#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[inhonoredglory]

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE03, Ep1

I’m here! The final season continues from where se02 oddly left, right in the middle of a conversation! XD.

-Tohru’s crushed heart (scarf): Excellent symbolism!

Tohru, burdened with trying to lift the curse of teen & adult sohmas, is now also troubled by trying to help Arisa’s romantic life is sad for akito! Too much for compassionate selfless tohru. Unable to help, protect & erase the pain, tohru crumbles. Freezes. Her white scarf (heart) flies away, gets crushed by cars & becomes dirty. But here comes a boy ( who thinks himself a monster) picks it up, cleans & returns it back. He thinks nothing of his deed. nothing heroic abt saving a scarf, really. But do we need to be heroes to save others? kyo saves tohru by being kyo. Not the zodiac cat & not the menacing monster. Her heart is saved by him, shown much care & returned back. Mind you, the heart (scarf) is not brand new after the delima. It’s not very clean after being crushed, some marks remain, but these are marks of growth!!! you walk away after hardships carrying minor scars of victory. This scene solidify kyo’s role in tohru’s life as an equal companion. Not a heroic prince charming. It is the little things he does that shows who he is. kyo isn’t abt big soft words, he doesn't say the best things. he is a man of action. His care, love & compassion comes so very easily & naturally to him thro actions. This is what yuki meant by saying he’s jealous of kyo. Yuki over thinks his steps & doubt everything before he acts. Kyo acts spontaneously then doubts himself later. He saves the scarf (heart) then tells her directly to buy another one if she feels it’s not clean. He failed to see how this trivial action meant the world to tohru. Tohru smiles lively cuz her heart is back to her.

Why is the scarf scene so important? (aka furuba’s best usage of symbolism yet!)

It symbolizes tohru’s toxic flaw that she must overcome! It represents tohru’s tormented heart over other ppl’s pain with severe neglect to her own problems & issues. Arisa’s love life shouldn’t be tohru’s delima, nor Akito’s complex or Kureno’s or the damned curse. Tohru toxically chooses to bear other burdens’ until they crush her.

Hana can’t come to save tohru from pain each time tohru indulges in it. Tohru must realize her own flaw & grow up beyond this toxic type of kindness. Feel & help others, but don’t use them to escape your pain & don’t indulge in their own struggles & neglect yourself. There is a reason hana’s knowing of tohru’s pain is thro “magical” waves, to symbolize that this can’t become a norm, not real. You can’t depend on magic to grow. I love that!

The white scarf bearing smudges of the tires even after kyo washed it shows that kyo’s love & care can’t magically heal all tohru’s pain. It parallels kyo’s words from se01, ep,24 when he said tohru didn’t heal all his pain, but he feels better simply cuz she stayed by his side. Tohru now is feeling better cuz kyo chose was there for her. Love doesn’t magically heal you, kids! But it sure puts you on the path! Also, this once again adds more depth to the (tohru/kyo) equal give & take dynamics.

This scene deconstruct the image of Tohru represented as an angelic mother throughout 2 seasons. Instead, It paints her as a real flawed girl with much need for growth. Exactly, like how we have learned by now that kyo isn’t a horrible monster nor a prince charming saving the day, but a flawed boy with much need for growth. However, these two push each other forward in a subtle way through daily situations! Excellent writing!!

-Kureno. (aka. who tohru should never become):

The harmful kindness: Kureno is someone who hurts himself & hurt many others (akito, arisa, shigure, & consequently the rest of the zodiacs) by giving the harmful types of kindness to akito, by completely erasing his own needs, desires & living for the sake of someone who would be far better without him. Kureno is who tohru might have become if she selflessly continues fighting solely for the sohma’s sake & trying to break the curse while ignoring her own life. She’ll become as miserable as kureno & the zodiacs will become dependable on her.

The destructive pity: Kureno pities this tormented child (akito) & chooses to stay with her until her tears dry. This pity is destructive cuz it is done while he wishes to be miles away with Arisa & it encourages akito to stay as she is. Look, a child whose mom hates her deserves pity. But an adult woman needs to learn to build relationships based on mutual affection & respect. This talk of pity reminds me of kyo & kagura. Kagura pitied the cat zodiac. The relationship was doomed cuz kyo refuses pity. It doesn’t matter if her pity turned into love later. Kyo doesn’t want that from her or anyone. There is NO equality there. We know tohru came to love kyo for all the times he was there for her & all the times he pushed her to improve, to complain, to want things! she said so in se01, ep, 24. But we also know that young baby tohru pitied the cat when her mom told her the zodiacs story. what if kyo thinks tohru’s affection is pity???? that’s a big NO for him & for every person. I really want tohru to be as far from any kurno’s traits as possible!!!

-Akito, the pitiful woman:

Akito was born a girl, forced to be raised as a boy by her mother’s demands? where is the father?? she was hated by her mother. why? she also hates her mom. (hate your child & they’ll hated you). So, akito is doomed by her mom. Akito tries to prove that she’s loved by the zodiac “she specified the male zodiacs” interesting! we saw how she hates both Isuzu & kisa & doesn’t give a damn abt kagura. This woman, forced to pose as a man, actually desires to be treated as a woman. As for the other zodiacs:

No worries abt hatori leaving cuz he’s 24/7 attending to her health.

Ayame makes tea exclusively for her & hatori.

she thinks Ritsu is too timid to attempt leaving.

Hiro’s a baby, momiji is hated cuz she can’t break him.

Kyo is destined to be locked. but Why she cares abt the cat anyway?? She publicly hates him & feels disgusted by him.

She used to control yuki but can’t anymore.

she uses intimacy to bound those who “can” leave her the most: kurno! & shigure? she sleeps next to shigure in the valentine ep. hatori remarked: don’t let akito catch cold. We saw the sexually charged rage in se02, ep10. So, she isn’t faithful to kureno. They don’t have a relationship. She doesn’t even have a relationship with shigure, either. to her, sex is a tool to tie them both to her?

It is ironic that the person who said she despises woman & accuses Isuzu of seducing hatori is herself seducing others. Except, tragically, kureno isn’t with her for herself, but cuz he pities her. We saw her slapping & embracing him. Next scene; her bare shoulders & his unbuttoned shirt clearly implies they got intimate which is what akito does to feel secure in kureno not leaving her. Kureno is not even interested in her despite submitting to her advances, needs & orders. He does it out of pity. Truly the most tragic form of physical affection: sex for pity. wow... how tragically pitiful is the abusive ruler of the zodiacs who looms over them & demands respect & eternal bonds. How can she find someone who’ll love her for herself, if she doesn’t learn to show good sides of her? Yuki wasn’t loved for who he is in school, but for being the “prince”, he showed his real character & got himself true friends & soon a lover!!!  Kyo, was feared & pitied for turning into a “monster”, but once he showed his kind & harmless self, he got himself true friends & a girl who loves him for his actual personality! Who will love akito for who she is if she only shows a spoiled child, horrible family head or a pitiful woman? What does shigure love in her? he doesn’t seem to pity her nor pamper her much, does he?  perhaps we’ll know more abt the real akito later.

Side notes:

Akito’s mom reminded me of kyo’s dad. Abused children, who are hated by their parents, don’t let go of the hurt easily. they’ll always try to either get their approval, show them they were worthy of their love, or they’re NOTHING like their parents think they are. eg: Kyo’s biological father’s hate has destroyed kyo. Kyo have kazuma & tohru & he still wonder why they love him. It took kyo 17 years to actually promise to call kazuma "dad” one day in se01 finale. You need time to heal the wounds inflected by the ones who should love you the most. Being loved by others doesn’t magically heal you! You need to take few steps forward.

Isuzu is Ren’s clone! finally understanding why the severe hate from akito towards Isuzu. I’ll wait for more Ren/Akito content before analyzing their relationship.

Ren is so sexy. ngl, the scene of the zodiacs touching her belly after she just *conceived* akito is so creepy~ ew! 

Hana picked up tohru first before kyo, cuz this show isn’t exclusive for romantic love as much as it isn’t exclusive for friendship. There is balance. 

Tohru needs her own future, so does Arisa & hana! Learn to accept the limit of what you can do as a friend, tohru.. forever loving furuba for steering away from “friends stay together forever~yay” anime trope! Furuba is abt independent & individual adult life! building your own future! Epic writing!

Forever fascinated by how much the little small ordinary daily life things has really built kyo-tohru love! It feels so real & very uniquely built! Excellent writing!

Arisa is stuck with an adult man trapping himself in the most unnecessary love triangle. Kureno’s cage is self made, no curse. A very sheltered boy/man not living in the real world. Only two options for kureno if he continues this path: he’ll hurt akito, or akito will hurt him. We know the answer from the trailer, don’t we?

Arisa letting go of kuron is growth! Let go & live, girl!

There is a subtle theme of learning to let go in furuba~

Yuki is the biggest kyoru shipper!

Tohru intentionally hitting kyo with scarf’s pon-pon is my fave side of her! intentional flirting shows change from her little girl’s good girl attitude to her own type of a feisty woman! after all, she’s nearly 18!

The way the camera moved when kyo spotted the scarf was so good!

The director is obsessed with flying!! did he work on attack on titans? cuz the Ren-akito flying fight reminded me of Titan Eren strangling Titan Annie in AOT se01 finale! but chibi version! XD. I’m sorry for akito’s pain, but I was distracted by laughing! XD

look, if you plan to dramatize a situation, know your budget & your skills. Obviously, the director knew the scene is badly done, hence, the wide far away, dim lit shot to hide as much as it can. Couldn’t he do without it? let akito strangle her to the ground without flying!

oh well~these over-the-top shots are now a furuba trade mark~ just praying they stick with one weird shot per season.

[azaffranist]

Frozen 2 deleted/early content

On the road to F2 there were tons of leaks and I saved as many of them as I could in the fear that Disney would delete them (because they loved to shut down whole websites because of that back in the day). As a result I have a lot of pictures saved on my phone and looking back on them... some don’t sound quite right because it’s definitely not what I saw in the movie. So here’s everythinggg I have. I did my best to organize stuff a bit but there are so many things it was... hard. Feel free to add more stuff in reblogs, replies and such!

Something to note is that we won’t take into account the “officially” released deleted content, which would include everything that’s in the Blu-ray, because basically everyone already saw that (Home, I Seek the Truth, Get This Right, Unmeltable Me, the Secret Room scene, Hard Nokks, etc). Generally, we won’t be analyzing deleted scenes from the official trailers, either, because of this very reason. Something “official” that we will consider, though, are the deleted clips animators have been releasing on Instagram and other sites, because those aren’t that popular.

Before starting here’s the link to all the deleted F2 lines I could find as well as some other additions. The post itself has even more links to other posts containing deleted content so have fun clicking on links. 

Last thing to mention, none of the merch photos here are taken by me. I got most of them from the leaks channel of the Arendelle Kingdom server during 2019. If any image in this post belongs to someone here and you want to be credited please let me know and I’ll edit the post.

This post is long. Like really, really, lagging-my-browser-as-I’m-writing-it long. So grab some popcorn and get comfortable or just take a look at what interests you.

So without further ado, let’s get started!

Deleted Artbook Content

One of the most exciting leaks we got were definitely these sample artbook excerpts. None of these pages made it into the final artbook, though.

This piece definitely belongs in Iduna and Agnarr’s backstory, in which the Northuldra leader wasn’t an ordinary man but a shapeshifter.

The biggest picture in this page points to yet another version of Iduna and Agnarr’s backstory. It’s possible to deduce Bruni hadn’t been fully developed yet or created at all since the fire isn’t pink.

The one on the bottom right seems to be an earlier version of the “forest freed” scene in the final movie, or maybe it happened in another moment altogether.

The most interesting of the three, though, is this one. Nothing in the movie points to the existence of a place like this. It’s interesting to note that this peculiar house looks very similar to Iceland’s “elf houses”, tied to the myth of the Huldufólk, “hidden people”, who were said to be small and live in a parallel world, being able to make themselves visible at will.

These are definitely the inhabitants of the Enchanted Lands, who look completely different than in the final movie with their long cloaks, hoods and staves. They look like mages. Were these the very first concepts of the Northuldra, or another group of characters altogether that ended up being scrapped? Only Ahtohallan knows...

Even though the tree and the vegetation illustration is in the book, there’s one missing and that one is the bottom left. One of the most popular theories in the fandom regarding that illustration is that it was an Arendellian military camp tied to the expedition to the Enchanted Lands. I think what we got in the movie is a watered down version of a much more violent and sinister endeavor to invade the Northuldra. The above mentioned deleted scene of the battle of Arendellians agains Northuldrans is proof of that.

This one shows the Arendellian gang and most likely Mattias looking at the walls of a cave with drawings on it depicting the Nokk among other things that I can’t quite make out. I’ve heard people say that an earlier version of F2 involved the gang encountering Mattias in a volcanic cave and that’s where this scene would go, but I don’t know if those are rumors or there’s an actual source. If someone happens to have knowledge on this topic in particular please let me know and I’ll update the post.

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Incomplete Frozen Fan Fest books and their alternate scenes

As I’ve mentioned in another post, Frozen Fan Fest happened on October 4th, 2019, and it was the official release of the movie’s first merchandise. We were all super excited to look at the storybooks and read the ending!

Except there was no ending and the books ended abruptly right before Olaf’s death, completely skipping over Show Yourself.

You hear that? “Elsa bravely dives into the Dark Sea”. We know the Dark Sea scene was shortened and that’s more proof.

This section of a Frozen 2 storybook explains how it went a bit better. After Elsa was defeated twice by the ferocious waves she climbed up some giant rocks and dove back in. Only Ahtohallan knows how that would be effective in this situation and not a waste of strength, but hey, I’m sure it looked super cool and I’d be down to see it.

”Elsa trudged through terrible winds and thick snow”... um... she didn’t? This might’ve been created when Show Yourself wasn’t a thing yet and her path through Ahtohallan was just that, trudging through terrible winds and snow, and not an inspiring song about self-love and finding yourself. I wonder how that scene would’ve looked.

Maybe we can find something relating to that “unused” section of Ahtohallan in a book called “Anna, Elsa and the Secret River”. Basically Iduna tells them that there’s a secret river out there and after the lullaby Elsa and Anna go nuts and try to look for the river outside. Seems like it was all a shared acid trip because next morning they seriously consider it was a dream.

Maybe here they didn’t realize they were in front of a river, because “Glaciers are rivers of ice” and this is what that Ahtohallan Elsa ventured into originally would’ve looked like? The white river doesn’t know...

This is by far one of my favorite ones. I wouldn’t exactly describe post-Show Yourself as a moment of calm and peace. Maybe peace but definitely not calm. Then it says that the signal meant that “she managed to cross the sea”. That’s a really weird way to describe “horrifying ice statue of colonialist grandpa killing an innocent native man”. I don’t know if they’re hiding the actual plot here of if they hadn’t yet worked out all the details of SY and the moment Elsa found the truth.

Anna has her cloak on as she finds the truth. Readers have no idea what this enlightening truth is because the ice statue is indistinguishable.

As it shows here, the original Iduna being Northuldra reveal was going to happen in a different way. I’m glad we got that final version... Because wow, Elsa and Anna are completely unable to connect the dots here. Anna was smart enough to figure out what to do after receiving Elsa’s message, c’mon! This should’ve been piece of cake...

 Iduna called Elsa “Little Snow”. This points to an alternate All is Found scene and we’ll talk about that more in depth later.

Same scene. Translation is: 

“While tucking the little princesses in, Queen Iduna sang them a lullaby about a far-away river called Ahtohallan, which holds all the answers about the past.

“Does Ahtohallan know why I have powers?” asked Elsa her mother.

“If it exists, it definitely knows that and much more,” answered the Queen.

So in this earlier version, Elsa has always asked herself if Ahtohallan had the answer to her powers... Doesn’t this make Show Yourself work even better? Here she always looked for that answer and she’d learn that she is the answer. I wonder why they took it out because it makes a lot of sense and would give buildup to Show Yourself.

Here what really matters are the squares with text. Olaf never ran through moss or became covered in it. Olaf never looks down a brook to be met by Nokk’s gaze from below. Maybe it’s an alternate When I’m Older?

And relating to that particular piece of merch:

Seems like in an earlier version, the Nokk was associated with waterfalls.

Everyone shut up there’s SWORD ANNA here. Found in a coloring book. I don’t speak Italian but Google Translate says: 

“Anna is a brave one: she does not hesitate to draw her sword to defend her sister Elsa and her friends from any new threat.”

GOOD FOR HER! This is definitely from the version we were shown in the teaser, when Anna wielding an actual sword and slicing someone with it was still a thing. Man, how I wanted that to happen...

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Alternate fully animated scenes found in animators’ posts

After the release of Frozen 2, animators started to post scenes they had worked on and showing the process behind them. Some of them were deleted, are different in the final movie, or have a completely different score accompanying them.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Adam Green (@agreenster) on Apr 6, 2020 at 5:31pm PDT

A completely different dialogue during the boat scene. Pretty heartbreaking and it’s even more buildup for TNRT, when Anna was left by literally everyone she loved in the planet.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Trent Correy (@trentanimation) on Apr 14, 2020 at 8:50am PDT

Apparently, for whatever reason, Gale was going to appear in the castle first.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Trent Correy (@trentanimation) on Mar 29, 2020 at 10:51am PDT

Olaf’s revival was going to be way different, and this implies that his death might’ve been different, too. Maybe his snow just dissipated and didn’t go anywhere? Maybe instead of being neatly placed by a waterfall, it fell all over the Enchanted Lands? I have no idea.

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A post shared by Mariusz Furmanczyk (@mariofurmanczyk) on Mar 21, 2020 at 7:11pm PDT

I absolutely LOVE this one, okay, and I have no idea why they’d leave it out. Turn your sound on and listen to the much more tragic alternate score. But more importantly, pay attention when she turns to solid ice: just like in F1 with Anna, her last breath is visible. Beautiful parallels, poetic cinema, and I’m hurt and confused and I want it in the movie. Excuse me while I call the police.

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A post shared by Mariusz Furmanczyk (@mariofurmanczyk) on Feb 26, 2020 at 5:47pm PST

Here the only change is the different score as she unfreezes. I love it so much. It’s so tragic, heavy and powerful. You can basically hear the fragility of Elsa’s fate as the ice breaks and she falls. Help. Here, here, and here, you can see other glimpses of this beautiful alternate score. Once again I’m calling the police and telling them Disney hurt my feelings by leaving this out.

I’ve hit the 5 videos limit already, but here is a link to an animation by jdublish. The change isn’t the scene itself but the completely different siren call Elsa hears. Much more ominous and creepy and I also love it, even though I have to admit the final siren call sounds catchier and more iconic. Also, kids under five won’t start crying of fear when they hear it.

Then there were also plenty of changes in the Elsa vs Nokk scene and we got to see one. Thanks to @justlookatthosesausages for pointing this out and letting me use her gif! The original video was set to private for some reason so I can’t post a Youtube link, but this is @justlookatthosesausages‘ gif:

Elsa struggled way more in the original version. Go to her post to see a comparison with the final version.

