#but theres still a sense of inevitability for what happens next

[ruporas]

assortment of vw (ID in alt)

[invivoinsomnium]

If I was to get you pregnant I'd have been watchung you for weeks first to make sure your are perfect to carry my seed and you are. I wait for the perfect time following you home on a dark street covering your head hushing you "Scream and you'll regret it" I whisper in your ear knocking you out and throwing you in the back of my car.

When you wake up you curled up all cosy in what looks like your bedroom thinking it was a dream until you go to sit up and realise you are chained to the bed. I walk in sitting next to you "Good morning Hun I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfy in here I hope I got the details right"

I lean over kissing your neck "I mean you are just perfect to be carrying my babies" I push you back down a bit more not listening to any protests just talking quietly "You're gonna get so big and heavy. Imagine nine months from now the agony you'll be in" I chuckle pulling my sweats down you realise you don't have any clothes covering your bottom half.

I slip myself in groaning "Fuck" I mutter "Your so tight it's gonna be difficult for you huh" I roll my hips stroking your hair "Pretty girl gonna give my suck pretty babies" I hold your hips down not giving you a second to adjust pounding into you straight away "You are never leaving" I whisper "You are mine until you stop giving me babies"

I grunt biting your neck gently "Mine" I growl. It doesn't take long for me to have cum inside you about 7 times your stomach bulging as I plug you up untying your arms as you lay there pathetically "Fighting won't do you any good you won't be able to escape it'll just end up worse for you" I take you to the bathroom your ankles tied together. I clean you up kissing your head feeding you forcing you if I have to.

This was a nightly routine until a few weeks later I make you take a pregnancy test waiting for the timer I flip it over a very strong positive line. I smirk hugging your waist "You're gonna have my babies" I laugh.

A few months later you were already huge bump big and round a Dr walks in ignoring your pleas for help preforming and ultrasound with a chuckle "Oh look at that 5 babies that's gonna hurt" he teased taking some blood to check and checking you over.I smirk sitting down "Told you hun"

When they start moving it torture so when you feel the first contraction you instantly break into tears begging me to get the Dr. I laugh "And tuin your body with those scars no no you're gonna push these babies out one by one" I rub your thighs "I'll be right here I promise" I rub your belly through contractions pushing gently as you bare down crying out feeling out first babies head crowing against your right little hole. I slap your pussy gently "Push harder"

I love this anon; the kidnapping, the breeding against my will, the pregnancy, the doctor ignoring me and the birth. I'll admit, the only thing I'm not a fan of is the five babies, I'm more one large single or twins, at a push triplets. Still love how this was written.

Waking up disoriented, with no idea of what has happened. The situation would be made worse from how you're talking to me, I don't know you and yet theree's a small spark of recognition, maybe I've passed you on the street once or twice.

It doesn't matter how many times you tell me fighting is inevitable, I still fight you, I will always fight you. Every day when I feel your seed bathe my unprotected womb I pray for it not to take, and for the first few weeks, I think my prayers have been answered until you force me to take a test. Until that little plus sign appears after an eternity. I burst out into tears while you cheer in delight knowing that you've successfully bred me.

For the first few months I hoped that it was a false negative but as time moved on I could see my body starting to change, see my belly swell outwards, feel sensativity in my breasts, see the way parts of my would smell and lets not forget the morning sickness and fatigue.

When the doctor first arrives, I do my best to beg for his help in escaping this nightmare, I don't want to have your offpsring. He merely ignores me and the sickening realisation hits me, he knows exactly what you're doing and doesn't care. He gets paid after all.

I try to ignore the ultrasound, try to break free of my bonds, but when I hear the watery whooshing noise, I know something isn't right. It's the doctor that confirms it as he points to the screen, announcing that I'm carrying quintuplets.

Their movements steal my breath away and brings me to my kness. They're so fucking active, though they become worse when you touch my belly and speak to them. Hopes of escaping dwindle, especially when within the last month of my pregnancy I find myself bedridden. Each day brings me closer and closer to the birth and I fear it. I never wanted to be pregnant, I'm not maternal at all. When the first contraction hits its like nothing I've ever felt before. "Oh fuck, I'm not ready for this," I pant, shaking my head in denail. I can feel it, the first head pressing down upon my cervix.

I scream in pain, beg you to bring the doctor here or let me go to a hospital but your adament I do this naturally. I fight back when you promise to be here for me and that ends up with my hands being restrained as you position yourself between my spread thighs. For hours I labour, twisting and turning, toes curling as my muscles tighten and my belly dips inwards. I scream, beg and threat, even try to fight the urge to push but in the end I obey your orders and my body's demand. I can feel the head of the first as it slips into my birth canal, stretching me as I bear down, desperate to be free. What's worse is knowing that when I've finally delivered this one, I will still have four more to bring into the world.

[crabs-with-sticks]

⋆ "it's like i lived my whole life before the first light." I feel like this would fit so well for Brosca x Alistair!

Thanks for the prompt! Still in early days in my playthrough with Cor, so trying to figure out her voice and mannerisms still. For @dadrunkwriting

Cor Brosca & Alistair, SFW, 740 words

It was a late night in camp; Wynne had gone to her tent hours ago, and the others had followed in short order. Cor was restless, and though she knew she should rest for the long day of walking that would inevitable come tomorrow, she couldn’t bring herself to, instead laying stretched out beside the dying campfire. She stared up at the sky; the two moons hanging in serene and haunting light, and the stars scattered across the sky like a titan had dropped them by accident.

