#jesus fucking christ man im. im so done

[fdrsamericanflagduckfloaty]

(vent)

... so you know when you're just. not able to keep ANYTHING to yourself, even if YOU got it yourself, and SPECIFICALLY hid it for yourself, and they KNOW that, but less than a day later they want to take it from you? and you just. can't say no?

yeah.

in other words: im so fucking pissed and my throat hurts from how goddamn angry i am <3

it is LITERALLY halloween candy but i SPECIFICALLY hid it for myself and let the rest sit out for them to have. but now im just supposed to let them have it? even though one of them KNOWS i hid it for myself? that's fucking stupid. i just cannot genuinely have shit to myself anymore and it pisses me off so fucking bad.

more in tags i am so goddamn done

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[thedisablednaturalist]

Office disability culture is so fucked in environmental science and fieldwork. Like the mindset that to do the job you have to be in perfect physical health or you should just quit. Like I'm not talking about something that is 100% physical labor here, everything is mostly achievable with aids and you don't need to be able to do every single thing. But there's this weird like..pride..that my older coworkers have. They work out in the gym and brag about how many reps they did. They tease each other for having medical issues. They don't ask for accommodations because they fear that their legitimacy will be hurt. That it means that they can't do their job anymore. That they won't be TRUSTED to do their jobs anymore. That it will get taken away.

So they FURTHER hurt their bodies by not resting, not taking breaks, not using ergonomic equipment, not using safety equipment. Not drinking enough water. Not using mobility aids when they are so old that it's supposed to be acceptable. They don't use the scooters at the grocery store, they don't use their handicapped placard, they don't use knee pads or compression gloves.

And here I come in, 24 years old, looking perfectly healthy. And I use walking sticks, I sit down a lot, I have my care bag, I have a ton of gadgets for making fieldwork more comfortable, I have boundaries and limits, I wear braces and knee pads and compression gloves. I use my handicapped placard.

They react in one of two ways:

1. How DARE I. I'm so lucky to be young and no one sees THEM having to do all those things (literally nothing is stopping them but pride). Like old man if you need a break take a fucking break. I'm not going to hurt my health to make you feel better about hurting yours. I'm not risking a flare up to spare the 65 year olds feelings. Im gonna take my break and use my equipment cause my boss doesn't care as long as the work gets done. I'm tired of glares from 100 year olds making themselves struggle across the parking lot when they could also be using the fucking scooter. (I never take the last scooter, there's always another available. Also it's not my fault if walmart only provides 2 scooters for the whole store).

2. It shows them its okay. Its okay to need aids. When I first showed up at my job it was very...macho..everyone was afraid of seeming old (theres probably only 3 of us under 30 in the whole department, most people are at least 50, mainly 65 year olds). Then they saw me using my walking sticks, taking my medicine openly, bringing a chair with me when working away from my desk, using my TENS unit. I overheard one lady ask her granddaughter what fibromyalgia was (apparently she had spotted my pain tracking journal).

My older coworker with a bad knee got a walking stick like mine and beamed when she showed me. The grandmother uses a cane and a walker interchangeably and more often. I get asked where I get my little portable fan and pocket heaters and special clothing. Even abled coworkers are doing it. My coworker who's younger than me sets alarms to take breaks now just like I do. People seem more comfortable using things that help them now.

My boss has really struggled. He has a lot of internalized ableism and hates thinking of himself as crippled. He spent his whole life physically active and strong and all these health issues and overexertion are catching up with him. Like he did environmental testing in areas with fucking radon. He did work where they threw asbestos around like snow for fun. He's done a ton of really hard physical work. He grew up with the mentality that pain was just something everyone has to push through. But I think seeing a young person make the choice not to push through is helping him a bit. He wants to make his own walking stick, he goes to the doctor more. We bond over having constant medical issues and I even gave him the name of my surgeon. Yea he still says stuff like "shoot me if I have to use a wheelchair" (not as much anymore since he now knows I use one) but he's getting there.

Yeah so I've had this in my drafts for a bit and I wanted to update that my boss has been walking around with a fucking broken ankle for the past couple of weeks. He thought it was just arthritis pain and eventually couldn't take it anymore and went to the foot doctor. The doctor has no clue how the fuck he's been walking on it. Now he has to wear the boot and he's banned from fieldwork while he heals.

Older people and the elderly need to learn that it's okay to not push through the pain and ask for help. Everyone needs to learn this, and not be like my fucking boss. Go to the doctor, get that sore joint checked out. Get those tests done. Use that aid. Stop walking on a broken ankle just because you can.

