#i feel like ive never even lived
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
.
#back to being depressed rn mN i feel like my health was bad back im 2019 but like#i still had hope about me#i feel like ive lost all of it and im so tired of everything#i cant even read that fic im just so depressed and tired and i dont want to keep being so hopeless and miserable#im not living rn im just existing and even that is too much when i know im not gonna get anywhwre in life#my chronic illnesses and pain have been kicking my ass the past 5 years and i miss feeling human and alive evem if it hurt#now im justl like a ghost or something performing humanity very poorly#i got like no friends and can barely take care of myself#my life has only ever gotten worse by the year since age 11#like i saw a post earlier about how 'it gets better after ur done with teens and college age' but ive only declined my whole life#i feel like ive never even lived#im just tired#vent#delete later / /#am i even real like lol i feel like i dont exist honestly its just a dream or something#i shouldnt have attempted my therapy homework i know im bottling things and its spilling over but#it doesnt help to talk about the thing that happened it just makes it worse#fuck ok i need to try and just sleep before i really breakdown#depression#sorry idk what to tag i need to go
1 note
·
View note
Text
assortment of vw (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#somehow i feel more comfortable uploading a collection of vw comics on here as opposed to one by one...#iv been thinking a lot of their quieter moments / less tense moments as opposed to anything heavy#and naturally i like to think of vash's thoughts / his witnessing of wolfwood as an individual / how he knows him and sees him#but theres still a sense of inevitability for what happens next#i think vash having lived the way he has understands that too well. so even if he sought change with wolfwood he didn't know how to#get wolfwood on that same page / or there couldv been an assumption they already were on the same page but ofc that was never communicated#sigh </3 theyre silly - always will be#ruporas art
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
As much as the 'haha Takemichi went to save his husband after saving his wife, bisexual much?' joke is funny, people who seriously thinks Tokyo Revengers should've stopped when Hinata was finally safe and sound missed an important component to the plot.
Yes, it all started with Hinata - but since when was it all about Hinata?
Takemichi, kind-hearted Takemichi, should've just stopped everything after saving her? He got into Toman for this reason, yes, to get closer to Mikey and stop him - and Kisaki - from killing her, but he also sincerely got closer to Mikey. And everyone else. And he's supposed to simply leave them be when 'mission: save Hinata' is complete? As if the number of people he wanted to save didn't get longer with each timeline? Those are his friends why would he throw them all away.
To protect Hinata he decided to stick close to Mikey since he failed to prevent Mikey and Kisaki meeting each other - and he got attached to Mikey during that, as well as all of Toman. Each steps to save Hinata was also a step to save Mikey from corruption and self-destruction. It was all linked from the start.
There was a shift after Bonten, okay, whatever, the only thing that truly changed was Hinata's importance in it. New enemy? That happens in each arc (right, sure, there wasn't Kisaki anymore). Mikey being more and more violent? Again, each arc featured a moment of Mikey showing signs of being mentally unwell - and now it was aggravated because it was two years earlier than what Takemichi got used to go back to. Etc, etc. Toman may be disbanded, but its (at least main) members still meet and interact and they all kept in touch - Mikey aside. That just a change of mood, a mix of the present/future timelines with a more serious setting and of the past timelines with how young they are, despite not being as young as before. And future timelines have never been a problem - there's a lot of love for Manila and Bonten. If Wakui had had time and energy, Kanto Manji, all 70 and so last chapters of TR could've worked with its fanbase. For some reasons it didn't, and I don't get why by myself
#mikey has already been violent. past mikey never that much but we saw manila and bonten mikey's behavior#how is kanto manji mikey's surprising when you know what he did in manila and bonten#chifuyu had already tried to stop takemichi in his stubbornness that was harming him. several time. Tenjiku. Bonten. sure he may have been#harsh when he basically blamed takemichi for drakens death - but in his defense he had no idea what was going on? for him they were all#finally getting normal lives far from violence. violence who took baji away from him fairly fast btw#leave him not want to have more of his friends dying - leave him being angry that he lost one more (even if takemichi deserved better)#ive got more to talk about for sure but brain stopped there so i will too bye#tr#tokyo revengers#tokrev#rant#i love wakui all my homie hates wakui haters#hanagaki takemichi#HIS EMA FROM NEW YEAR WAS LITERALLY 'I HOPE TO BE A HERO TO SAVE EVERYONE'#sometimes pinterest comments feel like they lack reading comprehension - and literally sometimes#tr takemichi#tokrev takemichi
55 notes
·
View notes
Text
our cat broke his hip on christmas
hi, your local guy-with-a-blog is here to dox himself so his cat can walk again!
