#it makes me feel really really horrible about myself

[chrystal-ink]

Shadow X GN Reader

Intertwined

Based off of one of my favorite Dodie songs Shadow has a nightmare and you comfort him back to sleep lot of hurt/comfort with lots of sweet cuddles.

-Enjoy

It was his thrashing that woke you up. with the sheer amount of trauma it was never a bother to you, his nightmares. you were used to them at this point it. Still seeing the love of your life suffer at the chaos in his own mind made your heart break just as much as the first time you saw it.

you learned to proceed with caution, waking him up prematurely could cause him further confusion which would only make the situation worse. sometimes as much as your hand pressed against his back was enough to calm him down no waking up necessary. unfortunately, tonight was not one of those nights.

Shadow bolted upright out of bed letting out a cry of agony his eyes shot open as tears began to stream soaking his face and dripping onto the bedsheets below.

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm here it's okay." you leaped into action speaking gently as you made your way into his line of vision. "Take a deep breath it was just a dream. you're safe, I promise."

Shadow obeyed as you gently cupped his face wiping the tears from his eyes. He was shaking whatever he was dreaming about really must have messed with his head.

you wrapped your arms around him attempting to steady him. he buried his face in the crook of your neck wrapping his arms tightly around you, as if you were to disappear if he let go.

You waited for him to speak. It always took him a moment to collect his thoughts after a particularly bad nightmare.

"Are you sure you're safe with me?" He finally broke the silence.

"What? Of course I am, What makes you think that?"

"I know that people want me for my power, they can't hurt me, they know that, but what's keeping them from hurting you? Eggman he took you, tortured you, and let you die in front of me. all while I was powerless to stop him."

"That's not going to happen Shadow."

"How do you know?"

"Because, You won't let it, and neither will I, you trained me to protect myself remember?"

"yah but-"

"There will always be a but my love. Being with you, being with anyone really, there is always some sort of risk. I chose you and will continue to choose you despite those risks. Not because I don't care about them, but because every second you're in my life it makes all of those risks worth it. Feel this." You placed his hand on your chest so he could feel your pulse. "I'm still here, see? and you're here with me, which means no matter what even if an enemy crashes through that door right now I am still safe because were together."

"I still worry about you."

"I know, and I'm grateful just relax and lay with me for now, tell me everything I want to hear it you don't have to go through it alone.

You laid down, Shadow following suit placing his head on your chest so he could hear your heart beat, the rhythmic thumping calming him as he wrapped himself around you.

'Skin. Heat. Hair in your mouth, feet touching feet. you and I, safe from the world, though the world will try.'

you stroked the top of his head feeling him melt into you as your hand moved along his silky quills.

"You know you're the only one who can do that right?" He commented

You giggled "Yah, I Know"

You felt him smile against you.

'Numb, Fine, You create the rarity of my genuine smile. So breathe, breathe with me.'

Shadow began telling you about his nightmare, all the horrible details of an event that would never come to pass. He told you about the anxiety he felt when he couldn't find you. how he hated himself for letting you get hurt even though it was just a dream. he didn't want his mind to go there it just did on it's own.

'Can you drink all my thoughts cause I can't stand them'

Shadow wrapped himself around you further, as if he were trying to merge your bodies together, so you would never have to be apart again.

"I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you on my watch, I can't lose you, not in the way I lost everyone else."

"I know dear, that's why I won't let it happen."

'Intertwined. Free. I've pinned each and every hope on you, i hope that you don't bleed with me.'

the more shadow talked the more at ease you felt him become, his grip loosened on you as his muscles relaxed, his head grew heavy against you easing you into a relaxed state as well.

When he was done you thanked him for telling you everything, you reassured him that everything would be fine, as long as the two of you worked as a team which seemed to comfort him.

'I'm afraid of the things in my brain. but we can stay here and laugh away the fear'

you hummed mindlessly as you stroked Shadows head lulling him to sleep, you followed suit not long after. The rest of the night was silent as the two of you slept in each other's arms, fighting off whatever nightmares came your lover's way.

