#i graduated. and like SURE my graduating class had literally 3 people so like there was a 86%-ish drop out rate??

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[syncrovoid-presents]

I will continue being gone for a few days, sadly my original al plan of releasing the newest chapter of The Consequence Of Imagination's Fear has also been delayed. My apologies

Can't go into detail because its hush hush not-legally-mentionable stuff but today is my fifth 12 hour no-break work day. I'm also packing to move too in a fortnight (which is a Big Yahoo!! Yippee!! I'll finally have access to a kitchen!! And no more mold others keep growing!!! So exciting!!!)

[kastheory]

steve did not bully eddie in "the past" steve was a grade below him for 3 out of 4 years of his high school career freshman steve heard this weird loudass sophomore talking w his friends at 100 decibels in the hallway about fighting elves in the woods or something (steve did not know what larping was nor care to find out) and then he went to class bc are you insane hes not fucking w a sophomore you dont normally fuck w people ahead of your grade especially if they yell at people and wear chains and get into fights in the woods (with elves?) and you dont even have classes w them. you dont even care much about them in the first place beyond passing gossip like HAVE YOU GUYS EVER BEEN IN HIGH SCHOOL. sorry. anyway.

then steve keeps catching this guy in his periphery over the next two years shouting about board games and controversial food opinions and metal bands that steve likes a few songs from but could not ever imagine giving that much of a shit about. like at all. and by (steve's) year 3 the motherfucker is bouncing off the walls giving speeches about what the hell ever and saying he cant fucking WAIT to get out of this FUCKED UP PLACE!!!! YEP ITS TRUE IN LESS THAN ONE MEASLY YEAR ILL BE SAYING MY SWEET SWEET GOODBYES TO THIS BRAINLESS CONFORMIST PRISON!!!! and hardly anyone reacts beyond rolling their eyes or snickering to their friends about it and this includes steve because who cares literally who cares. this guys been causing a ruckus since the beginning of time and hes weird and unpredictable and not worth trying to shove in a locker he would probably evade the attack anyway like a nimble mouse or squirrel he might even try to bite you. and steve didnt shove anybody in lockers in the first place so who cares and yeah he has pretty eyes and a funny way of talking and moving around but WHO CARES

and then steve goes through the first round of nightmarish shit that would become a yearly ordeal and then wraps up junior year in a perfectly normal not haunted whatsoever fashion. and then hes a senior and in his subtly cringefail era (ongoing) and that freak guy is STILL HERE for some reason and kinda pissed off and possibly a bit devastated about it so okay great now steve has a few classes with this angry weirdo loudguy but. crucially. he has had a lot of OTHER SHIT to deal with lately (MONSTERS ARE REAL) (GIRL DIED IN HIS POOL) (GF RESENTS HIM) (HAS NO FRIENDS) (COLLEGE APPS) so the only effect eddie's constantly loudmouthed & often unwarranted input during class ever has is that it adds a little flavor to the constant metaphorical and literal headache of steves life.

and then he goes through round 2 of shit and finishes his senior year with little hope for a satisfying future ahead of him and never once thinks about that guy again except when his fellow grads whisper about oh my godd did you hear that the freak flunked out again hahaha and yep sure enough eddie's not there at the graduation ceremony. and he thinks huh i wonder what his fucking problem is and then he MOVES ON. the end. thats the extent of """their past""" at least in terms of any actual interactions btwn the two of them i promise okay listen to me. i was there

[abeautylives]

Times I Remember Well

(and Some That I Don’t)

Part 3

author’s note: Thank you for reading this ridiculous story. Now for the good stuff.

pairing: female!OCxjake

time frame: 2016-2018

word count: almost 7.8k this part

warnings: language, underage drinking (implied), mentions of sex and sexual situations, nudity, oral (m. and f. receiving), unprotected penetrative sex

You know how most people’s lives change pretty drastically when they move away for college?

What, were you expecting me to claim that I was different, special in some way?

I’m not.

If you’re wondering, Sam and I were fine. I guess he’d matured enough to keep speaking to me when he found out I’d almost fucked his brother. I was still immature enough to give him a classic three day long silent treatment over the whole Sam said he thought you were fucking that guy you dated thing.

I even made him agree to never bring me up to Jake again. Ever.

Anyway, my first semester of college kind of kicked my ass. I was smart enough, but I couldn’t decide on a major and it made the whole experience feel like a waste of time. I didn’t meet anyone worth much of my effort to get to know, and I spent a lot of nights alone in my dorm room. I barely even liked my roommate. Meanwhile, Sam was at home breezing through his last year of high school and preparing to actually go on tour.

Like a real tour. It was my worst nightmare. And I had to hear all about it when I came home for winter break. 

But he was excited, of course he was. And I was proud of him. And Josh, and Danny. I couldn’t bring myself to have positive feelings for Jake. After he’d rejected and embarrassed me (again), I’d run off to school determined to lose my v-card to literally anyone who’d never been to Frankenmuth or heard of their band. Fortunately for me, almost no one had heard of either.

So, I did. And Matthew Nowak had been a very cursory and lazy fuck, but he got the job done. I mean, he popped the cherry or whatever, he didn’t make me come, and I never gave him another opportunity to try.

I almost didn’t even go home for Christmas, my dad had been begging me to come see him, but I knew if I didn’t go home, I might never see my best friend again.

Was that a little dramatic? Sure, but the dates for tour were going to start around my birthday, before he even graduated, and he wouldn’t be home for the entire summer. There were talks of getting signed, to a fucking label. Releasing their music to the world. Jake’s dreams were coming true and he was stealing my best fucking friend from me.

He really was an asshole.

I went back to school in the spring a little sad, nostalgic for a time when things were easy and fun, and I always had a weekend smoke sesh in the Kiszka garage to look forward to. There was nothing for me to look forward to in Ann Arbor. Until I met Soph.

Sophie and I were paired up within the first few days of one of our classes, and thank God we were. We clicked instantly, she was almost like a female version of Sam with even better hair.

She got me out of my slump, out of my dorm room and out of my own head.

As we started hanging out more outside of class, we learned about each other’s lives at home, and she let me talk endlessly about Sam. About moving away from Traverse and finding the best friend I’d ever had, growing up with him, becoming an adult at his side.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but eventually I ran out of stories and didn’t feel the need to talk about him much anymore.

For a few months, we worked hard and partied harder, and I felt more and more like myself, or my new self, with her help. My new self must have been putting out certain vibes that attracted attention, because I wasn’t hurting for it. Not that I really had back home, but home had narrowed my view, the Kiszkas my whole world. Even when I did date boys, Sam was there to tell me he didn’t like them, then Josh was there shining brighter than the sun, blinding me to them.

Then Jake was there. Ruining me for everyone else, just by existing.

In Ann Arbor, Soph had the opposite effect. Every guy was cute, cute enough to talk to, flirt with, party with. A select few were hot enough to make out with, let them touch our bodies, we would touch theirs. Dance with them, let them pull us close, throw our arms around them and tell them to take us somewhere quieter. 

There was that one time, I’d gone back to this guy’s dorm and he’d put a playlist on shuffle. Ya know, so we wouldn’t be heard. And right before I put his dick in my mouth, fucking Highway Tune started playing. 

Instant no. I left him there with a hard-on and zero promises of returning.

But anyway, Soph and I had fun every weekend, studied every weeknight. By the end of the second semester, we’d decided on my major, and made sure we would share more classes in the fall.

When summer break rolled around, we spent the first half with her family in Grand Rapids and the second, reluctantly, with my mom. Home was weird without Sam, but he was off galavanting across the U.S. Communication between us had been sparse, though he did call me once every few weeks to fill me in, and let’s be honest, brag. I didn’t mind the bragging, much, but even with how well things were going at school, I’d have given anything to drop it all and be with him. 

Even if it meant tolerating Jake. 

Life goes on, time keeps on slipping, the wheel in the sky keeps on turning and all that. 

College was hard, but Soph and I really buttoned up in the fall. More studying, fewer boys, a little less fun, but Michigan gets cold fast and running wild all over campus didn’t hold the same appeal. We vowed to live it up in the spring, maybe settle down and get some boyfriends. Maybe not.

“Holy shit holy shit!”

We were in the library, Soph across the table from me with wide eyes, laptops, books and notes spread out between us.

“Shhh! What? What the fuck?” She leaned in conspiratorially and I turned my phone around to show her the screen. 

“They’re playing in Detroit. They’re coming home!”

“Will you be quiet? Who, Sam’s band?”

That made me laugh every time. I always called it Sam’s band, because he would’ve loved it and someone else I knew would have loathed it.

They hadn’t been home in forever, they were hardly even in the states, and when they’d played the Fillmore in the spring I’d been so bogged down with new classes and so much fucking homework, I couldn’t justify leaving campus let alone the city. 

But they were coming back, and I’d be on winter break. Sam had sent me their schedule, which I’d thrust into Soph’s hands.

“Aww, reunion! I wish I could go with you.” Her pouty face was unmatched, but she was going with her parents to visit family in Ohio for the holidays. For a moment, that realization made me panic. I wanted to go, needed to see my best friend, but to do it alone? Why did that make me nervous?

Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in two years. Maybe because I hadn’t seen him in more than two. I doubted I’d even get to spend much time with Sam, and I doubted further that I’d be able to get him away from the others.

Not that I wouldn’t want to hang out with Danny, or even Josh. But… well, you know.

I wondered if they were going home for the brief break between Detroit and Seattle, and I made a mental note to ask Sam. 

I’d insisted on buying my own ticket to the show, their third added at the Fox after the first two sold out, but Sam wouldn’t hear of it. He set me up with a ticket and access to see them backstage, and I tried not to let it get to my head. It's not like they were famous or anything.

Selling out multiple shows.

I FaceTime’d Sophie so she could help me decide what to wear - I hadn’t put this kind of pressure on an outfit since the night I kissed… yeah, you saw how that went.

We landed on skin tight faux leather pants, an extremely low-cut black and tan floral print top with a fitted bodice and wide, flowy sleeves, and chunky black boots. I planned to top it off with a vintage fur coat Sam and I had found thrifting a few years back. We’d always joked that it originally belonged to the old lady they named their band after. 

“Okayyyyy, so what about your underwear?” 

I stopped spinning in front of my phone, where I’d been showing Sophie the whole get up.

“What the fuck do you mean, my underwear? Who cares?”

“Babe, it’s a rock show! What if you meet a super hot guy with like, tattoos and a tongue ring that wants to rock your world?” I watched her eyebrows waggle as she stuck her own tongue out at me. 

“Yeah I don’t think that’s really their demographic.” 

But… an idea started to form. Sexy underwear would make me feel sexy. Who would be irritated to see me, looking and feeling sexy, arguably hotter now than I’d ever been? Who would be downright furious to watch me get a little flirty, a little provocative with another man? Men? His brothers?

Ohhh, Jake Kiszka was gonna kill me. And it was gonna be worth it. 

The ticket Sam held for me was in the front fucking row. Of the seats, behind the pit floor, but still. How embarrassing, what if I didn’t know any of the words? I didn’t really listen to their music, not since I was in high school, watching them practice or play at Fischer.

As you can imagine, I didn’t need to worry. Every, single, song was familiar. Songs that they’d written or started writing when Sam was barely fifteen. But the people around me knew them all, better than I did actually. 

That was… pretty cool.

I left my seat as the guys were blowing kisses and throwing flowers into the crowd, stopped in a bathroom to check myself out, and followed Sam’s directions to make it backstage. The guys made it there before me, I could hear their excited voices from the hall as a security guard led me to their green room. We slowed as we got closer, and I stopped the guard before we reached the door, composing myself, slipping my coat off, smoothing my hair and controlling my expression. 

You should've seen his face when I walked through the doorway, slow clapping and wearing my best deadpan. They all turned their heads in my direction, but his face was the one I sought out. 

His cheeks were still flushed from the stage (he honestly goes crazy up there) but he immediately turned so bright pink I hoped his head would explode. 

“YOU’RE HERE! Holy shit, you’re here!” Sam rushed at me and instantly my feet were off the ground, he swung me around and I couldn’t help the smile that stretched wide as I laughed with him. 

“You’re sweaty! Put me down, idiot!” He dropped me to my feet and grabbed a hand, lifted it above my head and spun me in a circle.

“Look at you, you look hot, T!” His laughter cracked loud and joyous and my heart soared. He didn’t mean anything by it, of course, but he was right and I knew it.

Danny approached me next, taller and even broader than I ever remembered him being, and wrapped me up in another sweaty hug. “Good to see you, did you get tinier?” We laughed and I slapped him away. Then Josh caught my eye, arms crossed over his bare chest under an open black vest and leaning against the vanity, grinning. 

I moved toward him and he met me in the middle, opened his arms and threw them around me. He didn’t make fun of me, or comment on the way I looked. Our cheeks were pressed together and he turned his face and dropped a kiss to mine. “We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you guys too, more than you know.”

He let me go and his grin stretched into a blinding smile. “What’d you think of the show?”

“It was fucking awesome, I can’t believe you guys are like, legit rockstars! Seems like yesterday you were jamming in your garage.” Sam sidled up and threw a long arm over my shoulders.

“To be fair, we didn’t really stop jamming in the garage until last year, T.”

I knew that, I guess. But I’d missed it, and I’d missed the moment my best friend grew up. But this wasn’t the time to get weepy about that. I still had a mission to accomplish.

