#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones

[demivampirew]

Keep Calm and Go to London chapter 41

Previous Chapters in the masterlist

Triggers: talking about sex (no smut); talking about mental health; talking about having kids; crying.

A/N: In this chapter there’s a song that reader writes, that irl is by the band Epica. Is a piano song called Linger (you can listen it here: https://open.spotify.com/track/55iw1UmIw8D7CSMDawdJu7?si=icvNgWwLSb6XgCUVZY2TJQ)

Tag list: @mary-ann84​  @yespolkadotkitty​ @constip8merm8​ @iloveyouyen​  @wondersofdreaming​ @alyxkbrl​ @solariumss​  @sweetybuzz25​ @thethirstyarchive​ @agniavateira​   @honeyloverogers​ @hell1129-blog​   @lunedelorient​​  @michelle-1185​​  @madbaddic7ed​​     @summersong69​​ @kaatelyyynn​​ @henrythickcavill​ @wolvesandhoundshowltogether​ @desperate-and-broken​ @peakygroupie​  @ivvitm1109​  @the-soot-sprite @whyyoudothistomecavill @thevelvetseries​ @thetaoofzoe​

So emotional by Whitney Houston was being played over and over. Stay by Rihanna, All I Need by Within Temptation, It Will Rain by Bruno Mars were some of the other tunes you would constantly listen to. It has been two and a half weeks since Henry and you broke up, although it felt like a century - every day without him felt like an eternity.

Therapy and your closest friends were the reason you found the strength to try to move on. The pain was surreal. You missed him more than what you thought a human could miss another person. You knew that you wouldn't die of a broken heart, but the day did not shine as it used to when you were with him. Sitting by the piano, you started to sing the new song inspired by him.

It feels so warm when you are near You are all I want to feel Tell me now, is this for real? It's hard to breathe

We're all lost and travelled high, cannot find My peace of mind When the sun will rise again, we'll fly away

Take the stairs to the stars Wander long, travel far Someday

A summer breeze makes all of our winters freeze Autumn leaves There's no chance for spring's romance We linger on but leave the past behind us Old lovers live it all anew But chances are so few

Windows open up to life Put your worries all aside Sacred silence closes doors for opened eyes

Take the stairs to the stars Wander long, travel far Someday Always

A summer breeze makes all of our winters freeze Autumn leaves There's no chance for spring's romance We linger on but leave the past behind us Old lovers live it all anew But chances are so few And choices are so true.

Tears rolled down your cheeks landing on the instrument's keys. You stood up and headed to the bathroom to take a shower and go to bed - that was you're routine now: getting up, trying to eat something, play sad love songs, write some of those yourself, take a nap, try to eat, write music, go to bed to listen to music while you cried yourself to sleep. This time you were listening to Need You Now by Lady A -formerly known as Lady Antebellum.

Picture perfect memories Scattered all around the floor Reaching for the phone 'cause, I can't fight it anymore And I wonder if I ever cross your mind For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now.

(...)

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

In the time since your breakup, you wanted to contact him several times but stop yourself from doing it. The last thing you wanted was for him to see you as the annoying clingy ex. But that night heart defeated reasoning. You opened the Whatsapp chat and sent him the link to the song. Immediately after pressing send, you regretted it but it was too late. Even if you erase the message, he would still get the notification that you send him something. With your hands trembling, you wrote "I'm sorry to bother you, that was no my intention. I just... couldn't help myself. I miss you so much. Don't worry about me, though... I'll be ok." "I understand that we weren't mean to be, you deserve to have the family you've always wanted and you shouldn't give that up for me or wait for God knows how long for me to decide if that was something I could give you. You're amazing and deserve the best. I'll always be there for you if you need me."

You throw the phone into the other side of the bed as if you were afraid he was going to reply something mean. You knew Henry well enough to know that he wouldn't do such a thing, but you kept thinking that sending him a message was a bad idea. After an hour curiosity defeated you and you looked to see if he had seen your text. The double check marks were now blue, which meant that he's read them. There was no reply, though. You cheeked the time he saw them and was fifteen minutes after you sent them. You started to cry.

Approximately an hour later, the doorbell rang. You went to check who it was, but before you reached the door, an excited barking allowed you to know who it was: "Kal!" you exclaimed in your thoughts. As soon as you opened the door, the Akita ran to you and started to jump around, liking your hand and begging you to pet him. You kneeled beside him and hugged him and let him know how much you missed him.

- Kal, go to the living room.- Henry ordered him and the dog obeyed. You stood up and looked him on those baby blues that you missed so much. He was waiting on the other side of the door as if he needed your permission to get in. - I'm so sorry if I bothered you. I swear it wasn't my intention.- you apologized, but before you could say another word, he grabbed your face and kissed you. You put both of your arms around his neck and he slid his hands to your back and hips.

Moments later, he stopped the kissing to close the door and pick you up on his arms, walking up the stairs into your bedroom.

It has been some time since the last time you've been intimate because the need for each other was unmeasurable. The breakup intensified the mutual desire.

You rested your head on his chest and he played with your hair and caressed your shoulder.

- In the ranking of worst decisions I've ever made, breaking up with you has become the undeniable champion.- he said. - I don't think so.- you sighed- You deserve someone that can give you the family you want. - You're the family I want.- he replied firmly. - I didn't end the relationship because of that.- he explained- I didn't want you to suffer because I would be busy and don't have much free time to be with you. I know it caused you a lot of pain that your ex was always busy and didn't have time to be with you and it would have killed me if it was I the one causing you that much pain. - It was different with him. He would purposely make himself busy all the time. Even if he had no work to do, he would find something because for what it seemed, anything was better than spent time with me.- you told him. - Would you forgive this fool and give him another chance with you? Because being without you it's the worst hell I've ever lived in.- he implored. - Are you sure you want me? - you questioned him. - Absolutely!- he exclaimed.

The sweet taste of his lips touching yours was exquisite. Once again in the arms of your lover, you fell asleep with a smile on your face.  

[arigatouiris]

the tinder date // shinshou hitoshi

Author’s Note: I am in LOVE with @myherowritings​ ‘You Suck at Gaming’ so I wanted to do something in appreciation, albeit a bit differently! So, this happened to me irl haha so I wanted to write about it~ I turned the real guy into Shinsou so that no one would know hahahaha I’m such a creep oh my god 

Word count: 3046

Pairing: Modern! Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader

Warnings: fluff, humor, smau 

❝

You never really wanted to use Tinder to meet new people, but ever since a terrible breakup, your friends, your classmates, your goddamn mind told you that you needed a push and maybe, just maybe, Tinder might do good. 

You weren’t a fan of the idea of meeting people using an app, which honestly, came across the same as buying groceries where some things were available and some things weren’t—you believed you couldn’t do that with people, and you believed with all your heart that people weren’t meant to be either swiped right on or swiped left on. Your heart was already weak as it was, and there was no way you were ready to emotionally invest in something real; at least for the time being.

So that lonely Friday night, you downloaded the app, created your profile, chose the perfect bio after 14 attempts at writing something about yourself, each time forgetting a vital piece of information. You didn’t start swiping right away, something about the process scared you—but there you were, mentally preparing yourself, telling yourself that it was okay, you were going to meet people on these dates and maybe, the app might be good for you, after all. 

You have heard success stories of people meeting via Tinder and having a great relationship and all that; some even find their best friends on the app, which is weird despite the social stigma attached to an app like Tinder. Some of your friends even know people who have gotten married and that’s the tea. You were not ready for either of those, maybe you’d get some coffee with a cute chap and maybe, just maybe, hold hands.

Alright, fine, make out or whatever.

But the prospect felt so wrong, you didn’t know what you would do if he turned out to be a creep. So, bucking it all up, swallowing your pride or what was left of it, you started to look at the men Tinder presented to you.

The very first picture was of a boy whose face revolted you—and if you thought that sounded rude, wait until you start complaining about the grapes he had for hair. 

The second boy was decent, but you were not going for decent on this app. You wanted something written on the bio—something that they were willing to communicate with, something you could identify with, something you can vibe with; and if you didn’t find anything like that, despite how cute the guy can be, you are swiping left on that ass.

It was after what felt like a thousand left swipes did you find someone a least bit attractive. But, you blinked—there was an odd feature under his profile; it was marked blue with a star.

Immediately opening WhatsApp, you texted your friend, Ochako, asking her what it was. Ochako being Ochako instantly called you.

     “Someone super liked you in less than an hour!?”

What in the world was a ‘super like’?

     “Ocha-chan, what’s a ‘super like?’” You rubbed your eyeball as you continued, “And what does it have to do with the fact that I’ve been on this app for less than an hour—”

     “Most super likes are usually done by creeps,” Uraraka didn’t hold back, “But sometimes, if someone really finds you attractive or interesting, you get a super like from a very decent guy. I heard one of my classmate’s brother’s friends met his boyfriend via the ‘super like’ feature!”

     “Y-Yeah, I’m not... I’m not looking for—”

     “It just means that whoever this person is, finds you interesting! So go through his profile and let me know what you think!”

You ended the call right then before going back on the app, finding his profile still open. You wouldn’t lie, he was very attractive—not in the way most people would flaunt over, but you couldn’t take your eyes off him. There was something about the way he was lazily smiling at the camera, or how the light fell on his lavender hair, or how he looked so unapologetically as himself. You then went on to read his bio.

If you matched not to start a conversation, then don’t swipe right. Being left alone is easy. 

It wasn’t all of the bio but this part of the bio somehow stuck to you. It was incredibly honest—and wasn’t the usual ‘interested in trekking’ or fancy words like ‘selenophile’ (words that you had to google basically). You noticed that in one of his pictures, he had a tattoo—of a particular animal but it was so minimalistic you could barely recognize it from the odd angle in the picture.

You swiped right and the pop up appeared ‘It’s a Match!’. Your heart skipped a beat for god knows what and you gulped, wondering what would come next. You didn’t even hold back before looking at the new chat screen. You gulped before shutting your phone and lying back on your bed, wondering what the ideal time to send him a message would be. 

Swallowing your leftover pride, you opened the chat once more and went ahead with, “Please don’t mind my stalker tendencies, but what is that tattoo on your hand?” You wanted to clarify some more that you were not a stalker, but held back.

You closed the app and felt your stomach grumble. This was the start of something—you were sure of that much, but you weren’t sure of what. And this person, Hitoshi, whose last name you did not know, seemed very interesting.

*

The next morning, you woke up to a Tinder notification. Your stomach flipped as the purple-haired boy’s face was your first thought and you instantly opened the message where he had explained that it was a tattoo of his cat.

Your heart melted at this gesture but you reminded yourself that you didn’t even know this person and there was no use feeling warm over one sentence. But, what came next sent your heart on overdrive.

Your eyes widened as you read the messages one by one,

You closed the app and almost screamed, but held yourself back; you figured this was a bad idea because the sound really needed to come out of you and you squealed like a dying animal just seconds after. You needed to tell someone this, but before that, you had to reply to that. You opened the app again with trembling fingers before figuring out what could be the most appropriate response to something like that.

Haha; No, that’s too lame. 

You’re so funny!; No fucking way! 

Ughh, what do I say? What do I say?! You had reached a slump. You had no words. So, you did what you do best—you went with your gut.

You slapped yourself in the forehead. There was no way you were going to live past this one—

You chuckled. He’s funny. You quickly were about to type a response before he added, “Just wanted to have a good conversation with someone new. Not intending on using this app to fornicate like lonely bunnies.”

You stared at the message before feeling a soft smile crawl on to your features. You felt the same, but this wasn’t supposed to happen, right? You weren’t supposed to agree with whatever a random Tinder match was saying, right? It wasn’t supposed to be this easy.

You replied, Same. Intending on great conversations because somehow, that’s taken the backseat these days.

No one really talks anymore, you thought before waiting for his reply. You didn’t know where this conversation would go, really, but you were intending on finding out. You never really chatted with anyone on Tinder before but you were curious as to why he super-liked you, and what this person had in store for you. It was strange, but you enjoyed this feeling. It wasn’t a crush, it had no expectations attached to it—yet, there was a fresh excitement bubbling in your stomach at the mere thought of some stranger talking to you.

