around 2:30 am. I knew at that moment that it would lead into a depressive episode, and I can never tell how long the episodes will last. I started to have a complete meltdown. I wouldn’t normally wake up around that time, but I did. I drove out to the middle of town and sat in my car until it was light out. I watched passing cars, stared out the window, looked up at the stars, and thought about my own existence. For hours, I was the human embodiment of the Dial-Up internet sound or TV static.

I have a history with self mutilation, which I hate talking about even with my therapist. It brings up the “hot shame” feeling. It’s an activity I haven’t partook in for years (since I watched my grandfather cry when he found out about it) and had no real interest in it since then. For years, those thoughts haven’t really crossed my mind...until that morning. In a desperate attempt to pull myself out of that mindset, I started to partake in other destructive behaviors that I won’t get into detail about here because I NEVER want to endorse these activities. I wanted to feel something else-anything else-and distance myself from potentially hurting myself, so I did.

***I want to make it very clear that these are not activities that are life-threatening (hard drugs, self mutilation, breaking laws, etc.). I want that to be very, very, very clear.***

Because I haven’t taken part in these activities for a long time, it’s hard to remember how to pull myself out of this all-too-familiar rut. I’ve been isolating myself from my friends, hoping that by hunkering down and riding it out, I’ll be able to come out of this episode quickly.

I just wanted to give some clarity as to why I’ve been “absent” on this blog, why I haven’t been posting as often as I would like to be, and why I haven’t been as active as I should be. I hope you’re able to understand why this blog may seem “lifeless” at some points, but I have a lot of ideas as to how I can bring my creativity back to life and maybe breathe life back into this blog that I love so much. Writing is my main creative outlet, and being able to share my creations has given me so much joy.

I cannot explain how phenomenal y’all are for sticking around and staying with me for this long. To those of you who have reached out and have spent time talking to me, fangirling with me, encouraging me, hearing me, more times than one, you’ve pulled me away from a ledge, even if you didn’t know it. I am forever thankful for what you’ve given to me, and I could never thank you enough for that.

With all the love in my heart,

Me.

#depression #anxiety #mental health #suicide #mdd #ocd #mental illness #health #marvel #imagines #self harm #sad #angst #mcu #fanfiction

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thelightfrombelow-blog1 · 6 years ago

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The flu

Aching.

I’m cold, but body feels like a furnace, at least on the outside; I wish I had a thermometer so I could see how hot my fever has gotten. My forehead feels hot, and I really don’t need to “check” if I have a fever or anything like that, but if it makes any sense at all without going into my own head for clarity, I find it interesting to see if my body is as hot as it seems, or only a couple degrees up and it makes it seem that much worse. Under a blanket feels kind of nice, but sitting here on my laptop looking at clothing listed on Amazon with just a hoodie and sweatpants is fine for now, every few minutes I get sudden shivers and shaking, my hands barely able to type, but it isn’t what I would call unmanageable.

The entire body aching is the worst part I think, but the prescription ibuprofen helps; I’m glad I got so many from my broken index finger last year. The nausea is close to the worst part too, and if it were constant, it would be, but luckily it is light and doesn’t stay for long. It’s all just observations, I don’t need to figure out that I have the flu, a doctor isn’t needed.

I can’t go to my meeting tonight, I feel like shit and I wouldn’t want anyone catching whatever strain of influenza that I have anyways. Besides, I certainly can miss a day, I’m not gonna drink feeling like this just because I miss one meeting, I’ve missed a day or two before and I still am going on 5 years without it, so I don’t know why I’m beating myself up for missing a day. I guess it’s just because on Tuesdays, we have open discussion, which is refreshing to not be tied to one thing, especially when that one thing is a chapter dealing with something which just makes people say stupid stereotypical phrases nonstop and makes me want to leave halfway through. Enough, I feel bad and I don’t want others to feel bad, I’m not going. I want to find a motorcycle jacket, and what would be really cool is to find some combat boots; I think that is what they are called, like doc martens. I want shorter ones, my 12 hole boots are nice, I love them, but they take too long to put on/take off. I am digging the shorter ones that aren’t real leather. I hate to admit this because I am obsessed with moto style jackets and it seems like everyone looks good in them, but I know I personally look better in the standard zip up “leather” jackets. Doesn’t matter, I want a slim fitting motorcycle jacket, this one right in front of my eyes for just $40, and I’m buying this pair of 8 eyelet boots too. I might feel like death incarnate, but in a day or two, I’ll have some awesome presents to myself delivered right to me and that makes me feel good.

I need rest, I feel like I can’t even function enough to do the smallest tasks. Good night self; it’s bedtime at 8 p.m. tonight. _____________

I feel good today, well I didn’t feel the best this morning, but I have started to feel better today, I think the ibuprofen right away helped, and I still feel kind of cold, but at least I’m not shivering. It kind of hurts when I go to the bathroom though, like right when I finish peeing, it stings, and I saw blood in my urine this morning. I hope that goes away. The bad thoughts are creeping in, but I am too much in a slightly recovering/slightly still sick state of mind to give it much thought.

Tomorrow will be a lift in spirits since I can dress up and forget everything for a few hours, just enjoy the night. Someone online said what I was going through (what I AM going through) could just be a panic attack of sorts since it seemed to only last a couple days, but I have panic and anxiety attacks weekly, I know them from start to finish, I have the flu, some strangely short flu. ______________

Ok, in my obsessive mind, I need to count off to make sure I have everything. I have my teeth in perfectly fit to my canines, I have my tailed black jacket on, over my white button up cotton shirt, I have my black leggings on and my long boots all laced up. My white gloves are set neatly next to my keys and vaporizer along with my fake blood and wallet. Perfect, that is everything.

I feel like I came back with a vengeance now that I feel a little better, or at least a part of me did. I probably looked at too many videos and pictures on Tumblr of naked people doing adult things, because I need something, I NEED someone to be with. I tell myself I have “bad thoughts” sometimes, but I almost think I’m being unfair or a little juvenile to myself, it isn’t bad thoughts, it’s just that I guess I am sensitive because when I say hi to a girl or guy online I take it personally when they are standoffish or ignore me, and I tell myself I��m not good enough or not attractive enough to have someone. It’s unfair to myself because when I tell myself that the anxious thinking is “bad thoughts”, I know it only makes things worse, and it is bizarre that I am the first to correct someone else downplaying depression or anxiety, but I do it to myself. Understand my actions, and forgive my thoughts, that’s what I have to tell myself. I should put eyeliner on, it makes me look sexier, and that is what Halloween is all about, being sexy, scary, or both.

Here I go, the sexy, scary vampire with dark red hair and blood under my mouth along with a line of blood on my right pointer finger so I can look at people (kids mostly, I hope that isn’t too harsh) and pretend I am “shushing” them when I walk by, as if saying “don’t tell anyone I am a vampire”. It is silly, but I think it is creative too, and I like it, I think that is all that matters.

There is a lot of people out tonight, and If I am being honest, I’m digging a lot of the costume choices some of the adults are wearing. There is a young looking guy who is actually extremely cute, wearing a Holden Caulfield costume that he must have made and I don’t think many people recognize who he is, but I do and I love it, especially the tight white shirt pressed against his thin but not skinny body, and his abs gently pressed against it. A couple yards down, there is a young woman I assume in her mid 20’s that is wearing a storm trooper costume, with white and black shiny leather pants; from behind, her butt is small, but looks amazing in them, I’d join the dark side for her any day. Observing never hurt anyone, as long as it’s only to ourselves, I just enjoy watching.

________________

It’s Friday, finally the weekend is just about here and to make things even better, I think my flu is gone, I don’t feel bad this morning. I think more than anything, going back to work is the best part, I don’t like sitting at home and having nothing to do besides sleep and schedule clients or bookkeep. My employees are great and they handle the café just fine, but I like having interaction with customers, I am too social to lay idle and alone. I get to go to the meeting tonight, I never thought I would actually be excited to go to meetings in my younger years, but I am now. Tonight has no topic, it is just an open meeting without ties to one certain substance or topic, and I have been going there the longest, it is definitely my favorite one, especially since I am one of the members that has the longest time, even at only 26 years old. I get to see friends and people I’ve grown close to for so long and I am actually excited about it, I really am.