Turning out of Sam’s hold, I faced him. He no longer looked apoplectic, but his nostrils were flared and his arms were crossed, one hand running a finger across his chin below pursed lips. His focus was distinctly somewhere on the floor, but I walked toward him and watched his eyes connect with my boots and then travel, slowly, all the way up my body. 

Get a good look, asshole.

And he did, his gaze lingered for a fraction of a second on my hips, and then again on my chest before it finally met my face.

Say something stupid, I dare you.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” 

My own eyes rolled in my skull. “Good to see you too, Jacob. How have you been?”

His features twisted in confusion for just a moment before he smoothed them back out. Good.

“Fantastic, living the dream, ya know. How have you been, Tiny?”

“Oh, really good!” I crossed one arm, tucking it under my tits and pushing them up while I twirled a finger through a strand of my hair with the other hand. “I’m majoring in English and Writing and aced all of my finals this past semester. Just really living my best on-campus life. Work hard, play hard and all that.”

It was so satisfying, the way he’d accidentally looked at my chest and then failed to look back at my face until I was done speaking. I swear to you my pussy fluttered when he swallowed, hard, before responding. It was that satisfying. 

“That’s- ahem, that’s great. Glad to hear it. Thanks for coming by to say hi or whatever but we need to pack up our gear and head to the hotel.”

Nice try.

“Oh, cool! I’d love to come with you guys, I just miss you all so much.” His face started turning pink again before I looked over my shoulder. “Sammy! Can I come with and hang out at the hotel? Just for a little bit?” I whipped my head back, my hair swinging with it, to see his face before Sam even answered.

I wanted to see if steam came out of his ears.

“Fuck yeah! You can crash with me if you want!”

One corner of my mouth lifted and curled. “Perfect!”

I regret to inform you that no steam came out. But I think it was pretty close.

When I pulled in at the hotel, I texted Sam and he told me they were in the lobby so I flipped my visor down, checked my face and fluffed my hair. After a deep breath, I got out of the car and made my way inside. 

The hotel wasn’t anything too ritzy, and I figured despite it all, they weren’t that famous. Sam still looked and sounded like the best friend I’d grown up with, though there was something about him that had become more attractive. All of them actually exuded more… sex appeal? 

Ugh, musicians. 

My timing was pretty good, I entered the building in time to catch them getting in the elevator, Jake being the last left in the lobby. But we caught each other’s eye and instead of walking on, he backed up a step. The doors closed and the elevator rose without him. 

He stood there, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans, and waited for me to reach him. When I did, he spoke before I could. 

“What are you doing here, T?”

I painted confusion on my face instead of the pure gratification I actually felt. “Visiting my friends? What are you-“

“Cut the bullshit. It’s unbecoming.”

Okay, that was a little wrinkle in my plan. I hadn’t even started shamelessly flirting with anyone yet and he was already cursing at me. I doubled down.

“I came to see them, Jake.” I pressed the button to call the elevator back down and crossed my arms.

“And what about me?”

“What about you?” Just as I glanced up, feigning more interest in the LED display of numbers as the elevator came down than this conversation, he stepped closer and gripped my arm. Pulled me closer.

It felt familiar.

“I’m not buying it. Come on.” The elevator dinged and the doors opened to an empty car, but he was already pulling me down a hall toward a stairwell door. It swung open as he shoved through it, yanked me through and pushed me ahead of him, and it slammed shut behind us.

The stairwell was silent, our breathing was amplified and bounced off the walls. His voice made me flinch.

“Third floor. Go.”

Four flights of stairs and two landings separated me from their room. That was fine, I could do it.

Except he stayed behind me the entire time and didn’t speak a word. By the time I pushed the door to the third floor open, my nerves were fried and I was still trying to discern his reasoning for taking the stairs. If he had yelled at me or pushed me to the wall and kissed me in the stairwell, it would’ve made more sense. Instead, he placed a hand low on my back and led me down a deserted hallway to room 307. I breathed a shaky sigh of relief, ready to abandon the plan completely and run to Sam, use him as a personal human shield for the rest of the night.

But he pulled a key card out of his pocket and slid it into the lock, and the heavy door opened to a dark, empty room. 

Jake stepped inside and flicked on a light, holding the door open for me. I didn’t move.

“Jake, what-“

“Get in here, we need to talk.”

It sounded like a terrible idea, I hadn’t come here to talk. I came to spend time with Sam and do enough harmless flirting with the guys to drive Jake crazy. 

“No. Where are the guys?”

He just stared at me for a tense few seconds before he sighed impatiently. “In Sam and Danny’s room.”

“And which room would that be, exactly? I’ll just go knock-“

“Please.”

I know, I know. Did he really have to go and ask nicely?

“Fine, you know what? You have five minutes then I’m the fuck out of here.” He had the nerve to give me a tight-lipped smile, lift his palm and wave me in as I started to pass him and head into the room. Then he let the door swing shut.

We were alone.

The room was pretty standard, two queen-size beds, a table and two chairs. Not exactly rockstar shit. I tossed my coat onto the closest bed.

“You want a drink?”

I dropped into a chair, crossed my legs and folded my hands over my knee. “No, I don’t. What did you need to talk to me about? You have four minutes.”

He pulled a White Claw out of the mini fridge, popped the tab and sat at the end of the bed closest to me. After a swig from the can, he leaned forward and propped his elbows on his knees. 

“Three minutes.”

“Jesus, give it a rest, T.” He pinned me with a glare and my eyes widened. “Don’t. Don’t act all affronted because you’re not getting your way, I’m sick of it.” 

“I don’t know what you mean, I-“

“Stop! Tell me why you’re really here.”

“To see Sam! I told you-“

He stood from the bed, leaned across me and slammed the can onto the table. I jumped in my seat, but then he bent down and gripped the arms of the chair on either side of me. Right in my face, he ripped me to shreds.

“I’m tired of this, T. Since day one, everything has always had to be all about you, your feelings, your stupid ideas, your fucking games.”

That was ridiculous and it straightened my spine, I sat up taller and put us nose to nose, but he didn’t stop.

“How many times have you come between us and Sam? Pitted us against each other? Run away when you didn’t get your way, with one of us or all of us?”

With a huff, he pushed himself away from me but now I was ready for a fight. Launching from the chair, my body followed his. “And what about you, Jake?  You spent years fucking with me, leading me on, just to humiliate me over and over again!”

“Is that really what you think?!” We were squared up now, hands flailing as we yelled in each other's faces. “I didn’t do shit, and you spent years avoiding me, making me feel awkward and unwelcome in my own house because God forbid I ever be in the presence of such a self-entitled, delicate fucking princess!”

“Oh, you fucking prick. Fuck you-“

“So eloquent, that’s really lovely Tiny.”

You already know that he said that on purpose.

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” I was fuming, the steam was probably coming out of my ears, and that pissed me off further. Everything about this was infuriating, my night completely off-railed, my time with my friends ruined. I was done.

I threw my hands up and then put them on his shoulders, with all intention to shove him out of my way and walk out of the room with some part of my dignity intact, for once.

But that’s not exactly what happened.

Because once I touched him, the tension reached a breaking point. And boy did it break.

Before I could push him away, his arms were around me, his hands spread across my back, and he pulled me in. 

Yep, he was kissing me. 

Our mouths slammed together and all the anger, all the fury, combusted between them.

My own hands betrayed me and shot from a grip on his shoulders to a grip in the hair at the back of his head, still slightly damp from sweat or a shower at the venue, I had no idea. And I didn’t care.

He ravaged my lips until they felt bruised, opened them with his and forced our tongues to battle for dominance, sucked the air from my lungs until I couldn’t breathe. I pulled away to drag some back in but he hardly gave me the chance, tugging me back in to kiss my lips, bite my jaw, murmuring between the attacks. 

“Why are you really here…”

His hands slid up my back and sunk into my hair, pulled my head to the side so he could continue his attack on my neck, my throat.

“Say it, the truth.”

My brain was in shut down, I forgot what words were and how to make them. His teeth reminded me, scraping along my skin.

“You. For you.”

His lips closed over mine again and he was moving me, two steps backward and we turned, the back of my knees hit the bed where he’d been sitting. Our mouths broke apart, our hands fell away. The sound of our breathing, fast and uneven, thundered between us.

“I’m not gonna stop this time, T.”

My heart stumbled over its next few beats.

“I don’t want you to.”

We fell back into silence as he reached forward and slid his hands up underneath my shirt, rough fingertips pushing the fabric up over my ribs, my chest, I lifted my arms and let him pull it over my head and shook my hair out as he let it drop to the floor. 

There was just enough light coming from the only one he’d flicked on, and the moonlight spilling through the uncovered window, that I saw his nostrils flare. His eyes trailed over my lace and silk covered chest before meeting mine.

“You’re so beautiful,” My breath caught, I held it. “I’ve never told you how beautiful you are.”

I couldn’t speak, emotion squeezing my throat, the words I’d always wanted to hear from him tightening every muscle in my body. So instead, I mirrored his actions and tucked my fingers under the hem of his t-shirt. Soft, heated skin met my touch and I flattened my palms over his hips, up over his stomach and I swear he trembled. Seriously! When they made it to his chest, I could feel the hard, steady beat of his heart, rapid beneath my hand. 

Maybe he knew I could feel it, maybe not, but he leaned in and pulled a soft, sweet kiss from my lips before he took over and tugged the shirt over his head. 

“Jake…” His chest and stomach were lightly toned and completely flawless, a glimpse of which I’d gotten when he was onstage, shirtless under an open jacket. I wanted to tell him just how perfect I thought he was, he’d always been, but the words wouldn’t come. So I bent my knees and dropped to the bed, the barely there happy trail leading up from the low waist of his pants now directly in front of my face.

I leaned forward and kissed it. A strangled noise came from above me, I smiled against his skin. Then his hand was in my hair and he pulled, forcing my face up. He smirked.

“You ever done this before?”

Asshole.

Blindly I reached for and found the button of his jeans, popped it open and worked his zipper down slowly. 

“Please don’t piss me off, or I won’t be nice.”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Just making sure.”

His grip in my hair kept my chin tilted up, eyes locked with his. I peeled the denim over his hips and pulled it down to his knees. Heat rolled off his body in waves, I was dying to look at it, take it all in but there was fire in his stare and I was burning. My fingertips mapped out what I couldn’t see, found the subtle V that led down into his briefs and traced it before I tucked them under the elastic and rolled it down his legs. 

Jake Kiszka’s cock bobbed in the air between his hips and my face. Crazy, I know. I wrapped shaky fingers around him, felt how thick and hard he was before I’d even seen it, tried to picture what I could remember from his dark bedroom.

“Fuck, T.” I tightened my grip on him, just a little, stroked him once. His eyes slid shut.  “I can’t believe you’re here.” I stroked him again and his grasp on my hair loosened, my chin dropped and there it was. As perfect as the rest of him, his dick was big, the head flushed pink. My mouth watered.

For real.

In that moment, I wondered quickly what he liked, how fast, how slow, how hard? My tongue slid out and tasted him, just the very tip, and he snatched my hair up again. The sting in my scalp made my eyes water and I opened my lips and took him in, wrapped them around him and swirled my tongue over his skin. He whimpered.

I could be remembering that wrong, but I swear he did.

He wanted to take control, I could feel it in the smallest amount of pressure from his knuckles on my scalp, but I wanted to be stubborn. I was tired of the control he seemed to have over every one of our interactions. I released him with a soft pop and his eyes shot open. 

“C’monnn,” he groaned. I took my hand off of his dick and pushed him back, he almost stumbled, his legs still trapped in his half-removed jeans. I stood from the bed, spun us around and reversed our positions, then pushed him by the shoulders to sit.

“Patience, Jake, patience.” I flicked the front clasp of my bra open and felt the unrestrained relief as my tits spilled out, then that flutter of satisfaction as his eyes went wide right before going soft and dreamy. What can I say, Jake’s a breast man. “Aht.” He’d reached for them, lifted his hands like he just couldn’t wait to feel them again, but they paused in midair. “I said patience.”

He huffed out a sigh and dropped them, so I continued. Made a little show out of unzipping my boots, sliding them off and peeling the skin-tight material of my pants down my legs. His fingers flexed against his thighs the entire time, clenching into fists and releasing over and over. I waited until I was left in just the lacy thong to instruct him to remove his pants. 

His boots were kicked off and denim tossed away in an instant.

And there we were again. Jake, fully bared to me while we stared at each other, my tits out and pussy covered. But this wasn’t going to end the way it did two years ago. 

Not if I had anything to say about it.

I dropped to my knees and his legs spread, making room for me to kneel between them. His cock jumped when I touched him, just my fingertips, up his shins and over his kneecaps before I placed my palms flat on his thighs. When I peeked up at him through my lashes, he was staring hard, jaw clenched and nostrils flared again. So I continued to trace my fingers over his skin, further up his thighs, over his hips, up and down his happy trail. 

Through gritted teeth, “Baby, please.”

Baby? I was throbbing, slick between my thighs already but that hit me like lightning.

I wrapped a fist around him at the base and took him all the way to the back of my throat.

I had to. 

A string of rough curses fell from his lips and a hand tangled in my hair, but I kept my composure, sucking him in and stroking with my fist, letting him sink as deep as I could without choking. His skin was hot velvet on my tongue, I could taste his desire, his need, and I couldn’t help the moan that rippled up my throat around his cock.

