#i feel like fifteen minutes was a doable challenge maybe?

[theundercovermarvelfan]

(Trying to get back in to writing by catching up with the Whumptober Challenge for @whumptober2019!)

Day Twenty-Four - Secret Injury

The sound of the roof access door slamming open had Clint whirling around, snapping off two arrows at the intruders before they had any time at all to react to him. Two dead hostiles filled the doorway, but unfortunately in the time that it took Clint to load a third arrow three more have dove through the opening and taken cover behind nearby HVAC units. 

“Shit,” Clint hissed as gunshots rang out. He rolled away from the gunfire, desperately seeking some shelter of his own before talking into his comm. “Eyes off the field. Watch your backs.”

Clint loathed having to take his eyes off the field for any reason. He was the team’s eyes, he saw the big picture and had the entire team’s back while they concentrated on just what existed in their own small world in the moment. 

He needed to take care of this quickly and get the hell back to his post. 

It was that thought that had him lunging out from behind his meager cover and moving toward the gunfire instead of away from it. He fired arrows as he moved, doing his best to provide his own cover while he went for a better vantage point. Keeping one bad guy in check was easy. Two was doable. But three? That was a little much, even for Hawkeye. 

The point was underlined by a burning across Clint’s chest. He ignored it as he continued forward. As he approached the HVAC system, he drew three arrows, dove around the system and fired them in rapid succession, easily taking out all three hostiles. 

He wasted no time getting back to his post at the edge of the roof. He did a frantic headcount, letting out a relieved breath to see that everyone was still accounted for. 

“Eyes back on the field,” Clint announced into his comm. 

“You okay, Hawk?” Steve asked. 

“Yeah, fine, Cap,” Clint assured. “A few hostiles made my position, had to take them on. Back on mission now. You’ve got another group inbound from the northeast.” 

Clint reached for another arrow… and winced. He looked down at the long, wet stain across his uniform, belatedly linking it to the burning sensation he had felt before. He reached down and probed the wound. The bullet hadn’t hit him, but rather had skimmed across his lower ribs, leaving a pretty good sized crease. 

“Barton, can I get an assist?”

Clint’s gaze shot back to the field at the sound of Natasha’s voice. She was surrounded by a group of hostiles, holding her own but even she had her limits. Ignoring the biting pain in his chest, Clint drew an arrow, nocked it, drew back his bow and fired. 

It was his job to watch over the team. It was his job to have everyone’s backs. As he continued to fire arrows, sending more and more blood dripping down his torso to the ground underneath him, he barely registered the pain. His entire focus was on keeping his team safe. 

“I think we’ve earned a vacation,” Tony announced as they finally secured the village that the invading drug army had been trying to take over. “Seriously, someplace nice. And warm. Thoughts?”

“Maybe save the brainstorming for later,” Steve said, a little breathless. “Everyone okay?” 

“Came through surprisingly well intact,” Tony said proudly. 

“The victory came too easily!” Thor boasted. 

“Still in one piece,” Natasha said. 

Clint placed a hand to the crease across his chest wincing. 

“Barton?” Steve prompted, a hint of concern in his tone. 

“Got nicked,” Clint admitted. “I’m okay though.” He didn’t need to be taking up resources, they still had civilians that needed to be seen to.

“Do you need help?”

“No, it’s not bad,” Clint assured him. And it wasn’t really. A few stitches and he’d be good as new.

“Okay, let’s start a headcount and see if any civilians need medical attention,” Steve said briskly. “Let’s start a sweep, Thor and Stark, start from the north, Romanoff, Barton and I will start from the south and we’ll meet at the center.”

“Clint, are you okay for cleanup?” Natasha asked. She sounded vaguely suspicious. 

As much as he wanted help, he knew there would be no downplaying the blood. Not that it was a lot, but he knew that the team tended to worry. 

“I think I’ll leave cleanup to you guys,” Clint said reluctantly. “I’ll head to the Quinjet and get Bruce to look at this nick.”

“Clint,” Natasha said warningly. 

“I’m fine,” Clint insisted firmly. He turned back to the roof access and started limping toward it. “You guys focus on the civilians. I’m heading for the jet now.”

“Bruce, if you don’t see Clint in fifteen minutes, tell me immediately,” Natasha said. 

“Copy that, Natasha,” Bruce said as Clint rolled his eyes. 

Clint entered the stairwell and leaned over the railing to look down the ten flights of stairs he needed to descend. He sighed heavily. Damnit. Why was there never an elevator when he needed one? 

He took a steadying breath, and then started the arduous journey down the ten stories. He braced himself heavily on the railing as he limped down each step. One story. He was feeling short of breath. Two, three stories. He had to pause in order to catch his breath, but pushed one, knowing that he was going to cut it close to his fifteen minute deadline as it was. Four, five, six stories. The hand pressed against his wound was starting to shake and he was beginning to feel unsteady. Seven, eight, nine stories and his vision was beginning to blur.

It seemed like an eternity, but his foot finally hit the ground floor. He leaned heavily against the wall, trying to catch his breath and willing the world around him to steady. 

“Clint?”

“Just… needa… minute,” Clint panted. Slowly, he felt himself sliding down the wall to slump against it, his eyes sliding shut. “Just gonna rest…”

XxXxX

“I ought to smack the shit out of you.”

Clint felt a smirk pulling at his lips even before he regained full consciousness. He blinked once… twice. Damnit it was bright. And there was a low hum that filled his ears. 

“Yeah, you better wake up. You’ve got a hell of a lecture coming your way.”

Clint snorted a small laugh as his eyes finally adjusted to the light and he took in his surroundings. He was lying on a low cot in the back of the Quinjet, Natasha kneeling next to him and Steve hovering behind her. He looked up and saw a blood bag hanging over his head, the tubing winding down and connected to an IV in his arm. 

“Wha’ happened?” Clint asked. 

“What happened is that you should have told us how bad it was so we didn’t have to track you down when you passed out in that stairwell,” Natasha snapped. 

“It wasn’t that bad,” Clint insisted. 

“The wound itself wasn’t bad,” Bruce said, drawing Clint’s gaze to where he stood at the foot of the bed, looking over a Starkpad. “The problem was how much you bled. Had you just requested an evac all you would have needed was a few stitches. Instead you pushed yourself into hemostatic shock.”

“Yeah, no need to be so dramatic, Barton,” Tony spoke up from somewhere beyond Clint’s line of sight. “I could have delivered you to the jet and still have been back for sweeps in under five minutes.” His tone was his usual joking lilt, but there was a note of actual concern in his voice. 

“Sorry,” Clint mumbled. 

“Damn right, your sorry,” Natasha said, but a small smile was playing at her lips. “And you’re got going to try and pull anything like that again. Right.”

Clint sent a glance around at the concerned faces of his teammates surrounding his cot. He smiled. “Right.”

[joleenwieck87-blog]

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[frasier-crane-style]

Black Panther

It was okay.

-Just about every post or review I’ve seen of this has started with some variant of “I’m a white guy, so I can’t imagine what this means to black people,” which I find a little patronizing. If it meant a lot to you, I’m not going to denigrate that--although part of me thinks that some of that’s due to a cynical marketing campaign positioning this as the first movie that’s ever had black people in it. Just know that I can’t speak to how important a movie is to the black experience, either for or against, I can only speak to how I enjoyed it and what I thought of its various elements. 

-I liked most of the cast, I thought a lot of the way they visualized Wakanda managed to pull off the “grass huts and forcefield” level of technology Jack Kirby envisioned without coming off as cheesy--even if it doesn’t quite fit to the Hudlin, Wakanda has always been advanced, backstory (in the comics, there are giant panther mecha. In the movie, there are... rhinos with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads). I thought the Korea action sequence was good, as well as parts of the final battle--the action ranges from bad (the opening fight) to good, but I don’t think it’s ever as visceral as Cap and Bucky storming through a SWAT team, a throwaway moment that now comes across as a highwater mark in a genre of Homecomings and Ragnaroks.

-Some people have said that T’Challa was boring, I thought the character and the acting was fine in a story that didn’t give him a lot to do (see below). I’d rather have a quiet, Zen Black Panther then see Tacoma Whippits turn him into a joke machine, and the obligatory bits in the first half where he has to act like a dork so we in the audience “relate to him�� or whatever are just the worst. You had Feige specifically comparing T’Challa to James Bond, but I don’t remember Sean Connery slipping on a banana peel to tell us viewers that he was a fun guy. Just make the guy a convincingly badass motherfucker, we’ll like him. It worked in Civil War. (This is half a petty nitpick since after the ‘Q’ scene, they knock it off, but still, first impressions are important.)