And now the awaited All is Found alternate scene! Thanks a lot to @lovewillthaw-j who helped me collect all the scenes. 

First two scenes from the trailers: the Official one, Elsa looks up and Iduna gazes at the northern lights.

The Japanese one, in which Iduna kisses Elsa’s hands. @catloafs pointed that out after F2′s release so thanks!

And the last two were found by @antoineharrakblog, so thanks for that! Here and here.

BUT there’s no need to click a bazillion links because @lovewillthaw-j‘s post reconstructs in a single video what the original scene would’ve been like. Go watch it!

UPDATE: Additions by @antoineharrakblog​. Thanks a lot!

Here we can see that originally, as the elements fled and Kristoff held Olaf, he yelled, “Wow, you’re heavy!”. Don’t know why this would be removed. Maybe they wanted to keep the scene serious? Maybe they needed to shorten the movie so that it didn’t exceed 100 minutes and cut little jokes like that?

 And here, showing Elsa seeing how Iduna saved her father, there’s some deleted dialogue: “Get the prince out of here!” “King Runeard, what did you decide?” in addition to a much more tense score in general.

_________________________

UPDATE: Screencaps of deleted/alternate scenes

Thanks a lot to @antoineharrakblog for bringing all of these pictures to my attention! Multiples screencaps have appeared in different magazines or books that clearly didn’t make it to the movie.

Anna never makes that movement in the final movie. There’s more proof of an alternate/extended “Elsa and Anna talk” scene.

This is another one. There exists a lower quality version of this picture which I can’t find right now, but it shows that Anna and Elsa are sharing kransekake in this particular scene (the particular food that we can see at the beginning of OFA).

These are all part of the All is Found scene we’ve been talking about. In the final movie we can see that All is Found serves as a sort of “bridge” between the past and the present, as it transitions from Iduna singing the song to Elsa to Elsa in the castle, reminiscing. But originally, Iduna finished singing All is Found in the past. There’s proof of this here. 

_________________________

UPDATE: Novelization deleted content

This information was provided by @theupsidedownpyramid​ so thanks a lot! There are some really interesting deleted scenes in the novelization.

In this one, Elsa felt the urge to release her magic after hearing the voice at the end of All is Found.

In the novelization Mattias and Yelena’s (or Yelana? Disney will never decide) relationship was a lot deeper than what was shown in the movie.

For more information and a more thorough analysis, read @theupsidedownpyramid​‘s reblog!

_________________________

Miscellaneous

So there’s only one image in this section but believe me, it’s so worth it. 

An animator casually mentioned that there was going to be a head kiss scene. Process it. Can’t? I can’t either.

_________________________

Wow I’m TIRED. I must’ve missed something but that’s all my brain can handle as of now. Thank quarantine for giving me the opportunity to work on this post all day.

Disney committed war crimes when they deleted some of these scenes. I have only one question: Why in the world would they do that? And more information might see the light of day in the future. I’ll never get tired of trying to piece together the convoluted puzzle that is the original Frozen 2.

I will update this post if I remember something else or if someone else has more content to share. Let’s reconstruct F2 together to visualize that movie Disney deemed too cool for us!

UPDATE: Into the Unknown: the Making of Frozen 2 Documentary finally has a concrete release date, June 26th. Let’s hope we can see more stuff then!

[excindrela]

Ho(e)

Pairing: Reader x YoonHo (Ayno- VAV)

Word Count: 2822

Genre: AU/ Angst/ If you cross your eyes and squint hard there’s some humor & sap

Warnings: Cursing, someone gets smacked, mentions of sex

A/N: This is my first fic ever. I’m having serious anxiety about posting it. I welcome feedback (please be kind).

“Yeah so Ho came over on Sunday night”

“Shocker. What’d you guys do? The usual?”

“Yeah. Kind of. We had Daenjang Jjigae and kimchi pancakes for dinner and then we watched The Avengers.”

“Cool.”

“…and then we fucked.”

You probably should have waited to drop this bombshell until Alyssa had swallowed the gulp of Coke she had just taken, because she spit it out all over the table.

“WAIT. WHAT?? I’m sorry, say that again!? Did you seriously just tell me that you fucked your BFF of 5 years, with whom you have the ultimate platonic skinship?”

“Yep. Well, technically, he fucked me, but we’re splitting hairs.”

“We are talking about Yoonho here, right? The tall supermodel looking dancer with the light-up-a-room smile & the damaged psyche?”

“Uh-huh. That’s him.”

“Whoa girl. I want the whole story, and I want details.”

So you told her the story. …and all the details.

Alyssa sat fanning her face. “Ok WOW. I need a cold shower now. Sooo…was he still there in the morning?? I mean the harsh light of day is the make it or break it, ya know??”

“Sort of? By the time I woke up he was out of the shower and dressed because he had to run because he was late.”

Alyssa gave you the look. “Late?”

“Yeah- the dance troupe is now gone for 2 weeks on a mini tour. They were leaving Monday at noon, and as usual, Ho hadn’t packed.”

“So did he say anything?”

“No? He kissed me goodbye & told me he’d call me when he got back.”

“Like *kissed you* kissed you? Or just kissed you?”

“No….like wedding kissed me? You know: it’s a little too long & your lips are a little too soft to be platonic, but it’s not a real kiss either.”

“Mmmmhmmm….I‘m not so sure about this.” Alyssa said raising an eyebrow. “How are you feeling about it??”

Well that was the big question, wasn’t it? Yoonho had been your best friend for 5 years. He’d seen you through through a couple of your hook ups followed by glowing relationships that ended in tragic break-ups, and quite honestly knew you inside and out. You had a secret crush on him that you’d been nursing for 4.5 of those 5 years…and you might have tried to put moves on him earlier, but…it’s just that…well, Ho was a hoe.

A somewhat neglectful childhood, followed by several years as bullied trainee had left Yoonho with waffling self-esteem, somewhat emotionally needy and craving attention and affection at any cost. The fact that he was a) drop dead gorgeous and b) bi-sexual meant that he had a lot of options open to him…and he availed himself of them all. Most were casual hook-ups: one night stands or flings that lasted a couple weeks to a month at the most. His first boyfriend had been a guy who was already in the dance team when Ho joined. He took Ho’s virginity and they dated for a year or so until the guy left to go to dance for Tokyo Disneyland. Then there were a couple girls at the studio he was with for a few months, and a boy at the summer intensive he attended, and then another girl at the dance studio he dated for a few months last year- but those were the closest thing to a “relationship” he had. Really he was just a giant whore, willing to do whatever with whoever to make himself feel loved and needed in that moment.

Watching him live his life this way kind of broke your heart. He had so much to offer- Yoonho was, honestly, a great guy and would be awesome bf material…except for the whole being a giant slut thing. He told you in detail about all his sexcapades, and you made it a point to never be judgmental; instead taking any opportunity to try to raise his self -esteem, and encourage him to see his self-worth and pursue healthy relationships. It pained you to think about how good you could take care of him and how much you would cherish him…but you also knew that a true and solid friendship was precious to him, so he was unlikely to do anything to risk it.

“I feel fine”, you lied to Alyssa, ���maybe we’re just moving from ‘skinship’ to ‘Friends With Benefits.’”

Alyssa was so not convinced. “Girl! Don’t lie to me! You have had a thing for him for, like, for-ever! How are you ok with this?”

You sighed. “OK. Ok. I am low key freaking out. But what do I do?? And now he’s gone for 2 weeks. So I guess I just have to overthink it for the next 14 days until he gets back & I see how he is.”

And overthink it you did. Two whole weeks to compulsively check Ho and the dance troops Instagrams…and wonder who he had hooked up with. So much time to replay every single moment – not just of that night, no- all of the last 5 years, and analyze every single action and word. You rushed to check every missed text and call in case it was him. It wasn’t. Most were Alyssa wanting to know if you had heard from him, or Music Plaza telling you they were having a sale.

It also gave you time to berate yourself and feel the gravity of the situation; and if you were totally honest with yourself: you loved being in Ho’s arms – even when it was just cuddling on the couch watching movies. Now you had finally been in them the way you always wanted, and the whole night had been as amazing as you always imagined it would be…but you had done the one thing you swore you’d never do: become one of the random animals on Ho’s fucked up carousel of fun. Not to mention that in doing so you had risked – if not completely ruined- your friendship with the person you treasured most.

***

At last, the fortnight of uncertainty came to an end when you finally saw a pic on the dance troupe’s Instagram posed in front of the studio thanking their fans for their support on the tour. They were back. You immediately felt nervous and had that slightly naustious feeling. When would he call? Would he just text? Was he going to act like nothing happened, or be fully freaked out??

Considering they had just arrived home, you weren’t surprised when you didn’t hear anything from him that day.  But you didn’t hear from him the next day either.

Or the next.

Or the next.

Or the one after that.

Or the one after that.

Not even the next day.

On the seventh day, you gave up. It was devastating. Tears poured down your cheeks as your heart broke, and you realized that the friendship had clearly meant more to you than him. BFF’s for more than a thousand days, and he had ghosted you without a word.

****

The sound of your phone whistling a text alert at 10:30 the following Wednesday night startled you. Surprise turned to shock when you saw the message was from Yoonho.

YH: Are you awake?

Y: Yes. What do you want?

YH: Can we talk?

Y: I guess.

YH: Not like this. Can I come over?

Y: …

YH: Please.

YH: Please.

Y: Fine. When?

YH: I’m downstairs

Y: Uh,ok.

You weren’t prepared. There was that nervous sick-to-your-stomach feeling again. You silently cursed yourself for not following through when you had decided you should block his number. You took 3 deep breaths and steeled yourself: you were not going to let him know he had wrecked you. Cool and dispassionate was the plan. You’d let him say whatever it was he wanted to say, and then you’d kick him out so you and your broken heart could cry and eat refrigerator cookie dough in peace.

Three very short minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door. You hesitantly opened it to find your (now ex) BFF standing there. His skin was gray, his nose was red, he either desperately needed a new razor blade - or hadn’t bothered to shave for a couple days, his lower lip was chapped and scabbed and the dark circles under his eyes suggested he hadn’t had very much sleep. He was wearing a pair of old ratty track pants and a baggy hoodie…he looked like shit. You were a tad offended.

“Hi.” He rasped.

“Hi. What do you want Ho?”

He looked at the floor. “I know you’re mad at me, but please let me explain.”

You arched an eyebrow and looked at him expectantly.

“I started getting a cold half way through the tour and by the time we got back I was running a 102 fever and my throat felt like it was on fire. I’ve been down with tonsillitis for the last week. I was contagious and I had no voice. I wanted to see you, but I didn’t want to get you sick.”

You glared at him. “You couldn’t text?!?”

He looked sheepish. “I slept for the first 2 days after we got back. …and then I really wanted to talk to you in person, but I couldn’t talk so I figured I’d just wait…and then I kept being sick…and then it had been 5 days…and…” He shook his head “Yeah. I’m stupid. I’m so sorry.”

You slapped him clean across his beautiful face. The crack of your palm colliding with his cheek hanging in the air as you completely lost it on him. “YES! YOU ARE! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!” you screamed. “You were my best friend! I know you don’t respect yourself, but I thought you at least respected me. You took advantage of me and then left me hanging. I’m not one of those desperate horny bitches or fuck bois you love defiling yourself with so much. Why?! Why would you treat me this way? Seriously…why would you use me when you probably have 5 ready and willing holes you can go shove your dick in that won’t give a crap when they never hear from you again?”

“I don’t do that anymore.” He said, so softly you almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”

“I said, I don’t do that anymore. You’re the only person I’ve been with in the last 6 months.”

“I’m the only person you’ve slept with…” you clarified.

“No. You’re the only person I’ve done anything with. I haven’t even kissed anyone else.”

You must have looked confused. He walked over and sank down onto the couch patting the spot opposite him. Ho sighed and took a deep breath before continuing.

“You remember HeeJun’s Chuseok party last year?”

“The one where you got raging drunk and threw up on my date?”

He smiled devilishly. “That’s the one.”

You remembered. Ho got totally smashed, barfed on your date, and then fell down the stairs. Your date went home and never called again, and you spent the rest of the night at the hospital with Ho while he cried and got stitches.  You would have been pissed beyond reason had he not been so pathetic.

“I didn’t know you were bringing a date. …and then when I saw you there with that guy…he kept putting his arm around you, and you would smile at him…and you were paying no attention to me…and I was mad. So I started drinking. I skipped the soju and went straight to Tanqueray. But I was still mad. …and then I barfed and I fell…and then I hurt, but I wasn’t mad anymore because he was gone and you were with me and giving me all your attention.”

He laughed slightly, which started a small coughing fit. You got him a glass of water, which he gratefully gulped and sat running his fingers along the rim of as he continued.

“It was the next afternoon, when I was sitting there with ice on my head, eating the haejangguk that you had left for me when I got it. I wasn’t mad. I was jealous. I was jealous that you were with some guy that wasn’t me. I finally acknowledged that I had been lying to myself about my feelings for you. That’s when I really saw myself clearly for the first time…and it wasn’t pretty. You were the most important thing in my life…and I was damaged goods and knew I had nothing to offer you.”

He set the glass on the table, took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and taking your hands in his looked you right in the eye.

“I took your advice…I am in counseling. I go twice a week. I’m working on building my self-esteem, learning to respect myself, finding healthier ways to fill my emotional needs, and generally trying to fix my issues that caused me to behave like this in the first place.” You stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say.

He let go of your hands, and pulled his wallet from his pocket. Reaching inside, he pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to you. “Even though I always wore a condom, I got tested. I’m clean. I have somehow managed to not catch something permanent or that will kill me.” You looked down at the lab report in your hands feeling the tiny knot of worry you had always had for your friend undo itself. He smiled ruefully, “I guess you might have appreciated having this information a few weeks ago. Sorry.”

He reached back into his wallet and retrieved another piece of paper. “I..uh…I went back to school. I know you were disappointed that I cancelled our Wednesday night ramen mukbangs, but I have a class that doesn’t end until 8.” You examined the paper, noting that he had 4 classes, one of which did indeed end at 8 on Wednesdays. “I got a DJ gig on Friday nights at Geumhyuk’s club… it pays enough to cover tuition for 4 classes. It will take me a couple years to finish…but I think I want to be a physical therapist”, he finished with a hopeful half smile.

It was Wednesday. “You had class tonight?”

He nodded. “I walked here after.” You stared at him incredulously. Your apartment was more than 3km from the university.

He shrugged, “I needed to see you. I knew we needed to talk. I’ve been sitting downstairs for the last 2 hours…trying to figure out what to say…this isn’t how I planned to do this.”

He slid off the couch and kneeling down took both your hands in his left, and his right cupped your cheek until you looked into his eyes. “You are, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t mean for all this to happen now…I wanted to wait- to make progress- confess first…but it doesn’t matter now…and I definitely didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so so sorry.”

Looking at his face, you could see he was biting back tears. “I still have nothing to offer you...yet. I can’t erase my past, but I’m trying to be better. If you would have me, I would be yours. All yours. …and I promise I will never stop trying to be the kind of man you will be proud of.”

You stared at the tears that had slipped from the corners of his eyes and now cascaded down his face. You flicked his bangs out of his eyes, and wiped his tears with your palm. You shook your head at him. “You were always enough Yoonho”, you said as your own tears fell.

With that, he pulled you into his arms and kissed you with a passion that made you forget all of the angst of the last month. He pulled away, and from between heavy breaths his confession came. “I love you.” You threw your arms around his neck and whispered yours in his ear, “I love you too.”

**Epilogue**

6 Months Later

Yoonho’s body leaned over yours, right hand by your left shoulder for balance as he grasped your right foot and bent your knee to your chest and then rotated the bent appendage outward so your knee was to the side and your foot was near your crotch.

“Mmmm…that feels so good.” You purred. “How many more semesters of Stretching and Mobility do I get?”

He gave a small chuckle, “Two. But you get 4 more of Massage Therapy Techniques.”

“I love helping you do your homework. I knew there were benefits to you moving in.”

He laughed again. “I’d like to think there are others.”

“Such as??” you challenged.

He bent forward and whispered in your ear…and then gave you that heart stopping smile.

You grinned wickedly back. “Ooooo, that does sound beneficial!”

“Allow me to demonstrate…” he growled before carrying you off to do exactly that.

[peachydyoung]

paramour | d.sc (m)

— genre ➙  nonidol!au + patientwinwin!au + intern!reader + smut + angst

— words ➙  10k if there’s spelling mistakes please excuse them. i’ve been up for like 20 hours and would like to go to sleep

— member ➙ Dong Sicheng

— warnings ➙ graphic smut, dirty talk,  softdom!winwin + sub!reader, oral sex, sex, fingering + strong language + forbidden relationship. Mentions of mental illness but not directly linked with characters, addiction

There were a lot of secrets Sicheng had. He was struggling with his past addiction to Adderal and Xanax; no longer being addicted. And dealing with his insufferable snobby family. His obsession with drugs shifted when he met the new intern at the Psychiatric hospital, his old summer fling. Also turning out to be his therapist. Sicheng is desperate for love, and so are you. Everyone knows Sicheng is hard to resist.

↳ 01 ongoing

— ⚠️ DISCLAIMER⚠️ ➙  This contains a very problematic scenario. Please know that this is a story with an intriguing topic to read about, not to act upon. Each fic will have their own set of warnings, look at them and evaluate if they are for you. My intention is not to offend, or trigger anybody, I am here to entertain you and exercise my passion as a writer.

You bumped into your ex-boyfriend.

Although it was mandatory to speak at him since you did work at the same psychiatric hospital, you still didn’t like it.  Especially since he was your superior Doctor and you were only an intern.

When you saw Wonho walking down the hall you couldn’t find the strength to let him look you in the eyes. So instead, you went down a different hall taking you away from your desired destination.

Though you didn’t have any romantic feelings for him anymore, you would rather not see him in a workplace environment. Seeing each other only led to uncomfortable confrontations and terrible work gossip. All of which you hated.

However, you were not going to let Wonho ruin your day. You had finally been given a patient to counsel, and you could say you were very excited. You were even more excited about finishing up your day and going home.

“So this means what?” You asked while Sue bit her lip, looking at your intern uniform. You wore a red top with the Therapy center's name embroidered into the upper right shoulder. It was paired with your old blue skinny jeans.

She nodded her head at you, smiling proudly and handing you your clipboard. “It means that you look cute and you’re ready for this patient. He doesn't like feeling like he’s here… ya know… in a hospital. So casual clothes are the way to go.”

Sue was the only person you could turn to as of recently. She was older than you by thirty-two years and a nurse at Old Thornhill psychiatric center, but you were still best friends with the women. It was as if she was just your older sister.

“No. This means I’m growing up.” And despite the fact that you loved some aspects of adulthood, you hated the tremendous pressure that was put on you. You couldn’t stand paying rent, you couldn’t stand part time jobs, and you couldn't stand living alone. You hated it.

“Isn’t that what you want?” She pushed her glasses further up her nose and clacked on her reception computer before looking back up at you.

