#tho again.. could his decision to stay in the stars be influenced by that? that maybe he ISNT prepared to confront them like he thought?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

just read the new mutants issue where Charles chose to stay behind in space and my god the juxtaposition between Charles trusting Erik and Erik joining the hellfire club and wondering at his own trust worthiness. I wonder how much of Charles decision was him ultimately trying to avoid the fact that his first class had seemingly betrayed mutant kind and not be willing to face them and how much of it was Dani and Illyana's reaction to him having Karma mind control Illyana. the fact that Illyana was depending on him to ease her mind through limbo and in choosing to stay he forced karma to do it instead, probably fucking up their relationship in the process.

I love him, this is crazy, how much of this is him trying to runaway and how much is this him not trusting himself to fix things and how much is it just him trusting Erik?

i keep trying to put into words my exact thoughts about the sitch but there really is a lot for one issue aintit... oh charles you and your brain...

[twilightofthe]

ON “DAVEGATE”

Ohhhhhh BOY so I was behind on the Mando docuseries so I had been staying out of all the “Davegate” stuff cuz I didn’t know context or what exactly Filoni said and I just saw the second ep where he says the thing about the overarching theme of SW and....... ohhhhh boy, yeah, now I get why some people were like hmmmmmm about what he said 😂

Like uhhhhhh I’m very sorry mr. Dave I understand you have been working with SW for a Very long time and all, but how did you get “Anakin has daddy issues” as the theme of the prequels and Star Wars in general?!?!??

I mean, I’m just a humble fan, but I’ve never seen ANY portrayals of Anakin in SW media that imply he’s looking for a father or needs a father to make things better like? It never seemed to bother him, if anything, I feel like his past as a slave and working under Watto and dealing with the other adult racers and stuff makes him more disagreeable to the idea of a firm paternal authority figure telling him what to do. Like I agree with Dave that Qui Gon would have taken a more parental role with Anakin and that Obi Wan didn’t take a parental role at all, but I DEFINITELY don’t agree that it necessarily would have made things better or basically anything else on Dave’s (imho) ice-cold take on Obi Wan and how much he really cares

I mean, Anakin’s complicated relationship with authority in general is a whole ‘nother discussion on how while he simultaneously chafes against authority and is all about his own independence, but at the same time gravitates toward confident, intelligent, authoritative figures who he knows he can rely on to make difficult decisions and trusts to make the world make sense— or at least make sense the way he thinks it should be (and yes here I mean Obi Wan, Padmé, and Palpatine, in different ways). He’s a pleaser at heart, he wants to make the people he cares about happy with him because if he’s received validation from one he respects that means he’s done something Good because these authority figures he approves of are the examples of right and good in his world, so that means he’s fine to follow their direction because he trusts them.

Anakin did find a father figure in the prequels and as Dave said, it’s not Obi Wan (and that’s NOT a bad thing), the problem is it’s fucking Palpatine. Qui Gon was the wise, experienced older man who first saw potential in him and praised him. Yeah he might have started to see him as a father figure, maybe, we don’t have enough time. It’s enough for him to get to like the idea tho and start making a box in his head for “people who make the world make sense”= “people like Qui Gon”. Then, with Qui Gon dead, Anakin still has that now empty spot in his mind and immediately comes across another wise, experienced older man who first saw potential in him and praised him. Of course he’s gonna latch onto Palps as a new sort of father figure, because who else does he have? Obi Wan?

Nah, Obi Wan, he kinda recognizes as another who’s a little scared, a little lost, a little uncertain soul like himself. He’s gonna see Obi Wan as someone different because “you’re like me, you’re figuring this out as you go too”. Obi Wan doesnt become his father figure because right away there’s too much similarity between them, it puts them onto more of an equal level, they’re more a team figuring stuff out and rolling with the punches. He respects Obi Wan immensely and considers him another one of those people he would follow, but Obi Wan hasn’t gained his respect through insta-father impression, Obi Wan has gained his respect because Anakin has seen Obi Wan grow and mature along with his own apprenticeship, he’s watched Obi Wan be tested and prove himself time after time again. Anakin looks up to and respects Obi Wan and his authority because he knows Obi Wan, and knows just exactly how good he is. Obi Wan isn’t Anakin’s father. He’s his example, his challenge he’s always striving to meet, his hopeful equal, and arguably who he sees as his better half as much as he’s frustrated by him sometimes.

