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stormhearty · 6 months

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✨ pairings: Lucien x Reader, Elucien

🔮 preview: Hanahaki Disease definition: “If your love is not getting returned, flowers start growing inside your body, suffocating you from the inside. Surgical removal is dangerous and you're dying without your soulmate's love.”

📣 trigger warnings: pining, unacquainted romance, vomiting, mentions of blood, ambiguous ending

🔎 rating: PG-13 | 🔏 word count: 4.5k

💜 masterlist + notes: I am the Queen of Angst, as per @prythianpages… another one for the books. I loved Lucien, I loved him since ACOTAR. And so, it is time… to give him some angst to his already angsty story. I do hope you guys enjoy it!

“Lucien —-”

You gasped his name, struggling against the bonds that bound your hands behind your back, your knees ached against the stone ground. Tears lined your eyes, watching Lucien leave your side, tugging the turned middle Archeron sister into his arms, her wet form shivering from being drowned into the cauldron moments earlier.

The world around you slowed and all you could focus on was how Lucien held the sister so tenderly in his arms. For a moment, his back stiffened, and looked over his shoulder — back at you. Your eyes connected and all you felt was a burst in your chest — one that glowed but also one that was slowly suffocating you.

A mating bond.

Another gasp escaped your lips, head bowing as you pressed your forehead against the cool stone underneath your body. Your chest heaved, gasping as your back arched — your throat burned, your chest ached, you felt as if your lungs were on fire. You felt like you were burning from the inside out. Tilting your head up, you hoped that Lucien’s gaze was still on you, that he would abandon the Archeron sister and return to your side — you had hoped that the mating bond snapped for him as well; however, that wasn’t the case.

The eldest Archeron sister snatched the younger back into her arms, pushing Lucien away, him stumbling back from the strength. You watched as Lucien and the middle sister’s gaze intertwined, and even from your position, you could hear the disbelief in his tone.

“You’re my mate.”

The world tilted in front of you, and chaos ensued. You didn’t care whether Tamlin had broken out of his bonds and stalked towards Feyre. You didn’t care that Feyre was begging Tamlin to break the bond between her and Rhysand. You didn’t care that the Hybern King had caused all this madness — just for the Cauldron.

You just didn’t care.

Because all you cared about was the fact that Lucien had felt the bond with the middle Archeron sister — the beautiful Cauldron-Made fae — and not you.

Your world blurred behind your eyes, and you didn’t even realize that Mor was winnowing everyone of the Inner Circle away — the ward had been broken, and everyone was escaping. You watched as she ripped the Archeron sister from Lucien’s grasp, the male roaring at the loss of his mate. He clawed and grasped the ground where she had laid. You wanted to call out to him, tell him that you were still there — that he had another mate. But your voice died in your throat, and you barely could even let out a whisper of his name. Your throat burned, and you felt your lungs constrict and you couldn’t get any air in your lungs.

Pressing your hand against your throat, you wheezed.

You couldn’t breathe.

Panic set into your features as you clawed the palms of your hands, blood dripping down onto the ground. Arms gathered around you, tugging the bonds away from your wrist as you looked up, “—-Mor…” you choked out, grasping her upper arms as you struggled to get to your feet. You focused on her, and not the fact that your body was slowly being deprived of air.

She pressed her lips on the crown of your head, soothing you, as if she knew exactly what had happened between you and Lucien, “Hold on tight, (Y/N), we’re going home… You’re going to be okay…”

Wrapping your arms around her shoulders, you glanced at Lucien, watching him snap his head back towards you as if feeling that you were going to be taken away from him as well. Your eyes locked with his and you felt tears cascade down your cheeks.

“(Y/N)—-…!”

Your name slipped from his lips and all you saw before you were taken in swirls of light and darkness, was his hand reaching out to you.

“(Y/N)…”

You held up a hand, stopping a worried Feyre from coming to your aid. Eyes locked with hers and all you could do was shake your head, a silent plead not to draw any attention. A moment of silence passed before your gaze drifted up those familiar marble steps, the scent of your mate lingering in the air.

Lucien had just stopped by the River House and passed you — heading up those stairs… into Elain’s room.

You held your breath, awaiting the moment when the pain would slam into your body.

Burst!

A painful gasp escaped your lips as you grasped your chest, feeling the burst of flowers invading your lungs. It had taken your breath away so strongly that you stumbled backward, pressing your back against the marble column, chest heaving as you tried to gain any ounce of air into your flower-filled lungs.

Tears stung your eyes as the pain wracked your body, teeth biting into pink-stained lips, fighting back a painful cry that threatened to leave your throat. You couldn’t make noise… not when Lucien was oh-so-close to hearing it.

Just the thought of the male caused another surge of pain, feeling your organs being pushed around inside your body to make way for more of those deadly flowers to occupy your being.

It hurt so much.

All you could focus was on the indescribable pain, feeling every burst and explosion of your illness taking over your body, that you barely were able to feel gentle hands cupping your cheek — the scent of paint and starlight invading your system — Feyre.

You couldn’t help but lean into her gentle hold, her warmth as you blinked away the white flashes of pain, trying with all your might to focus on your friend. The High Lady looked at you with fear and worry etched on her beautiful, ethereal features and all you could do was give her a small smile, despite the pain that wracked your body with tiny shivers, “I’m fine, Feyre…” You tried to reassure her, your voice meek and strained… your tone shaking underneath each word. You wanted to convince yourself that you were fine… it was just another flare of your illness.

It would pass.

It always did.

Both of you knew you were nothing but fine.

Not when the source of your pain was just up those marble steps.

Your face scrunched as another wave of pain shook your body, your back arching and your limbs stiffening at the agony that you were succumbing to every time your illness took over. Attempting to regain control over your body, you pressed your palm against your mouth, trying to fight back every urge to vomit all over the floor. But the burn in your throat was so strong, that the need to empty your stomach would help alleviate the pain. You scrambled to push Feyre away, pressing your hands against marble floors — and all you could do was heave.

A rainbow of flowers splashed onto those pristine floors — vines and thorns from those very flowers scratching your lungs and throat, causing blood to spew out of your lips, dripping down the edge of your lips, coating those flowers with red and the smell of metal lingering in your mouth.

It burns, it hurts.

That was all that you can think of.

How the pain took over your whole body, and there was nothing else you could think of.

Not even the fact that your destined mate had decided to choose a bond that was not connected to you.

Tears of agony cascaded down your cheeks as you gagged and heaved those flowers that took over your entire system. You inhaled, grasping as much air as you could before you vomited again, this time the contents of your stomach pooling underneath you.

You didn’t understand why. You couldn’t understand why this was cursed upon you — why you were destined to live this way, in so much pain… in so much hurt.

In so much loneliness.

For millennials, you had believed a mating bond was a beautiful thing, something that a happy ever after would grant you, much like those fairytale stories that you read as a child.

But for centuries, you realized that a mating bond was nothing but a curse.

The beauty of a mating bond, the flowers of love and romance… disguised as torture and unhappiness.

You didn’t even know, nor did you care, how long you were in that foyer, puking your lungs and stomach out. At that point, you didn’t care if Lucien had heard your retching from Elain’s room. All you wanted was for the pain to stop. Your vision blurred and your body swayed under the exhaustion you felt. You tried to stay conscious, tried to keep yourself from fainting… but you were so tired. You felt your body sway, the weariness tugging your brain to the darkness. But you caught yourself, regaining your balance with your hands and knees, fingers grasping onto the soft petals that lay beneath you, feeling them crunch underneath your grip.

Oh, how you hated it.

Hated how those flowers felt underneath your palm.

They were soft and gentle… but they grew inside of you — a curse to remind you of how devious and deceiving a mating bond was.

You had been so focused on the pain, so focused on staying awake that you barely heard the shuffling around you, how shadows covered your body, soothing your aching body. Whispers of worry passed over your subconscious, not having the energy to listen to what they were saying — was it about you? Did they take pity on your pain and suffering? You didn’t have an ounce to care. When gentle hands grasped your hands, feeling Feyre’s hands slip away from your cheeks, you whimpered, missing the warmth from your friend, only to be lulled into warm and gentle arms.

Blinking away the weariness and the tears, you looked up, your head lulling back onto broad shoulders and into beautiful violet hues.

“Rhys…” you whispered, your voice hoarse, your hands weakly reaching up to grasp his suit, bunching it up in your blood-stained hand, trying to ground yourself, to distract yourself from the pain that plagued your body.

Your body stiffened in his hold, another wave of agony threatened to pull you into subconsciousness. You whimpered, trying to gain little control over what was left of your body, one that was not dominated by torment.

You tried to focus on his words, seeing his lips open and close, as if telling you something — but the fog that penetrated your mind was so strong that it was just noise in your head. Vision swayed and black spots appeared in your vision. Your head rolled back again, your body becoming heavy in Rhys’ arms, as you felt him shift your body in his hold.

Gentle hands grasped the back of your neck, forcing you to look up at those violet hues. You blinked, trying to focus on the High Lord before a wave of darkness stormed into your mind, gently taking the pain away before lulling you into darkness — your body felt light, your mind drifting in the sea of darkness that welcomed you.

You floated in that darkness and all you hoped was that you would never wake up — would never have to succumb to the pain again. And never would have to face your mate who yearned for another.

But your wishes would never come true — they never did.

And when you had awoken, nightfall had fallen over Valeris.

Your body felt heavy, something that you had grown used to, after an intense eruption of your illness.

You lay there, in your bed, trying to attempt to lull yourself back into sleep, into that darkness that made you feel nothing. But your mind screamed at you to wake, to not drift into that darkness again.

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips, your throat burning from retching your lungs out, as you allowed your fingers to gently wiggle underneath the satin sheets, attempting to regain control over your body, feeling the cool sensation under your fingertips, grounding yourself back to the present — away from the memory of mental and physical suffering. You lay there, for seconds, minutes… hours before you opted to open your eyes. You blinked away the dried tears that crusted them, you blinked away the fatigue that made your eyelids feel heavy, as you focused on the painted ceiling above you — an image of the night sky, the one that mirrored the one outside your very windows. It usually gave you comfort, it gave you a sense of peace.

But at that very moment, all you felt was hollow.

As if you had emptied your whole self, your whole soul with those flowers, hours earlier. And now, there was nothing left of you. Your body was nothing but a greenhouse to create those painful flowers, there was no you left in the shell of your body.

It was a feeling, a moment that you would never get used to. On the feeling of being lost, that no one would be able to understand what you go through. And that no one ever would.

The door creaked open, the sound resonating loudly in your quiet room before the patter of feet entered your room.

You had no energy to look see who it was, you had no energy to do anything besides just lay there and rot, to decay into soil for those rotten flowers to grow from.

The bed dipped and you glanced over to see Feyre, that same worried expression on her features. You watched how her face twitched and shifted, trying to find the proper guise to speak to you with… but all you could see was the shadow of concern in her look. You watched as her brain turned, her lips parting before closing again — trying to figure out how to approach you.

Like you were an endangered, hurt animal.

“…How are you feeling, (Y/N)?” her lips tugged up into a simper of a smile, after a few minutes of silence, though her brows knitted together, assessing you from your supine position in bed, trying to gauge your physical and mental condition.

Dull eyes stared at her, unblinking and unmoving, and your throat itched to say something — something to smooth out those lines on her features.

But you couldn’t.

There were no words that could describe how much agony you go through… Every. Single. Time. You could never explain to Feyre, to Rhysand, or the rest of the Inner Circle… how it feels to have something so beautiful be so deadly.

No matter how many times they ask you, try to pull words out of you, or even whenever you allow Rhysand to wander your mind to understand just a bit of your pain… they would never fully understand.

All because your love was unreciprocated.

Your love and bond with Lucien Vanserra.

You had known him for centuries, ever since he had stepped into the borders of Spring Court. You had been nothing but the daughter of a low-ranking noble, one who had the privilege of serving Tamlin as a scholar in the High Lord’s castle; he had been the one to give you such a title. You had been the one who alerted your High Lord about the threat of Lucien’s brothers’ attempt at his life. You had been the one who befriended Lucien and allowed him to adjust while he was found a position in Tamlin’s court. You had been the one to stay by his side when the High Queen had ripped his eye out, been the one to nurse him back to health. You had gone through forty-nine years of the curse alongside him. And you had been the one beside him through the perils of Under the Mountain.

You had been his first friend in Spring Court.

And he had been your first love.

You had hoped and prayed for the Mother and the Gods to will your kindred spirits into a mating bond. You had hoped and prayed you gain any confidence to confess your feelings for him. But for centuries, that had been your downfall, you had been content with his presence, content with his friendship that you had believed that nothing would have changed.

But in the end, everything changed.

Feyre looked into your eyes, trying to find that part of you that still fought — fought for your life and your soul against this illness, but when she couldn’t, she sighed, willing back tears before reaching over to run her fingers through your tangled locks, trying to formulate comforting words to help you with your ordeal. But both of you knew, after knowing each other for years, there were no words that would soothe your pain.

Turning your head towards the rays of light that shone from your large windows, you focused on the soothing motion of your friend’s delicate fingers through your hair as you soaked in the night, twinkling sky of Valeris.

You had realized over the past few months you’ve lived in Night Court, that you had fallen in love with the night sky — how vast and never-ending it was over your head. It had eclipsed your previous adoration for your former home’s vast spring fields, ones that were overrun with wildflower and fresh grass — and that, now, you would happily die just laying out and staring into the twinkling night of Valeris’ skies.

Feyre had always said your sense of humor was morbid, how you would casually just bring up how you’d die as if it was a normal conversation starter.

But to you, it was.

Your illness was the only thing on your mind nowadays. Wondering when you would succumb to the pain and just die, or when the flowers finally take over your body — what would happen to you? Would you become a tree, lifeless and hollow, sprouting flowers from your mouth and nose?

It was the fear that drove your thoughts, turning them into morbid humor.

Because it was the only way you could cope with your looming doom.

Swallowing a lump in your throat, tasting the petals in your lungs, you turned back to Feyre, “…Is he still with her?”

Pain tugged on Feyre’s features and her hand grew still against your locks, hand pulling away and you could see that it was shaking.

That was the only confirmation you needed.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N)…” Feyre whispered, shifting so that she could sit closer to you, bringing your body into her warm embrace, “I had tried. Tried to force them apart with multiple different excuses, but Elain wanted to see him. She felt the tug on his end of the bond… and had grown curious... They’ve been together the whole night…”

There was nothing she could do to help soothe the ache in your chest. No comforting words, no gentle gestures. Nothing.

Tears brimmed your vision and all you could do was curse the Mother and the Cauldron.

Why couldn’t it be you?

Why couldn’t it be you that Lucien felt at the end of the golden string?

Why did the Cauldron deem that Elain was better for Lucien than you?

“(Y/N)…”

A shaky sigh escaped your lips as you looked over your shoulder, the sound of your name coming from a familiar-sounding voice — one that you had wished for centuries would call yours more often.

“Lucien…”

There stood at the threshold of your bedroom was Lucien, leaning against the open door, arms crossed over his chest. He garbed Autumn Court colors, rouge and gold material complimenting his skin tone very well.

He was a prince charming, straight out of those fairy tale books — but he wasn’t here to sweep you off your feet.

Your eyes glanced over his form, and caught the glimmering shine of the golden band around his ring finger — it was his wedding day. The ache of the mating bond resonated in your chest, one that you had grown used to and didn’t often flinch from the pain, and you gave a tiny smile, one you hoped wasn’t laced with anguish and hurt.

You had to be happy.

Happy for his sake.

“I didn’t see you at the ceremony… Feyre said you were here in your room…”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, the taste of petals coating your tongue, “…I wasn’t feeling too well, I watched it from up here though. It was a beautiful wedding, Lucien… I’m, happy for you.”

And you were, you were happy for him but the small part of you, wanted that happiness to be with you.

But the Mother does not grant you wishes — never for you.

Lucien stepped into your room and you felt your back stiffen slightly, shifting so you were closer to the metal railing of your balcony. You watched those heterochromatic hues stare at you, sweeping over your form as if to find the illness he had heard so much about — that russet eye assessing your form as if he could see right into your soul.

All you wanted to do was turn around, avoid his gaze — just avoid him entirely like you have been doing for the past few years.

You couldn’t be near him… not anymore.

He didn’t seek you out often anymore, and so you did the same.

For your health.

You watched as he stepped passed the doorway, his boots echoing into your room and that’s what you focused on, how he grew closer and closer to you to the point where he stood in front of you — his woody scent intermixed with honey and jasmine, of Elain’s scent.

It made you nauseous that your world spun around, you pinched your eyes shut, reaching back to grab onto the railing so you wouldn’t fall to your death. Though death seemed to be a better option than confronting Lucien.

Hands gripped your upper arms, as if to still your wavering body and your senses were overwhelmed by his — his scent, his breath, the warmth that radiated from his hands and body to your own.

It has been too much.

Pressing your hands against his chest, you shoved him away, your breath quick and sweat lining your forehead.

“Don't touch me… Please…” you begged him.

You used to love being in his presence. During peaceful times, before Amarantha’s reign, before the curse… you would always seek each other out — whether it be just basking in each other’s presence, or talking about your day to one another — your eyes would always try to look for him. He would easily just hold your hand for comfort or you'd always be welcome in his arms.

Everything was so much simpler and easier — without the cursed illness that rages in your body.

It was easier to be around him without the mating bond that connected you to him.

But now, nothing was simple. You couldn't be next to him, have him touch you so easily without the bouts of nausea and pain that came with an incomplete mating bond.

You had been able to handle it, since he had sought Elain often when he visited the River House. You avoided everywhere they may have been — the gardens, her bedroom — basically everywhere in the River House, confining yourself to your room.

The only people that would check in on you were Feyre, Mor and Rhysand — all three were the only people that knew of your condition, of your illness… and your love for Lucien.

Taking in a deep breath, the smell of florals invading your system as you felt small bursts of pain in your chest — more flowers taking over your lungs.

Eyes looked at him and you blinked twice — making sure your mind wasn't playing tricks on you. Surprise and hurt etched onto his beautiful features, his eyes staring at you as if you've done a taboo.

“What… what's wrong, (Y/N)? Why are you so distant with me lately?” his voice was full of confusion and all you wanted was to yell and scream all the pain that had been caused by the incomplete bond — but you couldn't.

He didn't know. He wasn't the reason why you were decaying slowly, it was your illness. The stupid, wretched curse placed upon you by the Mother above.

You looked at him, with so much longing and love — you wanted to convey centuries of your love for him, but it has been too late.

He had chosen his Cauldron bound mate.

A pained smile tugged on your lips as you reached up and gently caressed the scars on the left side of his face, and you watched as he leaned close to your palm — your illness flaring in your chest, you flinching slightly from the pain.

“You haven't been putting on the ointment for your face, Lucien…” you muttered, trying to avoid the topic of anything relating to your distance, to your pain, to your unrequited love for him, “It had been looking good… I hope it isn't too painful…”

Lucien’s golden eye whirlled, trying to lock gaze with your own, trying to assess what was going on with you; but you avoided his gaze, focusing on how badly your hand was trembling near him.

“… I haven't had the time to put on the ointment, and besides that had been your job for the past few centuries…” a tiny smile tugged onto his lips.

You tucked a loose strand of auburn hair behind his ear, feeling the soft lock between your fingers before you dropped your hand, gently grasping it in your other as if to stop the trembles, “You're right, it had been my job…But it looks like not anymore. Elain could do that for you… I'll—-” you swallowed the lump in your throat once more, the urge to cough up the flowers was strong.

“Lucien…”

The two looked back at your doorway to see her — Elain, dressed in white. You gave her a tight smile, glancing up at Lucien who’s facial features morphed from worry and confusion at you, to complete adoration and love for her.

Tears stung your eyes as you turned around, your back facing the two married couple.

“You should go Lucien… you're missing out on your reception…” your voice shook and you desperately hoped neither of them would notice.

You have to continue to be happy — for him.

“You should come with us, you don't have to be here alone…” his voice drifted with the wind.

Shaking your head, you looked over your shoulder at him and gave him a smile, “I’m content here…”

Hesitation tugged on his features but before he could say anymore, Elain gathered his attention and both of them slipped out of your room.

Your chest heaved and you slowly slid down to the ground, pressing you hands on those cold stone tiles and you heaved.

Heaved all the pain and anguished of a love that was never yours to begin with.

General Tag List: @prythianpages @strangelygreat

#acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fic #acotar angst #lucien vanserra #lucien x reader #elain x lucien #lucien acotar #elucien #( .one shot : nothing but a curse )#lucien vanserra x reader

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zelphin124 · 13 days

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SeasonTale Creative Challenge (2024)

PLEASE REBLOG SO EVERYONE CAN SEE THIS!

Art and Design by Aoi-Kanna

Greetings, Artists! It is I, Zelphin, and I am back with the annual SeasonTale competition! Welcome back to the second year of the SeasonTale Creative Challenge!

There are going to be a few changes from last year. One, there will be no voice acting addition to the competition this year, and writings will receive short story prizes, not cash prizes like the artists.

DEADLINE IS NOV 15th, 2024, 12:00 AM (GMT-4)

Winners will be announced no later than December 1st!

Updates are in #scc info

Scroll down for details!

Rules

It must be any character from SeasonTale or IroTale. You can find all of their designs here! (For IroTale: here)

You MUST tag #SeasonTale Challenge and @zelphin124 in the post so I can see it! Or DM me on Discord!

You CAN do more than one submission.

You CAN do the SeasonTale characters interacting with OCs or popular Sanses, get creative!

DIFFERENT/SIMPLER OUTFITS ARE ALLOWED! I know they are a pain to draw...

You CANNOT steal/copy from other creators!

You CANNOT submit something you submitted last year.

