#it happens too much. it needs to stop. i cant do this. im at my limit. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-depths-of-the-coral-sea · 8 hours ago

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im sorry, i think ill take a week off tumblr from monday onwards :( ill schedule some posts on here so you guys wont miss me fully, promise<3

reasons utc(warning it gets a lil ranty but i promise nothing is targeted at you guys or anyone really but myself)

for one thing, im too addicted, too distracted. i love the community here, but its too much. i cant focus, and i need to if im going to make it through this school year.

also, i just. dont feel enough. ive always struggled with inferiority from always comparing myself to others. i have so many ideas, so many creations-to-be, but im too hooked on likes and reblogs and everything. too hooked on the feeling when someone sees and acknowledges my work. i cant help but feel that whatever i create, theres always going to be someone better that people really look at and enjoy. and its unhealthy, which is another reason why im taking a break. i have to love my creations before getting obsessed over whether other people do, because im done with hating something just because other people didn't like it or because i think other people won't like it

.lastly, i really need to open up to my parents more. i love talking to you guys and being so open, but at the end of the day, after all thats happened from october-december, it just doesnt feel right ranting online in general.

i love you guys, i really do, but its becoming too much and i need to know when to stop. i dont plan on deactivating any time soon though, trust<3

please take care of yourselves and dont disappear while im gone. hugs and kisses (platonically)<33

#i only speak chaos₊ ⊹☆⋆｡★₊ ⊹

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1980shorrorfilm · 5 months ago

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shotgun in my mouth the next time i search ellie williams on here and see joel miller smut.

#it happens too much. it needs to stop. i cant do this. im at my limit.#realistically who is searching ellie williams trying to see a male character x reader. like who is doing that.#tag rant over #ellie williams im so sorry hunny bunny #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams

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mueritos · 6 months ago

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a little strange to get dms from other trans people saying they agree with biden's dumb statemet that he doesnt want minors getting gender-affirming care. if you really think its such an epidemic that 13 year olds are getting their knockers blown off by surgeons every other day, then please point me in the direction of said 13 year olds that are somehow accessing gender-affirming care that literal trans adults can't even access.

like please be fr. we literally have privatized healthcare and insurance where not even people who go through the appropriate avenues can get approved for care they need to stay alive. what makes you think a trans minor is getting phallo or vaginalplasty. feel whatever you want about 13 year olds who want gender-affirming care, but dont parrot transphobic rhetoric that is based on no facts and a moral panic. they second they legitimize barriers to care for trans minors is the second they start finding ways to do the same for trans adults. dont be a buffoon.

#muerto talks #im sorry but you look a little foolish saying all that #especially as a trans person #do i think a 13 year old should get a major surgery? idk! im not said 13 year old! and neither are you!#leave that up for the 13 year olds and their team of doctors and family and friends and therapists and whatever #but limiting access to care #even if they have to wait a few years is still going to get trans kids killed #somehow intersex newborns getting their genitals mutilated to be easily categorized is not too young for such invasive surgeries #but a 13 year old is?#yeah i see whats happening here #an infant cant reject socially imposed ideas of gender much less consent to invasive surgery #but you will white knuckle whatever power you have over a child who dares to express themselves freely #i couldnt even get top surgery in my 20s without two letters of approval and several months of therapy proving that i needed this #u people will believe anything #use ur head please just for once and stop listening to the fears the moral panic spews at ys

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neptunescore · 1 month ago

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#just a vent post #none of yall need to read this shit #i just wanna put this shit out smwhr istead of keeping it inside of me #and im probs gonna delte this whole ass post later #but go im so sick and tired of this internalised homophobia inside of me #wberytime i begin accepting myself something will happen to me or I'll see smthng and the cycle will repeat #i feel like im being punished #and i know its allowed in my religion to feel the way i feel as long as i'm not really acting on it #and im okay woth that #my religion is abt showing restrain ahainst vertain things anyway #and just trusting god that theres a reason #and ill be rewarded for it one day #but qhy was i made this way then #anyway lol i cant believe i was doing better abt this too #just ignore this shit this post is more for me than anyone #i just cant stop crying abt it today #i weas doing laundry and i started crying #i was washiing my bathroom and i started crying #i was showering and i started crying #i hate rhis so much

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zymstarz · 7 months ago

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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