Anakin has plenty of authority figures in his life willing and offering to guide him, he doesn’t suffer from the lack of a father, and that’s not why he makes the choices he does. Anakin HAS a father figure throughout the prequels, that father figure just happens to be a fucking Sith Lord who guides him the wrong way.

If Qui Gon survived, I think Anakin would have turned out differently because Qui Gon would have filled that father figure role Palpatine had had, and that would have influenced him differently as well as the loss of Obi Wan as his Master would have. Does that make him “better” or less likely to fall? No, because Darth Sidious ABSOLUTELY would have still forced his way into Anakin’s life regardless. Anakin has a big heart, all it would take would be one time for Sheevy to make an impact on him and then suddenly Palps is right back corrupting him again, and I don’t think Qui Gon’s presence alone could stop it. In fact, it might make things worse as Obi Wan might not be as involved in Anakin’s life in this scenario, and Obi Wan played a HUGE role in keeping Anakin in the Light, or should I say making Anakin want to stay in the Light becaus HIS FALL WAS HIS OWN FUCKING CHOICE AND FAULT, NOT THE ORDER’S.

So yeah that was my spiel on Anakin tryna debunk the “daddy issues” theory, sorry Dave, I just can’t agree.

I don’t even have the energy to explain just why I’m like “uhhhhh nO?” about Dave’s take regarding the Jedi Order vs Qui Gon or his take on Obi Wan’s feelings regarding Anakin and why I highkey disagree, but other ppl have made better posts on that regardless lol

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: What poem would you want to be read at your funeral and why?

Surprisingly I don’t find this a morbid question at all. It is a question I haven’t given much thought to in a long time because when do we ever really question our mortality?

I suspect the younger we are the further we push it away. That is until a freak crisis of some sort hits us. I can think of a few occasions when perhaps I have thought about it momentarily. I have found myself in some freak situations where I thought I was going to die - like a mountaineering accident or when I had a parachute accident. But in those situations a poem to be read at your funeral is the last thing that you dwell on in your mind!

The only other conscious times I have thought about it was when I was going through Sandhurst as an army officer cadet. Towards the end of Week 8 or so the junior cadets have to visit Brookwood Military Cemetery to see the fallen - the visit is done by all cadets and it’s done not just as an act of remembrance but also a reminder that the fate of real lives could depend on the decisions you take as an officer. I can’t articulate the feelings that coarse through you as you read the youthful inscriptions of those who died in battle (past and present) and reflect it back upon your own sense of fragile mortality.

Surprisingly I didn’t think too much about poems or eulogies when I was out serving in Afghanistan. There simply wasn’t time to think too much. It’s hard to explain but there is simply too much going on both in and out of the heat of battle: the amount of work to be done between missions as well as the tiredness, lack of sleep, and exhaustion to manage whilst also doing anything - from playing silly pranks, playing sports, reading, writing, doing laundry etc - to take your mind far away from dark thoughts.

I think about my mortality more when I meet very old veterans on their last legs or when I attend solemn commemorative services.

I can think of many poems that I would love to be read at my funeral so it’s hard to decide. I especially like ‘Ithaka’ by Cavafy for instance. But I’ll go with Alfred Lord Tennyson’s ‘Ulysses’.

The last part of the poem especially resonates for me:

Come, my friends, 'T is not too late to seek a newer world. Push off, and sitting well in order smite The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths Of all the western stars, until I die. It may be that the gulfs will wash us down: It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles, And see the great Achilles, whom we knew. Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho' We are not now that strength which in old days Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

The full poem itself reveals Ulysses (Odysseus from Homer's Odyssey)  the ageing king who, having returned from the Trojan war, yearns to don his armour again and ride off in search of battle, glory, and adventure (leaving his poor wife Penelope behind). The poem ends with Ulysses triumphantly announcing his intention to sail off again on yet more adventures. After being away from home for ten years while fighting in the Trojan War, and then taking ten years to get back home to the island of Ithaca to his family, Ulysses feels ill at ease at home. The civilian’s life is not for him: he is made for battle and adventure and voyaging (even though, in the Odyssey, he manifestly hates travelling on the sea), and will never be content to be the stay-at-home king with a wife and son, living out the rest of his years on Ithaca and enjoying ‘the quiet life’.