-Petty nitpick department: For a genius, you’d think Shuri would realize that it’d be a lot easier to launch jeep-disabling weapons from the jet instead of making them into tiny little beads that you have to throw as you fall out of a plane. Even Batman just goes ahead and puts a gun on the Batwing, you know.

-They make this big point of how advanced Wakanda is, but it really doesn’t seem that much more advanced than what SHIELD and Tony Stark have. Like, what’s the difference between a Quinjet and whatever Wakanda’s version of a Quinjet is? The Black Panther suit seems less advanced than Iron Man’s stuff. Yeah, you can store it in a necklace, but it can’t shoot repulsor beams, it can’t fly, you have to physically walk around in it instead of being able to pilot it by remote. And the heart-shaped herb is a good biomodification, but it seems on par with Captain America, and not really something that has a mark on the Hulk, Quicksilver, Extremis, or Spider-Man. Kinda seems like the whole country could be taken out by one of those advanced Helicarriers from Winter Soldier. I realize they don’t want to make these guys too op, otherwise the next Spider-Man would end with Peter calling in a Dora Milaje to take out Venom for him, but it makes the Wakandans come off as a bit sheltered. “My Vibranium armor makes me bulletproof!” “Yeah, we have this Luke Cage guy, his skin does that.”

-Half of the plot seemed kinda... pointless? This has been out three weeks, so I feel safe in discussing spoilers--why couldn’t Erik just show up in Wakanda and challenge T’Challa in the first five minutes? Hell, why didn’t he show up before Civil War and challenge T’Chaka’s old ass? Seems like that would’ve been easier, plus, that was the guy who actually killed his father. 

-I guess Killmonger’s plan was... and much of this wasn’t presented as such, so I’m just hypothesizing...

Phase 0: Wait for T’Chaka to die so Wakanda is vulnerable during the transition of power. Don’t, like, set out to assassinate him yourself, even though that seems perfectly doable. Just, you know, hope you get lucky.

Phase 1: Dangle Klaw in front of T’Challa’s face with a vibranium selling plot, then sabotage his attempt at capturing him to weaken T’Challa’s position within Wakanda. (No idea how T’Challa couldn’t find Klaw before when the Avengers and Ultron were able to do it with ease in AoU. I guess T’Chaka really was lying down on the job there.)

(-I’ve seen it suggested that T’Chaka let Klaw run free as a way of covering up N’Jobu’s death, but it seems like A. there’s no way Klaw could’ve known that much about it, B. it’d be far safer to just find him and kill him on the spot, and no Wakandan would question it.)

Phase 2: Kill Klaw himself to gain favor with the Wakandans, which will work, and cause T’Challa’s lifelong best bud to turn against him (even knowing that Erik was responsible for Phase 1).

Phase 3: Defeat T’Challa in battle. Phases 2 and 3 are now pointless since all of Wakanda is now honorbound to follow you.

-Speaking of, if you’re some superpowered guy in a supersuit, I should think you could pull off disarming some jabroni with a gun without stabbing him in the heart. I mean, Spider-Man does that five times a day, and he’s fifteen. I guess the implication was that they Jack Ruby’d him? But then Marvel doesn’t want to dirty up Wakanda that much, so...

-I get Erik’s dad smuggling vibranium out of Wakanda, but why would he partner with a racist psychopath like Klaw to do it? You’d think a prince pulling an inside job could set up something a little better. It’s the Marvel universe! There must be like fifty supervillains he could’ve called up.

-Didn’t like that T’Challa’s big fight with Klaw, his arch-nemesis, was Klaw getting in one hit that BP no-sold, then just winning. That’s John Cena bullshit.

-There’s no way in hell I buy that a week after her father is murdered in a terrorist bombing, the unbearable Shuri is making quips about her brother having a girlfriend, much less stopping a religious ceremony to crack wise. Imagine Princess Di interrupting a royal wedding to moon people. Now remember that Wakanda is supposed to be way more honorbound and traditionalist than Britain.

-The whole resurrection of T’Challa thing makes no sense. So, Erik has taken over Wakanda and burned all but one of the heart-shaped herbs. So, since only the royal family can take the herb and become a Black Panther, Shuri has to step up... no? She just kinda follows along while they take it to M’Baku to make him the new Black Panther? But conveniently he’s saved T’Challa so they can give him the herb and immediately repower him.

-And if M’Baku’s people are such Luddites, how come they’re able to take on the Vibranium weaponry of W’Kabi’s guys? Do they also have Vibranium weapons? If so, where exactly are they drawing the line? Is a sword that can cut through Iron Man okay, but not a flying car? (Yes, I know there’s an explanation about jabbari wood in the EU, but they could at least put in one line about it so we know how it works without reading the novelization.)

-For a country that’s apparently super committed to isolationism, Wakanda really easily gets on board with Plan Imperialism. I guess most of the Wakandan people are morally inferior to the Asgardians, since even in Ragnarok’s hatchet-job, most of them were depicted as either actively resisting Hela’s imperialism or being cowed by her army.

-And no, don’t say the Wakandans were honorbound to follow Erik, because T’Challa specifically shows up in front of everyone and says that the duel isn’t finished, so a whole parcel of them are deliberately choosing Erik over T’Challa, despite Erik being this outsider, out-of-wedlock, blasphemous murderer they’ve never seen before... who is also obviously a psycho.

-It just seems like Wakanda goes really quickly from being one hundred percent behind T’Challa to going “You’re weak! Erik is strong! We need a strongman to lead us otherwise we’ll get our asses kicked!” I don’t buy that the Klaw fiasco is enough to totally torpedo T’Challa and make Erik untouchable.

-I mean, it’s the same basic plot as the first Thor, only there it works because the Asgardians don’t know just how much of a weasel Loki is, plus he goes to the trouble of setting Thor up first. 

-I got it, the issue is that this is based on the Don McGregor storyline where T’Challa had been away from Wakanda for a long time, serving on the Avengers and macking on gaijin Monica Lynne, so all of Wakanda was pissed at him and willing to hear this Killmonger guy out. But in the movie, he hasn’t done any of that, so it comes off as forced and contrived that all of a sudden, Wakanda is telling T’Challa to get to fuck.

-In fact, wouldn’t it make sense for Killmonger to factor M’Baku into his plans and take advantage of that tribe in some way? Since that’s one of the few things he could conceivably know about Wakanda (he really got lucky that W’Kabi was the first Wakandan he came across and totally sympathetic to a coup by a complete stranger).

-I guess the implication is that W’kabi and a lot of other Wakandans want to take over the world as some mix of maybe well-intentioned extremism, warrior pride, and garden-variety ambition, and they’re just following Killmonger because he can sign the papers. Which, when you think about it, makes Killmonger the black Donald Trump and his followers the Republican Party--”yeah, sure, he killed one priest, but he’s passing our tax bill, so...”--but I guess we’re going to skip straight from that take to him being a weeb?

-(That’s not really an issue with the film so much as a lot of the audience--not black people, but, like, Tumblr in general--deciding ahead of time exactly how they were going to feel about the movie and all its characters, which seems crazy to me. Like, why even go see the movie? But, not the movie’s fault, fanthings bein’ fanthing.)

-I thought the whole Okoye/W’kabi relationship was underdeveloped--at the end, when she stands up to him, I was like “oh, yeah, those two are A Thing.” I can’t imagine how much more forced taking the time to say Ayo--who is pretty much just the third Dora from the left here--is specifically in a lesbian relationship would be. So that’s a free pass from me for this stupid “gay representation controversy”. Even the T’Challa/Nakia thing felt pretty half-hearted and obligatory. The character of Nakia is alright, I was just never sure why these two in particular are into each other besides him being hot and her being hot (especially when the one thing we know about them is that their worldviews fundamentally disagree). Maybe she’s just the only woman T’Challa knows who A. has hair, B. isn’t related to him.

-In fact, it’s weird how the entire conflict in the movie is really between isolationism and outreach, yet there’s really no character representing or arguing for isolationism, not even any of the villains. T’Challa, I guess, but obviously he changes his mind. It seems like there should be a ‘devil on his shoulder’ type deal arguing for tradition. I think M’baku should’ve been that--the guy who slinks off into the shadows at the end, warning T’Challa that he’s coming for his ass because he opened up the borders and fucked with resurrection. (Five points to whoever gets that reference.) Instead, the conflict is lopsided because everyone seems to be against isolationism, they’re just differing in how.