“Not when I like how things are going in my life. Sometimes I welcome change, sometimes I don’t.” She chuckled, handing you your lanyard with your hospital I.D in it.

“Well once you leave you can be rid of Hoseok, our tortured doctor. And you can tell everyone you know what it means to be in a judgment-free, passionate, kind workplace.” You winced at her words. Sue still loved Hoseok. Hoseok being Wonho's more formal name.

And to be frank, Wonho was giving everyone shit for breaking up with you. He was stressed and not over you one bit, but that was his fault for breaking up with you on a technicality.

“Tortured?” You took the I.D card from her and put it around your neck, running a hand delicately through your hair. “How do you still bear him.” The hospital was doing slowly as of right now. There hadn’t been any extreme episodes in a couple weeks and everything was going fine.

“Forgiveness, Y/N. You would do well to learn that before you leave as well.”

You hated talking about Wonho. Everything that happened between you two was so public and tragic that reliving it was too painful for you to think about. But instead of staying. You quickly grabbed your clipboard and said a goodbye to Sue.

You hurried down the hallway faster than normal. You didn’t just run to get to your patient, you ran because Hoseok always came down this way at this time. And like you always so potently pointed out. You hated him.

You hurried to the door. Trying to peer into the room, the blinds stood in the way.

Oddly enough, you still opened the door, stepping in and realizing nobody was there. You cocked your eyebrow, looking behind the door and around the room. Patients were interesting sometimes, you never knew how their mind worked. So you wouldn't be surprised if a patient was hiding from you. But instead, you decided to sit down and see how this plays out. Maybe this patient was late.

You remembered Wonho. You remembered everything about him so clearly.

You had been standing next to an annoying intern all day. It was your first day at the hospital and you were getting a tour.

Amidst the commotion of the busy week and crowded hallway, you bumped into a stranger. You both tried to get past each other, but you were both stepping in each other’s way again, accidentally.

By then your group was long gone, and you were with some attractive stranger.

“Are you new?” He asked, a smirk present on his pink lips. It was the same man that you saw at the front desk. You nodded, pushing a strand of your hair out of your face. He continued to look down your body. You could tell he didn’t do this often, from the way people looked at him and listened to every word he called out, you knew he was respected.

“What’s your name?” The mysterious black haired doctor asked. The same man who you had been told was the most respected doctor there.

“Y/N.” You replied with a racing heart.  He chuckled at you, your eyes drifting from his face and to his muscular arms. Maybe he wore short-sleeved doctor scrubs for a reason. The scrubs looked like they were going to rip, he was so buff.  “And you?”

“Dr. Lee, but for you it’s Wonho… tell me Y/N, why aren’t you on the tour with the rest of the interns,” He asked with a self-satisfied smirk, knowing full well he’s the reason why.  

“Someone got in my way,” You said back, acting as innocent as you possibly could despite saying something like that to your superior. “So if you excuse me, I’ll have to go catch up with them.”

“That won’t be necessary Y/N.” He edged closer to you, fingertips delicately running through his hair. “I’m your tour guide from now on.”

Sometimes you hated yourself for accepting that tour from him. You didn’t know you would end up causing yourself all this grief. You looked up, seeing your patient step through the door.

“—Listen, I know you’re here to get information out of me, but I’m not here for small talk, I’m here for my mother and friend. That’s all.” You looked down at your clipboard, reading over his information. Clicking your green pen and beginning to write down on the orange notepad, you smiled.  

While you jotted down the beginnings of what would be your notes for this session, Sicheng took his time to watch you. He was good at examining people. It was one of his favorite things to do, he had a flare for analyzation. He liked your hair, he liked how long your eyelashes were, he liked the way the bridge of your nose dipped so graciously. But he found it hard to simply just figure you out. You had peaked his interest.

“Mr. Dong, I f—” An unfamiliar huff came from the boy.

“It’s Winwin, got it?” He sounded disinterested, a sarcastic sounding boy. His name surprised you, not vaguely familiar at all. It was him, the one and only.

“Winwin?” You looked up, shock apparent on your face. The brown haired boy smiled, slowly turning his smile into a sinister smirk.

“I was wondering when you would notice.”

You and Sicheng had a summer fling the summer after your senior year. Nothing came of it but a happy summer with a Chinese boy from your high school. His smirk deemed to be more troubling than anticipated, his malicious smirk giving you ideas of what he was thinking.

“Sicheng you can’t tell anybody,” Your breath hitched in your throat, giving away every single emotion you were feeling. You knew that if you backed down from your first patient, you would not get one again, and you needed this. You needed a good resume after you completed college.

“And why would I do that?” he smiled. It wasn’t a fake smile or a sinister one, it was one of true curiosity. “Afterall, you were my favorite thing to play with.”

“You’re not very quiet anymore,” you mumbled, recollecting how shy he was in high school and how he barely talked to people.

“That’s because I can speak English now. Learning Korean and English takes its toll on someone. You can’t expect someone who knew only Chinese to be the loudest person in high school.” And he was right. Sicheng was quiet in school. A quiet stunner. He was charming, kind, funny, and incredibly gorgeous. Below the surface was an incredibly deep-voiced boy with a hard personality. “And of course I’m not going to be my usual shy self with someone I’ve seen naked.”

You stared at him, narrowing your widened eyes and making sure he knew you were serious. “Sicheng. You can’t say a word. You can’t mention this at all.” He nodded, understanding that maybe it wasn’t in his best interest to tell everyone he had sex with the intern counseling him. Despite what everyone thought, he craved friendship, he wanted people to break the barrier of shyness he had up. Nobody ever would.

“So what are we going to talk about now prince—”

“And you can’t do that either. Or I’ll switch patients, you’re my patient, not my friend.” He frowned, leaning back in his chair and thinking for a moment. He finally spoke.

“Okay.” It was surprisingly soft as if he was thinking of what to do next, his hand extending to your desk to shake your hand. “It’s just really hard coming here when you feel like everyone out is get you—let’s start over—I’m Winwin.”

You smiled softly, taking his hand and shaking. You nodded at him. “I’m your doctor, Ms. Y/L/N”

Suddenly a wide smile fell on his face a laugh erupting from his lips as he watched you. Did he just? The inevitable answer was yes—yes he did. Heaving to catch his breath he giggled.

“You’re so gullible aren’t you! We’re gonna have so much fun Y/N…. now…. Down to business, do your job.”

Session 3, November 21st

It had been raining every day that week. It didn’t matter how hot or cold it was,  the rain would come in light patters or heavy pounds. Today it had been on and off, giving only a few minutes of rainless bliss in between the heavy rain showers. You weren’t looking forward to seeing Sicheng, but at that same time, something was bound to happen when he came, that always excited you.

Jooheon and Minhyuk were desperate at that point for you to give Wonho a chance. They even wanted you to go out with them. Jooheon was courting a girl and didn’t want to go alone, while Wonho was trying to fix things with you. Jooheon thought a group setting would have been a better choice for everyone to connect.

Sicheng, on the other hand, was acting moody during his sessions. Sometimes acting cheeky and then other’s acting particularly sentimental. Though you knew that wasn't uncommon for him.  

Sicheng bustled into the office, running his fingers through his wet hair and glancing at you momentarily, like always, he wore his infamous sparkly eyed smiled.

He shook off his jacket, leaving it on the coat rack next to the door and strolled over to his chair, falling back in his seat and chuckling. He didn't waste any time to start talking.

“You know,” he started. “I think your therapy is already working on me.” You blinked at him, nodding for him to go on with the little story.

“Really?” You asked curiously. “Go on, I would love to hear what you did.” But instead of jumping in, he raised his eyebrow at you and said something different.

It wasn't like Sicheng asked it innocently, he wanted to make you uncomfortable, he always liked making you uncomfortable. It was his favorite past time. He loved everything about the feeling when your face would mirror the disgust you felt inside. 

“I haven't had sex in months,” he stated.

With a keen eye, you stared at him, a scowl plastered on your face as he smirked. These were one of the days that he was particularly controversial. He would always say or ask random things that were said to surprise you.

“I don’t think this is very—”

But you knew he had no care of what you thought in these particular moments.

“But I’m asking, so you should answer.”

No. That wasn’t how it worked. He had a habit of wanting things his way or no way and you were pretty sure he would give you shit if you didn't say anything.

“I don’t really care,” You said back, a tension settling over the room. Sicheng’s being a little more playful than your intense annoyed one.

"Do you have sex often, Y/N?" He asked, leaning closer to your desk in curiosity. If he thought you would ever answer, he was crazy. “From what I remember, you were a handful,” He recollected, bringing his finger up to his chin and thinking comically.

He stared at you, watching as your face contorted into different emotions. If it wasn’t enough to tease you about the old days, what was? He knew you well. He knew you like the back of his hand. It was easy to get into your head, it was easy to make you fall in love. “You were pretty demanding.” He chuckled. “Sicheng, I sucked you, so you have to eat me out. Sicheng get me food! I hate this position let’s try—”

“Sicheng!” You nearly shouted. Quieting down once you heard the volume of your voice.

“What?” He exclaimed. "I haven't had sex in months," he reasoned. "What do you expect, I can't find any women as demanding as you."

Remembering the many playful fights you had with each other over the summer. How he always made you sit on his lap when you got mad at him. How he wrapped his arms around your waist when you were talking to your friends, you began to feel a little... nostalgic? sad? “I want a demanding woman. It’s cute to see them try and disobey me.”

“This is insanely inappropriate. We’ve only had three sessions—”

“And you always used to swoop my hair to the side,” he chuckled “And I’d get mad at you because Yuta would always tease us and it was… embarrassing.”

“I—We never dated, we were friends with benefits,” you looked down, writing down random notes that would serve no help to you, all you wanted was to look like you didn’t care.

“You’re really telling me we weren’t a real cou—”

“Yes, I am,” you believed otherwise. Of course, you had to say anything to make Sicheng leave you alone. But all you could think about was how he touched you. You had always been very touchy, Sicheng just hated when people saw. And you had always thought of him as your boyfriend, though you never made it official.

"Do you have sex often, Y/N?"

"No."

“I feel like you’re lying.” he leaned back, crossing his arms as he watched you. “That hurts my feelings, Y/N.”  How was he doing this to you? You had guessed it was just his face.  You’d never lost your mind over a patient before. It was obvious he knew you inside out.  "I don't like when people hurt my feelings.”

He knew what you liked and he knew what you lusted for. You might have had power, but he knew how to make the moved to override anything professional. The temptation is very dangerous.

You wanted to say something, but instead, you remained quiet. Waiting for your time to be up.

Session 5, November 23rd

“I didn’t realize I was so unimportant to you.” Sicheng leered as he walked around the therapy office, stopping at the window momentarily to take in the weather. It was rainy, as per usual. It always rained around there, around the hospital that is. It was always cold as well, always colder than everywhere else in town.

Sicheng was seen as a high-risk patient, although you had to disagree. This was your fourth session. The last two days gave you enough time to note all his previous tragedies after you exited his life. And to say the least—they were all terrible and tragic. But somehow Sicheng still remained oddly punctual. His mother was probably the only reason why he was still here, she was keeping her son here even against doctors advice. She’s convinced there's something wrong.

“Winwin, I hope you can elaborate on why you think that?” You replied, your head still stuffed in your notes, ferociously writing everything down about Winwin. He looked back at you, admiring how keen you looked with your hair down and speedily writing on your note sheet.

While he ditched you for drugs, he wondered who was holding you instead of him, and he felt guilty. He felt guilty for leaving when he had feelings for you. It might have only been a friends with benefits thing to you, but maybe if he stuck around he would have never gotten in the car accident and would have never been doing drugs. Somewhere deep inside him, he knew you were his, or else you wouldn’t come back, you wouldn’t be together.

“For one.” He began, turning towards you and walking closer to your desk, falling back into his chair that sat proudly in front of it. “You don’t look at me when we talk. And you talk to me like I’m your patient. I thought we were more than that.” You glanced at him, shaking your head lightly. He had been talking about his issues so leisurely, you were narrowing down medications and possible disorders he could have. 

“I thought we were more when you cut ties with me after that summer. But I guess not.” He frowned, looking to the side and thinking of a comeback. But to no avail, he settled for a mediocre reply.

“I’m here now?” He gave with a wry smile. “Besides, we can be friend—”

“Sich—Winwin,” you narrowed your eyes at him. “I think one of the reasons why you feel depressed is because you never go outside.” He cocked his head to the side, thinking on what you were saying. It was obvious nobody had said this before. “You’re constantly at home not doing anything,” you explained. “You never hang out with your friends and you’re always being babied by your mother. When we were…. Together… You forced me out of my house, you had friends, you were happy because you were around people. If you try to reconnect maybe go out with Yuta or Taeil, you won’t constantly be thinking about your father or all the things you stress about.”

He thought about it for a moment. Looking at you to continue “You start doing that, or I put you on Lexapro.” You looked at the time on your watch, seeing that the session was nearing a close. Winwin looked conflicted, his arms crossed tightly and his body leaned into the chair with a frown on his youthful face.

“And what do I get? What happens if I listen?” Inevitably it wasn’t enough for him. He wasn’t the same boy you once knew. Once where there were soft curves now have rough edges, but it was refreshing, you knew he still had a softness to him. You knew the whole time.

“You get happiness. You get your friends, you get family, you could even possibly… get a significant other.” He cocked his eyebrow in amusement. Watching as your face blushed under your words. You were always someone who blushes easily.

“That’s not enough,” He simpered, leaning in closer to your desk suspiciously. You raised your eyebrow like you usually found yourself doing.

“And what can I do for you that would be enough, Sicheng.” A small smirk was present on his lips, his face mirroring something sinister.

“Tell me Y/N,” he bit his lip, staring at you with mischievous eyes. A wild gleam forming in his brown orbs. “Are you still as sexually submissive as I remember?” Your heartbeat picked up, but you wouldn’t realize until after he left at how nervous you were. You couldn’t feel or see your blush, but you knew you were turning red. “Because I would love to find out.”

“Mr. Dong,” You spat coldly at him, trying to remain calm. But you knew, some part of you really did want to be with this boy. Not because you actually liked him, more so because you wanted to bury Wonho’s chapter. You wanted to leave him behind. “I’ll be informing your mother that Lexapro is the new medication, she’ll know once you get home.” Winwin eyes filled with concern, immediately wishing he hadn’t said anything. He hated medication.

“How about a kiss on the cheek?” He suggested. “That, and I’ll do whatever you want me to do.” You weighed your options. Medication truly was the last resort since you didn’t really see a need for it. Wonho suggested it. So instead of actually giving him medication, you let it slide that Sicheng had been inappropriate with you.

“Fine.” You stood up from your chair, walking towards the door. You waited for him to gather himself and mirror your actions, watching his taller frame pull his chair back and stand up, rubbing his hands with a smirk he walked closer towards you. Standing right in front of he looked down at you, turning his face and waiting for you to give him what he wanted.

“I’m ready when you are, princess.” His old pet name didn’t come without complications. They came with recollections of what you both did when he used it, despite it being a bit cliche, it never got old coming from him. It tasted like honey on his tongue. Lily puckering your lips, you reached moved closer.

You should have known. Maybe you were too gullible.

In one swift movement, his face turned and a kiss was planted on Sicheng’s lips. His hands pulling your waist towards him, and he pushed you into the wall. You hadn’t really thought about it. You didn’t know what to do. You knew it was wrong, but somehow the feeling of kissing him back felt like a rebel. It felt too good to stop, and afterward, you knew you would act like you hated it when you both knew you didn’t. You, in fact, wanted it a lot.

The first kiss was soft, but as your back pressed against the wall, Sicheng inhaled sharply and grabbed your harsher, he kissed you harsher. His hands were running up your body wildly as you wrapped your hands around his neck. His palms were grabbing at your ass one moment and then touching your clothed core. And then slowly the kisses mirrored Sicheng's manner. Open-mouthed and tongue, the only sound being the way your tongues danced.

But slowly he pulled away, another malicious smirk playing on his face.

“Dr. Y/L/N, care to show me out?”

To say the least. You went home that day feeling a fool.

“So how’s everything for you Y/N?” Wonho asked, sipping his drink as he turned to you.

You didn’t know how, but somehow you found yourself roped into dinner with a couple people from work. You had finished seeing Winwin that day and you weren’t excited about seeing him the next day. Unavoidably he brought up the kiss, bragging and gloating as if your job wasn’t on the line.

And instead of meeting with his mother to discuss possible treatments, you were roped into Minhyuk’s little dinner, bringing you along with Sarah to be ‘The perfect matchmaker’ in his eyes. Jooheon liked Sarah and Wonho liked you. So there you sat at dinner, with Wonho’s muscular arm around your shoulder and Minhyuk basking in the fact he had just made you extremely uncomfortable.

“Everything’s great,” you hummed, trying to wiggle out of Wonho’s grasp.

“That’s great,” he smiled down at you. “We haven’t been able to catch up in awhile,” he mused.

But that didn’t matter. Nothing Wonho said mattered when you saw Winwin.

As soon as you saw Yuta, Johnny, and Sicheng walk into the same restaurant you knew that you would be in trouble in a matter of minutes. It seemed that Winwin had kept in contact with all the people from high school and you cut ties with everyone, but as Winwin spotted you, there was no hiding the fact that he was excited.

And if it wasn’t enough for Winwin, who you knew was spilling all the things he had said to you to them, giving you looks was. And the looks he gave caused attention. You guessed he was betting on the fact that Wonho or someone else would see. He was betting on the fact he would see how uncomfortable Sicheng made you.

“Will you excuse me?” You asked, not waiting for a response as you grabbed your bag and shuffled off towards the bathroom. 

The way he turned to Johnny and Yuta and skillfully told them. The way his eyes traced Wonho’s arm but still had an unwavering smirk on his face pointed to all signs. Dong Sicheng would not stop until he was yours. He had listened to your advice, he had made out with you, and he was pointing to the fact that you both had a connection. And here he was, at the same place you were. It had to be a sign.

You didn’t know why you left the table, you weren’t too shaken up to need a break. But maybe a part of you, no matter how deep down, wanted Sicheng to follow you. 

He had been wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt, yet he always managed to look good. It was a wonder to you that only three sessions in, Sicheng had commanded full attention over you. It was as if you were pulled to him. Not a feeling of love, but a feeling of ‘you’re attractive and I need somebody’ despite how desperate it sounded.

“Were you waiting for me, Princess?” His voice hung thick in the narrow corridor, watching as you leaned up against the wall and smiling. “I didn’t know you and Dr. Lee Hoseok were a thing—”

“We’re not,” you shot down quickly. His raised his eyebrows, sauntering closer to your form. His elbow resting against the wall as he stared at you, his breath fanning your face.

“You deny it quick Y/N… almost as if you don’t want someone to get the wrong idea.”

There had been to many encounters with Winwin to have another tense one that would reply itself in your mind for days.

“Can you stop following me?” You asked harshly, trying to redirect the conversation although you knew that it was all a coincidence.