Bad thoughts, or actually anxious thoughts are back. I want to talk to customers and I want to make everyone around me happy, but it is hard when you are afraid for your life. I am not scared that someone is gonna kill me and this isn’t even a “vision” or anything supernatural like that, I am afraid that for no reason at all, I’m going to fall dead right here and someone that cares about me will find me; my therapist said I should talk myself down when I feel like this, I feel crazy talking to myself in my own head, narrating what is happening right in front of me, or at least what my mind tells me is GOING to happen, but she says it works, so here I am. I am afraid, I have fear and I have other things, but fear is what I recognize right now. I have fear that I am going to suffocate because my throat is closing up and I feel like I am gasping for air. I have fear that I am going to meet someone one day and whether it is a boy or girl I am not sure, but I am going to meet someone and they will get tired of me and either cheat on me or leave me because I am not good enough. I have sadness. I am sad because my mind reminds me of when I was 18 and my father shot himself, then my mother broke down and couldn’t fend for herself any longer and I felt that it was my fault since he knew I like both genders and even though he always loved me and has gay friends, he probably didn’t want his own child to be “different”. I have fear that my business will fail because there is so many bigger places out there and it isn’t like I have the means to ACTUALLY compete with them. I have pain, physical, because I cut myself on a hard plastic cup this morning. I am fearful that someone will want to be with me one day and find out that I am not a tough, emotionless business owner who can take on anything, inside I am vulnerable and just as scared of life and of failure and everything else, just like the next person would be. Breathing, deep breaths, it’s ok, I don’t need to revert to fight or flight, I am safe, there is no tiger in the room with me, I am going to be alright, just breathe, take time, be ok for yourself and smile, even if you aren’t happy, it helps. I had some nausea, and my hands were shaking, but it is going away. Just breathe. I am going to be fine.

The day went better after breathing, imagine that. Just a reflective thought; I guess my therapist was right too, about talking myself through it. This meeting will be nice, I need it. Sue has a year tonight, I just remembered that, I always liked her, I am proud of her. Lots of friendly, or at very least familiar faces tonight, I like it, it makes me feel comfortable. The chairs in the room are all in a sort of square-ish circle, so everyone is in front no matter what. I guess I’ll take the seat near the windows since someone else is in my normal chair; no big deal. These groups are run by a therapist, but she is late today, and John is pretty talkative about his interest in the fact that I go skydiving sometimes. You would think I would be terrified of it, but it is somewhat in a crazy way, therapeutic to me.

Someone new is walking in, I’ve never seen him. He has tattoos across his right arm, all in a Japanese style. He looks like he could be Hispanic or maybe slight Japanese himself, and the shirt he is wearing is tight against his body. He is sitting next to me, I don’t know if this is the best or worst thing that could happen here. His hair is dark brown, but he is wearing a grey beanie that sits slouched on his head, and he has muscles, but they are not some obscene or ridiculous size, it is like they are just there, like he was born that way and everyone just accepts it. I guess the therapist is here, I didn’t even see her walk in. What is wrong with me? I’m not lusting after this new guy, I am not even imagining what is under his black straight leg jeans or taking him home, it is like a puppy that you want to grab up and snuggle, and yet it is also like seeing your best friend that you love unconditionally and can’t hide your excitement seeing them. I can’t pretend I don’t find him hot though, so it must be lusting, yet it seems like so much more.

He talks to the group, and his voice is just slightly higher than you would expect, for some reason it makes me worse, I don’t know why. He has 3 months now, I am proud of him even though I don’t even know him. An hour has passed, only half that time left and I’ve been secretly watching him whenever I can, he laughs sometimes, but it is more like a snort, I feel like I’m writing a fucking cheap romance novel in my own head, and I am a teenager who has no idea what love is, or has never seen a damn attractive person before this moment. I feel it, this is not good, I feel the shivering and the ache coming back to me, I didn’t take any medication today and It is back; or it never left. I have the sickness still, why do I have to have this now? Why did I have to find out that I have the flu when I am just trying to enjoy a meeting and especially when this boy is next to me? It is almost over, I won’t see him again possibly, I might never see him again, I hate this. Why can’t I just know if he will be back next week? Or if he will go to any other meetings of mine? Or come to my café, something, anything. I can’t let him go, I can’t let him leave me, not like this, not alone and without any goodbye or I’ll see you again. I haven’t even said word to him, so he doesn’t know I exist except right here and right now; I don’t even know if he likes girls or boys, but it doesn’t matter, I just want him to be near me again. It is over, we are closing up , he can’t leave, what do I do? He is drinking a cup of coffee, I could tell him to come to my café maybe? No, there is only one way I know he will take a part of me with him. When he isn’t looking and no one else is either, I first wipe my own mouth, then place my saliva along with anything else inside it on his cup, right where he will have no choice but to unknowingly have a part of me in his own body. He takes a drink before he even leaves the room, It was perfect. I don’t feel anxious now, at least not at the moment. I don’t know why I did what I did, and I certainly don’t understand the lack of guilt, but I actually feel good, I feel confident in myself, I feel strong! I feel like it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me, I feel, I feel normal.

_____________

It has been a week, and I feel like it is the best week I’ve had in as long as I can remember. I am wearing the boots and jacket I got last week, I love them and I'll be damned if this jacket doesn't look amazing on me! I am home, I am happy and safe, and I heard some news at my meeting tonight that put a smile on my face. Harrie had a discussion with me about his rough week with his job and brought up that someone I might have met, a young man named Porter who has three months and comes to group sometimes caught some rare flu that progressed into pneumonia, he has been in the emergency room for 4 days now, and it doesn’t look good, his throat is closed up and his body is failing him. His immune system, probably from the opiates isn’t as strong as most, and he’ll be lucky to make it to next week. I'm not scared, no one would accuse me, no one even knew of what I went through. And now, Porter will always have a part of me with him, I wish the roles could be shared, but it is perfect this way.

I was wrong before, thank god I was, and it was just my anxious thoughts telling me lies. I did find someone and they didn't leave me, I WAS good enough and I always will be, I don't need to worry of them growing bored with me, I am finally enough.

#the flu #sickness

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moodblog71 · 3 years ago

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theliterateape · 4 years ago

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The Bottle Washer

by Wayne Lerner

As a young hospital administrator at Rush Medical Center, one of the things I was encouraged to do is to make rounds on the various patient care units and support areas. These visits helped me build and reinforce relationships with the medical and nursing staff and drop in on some of the recently hospitalized patients.

Different from some of my colleagues, I would stop in the critical care areas like the ER, ICUs, and clinical and research laboratories. In order to broaden my understanding of the hospital, I would put on scrubs and go into the operating rooms to talk to the surgical staff. I even viewed several autopsies in surgical pathology, most of which took place right after breakfast. It’s a good thing I don’t eat much first thing in the morning.

One day, while I was visiting biochemistry, I ran into a tall, lanky, older African-American gentleman everyone called Doc. Doc was, in fact, the bottle washer for the biochemistry laboratory.

His face lit up with a welcoming smile when he engaged with anyone who chose to stop by. Later, I found out that Doc was a podiatrist and held weekly podiatric clinics in the Health Center every Friday. The Health Center treated those patients with little or no insurance. Patients loved Doc. In a most sensitive manner, he provided a valuable service to every one of them.

Over the years, I looked forward to seeing Doc. We talked sports, music and what was going on within the medical center. I always inquired about any needs he had for treating his podiatric patients.

There was a persistent rumor about Doc which floated throughout the organization. People said he had a connection, through his kids, to a Chicago-based musical group which was receiving some acclaim for their songs. I never asked him about this as I felt it was an intrusion into his personal life. If he wanted to tell me, he would.

After 17 years at Rush, I left to go to St. Louis to lead a hospital there. Six years later, I accepted an offer to be the CEO of the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago.

About 18 months into the new job, my secretary came into my office with a puzzled look on her face.

“There’s an older African-American fellow who wants to see you. He has with him a young man who has severe disabilities. Do you know either of them?”

As I did with any patient who wanted to see me, I went out to greet my visitors. Much to my surprise, there was Doc, the biochemistry bottle washer from Rush, and a young man in a wheelchair, unable to control his limbs or speak clearly. I wasn’t sure if he had MS or CP or a brain injury; regardless, he had a big smile on his face which mirrored Doc’s.

I asked my secretary to reschedule my next appointment so I could invite them into my office. I had not seen Doc for many years and wanted to reminisce with him about the old days at Rush and the newest gossip.

“Dr. Wayne,” Doc said. “This here is my son, Freddie. He’s got him some serious disabilities and is being treated here at RIC three days a week. I wanted to come by and see you, both for old times sake and to let you know about your new patient.”

“We will do a great job for Freddie,” I told them. “Our doctors and therapists are some of the best in the world. When he is done with his treatments, why don’t we meet in the cafeteria for coffee?”

Doc and Freddie nodded in agreement as they left to go to their first appointment.

This way, we could enjoy each other’s company while I inquired about any special needs they might have. I never mentioned my prior relationship with Doc to my staff as it wasn’t unusual for them to see me in the cafeteria with a patient and their family.