-Actually, the whole thing of Wakanda following Killmonger just because he’s won this bullshit trial by combat because it’s tradition, and T’Challa urging them to follow him because it’s the right thing to do, could’ve been an okay take on that conflict, but instead apparently Wakanda legitimately wants to follow Erik and take over the world. And they just don’t spend enough time developing that.

-I also think they don’t spend enough time on T’Challa being depowered and kicked off the throne. It seems like there could be a really cool movie where, in the first fifteen or thirty minutes, Erik Killmonger shows up out of nowhere, kicks T’Challa’s ass, takes over Wakanda, and for the rest of the movie T’Challa is forced to rely on allies like Ross and M’baku who he can’t completely trust or rely on, and he has to fight his own people who are just trying to do the honorable thing, and he has to rethink being the Black Panther and earn that position instead of just having it handed to him. I’m pretty much describing the Don McGregor storyline this was adapted from. But, you know, why would you take that and add all this filler with Klaw and South Korea and such, and then skimp on the actual dramatic material? It’s like a version of Iron Man 3 where Tony’s house doesn’t get blown up until an hour and a half in, and then he immediately calls in the Iron Legion and goes to kick the Mandarin’s ass.

-Speaking of Korea, it seems a bit hypocritical to make this big production of being woke, then to throw in this inaccurate and ‘exotic’ side mission. It just seems like it’d be more thematic for this deal to be happening in Haiti or Jamaica or any other African country, somewhere where they could further comment on the story’s themes and develop them more. Maybe have the setting reflect what some of the characters want in terms of their goals, or fear happening to Wakanda? We kind of get that with the Boko Haram guys in the opening, but they’re dealt with so glibly (like muggers in a Batman movie) that it’s hard to see them as credibly a factor in any character’s thinking. Is T’Challa worried people like that will drag Wakanda down? Is Nakia determined to stop them? Seems like it was just something BP dealt with in ten seconds so he could hang out with this girl he likes.

-It’s funny that they follow in the steps of Ragnarok and Doctor Strange by dirtying up the heroes’ forebears--almost like that plot point is part of some formula 🤔 🤔 🤔 --yet still find time to white-wash a lot of Wakandan society. The Dora Milaje don’t have the underage, wives-in-training aspect. M’Baku and Nakia go from supervillains to frenemy and love interest, respectively. (Yeah, they turn W’kabi into a villain, but he beat his wife in the comics, so that’s not much of a stretch.) And yet, the plot relies on much of Wakanda being horrible people--willing to conquer the world, but not accept refugees. It’s a weird mix of utopianism and ‘uh, yeah, we still need to have a plot where the villain isn’t immediately dogpiled by all the average citizens who don’t like hyperwar.” Again, the Don McGregor storyline makes a point of Wakanda being a flawed, imperfect society, so it makes sense that Killmonger can take it over, but the movie is making the exact opposite point--Wakanda is so advanced and it’s so wonderful--and the plot doesn’t work anymore.

-To go into fanfic territory, it probably would’ve worked better if there were a significant amount of Wakandans who were pissed at T’Challa for letting Zemo live, because traditionally, someone who’d killed the King of Wakanda would be done, so it’s another divergence between what T’Challa finds moral and his country’s traditions. Just have M’baku say “you let your father’s killer live!” instead of “you failed to protect your dad!” 

-I’ve also seen it suggested that Killmonger’s master plan could’ve involved finding Zemo, springing him from American custody, and then delivering him to Wakanda. That sounds a lot stronger, but it would also result in Zemo necessarily being taken off the board, and even a bastardized Zemo seems too important to the Marvel Unnie for that. Maybe he could have a cousin who’s really into their family history?

-I think there were a few too many characters in this story. Most of the ‘strong female characters’ just seemed to spend the finale getting their asses kicked by Killmonger, while Ross’s Top Gun moment seemed pointless when--if T’Challa won--it seems like he could just order the transport to turn back... what, were they going to start World War 3 the moment they left Wakanda’s borders?

-Like, did Angela Bassett actually do anything in this movie? 

-Shuri, for instance, I think was so clearly intended to be ‘the meme one’ and just ended up ill-fitting in the MCU’s realistic milieu. I mean, this is a universe where Peter Parker isn’t much of a science nerd, he has a ‘guy at the computer’ to do his hacking for him and an AI to help him out and all that. Then over in Wakanda, you have a sixteen-year-old super-genius that’s the best scientist in the country and it clearly clashes with the grounded feel of the universe, but they just plow ahead with it anyway because “oh, it’ll get women interested in STEM, it’ll show black girls can do anything.” And she actually gets the better of T’Challa and razzes him with her ‘witty one-liners.’ I just find it really condescending. She’s basically a black female Wesley Crusher.

-Petty nitpick department: The first stinger is a dog. They end the movie SHOWING that T’Challa is revealing Wakanda to the world and using its technology and wealth to help out the underprivileged. Cool, got it, very clearly established all of that. Then after the first set of credits, we get a scene of... T’Challa going before the UN and TELLING that Wakanda is being revealed to the world and yadda yadda. It seems like the more natural scene would be him going up to Tony Stark or whatever and saying “hey, I’m joining the Avengers, and the next time there’s a problem, count me in!” But they cheaped out on getting RTD, so instead it’s just a less visually interesting presentation of a plot point we’ve already covered. This in a movie that was already very long and apparently left out crucial plot scenes.

-It’s also strange to have him give this big speech about how we’re all one tribe and we all have to come together, but a lot of his team seems at least casually racist? Like, you don’t see T’Challa saying “hey, M’baku, Ross was being pretty polite in addressing you, you didn’t need to bark at him like a dog just because he’s white” or “hey, sis, Ross is actually a buddy of mine and a pretty cool dude, maybe you shouldn’t greet him by calling him a racial slur?” I’m just saying, you wouldn’t see an X-Men movie where Jubilee is an unrepentant homophobe and all of the other mutants are cool with it.

-They set up that BP’s big special move is absorbing kinetic injury and then blasting it back out again, only it isn’t really clear how much he can take before it starts hurting him, if it ever hurts him. Like, could the Hulk punch him, then he gets up and walks it off, or would that break every bone in his body but leave his suit all glowy? I get that Captain America’s shield is unbreakable, so is BP walking around in an entire suit of that? And wouldn’t that make him invincible/boring? And for such a tactician of a character, they don’t really have him find any clever ways of using it, he just gets hit, uses the blast, moving on. You’d think there would be a scene where he does something counterintuitive or painful, but it’s just him thinking three steps ahead and charging up this power so he can use it at a crucial moment. 

-It also adds to the video game feeling of a lot of the already pixel-y action scenes that he literally has a rage meter limit break thing.

-Petty nitpick department: The movie characterizes both Klaw and Killmonger as Joker-style wisecrackers, which makes me wonder what they’ll do for villains in a sequel, since that’s Reverend Achebe’s thing and he’s about the last big villain in Black Panther canon who isn’t either dead in the MCU or adapted into an ally. And three evil Cockney jokesters in a row seems like a lot.

(-I’ve heard Dr. Doom suggested for a villain, but I kinda doubt Marvel would job out T’Challa/Wakanda to him, and Doom really needs a W if he’s going to be Doom.)

-I also don’t think the movie really engaged with its premise of depicting an African society that had never been colonized. In the real world, racial dynamics vary enormously from America to Europe to Japan, but Wakanda pretty much has the same viewpoints that African-Americans would have: resenting white people, using American idioms (”Guess who just popped up on the radar?”), even quoting American memes. It seems like in real life, Wakanda would be more concerned with the rest of Africa instead of being obsessed with America. I mean, in the comic books, you had Wakandans with this sense of jingoism, who resent all outsiders, no matter their skin color. Them making a distinction between white Americans and black Americans (for instance) comes off like pandering.

-Like, they start off the movie with BP fighting Nigerian slavers who have taken a number of women hostage and conscripted child soldiers, and obviously BP is against that, but how does Killmonger feel about those guys? Zuri? M’baku? Black people oppressing black people in Africa seems like a more immediate concern than police shootings all the way over in Oakland, but the whole idea seems too complex to factor into this white oppression dynamic, so they just use them as action scene fodder and move on to black people oppressed, white people mean. Maybe that’s supposed to be Killmonger being hypocritical and prioritizing stuff that reminds him of his own suffering over other issues, but that needs to be played out in the text.

