#is still a long time y’know’
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between construction dust-induced headaches/sore throat/eye dustiness/etc. and the ttc shenanigans i am not feeling particularly charitable towards the city of toronto this week
#i am straight up not having a good time#going to use the clarity of office air quality to order a fucking industrial air purifier and have it rush delivered to my apartment#fine i don’t feel like spending $1500 so i probably won’t do that#but i will be ordering one and leaving a ‘pls pls pls deliver asap 🥺’ note in the order comment box#can’t solve ttc bullshit#although i may send them some kind of ‘yo could you post literally *anywhere* when there’s a service interruption even if from your#perspective it’s a brief one?? like half an hour of ‘did i miss something or is this just regular ttc delay???’ when i have a job to get to#is still a long time y’know’
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Heartbreaking: “problematic” danmei everyone told you to avoid is actually pretty decent and has mildly interesting things to say about poverty and class
#nothing here is groundbreaking or even particularly deep but I do love seeing politics in my silly little gay books#idk. I genuinely think injecting your stories with politics makes them better#even if it’s relatively surface-level stuff like ‘poverty is violence’ it still hits different than#fiction that goes out of its way to try to be ‘apolitical’#(it never actually is apolitical. it just exposes what the author considers to be ‘too controversial’ for general audiences)#erha#2ha#the husky and his white cat shizun#anyway erha hasn’t been anywhere near as traumatizing as people on tumblr make it out to be#like it’s not light reading and you should probably read the trigger tags before diving in#but it’s also not The Most Evil and Problematic Book ever y’know?#cleaning out my drafts#I’m trying to kill cringe and fandom purity culture on this blog so I’m trying to be brave and talk about more controversial things#this has been sitting in my drafts for a very long time
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vent
did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience#but still#it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have#that’s why i’m better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…
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You know what fuck it it’s spooky month who wants to hear ab my modern ghost Ninjago au that almost exclusively revolves around Lloyd Harumi and Akita all trying to off each other with minimal success. Also ☝️ body horror
#lego ninjago#ninjago#lloyd garmadon#ninjago harumi#akita ninjago#ghost au#ninjago au#my au#I’m not going to write or post it#not for a VERY long time at least#but I still really want to talk ab it#y’know what I might just make a big post ranting ab it and dip#just to get it out my system
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pov a huge twewy/ntwewy nerd visits shibuya part 2
ramen town baby!!! yeah i was not about to climb that whole hill even though it really wasn’t that steep. dogenzaka beloved
you only visit this place once in the main game but there are so so many things i could say about it. man the neku-josh-sho week 2 dynamic was the wildest and funniest thing in the world
spain hill (from above) (idk uhh what’s iconic about here?) (i didn’t trip on any haunted step that much i know)
the vibes of this place… not accessible until so late in the game (in both games) but so good both times. like the story beats that happened here were always excellent. i always loved being at shibuya stream in ntwewy it was beyond surreal stepping out of the station and just actually being here irl
le susukichi boss fight (and some more cool puzzles)
shibuya hikarie! not much to say here but the food you find here in ntwewy looked so good man i need to actually eat more while here
there are a few more actually oops! part 3 momentarily
#peach rambles#twewy#the world ends with you#neo the world ends with you#ntwewy#neo twewy#subaseka tag#yeah sorry og twewy but ntwewy was a much stronger representation of what this town looks like#the twewy map was so confusing honestly#the 3D really helps in this case#only things i still could not instinctually find were o-east and udagawa#i didn’t find cat street but i think i would’ve if i had kept going i just didn’t feel like it#i mean we made it to tokyu plaza and takeshita street the other day but i wasn’t paying attention to the route we were taking#maybe we took part of cat street idk#i’m just thinking about the first time ya visit cat street in twewy and that fake mission lol#y’know it didn’t feel like it took me that long to get across all the corners of town#sure it was far away but like#y’know if you were walking and dealing with huge crowds and also trying not to be rude yeah it would take you wayyy more than fifteen min#but like neku was a ghost he didn’t have to worry about other people or his own physical stamina right#i feel like fifteen minutes was a doable challenge maybe?#if he’s running and has no physical drawbacks and also knows where he’s going already#twewyposting
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farewell, my idiot son…