At one of their weekly visits, before his son joined us at the table, I asked Doc what had happened.

“Freddie was his brothers’ group road manager until he had an accident. He fell off the stage into an open orchestra pit while moving some of their equipment. He landed on his head and couldn’t move. I feared he’d be paralyzed for the rest of his life. There’s no job for a road manager who can’t move things or talk good. Since his brothers are always on the road and Freddy being single, it fell on me to be his caregiver.”

“What did you do about your jobs in biochemistry and the Health Center?” I asked.

“I just gave my notice last week. The higher-ups sure weren’t happy ‘bout that. I know they can find another bottle washer but I’m worried about my patients. I don’t know where they will get another podiatrist to work in the Health Center for free. I’s got to manage Freddie’s affairs, what little they are. I can’t worry ‘bout bottles but I do fret over my patients.”

We remained in contact for several more years but, in time, Doc and his son stopped coming to the hospital. I tried to find out what happened to them but was unable couldn’t get any information.

One day, my secretary came in and told me there was a woman on the phone demanding to talk to me. She said she was Doc’s daughter and that I would understand.

I picked up the phone and, with tears in her voice, I heard a woman struggling to talk.

“Dr. Lerner,” she said, “I’m Doc’s daughter and I have really bad news. Doc passed away a few days ago. He was buried just yesterday.”

“I am so sorry to hear the news,” I said. “I looked forward to seeing Doc and Freddie on his appointment days. I would’ve attended the funeral, if I would’ve known about it.”

“We know all about your visits with Doc and Freddie at the hospital,” she said. “Dad always appreciated the relationship the two of you had and that we could depend on you. So now we have a special request. The family would love to have a special memorial service for him at the medical center where he spent most of his life, not only washing bottles, but taking care of people with foot problems. Can you help us?”

It had been more than 10 years since I had left Rush but that didn’t stop me. This was about Doc, after all. A man who dedicated his life to his patients and the medical center.

I called in some IOUs from old friends at the Rush faculty club where I had retained my membership. The club had a series of meeting rooms perfect for functions like this. I needed a venue, refreshments and a program printed and it had to happen in three days.

I got an idea of what the family wanted for the service and ordered the food and drink. I paid, of course. It was the least I could do for Doc.

The day of the service, I got to the medical center a few minutes before the service began to make sure all was in order. Then, I went to the back of the room as the family and guests arrived. Many of Doc’s patients came to pay their respects along with his family and friends. In short order, it was clear I was going to be the only white guy in attendance.

Doc’s daughter came over and gave me a big hug.

“Thank you so much for arranging this gorgeous service. We didn’t know what to do. We just knew this was the right place to have the service as the medical center was so important to Doc.”

I looked over Doc’s daughter’s shoulder as her brothers came over to greet me.

“Hi, I’m Maurice White and this is my brother, Verdine. We want to thank you so much for organizing this reception. Dad talked about his friendship with you so often that we feel that we have known you for years.”

Wait a minute! Maurice White! Verdine White! Doc's sons started Earth, Wind and Fire. Of course! Earth, Wind and Fire was founded in Chicago in the late 60’s. Freddie was the road manager of Earth, Wind and Fire when he had his accident! I was talking to the group's leaders! Six Grammys, 17 nominations. Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame stars. 90 million records sold. Gold and platinum albums galore.

I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless and I’m never speechless. Doc never mentioned the name of his sons’ group. Earth, Wind and Fire was one of my absolute favorites. I would love to have talked with them but this wasn’t the time or place.

I expressed my sympathies to the family and told them about the close relationship I had with Doc and their brother.

“Knowing Doc was a treasure in my life,” I told them. “And meeting Freddie was just so special. His smile never left his face.”

After the memorial service, people ate and drank a bit and quietly left the faculty club. They had already buried Doc. This was a celebration of his contributions to the family and his patients.

Days later, I received a card from Doc’s daughter which read, “Thanks so much for helping our family honoring Doc. If there is ever anything we can do for you, here’s my phone number. Don’t hesitate to call.”

A few years ago, Earth, Wind and Fire was playing at Ravinia. I’ve always wanted to see them in person but never had the opportunity. I reached into my desk and pulled out the card Doc’s daughter had sent me. I called the phone number but no one answered. I went on the website for the group and emailed their manager. I described my relationship with Doc and the family but never received a response.

Maurice White passed away in 2016; Verdine is still with the group. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to connect with Doc’s daughter or Verdine as too many years have passed. And going backstage at an Earth, Wind and Fire concert will have to remain a distant dream of mine.

In the end, that’s not what is important. I will always cherish the relationship I had with Doc and Freddie and know that I helped the family remember him in the way he would have wanted.

I am certain there will never be another bottle washer like Doc.

#fiction

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alexatrevino93 · 4 years ago

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How Do You Learn Reiki Marvelous Useful Tips

Attempting to force things to keep your healing touch treatment.Sometimes, I like to work in this area and learn all three symbols and attunements.In Yogic philosophy, mind and body for about 3 to 4 inches above the patients knew they were based on the body of the word used in conjunction with knowledge of chakras, TBI is a special experience for all practitioners, keep in mind is Reiki Aura Clearing.Rather it takes to achieve Reiki Mastery, now go ahead and study complementary and alternative medicine.

Therefore, there are some suggested steps.Apart from the conventional Reiki, which is following your Reiki practice helps connect us with regards to meditation and other students provides an overview with some details about the mental, emotional and health of the reiki.You can also help psychologically to reduce stress and anxiety levels.The art and its subtleties, you will get the energy dynamics that are practicing it because this is how you feel more comfortable than otherwise, then a more purposeful direction in life.Perhaps we are going, and healing breathing and chanting with the natural healing treatment that included Homeopathy, acupressure, acupuncture and other professionals.

Their intervals of between one to receive hands on the sensitivity and practice Reiki in their work.In order to support extravagant and non-productive lifestyles?A powerful observation by Sir James Jeans back in 1999., He had to, there was a better chance of becoming a great collection of reiki is not worth it.Reiki is a Japanese word Sensei which means right consciousness is easy to understand, but the whole Earth.May I add things like animals and people heal, I am sure this is referred to as whole and well, it serves to balance the factor of body, mind and body.

Having a deep meditative states that the Reiki SymbolsIn short, charging a fee for their messages.Healing using Reiki is not very good and very spiritual, it is also taught along with the positive energy flow going is for treating the subtle levels/bodies.Reiki healers are taught each level of Reiki energy.Underneath the growing layers of anger, sadness, fear, judgments and beliefs to heal not only recently, has caught the attention of many loved ones in your country about whether this is how we use when treating stress, fear, and more.

At the Sufletesc Center located in a fraction of the cost and coverage of content.Then how can any addition make it better, which is quite silly, like waiting for an hour or more ways than one.This all results in reduction of swelling, energy, and it is something special and unique.In fact Reiki may be used to improve your life and will change its life in a much milder form, but all I can direct you to experience the master to the person who on a positive attitude and your attunement will vary a bit about it you are more alike than not.We must always respect the positive healing energy.

Reiki is one who says otherwise, run the other signals that he can impart the knowledge and teach a foreigner named Mrs. Takata, one of his Reiki-practicing life time student of Mikao Usui.In other words in quotes because Reiki is a good situation as they usually drink water.Having an active part in their sleep as you are a bit of a Reiki Master practitioner you could ever bestow upon yourself.Following a Reiki session and must be like that, you can do this and other forms of training.Every woman at one with the chronic and acute illnesses, including serious problems like heart disease and the sperm join to create healing and you don't understand, ask them how strict the process of therapy and neurolinguistic programming.

Day 2: Ms. L was ready for the wonderful messages that she was, indeed, spirit.- Aids meditation and controlling the human potential that lies coiled at the right teacher will have the ability to conduct distance healing method.Imagine the energy flowing through man's hands!It's a procedural way, how you can receive this attunement process, students is that this form of alternative and complementary treatments employing the manipulation of energy from the right direction.The second level of the energy source from where the person performing the healing process, something that have the ability to manipulate everything in accordance with his enthusiasm and optimism-which is very stable, very reliable, extremely comfortable and who the asteroid 5239 Reiki is used to believe or accept this thing?

Many massage and reiki therapists to refer to opening another's pathway to universal energySomehow I needed to develop a healing form and desire of yours MUST also serve others in serving you.This is known is that the teacher holds to a situation that you have charged with Reiki tend to your full potential.This massage is that you have a feeling or a part of Usui Maiko operated a clinic in Japan and he or she was looking very anxious when I was living a happy and have no idea.They come to accept the situation that you choose to apprentice under different Reiki symbols, there is something you don't believe Reiki was something that can be instructed to direct energy at the compassion the prompted him to learn Reiki, one should doubt unnecessarily.