Please keep all content PG-13

Payments will be made via PayPal (unless negotiated otherwise)

Prizes

All prizes are in USD currency!

Artists

First place: $60

Second place: $40

Third place: $20

Note: There MUST be at LEAST 20 submissions from different people in order for me to hand out prizes, so make sure your friends participate too!

Check out the Past Winners for some inspiration!

HAVE FUN! I'm so excited to see what you all come up with!

#utmv #seasontale #undertale au #sans au #undertale #winter sans #summer sans #spring sans #autumn sans #seasontale creative challenge #seasontale challenge #iro sans #competition #scc info #scc art #art competition #art challenge #scc

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thebestofoneshots · 20 days

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Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.2 K Warnings: PG-13 smut, basically it get's steamy Prompt: Whatever could possibly happen when the three of you find yourselves in the prefect's bathroom? Alone and unsupervised? Surely it would be nothing scandalous. This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Not Proofread

Chapter 63: Something About You

When Sirius burst out of the water you were still standing there with your wand held in between your teeth, although it was harder to keep it in place since you couldn’t stop your laughter.

“You traitor!” He said as he stood up and threw an accusing finger at you.

“But I did nothing,” you said with a small shrug after taking the wand out of your mouth.

“Did you even need your wand?”

“Yeah,” you said with a smile and waved it towards the faucet, a jet of blue water jumped from one of the taps and straight towards his face (it was the cold water stream rather than the hot, you made sure).

There was a mix of amusement and irritation on his face as you did. “How dare you? you little Vixen!” he said as he jumped your way, but you sank into the water and swam behind Remus in an instant. By the time you resurfaced, the crown of your head was filled with bubbles and Sirius was looking for you by moving his hands over the foam on the other side. Your hair was still a little stiff from the mud, but the warm water was dissolving it rather fast.

“What? Is it only fun when it’s you the one throwing people into the water?”

“Naturally,” Sirius retorted.

Remus let out an amused scoff, and you leaned on his shoulder as you looked at Sirius with a pout he wouldn’t call anything but adorable.

“But it wasn’t even me the one that pulled you in,” you added with a small smile.

“But you compelled Moony to do so,” He said as he leaned his head back on the side of the massive tub.

“Compelled?” you said, savouring each syllable of the word. “Perhaps I did…”

“See, it’s like premeditated murdеr, but you premeditated throwing me into the water.”

“Would that make Remus my accomplice?”

“When hasn’t Remus been your accomplice?!”

“Touché.”

Sirius gave you a knowing smirk and then swam towards one of the windows and pressed his hair under the water taps, letting the water rinse the mud that was still all over his hair as he gently brushed strands with his fingers.

You smiled as you looked at him and decided to do the same, swimming closer to him and leaning your head under the one with red water, which was just the right temperature for melting the mud without scorching you. Remus veered closer to the two of you, but since he didn’t have nearly as much mud on himself, he just leaned his head back and washed it on the water.

“Is it gone?” Sirius asked Remus as he turned around.

“Ugh, almost…” Remus said as he leaned a little closer. He was a bit hesitant when he approached Sirius. They had always been close, even physically close, but not necessarily intimate. And it’s not that touching Sirius’ head would be overly intimate, but it was something you did all the time, and back when they were younger, Sirius was very picky about whom he allowed to touch his hair, especially since some girls insisted on playing with it while complaining about his being so much silkier than their own. “There’s still some in the middle you can’t see.”

“Help me?” Sirius asked as if it were the most natural thing ever. It made Remus feel much more at ease.

“You don’t mind?” Remus asked as he approached him, his touch was slow, and he was insanely careful as he combed his fingers through the other boy’s hair. The water was soapy, and it made his hands glide even easier than he pictured it would be. Sirius’ hair had always looked stupidly soft, but it felt softer, nicer even, than his imagination.

“Why would I?” Sirius asked as he allowed his head to lean back, he side-eyed you, raising an eyebrow and shooting a short wink as you continued to rub the mud of your hair. He was obviously boasting about Remus playing with his hair instead of yours. You didn’t mind it at all, seeing them be so domestic around the other was heartwarming and other things…

Remus shrugged, “Cause I’m a man.”

“And? Tu es mon amoureux.”

Remus tried not to roll his eyes at the choice of words. He knew amoureux was lover now. “Yeah but, you just discovered you’re into men…”

Sirius smirked. “I rather think I’m into werewolves and faeries,” he said as he turned to look at Remus teasingly.

Remus pulled one of the strands of hair from his head to get him back into facing forward, firstly because he was a tease and he deserved it. Secondly, because he didn’t want Sirius to see the blush creeping up his neck. You saw it though.

“Oi! You’re savage!”

“Happens to you for being in love with werewolves and faeries,” you said with a smirk.

“What I’m trying to say is–” Remus said as he methodically brushed his fingers on Sirius scalp, keeping his hands busy grounded him. “It’s sometimes harder for men when they’re just discovering they’re into other men to accept small touches and things.”

Sirius frowned, turning around to look at Remus. You understood exactly what Remus meant. Discovering queerness wasn’t exactly easy for some people. And it was often weird to allow someone of the same gender to do things you’d only ever learned where possible for a different one. But for Sirius, there didn’t seem to be a difference.

“You think I wouldn’t allow you to touch me the way Vixen would just because of what’s in between your legs, is that it?”

Remus swallowed and nodded, Sirius being so close still spiked his nerves, even if they’d kissed already.

“Well men–”

“But you aren’t just any man. You’re Moony,” he retorted. “Our Moony. I don’t care if you touch my hair, or if you hold my hand, or…” he hesitated, looking down towards Remus’ lips before biting his own, “Or if you kiss my lips.”

Remus seemed at a loss for words. In fact, you would have ventured to say he had stopped breathing altogether. He had. It had never been so easy to be with a man before, so natural. The way Sirius saw things made him feel so at ease it was borderline ridiculous, especially compared to how much harder it had been for him to understand and make peace with his own sexualiuty.

You’d stopped brushing your hair altogether, the conversation ahead being much more relevant than whatever mud was still clinging to your strands. If there was someone else, perhaps you would have made a bet, to see who leaned into the other person first. You would have lost it.

It was Moony the one that closed the gap. Placing his hands on the nape of Sirius’ neck and bringing his lips towards his mouth. There was something irrefutably tender about that kiss, that you were smiling like a fool as you looked at them both.

“Say that again,” Moony breathed into Sirius’ lip.

“What?” Sirius teased shortly after.

“OUR MOONY,” You said with a smile, eyes shinning at the scene ahead of you.

“Ah, that?” Sirius teased again. “You like that?”

“Sirius,” Remus said. There was something incredibly thrilling about the way Remus said his name, he was amazed he hadn’t noticed it before.

“Our Moony,” he repeated and pressed a loud kiss to his cheek. “Our” –kiss– “Beautiful” –kiss– “Moony.”

You leaned towards them both in an instant, standing just behind Remus and leaning into him like you had done earlier, this time placing your hands on each of his shoulders. “You’re hogging him,” you said with a playful pout. “It’s OUR Moony,” you said as you pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, dangerously close to his lips. “Not just your Moony.”

Remus thought he would explode. Having both so close to him already had that effect; but having you all over him, (like when you were drunk and high on a potion at the Halloween party) but this time with nothing other than adrenaline running through your bIood, was absolutly mind-numbing. Madenning in a way he couldn’t quite describe. Most people run from madness, but he was ready to be drowned by it. If only to have you close a little longer –or forever.

“I think we’ve kissed him dumb,” you teased.

“Étoile, we can do much better than this,” he tutted.

Your smile grew wider at his words. It didn’t matter if it was a challenge or an invitation, you were more than ready to comply.

“I think he’s tense, though,” you said with a smile and moved your hands closer to his shoulders, gently rubbing your thumbs in circles near his spine, “Is that all right, Rem?”

He gave you a simple “Are you kidding” sort of look and you pressed your fingers with a little more purpose, his eyes fluttered closed as his head leaned back into you. You smiled, but of course, Sirius wasn’t going to have any of it.

“Na-ah,” he said as he shook his head and pulled Moony’s back up, “You have to look at us, where’s the fun in closing your eyes?” he said as he leaned in to kiss Moony again, even if both of their eyes fluttered shut the minute their lips crashed.

You smiled, leaning even closer to Rem as you pressed a kiss to his neck. The poor boy had carried such a heavy weight on his shoulders for so many months, you were surprised his back hadn’t hunched even in the slightest. He was as pretty as he’d been the day you met him. Or perhaps not, back then you had only seen his physical beauty, but know that you knew him? That you knew almost everything about him? Every little secret those scars hid, and every little secret those lips had swallowed, he was beyond just pretty, he was gorgeous.

You wondered how it was possible that you’d taken so long to realise just how in love you were with him, how it was possible that you had been so blinded by Sirius that you had completely forgone your own feelings and made both of them miserable in return.

But that didn’t matter, it had been 3 terrible days, torturous days, but you had the rest of your life to make it up to them. And you would, you would every single time you kissed them and every single time you touched them because they deserved the entire world. Or perhaps the world wasn’t enough, they deserved the entire universe. Every single galaxy, black hole and star, every cluster of stars, and every single constellation.

You had often thought books that mentioned things like that as overly sappy or chliché. But you understood that cheesiness now, that feeling of wanting the other person to be the happiest, to smile the brightest and to laugh the merriest, you understood; whenever you were with them.

Remus was giving in, allowing you and Sirius to do as you pleased with him, to indulge him however it was you wanted, but he wasn’t losing control, not entirely. He wouldn’t want to, not when he could kiss Sirius back, in the same way he’d dreamed of so often. He’d thought his imagination was wonderful, but it was nothing compared to this. To your lips on his neck and Sirius devouring his own.

And Sirius?

Sirius, who thought he was asking too much of the world. Sirius, who thought he was selfish for falling in love with his two best friends, even if he couldn’t help himself, even when you were the most wonderful people he had ever met. Sirius who thought he’d fucked up, who thought he’d ruined things for eveyone, who thought he deserved hell for daring to break your heart… He was now kissing Remus, and you were watching and you were loving it, if the lustful expression on your face was anything to go by.

He’d moved one of his hands to the back of your neck, and he was gently playing with the hair at the nape of it. He knew you loved it when he put his hands anywhere near it, and he wanted you to feel just as loved as you were making Remus feel, and as he felt at that moment.

Suddenly, a need urge came over Sirius. He wanted to feel more, he needed to feel more. More of the water, more of Remus, more of you. He pulled apart only for a second, he was panting and he was flushed, but he was determined. “Do you mind it if we…” he trailed off, not daring to say the words but making clear what he wanted by placing his hand on the hem of Remus’s jumper.

You had both seen Remus shirtless, but you had never seen him from such proximity, and while he wanted to feel you, skin to skin, he was also terrified of his body and your reaction to it. How his scars would feel different to Sirius milk like sin, or to the supple feminity of yours. He was mortified at the idea of either of you getting close enough to touching him and being repulsed by what you felt. It was so easy to let those thoughts consume him, but it was easier for your voice to pull him out of that hole.

“You are beautiful, Remus,” you said softly and pressed a kiss. “Stunning in your own way, we like every bit of you, we want to feel every bit of you. If you’ll let us…”

You weren’t using charm speak, but you might as well have been. The same, floating-like sensation came over him. The same desperate want to indulge you, to make you happy, to give you anything you wanted. But this time around he wanted it to. Merlin, how much did he crave for it!

“Please do,” he said with a short nod towards Sirius. The smile he got in return was devilishly handsome, and he was pulled back into a kiss as both of you searched for his jumper. The last time either one of you had taken his clothes off had been when he was about to turn into Moony. When he was consumed by pain and sorrow, and terrified he might do something to hurt either one of you (like he was every moon). When he was so worried Moony would come out sooner than expected and destroy the things he loved the most. He hadn’t ever had time to relish in the feeling.

On the feeling of your hands searching for the bottom hem of his jumper from behind, while Sirius did the same in the front. The rush of adrenaline that flowed through his veins, his heart beating so loud that he felt it was about to blow up. The way your delicate fingers brushed all over his back, how you were gentle and kind as your hands moved over his back ribs –since you knew they were always sore after the full moon and it hadn’t been that long since.

How Sirius’ hands were much more rushed than yours, and how he seemed a lot more desperate as he kissed him and tried to get the damn jumper past his arms. How you laughed and the echo of your voice crashed against the back of his neck, making his hair stand on end. How much he loved that you were laughing as he kissed Sirius. How delightful it was that no matter how worried you might have been initially, no matter how much you’d had to go through, you were finally together.

Yeah, you had undressed Remus before, but it hadn’t been nearly as exhilarating as it was now. As soon as the two of you managed to cross the jumper over his head, it was discarded somewhere near the edge of the pool, and Sirius went straight for his box plate, desperate of him, desperate for him.

It was too hard for you to help him with those since you were behind, but the minute he managed to get the first two buttons you were already clawing at the shirt to slide as much of it off him as possible. It wasn’t much since Sirius was struggling with the buttons in the front, but it was enough for you to be able to move your mouth from his neck to just above his collarbone. When Sirius finally managed to get the button off, you were already pulling both of his arms out of it, but the last button was still there, and the shirt got caught in his way.

“Somebody’s eager,” Sirius teased while looking at you. “Is it Moony’s broad shoulders you’re so desperate about, Étoile?”

“Look who’s talking,” you retorted after an amused scoff.

He gave you a short wink in return, and when he finally managed to remove the button he went straight into kissing Remus. You went back to kissing his shoulders and gently pulled on the shirt that was stuck in between the two before letting it be discarded somewhere on the floor of the steamy pool.

Now it was Sirius’ turn to remove some of his clothes. He had at least been able to take both his robes and his sweater before Remus pulled him into the pool, so he focused on his buttons instead. When Remus noticed his hands were on his in an instant, unbuttoning Sirius’ shirt with much more precision –he’d had more practice. But he was gentle as he did, gently brushing his fingers over Sirius’ torso when new bits of skin appeared. He even pulled back from the kiss to look, curious as to how his hands looked next to Sirius’ soft flesh, he was almost paralysed by the sight.

You smiled when you noticed, gently tracing a path from his bicep to his hand, you allowed your thumb to glide over his knuckles and leaned your head on his shoulders as you stared ahead. Then you moved again, you felt how your cheeks brushed against his sharp jawline until you reached his ear. Sirius was looking at the two of you with pupils almost as black as his last name.

“He looks stunning, doesn’t he?” you whispered as you helped him move his hands again, gently guiding them onto the next button. “Those flushed cheeks and kiss swollen lips…”

Sirius swallowed at your words, his heart hammering in his ears. He’d always known he was handsome, he’d been told about it plenty of times and he usually boasted about his beauty, but it wasn’t the same thing to be told he was beautiful by adults in his ridiculous family and girls who’d lose their witts just thinking about the Black heir (at least before he was disowned), than it was to be told he was beautiful by the two most incredible people on the planet.

Being perceived as beautiful had never been as exhilarating as it was when it was your eyes that were perceiving him as such. When it was yours and Remus’ equally lustful gazes focused on him.

“You did that,” you added, just knowing that would do something to Remus. To the always controlled Remus, to the Remus who couldn’t allow himself to lose control because he thought it was too dangerous, because he was always terrified Moony would take over –even if it wasn’t full Moon. You felt him shiver, and you continued to help him with the buttons, not leaving your hands from his. “It was your lips that left him like that, Moons. Your kisses and your touches.” His breath hitched in his throat, and you pressed the softest kiss to his cheek.

By then you’d already unbuttoned Sirius’ shirt completely, and you moved your hand towards his cheek, he leaned into your touch almost instantly, instinctively even. He often did that, whenever you were close to him he would lean into you, you wondered how it was possible that you hadn’t realized that he’d done the same to Remus; to a lesser extent at least.

And then you leaned even closer and whispered something Sirius wasn’t quite able to hear, but he saw the way Remus’ eyes shone at your words, and he smiled in his own cocky manner as Remus leaned onto him again, this time with much more determination. It was Remus the one to pull the shirt off of Sirius as he kissed him with much more desperation now, losing himself in the kiss, but taking control at the same time. His chest was against Sirius’ and he could feel the soapy water in between the two of them, a film so delicate that it broke whenever skin rubbed against skin, whenever his scars crashed against Sirius’ soft and smooth flesh and whenever his hands ran through his toned arms. Never in his wildest dreams had it felt that incredible.

Sirius moaned into the kiss when he felt something hard against his tight, he’d never felt someone else’s boner against him, but he wasn’t scared, he was thrilled and curious and he wanted to know more about Moony, he wanted to know everything about Moony. How he sounded when he moaned his name, when he moaned yours; how he sounded when he touched himself. He wondered if his sounds would be as thrilling as yours, as maddening as your little whimpers and mewls.

Sirius grunted when he felt Remus tight press a little harder against himself but tried to draw it out with the kiss. Your gentle hands moving all over the front of his torso as they were sandwiched between him and Sirius not doing much to calm him either, not when they were so close to his lower abdomen and not when they seemed to do nothing but continue going down as you pressed kisses all over his starved skin.

Not even when he was sleeping with Alice did he ever allow her to touch his scars, to kiss his neck or to rub her hands through his skin like you were doing now. He’d snapped at both boys and girls for even trying to take his jumper off in fear of any of them discovering his secret, or much worse, having them be disgusted by what lay underneath.

And then there was you.

Both of you had seen him shirtless, if anything those longer glances –he realized now– were there because of curiosity and attraction, both of you had touched him countless times, he’d felt your hands in his, and Sirius’ light pats on his back, and you had both called him beautiful. Even under veristaserum, which might have been one of the stupidest things he’d made you do but, it had been ridiculously reassuring back then.

Sirius leaned even closer when he heard that grunt and placed his palm on his chest, and Moony’s mouth almost acted on its own. His teeth gently closed around Sirius’ soft bottom lip. Sirius moaned and gasped at the same time. Pulling apart for a second and throwing you a look. “Did you coerce him into biting me, Starshine?”

“I might have suggested you like it when someone takes control,” you retorted with an innocent shrug, gaze still focused on Remus’ neck. Then you turned to him, slightly more worried. “Was it too much?” you asked, almost unsure of yourself. What if it was different because you were a girl and Moony was a boy?

Sirius’ lip was slightly more swollen than before, but Remus hadn’t bitten hard enough to pierce through flesh. “No,” he said quickly. “Not at all…” And then in a much quieter tone, he added “I did like it.”

Remus chuckled, he’d never expected Sirius to get all shy when kissing someone, and yet here he was, positively blushing at a small bite he’d given him.

“You’re adorable,” Remus said as he leaned a little closer, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“He is,” you agreed. “You’re too,” you added, remembering how shy he sometimes got.

“And you,” Sirius said as he leaned over and pressed a short kiss to your lips. But you leaned into his kiss too fast and suddenly he had one arm on Remus’ shoulder and the other on yours, spinning you in front of him and in between the the two of them. You had your back against his chest, and you were looking at Remus with your throat dry. Perhaps it was your turn to feel the warmth spreading in your cheeks now.

“We’ve neglected our Little Witch too long. Don’t you think so too, Moony?” Sirius said in a rather coky voice. It hadn’t felt like that at all, but it was true that it hadn’t been until a few seconds ago that you’d gotten a kiss from either of them. Sirius pressed his lips to your neck and pushed his hips into your back while Remus tried to pull them away before you noticed, even when he knew Sirius had.

“She doesn’t mind that at all, Moony,” Sirius said, pressing himself against you a little more when he noticed Moony’s reaction. He also wondered if Moony would mind it if he pressed himself agaisnt him like he was doing with you.

You smiled and placed both hands around Remus’ neck before pulling him into a kiss. You were the only one with clothes still, and while it did feel like too many, you had been too busy kissing Remus and watching him get kissed by Sirius to care too much about removing them yourself.

When he kissed you he was much softer than when he’d kissed Sirius, and while you thought it was unbearably sweet that he would consider you like that, you didn’t want to miss any of the fun either. You didn’t love when men slowed down for you in quidditch, and you didn’t want Remus to do it when he kissed you either. So this time around it was you the one that kissed him with desperation, with a need and want that was so deep-rooted within you it was almost ridiculous that you hadn’t noticed before someone had to straight up tell you about it.

And then it was you who bit him, a little harder than you’d bitten Sirius in the past and you felt Moony moan. He’d been trying so hard not to make it obvious how turned on he was with the two of you ravishing him the way you were, but there was only so much someone could conceal. It’d been too long, and perhaps, he didn’t want to conceal it anymore.

Sirius had been kissing your neck as Remus kissed you, but he had to stop when the other boy moved his hand to the back of his neck and leaned closer to you, holding you flush against Sirius’ and his torso. “You’re so bIoody stunning,” he said in between a kiss. “Both of you, I don’t understand how I got so lucky–”

“How did we get so lucky,” intervened Sirius as he placed his hand around Remus’ head and pulled him onto his mouth.

“So lucky,” you echoed before leaning your head back into his neck. This time around, while being in between the two of them you had much better access, and you were exploring all over his neck, trying to figure out if there was a spot he liked more than the others, a spot that made him whimper and moan like the one Sirius had right next to his Adam’s apple. You wanted to know if you could find the one place that would wind him up, and turn him into a music box filled with lewd sounds desperate to escape as you popped the lid open, as his lips parted for either your tongue or Sirius’ to slide in.

Your hands were now on his shoulders, they were bigger than Sirius’, but you thought they were just as delightfully firm as you tightened your grip around them. You could feel his scars under the pad of your fingers and you thought it was the most interesting and exquisite of feelings, not because you cared about the way scars felt, but because it was his body you were touching and because you knew you could.

Because you knew your touch was making him feel things beyond comprehension and because you knew comprehension had fallen into oblivion now that you could kiss each other, and that they could kiss each other, and how enraptured it made each and every one of you.