“Jesus fuck.” His hips jerked, I gagged around him, he fisted the hair at the back of my head and yanked me off of him. “Get up here.”

Remember how I wanted to maintain the control here? Yeah, I failed. 

He used his grip on my head to bring my lips to his, his tongue sweeping in to dance with mine immediately, his hands moving down my body to pull me up and into his lap. I threw my arms around him and rocked into it instantly, his roving hands landing on my ass and pulling me in, his dick rock hard and slick with my spit grinding against my silk-covered pussy.

Just like that, I lost control of my insolent mouth too.

The kiss broke and I rested my forehead on his, my eyes trained on what was happening between our hips. “God… I-“ The head of his cock caught on my clit, I gasped at the feeling. “I’ve wanted you for so long.”

Embarrassing, I know. But then… ohh then.

His hands skimmed up my ribs until they were cupping my breasts, thumbs grazing over my nipples. 

“I’ve wanted you longer, T. Forever.”

Goosebumps. Literal goosebumps ran up my arms, I shivered, my nipples tightened, and he pulled one into his mouth. He sucked and lapped at it, thumb still moving over the other, and without hesitation he sunk his teeth in. 

“Fuck yes, yes yes…”

His tongue circled it again and he released it, pressed a hot and fast kiss to my mouth. 

“You still like that, huh?” He chuckled as he opened his lips over the other side. The silk between my legs was soaked, I could feel how easily I was sliding over his cock, and I was getting impatient despite the way I’d reprimanded him hardly ten minutes ago. 

“Jake, please…”

He popped off of my nipple and pulled another kiss from my lips, then leaned back and let one corner of his mouth curl up, self-satisfied and cocky.

Still an asshole. 

“Please what, baby? Tell me.”

My eyes rolled, even as he tucked his face into the crook of my neck, nipped and licked me there.

“I want you inside, please fuck me.” Self-control, out the window.

“Mmm,” he hummed into my skin, “No.”

Before I could be properly offended, and believe me, I was, he gripped my thighs and hauled me up, then deposited me onto the mattress. Well, tossed me, really. I bounced once, arms and legs flailing, hair falling in my face. By the time I pushed it away and propped myself up on my elbows, he was standing at the foot of the bed, dick in his fist. I opened my mouth to speak, to yell at him or beg him to stick it in, I don’t know, but he was stroking himself, and he moaned. My mouth snapped shut.

“I’m not gonna fuck you,” I scoffed, offended, pissed even. “Yet.” He let himself go and placed his hands on the mattress, then climbed onto the edge of the bed and started crawling towards me.

It was so fucking hot. His cheeks were flushed, his hair wild from my hands, his eyes dark. I backed away, moving up the bed until my shoulders met the headboard. He didn’t stop coming, and I didn’t want him to. Instinctively, my knees bent and my legs fell open, inviting him in. But he didn’t settle there, when his hands reached me, he grabbed me by the calf and threw my leg over his shoulder on his way down. 

His mouth opened over damp silk and I cried out, his name or God’s, I’m not sure, but his lips and tongue were moving against me and I may have blacked out. I came to when one of his hands skimmed up my inner thigh, and he broke away long enough to slip two fingers under the material and tug it aside. 

Jake Kiszka’s tongue was on my actual, bare pussy. 

My shoulders sagged against the headboard as I reached for him, burying my fingers in his already tangled and unruly hair, our eyes met and he dragged his tongue over me again and again.

“Shit, you were right, this is better,” I panted. He smiled against my cunt and I felt it. I smiled too.

My cheeks hurt I was smiling so hard, until he laser-focused his attention to my clit. His lips wrapped around it and he sucked it past them, my jaw dropped. 

“Oh, oh my God, oh my God!” He was good at this. Too good. The beginnings of an orgasm were already swirling, tightening in my belly, making my toes tingle. The tip of his tongue moving against me until he opened his mouth over me again, and I felt it plunge inside me. The sounds I was making were unholy but I had no shame, I couldn’t feel anything other than need. I needed to scream, I needed to come, I needed him. 

He brought a hand up around my thigh and ran his thumb over my folds, licking himself as he lapped at me, then swirled it over my clit as his tongue fucked me. Before I could even moan, two fingers from his other hand replaced his tongue inside me.

“Jake!”

His head tilted and he pressed his lips against my thigh, kissed it and grinned. “Yes?” Fingers everywhere, filling me and fucking me, circling the most sensitive part of me - I forgot what I wanted to say, if I had even wanted to. Instead I pulled his mouth back, he slid his thumb away and flicked his tongue against me. 

“Yessss, yes just like that, please!” I let my eyes close and stars were already dancing behind my lids, I was close, so close, and I told him so. I moaned it and his fingers plunged deep and curled. I screamed it and he sucked my clit back into his mouth. 

I came hard, nails dug into his scalp, bucking my hips against his face, screaming his name. 

It was unreal. College guys had nothing, fucking nothing, on him.

Before my muscles had even relaxed, he lifted his head from between my thighs and moved up my body, his fingers still pumping slowly inside me as he kissed my hip, my stomach, my breast on his way up to my mouth. He tasted like me when my tongue touched his, and he eased his fingers from my body. 

“Absolutely fucking stunning, breathtaking.”

His breath was taken? I still couldn’t breathe, my chest continued to heave as he left the bed, taking my panties down my legs with him, and I could barely lift my head to see what he was doing. My eyes closed and I felt the mattress dip with his weight as he returned and settled on his heels between my legs, still splayed open. I cracked an eyelid and found him watching me, wrapped condom held between his fingers. 

Under his gaze, I shifted down until my head rested on the pillows, spreading my legs wider, pussy presented to him on a silver fucking platter.

This was happening. There was absolutely no way this was not happening. Not this time.

“Now, Jake.” Unrecognizable, my voice had a distinct sex kitten-like quality that I loved as soon as it hit my ears. He must have loved it too, because his dick twitched and he gripped it. I reached up and snatched the condom from his fingers, tore it open and started rolling it on while his eyes bugged out and his jaw fell slack.

“Jesus, not your first time, huh?” My hand replaced his around him and I stroked, he leaned over me and I guided the head to my center, moved it through the slick pool of arousal there. He paused, poised to enter me, and met my eyes.

“I’m pretty much out of firsts, Jake.”

His eyes closed, his hips rocked forward, and he pushed just past my opening, the tip not even fully inside me.

I tilted my own hips up, he slipped a fraction of an inch deeper. I whispered, and it was sexy, and seductive. “It could’ve been you.”

He sucked in a sharp breath, opened his eyes and we watched each other’s faces as he sunk deeper, slowly, to the hilt. “It should’ve been me.”

Stunned, speechless, we stayed like that. Unmoving, bodies connected, eyes locked. He broke first, dropping his lips to mine and rocking into me softly. A sound I’d never heard before, quieter than a moan, crept up his throat, trapped behind his lips as they caressed mine. My legs lifted, cradling him between my thighs and wrapping around him. 

It was gentle, sweet. The exact opposite of how I knew it would’ve been, if I’d let him be my first, thinking he wasn’t. 

I felt my cheeks warm, my eyes pool with tears. I blinked them away. This was everything I’d wanted and more. I knew I’d been an idiot to think otherwise. Especially when he pulled back and delivered a quick, deep thrust and there was no pain. Only pleasure bloomed inside me, hot and volatile. 

“Again, more…”

An excellent listener, he repeated it. Again, again, and I met each thrust with my own. Our kiss turned frantic, sloppy, lips and tongues clashing and pushing, pulling and taking. The temperature in the room was rising with the heat of our skin, our bodies slipping against each other. He lifted his chest from mine, hands braced on the pillows on either side of my head, and the conditioned air on our damp skin made us both groan in ecstasy.

I damn near came again, almost commented on it but he dropped back down and shoved an arm between me and the mattress, rolled us both. We laughed as we landed, his hair strewn across the pillow and mine falling in his face. My laughter stuck in my throat when he grabbed onto my thighs and pulled, tucking my knees against his hips and forcing me to sit. I propped myself up with my hands on his chest and fell back into the rhythm, my hips rolling. 

“Goddamn, you feel so good, look so good riding me.”

My head fell back as his words rippled through me, his fingertips digging into me, his hands moving my body over his. He brought one to my chest, squeezed me roughly, rolled my nipple with his fingers, pinched it. Hard.

“Yes!” He did the same to the other, my pussy clenched around him. 

“You like when it hurts a little, don’t you?”

“I- I don’t know, I guess so- ohhh!” He wrapped a hand around each tit and sunk his fingertips into my flesh, then kneaded them both, ran the pads of his thumbs over the peaks. 

“Fuck, that’s so hot. You’re fucking perfect.”

Yeah, I lost my mind a little bit. My hips bucked wildly in his lap. Perfect? Me? My nails pressed into his skin, I dragged them down his chest, reveling in the sharp hiss sucked between his teeth, the way his own hips lifted from the bed and he fucked into me. Sharp, fast thrusts hitting me so deep I was screaming his name. He sat up and pulled my face to his, kissed me hard, bit down on my bottom lip, and then tipped me backwards.

My head was nearly hanging off the end of the bed, but really, who cares? My ankles locked behind his back and he was slamming his hips into the back of my thighs.

Fuck, was I gonna come? He had to be close. I lifted my head, now very much hanging off the bed, to ask him.

Beep. Click.

His hips stuttered and paused, we both whipped our heads to the door, which was fucking opening. 

Josh appeared, his foot crossed the threshold and he was looking down at his phone. 

“GET OUT!!” We yelled in unison. Josh’s head popped up, his eyes went huge, and then he laughed. 

“Shit, sorry guys.” He started backing out into the hall, the door creaking closed. “About time,” We heard him chuckling to himself and the door clicked behind him.

Jake turned his face back to me and seemed to realize for the first time that I was barely on the mattress. An arm wrapped around my back and he shifted us until I could look him in the eyes.

“What the fuck…” I whispered up at him.

His smile was subtle and affectionate before it stretched to a full grin, and he huffed a laugh.

“There was no fucking way I was stopping.”

I matched his grin and lifted to pull a kiss from his lips. “Good.”

He tucked his face into my neck and began the roll of his body into mine again. I let my hands roam across his back as he kissed and nipped my skin and his thrusts picked up speed. The orgasm that had been teasing me before we were interrupted built again quickly, and Jake was panting in my ear. 

But then… then. A whisper. Low and deep, but a whisper nonetheless. 

My name, my real name, hit my ear and I gasped, right on the edge.

“Come for me. Please come for me.”

How could I say no?

It broke, crashed, consumed me. His name on my lips as I tightened, writhed, and shook for him. 

He didn’t stop, didn’t slow, he chased after me and followed into the flames. My name burned into my flesh by his kisses, a guttural groan as he came inside me. 

Easily the best orgasm I’d ever had. Easily.

Because he’s just a man, albeit an incredibly hot, multiple-orgasm-inducing man, he collapsed on top of me. I let him. I ran my hands over his sweat-dampened hair and the soft skin of his back and we both caught our breath. Then he started giggling. 

I pinched his ass. “What’s so funny, Kiszka?”

His head popped up and he propped himself on an elbow, a wide grin splitting his face in half, gorgeous. “I can’t believe we waited so long to do that, that might’ve been the best sex I’ve ever had.”

We both laughed as I slapped his chest. “Might be?!”

“Okay okay, you’re right.” He looked at me dreamily, his eyes bouncing around my face. “It was the best.”

Because I’m a woman, albeit a mind-blowing sex goddess, I started overthinking. I couldn’t help it! You should’ve seen the way he was looking at me. 

“Jake…” He lifted his eyebrows, I lifted a hand to his face, tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “What does this mean?”

Those eyebrows knitted together, a quick moment to think that over. Then he kissed me, soft and slow. 

“I don’t know what it means. But I do know this hotel has free breakfast downstairs, so be up and ready by nine.” His smile stretched again, and I couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Oooh, do you think they have French toast? That’s Sam’s favorite.”

He attacked me, tickled me until I had tears in my eyes, kissed me until I was breathless, and fell asleep with his arms around me.

The truth is, I don’t remember the exact moment I fell utterly, completely in love with Jake Kiszka. Maybe you should ask him. 

[matthewkniesys]

i know it won't work - trevor zegras

summary: You let go of Trevor but why can't he let go of you? You know it won't work so why can't he see that? You're only trying to save each other from more heartbreak than necessary. You just want him to be happy.

a/n: this is the second fic in my good riddance by gracie abrams fic series. you don't have to read the first one for this to make sense. so this is my first song fic so please be nice. idk if i did it right. everything in bold is the song lyrics. i recommend listening to the song but you don't have to. i really do love this fic so hopefully yall will too🫶

pairing: trevor zegras x gn!reader

warnings: angsty and some swearing

good riddance fic series

The last year has been hard for you. Nobody ever told you how hard graduating highschool would be. Everyone paints graduating as this big celebration. You're never warned of the hard choices you’ll have to make and the people you’ll lose. The one person you never expected to lose was your childhood best friend and boyfriend of 3 years, Trevor Zegras. And you could never have predicted that you would be the one walking away. Not him.

I left you there 

Heard you keep the extra closet empty

In case this year I come back and stay throughout my 20s

Your body is drained of any energy. Moving into your dorm room has sucked any will to do anything for the rest of the day out of your body. You’re excited for the new chapter that University will bring to your life but you’re also mourning the loss of the life you had before. You feel like a different person since everything in your life did a complete 180 a few months ago. 