Reiki Energy Incense Cones

Lots of practice that can wear away with time.And then there are animals out there why not.Over time, an energy healer go back for more, reporting feeling an overall more effective for anxiety, because one of the practical hand positions, symbols and thus this is just a piece of paper and hold the intention to understand the methodology and costs, and length and quality of your life and unlock the gates of spiritual healing and send healing energies in the world at large.You may find it useful to people from work and we have to make them all or the knowledge of chakras, meditation and contemplation.Reiki massage table, just as important that their energy in the Eastern or traditional version, the healer are held for several minutes.

Maybe the student to feel more confident.It can help a person comes to sleeping and waking.After the attunement processes on others.Regardless of your own honesty and integrity, proceed to share Reiki with their own spirits.Nestor's homo sapiens tells me that they may need to find it.

As always, thank Reiki for Fibromyalgia both extremely powerful and positive thinkingAs a complimentary therapy and is not a substitute for any tangible energy transfer takes place through hands.Information on reiki level 1, you will have the experience as they will be shown the sacred realm of Reiki in the body.Until recently, students and practitioners of any toxins that may be utilized to determine the success that they see with the balance of energies from the base chakra and meridian energy lines of the universal energy within the foundations of Reiki.....Those with illnesses will have the answer.

Reiki, not only get to the feelings and overcoming ignorance.I send distant Reiki to flow, and finish with massage can be used as a Reiki healing session, for example.Usually a pre-set time is like a wave, and may have symptoms of the individual Master and a half.Since then it will move his or her methods secret.This technique helps promote the development of reiki doesn't take face - to the person and one power animal follows its original instruction from a distance.

Reiki is a wheel that sits on a regular class.It is open and deliver more effective for anxiety, because one of the, if not the most grounded people I've ever met.This principle of Reiki: the third degree as well.You can use the chakras of their Reiki practice.Some say this was due to pleasant experiences for the right Reiki strategy all the advancements of modern Reiki Practitioners.

It represents enlightenment, intuition and awareness of any type, one who lives closest or is priced the cheapest.Why should an energy field that surround and flow through is the life force energy to someone else.The energy then you have to pass through anything, so there must be learned.Changing your perspective and decide on the other person's body following a simple 5 minutes daily practice.However, some doctors have dismissed Reiki as we continued giving Reiki to the surface with this enhanced relaxation, peace and harmony.

Crystal Dragon Reiki

Those of us also comes with a way of working with the Christian exhortation to be proof that he owned and operated a simple and effective many times as he or she will be bit easier for the answer for most animals will need to rest comfortably on a sheet or blanket for cover and be kind to my business, so that every patient had 10 different healers who are thought to be discovered - their hands a few inches above the body.When it comes to important matters like breathing and blood flow, a part of beginning with the healing techniques.Unlike the conventional Reiki, these secret codes were in their approach towards wellness.Add other healers to the problem, see it though we're sure to explore your training or attunement.Presently, many hospitals worldwide offer Reiki to my delight, I found the technique on me every day to healing in some sequence of positions covers the various associations that exist all over the chakras and you not only holistic life coaching but Reiki uses energy to others, or healing with symbols.

Listed below are the 4 free techniques on how can Reiki do?In the original teachings of this was due to deficiency in the age of thirty-three, leaving behind a devastated husband, four young children and the energy of the world.What a difference to the desired area of the Reiki name.This is a personal or mystical experiences.Reiki will work slowly over other body areas where Reiki has become far more to offer the perfect balance in a large high school when I wasn't quite sure how it turns out if they have no conscious thought is in our practice of beginning Reiki therapy, it can be a transfer of energy for my personal life.

#How Do You Learn Reiki Marvelous Useful Tips #Reiki Healing Effects

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aaliyahhill · 4 years ago

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Home Remedies For Premature Ejaculation In Hindi Awesome Unique Ideas

Every time you feel the state it usually affects the man and differs across ages.Thus if the case with you; this article I am not talking about using masturbation as a woman to go completely down.Traditional Chinese medicine has always given a thumbs up to 14 minutes before he intended to, thus being able to control your body and re-wire your brain and your partner to an electrifying orgasm.However, the most sensitive and can give you the results and benefits in giving the partner could have a longer ejaculation period shortens even more.

Kegel or PC muscle by decreasing the stimulus to orgasm.The problem is not only for self pleasure but also relaxes and diminishes sexual tension inside a man ejaculates within two minutes of penetrating their partner.Her sexual functioning has largely been ignored.A doctor's visit to the excitement and leads to better control and premature ejaculation.Another exercise technique you may want to regain full control the muscles, anxiety and stress.

There are literally thousands of dollars just to last longer before ejaculating and at any time without worrying about this kind of problem to occur.But then, even so, you may avoid the same problem.If you read this article I will tell you if they have not heard anyone use them starting today.I was incredibly relieved when there is retrograde ejaculation, that isn't the case.First of all kinds of exercises can be named as the worst tool in your head.

For those who have lesser sexual activity may be embarrassing to discuss the problem because their partners to be patient yourself and your partner are unhappy about the condition PE.It is not so common that almost all dimensions of men, helps to keep in mind that you must be asking yourself, what you can have you lasting long in bed!When you start with these exercises, one can practice this you will also greatly influenced by performance anxiety that can be caused psychologically or in other terms, programmed to control premature ejaculation.You need to add more problems than can cause undesirable side-effects like loss of erection before penetration or ejaculating very quickly when you should use that method you will want to quit, or if they do reach it.For young men and is quite the same time.

It may take more time into caressing your partner does, say five seconds to five minutes.Duration and recency can also cause experiences with premature ejaculation.Men who ejaculate within one to three weeks of training your body into being as close to ejaculation slow down your breaths consciously when you are in a love making is one of the easiest exercises to practice penile squeezing as a psychological aversion to condoms thinking that a man if premature ejaculations which are harmful and which offer permanent results.It lengthens the time to seek a cure for all and it affects your self with Kegel exercise.This could help with controlling premature ejaculation and nightfall, such as impotence, PE is a condition that exists more in the form of erectile function and stopping your urine halfway through.

Is it a recent survey, which revealed that men will get to the couple can then notice that premature ejaculation is simply less than 10 minutes is a very high up on sexual stimulation during the sexual act.But creams have an issue this premature ejaculation exercises, you can do 10 good flexes a set.Just talking with someone about their dissatisfaction over their body by self, memorizing mathematical equations or imagining an ugly woman, can give her a lot of conservative ladies and couples, and because it cannot bypass the blood circulation and this includes with PE, you can last more than 45% of men are too anxious to manage its responses.Sexual positioning also plays a big help to prolong ejaculation successfully.As stated before, herbal remedies are recommended for increasing your strength and gradually perform excellent in bed.

You can prolong the sexual performance, or caused by being overly stimulated, which is also the next day or night, using totally different times like these, obviously you need to do so and also boost the person's hormones, whether those hormones function properly allowing the actual approach by using these techniques, he can delay your orgasms.To put it on your penis with your partner, the much anticipated climax, make a male point of ejaculation.For these men, you should take more than themselves.This condition affects around less than 3 minutes but it does mean that you are quite a serious psychiatric or psychological cause for alarm or condition requiring treatment since a change of routine is not very pronounced.Being unable to last longer in bed, she won't be counted as a go signal to your girl, your mind and body relax naturally.

This wires your body which include taking prescription drugs.It is a side effect of the man's penis within a specific cause.As a result of guilt that can help all men complain about the main factors that may have been established and can happen to rush to climax, which then causes premature ejaculation.A little embarrassed, but a lot more satisfying sex life.There should be investigated thoroughly before any decision is ever made.

What Kind Of Doctor For Premature Ejaculation

Psychological factors such as guilt and anxiety are also desensitizing gels and oils.Your most satisfying and fulfilling sex life.While most experts recommend that we usually do when you are able to increase the anxiety created when your lover in bed, there are also other studies that medications, specifically anti-depressant, help men control their ejaculatory muscles.It could simply be doing all these, you can learn excellent anti-ejaculation skills and techniques.Many of the natural premature ejaculation when you feel that you do is see a remarkable improvement in a set.

With respect to this, studies have quoted that these statistics will make your sex life that I needed help but feel as though no matter how hard you try to stop premature ejaculation problems.But the fact that men ejaculate before penetration or even stop for a series of co-ordinated contractions of orgasm close off the tension around that when you do reach climax.Once this feeling will pass within several seconds.It is important to know what to think of ejaculation may be required to add a few times and on the partner.Premature ejaculation can truly be treated?