You and Hitoshi kept chatting during random points of the day. You’d be cooking for yourself (since it was a weekend), or you’d be taking a dump or you’d try to take a nap—and a simple ping would send your heart to the skies. You didn’t know him for that long, it had been less than a whole day since you two matched, but somehow, talking to him about random things really helped keep your spirits high. You felt genuinely happy—and the excitement kept you going.

You stared at the conversation and wondered why it wasn’t as easy with people you really did know in life. You wondered why people didn’t have time for conversation unless it’s a stranger—isn’t that the entire point of it all? To talk, to spread joy, to ponder on life’s meaninglessness together?

You blinked. Boarding a flight? To where? You wanted to ask, but you really didn’t want to come across as some prying clingy individual. You were curious though.

Oh! Where to?

You hoped that the message sounded less inquisitive and more cheerful for god knows what reason.

Going to Reykjavik for a week. Always wanted to see the lights.

He’s going to... ICELAND?! You felt strangely excited and disappointed, but the fact that he had no obligation to meet you stung.

However—

Your heart shot to the skies. You wanted to respond immediately, but you held back. Clearing your throat, you replied earnestly.

Sure. Looking forward to it! 

And that was that.

*

You never knew how well you could jump to overthinking, especially when it came to strangers. You knew Hitoshi (whatever his last name was) was in Iceland right now, and that only meant that considering the time differences, there would be little to no text messages.

What you didn’t understand was why you got no notifications in three days. A suspicious thing, because Tinder usually throws a thousand notifications at you especially when you don’t want to check them. So, being the inquisitive little cat that you are, you opened the app. Only to find that your account on Tinder is banned.

     “What...” You blinked a couple of times before closing the app and opening it again, “What the fuck!?”

You didn’t know what to do at this point. How could it have been banned? There were no ill comments, no ugly or obscene photographs of you from your end, then why did Tinder ban your account?

You went through the community guidelines and found nothing. Your heart was breaking—Hitoshi must have thought you unmatched him (Ochaco once told you that if you unmatch someone’s profile, they won’t see your chats anymore). You couldn’t even log in, you couldn’t even let him know that it was Tinder cockblocking you and not you being an idiot. Oh, god, why!? You screamed into your pillow, wondering how this could have happened before calling Ochako to help calm you down.

     “How the hell can they ban you?” She asked, causing you to roll your eyes.

     “If I knew that then I would have done something else, Ocha-chan!”

     “Okay, okay. So let’s do this. Find him on Facebook and send him a message saying Tinder banned you. It has to be a bug from their end. I’ve read that it happens to a lot of random profiles.”

You blinked. Really? Or was she simply just trying to pacify you? You didn’t care, you needed the pacifying.

     “But, I don’t know his surname...”

     “(y/n)-chan,” Ochako took a deep breath, “You spoke to him for two days and you didn’t take his surname!?”

You undermined yourself pretty hard in the past, but right now, it had reached the pinnacle of it all. You felt low, you had lost the prospect of not only great conversations but a cute boy who even asked you out.

     “Try finding him on LinkedIn.” Ochako said, and you blinked.

     “LinkedIn?”

You could practically hear her nod, “Yeah. Just type in his workplace or education, whatever you remember from the Tinder app, and his first name. It should show you a result that matches.”

You couldn’t wait to try. You opened your laptop, while Ochako was on call, and did exactly as she told you. You typed in ‘Hitoshi’ and then his workplace, some gaming studio—for the life of you you couldn’t pronounce it, and your eyes widened. The first result was ‘Shinsou Hitoshi’.

     “Oh my God,” You gasped, “I found him!”

Ochako giggled, “Is it really him?”

     “I’d really not mistake that face anywhere, Ocha-chan! You’re a genius!”

     “Of course,” She said, giggling, “Send him a message then!”

Doubt said hello a second after, “But what if he thinks I’m some stalker?”

     “Tell him your account got banned. Just be honest. He might even appreciate the effort.”

You weren’t too sure about that, actually. Your hand ghosted over his profile before attempting to send a message; but, apparently, LinkedIn wouldn’t let you send a message to someone new—someone you didn’t already have any connections with. When you mentioned this to Ochako, you wondered if you were the stalker or if she was.

     “He’s on Facebook, (y/n)-chan. Just go for it!”

You gulped before opening Facebook, wondering all the while if this was entirely normal for anyone to do for a Tinder date, before typing in his name. It was the same picture he had put of himself on Tinder, and you gulped, unsure of what to send. Again, you did what you do best—went with your gut.

Hey! This is (y/n), from Tinder. So long story short, my account got banned and idek why. I just wanted to let you know that I didn’t unmatch/ghost you. I didn’t want to leave you hanging so I turned into an interim stalker to let know you this. Is there any way we can contact each other besides Tinder?

You breathed slowly, as slowly as you possibly could. You could feel a weird numbness asphyxiating you, unaware of how to proceed or what would happen next. You shut your eyes and released a breath, before falling back on the bed.

     “What’s wrong?” You could hear the worry in Ochako’s voice.

     “I don’t know...” Nothing made sense anymore.

Did you like Shinsou? You weren’t sure—but what you were sure of was how little you knew him. Was that enough? Was the fact that you had never met come into play here? Just because the conversation was easy? Or was it merely the idea of meeting someone through a dating app? You couldn’t like him. Maybe, it was a crush.

But, can you have a crush on someone you didn’t even know?

You heard a ping and you felt that familiar stomach flipping sensation you knew so well in school. You never realized how much that feeling was missed ever since you grew up.

You were quite practically rolling and squealing at the same time. Ochako joined you, not knowing what the reply was but she was merely just happy for you. 

     “He replied!”

     “In like ten minutes! So fast!”

You didn’t know how he could reply, considering the time difference and everything, but that didn’t matter. He had given you his number, and you were going to text him and that was that. 

     “So, should I text him now?”

Ochako hummed, “Not now. Wait till the morning.”

So, you waited until the next morning. As soon as you woke up, you remembered the details Ochako had given you and you carefully composed a message in your head. Saving the number into your contacts, you tried to send him a message—but it failed.

Heh? You thought before trying again, with each attempt failing each time. You felt nervous, wondering if something was wrong with your phone, before realizing you were late for work. 

Ugh, you thought before sending him another message, not bothered to tell Ochako about this.

Hey, so I can’t seem to send you a message, why don’t you ping me instead? It’s xy-xyx-xxxxx. 

As soon as you reached work, you forgot entirely that you had even sent him that message. For some reason, your manager seemed to know you had other things in your mind and was intending on squeezing the life out of you. You had never worked so hard in the entirety of your life but that Thursday, you felt God’s wrath. After 9 hours of painful clock time, you began to head home, feeling incredibly tired and done with everything there was about adulthood.

You checked your phone for the first time in 9 hours and your heart skipped a beat. Shinsou had sent you two messages, one on Facebook—

—and one on WhatsApp.

You freaked before replying to him, apologizing for the wait—apologizing internally a thousand times; and wondered if you’d get a response real quick. Judging from where you were, you realized you needed to get home first.

As soon as you reached home, you threw your bag on the bed and checked your phone again—nothing. You sighed before getting some food, constantly looking over at your phone, wondering what had gotten into you, wondering if you were the only one flipping over a Tinder date like this. You were sure Shinsou wouldn’t be responding the same way; he was in Iceland, he probably wasn’t even thinking of you! And yet, here you were, thinking about him all through your day.

You felt strangely pathetic. Were you so lonely that you couldn’t live without this minor excitement that a random stranger was giving you? It felt so odd.

You spent the next two days, not texting him. You wondered if you were intentionally ghosting him, but he hadn’t texted you either. You felt low, being proven that he had better things to do, but you had gotten your answer. Serves you right that you were excited over someone you didn’t even know. Serves you right for jumping over your head for a Tinder match. 

You sighed before hearing the familiar ‘ping’ of your phone.

You smiled a bit, feeling the sides of your cheek hurt. 

Sure, but won’t you be tired?

It was a second later did Shinsou reply to that. You stared as the conversation rolled on, before knowing for a fact that you weren’t meeting him tomorrow. Maybe on Tuesday? You thought, giving yourself the benefit of the doubt.

His message only proved that he did want to see you. So, that means, you weren’t the only one wanting to see the other person. This being clarified to you made it easier for you to accept your obsession over the purple-haired male, but you had to restrain yourself.

When Tuesday morning rolled by, you were very close to giving up. You texted Ochako all day, asking her if he had given up interest in you or if you were annoying or clingy or desperate and she assured you that you were neither of those things. She told you that you were overthinking, that Shinsou was probably busy, he went back to work after Iceland, so maybe he had a lot to catch up on.

You didn’t know when you took a blow to your confidence, but you had and it bothered you. You wondered if it was alright to test everything on one random Tinder match, but you sighed, giving up the entire thought process. You raged inside your head, but there was very little clarity left. You decided to let the day pass and see if he was going to text you.

He didn’t. 

It ran past 12 p.m. You had lunch on your own, staring at your phone the whole time, wondering if he had forgotten even. You felt your energy reduce in intensity before spamming Ochako about what to do. 

You couldn’t bear the thought of him losing interest in you, and you didn’t know why. He seemed interested, your conversations were really fun—you had a few things in common and he asked you out twice! 

What went wrong? Was he really that busy? Was he bored with you? Was he cat-fishing you?

It was then you saw a message pop in.

Hey, sorry about not texting. I’ve come down with a cold. The date’ll need to wait.

Your heart skipped three beats. You sighed before wondering why you hadn’t thought of the possibility of him being sick. You replied a genuine, ‘take care’, but in your heart—it was as if the universe was saying this wasn’t going to happen. You didn’t bother to see his further replies; you weren’t blaming him for being sick, you were blaming yourself for being so overtly excited by someone you didn’t know.

He’s just a Tinder match, you thought before collapsing on your bed after coming home. 

Ochako called you that night, and you revealed to her in detail about what you were feeling.

     “What’s wrong?”

You sighed, “I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the shit out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.” 

Ochako was quiet. 

     “Do you think Tinder was a bad idea?”

You scoffed, “It has to be. It just showed me how lonely I am. That’s what these apps do! They show you how pathetic you are, how lonely you are on the inside and it’s just... It just sucks.”

You don’t remember falling asleep that night. It was a Friday, and you knew what work had in store for you. However, you had nothing on your mind—you forced the thought of Shinsou to the back of your mind before walking into work with a clear head. You worked all day, ate lunch alone, worked again—not checking your phone, not bothered to read or be interested in anything remotely online. 

As soon as work was done, from the corner of your eye, you noticed notifications. You shook your head before rushing on home, before realizing you weren’t watching where you were going. 

Your office was on an incredibly important street. Sometimes, you met people you never thought you’d meet—schoolmates, enemies from the past, old teachers. You were thankful that you worked in such a location but sometimes, just sometimes, the fact that you worked on such a busy street proved to be a tad bit too... cliche.

You look up and your eyes met with purple locks and wide black eyes, shocked at seeing your form just as shocked as you were seeing his.

     “(y/n)?”

You blinked, gasped and stood up straight.

     “Did you follow me?”

Shinsou chuckled, “I think this is what they’d call a coincidence.”

Your cheeks suddenly felt warm, and you wondered how in the world he had shown up there before—

—his arm extended forward, a soft smile on his features.

     “Can I take you out for coffee then? You can’t imagine how long I’ve been waiting.”

I can’t imagine? You giggled before shaking his hand, I think I can.

❞

[dangerscully]

A shout-out to some people who were the IRL highlights of 2017:

(...in the vaguest of rough chronological orders)

@crossedbeams

My travel buddy, my adopted cat’s mum, my yes woman, my bank account’s worst enemy. When you can throw out in a group chat “random long shot, but does anyone want to go to California?” and get not only someone replying “YES”, but that person actually following through and booking your flights - resulting in the best holiday, you know you’ve got a platonic keeper. Bring on more adventures! (Hey, did you know that we climbed a mountain?)

@your-perfect-opposite

The clammest clam to ever clam. She takes showers and misses all the popcorn, and plans excellent days out in her area of London. A beautiful peahead who very, very calmly bought front row tickets to WoW and didn’t freak out at all and has never freaked out about anything ever. She loves Claire Foy more than you do.

@mulderswaterbed

Fiery filthy French trashbag who is crazy talented and appreciates good cinematography so that you don’t have to (you should though). Queen of Whatsapp art and meme-er of her own drunken ramen face. Even trashier in real life, but gets embarrassed while eating an innuendo-laden plantain taco.