i made posts earlier as this was happening, but now that i've heard back from enough vets to get an idea of how steep this is going to be, i can't not ask for help.
its cheesy to say, but my cats are my everything. mordred, especially, spends his days basically glued to my side. he's my little shadow, and i don't know where i'd be without him.
when he woke me up to feed him at 6am on christmas morning, he was completely fine. i went back to sleep after, and when i woke up for real at 8, he was limp on the ground. when we went to move him, he howled and thrashed like we were torturing him. he ran, and we saw he wasn't using his right back leg.
many tears and an anxiety riddled 4 hour wait for our emergency vet appointment later, we were told he had a right capital physeal fracture, which basically means he snapped the ball bit of the ball joint in his hip. the vet said the best option for him is a femoral head and neck ostectomy (FHO), which'll take the broke bit of his bone out and the scar tissue will sort of just grow in the right way to replace his missing joint (cats are so weird)
its the cheapest option, and its the one with the best success rate, which is super lucky. unfortunately, its still expensive as fuck.
weve been quoted anywhere between 3.5k and 8k by vets i've contacted so far, and most need at least half as a downpayment before they'll operate. it'd take us years to cover the full cost by ourselves. so we've got to break out the big guns - a full gofundme, which will be shared with basically everyone we know, and hopefully far past that as well. carecredit can only cover so much for us, and our immediate family can't afford to lend us much. the internet is our only hope for meeting the full cost and getting mordred better
mordred's the light of my life and i can't stand to see him in pain like this. anything helps. if youre not in a financial state where you can donate, spreading the word is just as important and just as deeply appreciated.
thank you so much for getting this far.
our gofundme is here
#ive never really been so desperate for an assistance post to take off before i dont know what to tag this as#but its breaking my heart to look at him and know im so far from being able to fix him#rbs appreciated#anything appreciated even just kind words to make me feel a little less helpless#i hate living in a HCOL area i keep seeing vets in the south wholl do it for under 2k and it makes me want to cry#if i didnt think the trip would be immensely painful for him id just do it like that
188 notes
·
View notes
Text
2010 Bahrain Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(cont.)
#god he looks so fucking good in these#BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF#ferrari nando is truly a different breed...#<- but i cant even rly even say that bcs literally every single era he looks so fucking fine#its funny bcs i think rn he looks so god damn good with the bead but he also looks really good in these clean shaven?????#we stan a man who can serve a variety of looks#anyways having a big moment over these....he looks so good.......#also this made me feel a bit emo cause ive never watched him win live and i havent watched him win a race since April#so im like: THERES MY GUY THERES MY MAN THERES MY BOYYYYYYYYY LOOK AT HIM#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#fa14#2010 bahrain gp#we do a little bit of f1
211 notes
·
View notes
Text
Patalliro! is fascinating to me because of stuff like this. It's unapologetically gay - even within its anime which aired during primetime hours in 1982 - in a way that many later BL manga would never be, like the ones from the early 2000s which would never dare to call their characters actual homosexuals. Patalliro has actually aged quite well in this regard, there's something comforting about how campy it is.