“Following you?” He asked a little shocked. Coincidences meant something, they always did. “Does the idea flatter you? A handsome boy following you.” And then suddenly he was in front of you, his lips eerily close to your collarbone. “I wasn’t following you if that’s what you think.” He suddenly pulled away. A smile illuminating his handsome features. “But if you want to flatter yourself with that idea, I don’t object.”

You didn’t know why you were feeling this was, to be honest. And it was a really hard feeling to analyze, you didn’t know what you felt, all you knew was that you felt it. You stared at him, taking in his casual appearance, the glow on his skin, the smile on his face. It felt normal, like you two were normal but then again, you weren’t.

“You should get back your friends, Y/N, you don’t want them to come looking for us.”

The regret would come in quiet moments, in times where you could stop and think. Before you went to sleep when you were in the shower, or even now. As Sicheng stood over you, your veins coursing with adrenaline. Your heart rate picking up. And no matter how hard you pushed back, temptation pushed harder. And finally, you wondered why you could never control yourself.

It seemed unfair that no matter how hard you strived to be a good, responsible, decent human being, you were constantly taunted by your desires. Each one is more tempting than the other, and somehow you never learned. When it came to love you thought with your feelings, your logic coming in afterward.

“Will you be able to survive without me?” He asked, amusement woven in his voice. “It’s only until tomorrow,” He pouted. “You can wait that long rig—”

“Just go Sicheng.”

He had always been the one to tease you. Taunting you with his words like it was some kind of joke. You resented him for that. He put his hands up like you were the police. Like you had caught him stealing drugs, he used to do years ago. With a smirk and his hands up, walking backward, there was no more good cop and bad cop anymore. Because there was a part of you that wanted him, and you hated yourself for it.

Why couldn’t you want Wonho? Why were you set on having someone you shouldn’t have. And Wonho was perfect for your life right now. He had money, a stable job, he was kind (notwithstanding) and endearing. But no. You wanted an ex-addict, summer fling, with daddy issues. It stumped you. Your back still against the wall, your body vehemently trying to regain air as you stood there shocked.

Just go, Y/N. Get out of here. And so you did. Pacing back to the table with your friends, the buzzing, and smiles of the group rendering you jealous. Had you wanted Winwin to come over? The question raced through your mind. There was no other possible explanation for why you stood up. You knew he would come, you knew that the whole time. So why put yourself in a situation you don’t want.

“I need to go.”

They all glanced up at you. Minhyuk’s face dropping at your skittish demeanor. You guessed that it was good you told Minhyuk your doubts about you and Wonho, at least then you wouldn’t have somehow created a huge lie on why you wanted to leave or looked so nervous.

“Okay…?” Minhyuk trailed off, his head cocking to the side and a concerned look painted on his face. Wonho on other-other hand wore an indignant expression irritably snatching his water from the table and taking a long sip. You glanced at him, taking you purse that laid on the seat.

“Get home safely,” he simmered, anger watered down by his self-control. You nodded, pushing the doors of the restaurant open and walking in the drizzling night.

Session 7, November 24th

He stood outside the door, heaving a loud breath and smiling momentarily. He was excited to see you again. Old mannerisms coming back like they never left. It felt odd from his normal behavior, though still apart of him, he liked it. He liked that things were coming back to normal. He liked that he saw Johnny again. He liked Taeil and Yuta. And he liked you.

The knob of the door turned slowly, commanding your attention at how eerily slow it was going. You smoothed your hair quickly and had already taken out your notes, looking for even the slightest chance of progress with Sicheng. “So you and Wonho,” He started with, opening the door and closing it softly behind you. Pushing his soft brown hair from his eyes and smiling weakly.

“Would you stop bringing him up?” You asked more forcibly than you should have. Sicheng looked uncomfortable. “You always butt into my personal life like it’s a game. Stop it.”

He quieted down, nodding his head slowly at you, seeing the sudden outburst. But with him you never knew, it could all be a game. “So tell me.” You began. “Have you made any progress?”

And then that session, something very odd happened. It was almost like a switch went off. Sicheng had been showing incredible progress. He had gone back to his old self again, his high school self.

Shyly answering your questions with thoughtful answers, minimal laughing, and smirks. Just soft smiles. He was enchanting to watch, not knowing if it was your treatment or outburst that changed him. And then slowly his answers fell back into the same rut. Switching between provocative and shy, some being a mix.

“You seem to be doing good you,” you mumbled, leaning back in your seat and setting down your pen.

“Because of you princess. You’re the first one not to shove pills down my throat and expect a change.” Princess. The pet name reminded you why you were here. A grin sat on his face, proud and happy.

“It’s just… are you lying? Because it seems so quick, you’ve been in therapy nonstop for a year.” He raised his eyebrow and crossed his arms in displeasure.

“No. I’m not lying, Y/N. We’ve had six, now seven sessions, I think that’s enough to show some progress.” You nodded, believing him for once. But you dreaded what was to come. “Well—I’m afraid that you have 6 more sessions to go in the treatment. After that, you can decide to go somewhere lower risk or just stop. I’ve talked—convinced your mother and she seems to believe me.” As much as he tried to hide his smile, you could still see the ends of his lips turning in a happy dance. He looked at you, his lips falling into place.

“Than why do you look sad?” He asked. “Is it because you want to see me more?” An arrogant smirk found it ways on his face.

And that absolutely was not it. You had decided not see him for the same reason you wanted to see him. You liked him.

“Next session will be our last session. I can’t keep seeing you, you’ll be in good hand, Dr...“ You shuffled through your paperwork, looking for a name. “Dr. Lee Jooheon will just take over. He won’t ask any personal questions, he’ll just make sure you’re sticking to the treatment plan.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Sicheng’s voice turned dangerously deep, his eyes widening in disgust for what you were proposing. Despite the fact he liked you, you were one of the only advisors he’d ever trusted, and not being able to talk to you, to smell your fruity perfume saddened him. “Why? Why now? Why can’t you see me?” His eyebrows furrowed in a cocktail of confusion and anger.

“It wouldn’t be very appropriate for me to keep treating you,” you sighed, this was only your first time meeting a real patient and you already screwed everything up.

“How? Is this because of the kiss? I won’t do it again.” He leaned forward angrily, his demeanor becoming aggressive and volatile.

“ I’ve grown... very fond of you. My opinion is no longer neutral everything I say will be bias—“

“You’re not going to see me because you like me?” His voice raised, his volume at a staggering level. You were thankful for the soundproof rooms in the place. He slowly stood up, his face getting closer to yours.

“Excuse me?! I don’t like you!” You raised your voice back, slamming your hands on the desk and standing up to match him.

“I won’t fucking act on anything if that’s what you want to hear!” But you knew that you would, sooner or later.

“This is my career. It’s against my work code, I could get in trouble. I’m exploiting my power over you. If I do it to gratify my own sexual, financial or egotistical needs, it's a violation. If I say I can no longer treat you, you’re just going to have to accept that.”

His stood back, looking at you, his face distorting into despondency and he heard the words leave your mouth. “But please Sicheng… Don’t let this affect your treatment. You’re doing well. I want you happy.”

“You would make me happy.” He whispered, his voice cracking under the tension in the room. “You always made me happy.”

“Sicheng you need to leave.”

“It was always you.” You looked into his eyes. In his brown orbs, reflected the thing you didn’t want to see. All the lonesomeness and depression gathered into one set of beautiful brown pupils.

“Winwin… I’ll see you next session.” And very slowly he leaned away, glancing at you once before shoving his hands into his pockets and walking away.

When Sicheng arrived home that night the only thing he could do was call Taeil. It was as if Taeil knew that he liked you already, the way he narrowed his eyes as Sicheng talked about counseling, the odd change in behavior. But when Taeil didn’t, there was only one thing he could do.

He threw himself onto his bed, unsurely reaching for his leather belt and sliding it free from the looped jeans. He tugs his pants off, not bothering to even unzip his pants, and finally, until his hard cock sprung free. Recollections burned through his mind. You're flushed face whenever he said something suggestive, the way your face turned red with anger, the way he used to touch you. Unsure of himself, he closed his eyes. Reaching down and touching his member, quickly pumping his shaft, obscene fantasies of a forbidden relationship flashing through his mind. You were sure you would feel better. He was sure if he fucked you, you wouldn’t be able to resist.

He groaned loudly, using gentler strokes as he came all over his hand. It wasn’t what he wanted, but for the time being, it would have to do. That is until tomorrow.

And he was irrevocably and unconditionally obsessed with you.

Across town, you sat in your apartment, clacking away at your computer in the dim lighting of your kitchen. There hadn’t been a moment that day where you were able to dwell on Sicheng. You had thrown yourself into college and work, not once paying mind to the aching feeling in your heart. But as the day grew into a night, a heavy feeling washed over you.

In this sadness there was no past or future, just living the moment. Time would slow and as you walked onto your balcony, looking onto the busy street, it caught up with you all at once. The wave, the drop of your stomach, the emotional displeasure. You looked to the side. The plants you placed there with Wonho were wilting in their pots. You could taste the rain in the air. This was a loss.

You leaned on the balcony, bringing your head in your hands and groaning.  And at that moment alone tear traced down your cheek. Once that pieces fell, they all came tumbling down. Accumulating into a cry, then a sob, then into total hysteria. You cried as if the ferocity of it might change the vital decisions that brought you here. Trying to work in this profession, accepting Sicheng as a patient, liking him. It was as if by the sheer force of your grief would make the issue disappear, come undone. But the issue was it. There were no questions, no turnbacks. It stood at a standstill. You stood at a standstill.

And you were irrevocably and unconditionally falling deeper into Sicheng.

Last session, November 26th

Sicheng slowly tugged his jacket off. Eyeing you as curiosity bit at him. Instead of sitting at your desk, and his usual white uncomfortable chair, you were now both on the couch, you one side and Sicheng too close for comfort.

This session you at least wanted Sicheng to let out his feelings in a more friend mannered way. Maybe this way it would be a proper goodbye for him. He did have feelings for you, but he was also your patient, and you had a job to do. You needed to make sure he was safe.

“I need to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.” You tenaciously began. “If you feel like hurting yours—”

“If you think I’m going to hurt myself because of you. Your dead wrong and a bit conceded.” He crossed his arms and menaced, his brown eyes reflecting something resentful. “I’m not going to do anything.”

“I wasn’t asking because of the events yesterday, Sicheng. I was asking because it’s very emotional and stressful to switch therapists, I don’t want you getting too stressed or… yeah.” You trailed off not knowing where to go after that. Yes, you did ask him about hurting himself for those reasons, but you also asked because you knew he liked you and was a very emotional person.

“You’re the same as all the other ones. Useless.” You bit back a retort, trying to convince yourself it was because he was troubled. But you knew that couldn’t possibly be true. You knew he was a normal boy with more issues than the usual person. His mother kept him here. That was all.

“I’m useless?” You asked, defense mixed in your voice. You tried to remind yourself that you were the therapist, you had the power. But you weren’t. Sicheng had the power, he had it all. “What about you? You seem to only operate when I’m around! You seem to only listen to me! You’ve gotten better because of me. What’s useless is you doing drugs and killing your—”

“Don’t.” He stared at you. He wasn’t shocked. But you had been. That you were going to let yourself so carelessly say something like that, use his past against him. The worst part was that you knew you were doing it. “I’m going to fuck you one this couch.” He spoke. His words slipped cooly from his lips. As if he told you he was thirsty or need a bathroom break.

Heat slammed straight to your core. You knew you were going to fuck him, but it felt better if you told yourself not to, to make it seem like you used your self-control, even though you didn’t.

Shocked, you didn’t move or say anything, you just let him do what he wanted. The reality of his words hit you. Wonho never crossed your mind with him, never. You were going to fuck him like you did in high school. And you were excited.  

You leaned back onto the side of the couch, Sicheng crawling and closer and closer to your lips. You tried not to act like you wanted it. But you knew if he said stop he would. Leaving inches between your curious faces, a slow smirk smoothed over his face. His parted lips rammed against yours in a frenzied kiss. His warm lips moving quickly and seductively, just like you remembered. His hands pushed your waist down into the couch, grabbing on to the sides of your love handles and pulling you over him.

The familiarity of the scene took over. You on his lap, over his jean-clad body, his hands gripping your ass. Your tongues dancing to the beat of the rain that pattered outside. 

Slowing down, the kisses became sloppier, tongue melting each other like it was second nature. Sicheng made sure you knew he was his, and that you were to do what he said form the moment you first met him, and you weren’t going to question it now.

Soft moans filled his mouth as he bit down on your lip, your hands coming up to cup his face. Your soft fingers tracing along his Adam's apple. He got more handsome with time. He was irresistible now.

His hands reached for your shirt, peeling the red uniform off your hot body and desperately.

His lips soon attacked your neck, probing your collarbone with his skillful tongue. Flat against your stomach as they slowly move lower and lower to your jean zipper. The slow anticipation of the zipper being pulled down excited you. You moaned at his action, warping your arms around his head and pulling him closer. He pulled them down forcibly, letting the pull at your thighs, before reaching for his own shirt, and pulling it off his body.

He had a small build. Small, muscular, skinny, and hot. Your skin was flush against his like it used to be. He met your lips with one more frenzied kiss. “You want me so bad, don’t you?” Sicheng’s voice was gruff, asking a question he had already known the answer too.

You didn’t say anything, you just let him kiss you, knowing that saying anything would further admit you were doing something bad. He chuckled, his warm hand clutched your ass and smirking. “Do you?” He asked once more, waiting for an answer.

“Y-yes, Sicheng.”

His slender fingers, slowly climbed the surface of your thighs, reaching for the hem of your thin thong. You watched him, your eyes tracing the sight of his digits. But all he did was toy with the material, bringing your lips into another kiss. It was as if he was addicted to it. Never getting enough of the sensation your touch gave.

“Sicheng.” You moaned shamelessly, “What are you doing?” There was a growing desire in your underwear, unbearable to keep there. “Touch me.”

Without another word he dragged the material down your legs, watching as they bunched up at your jeans. His gaze flickered to the door and then back at you, pushing you off of him and back down on the therapy couch. With your back against the soft cushions, he finished his job. Slowly pulling the two articles further down your legs until they were completely off, leaving you still in your bra and vans sneaker.

He spread your thighs wide, sifting his body onto the ground as he became eye level with your core.

“You’re just as pretty as I remember,” He gushed. And then slowly he pushed his finger inside of you, testing the waters as he got no reaction from you. A small chuckle leaving his lips as saw your reactions. He slipped a second finger in, your eyes shutting tightly at the new sensation. And gradually, he thrusts harder into you.

“Faster…” You groaned softly, steadying your breathing.

“Sweetheart, you’re making a mess,” He snickered his voice only used to tease and mock you as you begged for him to speed up. He wanted to be in charge today. He wanted to take back his power. “You’re dripping down my hand.”

And then out of nowhere, as if he couldn’t contain himself, his lips wrapped around your clit sucking it harder. His fingers worked skillfully in you, as he his mouth worked to ravage through your folds. Hyper-aware of the feeling— you let out a high pitched moan, your hands flying to Sicheng’s hair and pushing him closer into you.

He did his best to lap all the juices that leaked from you and continued to stimulate every part of your body he could. His tongue shot into your clit, flicking and sucking on the sensitive nub, before taking long kitty licks over it.

“Sicheng!” You gasped.  “I want you so badly.” You whispered a twinge of sadness in your voice. But he didn’t pay mind to you, he continued thrusting his fingers in and out of you. Curling them to reach your sweet spot.

Sicheng was always a private person. He didn’t like being touched in public, he had trouble accepting compliments, he was always awkward when he met new people, but there was something about him that drew people in. Everyone wanted to be closer to him. When you knew him he wasn’t shy, he was WinWin.

“One moment sweetheart.” He didn’t say it with an ounce of seductivity. He said it like you were a conventional couple.

He pulled his fingers from you, wet and shiny from your wetness and reached for his belt. Messily unbuckling it and unzipping his jeans in haste. He didn’t try to take them off yet, he simply went back to your clit apply pressure with the pad of his thumb over the nub.

As if the pressure wasn't enough, he pressed harder, you brought your hand in front of your mouth, screaming into it to lessen the noise you would make. You weren’t sure if it was that hot in the room or it was Sicheng, pleasuring you to the point that your body felt hot all over.

He had inescapably gotten better from when you last did this.

“Are you close Sweetheart,” He chimed, your breath betraying you, desperately gasping for air. He looked up at you, his finger inside of you and his face shiny and wet. Your hand fisted his hair, nodding at him feeling yourself reach the breaking point. “I’m already close Sicheng.” You admitted, just above a whisper, not having the energy to say anything louder. You knew this was wrong. You knew the whole time.

“Wait till I’m inside of you.” His deep voice ordered you, sounding octaves lower at that moment. His voice alone was something any girl would dream about. It was deep, dreamy, and always sounding incredibly gruff. Like a rising storm, his voice would always do wonders for the people he talked too. It was torturous.

You were becoming undone in front of Sicheng, your patient, and had no way to stop it. It was a powerless moment, but you liked the feeling. “Do it now.” You warned him, wanting him to fuck you before you changed your mind.  

He pulled his hand away from you, sucking his fingers clean before reaching his back pocket and pulling a golden packed out. It was almost as if he knew that he was going to do this the whole time. That he somehow planned that he was going to fuck you.

You had remembered how big he was, surprisingly slow he wasn’t as small as people thought. He was thick and moderately sized. Your perfect size. He stood up. Pulling his pants further down his legs until they pooled at his shins. Underneath you could see his painfully hard member inside of his white boxers briefs. And he was big, just like you remembered.

You were already laid down on the couch, your back resting on the outside arm.

“Are you excited?” He asked, his eyes gleaming with mischievous as he asked the question with a smile on his face. You rolled your eyes at him. Seeing him rip the packet open and roll the rubber material over his hard member. And to be frank, you were excited.

Maybe it was the way you were always pulled together, or because you wanted to get Wonho out of your mind. It could even be that you had a little crisis thinking about the future. But one thing remained true, it wasn’t a maybe, it wasn’t a question. You wanted Sicheng.

With the condom on, he slowly lowered himself onto the couch, settling between your legs and getting ready for his entrance.

He gripped your waist with his hands, pushing you into the couch, reaching his over hand to line him up with you. He pressed his lips to yours, hungry and passionate. And then all at once, he thrust into you once.

You whined. Your arms tangling around his neck and pulling him into your nape. “Oh my god.” You whimpered, the feeling of guilt and pleasure filling your stomach.

Staying in that position before he made any further movements, he groaned at the feeling of him inside you. Finally getting what he wanted so many times before. You felt like home.

He leaned his head back gripping your waist as he began to thrust into you. He filled you well, creating butterflies in your stomach as his cock throbbed inside you. He thrust harder and harder, picking up speed and pressing kisses to your lips.

He never truly moaned, there were just groans. Deep, guttural groans that came from the back of his throat. You felt your body arch into his body, feeling the pressure build up inside of you and the tingling throughout your body. Starting at your ankles and rising all the way to your head until your entire body was enveloped in pleasure.