#(aka my switch’s internals got fried so the repair shop had to format it to revive it: the tragicomedy)#(wait no on further inspection they seemed to have just given up on fixing it and gave me a whole other switch instead. lmao.)#(i wonder what happened to my old switch though…)#(farewell to all of my save data… thank heavens i didnt transfer anything over from past gens of pkmn)#(but aaaaaaaaa this shiny goo was a christmas present from a former acquaintance… rip squish you wouldve loved kimikawaii mv)#man… these past couple of days have been a *l o t*.#shoutout to [job recruitment company employee] who sent me a ‘hey the job wants you :)’ message#at the exact same time that i submitted a job application form for another company. it truly was a strange coincidence i think…#but… ehe… the… the job that wants me is offering $1k more than the monthly base salary i asked for… is… is this really ok…?#nothing’s confirmed yet. but. y’know. s t i l l . is it really ok for me to get paid so much for a job that lets me skip the morning commute#and while im still reeling from all of yesterday’s happenings… squish my dear shiny goo will never be seen again…#switch save system my b e l o a t h e d#so. long story short. take good care of your gadgets and gizmos guys.#then again. maybe im not the best person to say this… i mean. i’ve bricked like. 3 personal laptops in my lifetime…#and a phone sim card. and 2-3 nokia phones. and 3 android phones. and a tablet. and—#so. yeah. uh. it’s a good idea to take care of your stuff. especially if they’re fragile.#anyway. in memoriam of squish my idiot son im gonna try to find another shiny in sv this time. i hope i can find another…#but aaaaa the map in sv is pretty huge. um. i got lost like 10 times before even making it to school…#the friends are all just. so. friend-shaped. though… i like the sandwich pal. he has priorities.#looking forward to seeing how this story unfolds thoughh. i saw spoilers on twt but i need to know how the story even unfolds bc aaaa#ok that’s it idol sengen tl is now on an extended hiatus (ch 35 has just 7 pages left to go) till i complete this game. whenever it may be.#see y’all then~~~~~~~~~~~
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chat. chat i have a question. i know ive always had guilt when it comes to getting things for myself, but like. would it be stupid to drop like $116 on the special editions of two games ive been wanting for a while (now because one of which is on sale)? i mean, ive been saving my money literally all summer to use for myself like i haven’t bought anything i didn’t need and i KNOW im not gonna blow through all of it in school because i don’t go anywhere & dont do shit and i know it’s my money and i can do what i want with it but. idk. it feels stupid. is it stupid or is my brain stupid??
(extra context in tags ig idk)
#i mean i got paid like $700 last week and i get paid one more time next week before i’m off for school but still :/#like. like is thinking it’s stupid reasonable or should i. ahem. ‘treat myself.’#the two games in mind have a TON of content so i know they’re gonna keep me busy for a LONG time so that’s kinda why i wanna get them;m#so i can have long grundy games to keep me occupied and not really want to get anything else for a long time you get me?#i know $116 won’t be a lot from my $3000 account but like. still. idk. :/#ofc i have to jump through the many hoops of setting up a paypal to use in the nintendo eshop#or i could just. ask my sister to help me unlink & relink her card so it doesn’t charge hers instead (because her card’s linked for NSO)#but aside from that i could have that shit like. tonight.#not like i play games a lot on the days i have work because i get home so late but still y’know?#i think it would be a nice ‘good luck back at school’ gift for myself#because i love skyrim & pokemon i really do but that’s literally all ive been playing for like over a year now i need to spice it up :/#anyway chat should i or should i not?#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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Rating: Mature Audiences
General Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence
Fandoms: Fire Emblem Fates
Relationships: Shiro & Ryoma, Shiro & Felicia, Felicia/Ryoma
Additional Tags: Deeprealms, Family Drama, Family Bonding, Bad Parenting, Fix-It of Sorts, Childhood Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff & Angst, Happy Endings, Revelation Route, Character Study, Fates’ characters’ bad parenting but from a humanized and resolution-focused perspective
Story Chapter Count: 2/?
Story Summary: Shiro Santori, or Prince Shinonome Masahide?
Shiro's parents lied about his identity to protect him. They lied with noble intentions. It doesn't change the fact that, for Shiro, his whole life is gone, and in its place is a new set of responsibilities as the future Crown Prince of Hoshido. Navigating his new life will already be hard enough, but with the relationship between him and his parents dashed to pieces, he has no idea where to turn. Through battles, explorations of the past, and time spent together as a real family, Shiro may discover that while there is no excuse for such harsh lies, that doesn't mean there is no explanation for their choices... and the ugly feelings on both sides still have strong roots in love for one another.
Shiro may not know who he is, but as it turns out, both his parents are still working on figuring that out for themselves, too.
[Read it on AO3.]
(Note: Due to potential threat of AI-scraping from Tumblr, I have opted to publish the actual text content of this fic only on AO3. Thank you for your understanding.)