Your hands were slow in their descent, almost tentative, caressing the curves of his abdomen as they found their way down. “May I touch you?” you asked. Your warm breath against his neck still unnerving.

“You are touching me,” he replied as he pulled away from Sirius’ lips and looked for yours. “You haven’t stopped since you got in the damn water,” he said, no matter how he worded it, it didn’t sound like a complaint. Especially not when his lips chased yours so inexorably.

“Not what she means,” Sirius responded for you since your mouth was occupied in Moony’s. “Our little Vixen here wants more.”

Remus pulled apart from the kiss, you were both panting, but he was looking at you with a stern sort of gaze. You let your hands slide down just a little bit more, to make the hint a little clearer, but Remus had already gotten the idea.

“You don’t have to, just because we’re making out it doesn’t mean–”

“I know,” you said softly. “Of course I know,” you added as you pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

It is true, it had taken you a lot more to get nearly that far with Sirius, but you could tell how desperate both boys were for you, and for each other. All those pent-up feelings, not only from them but also from you needed an outlet, and you had a pretty good idea how to release all that accumulated tension. But more than anything, you were just as desperate to know more about Moony as Sirius was. You wanted to hear him moan like you’d heard Sirius moan at the fae pool, you craved to close the one gap still keeping you far from him, the one thing that was different between him and Sirius in regards to closeness.

You needed Remus to feel as close to you as Sirius was because you’d never want him to feel left out again, you’d never want him to feel like a third wheel or like he was getting in the way –that was one of the worst feelings, and you had only experienced it for a few days– not now and not ever. He had to feel welcomed in the relationship because it was already hard enough to deal with all those feelings between two people, three would unequivocally become a labyrinth –It was definitely a good thing you liked puzzles.

“I want to,” you said, clear enough to reassure his nervousness.

He then leaned down to kiss you. He not only felt like the luckiest man alive, he was positive he was. Only the luckiest man alive would have the most gorgeous girl be so eager to touch him, only the luckiest man alive would have not one, but two lovers desperate to kiss and touch and feel every single thing about him. It was maddening, but he was ready to be consumed by it, and by the fire that burned so hot in his chest that felt like he was going to turn into ash.

But if ashes were what would be left of him after kissing the two of you, then he would gladly take the punishment. He would turn to dust just for the sake of being with you like this again, of having the two of you so close, that you felt like one rather than three. Like a perfectly oiled mechanism, acting in tandem with one another, burning together. Whether it was to be born again or to disappear forever, it wouldn’t matter as long as you were together. That’s how intense the feeling was, and how ready he was to yield to it.

Your hand didn’t take too long before it was feeling him through his trousers. You were gentle as you touched him, like you had always been whenever you touched him, and he couldn’t help but grunt at the first brush of your fingers. At your small hands searching so wilfully for him.

“Is that all right?” you asked, almost unsure.

Remus had his eyes closed shut, eyebrows knit and he was holding onto Sirius’ bicep in a grip almost strong enough to be uncomfortable, but Sirius was absolutly in awe by Moony’s grip and by his lost gaze. He could tell he was trying inexorably hard not to straight-up grind into you. Merlin knew how equally hard it had been for Sirius to not lose control over how good you felt back at the fae pool, and even right then, with the way your hips kept crashing onto him as you tentatively touched Moony.

“If his flushed face is anything to go by, Étoile, Remus is more than ok,” Sirius said with a teasing smile. Remus half wanted to shove him for being such a tease, but the other half just wanted him even closer and that part won.

“You talk too much,” he said as he leaned back into Sirius to kiss him rather roughly, it wasn’t quite a shove, but it was enough. His eyes were completely golden by now, and it wasn’t anger flowing through his veins.

You were lightly crushed by the sudden movement and you tightened your grip on him, earning yet another one of those spiffing moans of his. Sirius laughed, but Moony did that thing again that made Sirius crazy –small bites– and he quickly turned into a moaning mess.

You continued to rub one of your hands on Remus’ crotch while the other one was already trying to unbutton his trousers, which was much harder with one hand, and with no fucking visibility, So while the two of them continued kissing, you slowly started to slide below the water, since then, you’d be at least, able to see what you were doing. Stupid trouser buttons, you thought.

Thankfully the soapy water was charmed, so when you opened your eyes underneath it, it didn’t hurt at all. With a better view of the situation, you figured out why it was so damn hard to find the button. There was no button. Well technically there was one, but there was a small metal latch first and then there was a hidden button. You smiled as you managed to get the damn thing off and you were about to pull the zipper down when the two boys pulled apart from each other like they had been shot with depulso.

You were about to go back up to ask if everything was okay when you felt Remus’ hand gently sit on your shoulder, pushing you down just slightly. You looked up at him and through the bubbles, you managed to see his mortified expression urging you not to move.

It had been a fleeting glance, but you got the hint in an instant. Whatever the hell was happening out there, It was better if you stayed hidden by the bubbles, perhaps someone had gotten in.

And someone had indeed gotten in.

Severus had been running from the toads for hours, he hadn’t been told by anyone that they were gathering in the Great Hall because he had gone to the library after the Grand Staircase and got caught in a book. Literally, caught in a book. When he read the first line, out loud because he wanted to piss the librarian off for telling him to go to bed, and he really could be obnoxius if he wanted to.

Unfortunatelly his little rouse slapped in him the back when the book’s charms got activated by his words and he ended up inside the goddamn story for the rest of the night and early morning.

It was almost like reliving a memory through a pensive, but he didn’t want to relive the stupid memory of the goddamn curse breaker. In fact, the only reason he had picked the book was becasue Barty had recommended it. The fucking asshole probably knew what was going to happen and did it on purpose. Barty often did things like that but he was one of the few people in his house that didn’t hate his guts for being so damn good in potions and charms and he had tried, almost remarkably hard, not to alienate him.

Not to mention that his father was a politician and he was always hanging around Evan and Regulus, both kids of very important wizarding houses. Severus wasn’t an idiot, he knew being a half-bIood was a pain in the ass in the Wizarding world and he knew he had to work remarkably hard to earn his place. If only his mother hadn’t fallen in love with a muggle, he wouldn’t have to work so much to befriend people he wouldn’t actually care much for, and perhaps would still be friends with Lily, or so he thought.

Of course, it was easier, for him and for the entire world, to blame someone else for his problems. Be it the situation, or someone else’s decisions, Severus wasn’t ready to hold himself accountable for what he’d done and said to Lily. It was easier to pretend he was forced to be a certain way to be able to fit in with the Slytherin clique, and he slept better at night when he told himself it was all worth it because in the future he would have earned a good job through his connections and extensive networking with important people. And maybe then he could rescue Lily, and apologize and tell her he had to do such things.

But Severus never did those things because he had to, in fact, Severus rarely did anything because he had to do it, he did them because he wanted to. And while Lily’s hurt countenance had been a hard blow to whatever construction of his personality he kept up, he never actually regretted what he said, only that he’d hurt her for saying it.

Either way, the memory of the course breaker had been an absolute nightmare for him. He even kept calling him an idiot every couple of minutes just because of how exasperated he was.

“How do I leave?”

“You must finish the chapter,” the course breaker had responded.

“I don’t want to, let me out.”

But the course breaker had only gone on with his story.

“Idiot,” he said, of course, there was no reaction whatsoever from the course breaker, he was too much occupied telling his story.

When they finally finished with their stupid tale and Severus was let out of the book he ran towards the door. It seemed to be locked, and he couldn’t fucking exit the room, but of course, he was worried for his class because his attendance was impeccable and he wasn’t going to allow a damn book to ruin that for him. So he pushed with all his might and then he used an unlocking spell.

It took him a few minutes, but when he finally managed to open the doors he was greeted with a disgusting layer of slime, and then a fucking sea of toads. By the time he managed to escape the bIoody slime trap, the door had shut itself again and he couldn’t open it, no matter how much he tried. His hands were too slippery and he could barely even get a proper hold of his wand.

Eventually, he gave up trying to get in again and decided to face the toads instead. By now he assumed not many people were in classes since most classrooms were also infested with toads so he decided he had to get a fucking shower, or bath, or something to get out of the stupid slime.

He’d gotten a howler about the portrait incident, and Slughorn had threatened to take away his Prefect role if he didn’t apologize to the portraits –who had spread the word all over the castle– and he kept getting dirty looks from every single picture he passed. He had no intention of apologizing, and he didn’t know for how much longer he’d be able to enjoy the privileges of being a prefect, so he decided to take advantage of them while he still could.

So, instead of helping students or trying to get rid of frogs like he usually would, he walked straight towards the Prefect Bathrooms, not caring much for the toads that barely even had time to skip away from his feet from how fast he was walking. Once outside of the doors, he relaxed. Whatever had caused the toad infestation, had definitely not gotten them inside the bathroom, which meant he’d be able to at least get all the slime in peace. No more annoying toad croaking for him.

“Whispering Woods,” he said, bored and annoyed, and not expecting what he’d see inside.

You’d just gone inside the water when the door creaked open. The first thing he heard was the water already going, and he was about ready to kick out whoever the hell had gotten in the bathroom first, except that instead of a person washing themselves or hiding, from the frogs, which he was expecting, he spotted Remus Lupin and Sirius black kissing.

KISSING!

Both boys split apart in a second, both turning to him with equally shocked expressions. To his dismay, Remus instantly brought his hand under the water and seemed to be adjusting something there –you, he was holding you down.

Severus’ face was quickly transformed into one of absolute aversion. Features twisting and making him look even more disagreeable than he already looked. “You filthy pair of sissys!” he spat, there was spit coming out of his mouth as he said it. “How dare you use the school as–”

Sirius had pulled your wand from the counter and taken it in his hands as he stood up and pointed it straight at Severus. “Say that again, I dare you!”

Severus had pulled back the second Sirius took out the wand, in his current slimy state he couldn’t take his wand out, which meant he had no way to defend himself, there was no doubt Sirius would have cursed him right then and there, his face was cold, his eyes sharp and he looked about ready to attack. In fact, he looked a lot more like Walburga than he did like Sirius at that particular moment.

So he did the only natural thing he could, he ran the fuck away. He saw a spell hit the wooden frame, missing him by the hair, and continued running through the toads as the door shut itself behind him.

“Fucking coward!” Sirius shouted and then allowed himself to fall back into the water. He sighed, placing both of his palms over his head. Muffled by his hands, Remus who was almost to shocked to think, heard Sirius’s muffled “Fuck”.

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

TAGLIST: @rayrlupin @callmelovergirl @warcelia @ireneop @endversewinchester @moonyunebi @smuttysluttybitch @mazzymoons @drugs-for-memes @sofiacblair @vmpir3lvr @remuslupinisbae @rabluver @willgrahamisalesbi4n @thatobsessedreader @itskailey24 @hell0-kittie-blog @belovedmoony @blacksgarden @loving-and-dreaming @cassie-love20 @starchaser-lily @zucchini-queeni-blog @springflwer07 @sseleniaa @cometsghost @orkwardx0 @imdoingbetternow @sbrewer21 @remuslupinsbae @maxinehufflepuffprincess @wifiatthetrainstation @unstablereader @msblacklupin @jaylienpotter @remussbitch @hermionelove @izuoyarmin @themarauderswife7 @keira-kaz2y5 @lampthemacarenagod @bugg06 @a-n-1-m-3-f-r-3-4-k @darlingeels @kissmeunicornbaobei @xluansstuff @boo8008 @angelmixer @voteforintensedreams @allons-y-molly @aremuslupinsimp @imaginexred @writingshae @nyanwyn @poetrypirate @crazyhorseforgot @saturnhas82moons @ryeyeyer @mothraantics @maqqiekwon @desikudisworld @pastelorangeskies @barking4you @profoundpidgeon @nagareboshi-chiyo

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feralnightwing · 8 months

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the only show where i am okay with fanon completely overshadowing (lol) canon is danny phantom. like we took this at best pg-13 cartoon about a ghost boy and his adventures and turned it into a horrifying story of tragedy and pain.

the portal accident? let's expand on that: he was electrocuted to death and had a portal to another dimension open on him. the agony he felt as he died is something horrific and unforgettable.

his parents are ghost hunters that hunt his ghost half haha! no. his parents are ghost hunters that are hunting their dead-is-he-dead-is-he-alive? child. they want to capture him for study. danny is constantly living in fear of parents because they want to "tear him apart, molecule by molecule." he is afraid of his parents discovering his secret: would it be better if they didn't know he was their son as they vivisect him? or knowing and doing it anyway?

14 year old superhero! boom pow he punches bad ghosts! so fun! wrong. he is a 14 year old atlas, stuck underneath the weight of protecting his home and the people in it. there are people who hate him, but it's okay because... because. he fends off anyone and anything that tries to harm those under his protection at the cost of himself. it hurts and he hurts but what else can he do? he gives up on his dreams of seeing the stars as phantom takes him away from school, so can continue fighting and keep people (except himself) unharmed.

the giw are so funny because they're so incompetent. but what if they weren't? what if they managed to catch him? what if fenton goes missing and phantom is never seen again? stuck in a tiny cell; he's not human. he is lesser and thus it's okay to tear him apart and put him back together over and over again. he is a shell of himself, truly dead despite being alive.

i could go on and on and on. my point stands: this fandom has developed something so intricate from a cartoon that would've otherwise been lost to time. we saw ideas and concepts that could be fleshed out into a truly engaging and gruesome story and did it! that's crazy!

this show by itself wouldn't be anything great, but fanon just made it so much better (by A Lot). danny phantom fanon is better than canon, and that's the truth

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wainwrightjakobshammerlock · 2 months

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The Borderlands movie is already having a few non-Borderlands blogs talk about the games...

As a Borderlands fan I plead that y'all do not form your opinions on the entire franchise based on the movie. The fandom consensus was that it Sucks Ass from the moment the casting was announced.

In fact it's likely this movie wasn't made for us, but for the lowest common denominator to "get" into Borderlands. However Borderlands is not made for the lowest common denominator. It's an acquired taste, and it won't be for everyone - in trying to make it for everyone, this movie was doomed from the very beginning. (Borderlands the games are a gorefest full of sex jokes! The movie is fucking PG-13.)

TLDR; if you watched the movie and the Borderlands universe/style/humor/story/etc. genuinely interests you, PLEASE play the games (if you're not into shooters that's fine, there are cheat trainers online and game movies on youtube plus two of the games in the series are Telltale-esque visual novels). Stop eating shrimp with wimps and eat lobster with a monster.

Non-Borderlands fans are encouraged to reblog, but please don't feel bad about not reblogging, I know firsthand that moral OCD can be a bitch.

#my post #borderlands #borderlands movie shit #text post #my ramblings #borderlands movie #borderlands (2024)#50 #100 #200

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avidfics · 10 months

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Chasing you

Summary: You’ve been on the run from Carol after sending a drunk voicemail. A month later, Carol has found you and doesn’t plan to let you go.

A/N: Came out of a writing hiatus cause I love this woman. There’s not enough carol x reader fics on this app and she gives me the warm fuzzies. Comments and reshares are appreciated :)

Warnings: Pretty PG-13, playful teasing, fluff, some tears, few misspellings, mentions some characters from The Marvels

Three things were painfully obvious as you woke up. This wasn’t your bed. These weren’t your clothes. The “Space Girls Do It Better” sleeveless crop top didn’t belong to you.

Oh, and there was a fluffy, orange flerken licking its genitals ontop of your chest. A pretty deep cleaning by the looks of it.

“Um.” your voice croaked, the result of a long nap. “Mr. Flerken sir, I’m going to move you and place you on the floor-” Three tentacles shoot out from the confines of its mouth, wraps around a nearby metal dresser, and swallow it whole.

An audible nervous gulp can be heard from your throat. “New plan. Leave when it pleases you.”

Armed with the killer fluffball, you creep along the cramped halls of the spaceship and take in the colorful murals that are painted inconsistently through the halls. One reads vaguely familiar, “New Jersey.”

What’s a New Jersey?

In the back of your mind you have a nagging suspicion of the identity of the owner of the ship. But if you were right, then that would be a bigger problem than someone undressing you while you were unconscious.

You enter the main pilot room as a childlike scream jars both you and the flerken.

Kamala Khan’s wide eyed, all teeth smile shines from across the room. “OMG you’re awake!”

“God, no.” you groan. You plead to the heavens that this is all just a stress conjured dream even as the teenager morphs a hard light disk to propel her forward to tackle you into a warm hug. “Kamala, please tell me you're the owner of this ship and you’ve gotten your spaceship driver’s license early?

Her lips curve. “Sure.”

A relieved sigh depletes from your body.

“Sure, I missed you. But this is Carol’s ship. After you left she’s been tracking you for the past few weeks. We got an alert that you were involved in a bar brawl on the planet Aladna yesterday. When she found you, you were already beaten unconscious and bleeding from the attack. Carol scooped you up and took care of your injuries in the med bay.” Her signature dopey smile returns. “She nearly blasted the whole bar apart when she found you. It was epic.” she sighs with a faraway look.

Her smile wouldn’t be so bright if she knew you had no interest in being on the same planet yet alone on a small ship with her honored captain. Your frantic eyes start to scan every nook and cranny of the room. As if Carol would materialize from the launch keys at any moment. You drag Kamala to the control panel and start to hit buttons at random. “No, none of this is epic. Kamala, afraid we need to cut this reunion short. Drop me off at the nearest planet or station. Shoot, give me a space jumpsuit and I’ll simply float outside in outerspace. But I Can Not. Be. Here.”

Kamala gives a sly look at how you’re acting. “Carol said you’d try to jump ship once you woke up.” she smiles as she pets the flerken still in your arms. “Something about you being embarrassed over something moronic.”

And there it was. Until now there was a slim grasp of hope that Carol hadn’t known what you did but this just confirmed not only did she know but she wasn’t going to let it go. Goody. No way would you tell the whole story of how you’d gone out drinking with some Skrull girls because Carol was driving you crazy in her freaking halter tops. Then you found out she was married to a prince! Sure, it was only a political marriage but still the revelation made you want to punch something or someone. So drunk out of your mind, you left the most pathetic voicemail of all time sounding like a teenager with a crush. Talking about how she attracts you more than the rules of gravity. What was that! The voicemail ended with your declaration to take the prince of Aladna in a fight if that’s what it took to get her attention.

In your defense, she does like to fight. So you did punch someone…or several someones at the bar.

“It’s nothing.” you blink away the memory. “Carol didn’t have any right to kidnap me off the planet”

“Aren’t you a little old to be “kidnaped?” the dreaded voice calls out from behind you both.

You whip your head around, guilt written all over your face even as your jaw slackens at the hottest, yet fatigued, space hero in the galaxy.

But at the moment Captain Marvel just looked like Carol. A half smile gracing her lips even as she leans against the entrance. Bare arms out, another damn crop top that barely covers her belly button, and an empty space of tantalizing skin at her stomach before the top half of her supersuit hangs limp at her hips.

It was giving off duty lesbian about to repair an engine and it was making you absolutely feral.

Which is why you held the flerken outstretched in her direction.

“Not another step, Danvers.” you warn. “This flerkin here has taken a liking to me and isn’t afraid to defend me.”

Carol tilts her head and her full teasing smile tasks force, causing a full quiver in your heart.

Taking slow, meticulous steps toward you, not caring about the fur-covered danger dangling from your hands. “You’ve taken a liking to my pet, sweetheart?”

A spurtle of incoherent nonsense leaves your mouth. “It found me when I woke up. I even named him Ginger.”

“Real creative.” her deadpan sarcasm does not go unnoticed. “Put Goose down before he decides to eat you.” You get ready to fight the command but ‘Goose’ does a loud meow and you decide that’s him agreeing with his apparent owner.

Her eyes flicker to the noisy teenager next to you. “Kamala, go find another wall to destroy.”

“Aye aye, captain.” You make a desperate attempt to grab Kamala but the small betrayer just mouths “You’re in trouble.” before prancing away.

With Kamela’s exit the room is too quiet and the once spacious room feels tiny and empty, leaving only the bruising reminder of why you’ve avoided Carol for weeks. Sure, your friend can fly, shoot rays of energy from her fist, and literally crush you with her bare hands but none of that ever scared you. It wasn’t your physical body you were afraid she would break, but the fragile, sensitive heart you always protected. But then there was Carol with her small, gentle smile and her laughing eyes and a warm presence that made you want to be soft instead of sharp with pointy edges.

Under Carol’s gaze you were a giant raw wound that was left open and too exposed. You just knew Carol could see it.

Which is why getting off this ship was imperative. With a new, hardened resolve you turn around and commerce pressing every button in sight.

“You trying to order a pizza? Because there’s an easier way than having us crash into the nearest asteroid.” The pull of her voice is so strong after weeks of zero contact but you ignore it nonetheless. Not that it deters Carol. “But maybe your bad driving is a result of getting your ass whooped down on Aladna.”

She’s baiting you. Do not give in.

“I mean the fact that you got your butt handed to you by a group of people who normally only fight in song has to make you mad, right?” The silence in response finally gets to her as she stomps up to the dashboard controls and undos every button you’ve pushed in concession. Each time she reaches for a button near yours, fingers a centimeter from touching, you yank away and take a step away. She grunts in return and counters with another step closer.

Her next jap finally hits her mark with stinging precision. “Maybe next time you should ask the Prince for backup.”

A response fires out your mouth even as you slam your hand against a particular shiny button. “I had it handled, okay? That pretty boy prince might’ve impressed you somehow but his presence in a fight is as needed as yours is to me right now.” The lie turned your stomach and made you feel like Goose’s shit. “You had no right and no reason to take me off that damn planet because I had it covered. Just drop me off at the nearest planet.”