-Because it seems like a really obvious counterpoint to Killmonger that there are political situations much more complex than “evil oppressors vs. innocent oppressed”--just look at the Middle East--and hence his simplistically violent philosophy is doomed to fail. Instead, the movie kinda concedes that his position is right, he’s just going about it in the wrong way. Which I think is intellectually dishonest.

-Petty nitpick department: They have an entire bit about how Shuri has designed these soundproof boots for T’Challa, but he never uses them. In accordance with the rule of Chekov’s Gun, which states that if you show a gun in the first act, then in the third act, it should turn out that it’s only purpose was to be a dumb joke.

-Petty nitpick department: So this takes place immediately after Civil War, and Civil War ended with Captain America in Wakanda, but then they never mention him in this and he doesn’t seem to be hanging around. I guess he’s off freeing all his buddies from the Raft during all this? But then the stinger of this is Bucky having been revived, and he was frozen again in the stinger to Civil War. So I guess it goes Civil War >>> Black Panther >>> the stinger of Civil War >>> the stinger of Black Panther? Usually when continuity is this convoluted, Han is still alive.

[sibilantly]

hi, sib. i sent you an ask about writing a while ago and you were super helpful, but i have found myself in yet another conundrum - i'm blocked. it took me some time to figure out why, and i'm pretty sure it's 'cause i'm supposed to be starting my mfa this fall and i'm just scared shitless. i'd really appreciate some advice on how to unblock the block. i just feel so useless right now. this nonsense in my head is honestly wearing me down.

You sent this several months ago, dear writing anon (as I now dub thee), and I’m terribly sorry I haven’t replied before now. RL got in the way of my online/fandom time again, but, more than that, I’ve been musing and reflecting on the situation you described, and I’ve only recently been able to marshall it all into semi-coherence. I assume you’ve started your MFA already (CONGRATULATIONS, BY THE WAY!), so all this navel-gazing and advice may be moot, but on the off-chance you’re still stymied, here’s my take and (for what it’s worth) my advice:

The thing about ‘writer’s block’ (air quotes), which you seem to have figured out already, is that it’s really emotional block. And the most common emotion is fear.

It’s not surprising, really, when you consider the fact that writing is both a craft and an art. (Well… alright, every art form is a combination of craft and art - of technical skill and vision - but we’re just going to focus on writing right now). And, just like every other art form, the very best writing requires self-expression. Think of your favourite authors, both published and in fandom. Could you ever mistake their writing for another author’s? I’m willing to bet my last dollar that your answer will be ‘no’.

However, self-expression also means baring yourself. It means producing a piece of writing that says, in effect, ‘this is what I think, this is what I feel - this is how I see the world, this is my perspective on this trope/theme/topic, this is me’, and putting it out there to be looked at and judged by strangers. Strangers who may then have all sorts of reactions and opinions - negative ones, even - about not just your work, but about you.

And for the vast majority of people (myself included), that is fucking terrifying on a visceral, lizard brain level. In prehistoric times (or… whenever… anthropology is not my strong suit), being rejected by others meant isolation, which in turn meant increased risk of starvation or death by megafauna. We’re not in prehistoric (or whatever) times anymore, but rejection and negative judgement still hurts and looms large in our psyches because… well, the lizard brain is a powerful motherfucker that has gotten our species this far. It’s like that douchebag in your social circle that you just can’t drop entirely because they’re handy/annoyingly right in certain situations.

Anyway.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is: take heart, writing anon. You’re in good and numerous company. This fear - this emotional block - you feel is common. It’s unbelievably common. I personally grapple with it every week. Like, literally every week. From a certain evolutionary perspective, you could even say the fear is reasonable (DEATH BY MEGAFAUNA).

…however, that perspective is severely unhelpful in motivating one to write, so let us acknowledge said perspective like it’s an acquaintance we’re on nodding terms with, and move on.

The fact of the matter is, we’re not in prehistoric-whatever times anymore. Rejection will not kill us, no matter what the lizard brain keeps shrieking. And while the lizard brain is powerful, it’s also primitively dumb. Which means we can trick it.

There is a reason why pretty much every notable book on the art and craft of writing will have a chapter or a section which says, essentially: half the battle is getting your arse in the chair.

It’s because, a great majority of the time, getting started really is the biggest hurdle. Once you’re actually slapping some words onto a page? It may be painful, it may present its own challenges, but it usually doesn’t require as much effort as just. Getting. Started.

As the number of days you spend not writing builds up, the act of writing - even the mere thought of it - becomes more and more psychologically loaded, more threatening to your sense of self. ‘YOU’RE GONNA BE REJECTED AND STARVE TO DEATH IN THE DESERT,’ says the lizard brain. The more rational part of your brain says, ‘You’ve spent all this time not writing. When you finally summon up the power to do so, by some act of God, it’s going to come out mediocre, at best, because you’re out of practice. Why bother?’

And, look– to be honest, rational brain will probably be right regarding your restart writing attempts coming out mediocre. But it’s wrong about it being pointless to start.

Because here is something else you should tell yourself: writing is not just the words you publish. It’s not even just the words you publish plus the words you wrote in draft and then killed because you realised they were darlings. It’s not even all those words and the time you spent brainstorming and outlining. It’s all those words plus that planning plus the emotional work you go through - in character and as yourself - to get those words and ideas out.

Don’t get down on yourself if you have only one hour to write and you spend fifty of those minutes psyching yourself up to write. Psyching yourself up to write is part of writing. You’re getting your arse in the chair.

So, sure, maybe on day one you’ll spend just ten minutes getting some words out. But on day two, when you sit down again, you’ll remember: I did this for ten minutes yesterday. I can do it again. It’s like a gradual stretching and strengthening of a muscle. You should– no, you need to take your time, because writing is a years-long (ideally, lifelong) journey. You’ll need to pace yourself accordingly.

I’m not saying it’s easy. I have spent years devising weird tricks, strategies, and schedules to fool my lizard brain into viewing the act of writing as non-threatening (and sometimes I still fail and will stop writing for a couple days). I know it’s not easy. But it’s doable - you just need to find the right set of tricks and strategies that will fool your lizard brain.

EVERYTHING THAT I, SIB, HAVE PERSONALLY DONE TO FOOL THE LIZARD BRAIN

1. Automate that shit - COME UP WITH A VERY, VERY SIMPLE PRE-WRITING ACTION

Okay, so at this point, you might be going, ‘Great, Sib, but how do I get myself to start?’

And I say: ‘Automate that shit’. You can make the initial action (usually the action that requires the most effort) more likely to happen by making it very, very simple.

For (a non-writing) example, I have a weird thing about dishes. I don’t like doing them. What I don’t mind doing, however, is clearing the dish rack. But what tends to happen is, once I’ve cleared the dish rack and find myself standing beside the sink, I think, ‘well, since I’m already here…’

That’s what you need to trigger with writing - that casual thought of, ‘well, since I’m already here…’. The point of the pre-writing action is to trick yourself (or, at least, your lizard brain) into perceiving writing as being so simple, so easy and non-threatening, it’d be almost silly to not do it. This is especially important if you haven’t written in so long that writing has come to resemble a nigh-insurmountable mountain or a time bomb strapped right against your heart and your sense of self-worth.

Even if you don’t do anything else that I suggest (seriously, you don’t have to, I’m just listing everything I’ve tried on the off-chance that it might work for you), I’d say this is the strategy to try. The whole point of it is that it should require almost no effort to perform. Why not do it?

My personal pre-writing action is fifteen minutes of free writing/journalling (‘I’m not writing, lizard brain, I’m just talking to myself’). You don’t have to do that. But whatever action you choose to go with, make sure it’s easy and flows on automatically to writing. The point isn’t to force yourself. If you’re forcing yourself, the action is too complicated. You’re removing the automaticity of the process, and the whole point is automaticity.

Examples of pre-writing actions you could do:

1. Sitting in your dedicated writing spot. Just sitting there. You don’t have to write. But since you’re already there…

2. Summarising the last scene/chapter you wrote. You don’t have to write anything new. But since you’ve already picked up that pen or typed out that sentence…

3. Making a cup of tea (or coffee or whatever) and thinking about your writing as it steeps. You don’t have to do anything with the idea you came up with. But since it’s already formed… ;)

I know it can be embarrassing to set your bar so ‘low’, because it feels like you’re admitting you’re incapable. But you’re not incapable. You’re just human. You have multiple responsibilities, coupled with limited time and limited resources, both physical and mental. You’re doing the best you can with the time, ability, and energy you have. No one can expect more of you than that. You, especially, should not expect more of yourself than that.