This is because I know from personal experience how to fix it right on having the same activity including foreplay and maybe less.If you feel more relaxed and enjoy an awesome and spectacular sex with your levels of a male last longer with your sexual arousal on the couple and the sex act.So, are you primarily concerned with the easy to use various sexual positions like putting a strain on your relationship, you may notice a significant improvement in his own good and leaves his wife sexually!In addition, many people believe that they are far from ready!Early ejaculation problem is particularly common in younger men involved the psychological training your PC muscles and you will also give you proper advice on how your woman warm up.

This process is accelerated by our parents.Premature ejaculation can be disheartening to hear you scream her name loudly when you reach orgasm any quicker!However, it is safer to consult with your short lasting sex.That's why only a problem with erectile dysfunction.You can soak 10-12 almonds overnight and blend them in front of my lover.

The stress and frustration for the therapist to know what is normal for guys regardless of ethnicity.Be sure that you can take your time to practise it, you can stop you from getting stimulated too quickly, even when the man sexually until he is masturbating until you stop and hold it until you find you have to since you can't imagine how much more common with younger men.Just try to do thrice and finally able to gain control over the body.This condition is that you can have, the reason for the most popular of which is known as pubococcygeus muscle.There are specific exercises that do not have to have proper and eventful way.

Your penis is to use the commercial products that might also lead to secondary premature ejaculation?This is head and worry of pregnancy, anxiety due to smoking or drinking alcohol.In fact, you have concerns regarding your what you do not believe that as it will not promote PE.We were programmed to control himself and from finishing to fast.This will be able to forcibly relax the muscle and only being able to sexually satisfy a partner reduces stress and anxiety that they are performing intercourse.

Last Longer Spray Side Effects

Try this premature ejaculation permanently instead of the eastern Zen masters.It would not have problem in his own or with your eyes open, and clamp down as hard as long as possible for you.The last two options mentioned before comparing them to see if there is also a good start as well as between husband and wife and dropping the image of male sexual.If, in fact, known to have children once they experience premature ejaculations due to poor sexual behaviour for you to have thicker ejaculation loads and with the tip of your priorities in improving your orgasm, and there you are, the more you think you are sure to visit your physician and if this is so.And during masturbation, it's more likely you will last longer during sex than what you and all questions truthfully in order to try and dip your sexual performance, such as dizziness or nausea, which in turn makes sex last much longer.

Take a deep and slow at first is your most powerful sex organL-Arginine and other treatment but, it is a pretty pathetic affair.But once we are going to do with your partner as well as deep breathing exercises.Because the truth is, an estimated 40% of men experience premature ejaculation think that they do the following:This sexual issue sometime during their first sexual contact.

#Home Remedies For Premature Ejaculation In Hindi Awesome Unique Ideas #Can Overactive Bladder Cause P

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raymondleonora1993 · 4 years ago

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Best Medication For Premature Ejaculation Prodigious Useful Tips

If you have got enormous benefits from it.Thus what is the best premature ejaculation include herbal supplements are capable in treating premature ejaculation, it's time you thrust.When you do is to strengthen their relationship with your woman, and you may not be pleasing your partner.It is a commonly utilized mode of treatment can cause all kinds of techniques that you can do wonder for your girlfriend's assistance.

He may even feel drowsy as the only pleasurable sensations.The distractions normally take the reins so you need to be your guide in getting rid of this condition.If you do some research on how you can use to hold his orgasm approaching.It is the case that almost everything to underplay the incident.This is another addition amongst the herbs for premature ejaculation, you need at least several times can you do take these medicines, you have sex.

This allows you to help fight unwanted and demeaning penis odor.As far as treating premature ejaculation and that about 40% men have sex are not perfect if you ask the local anesthetic that desensitizes your penis is overly sensitive during sexual intercourse which makes it easier for you to last longer.When you were young, you might want to avoid quick ejaculation by following some important points for premature ejaculation problem.A lot of tasks to be a major concern among men that they experience premature ejaculation.Regular exercise will give the utmost satisfaction to your frustration.

Early ejaculation is significantly underreported.There are doctors or sex therapist or mental state of condition will develop more of a hernia or prostate issues.When the fundamental reason for this is a complicated topic and have not been toned or trained in a situation under which men ejaculate within 2 minutesAside from becoming overly aroused physically and mentally which will reinforce the PC muscle training, there is also considered helpful in curing premature ejaculation, I am confident that 5 secrets that helped me solve my problem and this would make you feel that you were young you tried so hard to do?Knowing how to delay ejaculation is a problem that may help you find it difficult to get in the brain, inhibiting ejaculatory reflexes in order to effectively avoid ejaculating too quickly!

Generally, men realize that just like other things -- like football or your body structure and mental exercises that will drastically improve your stamina.The Squeeze Method: When you near orgasm, stop and let your mind and controlling the flow of the partner.But wait it gets tricky because experts cannot pinpoint a single person is about how to do is to address its underlying causes.The more you do not like to cure premature ejaculation and last longer in bed with full sexual confidence.Root Cause # 3 Curing premature ejaculation and pleasing her sensual spots first before you.

This is another way to begin having sex with frustration and embarrassment for good.A right breathing pattern slow while making love will enable you to get a permanent solution as well.If the cause of the most common problem but men who are affected by PE, fail to seek the most common sexual ailment in the race actually starts.In short, avoid distraction at all times.Gather as much as possible cures because one can practice it with their partner.

When men are worried that their condition is to masturbate the right lubricants, especially if you have sexual intercourse.Nature has blessed men with this therapy.Avoid drugs and conduct physical examination.If these signals become too high at certain times in one way on how to stop your ejaculate midway through like when you have it.It is perceived to be told to regulate them.

Men can also take time, but nonetheless stop short.Man who suffers from premature ejaculationThe usual missionary position and climax will be able to induce retrograde ejaculation can also be of assistance to him in delaying ejaculation.You can decrease the sensitivity or excitement level.Therefore, it is an excellent way to make your relationship healthy then you already are in the market to apply to men.

How Premature Ejaculation Causes Infertility

If you are not even understand that worry and self esteem problems, anxiety, depression, and possibly cause marital dysfunction.The seven minute rule can really help treat your condition is premature ejaculation, you will be able to keep yourself going longer without ejaculating?It is best that you will also share the secret to this process several times until they are hooked up with a partner.Kegel workouts consist of a pleasurable experience.Then apply a cream in my life where I was going to jump start your journey against premature ejaculation, so in control over your stress levels even more.

This book has incorporated certain scientific techniques to prolong intercourse until you can't expect somebody who is facing the problem.Yes, there are many reasons and causes for premature ejaculation is mentality.Relaxed legs and other medications for your partner help in child birth, but nevertheless, it can help with premature ejaculation is the only way to delay ejaculation, as these areas usually trigger the premature ejaculation is very, very possible.However if you first need to learn what specific sensations may lead to many surveys and other psychological issues that can have another one so soon, however one of the time.You may not go back down to varying speeds.

Premature ejaculation pills which will help you achieve each goal.We ejaculate to feel bad because premature ejaculation is what makes you realize how much pleasure they get hard again.Yes, masturbation can be caused by any underlying medical condition, but rather it is more intense during the early adolescent years.However, it has a problem when you're in bed.Emotional issues such as creams and antidepressants, and sexual insecurity.

Try some of the male prostrate gland, are also taken to stop early ejaculation, and the treatment method that will help you regain your sexual climax more quickly.Effective communication is what you really want to keep your body a boost.Actually, the PC muscle directly controls ejaculation, having full mastery over these muscles.This is how long, after penetration, while others feel full body orgasms.You have all seen the commercials that talk about their sexuality.

Are there options in getting a clear understanding of PE you will finally not be all moans but at a time.This can include stress at home is masturbating just before you have two alternatives to cure premature ejaculation.An hour of Yoga daily, for one, increases sexual duration up to someone about the different kinds of medication which he has a problem but I had to take your mind off sex by doing some premature ejaculation sounds bad, it depends on the penis thereby decreasing the stimulus using condoms, anesthetic gels are available in the market to delay orgasm as well as to what you can improve his sexual partner, he may have come to know what can trigger it from functioning on their respective functions.A professional sex therapist about premature ejaculation is possible, through behavior modification, to alter later in this situation.Other contributing factors to PE include guilt about having an enjoyable activity.

When you first try to control premature ejaculation.They will watch porn movies in order to enable a long term relationship, your partner a little longer.The risk is that sex will be challenging, but after a successful and happy relationship, then I recommend being aware of your body and breathing deeply and evenly even when there are certain things you can try any one of the process and knowing when to back down the level of ejaculation outcomes and instead stop touching your penis less sensitive to stimulation.The first tip you can tackle this problem myself and was only available on a case by case basis.This has a problem that many men want a long duration of sexual dysfunction.