@so-called-xfiles

A secretly hilarious trashbag who largely hides it from public sight against my advice. My cinema buddy, getting lost while walking through London buddy, and showing me the sights of Manchester buddy. We took a selfie with a dinosaur and played mini golf in a junkyard!

@hrhgilliana

We may not talk too often, but when we do, it’s an all day/night job in the best way. The biggest heart and the kindest soul, who knows when to message and/or suggest a simultaneous Doctor Who rewatch at just the right time.

@scullbagg

Pal who I miss dearly and don’t get to see enough, but who is a star at opening up deep and meaningful conversations. The most Scullyish IRL Scully.

@hallwayperson

My dear talented little bean, who experienced the worst guided tour of London known to man, courtesy of Rose and I. Wanna see the student services building of the London School Of Economics or the back of the Royal Courts Of Justice? We’re your gals! My pin of her awesome artwork is on the lapel of my winter denim coat, looking awesome.

@kateyes224

Managing to see your pal from half the world away on two different continents in one year is pretty rad. Tapas and cocktails in London... picnic and copious amounts of cocktails and cuddles in San Diego. Thank you for letting us invade your home for the night (even if you made us watch Fight Club WHICH YOU’D NEVER SEEN).

@2moms-0fucks

Walking into the Arrivals of LAX straight into Liz’s waiting hug was the least amount that a first in-person meeting has ever felt like the first time. After talking every single day for a year we finally got to meet up and Liz and her family took us into their home and showed us the sights - plus as a bonus made tacos and let me cuddle their cats and dog (an important requirement for me). Cannot wait to get to show her the sights of the UK next year! 

@startwreck

I have put my hand inside her puppet’s ass. That’s all that needs to be said about this friendship.

(Also Lila is rad as hell and cries at absolutely anything - despite her claims - and her memeing makes me want to die in the best way and I cannot wait to see her again next year!)

@defnotmeyo

Soft snuggly trash panda nerd IRL as well as online, despite what she tries to pretend. We got drunk and snuggled in San Diego, and we got more drunk and snuggled in San Francisco (and next year will get drunk and snuggle in Boston!). A secret cutie with a huge heart masquerading as a badass bitch. (The filth is just as real IRL though).

Here’s to the fact that 2018′s IRL adventures will offer me the chance to finally meet up with @thethirstisoutthere, @snowvitamins, @stellagibsonisalifeforce, @damselindistressmya, hopefully @piecesofscully, hopefully more of y’all!

Having pocket pals (bonus: turned IRL pals) is the single best thing about the internet, and two years ago when I finally started watching this show I had absolutely no clue about the friends it would bring me and the places it would take me, and it blows my mind how some dumb alien show from the early 90s has completely changed my life decades after it started airing. Honestly love you guys to bits 💜

[feeyfeey]

Hmm yes I understand your point, I just figured since you are in ldr, it would be amazing to talk with other one on "live," since it would be the only way to see each other "live face to face" u know? I mean, i would love to talk with my partner videochat if i would be in ldr. But maybe some people then just settle for writing. Does in ldr include lots of jealousy? Don't ypu fesr that your partner has "another life" irl, and with you online is another life?

As I said, every couple talks in a different way. Some talk only about emails, other only with whatsapp or just talk over the phone and other use the video chat.I’m happy for everyone, who have the chance to talk with their partner and in which way is absolutely not important. As long they are happy. ^^To your jealousy question…well, this is a difficult point. I can only tell you about how i see this.I’m pretty sure that in a ldr exist more jealousy as in usually relationships. Surely will say some people: “If you are jealous, then you don’t trust your partner” but this is stupid in my eyes. As example: I am a jealous person, always was and always will, but this don’t mean, that i don’t trust my girlfriend. It is kinda difficult to explain and as i already said, i am pretty sure that in every healthy relationships exist jealousy. It is nothing bad to be jealous as long it don’t start to be ugly. I have a favorite quote: “I’m not jealous, I’m territorial. Jealous is being envious of something you don’t have. Territorial is protecting what’s already yours” ^^Your last question is fast answered for me: I trust my girlfriend! In every way! Call me naive, but i trust her and a relationship don’t work without trust. No matter if this is a ldr or not. She have her own life of course, but in a harmless way like: talk with friends, go out with friends, do some other stuff and all this, but nothing more.And i am the same. I have my own life, like other couples too.

[gary--martin]

The beginning of the major project story

In October 2020 I began putting ideas together for a project. Something that I wanted to last, become part of my life on a longterm basis; something I cared about. At the time of writing this (January 2021), I cannot for the life of me remember what those initial ideas were. I had spent the summer reading and reflecting on my creative practice. The pandemic was going on way longer than I thought it would have and it had started to expose a lot of things for me that were just hiding from plain sight. I had many conversations with friends (Squad) over Zoom and ‘the group chat’ about internet cultures and the impact URL life is having on IRL life. Generally speaking we were finding the divide between the internet that we love, and the internet that was pissing us off, and trying to find out why we were getting so miffed about certain things. We had been talking a lot about Spotify, about how we didn’t like the network effect it had over musicians to release music on there despite the remuneration system seeming so unfair. I use Spotify to listen to a lot of music, so there’s definitely some cognitive dissonance going on there. I get that it’s convenient for listeners. And I also get that getting your track in a popular playlist can get you loads of streams (and so maybe earn a bit of money). But as a group we reflected on the namelessness of this system. How easy it was to leave playlist running and not know who or what you are listening to even if asked. "Ah its on this playlist" was a phrase we discussed a fair bit. You might argue that this system allows for greater music exploration, finding things you’ve never heard before. And you’d be right. But radio does this and I have no gripes with radio. What’s all that about? Artist and Computer Person, Elliott Cost wrote a short paper on the vastness of a website. In it he talks about how over the last few years… "platforms have stripped away any hint of how vast they actually are. As a result, users only get to see a tiny sliver of an entire platform. There’s been an overwhelming push to build tools specifically designed for engagement (like buttons, emoji responses, comment threading) instead of building tools that help users actually explore. This has replaced any sense of play with a bleak struggle for users attention. The marketing line for these new tools could easily be, "engage more, explore less."" He tries to combat this in the websites he designs by adding explore buttons that randomise content, for example. You can see this in action in a website he contributed to called the The Creative Independent. "One thing we did implement was a random button that served up a random interview from over 600 articles across the site. I ended up moving this button into the main navigation so that readers could continue to click the button until they found an interview that interested them. It’s fairly easy to implement a “randomized items/articles” section on a website. In the case of The Creative Independent, this simple addition revealed how expansive the site really was.”

https://elliott.computer/pages/exploring-the-vastness-of-a-website.html  Sticking with the website theme, another thing we discussed as a Squad was the increase of Web 3.0 models in comparison to out current 2.0 models. We’d all done some listening to and reading of Jaron Lanier, who after writing a few books about the future of big data and the potential to monetise your own, eventually just wrote a really on those nose book about getting off social media. It’s called ‘Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Accounts Right Now’. To the point right? After feeling the negative effects of social media throughout 2018 and 2019, I’d reached breaking point, and this book tipped me over the edge to try going cold turkey. It was surprisingly easy and I loved being away from it all, especially Instagram. That app can do things to you. For quite some time I was obsessed over crafting the perfect post for my music and creative practice that I stopped making my core content to focus on keeping up appearances on Instagram. I don’t think it works like this for everyone. Perhaps some people are more susceptible to the allure of its powers. Maybe it rooted in some insecurities. Either way, the network of people I was following and that were following me back were certainly not social. Our relationships were built on tokenistic and obligatory likes and comments. The FOMO was hitting hard and I wasn’t getting anywhere with my art and music. I’m still off Instagram, all Facebook platforms in fact. I got rid of WhatsApp and forced my friends to use Signal. Cos that’s what you do to people you love, shine a light down on anything toxic in their life while sitting on that high horse. I have returned to Twitter, months and months after being away from everything, because I’m trying to start a record label during a pandemic. You can’t meet up with anyone or go anywhere, how am I supposed to do guerrilla marketing if everyone is staring at their computer at home everyday? I could’ve come up with something online perhaps, and perhaps I might still. But for know I’ve jumped on Twitter and am just following everyone in Cardiff involved with music. I’m playing the spam game until we can go outside again. Then I’ll delete that little blue bird from my computer again. I appreciate that these networks are useful and convenient. And there aren’t any good alternative with the same network effect. But the thing that Lanier said that really struck me was this idea that there needs to be enough people on the outside of it all to show others that it can be done. So until something better comes along, I am happy to sit outside of it all. Jenny Odell is helping me through this with her book “How to Do Nothing.” As we discussed this as a Squad we noticed that much of what we were talking about was about aligning your actions with your values. It’s something seemingly impossible to maintain in all aspects of your life, but I genuinely think the more you can do this the happier you’ll be. We do it in so many other aspects of our lives, I wondered why it was so difficult to musicians who hate Spotify to not use, or for those riddled with anxiety to not use Instagram. I think a huge factor of this is down to that word convenience again. Now, convenience is king. But, “At what cost?” I will ask. For every few seconds shaved off, kj of energy saved, or steps reduced in completing a task or getting something, there are hidden costs elsewhere that the consumer doesn’t have to worry about. And I think this is worrying. Not that I think things should be deliberately inconvenient for people. But on reflecting on this, I am happy for things to be a little ‘anti-convenient’. For processes of consumption and creation, to have that extra step I do myself perhaps, or for it to take that little bit longer for a package to get to me. Or even that I spend some time learning how to do whole processes myself. Anyway, back to those Web3 chats…. the Squad noticed that the new Web seems to include glimmers of Web 1.0 and the return of personal websites, as well as newer ideas like decentralised systems of exchange. Artists that can do a bit of coding and seasoned web designers alike are creating an online culture that focuses on liberating the website and our online presence from platform capitalism. Instructions for how to set up your own social network (https://runyourown.social) are readily available with a quick search, and calls for a community focused web are common place from those dying to get off Twitter and live in their own corner of the internet with their Squad, interconnected with other Squads. What’s this got to do with Third Nature? Well it means I decided to build our website from scratch using simple HTML and CSS. I intend to maintain this and eventually try to move the hosting from GitHub Pages over to a personal server ran on a Raspberry Pi. There is a link between the anti-Spotify movement and the pro-DIY-website culture, which is that ‘aligning your actions with your values’ thing. Before Third Nature had a website though - before it was called Third Nature for that matter - I had this idea… What if there were an alternative to Spotify that was as fair as the #BrokenRecord campaign wanted it to be? I could so have a go at making that. Maybe on a small scale. Like for Cardiff, and then expand. After sharing the idea with the Squad though we did some research and actually came across a few music platforms that were doing these types of things. More on this in the next post…

[wannawrite]

admin n is bored: a series // h.j.s ft l.d.h

hello friends !! so ive been really MIA despite the holidays and i apologise bc i've been having writer's block. ive tried doing your reqs like 7 to 8 times by now and all of the drafts suck HAHAHA but i promise i'll work on it! anyway, this 'admin N is bored' thingy is to let y'all know that i'm still alive whoop ;;; here's some honk jisho ft. younghee (carats' old name) ft. hwihwi !!! i'll be deciding if i want to continue this as a series or not bc this is just for fun hehehe i hope you enjoy,,,,it's the only good thing i've wrote in a long long time !

________________

Lee Daehwi: Younghee, is this you?

You: daehwi? isn't this your number from a week ago? and you lost your phone...

You: wait, who are YOU? what are you doing with my friend's phone? give it back!

Lee Daehwi: I'm not going to call you or anything, I promise. I know you're worried and scared for your Friend and I'm sorry for this...I didn't want to do this either, and I know you don't trust me, but I just want one answer from you, please?

You: i don't trust you. i'm blocking and reporting, and telling daehwi. bye.

Lee Daehwi: If there was a beautiful, love spreading place you couldn't reach over a certain mindset, but you'd yearn to go there, what would you do?

You: you're weird. don't try chatting me up.