Carol could smell the lie a mile away. The words bounced off her chest. If anything she was trying to hide her arrogant grin at successfully getting your undivided attention, knowing it would make you more pissed. Which was always an adorable sight.

When her sources flagged a sighting of you on Aladna she’d left the spaceship at supersonic speed to reach you after hunting your trail down for the past month.

At first, friendship was all she needed. But time spent together on various missions gave her deeper understanding on how darn sweet you were despite scratching at anyone who tried to get close.

But once she clicked play on that cute, yet slightly violent, voicemail any vague restraints of being only friends were dashed. Now here you were, her prickly kitten, and she wasn’t going to be deterred by any of your rounded jabs.

Now here you stood. Causing internal issues to her ship's mainframe. Slight bruises marring your delicate skin. All reminders that you’d rather be dropped in outer space than occupy the same room with her. Well tough luck. Patience was never her strongsuit.

A blur out of the corner of your eye was the only warning before the sudden warm body surrounded you from behind. Two unyielding hands grasped yours in an attempt to halt any further error messages from appearing on the dashboard. “Are you not satisfied with my ship, sweetheart? Because you’re awfully determined to break it.” In another determined step she removes any space separating you two until her front is flushed against your back. Tense doesn’t begin to describe how rigid your body gets as you realize, to your detriment, she’s forgone a bra. Even the tiniest move from her causes her soft, malleable breast to move against your back. Your knees buckle even as you silently curse Carol for completely smashing the boundaries of your personal bubble.

Warm fingers grasp each of your hands and her thumbs caress circles on each hand that shoots straight to your flamed core. A whisper of her lips speaks into your ear, tingling all the way into your spine. “Six. There’s six bruises across your delicate body from that stupid fight. But you didn’t need me, huh?”

The touch and slight reprimand in her voice makes your body shiver. “T-that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh?” You peek behind to see her face as her fingers gently travel down your arm. Brows furrowed with an intense glare as she inspects your minor injuries in detail. “But that’s what you said, no?”

In an effort to clutch the last remaining shreds of your pride you squint up at her but end up lowering your glare. “Even if you helped me, that didn’t give you the right to take me off the planet.” you murmur. “And who changed my clothes!”

The gentle hand remains on your arm but the dark look is dashed away, replaced with a serene smile. “Obviously that was me. Like I would allow anyone else to get a peek at what’s mine.” she snorts. As if the idea was simply absurd.

All fight leaves your body at the new startling news that Carol, your Carol, just called you hers PLUS she’s seen you naked?

You gear up to start a rant but two arms twirl you around and hefts you up. Your legs and arms cling to her even as you yell at her to set you down.

Bullheaded Carol ignores you and instead leisurely walks to her pilot seat. As if this was just a normal Tuesday. When she plops in the driver seat, she settles your weight to straddle her hips. Immediately, you try to scramble away but she wraps her arms around you in a metal vise. That damn innocent smile returns. “The chast act ends now. Because I was prepared to let you go but then you left me this.” It’s like a slow motion car accident as she pulls her cell from her pocket and the dreadful voicemail is played at full volume.

Renewed vigor allows you to break out of her arms but you're too slow as one hand holds you in place on her lap. Making you listen to your drunk declaration of love.

The tears come as you're forced to helplessly listen, already anticipating the mockery that was soon to come, except Carol didn’t laugh. Instead, you felt soft, slow kisses press against your wet check, trailing your tears.

Carol nuzzling your neck is the only thing stopping your crying as you realize she wasn’t laughing. Her tired smile and fatigued smile returns. “You're so dramatic, kitten. Don’t ask me what “right” I have to kidnap you and bring you on our ship after you left a message like this for me.

Sensing you were no longer a flight risk, her hard grip releases your wrists. Instead, she traces your face, rubbing away your tear trails. “For now on, you're coming back and helping our missions, warming my bed, and if you start anymore bar fights you better finish them or have your girlfriend there to finish the job for you.”

For the first time in a month, a genuine smile graces your face. Brave enough to fully settle your weight on Carol’s lap, you grasp the nap of her neck to angle her lips for a kiss. When your lips finally connect a deep, dragged out moan leaves Carol’s mouth. Her hands slide up your thighs and squeeze your ass. “Don't run away again.” she warns.

“Aye aye Captain.”

#carol danvers x reader #carol danvers #captain marvel #captain marvel x reader #the marvels #carol danvers x female reader #carol danvers x you #carol danvers fanfiction #wlw

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karasuno-planet · 4 months

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What would you do for a friend?

Kageyama x manager!reader w/ bsf Asahi <3

sfw but implied making out

Word Count: 0.9k

a/n: This one is high-key silly but plz enjoy

After a long day of practices, one thing was on your mind. It had already been nearly a week since the team had arrived in Tokyo and you had barely gotten to see Kageyama outside of practice.

It wasn't long before you found yourself leaving your hotel room and walking down the hallway to your boyfriend's room. Then there was only one thing in the way.

A 190 centimeter blonde boy with glasses who seemed to be out for your blood.

You knocked on the door and before you knew it, Tsukishima answered. Not ideal, but you knew the first-years were sharing a room.

"Hey Tsukki!"

"What?"

You paused for a moment, and he cut you off, "You want something. What?"

"Um...Is Kageyama busy?"

"Yes," before you could even process, he shut the door on you.

Okay, definitely not ideal.

You sigh, realizing there's no way you're getting into that room. Thankfully, only a few doors down you knew you would be perfectly welcome. You traipse your way to the third-years' room, and knock.

Soon you're faced with the long-haired anxious boy you've grown so fond of.

"Asahi!"

"Y/n! What are you doing here?"

"Funny story..."

"Oh. Come in and explain."

You take the invitation and walk into the room to realize you're alone.

"Where are the others?"

"They wanted to do a little cool-down after practice. I opted out of that one..." He explains, blushing a little at his embarrassment of skipping out of a work-out, but you were grateful to have him here. "Anyways, what's the occasion?"

"Actually, Tsukishima is puppy-guarding me from seeing my boyfriend."

Asahi chuckled at your bold statement, "Really? How unfortunate."

"Well, maybe that's where you come in."

"What?" Asahi looked completely puzzled.

"Um.. well, if you didn't mind being the best friend in the entire world...maybe Kageyama could come over here and enjoy your spacious bathroom with me?"

Asahi's face went totally pale. "Um, I don't know if I should be uh...letting first years do that in here..."

You blushed like a madman, "NO, NO, Not that!!!" You laughed. "PG-13. I swear. I just haven't gotten to be alone with him in like a week."

"Oh, alright...you promise? Kinda made it sound like tsukki was cock-blocking you there."

You burst out laughing at that sentence coming from Asahi's mouth.

"I swear."

Asahi's cheeks flushed a little pink, "Why not your room?"

"Yachi is like totally scared of Tobio..."

"Right. Okay, sure.. go ahead..."

"Did I ever tell you that you're the best?"

"Yep," He chuckled, sitting back on is bed and scrolling on his phone as you texted Kageyama the room number.

And as quickly as you had entered his room, suddenly Asahi was contemplating how he had gotten into the situation where you and your boyfriend were together in his bathroom. He was practically babysitting. At least he didn't hear anything suspicious, which meant hopefully you really did have pure intentions. He's not sure what he would do if you didn't.

Abruptly he heard a little click from outside the rom, and the door start to open. He held his breath for a second, but felt relaxed when he saw it was just Daichi and Suga. He could explain this.

"Hey, guys, uh... don't go in the bathroom."

They stopped dead in their tracks, confused.

"Um, why not?" Daichi inquired.

"It's just that, well, y/n and Kageyama are in there."

"What??" Suga asked.

Asahi sighed, "Wouldn't you do it for a friend?"

Daichi and Suga stared blankly at him.

"It's innocent, she promised. They're just like, I don't know, little kids who miss each other."

Daichi laughed, "Okay, sure. Why here?"

"Apparently Tsukishima is getting in their way? I don't know..."

Suga chuckled and started spilling the contents of his pockets onto the table and settling in. "Now that's a little hilarious."

Daichi shrugged and sat down as well. "You think y/n cares that you sorta see her as a baby?"

"Nah," Asahi smiled, "She totally owes me after this anyways."

And, just like clockwork, Asahi's phone buzzes with a venmo notification of $15 from y/n. He laughed and the door started to open. Kageyama walked out, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, and looked shocked at the room, now full of his seniors.

He turned around to you, "didn't know there was an audience??"

You walk out behind him, blushing a little, but smiling nicely at your upperclassmen.

You see a hint of pinkness creeping over Kageyama's cheeks as he turns around and faces the door. "better get back before Hinata spreads rumors."

"Sure," you laugh.

The door shuts behind him and you're left in the room with the third-years, a little embarrassed.

"I-"

Daichi cuts you off before you can continue, "Yeah, don't worry, we didn't see a thing."

You sigh of relief and take a seat next to Asahi.

Three Months Later

During a classic training camp team-bonding exercise, the Karasuno team sits in a tight circle playing a truth-or-dare style game.

When Nishinoya's turn arrives, he stares dead into Asahi's eyes, making him nervous before even asking his question.

"Asahi, you're pretty tight with y/n, huh?"

He nodded his head.

"What's the craziest thing you've ever done for her?"

He stammers, "Well, um... there was this time in Tokyo.."

"NOPE-" You interject, silencing him. Daichi and Sugawara both exchange knowing glances. "Asahi, I will seriously kill you."

"Me first," Kageyama says, staring daggers into Asahi, flames practically bursting out from behind him.

"Uh- can I like, do diving drills instead??" Asahi pleads.

a/n: thank you for indulging me in that cheeky one <3, let me know what you think and reblogs are so so appreciated.

[masterlist]

#haikyuu #hq #kageyama tobio #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama x reader #kageyama haikyuu #kageyama #asahi haikyuu #asahi azumane #azumane asahi #daichi sawamura #sugawara koushi #suga haikyuu #nishinoya yuu #nishinoya yū #karasuno

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hungermakesmonsters · 3 months

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(Once Bitten) Twice Shy

Chapter Thirteen

Plot summary : Desperate to get away from your controlling family, you take a job in New York as a wealthy vampire's blood source. A million dollars awaits if you can make it through a year, but life with Billy Russo is not going to be as simple as you think.

Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader

Story Rating : R Chapter Rating : PG-13

Warnings : [This is a fic for 18+ only, minors DNI] Just so much angst. All chapters will contain mentions of blood. Please check the warnings on each chapter if you choose to follow this story.

Word Count : 4.7k

A/N : Sorry not sorry?

MASTER LIST

Chapter Thirteen

You couldn’t sit still, couldn’t relax.

You tried, for the sake of Karen and Frank who seemed to watch your every little twitch and movement as you got up to refill your coffee mug or to look out of the window. Karen had suggested going out for breakfast, reminding you that Billy wouldn’t be awake for hours, and Frank gave a grumbled agreement, obviously wanting the pair of you gone so he could sleep through the day. But you weren’t hungry and you didn’t want to go out.

She tried again at lunch time and received the same response, but, since you hadn’t eaten, she managed to guilt you into going to the little diner down the street for an hour. You could tell that she was nervous, almost as if she knew something that you didn’t - but, of course she did. She’d spent the evening with Frank and he’d probably told her exactly what was going on

It was a feeling that soon started to gnaw at you, wondering what the pair of them had spoken about after you’d gone to bed, hating that she knew more about the situation than you did.

When you got back to the penthouse, you went back to your rooms, showering and using washing your hair as an excuse to get some space, the whole process taking longer than usual because of your broken arm.

Then you drew blood for Billy, wanting everything to be ready for him when he got up, some part of you hoping that things could go back to normal straight away.

It wasn’t until you reached the fridge that you noticed all of the blood you’d put in there over the last few days was gone. Had he had it all last night or had Frank gotten rid of it?

You returned to your room until Karen called you out to the penthouse just as the sun was starting to set.

Nerve quickly took hold, no longer sure what you wanted to say to Billy. You just wanted to see him, know that he was alright, the rest could come after that. You took a deep breath before stepping out into the penthouse, expecting to find him there waiting. He wasn’t.

“He’s waitin’ for you in the library,” Frank told you before you could ask. “Wants a quick word before we head to the office.”

“He’s going back to work?” You asked, confused.

It shouldn’t have shocked you, it had been almost two weeks since he’d last gone in, but the state he was in last night made you wonder if it was really the right decision. Frank didn’t offer you any explanation or reassurance, he just shrugged.

You decided it was best to talk to Billy about it, and quickly started towards the library, wanting nothing more than to be able to talk to him and finally get some answers to all the questions you’d been struggling with over the last few days.

He was standing near the window, looking out at the view when you entered, all dressed up in a dark charcoal suit, ready for work.

Your breath caught when he finally turned to look at you and you felt your heart start to beat a little faster, and you couldn’t tell if it was nerves or something else that was causing it.

You took a few steps towards him, the corner of your lips pulling upwards, happy to be with him again, despite the circumstances. But, when he noticed how close you were getting, he seemed to bristle.

“Why don’t you have a seat?” He said, his voice measured giving a false air of calm.

You frowned, hesitating for a second, wanting to move closer to him, not further away. But, after a moment, you did as you were asked and took a seat on the worn leather sofa. For a few seconds you watched him, expecting him to come and sit with you, or at least move a little closer, but he didn’t.

“I want to start by saying I’m sorry,” he continued speaking in that same tone, sounding almost distant, cold. “I never should have put you in that situation, and I’m sorry that you were hurt.”

“No, Billy, that’s not -” you weren’t sure what you wanted to say to him, but he didn’t give you the chance to finish.

“I realise now that I’ve been selfish. I’ve been putting you in danger, over and over again, and it needs to stop.”

Dread filled you, your heart feeling like he’d reached into your chest and taken hold of it, squeezing it uncomfortably, causing it to stutter. Your lungs burned, refusing to draw breath. You shook your head, trying to convince yourself that he didn’t mean what you thought that he meant, but he soon confirmed all your fears.

“I took advantage of you - I can see that now, and I really am sorry,” he carried on in that same empty tone, barely looking at you enough to see that there were tears welling in the corners of your eyes. “I understand that you rejected the offer Lissa extended on my behalf, but I’m willing to double it. I know it doesn’t make up for the pain I’ve caused you but -”

“You’re paying me to go away?” Your voice broke and the first tear fell.

“No, that’s not - I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

You held up your broken arm, making sure he looked, making sure he acknowledged what he’d done to you. “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”

Billy paled at the comment, taking a step back and letting out a ragged breath.

“Can’t you just -”

“What? Go quietly? Leave so you can pretend this never happened?” You answered back, anger quickly mixing with the hurt. You sniffled, trying so desperately to stay in control of yourself. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because you got hurt - I hurt you. More than once. It’s better for both of us if you go.” Finally, there was a break in his tone, actual emotion starting to seep through. You could tell that he was upset, that he was angry and annoyed but, more than that, you could tell he was just as lost as you were.

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I’m not going anywhere. You asked me to stay. You made me want to stay with you,” you told him defiantly, watching as your words hit home. “You don’t get to make me feel like... like this and then send me away.”

“You’re not -”

“How is it better for me, Billy? How is being on my own with nowhere to go better?” The panic was quick to mix with the hurt in your tone, your heart racing a mile a minute.

He gave a heavy sigh, fingers tearing through his hair. “What do you want from me? I’m trying to make this easier for both of us.”

“You’re trying to make it easier for you. I don’t need easy, I want honesty. I want to know what’s going on.”

“You want honesty?” He almost laughed. “You mean like you’ve been honest with me?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I know about your fiance.”

You could have screamed. You very nearly did scream. “He is not my fiance. I told you - I told you what my parents are like. I will never marry that man after what he did to me.”

The change in Billy was almost instant, a familiar spark in him that seemed to ignite just at the suggestion that someone had hurt you in any way. If nothing else, it was reassuring to know that some part of him still cared, even if he was doing all he could to bury that part and forget all about it.

“You told me I got to have a choice here. Well this is my choice, Billy; I’m staying,” you told him, getting to your feet. “If you want me gone, you’re going to have to fire me. It should be easy for you, you’ve made me break enough of your rules...”

“You’d make me do that? Fire you and kick you out with nothing?” He asked, trying to make you see how ridiculous you were being.

You shrugged. “If I leave here I’ll have nothing anyway.”

“You’d have money, enough to start a new life, enough to -”

“I don’t want your money and I don’t want a new life,” you almost shouted. “I want my life. I want the life I get to choose.”

“Then you need to start making better choices,” he finally snapped, the forced calm gone from his voice completely and leaving behind nothing but frustration. “Because, this thing that’s wrong with me... there’s no fixing it, it won’t get any better, and the next time you might not get away with just a broken arm and I can’t have that on my conscience.”

“And how am I supposed to know about any of that when you won’t talk to me? When you always try to run away every time things get hard?” You asked, your own tone turning just as fraught. “You let me think I was helping, that I could help you. You made me feel like I mattered and now you’re just throwing me away.”

“You do matter. All of this is because you matter.”

You watched as he fought against himself, taking a step towards you then turning away, looking as lost as you felt in all of this. More than anything, you wanted to go to him, to just wrap your arms around him and not let go, but you knew that wouldn’t solve anything.

“Then tell me,” you challenged, “tell me why you’d rather send me away than let me stay. Tell me what happened that night.”

When he looked back, there was anger and discomfort written across his face and something else too. Hatred. He hated that you were doing this to him and it was almost enough to make you feel sick. But, at that moment, you hated him a little too. You hated all of this and everything he was trying to do.

Billy took a slow breath, his jaw clenching before he finally started to speak.

“I went looking for Krista...”

“Did you -” you faltered, not sure how to ask the question, “- you were covered in blood, was that...?”

Billy shook his head. “It was mostly mine.”

Even though you’d asked the question, once you had the answer you wished that you hadn’t. You didn’t ask the obvious follow up, instead you nodded and waited for him to continue.

“The thing that I have - the sickness - she has it too. I didn’t realise until I saw her lose control.” He paused for a moment, taking a breath. “It’s a disease,” he continued, his voice low, “it takes every vampire impulse and makes it impossible to control. It silences every part of us that’s still human.”

“How do you get it?” You asked quietly, needing to find out everything you could.

“You either get it from the person who turns you, or by being fed on by someone carrying it. It stays dormant in humans and only becomes active if they’re turned.”

You listened carefully, absorbing what he told you, still trying to make sense of it all.

“But Frank -”

“No, Frank doesn’t have it,” he answered before you could even finish.

“Then, how?”

The air between you became suddenly tense and you could tell from the look on Billy’s face that he really didn’t want to talk about it. At any other time you would have withdrawn the question, not wanting to see him looking so uncomfortable, but you knew that you might never get another chance like this to find out what was going on with him.

“When I was a kid,” he offered before pausing, as if he was considering leaving the story there, before continuing. “There was a guy who used to volunteer in the evening at the group home. At first he seemed cool, letting us stay out late playing hoops and stick ball, but then he -”

Billy stopped and you watched him almost twitch at the memory. You didn’t ask him to carry on, you could already guess. Only, you soon realised, that that was only scratching the surface.

“Turned out he liked the kids more than he let on,” Billy finally carried on, and the sick feeling in your stomach only got worse, “he told me I was pretty and broke my arm when I told him that I wasn’t interested in those kinds of games, then he bit me.”

“Billy, I...” your voice was little more than a whisper, your head spinning. Was he comparing himself to the man who’d hurt him? Was that why he was so set on you leaving? You looked down at your own broken arm and shuddered.

“He only fed on me a couple of times, but it was enough to infect me,” Billy went on. “I didn’t find out until a month or so after I was turned... I completely lost control. Frank nearly had to kill me to stop me.”

“And Krista... did you -”

“No, I never bit her...” he was quick to answer, but there was a strange hint of guilt in his voice.

“Then how?”

“Layla...” he said, awkwardly swallowing. You’d heard that name before. “She was the one before Krista and I -”

He didn’t need to say it, the look on his face told you everything that you needed to know.

“You turned her?” You asked and he nodded, looking physically sick. “By accident?” He nodded again.

“Krista must have found her after I fired her. I don’t know if they’re working together but Layla must have turned her...” Billy let out a sigh. “Krista wants to ruin my life and she knows that you’re the way to do it. She triggered the thing inside me when she told me about your fiance. And when I saw you that night...”

Mine. That’s what he’d said to you, just before hurting you. He’d been claiming you. (Maybe he hadn’t been trying to hurt you after all - though that seemed like a very dangerous thing to think given the circumstances.)

Silence filled the room for at least a minute as you tried to think of the right words to say. You didn’t want to think the worst of him, even now, but you were starting to see the havoc he’d caused in so many lives. Maybe it wasn’t entirely his fault, but you were so tired of trying to think of excuses for him.

Finally, you had your answers, but they brought you no comfort. In fact you felt worse for knowing; you felt empty, hollowed out. It felt like he was telling you because he was drawing a line beneath whatever you had been, like it didn’t matter if you found out because you’d be gone soon.

“Is there a cure? A way to treat it?” You asked.

“There isn’t,” he answered, “I’ve spent the last fifteen years looking for one.”

“But -”

“There’s no fixing it. There’s no making any of it any better,” Billy sighed. “So it’s better for both of us if you just take the money and go because there’s no happy ending here, not if we’re together.”

“There’s no happy ending if I go either,” you told him with a sniffle. “If I leave I’ll end up right back where I started, with the man my parents practically sold me to. A man who doesn’t care about giving me a choice...”

Billy awkwardly swallowed, trying to get rid of a lump in his throat, his hands clenching to fists at your words.

“You don’t have to go back to them. You could go anywhere.”

“They’d find me,” you muttered, starting to feel numb and cold, like he’d reached inside of you and scooped out all the hope and joy. “I was lying to myself thinking I could get away from them...”