Tennyson of course drew upon Homer's Odyssey but also drew upon Dante's Inferno, Canto XXVI, in which Dante is led by the Roman epic poet Virgil to meet Ulysses and hear his tale. In Homer, Odysseus is told by the blind prophet Tiresias that he will return home to Ithaca but will then make one more journey to a land far away from home. In Dante, this part of the story is fleshed out. Ulysses gathers his men together to prepare for the journey and exhorts them not to waste their time left on earth. He dies on this journey, which is why he is in Dante’s hell. Tennyson's character is somewhere in between these literary predecessors, as Ulysses knows he will set off on a last journey but has not done so yet. Critics also note the influence of Shakespeare, particularly his Troilus and Cressida, which also includes Ulysses.

Ulysses knows he is famous for his great deeds, but this is not what motivates him. Unlike Achilles, glory was never the goal of Ulysses, it was the spirit of adventure.

Indeed what I love about this poem is Ulysses’ inquisitive spirit is to be always looking forward. He has seen much and has seen a great variety of cultures, but this is all in the past. Experiences have made him who he is, but what matters is passing through the “arch” to the “untravell’d world” and constantly moving toward the ever-escaping horizon.

In addition to the arch, Ulysses uses another metaphor here, calling himself a sword that must “shine in use” rather than “rust unburnish’d.” Yet, at home he feels bored and useless, yearning to truly engage with what’s left of his life. He is impatient for new experiences, lamenting every hour and every day that he does not seek “something more.”

Ulysses’ quest for adventure and fulfilment, like the goal of Goethe's Faust, is defined by the pursuit of new and unique knowledge “beyond the utmost bound of human thought.” Adventurer isn’t just about experience it’s about knowledge and, one hopes, wisdom.

Tennyson wrote this poem just after the death of his friend, Arthur Henry Hallam in 1833. Tennyson found himself thrust into the role of Ulysses. Confronted by the death of his friend, Tennyson noticed a sudden urge to drive forwards in life and not settle for the commonplace. As stated in the poem, ‘death closes all,’ enlightening the poet to the need to make the most of his life before it escapes him.

The poem’s final line is the most famous. The need ‘to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield’ fits into the Victorian urge to escape the tedious nature of day-to-day life, to achieve a level of mythical fame reached by the classical heroes, to travel ‘beyond the sunset, and the baths of all the western stars.’ Tennyson doesn’t want to conform, he wants to challenge himself, and he wants to break new ground before his inevitable death. Just like Ulysses, Tennyson wants to go out adventuring rather than settle for regular life.

But where most people have misunderstood the poem is in that final line. They tend to only focus on the last line at the expense of what comles before. So “‘To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield’ is meremy seen as a monumental pronouncement for unbridled success and arrogant pride disguised as optimism. But it’s one that is isolated from its context within the poem as a whole. Indeed in doing so it robs Tennyson’s poetry of its fragile nuance. People forget to think about the last line within the context of the two lines above, “ One equal temper of heroic hearts/Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will.”

Despite being stoic and leading a life of meaningful purpose (heroic even), life still leaves us room with doubt and equivocation. As Tennyson himself suggested, confidence and doubt are equal elements of his poem’s meaning: he said that it ‘was written under the sense of loss and that all had gone by, but that still life must be fought out to the end’.

The struggle between the sense of loss and the desire to fight life out to the end remains unresolved at the end of the poem. I think this titanic struggle remains true even if one has religious faith and a belief of resurrection of an after-life. As a believing Christian I see no tension in this other than the ones being pulled on the human heart and the divine soul.

In the end Ulysses' enduring challenge to himself, is a challenge to us, to push ahead with energy and strength of will no matter how old or weak our bodies are. To yield to age or weakness is to be less than fully human and yet paradoxically when our bodies give out and we fail it’s also very human. As honourable as it may be to live a peaceful life without risk, we miss the most exciting aspects of life if we do not venture out, at least a little bit, into the unknown. For me as a Christian, the unknown (or as Donald Rumsfeld would put it ‘a known unknown’) is of course the ‘undiscovered country’ beyond life, the eternal life in the presence of Christ. As such Tennyson’s poem - as I like to think about my life - is not one of past lament but one of future hope.

Thanks for your question.