Lee Daehwi: I'm not trying to, really younghee. If you won't give me a response, it's fine. I don't want to harass you either. Sleep well tonight. Good evening.

now, joshua's eyes are beautiful. and when I say beautiful, I mean prettily angled, down turned eyes, caramel brown irises bursting with youth and energy. the various shades of brown are like a warm cup of silky hot chocolate for the eyes belonging to a certain other-it's a transitory evocation of soft, warm blankets, relaxing and soothing every fibre of your skin; simply everything pleasant. the little fold of skin under his eyes brings a hint of rosiness. from a little afar it looks like a smooth, dulcet curve of crescendos and decrescendos becoming one-always thicker around the middle, painting an aura of demurity and submissiveness. it compliments his healthy skin tone, a lovely shade of peaches and cream.

putting it bluntly-his eyes were practically the best eye candy you could ever wish for.

(see what i did there wink wonk)

however, today, those irises glimmer dully under the pristin(e), snowcapped illumination of the bedroom light, like a lamp's glow at its lowest. the curve under his eyes drops its dulcetly demure facet for tonight-doing nothing but prominently protruding those sagging, dark rimmed eye bags.

ah, what saliently regretful results of the lack of sleep, coursing down to the root of an uninvited dilemma. actually, no, scratch that, he shouldn't be blaming others for his own dilemma, and if anything, he should be blaming his cowardly mindset.

the string of words in the bible doesn't exactly speak to him tonight. the faith that those words were alive was still there-

just that, he wasn't exactly

alive.

his finger hovers above the off button.

WhatsApp

You have 1 notification.

You: i guess, it wouldn't hurt to give you a piece of advice if you're not hurting me

No reply. Ha, what a guy.

You: but if you really wanted to reach that place, you'd have tried every way, to get there. do you really want it? you don't seem very convinced, daehwi.

pink lips fleetingly angle up. no upswept movement of the cheekbones, just a simple, casual little smirk which finally lets loose a few laughs. a hint of vibrance was definitely coming back, however in little waves.

baby steps. that would be fine.

Lee Daehwi: Ah; so I'm not an imposter anymore, younghee?

You: oh shut up.

You: what's your name, anyway?

Lee Daehwi: It's a secret. You can always call me Daehwi for now ;)))))

You: is there someone out there with the same name as you? if there is it's not that revealing really,,,,also, i'm not calling you daehwi like pls my friend doesn't deserve this SLANDER ;-;

Lee Daehwi: Probably...My name is quite common haha. But younghee, you know me irl so I practically know everything about you >_<

You: how can I confirm you're not a stalker? huh?

Lee Daehwi: Hmm...Tell you what. Daehwi knows that I'm messaging you through here. Ask him tomorrow 💕💕💕

You: can you stop sending hearts you're such a cliché smh i'm going to block this number if daehwi doesn't know about this

Lee Daehwi: Ah, so you prefer jeojangs? HAHAHA I'm joking ;D It's okay, I won't be messaging you anymore anyway 😉

his stinging eyes, strained from the long hours on his phone flutter shut.

the lair to wildest imagination is an endless void, and after an action-packed day of being shunned, it finally gets more attention than it really needs. the first step he takes into the lair are a cacophony of unknown, feminine voices heralding him in waves...

do you really want it?

do you really want it?

ah, the feeling of a little shard of ice cutting through a patch of smile flowers, littered across a lushy green field.

do you really want it?

giggles, the last bit of childlike happiness in him snagged away, leaves him in rather deafening silence. heavy breaths start escaping his lips, sharp, hoarse inhales piercing the night. they speed up like pent up tension in a little tide, gradually evolving to more than something harmless.

the thing is, tides could be offloaded on beaches.

panic attacks, well...they couldn't.

horribly in sync with the incessant string of words yakking at his brain and gobbling at his sanity, his shoulders shift up and down in consistent rhythms as he unleashes the anxiety beating against his heart in waves of pained, ear-splitting screeches. the words clasp open his heart, tunneling a wonky crack through it and when the fact that the bedroom light isn't off dawns onto his dark, battered pools of sorrow, desperately clinging onto the wavering facade that someone would spare their time for his potentially ineffacious cries of help, the warm, buttery hue suddenly splashes onto himself, illuminating on his flaws and insecurities. stinging sensations start to crawl up his fingers.

he can't hold onto the honeycapped facade any longer.

finally, the courage to perform doesn't arrive, but rather the courage to let go is called out.

he frees his hands from their eternal suffering, the cacophony of lies and despair, and all that's left of him are shards of unclothed, undeniable flaws, thrown naked into the light.

the calm after the storm

can never be the same.

Lee Daehwi: Wanting is one thing. Doing it is another.

so much for baby steps.

Last seen at 1:45 am

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

A very efficient guide to not wasting your time while online dating

In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. It is cuffing season after all. 

Let's be real: Ain't nobody got time to waste on online dating. Yet for busy single people, dating apps and websites feel like a necessary evil to meeting people. How else are you going to do it? 

But if you're not careful, finding suitable partners (whether for the long- or short-term) in an endless sea of digital fish can turn into a full-time job. And if you're already working a 9-5 (or worse), you'll quickly want to give up.

Take it from an accidental expert: There are plenty of tips and tricks to better navigate the potentially time-sucking world of online dating. 

Our advice comes with a caveat, though. Ultimately, there's no definitive rule book for online dating. Above all, it's about learning what works for you. Here are 10 ways you can start:

1. Know which app will fulfill your specific dating needs

Sounds basic, but this is essential stuff: There are so many options on the market right now, and each has a different vibe and purpose that attracts a different crowd — from DTF hookups on Tinder to the more longterm aspirations of OkCupid.

We won't go into the subcultures of each dating app here, especially since they often change over time. But do some research to determine which is best suited for what you want out of dating.

2. Don't put too much stock (or time or effort) into online chemistry

It's tempting to get your hopes up when you start chatting with a match and find a text-message-meet-cute straight out of a rom-com. But here's the cold, hard truth: Online chemistry often has zero correlation to IRL chemistry. 

There's a whole host of factors that lead you to be attracted to someone that you cannot gleam from text exchanges. You could waste days or even weeks getting to know someone online, then be devastated to realize within a minute of meeting IRL that the spark just isn't there. 

On top of all that, if you spend too much time getting to know each other before meeting up, you've likely built expectations and a concept of this person that can't live up to the real thing. 

Of course, you don't want to go in blind. So to actually see if an IRL date will be worth your time, we suggest you ...

Who even has time to keep texting someone they don't know?

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

3. Request a quick video chat before meeting up

I know, gross — actual human interaction? 

To millennials who have panic attacks at even the idea of a phone call (hi, it me), this sounds like an impossible task. But actually, an awkward three-minute video chat is much better than sinking hours into an awkward real-life date.

A lot of factors go into attraction that you can't pick up on through photos or even texting. So be bold; ask if they're up for a quick video chat to see if you're both into taking the IRL plunge.

SEE ALSO: Looking for love on campus: Best dating apps for college students

Don't be a creep about the way you ask, like suggesting it as a way to avoid getting catfished. Just acknowledge it may be a bit awk but — hey — you read online that it's a good first step! So why not give it a shot?

Also, if you're worried about giving out your actual phone number or Skype info to strangers, use apps like Kik or WhatsApp.

4. For icebreakers, try one of the famed 36 questions

Regardless of whether it happens on video or IRL, the pressure of trying to make meaningful conversation happen between two strangers is real. So why not start with one (or many) of these 36 questions scientifically designed to help strangers get to know each other quickly?

These questions come from a psychological study by Dr. Arthur Aron, made famous by the New York Times' Modern Love column. And wouldn't ya know, they actually kind of really work.

We know what you're thinking. Isn't it a little summer camp counselor to ask a list of getting to know you questions? It doesn't have to feel that way. If you have chemistry, the questions will only serve as jumping off points for more natural conversation. If you don't, well, better to find it out sooner rather than later.

Just float the idea casually. You can even use it as a way to acknowledge the inherent weirdness and awkwardness of first dates, so why not test this thing you read in the New York Times?

Worst case scenario, your date is impressed that you read the New York Times. Best case scenario, you get to know each other fast and learn whether or not you're a good match.

Repeat after us: Profiles are not people.

Image: vicky leta / Mashable

5. Many people who make bad profiles are actually awesome dates

There's a tendency to make quick judgements based on a person's profile, and that can feel like a time saver. But actually, your assumptions can lead you to miss out on matches that are worthwhile.

People aren't profiles. And profiles that come across as trying too hard, or seeming cheesy, or arrogant, or just not that interesting, can be indicative of someone who's simply new to online dating.

In reality, those who are bad at branding themselves for an online dating service can absolutely still make for great dates. If anything, you should be more suspect of someone with a perfectly curated online dating persona.

So be lenient when it comes to minor faux pas, like mirror selfies or the dreaded fish pic. It's most important to trust your gut and at least give 'em a chance to impress in other ways. There are better ways of determining if someone will be worth your time, like ...

6. Do your research

It can't hurt to know more about your date than what they are willing to put on their profile. So there's no shame in doing a quick Google search before committing any more of your time. 

A recent study found that 76 percent of people spend around 15 minutes on pre-date research. You might want to do a Google image search on their pictures to make sure they are who they say they are (or if their name is too common for a regular search). 

It's not creeping if it's about staying safe and knowing what you're getting into!

However, take most of what you learn with a grain of salt, because (again) the people we are online are often vastly different to who we are in person.

7. Don't be afraid to ask to meet up IRL early on

A lot of online dating interactions die on the vine of people being too scared to make the first move to suggest a next step, whether that's a video chat or real-life date.

If you're a person with limited time and energy to spend on the whole online dating thing, it's even more likely for conversation to peter out. What could've been a great date that'd save you from spending more time on these awful apps is instead a total waste of your already limited resources.

There are no set rules of engagement, so don't get stuck in that limbo. Just go for it when it feels appropriate. And if you're worried about seeming creepy or overeager, explain how you're bad at keeping up with the app and prefer to make concrete plans.

Usually your potential date will feel relieved that someone's taking charge in the uncertain world of online dating. Just make sure you don't frame the suggestion in a way that makes them feel pressured or rushed.  

Take online dating offline as soon as possible.

Image: bob al-greenE / Mashable

8. Pick a go-to spot near you for quick first meet-ups

Do not — I repeat, do not — commit to a full dinner date the first time you're meeting a stranger. 

For all the reasons listed above, it's pretty impossible to know whether someone you met online will work out, no matter how much you vet or research ahead of time. And, boy, there's nothing more painful than sitting through a full-course meal out of politeness.

Instead, have a streamlined process for quick IRL meet-and-greets. Pick a bar or coffee shop near you as a go-to first date suggestion. Aside from saving time, it's also comforting to meet a complete stranger on your turf.

Before meeting, you can even slip in the set up for an excuse to cut things short if it's going nowhere fast. We've found luck with claims of a busy work week, or a pet or friend who hasn't been feeling well. 

Make sure your go-to spot is conducive to getting to know each other: Choose bars that aren't too loud or have open tables. Certain places can even make for good ice breakers. A go-to with eclectic art decor, for example, is a perfect way to start a conversation about your date's taste.

9. Dating is not necessarily a numbers game, but practice helps

By now we're familiar with the cold calculation that dating (especially of the online variety) is a numbers game. You have a statistically better chance of finding what you want by going on as many dates as possible.

That's a double-edged sword, though, because going on a bunch of lousy dates will likely only lead to fatigue and an existential crisis. However, it is true that dating is a skill that takes practice.

So don't treat people like numbers. But do view every date as a potential learning experience. Sure, putting yourself out there more means a higher risk of bad dates. But that's exactly how you learn what you like and don't like, and how to avoid it next time.

Bad dates help you recognize dealbreakers. For example, you might find that people who describe themselves as "entrepreneurs" tend to use that as a fancy way of saying "unemployed and living off my parents' money." 

Next time, it's a hard swipe left. 

10. Be clear and upfront about what you're on the market for

This one applies to all dating, whether on- or offline. It's also one of the hardest rules to follow. 

We cannot stress enough how much time you save by establishing early on what you're looking for. That doesn't mean you have to declare you're on the hunt for a FWB or life partner (please don't do that). Just frame the subject in terms of mutual respect and open communication.

When you broach the subject, stress that you're bringing it up to make sure you're both on the same page, rather than trying to pressure them into committing or keeping it casual. Even choosing the right platform (see point #1) can help do a lot of this work for you.