“I could -”

“If you’re sending me away, I don’t want your help. I don’t want anything from you.”

“But -”

“No,” you sighed, finally resigned to what this was. You forced yourself to look at him, despite the tears in your eyes. “You’re not going to change my mind. I’m not leaving unless you make me leave. If you don’t want to see me or have anything to do with me, that’s fine; I’ll do my job and stay out of your way. But I’m not leaving until my contract ends.”

“What if I -” he tried, starting to get frustrated again.

“It’s not a negotiation, Billy,” you told him, managing to sound firm despite the way your heart was racing. “Besides, you said yourself that you keep doing this with the women who come to work for you. What sort of person would I be if I walked away now and let you move on to the next poor girl?”

It was a low blow, and you didn’t want to be cruel, but what Billy was doing hurt and you’d be damned if he got you to leave just so he could move on to the next one.

“I wouldn’t.”

“Why? Because this meant something to you?” You shook your head. “Don’t bother, Billy. I get it. I’m just one in a long line of women naive enough to think you could love them.”

“I’m not doing this because I don’t care.”

“How many times have you said those words? How many times have you brought someone into your home and made them care about you?” You asked but quickly shook your head, not wanting to know the answer. “You told me that you’d never been wanted, but I’m starting to think that was just a line. I think you make people want you and then you push them away because it scares you. I wanted you. I wanted to stay - here, after, with you, just like you asked.”

You started to move towards the door, your hand scrubbing at your cheeks, wanting to wipe away any sign of tears before you had to face Karen and Frank again. Stopping just shy of the door, you turned back to him.

“You could’ve talked to me about this, you could have given me a real choice before we started this instead of letting me think I was helping you,” you told him, desperately trying to hold yourself together. “Broken bones heal, but what you’ve broken today? That’s going to hurt for the rest of my life.”

“Wait -” you heard him as you reached for the door handle.

You didn’t stop, didn’t even turn to hear him out, you knew he was just going to hurt you more. There was movement behind you, but you didn’t wait, walking out into the penthouse to find Karen and Frank waiting for you.

They were sitting together on the sofa but both stood the moment you emerged, Karen giving you a sympathetic look as you wiped your eyes. You almost expected Billy to follow after you, almost hoped that he would, but he didn’t and that was all the sign you needed that you’d just done the right thing.

“You can come stay with me, we’ll get your things and -” Karen started, already stepping towards you.

“What?” You asked before realising what was going on. They were in on it. Karen and Frank both knew that Billy had been trying to get rid of you, and they’d both gone along with it. “No, I’m not going anywhere.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the penthouse for a few seconds, all eyes on you.

“Damn it,” Frank grumbled, “did he not explain to you that -”

“He did,” you interrupted, “and I explained to him that if he wants me gone, then he’s going to have to fire me.”

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?”

“Frank...” Karen tried to calm him down.

“Can’t you see what you’re doin’ to him?” He said, as if he thought he could make you feel guilty after everything Billy had said and done. He couldn’t.

“I’m not doing anything to Billy that he didn’t do to me first,” you answered back, feeling a little bolder than usual. Maybe it was because everything already hurt so much that you couldn’t even bring yourself to care what might happen if you upset a vampire like Frank.

He looked ready to say something when Karen put her hand on his arm. For a moment more, he stared at you, before huffing.

“Can you talk some fuckin’ sense into her?” He grumbled at Karen before heading to the library.

You almost let him walk by without further comment, but you found you just couldn’t help yourself. “We were fine until the party. If you want to blame someone for this, maybe you should look at yourself. You’re the one that made him doubt himself...”

Frank paused for a moment and your heart rate spiked as he glared at you. It was almost enough to have you shrinking back, feeling like you’d pushed a little too hard. He shook his head before storming into the library.

Karen let out a sigh before stepping towards you, trying to usher you into your rooms. You went, but not because that was where she wanted to go.

“I know what you’re going to say,” you sighed, walking into your room and heading towards the window, looking out at the city at night. “And you’re not going to change my mind.”

Out in the penthouse, you heard the sound of the elevator; Frank and Billy were leaving.

“Can you at least tell me why you’re doing this? I get that you have feelings for him, but -”

“It’s not that. I’m not staying because I think I can change his mind or make him care about me,” you told her, giving a defeated shrug. “It just... it took so much out of me to leave everything behind and come to New York. I finally got used to being here - I like being here - I can’t just walk out on the only place I’ve ever felt comfortable.”

“You don’t have to leave New York. You have friends here, people besides Billy,” Karen offered softly.

“It’s not enough, you won’t be able to stop them from taking me back when they find me. I’m safer here than I would be anywhere else.”

“Who is this guy that you’re so scared of?” Karen finally asked the million dollar question.

The question was followed by a long silence, making it clear that you didn’t want to tell her, but Karen didn’t move, didn’t try to change the subject or carry on the conversation. She was waiting for an answer and, it seemed, she would wait as long as it took to get one.

“He’s a very old and very powerful vampire,” you finally answered. “He’s part of a criminal organisation called the Maggia.”

When you heard Karen take an awkward breath, you knew that you didn’t need to explain any more than that, in her work she’d no doubt heard of the organised crime network that spanned the whole globe.

It felt strange to finally say it, to finally admit just how screwed you were. Honestly, you thought that it would feel different, to expose what you were running from, but you just felt tired and resigned. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.

“And your parents owe him money,” she stated and you nodded. “So, what was your plan? Use the million dollars Billy is going to pay you to disappear or were you going to try and pay him back?”

You pressed the heel of your palm to your eye, feeling fraught and exhausted. “I don’t have a plan. I could never raise what my parents owe and, at this point, I don't think he'd let me just pay him off.”

It sucked to finally say those words out loud and admit to yourself that you really didn’t know what you were doing. You’d come to New York with the hopes that you could disappear, that a million dollars would be enough to vanish completely but if you’d learned one thing from Madani it was that you were easy to find. Too easy.

“I thought that I’d have it all figured out by the end of my year here but maybe I won’t. So,” you shrugged again, “if I’m going to end up back there with him, I’d rather spend the rest of the time I have here feeling comfortable and safe, hoping that he doesn’t find me until my year is up.”

“You don’t have to let that happen, we could -”

“Please, don’t tell Billy,” you begged. “I don’t want his pity.”

“It’s not pity. He could help. We all could. You’ve got friends here.”

“No, Frank was right - I just make things worse for everyone - and I don’t want to do that anymore,” you told her. “If you’re really my friend, please don’t tell him. Don’t tell Frank. Don’t tell anyone. If you do, I’ll have to leave.”

It was a childish threat but one you knew you’d follow through on; you didn’t want Billy to know. You didn’t want his pity, didn’t want him to know what awaited you.

“You can’t just give up.”

“Why not? Billy already gave up on me,” you muttered, not wanting to feel sorry for yourself but finding it almost impossible.

“That’s not what happened. He cares about you, he wants to keep you safe. That’s why we all thought it would be best if you left.”

You looked at her for a moment, sure that she believed every word she was saying. But you knew better than that, you’d looked him in the eyes as he said it, as he pushed you away to protect himself, because he didn’t want to deal with the consequences of his actions.

“It doesn’t matter. Billy made his choice, and it wasn’t me.”

“I know that’s how it probably feels -”

“That’s how it is. He wants to send me away so he can forget all about me,” you interrupted, somehow managing to keep a neutral tone despite the fact that your heart was breaking.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Karen decided. “Whether you stay here with Billy or not, I’m not going to let them take you back home.”

A sigh slipped out and you nodded, managing something of a smile. You knew that she meant well, but you already knew that there was nothing she could do to help. Now there was no chance of you staying with Billy, enjoying the protection that he could offer, you knew that you’d eventually end up right back where you started.

“Now that everything's back to normal, you don’t have to stay,” you told her. “You can go back to your life...”

“I can stay a few more days,” she offered.

“No, I -” you let out a sigh, “- I appreciate it. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I think it’d be easier for everyone if we all just got back to normal.”

Only, you knew that it wasn’t going to be normal for you, not when Billy wanted nothing to do with you. You were going to have to get used to being alone again.

Without warning, Karen pulled you into a hug and held you tight. You drew a shuddered breath, lightly wrapping your good arm around her, knowing she was trying her best to comfort you, even though you felt inconsolable. She held on for a few seconds before finally pulling back.

“Are you sure?” She asked and you nodded. “I’ll still see you on Thursdays,” she promised. “I’ll make arrangements with Billy so you can have a night out with me, Matt and Foggy again some time soon.”

You nodded along, only half listening as she made plans for things you could do as she slowly began to pack up her things. She lingered longer than you expected her to and, by the time she left, you felt so numb that you couldn’t even bring yourself to cry. You put on your pyjamas and climbed into bed, deciding to watch TV, starting up the next episode of Black Sails, knowing that there was no point in waiting for Billy to continue watching any more.

End Note : 😅😅 Okay so I know that probably didn't answer ALL the questions people have had, but I've tried to at lest answer a few. I'm sorry this one is so angsty and sad. Also... yes the Maggia is something from Marvel comics, is it going to be accurate and canon? No, probably not 😅

Thanks so much for reading/commenting/reblogging/liking. I'm so happy so many people are still following along! Have a great weekend!

Let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future chapters! If tagging doesn't work for some reason (aka Tumblr being dumb) I post most Fridays around 7:30 gmt.

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itstheghostofmypast · 5 months

Text

Lime Milkshake

Non-Idol Choi San x (f)Reader

Summary: Love is not a feeling that comes without a cost, a give-and-take relationship that flourishes if both ends of the line meet at a pleasant frequency. Choi San had yet to understand that concept, especially when he deemed himself to be unworthy of love, in all its forms.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Word Count: 5.1k

Est Read Time: 25 minutes

Warnings: past relationship trauma, language, ghosting (it triggers me so yes)

Rating: PG-13

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels @san-network

Banner: @cafekitsune

Fate had never been fair, not with anyone who ever dared to dance with it, and luck was often watching from the sidelines, that's exactly how he felt when he saw her walk in with another man that day, watching the way she laughed at something the stranger had said to her- whispered to her, leaning closer to her, who knew the girl he had given his heart to was busy fooling around with it. That day he had stomped out of the shop, making sure to walk past her, feeling her body tense up, breath hitch and eyes widen as she turned her head to face him, locking her panicked orbs with his cold, hard ones-, a look she had never been a victim to before. That was the last time he had seen her, spoken to her, responded to her texts or even made the effort to open the door.

The thing about love is that it leaves a mark, an imprint that one may either wear proudly or cover with shame. She wasn't the first person he had been with, no, he had been in a few other situationships- unfortunately, she wasn't a situationship, she was a relationship, much like his previous ex- the one who had cheated on him with his own best friend, ironically his best friend was unaware of the relationship. He never thought that one night he'd visit her apartment, to surprise her, a day before his birthday, that he wanted to celebrate with his lover, his Bora, his angel, and find none other than Jung Wooyoung with her on her bed. It took Wooyoung four days to force San out of his room and another six for him to actually communicate with him, Bora was already out of the story, someone who didn't even bother calling back San or trying to reach out to him. That day Wooyoung had seen his best friend implode, keeping it in more than his introverted self ever did before, he was shy by nature and was one to put up a strong front to match his physical presence (the current big mountainous one) the old Sannie was as fragile as his porcelain heart, the recent development however was the addition of his nonchalance followed by his tactic to ignore the situation. The younger man had practically broken into his apartment to talk to him, only to find him mindlessly scrolling on his phone, he sat beside him, trying to talk to him but what he had received was a step ahead of the silent treatment- it was as if he was invisible like he wasn't even there. To get a reaction when Wooyoung had snatched it out of his hand and flung it across the room, the man simply grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, mumbling to himself about some movie- it was only two hours in of him sitting with Wooyoung in silence when his head whipped in the direction of his friend, at the sound of a broken sob, he'd never seen Wooyoung cry, let alone sob like that. It was after that when the two finally talked it out, how Wooyoung explained how he never knew San was in a relationship with Bora, and perhaps San shouldn't have hidden his relationship with her if he truly loved her, even if she had asked for it, he should've at least kept him in the loop.

He did thus keep him in the loop, for one fine afternoon Wooyoung had received a text from San, while he was busy cleaning at home,

"It's over, don't meet her anymore, she's just like her."

Her- two years had passed and she still haunted his best friend, keeping him awake at night until he met someone else, Wooyoung was glad he had, for once San had met someone different, someone who would pull out San from the bubble he hid in, she was honest but careful with her words which Wooyoung had noticed, the two had met at a 7-Eleven at midnight, buying a lime milkshake and bonding over how disgusting of a midnight snack that was- though San had told him how she had done most of the talking, even while he walked her home she was talking, they had exchanged numbers because she had suggested becoming "mid-night snack buddies"- initially Woo thought she meant that sexually, but ironically she didn't, there was no other implication, but honest words of sincerity, a range of snacks were exchanged and shared and slowly San had begun to fall again, only this time he knew his mountain of a friend would fall into her arms and she'd catch him. Or so he thought, the text itself was something that had scared him, as soon as he read it, he was quick to leave his home to his friend's side, only to find her at his door, crying and asking for his help. Initially, he had thought she was no different, just as San had suggested, but it occurred to him how Bora had never cried like this, never tried to fight for San- if she truly was different then she would try no matter what, which is why he had decided to stay out of the matter, only advising her to "Don't give up on him." San, at the realisation that this was Wooyoung's advice, was, to say the least, enraged. His now ex would be at his door all the time, he blocked her number and email address, and made sure she couldn't find him on social media, at one point she began to show up at his door, knocking, gently calling him out, "Sannie, please I- I don't know what I've done, but please listen to me or at least talk to me." He'd ignore her diligently, making sure to leave a message, of how he didn't want her, how she was like her, how she was no different and how he was not someone to play around with. This went on for months, five to be exact, not that he was counting, she came to his door whenever she knew he was home from work, gently knocking on the door, "Hey... it's me, I just wanna talk." "Sannie, please, please just tell me what I did wrong?" "I hope you're taking care of yourself..." "Hey...Wooyoung told me about her...I'm not her San, I'm not Bora-"That was the last time he had heard from her, that night, he had almost opened the door, instead opting to lean his forehead against it, listening to her laboured breathing, "I- I don't know why you think I'd ever do that to you...I don't even know what I did to trigger this- please San, I know you're there. I know you can hear me- everyone in this building thinks I'm insane, like I'm a lunatic- I don't care about that but San I- please don't ghost me like that, don't pretend I never existed....just open the door...if you won't I..." he had heard the way her voice had cracked, his own resolve had begun to crack as well, but when he closed his eyes to keep the waterworks at bay, the image that flashed in front of his eyes was not hers- it was of the one who did this to him, he was so distracted by the face of his ex that he had almost missed her final call, "I won't bother you anymore."

It wasn't fair how all he asked was for true love, yet he was given something bitter as this every time he received any, it was unfair how he'd still cling to the memories, onto the habits and the little activities, only to make himself feel better, to feel whole again. It wasn't fair how he was now climbing down the damp, slippery stairs, on his way to have a disgusting, cold, unworthy lime milkshake. It took him a while to come out of the habits he had developed with Bora, but now that he thinks about it, those comprised of usually pleasing his ex, it was different with her, she'd usually look for a middle ground. Scoffing to himself he stuffed his hands in his jacket, what did it matter, he hadn't heard from her since that night, he hadn't heard from her for almost a year, she was no different, at the end it was only-

"Ah!"

His ears picked up a loud thump, followed by the sound of things clattering around, a pained cry had him focusing on a crouched figure, leaning against the wall almost at the base of the stairs- oh no, they must've slipped. Making his way quickly, but carefully down the remaining concrete steps he clicked his tongue at the figure, a woman, "Miss, are you okay?" He asked as she watched her gripping her ankle, and let out a shaky breath, she couldn't hear him. Moving closer he tapped her shoulder, "Miss, do you need.... help..." his words died down as his eyes locked with a familiar misty pair, which widened upon a sudden realisation. Honestly, she was quicker than him, shaking her head and mumbling an, "I'm fine", before trying to reach for her bag and its fallen contents hastily, not sparing him a glance.

Did she change her hair?

Did he change his hair?

Her mind raced with a thousand questions, but she didn't listen to any, quickly trying to stuff whatever she had dropped, back in her bag, her keys, her wallet, her perfume, and her…her phone? A gasp escaped her as she continued to frantically look around, hands slapping against the dimly lit stairs, cringing at the wet dirt that stuck to her palm.

He watched her silently, frozen in the spot as he tried to process what had just happened, how did he not notice her walking before him? He hadn't noticed anyone at all, why was she out at this hour? It was still drizzling a bit; it was cold and- since when did she wear wide-legged pants? Sandals in the rain? His ear picked up her little gasp, picking up her little "Where's my phone...", he saw the glint of the device on two steps below, making his way around her to go down quietly.

She felt his gaze on her, somewhat humiliated, somewhat angry and truly upset. Why was he not helping her? Was he just going to stand there and watch? The San she knew wasn't like this, he was cold-hearted- she saw him crouch down to grab something, her phone- shit- the screen lit up, reflecting off his eyes that had widened for a split second before he closed them, letting out a sigh and locking the screen.

He picked up her phone, pushing the lock button to check the damage, only for his breath to hitch at the sight of her wallpaper, it was the first couple picture they had taken together, one she had coaxed him into after three months of being together;

"Don't worry, it won't have your face or mine." "I... how?" "Watch, just stop walking." She instructed as he stood still, still carrying her on his back, this was a habit that developed when she'd come to the store after leaving work way later than she had imagined, which is why walking back was a bother, so he had brought up this suggestion, "You're wearing trousers anyway." Regardless of how worried she was, he held her with ease, carrying her up the same steps they were now on.

This picture was a shadow of the two, with her on his back, this was the picture she had as her wallpaper when they were dating as well- a year ago. He walked over to her, looking at her face, trying to read through her turmoil, something twisting within him as she stared up at him for a split second before looking away, the familiar words ringing in his ears, "I'm not Bora."

She looked away from his face, chewing on her lower lip, almost ashamed that he had caught her like this, that he had found out how she still hadn't moved on, as she tried to move her leg, only to wince, eying the reddened ankle swelling as the now tight strap of her sandal pressed against the skin.

Crouching down he slipped her phone into her back before gently pulling it out of her hand, turning around before she could protest as he stood there, facing ahead, pondering for a moment, before sitting down on the step after hers, quietly waiting for her to understand the signal.

"I- I'm fine, I can walk-"

He sighed, turning around to look at her with a frown, "You can't walk."

"I don't need your help," she looked away, slowly trying to stand up as she braced herself for the pain, only for him to grab onto her arm and move it around his shoulder, manoeuvring so she had to cling onto him when he stood up at full height, arms wrapping around his neck as he hooked his arms under knees.

"No, you do need my help. You don't want my help." He sighed, as he slowly started making his way down the last step, walking down the pathway, ignoring how she let out a shaky breath, her fingers digging into his cotton shirt when he took a quick step, the jerk causing her to wince, making him mumble a small "Sorry."

"It's okay..." she whispered, her warm breath against his neck causing him to shiver, as he cleared his throat to distract himself, before asking her the real question, "Where were you headed?"

"...7/Eleven."

He stopped walking.

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"Why?"

"I think you know why."

That's how the two found themselves sitting on the footpath, grimacing at the weird taste of the lime milkshake, watching the once-in-a-blue-moon car pass by, her bag in between them. She didn't know he had finished before her, but he had stood up and walked back inside the shop, causing her to turn her upper body to look at him walk inside, he'd grown prettier since the last time she saw him- well he was always pretty- she quickly turned back when he came outside with a paper bag in hand, trying to act casual, only that failed when he crouched down in front of her reaching for her ankle, "ITS OKAY-"

Clicking his tongue, he glanced up at her, narrowing his eyes when she cleared her throat, letting him have a look. Folding up the wide end of her pant leg he frowned, "This is bad..." he mumbled, undoing her sandal buckle with deft fingers, watching the imprint in the swollen, pink skin, "Since when did you where such pants?"

"I was trying something new." She sighed, placing the empty bottle of her shake next to her, reaching for her ankle, "I-I'll put some ice on it, it's fine."

"Why did you do it?"

His question caught her off guard, causing her to look at him all confused for a second, before pouting "Wear...sandals? Cause they matched-"

"Cheat on me."

"What?" She frowned, "I didn't cheat on you- San, I understand that lady hurt you, but I'm not her and if you weren't ready to move on, you should've said so." She scoffed, amused and angered by the fact that she had been crying each night for a man, who couldn't see past his ex, what was she? Some form of comfort cushion for him to use when he'd miss his ex?

"Then" he placed his hand on her ankle, gently massaging it, though he narrowed his eyes, glaring at her, a contrast between the way he looked at her and the way he was touching her ankle, "Who was that guy? At the cafe? You don't think I noticed how he was whispering to you?"

Reaching forward she slapped his hand, hard, only for her palm to hit her own ankle in the process, hissing in pain as she looked at him tear-eyed.

"OW- WHY WOULD YOU- ARE U MAD?" He yelled, pushing her hand away as he tenderly ran his thumb over the bluish skin, "Why would you hit your own bruise?" He sighed, before pulling out an ointment from the paper bag with his other hand, ignoring the way she was glaring at him, maybe she did lose her mind when they broke it off.

He had begun massaging the ointment on her ankle, not looking at her, though he could feel her glaring daggers at him, watching him work on her, and for some reason, though he didn't care, he didn't mind. It was as if the voice inside of him was berating him, scolding him for letting his insecurities get the best of him, pushing away the only person who had accepted to glue back the shattered pieces of his heart, promising to place in pieces of hers in the cracks that were left by missing pieces.

"I hate you."