[firegrilled]

Mommas’ Boys - Part 7

@erejeanweek2k19​ Prompt: Roommates

Summary: Celine Kirschtein knew of Eren’s tendencies to be bold in his decisions once he made up his mind, but she never expected to be ont eh receiving end of it when he decides he wants to marry Jean. Thankfully Carla is there to help guide her son in the right direction :D

Part 1 | Part 8 End

“So tell me, what are your plans once you graduate?” Celine dared to ask, causing Jean and Eren to pale. She poked her fork around the remnants of her salad in a vain attempt to scrape up another mouthful. “You graduate from Sina University in a semester, surely either of you have something lined up. You can’t stay in that terrible apartment together forever.”

“Uh… I’m still applying to potential jobs but I kind of want to take a break to spread my wings before I get chained down,” Jean answered, earning a frown from his mom.

“That’s all well and good but it’s important to get a few practice interviews in there,” Carla advised. “I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say I did something similar before I married Eren’s father.”

Eren paused briefly before shoving a large piece of steak into his mouth.

Jean gave him a deadpan stare.

“Seriously? What part of don’t bite off more than you can chew don’t you get? I know it’s all you’ve ever done but get a grip,” Jean chastised Eren in front of their mothers.

Eren growled back while he chewed his food.

“Thank you, Jean. I’m glad you’ve been trying to be such a good influence on him,” Carla smiled fondly. “Also thank you treating us to such a nice dinner.”

Blushing at the compliment, Jean scratched the back of his head. “It’s the least we could do for our two biggest supporters.”

“Oh hush,” Celine giggled, waving her hand in front of her. “We’re your mothers, it’s what we do.”

“Even if we never expected you two to make it four years as a couple,” Carla shrugged.

“Mom!” Eren whined, his cheeks reddening.

“What? When you two always fought as kids I just never would’ve guessed-”

“Please stop,” Eren practically begged his mom, earning another chuckle from Celine.

Before he could be embarrassed, Jean stood up.

“If you would excuse me, I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back,” Jean stated as he pushed his chair in. He leaned over Eren and tousled his hair quickly before running off, just as Eren tried to grab his arm.

“What did I say about touching my head?” Eren called after him in a huff, crossing his arms when he got a playful smirk from his boyfriend.

“You two are adorable,” Celine commented, laughing at the display with Carla.

“Yeah, I’m gonna marry him,” Eren declared, grinning.

Carla and Celine both stopped, dropping their cutlery. They blinked a few times until Eren noticed their change in demeanor.

“Excuse me?” Celine asked, a bit flabbergasted by the sudden statement.

Carla pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head.

“Eren, honey, did you just now decide this?” Carla wondered, a bit more versed in her son’s habits.

“Yeah, why?” Eren faced his mom wearing a puzzled expression.

“Then please don’t ask him when he returns.”

Furrowing his brow, an offended look made its way onto Eren’s face. “Why?”

“For starters you need a ring, but also because you should make the proposal special. Oh and you need to ask Celine for permission first, you are trying to wed her son after all,” Carla advised, counting with her fingers as she stated each fact.

Eren turned to face Celine, his face suddenly serious.

“Ms. Kirschtein, can I please marry your son?” Eren asked.

“No, not like that!” Carla sighed. “Don’t ask like you wanna go on a date with him. Tell her why!”

Celine bit back a smile at Carla’s commentary. She knew of Eren’s rather straightforward yet blunt way of speaking but Celine never anticipated being on the receiving end of it.

“Jean has made me so happy over the last few years and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’d like to have your approval,” Eren tried again, leaning forward over the table to get loser to Celine.

Fighting back some tears, Celine nodded. In a quiet voice she replied, “Yes, you definitely have my permission.”

Celine fanned herself with her hands while Eren fell back into his chair and cheered.

“Hell yeah!” Eren all but shouted in the restaurant, drawing the attention of everyone around them.

When they noticed all eyes on them, Celine and Eren tried to regain their composure in time for Jean to return. He quirked an eyebrow as he sat down, wary of all the eyes on them.

“Why is everyone staring at us?”

---

“Thank you and have a wonderful day,” Celine replied in her best saccharine sweet tone as the camera on her laptop turned off. She quickly hung up the phone before sinking into her leather chair and letting out a deep breath. “God I hate Monday meetings. Carla, how many do I have left?!”