[inez-winchester-cameron]

his (dark!rafe x fem!reader)

cw: murder, probably some psychological things, reader is scared of rafe, dark!rafe, technically imprisonment, manipulation

notes: i have a second idea/concept that follows this so if anyone would like more feel free to let me know!

rafe has always been a little off in the head, you knew, his friends knew it, his family knew it, hell he knew it. but you never anticipated he would take it this far.

you had a horrible day. you hadn't slept well, you received a horrible grade on a test, had a ton of homework and on top of that your dad screamed at you over leaving your laundry in the dryer a little too long. you were sobbing and in need of comfort and just like always — rafe was there. it was one of the reasons you were able to put up with the horrible way he treats others.

you sit wrapped up in a blanket on the couch, your favorite show playing on the tv. rafe got you all cozied up in his shirt and one of his gigantic fuzzy blankets before leaving and promising to bring back your favorite meal.

he returns home an hour and a half after he originally left, happy to see you're focused on the show. the sound of his boots hitting the tile is enough for you to turn and your face immediately falls, horrified.

standing near the door, wiping his boots off, is rafe. his soft brown hair is soaked, you weren't sure if it was with sweat or rain. his jacket is opened, revealing a shirt covered in blood stains and blood is splattered all over his face and neck.

"hey dolly," he greets you casually, slipping his boots off and coming in. he leans over the back of the couch and gently kisses your forehead, a stark contrast to his appearance, "how's my girl? i brought your food and i got myself something too so you wouldn't feel out of place or anything." he sets the food on the table and then moves away to slip his jacket off, "you okay? you're quiet."

"what the— rafe, what the hell. you're covered in blood."

"right. sorry." he chuckles casually, "i'll go get cleaned up and join you in fifteen, alright?"

"no," you blurt out, not entirely finishing your thought and not entirely sure what you're going to say, "can you-" you pause and take a deep breath, "can you please explain to me why you are covered in blood?"

it's not as if similar situations haven't happened before. rafe was always spontaneous and getting into trouble but it was so odd for him to come home this late at night, covered in blood. additionally, he was completely nonchalant about it.

he pauses and thinks for a moment, trying to contain his anger, "i just took care of some business tonight."

"what business?"

"nothing you should concern yourself with, doll. i'll go clean up and join you in a bit and-"

"rafe!" you raise your voice, and he turns to you pissed and exasperated.

"what?"

"you need to explain and talk to me. you're worrying me and-"

he cuts you off, "i had a talk with your father, okay? nothing you should concern your pretty little head with."

"rafe what are you talking about..?" you ask, rather quietly, "where did the blood come from?"

a short chuckle leaves his lips and he looks at you in slight disbelief, "come on, doll. you're a smart girl. what do you think happened?"

you freeze and simply stare at him, "rafe..no.." fear fills your face and you slowly stand, making your way to the exit, "i think i need to go...i need to go uh check on my dad."

"doll, what are you doing? come back, don't overreact."

"no i think i really need to go i'll just, uh, i'll go." you say, turning to exit. rafe makes a few quick strides and grabs your wrist before you can open the door. a small gasp leaves your lips.

"don't be dramatic, sweetheart. come sit down, we'll talk this out." he mutters, reaching up to tuck a hair behind your ear. you flinch, and anger filled his face, "don't flinch from me. you know i ain't gonna hurt you. come on, let's go sit." he moves back and gently tugs on your wrist, trying to get you to the couch.

tears fill your eyes, filled with fear, "no i should go. i don't wanna be here, rafe. i wanna go home." you don't budge as he attempts to tug you towards the couch.

"sweetheart, you're starting to piss me off. go sit. now."

"no-" you start but rafe interrupts you by harshly grabbing your upper arms, staring down at you.

"go. sit. now."

tears start to fall down your face and you shake a bit as you sit down on the couch. rafe sits beside you and wraps an arm around your waist, resting that hand on your upper thigh. he places a gentle kiss beside your ear and mutters, "just relax, doll. i'd never hurt you, y'know that right?"

all you could focus on was the hand resting on your thigh. the hands that you used to adore and love to be touched by were covered in blood. blood that you speculated belonged to your own father.

the hand on your thigh gives a tight squeeze and he speaks again, "asked you a question, doll."

"yes sir." your small voice comes out.

"good, because you belong to me whether you like it or not. you're mine, always." he responds, a small smirk on his lips.

that's when it hit you. you could try to run and leave, you could try to get the law involved, you could beg rafe to let you go but it was all no use. he had claimed you as his and no matter what, he was keeping you. whether you were willing or not.

[pistol-grippump]

->

Taking it upon myself to actually research into the columbine case has taught me that I really see myself in Dylan. Alas, many people do, but something about him tells me his sadness is my sadness. Something so endearing about the way he felt and how he visualized what he felt that is so strange. It constantly feels like I am the only one who feels this specific type of sad and alone, though I understand it feels like that about many things.