#i still dont really understand how they got away with this kind of thing honestly#female VAs i get that - but first m/m kiss in an anime in episode THREE?????#theres also the maraich/thomas episode where they are *Both* voiced by women....advanced yuri#patalliro#i love how bancorans gender expression is pretty much explicitly to attract only bishounen#you blushed - so you must not be a girl#etc#i also love how joyful it all is#theres never anything sad or tragic about being gay - only that bancoran is forced to kill the bishounen spies/assassins/etc#when bancoran finds out that gay sex feels good after demian; in the manga he is elated. its basically a positive thing#he awakens to his true power...lol#also notable is that while bishounen youth is glorified maraich is 18#this means it portrays being gay as an adult as normal; not a phase relegated to nostalgic adolescent periods of time#according to the NYT japan's psychiatric body called homosexuality a mental illness until 1995#im NOT going to say patalliro changed that or anything lmao but its just significant to me that banmara get to live their lives happily#even raise children together in the manga....???#especially contrasting that with kaze to ki no uta and other manga of the time (no shade intended)#yaoi#<- for tagging purposes#obviously it also got away with a lot by being a gag manga. but still!#months later edit: want to say im not intending to moralize BL manga from the 2000s either. like gen. no hate on them.#as a gay person i just appreciate when characters who act gay are considered gay textually#and its kind of disheartening how gay-as-identity was treated as something incredulous in those manga a lot of the time#even the mere suggestion of attraction to men as a whole and not just the other male lead...yknow#this post is meant to praise patalliro for being unique in its approach to gay content compared to other titles#ive enjoyed plenty of 2000s yaoi titles despite their shortcomings lol#joseiposting#shoujo
245 notes
·
View notes
Text
of fucking course the best, most harrowing, most gut-wrenching tugs character only appeared in one episode (a bit of ramble in the tags)
#this is tugs#tugs boomer#tugs sunshine#boomshine#<---- evil sinister laughter#fortezza bigg city#senjart#I think he's neat. I also think a bottle of antidepressants could help with whatever hes going through#okay I'm gonna talk for a bit about boomer (mostly about his canon counterpart rather than solely his fbc version)#boomer's character struck a deep chord within me that when rewatching jinxed while sleep deprived I got so scared#his depression? thoughts of sinking himself? claiming that he didn't want any help yet attempted to push just a bit longer when supported?#putting his worth on how useful he is as a machine first? an individual with selfism second? thus deeming himself as a lost cause?#and despite his jaded sardonic demeanor he genuinely cares about others and puts their safety before his own?#like mannnnnn come ON no wonder I couldnt stop thinking about him#his struggles as a clinically depressed person is.... so real?#he says ''I don't want any help'' but he clearly does want AND need help. he goes along with TC and sunshine's hijinks of helping him#gradually went from ''whats the point I'm gonna jinx it anyways'' to ''Ive tried so hard I really have but I cannot. I never had a chance''#he even went ''okay but don't toot'' to TC before his final job! he's entertaining TC and sunshine's theory! he really does want help!#boomer's whole character screams “I want to live but I don't know how”#and man oh man I feel like s01e10 reached out of the screen and drove a stake through my heart#because it's so visceral. it's rang true with my personal experiences#it's so sad. it's probably because I'm sleep deprived but I want to take care of that poor orange thing so badly#boomer most likely thought his final job to tow the schooner will end badly as usual but with how he sounds way more upset when he failed-#-and how he even went ''I can't be bothered to argue anymore''. I have a feeling there's a tiny speck of hope inside him-#-that quickly died out the moment lightning struck and he got towed by the fire chief#and of course he's upset. hes tried so many times to find a way to get rid of the jinx but now? it's as if he's given false hope-#-and the thought of the jinx leaving is something akin to a fairytale. as long as he bears the name ''boomer'' and not ''captain harry''-#-he is doomed to this constant cycle of messing things up when its not his own fault and having other point their fingers at him#that is until he got refurbished into a houseboat (essay material for another day)#theyre never going to write another anthro vehicle character like this anymore . sad
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me, desperately googling trying to find out where the fuck to put my fictional solarpunk town and have it make sense considering the vibe I had in mind and distances between things and how long it takes to cross the state: why can't I just set things in places I've fuckin been to
#out of queue#ani rambles#ani's solarpunk zombie story#WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND PUTTING THINGS IN PLACES IVE NEVER FUCKING BEEN?#my main OC story? CALIFORNIA. my road trip story? CALIFORNIA#my webcomic concept? VAGUELY BASED ON MEDIEVAL FRANCE KINDA#Aster Town? WHO FUCKING KNOWS PROBABLY THE MIDWEST SOMEWHERE????/#“Ani why not just set something in Florida” I DON'T KNOW HOW#writing in florida feels less legit because I live in like the fuckin suburbs of a city#and everyone expects florida writing to be all beaches or swamps and I DONT HAVE THAT EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER BEEN TO A SWAMP???#like UF is called 'the swamp' but it's not THAT swampy unless you specifically GO to the swamp and ive never BEEN to the swamp#ARE THERE EVEN WILDFLOWER MEADOWS IN FUCKING WASHINGTON??? IM STUPID
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Okay guys so I know we all lightly tease Charles for seemingly never actually thinking through any of the emotions he ever has but it occurred to me, what if he has alexithymia?!? Between his very obvious ADHD and his apparent lack of ever addressing how he feels, alexithymia would explain a lot actually. I mean even in hell he's saying he needs more time to process how he feels and basically wants to NOT have to think about it in the moment on the stairs. Like that boy has alexithymia. He needs his reflective time Edwin, give him time.