A familiar head poked into her office, wearing a tiny smile. “Another three hours, Ms. Kirschtein.”

“I’m getting too old for this,” Celine said, tilting her head back in exasperation. She winced when her ringtone suddenly went off. Almost chucking her phone into the nearby trashcan, she paused when she recognized the caller id. “Erwin?”

“Hey Celine, it’s time. Can you and Carla hurry to my office?” Erwin asked.

Celine’s eyes widened as a mixture of nervousness and joy shot through her body. She looked at her calendar and confirmed the date. “Yes! Of course, we’re on our way. Carla, cancel the rest of my meetings. It’s time!”

Carla’s eyes widened before an emotional smile spread over her face. “Sure, I’ll do it on the way.”

The two woman practically sprinted out of the bank towards Celine’s newer BMW. Carla started calling a flurry of customers while Celine sped along an old but not forgotten route. Her car arrived at Trost Prep but she parked it under a tree in the back away from prying eyes. The two mothers smiled upon seeing Celine’s old Honda parked near the entrance.

“Yo, this way,” Levi called out to the women, already waiting for them by the entrance.

“Thank you, Levi,” Carla greeted him.

Levi led them down the nostalgic corridors, though this time for a much different purpose. They passed familiar faces and teachers that waved to them. The two women returned the gestures but kept quiet on the journey to the principal’s office. They barely made it two steps in before Hanji looked and them with the biggest grin.

“Congratulations you two!”

“Not yet, Hanji. And save it for the real stars of the show today,” Celine dismissed but shared the receptionist’s enthusiasm.

Levi ushered them into Erwin’s office. Inside the principal was missing but there were already a small crowd gathered. Against one wall stood several younger adults that Celine recognized from stories that Jean told of college but she didn’t recall their names. She did recognize Marco and Armin standing next to each other holding hands, as well as Mikasa and Annie across the room from them. Both couples already wore rings.

“Alright that covers everyone. Children on the wall and moms to their station. Oh and give your best angry mom expression,” Levi advised, a tiny smile crossing his face.

Celine and Carla walked towards the desk and turned to face the door. They leaned against the desk, Celine crossing her arms while Carla rested her hands on her hips. Their eyes fell to the lone tiny blue chair in the room. A hard plastic chair meant for a first grader sat facing the desk with a tiny velvet box on it. Carla felt goosebumps crawl down her neck at the memory of this chair, or at least one like it. How many years had it been since these two mothers were first called into this office to reprimand their sons for fighting?

The fond memories faded as the sound of a ruckus and the faint roar of Erwin’s deep voice echoed outside the door.

“…coming back to this old school for what? Do you even know what the crime for trespassing is?” Erwin’s deep voice came could be heard.

“We’re sorry, we were just having a trip down memory lane! No need to call the cops, Erwin!” Jean’s pleading could be heard, earning a snort from some of his friends.

“That’s Principal Ackerman to you. Oh don’t worry, I already contacted something much worse,” Erwin warned as the knob turned.

Celine and Carla put on their best angry but also disappointed expressions as the door opened to reveal a rather flustered Jean, a disapproving Erwin, and a stoic yet defiant Eren.

Jean’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped upon seeing the two parents. “Maman? Ms. Jaeger?”

“Jean Alexandre Kirschtein, really? Breaking into your old school? I thought I raised you better!” Celine narrowed her eyes, clicking her tongue.

Jean paled at her chastisement, shrinking visibly at her words.

“Eren Jaeger, I know I raised you better,” Carla feigned anger, almost cracking a smile at her son who merely smirked at her words.

It took Jean a moment to notice the others hugging the side of the room before his head snapped from side to side to take everyone in.

“Wait, what the hell?” Jean spoke, confusion in his tone.

Eren took a few steps forward before bending down and picking up the tiny box and sitting down in the comically small chair.

“This all seemed rather fitting considering its where spent the most time together in school,” Eren briefly stated. “Jean, we’ve fought more than anyone I know yet became the best of friends and more. Every day with you has been such a fun experience and it’s not something I want to give up when we graduate. In fact, I want to experience this for the rest of my days with you if you’ll have me.”

Eren cracked open the velvet box to reveal a shiny silver band with a band of tiny blue gems inlaid around half the ring.