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Me when the only one who can make content of my self ship is me

[yogurtlid10000]

collection of old unfinished link arts-except the tp link one, that’s new-THAT ARE SO FIRE TBH ‼️‼️🎉 how did I conjure this up last year what was I ON😕 yippe

I love how it’s a different facial structure every time. 😞

Tomatoes

LA la la La I’d like to draw Cyclonus next but also I Magnus cuz I missed his birthday ( secretly Magnus is my favorite transformers charcater )

[clowningcrows]

i fear i cannot mentally or emotionally handle being conscious much longer so im gonna take a melatonin and hope to god it works enough to make me pass out by 8:30 tbh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

Sometimes you read a fanfic and you're like oh, this was written by someone who has no experience with suicide but is giving it a damn good try and you just stare at the words, mouth fully agape.

[rise-my-angel]

Okay I don't really like what we constitute as Joel's failures. He didn't fail Ellie here in any way. He forced himself up with a knife wound barley healed, hunted men down and fought tooth and crawl to get to her.

Joel didn't fail by not getting to her. When should he have? When he was unconcious the first time she went out? When she put a knife in his hands and told him to fight before running away on horseback when he was barley concious? When he had to take time to learn where she was to get to her?

And by the time he did what NO ONE ELSE could, she had killed David just seconds before as he tried to assault her. That's not failure and there is no theme of Joels failure.

Joel sees his failures as such beacuse of trauma and guilt. You as the audience should not be agreeing with him, you do realize?

Joel was holding injured Sarah in both arms calmly reasoning with a soldier only to have both of them be shot for no reason. How is that Joel failing her?

Joel didn't hear the guy coming up beside him until the door kicked in beacuse behind the walls of a door and building his hearing wasn't as keen on that side. And Ellie chose to intervene instead of waiting for Joel to get the upperhand. How is that Joel failing her?

Ellie didn't tell Joel that Sam was infected and he was literally being held at gunpoint after being shot at by Henry when he went to save her when Sam inevitably attacked her. How is that Joel failing her?

Joel and Ellie being surrounded by people on horseback with guns when he was forced to put his down. And the dog sniffing Ellie but if Joel intervened he'd get shot and likely Ellie too. How is that Joel failing her?

Joel protected Ellie to the degree he didn't even feel himself being stabbed because he was so focused on her saftey.

Joels monologue to Tommy about failing her, both Sarah and Ellie is not what you should take away. Its Joels fear through trauma that he thinks everything is his fault because trauma induced guilt blinds the truth of your own nobility.

Joel didn't fail Ellie here, either. They are a team. She escapes David, and Joel finds her at the same time and saves her from falling into the pit of lonely traumatized despair such an event may have. As a r/sa/csa victim I can tell you that Joel didn't need to physically save her. His quiet and gentle love is exactly the opposite of failure.

Ellie does need Joel. Don't mistaken her being able to escape David and his men for not needing Joel. If Joel wasn't there in that moment? She would have been traumatized for life. But now she remembers that event ending in the arms of a father who actually loves her. That's not failure.

Joel does not have a theme of failure and thinking so is missing the point entierly. The theme is Joel's trauma has warped his sense of self and sees failure where there is none and that by letting Ellie in he understands the truth. Ellie doesn't "not need Joel sometimes". She does because Joel has never failed her. If you asked Ellie if thats what she got out of this situation, that she was okay without Joel's help and that he "failed" to get to her in time?

That little spitfire would tell you to go fuck yourself. This was long but I'm sorry all this mentality does is reduce Joel's trauma to "what a trauma victim thinks of themsleves is truth" and says that Ellie doesn't actually need Joel when the whole point of the fucking show is no.

No they need each other desperately and neither of them have failed the other.

[kitkatcadillac]

was on such a roll creatively today and then got totally pissed off but its good its fine we are good i just ):<

you know how sometimes three completely separate things that could not have possibly had anything to do with each other happen at once and flare up your nerves like theyre dry straw soaked in gasoline.

[cescalr]

the brainrot is continuing. im making sims now. nobody would like to seem them though i’ll probably showcase them at some point anyway. when i like them. when they pass the vibe check 

[veloriium]

ive just come to the terrible realization of how many people ive ghosted and ignored during the early periods of my life .

[bl00dh0rs3]

nothing quite like fixating on some technological bullshit to the point of Tears in the middle of the night to. Ruin your night!!!!!

[shostakobitchh]

oh my god after harassing my HR department my state requirements for my certification have FINALLY been uploaded to the state department holy FUCK

[phoebelovingcare]

"gee, bee, it's been a long while since anyone's seen mage sister art from you! isn't that something you used to be known for? what happened?" well you see someone came into my inbox to ask me why actual, genuine, in-real-life incest was bad, not exaggerating, and well that was it for me

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

what's the fucking point