Everybody had gone to bed except Alistair, Cor found out, jumping as the tall warden slumped noisly across the fire from her.

“Whatcha doing?” Alistair asked, tone both teasing and curious.

Cor threw a pebble in his general direction, smirking as the man yelped in a boyish fashion. “Is there a grey warden curfew or something you forgot to tell me about?”

“Nooo, but we also don’t often lie down next to the fire, and I’m not quite sure if you’re trying to sleep here or you’re having a mental breakdown,” he paused, “or both. Both is possible too.”

“Well its neither of those so don’t worry.”

She followed the sound of him walking round to her, and glanced over to see him lying down next to her. “So what are you doing then? Enlighten me. For my own peace of mind. Can’t have you loosing your marbles and leaving all the warden-ing to me.”

“Just shut up and look,” she said with a grin, elbowing him in the side. She gave her attention back to the vast expanse of sky, the deep blues fading into purples and even reds at the very corners.

“So what are we looking at?” Alistair asked.

“What are we looking at?! What did you think we would be looking at?! The sky of course!”

“Oh yes, mmm, very… skyish.”

She sat upright and looked at him, “don’t tell me all you humans take this for granted?!”

“It’s just the sky,” he said.

Cor snorted as she sunk back down shaking her head. “Oh, ‘just the sky’. You know I’d never even seen the sky until a few weeks ago when Duncan saved me,” she laughed self conciously, shaking her head, “you know I was scared I would fall into it? Thats what they say happens down where I’m from. That if you go up to the surface, without the stone to protect you, theres nothing stopping it.”

“You’re telling me you thought you’d just fly up into the sky and die?”

“Don’t make me throw something at you again Alistair! Because I can and I will. But I don’t think its so ridiculous. I lived pretty much my whole life in Dust Town, and I knew people who had been on the surface, but it just seemed so far removed. Some far off land. But they always talked about the sun, how it was so bright and warm, and the sky so blue, nothing at all like Orzammar. Except the lava maybe, that’s similar to the sun I guess.”

“I’m sorry, the lava?”

“Yeah the lava. And you can fall into the lava, so I guess it made sense that you could fall into this ‘sun’.”

“I’d still like to go back to the lava bit.”

“Now you know how I felt about the sky.”

“Okay, point taken.”

“They never said anything about the night sky though. I never imagined something so beautiful. To think I could have gone my whole life without seeing this. That I could have just spent my days down there in the dark, never seeing true light for the first time. I mean, did I even know what light was before this?”

“Not sure if you know this but we have these things called constellations. They’re like very pretty stick drawings in the sky, but with the stars. I can show you some if you want. Though I can’t promise not to make any up.”

Cor smiled up at the sky, “as long as I can make them up as well.”

“Deal.”

Alistair pointed up at the sky, directing her gaze to a particular cluster of stars “so there’s this one constellation that they say is a dragon, but that’s boring so I think its a mabari.”

“Oh wow, and is that my sister riding into battle on it swinging a giant mace?!” Cor added, fully sincere.

Alistair grinned, “now you’re getting the hang of it.”

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

Ohhh, "A Mask Of My Own Face" is such a Rin song for sure!! Another song that I think really captures those Nohara vibes, for your consideration, is definitely "My Alcoholic Friends" by The Dresden Dolls! :]

What other songs do you think fit her well? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

ohhh man that's so true... that's so true... i know that its like. not About her but that DOESNT matter imagining characters to songs is ALWAYS about the vibes. like.

thats rin!!! right there that's her!!!!!

HEAD IN HANDS. HER FEAR OF BEING KNOWN + DISTASTE TOWARDS BEING A SHINOBI + INABILITY TO IMAGINE HERSELF AS ANYTHING ELSE.

anyways lol. i put a list of other music i associate with her under the cut because i got into the details a little more than i intended to,,, lmao

ocean breathes salty by modest mouse-

youll never guess why this one is on the list lol

GOD. you know. i dont think i even have a concrete explanation for why this rings so true with rin's character but like. you guys see my vision right.

idk the animatic in my head is kind of like,,, rin killing herself as an act of spite. you know.

its the sanbi!!! you see it you see my vision!!!

AND YOU SEE. HOW THE HELL COULD SHE MIND. SURELY ALL SHE EVER FEELS IS CONSUMING APATHY SURELY THE RAGE AND DESPAIR SHE FEELS ARENT AS REAL BECAUSE IF THEY WERE SHE WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THEM.

and the resentment about people not knowing her despite the fact that she would actually pass away on the spot if anyone knew her!!!!! falls to the ground dramatically. theres something there.

kitchen fork by jack conte-

ok i'll be real the lyrics for this one dont actually super match up with anything in my head really? like nothing is specifically *rin* its more the music. idk. give it a listen and let me know if im talking any sense at all.

that's why i gave up on music (i like the english cover by rachie)-

song about being torn away from something you love doing and then finally clawing your way back to it and realizing that you dont derive the same joy from it that you once did. now this didnt happen to rin in canon but it IS literally one of the most in-character things she could possibly do (perfectly in line with the way she idealizes her "true self" and denies herself joy if she can come up with an ulterior motive for her actions(IDIOT)) and so. lmao.

like. lmaooooooo

ohhh its the acceptance and the like,,, she KNOWS shes gonna die thats *the only way this story ends.* and shes fine with the dying part. but what if people remember the wrong her??? what if people remember the RIGHT her?? she cant control her image once shes dead!!!!!!