Taking a step back, Jean covered his mouth with both of his hands. His eyes widened as his blood ran cold, the gravity of the situation falling on his shoulders. The room stayed silent while he trembled. His hands slowly fell to show a fragile smile on his face. If any water tried to form at the edges of his eyes Jean restrained them.

“Yes, you magnificent asshole, a thousand times yes,” Jean managed to squeak a reply before dropping to his knees to embrace his new fiancé.

Their friends let out a small cheer while their mothers exchanged hugs.

Celine sniffed as she witnessed one of the happiest moments of both her’s and Jean’s life unfold.

Levi walked behind Erwin’s desk while everyone celebrated, bending down to rummage through his drawers. When he found what he was looking for he cleared his throat.

“Oi, for the new love birds,” Levi caught everyone’s attention as he slammed a bottle of Chardonnay on the desk.

Even though most of the kids exchanged confused glances, Celine and Carla were doubling over from laughter. A story to tell their sons at a later date.

To Be Continued in the Final Part

[nordic-breeze]

I was going through my files and I came over this document I sent to my friend @distant-rain pretty much the same day I realized I had fallen in love with Arthur, after weeks of being in denial or shrugging off my daydreaming of this cowboy as nbd or thought experiments and boy was I confused. 

I knew next to nothing about RDR1 when I wrote this December last year and I didn’t know much about RDR2 post chapter 2 either except for Arthur’s fate, which I had just learned of, and oml was I upset and confused. Though also scaringly accurate about certain things.

Now over six months later, I love this cowboy even more. And I kept true to my word. If anyone wanna read the rambings of a fangirl who had just found her new obsession be my guest.

I was blown away by how massive this game is. The level of detail is incredible and I greatly appreciate the effort put into creating this world. Yeah, we’ve all heard about the horse testicles shrinking in cold weather but it’s not like it’s just one bizarre detail being essentially a dick joke in an otherwise average game. No, RDR2 is detailed enough that it actually makes sense to add in peculiarities like that. The amount of wildlife alone, I mean, ever since the PS2 era I’ve been used to seeing animals in games but R* created whole-ass ecosystems in RDR2, several of’em, from snowy mountains to marshlands, with animals that act so much like actual animals. Just listening to the birds singing, it’s like being out in an actual forest!

Characterization is another thing that amazed me, in particular the protagonist. I knew nothing about the first RDR when started playing RDR2, nor did I know anything about RDR in general other than it was western-themed and made by the GTA-guys. I expected somewhat of a similar characterization as GTA where every character is a stereotype or a caricature. I genuinely liked GTAV’s story for what it was and even though every character was more or less an asshole, some of them were also weirdly likeable and even earned my sympathy (and hint of affection) occasionally.

But it never really went deeper than that nor was it particularly long-lasting (still way more than I expected tho). I bonded with one of the characters more than I thought I would but not nearly as much as I would had the characters felt more like actual humans and not like the epitome of stereotypes. But it is what R* wanted and it worked. I expected the RDR2 characters to be the same but to my surprise the characters, especially Arthur, are fleshed out, complex, even relatable (depending on your actions I guess). Unlike GTAV, they act and react like actual human beings. Well, human beings that have lived their entire life (more or less) as outlaws. In a country and time period foreign to me. But still they felt human. Ofc I’ve not gotten to know any of the NPC’s as well as Arthur but from various missions and eavesdropping on their conversation I’ve gotten to know them a bit. Hosea is my favorite. He seems like a good man despite being an outlaw and I love how everyone goes to him for advice and how supportive he is. I also wish more people (esp a certain Dutch man) could listen to him more. I also really like Charles. He definitely got morals and could be a good influence on Arthur and the others. I haven’t seen much of Sadie yet, but think I’ll like her too. Lenny seems nice. That one scene when he and Arthur went out drinking together was absolutely brilliant! And lil Jack’s adorable ofc. Only one I don’t like is Micha or Miach or whathisname. I know no one in the van der Linde gang are saints but that guy is a total psychopath. I kinda wish Arthur had gotten his way there when he said they should just leave him in jail as he was nothing but trouble and it annoys me how Dutch is sticking up for him. Yeah, speaking of, not too fond of Dutch or that German guy either atm.