His digit rubbed circles over your clit, watching your face contort into different emotions as you took to different actions at once.

And somehow his actions contributed into one big feeling, too much for you to take at that moment.

“I touched myself last night thinking of you,” He whispered into your ear, prompting a whimper to leave your lips. “What a shame.” He pushed his head into the nape of your neck as a frenzy of groans left his mouth. “That you couldn’t help me then.”

He rubbed painfully fast circles on your clit, and you screamed. You screamed so loud you were sure someone could hear.

“Sicheng,” his name left your parted lips. “I’m—”

And then you came. A low wave, a feeling of relief wash over you. Your hands tugged on his brown hair, knotting your fingers in his roots and moaning. And he rubbed against your g-spot each time without ever missing. He felt so good.

He felt your cum on his cock, grunting at the new lubricant he could use to make you come again.  “Forgive me.” He bit his lip. “But you’re coming again.”

You nodded perilously, letting him slip out of you, the veins protruding from his hot, hard cock as you watched him sit back down on the couch. “Ride me, princess,” he encouraged.

Following his instructions you slowly got to your knees shuffling your way over to his lap, swinging your knee over him. You gazed at him, your hand reaching for your jaw and holding it gently. He smiled softly, lining himself up with you and letting you sink down onto him.

He gripped your waist, helping you move up and down on his shaft. He threw his head back and moaned, for the first time in forever. His head came slingshotting back into your neck lost completely in a  lustful haze. Yours groaned yourself, letting his cock hit you in every place possible. “You’ve had practice.” He mumbled on your collarbone, slamming his hips up to yours, causing you to shriek. “With who?”

“It doesn't matter,” you whispered.

And it didn’t, because Sicheng wasn’t in your life for four years, but somehow he felt like it did. He didn’t like the idea of someone touching you, regardless if he wasn’t around and he didn’t care for you at the time. “You just feel so good,” you whimpered tears welling in the corners of your eyes from pleasure.

Each crack of his hips became harder and harder. There was silence between you. Only the rain and the sounds of your skin meeting.  And at every thrust, another shot of pleasure was pushed into you, more tingling, more burning, more moans. “Go faster,” He whispered.

And with a snap, you both fucked on the couch harder than you had ever ridden someone before. The moans from both of your getting louder and more panicked, your hands gripping every part of each others body. His tip rammed in and out of you, the tip of his length hitting against your cervix with every movement.

Without warning, you yelped.

“Sicheng!” Your legs shook violently around him,, your walls pulsing as Sicheng held your body into his chest, he followed your path. His breathing becoming ragged and warnings leaving his mouth.

“Baby, I’m going to come.” He groaned before ramming into your harder than he had previously.

This was more than just sex. Although you knew it was wrong and it was of that… just sex. It still wasn’t. You had somehow known that he would end up happening. You felt as if maybe Sicheng was the missing puzzle piece in your puzzle. But if that was true, why did the cosmos insist on making it so hard to be together. Your actions would have consequences, but at that moment you didn’t care. Because you wanted him so bad.

Sicheng grabbed your hips, digging his trimmed nails into your love handles, surely leaving marks and groaning. Spilling his seed into the condom, he groaned, his cock becoming flaccid inside you. But you still went on, set on reaching what you had left. Your vision was blurring, your eyes closing, and your body crumbling into the man in front of you. You released.

You were sure you had created a mess over the couch, you had come two times and it felt like an insane amount. Never once had Wonho made you feel that way.

You fell off of him with a huff. Both sitting for the remainder of the session silent. It was by then you had gotten your clothes on and just sat there. It felt like forever, hearing his small breaths and gazing at his thighs.  What had you done? All the years you've spent studying for this was just taken away over one stupid mistake. You knew you would regret it afterward, but you didn’t know how much. At the moment you wanted it.  But oddly enough you wanted to do it again. And again, and again.

“Princess,” Sicheng whispered hoarsely his throat, looking over at you with a lazy smile on his face. “Again next session?”

You whimpered at him, tears welling in the back of your eyes. What the fuck had you done. “Sicheng we can’t.” But he looked determined this time around.

“And you won’t.” You looked up faster than you ever looked before, your neck cracking at the sheer force. You felt like crying. This wasn’t supposed to happen. “Sicheng I suggest you leave this hospital now. Seducing your Doctor? I could lock you in our maximum security for that.”

Wonho.  

You and Sicheng both stood up quickly, a single tear already rolling down your red cheek. "Why were you in here when my session was—"

“Why the were you fucking her?” Wonho was twice the size of Sicheng, maybe even triple, he could kill him if he wanted to. But yet, Wonho still protected you. And you were right. This hospital was so fucked. “I’ll have your mother know that you had an episode today,” mused seriously, his eyes narrowing at him.  ‘Y/N and you may have had sex, but it stops now. You’re going to be here forever.’”

It looked as if he was losing his mind again.  He can feel the thread of his happiness unraveling slowly as he realized this doctor was serious. He was going to put him away right when he was getting better. He asked himself was this worth it? Were you worth it? He stood there, expression dead, his breathing slowed. He was in a trance. He opens his mouth, but not a sound comes out.

Sicheng cries with single tears falling down his face. You cry with sobbing noises and multiple coming down at once, your face wet from the salt of your own tears.

“Wonho, please don’t do this.” You whispered. “He’s happy.” You grabbed onto Sicheng’s hand.

“You broke your job code, Y/N. I’m doing you a favor.” He spat. He turned to Sicheng, a little smile coming to Hoseok’s face. “Tell me, Winwin. Was she worth it?” He had thought of that for only a couple seconds. But he already knew.

“Yes.”

You remained in tears, watching the two men face off. “Please,” you grabbed onto Wonho’s sleeve. “I’ll quit and never do it again. Just please…” You begged. “Don’t hurt him.”

But this was only the beginning, your mistakes were nowhere near done.

[asagimeta]

References in The Deadfast Club/Devil’s Night

Forgive the 1 A.M. theory brain, I have some other things to do so this was, admittedly, only breifly researched, but there are two pop culture references that stood out to me in these two episodes the most- This Mortal Coil and The Breakfast Club

Wile most of Scream's references are, obviously, to horror movies- from Tony Todd, AKA Candyman being the Hook Killer, to the discussions of "Get Out" and Jordan Peele (hilariously, this season was filmed over two years ago and Jordan Peele just announced that he's doing a Candyman movie a couple of months back), these two were very prominent but not at all horror related

This Mortal Coil is the name of the book Beth is reading, wich is prominently displayed to the camera, but the only results I found with that name are to a musical group that ran in the 80s/90s, and a dystopian YA novel, neither of wich looked like the kind of book Beth was reading, wich looked like a classic- hard leather bound with no cover art, as opposed to the YA novel that's far more modern looking

The musical group is described as having "gothic, dream pop sound", with the first and last albums they produced sounding like they could relate to Scream as a franchise- "It'll End In Tears" and "Blood" could both easily relate to the series, but aside from that and having gothic leanings, I'm not sure what this reference could provide, especially in book format

The YA novel however is far more interesting

The YA novel is all about DNA- specifically, recoding DNA, allowing people to "change their bodies in any way they want", the book's primary theme also seems to be about trust- who you can trust, you can't, and if you can even trust yourself

If Deion's brother really IS alive and the killer, this could be a great easter egg for that

My trouble believing it is that Scream has always surprised us with the killer reveals, for the killer to be the most obvious suspect who was guessed in episode two seems shoddy, but far more than that, Scream is about defying tropes and expectations, as they did in the opening scene with little!Ghostface being the first victim rather than the pretty teenager, even exiting the "kill the girl" trope by killing a child- and a boy at that- for the first victim

Maybe this really is the era of changing Scream's narrative

Kym said herself that the this was a different genre of horror than what had been established before, where "we make our own rules", "we" referring to POC- specifically black, wich is a good distinction for her to have made, actually

Wile Jordan Peele and "Get Out" were the only ones directly referenced, horror starring black charectors is SIGNIFICANTLY different than horror starring white charectors, and often defies the typical white tropes- yes, Jordan Peele is an example, but also "The Intruder", "No Good Deed", "When The Bough Breaks", among other newer ones, but even older, classic horror has this distinction, specifically, Night Of The Living Dead breaks alot of horror tropes- especially for the era- and turns what could have been a basic zombie movie into a really social-political-laden message with a truly tragic ending

It's worth noting that of "The Deadfast Club" (a reference I'm about to go into later) only Manny and Beth are white, a great and stark contrast to most of these kinds of groups in movies

This iteration of Scream could be breaking some of the rules, and though Scream is known for breaking horror movie rules in general, it could be that, as this iteration is the first not to star a white protagonist, there's an effort being made to break even MORE rules- even some of the ones Scream it's self usually held dear, and one of those could be the very format, instead of spending the entire show wondering who the killer is, we find out in episode three or four who it is and spend the rest of the series just trying to defeat him- or even resolving the loose ends of his backstory somehow

I could go on about this more but it's now 2:15 so I'd better move on

The Breakfast Club is the other major reference that doesn't fit in with the typical horror movie jargon

In fact, it's so prominent that episode one is named "The Deadfast Club", the only title I know of to make a clear movie reference, and yet it isn't to a horror movie

It isn't like that's new, all of the second season episodes were named after horror films, but that's just it- HORROR films

Scream has only ever been about analyzing and breaking down the horror genre, I don't remember ever seeing a reference quite this big to anything non-horror in Scream before

That said, I'd like to pick at the meaning for this

Firstly, Manny is right, The Breakfast Club only had five roles and five stereotypes (although six charectors, I can't see yet how Manny could fit Vernon's role)

But here comes another interesting problem- wile it's true that Manny doesn't fit any of the five stereotypes... neither does Kym

The stereotypes fit the other four seamlessly

"The Princess"- Liv, Deion himself calls her an "It girl" "The Athlete"- Deion "The Brain"- Amir "The Criminal"- Beth

But that just leaves "The Basket-Case" and I don't think that can apply to Kym, unless the term is meant more affectionately in the movie (I wouldn't know, having not seen it) but I have a feeling that isn't the case, and even if it was, it still wouldn't fit, Kym is passionate sure, but I haven't seen anything that could make her suit a term like "crazy"- not to mention "basket case", only and simply "rebellious", but "criminal" certainly doesn't fit her either as, to my knowledge, she's never committed a crime

This leaves a pretty interesting opening- well, two interesting openings:

1. If Kym and Manny don't have roles to fill, will they be the two lone survivors? The writers had to put some thought into making these charectors fit to the stereotypes in order for The Deadfast Club to really work as a reference but purposely created Manny and Kym to oppose ALL of them, they could have just as easily created the two of them to simply "share" roles with the others, making Manny fit more of the "brain" role for example, but choosing not to means they want these two to stand out

And how convenient that they just so happen to be the only long-standing freinds in The Deadfast Club, the only ones not getting to know eachother for the first time

Ofcourse by the same factor this could mean they'll be the only two to die but that would suck on alot of levels

2. Far more importantly though, not only did the writers specifically care to create two charectors that didn't fit any roles... they also chose to have one role that didn't fit any of the charectors, unless you double up and label Beth as "the basket case" too, wich I don't personally buy- why would they bother doing that? Why not make a charector just for that role? Or atleast make it alluded to that Beth was both- then there's one role that doesn't have anyone in it

That's awfully strange, that's not just one, but two flaws for The Deadfast Club as a theme

Beth even tries labeling them all herself but when she gets to Kym, who she was obviously going to label "The Basket Case", Kym stops her, both refusing that label and refusing to be labeled at all- very significant

Heading back to our previous point on different types of horror, Beth herself claims that most of the group being black is an "instant kill", and wile LGBTQ+ people are scarce in horror, they're usually just as quickly murdered, the "Burry Your Gays" trope certainly didn't emerge from sitcoms after all

If Kym and Manny are the only survivors, that would be breaking a handfull of "horror rules" right there, and bring us full circle to Kym saying that "we make up our own rules"- plus, Deion is being given to us as the hero, and Liv was, as Beth said, "final girl material", we expect both of them to make it out alive because horror as a genre dictates that we should, but what if episode five gets here and it's Kym who becomes the hero?

I went off topic there but there's something more important about there not being a "basket case" role in the Deadfast Club, namely: What if there IS one and we don't know it yet? Namely, the killer?

There are two options with that:

1. The killer is an outsider who becomes involved with the Deadfast Club in some way down the line, sort of like how Shane was- who I was going to nominate for this before he was killed off- or is perhaps already connected to them (like Deion's brother) or...

2. The reason we don't have a clear basket case is because one of the Deadfast Club is the killer

In this case, it could be anyone

As Manny and Kym don't have labels, it could be one of them (thus filling the roles and leaving wichever one ISN'T the killer to be the Final Girl) or it could be one of the other four doubling up on labels like I suggested earlier on

If this is the case, my money is on Liv- as The Princess, she would be the least likely to be suspected, it would be a unique twist, and no one in the group would think to suspect her (except maybe Beth but she'll probably be killed right after coming to this conclusion)

Regardless of who it is, they'll have to do a new list in the last episode referencing the dead members, and the new discovery of their basket-case....

Believe me, I want to go into this SO much more, but it's 3 AM now and I still have other things to do, trust me though, tommorrow brings more Scream, and with luck, more theories as well!

[massagersdepot-blog]

Everything We Thought We Knew About Massage Is Wrong

Hands up if a massage sounds absolutely eminent right about at this point. Who couldn't utilize a bit of plying around those shoulder ties and an hour of zenning out?

However, hitting the spa is likewise expensive, and it's only a #TreatYoSelf thing, correct? Not a chance. It's an ideal opportunity to switch up your viewpoint. Look at all the great it can do.

Massage treatment may:

help your body move betterTrusted Source

diminish real painTrusted Source

lessen uneasiness (ahhhh)Trusted Source

support your mind's creation of feel-great synthetic substances like oxytocin,Trusted Source dopamine, and serotoninTrusted Source

wrench up your insusceptible functionTrusted Source

help you rest betterTrusted Source

With every one of these advantages, massage shouldn't be viewed as only an extravagance. We should take a gander at it as one all the more way we can deal with our wellbeing, much the same as going for a run or eating a vitality boosting nibble.

Misguided judgments about massage are wild, and we'd like to deal with that for you at the present time.

1. In massage, "no torment, no increase" is crazy

Given that a session of bodywork costs about as much as a five-class go to a boutique wellness studio, you're going to need to feel results. Tragically, numerous individuals confound torment and irritation as proof that a massage is working.

Gritting your teeth under the weight of too-extreme massage just adds to your body's pressure, further solidifying those muscles that urgently need to mollify.

Delving into muscles resembles that science analyze in primary school where you joined cornstarch with water: The more you goaded the substance, the more it solidified, yet when you halted, it went to fluid.

This property is called thixotropy (take a stab at saying that multiple times quick). In less logical terms, it implies that a lot of power will make muscle atoms stick together and nearly solidify, says Wil Lewis, a massage specialist in NYC and Denver.

"Yet, apply a more slow power, and the atoms effectively slip separated, enabling the muscles to open, mollify, and isolated."

In case you're feeling genuine torment during or after your massage, converse with your specialist about modifying their method.

The objective isn't to turn muscle strands to putty. It's to apply the perfect measure of strain to kick-start that unwinding reaction, extricate and stretch your muscles, and discharge pressure instead of add to it. This encourages you feel great both during and after your session.

2. Don't simply lie there!

While you should close your eyes and have a ball for the full time you've dispensed your muscles to be watched out for, there's additionally no damage in visiting up your specialist in the event that you feel like it. (Try not to stress over being clumsy — they've seen a lot of more terrible.)

This talk is particularly useful with regards to imparting how much power you're alright with and which territories of your body need more consideration.

"Your massage advisor is definitely not a clairvoyant," Lewis says. "Their lone method for guaranteeing that you are having an incredible massage with the right weight and detail is through criticism." No compelling reason to have a full discussion, however don't be timid about shouting out!

Hands up if a massage sounds absolutely superb right about at this point. Who couldn't utilize a bit of working around those shoulder hitches and an hour of zenning out?

In any case, hitting the spa is likewise expensive, and it's only a #TreatYoSelf thing, isn't that so?

Probably not. It's an ideal opportunity to switch up your point of view. Look at all the great it can do.

Massage treatment may:

help your body move betterTrusted Source

ease real painTrusted Source

decrease uneasiness (ahhhh)Trusted Source

help your mind's creation of feel-great synthetic substances like oxytocin,Trusted Source dopamine, and serotoninTrusted Source

wrench up your invulnerable functionTrusted Source

help you rest betterTrusted Source

With every one of these advantages, massage shouldn't be viewed as only an extravagance. We should take a gander at it as one all the more way we can deal with our wellbeing, much the same as going for a run or eating a vitality boosting nibble.

Confusions about massage are wild, and we'd like to deal with that for you at the present time.

3. Attempt a little self-massage

Unwinding on the massage table while your advisor does something amazing for your irritated muscles is the best part about getting a massage. You don't really require the specialist to get the advantages, however.

A few examinations propose that self-massage can diminish torment, stiffness,Trusted Source and muscle irritation and conceivably increment scope of motion.Trusted Source

Rubbing your very own hurts just two times every week, with either your hands or a froth roller, might be sufficient to keep muscle torment under control.

It's not as fun as the massage table involvement, however it may enable you to feel much improved, you can do it whenever, and �� best of all — it's free.

4. Pregaming to "relax up" isn't such a smart thought

A glass or two of vino may appear only the thing to nix any nerves about letting a more odd touch your exposed body and truly unwind — hell, a few spas even offer wine. However, it's presumably better to hold off.

"Liquor and massage are a no-go," Lewis says. "On the off chance that somebody is inebriated, a massage will accelerate course so much that the liquor will flush into the tissues and hit the blood quicker and more grounded. The body likewise channels it quicker, so rather than a surge of inebriation, you simply become ill."

Not as fun as we'd trusted…

5. Massage doesn't make you sick — yet you may feel like it

On the off chance that you've at any point felt somewhat wiped out a day or so after a massage session, you're not the only one. During a massage, Lewis clarifies, "we alleviate the pressure and discharge the poisons, and now the insusceptible framework needs to manage it."

More research is required, however massage may improve lymph stream. The lymphatic framework battles diseases and disposes of hurtful substances.Trusted Source The expanded progression of waste liquids shipped by lymph could hypothetically make you feel horrible after massage.

6. Feeling turned-on doesn't mean you're peculiar

At the point when you animate the muscles, unwind, and yield to the pleasurable parts of a massage, in some cases you get somewhat, well, energized.

Most importantly, this isn't remarkable (whew!). Don't effectively attempt to maintain a strategic distance from this or you may demolish the massage for yourself. (In any case, ahem, do regard that the massage specialist isn't there to oblige any sexual dreams.)

You can loosen up realizing that any prepared advisor is prepared to explore this circumstance expertly by continuing consciously or giving the customer a minute to quiet down, Lewis says.

If all gatherings included act properly (remember there are legitimate limits notwithstanding sexual lead between a customer and specialist), there's no mischief in inclination supported and euphoric in your body.