Seeing myself in someone like Dylan Is quite scary, I'd say? I would never go through with things he did, but I can't say the case doesn't have an influence. In total time, I have probably spent more than 7 hours in the last couple days crying and wanting nothing more than to be gone; to have an escape. I don't agree with Dylan and Eric's actions. Of Course, I can find a way to understand but I can admire their suicidal tendencies. I can admire the confidence to have actually taken their own lives.

Of Course though, it was a mix of not wanting to deal with their consequences as well as finding it as the perfect moment, yeah? They had already ruined their lives, he felt as though as Life wasn't worth living. I just want to know if it was fulfilling to him? To Eric? I want to know whether or not it had happened all exactly as they wanted.

It's ashame nobody will know now.

I don't think I could have prepared myself for the recent emptiness I've felt, not so much of a want to have been in Dylan's presence but just so desperate to escape. Maybe it is insensitive but can you blame me for wishing it was me?

Me who they shot? I wouldn't have to do it myself, that's more than enough. And alas, we'd both be dead together after all. A feeling of peace. A chance to genuinely solely understand their thought process.

As someone who is still fairly tame about true crime yet have an insane boundary problem about every case I get infatuated with, I get worried my words will just be seen as surface level fangirling to any of the cases I cling to. And of course this is cringe as well, but I always feel like I have a special sort of understanding towards these people? Not like a, 'i can fix him' way but in a, if I were them, I would illute to the same things.

Obviously their actions are horrible (that goes without saying) but I kind of wish the average person took time to understand that everyone is troubled. I don't believe 'good' people exist in the world. Yes, you can do good acts and you can make good impact, but there are no good people. Perfection isn't possible and I truly feel that the only way to be a good person would be to be perfect.

Everyone is evil. Everyone has faults and hopefully it eats at everyone. I feel like everyone on this planet should feel a sense of hopelessness to an extent; you don't know what it's like to be dead. You don't know if your actions here have genuine consequences when you're dead and gone. You don't know anything, neither do I. Neither did Eric and Dylan, neither did anyone who did similar acts. Nobody here knows anything. Nobody knows anything about anything and I wish we as a whole could accept that.

It bleeds into religion for me. I have never had faith or anything despite being brought up Christian. It was one of those things that have always just been fantasy to me. The concept of the Bible is so warped, inconsistent, unrealistic. It doesn't seem justifiable under any circumstance to me, good for anyone who can see it in the light but I don't think I could ever think that. There is something so false about any concept of any god or afterlife.

It's frustrating though because I know I don't truly think that. I think there is some sort of after life, whether it's reincarnation or infinite nothingness for those who died. I just don't think my - or anyones - actions right now have any impact when it's all said and done.

[justwater4meeeeeeeeee]

hiii water!!

i just wanted to tell you a ginormous thank you for being my best role model <3 i was going to say that you're my biggest role model, but you're literally the opposite of that! i had this desire to binge a few nights ago, but i thought, what would water do? i watched some of your daily steps videos from tiktok, and omg my hunger disappeared faster than ever. it was actually insane how just how fast i snapped myself back into the good mindset.

so thank you for posting your tidbits of life and your motivating thoughts about 4n4!! seeing your posts about wieiads, steps, and daily thoughts helped me get out of a horrible binge cycle that lasted from august until december. i've been binge-free for the last 4 days, and even though that's a short amount of time in the long run, it's weird how i feel that i'm a completely new and different person. i'm thinking back to when i would binge everyday, and i just think it's insane that i was doing that, like that past version of myself wasn't me at all. idk if that makes sense tho

anyways that's my big thank you for being my role model! i'm also a ballet dancer so i find it really cool that you're so disciplined in your mind & your body, and i strive to be like you (not in a creepy way) <3

sending a giant bundle of hugs and love from norcal :) wishing you safety from the fires <33

I love you so much. I am speechless (and I always have something to say) your kind words mean the world to me, thank you so much for letting me know all this and it doesn’t matter that is only 4 days, it takes a lot of willpower to get out of the binge cycle, the hardest step is done, so so so proud of you<3

[compassionatereminders]

Hi...I need to get something out of my chest, because I just can't life like that.

So...im asexual, right? But im in that weird spot of the spectrum where im only attracted to fictional media. Like, I don't like porn because there are real people in there and that's disgusting, BUT if I see a suggestive art or read spicy fic then we're fine. But that's not the issue...