But all in all very impressed by the large open world, the level of details to well, everything and the characterization. Soundtrack is great, graphics are stunning, animations smooth, the horse-riding simulation is just extraordinary and you never know what’s gonna happen as you ride through the map. The amount and variety of random events and encounters are truly impressive. Often comical, like that wildlife photographer who keeps getting almost eaten up by the wildlife he’s trying to document, sometimes eerie like the serial killer side story, or sad like when Arthur met with his former love. Or a combination of said elements like the pig farmers I ran into. With no pigs. But were still veeery well fed. You know, when people are just a liiitle bit too friendly? That eerie feeling you get when you just know something’s wrong but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Until you can. I thought they were husband and wife I really did. You shoulda seen my face when I realized they were in fact brother and sister. Me and Arthur had the exact same face. They were living as husband and wife tho. Well, up until I killed them.

I also love the contrast between the more ‘modern’ world and the simpler life. I could go into town, buy food at the saloon and rent a room or take a bath at the hotel. Or I could ride a few mins out into the wilderness, hunt and gather my own food, cook it over a bonfire and sleep under the stars. Electricity exists, but people are still completely dependent on oil lamps and open flame. Trains and trams exist, cars have been invented, but people still mainly travel on horseback. This contrast between old and new as an era is ending and the modern era is about to begin has been an amazing experience considering the level of detail the game has. The colonization of the new land, which has been largely unknown to me, the contrast between this and modern-day America we see on TV. So many people did not even speak English, I often find abandoned buildings, or burnt-down buildings, some with bodies inside, leaving me wondering what happened to them, I found a ghost town whose inhabitants had been wiped out by a plague. It was tough for many I reckon.

In fact, I find the exploration of this foreign but also somewhat familiar, beautiful but harsh world and its many random events and encounters waaay more interesting than the actual main story itself, which is why it took me forever to reach chapter 3. In fact, the story is probably my least favorite part about RDR2, as backwards as it may sound. I’ve never been into western stories or aesthetics, and I’m certainly NOT into the whole ‘outlaws till the end’ stuff ugh. I fail to sympathize with the whole ‘boo-hoo the world no want outlaws like us no more it’s unfair’. Ugh, go cry me a fucking river. And then go get a job. A real job. Yeah, I get it that adapting to society is tough, life’s tough deal with it and stop preying on others. Wow, robbing two trains in short time and staying in the same fucking area actually has consequences, I’m so shook!

So yeah, story-wise I don’t quite ‘get it’ and Dutch is really starting to get on my nerves, which is probably why I prefer to just ride off alone and experience the world. I guess RDR2 story will rely heavily on being torn between gang loyalty and your own morality and principles but since I have virtually no concept of group loyalty that is all lost on me. My own morals and principles all the way. I’m like, ‘these people suck, take Hosea, Charles, Sadie, Tilly (maybe John Marston and his family) and leave these bitches behind’.

At the beginning, I did kinda liked Dutch. He seemed genuinely sorry for Sadie, took her in and saved her life, even if it meant another mouth to feed in dire times. And he showed Kiran mercy despite hating the O’Driscol’s. But as I’ve progressed thought the game, his grand speeches about sticking together, sticking with him, slowly but surely has turned from pep-talk to keep people’s spirit up to sounding like a cult leader desperate to keep his following no matter the cost. Yesterday when I was playing, I overheard him quote some quasi-philosophy book to Lenny and used the words to twist them into his own convictions to support his decisions. And when Lenny objected, Dutch literally said ‘you’re breaking my heart, kid’. Wow Dutch, talk about manipulating your protégé.

It was the mission when those lawmen approached Arthur as he was fishing with Jack that really made me consciously see Dutch in a new light. Up until then, RDR2 had mostly been fun and games but that conversation left me feeling a bit uneasy. But I just figured it was the main story finally picking up pace and also, I figured I was near the end of the chapter. I carried on, suddenly eager to see what would happen and was thoroughly surprised by how the chapter ended. In a bad way.

While both chapter 2 and chapter 3 begins with a ‘new start’ vibe, chapter 3 felt very different from chapter 2. Mostly it was that feeling that Dutch’s obsession with ‘sticking to this life’ is going to get people killed. Idk, it’s this eerie feeling something’s wrong but can’t quite put my finger on it-feel again. But thanks to internet being internet I already knew some spoilers so I couldn’t help but to look up something and… well, let me put it this way. I’m never going to finish this game. Ever. It breaks my heart because in so many ways it’s truly an amazing game and a fantastic experience. But I’m just not that into the story, I don’t like where it’s heading and I don’t want to see what’s coming to character(s) I’ve come to care deeply about.