His hands paused, one holding her ankle and his other hand holding the gauze, not an ounce in him wanted to look at her, wanted to see the hurt that swirled in her eyes, her words hung in the air, still as the mist on a cold bitter morning, perhaps such as this one, it was already past midnight. Clearing his throat, he continued his work as if nothing had happened, not daring to look up at her. Once he was done, he inspected his work before standing up, ignoring how her head followed his movements, still looking up at him, as if waiting for an answer, though he had nothing to give her, she hadn’t answered his question as well, she had only rejected the accusation. He grabbed her sandals in one hand and slung her bag over his shoulder before turning around and crouching down once more, the expanse of his back at her view, making her scoff, but she slowly got on, mumbling an ‘I still hate you.’

He had been making his way up the steps when he began to feel her tighten her arms around his neck, ignoring her for a minute or two, maybe she was scared she’d fall, so he let it be. That is until it became a bit too difficult for him to breathe for which he wheezed out,

“I can’t breathe.”

She let out a small gasp, “Aww…really?” before her grip tightened causing him to stop on a step, coughing out her name.

“That’s how I felt EVERY NIGHT when you IGNORED ME!”

Her grip loosened to its usual strength as he coughed for air, one of his hands flat against the wall as he tried to steady himself, letting go of her uninjured leg, feeling it wrap around him, wiping away a bit of drool with the back of his hand he hissed in anger, “You still haven’t told me who he was? What do you take me for-

“AN IDIOT, I TAKE YOU FOR AN IDIOT!”

“WHAT?” turning his head to glare at her, he frowned as she leaned over his shoulder to glare back with the same intensity, the volume of their voices wasn’t helping either, if anyone were to see them they’d probably call the cops, though that didn’t stop him from finally blowing up, letting out everything he should have the first time she came over to apologise, “WHY? WHY AM I THE IDIOT WHEN ALL I DID WAS WAIT FOR YOU AT THE CAFÉ LIKE YOU ASKED ME TO? AND THEN YOU BRING OVER SOME GUY AND-

“HE WAS THE F*CKING REAL ESTATE AGENT AND HE IS GAY!”

Just like the previous statement she had bombarded him with, her words hung in the air around them once more, the only sound that was evident to the ear was their heavy breaths, though he could see the way her ears had turned pink, not from the cold nipping at her but the anger that he had caused to run through her veins, “I- I can’t believe you, you walked out on me, you never let me explain and- and all I wanted to do was to surprise you with an apartment we could share.” She sighed, slowly letting go of him, causing him to panic, though she pulled back holding the handrail, “Just give me my stuff, thanks for today, just pretend none of this happened, you’re good at that anyway.”

Turning around to look at her he watched her reach for her bag that he was still holding onto, only for him to pull away, biting his lip to hold back the flood of emotions, especially when she looked up at him all exhausted, “I really did think Wooyoung was right, that you’d give me a chance but- I, I don’t think you were ready for something new and-

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, catching her off guard, eyes widening at the way he looked down at his shoes, holding onto her purse like it was his own, or perhaps he was holding onto something that was hers, the only piece that was not taken away, much like the memories of her, of how she loved him through the darkest patches of his life, how she spent time peeling away each layer with delicate movements, how she spent most of her time trying to understand him, how she’d be there with her melody, trying to soothe his aching soul, only for him to toss her out when the voices inside became so loud he couldn’t hear her’s anymore.

“You’re…sorry?”

“Yeah, I- Hey!” he almost lost his footing when she shoved him, staring at her in shock, for the love of God, they were still on the stairs, “Don’t do that,” he held onto her wrists when she almost shoved him again.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me she hurt you like that, you- don’t you think I would’ve stayed with you? I love you- I- I helped you as much as I could and if I knew you needed professional help I would’ve stayed by your side- did I not love you enough for you to realise that?” her words cut through him, it was as if reality had come and punched him in the face for her, “What’s the point of being so tough of on the outside when you’re hurting on the inside, indirectly hurting everyone who chooses loves you…” He watched her sigh, her resolve breaking as she looked up at him, streaks of fresh tears painting her face, causing his breath to hitch at the sight- no, if he had opened the door on the first day he would’ve cracked, he would’ve crumbled at her feet and to think he didn’t, to think he had let her cry like this at his doorstep for so long, to have her break down, to lose a piece of her every night because he was too afraid to confront her, even though she had come to him, fate was not cruel to him, no, for once fate had pitied him, by sending him a form of compensation he was unworthy of, a form of love that he was unworthy of, for he was unworthy of her.

“I…” his head hung low, fingers tightening around her wrists as he let out a quiet sob, before he slowly sat down, the world around him spinning a bit too fast, though he did not know she had followed after, he didn’t even know when he started bawling his eyes out, his deafening cries were being muffled by her shoulder as she hugged him close, a soothing hand rubbed his back, though she never shushed him, never asked him to stop, in fact, it was as if she was encouraging him to continue crying, to let it all out. Soon his sobs turned into incoherent apologies, which morphed into hiccups of her name, squeezing her close to him as she pressed his face into her neck, whining and mumbling about- honestly, she couldn’t even understand him, she was just glad he had finally decided to let it out, to finally feel whatever he had barricaded away, whatever was stopping him from loving and feeling loved. He doesn’t know how long it took, but he’s sure it was after a solid twenty minutes when he finally peaked up at her, catching the way she gave him a small smile, only for him to whine and hide back in her neck, mumbling, “Do you still hate me?”

“I don’t hate you San, I just hate what you did to me.” She sighed, slowly peeling him off her as she cupped his face, taking note of his puffy eyes and red nose, her thumbs caressing the warm and wet skin below his eyes, “I don’t think I deserved to be punished for something I didn’t do.” He could only meekly nod at her statement, before sniffing and letting out a shaky breath, followed by another apology which she nodded at. Standing up he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, before he picked up her things once more, turning around so she could hop onto his back.

“I can slowly walk there, you know?” she asked only for him to shake his head, not even turning to look at her as he did so, just waiting for her to do as he asked, which she did thankfully.

The walk to her apartment was quiet, though not as tense as the walk to the store was, or before they finally fought, in fact, she felt quite better, she didn’t really know about him, but it had been a long time since she had felt this light as if the weight of the horrid world had been lifted of her shoulders. Ever so often, she’d hear him sniff, but that was all, halfway up the elevator ride to her apartment she felt him gripping her tighter, closer, though she did not say anything.

It was when she was at the door when she tried to move but he didn’t let go, instead stood there facing the door with her on his back, not saying a word or moving an inch.

“San.”

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t lose you again.”

She sighed at his statement, before giving what was similar to a back hug, placing a kiss on his shoulder, slowly slipping out when he eased because of her antics. Limping over to the door she finally unlocked it, turning to look up at a dejected mountain of a man, holding onto her pink sandals in one hand, while on his shoulder clutched close to his body was her hot pink purse, if this wasn’t a serious moment she may have even laughed. Still, the sight of him standing there, like a kitten kicked in the rain had her gripping the doorknob, wondering what she should do next, was it worth the effort? Was giving him another chance worth the risk of the pain? All that therapy she had to go through when she decided to move on- but had she moved on? Well, she thought she did, until she met him again tonight until he began to carry her down the stairs, until she realised he too was going for that horrid drink, until he sat there quietly drinking it with her, until he began to treat her injury as if nothing had happened- perhaps a part of her did not want to move on, or was she waiting to see if he had moved on?

“I can’t just…forget everything San.” She finally gave into the rational part of her being, “I can’t help someone, who doesn’t want to help himself,” looking up at him she noticed the way his eyes had watered, his lower lip trembling, much like his shoulders, “I need to know if what I’m fighting for is worth it? Are we really worth it, Sannie?”

His ears picked up the little nickname, most people who were close to him would call him that, but when the name slipped off her tongue, his heart grew bigger three sizes, his heart grew braver three sizes, something ignited within his soul, his fingertips tingling with a new found sensation, his eyes met hers, eyes burning with a new found determination, a newfound realisation, “We are. I need to make it up to you, I want to make it up to you, I will make it up to you…” he paused, before taking a deep breath, “Only if you let me.”

She looked at him quietly, taking in his words, perhaps she had woken up someone who lay asleep for years, slowly losing himself within the broken shell of a man who walked aimlessly around the Earth claiming to be Choi San, perhaps this was the real Choi San, the one Wooyoung had told her to fight for, the one Wooyoung had told her would love her endlessly, would hold onto her tighter than she’d hold onto him, the one who was to bring down the galaxy and present it to her on his palm, all wrapped within his love and admiration for her.

“I have to go for talking therapy at 8 pm tomorrow.”

“We have to go for our talking therapy at 8 pm tomorrow.” With that he handed her the purse, leaning closer to the door before opening it and picking her up princess style, her sandals still hanging off his fingers as she scoffed, wrapping her arms around him, “You’re sleeping on the couch though.”

“As long as I still have a date with you tomorrow.”

“Again, it’s therapy.”

“Therapy dates can be our thing.” He smiled down at her, a genuine smile, a smile that she had barely seen, one that came with the dimples and the crinkle of his nose, his teeth peaking out at her, contagious enough for her to morph a similar smile, perhaps not as pretty as his, but for him, it was the brightest, most beautiful, most charming smile he had ever seen, the very sight he would long for each night, when his self-induced state of pity would subside and the kinder, selfless San would resurface, the one who had decided to set the same picture as his wallpaper as her own- that’s why he was so shocked to find out that even though the two hadn’t met for almost a year, or talked to each other, they somehow still happened to have the same wallpaper- guess fate really did know what she was doing, enough to have the two craving the disgusting, ungodly lime milkshake.

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @the-kpop-simp @mlysalt @spooo00oky

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pennyblossom-meta · 6 months

Text

L Lawliet: a deep dive into the expanded universe pt.01

EDIT (07/04/2024): Added some imgs.

Apologies for being so late to give this a follow up to @maevearcher's meta which can be found here and here. As usual, she’s made excellent points and I'll try to answer the ones which caught my eye.

Since this post ended up gaining a life of its own and becoming a bit too long, I’m splitting it in 2 or 3 parts. The core of the content for part 01 starts after under the button to Read More.

Here we talk about L's humanity.

I'll start with a disclaimer of my own: while I consider the manga as the base for the story, I'm very much open to the expanded DN universe as a complementary study of the characters and their motivations — sometimes even filling in the blanks for some of the background mysteries, such as the dynamics of Wammy's House and how L's successors view him.

To further clarify: by canon I mean the manga and any works by Tsugumi Ohba as the base material. I think @maevearcher and I are more or less in agreement on that, from what she mentioned in her own posts. As she said, the written word is indeed the baseline truth.

The expansion of the DN universe also has its own very special set of problems; for example, in many ways, L:CtW (L: Change the WorLd) commits the sin of overindulgence by throwing in considerations that, arguably, go against canon. Besides the ending where L lives for a final 23 days and Watari dies, the portrayal of Near in the movie (though in the novel he's also walking a fine line between becoming partially and very much OOC) is also a point of contention. I confess that I really wasn't fond of the way they portrayed Misa as a potential crush of L given canon insights on his opinion about Light whether in the role of Kira or as a person (pg.64 of Vol 13: How to Read, henceforth referred to as V13:HTR), but aligning L to become more humane and forgiving was at least interesting.

The same happens with the live action movies, the 2015 series, and the musical. At least the game Spiraling Trap isn't clashing with canon elements — that I could tell. The main plot is separate from the events of DN and the dating sim is a little slice of heaven into L's thoughts and emotions which I dearly love.

However, while L:CtW does indeed overindulge, the novel AN:LABB (Another Note: LA BB Murder Cases) gives us a singular glimpse into L through the eyes of Mello while keeping the events mostly accurate to the main plot, even with its slight deviations. It's certainly an optional perspective to the core of DN, but one that I always found very insightful. In V13:HTR, Obha mentions how he would’ve liked that there were more novels about L and how he solved previous cases, in a similar fashion to how Nisio Isin approaches AN:LABB. Here’s what Ohba says in pg.61 of V13:HTR:

(...) I didn’t think up much for [L’s] past. For him to be in such an influential position, he must have solved an amazing amount of cases, but I have no idea what kind of cases they were or how he solved them. But I would love for NISIOISIN, who wrote the Death Note novel, to write more stories about that (...)

This means that, to some extent, even the original author, Ohba, accepts AN:LABB as close to canon — or rather, as canon as it can get given the creative liberties allowed to a third party writer. To that point, Nisio Isin took L’s capoeira demonstration during the Yotsuba arc and made it a whole thing in the novel, with L taking inspiration from Naomi Misora’s skills. However, given the importance of that event, in the main story, L takes a while to even remember Misora so we can infer that either the stress of the case is getting to him OR learning capoeira and subsequently Misora’s role in it didn’t leave that much of an imprint on him because true canon didn’t really put that much emphasis into it. Either way, it’s an extrapolation that works. The technicalities can be overlooked given how ambiguous the scene is, as there is more than room to deduce a different past.

At the same time, I am an apologist that there are shared characteristics to L throughout the different mediums. My own interpretation of L's character has the manga as a baseline, but the expanded universe has taught me that there are sides to him that might not be so easy to perceive in dialogue bubbles or illustrations alone. Little things like L's addictive personality or the way he represses feelings are visible in the manga but caught beautifully in the novels, for example.

Going from the written word into the screen also represents a loss of the purity achievable only within the narrative in-book, where you can extrapolate and reach your own conclusions without being subject to the bias of sound and movement — though manga aggregates the visual to words and with it an altogether different dimension of meaning. That's one of the many things I enjoy about elements of fiction introduced through books; the stillness of the images and the narrative are more complex. Every time the baseline gets adapted, it loses something or that something shifts to fit into the perception of others. It ceases being pure and its essence is fundamentally shattered. Like the concept of a musical score on paper that gets played by an orchestra, there will never be an adaptation as good as the source material because it breaks the illusion.

While I can certainly extrapolate and accept the loss, I find that the written word from the novels, the tone of a VA's voice and the body movements in a live action still complement the manga well, despite narrative clashes.

About L’s humanity

Recently I've been re-watching the anime and it's incredible how Alessandro Juliani's understanding of the character resulted in such a well-rounded voice for L. I actually prefer the EN version to the JP because of the voice acting. It's superbly brilliant, even if L becomes less listless. He's certainly still aloof, but his aggressiveness is portrayed more vividly; in contrast, L in the manga feels a bit more dangerous and scary to me due to the range of expressions that the anime didn't manage to add in due to time and budget constraints. If anything L tones down how dangerous he can be. He does this on purpose so that he can trick and trip his adversary, as can be seen during his earlier interactions with Light. At times, L makes a mockery of himself, apparently placing himself in the position of a more demure individual while sharply observing the world around him and forming conclusions.

As to @maevearcher ‘s first point:

(...) An image of this lonely autistic genius, locked inside the confines of his ways, waiting for the right person to come along and save him from the banes of his solitary existence…until he meets Light and realises there’s someone out there who he can relate to, for understanding and stuff. I personally don’t buy too much into that.

The depth to which L relates to Light can be overestimated, but not without reason. Theirs is mostly an adversarial relationship with varying deviations throughout the expanded universe, but if we solely consider the manga then we get this comment from Ohba regarding whether L has any friends on pg.64 of V13: HTR:

Nope. And when he says that Light is his first friend that’s a big lie. He never considers him a friend. He probably secretly thinks really negative things about him.

During the Yotsuba arc, L is at a disadvantage. Light has turned the tables, tricked him into what Beyond Birthday could not do and thus gained a solid position into rendering L almost powerless to charge him. To elaborate on the latter point: BB wanted to create the perfect, unsolvable crime to humiliate L, making him lose, and thus “spend the rest of his life trembling in fear of B’s shadow” (pg.163, AA:LABB); L would know who the guilty party was but wouldn’t be able to prove it or bring that person to justice. As such, L would not be able to solve the mystery. At the end of the novel BB fails due to Misora’s quick thinking and that’s that. However, Light has several advantages that BB lacked, starting with his own social position, charm and the impeccable reputation of a model student and the prized son of a police chief who helps solve cases every now and then.

We can argue that, what truly happens in manga canon, is L and Light showing how much they respect each other for their detective skills, forming a sort of strange kinship within the cat and mouse game, especially when Light loses his memories of the Death Note. The game thrills them and they enjoy pushing each other’s buttons. No one else has ever challenged them like this. That being said, the first time they meet up for coffee after the tennis match, L is observing Light like a hawk, keeps testing him for a reaction and seems somewhat irritated at how much Light talks. I would venture a guess that L doesn’t actually like Light that much, even when he loses his memories. He might even find Light a nuisance when he waves the flag of morality — though this is a common problem L is confronted with when dealing with the Task Force, in particular Chief Yagami and Aizawa. This also places him at another gruesome disadvantage, as he’s surrounded by people who openly dislike and criticise his methods. The Task Force is also extremely wary of the way L pursues Light and think he’s being stubborn without proof to substantiate his reasoning. Ironically, it’s Aizawa, one of L’s most critical subordinates, who initiates Light’s downfall years later once he starts to consider L’s suspicions in light of Near and Mello’s tactics.

Both L and Light respect the game, no matter where it takes them. I would further make an educated guess that Light even preyed on L’s vulnerabilities during the Yotsuba arc, predicting how L might fall into depression for failing at the game. Light was more than capable of understanding that L’s competitive and childish side would make him a sore loser, especially given that he had already “lost” the first round of battles just by showing his face. Even if there is a sliver of friendship between both during Light’s months of amnesia, it’s dead and buried the moment he becomes Kira again.

My conclusion here would be that, while what happened with Light was extreme, it was also somewhat similar to Beyond Birthday’s eternal enmity towards L: the challenge, the need to humiliate and take down the greatest detective, one of the most brilliant minds to ever walk the Earth. There are some notable quotes from AA:LABB that reference what it is to be L, surrounded by future challengers and individuals who both look up to L and want to prove they’re better than him:

Pg.69

By simple arithmetic, L's ability in 2002 was the equivalent of five ordinary investigative bureaus, and seven intelligence agencies (and by the time he faced off against Kira, those numbers had leapt upward several more notches). This is easy to think of as a reason to respect and admire someone, but let me say this as clearly as possible: that much ability in one human is extremely dangerous. Modern danger management techniques rely heavily on diffusing the risk, but his very existence was the exact opposite. In other words, if someone was planning to commit a crime, they could greatly increase their chances of getting away with it by simply killing L before they began. That was why L hid his identity Not because he was shy or because he never left the house. To ensure his own safety For a detective of L's ability, self-preservation and the preservation of world peace were one and the same, and it would not be correct to describe his actions as cowardly or self-centered.

Pg. 117

L was the goal of everyone in Wammy's House. Everyone of us wanted to surpass him. To step over him. To step on him. M did, N did, and B did. M as a challenger, N as a successor. B as a criminal.

Pg. 160:

B approached Naomi Misora, calling himself Rue Ryuzaki. Rue Ryuzaki - L.L. For anyone from Wammy's House, there could be no higher goal than identifying yourself with that letter - and Beyond Birthday seized this case as his chance.

One of the biggest problems with these quotes is that they paint a very complicated — and, ultimately, suffocating — picture of what it is like to be L. Ohba himself mentions Watari’s predisposition towards collecting geniuses from all over the world and what Wammy’s House has turned into, under the snippet for Watari’s character (pg.60 V13:HTR):

He’s a guy who cultivates detectives for fun. That’s kind of terrible, isn’t it?

Everyone profits from L. Watari becomes richer than ever. Wammy's House becomes breeding ground for geniuses who end up dreaming of a life where they enjoy constant thrill and challenge. However, in order to do so, the dream cannot be complete until the successor crushes the original; until M, N, B and A defeat L. At least one of L’s successors couldn’t handle the pressure and committed suicide. B, known as Backup, runs away from the orphanage and goes on a murder rampage. Having never met L in person, he deduces several personality quirks that the “original” demonstrates, going as far as exacerbating them in order to be creepy and repulsive. Mello, who boasts of having met L in person and being privy to stories about how he defeated several other detectives (then taking their aliases as a trophy) both fervently admires L and wants to step on him.

Step on him. That’s quite the turn of phrase. It does sound scary, doesn’t it? To be surrounded by people who would take the opportunity to pull you down, no matter how much they admire you. They want to be you, to prove that they’re better than you. It’s game and ego. Life and death. Winner and loser.

And that’s perhaps the most blatant summary in approved canon of what it is like to be L that we’ll ever get. We can, of course, argue that Watari cares about L. He’s not only his handler, but also the one who brought him into Wammy’s House. It’s fairly clear that he nurtured (and even enabled) some of L’s most distressing character traits, though I wouldn’t necessarily say it was with a purely utilitarian agenda. It’s perfectly acceptable to extrapolate how Watari might’ve wanted to keep L, a child of great intellectual genius, happy by allowing him to be challenged and properly educated. In fact, AN:LABB (pg. 145-46) even gives us L’s perspective on the kindness that justice can achieve, which is confirmed within the expanded universe to be similar to Watari’s teachings as L confronts Kujo in L:CtW.

"I have nothing to do with him," L said. "To be completely accurate, I do not even know B. He is simply someone I am aware of. But none of this affects my judgment. Certainly I was interested in this case, and began to investigate it because I knew who the killer was. But that did not alter the way I investigated it, or the manner in which my investigation proceeded. Naomi Misora, I cannot overlook evil. I cannot forgive it. It does not matter if I know the person who commits evil or not. I am only interested in justice." "Only... in justice... " Misora gasped. "Then ... nothing else matters?" "I wouldn't say that, but it is not a priority." “You won't forgive any evil, no matter what the evil is?" "I wouldn't say that, but it is not a priority." "'But..." Like a thirteen-year-old victim. "There are people who justice cannot save." Like a thirteen-year-old criminal. “And there are people who evil can save." "There are. But even so," L said, his tone not changing at all. As if gently admonishing Naomi Misora. “Justice has more power than anything else." "Power? By power ... you mean strength?" "No. I mean kindness." He said it so easily. Misora almost dropped the phone. L The century's greatest detective, L. The detective of justice, L. Who solved every case, no matter how difficult... " ...I misunderstood you, L." "Did you? Well, I'm glad we cleared that up."

