#very frustrating. and the first one several times in a row and we are GOOD now we TALKED but jesus fucking christ.

[kitkatcadillac]

was on such a roll creatively today and then got totally pissed off but its good its fine we are good i just ):<

you know how sometimes three completely separate things that could not have possibly had anything to do with each other happen at once and flare up your nerves like theyre dry straw soaked in gasoline.

[wileys-russo]

Ingrid engen, locker room, “how do you manage to look so good”

celebrations II i.engen

you gripped jana's hand tightly as the minutes wound down past the allocated injury time, now just waiting the whistle to blow as everyone stood, both you and the younger girl on your right near breaking one anothers hands with the hold you had.

"blow it!" you yelled in frustration as another minute ticked by, a chorus of the same words echoing out from the bench as the mountain of chelsea fans boo'd behind you but it was all just white noise at this point.

until finally, the whistle.

errupting in cheers all of you on the subs bench, coaches and staff included, sprinted onto the pitch to hug the eleven on the field, ignoring the symphony of jeers and boo's from the home fans around you.

none of it mattered, barcelona had done it for the fourth year in a row, you were all off to the champions league final.

you laughed as cata lifted you, screaming to the high heavens as you joined in, dropped back down and embracing her in a tight hug before moving onto several of your other teammates, a scarf wrapped around your neck at some point.

"vi gjorde det!" you screamed as you launched at your national teammate, frido hugging the life out of you with a happy yell as you rambled at one another in swedish, faces near breaking in half from the happy grins plastered to them.

"i think you are forgetting one very special person älska." frido laughed, spinning you around and shoving you in the opposite direction as your eyes locked with bright green ones that twinkled happily.

you sprinted to close the gap between you both, your girlfriend bracing knowing what was to come as you jumped at her, legs wrapping around her waist and arms around her neck as she laughed and nearly stumbled over given you were barely half a head shorter.

"you did it." you whispered into her neck. "we did it." the norweigan corrected, kissing your cheek and holding you tightly for a moment more before settling you carefully down on your feet.

"i am so proud of you ingrid." you promised softly, the roar and cheering around you fading to a dull buzz as if the two of you were the only ones around, trapped in your little bubble as your girlfriend smiled.

"i am so proud of us." the brunette corrected making you roll your eyes. "stop that! take a compliment for once sötsaker." you bumped your shoulder into hers. "thank you kjærlighet." she smiled, your thumbs tracing her jawline for a moment before a body jumped onto your back and you were both jolted back into group celebrations.

the entire hour you were on the pitch celebrating the two of you hovered close, never out of one anothers sights and never more than a couple of feet away, until eventually things were wrapped up and you all headed back to the locker room.

bottles popped and music filled the small room as celebrations never dimmed, everyone hurrying to shower and change as to be back on the bus in time and back to the hotel for the evening where no doubt the good mood would only grow.

sprinting ahead you were one of the first in the showers, you'd played the first sixty minutes and then been subbed off but soaking wet from the rain the way your uniform clung to you was driving you near mad so a hot shower was first on your list.

to your surprise when you returned dressed in warm and thankfully dry clothes your girlfriend was still sat chattering away with aitana and frido, not even having taken her boots off yet as you smiled with a shake of your head.

seeing you return aitana was quick to race off hoping to claim her own spot in a shower, frido chatting with the pair of you before her attention was turned away and then it was just you and your norweigan.

"how do you manage to look so good." you stated suddenly as the girl raised an eyebrow at you curiously. "played the whole game, wet and sweaty and tired, but you've never looked more beautiful." you spoke sincerely, watching with a smile as her cheeks flushed red.

"flørte." the girl smacked you gently with her shin pad as you laughed and sat down beside her, grabbing out her clothes for her as she wrestled to get her wet socks off.

"ingrid!" you gasped as she slapped you in the head with them with a grin, shoving her playfully away from you. "i tell you that you look beautiful and you smack with me wet smelly socks, i could do so much better." you sighed with a shake of your head.

"hey!" your girlfriend pouted making your lips tug into a smile as you leaned in to sweetly kiss it away, her hand on the back of your head keeping you there for a few seconds longer before at the sound of wolf whistles you broke away.

blushing you threw your shoe at patri who ducked and made kissy faces at you before bruna tapped her in the back of the knee sending her stumbling and sending you a grin before taking off as patri charged after her.

"go and shower, we need to be on the bus in fifteen minutes so no washing your hair!" you warned as the norweigan rolled her eyes. "its fine, we will shower again tonight." the taller girl shrugged collecting what she needed as you gave her a curious look.

though at the one she gave back you suddenly realized what she was insinuating as your face warmed and she chuckled. "i love you." she promised, pecking your lips a few times before finally going to shower.

"i love you!" jana mocked making kissy faces as you raised an eyebrow and your other remaining shoe and she backed off with her hands held high in a silent surrender.

"hola bruna, help me hide patri's stuff while she showers!"

[green-eyedfirework]

Dick’s head was killing him.

He focused on that, not on the cage he was trapped in or the burning sensation under his skin or his dry throat or the useless panic button on a suit Dick wasn’t wearing, because he thought—foolishly—that he wasn’t in any danger as a civilian in Gotham in broad daylight.

One year in Bludhaven, and he’d apparently lost his self-preservation instincts.

They’d gotten him in the shadows of a dark alley, drugged him before he could put up a fight, and when he’d woken up, he’d been half-naked and shivering with a thick band of leather around his throat, duct tape across his mouth, and his hands bound behind his back.

Given time, Dick would’ve been able to slip through the ties, but then they’d dragged him out of the cage, injected him with something that burned, and ziptied his ankles too before he was thrown back in.

Whatever it was, it was fast-acting, and Dick’s general apprehension at being kidnapped slid to a sharper dread when he felt the needles prickling all over his skin.  It was going from uncomfortable to unbearable faster than he would like, and since he hadn’t told anybody of his visit, this was unlikely to have a swift ending.

Bruce was also out of town, which was the whole reason he was visiting in the first place, except if Bruce was there he would’ve promptly freaked out and checked whatever subcutaneous tracker he’d installed without Dick knowing and then Batman would’ve showed up to rescue him.

Dick tried again to get a grip on the zipties.  No Batman.  No distress signal.  No one who’d suspect he was in trouble until far, far too late.

His fingers slipped, too sweaty and dangerously weak.  Dick felt like an overcooked noodle and trying to shuffle forward, closer to the bars, made the world spin around him.

Not good, something pinged in the back of his brain, as a door screeched open somewhere in the warehouse.

“—to worry, our operation should be wrapped up by the end of the week.  Security should be minor—intel says that the Bat is out of Gotham—”

“There’s always a few birds flitting around,” a low, gruff voice said.  Dick instinctively tensed.  It sounded vaguely familiar.

“Well within your capabilities I would assume, sir.”

A grunt.  The booted footsteps were echoing in the large warehouse, sounding far away.

“There was, um, a minor matter with the issue of your payment—”

“What issue.”

“A slight shortfall in liquidity, sir.  We assure you, you will be paid in full, and to compensate you for the inconvenience, we are pleased to offer you one of our specimens.”

There was a stretching silence.  Dick was beginning to feel…itchy, but rubbing his cheek against his shoulder didn’t help.

“If I wanted a goddamn sex slave, I wouldn’t get one from Gotham.”  The derisive tone sparked another note of recognition, and Dick’s head was pounding but he registered the fear.  The knowledge didn’t come with it, not with the distracting pain, all Dick knew was that he should be very, very afraid.

“These are unique,” the milder voice said.  “Cultivated to show extreme sensitivity to touch.  All have already been given our cocktail, and can be activated with a second dose.  You can choose whichever one you like.”

“Perks of the job, is it.”  The voice was sardonic.

“Given the lack of need for training, we have a surplus of supply.  As long as your demands aren’t…unreasonable, we can accommodate them.” 

His skin felt like it was buzzing.  Like there was a static field just above its surface, and no matter which way Dick twisted, it wouldn’t go away.  He couldn’t help the wordless snarl of frustration.

He was getting distracted.  He needed to get out.  Dick tried again to grip the zipties.

“How many do you have?”  The footsteps were getting closer, moving between the rows of cages.  Several were empty.  The few that were occupied had occupants slumped over or curled into a corner.  Dick could hear ragged breathing and quiet whimpers, but nothing more.

The drugs.  Extreme sensitivity to touch.  That didn’t sound like anything good.

“Twenty or so, currently.  Are you looking for anything specific?”  There was only a noncommittal hum as the two entered his row.

The cages were low to the ground and all Dick could make out was about three-quarters of their legs.  Both wore boots, both had thigh holsters, one of them was significantly more armed than the other judging by the—

Orange.

They had orange detailing on their boots.

Dick inhaled sharply.  It could just be a coincidence.  Maybe they were common boots.  Maybe they weren’t what Dick was imagining, what Dick was dreading, but it was too late, the pieces were already beginning to click into place.  The voice that Dick now recognized, the infamous color scheme, and the way the man stopped at Dick’s sudden, sharp breath.

The man crouched until he could see through the cage and Dick met a one-eyed, two-toned mask with sinking despair.

Dick held perfectly still.  Maybe he wouldn’t be recognized.  Half-naked and bare-faced was certainly not a common look of his, and his general dishevelment and the binds would contribute to the unfamiliarity.  He could not be recognized.  He didn’t even want to imagine what would happen if he was.

“Mr. Wilson?” the mild voice asked.  “Is this the one you would like?”

“Yes,” Deathstroke replied.  “Yes, he is.”

Dick had just enough presence of mind to scramble back when the cage was opened, but all his muscles seemed to be moving on a delay, and he couldn’t stop the other man from reaching in and grabbing him by the ring on his collar and dragging him out.

“It’s to keep sensation from his skin,” the man explained—Dick noticed that he was wearing gloves as he brought out a syringe.  Dick tried to writhe away but the man held him easily in place as he injected the syringe in.  “He’ll be absolutely desperate for it soon.”

Deathstroke just watched as Dick futilely cursed the man behind his gag.  This drug burned even hotter, like he’d been injected with lava, and soon Dick was trembling all over, writhing even harder with the urge to claw his skin off.

“There,” the man said, voice still mild but eyes flashing cold and cruel.  “Yours, to do with what you like.  Your shift starts at seven, you are free till then.  If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.”

Dick was beginning to feel lightheaded.

“I think I’ll manage to figure it out,” Deathstroke said, and there was a hand on Dick’s shoulder now.  Dick’s muscles locked up, his focus narrowed to the burning point of the warmth of the grip.

Dick wanted to run.  Dick wanted to scream.  Dick wanted to—lean further into that grip, get closer, feel more—

He went ice-cold underneath the increasingly painful heat.

Extreme sensitivity to touch.  Dick thought that meant—pain, jumping at the slightest of flinches, not this burning desire to be close to someone, a yearning, buzzing need to feel human touch.  Not something that twisted up his control until he moved easily with Deathstroke’s manhandling, looking up at the mercenary and not even trying to get free.

“This collar suits you,” Deathstroke said quietly, “little bird.”

There went Dick’s last hope that all of this was just an unpleasant coincidence.

[smoothshine]

Tag game: eight shows to get to know me

I was tagged by @scienceoftheidiot and @goneadrift (thank you!! 🥺💕), and now the deal is that I get to rant about a couple of shows I like, so let's get straight to it!

1. House M.D.

- Knowing how many seasons are there in this show, I think it says something that I purposefully rewatched the full thing several times, and I probably will do it again at some point. Many characters from this series have a special place in my heart, and oh boy do I love myself a good medical drama sometimes. + the different medical cases are just very interesting for me to observe, even though I am by no means a medical specialist, let's say I know a thing or two from this field x)) (and some of you are probably aware of that, ahah)

2. Lethal Weapon

- This one is another one of these shows that I occasionally come back to for a rewatch, the chemistry between two main characters is amazing, and the main plotline is pretty good imo, + it's a classic detective-involving series, where, granted, not every case is super intriguing or complicated, but I think the characters and their development and relationships with each other - all this usually goes first when determining a series that I'll most probably like, and it delivers that part for sure! (Yes I used this specific gif because now I can't stop picturing this, but with Royais + Hughes, lolol, sorry I have a brainrot)

Also, look at this silly little totally not dysfunctional guy, come on, you can't help but love him:

3. Lucifer

- Ohohoho this one was one of the first quite long-term obsessions for me - I was watching it with my good friend as it was coming out (pretty sure starting from like, season 2 we began to watch it as it was airing, or at least I was and then I dragged this friend along for the ride, ahah), and I remember having so much fun with it - making theories, trying to predict the direction for the next season, simping over the main cast, being (more often unironically than not) frustrated with love triangles, all the good stuff. I also really like the soundtrack used in the series, and, of course, I have to mention the fact that its main leads are a blonde badass detective who is actually a sweetheart and her goofy dark-haired bastard-certified material partner who can actually be very scary and powerful to anyone but her :333

Go figure if I have a type or not, right (omg I just realized she also has a cute pet name and it's "detective")

4. Fleabag

- This one was such a pleasant surprise for me, the further I was watching the more invested into it I was getting, and in the end it turned out to be such an emotional rollercoaster, while also being able to handle a balance between more serious scenes and great humor really well. The romance plotline turned out to be very interesting too - overall, it's a great pretty short series that I can definitely recommend for people to check out at some point (I was indeed very happy when I found out @goneadrift was watching it too, hehe)

5. Sherlock (the BBC one)

- Honestly, this one is associated with many good memories for me - we used to watch it for a couple of years in a row with my parents during New Year, and it was like, one of the highlights of our celebration. Life just seemed so much easier these days, and I always remember them with warmth and joy. But! Apart from the sappy stuff - I genuinely think it's a nice modern AU Sherlock adaptation, hehe, as always, I pay a lot of attention to the chemistry between the characters, especially the main cast, and I think pretty much everyone nailed it - I find the characters from this series to be very enjoyable to watch. The other point that I want to mention here is the directing - I remember myself being very impressed by some of the shots and directing/editing choices they made there, and, of course, the main soundtrack is now pretty much engraved into my memory, hehe

(So yeah, aside from the last season, which I don't think is that bad, but definitely not as good as the earlier ones imo, it's a great show!)

6. Elementary

- Surprise surprise, another Sherlock adaptation involving detective storyline(s), who would've thought, right? Honestly, I don't remember a lot about it, since I haven't rewatched it in a looong time, ahah, but, believe it or not, I still love it and have a couple of good memories associated with it. Used to watch it during weekends back in the day when I still watched TV, lolol, but yeah, I think it's a pretty unique Sherlock adaptation, and you can definitely have fun watching it!

7. Forever

- That one is unexpected, definitely not my usual series of choice, but surprisingly I finished it pretty quickly and was glad I decided to give it a shot x)

(For the record - it's a series about a guy who works in the morgue while trying to find how to get rid of his immortality curse 👀👌).

8. Fullmetal Alchemist

- Gonna follow the lead of @scienceoftheidiot and add this one on the list too, because my god this series has me in a chokehold. Specifically Royai stuff of course, but I think in general this is the kind of anime (both FMA and FMAB btw) people who are generally not that much into anime can enjoy (I am saying as I am, apparently, one of these people, ahah). It's just a great story with a great cast and lovely imagery and soundtrack, I mean, what else can you possibly need? (Meanwhile here I am, going absolutely insane every time I think about my two beloved war criminals kissing)

O, here they are, by the way!

Aand that's all for today, no-pressure tags for @lassusog @chrysopoeias @nightofnyx8 @fullmetalscullyy @jedidragonwarriorqueen and anyone who wants to participate (also because it doesn't allow me to tag more people for some reason??), in case you feel like it! :3

[felixcloud6288]

Higurashi: Curse Killing Recap

I'm going to open this by saying that I initially wasn't looking forward to this arc, but as it progressed and I started putting my thoughts down, I ended up loving it.

This is the evil ending to Abducted by Demons's bad ending and Cotton Drifting's neutral ending. Instead of trying to solve and stop the curse, Keiichi chose to wield it for his own purposes.

And though we may get some cathartic joy out of seeing a scumbag get what's coming to him, the arc's ending shows that Oyashiro-sama's curse cannot be used for good.

If Higurashi as a whole were a three act performance, I'd put Curse Killing as the finale of the first act. We've been introduced to the initial hook of a series of murders that have been collectively referred to as Oyashiro-sama's curse and then given an answer to the cause of the murders.

Then we read this arc, maybe expecting to learn the more secondary details about the series of murders since Keiichi doesn't have any interest in the main mystery itself. And while we do get some extra details, the arc ends with Rika unexpectedly murdered and the village wiped out.

So now we're heading into the next arc realizing that Oyashiro-sama's curse is far more than the series of murders. The murders were just one aspect of this curse that plagues the village.

Now let's talk about Jiro Suzuki's artstyle. Her artstyle is very different from the other artists who contribute to this series. The drawings in this arc are much looser and more prone to a lot of caricature drawings and overly-exaggerated expressions.