Leaving Trevor was probably the hardest thing you’d ever done. You didn’t just lose your boyfriend that day, you also lost your best friend. It was what needed to happen though. It was this one day when he made a comment about how he would follow you anywhere and give up hockey in a heartbeat that made you freak out. You had to cut ties. Trevor loved you in an all consuming way. You loved him in a nostalgic kind of way. In the way that you two had been best friends forever. You loved him but slowly you were realizing it wasn’t in that same romantic way his love for you was. It was not purely but more platonic. You couldn’t ever see yourself marrying him and so even though it hurt both of you, leaving was the right decision. If only Trevor could understand that. 

Picking up your phone to check social media, you see you’ve got a missed call from a friend, well she’s probably your best friend now, since you walked away from Trevor. You choose her number from your recent contacts and let it ring until she picks up.

“Hey, y/n, how are you? Are you all settled in?”

“I’m good. It was a real tight fit, to get everything in the dorm but it worked out. How about you? How’s your dorm? I can’t believe we are literally on the opposite side of the country now.”

Your friend laughs, “ Yeah, it was quite the tight fit here too. The dorms are tiny. But I’m doing good. I’m excited for classes to start.”

You pause for a second, wanting to ask the question that’s been burning in the back of your mind for weeks now. You wanted to know how Trevor was. Trevor and your friend had always been close. When you walked away from Trevor you didn’t want them to have to end their friendship so they still hang out.

Stuttering, you ask,” Hey, um how’s Trev doing?”

“Are you sure you really wanna know?” Yes, you are sure. At this point you feel like you need it as much as you need the air you breathe. You can guess he probably isn’t doing great, you aren’t either but you need to hear it from someone who knows.

“Yes, I do.”

“Okay, well I’m gonna be honest with you.” She pauses. “He’s fucked up over you. You walking away from him really came out of the blue. He blames himself. He thinks he did something wrong.” Hearing that he thinks it’s his fault breaks your heart. All he did was love you with all of himself and you couldn’t reciprocate that.

“I-fuck. Why couldn’t I just love him back? It’s what he deserved and I couldn’t give it to him.”

“Y/n, it’s okay. In the long run this will be better. At least neither of you will be stuck in a shitty relationship. But if I’m being completely honest I think Trevor still thinks you’re gonna come back. Like you’re gonna realize you made a mistake and change your mind. You probably don’t wanna hear this but he keeps the extra closet empty. You know, just in case you decide to come back and stay for good.”

Hearing that, shatters your heart into a million pieces.

What if I won’t?

How am I supposed to put that gently?

And down the road

You will love me until you resent me

You talk for a few more minutes but then you hang up, your heart wasn’t really in it and you’re emotionally exhausted. You feel as if your body is about to combust. Sighing, you toss your phone on the bed and flop back, shutting your eyes and letting your thoughts consume you. 

You shouldn’t go back to Trevor. It wouldn’t be fair to you or him. It would only cause more pain than it’s worth. But maybe a little part of you still wants to. You miss him. There is history there that can’t just be erased. 

You feel like you need to tell Trevor that you really meant it. He can’t keep holding out for you. He needs to live his life. He’s at BU this year and next year he’ll be in the NHL. All you want is for him to be happy. You want him to go out and kiss other people and to find the person of his dreams but instead he’s hung up on you. 

If he stays hung up on you, if he can’t move on he’ll eventually start to hate you. He’ll love you so much that it’ll turn into resentment if it hasn’t already. And even though you broke his heart you really, really don’t want him to resent you. You couldn’t stand it. He still means the most to you.

I’ve had the thought

Tried to work it out through anxious pacing

What if I’m not

Worth the time and breath I know you’re saving?

Despite being tired down to your bones, you slept horribly that night. Knowing that Trevor might be up at this very moment, not being able to sleep because of what you did is killing you. You aren’t worth this much thought or time. He could have anyone. Any kind, beautiful person that he wants. Someone who can give him everything but instead he’s agonizing over you. For fucks sakes he even has a closet empty just for you. He must really believe you’re coming back.

It’s your first night sleeping in your dorm and that isn’t helping either. You look over at your roommate who is peacefully sleeping, wishing you could be doing the same. You grab a water bottle and chug half of it trying to gain your bearings. Your mind is running wild and you need to do something. 

You start pacing back and forth, in your tiny dorm room. You really hope your roommate doesn’t wake up because you don’t need someone you barely know thinking you’re crazy.

You just want Trevor to just move on. To not let you live rent free in his mind. You aren’t even worth it. You’ve seen how many other girls are after him. He could have any of them. You aren’t worth it.  He’s saving too much for you and he needs to let it go.

But it’s a lot

All the shine of half a decade fading

The whole facade

Seemed to fall apart, it’s complicated

You’ve known Trevor for your whole life and liked him for 5 of those years. Until it just kinda stopped. You stopped wanting him so much romantically and you just wanted to go back to being best friends. Part of you, a big part, wished you had never even dated in the first place. 

A few months before graduating everything started falling apart with Trevor. It stopped feeling right, your relationship. It stopped feeling like where you wanted to be. You hoped it would pass but it didn’t. The feeling kept growing and growing until it felt like there was just a huge hole in your chest where something wasn’t quite right. Where something was wrong.

And part of me wants to walk away 'til you really listen

I hate to look at your face and know that we're feeling different

'Cause part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

Weeks fly by but it doesn’t really get that much easier. You’re happy and you’re making friends but you still miss Trevor. And you’ve gathered from talking to hometown friends that still talk to him, that Trevor isn’t really doing any better. You can’t get past the fact that you’re the one making him hurt like that.

It’s completely sudden. You aren’t expecting it. There’s no text, no build up. Just one day out of the blue he calls. You don’t want to pick up. It’s only gonna lead to false hope for him that you want to get back together and false hope for you that he wants to simply just be best friends again. But you can’t help it, you pick up the phone and answer.

“Y/n,” Trevor says the moment you pick up, sounding a little breathless.

“Um, hey Trev.” You don’t know what else to say so you leave it at that.

You hear Trevor mumble, “Oh fuck, there’s no way i can do this.” and then he starts talking.

“Y/n, please, please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix this. I miss you. You’re my best friend and the love of my life. I need you.”

Fuck, you won’t get through this. You can’t stand to talk to Trevor, knowing you both feel completely different. And it’s the fact that he thinks it’s his fault. That he did something wrong.

You desperately wanted to tell Trevor that you would come back, that it could be like old times but you can’t. It would be a lie. It could never be the same ever again. 

A part of you wants to go back and just say fuck it. You want your friendship back so badly that you’re willing to fake the romantic part. Maybe you’ll eventually for real fall back in love with him. It’s possible, but you know that’s not right. It won’t work like that.

“Trevor, you didn’t do a single thing wrong. It just wasn’t working. It wasn’t meant to be forever. I have so much love for you still but not in the same way that you do. We can’t keep doing this to each other. We need to get past this. Hanging up the phone was hard. Sitting with your thoughts after was harder, but you’ll get through it. You did the right thing.

Why won't you try moving on for once? That might make it easy

I know we cut all the ties but you're never really leaving

And part of me wants you back, but

I know it won't work like that, huh?

In the weeks that follow you don’t hear anything from Trevor. Until mid November and then everything starts seeping back in.

First it’s a text. A simple, hey, how are you? And you know you shouldn’t respond so you don’t. And then it’s pleading. It’s text saying we need to talk or I miss you. And you almost respond to those because you can’t bear to think that you are causing Trevor so much pain. But again you hold out and don’t respond. It’s when he starts picking up the phone and calling that you can’t stop yourself.

He called you once, you didn’t pick up. He called you a second time, and still you restrained yourself, but the third time was when everything went crashing down.

You had been having a really shitty day to start off with and you were already in the worst of your feelings, so when Trevor called it’s like it breaks a dam inside of you. A wall that had been holding strong but was now toppling over.

You pick up the phone and for a minute it’s just dead silence. You hear Trevor’s breathing so you know he’s there but he hasn’t said anything. So you decide to speak first.

“Trev, I thought we agreed to cut ties. We can’t keep doing this. You need to move on. This isn’t healthy for either one of us.”

“ Y/n, you’re the one who said we should cut ties, I never agreed. I need you in my life. I miss you.” The desperation in Trevor’s voice makes you want to cry. It makes you feel as if someone took a jagged piece of glass and cut open the wound that was slowly starting to heal. The wound that you inflicted by walking away. A part of you still wants him. But you can’t. You just can’t. It isn’t possible.

I'll open up

I'm thinking everything you wish I wasn't

The call was tough

But you're better off, I'm being honest

You take a deep breath. You need to give Trevor the closure he needs and then leave for good. You need to explicitly say that this won’t work. You need to tell him without any fancy words that he needs to accept that you're not the one for him.

“Trevor,” you plead, needing him to listen, “You need to walk away. I’ve been trying to for months now but you keep pulling me back in. I’ve already moved on but you’re the one who won’t let me leave. We were what we were but we can’t be that anymore. I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago and you aren’t either. Let me go and in the long run we’ll save each other a ton of hurt. I love you but this won’t work. You have to let go. I’m gonna hang up and you aren’t gonna call me again.” You pause, catching your breath. “I wish you nothing but the best. Goodbye, Trev.

You sit in silence for a moment. It was hard. You have tried telling him goodbye before but this felt much more final. After all the other times you tried saying goodbye to Trevor, you still felt as if there was more to the story before it would be over. You hoped the story was over now. It was the best thing for you and for Trevor.

So won’t you stop

Holding out for me when I don’t want it

Just brush me off

I’m your ghost right now, your house is haunted

It took all of five minutes for Trevor to call you again. 5 fucking minutes. God, all you want at this point is for Trevor to move on. To realize this is the best thing that could’ve happened. You don’t pick up. You need to set some boundaries. You can’t keep picking up the phone when you don’t wanna talk. He needs to just brush you off and move on.

But he calls 4 more times that night. And you’re scared it won’t stop. So you pick up. Of course you do. It’s that little part of you that still wants him back that makes you.

“Trevor, you need to stop. I’m sorry but we can’t. I don’t know how many times you want me to say this. I know this won’t work the way you want it to or at all. So please I’m begging you stop. Put both of us out of our misery. You start moving on so I can finish letting go. Trevor, don’t call me again or I will block your number. I don’t want to because for some reason it just feels wrong. But I will. Goodbye, Trev.”

You hang up and this time you know. It’s final. Trevor won’t call again. You’re sad but more than that you’re relieved. You can finally start living again.

It’s as if for these past months you’ve been this ghost for Trevor. One that would constantly follow him. You were haunting him and know you’re finally being set free.

I know it won't work like that, huh?

It’s been years now. You don’t think about it often but every once in a while Trevor will pop into your mind. You’re happy. You really are. And from what you see on social media, Trevor is too. 

You try not to dwell on it but sometimes you think about what might have been. What might have happened if you had gone back to Trevor. And honestly you aren’t sure. Maybe everything would’ve worked out and the two of you would be happily together right now. Or maybe it would’ve ended up being exactly what you thought would happen if you went back. 

You truly believe you made the right decision in letting Trevor go. You knew it wouldn’t work the way he was envisioning. And hopefully you spared the both of you a lot of heartache.

You’re happy right now. That’s what matters. You and Trevor don’t talk much except for the occasional birthday message but maybe that was how it was supposed to be.  You knew it wouldn’t work like that and you made the right decision, for you and for Trevor. You had and still have so much love for him and that’s all it’ll ever be. And you’re okay with that. You really are.

thanks for reading 🫶

good riddance fic series

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[a-d-nox]

a review of my 22nd solar return year

about a year ago, i made a predictions post for my year ahead and now here i am updating y'all with what actually happened as i previously suggested that i would! so let's jump into it - i pasted all my previous predictions in to this post for your reading ease!

1H IN LEO AT 3°

predictions: adventure, appearance, death of an aunt or uncle, grandparents, health, nation and its health, arrogance, bets, fainting spells, heart disease, politics, president, romance, royalty, social affairs, accuracy, activeness, anxieties, authors, books, logic, manuscripts, mentor, whispering, and wit. FINALLY SOME RECOGNITION! i feel like i may have some anxiety struggles and continuing health issues (i did get better this past year and i am still working on my health) BUT i have some hope that this may be my year. i have been trying to publish my manuscript since 2020 - i finally have found an english professor that actually wants more of me and my writing (he actually gave me a creative writing award before i graduated) and literary views so with luck i will have a mentor and a published novel. i also feel like i may be a bit popular this year (to say the least - yes; literally everyone wanted to talk with me after class, sit around me, do thinks over summer, etc.). the sun square as aspect still indicates me being me though - i'm abrasive (someone literally told me that i was intimidating and they thought i was plotting their murder before they actually got to know me) and literally only socialize when i must (bent my rule for sure). venus square asc too i don't feel like my first impression are gonna be that great or charming BUT THATS LIFE LOL. the pan sextile as is giving public panic attack vibes and i am not here for it... lastly that paris opposite asc - am i helen this year? possibly? if i decide to date, will people be unable to look away - DEFINITELY (literally so many people asked me if i was dating the dude that i was interested in because we were really close friends as well)! mostly because i never date (still don't i guess because it wasn't official) and everyone always "assumes that i'm already with someone." so it will definitely rock the boats.

what actually happened: this past year i feel like everyone was a bit more aware if my health - both mental and physical - and they were more understanding of my situation, thus more willing to help me. i feel like people liked me because of my openness and realness of my situation (though sometimes they found my irritability of the situation and my current feelings to be an annoyance). i was able to go out and do my thing and my friends were understanding of the locale choices and my limits there. i eventually had the ability to overcome my social anxiety a bit by presenting a paper i co-authored with other friends. it didn't get published but by the end of the school year i had all the english departmental awards - one of which was for creative writing. i did have a bit of a "dating or not dating" scandal where everyone was asking quite often if he and i were together too.