2. Grab a notebook or open a document, and DESCRIBE YOUR PROCRASTINATION BEHAVIOUR(S) IN SPECIFIC, OBSERVABLE TERMS. Don’t just say ‘I avoid writing’ - be specific (says Arthur).

For example, here are some things from my list:

I open up my WIP, stare at the cursor, and tap the page up/down/delete/backspace keys for thirty minutes

When my reminder alarm for writing goes off, I open up my WIP, then open tumblr in another browser

I do all the household chores when it’s time to write

3. Take that list of behaviours and WRITE DOWN AT LEAST ONE SPECIFIC, ACTIONABLE SOLUTION FOR EACH BEHAVIOUR. You may come up with more than one solution for each behaviour. It’s fine. Write all of them down.

Here is what I came up with for the above:

Staring at the cursor: 

Pull the page up/down and backspace keys off the keyboard (this didn’t work for me.)

 Free write for fifteen minutes before starting ‘real’ writing (which has, yes, become my pre-writing ritual. It works beautifully for me because, after 5-10 minutes, it tends to segue into ‘real writing’. As in, I’ll start off writing like I’m telling a friend about what should happen next in the story - complete with tangents and sentences full of ‘and then he’s like, you know, completely aghast’ - and then as I relax and get more into the story, I drift into draft prose and dialogue.)

Opening tumblr at the same time as my WIP:

Install Clear Focus on my phone and StayFocusd on all browsers, and put a strict limit on tumblr

Write longhand in a notebook and then transcribe (this is my go-to solution these days)

Doing household chores instead of writing:

Schedule writing time only after I finish all chores (this is a meh solution for me - I can always find new things to clean, if I’m really, really trying to avoid writing.)

Write one hour before bed/when exhausted (this is like the non-alcoholic version of the apocryphal Hemingway edict ‘write drunk, edit sober’. Exhaustion gives you all the benefits of writing without your conscious filter with none of the cirrhosis or other alcohol-related diseases!)

Stick these lists up wherever you tend to write. Now whenever you catch yourself engaging in one (or more) of these procrastination behaviours, you also have a solution (or solutions). Again, it will not necessarily be easy. But in knowing your bad habits and being prepared for them, you’re setting yourself up for a much better chance of success, and reducing the likelihood that you’ll slip down the procrastination shame spiral. The rest is the unglamorous process of trying, maybe failing, and then trying again.

4. On the cognition side of things, ASK YOURSELF: WHY DO YOU WANT TO WRITE?

Why, given all the frustration and fear and isolation (because writing is a bit of a lonely thing, at times), do you keep trying? Write every reason you have down, and be honest about it. No one is going to see this list but you.

The reason I suggest you do this is because there will be days (or weeks, or months) where it feels like all you’re doing is eking out paragraph after paragraph of dreck. It’ll feel awful. And if you don’t know why you’re writing - if you have no goal to set your sights upon, or no internal touchstone to remind you why you’re putting yourself through this - it’ll be so much more tempting to give up.

5. I’ve said this to you before, but I’ll say it again because if you’re anything like me (and I’m still riding on the assumption we’re at least a little alike, because every message you send me I’m like, ‘ah, man, yeah, I feel you, I feel you’), some advice requires repeating before it sinks in. Especially when the advice is unglamorous. So. SET YOURSELF A SMALL, ACHIEVABLE WRITING TARGET, be it a word count or a set amount of time each day.

And when I say small, I mean small. If writing 100 words a day feels uncomfortable, set your target at 50. If writing for one hour is exhausting, set your target at 30 minutes (or 15, like I did! :D).

ONE MORE THING

Writing requires discipline.

There is the discipline of sitting down and doing the work, every day, even if you’re not feeling it, of course. We’ve all heard that advice, and we’ve all (at some point or another) gotten royally pissed off at it.

But there is another sort of discipline, one that flows on from doing the work every day. In working through the fear, you teach yourself that these periods of mediocre writing or zero writing are temporary, just little halts in your overall writing journey. That’s a kind of discipline, too - training yourself to believe, heart and mind, that the fear will pass, and the words are always with you, even if they’re not coming out the way you want. It’s just going to take time. Be patient, and be kind to yourself (which I know can be hard).

You’re not useless. You’re not failing at anything by being afraid, because the fear - and learning to work through the fear - is as much a part of the writing process as getting the words down. And the value of writing for a writer is not in the finished result, not really. It’s in the act of creating, in being willing to start, to try. If you’re psyching yourself up to try, then hey. That’s half the battle already.

You can do it, anon! I’m still rooting for you!

(P.S.: You’re more than welcome to message me off anon using tumblr’s chat function

[lookthroughslbj988-blog]

Know More About Relationships

Do Not Be Afraid

Keep you moving after you overcome inertia. Some times we have filled up with excitement, but a day or two later, this excitement wanes and we publish our old friend. Today, I am maybe not anti-laziness -- only the alternative, '' I assure you personally -- but we can not allow it stop us from creating our dreams be realized. So as an alternative, create a devotion, openly. State your little, achievable objective, and also tell it to as many people as possible. Contact or e mail relatives and friends, tell your entire coworkers, combine an on-line forum related to a own goal and also educate most of these. Place on your website. But you do it, ensure people are aware of your objective, and that there's adequate pressure to overcome laziness.

"Reality leaves much to the imagination" -- John Lennon Only to have that enthusiasm fizzle away, and also of our best goals come 2. Decide on a little, achievable aim. Remember, inertia is a It's the Most Typical factor in the world (besides bacteria) -- the honest and To nothing?

4. Baby steps, baby. Again, the inertia can be a force. Fervent want for self-improvement, accompanied by in action or giving in to temptations, accompanied closely by remorse or committing up. Bridget Jones captured it best, creating her constant resolutions into her diary. "will go to the fitness center this day." Only to be followed closely by a passing of sweater accompanied closely by smoking and drinking.

History of the world mean absolutely nothing if you never actually begin. As well as the one and only means to receive going is always to take action, proper now. Perhaps not tomorrow , not later today, maybe not within an hour perhaps not whenever you finish reading through this write-up. Right now! Look at your calendar, also create an appointment to make your action program, or just choose the very first action ("Go walking at 5:30 p.m. today from the park," for example). What is the initial actions you're able to get to get your desires a reality? Develop a much healthier meal policy for tomorrow? Create a spot for everything you are using in the office, so that your planning system will not falter in fourteen days? Pick what's and also make an appointment for it, correct today. 2nd part of this measure: make that appointment probably the most important appointment in your own program, more significant than a doctor's appointment or even a meeting with your supervisor.

How many times have we told ourselves in complete earnestness, "I'm Likely to We're all Bridget Jones. It happens to the most people. It's inertia at work, Accountability and commitment, which are tactics to place positive stress on yourself -- a form of inspiration. People are fantastic, however, you also need other types of motivation. You are looking for ways to create your development experience amazing ... either through wages, or so the positive way you are feeling about your advancement, or so the positive manner you're feeling while others view just how well you're doing. Locate a few unique tactics to encourage yourself -- even the more the better. Incorporate these to your plan. Explain to people about them. Let them support drive you along.

Publicly ... but it is perhaps not sufficient to tell folks your goal. It's mandatory that you make it very clear that they must maintain you accountable to reporting on them your progress. Afterward report your advancement to those frequently. Daily is much better than weekly. Reporting for them makes certain that you will think hard as being idle and forgoing your actions plan.

Obstacles, and falter and fall. Only get up and keep going. You'll face temptations and contribute in. That is OK. Just keep heading. You may make problems and becoming frustrated. No matter ... only keep moving. Learn from the errors, also ... keep moving. Keep moving. If you are taking baby steps, you're holding yourself liable, and you are actually doing something, you're going to become there.

Powerful induce. For those who haven't been working out for a few decades, then it's challenging to begin. You are used to how things happen, as well as in case you want to change, it's difficult. So don't begin attempting to conquer world. Simply overcome something exceedingly tiny. It may sound wimpy to convey "I'm going to walk for 10 moments" or "I am definitely going to do 10 pushups and one chin-up", but people are far more inclined to overcome inertia than, "I'm going to exercise for 4-5 minutes now." Be practical, and ensure it is very quite attainable. It's the sole means to overcome inertia.