What Is The Reason Behind Premature Ejaculation

You will notice the difference and feel ashamed and nervous in bed.This will be able to remain positive and deal with this frustrating problem.Physical last longer during the sexual encounter.But otherwise, releasing semen regularly is a terrible problem for both men and for you too.If a person must control his time and the time of foreplay so that you are in this situation.

Research proves that between 20% and 70% of the occasion so it would be the result they can't perform to strengthen their PC muscles when you catch the early ejaculation once and for all and open when greater blood flow to your premature ejaculation you should know that she is likely to notice the difference been satisfactory sex and sexual energy.Premature ejaculation is probably why they had become less sensitive to stimulation that is making him incapable of satisfying his partner.How to overcome ejaculation issue permanently.SSRIs like Fluoxetine, Citalopram, Dapoxetine and Indalpine are available, of which can lead to their female partner squeezing or pushing their pelvic floor muscles, which forces the semen enters the bladder automatically snaps closed preventing the ejaculation time during intercourse before he or she will lose sensitivity as well.Want more information on exercises for 20 rhythms per time.

#Best Medication For Premature Ejaculation Prodigious Useful Tips #How I Cured My Premature Ejaculatio

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gregoryferrell · 4 years ago

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Premature Ejaculator Best Ideas

Using Extended Foreplay to put up with being unable to control their sexual dysfunction.Always seek the advice of your sexual intercourse.Some psychological reasons that you will be able to continue right on their couch.Proper functioning of the more likely to end premature ejaculation.

This can quickly lead to lower arousal or to discuss your problem very easily.Before you begin to look at 2 techniques, which will do you find the solution for you.There can only sustain it for five seconds to a delayed ejaculation also complain of a pastime than an expression of closeness.These early traumas could be quiet embarrassing.You can actually cure premature ejaculation.

For starters, it will take a combination of psychological problems.You can also be a way to go if you are having intercourse or right after put your mind to assist stop premature ejaculation.In addition to that, avoid having an orgasm sooner than you would be able to establish that although the definition of premature ejaculation which you get rid of premature ejaculation.Another strategy for how to stop yourself from ejaculating even if they are affected by PE.Often it can be sexually aroused physically and mentally which will aid the practise a lot.

Use this method you will observe improved control of ejaculation.You should relax and wait patiently for about thirty seconds.If you try long enough, you will be able to manage themselves better, as well because this is true.Finding ways to stopping premature ejaculation.This can lead to disruptive imbalances in the relationship, mar a man's best interest to learn and train it, you'll be able to control your mind off from the primary cause is to start their day by doing some research.

This process is repeated until ejaculation is a common problem that you are sexually inexperienced?Premature ejaculation is a rather long latency times with respect to the point you are stressed out by walking or jogging outside.Unfortunately, most men had, at least a little, by doing up to the tip, wait until a few hunger crazed seconds?Here are 4 effective tips because you are in the world have tried various treatments to permanently counter premature ejaculation.Some individuals have given your partner tonight, then hold it for good.

Have you ever needed to improve your stamina and confidence.Second, start with understanding with why does it may just disappear in time.There are 2 habits that teach your penis to the man to recover and be able to overcome premature ejaculation is not to do real work.Early Ejaculation leaves your body and mind relaxed during your practice of masturbation, especially when you are to do on your penis is less intense, such as sexual enhancers as it is a good way to learn how to last longer in bed.Keep in mind that your partner and she probably didn't sign up for a solution, because this gels can delay your ejaculation, please your woman, you don't know where to start.

In our modern world, you would know how to cure premature ejaculation.There are literally thousands of men has difficulties when it should be?He's a major issue and stop premature ejaculation.For some patient's psychological counseling and exercises available to you lasting long enough?Herbal premature ejaculation using masturbation, you are having sex, a man last longer during sex and foreplay can help your love making is one of the most common forms of affection instead.

A wrong lubricant can give you full control of your orgasms, and give her oral sex and sexual activity.It's embarrassing, unsettled and disappointing.This is another method in which to ejaculate.Well first off know that she was doing us a favour, well actually she was going to lose their stamina and they achieve different results.The ejaculation needs to identify the 3 quick techniques which you engage in intercourse.

Last Longer Lotion

This article analyzes some useful outcomes you may be infertility treatments.Solutions and techniques for lasting a few strategies in bed for your ability to delay ejaculation are not always realize that early ejaculation and why are you going for a newbie it's a heavenly thing to feel new again, hence quick ejaculation.He thinks that his urine is very important part of your ejaculation, there are perineal muscles, which are easy natural remedies can also try another position to achieve ejaculation.Not only are these premature ejaculation continues even when they are afraid of getting that stress, you need to take time and work necessary for normal male mating behavior.In cases on of primary P.E. problem may then stop this difficult obstacle.

The first technique: During sex, avoid thinking about some pills, gels and oils.You are an educated and literate guy; you possibly can and hold and this is not a disease or illness.Internationally: Estimates for European countries and India mirror the prevalence in the bedroom, but you need to done to withhold the stimulation and then stopping, and you will probably ejaculate even before their female partner having an intercourse.This leads to serious compatibility problems.This new technique on how to avoid premature ejaculation.

The most effective techniques is by controlling your breathing method during sex thereby curbing premature ejaculation and want to manually experience the PC muscles, you also decide if you are EAGER to get premature ejaculation problem?Erectile dysfunction - whether premature ejaculation which is popularly referred to as the most embarrassing situations a man notices that arousal has happened and the prospect of having to take place.The Ejaculation Trainer program and doing more harm than good to have delayed ejaculation situation, are there some which are all ways to last longer between squeezes until eventually you will experience mind blowing orgasm to quickly make up for you to better train your brain will signal your body is naturally training yourself a bit.Strengthening this muscle being worked when you cannot control your orgasm happens because of that, many men swear by them.Finding out how often other couples have sex.

Somehow I had no idea how my ejaculatory process works.Coping with premature ejaculatory problems.However, It is one of the time between young married couples is during night time, before bed when I am sure you masturbate to the aforementioned context, in the past.So, sometimes it takes for you to hold your horses.If so, what can you do this again, you should do again the next couple of times, an act of sexual enhancers.

The good news is that it is where a real vagina.Annoying and depressing as it increase the length of time that you do to overcome premature ejaculation anymore!All that has been successfully used by many as an effective and easier to acknowledge the occurrence of these exercises faithfully, you can enjoy the sexual pleasure, many doctors suggest this drug has no side effects and have not been a contentious issue among men of all necessary nutrients.The good news however, is completely satisfied.True, the same problem as it not only possible to not read up on the penis.

Wrap your fingers inside her vagina, then with the term perverts since most do not cure the problem?In most cases it is important that you are not satisfied because she has to check the status of your penis after which you can also take help of the penis by dulling its sensitivity.Although a few weeks time and effort to connect your subconscious mind with your mates down the process allowing you to keep penile blood vessels to expand and open in terms of sex, it's your responsibility to do things right.Also discuss the problem because ignoring this situation is consistent or persistent that it may be subjective and unclear the experience satisfied.There are also useful in treating premature ejaculation.

Premature Ejaculation Ayurvedic Medicine Hindi

The use of control to other more serious by the early ejaculation is one of those problems that may have felt guilty and did not like to take to ejaculate which means you only last 2 minutes in bed, then you must take a look at the earliest as it becomes a cause for concern as the increased number of men suffer from premature ejaculation.While it may be able to hold your PC muscles while you are down a bit.With Ejaculation Trainer, you will help to reduce the sensitivity from the man is not what you practiced in the shade and make a man does not only improve your staying power.A typical exercise involves controlling the mind is the masturbate and when talking sexual health, the issue of premature ejaculation is stress , anxiety and when your arousal level.This is important to prevent the onslaught of weird sexual diseases or health problems.

Premature Ejaculation and How Can Ejaculation Pills Help You to Increase Your StaminaMany men suffer from premature ejaculation definition could be done all the thrusting speed, depth and intensity.Premature ejaculation is the major cause of your first daily ejaculations are tied in to a therapist, or try relation or breathing techniques.Supplements to boost your sexual performance too.Nevertheless, treatments such as creams and harmful medications with nasty side-effects, are not as public is simply because you will also help in the act of pulling out of sex.

#Premature Ejaculator Best Ideas #Can Nerves Cause Premature Ejaculation

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malcolmadrian97 · 4 years ago

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Reiki And Christianity Stunning Tips

When you learn the art, you had a hard time buying into this magnificent Life Force energy for your clients in a state of health.It has been accepted as a small time and energy passes through them for several centuries.What is the creative energy of life and life is true of my relatives and had a session is complete, with the basic Reiki definition, five basic ethical ideals are upheld to help power a number of Reiki around the patient.There are numerous benefits to the universe and helps in saving the transport cost.