#it still feels so unusual to debut a long fic for a fandom week but y’know what!! this was originally just gonna be a one-shot lol#insert that Adventure Time quote that’s just like ‘I was just playing around with my imagination and then everything got all… intense.’#that’s basically what happened to me#what can I say all three of these characters are ones I have really strong feelings about separately so putting them together my brain kind#went blmmmfnnmneargghhhh#fire emblem fates#fire emblem fates spoilers#fire emblem fates revelation#fire emblem shiro#fire emblem Ryoma#fire emblem Felicia#ryolicia#fe14#Hoshido#FatesWeek2024#Koto Writes Fates
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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:
Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#lok malina#still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now#and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that#don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before#to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021#because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing#but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence#anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he#*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character#for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop#I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like#I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her#if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet#okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself#lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer#about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long#this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh#I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out#*surprising#less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know#anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous#her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this#and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning#I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb#okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
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texted my boss to call out again, i was feeling better last night but i’m back to feeling like trash garbage again which is fucking fantastic 👍🏻
i should go to the doctor but i know that this is almost definitely just a combination of an autoimmune flareup and my period and stress and going to the doctor would be exhausting and pointless as it almost always is for me
i feel so bad (i say as i am literally laying in bed crying) because joey is picking up my shift again like she did last night even though she works the morning shifts as well but also like thank goodness she is because i quite literally cannot do the job while feeling like this i can barely do anything while feeling like this
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#i feel bad and my brain is screaming at me that they all hate me and i’ll be fired for this but (muffled screaming)#i promised that i’d be in for my shift tomorrow evening because i will be i have no choice because i desperately need the money#and to y’know keep this job lmfao because this is the best job i have ever had#clearly since i lasted almost 5 entire months without missing a single shift while working 5 days per week#and i have felt like shit multiple times and still didn’t call out but my immune system has evidently had enough rn#anyways i. am going to take more pepto. and go make a bowl of oatmeal bc it is the only thing that sounds edible#and then hopefully probably go tf back to sleep for a few hours#and then. clean/refill snake water bowls. do a load of work laundry. eat something for dinner. play video games. go tf to sleep#and then go in and work 5:30-9:30pm tomorrow evening#it is supposed to be cold (high of 20°F tomorrow and high of 15°F sunday) this weekend ughhh#but honestly cold >>> hot especially when i am feeling like this lmao#...... i am rambling bc i am an emotional and physical wreck rn and need a shower and a hug and 12 more hours of sleep in that order 😭#i should really take a shower now because i haven’t showered since monday afternoon but#standing in the shower for that long while feeling like this... not gonna risk it
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Love posting my Spotify receipts for the month bc you can always tell when I’ve had smth big to write for one of my classes bc the one Jash song (Dream (Outro from Calamity)) will make the receipt. I did not end up a Jashinator but I do like having a song I can rely on to make me write things.
#rian’s slay compilation#the first time I heard the song I was in a mood all da time so I really identified it w what splitting felt like#idk it doesn’t hit as much now bc I’ve undergone a different sort of mental illness lately (more tired than actively harmful to myself)#^it’s the way it picks up in intensity. that’s what it feels like when you try to communicate how smth feels but they don’t listen and then#go have fun at a concert and you feel so nauseous that you have to leave a shared group chat while you sob your eyes out for several hours.#y’know? anyway June/July was fun. I need four hours of build daily to keep me occupied (tired). it does actually do me wonders.#I’m so big and strong now. idk how big you are my lovely mutuals but I could lift the smaller ones I reckon.#right now I could pick up (not for long) anyone around or under 150 pounds. also preferably not super taller than me but I think it’d work.#it’s a start! I should start lifting. makes me feel big and strong. I wanna pick my friends up.#^sorry to derail this in the tags but I typed that up and was like ‘that’s such a King statement’. it’s bc someone liked a post where I#talked about feeling all overgrown and how King being half a foot shorter than me but still picking me up like a brides made me feel Not#Overgrown#I don’t worry about feeling overgrown so much anymore but I do kinda miss the bride lifting. it was nice every once in a while#it’s small things like that.#side note I think I could pick King up now bc they’re roughly my weight and as we established I can lift ppl about my weight very briefly#it’s the build. it makes me big and strong. it’s all the wood holding and platform throwing
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than/rudy/raha is an interesting concept to me becauseee. th.ancred deals a lot with words unspoken. his most meaningful relationships are hurt because he focuses on action to the point of miscommunication. and meanwhile, aside from what he keeps hidden very intentionally, raha says a lot more in terms of affection. because (from his perspective) his time is almost up, and he wants to leave those relationships with the other knowing how he feels without any doubt. y’know………
#lem text#🌊#💎#(<- HE HAS BEEN GIVEN A TAG NOW. <3)#th.ancred ‘suppressor of emotions’ waters & g.raha ‘i have to leave a legacy behind in my words’ tia. OR SOMETHING…..#I DUNNO…. i think about the moment where the crystarium is in peril and you *have* to go but raha makes time to talk to lyna anyway.#because it is so important to him that his care for her is clear. IN CONTRAST TO the scene where r.yne confesses to uri how unsure she is-#about *th.ancred’s* care for *her;* and HE doesn’t intervene to clear *his* side up because it’s ‘not the right time yet.’ DO YOU GET IT……;;#and than has development with this. he is aware of this flaw in himself by the end of shb#but it obviously still wouldn’t come as naturally to him as it does with raha…….#SO; if you put them in a situation where they both have some sorts of feelings for the wol. AHEM#it would be interesting to see that dynamic y’know. raha being generally open about admiration vs. than struggling to convey sentiment…….#IT WOULD BE FUNNY IS WHAT IM SAYING. give these guys a shared crush and put them in a room together. YKNOW#in post-hw than has a few lines that (TO ME?) imply jealousy about another character’s closeness with us;#AND SAID CHARACTER WAS NOT EVEN AS OPENLY FOND OF US AS RAHA IS; SO WHAT IM *SAYING* IS. YOU GET IT. WOULD BE FUNNY. THANKS <3#THERES SO MUCH TO COMPARE WITH THEM TOO BUT MY TAGS WOULD GET SO LONG. SO GOODNIGHT ILL GET BACK TO YOU HNFDKD <333
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As I approach the end of graduate school/college, which feels like the end of the world—since, like many of my peers, college is the only thing I’ve done with my life since moving away from home—I want to thank the universe, Suzanne Collins, and the entire TBOSAS film team.