But at the same time, this art style allows for silly antics that you can't pull off with Suzuragi or Houjyou's more down-to-earth style. They wouldn't be able to add antics such as Satoko dropping a wash basin on Irie, Rika drawn as a cat, or Keiichi suddenly dressing as a lawyer to make an argument about his lunch.

And Suzuki's silly art style manages to play excellently into the narrative tone. Once Teppei appears in the plot, all the artwork becomes just as down-to-earth as Suzuragi and Houjyou's. Whereas the curse and murders left the cast with a sense of fear, unease, and dread; Teppei's actions have left them with despair, powerlessness, and hopelessness.

Then once he's gone, Suzuki starts going back into the looser art style but instead of the characters becoming silly and goofy again, they become unnerving. Everyone is pretending to go back to what it was like before Teppei appeared and the artwork is just as off and awkward as the cast's actions.

Suzuki truly nailed the sense of uncanniness that happens when something is seriously wrong.

Choosing a favorite panel for this arc was actually pretty tough but I ultimate gave it to this one:

In an arc where everyone is so highly expressive, how do you make it clear that something is exceedingly wrong with someone? You give them no expression at all.

There is nothing on that face. No fear, or surprise, or anything.

(This is the third time in a row Rena was the image highlight of the arc. I'm trying to diversify, but she just keeps getting all the good scenes.)

And now let's compile all the info we have about the characters, setting, and mysteries. Bold text is new info.

Character Info:

Keiichi Maebara: He moved to Hinamizawa three weeks ago. He was a generally average student but excelled when he started cram school. However he became frustrated and his father decided to move to Hinamizawa after some things happened.

Rena Ryugu: Birth name “Reina”. She had moved out of Hinamizawa when she was younger. At some point she assaulted three boys with a bat and smashed every window in her school. In her psych evaluations, she frequently talked about Oyashiro-sama as if she is possessed by it. She moved back to Hinamizawa a year ago.

Mion Sonozaki: Leader of the group’s after-school club. She has several misdemeanors due to her actions during the village’s protest against the dam project. She’s the heir to the Sonozaki family and lives with her grandmother. She was involved in several of the past murders. She has a demon tattoo on her body.

Satoko Hojo: Related to the second and fourth set of victims. She and Rika live together. She had a bad relation with her step-father to the point she falsely accused him of abuse. She relied heavily on her brother when they were living with their aunt and uncle. She believes herself cursed because she had damaged the statue of Oyashiro-sama a few years ago.

Rika Furude: Related to the third set of victims. Rika is the head of the Furude family which is one of the main houses of Hinamizawa. She’s in charge of the priesthood.

Shion Sonozaki: Mion’s twin sister. Shion lives in Okinomiya with their parents. She's the manager for the Hinamizawa Fighters baseball team.

Curaudo Ooishi: A detective with the local prefecture who wants to figure out the cause of all the deaths. He suspects a group within the village is behind the deaths. The villagers call him Oyashiro-sama's messenger because he's interacted with every victim prior to their deaths.

Jirou Tomitake: A photographer who visits Hinamizawa several times through the year. He died by scratching out his throat. Jirou Tomitake is not his real name.

Miyo Takano: A nurse at the local clinic. She's interested instudying the doctrines of Hinamizawa. She went missing after the Cotton Drifting Festival. She was strangled and her corpse was cremated. Her autopsy suggests she died the night before the festival however. The night of the festival, Takano was driving off the main road with Tomitake's bike in the backseat.

Kyosuke Irie: The main doctor of the Irie clinic. He is also the coach to the Hinamizawa Fighters.

Satoshi Hojo: Satoko’s older brother. He used to be part of the after-school club. He disappeared a year ago. Prior to his disappearance, he started carrying a bat and practiced his swinging. He also became distant from the club. Satoshi may have been the one who killed his aunt. It was believed that he had been saving money to buy Satoko a doll, but then he withdrew the money and vanished on her birthday. However the doll Satoko wanted had been purchased that day.

Village details:

Hinamizawa was originally known as Onigafuchi. The residents were believed to be descended from demons and the nearby villages offered tribute out of fear.

Oyashiro-sama is believed to be a god who gave the demons human form so they could live amonst humans

After the war, Mion’s grandfather, Souhei Sonozaki, used black market funds to bring great prosperity to the village.

There are three main houses in Hinamizawa: The Sonozakis, the Kimiyoshis, and the Furudes.

Murder Mystery details:

Since 1979, someone has died each year during the Cotton Drifting Festival.

The first death was the director of the Dam Project. He was murdered and dismembered by several people. The person who took the right arm is still at large. However, the Director might still be alive.

The second death was Satoko’s parents. They fell off a cliff. The wife’s body was never found.

The third death was Rika’s parents. Her father died of an illness and her mother drowned herself in the swamp. Her body was never found.

The fourth death was Satoko’s aunt. She was beaten to death. Satoko’s brother Satoshi also went missing around that time. While a drug addict had been convicted for the murder, it may be possible that Satoshi was the actual killer.

The fifth death was Jirou Tomitake. He clawed out his throat after apparently being attacked by several people. Tomitake’s death is suspected of being drug induced.

Miyo Takano was also murdered. She was strangled and then burned.

Every death has a pattern of one discovered death and one missing person. People in the village refer to the disappearances as the person being “demoned away”.

The villagers refer to the series of deaths as Oyashiro-sama’s curse due to the connections to the dam project. However, each new victim is less and less connected to the project. Tomitake had no connection at all, and Ooishi suspects the murderers are just targeting outsiders at this point.

Most if not all the murders were instigated by the Sonozakis to protect the village from outside threats.

Oyashiro-sama's Curse and other mysteries

Rika Furude was found disemboweled outside Furude Shrine. The reason and perpetrator are unknown.

Poisonous gas erupted from Onigafuchi swamp enveloping the village and killing its residents. While it could be called a natural disaster, there are some inconsistencies that could call that into doubt.

back

[pikipekarmy]

REMOTE RAIDING

This is. Well, let’s just say that as I did it, I did not know it would be so brief an opportunity. 

Here is the tale of the first time I ever participated in a remote raid. Just like my earlier tutorial on how to win raids, it relies on an ecosystem that may be about to vanish, thanks to some new changes to the game. These changes were announced literally fifteen minutes after I completed the experience I’m about to relate.

So I was watching a channel on a Discord I’d recently joined, where people were trying to coordinate enough people to do a five-skull Legendary raid. I’m still not a very strong player, I don’t have a wide or deep bench for raiding, so I am uncomfortably aware I can’t really contribute anything. So I watched the more advanced players fill a lobby, and coordinate sending invites, and I wrote a message asking for an invite if there was a space left but then deleted it. Too shy, I don't know these people well yet, I really genuinely don't have any good raiders, I'd just take up a space and be annoying, I won't do it.

And then I watched the raid coordinator reappear in the channel saying “where are you guys”, and the “i didn’t get the invite yet” responses trickled in, and then suddenly the raid coordinator’s there saying “wait a minute I backed out but you all got in????” and then several minutes of no response, and then the others saying “oh no” 

The invites hadn’t arrived, so the coordinator bailed from the lobby with 20 sec remaining, and at 19 sec all the invites went through and the other five joined, and went on to do the raid. 

The coordinator was locked out and missed the whole thing. 

Everyone was very sorry about it but it was too late.

Fortunately, there was another gym nearby, and most everyone was willing to do a second raid. And with remotes, it wasn’t that big a deal. 

So I got up my nerve, noticing not everyone could come back, and asked if there was a leftover space, and there was! So I bought a remote pass, which I’d never done before, and sure enough! In I went!

This time there wasn’t a glitch. There were only four high-level players, and me, but that was enough. I got every one of my guys fainted and rejoined in time to finish.

And then I threw ball after ball at the raid reward critter. I used my technique, with a nanab berry and a curveball, nine times, and did really well because I wasn't outside with wet numb fingers and my screen getting snowed on-- it's amazing how much easier this game is to play from indoors, really. With five balls remaining I switched to using Golden Razz berries, and I missed once which was horrible, but I did manage to land four curveballs on the thing. With one ball left I sadly put a final Golden Razz on, and thought, well, what’s hilarious is that I’d had a daily research task to land Three Great Curveballs in a row and I’d been about to delete the damn thing after a thousand broken streaks, but I just managed five in a row like twice on this guy. Raid rewards have HUGE target areas, as I’ve mentioned before. So even if all I get out of this is the experience, at least I've completed my ridiculous research task, that's worth it for the story.

And then on the last ball, it stuck, and I got my Lugia.

We were still chatting in the channel when the news broke that they’re jacking up the price and reducing availability of remote raid passes. I was especially sad, as I’m going to be spending the summer in a rural area with very few gyms nearby, and had been thinking that you know, I don’t spend a ton on entertainment, and if I’m in the middle of nowhere not spending money in bars, it wouldn’t be like. Crazy to drop a couple bucks on Pokecoins now and then, to get some remote raid pass packs to do stuff like this once in a while. Raids are fun, less frustrating than PVP, and while it’s going to take me a long time to get a good enough crew to be able to do much on my own, if I have these generous supportive more advanced friends who are willing to let me tag along once in a while, well that’s a pretty decent little occasional pastime, and with the remote passes even if I don't have time to get off the farm and into the city much I can still have fun in this game, and--

Well now I’m not giving Niantic my money, but they almost had me there, for a minute. Almost!!!

(I haven't talked here yet about my sole experience with the Elite Raids, for which you have to be in-person, and which were a shitshow. Commitment to in-person experience my ass.)

[thededebean]

"I need you" I texted you. "Now!"

It was 2 o'clock on a Sunday when this unquenchable wave of horny flooded over me.

We spent the day separately. You were at a friend's house. I was home alone, looking at sex toys as I had several days in a row. I never seemed to get very far. I would look at the rows of brightly colored fallacies imagine what each one of them would feel like.

So many things to ponder.

What would you do if I bought a cock ring one day?

What would I do if you shoved a glaas wand in me?

How would two little metal balls feel inside of me? Loose and rubbing my insides, making me hyper aware of my pussy all day. And more importantly, how do you take them out?

The reason why I found myself on these websites was because ashamedly I had never stuck anything in my butt before and I desperately needed to feel what that was like.

When I shower I wash it good and clean. Occasionally I've popped just the tip of my finger inside. This makes me feel funny with tingles and blushing so I don't go much further than that.

When I am alone in our bed I rub my finger down between my pussy lips just a bit further than necessary. Sometimes I will tease my back door.

Why those two holes feel so different is such an incredible concept.

Getting frustrated flipping through page after page of toys, I reach into your bedside drawer and pull out my blue silicone jelly dildo. I rest it along my tummy to transfer some of my body heat first.

I throw my phone onto the bed and widen my legs in preparation of filling my cunt with this old toy.

First I give myself a good rub to get the juices flowing inside out.

Then I hit the floppy dildo on my pussy a few times.

I start to slide it down my slit and pop it in to my entrance then out again.

Suddenly the bedroom door swings open and you appear at the foot of the bed with a sly grin on your face.

You glance at my phone open on the bed. Adjusting your package then forcing eye contact with me. I blush like I've been caught while I'm spread eagle infront of you. Dripping wet and flushy.

"Looks like you've made it to the anal toys finally!" You said very pleased. "What's this? A little dipstick showing me how far you've gotten without me?"

You pull out the dildo and noticed a line of my cum at only about 1 inches down.

"Mmhm, I only just started but I've been looking at toys since you left." I mutter innocently. I'm suddenly transported into some sort of little space.

" Have you decided on anything baby girl?"

" No I just got so frustrated not knowing how each one of them feels."

" Looks like you got a little turned on by them. It can be overwhelming." You assure me. " But I have been waiting to see you this excited for a while!"

I suck on my lip, wondering what you mean by this.

"Well why don't I help you figure out what it might feel like inside of your tushy."

You take the blue dildo covered in my wet juices and slide it down passed my slit.

Wiggling it around the next entrance. You lightly apply pressure on the cock head with your thumb. With your other thumb you start to rub my clit.

"Baby, you have you relax. It'll feel so much better when you do.... I know normally you would start with something much smaller than this but don't worry I won't force it in too far!"

I look down my body to what you're doing below but you snap your fingers to make me lock eyes with you.

"Just focus on me and what your body is feeling. Don't worry what it looks like sweetie. Just look at me."

You return to rubbing my clit. I feel my juice dripping down my ass as you push the whole head into my body.

"Ok relax your muscles. Don't fight it. I'm going to push a little more into you. You've left such a lovely juicy line from your pussy and I'd like to make it there!"

My eyebrows furrow and my mouth gapes and trembles. I notice you taking in my expressions and proceeding when they lighten.

"Ok baby girl tell me how this feels."

You max out the 1 inches and start to pump it in and out.

My eyes go cross. I moan with the force and motion on my body and your pace.

I am absolutely spinning. I have no words right now.

"Okay baby, let me know, but I'd really like to fuck you right now."

I gasp and my head lifts from the pillow.

I wonder if he means both at once.....

[packernet]

New Post has been published on https://www.packernet.com/blog/2024/10/23/heres-what-happened-the-last-5-times-the-packers-started-5-2/

Here’s What Happened the Last 5 Times the Packers Started 5-2

After a hard-fought but thrilling win over the Houston Texans, the Packers (5-2) have now reeled off three in a row, inserting themselves in the Playoff race, albeit one where they must navigate a brutal-looking NFC North. All four teams in the division have a winning record, and all four teams would qualify for the Playoffs (the Packers, Vikings, and Bears would get wildcards; the Lions top the division) if the season were to end today.

Of course, the season has a long way to run yet. The Packers are looking in good shape to exceed the 10 wins that were projected for them at the beginning of the season, yet there are still questions in several areas for the Packers. Indeed, as those betting on NFL player props will tell you, there’s a sense of inconsistency about several players that has frustrated fans, as well as, undoubtedly, Matt LeFleur. In short, while the Playoffs are looking likely, there’s still a lot for the Packers to work on.

However, instead of looking forward, let’s look back. A 5-2 record is a decent start to the season after seven games. But what happened the last time the Packers began with five wins and a couple of losses? As you will see, it has always led to the Playoffs, but it’s not always a straight road. Let’s dive in:

2020

Final record: 13-3

The Packers’ second season under LeFleur started with a bang, had a few hiccups in the middle, and saw a strong finish for the Packers to secure the No.1 seed position for the NFC. Aaron Rodgers was in tremendous form across the season, securing his third of four MVP awards in a Packers uniform. Hopes were obviously high going into the Playoffs, and the fans began to believe more when the Packers routed the NFL-leading defense of the Rams in the Divisional Round, but a combination of Tom Brady and a dogged Buccaneers defense meant the Packers couldn’t secure a ticket to Super Bowl LV.

2014

Final record: 12-4

The Packers started this one slowly, not able to get their offense going in losses to the Seahawks and Lions, but they soon found their groove across the fall, with Rodgers clicking into gear. By November, in particular, the Packers’ offense looked great, with successive 50+ point winning games over the Bears and Eagles. A hard-fought win over the Cowboys set up a showdown with the Seahawks in the NFC Championship. Fans are painfully aware of what happened next, with the Packers losing despite being 16-0 up at halftime and having a 19-7 lead late in the 4th quarter.

2013

Final record: 8-7-1

After starting the season 1-2, the Packers came out of their Bye Week with a point to prove, reeling off four wins in a row to transform a poor start into a very respectable one. Yet, it should also act as a cautionary tale for Packers fans getting too ahead of themselves this season. After going 5-2, the Packers failed to win in their next five, heading into the final four games with a 5-6-1 record. They did enough to finish the season with three wins from four, sneaking into the wild card game. That would end in disappointment, though, with yet another defeat to the 49ers at an absolutely freezing Lambeau Field that ended the Packers’ season.

2001

For the next 5-2 start, we have to go way back to the start of the 2000s. Defense was on top in the early part of the season, with the Packers only conceding 13 points across the first three games (all wins). Despite beating the Bears twice in the regular season, Chicago (13-3) still pipped the Packers to the NFC Central title. The Wild Card Playoffs represent a crucial point in the Packers’ modern history, as it was the last time they beat the 49ers in postseason football (5 playoff losses since then). The Packers came up short against the Rams in the Divisional Round.

1998

Finishing up with the 1998/99 season, the Packers were coming off two successive Super Bowl appearances, and big things were expected with Brett Favre in his pomp (coming off three consecutive MVP-winning seasons). Things didn’t exactly pan out that way, though. While the Packers went on to secure an 11-5 record, they were miles behind the Vikings (15-1) in the NFC Central, losing twice to the divisional rival in the regular season. In the Wild Card Playoffs, it was another chapter in the storied history of the Packers-49ers rivalry, with the latter coming out on top in a tight game at Candlestick Park.

[vanya-evergreen]

Something new,

Okay since I can't write HTR am going to be posting bs ideas.

Starting with this- Reader x platonic batfam where the reader has huge texture issues, especially when it comes to fabrics.

Like the moment when they feel a texture they don't like, they have to do something to get the feeling off their hands.