Also also like he never wants to talk about himself, only address other's needs and feelings which is just so alexithymia?? I mean I know it's partly his trauma response but also it's such an alexithymia personality trait too. Alexithymia makes every choice he makes make sooooo much more sense. That and the adhd impulsivity, but it didn't really feel like it was the whole picture. Alexithymia was the missing key
#ive come to this realization and now it is final no one can convince me otherwise#Charles my alexithymia best boy <3#i think he TOTALLY has alexithymia so he needs separate reflective time to understand his emotions#but also he likes to live in the moment and does NOT want to reflect ever if he can help it no thank you that's usually a painful experience#so essentially he never even knows what the hell he feels because of his alexithymia and trauma coping mechanism working against eachother#no WONDER the boy has no fucking clue how he feels#just going through afterlife straight “oh well”ing his nervous system#i love this boy so goddamn much#Charles' adhd and alexithymia are holding hands. Charles' alexithymia and trauma are THROWING hands. that is all you need to know about him#well that and his bisexuality obviously we cant forget that#anyway#dead boy detectives#charles rowland#dead boy detective agency#dbda
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
no matter what happens, no matter how much it hurts, you don't stop dancing, and you don't stop smiling, and you give those people what they want.
#I DONT POST NINJAGO HERE ANYMORE FOLLOW @LEGOGENDER#ninjago#cole brookstone#cole ninjago#be nice im still learning to paint LOL#if even one perspn can understnad this ill be amazed#sorry today we are going for the cole art drenched in personal interpretation#um. well first off hes trans. and i will say i think his entire s1 arc w his father feels very trans. if you dont understnad dont worry#but uhhh. i think a lot about how cole canonically still struggles with living up to expectations#despite making up with lou. and tbh honestly in my mind that didnt even happen#ive said before maybe but i Personally think the stronger arc for cole would have been having to make the choice to stay a ninja despite#his fathers disapproval. that maybe even tho lou disowns him it doesnt matter. bc the ninja r his real family now#bc honestly lou is so absent in the series it might as well ahve never happened LOL#but yeah in s11 is the obvious one. w the travellers tea#and again in s13 not being able to do the burst#feels a Lot like how he reacted in the royal blacksmith ep#i think lous expectations of cole and harsh treatment definitely cld have been the source of his issues.#and especially considering he says he had to do all the chores after his mothers death... makes his anxiety around being leader#(in early seasons)#a lot more sad. i think this was in books confirmed#um. yeah. i think abt cole. hes rlly interesting hope u understand now kinda#so yeah. and i used the bojack quote cus i think its similar in that cole was only young when lou installed these fears in him#'a song you taught me when i was small' and all that#altho i think the gina version fits jay also LOL#artsbotz
509 notes
·
View notes
Text
the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
telling myself i can't start another tdwt rewrite but dear god do i want to write one focusing on alejandro and courtney in this weird situationship thats a lot more nuanced than just alejandro manipulating courtney and her falling for it. like theyre best friends they dont trust each other theyre the same person they dont know anything about the other one theres a mutual attraction theyre pining for other people theyre codependent they dont care about each other theyre platonic soulmates like i just want to do a deep dive into how messy that relationship couldve been building off of their friendship that exists in my head except the line between romantic and platonic is so fucking blurred they have no idea what they are to the other person
#they live rent free in my head as you can tell#ive been writing some intense moments for them in amicus curiae and im having a lot of Feelings about platonic alecourtney#tbh the whole concept of them replacing the best friends has been a great avenue for me to do a deep dive into their friendship#aughhhh i just. love them so much#and i do want to explore them in a situation where there is relationship potential even if that relationship never actually happens#because everything between them during tdwt could be so MESSY!!#like alejandro says he's just manipulating courtney but he's also doing it to make heather jealous but he's also genuinely worried about he#after the duncan thing but this is the only way he knows how to express that concern without making himself look weak#meanwhile courtney is falling for the act but she also knows its an act and is going with it for the emotional support it provides and shes#just doing it to make duncan/gwen jealous but she also is starting to see the real alejandro underneath it all because he does care even#though he doesn't want to and they do feel a strong connection that they dont know whether its platonic or romantic because romance is bein#shoved down their throats on this show and theyre both in complicated romantic dynamics with other people that theyre the easier option for#one another but they dont really want to be with one another like it just doesnt feel right#okay okay i legit have to stop and go to bed but just. them. im thinking so hard about them#platonic alecourtney
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
to be truthful. i think playin bg3 is making my mental health worse. not in a bg3 is a bad game grrr kind of way but like. my life was very different the last time i played and that was only roughly a year ago. it makes me sad. i do not know if i can say things are better. but i feel lonely over the things i had then that i don't now. i miss them. not having them is making me feel lonely
#fray.txt#anyone who KnowsTM knows this is very much about my best friend who ghosted me and well. every mutual they had on tumblr i have since learn#just poofed from all our lives like we never meant a thing#and i was so so in love with her. i gave her every single piece of me i had to offer someone#and ive been unable to do anything akin to that since because she ripped me to fucking shreds man#i long for her companionship again terribly and she was so intertwined with afhiri that to this day afhiri feels. off because of this loss#much of her lore and even her creation was from ideas this person had. she was like a coparent to afhiri#idk man. i know i need to push through it. move on#heal etc etc#but oh my god man.#and it sucks that there will be people who read this know who im talking about instantly and be sad too cuz she also ghosted them#sucks so bad. so so bad#tbd
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing that gets me about the "must read 100 books a year Or Else" thing is that you just.... don't see it with any other hobby?