I would, once again, venture another educated guess that, while Watari’s primary reasons for starting a program of successors to L was noble, it ultimately backfired on an individual level. Society wise, the letters, as L calls them in L:CtW, are a force for good. They solve crimes, help law forces around the world to keep peace. Some of them even become scientists like Dr Kujo — though she becomes the main antagonist in the spin-off novel. However, the pressure this kind of lifestyle fostered creates a group of individuals who are highly competitive and manipulative. Some, like A, can’t handle it. Even L has his own troubles, being called a reclusive sociopath, possibly by the police forces who treat him as a utility rather than a person. He’s someone they admire and resent, who is tolerated given how effective he is at cracking down cases.

This passage from L:CtW paints a grim picture of the way L suppresses his own feelings as he breaks down for not being able to prevent Maki from being kidnapped (pg. 150-51):

"Light...it hurts. My heart--" It was a hurt that L Lawliet had suppressed, that he had to suppress in order to continue his existence as the peerless Detective L. How had the world's top detective been described in regard to facets of his personality rather than his ability as a detective? He had been called a kinky detective who relished bizarre murders, a human computer capable only of measuring mass murders in terms of cold numbers, a reclusive sociopath. What L thought of such estimations of his personality only L could know. But no one could truly understand L. How L did not and could not forget the faces of thousands of victims. Who could comprehend the man who had lived his life, and had to live confronting all the lives that ended prematurely, the tears of grief-stricken survivors, the devaluing of life as a daily reality. How was it possible to measure the pain of such a man? Was it a strain so heavy that L's back curved under all its weight? Was it an agony so terribly to leave the indelible dark circles around his eyes? Was it a feeling so bitter that every bite he took needed to be coated in sugar? The chronically rounded shoulders, the inevitable dark circles, the eccentric tastes--L suppressed the pain of being a champion of justice, but the evidence of the pain was moulded into his very body.”

Even within the clear disparity from the official canon, this passage slaps. It humanises L further, making the detective become a person and not just a machine who is content with his lifestyle. I know there’s a tendency for those who prefer the manga to see L as someone who is unabashedly himself and perfectly alright with the life he lives. I would argue that the Kira case was not only the most difficult challenge L ever faced, but also a series of moments where he had to be at his best — and at his worst. He had to do everything within his power to solve the case, not only because of his pride but because of what he considers to be his sense of justice. Saying with such confidence ‘I am justice’ is a rather cheesy and childish thing to say out loud, though I read it as both what started as a child’s stubbornness and what L became, as he positioned himself as a barrier to prevent crimes.

L suppresses himself, represses his emotions; he tries to control them, as Fu Takashi says in an interview, he is “dependent on games or battles of the mind”. Perhaps this is a consequence of the foundations of his personality. Despite L’s innate stubbornness, it could be argued that this is as much his fault as it is Watari’s, who didn’t nurture L’s social skills as he should have when he was a child. By not having an outlet outside of his hobby, L is trapped in a prison of his own making. Superficially, L is a “smart guy who hates losing”, but what about the rest? What about the things that make him human, the connections with others? In the same interview, it is mentioned how L feels lonely and needs affection. But what affection can you get when you isolate yourself from the world and keep everyone at arm’s length? He’s not a machine. Even machines become obsolete with time, and need outside help to keep functioning.

As for the latter point, if everyone around L is trying to step on him, humiliate him and surpass him, then it’s only natural that his emotional defences would be up. Aside from Watari, whose loyalty he can count on, he’s alone. L has no one else. And everyone around him will have a dangerous, significant probability to betray him.

Next in part 02: About romance, having someone close and intimate, the meaning of the Monster speech.

Tagging @rinneroraito and @sharkiethrts who might be interested in this meta.

#death note #l lawliet #death note meta #light yagami #spiraling trap #l lawliet headcanons #l lawliet x reader #watari #mello #mello death note #nate river #mihael keehl #near death note #beyond birthday #another note #l change the world #l death note #l lawliet death note

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iloveboysinred · 4 months

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Life with Keith after the war [Domestic fluff hcs]

pg.13 fluff| Keith Kogane x gn reader

cw; fluff, domestic life, mentions of war

masterlist

-Okay so after the war against the Galra was won, you and Keith moved back to his house in the desert, opting to live a quiet life in isolation.

-it was peaceful and a stark contrast to the almost constant chaos of whirling around in space.

-you and Keith made some renovations to the home, fixing broken windows, re-storing the paint on the walls, and getting working appliances like a new fridge, a microwave and a bunch of new cups and plates.

-Mornings with him were your favorite, you always woke up before him, turning on some music and cooking breakfast for yourselves, watching the sun finish rising.

-he didn't wake up too long after you, your lack of warmth in bed basically forcing him to get up and look for you.

-He would find you in the kitchen, a cute apron that was much too long for you covering you from the mess of pancake batter all over the counter.

-"Morning Keith" "mmh morning baby. What's cooking?"

-he would come up behind you and wrap his arms around your waist, burying his face in the crook of your neck, his sleep laden eyes still not adjusted to the bright morning light shinning through the windows. He made a mental note to get curtains.

-He would hold onto your hips and sway side to side, following the beat of the music playing.

-you guys regularly visited Shiro, almost always taking home Tupperwares of food his husband would cook, never returning them back because Keith kept forgetting them.

-you guys had built a dog house outside for Kosmo, but he would just teleport right back inside, suddenly laying over you and Keith on the bed, wagging his tail like a puppy.

-You guys spent most of the day indoors, watching movies, talking about the future, loving on each other and trying to make up for all the times you couldn't be like this in space.

-Keith had become such a cuddle bug it was ridiculous, his hands were always wrapped around your waist, and he always had to be touching you, sub-consciously or on purpose.

-When you guys would sitting down at the dinning table, his hand would interlink with yours or rest on your thigh.

-you never went to bed before chit chatting about your day, exchanging I love yous and snuggling up under the covers.

-on the nights that you did stay up together, you and him would sit outside and stargaze, or stay in and watch scary movies with all types of sugary junk food, as if you guys were still teenagers.

-you regularly de-tangled and kept up with Keith's hair, it was so healthy and shiny.

-whenever Krolia visited you would all catch up, her sharing with you her earliest memories of baby Keith.

-he would blush and cross his arms, growing more and more embarrassed at every story. Your giggling not making it any better.

-after about a year and a half, Keith asked you to marry him. Much to Krolia's delight.

-you decided to have a small wedding, Keith not being the big flashy party type of man.

-You invited all the former paladins, as well as Ulaz and Krolia, everyone making sure to show up and celebrate your special day.

-you were over the moon once your vows were said and you were officially married, yanking Keith onto you and pressing a kiss to his lips, everyone cheering behind you and clapping.

-after the wedding, you guys laid in bed, just admiring each other, loving kisses exchanged between the both of you.

-from then on Keith just called you by your shared last name most of the time.

-"good morning, Mr/s Kogane"

-made it a point to let everyone know you were his spouse.

-he was such a sap, having multiple framed pictures of your wedding all over the house.

-Eventually the conversation of children came up, deciding when the time came you would adopt, wanting to give a child a family, just as Shiro did to Keith.

-Keith splurged as much as he could for the new addition to the family, buying clothes, food, toiletries, everything.

-he filled what used to be his room in the house with kid stuff.

-Shiro would frequently come over during this time, brining handbooks on parenting, offering useful advice on how to make the child feel at home and comfortable.

-When your new son came home you and Keith were over the moon, low-key freaking the little boy out with your enthusiasm.

-got a regular dog for him, scared Kosmo would teleport him to god knows where.

-it took a while, but he ended up warning up to you and Keith, you guys were a proper family.

-you and Keith grew old and grey.

-you would still hold hands on the porch, sitting side by side as the days would go by, but your love never ceased.

#❥iloveboysinred #keith kogane #keith kogane x reader #vld keith

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thebestofoneshots · 2 months

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Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 7.6 K Warnings: semi-smut? PG-13 Prompt: What will Sirius think? This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.Proofread by Lovely @aremuslupinsimp

The innocent life, the innocent touch is never enough For the ones who love, the ones who love The ones who love

“Wait, are you serious?” he asked in disbelief. The way his lips turned slightly up when he asked was telling enough. He wants this too.

“No, you are Sirius,” you responded, not resisting the temptation to tease him.

He almost scoffed at that, but pulled you into a hug and raised you up just slightly from how tight he was hugging you, then as if something else came into his mind he let you down and turned to you, “We need to talk to Remus.”

“Remus already knows,” you replied with a smile and walked towards the door, opening it for Remus to walk inside. He had James’ cloak neatly folded under one of his arms. “He was also a little reluctant to tell the truth, but once he did we both understood that we love you, and that we love each other, and that nothing would make us happier than that.”

Sirius looked at both of you almost too shocked to speak. It was as if seeing Remus in the room along with you took the entire ordeal into another dimension. From a delusional dream to an awake frenzy, from a fantasy only proper of his secret thoughts to reality. You were looking at him with a calm smile and Remus was looking at him with a sort of hopeful gaze that made his heart hammer against his chest.

“Is it– is it true?”

“What is?” Remus asked.

“You like her? In the same way that you like me?”

Remus nodded, almost feeling sorry about it, he never thought he’d be admitting that to anybody, let alone to Sirius.

Sirius gulped, he could barely grapple with the idea of one of you loving him, and yet the two people in front of him were telling him they did. Not only that they loved him but they wanted him, and not as a friend, but as a lover. Sirius had been both abhorred and wanted before; by his mother, by the girls he’d been with, by his friends and by his enemies, but he’d never been wanted like the two of you wanted him. Or at least he had never wanted anyone back in the way he wanted you. Of that he was certain.

His eyes watered as he turned to you, almost checking on you, as if you really were okay with everything that was happening, there seemed to be no doubt in your eyes, but he still slumped down onto the floor, his knees bent and hiding his face on his knees as he sobbed, and… laughed?

You turned to Remus, and you exchanged a second long look before the two of you leaned down on the floor, one on each side of Sirius.

“Hey,” you said softly. “What is it?”

“I can’t believe it,” Sirius muttered. “Is this some kind of joke? Are you trying to get back at me for falling in love with him?” He turned to Remus, something akin to anger and betrayal as he looked at him. “Did she put you up to this?”

You frowned and placed your hand on his chin as you softly made him turn to face you, “Would I ever do something like that to you?” you asked him softly, he pouted in response. He knew you would never do such a thing, but even if you wouldn’t do it, he still thought he deserved it. He deserved to be punished for breaking your precious heart. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, Remus was now touching him too, he had his hand on Sirius’ back, slowly rubbing circles near his neck in the same way he’d used to relax you earlier.

“Sirius, it’s all true, we both like you,” Remus reassured. “And we like each other too.”

“But it’s… not possible, too good to be true,” Sirius retorted. “You cannot, it’s impossible…”

You and Remus exchanged another look. He nodded, as if he knew exactly what you meant, “Sirius, do you not like the both of us?” you asked as you leaned to him, enough to press a kiss to his temple.

“Yes…”

“Then why can’t we like you and each other?” Remus asked as he too leaned closer, not quite kissing Sirius, but close enough for Sirius to feel his breath against his neck. It was as unnerving and enticing as yours.

“Because I’m broken, and I’m sick, and I’m a terrible person and you’re both the best people I know!”

You laughed at that, but Remus beat you to speak, “I was crushing on my best friend and on her girlfriend for months, I’m far from good.”

“I left while you begged me to stay because I was too scared of dealing with my own problems, Sirius. I’ve done more damage than good.” That last phrase came from a place more hidden than the rest of your words. Both boys noticed.

“Étoile,” Sirius reproached.

“I’m trying to fix that now, though.” You cut them both out before either decided to change the subject. “Who cares if we’re all broken? We’d still have each other.”

“And you’re both willing to share?” Sirius asked.

“And you?” Remus retorted. Although Remus knew Sirius had never shown an inch of jealousy towards the closeness the two of you shared.

“I think it would be kind of hot, frankly,” he said with the smallest of smirks.

“Pervert,” you reproached playfully and moved your hand to shove him, but he instead pulled on your hand and manoeuvred you onto his lap.

“But you love me anyway,” he retorted, his smirk growing as he did. Remus was so close to the two of you, you could feel his chest almost behind your back, “I’ve missed you Étoile,” he said honestly.

“We both did,” Remus said afterwards, trying not to feel excluded, you both noticed. Sirius turned to him with a smile, before leaning down and whispering something in your ear, Remus didn’t hear it, even as he tried, he suspected Sirius had used some kind of silencing magic.

“You should definitely do it,” you responded with a smirk that almost perfectly mirrored his own.

Remus knew, almost in an instant, that he had gotten himself into mischief by confessing his love to the two of you, shameless flirts, he didn’t even know how his heart would survive the flips and turns from–

His train of thought was interrupted when Sirius placed one of his hands on the nape of his neck and pulled Remus into a kiss. It was a soft, and yet rather demanding kiss, much hungrier than the first kiss he’s given you. You whistled and cheered as the two of them kissed. Sirius was trying to hold back the smile from your contagious laugh as he deepened the kiss.

Remus Lupin was far too gone, taken into oblivion by Sirius’ lips to be distracted by your gleeful teasing. The Lethe was on his lips, and he would happily drown on them. He moved one of his hands to Sirius’ face and deepened the kiss, he was sitting on his calves as he leaned closer to accommodate Sirius better. Meanwhile, you tried to slide down to give them some space, but Sirius grabbed onto your wrist to stop you from sliding entirely, now it was your back that rested on Sirius’s lap. He seemed almost desperate because he couldn’t kiss you both at the same time. You smirked as you looked up at them, your heart only filled with warmth as you saw them give each other that long-desired kiss.

Sirius loved the way Remus kissed him, as much as he loved the way you did. Of course, they were different, you were softer, your lips were more supple, and your movements were a lot more fluid, Remus was demanding and hard, but both kisses made his stomach flip, and both kisses enraptured him completely. The jarring differences only fueled his desire to have the two of you.

And he did! He had the two of you as if that wasn’t the craziest thing to ever happen on this earth. He had gotten lucky enough to fall in love with two people at the same time, and rather than ending in tragedy, as such loves were meant to, the revelation of his longings had become, after some torturous days, one of the best decisions of his life.

He never thought he’d be kissing his best friend while the other held his hand so tenderly, and here he was, losing himself to Remus’ touch as he used your hand to keep himself grounded. Remus tasted of the chocolate he’d given him on the train. He initially thought the taste was nice, but it was nothing compared to getting it from his lips. There was something magical about the way Remus kissed him, tender and yet demanding; as if saying a thousand words without having to speak any of them. He knew instantly that there was no other way things could have gone, he was meant to fall for the two of you, from the very start.

When they finally pulled apart, they stared at each other for a few seconds before they turned to look at you, head comfortably laid on Sirius’ lap and a teasing grin adorning your lips.

“What?” Sirius asked, with a diverted smile, “You want one too? I’m sure Moony here would be delighted–” he got a slap on the shoulder from Remus before he continued speaking.

You shrugged, “I was just thinking,” you said casually, grin unfaltering. “What words did you use? Kind of hot? Was it?” Sirius raised his eyebrow at you while Remus cleared his throat.

“Little Witch–”

“No, no, allow me to speak,” you intervened. “It was,” you finished with a shrug.

Remus’ cheeks tinted a light shade of pink, almost matching Sirius’ swollen lips. You thought they both looked far more than enticing.

“Who's the pervert now?” Sirius retorted.

You eyed Remus, there was a twinkle of mischief in both of your eyes, as if you silently agreed to something, “Still you,” the two of you replied at the same time.

Sirius huffed in return, “Will you always team up like this to tease me?”

“Only when I’m not teaming up with you to tease him,” you retorted, still smiling. Remus smiled and leaned a hand over your head, gently playing with your hair as he looked at you. He hadn’t seen you as happy in a long time, and he loved that he and Sirius were the reason for your excellent humour. He wondered if there was a way to keep you perfectly safe and happy forever. If both Sirius and himself had such an ability and positive influence on you when they were around, then they should never leave your side.

“Come ‘er,” Sirius said as he pulled you into his lap again, leaning over to kiss you now. His kiss was softer, almost as if he was making sure not to use the same force he was using on Remus. But it was nonetheless demanding, or hungry. One kiss turned into another and suddenly you were devouring each other’s lips. You almost instinctively turned yourself over, now straddling him as you deepened the kiss.

You could taste Remus on his lips, you thought it was delightful to be able to kiss both of them, that’s when you figured the hand on your back was not Sirius’, but rather, it was Remus the one who rubbed soft circles, in the way he knew was always relaxing to you. You gave him a side glance, paying close attention to his expression. He seemed to be awfully comfortable with Sirius being all clingy of you after kissing him so passionately. Perhaps it was never hurt what you saw in his eyes after Sirius and you showed affection to each other, but rather, it was longing. Because now that he knew he could lean over and kiss either of you without upsetting anyone, he seemed happy with the way Sirius would –almost literally– manhandle you to his heart’s content.

You pulled back from Sirius’s kiss with a smile and leaned over to take the other boy’s head in your hands and pull him over to kiss you. Remus seemed surprised by the abruptness of your actions, but he didn’t pull back, instead, he leaned closer. Almost instantly his lips were moving on yours. His eyes fluttered as he kissed you. He could barely believe he had kissed Sirius less than a minute ago, and now your lips were on his, eager to discover everything he had to offer.

Perhaps he had fallen asleep on the train and this was just a fiction of his delirious imagination. But it couldn’t have been, not with the way you were kissing him, your lips had never felt like that in his dreams, let alone in his imagination.

Somehow it was more comfortable, you were warmer, softer and even more indulging than he imagined you would be. You brushed your tongue over his bottom lip and he was almost too quick and eager to please you by parting his lips for you to find your way in. Your lips were as bewitching as Sirius’, but somehow you were sweeter, like honey or syrup, while Sirius’ were more like dark chocolate. Both so addicting that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to stop kissing either of you. Not unless he was kissing the other.

The kiss was quick to heat up, the ballet of your tongues becoming even more demanding than before, Remus was still softer with you than he’d been with Sirius, but there was a roughness, and a hunger transmitted with each of his movements that it no longer felt like a simple, innocent Nutcracker kiss, but rather it carried with it the salaciousness and debauchery of Carmen.

Remus grabbed onto your waist, his hands brushing against Sirius’ for a moment as he tried to pull you into him, but Sirius was quicker to hold you in place, almost having you grind against his leg from the sudden movement. You felt yourself pulsing at the mere suggestion of such a movement. Meanwhile, Sirius leaned closer to Remus, tired of just watching propped kisses from his jaw, to his ear. “Stay here,” Sirius beckoned to him. It wasn’t an order, it was a suggestion. “I’m loving the view,” he added salaciously. Remus didn’t stop kissing you, but his hands on your waist tightened. “I’ll make it worth it,” he said then and leaned in to give an open-mouth kiss to Remus’ neck, sucking and smiling at the way Remus’ grip on your waist faltered when his teeth grazed over the delicate skin.

That’s when you felt Remus moan into your lips. You were tempted to tease him over it, but then you realised it had been Sirius who pulled out that moan from him and your competitive nature took over, enticing you to deepen the kiss, leaning closer to Remus while Sirius tightened his grip on your waist yet again. You knew he wasn’t doing it out of jealousy, but his determination to keep you close as you kissed his best friend right in front of his face only fueled your fire.

You bit Remus’ lower lip as you pulled back for air, only a second before you hungrily returned to kiss him, the kiss almost so abrupt he pulled back, his head bumping into Sirius’ who laughed in return, and then pressed one of his hands to Remus back to drag him closer to the two of you again.

The three of you were so enraptured in the kiss that the steps walking up the stairs and towards your door faded into the rest of the background noise of kids unpacking and preparing their things for the next day. In fact, it wasn’t until the door was suddenly opened that the three of you stopped kissing each other and turned to look at the intruder.

“What the bIoody– Did I just see Moony and Vixen kiss?” James asked, absurdly loud once the door shut behind him.

The three of you had paled. The heat of the moment dissolved like a bucket of cold water had been dropped over you.

“There’s a perfectly good explanation for this,” Sirius said, you were still straddling him, and you weren’t sure leaving the place was a good idea, not when you were perfectly hiding the tent on Sirius’ pants from James’ view.

“Really?” James asked in disbelief.

“Turns out we had a crush on Moony,” Sirius said as he pointed at you and him. Then he threw an accusing finger at the other boy, “Moony had a crush on us.”

James looked slightly confused as he took in the information and allowed it to process in his brain. The more he thought about it, the more he realised– “So this is what your fireplace dilemma was about?” He said as he looked at you, you merely shrugged. “I guess it makes sense,” he said as he nodded in agreement and sat on the floor a few feet from you, to Sirius’ mortification. Remus, who was more used to controlling his excitement, had simply pulled his jumper down a little.

“Wait, it does?” Remus asked with a frown.

“I mean, did you ever see Moony around the two of you? And I mean Moony, not Remus. I thought it was a dog thing but” –James shrugged– “It makes sense.”

“You’re not weirded out in the slightest?” You said then.

“Why would I be?”

“Because we like boys?” Sirius said, “Because we like each other?”

“What do you mean ‘because we like boys?!’” James asked, confused. “Don’t we all?”

“Now, that’s a very forward way of thinking, Prongsie,” you said.