2H IN LEO AT 23° (contains abundantia)

predictions: budget, cash, voice, bets, courtship, astrology, society, and home. i feel like i never truly content with the 2h *shrug* - the fact that i have some aquarian influence with that degree feels like the universe giving me back up. it doesn’t matter what i do so long as i am happy - money matters but at the same time i’m young and stupid so it doesn’t matter. i sense having a lot of spare change and having a roaring 20s type of time - just fun and games. if the group is happy so am i. i feel like whatever it is i am doing to get money positively effects my home and societal status BUT it feels pretty up in the air as to how it will effect my social and romantic realm perhaps i will be paying for others giving abundantia’s presence here (kinda in the same vein were people feel awkward when a friend pays for your things or your lover takes you on a date and you grab the tab before they can? ya know?).

what actually happened: GUYS I'M ON BUDGETTOK!! i love budgeting and cash stuffing. i even have a google sheets for money tracking. the money is flowing in and it all started here when i started paid tarot readings, which then became paid astrology readings, and then became finding a part-time job (then i got a promotion there). money is good and all but as long as i can get what i want (like that tarot set that we did the dessert games with) i am cool with what's up financially! i do/did make people uncomfortable with how giving i am with the money i make (like i am buying christmas presents already and i am like "i'm almost done with your gifts" and everyone is like STOP WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALMOST).

3H IN VIRGO AT 18° (contains midas)

predictions: written agreement, savvy, dictionaries, novels, rumors, signatures, first aid, fingers, food storage, nerve specialist, and uterus afflictions. i feel great about the book indicators but horrifying by the health omens. not to mention the ruler being sickly virgo with abdominal issues and me having possibly DIE. seems like a hot and cold era. socially, i feel uprooted in terms of midas being here maybe as though i will be doing a lot of “short trips.” also as though socially i will receive both hate and adoration.

what actually happened: reading is nothing new for me, but this last year i was very technical like the virgo 3h would suggest (lots of tabs and even more footnotes). when i started working i had some hand/finger changes - bumps, calluses, blisters, pains, etc. (i feel like that a midas virgo thing?). but otherwise my abdominal/uterine pain was well managed with medication. i did go on a few shorter trips with friends - all the friends are nonexistent existent now though just like i predicted unfortunately.

4H IN LIBRA AT 19° (contains sun, mercury, venus, ambrosia, and aphrodite)

predictions: agriculture, ground, homestead, uterus, womb, art, love, music, poetry, unions, weddings, dead, reproductive systems, research, copper, surgery, ambition, power, wisdom, authors, book, confession, limericks, novelist, public speaking, companion, hope, hobbies, honeymoons, ovaries, and suitors. just wanna say could this be the year - a libra house with venus in it?? could i possibly be dating someone?? that would be a first. i feel like for sure i’m going to start gardening that’s the vibe of fourth house ambrosia - you are like a naturally a green thumb i have never gardened before but i already have pepper seeds!! i also have a weird feeling that maybe i won’t be publishing the book i thought i would but instead i will be publishing poetry (mercury conjunct venus, mercury 27°, and a heavy lean on libra energy for this house) which is not necessarily shocking. not to keep harping in “non-medical” houses but this one is the womb - i wonder if (sorry if this is over sharing) my gyn is gonna tell me i have to be on birth control and i get a cooper IUD (copper is venus and libra ruled). that would lowkey piss me off but ambrosia here makes me think maybe i’d feel better. aphrodite here makes me think with balanced hormones i’d be hot lmfao - or this could be another romance symbol with all the libra and venus energy going on.

what actually happened: i did indeed start my garden - AND IT FLOURISHED!!! i learned a lot about my garden and what i need to work on to make it better next year. but there was no wedding or death and the uterine problems were solved with little white pills and now i feel okay - but have some suspicions... on another note there were a lot of confessions from the person i thought would be more and those confessions did make it seem like he would be more at times. i even got confessions from others that were QUESTIONABLE.

5H IN SCORPIO AT 25° (contains moon and frigga)

predictions: magic, pelvis, poisonous plants, surgery, inflammation of womb, inflammation, pregnancy, romance, babies, breasts, childbirth, and fertility. i read this a part of my chart and go hm - pregnancy scare? endometriosis? raspberry leaf tea? endoscopy?? any way i cut it it seem sus??? or this could have to do with me writing poetry again considering the moon’s presence. frigg here makes me think of pregnancy because she’s the mother. but it could also suggest romantic promise!

what actually happened: i definitely went through some romantic fluctuations given the moon - BUT i would like to note that oddly he was a cancer (so is there a correlation between planets placed in the 5h and who you date that year? possibly? idk). i did have to deal with my fertility and start a birth control because my suspected DIE was causing me to be forced into stay home too often. when i got started on this birth control i did notice a lot of breast pain (scorpio is mars ruled and the this house starts at an aries degree - so i would think discomfort is pretty common). i am okay with it for now; as the alternative, it was suggested to turn off my hormones entirely which would force me into a pseudo-menopause... i do worry slightly after visiting my eye doctor in july that my taking a progesterone only (the only type of birth control i can really take) is causing PCOS (he found a cluster of blood vessels and said some scary things but among his list was pre-diabetes and PCOS often is due to increased testosterone and not enough estrogen which causes increased insulin (which is connected to pre-diabetes))... on a lighter note, i did have some poetry published this year and i did start writing more poetry again!

6H IN CAPRICORN AT 2° (contains pluto and huitzilopochtli)

predictions: doctors, healing, order, ashes, black, clocks, contraction, depression, limitations, politics, profession, beauty, copper, profit, voice, bladder, regeneration, and sex organs. i feel like this is like the last opportunity sign from the universe. i can get my shit together now and become my best self OR get really bad lol. it’s funny but it’s not because huitzilopochtli is just so energetic meanwhile we have contemplative, semi-hustler capricorn and slow moving pluto here - so this could go either way. given the ambrosia square saturn my best bet is likely food/diet. the square may indicate that i shouldn’t take it all upon myself to figure it out sooooo NOTED.

what actually happened: i saw a few new doctors this year (i even got a mineral hair test) all of whom are looking out for me - some say some scare sh!t though (thank you, pluto in the 6h). but generally this was a better year for me health wise - i didn't have as many mysterious leg bruises, i didn't feel like i gained or lost weight, i didn't have prescription change, etc. i did feel energetic, yet tired all year though with huitzilopochtli and capricorn in my 6h. i do feel like i am doing a lot of planning and such in my day to day life - like i have now started drafting and queuing posts for the month a month in advance and i also glammed up my google calendar - i do feel like my natal virgo mars still wants to keep plotting and planning though.

7H IN AQUARIUS AT 3° (contains saturn, amalthea, arachne, and paris)

predictions: art, boyfriend, books, communication, debates, intelligence, journalism, proofreader, studies, writing, cramps, freethinker, friends, society, ambitious person, blindfold, doom, doubt, long lasting friendship, ink, jealousy, monogamy, loneliness, possessiveness, cold, time, tragedy, tradition, and winter. the ruler is in the house :) perfect a relationship that is either gonna last or be toxic af considering it’s saturn lol. but we have to giggle little at this description he’s like paris - i’m the prettiest girl in his eyes, nurturing like amalthea, and talented like arachne. I KNOW WHO HE IS LMFAO - it’s the guy who sits next to me in class i am half curious if he is an aquarius. we are both nerds - he asked me to write a scholarly article with him. lol is that getting asked out? part of me says this connection is likely to further mature as winter sinks in.

what actually happened: there was no boyfriend, just a boy that took up the emotional real estate of what would be use for a boyfriend. we did communicate a lot and at the end of the day he was like we are just friends (thanks, aquarius 7h). he introduced me to the world of journalism though - as the editor he was very active. i wrote 5 articles in the 4 month span. while it was doomed from the start, he awoke something in me that i could have more and i could do more than what i was doing, so at the very least i can thank him for that. but i do feel like it was a bit convenient... we were around each other and he was curious of what i could be to him and by the end of the school year he was like "ehhh i don't want you, like you want me" - the summer was rough with the loneliness i felt after he stopped reaching out (immature it may be but i always take it intentionally when people don't reach out to me).

8H IN AQUARIUS AT 23° (contains kleopatra)

predictions: inheritance, occult, sex, sex organs, surgery, astrology, blood and circulation, cramps, and spirituality. kleopatra huh??? *smirk* looks like an intimate relationship. i don’t really feel like i need to say the stuff i have said before as i see similar words arise in this category/house.

what actually happened: nothing happen. i just got emotionally and mentally intimate with him.

9H IN PISCES AT 18° (contains jupiter, neptune, and chiron)

predictions: counselors, education, philosophical societies, long distance travel, university, writing, advisor, celebration, education, honor, luck, recommendations, writing, aesthetics, delusion, fantasy, fiction, mythology, poetry, editing, satire, studiousness, fictitious name, and self-undoing. this is my year - i’m gonna graduate, jupiter 0° is 100% the vibe. but as for the rest neptune could be writing now that i am in the english program it could be telling that i am getting into it-into it. refer to 7h i really am working with him to create a scholarly paper so :) it’s doing somethin’. the self-undoing may be my own fault in terms of anxiety :/ OH WELL WHAT ELSE IS NEW - i kid you not i’m not like “i have butterflies in my stomach” anxious i am “i skipped class tuesday-thursday this week because i got paranoid that i was going to vomit in my class in front of my peers and i wouldn’t recover from that” anxious.

what actually happened: i did graduate. and now i am on educational break (which i think is neptune and chiron involved - i think that it would be good for me to get a certification, a masters, or my MFA but i need to be more grounded than i currently am about getting any of those things). graduation was not the best, which i suppose is the chiron influence - there was a fair bit of drama (looking at you, neptune) about who was going and who i disinvited for my day. things got settled though and i got my awards and now i am free from the educational system in the first time in my life, considering i grew up in / going to daycare.

10H IN ARIES AT 19° (contains uranus and north node)

predictions: achievements, authority, career, cramps, curiosity, change, freedom, freelance, romance, freethinking, shock, writing, courage, energy, affection, companions, friendliness, partnership, and poet. i’m not getting a traditional job - i’m taking 6 months off to do whatever i want and that likely means freelance which is uranus vibes mixing with the libra degree. the freelance stuff could be very critical to me as a person as well as the forward movement in my careers to come. whatever it is has me talking and writing A LOT given the tight orb between the ruler mars and the planet mercury.

what actually happened: this is my freelance domain here - i opened readings - i have made since starting in july, around 500 USD which is pretty decent considering i do not charge a lot, nor do i offer readings consistently. i did not take off as much time as i thought i would because i had too much time to myself to think about what everyone who is still at my university is doing without me... i did not get a full-time remote position unfortunately though. but i do a lot of communication because i am a supervisor, so i am guiding people who i work with as well as customers (which is the house ruler aspecting mercury).

11H IN TAURUS AT 25° (contains mars, agamemnon, odysseus, and pan)

predictions: acquaintanceship, companionship, working ability, adventure, aggressor, ambition, challenge, chemistry, contest, fearlessness, fights, inflammation, love/passion, men, participation, courage, dancing, wealth, and voice. it’s gonna be an odd friendship year seems competitive given mars, pan, and agamemnon - all of these objects are competitive or have critical competitions within their myth. odysseus could indicate some travel with friends or becoming the last man standing - we should recall that odysseus came back home and only had two people who he could actually trust and having zero crew-mates left. given this is societal interaction house of things this could be a romantic or passionate light for me to stand in given - mars and taurus. the ruler in the 4h could indicate me being a hostess and opening my doors to others.

what actually happened: in terms of friendship, it has been a very challenging year. very quickly i learned that some of my "friends" weren't friends at all; perhaps we didn't know each other at all. i had a friend confess her feelings for my situationship then later say that a toxic part of her wants (inadvertently) him to be obsessed with her. i fell in love with my best friend (mars moments... and how still miss him despite the months of no communication). i had a group toss me out of their chat because they thought i did something i didn't even do. then attempt to immaturely defame my character. i feel horrible that they continue to seek out my downfall as they sometimes talk people into sending me screenshots of them bullying me in that chat in hopes of triggering me into responding. i hope all of them finds happiness one day, instead of trying to bring others down. i feel like the competitive/offensive nature was tangible in all these situations (shoutout to agamemnon and pan)... but more so i felt the odysseus placement here. i felt one thing after another lead me to realize that all i can trust is a very select few. and beyond that i can really only trust and rely on myself. a lot of people didn't have the best intentions towards me, nor did they really want to be my friend. their preference was to be intolerant of me and my personality (i'm not an easy person, i'm not perfect, but i'm not a monster and i am certainly not the snake some people believe i am).