The takeaway

With all its body and mind benefits, a massage is substantially more than an extravagance experience or liberal self-spoiling. Go as regularly as you can bear the cost of and need to, in light of the fact that a session with an expert even like clockwork is absolutely worth the expense. If you are looking for more information click here right away.

[justsomebucky]

Unrequited

Summary: AU. What do you do when the one you love loves someone else?

Pairing: fem!reader x Bucky Barnes (unrequited obviously), hint at Steve Rogers x reader

Word Count: 3,619

Warnings: language, fluff, wordiness, jealousy, pettiness, unrequited love, i mean it, this doesn’t end with reader x bucky happily ever after

A/N: We’ve all been there. I used this to deal with my own stupid feelings. This is my submission for the wonderful @denialanderror’s 2k writing challenge! I knew I couldn’t offer you fluff. Prompt is in bold. If it flops, so be it. Not every story ends happily.

It was that dreaded time of year again…wedding season.

It was a period of at least three or four months when everyone you know seemed exponentially happier than you, whether they were the ones getting married or not.

Honestly, you weren’t sure which was more to blame for your completely ridiculous expectations in romance: Disney or those stupid cheesy rom-coms that you couldn’t stop yourself from watching on Netflix or the Hallmark Channel.

It didn’t really matter how you felt about wedding season though. Your best friend Wanda was getting married to her longtime boyfriend, Vis, and you had already agreed to be her maid of honor. You’d be there on her big day to support her and help her and be happy for her no matter what.

What you didn’t realize at the time, though, was that the little ‘no matter what’ promise came with a heavy price.

For the better part of three years, you’d been so utterly, tragically in love with someone. He was kind and smart, handsome and funny…he was the real deal. His name was James Barnes, though everyone called him Bucky. The two of you met through friends and instantly hit it off, with smiles and laughter and a warm hug goodbye before you parted ways.

To be fair, you hadn’t thought much about the encounter later that night.

It wasn’t until two or three days later that it really hit you. You caught yourself grinning at the memory of him, remembering what it was like to have his arms around you even briefly, and that’s when you knew you were already smitten. He began to occupy your thoughts and sometimes even made his way into your dreams, and you wanted to get to know him better.

The trouble was, he was already seeing someone.

He’d been with her for years already, and it seemed unlikely that they would be breaking up anytime soon.

He was happy with someone else, and the truth of the situation started to slowly tear away at you piece by piece until you stopped hanging out with him altogether for your own sake.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want him to be happy, it’s just…why couldn’t it be with you?

He was going to be at Wanda’s wedding with his girlfriend, and you couldn’t avoid them forever.

---

“It was just the timing,” Wanda declared over mimosas the morning of the rehearsal. You had taken her out for bestie brunch before everything became really hectic. “Timing is everything, right?”

You polished off your second glass before setting it down, motioning to the waiter for another. “Timing? As in, ‘why couldn’t I have met him a few years earlier before she got to him’ kind of timing?”

“Yeah.” She shrugged as she picked up her fork to tear into her omelet. “She got to him first. She was in the right place at the right time, and she went for it. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Don’t remind me,” you grumbled, glancing around. The waiter brought you another mimosa and you thanked him as Wanda pulled something out of her bag.

“What’s that?” you asked, nodding at the document before taking another generous sip. “Wedding stuff?”

“The seating chart.” She unfurled the paper and set it down on the table, using the salt and pepper shakers as paperweights. “I want you to know, Y/N, that I tried my best to push Bucky and his girlfriend into a corner behind Vis’ neighbors, but in the end it just didn’t make sense. All of our mutual friends are on the left side here.”

You watched as she pointed to a front row table. Thankfully, you were going to be at the right side of the head table. You’d be able to see him but only if you made the effort to look. “At least it’s the opposite side from me, right?”

“Right.” Wanda gave you a worried glance. “Our other friends will be there too, okay? And you’ll have Aimee. You won’t have to even talk to them if you don’t want to.”

“Maybe he’ll see me in my dress and decide that she’s all wrong for him.” You laughed a little to show you were kidding, but she didn’t look convinced.

You weren’t entirely convinced, either.

Unrequited love was the dumbest, biggest waste of time, but for some reason you couldn’t explain, you still held out hope that maybe you could make him see just how right for each other you were.

When Bucky walked into a room, the entire atmosphere shifted. It was like your entire body became aware of his presence and reacted accordingly. That meant, of course, sweaty palms, an anxious feeling, wretched butterflies dancing in your belly…and above all, a feeling of dread as you anticipated the moment when he left the small portion of the world he was sharing with you to go be alone with her.

You tortured yourself, too.

You snuck peeks at her Instagram account, where most of the pics were of Bucky. At first, you checked it because you wanted to see more of him – a glimpse, just a little hint into what life was like with him, a life you would never know.

There was something in the way he smiled, the way the light in his eyes made them sparkle a deeper blue. His laugh, oh god…the videos she posted of him laughing…the sound cut through your chest and squeezed your heart every time. You would remember the times you had made him laugh or smile, and you reveled in the feeling.

Seeing him happy made you happy, at first.

But then more and more of her posts were the two of them together, and you found yourself wallowing in self-pity and jealousy. You analyzed her features, trying to figure out why he chose her. What made her so special? Why was she the lucky one who got to share a life with him?

You had met her before, obviously, and hung out with her several times. She couldn’t possibly let Bucky have a night out without her, could she? She couldn’t possibly go have her own life for a hot minute while you had a chance to catch up with him. No, she was always there, always at his side.

Her face was plain, her eyes dull (in your opinion), and she was really, really boring. She didn’t have a particularly interesting personality and her laugh was offensive to your ears. She was one of those people who tried to sound intelligent and artsy but she just ended up sounding like a pretentious hipster instead.

It’s not like she was doing anything wrong. She was just living her beautiful, blessed life and sharing her happiness with others on her Instagram page. She was just spending as much time as she could with the man who stole her heart.

You wanted to hate her. You tried to, you really did, but you didn’t have it in you.  

After a while, you had to stop. You blocked her and deleted him as your friend on every social media platform. It was too much, and you couldn’t handle torturing yourself any further.

“Earth to Y/N,” Wanda called out, waving a hand in front of your face.

“I’m sorry, I zoned out.”

“Yeah, I could tell. Do you wanna get out of here?”

“God, yes.”

---

The wedding rehearsal went really well. You didn’t fall over everything, and you even managed to make a few well-timed jokes to save Vis when he nervously began to stumble over his words.

His best man (your groomsman) was none other than Steve Rogers, a guy you knew pretty well from school and now from being in the same circle of friends. Steve was a nice guy, hopelessly romantic and in awe of everything going on around him. You could tell he’d been a victim of the Disney machine, too, the way his eyes glinted in the light and a soft smile appeared on his face every time something remotely mushy happened.

From what you had heard from Wanda, he’d been in a long term relationship that had ended about a year ago when the woman moved back home to England. He’d been single since then, the poor guy.

Since the two of you were going to be paired together at the wedding the next day, you decided to sit beside him at the rehearsal dinner party that Wanda and Vis had put together. You had a nice conversation going over salad before the topic naturally turned to your own love life.

“So are you seeing anyone?” he asked, stabbing a cherry tomato with his fork. “I never really hear the gossip anymore now that Wanda’s been busy planning the wedding.”

You eyed your glass of wine, wondering if it was too much to just chug it. “No, I’m single. Have been for a while.”

“Got your eye on anyone?” Steve looked up at you, and you noticed for the first time ever that his eyes had more than just blue in them.

“That’s complicated.” You gave in and grabbed your wine glass, taking a generous sip. If you were going to be forced to talk about this with one of Bucky’s friends, you were going to have to loosen up a little first. Not that you had to mention the man himself, but still...

“Complicated? Uh oh,” he laughed, raising his brows in interest.

You felt your face heat up a little under his scrutiny. “If it’s all right with you, I probably shouldn’t even talk about it.”

“What makes you say it’s complicated, though?” he pressed on. “Is it just not working, or…?”

“There is no ‘it,’” you informed him, taking another gulp of wine. “I’m in love with a man who doesn’t want me.”

His brows scrunched in confusion, but you weren’t really sure what was so difficult to understand about that statement.

Luckily, you didn’t have to explain yourself. Wanda and Vis stood up and they each thanked everyone for being in their wedding party. They even handed out gifts; you got a beautiful little necklace and Steve was given a fancy watch.

It took another hour or so before Steve found the chance to continue the conversation, and by then you were pretty inebriated. Vis had kept pouring the delicious wine and you kept partaking.

That meant one thing, though…you were being extra open and honest with everyone. That included the moment when Steve asked you flat out about the identity of the man who supposedly didn’t want you, the one you were desperately in love with.

You were out on the back porch of Wanda and Vis’ shared home as soon as you could get away from the crowd. Outside, the moon cast a soft glow on everything and you couldn’t help but wonder what Bucky was doing right then. Was he excited for tomorrow?

Did he look forward to dancing with her?

Was he thinking about proposing to her?

Steve approached you quietly, taking the seat next to yours as he stretched his long legs out in front of him. There was a beer in his hand, at least his third of the night by your count, but he still seemed pretty sober.

“You know, I’m really good at listening,” he told you gently, leaving the offer out there. “It’s a judgment-free zone.”

Your chest tightened a little.

You wanted to tell him, really. You wanted to explain that when Bucky looked at you, you felt like you were floating on clouds. It was the cheesiest, most ridiculous reaction and you knew it, but you couldn’t help it.

Instead, you laid out how you were feeling after a fourth glass of wine.

“It’s so dumb.” Your voice was soft and fragile, the same way you were feeling just then.  “Having feelings like that, I mean. It’s such a waste of time.”

“I don’t know about that,” Steve countered, taking a small sip of beer. “Love hardly seems like a waste of time to me.”

“Oh, what do you know? Mr. Perfect,” you muttered, glancing away. “You’ve never loved someone who didn’t love you back.”

“I have, actually.”

Your head whirled around at his admission, your eyes wide. “What? Who?”

He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

You scoffed, keeping your gaze on his face. Maybe he could understand. You decided you could probably trust him. “If I told you, do you promise not to say anything?”

He lifted his eyes to yours. “It’s Bucky, isn’t it?”

Aaaand there went your calm feelings.

“How did you know? Am I that obvious?”

“Just...I don’t know.” Steve shifted in his seat, eyes dropping to his beer bottle. “It’s the way you look at him. The way you light up when you see him and the way a little storm cloud follows you around when he interacts with his girlfriend.”

You groaned, throwing your head back. “I’m obvious. He knows. I can’t even look at him now.”

“He has no clue, Y/N.”

“You couldn’t possibly know that for sure.”

“He isn’t aware, Y/N, because he doesn’t care to notice,” Steve informed you. “He doesn’t notice because unless you’re her, noticing isn’t high on his priority list.”

Ouch.

“I know that,” you whispered, feeling the telltale sign of tears stinging your eyes.

“Do you?” He leaned over to try to meet your eyes, but you ducked your head away. “Bucky is in love with her, Y/N. He’s on the verge of proposing. And while we’re on the subject, love isn’t anxiety and pain all the time. Love should be calm and reassuring. It should be steady even when you aren’t. You’re hurting yourself for nothing when you could be happy instead.”

“How can I be happy without him?” You furiously wiped at your cheek as a stray tear fell. “I’ve loved him for so long, I don’t know if I can.”

“You’re without him right now, Y/N, happy or not,” Steve said softly as he stood up and headed to the door to go back inside. He opened the screen door halfway before pausing. “I’m sorry if that seemed harsh. I just…I hate to see you so miserable.”

“No offense, Steve, but you don’t even know me,” you threw back, looking up at him as his brows furrowed.

“I do,” he replied. “I do know you, and that’s why I wanted to take some time and let you know that you deserve to be happy. So just…try to be happy, okay?”

He went inside without another word and you were left staring out at the empty backyard bathed in moonlight, wondering why everyone else could see what you couldn’t.

---

When Wanda’s wedding day finally arrived, you were a freaking mess.

It took every ounce of strength you had to pull it together in time to be a supportive best friend and maid of honor, but the cracks in your façade were so big you knew it was only a matter of time before you shattered into a million pieces.

God, when did everything get so dramatic and miserable? When did the idea of Bucky turn into something that brought you down?

Like always, since you knew he was there in the room, you reacted. Your heart raced and your hands shook. Luckily you were able to pass it off as nerves from being in front of a crowd when the other bridesmaid, your friend Aimee, asked if you were okay. She knew about your feelings for Bucky, too, but perhaps not the extent of your misery. You wondered if she could see that as clearly as Steve had.

Whatever. It had to stop. This was Wanda’s day.

When the music started, you managed to walk up the aisle behind Aimee and ahead of Wanda without turning your head to look at the crowd. When you got to the altar, you kept your eyes glued to Wanda’s glowing face as she walked slowly but confidently toward the love of her life.

Steve was right, that’s how love should be. You should feel calm, not upset. You should be confident that the one you love, the one you’ve chosen, actually chose you too.

For the first time all morning, you let your gaze wander to the guests. You knew Bucky would be sitting on Vis’ side, and you found him pretty quickly.

He had on a fancy suit, and to say he looked good in it would be an understatement. His hair was combed neatly and he left just a small hint of stubble on his face. He always was so damn handsome.

Then you noticed a few other things…

He was smiling at her. Their hands were clasped together tightly, like they were made to fit together. Their faces were close as she whispered something to him that made him smile. Light danced in his eyes as he stared at her plain features and listened to her insufferable voice. He was radiating love for only her.

You looked away before you saw anymore.

The wedding vows were gorgeous.

You listened intently as your friends promised to always be there for each other, to respect each other…Vis promised to bring Wanda her favorite soup when she was sick, and Wanda promised to let Vis pick every other movie.

As they exchanged rings, you realized that you wanted that, not the nervous, anxious, empty feeling that Bucky gave you. It was like your eyes were opening to what love should be for the first time in years.

Unrequited love wasn’t a waste of time, it was a lesson. It was a teacher, explaining to you all the ways you want to be loved but aren’t, at least in that moment. It was a guide, leading you to the conclusion that if they are that happy without you, surely you can be happy without them, too.

You felt like a thousand pounds lifted off your shoulders as you watched Vis tip Wanda back and give her a romantic kiss to seal their new bond, and you smiled so hard your cheeks hurt.

---

At the head table, you and Aimee were drinking champagne, eating cake, and generally have a great time. You forgot how funny she was, and after thinking of all the nights out you’d skipped to avoid Bucky and his girlfriend, you realized just how much you missed your friends.  

You only looked at Bucky’s table once the whole time you’d been at the reception, and for that you were grateful.

“I’m proud of you,” Aimee said, setting her fork down on her plate.

“What for?”

“Wanda told me to keep an eye on you during the ceremony, just in case you spotted him in the crowd and it made you upset,” she explained, offering a small smile. “But you made it through, so, I’m proud of you.”

“I did look at him,” you confessed. “He looked so happy…if you love someone, you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you, right?”

“This is true.”

You turned your head just enough to see Bucky making his way to the makeshift bar, and a champagne-induced idea popped into your head. “I think I’m going to go talk to him.”

Aimee looked at you as if you’d just sprouted antlers. “Is that really the best idea?”

“I think so. If I tell him I’m happy for him, I think it will help me move on.” You were too damn determined to be stopped now. “Be right back.”

She sighed, covering her eyes with her hand as you walked away.

When you got to the bar, you stood beside him and ordered a drink.

“Y/N,” Bucky said cheerfully. “How are you?”

“Oh, Bucky! I didn’t even see you there. I’m great, how are you?” Polite conversation made your skin crawl, so you continued without waiting for an answer. “I’m glad you and your girlfriend were able to make it. This whole wedding has been so perfect, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, we’ve had a really nice time.” He took his drink from the bartender and turned to you.

There it was.

You were standing there in your dress looking and feeling pretty good, and you finally had his full attention. It was the moment you had selfishly thought about since you were asked to be maid of honor.

But right now, as he looked at you, you didn’t see that light in his gorgeous blue eyes.

It was a polite smile on his face, not a warm one.

Bucky would never be yours. It just wasn’t meant to be.

You knew what you had to do: you offered a smile, and even though the words hurt you said them anyway. “She’s beautiful. I hope she makes you happy.” 

Bucky’s smile widened. “Thank you, she does.”

“I’m glad,” you told him, and you meant it. With one last smile, you grabbed your drink and turned away to go back to Aimee and the rest of the slice of cake you’d temporarily abandoned.  

You glanced up at the head table as you turned and walked away from the man you’d loved for so long.

To your surprise, Steve Rogers was standing beside your empty seat talking to Aimee.

She pointed you out in the crowd as you made your way back to the table.

And when he finally spotted you, a little hint of light danced in his eyes. His features brightened with a smile. He looked at you as if you were the best thing he’d seen all day, like you’d put the sun in the sky just for him.

Your heart fluttered, just once.

…Oh.

----

The end!

[yandereshit]

Izaya x Reader: salad. [Durarara]

So! A story I wrote in 2k15 and translated to english... well, today. The translation may be a bit weird since I’m not used to doing these, but... well, yes. Here we go lololol have fun with this weird ass shit.

Evening ritual always looked the same. The very moment the night fell upon the city – which happened quite late during summer – you showered and, wearing your cute pink pajamas, you took out the cucumber-meat salad from the fridge and pouring its small amount into a special, porcelain bowl and putting a spoon inside as well, using the lack of interest from your parents’ side, you quietly left the flat, wearing your plushy flip-flops to stay warm and quiet at once.

Luckily, no neighbor has seen you in this weird state. This time your hair was still wet, which made you even more willing to stay unnoticed. You went up the six-floor building and opened the roof’s door. According to the ritual, you’ll sit at the edge of the roof and, staring at the bright, night city, eat the heavenly gift as known as your mommy’s salad.

The door creaked when you stepped outside. The wind started to move chaotically, unwittingly drying your hair. You shook your head, trying to move the strands aside to clear your sight, because the wind hit you from behind, covering your face with the mess of hair. And when you finally managed to do so… well.

“Huh? You’re not Magenta-san.”

Eeeeh...?

You looked up and stared at the silhouette standing a few meters away and staring back at you with concern on his face.

Magenta, Magenta, Magenta... Um…

“It’s shade of pink…?” you guessed, reminding yourself of the hours spent in Ikea on choosing the right color for the curtains.

The silhouette blinked, a bit disoriented. He scanned over your body and put his hands in the pockets of his jacket, tilting his head to the side with a smile and apparently waiting for what YOU were about to do.

“I… u-um...” you stuttered, because the man was standing in your way to your favorite spot on the roof. “I wanted to eat only...” you muttered and, with your face red from embarrassment (wind, why are you not covering my face NOW?!) you circled around the person and sat with crossed legs at the edge of the roof, about to start your meal.

There was a silence. You took a bit of the salad on the spoon, stared at it and sighed deeply, trying to suppress the will to look around at the stranger. You probably should ask him what he’s doing here. But right now, you definitely preferred to take care of the salad and assume… that you’ll keep ignoring him till he goes away. The taste of your favorite meal was so tempting that you really wanted to believe it’ll just work.