Like ususal: no use of y/n

Cw: very very small descriptions of reader getting hurt

So like if you are a vigilante that is in the batfam , you probably have your own homemade suit at first, so you know it's fabrics that you love and adored. But in a fight parts of you suit gets rips and tears, that just reinforce the quality of it. So when Batfam decides that they won't that 'no' for an answer about a new suit, you are not happy.

"I am not wearing that." You had come to the same place you would meet the everyday like normal, only to be given a new suit with a horrid texture. You needed it out of you hands in less than 3 minutes, or else your burning it. "Why would you even make that for me?"

"We just thought that it was time you had qand upgrade for a change" Nightwing was trying to be nice about, he knew that you didn't want them to make you a new suit. "I mean you have been fighting with us for a while and your suit always gets damaged the most." He was right, you never would admit it. You had spent most of your day stitching up your suit, it was torn in you fight against killer croc the day before, so you could probably use a new suit.

"Still not gonna wear it." You hand (almost throw) the suit back to nightwing. He is hesitant to accept it, but he takes it from you, you immediately wipe your hands on your jacket. "I don't know how many time I will you not to make a suit." Nightwing is offended by your words. "Oh get over it, bat and co. Makes good suits, just not for me. So let's get moving okay?"

You hate it when Batfam asks you about a your suit, it was always an up hill battle to keep their current one(even if Batfam makes suits better for the be a vigilante.) This was the first time batfam had actually made one though. The only reason you held it was to see it the fabric was better than it seemed (it was one of the worst textures you had ever felt).

Batman was not happy that you had decided to, sort of, politely decline the new suit. He even sent Nightwing who you always seemed closer to. When he saw you after you went up against killer croc, he was surprised that the clothes was even still of your body. The suit was so mangled (not to mention the cut that could have been less severe if you had a better suit) that he thought you would surely accept the new suit. He wasn't going to give up on this, not this time. You was going to find a way to make you to wear it.

"Again? I said no." Batman was more persistent this time, normally it would come once in a while, not two days in a row. "I thought you didn't do Batman's dirty work anyways, Redhood." You and Redhood were eating Batburger (of course you took off everything you couldn't stand) after your night of patrol and he showed up out of nowhere with it. so imagine your surprise when to see him pull out the same suit from yestday. You never would've thought that Batman would rope Redhood into this, or you though Redhood wouldn't let him.

"I don't but, I just happen to agree with him on this." Redhood sounds so humiliated just by saying he agrees with Batman. You squint you eyes at him, "I do, this time at least."

"No," you were blunt. This had only happened once, when you first started working with them, but they learned not to do this because you ended up doing very dumb things in you frustration with them. "I think it looks cool but no."

"Come on. You don't even know how it will feel fighting in it." Redhood was always more of the level headed one, or that how he was with you. "Just put it on and jump around, run and throw a few kicks and punches. You might like it" he pushed the suit towards you. You couldn't have moved faster while trying to avoid contact with something. "Huh?"

"Yeah no thanks. Tell Batman thanks for the offer but I am good." You quickly stuff the rest of your food and pick up your drink to go. You walk to the fire escape before turning back to Redhood. "Also this is not a good look for you dude. Be more consistent in your stances on people." You start climbing down before he could get another word in.

When Jason returned with the suit Bruce was even more confused now. You said no to the two closest people under your vigilante persona. He thought about putting you on the bench untill you said yes, but that wasn't as effective as it is with the rest do the family. So he was going to have to get creative, but for now he was just going to continue to sent different members untill the opportunity presents itself.

But on a different note, You still don't know the identity of the Batfam, but they knew your identity really quickly. So when some of the Wayne kids started coming in to your place of work it was shocking. Even when you switched jobs or went without a job for a couple of weeks they would somehow be nearby. Bruce Wayne even showed his face a couple of times at your different jobs.

(You always seemed to be the one to help him too)

Eventually you became friend with a few of them after they found talked to you enough. They were far more relaxed than you thought they would be, it was kinda cool even. But little to your knowledge Batman was going to use this connection quickly.

"I don't know man, my boss is just not letting this go this time." This how you talked about you vigilante problems in your civilian life, mostly with your friends. Duke, Cass, Steph and Barbra. "He is just so..."

"Annoying? Steph blurted out as she returns with drinks and some type of food from the amusement park concession stand.

"Stubborn?" Duke adds on grabbing his drink from Steph before she can place them down. Steph gives him an evil as she places the rest of drink on the table.

"Paranoid?" Barbra grabs Cass's and her own drink after Steph sat down next to you. You take your drink and take a long frustrated sip before slamming it down on the table.

"All of the above." You rest the side of you face on you hand as you continue to take smaller sips from your drink. "I just don't know what to do, he has sent different co-worker for the past week to try and convince me to change my uniforms. He still has yet to show his face to me yet."

"Maybe he has a good reason to ask you change you uniform." Cass didn't speak often so you always listened when she did. "I mean have you asked why?"

"Yeah, I know why and understand why, its very reasonable too" you knew Batman was right to make you a new suit but you hates that fabric more than anything you had disliked anything in recent years. The suit was an instant top ten worst textures you had ten displeasure of feeling.

"So then why do you refuse to wear it?" Barbra takes a portion of the food Steph brought before pushing it to Steph. "You seem to be pretty understanding with the reason."

"Yeah, you were ranting to so much at about him just a moment ago, but now you are okay with the reason?" Steph eating her portion quickly before passing it to you. You take a bite, you spilt out the food into a napkin after just a few bites, and push it to Duke.

"You good?" Duke pats your back as you chug your drink to get that texture out of your mouth. "Did it taste back?" He hesitates to eat it .

"I'm good and it didn't taste bad." You use another napkin to wipe away the drink. "But to answer your question, its the same reason why I spit out the food, Texture." You could see as a little bulb went off in all of their heads.

"So that why you refuse the new uniform" Cass takes a sip of her drink as Duke finishes of the rest of the food. You nod your head as all of them share a look between all of them.

Bruce felt so dumb for not realizing it sooner, it wasn't even the fact you didn't want a new suit it was that you hated the frabic it was made out of. But he didn't know what fabric you liked, and he couldn't suddenly approach you asking what textures you did like. So to find out he would need to send in someone else to find out

It was peak out at your current job at a coffee shop. You were operating on auto pilot, always in your best customers service voice your could muster. So you barely had time to look at who you were talking to before you spoke."Hello how may I-" but when finally who it was you could dropped the customer service voice "Tim, how lovely of you to come in at our rush hour." You said with to much joy for it to be genuine. "What have you come to bother me about?"

"Hello to you too. Well if you must know I wanted a coffee and to interview you for a survey for Wayne enterprises new clothing line." You scoff and lower your eyebrows before putting his six shot of expresso and coffee with an ungodly amount of creamer and a croissant "come on it will take like maybe 15 minutes tops."

"Uh huh okay. So you thought it would appropriate to come in at this time of day, when we are at our busiest? For a survey?" You turn the screen to him for him to pay. "6.46 please. Plus I thought Wayne enterprises didn do clothes."

"Tt-" you squeeze your eyes tightly shut, you knew who the that was before he could even speak. "You didn't get my order." Damian, you loved talking with him outside of work about art and shows/music you would make him get into but he was alway very particular about his drink.

"Hello Damian, let me guess a hot chocolate with only two pumps of chocolate syrup with a bit of coffee and extra whipped cream," Damian was about to interrupt you "with a warmly toasted egg sandwich for protein with a cake pop?" He looks at you with a somewhat defeat look, you got some satisfaction out of this.

"Yes and you-" he starts

"better be the one making it because you are the only one who makes it right in this lowbrow place." You and him said in unison, he only seems to be more shocked.

"Of course your royal highness, anything for you, Dami" you always said this with most antagonizing way possible. when he orders his drink from you, it was funny when you see him get embarrassed when you called him by his nickname. "Now your new total is 16.79. Pay when you're ready."

"Anyways," Damian clears his throat "it is not just any survey, it is a survey that will help Wayne enterprises for years to come." You rested your hand on counter still not impressed by this offer. They were not good sales pitches for someone like you.

"We will give you a free sample after we produce the first prototypes of it." Tim takes out Bruce's card and pays with it. You perk at the prospect of getting free clothes that could be made to your taste of texture.

"Give me a half an hour, I need to make sure I help my co-workers give through this rush hour and then i will take my lunch and we can talk as I eat." You yell back as you turned back to go make Damian's food and drink.

The 'survey' was filled with alot of questions about textures of fabric, the cut of some types of clothes. They even brought a few fabric samples too, some of which you liked, most you didn't mind and afew you hated. There was just one that you adored, is felt just right on your skin and it seems durable enough for you wear when on patrol once you got the samples. Maybe it would get the bats off your back.

Tim thanked you for participation in a survey that was only made for you. Damian had just sat the silently judging but also impressed with how well you describe the feel and texture of the fabrics. When Tim gave Bruce the results he almost right away on your new suit. He had already decided to give it to you himself.

You brush you hand over your jacket that had gotten a new rip in it, along with a pretty nasty cut that was probably gonna leave a nasty scar. "Damn it, another day off down the drain." You take out a small first aid kit patch up your cut. You were half way down when you finally noticed the ominous presence behind you. "Is that you bats? Or orphan?"

"It's me." Batman steps out from the shadows and stands over you as you continue to wrap up your cut. "I really think you should just take the suit we made you." There he goes again, you stop mid wrap and look up at him.

"Are we going to do this cycle again?" You tear and then tied up the bandage. "You say I need a new suit I say no, you insist. Then I threaten to go rouge with Redhood." Batman wears his annoyance very obviously. "Oh come one it's always fun." You tease him as you stand up.

"Maybe to you." Batman give you the side eye "but no I am not here to do that." You know what's coming. You roll your eyes and fold you arms. "You have to wear the new suit."

"Why would I?" You knew he never held anything over you "what are you going to do if I don't?" He always gave empty threats of putting you 'on the bench' as he said, but you would run off an just join the rouges for maybe a week or two, hell, you even joined a gang. So he learn quickly not to do that.

"Because am tired of seeing someone I care about get hurt some much because of something fixable." Shit- he is really serious this time, he's sharing his thoughts and feelings with you too. This was a impossiblity untill tonight's "so please just put it on, and try it out we can fix any problems with it." He pulls out a new suit.

"Fine, but I am going to be a pain in the ass with it." You extended your to grab it very carefully you out your hand on it. You knew the fabric, you had fallen in love with this fabric. "Wow..." you snatched its out his hands as you continue to feel the fabric. It was perfect, fabric wise. You stopped, how did he know... "it good quality."

"That's good, you try it on before you continue patrol to night.." he turns to leave but you grab onto his cape as you start to connect the dots. The way he kept try, and then the hang out with Steph, Cass, Duke, and Barbra. The Survey for Wayne enterprises was the last nail in the coffin.

"You are Bruce fucking Wayne"

Batman tried denying it but it was all for not. So when you learn of all of the trouble he went through for you. You teased him for a while after. Everyone joined in too, even Damian took stab at him with it. But it really touched your to think he cared so much.

[f1]

Verstappen surprised by gap to rivals after taking pole again for sprint race | 2023 Austrian Grand Prix

Max Verstappen praised the balance of his Red Bull after taking pole position for today’s sprint race, but was left puzzled by the gap to his rivals. The Formula 1 championship leader qualified half a second ahead of Sergio Perez in a Red Bull one-two for the sprint race later today. After a wet Formula 3 race earlier in the day, the track was mostly dry for F1’s second qualifying session.Verstappen said it left little room for error to have his car in the right window. “The track was drying up, so lap after lap you are improving,” said Verstappen, who has won the last four races in a row. “You have to be on the track at the right time. “Of course today you don’t have a lot of laps in every segment of qualifying but I think we did well. The car was in a good window, good balance so I am very happy of course to be first.” Lando Norris joined the Red Bull drivers in the top three while Charles Leclerc, who is alongside Verstappen on the front row for tomorrow’s grand prix, was eighth, 0.805s off the pace. The pole winner admitted “I don’t know why” there was such a gap to his rivals. “It’s a bit different today, the track is not fully dry” he said. After qualifying yesterday, Verstappen was frustrated by the number of lap times deleted due to track limits. Several of his were among the 47 deleted in total, and Perez failed to progress behind Q2 after all his representative times in that session were ruled illegitimate. Although fewer lap times were deleted for that reason in today’s shorter session, Verstappen still expects drivers to experience difficulty in managing it for the rest of the weekend. “It’s quite difficult,” he added. “Of course in qualifying you really try to go to the limits and naturally it’s a bit more difficult in qualifying. “But I think even in the race, it will be for all the drivers quite hard to manage around here.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 Austrian Grand Prix Browse all 2023 Austrian Grand Prix articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[dzpenumbra]

5/10/23

I was woken up again. At 9AM again. It's been like 4 consecutive weeks in a row now, I'm afraid it's becoming a ritual for these people. I did the whole go downstairs, get a bowl of cereal and then pass out in the chair thing again. It just really puts a damper on the whole day when I do that. I never feel fully rested, I never get right to sleep... so I end up finally starting my day way later. It's very frustrating.

I finished the ink drawing. Here, I'll post it.

I like it. I've been kinda... letting these improvised pieces inspire the next one, so it becomes... almost like a flip book. Each one taking the last one and iterating on it. This one brought in a lot more of these blobby shapes that have dominated a lot of my abstract work over the past 20+ years.

There was a big gamechanger that came into the day today. A YouTuber that I've been following since... probably 2015? The one who introduced me to RimWorld. The one who really inspired me to get into streaming at a serious level. Whose VoDs I have used to help me sleep for several years because of his thoughtful and comprehensive narration. He released a video today that... I have never seen any work of his at nearly this level. It was over 3.5 hours long. It was a deep-dive video essay on the incorporation of story in survival games, done through the lens of the game The Forest. It was... spectacular. I couldn't walk away, I couldn't even pause it. It pained me to pause it to even go pee, I was sitting squirming in my chair trying to watch and draw for at least 20 minutes before I caved. It's a really good video essay. Well researched, extremely well edited, fair and generous to the developers, yet... he stands his ground on his point and his perspective.

What kinda shook my foundation with it? He took the end of the essay as an opportunity to do a face reveal. And... it was a strange experience. He... looked like he could be a relative of mine. Like... he looked like a version my dad's younger brother... but my age. (I look more like my mom.) It... was a strange experience. To finally have a face to match the voice that has been setting the background when I went to sleep for years, that I've had on in the background while gaming since... at least 2017. Whose Project Zomboid streams I watched on the last night I spent with my terminally ill dog, and watched in bed while grieving her passing when I couldn't sleep. I have his Banished playthrough that I've been listening to fall asleep to this week, last week it was Planet Zoo. I can't even do the math on how many of these streams I have absorbed. Every Stellaris playthrough he's done, every Space Engineers stream I could find, X3, Kerbal Space Program, Rimworld (of course), good lord his playthrough of Subnautica was one of the most compelling playthroughs I've ever watched. Years and years of material to drift off to sleep to. It had been my routine for pretty much the whole pandemic... to play his streams when going to sleep, and somewhere along the way I started putting music on too so that once the stream ended, there was some sound on so it wasn't just silence.

Needless to say, it's very odd to finally get a face to match the voice. Like finally seeing the person who voices a cartoon character for the first time. It's just... my brain didn't really want to process it. But like... the most unsettling and weird part... is how... familiar he looked. And he, of course, is the one I gravitated towards because we have a ton in common. Though, over the past few years, we have split ways on stuff - lifestyle, entertainment preference, etc. It's just... odd. And it's still sitting with me.

What scares me a bit... I'm afraid it might be a sign he's getting ready to step away from YouTube. He might not, I might be reading into it. I mean, it's been his entire life for a decade. I dunno. Maybe he's just... transitioning? It felt like a big moment. He was always very against the premise of doing face reveals, always felt they were tacky. It validated me a lot, because I never really saw the point of taking up what we called in video and graphic design class "screen real estate" with a static box that just has your blank stare at a computer screen. I feel like it doesn't... contribute anything, it always felt really... vain. And he always echoed the same sentiment, and it gave me a lot of validation in an ocean of carbon copy streamers. And yet... here he is. So, idk. I've gotta get back into his livestreams soon. He's just... he's in UK, so... it's hard to get my schedule to overlap well.

I was so enthralled by the video that I skipped a shower. I ordered a pizza. I ate a bunch of it and then started working on the skull. The skull is in pretty rough shape. A lot of the bone is... nature got to it. It's not bad, it's just... porous and discolored in places. I did my best to get the debris out of the cavities, got most of it. I started to sand it, and it actually helps the look a lot. I might leave it on the windowsill to sun bleach it a bit, in addition to the sanding and polishing I'm doing. I have no clue what to do with it. There aren't really a lot of flat spaces. So... I'm probably going to treat the design work like... like face tattoos or something. I honestly don't know. But I think sanding and polishing it first is a good idea, it'll be an easier surface to work on. Then I can choose whether I even want to carve it, or if I want to just go ahead and ink/paint right on it. Now that it's out and sitting in my workspace, it freaks me out a lot less.