7. Just continue doing this, regardless of what. You'll strike "Truth is just an illusion, albeit a very persistent one" -- Albert Einstein Be more productive and organized from today on." ? Or that the diet begins tomorrow? Or that we're going to earn a true attempt to exercise now?

Become reality ... how do we implement these? Just how do we go from theory to real action measures? Simple. Seven easy techniques, that you can accomplish today. Really. Do these today.

Mixed using a little bit of laziness as well as the very human attribute of giving in to wants despite all the fantastic intentions in the world.

5. Hold thyself accountable. You have committed yourself "Try not. Door do not. There isn't any try." -- Yoda at The "Seventy percent of succeeding in life is showing up" -- Woody Allen 3. Commit thyself, big style. It's this dedication that may Empire Strikes Again

Inch. Make certain date. At the moment. All the Decent goals in the I have said it earlier, however this can be a exact essential step: the ideal approach to modify is through infant measures. One particular tiny step at one time. Do not attempt to bite off. How can this different from the above mentioned measure, putting a tiny and viable goal? It's the exact concept, however extended outside of the original objective. It is taking things one little goal in one time, a bit at one time. As an instance, let us say you want to run a marathon, but currently your working routine is composed of running to the bathroom throughout commercial breaks as you are viewing Missing. Thus does one venture out and take up a marathon training plan? Nope. First, you start with walking 10 minutes each day. When that becomes a habit and effortless, walk fifteen minutes. Subsequently 20, then thirty. Then run a minute, walk several of minutes, run one minute, etc, for those 30minutes. Subsequently run 90 seconds, etc, and soon you are managing for half an hour. Do these measures per couple weeks at the same time, in order that all of a sudden, you're jogging for 4-5 minutes every other day ... and also you hardly noticed the progress. This is the direction you receive to your objective ... little progressions that are barely obvious. Maybe not by murdering your self initial day outside.

Get moving, somewhat at a period. Inertia is overcome exclusively by movement. The moment you get going, momentum builds upward and inertia is no longer a variable. Hence that the key is always to become going, and also you do that maybe not by looking to move from 0 to 60 in five minutes, however by trying to move from 0 to 5mph at each time or two. That is doable. It truly is about baby steps. After you get going, you're golden.

Be liable. Laziness, the next culprit, is overcome by a bit of general anxiety. We all get idle from time (or, to become more fair, all the timing), also there's not anything wrong with this particular. However, to beat laziness, we must employ a bit of tension, in the type of guide reviews liability. There's not anything wrong with just a small pressure, provided that it is perhaps not over done. Pressure is actually a motivating item, particularly when it is favorable. Positive pressure comes with reinforcement in the friends or family, an internet discussion board, an aid staff in your locality, or even the readers of one's blog.

Ignore failures -- giving into temptation would be okay. We'll always surrender to temptation. Plan for it, take action, move on. There is absolutely no need to beat up yourself.

Motivate yourself. Most importantly, you wish to really want it. It really is not enough to sense stress to do some thing you need to genuinely want it. I mean, definitely desire it, but maybe not just think that it's something you ought to perform, or that you will end up much better man to do it. If strain provides you the push toward your goal, motivation gives you the pull up. Therefore, how do we be at inertia and temptations? Four Standard ways, really: 6. Motivate your self. We've already discussed Given those strategies for beating the obstacles to creating your needs

[mystic-earth-angel]

Maybe rfa reacting to Mc talking to herself?? Like late at night? If that's doable ^^

Hello there! Thank you for the request! You did not deserve to wait this long though >.

…

Yoosung

He would find you in the kitchenlate at night getting a snack

You were talking to yourself aboutwhat would taste better on ice cream as you look in the cabinet

He rested on the wall and watchedyou

Than you asked yourself whetherbaking soda or baking powder reacted with vinegar

“What the hell is vinegar made outof?”

He snickered and blew his cover

“Hey you’re up. You want some icecream?” you asked.

He smiled and walked over. “Soundsgood.”

Not wanting to make you feelself-conscious he didn’t mention about you talking to yourself

He thought it was really cute howrandom and honest your thoughts were

“Hey,” you asked passing thechocolate syrup.

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what vinegar is madeof?”

He started to chuckle again.

“What?” you asked confused.

“Geez, I love you so much,” thesmile stuck as he pecked you on the lips.

“That doesn’t explain any of myquestions!”

Zen

He was getting ready for bed whenhe heard you say something from the bathroom.

“Babe?” he called. “Were youtalking to me?”

No response but he could stillhear your voice.

He walked over to the closedbathroom door and listened for any queue that you were on the phone or callinghim.

“—there’s the grocery store afterwork. We’re talking fruit, we’re talking veggies, and mama needs someproteins.”

What the hell? He smirked. Was shetalking about her shopping list?

“Oh god, I wonder if that cashierguy is there. He always stares at my chest.”

What?! This is the first he heardabout that.

At this point Zen was eavesdropping but he couldn’t stop now.

“But if I go to the other one it’slike fifteen minutes more and Lord knows I ain’t got time for that.”

The sink turned on for a fewseconds.

“I wonder if Zen’s in bed yet…”

The door opened to reveal Zenpressed up against it.

“What are you doing?”

He straightened up. “I thought youcalled me but I guess you were on the phone?”

“Oh , I was just talking tomyself.”

“You do that too?” Zen asked.

“So you don’t think it’s weird?”You asked. 

“No way,” he smiled. “I thought you would thinkit was unattractive so I tried to hide it.”

You had to smile back. “I’ve caught you doing it a fewtimes and thought it was so great. Your especially handsome when you model inthe mirror and talk to yourself,” you giggled at the memory.

His happiness overflowed as hehugged you tight and swung you around. Placing kisses all over your face as youlaughed.

Jaehee

She woke up in the middle of thenight to go to the bathroom but found that you weren’t in bed.

But she could hear your voiceclearly and followed the sound.

She found you sitting at thekitchen table staring at your laptop and…talking to it?

“Look, it’s not you. You’re greatand you’ve been with me since the beginning.”

Was she Skyping with someone?

She continued to talk but Jaeheedidn’t hear a voice talk back.

“I mean do you think I want you todie? No! I don’t! But it’s the only thing that would make sense.”

What was going on?

Jaehee stepped closer. “Hey, iseverything ok?”

You put a hand over your heart.“You scared me.”

“I was just making sure everythingwas ok since you weren’t in bed.”

“Yeah, sorry. I just woke up andhad this sudden inspiration to write.”

Oh, you were talking about the newbook you were writing.

“So the dying part?” she inquired.

You sighed. “My main charactersbest friend Lin. It only makes sense to have him sacrifice himself for hisfriend for the plot but I can’t seem to let him go so easily.”

Jaehee didn’t quite understand butpatted you on the shoulder. “I’m sure everything will be ok.”

It was the best she had.

You nodded. “I’ll take a break fortonight. Thanks baby.”

Jaehee had never seen someone talkaloud like that so passionately to themselves, or an imaginary character atthat.

She decided maybe it was somethingwriters did and maybe it was best not to interrupt them.

Jumin

He finished work late in his studyand headed to bed.

Only to find that you were also uplate and talking to yourself?

“And what was her response?”

You put a hand on your hip andwaved your other hand around, imitating someone you knew with a high pitchvoice.

“Oh sweetheart, the clocksticking. You better get married so your mother can have grandchildren, poordear.”

You threw a pillow on the bed. “Cryme a river and drown in it you old hag.”

You paused. “Damn, I should havetold her that too.”

“Agreed,” Jumincommented.

You turned around. “You and Elizabeth have got to stopwalking so lightly. It’s not good for my heart.”

He smirked. “Do you often talk to yourself?”

You weren’t expecting that. “Well yeah, most people do.”

“Really?”

“Wait, have you never talked to yourself out loud?”

“No, it seemed odd when I could just organize my thoughts.”

“People talk out loud to do that too. Sometimes it’s easierto think when you hear the words leave your mouth. Plus if it’s too quiet ithelps to talk out loud or do your own private comedy show to express how you’re feeling.”

He seemed thoughtful about it. “That seems rational.”

“Give it a try once in a while. Let’s practice, even thoughI’m here, just blurt out whatever you’re thinking to yourself.”

Jumin thought about what he had been thinking but the pausegot him scolded. 

“Eh! Just talk out what you’re thinking.”