WATCH: Why it's worth taking the leap and meeting your Tinder match IRL

[kendrixtermina]

“Can’t help it” - NT conversations

So me (INTP) and my younger sister, whom I affectionately call Sabbel (INTJ) were casuall chatting over WhatsApp, and... it has to be seen to be believed.

(Warning, deliberately inappropiate jokes galore)

INTJ: I see the plants you get as gifts still live

INTP: Yes aren't they cute?                          The plants I mean                         My babies 🌵

INTJ:Yes they are cute. Though it's sad that they can't hear you

INTP: 🍄🌾💐🌷🌹🥀🌻🌼🌸🌺🎄🌲🌳🌴🌱                         If they can't hear me, they can't think I'm an annoying smartass hermit             Besides plants communicate & sense a lot more than they're given credit for     Not those plants probably tho                         But that nice smell of fresh mown grass?                         That are actually stress response chemicals                         So they are SCREAMING

INTJ:  INTP!                         HOW DARE YOU                         They are not animals                         So they don't scream                         They do seek help                         And alert the rest

INTP *quoting GITS 2 “innocence*: "Blessed are those who have a voice"

INTJ:  But they don't screem                         Scewam*                         Scream*                         That' s biological appropriation, sis

INTP:  But what IS a scream? Is it just a noise? Then how can I DO THIS WITH CAPSLOCK?                        

INTJ: That's not ok                        

INTP: Or how can it be saved on a hard disk in a horror movie?                        

INTJ: Don't just force your human behaviour and habits onto them                         INTJ: They are not screaming so don't call it that                         INTJ: That's offensive to plants                        

INTP: Who says they aen't? The plants?         

                INTJ: And while they will not take offense that is a really bad excuse                         INTP:  If anything you're speaking for them;                         INTP: The plants are just saying "Tannins!"                         INTP: And whatever other molecules they use XD                        

INTJ: Thats's like  giving a blind person the finger and saying they won't notice anhways                        

INTP:  But see thats the point its kinda a philosophical question                        

INTJ: Saying that they are screaming is  usingscreaming as a metaphor to human use them                        

INTP:  If a tree falls down all alone, did it really happem?                         INTP: (* Im just being derpy right now just ignore me *)                         INTP:  Don't take my silly plant jokes they're ALL I HAVE in my empty meaningless existence                        

INTJ:  Because we can't properly perceive it with our senses we just force the verb of a sense on to it                        

INTP:  its called a METAPHOR stupid                        

INTJ: Yes                       

INTP:  or expanding the meaning of the word, not forcing the original one                         INTJ: Metaphors because of convenience                        

INTP: we all know plants dont literally scream                         INTP: because... we'd hear it                        

INTJ:  No                         INTP:  except if it as really quiet                         INTP: or ultrasound                       

INTJ: Maybe they's do it on a frequency we can't hear                        

INTP: / different frequencies          

 but you still get the point                         INTJ: Sis                    INTJ: If anything it should be called producing chemicals for help                       INTJ: Or smelling /  stinking for help                         INTJ: Or well to alarm                         INTJ: But we use scream                        

INTP: else we couldnt say that bad things "suck" because they dont liteally suck on anything like our abstract thoughts have long since surpassed our physical reference frames                         INTP:  we can make up shit like inacessible cardinals                       

INTJ: Because humans don't smell for help but scream for help                          Even though smell is more accurate                                    

INTP: But a scream is not just sound (or data, or text), it's an expression of something                        

INTJ: Sis, Things suck because they suck all the fun out of your life         

INTP: good one                        

INTJ: And , occasionaly , your should                          Soul*                        

INTP: or drugs dont make you literally float up high                        

INTJ: Yeah but when we talk about drugs we usually talk about psychotropic ones                        

INTP: what a word rignally meant matters only for disambiguation purposes - doesn't make sense to talk when you mean different things by it                        

INTJ: Which make you mentally high                          /  feel lighter m float , high                        

INTP: but what is "mentally high"?                         INTJ: Some                         Like most don't                         But some do                         INTP: it has nothing to do with physical high-ness its just a metaphor                 because we associate high with positve                             a non bipedal anima would see it all different                 

INTJ: Sis, I am gonna insist in bs for arguments sake                         0Accept it                         I love common up with ridiculous exagerated arguments                         INTP: well me to                         * too                         INTJ: Big Sis  ❤                         INTP:  we can fight all day about whose bs wins but its an arbitrary deffinitional issue in the end - just like "high", "screams" or math                         language is a tool                         its correct use is somewhat dependant on your purpose                         ppl make new jargon for new puposes all the time                         obsly there are limits - if only you defne a word one way you're not gonna do much useful communicating                         but it is a tool                         also, i heart you too                         BTW did you know that Dolphins use pufferfish to get high? They even pss them around                         Pufferbong                         I just read an article on tumblr

Besides I just realized this "don't call it human things" is such a typical 5w6 thing XD                        

 (I apologize)                         INTJ: Sis                     Male dolphins also rape  other male dolphines to assert their supremacy           So like I'm alpha dolphin you are unde rme in the hierarchy                         So I will rape you    So you feel bad and are afraid of me               INTP: Dolphins are horrible people                         INTJ:   Yeah                         INTP: They also torture tortoises for fun & profit                         INTJ: Raping stoners                         INTP: Good thing im not a tortoie OR Dolphin                         INTP: XD                         INTJ: The mexicans of the ocean XD             

INTJ:  I'M SORRY                        

INTP: *laughing tears emoji*                         INTJ: I'M SORRY                         INTJ: #  the ocean second                         INTP: Im doing that emoji IRL right now                         Don't compare the poor mexicans with those devilish Dolphins                         It would be far more accurate to compare Dolphins to duck                         *Ducks                         INTJ: 🐬🦆                         INTJ: But Sis, we already did biology jokes                         I wanted to mark political jokes                         Make*

INTP : We are all going to hell XD                          😈🔥⚡☄

[elle-smells]

hola bestie, how have you beennn? how have you 🐝n? how have you bean? i was thinking the other day (gotta use that braincell once in a while y’know?) and like...my family already seems to know there’s something not so straight about me soooo maybe i should just go ahead and buy a huge ass bi flag and hang it in my room to just get it over with? to just confirm it and all. my friend also gave me this idea the other day that i should create this family group chat on whatsapp called “closet” and be like “surprise bitches i’m gay!” and then leave.

none of these ideas are original i know, but i have no creativity whatsoever. if you got any other ideas, i’m all ears.

anygays (as u legend would say) hope you’re having a great day, love you, byeeee

-🌹

HI BESTIE 😊😘 It's been a good week tbh just lots of group assignments (literally 🔫) jshdhshs I see you're doing well, you wanna come out in a not so traditional way? Very iconic of you anon (and I'm proud of you too 💗💜💙) Honestly those ideas sound great, I love the group chat one for comedic effect ksjdbd I mean, I came out to people irl by posting a Bi Pun (yeah u read that right) on Instagram stories so that's my little contribution dkdhdbdb (originally I wanted to bake a cake with the bi flag on top and give it to my parents) dude whatever you decide to do it will be great I'm sure mwuuuahh stay hydrated <3

[thermie]

Top 5 things youve done in the past 10 days uwu yes this is the post i will go anon for. i lova ya boo

haaaaaah i love you too vita <3 1) Coded interview material using MAXQDA bc I feel like a cool person who has a program just for coding and it's very intuitive for use and colorful to boot.

2) Borrowed money since my salary is late and went to a pawn shop (that turned out to be just a couple blocks away despite me seeing the offer on a generic trading website on the net and this being the only place on that website that offered this model) to buy the same model as my previous broken headphones that were driving me up the wall. I ended up with an almost new pair for half the full price so easily one of the things ever.

3) Met two of my course-mates I've been in the trenches (read: whatsapp chat and intermittently MS teams calls) in with studying to study irl, ended up also talking for a long while which was refreshing and also cool bc we're all in it and it's good to commiserate. I'm very glad we ended up having this small study group so thanks past me.

4) Read Baudrillard which u could read abt a couple posts back. But the reading itself was quite magical, I started doing it because I was fed up with the big fieldwork project we have to write up and was like I don't give a shit let's write an essay for postmodernism course instead and I was really tired and bummed but then I started reading the dude and was like oh ok and then I got really into it which was probably part tired-delirium and partly just him writing good so I read until past 11 pm when I usually stop earlier if I'm that tired. I literally chose to read him further on my own time. And I think that's funky.

5) Uh idk ordering a huge order of takeout yesterday that included two pieces of strawberry pie that I also bought vanilla sauce for and put that on. Truly living deliciously.

[socialattractionuk]

Do you have FOMU (fear of meeting up)? Here’s how to deal with it

Feeling nervous about meeting a virtual date IRL? (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Lockdown may have spelled the end of FOMO, but it’s sparked a new catchy phenomenon: FOMU.

FOMU stands for fear of meeting up, describing all the anxiety surrounding actually seeing people IRL instead of over Zoom after months of life in lockdown.

FOMU has been coined by dating app Badoo, so naturally they’re discussing it in terms of nerves around meeting someone you’ve been virtually dating, but FOMU can also pop up when your pals ask for a socially distanced catchup in the park and you feel immense anxiety around doing so.

Badoo’s survey of 1,003 single adults aged 18-65 years old from the UK found that three in five (that’s 60%, maths fans) single people are feeling anxious about going on dates in real life again, due to worries of catching or spreading Covid-19, increased social anxiety, and feeling shy about meeting people they’ve only spoken to online in real life.

Along with FOMU, people surveyed said they’re reluctant to go back to real-life dating after months of enjoying doing things virtually.

We’ve been enjoying being able to date without having to spend money or travel.

Despite this, lockdown measures being eased has encouraged people to slowly get back into the dating game, with a third having planned a socially distanced date for the weekend and 23% of those surveyed saying they plan to make up for lost time in lockdown by going hard on dating.

Persia Lawton, a dating expert and love coach, offers some tips for overcoming FOMU in the world of dating and relationships – and the key, as with many things, is communication.

Plan your date together in advance over video call

‘It’s always worth communicating with your date beforehand about how you’re both feeling about the current guidelines, and how you’re going to approach the date knowing the rules in place,’ says Persia. ‘It’s important to be honest about any nervousness you feel, especially as the chances are that your date is probably feeling the same.

‘This will also enable you both to know what the other looks like and help break the ice so that you’re not going into the date totally blind.

‘A good suggestion would be to decide on a park that is in relatively easy reach for both of you. You can then each bring your own blanket, food and drink (and of course hand sanitiser!) – just be sure to position your blankets a good two metres away from one another.

‘You could also choose to go on a socially-distanced walk or bike-ride.

‘As with normal dating, I’d also recommend creating a mental checklist of questions to ask your date, just in case there are any awkward pauses.’

Talk about your nerves

You don’t need to pretend you’re totally chill with all that’s going on. It’s normal to feel anxious and it can help loads to talk about it.

Natasha Briefel, UK marketing director at Badoo, says: ‘Meeting someone IRL after being in lockdown for so long is nerve-wracking, but once you’ve been chatting to someone for a while and you feel comfortable with them, it’s a natural step to take.

‘It helps to get to know your date on a deeper level beforehand by chatting via video call – you’ll definitely be able to get a sense of your chemistry.

‘Your date is likely to be nervous too, so just be honest about how you’re feeling, and the likelihood is that you’ll be able to chat through how the socially distanced date will work and it will put your mind to rest. As we enter a new stage, with lockdown measures relaxing and everyone trying to find their feet, we urge daters to approach this period with honesty and kindness, as we all try to adapt to another new normal of courtship.’

Virtual dating is where it’s at (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Embrace going slow with the physical stuff

You might be allowed to meet up in the park, but bear in mind that the rules around lockdown still prohibit having sex at home or getting physically intimate.

Don’t look at this as a bad thing. A ban on sex can stop you rushing into things.

‘These new guidelines mean that you and your date won’t be going back to one another’s houses to get in between the sheets any time soon,’ Persia explains. ‘This is a good thing, as it enables you to really suss out whether you’re actually compatible before things get physical – meaning that if you wind up being ghosted or your date tells you that they’re not really feeling it, it will hurt a hell of a lot less than if you’d had sex (or even kissed!).

‘Start thinking of socially-distanced dating as courtship, and it all becomes really rather exciting!

‘After all, good conversation is arguably the biggest aphrodisiac of them all (and just think how good the sex will be if/when it does happen!).’