12H IN CANCER AT 3°

predictions: anxiety, books, breathing, literature, manuscripts, restlessness, homemaking, and uterus. health anxiety. and escapism via reading, writing, and cookings lol YEP THATS ABOUT RIGHT LOL.

what actually happened: social anxiety is big for me lots of people don't take it seriously when i say i have it because i manage it well, but i found a great number of people who understood me this year when i said i have it... i was also an escapist writer this year, i often wrote when i was sad or mad instead of saying what was really going on and what i was feeling out loud (cancer / moon 5h vibes).

that's all for now!! keep an eye out next week for my newest set of predictions for my 23rd solar return year! are you interested in a solar return reading? consider purchasing a "sunny d" reading; read more about the reading and it's cost here!

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[phoenixisobsessed]

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited for, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone else who makes you smile💕

I’m gonna do them all because I love yapping HEUEHU. I think I already did something similar to the first one but oh well.

1. I loove my art style. It’s fun silly and whimsical.

2. I love my fashion sense. Not as fun silly and whimsical but it’s mine. Idk if I can put myself into a specific category so I just live as a silly guy.

3. I love my eeeyes I think they’re nice. Green blue grey ish lil shits with long lushes lashes you know it.

4. I love my little silly brain that gives me little silly ideas and the capacity to yap forEVER.

5. I love how much I have developed as a person over the past few years. I personally think I have evolved a bit. Like a pok��mon. In many ways.

NEEXT

1. I’m excited for TRANSFORMERS: ONE of course. I’m not American so I haven’t had the privilege of watching it yet.

2. Super excited to go to LEGO-LAND with my parents soon (we’re going there as a nostalgia trip since we used to go there all the time when I was a kid…hehe.)

3. I’m excited for the weekend to start so I can draw a bunch oml.

4. I am very excited to graduate here in June. FINALLY!!

Now to people I care about:

1. My best friend of almost 10 years by now. He has stuck with me through my cringe phase and we can literally talk about anything. That’s crazy. He was also my only irl friend in majority of the years.

2. My dad, he always makes sure that I am alright, and understand how proud he and my mom are of me. He a lil’ autistic but I love him anyway.

3. My home-class teacher in the 6th grade because holy fuck I would have actually genuinely not been here today if it was not for her. She was like my personal therapist and got me through so much shit. Praise her.

Now I shall pass it along to @screamce if he wishes to do this as well…xoxo shoutout to my first mutual on this app love this guy. Y’all should check him out btw its blog is SUPER AWSOM!! And so are his ocs…GRRR (Btw I will respond to your ask soon I just want to make something for it ;3 You’ll see. EHEUEHU)

[honeekyuu]

hi honey! im sending this to ask you how you decided that you wanted to pursue a PHD. im thinking of getting a phd in economics because I’ve always been super interested, but im not sure if that’s the path for me yet. what do you think are some pros and cons to getting one and how did you know that this was the right path for you??

-b.

hi!!! omg wow what a question. i will say first that everyones phd experience looks a little different, so i can talk ab mine but definitely take it with a grain of salt!!

i knew i wanted to do a phd because 1) i love being in school, and 2) while i was getting my B.A in linguistics, i had a lot of questions that were higher level and more specific than my undergrad classes could really get into. I also worked as a research assistant to a professor in the East Asian Languages and Civilizations dept for about 3 years, and she was my closest mentor and advisor in that time. she was a korean historian, and she encouraged me to keep studying something related to korean, because that had been my specialization of sorts when it came to choosing classes and research projects. i had a feeling around that time that i wanted to go on to a graduate program of some sort.

after i finished undergrad, i took a year off to figure my life out, and in that time, i worked one on one with a professor in the Linguistics dept at my undergrad for about 9-10 months. under her guidance, i wrote what would have essentially been a masters thesis about korean linguistics, and i knew in that time that i wanted that paper to be the paper i submitted to phd programs.

i think there are a few things to consider when thinking ab a phd:

phds are extremely individual research focused. my program doesnt offer a terminal master's degree (it's included within the phd program as a milestone), but phds are NOT like "undergrad 2.0". ive seen a number of people make that mistake in my program, focusing only on coursework and waiting for their advisor to give them research to do. im not sure how econ works, but in ling, we're thrown straight off the deep end into research. im only a 3rd year, and my master's degree research project was accepted into the top korean linguistics conference in the world, which is 100% a FLEX but also this is only happening because my advisors are cutthroat research gods who pushed pushed pushed me from the very first day. so please be aware that phds are very self-driven. you need the motivation to work on your own for long periods of time.

some people think a phd is a lonely experience. i think it certainly can be, because everyone is working on their own hyper-specific research project, but it's also very important for that reason to have friends. my closest friend in the department is 3 years above me, and we only became friends because i arrived screaming crying throwing up with fear and anxiety ab my work and he literally clocked me as the kid who needed the most emotional grounding LMAO. my other closest friend was literally my research assistant. he was an undergrad. but he was my age (korean military service delays college quite a lot, it seems), so once his contract w me was up, it turned into us helping him apply for grad schools too!! and now the four of us (them + my partner) have weekly stardew valley screaming sessions on discord and saturday brunch with animal crossing. it's not lonely, and i think that's because i knew it would be if i didnt make friends.

i think ill say one more thing before i stfu. grad school is hard. it's so so hard. please be aware of that. some days im drowning in mental health issues and fearing even a chance encounter in the hall with my advisors because i know theyll ask about something i havent gotten done yet. sometimes im literally sobbing on my couch, overwhelmed beyond belief wondering if i can do this. sometimes i become self-destructive and isolated and so terribly unwell that my mom starts calling my partner because i wont pick up the phone. it's fucking hard. but it's also the happiest ive ever been, truly. the really really hard days are worth it, because the really good days or even just the decently good days are much more frequent and amazing. running down the hall to avoid my advisor seeing me is worth it because, when things are good, he invites me to coffee and we spend 2+ hours talking about my future. he tells me he pushes me because he knows i can do what needs to be done and change the field. he makes my life hell because, once im through it, no one else could ever question the quality of my work and the job market is going to be so beautiful once i get there. i started grad school a nervous wreck with terribly low self-esteem who thought that my research could never cut it or be interesting enough. im barely going into my 3rd year, and ive been broken down and reformed into the kind of person i used to look up to, by my own sheer willpower to be the strongest i can be. im not afraid to fail anymore, because ive failed a million times in the last 2 years. im not afraid to fuck up, because ive fucked up so many times, in front of the two people who hold my future in their hands, and im still here. grad school is worth it to me because im the version of myself that the me from undergrad would never believe exists.

[melodyyblue]

Royal Academy DR

Hi <3 Today I’d like to talk about my Royal Academy Dr. @cocozydiaries gave me the idea and I love talking about my dr’s so thank you ^^ Also I’m shifting to that reality with my bestie @himerue <3

A little disclaimer tho: I won’t be able to go that much into detail about all the dates and stuff because I simply didn’t bother enough with it LMAO I’ll just surprise myself but I did come up with a storyline kinda?

Also another disclaimer: I have main character syndrome, if you can’t handle it, feel free to not interact with this post ^^

Anyways, let’s get started

About the school:

Name: Regent’s Hall Royal Academy

Founded: not sure yet, in the 18th century maybe?

Headmaster: idk but she better be hot

Motto: … don’t ask me

Location: I’m not sure if it’s in Britain or Britain inspired but basically a modern monarchy

Current time: 21st century

The academy has three main buildings: the biggest one is for the students from class 1 to 4, the second one being class 5 to 8 and then the classes 9 to 12 in the last building. They all live there because it’s a boarding school. -> idk I just came up with it, I need to ask my friend LOL

The school is considered a Royal academy because it was founded by the Royal family back then but it’s actually a school for nobility as well. In fact majority of the students are nobles but not royals. The royals who do attend are mostly from foreign countries. There’s also a social hierarchy among the students, where the princes and princesses are on top, followed by the children of duke’s, marquesses, count’s etc etc

About me:

Name: Seraphina Elaine (i forgot my last name lol) -> just checked I didn’t decide yet, so if you have ideas, drop them <3

Class: 11-A (so one year before graduation)

Noble Rank: Duchess

Usually the students are children of nobility, meaning they haven’t inherited their titles yet but will do so after graduation. I’m one of the exceptions tho. I have inherited my title at age 12 (?) already.

Backstory:

My grandmother is the queen of the nation. She has at least two children: the oldest being my uncle/aunt and the second one being my mom. Both of them also have one daughter: me and my cousin.

My cousin’s parents died I guess? Idk but she is the crown princess and will inherit the throne. She has also been sick since early childhood so the palace watches her carefully and makes sure she stays alive because they don’t wanna lose her. Why would it be bad if she’d die too? Well because then I would be crown princess and they don’t want that. Why? Wellllllll …

“The Duchess in Disgrace”:

As I mentioned earlier, I inherited my title when I was a mere child. That wasn’t out of my own free will. When I was 10/11/12 (didn’t decide yet) a scandal broke out in the entire kingdom: my father (who married into the family) was caught gambling with the national treasures money (so basically the tax money). My parents were exiled from the palace and stripped of their titles and lands. They were all passed down to me and I had to step in as Duchess. My parents now live in one of my estates that used to be theirs.

Even after a long time passed, people never forgave my parents (understandable tbh 😭 I’d be pissed too). Both the citizens and the palace didn’t like us but they couldn’t exile me too because:

My cousin:

Name: Elenor Sofia (google the Spanish crown princess it’s literally her😭)

Class: she doesn’t attend the academy

Noble Status: Crown Princess

During that time my cousin, heir to the throne, was in probably the worst state during all of her illness. It was also decided she might never be able to go through the harsh military training. So the palace sent me instead, because they wanted to get rid of me anyways. Originally my cousin would have to go through military training to become commander in chief of the country but I’d become commander in chief instead once she becomes queen.

So I went through the three year long military training abandoned by the palace, my parents being outcasts and me being hated by everyone who met me.

When I was 16 and done with the training, the palace didn’t want me to return so they sent me to the Royal Academy instead to study there. Although it was founded by the Royal family, the royal children of this country don’t usually attend the academy themselves but get private teachers in the palace instead.

So I enrolled into the academy for the remaining years of my education. It was at that time that I had enough of the treatment the palace gave me and decided to prove them wrong and that I was nothing like my parents. I immediately joined the student council and the highest ranking noble becomes the president by default. Obviously everyone knew who i was and instantly didn’t like me. But through the military training I built a hard shell so I was pretty much unbothered by it.

By being the student council president I also became the most powerful student in the academy. The headmaster and teachers aren’t royals, just nobles. So in the perspective of social standing I was above them. Also the student council president naturally holds a lot of power but because of the equation being me + royal + student council president = most powerful. I was basically ruling the school because the headmaster, although not letting me do everything, has to respect me. So I basically rule the school which the palace doesn’t like once they found out about it. (I told y’all I have severe main character syndrome)

When I started being president, rumors and nasty comments spread like wildfire. That’s when “the duchess in disgrace” started becoming my nickname that people said behind my back but never dare to say it in front of my face because again, I am the highest ranking noble in the academy (foreign princes and princesses don’t count) but I did hear about it eventually. I’m not sure how but I had an idea:

Gossip Girl/Lady Whistledown:

Yep, we all love them, we all hate them but I did recently get the idea to add my very own lady Whistledown. We have the official school’s newspaper and someone who anonymously spreads their own paper among the school that people love to read because every time someone else’s secret gets leaked or anything like that. And while the schools newspaper writes pretty neutral, this anonymous student doesn’t. They go full out, say nasty things and give people names. Through reading that paper I found out about people calling me “the duchess in disgrace”. I let it pass, unbothered because it wasn’t my job to stop the students from reading that paper as long as they all behaved in the long run.

Again, I’m not sure if I really wanna put that in because the thought of someone exposing my secrets at any given moment seems so scary to me 😭 especially if it’s so easy to prove it with a picture or a text. Maybe that anonymous person is less a gossip girl and more a Lady Whistledown who just comments on things (although she did reveal some secrets here and there). Also idk who that anonymous person is yet and what to name them, I was thinking maybe one of the student council members as we are working pretty close together and have access to the entire school’s records on everything and therefore easily have insight information.

But she could be relevant for my:

First day:

On the first day I’m shifting there, a new student arrives who gets everyone’s attention. That student is the Princess of the kingdom Verlace aka my dear friend @himerue . For reasons unknown she got sent to another countries royal academy and obviously everyone talks about her (including Whistledown?). Idk how it goes from there on, all we decided so far is that my friend also joins the student council. Also this happens one or two years after I enrolled in the academy.

But yeah that’s it I guess. Oh wait, my cousin right, we did get along well as children but bc of the scandal, her illness, my training and getting sent away to school, we grew apart. She does reach out to me from time to time but because I don’t trust anyone from the palace I’m not sure what she’s trying to archive. What I don’t know at first is that she genuinely tries to make amends with me but the palace and everyone else gets in our way. Also she is pretty bubbly and cheerful but hides her manipulative side well. She is a little possessive over me because her parents died, her grandmother has great expectations of her, the palace walks on eggshells around her and my parents aren’t there and therefore wants me all to herself.