He frowned at you, and then turned to Sirius, “Is that why you were ignoring me, and shutting me out? You didn’t want me to know?”

“I wasn’t–”

“You were,” James retorted.

Sirius huffed. “We couldn’t tell you why Vixen left, because then you’d know I liked Remus and that she left because she thought she was stopping us from being together…”

“Have none of you seen how you cuddle each other?” James asked, almost diverted. “I mean, I sometimes felt shot out because of it, and then Peter said it was a dog thing –damn Peter– I knew I was onto something!”

“James, are you saying–” you started.

“I could have told you guys were into each other weeks ago!” He retorted. “Bunch of idiots,” he mouthed. He then sighed, “Actually I’m kind of relieved, I thought Sirius was changing me for Remus, but I’m glad it was a crush, not that he wanted a new best friend.”

“I would never replace you, Prongs!” Sirius reproached. You threw Remus a look, both thinking the same thing: Was that how dramatic you three had been?

James smiled satisfied, “I can tell, you were just horny for the werewolf.”

You couldn’t hold the laugh that escaped your lips after that. Let alone when Sirus tilted his head in reproach as he stared at you, and when you noticed Remus’ ears had turned red, you couldn’t stop the second wave of giggles.

“Glad someone finds this funny,” Sirius said sarcastically.

“Sorry, sorry,” you said as you tried to hold back the stream of laughs that threatened to leave your mouth again. “It’s just, I mean… Aren’t we all?”

“Just the two of you, I promise,” James said as he shook his head, not even being able to fathom the idea of liking Remus like that. Not to say he wasn’t attractive, James wasn’t blind. But he was far too tall for James to be into him. He liked smaller men, except for Sirius, Sirius was too Sirius for him to ever consider him anything other than a brother.

You laughed again and smiled. “Does this mean you’re not fighting anymore?”

“What’s that song from Lennon say? Don't make war, make love?” Sirius retorted with a smile and got a hit from Remus on the side who was now hiding his face in between his hands.

“You’re flustering him more,” you reproached, but not because you felt bad for Remus. No, you did it because you knew your statement would only make him even more flustered.

“You know, my parents hung out with a male Veela for a while. He lived at our house and everything, I think they were together for a while…” James said thoughtfully. And then turned to the three of you. “Is this gonna be a one-time thing?”

“NO!” the three said at the same time. Wait, did he say male Veela? you wondered.

“Male Veela? Do you mean Misha?” Sirius frowned.

You eyed Remus who shrugged confused.

“Yeah, he was actually with them that first Christmas you spent in my house, wasn’t he?”

“Are you saying Effie and Monty were fucking Uncle Misha?” Sirius asked with what looked like a traumatised frown. You placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. You actually moved from his lap, sitting between him and Remus now that Sirius wasn’t as excited.

“I once saw them kissing,” James said with a shrug, as if it were the most normal thing. “If it’s not a one-time thing, does that mean you’re all dating? Like a three-way relationship?”

“Well–” you started and then closed your mouth. “I think we– we haven’t actually defined what we are yet…”

“And you were about to shag? Are you guys stupid?” James asked, scandalised. “Don’t even respond,” he added when he saw Sirius open his mouth to sass something at him. “You know it’s already complicated to be in a relationship with two people right? How much more complicated do you think that’s gonna become by adding a third one? You need to talk.”

You were actually speechless after that, James was right, you were making out with each other without even thinking of boundaries. What if Remus didn’t like being kissed while he kissed you? What if you didn’t like being on Sirius’ lap while you kissed someone else? Although, I’m pretty sure we both liked that quite a lot…

“I could ask mum and dad how they–”

“Please don’t!” Sirius intervened. “Effie and Monty don’t need to know about this… yet.”

“I think it would be better for us to figure out what the hell we are before we go public,” Remus added, as he moved his hand over yours.

James smiled when he noticed the small gesture and stood up, “I’m gonna go.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said.

“But you have to talk before you shag–” he warned.

“Prongs!” Remus complained and you laughed. James just winked his way and walked out of the door.

“That went–” Sirius started.

“Not that bad for it to be the first person that finds out,” Remus completed, then he sighed. “He’s not wrong though, we should probably talk first.”

You laughed, hiding your head in your legs. “What?” Sirius asked as he looked at you. Your laugh was something in between nervous and diverted.

“Nothing, sorry. I just- horny for the werewolf,” you said and laughed again, so brightly you ended up letting yourself fall back until you were lying on the floor.

Both boys looked at you with an amused smile, before they eyed each other. “Right, very horny for the werewolf,” Sirius said as he leaned in to press a short kiss on Remus’ cheek, then he turned around and rested his head on your stomach. Remus did the same, his head just beside Sirius’, a little lower on your torso.

“This is nice,” you said now that your laughter had subdued. Both boys hummed in response.

“We’re a thing then?” Sirius asked.

“A thing like what?” Remus quipped.

“Ménage à trois,” you said. “Has to be.” Sirius hummed in agreement.

“I don’t speak French,” Remus complained, a trace of annoyance in his voice.

“Right, you speak Gaelic, Mo chailleachan àlainn,” you said with a smirk. He turned to you with a gasp. “You know, it was Hope the one that called me àlainn in your house, Beag Gille,” you teased him with his own nickname. “I didn’t understand why she would insult me and that’s when I found out–”

“What, Étoile?” Sirius asked.

“Àlainn is not an insult, it means beautiful, lovely, splendid… “

“Wait! You weren’t insulting us back then?” Sirius asked as he turned to look at Remus, his nose was so close it brushed against the other boy’s cheek as he tried to cover his face with his hands.

“Oh he was,” you retorted. “Chailleachan was the insult.”

“What does that mean?”

“Fools,” you replied knowingly. “I checked the dictionary in your house,” you replied. “Someone” –you looked at Remus– “had stolen the page for àlainn by the time I looked though.”

“He was calling us Beautiful Fools? That was months ago!”

You hummed, and Remus groaned in response. “What have I done to deserve this type of torture.”

“You fell in love with two Beautiful Fools,” Sirius retorted with a teasing grin.

“Perhaps I deserve it then,” he sighed. And then turned around to look at Sirius. “What’s a ménage à trois?”

“Home of three,” you said with a smile.

The boys and you discussed the relationship for at least an hour after that, from how things would be to boundaries and limits. The three of you spoke, giving your thoughts and input while one said something that the other agreed or disagreed with. You started playing with Sirius’ hair at some point and Remus stole one of your hands to play with your palms and fingers as he often did after the full moon.

Although you went through rather in-depth conversations on how you’d keep the dynamic the gist was simple:

Remus was not just some additional thing you and Sirius would play with sometimes, he was in this relationship, for the good and the bad. Both you and Sirius wanted him like you wanted each other, which was as terrifying as thrilling. Love was already a fragile thing, a balance so delicate that it was like walking on a high wire. And while neither of you was entirely sure how to navigate these new waters, you knew one thing for certain: You wanted to do it together.

Therefore, it was three and not two in the boat, and it would be three and not two, the ones that ensured smooth sailing. But no more. Neither of you was interested in an open relationship, you loved seeing Sirius kiss Remus, but you were certain your bIood would boil if you ever saw him kiss anyone else. It was the same for both boys, they were willing to share you and the other, but only with each other and you.

That didn’t mean two could never have fun without the third. The three of you agreed that you could kiss, cuddle, and “stuff” (not even Sirius was brave enough to clarify what “stuff” was back then) with each other even if the other wasn’t in the room. And you didn’t have to ask anyone’s permission for it either. Remus had asked rather shyly if he had to ask for Sirius’ permission before kissing you the next time and you retorted with, “Wouldn’t that mean you have to ask for mine to kiss Sirius? Nobody owns me!”

Remus realised just seconds after how stupid his question had been and whispered, “No need for that then…”

“Nobody asks for permissions,” Sirius said. “Except if we’re playing…” he added with a smirk which got him a hair pull from your side and a pinch from Remus’. “Oi, no need to be so aggressive!” he retorted while laughing.

Regardless of the slightly archaic implications of Remus’ original question, you all thought it was actually a legitimate one –only if it went both ways and not only one– and had to discuss that at length too. No, nobody owned anybody, and you could all show affection to each other as much as you pleased, unless anyone, at any point, mentioned that something made them uncomfortable. None of you knew what you were getting yourselves into, hence most of the clauses had to be left a little open, that way you could get a feel of the relationship, what you liked and what you didn’t.

“We could probably ask Ricchie how he dealt with it?”

“And tell a ghost?” Remus asked in disbelief. “You want the entire school to find out?”

“Ricchie is trustworthy,” you retorted. “Besides, he knew about us before we did. He always teased me by telling me I was going to meet my ‘boyfriends’, plural. He meant the two of you.”

“Is that what we are now?” Remus asked hesitantly.

“Want a different term?” you asked. “Lover?”

“Partner?” Offered Sirius.

“Fancy Man? Doxy?”

“Concubine?” Sirius was smirking when he said the last one.

Remus figured out, a little late, you were both teasing him. “Fuck off,” he said with a smile. “You didn’t even let me enjoy the new title without turning me into your concubine.”

You laughed, your stomach shaking, making both boys’ heads bob up and down a little. Remus never thought feeling someone laugh would be as delightful as it was. His head in your stomach, right next to Sirius’, felt like home, like a safe place, like he was meant to be there.

“But, Rem, you’d be the most precious of concubines!” You teased further.

“Yeah, Moony, out of the concubines you’d be the favourite,” Sirius added.

“Maybe you’re just Chailleachan,” he sighed.

“Whoever believed Vixen and I are not beautiful would have to be blind!”

“And terribly haughty at that…” Remus added with a smile. “Let’s just keep the first one…”

“I’m quite fond of lovers, actually,” Sirius retorted thoughtfully. “It’s a lot more… romantique. Ça ressemble à mes amours, ou mes cœurs. Les amantes…” he sighed “Oui, romantique.”

“I can be your lover and Remus’ girlfriend,” you said with a shrug, “frankly giving a title feels like overkill. Do we need one when we know what we feel for each other?”

“Titles are not for us, Starshine, they’re for the rest. So they know we’re committed to the other.”

“The others?” Remus asked. “We’ll make it public?”

“It’s not like we’re going to announce it to everyone, but I don’t think we should have to hide it either. What if I ever want to kiss Remus in the middle of the hallway?”

“And be openly bisexual?” Remus asked, a little scandalised.

You took in a breath and let out a long puff of air, “They’d probably call me a slut too…”

“Does that mean no kisses in the hallway?” Sirius asked and Remus sighed. His hand now playing with your nails, you could tell he was getting anxious over the whole thing.

“How about, only when nobody’s around?” you offered.

“Would you be okay with that, Moons?” Sirius asked as he turned to his new lover.

“With your kisses? Anytime.” Remus responded smoothly and Sirius almost choked with his own tongue. Remus had never flirted with him before. A boy had never flirted with him before. And it was as thrilling as it was disarming.

“And you call us tease,” you said as you looked at the way Sirius averted his gaze, he looked absolutely adorable when he got shy, especially because it wasn’t something either of you saw often.

“What about our friends?” Sirius asked. “James knows, will Peter know too? I’m not sure how long we’ll be able to keep it from him… I mean we’re roommates.”

“He might not notice,” you said with a shrug, “He’s been quite distracted lately.”

“I’m sure he’ll notice if Sirius kisses me in the morning like he does with you.”

“We can say it’s a dog thing,” Sirius offered.

“Peter’s not stupid!” Remus retorted, which got a sceptical look from Sirius who didn’t actually think Peter was stupid, but who didn’t consider him nearly as clever as any of his other friends.

“We tell him then,” Sirius said with a shrug. “You’re okay with that, Starshine?”

“Of course, Peter’s my friend too,” you said thinking of that time when you were both locked under a rock and Wormtail didn’t let you sleep, too scared you wouldn’t wake up if you did. “Can we tell Lily? The girls?”

“You think they’d understand?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah,” you retorted confidently. “Also…” you added hesitantly, “Tom and Minho kind of know already.”

“What?” Both boys asked as they turned to look at you. Remus seemed anxious and Sirius seemed a little irritated.

“Minho found me at Hogsmeade today. He saw how upset I was and he brought me along to the three broomsticks.”

“You were ignoring us, but you went with him?” Sirius complained.

“Sirius,” Remus chided as he nodded for you to continue your story.

“It was thanks to Tom that I figured I liked Rem, more than a friend, I mean. Even then, I would have wallowed in my self-pity if Minho hadn’t mentioned that he liked me back.”

“You’re telling me we owe it to them that we’re together?” Sirius asked with a diverted scoff. “To think I was jealous of Tom and you being so close for a while, I never thought I’d have to thank him for this.”

“It’s very mature of you to admit it,” Remus teased.

“Shut up, Moony.”

“Shut me up, Padfoot.”

Sirius turned to Remus with a shocked expression and stared at him for a second as if trying to decide whether that had been a joke or if he was being serious.

You just laughed at the interaction, Remus had definitely read too many romance books. “You should get him a gift basket,” you teased Sirius further, having him turn to you with a confused gaze as Moony threw a wink your way, which had you laughing a little more. “Is it dinner time yet?” you asked.

Remus turned to look at the clock, “Yeah, they should be serving it by now.”

“Wanna go? I’m kind of starving,” you complained with a sigh. “Don’t skip meals for 2 days straight, boys,” you joked, realising too late, that neither of them would have found that information as funny.

“You what?” Sirius asked sitting up to look at you with a concerned expression.

“I… well– I didn’t really feel like eating much,” you admitted. Remus had seen your appetite diminish and fluctuate back at his cottage. He’d seen you eat less breakfast after a bad night, and eat more when you were in a better mood, but he didn’t expect you to completely forgo eating while you were gone.

“What the hell were you doing those two days?” Sirius asked. “You shouldn’t have left!”

You sighed, not finding a good argument to contradict his. “Little Witch, you said you’d tell Sirius and I what happened once we solved this issue.”

You closed your eyes, you were sure this moment would come, and while you weren’t eager to talk about the mirror, that now felt like an eternity ago even if it had just been a couple of hours since (about 9, you realised after looking at the clock). But you knew it had to be done, and so, you started to tell them all that had happened, from the broken chair, to how hard the fire had been to turn on, to James’ letter –although you omitted the alcohol he gave you– the bottle you broke, your hurt hand (that was still a little sore), visiting Olivanders and Knockturn Alley (they were both pretty concerned over that one).

You showed them the pin and the Peruvian powder you’d gotten (it was still in your small bag), you told them about going back to the inn and attempting to get Nina’s wand to work and failing miserably. About sleeping in Remus’ jumper because it smelled of them and about almost burning down a glass of water because of Nina’s wand being completely unpredictable.

“And how the hell did you get it to work?” Remus asked.

“I suppose I did what Mr. Olivander wanted,” you said as you started telling them about Gringotts.

“You took Draught of Living Dеath for a fucking riddle?” Remus asked, concerned.

“It was to get to the other side of the vault, not to solve the riddle,” you retorted, although you completely understood his concern, you’d be equally concerned if it was him the one telling the story.

“And then you jumped off a fucking cliff,” scoffed Sirius when you got to that part.

“You wouldn’t be as shocked if you’d solved another one of Silas’ riddles.”

“That does not make it better, darling,” Remus said as he shook his head and placed his hand on your shoulder, he was clearly concerned for you, but it didn’t matter, it’s not like you’d be playing any of Silas’ games anymore.

You sighed and proceeded with the story, both boys seemed surprised at how you’d solved the riddle and horrified about the riddle itself. But it was when you got to the mirror part that they both leaned closer to you. You had somehow managed to tell most of the story in a clinical way, completely detaching yourself from it and telling it as if it had been someone else’s. As if the things you were saying weren’t as bad as they had been. Perhaps the reason you liked danger so much was because you wouldn’t have survived being Silas’ daughter if you hadn’t.

“The mirror was– I’m sure it was there just to keep people from actually finding the ring but–” you had to take a deep breath to continue. “It wasn’t easy.”

Neither of them thought any of what you’d done had been easy, and both were in awe at how composed you seemed after going through it, which was perhaps among the most shocking things. Not that they had seen you when you were ready to swallow the entire glass of whiskey Minho had gotten. Perhaps the only thing holding you from breaking apart was the fact that you had them now. You weren’t alone anymore.

“Nina and my mother were there, they begged me to use the resurrection stone to bring them back, to put on the ring,” you explained. “There was dark magic inside of it, it was something strong, a curse of some kind, I could feel it lurking in the shadows– feelings are… they’re much worse inside the mirror. Whatever charm it was, I knew it would have to pay a very expensive price for using it and I… I didn’t care.”

Remus whispered your name, so soft it was almost as if he hadn’t said it at all.

“But you didn’t use it?” asked Sirius.

You shook your head, “I was going to, they had almost convinced me and then–” you hesitated, letting out a much-needed breath to relax your tension again. “Then came the butterfly.”

“The butterfly?” Sirius asked, “Nina?”

He had been much quicker to figure it out than you had. It should have been obvious, though. You had been the one to turn her body into a bunch of butterflies that dreadful night. Sirius must have seen it through the necklace. You nodded, “I thought she was another soul I had let down; it thought she wanted me to bring her back as well. Turn the stone three times and all my mistakes would be gone, like turning back time, all my stupid decisions wiped away. My mum, my friend– they would have been safe.”

Sirius tilted his head to the side with a sigh, he knew what it was like to make mistakes, he knew what it was like to wish he could turn back time, to change things, but he also knew there was no such thing. No matter how magical the world was, no matter how many time turners one had in hand, some things just couldn’t be changed, and they shouldn’t be either.

“But the butterfly… she wouldn’t let me use it. She kept getting in my way before I could put on the ring, and that’s when I understood who she was,” your eyes were watery now, a single tear streaming down your cheek. “No matter how much Nina might have wanted to come back, she would have never wanted me to suffer because of it. Nina would never let me use the resurrection stone, not the real Nina. And she–” you stifled a sob. “She was protecting me, even after her last breath….”

You were not planning to break down into tears, but it was like everything from earlier came back to you, and no matter how you tried to control it, the silent droplets of salty water continued streaming down your face on what you considered the most pathetic display of weakness in front of your lovers.

Of course, neither of them thought of it that way, Sirius was barely holding the the tightening of his throat as he saw you cry –he hadn’t seen you cry– while Remus was about ready to pull you towards him but wasn’t exactly sure if he should do it now that Sirius was around –even if technically he was also dating you now.

Eventually, both boys found a way to embrace you. “It wasn’t your fault, she diеd,” Sirius intervened.

“Except it was,” you said then. “If I hadn’t–”

“If you hadn’t done anything she would have diеd anyway,” Sirius insisted, “You saved her from dying in pain, from being the enjoyment and laughing stock of those wizards, of–”

“But my mum diеd because of me,” you said then, bitterly. You felt Sirius falter, how could he counter the truth? No matter how much reassurance he wanted to give you, you knew there would be no way in which he could–

“You were doing what you thought was right, sweetheart,” Remus said, now that Sirius couldn’t find the right words to comfort you. “You were trying to save her–”

“And I lost her and my mum instead,” you insisted. You were being absolutely despicable to yourself, it didn’t matter if you had accepted their passing, you were still sure it was all your fault, the burden of the thought weighing you down like lead; as if you had jumped into the black lake with heavy rocks in your pockets.

And while they both knew what it was to torment yourself as a result of bad decisions, they also knew you didn’t deserve it. Not the way you were talking to yourself, not the guilt that was eating you up from the inside.

“Sometimes we do everything in our power to change things and we still lose,” Remus said, almost somberly. “But that doesn’t mean your efforts were worthless. Martyrs are remembered even when they lose, not because of what they didn’t accomplish but because of what they tried to. What you did was heroic, not because of the result, but due to the hard choices you had to make.”

You listened to him while you breathed, there was somberness in your gaze as you tried to process the words, “But what if I had made better choices? I’ve thought about it hundreds of times and I’m sure there would have been a better way, a way to save everyone.”

“And there was also a way in which you didn’t get out of there alive, so what? You did what you could and–”

“Sirius!” Remus interrupted him, he wasn’t sure that was what you’d needed. He turned to you then “Have you heard the legend of Thermopylae?”

You almost thought it was ironic that he would mention yet another Greek tale. “Leonidas the brave king? I’m familiar.”

“I’m not,” Sirius said as he turned to Remus with a confused gaze.

“Leonidas knew he was going to lose, he knew there was nothing he could do to win, and he still fought the battle.” You didn’t say anything, only looked at Remus attentively. “His actions, even when he lost, inspired Greece, they bought time for the rest of the country to prepare. Leonidas was betrayed, he lost the battle and his life, but Greece won the war in the end.”

“Even if we did, would the dеaths of his spartans be justifiable?”

“Can any dеath be justifiable?” Remus retorted. “Darling, what happened was not fair, we live in a time of war, and nothing is equitable in war, but that does not mean you’re to blame. You didn’t start this war, you only fought in it and lost a battle.”

“But that doesn’t mean you’ll lose the next one,” Sirius added.

You sighed, remembering Dumbledore’s words. What he said about something like that never happening again. You had stopped crying at some point, perhaps when Remus started talking, with the fantastic way in which he said things, he’d caught your attention, almost monopolised it, but that was good, because if Remus was on your mind, then your mistakes weren’t.

And even if not all of the boys’ words actually got through you, the gist was there. Perhaps you still thought it had been your fault, perhaps you’d still torment yourself with your choices and their result, perhaps you would never be able to truly process what happened, to understand and to deal with it. But there was one thing that felt secure and stable, the way both boys held you in between their arms, they way their breaths brushed against your skin… When you felt like drifting away in that ocean plagued with despair, they would be there, your anchors.

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A/N: Awww, finally some happy times!