Celebrate a low-cost date

Having dates in the real world doesn’t mean you have to rush back into expensive drinks and dinners.

Persia says: ‘With very limited options as to what you can do (i.e. you have to be outside and maintain two metres distance), there will be minimal regret over picking a shoddy venue.

‘Plus – you won’t have to shell out a small fortune for ridiculous meal or bar fees, deal with frustratingly long queues or suffer through the diners on the table next to yours eating or talking too loudly – the benefits just keep stacking up!’

More: Dating

Do you have FOMU (fear of meeting up)? Here's how to deal with it

59 questions to ask on a virtual date

Influencer dating her former step-son is now pregnant with his baby

Embrace the weirdness

Look, we’re in a pandemic. Dating right now is going to be very strange.

You’re going to need to be with someone who’s able to take it easy and have a laugh at just how surreal this new world of dating can be.

‘This is such a bizarre situation that it will certainly give you and your date a topic of conversation, if nothing else,’ says Persia. ‘I think the anxiety people are feeling around FOMU is as much about being out of practice of dating IRL as it is about contracting the virus itself.

‘But, fear not, dating is really just like riding a bicycle – you never really forget.

‘Remind yourself that you will (hopefully!) never have to date like this again in the future, so you may as well make the most of the novelty while it’s here. After all, one day this will no doubt serve as a hilarious story to share with your grandchildren!’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

MORE: I’ve started dating again while in lockdown with my ex

MORE: Man finds lockdown love in Whatsapp group and they’re now virtually dating

MORE: These lockdown DIY projects were crowned the most creative

[fashiontrendin-blog]

Phoebe Waller-Bridge on the *must-watch* fierce and fearless feminist drama, 'Killing Eve'

http://fashion-trendin.com/phoebe-waller-bridge-on-the-must-watch-fierce-and-fearless-feminist-drama-killing-eve/

Phoebe Waller-Bridge on the *must-watch* fierce and fearless feminist drama, 'Killing Eve'

The term ‘girl crush’ is thrown around so liberally but there seems to be no other phrase that sums up Phoebe Waller-Bridge so perfectly. Sat alongside me on the chicest of couches in the most Haute Hotel, I found her to be the funniest and most real celebrity this side of Clapham.

Whilst she animatedly attacks our interview with full force, I find myself imagining Phoebe slotting nicely into my life: as the perfect WhatsApp warrior when a f**k boy has done me over, my shots sister for knocking back Jaeger Bombs to get over said lad and the ultimate sounding board for debating the deep and meaningful topics of our time (more on that later!).

What makes Waller-Bridge so god damn amazing? Phoebe’s ability to encapsulate all of us with one surprising move after another – even when playing a droid in Han Solo: A Star Wars Story.

Talking about the moment she realised the gal who pitched a show to BBC3 on a shoestring budget was going to star in a Star Wars sanctified film, she says, “it only really hit me two weeks after we wrapped the film. I was just on a bus home and it hit, ‘OMG I was just on a Star Wars film, I was just in a Star Wars film for the last few months!’ I called my sister and said, ‘I’ve just been in Star Wars!’ and she was like, ‘yeah mate… we know!’”

You can always rely on a sibling for a reality check, accessorised with an eye roll, and for a bus journey to produce the ultimate epiphany. A best friend’s loo can equally be a grounding space, apparently: “I was in my friend’s loo when I found out I had the part. I got the call and then walked in really slowly, with a really red face. Shocked, she said, ‘WHAT happened in there?!’” See, I told you; Phoebe is a red-faced piece of us, just humbly making her way through Hollywood.

In a world, practically another galaxy away from her pal’s lav, the corridors that surround her normality are, for today, currently the stomping ground for her co-stars, Donald Glover, Emilia Clarke and the army of publicists that come along for the Star Wars ride. Phoebe, in stark contrast to the circus that encircles her, is the definition of #grounded with the Oyster card to prove it.

Discussing her first meeting with Chewbacca, she said: “you feel so safe in his arms. You’re also slightly frightened and a bit aroused.” It’s her friendship with said co-stars that will last well into the future.

I personally spent the grand total of 1.2 seconds in the company of Donald Glover and nearly fainted, so one can only imagine the effects filming with the chap for months on end would have: “I mean, THERE’S the force. The force is trying to prevent people falling at Donald’s feet – he’s incredible. He’s so cool, funny and he’s such a big thinker. He’s got a really cool perspective on the world. I think he’s going to be king of the world!” A forceful statement but indeed, true.

“He will talk about unbelievable high concept things in the space of ten seconds in a completely unpretentious and fun way. Then he will just leave, and you are like, ‘what’s happened?’ A friend of mine called him, ‘a Philosopher King,’ after meeting him, which is so cute!”

However, the Princess to her Leia, Emilia Clarke, became the person she sought advice from, explaining: “it’s like talking to THE Google, when you are talking to Donald about philosophical conversations, so I would go to Emilia for advice on how to interpret those intense chats!”

The bond between these two ladies – who come in at wildly different comedic heights, “I am four times the size of her,” Phoebe comedically comments – doesn’t stop at the philosophical. “It was my birthday during filming and I spent weeks telling everyone. When it came to the day, no one gave me any attention and then I walked into my trailer where Emilia had this enormous cake baked especially for me. It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen, it was piled so high, it was bigger than my robot head! She’s just a giver of love and I’d like to keep her!” Now that is a pairing that is out of this world.

Imagining Phoebe, “clumping around on set,” with her aforementioned over-sized robot head is something which could easily be lifted from her comedy sketch show, Flea Bag. The image alone could garner enough comedy gold for another BAFTA win, “I wore a really flattering skin-tight lime green body sock topped off with a full heavy droid head with two tiny little eye holes and a little tiny straw hole that they would occasionally feed me peanuts through. On top of that, they’d attach metal arms and legs – basically what you see in the film, I had on me at all times!”

At least joining Star Wars means you get paid to weightlift and you can pie your gym membership, then? “I was like, ‘maybe if you just give me a trainer and then I just become really, really hot.’ I had images of becoming this hot droid. Instead, the producers said, ‘no, no, no the kind of awkward, weird, ridiculous walk you do naturally suits L-3 perfectly.” Phoebe’s comedic charm goes right to her very wires.

By this point we are both collapsed into each other, laughing away as if we have been on the Jaegers for hours but it’s only 10am when the young queen of British Comedy hits me with the punchline: “I had to have a special seat to fit my droid ass in because it was so wide!” You can take the girl out of Flea Bag, but you can’t take Flea Bag out of the girl.

If you haven’t watched the show, which peppers this piece and forged Phoebe’s golden path to Star Wars, you are seriously missing out. Every beat of Flea Bag’s narrative – which stars PWB and is written by her – strikes a cutting chord with anyone who’s mumbled through an awkward chat with a chap you have been salivating over since last summer. Ultimately, the show tackles female sexuality through the canon of comedy and presents it on a very relatable platter. It’s worthwhile noting that IRL, Phoebe is actually happily married.

But in a post-#metoo world, I am intrigued to know if there is room for freely making jokes about female sexuality in TV series. Phoebe, ever the educated one woman-wonder, pauses to find the exact words, “I feel like it was a different conversation when it (Fleabag) came out. I think the tension and the pressure-cooker feeling of needing to talk about the complexities of female sexuality and the feelings around it was at a different stage then.”

Artfully articulated in the most approachable way, she continues, “being able to talk about female sexuality openly with a sense of humour outside of the political shift that happened afterwards with the ‘Me Too’ movementand all those horrible exposés was the relief at the beginning. But now the conversation is rightfully serious and there isn’t so much room for that. I think there’s always room for humour, but we were all in such shock, especially about the Harvey allegations and everything that was exposed about the pay gaps all across the industries. It suddenly stopped being funny and I felt like I couldn’t write jokes as easily around the topic of female sexuality.”

Ultimately, Phoebe professes, “you don’t want to risk sounding like you are taking the p*ss out of something that could really be an agent for change and all these conversations could really be changing things.” Word.

Rest assured, Phoebe isn’t totally put off from tackling tricky subject matters as her latest writing project, Killing Eve, starring Jodie Comer as an security operative hunting down a badass assassin played by Grey’s Anatomy‘s Sandra Oh, is set to hit the BBC this summer. Doing her best QVC pitch for the show, Phoebe in full endearing saleswoman mode, exclaims, “I was so excited about the performances and I was so excited by the fearlessness of those two lead performances and how well they orbit each other because they are so well-balanced and FIERCE!”

Just like the droid she plays in Han Solo – who the actress says, “starts a rebellion by mistake and goes, ‘oh look I smashed that!’” – Phoebe may have accidently started a revolution in the way television deals with female sexuality, redefining our galaxy from within.

This is the feminist revolution and this your captain, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, speaking. Over and out.

‘Han Solo: A Star Wars Story’ is released on 24th May 2018.

[chocolate-brownies]

Explore what digital detox can mean for you—and the world at large—at Wellspring.

I talk a big game when it comes to mindfulness. In the yoga classes I teach, as well as in conversations with friends, I find myself ranting about the evils of digital devices and social media. And yet I also increasingly catch myself reaching for my phone before getting out of bed in the morning. I obsessively watch every Instagram story in my feed. The sound of a notification, any notification, sets my heart racing with both anticipation and anxiety. It’s a hard truth, but an important one to admit: I am addicted to my devices. Can you relate?

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it, a colloquialism I conveniently kept forgetting to follow with a second step. But my dependence has reached unhealthy levels—I’m sleeping poorly and unable to focus on simple tasks, like reading, without “checking in.” It’s time for a hard reset. I’m digitally detoxing for seven whole days, and will document my progress in a journal—that is, assuming I don’t collapse from withdrawal.

Here are the rules:

No personal social media, whatsoever. I can use social media for my job (I manage my yoga studio’s Instagram account) between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

Professional email only between the hours of 8am and 4pm.

No convenience apps (Venmo, Uber, etc.).

Try hard.

Be honest.

Day One

I’m a mess today. I attended a 108 festival in Santa Monica this weekend and flew back home on a red-eye. Disaster. I’m bleary-eyed, nauseous, and totally out of it. The only thing I want to do is binge on Netflix for hours, but I’m pretty sure that mindlessly staring at a screen would be a bad way to kick things off. I consider an online restorative class, but that requires a computer. They make everything so easy, and yet do they really fulfill our needs? I turn my phone off completely, pull down the window shades, drape my body over a bolster, and consider myself dead to the world.

When it’s time for bed, I find myself antsy to the point of clenching my jaw. It’s been almost 24 hours since I checked WhatsApp for messages, and I’m worried I’ll “miss” something. But what could be so important that it’d be sent via WhatsApp at 10 pm on a Wednesday night? I go to bed. 

Day Two

I’m still jet-lagged, but feeling more excited about the detox. As I go about my routine, I catch myself reaching for my phone dozens of times before noon. Literally dozens. This is not good. Each time, I ask myself: What were you planning on doing with it? The answer, I admit sheepishly, is always the same: Instagram.

I decide to dig a little deeper and explore why I feel the need to check IG, and I realize it isn’t out of boredom or curiosity. I notice that the common denominator in each of these close calls is that just before I grab my cell, I have begun to get a little anxiety about deadlines, my career, my hopeless singledom… Turns out, I’m straight-up trying to avoid feelings that oh-so-inconveniently keep creeping in. I decide to make a new rule: Every time I want to avoid a hard emotion by cruising the web, I have to sit, close my eyes, and feel the feels for two minutes. I do a lot of eyes-shut-sitting this week.

Day Three

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. I was working on an article, and I must have blacked out for a sec, because when I “woke up” I was seven images deep on my Instagram newsfeed. Let me reiterate this: I actually opened a new tab on my browser, navigated to Instagram, and started scrolling without realizing that I was doing so.

Apparently I also scroll for procrastination purposes. This was a theme that would recur again and again throughout the week: The second I felt stuck or bored or distracted by whatever I was working on, I would click open a new tab and start to type either “Insta…” or “Twitt…” or “Face…” Cruising around social media sites is my favorite form of postponing a dreaded task, a fact that Mark Zuckerberg would love but my editors would hate. I didn’t cure myself of the urge this week, but I did catch myself in the act earlier and earlier.