“Mental health should be managed holistically” yes, yes. But almost never had I needed a hyper-fixation (or good friends) this badly. Blessings on all their households 😂
#y’know what the best part of this has been? the last time I was on a#the hunger games#kick. I was still friends with my first love. who I had a very messy friend-divorce with in high school.#but it’s finally been long enough that I’m out here enjoying a#thg series#without being sad about him. 😂#recovery#W for me#thg fandom#TBOSAS#fandom#fandom culture#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#ballad of songbirds and snakes#graduate school#grad school#life changing#mental health#suzanne collins#francis lawrence#rachel zegler#tom blyth#josh andres rivera
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Me: Yeah I don’t think I can really ship Kratos with anyone. It’s just really hard for me to imagine him in any sort of romantic relationship. Yes I know he was married twice, but still-
God of War Ragnarok: Shows flashbacks of Kratos with Faye
Me, with tears in my eyes: Oh, okay, nevermind.
#talking to myself#to be fair I’ve always been interested in both his wives#like what sort of women would be able to pull him into a relationship and what that dynamic would look like#because we never saw Faye in the 2018 game#and while we see Lysandra it’s not much to define her character or her relationship with Kratos#but that was more curiosity rather than having any sort of shippy feelings#but god those flashbacks with Faye were so well done and even though it was also just a little it was enough to draw me in#and I want to see more of them#and I would love to see more of Lysandra as well tbh#it’s been a while since I touched the old games but they seem to focus so much more on his grief over Calliope over Lysandra#maybe their marriage was not one of love but for like… political or society driven reasons#but I would still like to see it y’know??#I realize that maybe there are maybe things like comics or something that explore it#maybe I should seek those out. idk.#anyway yes I recently watched a playthrough of gow ragnarok how could you tell#EDIT: found out the DLC had him talk about his wife and he did love her very much#Nice. glad to see it!! still wish we got to see more of his time with both wives though#also saw ppl on yt claiming he and Freya like each other. personally do not see it now but would not be opposed if future games explore it#just don’t kill Freya she’s cool I loved her development across the two games#anyway. the tags on this post that no one will read is long enough lol
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All I want in life is someone who will sit and watch yugioh gx with me. Maybe play some final fantasy too?
#for the non voice acted games we can read the dialog in funny voices 🥺#that's what me and my sister do when we play them#but I want someone that's not just my sister y’know?#like a friend?#or a.... significant other maybe? universe....?#but seriously I wish my friends were into the stuff I am 😭#or at least were receptive to me wanting to share them with them 😔#I kinda stopped trying to do that a long time ago because it never worked#and the one friend I have gotten to watch gx with me I haven't actually seen in person in maybe 2 years and we haven’t even finished it 😭#we're still like halfway through season 4 😭#universe help me 😭#abby's just rambling don't mind her
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wait omg one week until i see hadestown :D guys :D :D eeeeeeeeeeeee
#i’ve been waiting so long it’s almost here#and i’m still at the height of hyperfixation on this silly little show truly could not have come at a better time#like literally every other show i’ve gone to see it’s been during a slight dip in obsession/interest#bc. getting tickets is hard. it requires planning and also convincing my mum that it is worth seeing so she’ll come with me#and like. i found out that hadestown was coming to west end late last year and was like. hey mum 🥺 y’know christmas is coming up 🥺🥺#what if. hadestown tickets 🥺🥺🥺 pls#and i have been waiting oh so patiently for the time to come around#idk if my mum will like it honestly she knows literally nothing about the show.#but like. she’s dragging me to les mis in november. so i feel like i should be allowed to drag her to hadestown#anyway. i’m very excited <3 hadestown hadestown hadestown hadestown
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