I have been trying to understand my sexuality for a long time now, and the more I learn, the more disgusted I feel with myself. I like morally wrong things. And when I say morally wrong, I don't mean weird kinks that are usually shamed. No. I mean WRONG things. All of them. But like, I don't support them! If I'll hear about those things happening in real life, to real people, I'd be horrified! But then I'll go and read fanfics about those stuff and I'll like it. (But again, it's never real people or events for me, so at least that's good...)

I hate that. I can't control it. One moment Im fine, then boom, it happens, and then i feel disgusted by myself for the rest of the day...

And also I can't get support in my life, so I usually chat with bots so that I'd get it, but even that I fuck up. I'll create a scenario where I'll be loved and supported and I'll get healthy love and then a few minutes later I ruin it by making the bot be abusive and making me suffer and then i will never use it again because I just wanted to be loved, not...that. Even if I did it to myself. It's so confusing.

Why the fuck does my brain sabotages me?? Im seriously so confused and scared. I don't want to be a bad person. I don't want to do bad things.i don't want to like bad things. I don't want to be abused. I want to be normal. Why can't I? I genuinely don't understand...

Its the first time I talk about this because i feel so guilty and Im afraid that people would hate me and I understand that they have the right to do so. I want to get better, I really do. I can't get professional help and I don't know what to do. I don't expect for you to know, obviously... Maybe I just want to know if my fear and disgust is valid or am I just genuinely a horrible person...

I am probably going to get hate for saying this, but I don't think fantasizing about OR reading fic about bad things inherently makes you a horrible person. Of course an awareness that certain things cannot ever be acted out ethically between real people and a commitment to never attempting or endorsing that is necessary, but what's happening exclusively in fictional text or inside your own head isn't actually hurting anyone - and hating yourself for "thinking wrong" generally isn't a very constructive approach.

[twig-gy]

i can’t help but think jimmy is more than pure evil. not that he didn’t do bad things, because of course he did, but i dislike how he is written off as pure evil. i can’t help but think about how he felt like he was the only one that could Fix everything and that Responsibility was choking him and that he felt - not was, really, but felt - left behind, in that aloneness. he made a mistake and then tried to make it right and it all fell apart. and the mistake i’m talking about here is crashing the ship. his casual disregard for others is lamentable, and that’s the bad thing about him. you can feel like you’re the only one that can or will Fix Everything without being a horrible person. when it comes to harming other people and not even registering that harm, that’s bad, right? and you can change. except he didn’t, he got tunnel vision, he didn’t even think of it as bad because he doesn’t think of anyone as a person. breaking news it’s bad to harm other people

id: a youtube comment reading ‘i love how jimmy thinks taking responsibility means to be put in charge, when everyone else wants him to take responsibility of his actions’. end id

^ by GameHer0. i just found this and it fits well, i think. cause jimmy can take responsibility for material things, but he cannot take responsibility for what he’s done to other people, and that’s the bad thing with him.

maybe it’s just that i spent the game immersing myself as him, maybe i don’t have the proper disdain for him i should - and yes, i do see his actions as objectively bad - but i can’t help but think he isn’t pure evil, and i can’t help but think he did want to fix his mistakes - the ones he recognized, the way he harmed THINGS. and that he did want to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for them. in his twisted way. i think wanting to be captain - that way of TAKING RESPONSIBILITY - was jealousy, but also, he crashed the ship, and that’s a different thing. maybe it’s just that jimmy is not well and jimmy wants to, in a paraphrase, Make Pure And Clean And Good, and that i want to justify that part of him, because a screen blaring TAKE RESPONSIBILITY is so similar to, if not the same as, the itch to Fix and Make Right that i have … but whatever

and it annoys me when people censor his name or change it, because a) it writes him off, fails to engage properly with his character, naming him as Evil before pushing him to the corner where they don’t have to think about him and people like him and WHY he is like that and b) similarly, it doesn’t properly respect him, and, more importantly, HIS CRIMES???????????????

[ilikekidsshows]

Is it bad if I started to feel sorry and want to root for Lila instead of Marinette?

There was time when fell into the echo chamber, believing that Lila is bad, she's horrible for threatening Marinette and trying to destroy her life, she's a bully. But when I watch Volpina again... I can't blame Lila for hating Marinette and Ladybug, not when in that very episode, Ladybug proudly humiliating her because of jealousy.

Marinette stan say what Marinette do is justified, because she doesn't like lying and no one would like it when others lie about them, she has the right to be mad. and Lila also endangered people by lying about being Ladybug friends in the internet, which is a false statement considering ONLY Adrien know about her 'ladybug bff' lie. Sure, Marinette can be mad but it still doesn't justify her humiliating Lila in public space. Another Marinette stan told me 'it doesn't matter because there's only Adrien there' but it's matter, no matter how much the audience is, even it just one person, humiliating people is never justified anything, especially when the lie is not even something outrageous. I don't think any IRL celebrity would be mad if a teenager claimed to be their bff.