I tried polishing some stones too, some of the ones from the National Park. I just... wasn't really feeling it. That used to be go-to work for me in the past, and now? Now it just felt forced. So... I kinda took it easy today. I guess. I mean, if you want to call working on 3 separate projects "taking it easy".

I'm a bit depressed tonight. Probably the sleep deprivation affecting me. And the whole... not having a big super inspiring "super excited to work on it" project. Despite my anxiety about design elements and the permanence, I was always really excited about working on the hoodie. And the desire path project, I loved it. This skull? I'm just not there yet. I'm sure once I get the surface prepped and start sketching it will get much more comfortable and enticing. I guess it's just the sanding and polishing that I'm just... not really into right now, just in general.

I think I'm going to take this opportunity to head to bed a bit earlier than I usually do. Fingers crossed I don't hear another vacuum or whatever at 9AM, because if I go to bed right this second? I'm only getting 6 hours of sleep.

[screenshots123]

Max Hamilton found out that his roommate had been exposed to the coronavirus shortly after Thanksgiving. The dread set in, and then, so did her symptoms. Wanting to be cautious, she tested continuously, remaining masked in all common areas at home. But after three negative rapid tests in a row, she and Hamilton felt like the worst had passed. At the very least, they could chat safely across the kitchen table, right?

Wrong. More than a week later, another test finally sprouted a second line: bright, pink, positive. Five days after that, Hamilton was testing positive as well. This was his second bout of COVID since the start of the pandemic, and he wasn’t feeling so great. Congestion and fatigue aside, he was “just very frustrated,” he told me. He felt like they had done everything right. “If we have no idea if someone has COVID, how are we supposed to avoid it?” Now he has a different take on rapid tests: They aren’t guarantees. When he and his roommate return from their Christmas and New Year’s holidays, he said, they’ll steer clear of friends who show any symptoms whatsoever.

Hamilton and his roommate are just two of many who have been wronged by the rapid. Since the onset of Omicron, for one reason or another, false negatives seem to be popping up with greater frequency. That leaves people stuck trying to figure out when, and if, to bank on the simplest, easiest way to check one’s COVID status. At this point, even people who work in health care are throwing up their hands.

Alex Meshkin, the CEO of the medical laboratory Flow Health, told me that he spent the first two years of the pandemic carefully masking in social situations and asking others to get tested before meeting with him. Then he came down with COVID shortly after visiting a friend who didn’t think that she was sick. Turns out, she’d only taken a rapid test. “That’s my wonderful personal experience,” Meshkin told me. His takeaway? “I don’t trust the antigen test at all.”

That might be a bit extreme.

Rapid antigen tests still work, and we’ve known about the problem of delayed positivity for ages. In fact, the tests are about as good at picking up the SARS-CoV-2 virus now as they’ve ever been, Susan Butler-Wu, a clinical microbiologist at the University of Southern California’s Keck School of Medicine, told me. Their limit of detection––the lowest quantity of viral antigen that will register reliably as a positive result––didn’t really change as new variants emerged.

At the same time, the Omicron variant and its offshoots seem to take longer, after the onset of infection, to accumulate that amount of virus in the nose, says Wilbur Lam, a professor of pediatrics and biomedical engineering at Emory University who is also one of the lead investigators assessing COVID diagnostic tests for the federal government.

Lam told me that this delay, between getting sick and reaching the minimum detectable concentration of the viral antigen, could be contributing to the spate of false-negative results.

That problem isn’t likely to be solved anytime soon. The same basic technology behind COVID rapid tests, called “lateral flow,” has been around for years; it’s even used for standard pregnancy tests, Emily Landon, an infectious-disease physician at the University of Chicago, told me. Oliver Keppler, a virology researcher at the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich who was involved in a study comparing the performance of rapid tests between variants, says there isn’t really a way to tweak the tests so that they’ll be any more sensitive to newer variants.

“Conceptually, there’s little we can do.” In the meantime, he told me, we have to accept that “in the first one or two days of infection with Omicron, on average, antigen tests are very poor.”

Of course, Hamilton (and his roommate) would point out that the tests can fail even several days after symptoms start. That’s why he and others are feeling hesitant to trust them again. “It’s not just about the utility or accuracy of the test. It’s also about the willingness to even do the test,” Ng Qin Xiang, a resident in preventative medicine at Singapore General Hospital who was involved in a study examining the performance of rapid antigen tests, told me. “Even within my circle of friends, a lot of people, when they have respiratory symptoms, just stay home and rest,” he said. They just don’t see the point of testing.

Landon recently got COVID for the first time since the start of the pandemic. When her son came home with the virus, she decided to perform her own experiment. She kept track of her rapids, testing every 12 hours and even taking pictures for proof. Her symptoms started on a Friday night and her initial test was negative. So was Saturday morning’s. By Saturday evening, though, a faint line had begun to emerge, and the next morning—36 hours after symptom onset—the second line was dark.

Her advice for those who want the most accurate result and don’t have as many tests to spare is to wait until you’ve had symptoms for two days before testing. And if you’ve been exposed, have symptoms, and only have one test? “You don’t even need to bother. You probably have COVID.”

📆 29 Dec 2022 📰 People Are Fed Up With Rapid Tests 🗞️ Atlantic

[letarasstuff]

Ranting

(A/N): This was requested by an anon, I hope you like it :)

Summary: In the middle of midterms, Spencer's daughter has enough and for the first time in her life, she rants to the team

Warnings: one swear word, school, school stress, mental breakdown, shitty friends, a bit of angst (but there is fluff to balance that out), weird grammatical sentences that are according to google correct

Wordcount: 2.3k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________ As a teenager, Spencer was pretty closed off. But this had several reasons, like being a child (or moreover a teen prodigy) at college and getting his first Ph.D, or that he hadn’t had a safety net of people he could have gone to. So as he became a father himself, he tried everything possible to assure his own daughter that her feelings and thoughts are always welcome and valid.

Unfortunately (Y/N) herself has developed the same habit starting high school and ever since Spencer can’t do anything to get her to open up to him. It’s not like they don’t have a good relationship, they have one of the strongest father-daughter bonds the BAU has ever witnessed. The girl simply has other ways to cope with her feelings and how to act them out in the safety of her own four walls. Her father learned to accept it, knowing that he can’t and won’t force her to talk to him.

So what follows now not only shocked Spencer. But also his work family.

It’s the time every teen in high school dreads: Midterms.

A word a teacher can mutter and a shiver goes through the rows of students in the classroom. Or at least it feels like it to (Y/N). She takes her school work very seriously. In her mind every single grade determines her future.

The rational part in her knows that the grades in her sophomore year doesn’t matter. That they are even long forgotten when she graduates. There is just so much pressure on her. But it isn’t coming from her father.

Spencer is pretty laid-back regarding school. He knows his daughter is trying her best and that it’s just the tenth grade and not the end of the world. School is not everything life has to offer, especially he has to know it as a scholar and profiler flying through the country in a jet back and forth.

It’s (Y/N)’s classmates, who pressure her to get good grades.

“We depend on you and your notes”, Tyler exclaims as he jogs next to her through the busy hallway. “Ty, I know. But I don’t have the time to get them done for all of you to understand by tomorrow. They are still a mess that only I know to see through. I still have to finish my history project and I go to my Dad’s work this afternoon, which means I won’t get much done and I still have to do the homework I got today before sorting my notes for the test in two days.”

At her locker, the boy still doesn’t let go of the subject. “Do you want to say that our grades don’t matter as much as yours? Because this would be a true selfish statement.” Maybe it is the lack of sleep, because she pulled three all-nighters in two weeks, or the fact that she is slowly getting fed up being treated like an unpaid private teacher, but (Y/N) can’t stop her sassy answer. “Tyler, you wouldn't even know how to tell apart your ass from your head if it weren’t for me and my help in biology. You wouldn’t even know how to spell selfish if I didn’t let you copy my answers in spelling tests in elementary school.”

Done with the day and her friend’s shit, she slams the door of her locker shut and leaves a flabbergasted boy behind. Half an hour later the teenager enters the bullpen with her visitor badge clipped to the pocket of her sweater.

On the way there she was fuming. The audacity of her friends. It’s not only Tyler, who tried to get her notes of a unit, she was the only one listening, even though the teacher said loud and clear that this will be important for midterms. A few other friends out of the group she usually hangs out with texted her the same question of when her notes will be given to them. Understandably, (Y/N) comes into the office in the worst mood anyone from the team ever saw, including her own father.

“Hey Sweetheart”, he tries to greet her with a hug. Even though both of them are not big on touch, they are extra affectionate with people they are close to.

To everybody’s surprise, the girl takes a step back, effectively avoiding his open arms. “Hey”, she grumbles out before taking a seat in the chair already waiting for her. Nobody is allowed to sit in this one, except for her. Not even Derek has ever put his butt on this one, knowing the sacredness of it.

Without sparing anyone another glance, (Y/N) gets the needed stuff for that history project out and continues working on it. The team resorts to throwing a questiongly look to Spencer, who shrugs his shoulders with a look of despair. So everyone resumes their work without even daring to say a word.

The general silence is occasionally broken by an unnerved sigh leaving the teenager’s lips. “Is the conference room occupied?” She asks, her voice clearly showing how annoyed she is. Her father shakes his head. “No, not that I know of. Do you need help with your school work?” This is obviously the wrong thing to say. “Do I look like a baby? I don’t need anyone to help with that, I have been going to school for ten years now, I think I can handle this project as perfectly fine as I did since day one. It’s just your keyboard typing that will be the reason for my first grey hairs if I don’t get out of here soon.”

Quickly (Y/N) gathers her stuff and storms off into the conference room. Immediately the team crowds her father’s desk. “What happened?” “Who hurt her?” “Go, talk to her!”

“Guys, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m at the same loss as all of you. The only thing I know is that (Y/N) is under pressure, because it’s midterms. But judging by the way she reacted, I don’t want to go near her. It’s safer to try to defuse a bomb than talk to her in that mood. Last time I saw something similar, her favorite show was declared finished, got a revival and then didn’t get one and nobody mentioned it again. She was so mad, I think it took three years of her life.” A silence of uncertainty spreads through the room.

“What about we give her some room until she calms down?” JJ suggests, being unsure herself how to deal with a teenage girl. But the rest agrees and goes back to filling out their paperwork.

This continues for about 20 minutes, till a loud bang and a frustrated scream is heard followed by “DON’T THEY WANT TO GET IT OR ARE THEY JUST STUPID?!” Alerted by that, seven people (yes, even Dave and Aaron leave their offices, while Penelope was already in the bullpen) storm into the round table room only to see a more than outraged (Y/N).

“Sweetheart”, Spencer speaks to her in the gentlest voice they ever heard from him and slowly moves towards his daughter, “What’s going on?”

Her response is delayed by several deep breaths she has to take in order to be able to talk without seething. “ALL OF MY SO CALLED FRIENDS ARE ASKING ME FOR MY NOTES, like do I look like a personal tutor? And when I tell them that I got a life, a life outside of school and grades, because otherwise I go completely bananas, just like all of you say, they get mad. Now they act like I’m the most selfish person in the whole world. I’m so done, can’t they understand that they are old enough to take care of their own stuff? I’m not responsible for them, their grades or anything regarding their lives. Otherwise I would be the mother of at least four toddlers and one baby and at the age of sixteen I’m not ready for that kind of responsibility. I know friends are there for eachother, and I really don’t mind helping them from time to time. But what they are doing is terror. Terror.

“Oh and don’t get me started on their tormention if I get something lower than an A-. Then they suddenly transform into geniuses, like they suddenly know everything possible. Of course, I’m the dumb one. I should have studied more.

“I am under an insane amount of pressure, because I know they rely on me, but enough is enough. I tell them that if anyone asks me for anything school related again and they act like I owe them an answer, I’ll cut off all ties to all of them. What am I, a roboter just there for their needs, without some of my own?”

After her long rant, (Y/N) takes a couple more breaths. It’s pretty much the only sound right now, because the team is stunned. None of them heard her talking, no ranting, like that. Not even her Spencer has seen her like that.

Realizing what she just said, the teenager fidgets nervously with her hands. “I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, you know, blow up like that. I, I really don’t know where this came from.” Nervously she scratches the back of her head. It really wasn’t her intention to let it out like that. Her plan was just to come home tonight and deal in the confinement of her own four walls with all of her feelings. It’s easier to be honest to yourself when you are alone than having an audience watching you losing it.

Suddenly (Y/N) finds herself engulfed in a massive bear hug. “Oh, my sweet sweet summerchild. You needed to rant to us and I’m so happy you did. Even though your uhm, friends, sound like big douchebags, we can help you sort something out”, Penelope tells her while keeping her arms around the teen.

“Just like lil mama said, we are here for you, Baby Reid. Don’t ever be afraid to tell us something, may it even be as small as you having stubbed your toe.” Morgan ruffles her hair and gives her a reassuring smile.

Just like them everybody shows her their support, be it encouraging words or affectionately gestures. Rossi invites her to a calm and quiet dinner at his mansion, cooking class included. Hotch assures her that she will get through this rough patch, with or without these fake people. JJ suggests (Y/N) comes over to her home and she can participate in a family game night at their home.

When it’s Emily’s turn, she makes sure to get her message loud and clear by looking the teen in the eyes (not as deep as it sounds, because some people make an intense stare really uncomfortable): “If those kids give you a hard time again, tell me. I’ll pay them a visit in classic protective godmother fashion, because nobody traits MY godchild like this. Just give me their names and I’ll handle the rest.” Obviously she doesn’t say this aloud in front of everyone, else Hotch will have her head, knowing she goes through with her threats. Instead she whispers it into the teen’s ear. Still, it makes (Y/N) smile, having such a strong support net.

Sensing the family’s need for time of their own to talk about the whole situation, the team leaves the room. Spencer gestures to her to take a seat after moving two chairs opposite each other. He wants her not to feel trapped.

“Do you still want to talk about it? It doesn’t have to be now, we can do it tonight, tomorrow, in a week or in a month. Just, please don’t shut me out. I know it’s difficult to be a teenager, especially in times like these. But it won’t do you any good keeping all of this for yourself. Today you took it out through anger. How will it look next time?

I don’t want to pressure you into talking. We don’t need to. We can find other coping mechanisms. We can try and reduce your stress. Anything. But we both know that this is not the right way.” While speaking, he takes his daughter’s hand, making her look up to him.

(Y/N) nods. Her eyes fill with tears. “I just can’t keep going like this.” She whispers, feeling all the stress, pressure and the intensity of the last few weeks crashing down on her. Quickly Spencer gathers her in his arms, letting her cry in his embrace.

After calming down, she looks up to her father with bloodshot eyes. “We can talk tonight. But I need you to do me a favor.” “Anything”, he assures her, stroking a hand along her back. “I, uhm, I need a new phone. I may or may not have thrown mine against the wall after getting a text from Tyler.”

Spencer looks at the crooked cell laying on the floor, the screen cracked. “I think we can get that sorted”, he tells her with a smile and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

The two of them leave the office earlier, having many things to talk about and many problems to solve. But with the help of her family (Y/N) gets through this, a time where people unfortunately only like her for her smarts and not being herself.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos @jswessie187 @kneelforloki

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962 @ellyhotchner

[fandomlit]

neutral, chap. 4 (dream smp x reader)

series summary (in game!au) when an exiled tommy finally rebels against a manipulative dream, he finds safety in neutral territory, a place owned and guarded by you. staying in your safe haven opens up the younger one’s eyes to your way of life, while also revealing your deeper past before neutral; a past that involved a war for your love.

chapter summary after waking from a taunting nightmare, tommy expels some late night energy on some wandering mobs. you give him another lesson about taking care of himself, even when working hard, and tommy asks if you’ll teach him archery, which, of course, doesn’t go without entertainment.

warnings nightmares, mob killing

previous | series masterlist | next

gif cred belongs to @halcyoncraft

he was running again. he didn’t know where or from what, but his legs carried him far and strongly, weaving him through trees and grass and other obstacles along the way. he didn’t know how in danger he was, but he wasn’t going to stop and find out.

then he tripped.

when he flipped onto his back, it was that goddamn mask staring down at him, the lips just under it laughing, “you’re so weak, tommy! did you do anything while you were in neutral?” then his axe came down and tommy braced himself for the pain and release of death.

he woke up instead.

sweating under his covers, tommy sucked in a harsh breath as he sat up. he threw the soft cotton off of him, running a warm hand down his face. it was just a dream; he was safe in neutral.

looking out of the window next to him, he saw the moon still high in the sky, casting a cool light into his bedroom. dream’s words rang through his head like a bell, and he rubbed at his temples with a sigh. was he actually getting weak? was relaxing such a bad thing? at the very least, some part of him must have thought so to conjure a nightmare like that..

with another sigh, tommy lifted himself out of bed and flipped open the ender chest. he drew out his sword before heading to the main floor of the house.

when he reached the bottom of the stairs, a voice called out to him, “tommy?” his heart nearly stopped for a moment, before peeking into the kitchen and realizing it was just y/n. she sat in candlelight, writing in a small journal with a slice of half-eaten pumpkin pie next to her. “are you alright?”