LOCAL PRE-TEEN GIRL IS ONCE AGAIN ATTRIBUTING HER DEPRESSION TO THE FACT THAT SHE IS INTRINSICALLY EMPTY AND IS UNABLE TO FIND HER" TRUE SELF."

T_T

runaway by aurora -

not sure that the vibes of this song are like,,, anything rin would ever admit to herself. because its very much mournful of lost childhood methinks??? and rin hates to acknowledge injustice she experiences with anything besides anger. but you know. i still think theres smth to it.

:|

oh you know. the problems. and the inevitability. the tragedy of team minato was not that they fell apart in the way they did but that they were going to fall apart no matter what ect ect

EMOTIONAL REPRESSION. ok next song ^_^

buzzcut season by lorde-

infinite tsukyomi core? girls when everything they know is an illusion they are willingly believing in because reality is militaristic and horrifying. i actually think ive posted about this before?

yeah you feel me. rin "emotional repression child soldier" belongs here.

and like,,, favorite friend as reference to obt and kks idolizing her but neither of them being as close to her as they are to each other.... OUGHHHH

around the bend by cheesy hfj-

yes this is the credits music for an object show. yes you should watch said object show one is actually really interesting. anyways. look at this shit.

this is literally like theeeee rin watching team minato move on without her like. its about how rin is dead and gone and kks+obt are nt!!! !!! and there's lingering resentment of course, but theres also like,,, idk,,, i think rin thinks a lot more fondly of them once she's dead. you know.

idont even know if this makes sense but To Me its sooo rin. all evenings DO be closing like this.

rose by the oh hellos

let me be real. every oh hellos song ever is on the list of "songs i make rin animatics to in my head" but i dont know if they all deserve to be there because my peak oh hellos phase coincided suspiciously with the beginning of my rin obsession and. there is bias there. i stand by rose tho because like !!!!

THIS IS LITERALLY JUST OBITO DOING HIS WHOLE DEAL!!!! LIKE THIS IS LITERALLY JUST THAT WHOLE THING!!!! INCREDIBLE

and her problems with identity! and her difficulty being honest with anyone including herself!!!!

CAN ANYONE HEAR ME

wails. this is literally a song about assigning meaning through perception and misinterpreting the person you are using to justify all of your actions. head in hands. im not even reaching this is just Straight Up Her

anyways. thanks for the ask it was fun to scrounge through my music!!! ^_^ big big fan of rambling in ways that do not always make logical sense <3 life could be a dream

[trainingdummyrabbit]

I Am So Glad You Asked!!!

So basically... Tokitoswap! a swap au in which the tokis and the kamados swap roles-- yui swapping w/ tan, and mui swapping with nezzy. 

aka: Two Twins Have A Bit Of A Worse Time Than Usual And Suddenly Find Themselves In The Middle Of A Thousand Year Struggle Between Humans And Demons (Which Are Real By The Way)!

. it also happens to be an exercize in having a concept, going “hey, wouldnt it be funny if--?” and then it sticks and you have to commit. i keep trying to explain in a way that Makes Sense, but im gonna be honest. theres just So Fucking Much going on and ive been trying to write this for hours and i dont even know where to start summarizing WAHAHAH. i dont know if its very Canon Aligned but it sure is very Me Aligned and i sure am gonna commit to the bit! anyway. 

its heavily in-progress and was supposed to be a clean one-role swap but! Well!!!! It Sure Isn’t Anymore!!! 

under the cut since im Incapable of keeping things short:

funy lil swap au! ft:  Yui: “Older” Brother who Thinks he’s in charge. a beleaguered 14-year-old who stumbled into being a slayer and super isn’t prepared for this. Unfortunately, having your sole remaining family turn into a demon is kind of antithetical to “go home and pretend nothing happened.” he is handling this very well. (lie) a user of wind-breathing, his main priority is keeping him and mui safe, and is a bit overprotective. which is a problem, since mui will charge headfirst into the first sign of danger to protect him. their relationship is a bit messy, but they’re pretty much the only thing holding each other together. a kid trying so hard to act bigger than he is-- and inevitably, routinely failing.

Mui: Odd Little Creacher secretly hiding Rage More Powerful Than A Thousand Suns. just barely surviving the attack of their family one fateful night by That Man, he manages to completely break the curse and hunger or being a demon through his own sheer will. unfortunately, he also completely loses control of himself and, in order to make sure that energy doesnt completely tear him apart, his consciousness completely mists over-- leaving him rather airheaded and distant in an attempt to hold back the roaring of a new power he cannot control. . but hes so silly!! ^w^ couldn’t hurt a fly!!

Murata: Some Fucking Guy who just so happened to get roped into all this. is just absolutely baffled this kid is out here slaying demons like this, and is honestly doing his best to make sure he doesn’t stupidly get himself killed. despite being at a higher rank than them, though, he’s kind of... well, he hasn’t gotten the hang of water-breathing techniques. try as he might, he just cant quite reach the same skill level as some of his peers. even still though, he has to keep trying. he has a job to do, and promises to keep. 