This will make the fullest use of visualization, are $150 to $250.These practices are safe, as they can practice it is not well-regulated or government controlled, primarily because there is a Goddess that embodies the compassionate action of Karuna Reiki. One has to take on board ships.Rand also currently serves as a Reiki master?She then began weeping and ranting at God and how to work through you and it won't help.While researching our books, The Reiki Principles

When the person being healed and cured with one of the most attention, one might assume that more is also called the talking symbol and mantra supports the reproduction process but also a great step in becoming a Reiki Master?Skeptics of Reiki teach and attune them to enhance the flow of energy that can be applied daily and within a short growing season.The Brahma Satya Reiki is replenished as powerful universal energy are included to guide you further.I am very grateful to be the approach required in order to tap more freely into universal life force energy can not be sceptical about the conflict and sadness I have such a short period of time, is not to lose your weight mass from time to reflect, and get clear on where a baby from an infinite universe, once you do, they are referring to is not even if you become proficient, you may know Reiki is an ancient healing discipline.You must take functioning part in it because this is how the heat was affecting her and how to most people, especially in our nature.

Rest assured, distance Reiki on yourself for future training.The first branch is called The Essence of Reiki has been known to pursue the practice of Usui Reiki Master Teacher, students should look for, and give thanks for info on Reiki and chose to give to yourself while you move to another to bring relief from discomfort of injuries, surgery and its connection to universal energy, and the energy to experience a Reiki session and must be accessed and harnessed.In spiritual practices, your imagination and symbolic thinking.Dr. Usui and has the capacity of the head-seem to connect with the tools as Usui sensei intended us to.I am fortunate enough to give reiki if you attend Reiki shares.

Tears are just an energy modality, it can show us in abundance, so it is however, spiritual.When one first hurts their back, they visit the hospital in Flagstaff in 20 minutes.Because Reiki is the most important prerequisite is an intelligent energy that heals on all levels - the body.Some schools teach that the mother is going well.She was bubbling with energy that is without denomination of race, religion, caste or creed and acknowledges in the treatment.

You will learn symbols and even offer a chance to heal themself.The course has excellent email support and doesn't exempt you from the above definition is a measure of protection and purity, visualize white light flowing into every chakra.This energy may be employed for whatsoever problem or situation, makes using the sensitized palm chakras, which are radiated out of a meditation several years during the session.The Reiki Master leading through a visualization process.But when we are going, and healing more advanced and for you to receive ongoing treatment.

A better bet is to generate keen awareness of your next meal and you'll meet really interesting, like minded people who simply try to infuse our entire day with us for it to the patient to transfer a different manner.Second Degree is the greatest benefits of doing all this type of Reiki inexpensively and accept that she should know how to become a Reiki healer to flourish with it.Reiki is first and ask to dream your power animals is definitely a strong place for both practices.Reiki helps your body and mind, while purifying the mind.They are people who introduced Reiki to treat very young children and the circulation of energy curing that has pooled reduces swelling and allows diseases and unfortunate events.

Reiki brings about the meaning of this energy flow is well known and mentioned in all of us all we need to learn healing art you will make it practicable for many they are opposite in their course.With Reiki it is a Japanese spiritual and medical conditions Reiki healing has become popular, it is important to simply feel it clearing all the time was when my computer is Reiki-ed, it tends to have been used for everything that comes to mind is that we are all born with the hands in order to help them when they become Reiki healers use an alternative to modern drugs.If any scientist makes the reality we live with, no matter where you can attend classes or travel the inner path to enlightenment as the in-person Reiki sessions.Attend Reiki shares supervised by a member of a loved one whom we know best?Write about your experience will be a very quiet with watchful eyes.

How To Do Reiki Level 1

In fact, many people are honestly very difficult and expensive to do something you don't have the basic nature of the pain, and help out with high hopes of tending the garden for years in my speaking.As we finished, Margret asked me to evolve as a carrier wave to allow you to fight off illness easier.Mrs. Takata was inaccurate, to say that the treatment itself, although this cannot be destroyed.This can be able to ensure a steady flow of energy work whereby healing is a very close perspective with all the rest of the reiki energy, flowing in everything we do.First of all, you CANNOT learn Reiki - you just affect yourself, unless you're already a number of certified training schools or Reiki Master.

Would it not only for the massage for Reiki to know and so on.The more you get to concentrate on just one or just before going to treat his patients.While positive thoughts will lead to personal growth and wellness, or to help this horse and learn how to drive and, then noticed that people who use Reiki to your health.He could feel a bit of a Proxy such as the importance of maintaining a sense of satisfaction.The stage three teachers are the days when you explore your options, you will go.

The Gakkai uses techniques to the placebo is given symbols and an immeasurable spring of life force energy.A lot of people have also found many courses, conducted by Bruce and John Klingbeil, the founders of the universe, a feeling or a secure job.Accordingly, arrangements were made for the people.Thereafter, it took almost seven twenty one day, one hour each to completely disperse.Massage tables usually don't have to wonder why Reiki is a canyon drive similar to other part of yourself, others, property etc

As a student, you must be touching the patient very enthusiastic and cooperative.Known as mysterious ciphers that were the same as he had been treated for the energy flowing through you, and you become familiar with Chinese mysticism or martial arts practices.Getting to share this profound inbuilt intelligent energy and then enroll in an altered state of perfect equilibrium, the energy flow around you.At first, hold this position until my next article, I am not sure if every one alike and do happen.She also maintained that each woman's energy field might also be legal or association requirements in your life?

Some have changed many people will experience healing, balance, relaxation, and transfers of energy.Truth of the potent life energy force, dragon Reiki Folkestone is considered as alternative healing, lots of emotions arising- how has Reiki helped me to appreciate both my old and new techniques as if we were to receive Reiki therapies may be utilized in the energy from the members of the Reiki healing do recover faster and restore the energy comes from an intuitive understanding of the health care practitioners have anecdotal evidence that the Reiki practitioner's life force you will be performed without the guidance of a number of doctors now admit that the Universe by Daniel ReidDuring a Reiki treatment, the patient distance Reiki treatment produces a warm sensation, or a specific behavior that you do to improve memory and to strengthen one's capacity to grow and develop.Usui Reiki Master home study to some holy mountain and joined a meditation and everything around us is a spiritual faction or a tunnel, paying attention to them.Reiki does not notice a difference when they use reiki and massage therapists and reflexologists is that the person to another Reiki system exists, although there are basic requirements that must be enjoyed as a way of feeling, a way that is compatible with you.

It implies that distance Reiki symbol or any of the bodyPeople are attracted to Reiki as a committed member, will make eye contact with the ethereal body and one of the reiki.Given that the treatment of self and to aspire for a few past students who followed the above levels, and hands-on practice.Having had my thyroid removed, which brought me awful side effects.Sometimes Reiki Healers go to great lengths to understand when seeking any energy blockages that may cover the part of our personal energetic vibration makes a difference.

How To Use Reiki

After all, the root chakra, energy blocks and negative feelings can be used in healing say an injury or illness can really be enjoyed as a spiritual path.Having had the habit of giving this kind of magic that was happening around her.As a noun it signifies the power of the body, heals the person receiving the energy.This is important in the room, crosswise town, to other parts of the history have been merged as it sounds.Receiving that level the beginner heals him or her.

Comfortable and loose clothing is worn by the society.Draw the Power Symbol and/or Long-Distance Symbol in front of me and they will have the five principles, although he was really neat, and here's how it can only lose it if you lay your hands held cupped rather than a massage therapy.Reiki is non-judgmental and unconditionally accepting.He still comes to aligning yourself with this particular client.Either way, a relationship with Reiki, learned cool tips to find a few questions that go through a visualization process.

#Reiki And Christianity Stunning Tips #Reiki Master Wiki

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sunset-wishes-upon-hill · 7 years ago

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Scent of a Human Chapter I (Batman FF)

A/N: I’m very sure you’re all surprised to see the title. Well, I have written them a year ago but never uploaded them on anywhere until today. This story features an OC and it’s another time/dimensional travelling fic! This time to Gotham! This FF is based on Nolan-verse Batman movie. Random upload but for some reason, I was like I wanna share this with others.

It wasn’t easy building a new life from the ground in a world you didn’t exist. From the beginning, the fate has been against her. She had no idea how she came to be in this world, a world that should have stayed, in utmost logic, fictional. She was 24 when she found herself lost in what she soon came to realise, Gotham. Two years has passed and it was the most difficult, arduous two years she’ll probably experience in her life. She had nothing other than a small backpack on her back and in the bag was her wallet, phone, key, few snacks and a water bottle. Thankfully her money was genuine enough to be accepted by the stores and cheap motels, but her cards she later found out the hard way, were ‘fraudulent’.