“yeah,” he breathed, his voice still heavy with sleep. “just gonna go kill some mobs.”

she nodded. she looked tired, and a part of tommy felt bad knowing that she was most definitely going to wait for him to return. “okay. have at it, kid.”

he nodded, turning to leave the kitchen. before he did so, he pursed his lips and looked over his shoulder to y/n. “you should go to bed.”

she gave him a smile, scribbling something down in the small journal. “i will, tommy. just gotta finish this up..” his natural curiosity was drawn to the small book, and he almost asked y/n what she was writing. but then dream’s voice rang through his mind again, and tommy silently headed for the doors of the house.

the night air was refreshing on his warm skin, cool and still as the moon illuminated the frontal beauty of neutral territory. he took a deep, calming breath of that crisp air before focusing on the task at hand: proving to himself that dream was wrong. that dream is always wrong.

after about twenty zombies, ten spiders, countless creepers, and a few endermen, tommy finally felt the burn in his arms become nearly too much to bear. he panted as he struck down one last spider, turning and finally deciding to return back to the comfort of y/n’s home.

he sheathed his sword when he finally entered the house, going straight to the kitchen to see that y/n was still awake and writing in her small journal.

“ready to go to bed?” he asked gruffly.

she looked up slowly before nodding, placing her quill down and capping her ink. “any trouble out there?”

“no,” he spoke, shaking his head. “wrote everything you needed to?” y/n blew out her candle and went to join the boy in the doorway to the kitchen.

“as much as i could, anyway,” she shrugged, smiling lazily as they began to walk toward the stairs. “what was your nightmare about?”

tommy was slightly startled, but a little too tired to react drastically to y/n’s deduction. “how’d you know i had a nightmare?”

“i’ve had them before,” she said simply. “and it seemed natural that you’d expel some energy onto mobs after such a thing.”

“you’re smart,” tommy credited.

“thank you,” y/n yawned.

they continued to climb the stairs in silence as tommy considered his words. “i was being hunted by dream again, but this time you weren’t there to save me. he called me weak and killed me.”

“so you wanted to prove to yourself that despite allowing yourself peace, you didn’t have to sacrifice your strength to get there,” y/n summed.

the boy half-smiled. she was spot on, as always. “exactly,” tommy breathed. 

y/n was silent for a moment as she thought. they stopped at the hallway to tommy’s room and it then occurred to tommy’s tired mind that her room was downstairs; she was walking with him because she cared about him. 

“honestly, tommy, if this is a real concern for you, then there is no harm in taking time out of your day to work out and train,” y/n spoke. “but the most important thing is to recognize when enough is enough, and when enough becomes too much. you’ve allowed yourself peace and care for the last two weeks, and achieving such a state doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice fighting or training; it just means that you need to be more aware and in tune with yourself as you’re doing it.” tommy nodded.

“don’t overwork yourself, is the summary here,” she said, picking a cobweb off of his shirt. “let yourself do the things you want, but make sure it’s not wearing you down. that’s taking care of yourself.”

“alright,” tommy spoke quietly. “thank you, y/n.”

“of course, kid,” she smiled. “get some sleep, alright? if you have another nightmare you’re free to bother me.” tommy nodded again. “good night, tommy.”

“good night, y/n,” he yawned as she turned to head down to her room. he made sure he heard her door shut before finally heading to his own room.

...

“can you teach me archery?” tommy questioned the next morning at breakfast. it was a question that had bugged him since y/n had first revealed her skills just a few days prior, and since he was going to start training, he figured that might be a good place to start.

“sure,” she chuckled as she scooped some more fruit onto his nearly half-eaten plate of french toast.

“why the laugh?” he questioned through a mouthful of berries.

she shrugged to herself. “your curiosity is showing.”

“i’ve been wondering about it since you took out the mob,” tommy admitted. “if i want to get stronger.. i think this is a good way to.”

“perfecting a skill is the perfect way to get stronger,” y/n voiced. “of course i’ll teach you, kid.” she smiled and he turned back to his breakfast with his own grin. “finish up your food and meet me in the basement; we gotta get you a bow first.”

tommy hadn’t been in the basement of the house yet. he opened the heavy, dusty trapdoor and assumed y/n didn’t go down their often either. he slid down the ladder easily and was immediately hit with heat.

y/n had a welding station upstairs in her shop area, but the basement had a more broad and intense version of that area. several anvils, all cracked and rusted and adorned with different materials were scattered in a sort of pattern amongst the space, a fire burning high in a fireplace at the far side of the room. seeing no sign of y/n, tommy moved to the room to his left.

the next room held a large nether portal, as well as a small farm for netherwart. the dark room felt empty to him, and he had to remind himself that he was in fact in y/n’s house still. he remembered she had said that she didn’t like going to the nether.

“i’m in here, tommy!” she called out. he took another left into a small storage room, where y/n was rustling through a chest. “how tall are you, kid?”

“6’1”,” he answered.

y/n smiled. “you’re a lot taller than i’ll ever be.” she took out a pretty oak bow, slightly scratched and obviously old. “you’ll have to use this for now, until i can make you one that’s your size.” he took the bow from her hands, shrugging.

“it’s fine.”

“good,” she hummed, still shuffling through the chest as tommy took the time to look around the small room.

“what’re the dispensers for?” tommy asked, staring at the wall that held the three stone tools.

“im nothing if not prepared, tommy,” y/n spoke as she took out a quiver and began to fill it with arrows for him. “in case of emergency, those dispensers will set off flares to let others know that im in trouble or that neutral is in danger.”

tommy nodded, still looking at the obviously unused dispensers. “smart.”

“i hope so,” she sighed, handing him the quiver of arrows. he strapped it around himself as she continued, “let’s just hope i never have to use them, yeah?”

“yeah,” he chuckled. she gave him a smile, hoisting her bow higher in her grip.

“you ready to shoot some things?”

...

“relax your shoulders,” y/n reminded. tommy did so, his fingers still white with effort against the taut string of the bow. “don’t pull so hard, tommy. you’re shaking.” he sighed as he let the string and arrow go limp, lowering his bow as y/n approached him closer.

it was his second day of archery training, and he was still missing nearly every target. y/n was a calm and collected teacher, offering him advice that was pointed directly for him and reassured him that there was no rush in the learning process. but after missing fifteen or so shots in a row, tommy was getting frustrated.

and it didn’t help with sapnap and george staring at him through the kitchen windows.

“doin’ great, kid,” sapnap encouraged weakly, taking a drink of the lemonade y/n had lovingly prepared for the boys. just watching the older man sip made tommy’s mouth dry, but he was determined to make five shots in a row before taking a break.

tommy glared at the man before turning his gaze back to his mentor. “ignore him, tommy,” y/n spoke gently. “nick couldn’t hit a target if it was three paces away.”

“that’s a lie!”

“im kidding,” y/n laughed, placing a hand on tommy’s shoulder and turning him away from the distraction that was sapnap. “but seriously, there’s almost always going to be someone watching when you shoot. the more you can tune them out, the better. just focus on your aim--and make sure your grip is looser. you’re gonna snap that string in no time otherwise.”

“loose grip, focus on aim,” tommy breathed and she patted his shoulder as he turned back to the target ahead of him. he hoisted the bow up slowly and pulled the string back just enough that it wasn’t fully taut. he made sure his aim was a little higher than his target, and released the whizzing arrow. the arrow pierced just outside of the center ring.

“perfect,” y/n smiled. “now, do it again.” and he did, taking another deep breath and allowing himself to focus in on the feel of the rough wood on his fingertips, and the tight string he was pulling. the arrow hit just beside his last. she nodded encouragingly. “keep going.”

tommy could feel his heart start to thump in his chest from the excitement of his accurate aim. he took another calming breath and watched as the arrow lodged closer to the center.

“great aim,” she complimented and he grinned as he pulled another one back, trying to contain his shaking as he aimed. the arrow shot lower than his previous, but on the target nonetheless. “still a good shot. one more?”

“yeah,” tommy nodded, licking his dry lips as he retrieved another arrow from his quiver. heart still thumping with utter excitement and pride at y/n complimentary words, he quickly released the arrow and his smile dropped as the arrow lodged into the ground before the target.

“hey, that’s fine!” y/n assured as tommy groaned and dropped his head. “four in a row is an amazing improvement, tommy. you should take a break and reward yourself.”

tommy sighed, looking to the shameful arrow. “yeah. alright.” he dropped the bow to the ground along with his quiver. he looked to his slightly splintered fingers. “im gonna go.. wash up.”

“alright,” y/n smiled as tommy scampered away. she entered into the open kitchen, smiling at her guests. “you boys doing alright?”

they nodded. “when did you take up parenting, y/n?” george giggled. she rolled her eyes as she went to pour her and tommy their own glasses of lemonade. “no, seriously! you care for that kid a lot, it-it’s not a bad thing!”

she sighed, leaning against her counter as she sipped at her lemonade. “i know you two haven’t always agreed with him in the past, but i think tommy’s a good kid. i like his ethic, and i think he has a lot of potential. but that being said..” she shook her head. “he’s so young.” the boys nodded. “he’s been thrown into such a life of chaos and destruction, and im not saying he’s at all innocent, but.. i think it’s good for him to learn that there’s more to this world than just war and enemies. there’s...”

“neutral,” sapnap finished for her. she let out a laugh.

“yeah, neutral,” she agreed, tapping her fingers against her cold glass. “but, yeah, if teaching him peace and self care is motherly of me..” she shrugged. “then i guess im alright with being a parent.”

“that’s sweet,” sapnap nodded. “i hate it.” the three of them laughed, y/n laying a light slap on the man’s arm before tommy’s voice called out to her.

“y/n! can i have some help?”

“im coming!” she called back, setting down her glass of lemonade.

“go help your poor son,” george teased, resting his head in his hand as he gazed at y/n amusedly. she rolled her eyes.

“behave, you two,” she laughed before leaving the kitchen.

there was a moment of silence before george spoke, “i do think it’s quite sweet how y/n’s taken tommy in. i think it’s good for both of them.”

“you say that now,” sapnap sighed, leaning back in his chair. “but just wait until tommy’s back to feeling 100% and y/n’s going around saying “pog” all the time.”

tag list!! @vanhakirja @victory-is-here @inkyynki @airiour @sylum @kiritokunuwu @221bee-slytherin @bllatrixcarpnter @soullesstaco @stxrryb1tch @amibismexy @keiarma @akaichi-blog @runningoffofcaffeine @nonetookind @aquilla-favonia @feverish-dove @izuruamme @weeb-bb @bialin @justachillbisexual @kiritokunuwu @natalie-is-a-wall comment below or message me if you would like to be added <3

[dickwheelie]

jmart first kiss? mayhapse in an au?

another merperson au, only this time Martin gets to be the monster!

______________

Jon was frankly shocked with how quickly Martin had taken to him. He knew he was hardly the most appealing of people, and wasn't sure what a human would see in him, let alone a merperson. But when he'd chanced upon Martin, sunning himself on the rocks by the beach where Jon often took his morning walks, it didn't take them long to strike up a sort of . . . rapport. Jon had been more than a little starstruck, distracted by the light reflecting off Martin's lovely blue scales, but he must have managed to say something right, because Martin had asked if he might find him on that beach again, sometime soon.

So, two days later, Jon was keeping his promise, heading back towards the beach from town where he'd picked up some breakfast for them both. He wasn't sure what Martin would like, or even really what he ate, so he'd brought some of everything: fruit, meat, fish, bread and cheese, and some pastries for good measure. He was a little nervous, which was silly, because this was only their second meeting, and it was hardly a date. Still, the thought of seeing Martin's dark, pretty eyes again made Jon wish he'd worn a slightly nicer outfit.

When Jon arrived at the rocky outcropping, Martin was already there, lounging on his side and letting the waves crash over his tail as he stared out at the sea before him, much the same as he'd found him two days ago. He really was stunning, Jon thought; his dark skin, dotted with freckles, shone in the pink morning light, his cloud of hair all but dried in the sea breeze, his magnificently long, broad tail almost glowing in the sun. He looked like a king surveying his kingdom.

And then, as Jon began to climb the rocks to join him, Martin looked down at him and a smile broke across his face, bright as the light coming off his scales. Jon could see that his mouth was filled with razor-sharp teeth. "Jon!" he called, and Jon, panting a bit, waved back as he crested the rockface. "You came. I didn't think . . ."

"Of course I came," Jon said, a tad breathlessly, depositing his bag of food and sitting down next to Martin. The seaspray up here was welcome but constant, and he set about untying his boots to let his feet get wet. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"You didn't have to," Martin said. "Most people don't. It's not exactly convenient." He gestured at the secluded area around them.

"It was no trouble. I live close by this beach and it's very beautiful, here." Jon glanced over at Martin, trying not to appear too smitten. "And I really enjoyed our talk. After I left the other day, I kept thinking about you. I couldn't wait to see you again." Jon forced himself to stop talking; he had a sinking suspicion he'd said too much already.

Martin was staring at him with those pretty eyes of his, his expression soft and intrigued. "I had a really nice time too, Jon."

"I, ah--I brought breakfast," Jon burst out, and pulled his bag over to show Martin what was inside. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so . . . I got a bit of everything. Take whatever you like, please."

Martin eagerly examined the goods, eventually choosing a trout, which he ate whole and raw, and several oranges, which he used his sharp claws to peel in record time. Jon tucked into the bread and cheese and a few of the pastries. He and Martin shared the oranges, passing slices back and forth, as they continued their conversation from before almost seamlessly.

It was remarkably easy, talking to Martin, and fascinating as well; Jon had never properly met a merperson before and Martin had so many stories to tell. He was eager, too, to hear about Jon's life as a human, but Jon suspected that was merely polite interest.

Before Jon knew it, they'd nearly emptied the bag of food and the morning had all but passed. Jon had errands to run and work to do, but he didn't want to leave Martin's side. Up here, on the soaked rocks with the sea stretched out before him, with such lovely company, Jon couldn't recall feeling so at home before.

"I should go," Jon said at last, trying not to sound as morose as he felt.

"Oh," said Martin, shoulders drooping in disappointment. He peered closely at Jon's face. "You have to," he said, a statement, not a question.

"Yes. Unfortunately." Jon slung his bag over his shoulder, and reached for his boots. "But listen, this was--this was very nice, and we should do it again soon."

"Tomorrow?" said Martin, perking up a bit.

It was so soon, but Jon's stomach fluttered in excited anticipation. "Ah--y-yes. Tomorrow is good. If that's alright with you?"

Martin grinned wide, and there was another flash of two rows of sharp, white teeth. "Tomorrow, then." And, before Jon could finish lacing his first boot, Martin leaned in close and kissed him, careful but insistent, on the cheek. He kept his mouth closed, mindful of his teeth, but Jon nearly jumped out of his skin in surprise anyway, and Martin pulled away almost at once.

"Oh, Jon, I'm sorry--I-I thought--" Martin looked horribly embarrassed, biting his lip nervously with one of his fangs.

Jon's face, he imagined, was probably about the same color the sunrise had been, but he shook his head repeatedly. "No, no, Martin, it's alright--" He leaned back towards Martin and took his clawed hands, wanting to reassure. "You--you caught me by surprise, is all. I--that was--" Jon made a little noise of frustration--words!--and instead leaned forward and pressed his lips to Martin's.

He felt Martin go still against him, but after a second or two he relaxed, leaning into the kiss and wrapping his arms around Jon's waist. Jon felt something damp and scaly against his legs, and when he opened an eye, he saw Martin's tail winding around them, the bright blue standing out beautifully against Jon's dark skin.

Though Jon had initiated the kiss, Martin quickly took charge, pressing himself insistently close and putting his teeth to good use by nipping at Jon's lip in a way that made his legs go weak. Jon couldn't recall ever being kissed so thoroughly before, and for a few minutes he happily lost himself in it, basking in Martin's careful attention, until they both had to come up for air. Or, at least, Jon did; he wondered, in the back of his mind, whether Martin needed to breathe, or if his gills took care of it for him.

Martin pressed one last closed-mouth kiss to Jon's lips, and began untangling himself. "You should get going," he said, sweetly and perhaps a bit self-assuredly.

"Right," said Jon, looking down at his one unlaced boot, dangling precariously from his foot. He tied it carefully, and then moved on to the other one, as Martin looked on curiously.

"That must get so annoying," said Martin.

"It rather does," Jon said, and, feeling bold, pressed another kiss to Martin's cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, then?"

Sharp fangs made their appearance again, standing out against an adoring expression. "See you tomorrow, Jon."