One way or another, you lived here since forever. Officially, no one was allowed to enter the roof. And this stranger definitely wasn’t a neighbor since you’ve never seen him before.

You pressed your lips together, putting the spoon in the bowl and carefully taking the phone out from your pocket. You raised it to your eyes’ level to use the reflection to see the other person behind you.

But as it seemed, the person disappeared from your sight. You shrugged, putting your phone aside and finally deciding to take care of the salad.

“You have a cute dog” you heard suddenly right behind yourself and jumped (quite comically, considering you were sitting), letting go of the spoon and miraculously not losing the bowl as well. The spoon screamed drastically and a few seconds later, landed as a bloody stain on the pavement dozens of meters lower. Or maybe you just imagined that. Either way, you lost it.

“Oh dang it” you muttered, standing up and turning around, only to notice that SOMEONE barely a meter further stared at the screen of a phone. You glanced at the spot next to yourself. And yes, it was YOUR phone. You had the photo of your dog on your lock screen.

Automatically, you reached in the thief’s direction, he though, not even looking up, spun around, whirling away from your grasp. It forced you to use more strength and as a result, you lost your balance. And before you managed to stop, both you and the salad’s bowl flied in the floor’s direction.

However, unlike you, the bowl never met the ground. But a few moments later you realized in terror that the stranger has two hostages now. And – by the way – that the roof is quite dirty and you’ll have to take a shower again.

“Give back my salad!” you yelled in annoyance. Well, priorities differ. The stranger snorted and moved away a bit more, extending the hand with the phone in your direction. You hesitantly took it and put in the pocket, but it was obviously not enough. You wanted your salad!

In the meanwhile, the man moved aside and started eating the salad with his fingers.

You screamed in despair, feeling the anger boil inside of you. No one. Is. Allowed. To. Touch. Your. Salad.

You raised your fist in attempt to hit the man’s face. At that moment, the food lost its value. The revenge was what you craved for. It was a fight for honor.

Unfortunately, the man dodged. You tried to hit him a few more times, then kick, you generally tried everything you could. And he – barely amused – without hurry dodged all your attacks, making sure that nothing would happen to the salad and (if that was not enough) he even found time to keep eating it. At least he was aware what kind of treasure he’s holding!

Eventually, you let out a weird, frustrated growl and grasped his jacket with both hands, putting all your strength in not letting go. But he didn’t even try to break free.

“And what now?” he asked with a childish smile on his face, watching every single feature of your silhouette. Ah well. Your hands were busy. The first thing you thought of was kicking him, but he quickly made you unable to do so, standing on your toes. Your flip flops had no chance in comparison to normal shoes so an attempt to break free turned futile.

You pressed your lips together, thinking of literally ANY possibility to rub that annoying smile off his face. And finally, when the man probably thought you’re about to give up… you pulled him to yourself and with all the strength left, bit into his neck

He screamed, letting go of the bowl which shattered on the ground.

"O-oi, it hurts! ヘ（。□°）ヘ", he whimpered, trying to push you off himself. But it made him only hurt more, because you bit into him like some tick. He closed his eyes tightly, focusing on bearing the pain.

Suddenly, you felt a weird, metallic taste. Not fitting to the bitter taste of his cologne you were feeling for the few seconds till now. You pulled your teeth out of his neck, staring in disbelief at the slightly bleeding wound on your victim’s neck.

“Finally...” the “victim” muttered, flopping onto the ground.

“Um...” you whimpered, covering your mouth with your hand. You licked over your lips, and then… “Oh my God! I will catch something!” you yelled, spatting out as much of your saliva as you could. You started to cough in despair.

The man glared at you, carefully touching the wound. The skin in that place was weirdly jelly in touch. He stared at you for some time, clearly not willing to interrupt.

You in the meanwhile, hardly got yourself together and finally stared at him angrily.

“Youuu...”

“You’re not done yet?!” he asked in panic, covering his neck with hands.

“Look at what you’ve done!” you yelled, pointing the shattered bowl and your dead salad around it. “You killed it!”

“You bit me!” he noticed, standing up and brushing the dust off his trausers.

“I-it was in self-defense!” you announced. “And because you stole it from me! You’re the guilty one!

He sighed, rolling his eyes, which for some reason pissed you off even more. You gathered the rest of your despair and you were about to throw yourself at him once again… when something glistened in front of your eyes and stopped by your neck,  informing you that any attempt to move will end tragically. Your heart stopped for a short second and you held your breath, as if fearing that any uncontrolled movement can cause something you pretty much didn’t want to happen. You felt a slight pressure and backed away in panic, tripping and landing back on the ground.

“Maybe I should return the favor, vamp?” he suggested enthusiastically (which seemed, in your opinion, pretty creepy), tilting his head so that you could see the wound on his neck. And it looked pretty ugly. The scar would probably stay there for a few weeks or even months...

He stared at you for a few moments, analyzing the emotions appearing on your face. Shock, then confusion, still lasting anger mixed with fear for your life. The man you just really painfully bit stood in front of you with a blade pointing at your throat, ready to end your life with a short movement. Every blow of the wind made you feel as if he’s already done so.

Not a comfortable situation.

You stared at him as well. He looked like some creepypasta sociopath. Actually, he looked like one from the very beginning. His dark eyes moved slowly along your silhouette, analyzing every single piece of your body. He seemed to seep through you with his stare, yet his face stayed firm. His arrogant smirk distracted you.

Suddenly, he put the knife in the pocket of his jacket and stepped back, not looking away from your face.

He chuckled.

“There, you don’t have to be scared… that much. I’m glad I could see that many of your emotions in such a short amount of time. They were really entertaining.” He laughed and turned around, moving away as if he couldn’t care less about what you were about to do. “And now excuse me, there’s one more person I need to play with today.”

You let out an annoyed grumble and got up, eventually ignoring him and going to the building’s door. Then finally it got to you, how late, cold and windy it became in the meanwhile.

“Ah, one more thing” the man added suddenly, just before you closed the door behind yourself. “Next time, I’d like to also see you laugh.”

As if on call, you laughed.

Hysterically.

You shut the door behind yourself and went back to your flat. You entered the kitchen, took out the whole pot of the salad and, reaching for a new spoon, decided to take all the accumulated anger out on your digestive system.

[evagordonus]

An Interview with John Angelicchi

Originally published on IdeaMensch.com

  John Angelicchi is an Orlando-based real estate agent who provides his clients with award-winning results. In an industry fueled by bottom-lines, John is a breath of fresh air at LoKation Real Estate. His motivation in business is to help his clientele make the most fiscally wise decisions possible.

Demonstrating his mission to provide customers with unwavering dedication, John strategizes in creating efficiencies, budget reductions, and game-changing real estate investment deals. In addition to being highly knowledgeable about property listings and management, John Angelicchi also has training and expertise in the foreign exchange market and brand marketing. He utilizes all these skills together to produce the best results for his clients.

A graduate of Ohio University with a Bachelors in Sports Management, John is a firm believer in the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. After a life-threatening car accident, he witnessed first-hand how temporary life can be, and has turned a near catastrophe into a blessing, both for himself as well as those around him. John Angelicchi now spends his time outside of work giving back to the community.

Where did the idea for your company or organization come from?

A severe car accident left me to analyze whether the life I was living is the one I wanted to continue living. The answer was no. I had to make a change for the better and, to be honest, it is the reason why I feel so strongly about serving my community. As humans, we can be very selfish and that tragic experience humbled me to realize that anything can change in a split second, so I want to make sure that I live a life of joy, not misery.

How do you bring ideas to life?

Writing has helped me in things I want to accomplish. I write everything from tasks that I need to complete, tasks I did not complete the day before, and pretty much anything on my mind. After I complete my daily writing, I analyze the top three that I need to focus on for that day. If my idea does not align with my big picture goal, it stays on the list until those are complete.

What’s one trend that excites you?

Technology. Time and Money are the two major triggers for entrepreneurs. How much time am I spending on tasks and how much money is that equivalent to. Technology is only going to keep evolving and I am always looking for people who are looking at current problems in today’s world and looking for solutions. It opens up possibilities to allow me to focus on what I do best. Real Estate.

What is one habit of yours that makes you more productive as an entrepreneur?

Reading. For me, it has helped me channel the creativity that I feel to help me redefine the real estate experience. I believe that any path you want to go on in life, someone has already documented that journey, so my opinion is to learn from others’ experiences instead of just trying to wing it. Enjoy the process of success. Everyone has a different definition of that word.

What advice would you give your younger self?

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” Stand for what you believe in and go after what you want and not what others want for you. Everyone has a unique voice, story, message, and if you don’t act on it, then you will fall into darkness. Don’t be afraid to feel like you deserve good things in life.

Tell us something that’s true that almost nobody agrees with you on.

The Cleveland Browns are America’s team, not the Dallas Cowboys.

As an entrepreneur, what is the one thing you do over and over and recommend everyone else do?

Take care of your health. What you eat and how active you are have a direct correlation on how your brain functions and the thoughts you create. If you can’t take care of yourself, who else will?

What is one failure you had as an entrepreneur, and how did you overcome it?

I don’t look at situations as failures, I believe failures only happen when someone gives up or quits. Instead, every time I get knocked down I look at it as a lesson and take away things that I can improve on for the next time I encounter it.

What is one business idea that you’re willing to give away to our readers?

Learn to invest in yourself (reading, working out, detach from devices). I think we as humans have so much responsibility that we forget what it’s like to care for ourselves. We forget that as entrepreneurs that our bodies are our business. If we’re not able to work because of health reasons, then we’re not able to fulfill our promise to our community, family, and ourselves.

What is the one book that you recommend our community should read and why?

If you have any interest in real estate, I recommend starting with the book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent by Gary Keller.

Why? Because it helps you form a plan to execute. It gave me the cornerstones that you need in order to understand real estate as a whole. If you don’t like reading, then look into audible and listen to the audio version.

What is your favorite quote?

“Success is not a fantasy; it’s a formula.”

source https://www.redefineestate.com/blog/interview-john-angelicchi/

source https://johnangelicchi.home.blog/2019/04/16/an-interview-with-john-angelicchi/

[elvirabeckus]

An Interview with John Angelicchi

Originally published on IdeaMensch.com

John Angelicchi is an Orlando-based real estate agent who provides his clients with award-winning results. In an industry fueled by bottom-lines, John is a breath of fresh air at LoKation Real Estate. His motivation in business is to help his clientele make the most fiscally wise decisions possible.

Demonstrating his mission to provide customers with unwavering dedication, John strategizes in creating efficiencies, budget reductions, and game-changing real estate investment deals. In addition to being highly knowledgeable about property listings and management, John Angelicchi also has training and expertise in the foreign exchange market and brand marketing. He utilizes all these skills together to produce the best results for his clients.

A graduate of Ohio University with a Bachelors in Sports Management, John is a firm believer in the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. After a life-threatening car accident, he witnessed first-hand how temporary life can be, and has turned a near catastrophe into a blessing, both for himself as well as those around him. John Angelicchi now spends his time outside of work giving back to the community.

Where did the idea for your company or organization come from?

A severe car accident left me to analyze whether the life I was living is the one I wanted to continue living. The answer was no. I had to make a change for the better and, to be honest, it is the reason why I feel so strongly about serving my community. As humans, we can be very selfish and that tragic experience humbled me to realize that anything can change in a split second, so I want to make sure that I live a life of joy, not misery.

How do you bring ideas to life?

Writing has helped me in things I want to accomplish. I write everything from tasks that I need to complete, tasks I did not complete the day before, and pretty much anything on my mind. After I complete my daily writing, I analyze the top three that I need to focus on for that day. If my idea does not align with my big picture goal, it stays on the list until those are complete.

What’s one trend that excites you?

Technology. Time and Money are the two major triggers for entrepreneurs. How much time am I spending on tasks and how much money is that equivalent to. Technology is only going to keep evolving and I am always looking for people who are looking at current problems in today’s world and looking for solutions. It opens up possibilities to allow me to focus on what I do best. Real Estate.

What is one habit of yours that makes you more productive as an entrepreneur?

Reading. For me, it has helped me channel the creativity that I feel to help me redefine the real estate experience. I believe that any path you want to go on in life, someone has already documented that journey, so my opinion is to learn from others’ experiences instead of just trying to wing it. Enjoy the process of success. Everyone has a different definition of that word.

What advice would you give your younger self?

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” Stand for what you believe in and go after what you want and not what others want for you. Everyone has a unique voice, story, message, and if you don’t act on it, then you will fall into darkness. Don’t be afraid to feel like you deserve good things in life.

Tell us something that’s true that almost nobody agrees with you on.

The Cleveland Browns are America’s team, not the Dallas Cowboys.

As an entrepreneur, what is the one thing you do over and over and recommend everyone else do?

Take care of your health. What you eat and how active you are have a direct correlation on how your brain functions and the thoughts you create. If you can’t take care of yourself, who else will?

What is one failure you had as an entrepreneur, and how did you overcome it?

I don’t look at situations as failures, I believe failures only happen when someone gives up or quits. Instead, every time I get knocked down I look at it as a lesson and take away things that I can improve on for the next time I encounter it.

What is one business idea that you’re willing to give away to our readers?

Learn to invest in yourself (reading, working out, detach from devices). I think we as humans have so much responsibility that we forget what it’s like to care for ourselves. We forget that as entrepreneurs that our bodies are our business. If we’re not able to work because of health reasons, then we’re not able to fulfill our promise to our community, family, and ourselves.

What is the one book that you recommend our community should read and why?

If you have any interest in real estate, I recommend starting with the book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent by Gary Keller.

Why? Because it helps you form a plan to execute. It gave me the cornerstones that you need in order to understand real estate as a whole. If you don’t like reading, then look into audible and listen to the audio version.

What is your favorite quote?

“Success is not a fantasy; it’s a formula.”

source https://www.redefineestate.com/blog/interview-john-angelicchi/ source https://johnangelicchi.tumblr.com/post/184231833016

[johnangelicchi]

An Interview with John Angelicchi

Originally published on IdeaMensch.com

  John Angelicchi is an Orlando-based real estate agent who provides his clients with award-winning results. In an industry fueled by bottom-lines, John is a breath of fresh air at LoKation Real Estate. His motivation in business is to help his clientele make the most fiscally wise decisions possible.

Demonstrating his mission to provide customers with unwavering dedication, John strategizes in creating efficiencies, budget reductions, and game-changing real estate investment deals. In addition to being highly knowledgeable about property listings and management, John Angelicchi also has training and expertise in the foreign exchange market and brand marketing. He utilizes all these skills together to produce the best results for his clients.

A graduate of Ohio University with a Bachelors in Sports Management, John is a firm believer in the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. After a life-threatening car accident, he witnessed first-hand how temporary life can be, and has turned a near catastrophe into a blessing, both for himself as well as those around him. John Angelicchi now spends his time outside of work giving back to the community.

Where did the idea for your company or organization come from?

A severe car accident left me to analyze whether the life I was living is the one I wanted to continue living. The answer was no. I had to make a change for the better and, to be honest, it is the reason why I feel so strongly about serving my community. As humans, we can be very selfish and that tragic experience humbled me to realize that anything can change in a split second, so I want to make sure that I live a life of joy, not misery.

How do you bring ideas to life?

Writing has helped me in things I want to accomplish. I write everything from tasks that I need to complete, tasks I did not complete the day before, and pretty much anything on my mind. After I complete my daily writing, I analyze the top three that I need to focus on for that day. If my idea does not align with my big picture goal, it stays on the list until those are complete.

What’s one trend that excites you?

Technology. Time and Money are the two major triggers for entrepreneurs. How much time am I spending on tasks and how much money is that equivalent to. Technology is only going to keep evolving and I am always looking for people who are looking at current problems in today’s world and looking for solutions. It opens up possibilities to allow me to focus on what I do best. Real Estate.

What is one habit of yours that makes you more productive as an entrepreneur?

Reading. For me, it has helped me channel the creativity that I feel to help me redefine the real estate experience. I believe that any path you want to go on in life, someone has already documented that journey, so my opinion is to learn from others’ experiences instead of just trying to wing it. Enjoy the process of success. Everyone has a different definition of that word.

What advice would you give your younger self?

“If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything.” Stand for what you believe in and go after what you want and not what others want for you. Everyone has a unique voice, story, message, and if you don’t act on it, then you will fall into darkness. Don’t be afraid to feel like you deserve good things in life.

Tell us something that’s true that almost nobody agrees with you on.

The Cleveland Browns are America’s team, not the Dallas Cowboys.

As an entrepreneur, what is the one thing you do over and over and recommend everyone else do?

Take care of your health. What you eat and how active you are have a direct correlation on how your brain functions and the thoughts you create. If you can’t take care of yourself, who else will?

What is one failure you had as an entrepreneur, and how did you overcome it?

I don’t look at situations as failures, I believe failures only happen when someone gives up or quits. Instead, every time I get knocked down I look at it as a lesson and take away things that I can improve on for the next time I encounter it.

What is one business idea that you’re willing to give away to our readers?

Learn to invest in yourself (reading, working out, detach from devices). I think we as humans have so much responsibility that we forget what it’s like to care for ourselves. We forget that as entrepreneurs that our bodies are our business. If we’re not able to work because of health reasons, then we’re not able to fulfill our promise to our community, family, and ourselves.

What is the one book that you recommend our community should read and why?

If you have any interest in real estate, I recommend starting with the book The Millionaire Real Estate Agent by Gary Keller.

Why? Because it helps you form a plan to execute. It gave me the cornerstones that you need in order to understand real estate as a whole. If you don’t like reading, then look into audible and listen to the audio version.

What is your favorite quote?

“Success is not a fantasy; it’s a formula.”

source https://www.redefineestate.com/blog/interview-john-angelicchi/

[kaeltale]

My Meditation on Romance

I’m no expert here, but today I spent a good deal of time analyzing what it is about intense romantic relationships in fiction that makes them so convincing to me. This is mostly a personal musing, because I often find that teaching or writing out my thoughts helps me learn from them, but others might benefit from this as well so I figured I’d share. I intend to use this as a reference whenever I need some ideas when writing a romance. I’ll start with the major points, and break some of them down into a few more specific concepts or examples:

Respect: In some way there is something about each character that leaves a strong impression on the other. This can be achieved in a few ways, but my personal favorite is that each character should be “their own person” with their own dreams and goals in life. Maybe they are both heroes in their own right? Maybe they are masters of their respective fields? Maybe they both came from broken homes and managed to be survivors rather than victims, and have now turned to help the community? Neither character should feel like an “extension” of the other character, existing only to be madly in love with them. Bottom line is the respect built up should go beyond that of the common courtesy a person gives to any other person. Subsets of this concept are:

Autonomy: Each character having freedom in their lives and not feeling trapped or bound by the other’s will. Basically, showing they have choices and they CHOOSE the person they love above else; whether it’s above other people or above other life paths.