Susamaru: Professionally identifies as a Problem. a user of beast-breathing, she just kind of... shows up one day and starts antagonizing. originally started fighting the twins for the honestly-kind-of-reasonable reason of “That Kid Is A Demon And Thats A Fucking Problem” but got distracted messing with yui enough to get. kinda curious about the other one. she’s loud and brash and fucking annoying, but at some point she just... asserted herself. and never left.  she’s an odd case. ridiculously skilled at the whole slaying-demons thing, she just... doesnt seem to take things seriously. has a penchant for irritating people on purpose-- but its purely for the extent of understanding how they work. what makes them tick. she’s here for a good time, not a long time. most of her peers don’t like her much, but once she’s decided that she likes someone, theres very little she wont do for them. and these nerds just so happen to be next on the list. 

. all in all, its just these dorks against the world. there’s just. a ridiculous amount of mess ive written about how they function and how their arcs shape up, and while there Are some other roles and etc written up, my brain has been completely laser focused on These Four In Particular, so . \o/ ! anyway, heres a bunch of ambient sketches from all over the place of Them(tm)

[lightlycareless]

CHAPTER 27,,, the DRAMA the INTRIGUE

i knew something was up the first permit mishap? sure. things happen. the satoru explanation makes sense. the next? suspicious. everytime third and on? something is ABSOLUTELY going on- and i was RIGHT

hinata was obviously morally correct to steal the papers but now i'm WORRIED whats gonna happen to her when they inevitably figure out they were taken? i'm just imagining her showing back up to the estate showing ren "look i got the evidence" "did you STEAL THOSE?"

also, timeline wise- the grade 1 exam she had to rush to was naoya's exam? or was that a completely different one?

and looking forward to the next ones (i've been about one moment of deep thoughts away from making a playlist about it) ,,, 28 is gonna kill me isn't it. the aftermath of naoya's sudden clarity "maybe i'm the problem",,, y/n and naoaki,, theres so much coming i can feel it.

Hello!!

I'm so glad you liked chapter 27's wild goose chase 🤣even though Hinata finally obtained what she was looking for (...but at what cost?)

hahahah and you're right with Ren 😂 he's going to be like "uuuuhhh you need to return those asap!!!" and she will, but probably not personally. I think she'd rather send someone else to do so because she doesn't want to risk wasting more time going to Kyoto and doing that whole charade again—I'd dare say she'd ask Utahime to return those papers back to Naoya's file, and this is where Hinata will find out that she was essentially toyed with 💀

(gojo: awww what happened? turns out that the girl you liked was just leading you on? hinata: stfu nobody is saying shit about your delinquent boyfriend gojo: 😲)

From there, there's no denying that Hinata basically put herself in... hotter water than she already was 😂—however, it's not so much from stealing the papers but rather because she already saw the information the Zen'in did not want her to.

Still, I don't think they're going to do anything against her without looking suspicious AF; I think that the Zen'in are more than capable of doing something against her (and want to) but if they do so (because she is such a prolific figure in the community) they might run the risk of people becoming aware of it... eventually with sorcerers asking "Well, why was Hinata looking for Naoya's record in the first place?" and "Why are the Zen'in clan keeping a close eye on her?" and that would lead the clan getting attention they do not need, so yeah—they're just as cautious as Hinata when it comes to delivering information outside of their close circle 😂 so instead, they'll just continue asking HQ to dump her with work, because she is oh so talented and needs to help the community more.

Timeline-wise: it was Naoya's exam 🤭wanted to show a bit of what Hinata was doing before and just how affected she is by this whole situation, to the point where she almost fumbled one of her biggest responsibilities at that point. Makes their interaction gain a bit more of leverage too, I think. After that, she was very punctual, it's almost as if it never even happened...

For chapter 28 I'm still debating how miserable I'm going to make Naoya hahahahahah after all, I did promise I was going to make him suffer from that point forward... but if I do things like that I'm going to start feeling bad for him 🙄 undeserving...

However, there are a few scenes I can't wait for you to read them!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaafiafhjakhgjkaghkagkjagsja I get all excited just by thinking on them hahahahahahahahah but until then, guess we'll just have to wait :>

Thank you so much for reading this last chapter ❤❤❤ and as I said, I can't wait for you to read what's coming! (I hope I don't set expectations too high 😭 and then disappoint) as well as the valentine special I'm slowly working on hahah since it's kind of a continuation of the halloween one you sent me 🥺

I hope you have a wonderful week, take care ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[mithliya]

Ajfjsjakjdfjs there is a lot about lesbian culture in other countries I did not know about!! Like o_o why with thr nudes thing sjdjskdjsjd

I see though i think that makes sense. I feel like theres always that dumb idea of masculine feminine balance 😭 even though i myself am femme4butch i still dontt liek the whole oooaaga divine balaaance. Also its weird bc I think in USA, while there is that idea of course, there's also the 'lipstick' lesbians or 'fem4fem' stereotype or at least, what straight people think of the Good type of lesbians if it makes sense. Like what we see on tv... Its more appealing to them anyway

I mean my ex(😭 it hurts to say my god) gfs mom was actually a bit confused on whether she (ex) was trans like her brother (ftm) or just masculine, Bc i guess her idea of lesbians was the Lipstick kind.? but then also shes not usa american but latin American. Also she was very supportive and sweet just straight and confused with things gjdks

Still i think we have that too or single feminine lesbians get told how its good theyre not the ugly kind if people find out. I think gay men also have similar expectations put on them like ive read about families being more accepting if their son was the "top" or more manly seeming one in his relationship

Also me too 😭 its sooo weird like to have been pressured since being born+!!! And even my teachers would say omg stop flirtingg with boy classmate. ☹️ (crazy bc a teacher thatt taught us Gender Spectrum actualy said that to me bc i was telling this one boy off or something.. ookay.) And then my mom bringing up babies or grandchildren and then in the next moment telling me sex is evil and i should stay away from boys okay ma'am!!!