[lovely-ateez]

Broken Strings~

ꕥPosted: 7/20/21

ꕥGenre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, College!au, Rockstar!au

ꕥPairing: Fem!Reader x Rockstar!Yunho

ꕥWord Count: 10k+

ꕥWarnings (please read all!!): Yunho’s ex is an absolute asshat, death threats towards both Yunho and reader, mention of knives used as weapons, San is a bisexual king (happy late pride month), unprotected pool sex/public sex (no one is around but I guess it still counts), masturbation (f), foul language, mentions of alcohol intake, reader is mentioned to have dark brown eyes several times which you can just ignore if you have different colored eyes ofc, mentions of a restraining order against an ex, please let me know if I missed something!!

ꕥTag List: @cappujinho @bobateastay @nevieatiny 

ꕥA/N: The song lyrics are ones that I wrote myself specifically for this au and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous about posting it. I know there isn’t any tune or anything, but hopefully it sounds like a real song someone might sing. Also I’m not writing angst for a while after this holy shit I’ve been crying too much over this I’m emotional okay

“Date night! Date night! Date night!” I grabbed my boyfriend’s arm, bouncing on my toes.

Yunho raised a hand to cover his ear, scrunching his face, “Babe, I love you, but I think you’ve deafened me.”

I pouted at his tone and crossed my arms, “You’re such a grump.”

“Oh whatever.” He smiled, “You ready?”

I smiled at him and nodded.

Ever since his band, Sidekick Heart, began to pick up traction, he had less free time and our full-day dates once a week soon became date nights every few weeks. Most of his time was spent writing songs, producing them, and practicing endlessly. The fact that he had a tour coming up soon just meant he had even less spare time. I was happy for him, of course, but I couldn’t hide my disappointment that he was leaving.

In middle school, he and three of his friends formed a band for fun, which they kept with all throughout high school. They got good, really good and almost right after they graduated they were signed by a label. Now, three years later, they’d already released two albums and one EP and earned enough money to make a living, which was why Yunho dropped out of college a month ago. Since he had steady career path, he saw no reason to continue and decided to focus on music. He still visited me at college whenever he got the chance, but his visits were becoming more and more sporadic.

We started dating freshman year of college. We had our difficulties as most couples do, but everyday I thanked the stars for pairing us together. I met him on the first day of French class, a day I know I could never forget, no matter how how our future played out.

I sat my backpack on the table in front of me, looking around the empty classroom. I was ten minutes early, so I wasn’t surprised about the lack of students. It was a bit unlikely for me to be so early, but I wasn’t able to sleep the night before and so I had extra time to get ready. With nothing else to do, I took out my phone, reading some missed text messages.

I heard the door open and my head tilted upwards, meeting eyes with a fluffy-haired brunet. He shyly smiled at me and I returned the gesture. The man took a seat in the front row across from me, only a few chairs in between us. I found it cute that he liked to sit in the front of the classroom, too. Very few people did. He turned away from me to place his backpack on the floor and take out a few books. I took the opportunity to look at him. He was attractive, for sure. His short sleeved solid black shirt followed his movements, tattoos peaking through his top. The shirt itself tucked was into ripped jeans, his black shoes matching the outfit, along with various accoutrements. His look was uncommon for college students, most just wore sweatpants with with a casual shirt. I thanked myself for dressing nice that day.

I tilted my head to get a better look at his side profile. He was so handsome that I seemed to forget I was staring. I couldn’t help but get caught up in him, not realizing that I was no longer being subtle.

He spoke without moving to face me, “You’re pretty cute, too.”

“I-I what?” My eyes widened, realizing I’d been caught.

He turned, a charming smile on his face, “You aren’t exactly discreet.”

I took a breath, trying to form a coherent sentence, “Well...can you blame me?”

He pursed his lips, trying to hide a smile, “I appreciate the compliment. What’s your name?”

I hesitated before answering him, which brought a full smile to his face. He moved closer to me before holding out his hand for me to shake. I grabbed his hand and shook it, trying to keep my hands steady. His hand was soft, clearly he took care of himself.

“I’m Yunho.”

I smiled, observing the way he lit up as he turned my hand, placing a delicate kiss on my skin. I felt my face heat up and averted my eyes. Yunho chuckled as he released my hand. Both of us looked up at the sound of the door opening, a group of students entered, followed by a lady who I presumed to be the teacher.

Yunho looked at me, “Meet me after class?”

I nodded, biting my lip as I felt excitement build in my stomach, wanting nothing more than for class to end as soon as possible.

The instant the teacher ended her lecture she left with the rest of the students, who were talking among themselves. My eyes flickered to Yunho to find him looking back at me, his backpack now thrown over his shoulders.

“You have any classes after this?” He asked in a nonchalant manner. Later he confessed to me that he was far more nervous than he appeared, claiming that he fell in love with me at first sight.

I finished placing my notebook in my bag, zipping it up and putting the straps over my arms, “Yeah, unfortunately. I’ve got World Politics in ten minutes.” 

“Aww damn. I was hoping we could grab some food.” He reached into his pants’ pocket, pulling out his phone, “Maybe I could get your number instead and we could meet up later?” He wasn’t pushy or demanding, simply asking.

I nodded quickly, “I’d like that, Yunho.”

He suddenly became more shy, the tips of his ears dusting a beautiful shade of pink, “I like the way you say my name.”

I giggled, trying to hide my own shyness. I took his phone and entered my number, really hoping that he would text me. As if he read my mind, he confirmed what I was thinking.

“I’ll text you,” He looked at me with sparkling eyes before shaking his head, like he was pulled back to reality, “Oh uh...you should probably get to class.“ He raised a hand, somewhat awkwardly scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah I probably should. I’ll see you around?”

He smiled, “I’ll see ya.”

-

It wasn’t long before he texted me, and it made my heart flutter that he kept his word. A day later we met up, grabbing ice cream and getting to know each other. He was a dance major and had to practically beg his parents to let him pursue dance. In return they said he had to repay them with getting straight A’s. He had one younger brother who was possibly the biggest baseball fan to ever exist, he roomed with three men he’d been friends with since kindergarten, and he absolutely adored my brown eyes.

“They’re just beautiful.” Yunho gushed, “Both times I’ve seen you they just sparkle and shine like they’ve got their own little galaxies in them. I’ve never seen anyone with such genuine, kind eyes.”

I let out a girly laugh at the compliment and covered my mouth with a hand, “You’re really trying to flatter me, aren’t you?”

“Depends. Is it working?” He laughed as he propped his head on one of his hands, leaning closer to me in the booth we were sitting in. We’d finished our ice cream long ago, now shamelessly flirting and getting lost in each other.

“It might be.”

“Well I do mean it. I’m not only trying to flatter you.”

The ringing of his phone caught our attention. He smiled apologetically and reached for the device. He sighed, reading the contact name and looking back up at me.

“I’m sorry I’ve gotta take this. It’s one of my roommates and it’s entirely possible they’ve set the house on fire.”

I laughed, “It’s okay, go ahead.”

Yunho excused himself as he answered the call, walking outside. I took a look around the shop we were in, smiling at all the decorations when I noticed a woman sitting alone, eating ice cream and staring at me. Her eyes were such an ice blue that they made her intimidating, to say the least. I wasn’t too surprised, I’d dressed nice and all throughout the day I’d been getting looks. Taking it as a compliment I smiled at her and waited for Yunho to return.

“So good news,” He started as he sat back down in the booth, running a hand through his hair, which was way more attractive than it should’ve been, “They haven’t burnt down the apartment, but San—he’s one of my roommates—his car ran out of gas a few miles away from here so I’ve gotta go help him. Can I drive you back to your own apartment first?”

“Oh no, I don’t want to worry you.” I waved a hand, “I can have a friend pick me up.”

He nodded, “If you’re more comfortable with that, sure, but I’d rather drive you home, if that’s okay.”

I nodded, walking with him as he guided me out to his car. We had our first kiss when he dropped me off, leaving me with the promise of another date, and he delivered. Time and time again he proved he truly cared about me, which inevitably led to a relationship.

We heard a loud crashing in the basement of the house and Yunho let out a frustrated groan, “Oh god it’s happening again.”

He walked over to the basement door, opening it and sighing at the loud yells emitting from below.

“What is it this time?” Yunho shouted.

Wooyoung’s voice rung out, “San won’t let me use the controller!”

The man in front of me placed a hand over his eyes, over the situation entirely, “You’re still fighting over that game?”

“Crash Bandicoot waits for no man!”

“San let him have the controller or I’ll come down there and I’ll beat both of your asses!” Yunho shut the door, giving me a tired smile and walking back to me, “You’d think we would’ve outgrown this stage by now. I’d fire them both and hire a new bassist and drummer if I could.”

“Okay that’s an absolute lie, and you say that like you’re any better. I saw you arguing with Seonghwa over the last bag of chips yesterday.”

He pointed a finger at me, not trying to hide the smile on his face, “Okay that was absolutely valid. I bought those and they were mine.”

I smirked. “My point still stands.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, changing the subject, “How about after our date I sing you a couple of our new songs?” He leaned closer, his lips barely grazing my ear, “I wrote a few about you.”

I pulled back from him, feeling warmth spread in my chest. “Really? You did?”

Yunho wrapped an arm around my waist, “How could I not? You’re always my inspiration.”

I let out a string of incoherent gibberish which prompted the most adorable eye smiles from my boyfriend. I felt too honored to put my emotions into words.

“Go on.” Yunho motioned to the front door, “Grab your purse and head out to my car. I’ll let the guys know we’re going and I’ll meet you outside.”

I gave him a salute, “You got it cap’n!”

His eyes warmed, “God, I love you.”

“I know!” I teased before I grabbed my purse and skipped out of the house. The sun would be setting soon and I admired the several hues that were painted within the sky. I sat on the hood of his car, swinging my feet as I saw him walk out of the house.

“So where exactly are we going?” I tilted my head, looking forward to his response.

“Well I’ve got a couple ideas.” He held up his long fingers and counted off on them, “We could go bowling, or we could have a late night picnic, or maybe...” He moved closer, placing his hands on either side of me with a mischievous grin, “We could go swimming.”

My face lit up, “I haven’t been swimming in forever!”

“I know, that’s why I recommended it.” He laughed, “Let’s break into the swimming pool downtown. It’s definitely closed by now so we can be alone.”

I raised my brows at his words, a smile widening on my face, “Don’t we need to bring swimsuits, though?”

Yunho grinned at me and moved a hand to ruffle my hair, “Nope. We’re going without ‘em.” He lifted me off his car, “Hop in, babe.”

-

We approached the fence with our hands interlocked, a new message greeting us. A red and black sign with the words ‘No Trespassing’ was attached haphazardly to one of the metal wires looped through the fence surrounding the pool.

Yunho tsked, “Aw that’s cute. Like that’s gonna keep us out. This is basically our pool anyways.” 

I laughed, both of us knowing full well there was no method of security beyond the sign and fence. The pool had never installed security cameras and after word spread that the owner had a fear of advancing technology, we had no worry of being caught.

He cupped his hands, holding them out for me to step on. I placed my foot on his hands as he lifted me up, helping me scale the fence. I stepped back, feeling a thrill as Yunho jumped over. It was probably the fourth or fifth time we’d done this, but each time was just as exciting. We walked over to the edge of the pool, its light blue water and the dark blue of the sunset opposing one another but making a beautiful visual.

“Alright, off we go.” Yunho’s fingers danced to the hem of my shirt, then pulling it off and ridding me of the layer of clothing. He pressed several kisses to the exposed skin, making me shiver.

Yunho then pulled back from me, slowly removing his shirt and giving me a teasing look when he caught me staring at his abs, “I look good, don’t I?”

“Shut up,” I laughed, lightly slapping his strong, tattooed arm before removing my skirt, enjoying the way my boyfriend’s eyes devoured me. I returned the action when I saw him remove his jeans, something he was clearly enjoying as well.

I turned back to the pool only to be thrown over Yunho’s shoulders. He let out a string of laughs as I struggled to get down, fearing that he would throw me into the water.

“If you throw me into the pool I’ll kill you!” I laughed, squirming on his shoulders.

“No...I would never do something like that.” I wasn’t even facing him, but I could hear the smile in his voice, which was my only indication that he was about to throw me into pool.

Before I could try to make any sort of escape, he tossed me into the water. It was cold, but less cold than I expected it to be. I coughed up a bit of water as I resurfaced and when I opened my eyes I squinted at Yunho, annoyed at how attractive he looked with the evil smirk on his face.

“You’re a jerk.” I said with no venom behind my words.

“Yeah, yeah. Brace yourself I’m coming in.”

I barely had time to move before he jumped in, his legs tucked to his chest. “Cannonball!”

I moved my hands in front of my face to block the wave of water coming my way, not feeling any surprise about my boyfriend’s childish behavior. When he resurfaced he faced me with a smile, wading towards me, embracing me in his arms, and wrapping my legs around his waist. He was so tall that he could reach the bottom of the pool without having to swim, unlike me, where I was no near reaching the bottom and needed to swim in place. With a satisfied hum he pressed several wet kisses to my neck.

“I love you,” he mumbled, his voice muffled by my skin.

“I love you too, babe.” I hesitated before I said my next words, still overwhelmed at how strong my feelings were for him, “You’re the love of my life.”

He pulled back with a bright smile on his face, his eyes shining almost as if he was tearing up, “I knew you were the love of my life the moment I saw you. And you’re all mine.” Yunho said before he placed a delicate kiss to my lips.

“All yours, babe.”

His long fingers danced along my sides, grabbing at my hips as he began to attack my chest with kisses. I giggled as the feeling of his stubble tickled my skin.

“You know, you really ‘oughta shave before you get a full beard.”

“Why? Are you saying I wouldn’t look good with one?”

I cupped his face, “You’d look amazing with one, but I thought you didn’t like beards, babe?”

“Hate ‘em.” Yunho’s laugh echoed around us, “Really weird that men can grow them in the first place. But anyways...”

His hands made quick work of my bra, letting it sink to the bottom of the pool. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could his mouth latched to my right nipple, sucking and nipping on it in a way that made my hands seek out his hair and tug harshly at his locks. Letting out a growl, Yunho placed one hand on the the pool wall for balance and the other on my back, drawing abstract shapes there.

Yunho moved to my other nipple, giving it the same treatment and smiling when he heard my moans. In a flash he removed his hand from my back and pressed me against the pool wall, his hand now traveling to my panties.

As he removed the final item of clothing he ran a finger over my clit, giggling to himself. I gave him a look and he clarified, “Babe, you’re wet enough to fill an entire swimming pool.”

I groaned, pressing my head into his chest, “You make that same god awful joke every time we come here.”

“And as such I couldn’t let tradition die.”

“Shut up and fuck me.” I laughed, promptly helping him out of his boxers.

He continued to tease me after, switching between playing with my clit and stretching me out with his long fingers. By the time he finally gave in, I was a whimpering, pathetic mess, begging for more.

As he aligned with my walls he looked at me with delicate eyes, “Ready, little flower?”

I nodded quickly, chanting ‘yes’ over and over. Yunho once again placed a hand on the wall and hooked one of my legs over his waist, allowing him to thrust deeper inside me. He held my hand with his free one, a simple action that always melted my heart. Despite how long we’d been together, I would always get overwhelmed by him so easily. Everything about him exuded such a strong aura that sometimes just the smallest kiss would leave me breathless. The first time we were intimate he took his hand in mine and assured me he would be gentle, and every time since he’s held my hand. It wouldn’t feel right without our hands together.

“Shit—it’s been way too long since we’ve done this.” I said as he snapped his hips into mine, quickly repeating the action.

“God I know.” He let out a pained groan at the thought of it, “Four months is gonna be fucking awful without you.”

“Guess we’ll have to make do with what we’ve got now.”

“Guess we will.”

The sounds of water splashing and the echos of our moans, a symphony I had become so familiar with, was gradually reaching its crescendo. It was getting harder to keep my eyes open but I forced them to be, needed to memorize everything about this moment. The sweat dripping down Yunho’s forehead, the tattooed muscles he was flexing, the sounds and praise he was emitting, and pleasure we were both feeling--I wouldn’t see nor feel this for the next four months.

A particular snap of his hips had me seeing stars and I called out to him, letting him know I was close. Within minutes, both of us were panting and reeling from our highs. Yunho pressed his nose against mine and both of us closed our eyes, enjoying each other’s presence.

“How come every time we come here it ends in sex?” I giggled.

He blinked and moved a strand of wet hair out of my face, “Because you’re hot and barely wearing any clothes and no one’s around.”

I blushed at his compliment, “I mean like I’m not complaining or anything.”

A cocky smile formed on Yunho’s face, “Well it certainly didn’t sound like you were a moment ago.”

“Yunho!”

The man laughed, lifting me up and spinning me around in the pool before cradling me in his arms.

“I hate to say it, but we do need to head back. The world awaits for us, I’m afraid.”

I sighed, pressing into his chest, “I’m gonna miss you.”

He stilled as he pulled me closer, “I’m gonna miss you, too. You don’t have to miss me yet, though.”

“I know.” I swallowed, wishing I had something more to say.