no one (as far as I know) is telling knitters "you have to knit 100 projects in a year, it doesn't matter if they turn out holey or misshapen or ugly, it matters that you made so many of them!" pretty sure no one is telling gamers "you have to play 100 games a year, doesn't matter if you really enjoy them or explore the worlds, what's important is that you finish them!"
So...why, and I say this as someone who's a fairly fast reader and has read a lot this year, are (terminally online) readers so obsessed with numbers? Is it because more books = more intelligent? Is it just Number Go Up mentality? I understand the thrill of wanting to beat your past self and read more books than the year before or whatever, but why do you expect to hold others to your standards??
#thinking about reading#just a little rant#while i wait for the garlic cloves for my garlic bread to bake lmao#i often feel in competition with my past self or wanting to read certain genres etc. i didn't really get to the year before#but ive never looked at another blogger and went 'HA! you only read 10 books this year!'#don't get me started on the whole buying boatloads of books Just To Have A Big Library#i used to post about getting rid of books and people would reply like 'even if you didn't like them why not keep them just because??'#i don't live in a mansion lmao. also if i don't like a book i don't want to see it on my shelf every day#ANYWAY. back to listening to Canterbury Tales and baking
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
Can we talk about how unbelievably normal Kevin would've been if he wasn't the Son Of Exy? I mean seriously, even with that he's a history major. A history major. His mother died in a car crash, he was abused for over half his life, he ran away to live with his illegitimate father and yet he is still tries so hard to be normal. When Andrew gets at him for having no spine, it makes me so unspeakably mad because yes! of course he's scared! His abuser is chasing him across the country to his safe space and is torturing and killing his friends!
Kevin pretty much grew up in a cult and his response is to avoid confrontation with them because opening his mouth has always meant incurring Riko's wrath; it's better for everyone to take the path of least resistance- sit down, shut up and don't cause any problems. Kevin is pretty much the fawn response to Andrew's fight and Neil's flight and it's so annoying how critical of Kevin everyone was. He was trying his goddamn best and when Wymack literally had to tackle Kevin in his apartment to calm him down showed us how much pain and fear he was in, how much he had always been in.
He grew up in a cage and he never got the outlet Neil had when he ran, or when Andrew lashed out and got shipped somewhere else. Kevin Day deserved the life he was owed and he finally got it when he went to Palmetto. He finally got to play exy on his own terms, went pro, made the US Court AND got a family- Wymack, Abby, and Thea. Not only them, but the Foxes too. Neil and Andrew, Nicky, Aaron, Dan, Matt, Allison and Renee. He got everything he deserved in the end and yes that is the success story we all needed for him.
#im in my kevin feels rn#on my first read of aftg i didnt even like him that much...#blasphemy#ive seen people bashing his name for being normal asf#and like it's not that i have a problem with#kevin actually suits him#but kayleigh was irish#and i live in ireland#and let me tell you#no way in any hell would anyone here name their offspring anything with 'leigh' in it#that is the most american thing ever and i have never seen it here#because we're not freaks#aftg#all for the game#kevin day#andrew minyard#neil josten#aaron minyard#nicky hemmick#matt boyd#dan wilds#renee walker#allison reynolds#david wymack#abby winfield#tw riko#cw abuse
159 notes
·
View notes