“Ok, well I was thinking that this was a strange way ofexpression…”

“Aha?” you said expectantly.

“But you are very sexy when you get riled up.”

“Oh…well than,” you swallowed.

He got closer. “The way you get flustered when I merely complimentyou gets me excited.”

“I think that’s enough practice,” you say not being abletake his unwavering gaze and honesty.

His hands wrapped around your waist to keep you close. “Ithink I prefer to share my thoughts out loud with you rather then myself.”

You tilted your chin up, “Is that so?”

“Mhm,” he hummed as he closed in for a passionate kiss.

Saeyoung

He checked on you every once in a while through the securitycamera.

He tried to distance himself but all he did was wonder whatyou were up to.

How you were feeling…

At that thought he checked the camera and saw your handsbeing thrown in the air dramatically.

He tuned in and turned up the volume to make sure everythingwas ok.

“Can’t I at least get an answer to my questions,” you sayputting away groceries.

“Honestly why do I have to like him. Sometimes I want tothrow this phone right out the window.”

The bread was tossed onto the counter.

Saeyoung waited anxiously for the who. Was it him? Had shelistened to him and found someone else?

“If you think you’re all that and a bag of Honey Buddahchips, 707, you got another thing coming!”

He smirked.

There was some sort of relief knowing that MC hadn’t changedtheir mind after all.

“You let me in, you kick me out. Let me in, kick me out. In,out, in, out.”

Yeah MC was still mad at him for sure.

You paused holding a bag of chips. “But I’ll be damned if I’llgive up. You hear that Mr. Acts-like-he-has no-feelings!  Challenge accepted!”

He chuckled and sat back in his chair. Even when MC talkedto themselves it was honest.

Maybe that’s why he caught himself telling them feelings hethought he had locked up long ago.

It’s not like he could stop MC from fighting.

Plus he did like a challenge after all.

It was a question of whether he would come to regret it ornot.

…

[corrpseroad]

A New Beginning

This is a part of the  “52 short stories in 52 weeks” Challenge!

Week 1: a story  entitled “A New Beginning”.

She didn't have a name. Not anymore, not after everything that happened with Her brother. She didn't have a face, for faces show resemblance and she couldn't bear the thought of being remembered. She didn't have a voice. Because She was afraid to use it.

And so he kept living nameless, faceless, voiceless, and She filled the emptiness left by the lack of those things with a huge amount of fear and memories and fear and memories and fear. It wasn't much of a living, surviving was a more suitable word.

They say that people aren't what happened to them, that they are what they do afterwards. In that case, She was a runaway, always trying to escape the very much vivid memories and feelings, but as much as She tried, they always found her in a never-ending hunt. Well, somedays were easier, but never too easy, never too livable.

It happened, the Thing That Should Not Be Named, fifteen years ago, but also a minute ago and also right now. Always.  So She trained herself to turn it into background noise. Never-leaving, but also never taking too much control of Her thoughts. She tried to focus on the numbness instead. Eat sleep walk eat sleep walk eat sleep walk. Sometimes She had sex, when she desperately needed a distraction, when the noise was too loud, too unignorable. She never cried. Crying was too deep, She would end up drowning in the ocean of her tears if She ever cried, so She never did.

She couldn't bear it.

It was a warm day, the sun showed no shyness, kissing every single part of Her body that wasn't covered in fabric. She liked the feeling, the sweat on Her skin being a constant reminder that She was, in fact, right here right now. The ground was too hot as well and if it were someone else, they might have looked for a shadow to rest their naked feet, but the woman didn't care at all. Like the sweat, pain was grounding and part of Her liked the feeling of existing.  

She had to remind herself that She was name/face/voice/lifeless.

She longed for it, though, living instead of surviving, remembering Her own name, being someone with actual and real and uncontrollable feelings. But having to wake up to the image of her little brother wet with his tears and his blood and-  

Unbearable.  

It was better just to suppress everything, pretend that life was just a very big Nothing. It wasn't easy, but it was doable. Until it wasn't.

Lately, Her thoughts were getting too loud too often and She didn't know what to do to quiet it. She wanted to live but no She didn't. Did She? She didn't know. Not knowing what to do was killing Her. She thought that maybe it was what she wanted in the end. To be killed. To be dead. Just like Her brother. Just like Her soul.

But was it dead? Her soul? Yes it was no it wasn't yes no yes no yes no.

She could very much feel the pain on Her feet, the sweat on Her neck, the tear in Her cheek. She didn't want to go but She did and She didn't oh god why. It had been a long time since She stopped asking "why". Why did that happen to Her brother, why did that happen to Her, why why why why. She stopped asking herself that because it didn't really matter, except it did. Her feet was hurting, Her head was hurting, Her heart was hurting.

Oh, She had forgotten how much it could hurt. She absolutely hated and loved it. She was here right here right now .

"I'm sorry but my husband and I are lost, could you help us?" Said a tiny voice behind Her head. She jumped out of surprise, and turned her head around. There was a tiny woman (probably the owner of the tiny voice) and next to her was a very tall man.

It was so out of context, the couple, that She didn't even know what to say. So She stood quiet, with wide opened eyes and ragged clothes.

"I'm really sorry to bother you? It's just that there's no one else here and Mark and I are really lost so if you could help us it'd be super" said the tiny lady again and woke She out of her awake coma. She looked around, and they were the only people on that street. She realized that the couple really needed Her help.

"It's okay. I know where we are, I can take you two to the closest metro station. Will that do?" She said.

"It's perfect! Thank you." Tiny Lady said "My name is Felicia, and this is Mark, as I said before. What your name, sweetie?"

She didn't really remember her old name after all these years, but that's fine. She wanted to change things, to begin again, to live. She knew it would be incredibly hard but She wanted so bad to try.

"Oh, it's Vida. That's my name."

[webart-studio]

The best way to Take a Sabbatical, In keeping with 6 Individuals Who Did

Think about this — you spend an complete month backpacking all through Southeast Asia, consuming from coconuts on the seashores of southern Thailand, mountain climbing the mountains in Vietnam, and seeing Angkor Wat at dawn.

Better of all? You are getting paid to take action, and you’ve got the identical job ready again house that you just had while you left.

Surprisingly, that kind of expertise simply is perhaps doable with a sabbatical. 

Whether or not you are mountain climbing the Appalachian path or spending the month studying a brand new ability, a sabbatical is commonly a crucial alternative to regain focus and readability, calm down, or test off a bucket-list merchandise. In case your employer provides you the choice to take a sabbatical, it is a good suggestion to take one.

Nevertheless, a sabbatical can appear daunting, and “losing” your sabbatical on a nasty resolution can appear extra irritating than not going in any respect. To fight these challenges, I spoke with six workers at HubSpot who every took a month-long sabbatical at their five-year anniversary. Hold studying to get some concepts for a way you wish to spend your sabbatical.

However first — what’s a sabbatical?

How lengthy is a sabbatical?

It depends upon the stipulations offered by your employer, however sometimes, a sabbatical can final anyplace from one month to 2 years. In fact, you’ll possible have a shorter sabbatical if it is a paid sabbatical, and an extended one if it is unpaid.

What’s a sabbatical?

In contrast to trip, a sabbatical is an prolonged break from work. Employers can provide both unpaid or paid sabbaticals, however sometimes assure an worker’s place stay open till the worker returns from their go away.

The size of a sabbatical is as much as the discretion of your employer, as are the phrases and situations. Many corporations encourage increased retention charges by providing sabbaticals to workers solely after a sure time period — at Adobe Programs, an worker is eligible for a four-week sabbatical after 5 years, and a six week sabbatical after fifteen years.

Some corporations incentivize workers to pursue skilled growth by providing a paid sabbatical solely if an worker makes use of the time in a sure method. As an example, Deloitte provides each paid and unpaid choices. A Deloitte worker can select to take an unpaid one-month sabbatical at any time, or a three-to-six month sabbatical that “will be taken to pursue private or skilled progress alternatives within the areas of profession growth or volunteerism.”

Staff at Deloitte who select the three-to-six month possibility will obtain 40% of their pre-sabbatical base wage.

At HubSpot, workers are eligible for a four-week paid sabbatical, however solely as soon as they have been at HubSpot for 5 years — nevertheless, this would possibly look completely different at your organization.

It is vital to notice, sabbaticals will be extremely efficient options to turnover charges at your organization. Oftentimes, individuals will work in sure roles till they’re exhausted, after which really feel they want a while off from work, or perhaps a career-change, to recharge. A sabbatical is another answer to this downside, and permits your workers to return to their roles happier and extra productive.