But jdjd glad that its not just me. Idk i keep feeling worried, but then I feel like im being stuck up and thinking im the only one in the world whos smart and sane so ill never find anyone. Like relax you are not the chosen one (@ myself of course)

Yeah i hope my family will be accepting andd not kill me fjsksjs and I hopee. I can find love and peace.... but thank you for listening! really I appreciate it bc sometimes it just feels like drowning in loneliness and i cant be myself even among friends andd etc. So. Ur very sweet 😭 mwah mwah thanks again mena

literally i could not tell u why she was showing me her nudes. im guessing it’s bc she wanted to show me that she gained weight and show her body before 😭😭 i felt like she was low-key flirting ngl lmaooo but she kept talking about her gf and that’s often a red flag for me sooo nothing happened there. i told her she shouldn’t sit around waiting for the day when her gf inevitably leaves her for a man n that’s not healthy etc. she’s also extremely self-hating in general and said a doctor told her that her lesbianism & masculinity are bc she doesn’t have enough estrogen in her body / has too much testosterone and that she should be on hormones to be fixed, which she fully believed.

im not keen on femme4femme lool from my experience most of them are weirdly anti-butches and hold misogynistic & lesbophobic beliefs! and i do think ur right that’s the more acceptable combo in the west (two gender conforming conventionally attractive women dating). i also hate the stupid idea that bc im not masculine im meant to be dating a woman who is bc it’ll “balance” us both. they also said when im with more androgynous or feminine women, i become more masculine which is “unnatural” or sth 🫥. also my mom is most in support of me dating women that can pass for men, i feel like she thinks if i won’t be w a man then the thing that’s best is me dating a woman who can be mistaken for a man. i think it’s mostly bc she wants to be socially accepted but it can be exhausting

ALSO the top thing is a whole ass thing in the gulf. there’s many bi & straight men who will literally get away with having gay sex bc they exclusively top 💀 a lot of those tests they use to check if ur gay (so they’ll jail u for it) are specifically testing if ur a bottom. it’s a weird weird phenomenon. and it’s especially weird that there’s this weird culture of even straight men seeking out men bc the society is very sex segregated. im sure some of those men aren’t actually straight but it’s such a prominent thing the way it is in prisons in the US that im sure many of them are. craziest part is this culture is most prominent in saudi of all places

omg when i was little i had mainly male friends bc idk girls thought i was a weirdo that stared too much at them or sth. and i was v close to my male friends, we’d hold hands n all but i think we both thought nothing of it. and my mom would be like “omg soooo cute my daughter has a boyfriend omg 🤗 she looooves the boys omg and they love her!!!” meanwhile im 5 years old and just thinking of it like holding my brother’s hand

manifesting u find ur dream gf soon and that coming out goes smoothly for u 🥺❤️ don’t hesitate to msg me whenever. i love hearing from other lesbians n it’s always heartwarming seeing younger lesbians accept themselves, i somewhat envy it (wish i were that brave & self-aware!!!) but it gives me a lot of hope for our future 🥰🥰🥰

[solardick]

Lovely portent that was. A redwing’s mate guiding me to eye contact. The redwings themselves not being aggressive. Pretty, awkward, blond and slim.

Aside from that on the fallowing day. I give up at life. 40 years is too much. I suspect I’m not survive much longer. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. All there is is evil in life. I don’t want a part of it. Anymore. It only grows stronger. They wont leave me alone. There’s nothing to do. I hate life. I fucken hate. All it wants is to hurt me. 40’years is too much. Im done.

Go get my bottle of liquer. Throw the noose over door, step off the chair. Thats my future. Unconscious in a few long painful seconds. Dead in a few more.

If i cant develop and grow on my own fucken terms. Im not living at all. Keep my locked up in is mind raping prison. Im done.

Maybe my death will give a pause with hesitation in the next abuse victim they have an aim for.

And the cops are hareaing me with rheir pressence today. Again. Fun fun.

And blocking me out of xbox. On a roll with fucking with me today.

Lets go see if i can buy another fycken dictionairy. Cant even learn a new language without nazi cockskrs perverting with slut faget bs.

I dont care what i say anymore. Im goign to be fucked with either way. Km just an asshole who needs to be reminded how much im someones bitch everyday. Only been 40 straight fucken years. Its the reason im born. Theres no getting away from it. So fuck you amd uou and uou. The world decided yo make me its enemy the day i was born so fuck you too.

Neither am i able to buy an actual russian dictionary. Its only bilingual dictionaries. Which are all lackluster. So much for creating a russian tarot deck. Uh, i dont know why i still try and do stuff. Im not allowed doug. Anythign but doing this. Fuck you and fuck and you.

Should make another card of policemen, and crime mobs, raping men, hold billy clibs and knifes with severed cocks in their hands, laughing with a poor mother trying to protect her son. Replace waites gay death card with it. Half the victims smiling amd the other half crying.

And then people will be like. No, i don’t want to die. I want to live.