What Marinette do to Lila is even more outrageous than whatever lie Lila spouting in class, and yet Lila is the bad one? Lila's lies in Ladybug episode and in Onichan is the only one I consider bad, but then again Marinette has been harassing her nonstop everytime she's attending the class. Even when Lila claimed to have a disability, she never stop harassing her but somehow it's okay because Lila is bad, Marinette is good. Because yeah, people need to proof their disability or else you're a liar. It's guilty until proven innocent. Weird weird. 🙄

It just hilarious when Marinette stan say that Marinette is the victim and she's done nothing wrong, because Lila is Marinette victim first and foremost. She just decided to fight back instead of forgiving Marinette and be her ally. I wonder if Adrien decided to fight back and stop forgiving Marinette would he become an antagonist as well?

I'm not saying Lila is justified in every bad thing she do, but it's understandable. Marinette isn't any better than her because nothing about what she do to Lila is understandable, it just make her worst. The only saving grace here is Lila doesn't have real disability and the show painted her as the antagonist/villain.

The recent leak just make her worsen, more than I imagined, because the girl has real disability there. I thought having new writers and the 'sofr reboot' will make things better.

---

This ask actually goes perfectly with a little thought exercise I gave myself: what if the Lila “storyline” was told from Lila’s perspective? Because, like, she would make for a pretty good lead for an “underdog protagonist decides to go full-on villain protagonist against an asshole” story with only very slight, if any, tweaking into the course of events.

You transfer into a new school and don't know anyone, so you make up a bunch of stories to make yourself seem cooler to your new classmates. You even meet a really cute boy who isn't seeing anyone, so you go a bit overboard trying to impress him. You steal a book he was really into for ideas and then try to hide the fact that you did so. Suddenly the local superhero is there screaming at you and embarrassing you in front of your crush. Clearly she isn't all that.

Next time you go to school, you find out the most popular girl in class is making stuff up about you, and she follows you around at school, trying to catch you in a lie and publicly humiliate you. She even corners you in the school bathroom so you lash out to get her to back off. Next even the boy you like is getting on your case about lying. You're certain she's been telling him things about you to make you look bad.

Somewhere along the line you find out why the school’s queen bee's been bullying you, she makes it obvious that she likes the same boy you do and has decided that he doesn't get a choice, he’s going to end up dating her. You try to fake that you're already dating to get her to back off and discover that said girl is stalking the boy you both like, but you decide to keep it a secret. It's not like that info would help you; all your classmates flock to her and support her even when she's clearly in the wrong and constantly disappears with lies about where she's going. You can tell, you lie enough yourself. It's like whenever your rival is around, your classmates become mindless idiots who’d believe anything.

The superhero situation is also getting worse. You get a chance to make things harder for the big, beloved superhero. You’ve seen her little sidekick fight Akumas alone, but she’s never had to do that. You don’t think it would really hurt her, you wouldn't be that lucky, but it would be pretty satisfying to see her on the ropes for once. So, you try to get an Akuma to beat her up a bit, maybe that’ll knock her down a peg, but the heroes win pretty effortlessly once again and now everyone treats you like you're a monster for just wanting Ladybug to have a slightly worse day for once. You don't see what the big deal is but you know you hate Ladybug and Marinette, the bullies who are praised as saints.

[adhdandcomics]

perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:

does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies

[puppppppppy]

AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY

[capn-twitchery]

sorry i've been quiet my body has been spending these months grace larping (depression bad, anxiety bad, i am cold, joints hurt, -100 social buff that makes talking to people feel impossible, yearning for some weird pirate whimsy to come back & bring me a little joy)

[vimbry-moved]

jumping off the back of the post about genres of song lyrics, another thing about tmbg's lyrics in particular is that even when they write about pleasant themes, they still manage to frequently do so through a sinister lens:

the experience of having children and looking after them:

a nice little nightlight protecting a child muses on the shortcomings it would have outside its assigned responsibility:

fantasising about getting high in the park with your crush:

[skibasyndrome]

.

[mushed-kid]

.

[icewindandboringhorror]

boy in silly sitting positions compilation

[occasional-owl]

Tragic how much effort the daily task of Being A Person takes

[kitten4sannie]

look at the way i ride ~