Moreover, your workers will possible acquire recent concepts and views throughout their sabbaticals. Maybe they’re going to observe new potential markets, be taught a brand new ability, or observe how a competitor overseas is efficiently fixing an issue with which your organization has struggled.

Sabbatical Concepts

To get concepts to your sabbatical, check out the various experiences of six completely different HubSpot workers.

1. Inbound Advertising Specialist Dan Sally’s Sabbatical to Rio de Janeiro

“In July of 2014, I began studying Brazilian Portuguese and, after about 5 months, received to the purpose the place I used to be proficient sufficient to take classes fully within the language. I used to be lamenting the truth that, with a spouse and 4 youngsters, I’d in all probability by no means get the prospect to get the immersion I wanted to deliver my expertise to the subsequent stage, when HubSpot introduced our sabbatical program.

I had simply hit my 5 12 months anniversary, so the timing was excellent.

My household and I rented an condominium in Rio de Janeiro for the month of July, one block from the seashores at Ipanema. We spent the month swimming, visiting all of the websites of Rio, and ate crimson meat and churros just about each day.

Leaving work behind wasn’t an enormous problem, as I used to be working in gross sales for our Dublin workplace on the time and Europe shuts down in the summertime. Even when it had been, being in Rio with 4 youngsters could be sufficient of a distraction to maintain my thoughts off issues.”

2. VP of Advertising Meghan Keaney Anderson’s Sabbatical to Her Hometown

“It’s possible you’ll assume sabbatical and instantly have your creativeness soar to unique places or wild adventures. Mine didn’t. For my sabbatical I rented a quiet home by the harbor in my hometown of Marblehead, Massachusetts. I spent your complete time taking lengthy walks with my canine and sitting in a rocking chair on the entrance porch.

Above all, I needed a while to clear my head. Going someplace acquainted and watching my canine sleep within the solar was that exact factor. I’m so grateful I did.”

3. Senior Director of Buyer Promoting Corey Beale’s Sabbatical to Costa Rica

“For my 31 days I elected to hire a home in Costa Rica and stay the browsing life as if I used to be retired and simply doing my factor. I ended up renting this unbelievable home simply minutes from the seashore. As you’d anticipate while you ship an open invite to family and friends saying you’ve got rented a seashore home and there are open bedrooms obtainable, persons are more than pleased to take you up on the provide. We had a enjoyable rotation of visitors coming and going every week, which meant there have been all the time laughs and adventures to be shared. It was additionally rewarding that I used to be capable of pay a trip ahead to my mother and father, and host them for as soon as.

I’m an enormous fan of incomes good karma on journeys, so I made a decision to donate among the HubSpot offered cash to a neighborhood faculty and I ended up bringing house a stray canine! As soon as his paperwork was all set, I introduced him stateside. Better of all, he was adopted by a fellow HubSpotter and he is already been within the workplace and gotten loads of HubSpot love.

Hopefully everybody who turns into eligible for a sabbatical takes benefit of it and does one thing on their bucket record, or a number of issues on their bucket record, with the break day. It’s effectively value it, and I for one am extremely grateful that HubSpot offers the chance to partake.”

4. Principal III Buyer Success Supervisor Kate Gillette Horne’s Sabbatical to California

“There are such a lot of instructions you possibly can take to your sabbatical and the very best course to go can be very dependent in your present life-style and dwelling scenario. My husband and I threw round a ton of concepts as there are various issues on my bucket record, however we additionally had a child that was about to show one and no native household (or any that will take a child for over two weeks).

Touring the coast of California was all the time on our record, and we determined that possibility could be very baby-friendly. Preparation at work was pretty simple as a result of my staff has a buyer going through staff alias for emergencies, which we will put in our out-of-office. So throughout any trip of workplace, the staff picks up your slack and also you choose up their slack when they’re out.

The wonderful thing about HubSpot is that since everybody has the chance to take a sabbatical (and any trip), nobody minds serving to out and supporting the present one that’s out, so I by no means felt like I used to be burdening anybody and in addition do not feel prefer it’s a burden to assist others who’re out — which makes the month off 10x higher. The one main supply of stress of the entire course of was ensuring I picked the very best path up the coast.”

5. Product Editor-In-Chief Beth Dunn’s Sabbatical at Dwelling

“I believe crucial factor about planning your sabbatical is that you just don’t bow to stress to make it wonderful in some conventional means. In case you’re really determined to go on a month-long trek throughout huge empty landscapes, then by all means do it. But when secretly you’d fairly keep house along with your cats and knit by the fireplace (which is what I did), then you must do this as an alternative. No one’s grading you in your sabbatical. You shouldn’t ‘do it for the ‘gram.’ That is for you — to relaxation and recharge, no matter that occurs to imply for you. Possibly combine a bit of journey with some downtime at house. Or bask in nonstop journey if that’s best for you. Or don’t budge from your house turf, and actually experience that.

Simply pay shut consideration to which concepts to your sabbatical make your coronary heart sing, and which of them make your abdomen harm. And comply with the track.

No matter you do, it’s not a nasty thought to concentrate on one thing tangible you’ll take away with you as a memento of the occasion.

One buddy of mine needed to gather a jar of sand from a specific hidden cove on the Mediterranean Sea. Now it sits on her desk and reminds her of the promise she made herself when she lastly received there.

I knitted myself a sabbatical sweater, which truly has a secret message woven into these cables that solely I can learn. (Knitters will perceive what I imply.) It isn’t a lot about ‘having one thing to indicate for it’ as a lot as it’s about crafting your sabbatical in order that it provides you the house to recollect one thing about your self that you just might need forgotten, or to resolve one thing new that you just wish to recall. Attempt to come out of your sabbatical with some type of message to your future self, one thing your sabbatical self would need you to recollect.”

6. Advertising Workforce Supervisor Al Biedrzycki’s Sabbatical Constructing a Guitar

“I needed to spend my sabbatical doing one thing inventive and one thing that aligned with my hobbies. I additionally needed to make sure it was one thing that will additionally solely be obtainable to me if I had been to have a month of break day. I did some analysis (and deferred to Andrew Quinn, who had constructed a guitar already) and ended up reserving a two-week intensive course with Charles Fox in Portland, Oregon.

The method of leaving work wasn’t too tough — I had my present direct report holding down the fort whereas I used to be out and it additionally was the summer season (June) so the work cadence was a bit lighter. As soon as I received again, it took me just a few days to regulate and get again into the swing of issues — largely catching up on what occurred and dealing via my inbox.”

The best way to Take a Sabbatical

If your organization provides a sabbatical program, you may possible must comply with sure pointers to submit the request for a sabbatical. You may in all probability discover the foundations and rules listed in your firm’s web site.

Nevertheless — what if your organization does not have a fully-fledged sabbatical program? Maybe you possibly can nonetheless take one, by following these steps:

Take into account how your sabbatical would possibly contribute to the corporate’s bottom-line down the highway. Maybe you are hoping to increase into new markets, wherein case you would possibly suggest a month-long sabbatical to go to town wherein you wish to increase to get to know the native tradition and language. Alternatively, possibly you are feeling burnt out after 5 years in a task. You would possibly want a break to recharge, get some recent views, and are available again refreshed and able to take cost as soon as once more.

As soon as you’ve got found out how your sabbatical may really make a distinction to your firm or staff, draft a proposal. Then, schedule a gathering along with your supervisor or director.

Start by saying one thing like this — “I have been enthusiastic about how I can deliver extra worth to my work, and I consider taking a sabbatical to be taught XYZ will assist me succeed. I’ve drafted a proposal so that you can overview.”

Alternatively, you would possibly say, “After [recent accomplishment or promotion], I am feeling a bit of burnt out. I believe a sabbatical may very well be an efficient alternative for me to recharge as I put together to guide our staff this fall. I’ve drafted a proposal to your consideration.”

When you get approval out of your supervisor or director, you would possibly nonetheless be nervous about taking the break day, unpaid. Thankfully, there are just a few grants and scholarships for which you’ll be able to apply, that can assist you efficiently finance your sabbatical.

Here is a listing of sources to look into:

The Nationwide Academies of Sciences Engineering Drugs

Louisville Institute Sabbatical Grant for Researchers

The Therapeutic Belief Sabbatical Grant

Julie L. Rogers Sabbatical Program

Skilled Fellows Program 

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