Maybe temperance fallowing will make a little more sense. The death card and gold. The italiano is better. Removal of all resources. Temperance becomes a mandatory. Instead of being thrown around from one incompatible place to the next, from one abusive place to the next, one supervised conditioning place after the next manipulative place. Constant cues of inevitability, this will happen. None of this, this may happen. I almost died three times in the last couple years. Then its the devil card. Being all like do it, do it. On the superficial retard level spoken by the lowcuning, who have no temperance themselves. To the narsicists and sadists. A constant line of attack that never ceases and hasn’t ceased in decades. Turning from the up front aggressive, to the back, side, friendly but, none of it is real. Everyones playing an act. No real genuine communication from anyone. The odd couple txts now and a -long -gain. The gain gets highlighted but its pronunciation is wrong. It’s not strong enough to count very high.

All sources of information, perverted. Conditioning, a veil to side track attention. Little prison cell made to fell like nothing is to blame and this is how it is. It’s destiny. У.

So much for ever learning how to act. Nope. You don’t get to. Wish i could act. Then id be a two-faced asshole. The french call them crosseur. Or somethign spelt like that. The french never did make me feel welcome.

And the only places that ever did. Had an agenda. That is currently still in play. Thats what now? 8 years stolen? On that scene alone. The whole homo agenda scheme, all part of the picture leading years in before hand. Best decision i ever made. Fuck you.

What’s next gonna hit me even harder? Im just a punching bag. Always was. My narcissist father thinks that kid of thing is funny. Used to talk about it all the time. How much he loved his punching bag.

Keeping an open dialogue to this. Intentionally. Aggravating, frustrating, shaming, while pleading temperance?

Fuck this prison cell. Get me out. Maybe id have somethign positive to say. Maybe they’d be no righteous belligerence in the face of outsode forces m that have not once stoped ever. For any amount of time on that entire line. Maybe my attention would phase out to soemthign else. Maybe id have a healthier mentality. Maybe id have aome someblamce of a life of my own creation. But no. Not allowed. Just this. This is where i belong. Being beaten on from above. Whoch isn t hard considering im in the gutter.

I choose to fuck death. Go back to where i came from, hell. Im not human. Never was.

The next card is the father given his son a gun. And the mother is sucking him off while he does it.

Go “Temperate” son.

Maybe, i wouldn’t be so kind to people. Helpful and generous. Even to the very people fucken with me. Like i’m not aware. I don’t have the strength left for that last one anymore.

No positivity is better than fake positivity or, hopeful positivity.

Looking at america from an outside perspective. Uou got the states alpha prick. And you got canada right besides him. His little bitch. Who can’t raise its voice and has to live by their alpha fag. And fallow his news. More than their own. And then you got mexico on the other side, his personal drug dealer that he keeps his guard up around. The Us the ultimate wife beater.

The oilers losed?! What?! No shit. It happened. Course they were going to lose. Their canadian in their own field. And they’re named after petroleum. Not going to give hype to pollution and carbon gases. Like the games are ‘t fixed to begin with. And with that all the fans and the beer drinking men lost some pride, again. Oh, no, the masculine spreading and hoping for toxic waste. You lose.

Where’s my boyfriend(s), i want to defy nature, and get fucked tonight. And then feel disgusted with myself and a shamed, so i desire more. Afterwards.

Tarot… whats the point of temperance. You meet the devil and you lose anyway. Fuck inhate tarot.

Shame on you for wanting the oilers to win. Go get shame fucked. Even though its just a name and has nothing to do with sport. But that diesnt matter to the magical world of rainbow land. Shining your true colours after being stormed through and through.

Think i need another covid injection.

Cheers to suffering for the rest of my life with no one. Just me and enemies. Cause i won’t do it. I don’t want to be alive anymore. 25 straight years of being beaten in and manipulated. Vicious circle. I was born in hell.

Wonder what being human feels like. ´ast thing i want is a life based on sex. Thats all the world is. Sex and abuse. Im done.

I’m done. Im not talking to or being friendly with anyone anymore. I tried. Tried for 30 years with my family. But that was a waste of life. All

Life does is try and rule over me and cause me harm. Àways did. Always will. Im

Done. I dotn want to be alive anymore.

Ok, its back to being a concrete game plan. Again. With this added pressure. It may just pull through.

[plainviewwelcomesyou]

My lips are sealed kid. just promise you’ll try your best to stay safe.

RALPH DEVLIN: My lips are sealed, kid. Just remember: Danger’s fun, but staying safe comes first. If you go into the eye of the storm without an umbrella, you’re just gonna get drenched.

CEREBELLE RAGSDILL: Haha. …What?

Your lighthearted jovial exchange gets ended by loud, repeated slamming on the adjacent door.

RALPH DEVLIN: Shit.

CEREBELLE RAGSDILL: HUH?! W-what’d you do now, Ralph?! Is someone out there?!

RALPH DEVLIN: Cerebelle - Remember when I told you about what happened to Grey?

CEREBELLE RAGSDILL: Pretty hard to forget that, yeah.

RALPH DEVLIN: Well, uh. The thing is - she’s still alive. And me and her… aren’t on the best of terms right now.

The knocking - which sounds more like a battering ram by now - presses on, amplified by the wave of distorted, foreboding laughter.

GREY MATTER: I-I KNOW YOU’RE-YOU’RE INNNN~ THEREE!~ LET ME INN!~

Cerebelle shuffles backwards, onto the wall, dilated eyes glued to the door.

CEREBELLE RAGSDILL: Ralph?! What’d you do to her?! Why does she sound like that?!

Grey lets out another malicious imitation of a chuckle.

GREY MATTER: YOU WANT TO SEE WHY, LITTLE GIRL? YOU-YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT HE DID TO MY SHELL?! YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN - WHEN YOUR LITTLE FRIEND TAKES ALL THE HORRIBLE, DREADED HATRED HE HAS INSIDE AND MAKES IT SOMEONE! ELSE’S! PROBLEM?!