“Come on, then.” Yunho gave me a quick kiss, “Let’s head back.”

-

Yunho held the front door open for me, giving me a gentle slap on my ass when I walked through. I turned around and gave him a playfully annoyed look, which he only laughed at.

As we walked towards the living room, the sound of a random sitcom filled our ears. Six heads turned our way after hearing our footsteps. Seonghwa was resting his head against his long-time girlfriend. She was a sweet girl and complimented him more than any woman I’d seen him with. They really were soulmates, if they ever existed.

San was sitting holding hands with a man he’d been interested in for awhile. I’d often see him flirting with various men and women, but he never went any further than that, too afraid of commitment. This man; however, seemed to breaking through San’s walls. I really hoped they would work out, San deserved someone as kind as him.

Wooyoung sat across from the them, who acknowledged us first.

“Hey guys. Have fun?” Wooyoung asked, smiling at my soaked hair. He had his arm around a woman I’d never seen before and I was certain that none of us would ever see her again. He had the reputation of a playboy, and every poor woman thought they’d be the one exception, the one to make him stay. I’m sure the allure of being a drummer in a band was part of his appeal, too. Maybe one day, like San, he’d settle down.

The woman became visibly upset when Wooyoung looked me with a teasing glance. Feeling sympathy for her, I decided to do my best to calm her nerves.

I spoke for us, linking hands with my boyfriend. “Yeah, we did. I think we’re gonna go clean up though.” I looked at the woman, “I’m y/n, by the way. I’m Yunho’s girlfriend.”

She didn’t even try to hide the relief on her face. “Oh! I’m Solar. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah,” Wooyoung started, “Best girlfriend he’s ever had. Much better for him than Lucy.”

Yunho glared at the man, “Thought we agreed not to bring her up?”

Lucy, the woman Yunho dated before me, was arguably the scariest person I’d ever heard about. They dated for roughly three months before she became obsessive, to the point where Yunho had to get a restraining order against her. She threatened to hurt all of Yunho’s friends and family, all because she wanted Yunho all to herself. That was about all Yunho ever told me about her. Not that I complained. I didn’t exactly want to discuss his exes, even more so when they were that crazy.

I never told him, but I knew I saw her the first date we went on. I could see the way her piercing, ice eyes saw through me. I had no doubt it was her. I just hope I’d never see her again. Maybe now that she saw he was taken she’d leave us alone. There was an uncomfortable silence following, none of us knowing what to say until San spoke.

“You look like a wet dog, Yunho.” San joked, prompting laughter from a few of us, which seemed like more of a noise of relief rather than one of actual humor.

“Yeah, yeah.” My boyfriend relaxed his shoulders, “I think we’re gonna head in for the night so don’t make too much noise.” Waving them goodbye he caught up with me, placing a hand around my waist.

“Shower with me, doll.”

I placed a hand on his chest, “I would love to.”

-

I came out of the shower wearing my favorite large shirt of Yunho’s, drying my wet hair with a towel. The smell of chlorine had gone away for the most part; whatever chemicals the owner put in that pool always made the smell harder to get rid of. Only a small price to pay, I figured.

My boyfriend, who was much quicker than I was, looked up from his phone as he was splayed out across his bed. His tired eyes smiled at me while motioning me over. Yunho’s own hair was still drying and with his bare face and crooked smile, he was as handsome as he could ever be.

“Hey there.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” He reached an arm out to me, pulling me against him when I took his hand, “How ya feeling?”

“Tired.” I hummed, sleepily smiling against his neck.

“Too tired to listen to the song I wrote for you?”

“No! Not at all.”

Yunho chuckled, slowly brushing my hair aside and turning his head to look at me. As he had countless times, he took a breath before he turned to me, beginning to sing.

“You give me fireworks

I’ll give you the kindest words, my dear

Your love caught me

The moment I met your eyes

And how could I not fall?

Your heart bared, no disguise”

I fought to stay awake although his melodic voice seemed to be lulling me to sleep. I felt myself losing consciousness, but managed to catch the last few lyrics he sang to me.

“Now I sunbathe in the daybreak

Half asleep, half awake

Writing this song

As I hope I’ll dream of you”

Yunho brushed his fingertips brush against my face before he spoke, “Goodnight, flower.”

I muttered some form of a “goodnight” before I felt sleep take over me, nuzzling happily against my boyfriend.

-

I woke up in a panic, unsure why my heart was beating so fast until I looked at the clock. Eleven in the morning. I was an hour later than I should’ve been at my job. It seemed that even unconscious my body knew I was late.

“Oh shit I’m gonna be late for work!” I spoke with wide eyes.

Jumping from Yunho’s bed I stripped myself of his shirt and quickly threw my clothes on. The body that laid beside me stirred, moving the covers aside.

“Are you leaving?” He asked sleepily, his face puffy from sleep and an adorable pout on his lips.

I frowned, “Yeah. I’m sorry we didn’t get to spend more time together, babe.”

He shook his head, “Don’t worry about it. Both of us slept in.”

I tied my hair back, sighing. I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed Yunho’s question.

“Sorry what was that?”

He smiled, “You’re coming to our going away party tomorrow, right?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I moved back to the bed and hugged him, feeling my heart sink. I was proud of him, I really was, yet couldn’t help but feel sad that I wouldn’t see him for so long.

This was the longest tour they’d ever gone on and we’d never been apart from each other that long before. I trusted him and I was confident in our relationship, but realistically, all members of Sidekick Heart were attractive young men and a good portion of their fans were female. I was far more concerned about the female audience doing something than I was about Yunho making a move on another woman.

With one last squeeze of his shoulders I pulled back, goodbyes beginning to fall from my lips before Yunho pulled me back.

“I need a goodbye kiss.”

I pressed my lips together with a smile, gladly indulging him. Giving him one last kiss against the lips, I bid him farewell until the following day.

-

“So how was work?” My roommate asked as I walked in the house, propping her feet up on our couch and tossing a kernel of corn into her mouth, the lighting of the TV illuminating her blanket-covered body.

I sighed, sitting down on the floor next to her, “Other than being an hour and a half late and missing an important meeting I think it went okay. I’m just glad the day’s over.” Rubbing a hand over my face I turned to her, “What about you? How was your day?”

“Pretty damn good actually.” She smiled, removing the blanket and showing me the new ink on her upper arm. It was an assortment of flowers and matched her bubbly personality perfectly. They were now the fifth adornment on her beautiful dark skin, each one of them tempting me more and more to get a few of my own.

“Another one already, Tiff?”

“Listen, you’ll know how addicting they get as soon as you get your first.”

“You sound so confident that I will.”

“Oh I know you will. You’re dating a rockstar, after all. Not to mention he’s the goddamn lead singer and has tattoos of his own.”

“Shut up.” I giggled, “Speaking of, are you coming to the farewell party tomorrow?”

“I plan on it, but I’ll probably be there a couple hours late. My dad’s flying into town for the weekend so I plan on visiting first. I’m definitely coming though.”

I hummed, “Yeah, don’t worry too much about it. We all know it’ll go till sunrise anyway.”

She let out a loud laugh, likely remembering the last party of theirs we went to where she ended up more drunk than I’d ever seen her. She claims she remembers flashes of the night; playing strip beer pong and being dared to steal one of the neighbor’s bushes—which, after much convincing from those who were sober, she decided against it—but didn’t recall half of the hilarious memories of her the rest of us did. Personally, my favorite was watching her hold a tomato soup can and cry over the fact that it could never have children.

Tiff let out a yawn as she stretched her arms above her head, turning in my direction. Her words were muffled by her yawn as she spoke, “Imma go to bed now. You good before I go?”

I smiled at her, “Yeah I’m good. I won’t stay up too much longer, just need to go through my nightly routine of looking at the stars, ya know, the usual.”

She nodded, wrapping the blanket around her and heading to her bedroom, “Sleep well, babe. I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Back at ya.”

It was a habit of mine, gazing at the night sky before sleeping. It gave me comfort knowing that out there, somewhere, there was something else out there with me. Almost like I wasn’t going through everything alone.

I set my purse down when I reached our kitchen, reaching for a tea pot and tea bags, brainlessly brewing my favorite tea as I thought of what Yunho might be doing right now. It was probably most likely that he was practicing for their tours, but I could only hope he was getting a little bit of rest.

I stepped out onto our porch to look at the stars with a cup of tea in my hands, the night sky twinkling with all the stars it could offer. A slight breeze rustled my hair and I closed my eyes, thankful for the pleasant weather. I heard a sudden snap of a branch and my eyes quickly opened as I searched out property for any sign of an aggressive animal. My eyes finally landed on a human-like figure. Feeling adrenaline run though me, I decided to confront whoever or whatever it was.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” I spoke, my voice loud but not quite a yell.

The figure took off it’s hood to show their face, and I saw a familiar pair of ice blue eyes, though I hadn’t seen them in years, “I’m here to see you, of course.”

My brain quickly connected her to the woman I hoped I’d never see again.

Lucy.

“Well I don’t want to see you. Leave.”

She pressed a hand to her chest, feigning offense, “But I came all this way! Just to...say hello.”

I took a step towards her, hoping that if I appeared confrontational she would leave me alone. “I don’t know who you are, now please leave. I’m not going to say it again.”

“Oh, you poor girl. You really think you have the upper hand?” She pulled out a knife, and walked towards me at impressive speed, pointing the weapon at my throat. “I know you’ve been seeing Yunho. I. Don’t. Like. That.” She emphasized every word of the last sentence, anger woven within her voice.

I wanted to fight back. Everything in me was screaming to fight back, but I knew I had no chance. I had no idea what she was capable of, and I didn’t dare to find out.

“I dated him first and he’s still mine. You’re going to break up with him, you hear me?” She screamed in my ear, the sound shaking me to my core, “I never want to see you near him again.” She grabbed my jaw harshly, forcing my eyes to lock with hers. “I bet he doesn’t even love you.”

My eyes watered. I knew she was wrong, but with the adrenaline coursing through my veins and the harshness of her words I began to doubt myself.

Her grip tightened and I let out a yelp, “He loves me and I love him. He’s always loved me, not you. Why would he ever love a thing like you?”

She then threw me to the ground, towering over me, “Break up with him. Make him hate you. If you don’t,” She squatted down next to me, once more pointing the knife at my throat, “I’ll kill him myself and make you watch. Then,” She cocked her head, a crazed smile plastered on her face, “I’ll kill you. If I can’t have him, no one can.” She stood, smirking at me, “And you know I will.”

She kicked me in the stomach, watching as I crawled into myself, groaning from the pain. I closed my eyes, hoping she wouldn’t hurt me any more than she already had.

“I’ll be watching you at the party tomorrow. Do it then. Break his heart. I’ll kill him then and there if you don’t.” She looked down at me and scoffed, “And I’ll be bringing friends to make sure the job gets done.”

I carefully opened my eyes to see her stepping over me, walking back into the darkness from which she came. I scrambled back into my house, hyperventilating from the interaction I just had.

I spent the night crying, not able to sleep even for a minute. I tried to think rationally, but there were just too many variables. How many ‘friends’ was she bringing? Would she really kill Yunho in front of everyone? Where would she be watching me from? Is she watching me now?

I could text or call Yunho to let him know, but where would we go from there? He’d want to meet me and she’d kill him instantly. Right?

“Maybe I could pull him aside at the party and warn him?” I murmured to myself, “No, she could probably see that. Maybe there’s people actually at the party who are looking out for us, too.” I covered my face with my hands and fell back into my pillows, weeping as I knew I had to break up with the love of my life.

-

Choosing to wear a yellow dress honestly couldn’t have been more ironic. Yellow was supposed to be a happy color. A color of hope and yearning, innocence and warm days full of laughter. It was the complete antithesis of how I felt and what I knew I had to do. Even worse, the weather was perfect. It was sunny, but not so much to make it unbearable outside. Everything about today made my insides twist.

I took a breath at the door of Yunho’s house, bracing myself for what I had to do. Knocking a few times I heard a commotion inside before the man I came to see opened the door. His smile had never been bigger.

“Baby!” He cheered, pulling me into a bear hug and ruffling my styled hair, “I’m so excited you’re here!”

He looks so ecstatic. And I have to break him.

The thought crushed me and brought tears to my eyes, but I couldn’t let him die. I knew she was serious, I didn’t doubt that for a moment. I grabbed Yunho’s arm, pulling him outside and away from everyone in the house.

I looked at the ground as I felt my lips begin to quiver, “I’m sorry. I just need to get this over with.”

Yunho bent down to meet my eyes, “Hey, hey. What’s going on sweetheart?” His voice was gentle, one of his hands coming to rub the tears from my face, “I’m here for you, whatever it is.”

I looked down, unable to look him in the eyes. I hated myself more than I’d ever hated anyone. “I don’t love you, Yunho.” My hands began to shake beyond my control, my own body knowing I was making a mistake.

“W-what?” Yunho’s voice cracked. A moment of silence passed before he let out a hollow laugh, “Baby, you don’t mean that-”

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn’t. Tears were welling in his eyes, his own hands beginning to shake.

“I said I don’t love you Yunho!” I said louder than I intended, “Not anymore. I don’t want to be with you. I’m sorry.”

He took a step back and I noticed his hands clenching, something he always did to keep himself from crying.

“If that’s what you want,” Tears fell from his eyes before he finished his sentence, “Then I’ll support your decision.” He looked to the side, not knowing what else to say.

I wanted nothing more than to throw myself in his arms and explain everything, tell him that I’ve never stopped loving him, not even for a second, but I couldn’t. Instead, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and looked at him one last time. He was so fucking handsome, so goddamn kind, and here I was doing this to him. Maybe he did deserve someone better.

“Good luck with your tour, Yunho. I know you’ll be fantastic.”

I turned and walked away from him quickly, leaving the house and ignoring the stare I could feel on me. I ran across the yard to my car, starting the engine and leaning my head against the steering wheel. I felt myself lose all oxygen in my body, the only option left to take large gasps of air. My vision was so clouded by tears I couldn’t even see anymore. I’d just lost myself along with my other half. I’d never felt as empty as I did in that moment.

Just then I heard a knocking on my window. I half-hardheartedly lifted my head and felt my heart lurch. Yunho was standing outside my car, eyes red and puffy, looking at me like I was the last person he’d ever see. I opened my car without thinking, my breathing still as uneven as before.

Yunho spoke, his voice coarse and distant, “I’m not asking you to change your mind, but I need you to know that I have always loved you and I always will. That will never change.”

I wiped the snot from my nose but didn’t bother to try and fix the mascara I knew was streaming down my face. I knew I had to look horrible, but he still held so much love for me that it was easy to see in his eyes. I fought myself to not reply, knowing that if I’d open my mouth all I’d say was ‘I love you’ over and over again.

“Is it too out of line to ask for a last hug?” He smiled sadly as more tears poured from his eyes.

I shook my head, running into his arms and embracing him. I felt like I made a mistake the moment I did because I could smell him. He was wearing the cologne I bought him for his birthday. His warm, sturdy chest...everything about him felt like home.

“Goodbye, Yunho.”

-

I arrived at home alone, tears still stinging my eyes. Tiff was nowhere to be found and I couldn’t decide if I was thankful or sad for the fact that she wasn’t there. I barely made it out to our porch before collapsing once again, finding it harder and harder to breathe. I didn’t know how long I was sitting there, it could’ve been one hour or three, but given the setting sun it looked like it was the latter. Once more I heard a noise outside our home, and once more the female figure appeared before me.

“You did good,” Lucy said, twirling her knife in her hands, “Dare I say I’m proud of you.”

“I don’t ever want to see you here again.” I cried, “I did what you want now get the fuck away from me.”

“My, my. You have quite the mouth on you, don’t you?” She tsked, “But you did as I asked, so I might as well comply. Don’t; however, think that you can go crawling back to Yunho and tell him about this. I’ll keep watching you and if you decide to do just that...I’ll follow through with my promise.”

I kept my eyes on the ground, convinced that if I looked up at her I’d attempt to rip the hair out of her head. No anger I had ever felt before could surmount to the rage I was feeling.

“Nonetheless, it was a pleasure doing business with you, miss.”

As soon as she came, she was gone. When I finally let myself look up, I could no longer see her, only darkness. Once again, I was alone.

-

Six months had passed since I broke up with Yunho and today officially made the third new date I’d went on. All of them were absolutely horrible. It wasn’t even that the guys were mean or rude or weren’t attractive, they just weren’t him.

Why am I even trying to move on?

I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes looked heavy, the bags under my eyes ever prominent. I couldn’t fool myself. I’d never be able to be with another man again. I forced myself to hold back tears and reached back to untie my hair, preparing to take a bath in hopes that it would take my mind off of things.

I began to run the warm water as I reached for several candles, lighting them and placing them around the room, trying to forget the entire day altogether. As I waited for the tub to fill I grabbed my phone, opening Instagram for no other reason than to have something to do. Although Yunho and I broke up, I still followed their band account, as well as their individual accounts. Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung were still my friends, after all. Yunho was the only exception. Both of us unfollowed each other early on just because it was too painful. I didn’t hold it against him and hoped he didn’t hold it against me either.