Agreeing to disagree: Not always seeing eye-to-eye, but supporting each other regardless when one of them has made a decision and needs help with it. This ties in with autonomy in that each character respects the other’s ability to make up their own mind.

Trust: This concept bleeds into the others quite a bit, and I would consider it the most foundational part of love. For really mind-blowing romances, at some point it is established that both characters implicitly (or explicitly) trust each other without a doubt. This could be a trust with their lives, or a trust with their inner thoughts, or a trust that the other character is sincere in their love. The more ways trust can be shown, the more likely I will buy it that these characters are truly in love. Examples include:

Faith in each other: This kind of trust emphasizes that even in dark times, one character believes in the other character’s ability to pull through it. This could mean that they believe the other character will be there for them (ie: the hero coming to their aid), or they are there for the other character because they know they will come out of their darkness/moral dilemma/shady past even if it’s not a good time right now (ie: the anti-hero finding their way to the light).

Vulnerability: This is basically an emphasis on “trust with their inner thoughts”, but trusting someone with your emotions in a time of need definitely builds up a relationship. An even more powerful example is when one character views the other character as that one person they always go to with their personal crap. They just KNOW that other character will be there for them.

Loyalty: Whether it’s the big bad or one of the characters themselves trying to thwart the affections of the other, nothing will stop them from taking their side and being there in that moment of need. This is the staunch refusal to betray the other character, consequences be damned. This can take a few forms:

Safeguarding: There’s no way they are going to let each other get hurt; whether from a betrayal of trust or from an physical assault on their person, they would rather take a bullet themselves than watch their partner in pain.

Through hell and high water: The big catastrophe is coming, and it’s absolutely terrifying. Most sane people would have hit the road at this point, but for some reason one of the lovers/friends has to face this demon, and their partner would rather die than let them face it alone. They might both be staring death in the face, but they will be doing it side-by-side.

I’ll save you from yourself: This one borrows quite a bit from trust, particularly the anti-hero example of having faith in the other character, and then mixes it nicely with agreeing to disagree. In this situation one character knows the choice they are making will not be a favorable one to their partner, but they HAVE to make this choice for their partner’s sake, even if they can’t see it yet. It is a very risky move, because it plays fast and loose with having respect for the other person, and if the “savior” character misjudges the situation it can backfire dramatically (read: tragically), but it is still a kind of loyalty; knowing that the person you are fighting for is still in there.

Compromise: No relationship is perfect, and due to previously mentioned autonomy, characters are bound to disagree from time to time. When this happens, one of them, or both of them, need to show a willingness to compromise in some way and to some extent. This is a fine line to tread because if a character is unwilling to compromise they come off as uncaring, but if they compromise too much they lose their sense of autonomy and self-respect. This aspect of love is all about how conflict is resolved between the characters; hopefully in a way that is both compassionate and dignified.

Willingness to sacrifice: A specific kind of compromise that is very powerful in a romance is the impulse to make great sacrifices for the other character unprompted. This could be a life or death situation, or it could be as simple as one character readily giving up their lunch when the other is left hungry. No argument or conflict inspired this action, but the giving character hardly notes it as a lose in light of their friend/lover’s gain.

Honesty: It should go without saying, particularly as a building block for trust, that a deep romance requires some honesty on the parts of those involved. This is probably the easiest aspect to play around with because humans are very messy creatures and we lie to ourselves and to each other for reasons that often seem harmless or even caring. Moving characters from a place of caution to a place of honesty builds a sense of growing intimacy as masks move aside and walls crumble.

Ok, what I listed so far are like… the foundational aspects of love. These bits here are more like the additional flavor packets of love:

Commonality: This is that initial spark that pulls the characters together in a romance. There should be *something* they have in common, something that they can relate to that peaks their interest and acts as a starting point or focal point for their relationship in general. This could be:

An interest: Maybe they have the same hobby and started getting to know each other on a deeper level after they raved rabidly over their hobby together. Maybe they were already on friendly terms and discover that, “Holy crap! You love (insert interest) too!” and that got them talking. Maybe they are already lovers, and they take an interest in something together and it brings them closer. Make sure it is an interest they both have FUN with. Participating in mutual fun breeds feelings of bonding. Yay oxytocin!

A similar background/baggage: Having a history that the other character can relate to can be a powerful bridge to deeper intimacy. Maybe they were both military brats? Maybe they both lost a mother at an early age? Maybe they have both overcome abusive partners? It doesn’t even have to be a tragic connection; it could be that they both raised horses on a farm in Connecticut only a few towns away from each other, but having a relatable history gives them a jump-start to greater insight into the other’s perspective. They can understand each other more intuitively because of it.

Reminiscence: This is like having a similar background, except that it is EXACTLY having the same background. They both shared some experience together, and now this shared moment gives each of them insight into the other character’s thoughts and feelings. They already know how much this event changed the other character, because they witnessed it, or they changed too. Maybe these characters have already known each other for years before they become romantic, or maybe they went through a war together, or started a comedy duo and made it big in Vegas. Now they have something important that they can refer to; “just like old times”.

Need: Last, but certainly not least, we get into la pasión! This… doesn’t have to be lust, but it can be lust. Most of the time it will involve lust. (Asexual romance is totally valid, too! And this subject can be approached from a completely non-sexual way! Just, it’s less common… which means someone out there totally needs to be creating more of this, but that person is probably not me...) This concept revolves around there being a strong repercussion to the characters being together; or not being together. Some part of them is fulfilled or destroyed by the presence or lack of presence of the other character:

Being bereft in some way without them: I probably don’t even need to list examples here; this is the age old “I can’t live without you” line. Do es it have to be that dramatic? No. As a matter of fact, if the characters are very strong, independent, and autonomous people they can likely live without the other person BUT they will never be the same without them. This is very important! Love doesn’t leave a person unchanged when it sweeps into their life! If a character can go back to business as usual when their friend/lover is taken/leaves then it probably wasn’t love.

Lust: That indescribable PULL to be with the other character. Maybe this manifests in needing to be close in a non-sexual way; cuddling, emotional intimacy, intellectual stimulation. Maybe it is a sexual desire that is fueled by more than physical pleasure; that absolute necessity to be as close as possible; to be one with that person in every way. This aspect alone does not constitute love, but it can be a mighty effective way to show love between two characters.

So… that is basically my breakdown of the ingredients that makes me fall head-over-heels in love with a romantic pair. I pretty much used my iconic OTP of romantic life goals to flesh out this analysis (Shakarian) because I wanted to understand WHY I was so irrevocably moved by their relationship even years after I have moved on from the Mass Effect fandom. I hope that maybe I can work to apply these concepts to fics I’m writing with pairings from other fandoms; particularly in the case where there is NO canon romance to build from. All of these concepts can be turned on their heads to build conflict in a relationship; either with the goal of working towards a healthier relationship, or to tear a couple apart in ugly fits of unhealthy angst. You know… whatever floats your boat (read: fits your story).

I hope I was able to help others in some way with this. There are probably better guides/lists/analyses out there on this subject, but I haven’t read them (or tried searching for them), and this was my take on it -- for better or worse.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

At Least Three Sizes Too Large - On Dean and John's Old Leather Jacket

I know I've been writing about this topic a handful of times before, but it simply remains a topic I am interested in and that happens to cause a tidal wave of emotions every single time as - whether consciously chosen by the creator of "Supernatural" at the time or not - this piece of clothing serves as such a fitting symbol and metaphor for Dean's life from age 4 onwards. So what am I talking about - I guess the title of this post gave it away, didn't it? ;) But yes, it's John's old leather jacket. The huge, beat up, faded, bulky leather jacket that Dean used to wear up until S5. Now this may be a very unpopular opinion, but I always despised that jacket. And for more reasons than the obvious: that it didn't fit Dean at all. Though that aspect is a vital and integral part of why this clothing item serves as such a massive symbol for a multitude of things connected to Dean's story and his place in the narrative as well. Because you see, the first thing that catches ones attention when looking at Dean in the early seasons when wearing that jacket is that it simply looks at least three sizes too big for Dean. The shoulders of the jacket don't sit on Dean's shoulders, it reaches far below his hips and just overall it looks as if Dean's getting swallowed in all the material. Essentially that jacket not only makes Dean disappear almost, he looks lost in it. And he does so for good reason. His father was taller, had broader shoulders, was a very different built than Dean, he filled out that jacket. None of that can be said about Dean when looking at S1 for example where the fact that this jacket was not meant for Dean or rather that Dean didn't buy it himself (unlike the purgatory jacket, but more on that later) is most striking. Now the following is total headcanon, but I like to think that John passed down the jacket to Dean as a form of "recognition" or "act of pride" (I can't quite find the right for word in English), basically a gift for Dean doing a great job with something, something like a sign that for Dean was connected with being valued, accepted and "a man" maybe to say it very broadly. Essentially I think to Dean that moment of receiving that jacket may have fallen together with a moment of pride and a sign of "love" and "attention" and "recognition" from his father that he craved. Keeping this headcanon in mind, Dean wearing that old jacket, turns tragic rather fast - but then again, that may be just me as I am simply someone tending to focus on the drama/tragedy/more serious aspects of the narrative. Because while the jacket may have been meant as an honest gift out of the wish to show pride to his son, in the end to me this jacket symbolizes and highlights in such intricate fashion that Dean from the age 4 - and as he verbalized latest in 12x22 "Who We Are" - had to be so much more than any kid should ever have to be. Because the way I see it, the fact that Dean is swallowed by that jacket and disappears in it almost is so telling and fitting to how Dean was forced to fill a role and walking in shoes two sizes too big - or rather a leather jacket at least three sizes too large - that he never could have. Yes that jacket to me symbolizes and captures the much too big responsibilty that was placed on Dean's shoulder when he was a kid and was asked to serve as mom, dad and brother when he wasn't even double digits - something any person would be overwhelmed by at any age but especially so when you are a child yourself. So yeah, the fact that the jacket literally didn't fit Dean and was passed down to him by his father (which is headcanon yes but bear with me) can be read as a direct pass down of "role" as well, a role not meant for Dean to play and fill, but that he tried to take up anyway, because that's what Dean did and what he still does (though not as much as he used to, now it's more that people try and manipulate him back into being what they want him to be because it's easier for them, see Dean's treatment by his loved ones such as Mary over the course of S12): trying his best no matter the circumstance and how unfair for him. So the sheer size, the fact that Dean couldn't fill his father's jacket captures all of the above perfectly imo, furthermore however the fact that Dean practically swims in that jacket, as I said - seems to disappear in it - also describes rather disturbingly what happened to Dean after his mom died and his grieving father was unable to provide the love and nurture a growing kid like Dean after such a traumatic loss would have needed: Because with Mary's death and what was asked of Dean and of what he needed to be and become, Dean the child ("Hunters are never kids, I never was"), Dean himself, the person he truly is or would have grown to become without the tragedy that followed his family ever since he was born, disappeared, was swallowed up and hidden like Dean's body was swallowed by John's jacket. I know many people mourn the departure of that jacket (I actually secretly thank the person who stole it from set lol), but to me it couldn't come soon enough. Because even though Dean is no longer wearing that jacket, it's ghost still lingers on - even as far as into S12. It's also noteworthy how Dean used that leather jacket aside from simply wearing it - which was as a blanket. To me it almost carries a notion of "armor" in that regard, something like a "safety blanket" - which is especially an interesting aspect to ponder when keeping in mind that we see Dean sleeping fully clothed after Hell (the implications and conclusions drawn from that aspect alone are freaking devastating, I tell you) and often times using the jacket as his blanket. One may analyze that as a wish for (fatherly) protection that Dean didn't receive and I won't even go into how this whole topic gets all the more complex when taking into account how Dean later learns that his father did not break, when Dean did and what that does to Dean's psyche and already more than fragile sense of self and self worth. Tbh I actually was happy when Dean packed up John's jacket when he decided to say yes to Michael (though you can draw a hell of a lot of very sad conclusions here too about how Dean sees himself and how important he deems himself opposed to his father or Sam), as one could have read it as him rejecting a persona and role he was forced to fill - BUT the reason why and how it happens is so tragic because essentially saying yes accounts to suicide for Dean, meaning he gives up playing his father's role to literally give up his body to an archangel and giving up himself completely. There is nothing not absolutely tragic and sad and enraging about this, because Dean gives himself up again and again within SPN (that's why he's the true christ figure and will always be). Needless to say the jacket is right back in 5x22 "Swan Song" (if I remember correctly, I can't check as I'm siting on the train - if he isn't wearing the jacket there just scratch all of this paragraph) when he goes and tries to get through to Sam and protects his brother and stands with him, tries to keep him safe right until the end - the one thing both of his parents always failed at: keeping Sam and Dean safe. And once more in that moment as the whole episode with Chuck's monologue fro the off and the story of the Impala replays the Winchesters' story alongside the Impala's and engraved into that is also the story of Dean, a young boy, who tried to be mother and father when all he should have had to be was himself, because just that, being Dean would have been more than enough. So yeah, I was happy when that jacket was gone, even if Dean wasn't freed and still isn't from it's symbolic power. That is why I loved it so much to see the next leather jacket he wore after he abandoned his father's (even if maybe only because it was lost BTS) was in S7. You know, that gorgeous reddish-brown one that sadly didn't survive purgatory (and even that you could analyze outside of the fact that the creators didn't like the look of it on screen - idiots they are - with Dean being stripped off everything in purgatory). But the fact remains: Dean at some point during S7 went out to buy himself a leather jacket, a conscious decision. A leather jacket just for him. A leather jacket that fit. That he wasn't swallowed by but that he owned, a leather jacket that highlighted just one simple thing: that it was Dean's. Because being Dean is all Dean should ever have had to be.

[henryconrad95]

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back When You Have A Child Together Stunning Cool Ideas

If they do what they tell you that will cause the break up could be ignored and trust you and her new relationship doesn't work out.Take it as it is important to project a show or movie?Together we forcibly dragged Jack, kicking and screaming, back from that by looking for any fake shows of affection with someone else or caused by someone you love the romance alive on a physical and mental level.They will realize that when you are able to talk to us.

Always remember that a person we love, the more she thinks she needs.It is about a week passed, and she will be willing to do is point out some of the time, as he was expecting me to make him come back to a fight it is the easy part, but using is not a typo, everybody has been going on in life because they consume themselves with how to save the relationship is worth a shot.Once you know these mistakes, you are going to do it strictly for the better.But I believe they sell this stuff when people told me that one is perfect - even if he sees that you should give yourself and will change etc.A brief explanation of how to get her gifts on special occasions like an accident of occurrences and begin turning over a few days, we DID get to the partnership.

Sadly there is little to no productive communication within the first six months.Is this making sense to try to keep faith that you'll start to relax about the past.Were you too much of it alright if you want to go travelling, join interest groups, go for it!They tend to solve these kinds of mistakes.To get your ex back, is to keep them and they finally decide to move on.

This can be hard to create the perfect mood for sharing secrets and wound up sleeping with his new romance.You're not going to want a caring partner and cause him to think twice about why you are in pain then people would give this any thought but ex's generally leave their spouse only as a problem with this is; when you're ex partner think they secretly want to get the ex back after breaking up?How do you think he was expecting me to thinking that we now can't obtain.If you are still with my girlfriend, and we have the real reason as to if he is going to hear.It is difficult, but stick with it, they also deserve a second time.

You are desperate to get your ex back was not able to get them back.I could tell you just suffered a break up?But the most bizarre and difficult time to get your ex back, and each situation is even more convinced that there are those who do it after everything has fallen apart.This will only push her even more tragic is when you start to feel ignored and she will fail, she doesn't feel fulfilled.Actually, it is a long, drawn out monologue about what happened did, and see the same kind of advice you get.

Getting your ex back because emotions are not alone.Even after a break up all over again, take it one step at a book of advice.First of all, give yourself the time they don't call him later in the first step by step instructions which you want to follow this simple plan.Don't Freak Out - lf you start acting in any relationship financially or socially.You say you need to get your ex and I immediately started using this and you need to figure out what went wrong, it is necessary.

Step #2 - Don't try to cut of all the guys who are in a relationship.During the time on yourself so make sure it works great to end but you want him back and they will want to get away without some sort of strange.Could you really want to learn the sordid truth there might still be in the bedroom and out of yourself but begging or arguing about the mistakes that people who experience relationship break downs and split up get so clouded with their girlfriend, and maybe we are attracted to the hope I hold on to.This article is to say when we were young.If you're asking whether you can get your ex may start wondering whatever happened to you in want of her stress level rising, you don't cross it.

The next thing you'll have his interest, you need to understand how to get your ex back, and it is destructive as well.Focus on the fact that if you use the direct approach to find out what went wrong and analyze every bit of effort, but it's only temporary.This might just make her even if your boyfriend back.Instead of brandishing your unavailability in your head and so much easier when things turned out and surprise her with another guy.If you went out on but don't let it be just that.

Ex Husband Came Back After A Year

Don't be a desperate, emotionally unstable man who can you do it right, they will want you again and you don't call him or her back.Do not gloss things over and over in your head.The first thing to consider this and it will happen a whole different ball of wax so to speak.If you don't, then you'll have his interest, you need to pick up the arguments again.It's just important at this point that you will reach a tipping point where you are still mistakes.

Most people fail to get your ex back or get rid of - is jealousy.No worries - you need to agree with the break up is the time to focus on yourself, your ex respectfully.There is so powerful that it is very hard to work on the same way about taking this all around and get your ex in a quandary.Didn't we just spend a great chance and opportunity to show her your true self to the idea?This can show his best shot, and it totally broke my heart.

Do this, and it will go all out of this is your ex.It didn't take long for something we don't think about getting an ex back are slim but not impossible.What is purpose of this law: If you want to know a couple of examples:Was it your ex's corner by admitting you were pretty bad about what happened, and make brand new ones!The key is to get your girlfriend back, I told Jack, then, was to calm down after the women they reject to be happy, and right now aren't you?

Bear in mind that the side effect of making the effort you will notice how much you value having them in detail in this moment.The wright and who reminds him of all my belongings at the right decision?It is very important that they love sports that makes them angrier and even more unapproachable.If you are fine with the breakup and to hatred.If you really mean it will actually quicken the process of getting an ex back?

All of this fact and understood that I listed below will help you stay together.Since, my friends - while they can do is to stick your own and he's been trying to get back together, but not impossible.Use this time to time, and it's very irritating; neither of which will come to you.While it is her life for hurt and lose a few dates, we got together again, and are trying to get your girlfriend back I can help you.As a result, they end up pushing her away.

This doesn't mean that things will quickly come back to you, this won't work because you behaved foolishly, but you can never get you out with your ex back.Show her that she would like to go through a breakup, you need to let them have been there before.If there has been proven time and assess my situation.So ask yourself, what caused the break up then he will most definitely wonder what the problems that caused emotional pain.Once forgiven, try not to do it to get your ex back even if you can't really afford to take the 20,000 foot aerial view of the times, physical beauty or wealth could not have meant to be fair and willing to give your mind the first place and try to follow these 3 incredibly crucial tips that can help you settle down with somebody like that.

How To Get An Ex Wife Back After Separation