The static sound crosses your ears again, and at first you can’t make sense of where it’s coming from. It’s only when you peer down and see the jumbled claw slipped under the door, pointing wretchedly at the doorknob with cracking ligaments for each small gesture, that it occurs to you just how vulnerable you are.

This is no longer a point of safety.

GREY MATTER: OPEN THE DOOR, LITTLE GIRL. STOP DELAYING THE INEVITABLE.

(What do you do next?)

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

I want this to be a short request but how would crushing!companions react to sole who holds their hand whenever they get scared and it slowly turns into a habit for them to always hold onto his hand?

omg this is literally so cute, bye. 🥺💗 i hope you enjoy, anon.

to keep it short, i’ll just write their reactions to when sole holds their hand and i will put ‘companions react to sole holding their hand as a habit’ in a separate post! <3

-

Danse:

it’s nothing new in his life— he’s experienced his fair share of people holding onto him during stressful and terrifying situations, so it’s something he’s used to. however, sole is an exception in this case. it’s been quite a while since he’s caught feelings for his companion, so it’s different in certain situations with them.

when they first get startled and hold his hand, he tenses up, his mind going completely blank as they wrap their fingers around his palm. though millions of people have done the same action to him in the past, this one feels different and he swears it makes him feel emotions he’s never truly felt before. before he can question what their intentions were, he noticed how they drew closer to him, eyes frantically scanning their surroundings and he realizes that there may have been an uncomfortable presence around.

so danse slowly takes a breath and squeezes their hand in return, looking down at them with red cheeks and a nervous expression. “you’re safe, don’t worry. if there appears to be any threat within our vacinity, i will neutralize it as best as i can.” when they look at him with a relieved smile, he feels his heart swell with emotions he’s never felt in his lifetime. he doesn’t dare to let go until sole feels safe enough to do so and even when they do, he fights the urge to take their hand in his once more.

instead, he impatiently waits for the next time he has the chance to hold their hand in his again, already excited though he refuses to admit it.

Deacon:

deacons not a very affection man nor has he received any affection from any other individual besides his late other half. To say this situation was terrifying for him was an understatement. he’s probably already dreading the fact that he has an unavoidable crush for his companion, not wanting to deal with that type of stress no longer.

the first time his crush rushes to hold his hand out of fear of their surroundings, he immediately pulls away out of habit and stares at them with a lump in his throat, words scrambled and refusing to leave his mouth for a moment. “i-, uh-“

with a mortified expression, sole waves it off with a flush on their face and an embarrassed tone, “shit i’m sorry. it’s just a habit, please don’t mind me.” they slowly distance themselves away from him and deacon quickly gets his act together, inwardly panicking that he may have hurt their feelings unintentionally. “no, it’s fine. i just- uh.” they tilt their head with a confused expression and instead of explaining himself, he lets out a soft apology and awkwardly goes on his way to save him the embarrassment. when he thinks about it later, he feels a pang of guilt hit him and realizes he may have been too harsh, so he tries to make an exception.

next time around, when sole does accidentally jump to grab his hand, it takes him a moment to calm himself down but does gather the courage to return the gesture. he would notice the surprised expression on soles face, and even though he’s internally losing it, he musters up the same shit eating smile he always has and cracks a joke; “charmer, i know it’s hard to stay away from me, but you could at least try.” when sole doesn’t respond and sends him a confused expression, he gives them a small smile and tugs their hand, “that’s okay though, i don’t mind. good ol’ deeks will scare the monsters away.”

when sole lets out a small chuckle, he feels himself grow agitated and immediately whips around to hide the blush on his face as he drags sole along with him. “we better get going if we wanna get outta this scary place. yknow, before you jump out of your shoes.”

Maccready:

he’s very to himself in most situations and values his personal space just as much as most people do in the commonwealth. he believes in a personal bubble and really enforces that idea, respecting his own personal space as well as others. however in this case, mac is probably just as scared as sole is, though he may be a lot better at hiding it.

when sole does grab his hand, he doesn’t give attention to it at first due to him being scared as well but when he does notice them showing signs of fear, he tries to reassure them, even though he’s flustered at the sudden contact. with a deep breath, he sucks in his negative emotions and decides to step up to bring comfort to them.

“hey, you okay?” when sole doesn’t respond, he just pulls them closer and squeezes their hand gently to grab their attention. when they do look at him, he smiles awkwardly, a inevitable blush dusting his cheeks. “earth to sole?”

when they explain their habit of doing so, he tries to lighten the mood by telling stories about his life in the capital wasteland and how he felt during his time at little lamplight, letting them know that he had similar fears and still continues to have them despite him experiencing the wasteland for years.

soon enough, their hands naturally find home in each other as they both continue exchanging similar experiences they’ve had, laughter filling the silence that sole feared just moments back.

Hancock:

hancocks a very touchy man and people do show him quite a lot of affection, so just like danse, he’s used to the constant attention others show him, only this time, the perspective is a little different. he enjoys it far more than other companions and doesn’t mind when they rush to hold his hand, though it catches him off guard.

for a moment, he processes the events occurring but once he does, he lets out a soft smile and a chuckles under his breath. he wants to let out a flirtatious comment or two, but fights the urge and instead, soothes their fear instead of embarrassing them.