I am also an academic weapon obviously, duh 🙄

This was so much fun! I’ll be talking about my MHA DR next but I think that post is gonna be shorter than this one because I seriously didn’t plan that much for that Dr 😭 Bye and thanks for reading if you managed to get this far with all my yapping 🫶

[qqueenofhades]

So l applied for a job as an English teacher (where I live it's taught as a second language) and my experience teaching is for like kids 10 and older, and this is for preschool, kids aged 2-5. So I never thought the would call me, because I was honest and told them l've never taught children that age, but they did and the problem is they gave me less than 24hrs to prepare for a class (they didn’t even give me the topics). And they're asking for pp presentation, didactic material ... And I just had to say no, they knew I didn’t have experience with children that young and I obviously don't have adequate didactic materials to bring for the children.

Yet I kinda feel bad and guilty for not having a job, and I can't help but think that maybe I'm the problem, I've been looking for a job for months and this isn’t even my university major. In my area they ask for like 3-5 years of experience, and this is for “people that just graduated” the salaries are minimum or barely above the minimum, they just don’t match the years of experience they’re asking for.

People they just don’t want to hire you to gain experience, I know you’re supposed to gain some with internships but I had at least half of my university time online because of the pandemic, some of my classmates even had online internships. And some jobs they outright tell you that they’re asking for “real experience” so those don’t count. Then if someone hires you they hold it over you, they expect you to leave everything behind and give 100% to the job, as in working and insane amount hours, at crazy times, if they’re generous they pay you the minimum but most of the time they have you there as an unofficial intern that it’s extremely lucky to receive some financial compensation; I mean who would’ve thought that we have to eat and try to survive week after week.

Honestly most days have become this despairing experience and this feeling in my chest and stomach just doesn’t go away.

Im sorry for this very long and sad anon message, it’s just that I’ve seen some anons leaving you similar comments. And you sound like a very mature wise person, I love that you talk about a lot of things 💖

First off, I'm flattered that I am seen as a good place for the younguns to come ask for sympathy and/or advice (I am a good internet grandma, etc). So yes, I shall give you hot cocoa and a nice spot to sit down and chat, metaphorically speaking.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but just so you know and/or hear it again: you're not alone, tons of young people are in the same boat, and it isn't your fault that we live in late-stage capitalism and the job market simultaneously wants 3-5 years of experience for an entry level job and pays you literal shit (but also wants you to somehow spend enough money all the time to keep the economy afloat, NO WAGE ONLY SPEND). Especially when Covid upended everything and now people want to discount online learning/work experience when there was literally no other option. It is a big bucket of crap all around, and while it can absolutely feel like a negative reflection on you personally, or that you're not good enough or not trying hard enough or not open enough to doing things completely out of your comfort zone because you have no other choice, it's not. There are tons of people who really WANT to be employed and have a steady job and at least enough to cover their basic necessities, but due to late-stage capitalism, it's just very hard. You are not the only one and this is not a personal character flaw or failing on your part.

You should not have to take a job you are completely uncomfortable with, especially when they give you literally zero chance to prepare adequately and don't give you any resources or time to support that transition (they'll begin as they mean to go on, etc). And likewise, I want to note that your university major/degree is not a binding contract that you can only work in that field, that you're a failure if you don't get a job in that field, and you have to look in that field first and foremost. Plenty of people do one thing in college and something totally different in their career, and it's okay if that happens, or if you have to work outside your college major for a while or even for the rest of your professional life. So as far as that part goes, I definitely don't think you need to feel any guilt about looking wherever you can, since as you note, the competition is hard for everybody and there's just not enough to go around (by design, since capitalism runs on manufactured scarcity). Once again: not your fault, you're not a failure, and you're doing your best. That is worth a lot.

I know that it sounds trite to say keep your chin up, but keep your chin up. When it comes to teaching ESL, it might be possible to freelance, to offer sessions virtually or over Zoom, advertise among your family and friends, etc., or other bit-part things to tide you over until you find a job (and take it from me, sheer bullheaded stubbornness is half the battle). There are also online tutoring sites and agencies such as Tutora (which I briefly taught for as a broke PhD student) or Study.com that can match you with remote/online work opportunities and get you some clients, rather than you having to do all the work to find and recruit them by yourself. This obviously won't take the place of an actual job, but it might help you patch some cracks and string together some income until you can find one.

Good luck! I'm rooting for you.

[artsyallouette]

There are no words to describe how devastated and furious with the ending of Good Omens season 2 I am. I have literally been sobbing on my couch for half an hour now after finishing it. Let me explain.

Season 1 came out in May of 2019 (or June. I don't recall). In July of 2019, I was diagnosed with a very bad case of OCD. I watched GO in June, shortly before that diagnosis, and I stuck with it through the thick and the thin. My mental illness got worse and worse over the summer, to the point where I was so riddled with my OCD triggers and a smattering of depression that I was contemplating suicide again, which had never been a problem before the summer, had to drop out of my university classes, and wound up admitting myself to a mental hospital by the first few days of October. I stayed there on and off, with few-day passes, until the middle of November. I went back to school (one class) in December, and I've slowly tried to claw my life back out of the gutter and make it to being the well-liked, Miss Frizzle type chemistry teacher I want to be when I graduate.

Season 2 was announced in 2020/2021. My life was still a mess, but getting better. I happily put everything, all my hopes, on another wonderful season. The more we heard, 'Soft and Romantic,' 'a sweet interim story,' the more excited I got. Others had their doubts, but after season 1 got me through so much hardship and pain, I trusted @neil-gaiman. Even as my mental health crashed and burned again in the summer of 2022, when my meds failed and I found myself considering a readmission to the hospital, I trusted Neil Gaiman and this season.

My fucking mistake.

This season has made me terrified for everything else I was eagerly anticipating this year. It's made me realise that people I respect and admired can easily ruin their own creations in the name of causing a stir and getting their goddamn season 3, instead of being happy with what they got in season 2. It's made me realise how everyone will do anything to keep getting their fame and fortune, and take love story that got me through everything I've been through in the last four years, and throw it into an inferno. Sure, I know the writers and authors don't owe me an ending I like, but to string us along for three years for that ending is downright reprehensible.

Maybe in the morning I'll feel better. Maybe in two years I'll feel better. Maybe, if this ploy works and there's enough hype for season 3, by the time we get that, I'll feel better. But right now, it feels like someone just took a knife to my guts. To ruin a beautiful, million year friendship and romance for a quick buck, turning their whole relationship into a shitty, toxic, one-sided mess and then really taking a grenade to it in the last ten minutes.

I was so happy for this season. And now I have only one thing to say.

Fuck off. You can count me among those who will not be posting again, will not be watching again, will not be helping you get a season 3 when you tanked season 2 in order to get it.

[3rddimension]

Underrated shourtney moments (not including twitch, I'll make a separate list for that):

-c being the main person responsible for planning his smosh graduation (we don't bring that up enough)

-him being so soft and cheering her on whenever they do physical competition stuff (the army fitness test from back in the day, the fbi fitness test, even the fifth grader PE test) he's usually super competitive in games but when it comes to those competitions he always makes sure she doesn't feel like she failed

-that bts moment in the 2020 sketch were they were filming a make out scene through the door because the sketch is about covid, she pretends to lean in to kiss him and they all awkwardly laugh

-the entirety of the every dog person sketch the chemistry was off the charts and their physical intimacy had cleared changed by that point it's clear as day in every scene

-the slime bucket punishment in summer games apocalypse when they play operation and S is responsible for dropping the slime on c and she asks him to watch out for bugs and he keeps trying to shoo bugs away for her <3

-the summer games we blew it where they're all doing the outro for the bouncy house competition and S sees c go to mess with Ian and his cute aggression just takes over and he goes to grab her and they start play fighting (HE LITERALLY HAS ALWAYS ONLY HAD CUTE AGGRESSION WITH C ONLY, those are the moments when you find someone so cute you need to grab them and squish them even if it's in the form of play fighting)

-my #1 underrated shourtney is their characters as Jordan and Rachel in Most Annoying Kid Series (that ship is sooo cute), that series genuinely makes them feel like different people to me it's insane their acting talent, S and C are playing high schoolers who have crushes on each other. He's the most annoying kid in school/class clown and she's the popular cool girl. I loved them seeing them (in character) explicitly crushing on each other in long format videos and not just a short bit for a sketch. I will say, they ruined their relationship arc in the most annoying kid joins tiktok video where they made him a creepy obsessive crush lmao but it's still a fun ship (OP there's a playlist for the most annoying kid series on yt if you can link it)

Those are all underrated one for sure. Also found the playlist! Will watch it later when I have time.

[causenessus]

HELLOOO GOOD AFTERNOON!! how are you doing <3 i already told u ab what happened at my school today but MORE HAPPENED. i was walking out to my friend's car since it was the end of the day and we were gonna drive back to our apt BUT BRO???? ness idefk what happened but a car bumped into me im not even joking 💔 like bumped me from behind and made me fall over. like how does that even happen omf 💔 not demure, nor mindful. BUT IM PERFECTLY FINE DONT WORRY!! i just scraped up my palms and my arms a liiiittle bit 🙂‍↕️ so i hate parking lots that was not cute at all

I SAW YOU AND MANGO ANON TALKING ABOUT ZODIACS A LITTLE BIT ONE TIME WHEN U ANSWERED THEIR ASK AND WAS LIKE OH!! NOW IM CURIOUS!! like im really not big on astrology i only know that im an aquarius thats all ive got! but i was searching up like what certain signs' relationships look like? i guess? or like compatibility? one of my friends are a cancer AND I KEPT SEEING THAT THEYRE THE LEAST COMPATIBLE W AQUARIUSES? (is that the right plural of it? aquarians? idk whatever) so like i had a revelation and i remembered you were a cancer so i was lowkey disappointed with all of the zodiac compatibility stuff i was seeing online 😞 ALSO I SAW THAT MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER!! (i mean like i saw through your post i didnt find their blog LMAOAOA) is this the end of an era?? if it is im gonna miss seeing their asks and your responses on my dash aaaaadbsjk they are so cute!!

ANYWAY lately ive been really pondering (i feel like this word is funny to me) what an ideal friend looks like to me because someone at school asked me that😭 i feel like the first people that came to mind were you and mango anon!!! i keep mentioning them SORRY i just adore how sweet they are omf 💔 why am i telling you this? idk! but i feel like in terms of friendships i seek out people like you!! i cant really describe the traits SPECIFICALLY but i feel like you're a super good friend ‼️ i was also curious what an ideal friend looks like to you though! cause i feel like people always look for specific traits or have traits that theyre naturally gravitated towards and they're always super different from person to person, yk? KINDA RANDOM THO LMAO

ALSO today in my speech n debate class my friend started drawing on my hand as we listened to people's oo's from the national oratorical (is that even what it's called i have no idea) and like... i totally zoned out.. so now im behind in that class JUST A LITTLE!! listening to peoples speeches can be so boring i have serious regrets regarding choosing that class honestly 😞 but i feel like it's also one of the more fun classes you can take to fulfill the speech credits for graduation so i GUESS im staying... some of the people in that class are super cool!! getting peer pressured into joining the competitive team sigh

THATS ALL IVE GOT TODAY!! I FEEL LIKE THIS ONE WAS KINDA LONG OOPS. how are you doing ness!! i hope you're getting enough rest! make sure you're drinking enough water and eating! AND DONT FORGET YOUR MEDS ‼️ I LOVE YOU

HELLO SAV!! i??? i??? i can't? A CAR BUMPED INTO YOU??? LITERALLY DID THEY LIKE APOLOGIZE??? MAKE SURE YOU WERE OKAY??? ANYTHING AT ALL???? THAT IS SO HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY BUT OMG THAT'S LITERALLY AN INJURY?? LIKE????????????????????????

AND AWH DW 😭 tbh i don't think i know many aquariuses (idk the plural version either!!) BUT THE STARS HAVE NOTHING ON US </3 AND YES!! MANGO ANON GOT A BURNER BUT I THINK WE'LL STILL BE YAPPING THROUGH ASKS A LOT <3 IT'S JUST FOR US TO BE LIKE "i miss u </3" and tell each other short things in the meantime 😭

AND AW THAT'S SO SWEET AND KIND THANK YOU SO MUCH :((( PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE AT ALL FOR BRINGING US/MANGO ANON UP!! you're not doing it a lot or anything so don't worry at all <33 idk who my ideal kind of friend is!! like everyone is so unique and i think i get along with most people <3 i just really appreciate people who are like very understanding and kind!! like obviously i'm very?? like soft hearted?? or like gentle. like for example i don't like to curse outside my fics bc for me i always associated it with being mad?? or just kind of scary?? like ofc i really don't care if other people curse!! it's just a personal preference/choice and so i think i just appreciate people who are observant and kind!! idk everyone super cool :D and i've learned a lot from people who are different from me so i like most people!! (just not middle school freshmen boys who are super rude and annoying and loud yk 🌝)

SPEECH AND DEBATE SOUNDS HORRIBLE 😭 I'M SORRY BUT I COULD NEVER I'M SO LUCKY MY SCHOOL DIDN'T HAVE A SPEECH REQUIREMENT OR ANYTHING BC I WOULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED </33 and i've always been like a very "idc!! u have ur opinion and i have mine i'm not gonna try and convince u to have my opinion!! like seriously idc pls i don't want to argue or debate!!" so i really just could not survive that class at all but best of luck to you!!