I still want to explore the world more, see what unfolds, do more challenges, add stuff to my compendium, maybe get some trophies… but I doubt I’ll ever progress much story-wise. Quite the contrary, I might reload an earlier save and just stay in chapter 2 forever.

(wrtten a couple of days later)

Seems my instincts was right on the money, esp concerning Dutch. Sad thing, I do believe he is sincere. In the first few chapters at least. He is manipulative but I also believe he’s convinced himself that he’s doing the right thing. And then his obsession will eventually get the better of him and when people and the lifestyle is slipping away from him, he doesn’t handle it well at all. Ugh, it’s so frustrating, I just wanna gather all my favs and yell: “leave nooow, before it’s too late!

It’s not for the sake of spacing it out or making it last. I just don’t want to progress in the story at all. I hated losing Horseshoe Overlook. HATED IT HATED IT HATED IT!!!! Yes the new place is beautiful, yes I know it’s the life of the outlaws and RDR2 does show that life for better and for worse whereas most stories tend to romanticize the whole thing, yes as outlaws they can’t stay for too long in one place. But as mentioned I have a hard time sympathize with and immerse myself into that lifestyle. Yes, I got all my upgrades and a whole new area to explore, a bigger nearby town, and closer to that big city. Still hated it. Horseshoe Overlook was my place. The Heartlands was home. And the view was stunning! And I liked Valentine. It was small and dirty but I had good memories from there. Until I had to shoot up half the town. My motivation for continuing the main story is at absolute zero.

It was more what the transition represented, I guess. You never know what will happen in RDR2. And it’s true, for random encounters, and many of the individual missions. But when it comes to the story as a whole, I feel like I already now can predict how it’ll play out. Every chapter begins with the gang on the move, finding a place to settle down and have a fresh start, even chapter 1 (as they were on the run bc a heist gone wrong or something). Then they settle down, go into town to get to know the area and establish connections and looking for easy money, often at the expenses of others. X random events later, they get too overconfident or careless, screws up or get hunted down, it ends with a shootout, then they are on the run again, finds a new place to settle down where Dutch promises that THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT until they’re wanted on the entire map and can’t go anywhere cos the wild west is ending. I really liked it at Horseshoe Overlook and whenever Im in that area again I’ll just get sad.

I had no idea I’d gotten so emotionally invested so I was really surprised at how much I disliked moving camps and all. I’ve also gotten so fond of Arthur. I was so busy with exploring, doing challenges, learning to hunt etc I didn’t even realize it happening. Until one scene had me almost tearing up! I think because, we as the player really have to look out for him. Even though I make sure that he eats regularly, he’s still underweight. When out riding I usually set up camp when night falls so that Arthur can get some rest. Something I’d never think about in any other game. And I always give him coffee in the morning. Then it’s his journal that gives such valuable insight into who he truly is as a person. There’s no doubt he’s so much more than just a mere outlaw. He writes surprisingly well and is open and is surprisingly honest about his thoughts and feelings. How torn he is between the life of an outlaw and wanting to be a better man, a better person. How he admired Charles because, for him it was ‘so easy to just be good’ whereas he himself always feel torn between good and evil. And his journal entries when he meets his long-lost love Mary and saves her brother from the cultists. The expression on his face as he said goodbye to her on the train station… how utterly heartbroken he was… how she still loved him too… man, that one tore at my heart. Still does when thinking about it.

I wish I could take Hosea, Charles, Sadie, Tilly, John’s family and maybe Lenny too with me, run off and start anew. Charles would have good influence on Arthur and encourage him to turn his life around and find his place in society and encourage John to be a better father and role model for Jack and they could all learn how to live as free men and women without robbing or hurting anyone (unless they deserve it). Like, Charles is an excellent hunter and tracker. He’d totally get enough food for the gang and maybe even enough to sell. He could train Jack too. Hosea was always more of a conman/grifter than a brute/robber. He could con bad guys or rich assholes Robin Hood style. If anyone gave him grief, John and Arthur would settle the score. Arthur could sell animal pelts and John could take up carpeting. They’d be such a happy lil family. But, RDR1 is yet to happen so it’s all just wishful thinking *sigh*