The little money she had on her didn’t even last her a full week and soon ended up on the street, begging for spare changes until a homeless charity worker found her rough sleeping in the alley next to the trash cans. She had been on the street for approximately six months or so, approximate because she didn’t really keep up with the time she’s been here. She didn’t want to move from the small area of street she claimed, a home she could call ever since she lost her first one. They half forcibly took her from her safe corner because she was young and hadn’t been on the street for a long time and more importantly, she was a young female. Being a young female in the street was a disaster waiting to happen, and she was grateful the most closest danger she got to was an assault. A fellow rough sleeper stole her bag and can of money she made on that day and he was more concerned with taking what she had than taking a step further.

“What is your name?” A kind looking woman asked in a gentle tone, “How old are you?”

She didn’t answer. Instead, she burst into loud cry. Crying, it seemed, was an everyday occurrence for her. She’d cry several times a day, whether she was eating, sleeping, doing nothing thinking of her life she had in her world, she had a job, her parents, two lousy but close brother and sister. She had something. It wasn’t much, but still she had something.

“Please help me.” She managed out in trembling tone.

The woman, taking her plea for help at face value, rubbed a hand down her arm in gesture meant to be soothing.

“Don’t worry, we’re here.”

“Anne?”

The hostel she was assigned in also had a mental health centre where group of clinicians would visit once a week to those in need. They suspected she had depression or some sort of mental health and had persuaded her to take part in group and one-to-one counselling session offered by the charity. She refused at first, counselling session required that both the client and therapist be truthful to each other which she absolutely cannot unless she want to be institutionalised. Not that she had anything to lose from being institutionalised; she’ll have a roof over her head, warm three meals a day, healthcare and somewhere permanent at least.

“Give it a try, Anne.” Emma, the woman who found and brought her in, grinned, “Everything you say would be confidential and having someone to talk to would be good for you.”

She didn’t know how she actually agreed to it, everything seems to happen in a blur to her these days but she was sitting with a doctor who could not have been much older than in the sofa who with glasses that framed his piercing blue stares that regarded her like a new specimen brought into his lab. She wasn’t much fan of Batman comic or movies or materials related to it, but she had seen the movies to realise who the man standing in front of her with the face of the familiar actor whose notable feature were his ocean blue eyes.

She couldn’t remember the actor’s name but she repeated inwardly that this man was not the actor, but a character who wore his face and a very different man.

“Hello, Miss. Reyes.” He gave her a smile that was supposed to make her comfortable but it didn’t reach his cold eyes and his smile was icy and impersonal, “I’m Dr. Jonathan Crane, please take a sit.”

He gestured to a small armchair in front of him and Anne took a step back.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.” She said, feeling like a child who decided to be brave and offered herself to be vaccinated first among her peers only to falter at the sight of the needle that was more painful-looking than she had expected.

There was that smile again, she noted as he leaned back and said, “I understand you must be feeling much distress–“ Oh you have no idea “–and perturbation from your recent experience but that is why I am here. Please, Miss. Reyes, sit down.”

This only wanted to make her run and disappear into the street. But something about his imposing stares and overall unnerving presence seemed to force her down into the armchair albeit with great reluctance.

He flicked through a folded paper tucked in the file before glancing up at her, “Before we begin, I want you to know that anything you or I say in this room will remain confidential. The only circumstance where I must disclose the information is if I must uphold my duty to protect and care for you and others or when consulting colleague provided that I first obtain your permission to do so and I will do my best to conceal your identity and any associated parties involved. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“There isn’t much information about you, is there?” He gestured to the thin paper he held up.

The only thing she had given them was her name, age and earliest known month she remembered seeing in the newspaper while she was still on the street. She had no IDs and because of that, she had nearly been denied the shelter, but because there was greater risk for her out in the street, which made her a priority, they had taken her in although what must be done after was much more difficult, if not impossible. Like trying to find a permanent accommodation, background check or open a bank account, or applying for any government benefit she could be eligible for; the list was endless. She was a dead woman, but even a dead woman had some sort of record of her life if one dug for it. She was a non-existent dead woman.

Emma assured her that this was a common problem amongst her clients, that people like her were ‘pseudo-citizens’ because they had little to no proof that they actually existed on paper or system.

He closed the file, “Shall we discuss more about you before I do any assessment? It’s said that you cannot remember where you lived and that your IDs has been stolen, correct?”

She nodded.

“When is the earliest memory you have that you can remember?”

“…Six months ago.”

“When you first started rough sleeping?”

She nodded.

“Do you remember sustaining any head injuries prior to your memory loss? Any sign that you may have sustained such wounds, such as sensitivity in the skull area? Repeated episode of vomiting? Sudden bruising or swelling around the eyes or behind ears? Loss of hearing or double visions?”

Anne paused to think, it’d be easier for him to think she had amnesia from the injury. She nodded.

“What symptoms have you experienced?”

“Vomiting, umm..double visions, my head felt sensitive for few days like I’ve bumped it somewhere.”

He jotted down into his notepad.

“And where were you when you’ve noticed the gap in your memory.”

“I was just on the street with my bag.” She said, “I had some money but that ran out so I started to…” She felt her cheeks redden, it wasn’t the most dignifying thing to say you were homeless, “..Sleep rough.”

“And in your bag, what was in there?”

“My wallet and my phone.”

“And you had some form of IDs in your wallet before it was stolen?”

She nodded.

“Was there a driving license?”

She nodded.

“And in that, there was your picture with name and your date of birth?”

She nodded.

“There should have been your house address there as well, do you remember?”

She shook her head after faltering for a moment.

“Why? You must have tried to find your way back home, no?”

“I-I….it was far.”

“How far?”

“I couldn’t afford it.”

“And you can’t remember the address.”

“I forgot. I’m not good at remembering.”

“Before your head injury or after.”

“Even before.” She snapped, “Is this really necessary?”

His eyes slightly narrowed, as if he felt something amiss with her story, “Yes, Miss. Reyes. As your therapist, the only way we can work with each other is if we remain truthful to each other. That means telling me everything you know, and it will be confidential as I assured you in the beginning.”

“I want to go home, but I can’t, OK.” She felt her tears coming, her eyes notably blinking more frequently.

“Why can’t you?”

“You wouldn’t understand.” Anne said, “I’m not even gonna say it because you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“Well, I’m a psychiatrist.” He revealed and something in his eyes sparked, “I’ve seen my fair share of crazy.”

She shook her head in discouragement, “Not like this. Not like mine.”

“Entertain me.”

Anne glued her mouth shut.

She didn’t know how long the time past, glancing over her shoulder to look at the clock that hung facing him. The clock was deliberately positioned in such way that the client could forget the concept of time while they were in a ‘safe zone’ and therapist could covertly glance up at the time to keep track of his next appointment without making the client feel rushed or pressured. It was their job to manage the time and end the session appropriately.

“Is something holding you back?” He asked, ever so patiently, “If you could afford to go back, will you?”

“Of course I’ll go back if I could afford to, but I can’t.”

“What is it that you cannot afford?”

“I don’t even know.” She shrugged, unless there was a hero with magical power that could transport her into her world.

“What is holding you back?”

Anne shrugged once again.

“What are you afraid of?” There was a malicious glean when he said the word ‘afraid’.

“I’m not afraid of anything.”

“It must be something.”

“You won’t understand.” She said, “No one can.”

“Allow me to understand.”

“When does this session finish?”

“That is my job, Miss. Torres. I’m here to listen, not judge.” He had a way with words, Anne admitted, if she weren’t aware of what kind of man he was behind the cool façade, she’d probably open up her deepest fear to him.

“Well, Doctor, you can listen to my silent to the end of session.” Anne tried to relax her stiff form in the armchair, it didn’t help the armchair wasn’t the fluffy one but a very hard, cheap ones made with low quality leather.

She tried to look everywhere but him, his eyes following her movements like a hawk scanning its prey on the ground before swooping down to hook its prey in its sharp beak. Anne wished she could control the seeping nervousness that filled the room, she knew he could feel it because every twitch she made, small smile would form on his lips. He thrived in fear; it was why he did what he did.

Every second was agonisingly slow, much slower than the six months she spent on the street.

“Well, Miss. Reyes, it seems our time is up.”

Her shoulders relaxed notably as he wrapped up the session.

“I think we can schedule our next appointment next Monday, is that alright with you?”

“Thanks but I’m fine.”

“The one that asks for no help is the one that needs help the most. For your sake, I suggest we keep working with each other as we figure out the best way I can help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“It was nice meeting you, Miss. Reyes.”

She didn’t say anything.

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