#zymart #zymtalk #rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st #the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL #i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board #bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route #and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week #then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly #in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized #after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly #SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it #oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi #i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie #[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now #idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim #but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it #anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe #edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months ago

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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that

if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it

#snap chats #no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game #oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k #OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think #my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious #rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final #HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE #i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that #i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki #someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it #like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but #i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital #the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe #cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3 #its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think #it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little #and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly #idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me #THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED #i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell #is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form #i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments #BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow #im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE

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jackass-jones · 5 months ago

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re: udg reblog,

clearly the solution to “oh i love this but i don’t think anyone should play it” is to write a fic with only the good parts and none of the bad parts but then you have this big empty space where the bad parts were so you just make something up that seems vaguely believable

that seems like a normal thing normal people do right?

RIGHT?

It’s always correct and totally won’t ever lead to agony as you look at the canon and scream because my god how are you supposed to salvage something this stupid why are you doing this you used to be so normal and not care oh god why does attacking the little girl make her pants fly off oh god why is delta a character

#ask #i love zwg truly. but i understand the agony #if i wanted to make a better version of udg or really any dr game i have no clue where id start my god theres so much happening #obviously the clown nonsense that is komaeda in that game needs to stay because theres really nothing better than seeing him be bullied #by a bunch of grade schoolers who throw milkshakes at him and draw on his face with sharpie #oh oh and the sexy byakuya fantasies need to stay too because if youre bad at the puzzles like me he just bullies you #its dry catered to the shit me and my sister meme about akjsks #the shit with the kids though..........yikes #also fuck shirokuma i cant stand him literally the most obnoxious character ever created #it felt good to kill him #i was doing a proper playthrough of udg last year see cuz id never played it myself #just watched playthroughs when i was 14 and edgy and had no frame of reference for good writing yet #so it was fun not only re experiencing the utter. obscenity that is this game and also trying to figure out the mechanics #its kinda fun sometimes until the boss fights happen then its like actually the worst thing ever i may have needed to walk around angrily #and basically i was on ch4 and stopped when there was a mission with haiji cuz i just. needed to stop #havent played since im too frightened aksjks #and yeah the agony of trying to rewrite a game is shared cuz im going through it with p3 #and basically basically i have been trying so hard and was in a good zone but basically i snapped recently #cuz the kirijo group stuff my god its just so bad that i like theres just no way i can make this game make sense #i have the one project where everything is restructured but then i have the stuff where like. I have to make this fit the game structure #loosely cuz it was just supposed to be a character analysis fic but basically my brain hath broken its kaboom #though p3 is a lot more workable than ztd is my god theres just too much happening at once there aksjks #you are so brave for what youve done Kay 🙏#and to any poor soul who wants to do a rewrite of a frustrating story......have fun. but watch out

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autisticlee · 2 months ago

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it's ridiculous how many people recommend mindfulness to me

I don't think I need to practice mindfulness when i'm acutely aware of every drop of water that hits my skin in the shower and every sound that exists within hearing distance all at once with the inability to ever turn that awareness off (without it resulting in a severely dissociated state)

#feels like needles are piercing my skin. and I sure do mind it!#had to stop my shower halfway through. couldn't deal with the sensory overload 😭#autistic #autism #sensory processing disorder #sensory overload #im aware of everything at all times. i need to be less mindful of sensory input and feelings!#im always one wrong sensation/thought/feeling away from an autistic meltdown. i cant be anymore “mindful” than this #my mind is FULL. full of too much of everything! i need to be practice more mindLESS. mindEMPTY 😭😭😭😭#except when dissociating which seems to happen more often than not 😭#lee rambles #so many times i talk about being stressed or something and people respond TRY MINDFULNESS and #why do you want me to try being even more aware of the things tbat are causing me stress and overwhelm? 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like people tell me to meditate with adhd. thats not gonna work. ill stim my way out of it and not realize i stopped hours ago

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mbat · 4 months ago

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honestly my biggest wonder about yesterdays drama was like... who even was that? not the person being called out, but the one calling them out. like, its one thing to make a throwaway to make a callout post, but to go on anon and try to pull unrelated people into it? this was clearly someone still in the taleblr server since they had screenshots from literally the same day in their callout

this isnt me taking sides because genuinely i have more important things to worry about than all that, but its different when it comes to this person because like... i just thought yall were different than that? maybe we all dont totally consider eachother friends entirely but i liked to think we were all somewhere around there for the most part

theres only so many of us and we all try to stay chill (to more or less success) because like... theres probably less than 100 of us left, and we're all adults by now as far as i know, and i know age doesnt really equal maturity, but its just so immature to try and stir drama by messaging unrelated parties.