Day Four

This is a tough one to share. I realized today that, in addition to texting and IRL chats, one of the main ways I stay in touch with my girlfriends is to swap snarky comments via DM about people we hate-follow on social media. Ugh—it sucks to admit it, and it sucks even more that I do it. Gossip is a huge part of our society’s culture; I’ll even go so far as to say it’s how we’ve been trained to communicate with each other. But that doesn’t make it right.

I realized I was missing the daily lol moments from my best gal pal’s razor-sharp takedowns, and that’s when I first acknowledged the deeper issue. We have so much in common: We both love to cook, teach yoga, and are passionate about wellness. We have zillions of things to talk about and do together. Connecting and fostering a sense of closeness through this social media snark just feels cheap. And lazy. This one is an easy fix: We made plans to meet for tea, and shared an hour of substantial, thoughtful conversation. I left our date feeling refreshed, not guilty and dirty.

Day Five

Okay, I’ve definitely gotten over my withdrawal symptoms and have entered the euphoria stage. I made plans to go out with my parents to celebrate my mother’s birthday, and I had a tight turnaround from my shift at the yoga studio to the time of our dinner reservations. Normally, this type of situation would stress me out as I attempted to take care of my dog, get dressed, and get out the door, but today I felt a sense of lightness. I practically skipped out of my apartment with my cell set to airplane mode. What changed? I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that I had officially crossed “Check Instagram” off my to-do list.

Let me explain: Once again, I’m blushing so hard I’m turning red, but my addiction has roots so deep that I have convinced myself scrolling through random people’s feeds is a necessary step in getting ready to leave the house. It isn’t just a time suck: The real problem is that I’ve placed undue importance on the minutiae of someone else’s life over my own. My voice says that attention and presence are important, but my actions say that what celebrity yoga teachers ate for lunch is more so. I decide to banish my cell from the “getting ready” process from here on out, and lean into the itchy “but I just wanna know” feeling that comes with my abstinence.

Day Six

Last week, while I was on vacation in another state, my folks had my aunt and uncle over for a meal. I knew this not because I was invited or because my mom told me. I knew because my aunt posted pictures on Facebook. This got me thinking how much of my friends’ and family’s life updates I glean from stalking — instead of talking. I’ve learned about my network’s pregnancies, deaths, and engagements through social media, and I’ve definitely shared big news (a book deal, a move, a new job) of my own through the platforms.

I used to tell myself that social updates were simply the most efficient means of reaching the most people all at once, but the more I think about it, the more I’m wondering: Why is it important to reach the most people all at once? If it’s a major life event we’re dealing with, shouldn’t I want to discuss it with personal, face-to-face interactions? And if it’s a boring detail not worth a real conversation, does it really need to be shared? I’ve considered social networks a huge part of my social life for the last ten years, and I’m not going to lie… I’m having an existential crisis over here.

Day Seven

It’s the last day of my digital detox, and I’ve reached a calmer, clearer place by actually engaging with the physical space I’m in. Instead of jumping up to cook dinner, do a final email sweep, and crush the last few items on my to-do list, I spent a few minutes after meditation this evening simply looking around my apartment. Did the light always look so beautiful this time of day? Had my ceilings always been that pretty? They’re REALLY pretty. Have I seriously lived here for four months without noticing them?

I’m suddenly aware of how often I pass time in restaurants, cafés, and parks without looking around. Why? Because my face is buried in my cell. Of course. I became hyper-aware of my own behavior patterns this week as I watched diners whip out their devices the second their dates got up to use the restroom, and I observed people moving forward in a line while scrolling until the second they reached their destination. I made a conscious effort to look up, look around, and spend time observing the buildings, furniture, decorations, and people surrounding me. It’s definitely a practice I’m going to carry with me when this experiment is over.

Parting Thoughts

This was one of the hardest things I’ve done. It wasn’t an issue of willpower; what made this detox challenging was being honest with myself about how unhealthy my addiction has become. There’s no way I was going to undo a decade of learned behavior in the course of a week, but what I will take with me is a clear awareness of my patterns and triggers. So that was step one. Step two is examining this new self-awareness with kindness, patience, and forgiveness.

Will I toss my cell out of my third-floor window? Definitely not. But I absolutely am going to scale back, check in less, and employ mindfulness tactics in my social media and technology usage. I tell my yoga students to play at their edge of discomfort, but not to live in extremes. What better advice than that for living in a digital age?

—

Rochelle Bilow is a yoga teacher and wellness writer based in Upstate New York. She’s an advocate for body positivity and healthy attitudes toward food and spends the majority of her free time concocting feel-good recipes. She’s also a nature nut and proud corgi mom. Connect with her at her website and on Instagram.

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The post This 7-Day Digital Detox Was the Hardest (and Best) Thing I’ve Ever Done appeared first on Wanderlust.

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The Thots Of Your Instagram Feed Explained By Bratz Dolls

If there’s one thing we all know about so-called viral makeup trends, it’s that 90% of them are bullshit. Squiggly eyebrows? Show me one person who is actually doing that in public. Just ONE! The people demand receipts! That being said, the latest viral makeup trend that may have slightly more credibility involves doing your makeup to mirror a Bratz Doll, aka what Kylie Jenner does every damn day of her life. We all remember Bratz, the heavily made-up dolls with lip fillers no feet and the most extra looks imaginable. These dolls took the Betches “dress like a slut” philosophy and monetized it for children. The early 2000s really were something, eh? Basically, the Bratz were thots before Instagram launched thotism as we know it today. In hindsight, we can now see clearly that each Bratz doll corresponds to a very real and very special variety of thot who fills our feeds with her selfies daily. Here’s how each of them break down:

Chloe – The Wannabe Thot

Truly a special breed, Chloe—nicknamed “Angel” because she doesn’t get how nicknames work (see: Sami Sweetheart)—wants desperately to be a background vocalist on a local rapper’s mixtape, but is quite simply too white to function. She makes vague references in her Insta photos about being “hard” and her “struggles,” but you remember her from second grade and are pretty sure she grew up in the rich person suburb next to yours. Chloe’s biggest accomplishment are her contributions to thirst-trappery, where she is truly unmatched. Your feed is constantly filled with photos of herself that you are legally required to screenshot and send to your group chat with the text, “You can see her vagina in this, right?!?!” Occasionally, Chloe’s Instagram will go dark because too many people reported her account as porn, but she always comes back with a long screenshotted note directed at “haters” full of strange grammatical choices and vague references to how you “just gotta do you.”

Occupation: Aspiring Pop Star

Insta Bio: “All U Bitches Mad” – My new SiNgLe oUt NoW On SoUndCloud! Link In Bio<3 xoxoANGEL

Example: Iggy Azalea, Niykee Heaton

Jade – The International Thot

Jade, whose nickname is Kool Kat (again, not how nicknames work), wants you to know that she is the ho the phrase “hos in different area codes” is referring to. You keep following Jade mainly because you’re trying to figure out how a person who does not appear to have a job is constantly traveling to different countries. Your entire group chat has basically concluded she’s a high-end escort of some kind, but the rules of feminism state that you must continue to support her by liking her photos in hopes that one day she’ll invite you along on one of her journeys. You know she has at least one boyfriend who is a sultan because of the time she stayed in that spinning hotel in Dubai, and she appears to be on a mission to Instagram herself standing next to every luxury hotel pool on the planet. 20 years from now you’ll check back in on her and find out she’s in jail for smuggling cocaine in her butt and everything will make sense. 

Occupation: “Entrepreneur”

Insta Bio: They say a smile is the same in every language, well so is Resting Bitch Face<3 Jetsetter <3 Student of Fashion <3 HMU On WhatsApp

Example: Tila Tequila (Before she became an alt-right Nazi)

Yasmin – The Actually Successful Thot

Yasmin, nicknamed Pretty Princess (can someone put me in touch with a Bratz representative? we need to talk about nicknames…), doesn’t need the thot life for money or food or weight loss tea endorsements. Yasmin is a thot purely for the love of the game, and honestly, you kind of respect it. You started following Yasmin because you were fascinated by her ability to seemingly have erect nipples at all times, but you stayed after she requested you on LinkedIn and you realized she was a low-key successful businesswoman. Sheryl Sandberg by day, Ariel Winter by night, Yasmin’s account is private for a . Does she have her own line of lipsticks that makeup vloggers are raving about? Yes. Is that going to stop her from posting pics of herself in bed with captions like “Come find me ;)?” Hell the fuck no. Is Yasmin a feminist icon, or does her very existence set women back thousands of years? Unclear, but you’re not going to unfollow until you find out.

Occupation: CEO Of Yas Cosmetics

Insta Bio: Follow @yascosmetics for latest swatches! Get money, get paid. Real friends only. Not accepting new follow requests.

Example: Kylie Jenner

Sasha – The Batshit Crazy Thot

You don’t know Sasha IRL, but you are legitimately concerned for her safety. Every other week, Sasha appears to be embroiled in some kind of major crisis, and she has no qualms about sharing every detail of those crises on social media. Bless her heart. There was the time she was moonlighting at a Florida strip club and a loose dog bit her on the leg (“Please donate to my GoFundMe surgery page y’all! My foot is fucked!”). There was the time her ex boyfriend Snoop Dogg (different Snoop Dogg) crushed her apartment with a helicopter (“Venmo me @Sasha2Fierce2Furious y’all! My roof is fucked!). And, of course, there was the time she didn’t post for a few weeks and you were sure she was dead but then her Insta story revealed she just trapped on a boat (Tweet my whereabouts using #FindSasha! Where tf am I?!?! Our navigation tools are fucked!”). Sasha’s life is a beautiful human train wreck, and you have no choice but to follow obsessively and hope you can make it to her funeral. It’ll probably be lit. 

BTW, her nickname is apparently “Bunny Boo” and I’m calling the police. 

Occupation: “Dancer”

Insta Bio: Bitches Ain’t Shitttttt – http://ift.tt/2wWdJwk to help me find my son!!! where tf is he!?!?

Example: Blac Chyna

Raya – The Religious Thot

Raya, aka Sun Rayz (kill me), was the fifth Bratz doll added to the pack, mainly because she was a full-fledged Christian before that point. Raya was raised in the light of the Lord, but after a fashion-internship-turned-stint-on- took her to New York, Raya has converted to the Church Of Thotism and she is never looking back. But don’t worry, Raya has not fully turned her back on Jesus. Each of her selfies, cleavage pics, and thirst traps are accompanied by a caption like, “God is great!” or “Living in HIS light<3” and she is not above just straight-up posting a Bible verse from time to time. How she reconciles her thot lifestyle with her love of Christ, you’re not sure, but photos of herself at Sunday service in a bodysuit tell you she’s doing just fine. One day she’ll scrub her entire Insta presence and return with an entirely new persona after marrying a secretly gay pastor and popping out a baby named Zion or Abraham or some shit. She’ll act like everyone has forgotten her former thot life, but you have the screenshots to prove it.

Occupation: Homemaker

Insta Bio: The Lord Has Plans For This One Right Here <3, Christian, Future Mommy, 32D

Example: Raven Gates 

 Read more: http://ift.tt/2wVB7Kw

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2xEUb3i via Viral News HQ

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Star Wars star Phoebe Waller-Bridge on her close bond with Emilia Clarke and why she still takes the bus

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Star Wars star Phoebe Waller-Bridge on her close bond with Emilia Clarke and why she still takes the bus

The term ‘girl crush’ is thrown around so liberally but there seems to be no other phrase that sums up Phoebe Waller-Bridge so perfectly. Sat alongside me on the chicest of couches in the most Haute Hotel, I found her to be the funniest and most real celebrity this side of Clapham.

Whilst she animatedly attacks our interview with full force, I find myself imagining Phoebe slotting nicely into my life: as the perfect WhatsApp warrior when a f**k boy has done me over, my shots sister for knocking back Jaeger Bombs to get over said lad and the ultimate sounding board for debating the deep and meaningful topics of our time (more on that later!).

What makes Waller-Bridge so god damn amazing? Phoebe’s ability to encapsulate all of us with one surprising move after another – even when playing a droid in Han Solo: A Star Wars Story.

Talking about the moment she realised the gal who pitched a show to BBC3 on a shoestring budget was going to star in a Star Wars sanctified film, she says, “it only really hit me two weeks after we wrapped the film. I was just on a bus home and it hit, ‘OMG I was just on a Star Wars film, I was just in a Star Wars film for the last few months!’ I called my sister and said, ‘I’ve just been in Star Wars!’ and she was like, ‘yeah mate… we know!’”