Regardless, my eyes found the most recent post on Sidekick Heart’s account. All four members were shirtless, their hair dripping wet with goofy smiles plastered on their faces. They were standing by a pool, the same one Yunho and I would often break into. I noticed Yunho first, how could I not? His smile wasn’t as wide as the other’s, his eyes a bit colder, but he looked happy all the same. He looked good. Really, really good. He was always fit while we were dating, but he gained more muscle since I last saw him and it didn’t go unnoticed by their fans, either. I clicked the comment section against my better judgement, knowing what I was going to see before I even did so.

“Yunho looks like a fucking goddd”

“So Yunho’s still single right??”

“Yunhooo hmu I beg you”

“Jesus Christ Yunho break me please”

A surge of jealousy rushed through me. I hated when girls said those things when we were together, but now that we were apart it made it even worse. I had no right to be jealous, and that was the worst part.

The water reached my leg that was resting on the side of the tub and I scrambled to turn off the faucet. Doing my best to push the images from my mind I placed my phone aside and stripped from my clothes, settling in the water. I sighed as some water fell out of the side of the tub. It wasn’t a terrible thing to happen, but it seemed to just be another thing to go wrong.

My eyes wandered back to my phone, Instagram still open and the picture I was looking at earlier still on display. He was so fucking hot and seeing that he was standing next to that pool—our pool—made my brain short circuit. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from taking me back to the last night we broke in, the way we teased each other and how it inevitably led to sex. It seemed I had no control over my body as my dominant hand slipped between my legs.

But as much as I wanted it to be, it wasn’t the same. My fingers weren’t as long or slender as his and just nothing about our touches were the same, but the image of him just made my hormones rage. Every ounce of me craved him.

My fingers swirled around my clit, a bundle of pleasure shooting through me at the action. I closed my eyes, letting my body take over and repeat the motions and much as I fought not to, my brain kept replaying scenes of two of us again, and again, and again.

“Such a good girl, aren’t you?” Yunho spoke as I sunk down on his dick, barely finding the energy to lift myself up again even though the noises he made were like shots of espresso.

“Aww, is my baby getting tired?” He cooed, jerking his hips into mine.

“It’s not fair!” I whined, “I’m not good at this and you know it.”

“But we wouldn’t be a good couple if we didn’t encourage each other to work hard, right? Up you go, flower.”

I whimpered and pouted, but still obeyed him. Taking pity on me, Yunho grabbed my waist and lifted me, relaxing his grip as I moved downward. I made a noise that wasn’t understood by Yunho, but it didn’t go unnoticed.

“What was that?”

“Please. More. I need you so bad.” I begged.

Yunho laughed, “I really do have you wrapped around my finger, don’t I?”

I nodded before remembering that he’d probably prefer a verbal answer, “Yes. I’m w-wrapped around your finger.”

He let out a noise of satisfaction before flipping us over into a position so that he would have full control. I grabbed the bedsheets roughly, so much in my own world that I didn’t hear Yunho’s words.

“What was that?” I let out with a series of mewls.

“You’ve got me wrapped around your finger, too, you know? I don’t go an hour without thinking about you anymore. I can’t even have a single conversation without bringing you up. Anytime someone says your name my heart beats out of my damn chest. You’re the only woman for me.”

My legs shook as my high approached, barely able to breathe at it’s intensity. It took me a minute before I could even remember where I was. As I came to my senses, I felt tears biting at my eyes and this time I didn’t bother to hold them back. I watched as they streamed down my face and joined the now-cold water surrounding me. I brought my hands up to cover my eyes, glad Tiff wasn’t home to hear my wailing. She’d been good about staying with me since the breakup, but tonight she just wasn’t here. The hole in my heart felt even deeper now. I wondered if he found someone, if he was happy now. Hell, maybe it was his ex. The thought tore my heart out and ripped it in two. I wanted to be happy for him if it was true, but I just couldn’t be. I was still too selfish. I still wanted him to love only me.

-

 New friends, new beginnings or whatever.

That’s apparently what I thought when I began attending more clubs at college after the breakup, meeting new people and eventually finding a really solid friend group. All who happened to really like punk-rock music.

“You should really go with us,” Shang directed his words at me, “There’s a new band popping up that’s playing this weekend. It’s three hours away but they have great music.” 

I sighed, not fully convinced although it did sound fun. The last concert I’d been to was one of Yunho’s and though I hadn’t even seen him in what felt like forever, I still couldn’t help myself from thinking of him anytime someone talked about concerts. Sensing my apprehension, the woman beside me spoke up.

“Road trip! Road trip! Road trip!” Tyra chanted in my ear, her black curls bouncing with her as she clapped her hands between the words. “Come on, it would be so much fun and you know it.”

I bit my lip, deep in thought. I knew I would have fun but I just didn’t know if that would outweigh the pain I would feel.

“What’s the band name?” I asked, looking at Shang.

“Honestly?” He scratched the back of his head, “I was a little drunk when I told one of my friends I’d be there so I don’t even remember what they’re called.”

“How do you know they have great music, then?” I laughed, Tyra agreeing with me, apparently not knowing who was playing when she agreed either.

“I mean, my brother listens to their music and he’s got good music taste so they’ve gotta be good.”

I closed my eyes as I felt an oncoming headache, knowing they wouldn’t accept no as an answer. “Fuck it.” I stated, “I’ll go.”

The two cheered, Shang promising that I’d enjoy myself. I doubted it, truthfully, but really it was decided that I’d go the moment the pair brought the idea up to me.

-

Our trio waded through the giant crowd as the doors opened to let us into the venue. It was big, one of the larger concerts I’ve been to. Whoever we were seeing was successful, for sure. The volume at which everyone was speaking was essentially a yell, so I had to do just that to get my messages through.

“I still can’t believe we have no fucking idea who’s playing!” I yelled at Shang.

He laughed, “I got seats towards the front row, though! I didn’t even have to pay for them!”

“That’s not gonna matter if we don’t know any of the lyrics, you dipshit!” Tyra barked.

“Okay okay I should’ve asked, I get that now.”

As we found our way towards the seats, there was a big projector with the words ‘Sidekick Heart’ displayed across it. My heart dropped and I suddenly felt it become hard to breathe.

“You got us tickets to a Sidekick Heart concert?” Tyra beamed, “I love their music and I’m practically in love with San! His vocals are insane! Holy shit, Shang!”

“Ohhhh yeah I remember now.” He chuckled.

I seemed to fade into the background as the two of them discussed their love for the band and the members. All I could think about was seeing Yunho again.

Would he see me? How would he react if he does?...Does he hate me?

I only came back to reality when the audience began to cheer and I saw all the members step onto stage. Seonghwa cradled his electric guitar, in one arm, waving at the audience with the other. Wooyoung plopped down behind the drum set, smiling at the audience while twirling a drumstick. With his bass guitar, San, ever the king of expressions, gave his best smoulder to the audience and it seemed like the audience collectively screamed over him. Then came Yunho out to center stage, his electric guitar in his hands and a smirk on his face as if he knew everyone in the damn building wanted to fuck him. And he’d be right. The spotlights on each of them made them look like actual gods. If I didn’t know them personally I would have thought they were.

Yunho leaned into the mic, his gruff voice taking me by surprise, “Hello everyone! Great to see you all! If you haven’t been to one of our concerts before this is how it’s gonna work: You’re gonna dance, we’re gonna sing, we’re all gonna have a fucking great time tonight!”

The crowd erupted as the first song began to play. It was one of their more popular songs and for good reason. All over it was a really well put together song and I couldn’t help as I began to mouth along to the words. Song after song played, some I knew some I didn’t, and the entire time I couldn’t look away from the man singing. He radiated confidence and looked relaxed as if he’d been performing for decades. I knew he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, I’d given him so many pep talks before performances I couldn’t count them, but as an outsider you’d never know.

I wonder who talked him up this time?

“Alright everyone. This is the last song of the night and-”

The audience booed, everyone upset at the night coming to a close.

Yunho laughed. The sound was rich and beautiful. He was truly enjoying himself. This is what he was meant to do, with or without me. I closed my eyes, willing myself not to cry.

Yunho’s voice filled my ears. “I know, I know. I’d love to stay a bit longer, too. Here’s the thing though...” He paused and I opened my eyes only to see him looking back at me. His eyes automatically softened as they always did when he saw me, but as if he remembered how we ended his gaze hardened slightly, like he was trying to distance himself. It felt like we’d been looking at each other for hours before he opened his mouth to speak again, but I knew very well that my perception of time had been off for a while.

“Even if we only have this little time left, I’ve truly enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. The fact that it’s coming to an end soon is what makes it so special, I think.” Yunho broke eye contact with me, smiling slightly and glancing back out at the sea of people. “Seeing your smiling faces, your energetic cheers—all of it—is a reminder to me that we’re so lucky to be doing this as a job. Really...I love you all.”

The audience let out a chorus of ‘awws’ which was followed by several rather aggressive ‘I love you too’s.

The lead singer once more smiled, “Now, without further adieu, this is one of our newest songs and it’s called Brown Eyes, here it is.”

The music began to play, all instruments coming together to make a somber tune. Somehow they were always able to write music that perfectly encapsulated emotions or ideas. This one? Loss.

“Since you left you’re still so infused

In how I think and what I do

Can’t seem to get you to leave me alone

Your ghost stayed here and she watches my tears

That run down our picture frames”

Then he found me again in the crowd, no doubt able to see the tears staining my makeup, no doubt able to see how broken I was. And still, he sang.

“I’ve tried hard to fight it

Yet I keep givin’ in

There’s been no one but you

I’m trapped, confined

And your platinum smile still knocks me out

Every single time”

He kept eye contact with me, not once breaking his gaze. It was almost as if he wanted me to break first, as if he wanted me to look away before him. As if he was daring me to leave him again.

San stepped closer to his mic and took his eyes away from his bass guitar, Yunho’s voice being replaced by the purple-haired man. As his voice rang out I only could’ve hoped the next lyrics were about one of San ex’s, not me. Even if they weren’t, Yunho still looked at me.

“It’s not aimed at me 

Maybe it never was

But oh darling, you could’ve fooled me”

My eyes flickered down, unable to look at Yunho any longer. His gaze only broke my heart further and in turn I felt my eyes water. After a moment or two, I worked up the courage to look back at him. He was still looking at me like he never moved his eyes. I couldn’t seem to register the lyrics until Yunho began to sing again, his voice drawing me in as it always did.

“You've disappeared without a trace

Left an unsuspecting guise

Love, I need you to know

I’ve been losing far more than sleep

Over those deep chocolate eyes.”

As the song and the show ended and everyone in the crowd cheered, I felt a rush of emotions run through me. Thrilled that they’d become so successful, proud of them for putting on such an amazing show, and hurt because I could still see a sliver of sadness in Yunho’s eyes.

I hurt him.

Yunho then reluctantly said his goodbyes to the audience along with the rest of the members. His jaw tightened as he walked over to Wooyoung, whispering something in his ear before walking off stage. Feeling like I was set in a trance, I grabbed my Tyra’s arm and mumbled something about going to the bathroom before following him. I completely ignored her questions and concerns about where I was going, dead set on talking to him again even though I didn’t have a damn idea what I was going to say.

Somehow, through the giant maze of people, I was able to spot Yunho leaving through the backstage. Instinctively I ran towards him, still having no plan in mind. I only stopped when a purple-headed man appeared before me.

“Y/n!” He smiled, bringing me into a hug, “I missed you so much!” He pulled back from me, “We all did.”

Seonghwa and Wooyoung came from behind me, both wearing sad, kind smiles. They looked healthy and happy, which was all I could’ve asked for them.

“How’ve you been, girl?” Seonghwa cocked his head, genuinely curious.

I hesitated, not sure if I should tell them the truth. But at the end of the day, they were still my friends. “Not...great. If I’m being honest. I was kinda hoping I could talk to Yunho...if I could.”

They all shared a look I couldn’t understand.

Wooyoung spoke up, “We’re having a party at a friend’s house after this, you should come.”

I was surprised, still not fully understanding the situation.

San frowned, “I think it would be good for you two to talk. He didn’t tell us too much about what happened, but I’m sure you had a good reason. You were always so good to all of us.”

“I can text you the address if you’d like,” Wooyoung added, “You still have the same number?”

I nodded.

“Okay, good. We need to get back but we’ll see you there. Take care, okay?”

“I will. Thanks guys.”

San pulled me in for another hug, “Of course.”

They waved as we parted ways and for the first time that night, I felt hopeful. I spotted Shang and Tyra and ran up to them, no doubt a smile on my face as I asked, “Soo...you guys up for a party?”

-

I ditched my friends the moment we arrived, barely even sparing a word with Seonghwa, San, and Wooyoung once they nudged me in the direction of Yunho. I didn’t try to think too much about it, knowing I’d explain it all to them later.

He was standing in an empty bedroom, looking at the floor and sipping out of a red cup which likely contained liquor. When his eyes met mine a rush of memories flooded back to me. The first time we kissed, the first time he confessed he loved me, the first time he saw me cry.

The first time I broke his heart.

His eyes raised to mine, his face stoic, “Enjoy the show?”

My mouth opened and closed, not having any clue what to say to him, “Yunho I-”

“I know why you did it.” He said suddenly, “A week after you left me Lucy showed up to one of our shows and tried to convince me it was all a coincidence. Said that I could finally be with her. When I didn’t buy it she finally gave in and told me she convinced you we were better apart. So naturally I called the cops and they arrested her for breaking the restraining order, thank god.” He shook his head, looking disgusted, “You know I never wanted us to be apart. My question to you,” he took a step further towards me, “is why did you do it? Why did you end us?”

When I couldn’t seem to respond he talked once more, “You could’ve told me what she was trying to do. We could’ve worked it out together.” He looked more disappointed and heartbroken rather than angry.

He doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Yunho.” I bit my tongue as I fought back tears, “I’m not asking for you to forgive me. I-I’m just-” I sobbed, “Lucy told me she would kill you if I kept dating you.”

Yunho’s mouth shut and eyes widened, clearly missing that bit of information. I took it as my cue to continue “I don’t know why she did it, but it’s probably because we were happy.”

More tears fell down my face and it became harder for me to talk, but I owed him the truth. I had to tell him the truth. I looked up at him but because of my tears my vision was blurred. Yunho’s hands were tightening into fists as he looked away from me.

“I couldn’t tell you because I had to protect you so I had to make you hate me and I’m just so sorry.” I fell to the ground, my body feeling as heavy as my heart.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I brought my eyes to meet his own, “I’m sorry.” A tear streamed down his cheek, heavy remorse in his eyes, “God she’s fucking awful.”

A laugh got caught in my throat, “Yeah she is.”

He set his cup down somewhere along the way a his hands cupped my face, finally whispering the words I’d only heard in dreams, “I still love you so fucking much. I never stopped loving you. I never even tried to stop because I know I couldn’t.”

I jumped into his arms and kissed him hard, unintentionally knocking him to the floor. He met my lips with just as much fire, groaning when I unconsciously bucked my hips into his, all my sexual frustration still pent up.

“I missed you so fucking much.” Yunho growled, obviously feeling needy too but deciding against it as he wrapped his arms around my waist, speaking in between kisses, “I missed your cute laugh. I missed your lips. I missed your fucking awful jokes. I missed the way you’d look at me whenever you told me you loved me. I missed your gorgeous body and your smile. I missed your moans and the way you arched your back when we’d have sex. I missed how alive you made me feel.” He pulled back to look at me, “My life had no purpose without you.”

I took a breath, tears once more falling, “Mine didn’t either.” It wasn’t anything profound or emotional, but it was the truth. It didn’t.

Gently picking me up, he placed me on the bed. His eyes were raw, as emotional as they could ever be. Taking my hands in his, he looked at me as if I would disappear at any minute.

“Stay with me. Come with us on the rest of the tour. If you can’t take a vacation we’ll hire you as an assistant. If you can’t do that we’ll make some other kind of accommodation. Just stay, please. Please be mine again.”

I looked at the man in front of me. The tough-looking, six-foot tall, tattooed, strong man that could probably scare the shit out of anyone. Yet here he was, bearing his heart to me and being as vulnerable as a person could be.

I smiled, feeling my heart swell. “I’ve only ever been yours.”

-

The morning was bright, lighting directly hitting my eyes. I cursed myself for not closing the blinds the night before and blinked off my sleep when I heard a familiar pleasant sound.

Jumping down from the bed I put on the new fluffy bathrobe my lover bought me. I followed Yunho’s voice out to my porch, realizing I was listening to a new song of his. The man was strumming a guitar, a beautiful melody falling from his lips. When he noticed me, he smiled and continued to sing.

“I’m in a vivid yellow mood

You’re my muse, my home and room

And now that I have you again

What could I ever fear?

Oh do me a favor, dear

And inscribe your name on my sleeve

Let me keep it there forever

Because you’re better than any daydream.”