IT WAS GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU SAV!! i am doing ok!!! it's nice bc idk my manager didn't really schedule me this entire week 😭 BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!! I AM LIVING MY BEST LIFE WITH ALL THIS FREETIME LIKE I ACTUALLY AM REALLY ENJOYING IT so that's been nice!! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH <33 TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF TOO!! I HOPE YOU TOOK YOUR MEDS!!

[lovinggreeniehours]

🥺can i have story time from arion?

i wanna bug you more about artem actually. so tell me more about you two got together? who fell first? slow burn or pretty quick to pick up?

AND ALSO do you and artem have a favorite movie you two like watching together? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 (@comfortingstars)

you will get literally ANYTHING you ask for!!!!! because i like you lots <3

firstly, movie nights are Such a big thing for them wait wait wait i have an old doodle hdsgkfsfhj <3

they have their own set of favorite movies but the mutually agreed upon ones that they've watched together are probably the knives out movies and now you see me 1

okay real story time now >:) (sorry lmao this got so long)

short version: THEY TOOK LIKE. 10 YEARS TO GET TOGETHER 🤡 do you know how stupid they look to their friends lmao

long version they were friends!! in college!!!! hmm the details are fuzzy because it's been a while but iirc they had a class together, and had to work together for a partnered project. they both have horrible people skills so making friends outside of the project was a little hard. and eventually, they just kept gravitating towards each other until they suddenly realized they were. best friends(?) yeah let's go with that

at some point very early on in the friendship, knightley got a bit of a crush on him. which he confessed when they became more comfortable with each other. he was rejected, since ar.tem didn't want to get involved in any kind of dating life yet. but after some awkward tip-toeing around each other they went back to being best friends in no time

halfway into college, they got sick of the dorms and decided they would be much better roommates for each other than everyone else and proceeded to move into ar.tem's house. not in a gay way i promise. they only cuddle sometimes i swear-

okay now the Really funny thing happens after they graduate. and after ar.tem gets every single promotion he could ever get

he Does like knightley, he realizes. but ever since that confession incident, knightley has been incredibly focused on never crossing ar.tem's boundaries ever 💀 which manifests in knightley going "ar.tem's such a good friend <3 he's my best friend <3 that i am not gay about nor interested in at all <3 very platonic best friends <3" whenever asked /hj

this in itself isn't a problem though. ar.tem is actually very happy that his best friend holds him in such high regard. but. he kind of. also wants to kiss him. and he's not sure that's happening anymore. so what now 🤡 he lays awake at night wondering why he didn't go on a date with him like a decade ago

knightley does like him! and want to kiss him! very much. not a single thing has changed at all. it's just that both of them are very used to This now. and they aren't sure what to do about it so they just didn't 😭😭😭

but one day, ar.tem forgets something at home and leaves for work without realizing it. so knightley has to head there to drop it off for him and. ar.tem is never hearing the end of it from his colleagues hi celes.tine ("so 😳 who was that" "none of your business" "is 😳 is it your 😳 boyfr-" "IM GOING BACK TO WORK")

it's mostly her and rosa then trying to nudge him in the right direction 😭 it's a very slow, sweet kind of slowburn. just growing and evolving together as people

i imagine later on, knightley finds out about n.xx. i haven't decided yet if they get together before or after that happens

eventually, they do confess. there's a sort of new year party at the law firm and everyone keeps telling ar.tem to invite knightley

("you know if you kiss someone at midnight on new year they say it's good luck 🤭" "rosa please stop")

between that and knightley hanging around his room that night while he worked, ar.tem's resolve crumbled really fast. with the amount of hesitance and blushing ar.tem went through trying to ask him the question (like. as if he were asking him on a date), knightley had to put two and two together. so yes he did get that good luck kiss 👍 everyone clap. it took them an entire decade for this

[nimnomdimsum]

Strawberry Jam

The context of this is that a girl named Millie from the city got stuck on the side of the road and a guy named Ben (hot sexy farmer) helped drive her to his town to the mechanic (also super hot sexy) they spend a few day together and now they making jam cuz Ben grows strawberries

"You pour the hot water into the jars so they don't break when u put in the jam," he said in a grumpy but matter of fact tone.

"I know."

He looked at me strangely, with a hint of disbelief in his eyes "What do you mean you know?"

"I used to make jam with my ma when I was younger"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning back to stirring the strawberry jam "So yer one of those city girls."

I squinted and tilted my head to the side "What city girls?"

"The rich kind that had a garden in their backyard and 'farmed for a hobby'  the irritatin' ones"

Not feeling necessarily offended but more wronged, I huffed and said "that's mighty rude assuming I was a rich girl that had  expensive hobbies. Not that there's anything wrong with having a cute little hobby like making jam."

He looked back at me with a raised eyebrow and a smirk "You sayin I'm wrong?"

"I don't like sounding cliché, but yes, my family and I weren't dying of poverty but we sure weren't rich."

"Livin in the city? You were middle class at least "

"I didn't grow up in the city"

"Then where did u grow up, here?" He asked sarcastically.

"I grew up 3 towns away, about 50 miles from the town"

He paused his stirring, his eyes grew wide and he turned to me "You grew up in Yanner? The town of dust?"

"Yup, grumpiest people you'd ever meet", I said with a smile

"Then why you and yer family in the city, no one ever leaves yanner"

"Like I said, we weren't dying and I was smart kid. I got scholarships and my pa was the only farm that had kinda decent soil to farm"

"Fuck, millie, I didn't even grow up that fuckin poor. What school did you go to?"

"The one here actually, It wasn't fun" I smiled

He looked puzzled, does that mean they went to the same school? "why did you hate it, the kids too posh" he said dryly

I giggled " Nah, it was the drive here and back. Spent most of my day in those buses. Woke up at 4 am to get to school and got home at 6pm. Just in time to make and pack jam with my ma"

"School started at 8 and ended at 2, you tellin me you spent 8 hours a day just on a fuckin bus and u still went to school and did ya chores at home???"

"Yup! It was ok tho, got most of my homework and studying done on those buses. So I had a lot of free time when I got home and over the week ends"

"What did u even do on the weekends? Sleep?"

I chuckled "I wish. I was helping my ma sell the jam at this cute little tea shop in town. Ah I fucking loved making jam with my ma, she preped the fruit, I cooked and jarred them"

"Sounds to me u did all the work" he said a bit annoyed that my mom didn't do more with me.

"It was the deal tho, if I didn't want to help pick, clean, cut and peel the fruit, I'd have to make and jar the jam myself. I hated prep"

He shook his head with a smile on his face, of course she hates prep, the lazy shit. "You said u went to the school nearby? How old are u? I never saw u around."

"I didn't see u either, maybe you graduated before me. We also hung out with very different ppl. You probably would have bullied me, heh"

He didn't say anything for a while, he was a pretty shitty kid "I'm 25, the class of 2023"

My eyes when wide "no fucking ways. You're a lying shit"

"What, why tf am I a lying shit!?" He said annoyed.

I laughed hysterically "how tf am I 3 years older than u. I was the class of 2020"

It was his turn to looked shocked "THERES NO FUCKIN WAY YER 28, YER LITERALLY STILL IN SCHOOL "

"Yes fucking way. I've been studying for 5 years dude, i just dropped out fer a while cuz I developed a stress disorder so I looked after my family and worked for a mechanic in town."

"Who? There's only 3 mechanics in this area and my best friends one of them." He said like I just told him the most unbelievable thing in the world.

I rolled my eyes,"It wasn't Jackie, it was Mike, he was fine as fuck."

"Gross, don't be thinkin nasty things while talkin to me." He said a little upset but definitely grossed out.

"What? Can't a girl appreciate a guy's  good looks"

"Not when it's u Millie, I can practically see what u thinkin and it could make a sailor blush"

"Someones blushing alright" I smirked looking at ben's red ears.He scoffed , turning back to the jam. He was clearly embarrassed and annoyed, and decided to ignore me.

I didn't mind though, the silence was nice. It allowed me to look at the house more. It was quite big since it housed 2 other men, Jackie and Grant, they were sweet fellas and kind enough to let me stay here until Jackie fixed my car.

I hopped off the counter and walked towards Ben, he took notice of this but ignored me so I got closer til my chin rested on his shoulder.

"Can ya back off a lil, I'm tryna bottle this hot shit and I don't wanna spill", he said a little disgruntled

"Nah, you’re fine, plus if ya burn yourself I'll kiss it better,"  I said with a chuckle, a joke to lighten the old grump but instead of rolling his eyes or pushing me off, he froze and looked at me with wide eyes and his ears a bright red and looked back to the jam he was pouring into a jar. He slowly tilted further and further from the jar and closer to his hand, my eyes went wide and I pulled  his hand away "WAIT! I was joking, if you wanted a kiss, could've just asked"

He burnt even redder now, turning his head as far away from me as possible, under his breath he mumbled and 'oh' and I laughed. I turned his head to face to face me and tried to stare into his eyes but he averted contact, clearly very embarrassed. I giggled again and kissed his bottom lip since I was too short to reach his full mouth.

That got his attention since he gasped and looked at me with wide eyes, now his whole face was red, from his ears to his neck and probably lower, "Do you want me to do it again?"

"Yes”

Heyyyy…so this is kinda embarrassing but I wanted my bbg koi to judge it cuz this has been in the making for 2 years. HOPE U LIKE MWAH MHWA

Part 2

[acespaceacepilot]

Genuinely the academia fic makes me want to read every poem you cited!! Oh my god. Obviously I looked up Staying Quiet and I had a moment of stunned silence and wonder that you specifically knew the poem and exactly where it would be at home. Insane. Also reminded me of other great academia AUs in that now I almost want to write my english lit end of semester essays, thank you for the motivation. Anyway I'm here and not in the AO3 comment section because in the author's note at the start you mentioned having planned out what the characters would be doing and since you were on point with what you showed I am so so curious what else you've got for this setting 👀 in any case thank you so much <3

up top, thank you so much!! amongst my friends, i am a known poetry heaux. i go to poetry readings and feel my feelings; my partner got me a necklace that's engraved with a buddy wakefield quote. i have one of his collections signed to me. i fucking Love poetry.

hieu minh nguyen is one of my personal favorites and something was pinging around in my skull being like "hey! listen! there's a poem from them that perfectly fits astarion!" it fell Perfectly into place, shout out to my adhd background thoughts that were So Sure that hieu minh nguyen's poem should be there.

i'm going to put the rest below the cut, because. i have A Lot of thoughts and feelings

let's start with what i directly used in all my visions converted to blurs:

wyll is a low-rung english professor at a state school when he Could be at an ivy league bc of his dad’s nepotism. but wyll doesn't want a position his dad gets him, obvi. i want wyll to want to be out of his father's shadow, damn it.

(ulder is dean of a business school at an ivy league in my mind. it just fits. as a person with an english/linguistics degree: ulder ravengard has hella business major energy.)

astarion has taken a year or four off from school at this point. i hinted at substance abuse being the main reason that it's taken him so long to graduate from the law program? when he was the same age as his classmates, i think he partied A Lot and ended up having to retake some classes during his undergrad. i think i landed on coke being his chosen vice? idk it's vague for a reason. he's trying to get his life back on track

wyll and gale share an office space.

now here's what i left on the cutting room floor:

astarion is Still older than wyll, but not by more than six years

mizora is head of the english department. wyll has to play nice bc he's waiting to defend his dissertation and she'll be on the panel. she uses this to push her work or responsibilities onto wyll

lae'zel is doing her doctorate in anthropology/paleoanthropology. she's researching ancient war strategies and how social norms impacted them.

minthara is lae'zel's advisor because they'd have a Great dynamic. she specializes in biological anthropology. she can ball park which century any given human skull comes from.

shadowheart is working on her doctorate of psychology and specifically writing her dissertation profiling the susceptibility of cult victims mixed with religious studies to compile information about modern worship

1000000000% there are rumors about shadowheart's personal experience with cults. people say she goes by shadowheart so the cult she escaped from can't find her. she's heard every joke in the book about midsommar. there's some frat boy in the greek row that swears up and down that she bit his buddy hard enough to draw blood when they hooked up.

halsin and jaheira do ecology and agriculture, respectively. environmental sciences people. they both have tenure. halsin runs an internship for wetland management in the summer. jaheira is like a leading expert in soil science.

jaheira told mizora she was a bitch during a whole university department head meeting once and that's why halsin's the department head now.

minsc is literally just a coach. he does not teach Any classes and hangs out with the university's mascot Constantly. he coaches rugby and crew in the summer, basketball in the winter.

gale is a double discipline professor for history and cultural anthropology. So Close to getting tenure. his rate my professor score is mid as hell bc students either love or hate him because boy does this man drone onnnnnnnnnn

he's been on like four different digs in egypt and will talk about them at length but does that thing of "my second time in cairo. wait.... no. it was my Third time in cairo."

i posted this on twitter, but here's the couch lore: the couch in their office is a hand me down from gale's apartment because tara scratched it to hell on the corner of the armrests + the reason why the couch doesn't have any throw pillows is because gale didn't want to be tempted to nap and he already has a terrible time maintaining a work life balance

karlach is in sports medicine. she coaches the track team and works with weightlifters that have olympic aspirations. she was good enough to go to the last summer games for weightlifting, but an accident with a treadmill that she doesn't like to talk about prevented her from going.

she still has beef with gortash because he was on the shortlist for open spot availability.

she's Convinced that he's on steroids