You can always rely on a sibling for a reality check, accessorised with an eye roll, and for a bus journey to produce the ultimate epiphany. A best friend’s loo can equally be a grounding space, apparently: “I was in my friend’s loo when I found out I had the part. I got the call and then walked in really slowly, with a really red face. Shocked, she said, ‘WHAT happened in there?!’” See, I told you; Phoebe is a red-faced piece of us, just humbly making her way through Hollywood.

In a world, practically another galaxy away from her pal’s lav, the corridors that surround her normality are, for today, currently the stomping ground for her co-stars, Donald Glover, Emilia Clarke and the army of publicists that come along for the Star Wars ride. Phoebe, in stark contrast to the circus that encircles her, is the definition of #grounded with the Oyster card to prove it.

Discussing her first meeting with Chewbacca, she said: “you feel so safe in his arms. You’re also slightly frightened and a bit aroused.” It’s her friendship with said co-stars that will last well into the future.

I personally spent the grand total of 1.2 seconds in the company of Donald Glover and nearly fainted, so one can only imagine the effects filming with the chap for months on end would have: “I mean, THERE’S the force. The force is trying to prevent people falling at Donald’s feet – he’s incredible. He’s so cool, funny and he’s such a big thinker. He’s got a really cool perspective on the world. I think he’s going to be king of the world!” A forceful statement but indeed, true.

“He will talk about unbelievable high concept things in the space of ten seconds in a completely unpretentious and fun way. Then he will just leave, and you are like, ‘what’s happened?’ A friend of mine called him, ‘a Philosopher King,’ after meeting him, which is so cute!”

However, the Princess to her Leia, Emilia Clarke, became the person she sought advice from, explaining: “it’s like talking to THE Google, when you are talking to Donald about philosophical conversations, so I would go to Emilia for advice on how to interpret those intense chats!”

The bond between these two ladies – who come in at wildly different comedic heights, “I am four times the size of her,” Phoebe comedically comments – doesn’t stop at the philosophical. “It was my birthday during filming and I spent weeks telling everyone. When it came to the day, no one gave me any attention and then I walked into my trailer where Emilia had this enormous cake baked especially for me. It was the most incredible thing I had ever seen, it was piled so high, it was bigger than my robot head! She’s just a giver of love and I’d like to keep her!” Now that is a pairing that is out of this world.

Imagining Phoebe, “clumping around on set,” with her aforementioned over-sized robot head is something which could easily be lifted from her comedy sketch show, Flea Bag. The image alone could garner enough comedy gold for another BAFTA win, “I wore a really flattering skin-tight lime green body sock topped off with a full heavy droid head with two tiny little eye holes and a little tiny straw hole that they would occasionally feed me peanuts through. On top of that, they’d attach metal arms and legs – basically what you see in the film, I had on me at all times!”

At least joining Star Wars means you get paid to weightlift and you can pie your gym membership, then? “I was like, ‘maybe if you just give me a trainer and then I just become really, really hot.’ I had images of becoming this hot droid. Instead, the producers said, ‘no, no, no the kind of awkward, weird, ridiculous walk you do naturally suits L-3 perfectly.” Phoebe’s comedic charm goes right to her very wires.

By this point we are both collapsed into each other, laughing away as if we have been on the Jaegers for hours but it’s only 10am when the young queen of British Comedy hits me with the punchline: “I had to have a special seat to fit my droid ass in because it was so wide!” You can take the girl out of Flea Bag, but you can’t take Flea Bag out of the girl.

If you haven’t watched the show, which peppers this piece and forged Phoebe’s golden path to Star Wars, you are seriously missing out. Every beat of Flea Bag’s narrative – which stars PWB and is written by her – strikes a cutting chord with anyone who’s mumbled through an awkward chat with a chap you have been salivating over since last summer. Ultimately, the show tackles female sexuality through the canon of comedy and presents it on a very relatable platter. It’s worthwhile noting that IRL, Phoebe is actually happily married.

But in a post-#metoo world, I am intrigued to know if there is room for freely making jokes about female sexuality. Phoebe, ever the educated one woman-wonder, pauses to find the exact words, “I feel like it was a different conversation when it (Fleabag) came out. I think the tension and the pressure-cooker feeling of needing to talk about the complexities of female sexuality and the feelings around it was at a different stage then.”

Artfully articulated in the most approachable way, she continues, “being able to talk about female sexuality openly with a sense of humour outside of the political shift that happened afterwards with the ‘Me Too’ movementand all those horrible exposés was the relief at the beginning. But now the conversation is rightfully serious and there isn’t so much room for that. I think there’s always room for humour, but we were all in such shock, especially about the Harvey allegations and everything that was exposed about the pay gaps all across the industries. It suddenly stopped being funny and I felt like I couldn’t write jokes as easily around the topic of female sexuality.”

Ultimately, Phoebe professes, “you don’t want to risk sounding like you are taking the p*ss out of something that could really be an agent for change and all these conversations could really be changing things.” Word.

Rest assured, Phoebe isn’t totally put off from tackling tricky subject matters as her latest writing project, Killing Eve, starring Jodie Comer as an security operative hunting down a badass assassin played by Grey’s Anatomy‘s Sandra Oh, is set to hit the BBC this summer. Doing her best QVC pitch for the show, Phoebe in full endearing saleswoman mode, exclaims, “I was so excited about the performances and I was so excited by the fearlessness of those two lead performances and how well they orbit each other because they are so well-balanced and FIERCE!”

Just like the droid she plays in Han Solo – who the actress says, “starts a rebellion by mistake and goes, ‘oh look I smashed that!’” – Phoebe may have accidently started a revolution in the way television deals with female sexuality, redefining our galaxy from within.

This is the feminist revolution and this your captain, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, speaking. Over and out.

‘Han Solo: A Star Wars Story’ is released on 24th May 2018.

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The Thots Of Your Instagram Feed Explained By Bratz Dolls

If there’s one thing we all know about so-called viral makeup trends, it’s that 90% of them are bullshit. Squiggly eyebrows? Show me one person who is actually doing that in public. Just ONE! The people demand receipts! That being said, the latest viral makeup trend that may have slightly more credibility involves doing your makeup to mirror a Bratz Doll, aka what Kylie Jenner does every damn day of her life. We all remember Bratz, the heavily made-up dolls with lip fillers no feet and the most extra looks imaginable. These dolls took the Betches “dress like a slut” philosophy and monetized it for children. The early 2000s really were something, eh? Basically, the Bratz were thots before Instagram launched thotism as we know it today. In hindsight, we can now see clearly that each Bratz doll corresponds to a very real and very special variety of thot who fills our feeds with her selfies daily. Here’s how each of them break down:

Chloe – The Wannabe Thot

Truly a special breed, Chloe—nicknamed “Angel” because she doesn’t get how nicknames work (see: Sami Sweetheart)—wants desperately to be a background vocalist on a local rapper’s mixtape, but is quite simply too white to function. She makes vague references in her Insta photos about being “hard” and her “struggles,” but you remember her from second grade and are pretty sure she grew up in the rich person suburb next to yours. Chloe’s biggest accomplishment are her contributions to thirst-trappery, where she is truly unmatched. Your feed is constantly filled with photos of herself that you are legally required to screenshot and send to your group chat with the text, “You can see her vagina in this, right?!?!” Occasionally, Chloe’s Instagram will go dark because too many people reported her account as porn, but she always comes back with a long screenshotted note directed at “haters” full of strange grammatical choices and vague references to how you “just gotta do you.”

Occupation: Aspiring Pop Star

Insta Bio: “All U Bitches Mad” – My new SiNgLe oUt NoW On SoUndCloud! Link In Bio<3 xoxoANGEL

Example: Iggy Azalea, Niykee Heaton

Jade – The International Thot

Jade, whose nickname is Kool Kat (again, not how nicknames work), wants you to know that she is the ho the phrase “hos in different area codes” is referring to. You keep following Jade mainly because you’re trying to figure out how a person who does not appear to have a job is constantly traveling to different countries. Your entire group chat has basically concluded she’s a high-end escort of some kind, but the rules of feminism state that you must continue to support her by liking her photos in hopes that one day she’ll invite you along on one of her journeys. You know she has at least one boyfriend who is a sultan because of the time she stayed in that spinning hotel in Dubai, and she appears to be on a mission to Instagram herself standing next to every luxury hotel pool on the planet. 20 years from now you’ll check back in on her and find out she’s in jail for smuggling cocaine in her butt and everything will make sense. 

Occupation: “Entrepreneur”

Insta Bio: They say a smile is the same in every language, well so is Resting Bitch Face<3 Jetsetter <3 Student of Fashion <3 HMU On WhatsApp

Example: Tila Tequila (Before she became an alt-right Nazi)

Yasmin – The Actually Successful Thot

Yasmin, nicknamed Pretty Princess (can someone put me in touch with a Bratz representative? we need to talk about nicknames…), doesn’t need the thot life for money or food or weight loss tea endorsements. Yasmin is a thot purely for the love of the game, and honestly, you kind of respect it. You started following Yasmin because you were fascinated by her ability to seemingly have erect nipples at all times, but you stayed after she requested you on LinkedIn and you realized she was a low-key successful businesswoman. Sheryl Sandberg by day, Ariel Winter by night, Yasmin’s account is private for a . Does she have her own line of lipsticks that makeup vloggers are raving about? Yes. Is that going to stop her from posting pics of herself in bed with captions like “Come find me ;)?” Hell the fuck no. Is Yasmin a feminist icon, or does her very existence set women back thousands of years? Unclear, but you’re not going to unfollow until you find out.

Occupation: CEO Of Yas Cosmetics

Insta Bio: Follow @yascosmetics for latest swatches! Get money, get paid. Real friends only. Not accepting new follow requests.

Example: Kylie Jenner

Sasha – The Batshit Crazy Thot

You don’t know Sasha IRL, but you are legitimately concerned for her safety. Every other week, Sasha appears to be embroiled in some kind of major crisis, and she has no qualms about sharing every detail of those crises on social media. Bless her heart. There was the time she was moonlighting at a Florida strip club and a loose dog bit her on the leg (“Please donate to my GoFundMe surgery page y’all! My foot is fucked!”). There was the time her ex boyfriend Snoop Dogg (different Snoop Dogg) crushed her apartment with a helicopter (“Venmo me @Sasha2Fierce2Furious y’all! My roof is fucked!). And, of course, there was the time she didn’t post for a few weeks and you were sure she was dead but then her Insta story revealed she just trapped on a boat (Tweet my whereabouts using #FindSasha! Where tf am I?!?! Our navigation tools are fucked!”). Sasha’s life is a beautiful human train wreck, and you have no choice but to follow obsessively and hope you can make it to her funeral. It’ll probably be lit. 

BTW, her nickname is apparently “Bunny Boo” and I’m calling the police. 

Occupation: “Dancer”

Insta Bio: Bitches Ain’t Shitttttt – http://ift.tt/2wWdJwk to help me find my son!!! where tf is he!?!?

Example: Blac Chyna

Raya – The Religious Thot

Raya, aka Sun Rayz (kill me), was the fifth Bratz doll added to the pack, mainly because she was a full-fledged Christian before that point. Raya was raised in the light of the Lord, but after a fashion-internship-turned-stint-on- took her to New York, Raya has converted to the Church Of Thotism and she is never looking back. But don’t worry, Raya has not fully turned her back on Jesus. Each of her selfies, cleavage pics, and thirst traps are accompanied by a caption like, “God is great!” or “Living in HIS light<3” and she is not above just straight-up posting a Bible verse from time to time. How she reconciles her thot lifestyle with her love of Christ, you’re not sure, but photos of herself at Sunday service in a bodysuit tell you she’s doing just fine. One day she’ll scrub her entire Insta presence and return with an entirely new persona after marrying a secretly gay pastor and popping out a baby named Zion or Abraham or some shit. She’ll act like everyone has forgotten her former thot life, but you have the screenshots to prove it.

Occupation: Homemaker

Insta Bio: The Lord Has Plans For This One Right Here <3, Christian, Future Mommy, 32D

Example: Raven Gates 

 Read more: http://ift.tt/2wVB7Kw

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2xEUb3i via Viral News HQ