honestly even if the person told me in private who they were its not like id make shit worse by posting about them or something because, again, i have bigger things to worry about, im just curious at this point. its not even an obligation for them to come forward, im just admitting that im curious.

if anything all i have to say is be the bigger person and block and move on when you dont like someone or something someone did. i get that you saw stuff that you found gross and you wanted everyone to feel the same way you did, but the rest of us just want to live our lives. plus i think the people that were messaged arent even in the discord so it was honestly even weirder to do that

ive had my fair share of seeing things that made me feel gross to see or read or know about, like, seriously i found out one of my friends was a pedo last year (and i promptly blocked the cunt). but it doesnt do anything to pull other people into the mess and try to start shit.

basically, just be more mature, cause i know yall are better than that. you dont have to read fics that you dont like, and you dont have to interact with people you dont like. your online experience is yours and the best option is always to block and move on. ive had my fair share of drama, and all it does is ruin peoples days, and not much else.

my biggest point, honestly, is that this is such a small fandom and i dont want whats left to come crashing down because some drama makes everyone left hate it here. i dont care whos right or wrong because literally whatever its internet drama, i just dont want this community to die out.

#taleblr #my post #plus about my ex-friend... im just satisfied in knowing theyre gross and insufferable enough that theyre not gonna have much luck #with relationships of any kind unless they make drastic drastic changes to themselves and their life.#and no i havent read the fic in question here because it just didnt sound like my kind of thing #and im definitely not proship but i seriously think its better to just move on #my thing is like... i dont want people writing about certain topics but i also know that i cant stop people #i dont like things that have been done on either side here which is why im not taking sides #you could argue im an unrelated party but i at least talked to the person a little bit yesterday in the server #i checked up on them after cause i was like 'oh this person i was talking to got banned i wonder what the deal was and if theyre ok'#because from our convo in the server they seemed nice even if they were a bit unknowing of the rules it seemed #and they basically just told me they wanted everyone to leave them alone. so yeah #ill leave them alone and everyone else should too and its just better for everyone to move on #im not going to make any more posts about this after mind you. i dont have asks or submissions on so the only way to contact me #is through my messages if anyone feels like it #or i guess if youre in the discord you could DM me on there too #but otherwise im not going to make any more posts because i just wanted to get this out of the way and move on with my day #i have a huge thing happening later and i dont need this weighing on my mind for it #just be more mature. just block and move on. dont be that guy that tries to bring other people into it that had nothing to do with it #and dont try to make this everyone elses problem #youre allowed to feel disgusted and angry or whatever you might be feeling. but dont make it everyone elses problem #also no i couldnt report my ex-friend because i didnt have the info and also i didnt have evidence more than them admitting to thoughts #and people cant be arrested for thoughts alone as much as you might wish they could #and also they werent ashamed of these thoughts which is why they were disgusting. they only hid them because they knew we would be #disgusted because were normal people. so anyway.#long post

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tsukasalover · 5 months ago

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sorry but i hate when people are like “what i think tsukasa would wear” or make outfits for canon him and then its something saki would actually wear. or just something he would Never Ever willingly wear. idk how to say this but he has such a Boring Big Brother Slash Dad Style. Thats like. His thing. Nothing burger. A sandwich without mayo. Its dry.

#put tsukasa in all the cute outfits you want i guess at the end of the day i cant tell anyone what to do but if you genuinely believe he’d #wear them or that thats his fashion taste you might need to look at him a few more times #i talk abt him way too much dear lord #oh but i think him crossdressing for a role is something that should happen #stay on ur little hamster wheel. never stop the grind. ur an actor. anime protag determination #tsukasa tenma #tenma tsukasa #rant #hes so ugly its actually insane #need to accept that im hyperfixated on him but hes also so stupid and his fans make me feel like im deep frying my brain

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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screamingay · 6 months ago

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somehow these current roommates we have are the worst that ive known yet and last semester we literally had a girl who smoked cigs IN her bedroom. list of grievances below lol