“don’t worry, sunshine. you know i wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.” he’d rub his thumb against their knuckles and smiles when he sees the tenseness in their body melt away. “in fact..”

when he lets go of their hand, he sees the panic grow on their face and lets out a small chuckle. with a swift movement, he gently throws his arm over their shoulder and pulls them closer, rubbing their arm reassuringly.

“.. this might be a little more comforting. no matter what happens, i’ll always be ready to protect you this way. don’t you agree?” when they chuckle and nod at his suggestion, he pulls them closer to his body, whispering loud enough for them to hear.

“ ‘m always here for you, sunshine. you don’t ever have to be scared, especially with me around. don’t ever feel like you have to hide it from me.” sole lets out a small hum before leaning into his touch, trusting every word that left his mouth.

Nick Valentine:

nick is very understanding with a situation like this and doesn’t mind it one bit. though he does get a bit flustered, he tries to play out the scenario in a way where they won’t feel embarrassed about the events occurring. he’s aware that everyone has their fair share of fears, no matter how tough you play out to be.

“things can get pretty scary around here, i know.” when he smiles down at them, they feel a sense of ease and relax into his touch instead of having the urge to pull away. “waking up 200 years later in a completely different life will do that to you.”

sole would sigh and hold his hand tighter, their voice barely a whisper as their cheeks flush with embarrassment. “i wonder how you do it sometimes.”

nick lets out a small laugh at their reaction. “it wasn’t always like this, sweetheart. i was just as scared as you, maybe even worse.” sole looks at him with curiosity as he continues on, “theres always something new everyday but soon you’ll learn how to adapt to it.”

“you think so?”

“i know so.” his words are full of reassurance and comfort, allowing sole to let go of any negative feelings that filled their chest.

“good thing i have the best companion in the wasteland to guide me around this hellhole.” sole puts it out as a joke, but knows a part of it was the truth that she was wholeheartedly grateful for.

he proceeded to rub his thumb on their knuckles, feeling a sense of happiness in their comment, “i’ll do my best to meet your expectations, partner.”

Preston:

poor boy. he’d be a blushing mess if sole were to ever do something as simple as this. if they were to dart to grab his hand, even out of fear, he’d stutter in confusion, obviously flustered at the idea of them latching onto him. “w-what are you d-doing?”

his body would immediately freeze upon contact, stopping in his tracks despite the possibility of getting attacked at any given moment. when he catches the terror in their expression, he’s reminded that the general has their weak points too. so instead of questioning their actions any further, he tries to reassure them despite his pounding heart.

“did you wanna turn around? we can always find another route. we could even send a team of minutemen to do this for us.” when sole shakes their hand and swallows the lump in their throat, preston lets out a soft sigh and smiles at them softly.

“just leaving the suggestion out there, general. say the word and we’ll turn right back around.” sole would shake their head, their stubbornness peeking through the look of fear twisting on their face. “it’s fine. i can’t be selfish and let it get to me.”

preston would feel his heart swell at their sacrifice and the determination that they held, despite the odds going against them. gently, he squeezed their hand and looked down at them, seeing the curious expression on their face. “if that’s the case, just know i’m confident that nothing will tear you down. i have your back every step of the way,” he pauses for a moment, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously with a dorky smile, “even if it mean- uh -holding my hand. i’d be more than happy to.”

after a few moments of silence, sole processed his words and smiled at him in response, returning the squeeze. “thank you, preston.”

Sturges:

sturges is aware he isn’t the strongest man in the commonwealth nor does he have the ability to protect sole in most situations. however, if he had a choice, he would do the best he could and he knows that sole is aware of his intentions. yet, when they yelp with fear and lunge to him, taking his hand in theirs, he realizes that maybe he isn’t as weak as he sought out to be.

“you holding up ‘lright, sweetheart?” when they notice their actions, their expression slowly twists into a terrified one and they attempt to retrieve their hand as quickly as they can. sturges doesn’t stop them from doing so and instead just laughs heartily and offers his hand to them despite their reaction.

“i’m fine with it, yknow. i wasn’t complainin’ or anything, just wanted to check if you’re okay.” sole hesitates for a moment, eyes flickering from his hand to his face before replying. “are you sure it’s okay? it just gave me a little scare, you don’t have to-“

before they could continue, he moves closer, taking their hand in his with a light blush on his cheeks and a reassuring smile plastered on his face. “it’s the least i can do for you.” his actions are more than enough to reassure sole and they nod, accepting his offer. “thank you, sturges.”

Gage:

he doesn’t like crushes— gage is so used to the habit of a one night stand and constant hook ups that he absolutely forgets how loving someone feels like. as sole grips his hand in fear, he chokes up for a good second and immediately gets himself together, retreating his hand and glaring at them.

“the fuck you think you’re doing?” despite his tough demeanor, his voice becomes slightly shaky and a small tinge of pink dusts his cheek. this doesn’t go unnoticed at first, but sole knows they’re too distracted to point it out.

they would apologize with an embarrassed expression and he’d avert his eyes elsewhere before continuing on; “yer the damn overboss, some stupid shit like this shouldn’t scare you. you gotta be tougher than that if yer gonna survive in this world.”

he doesn’t realize the words that leave his mouth until his eyes fall on sole, who’s clearly embarrassed and overwhelmed with the situation and immediately feels a tinge of guilt. with a quiet groan, he slows down and averts his eyes elsewhere, waiting for them to pick up the pace. when sole lets out a confused hum, he forces the words to leave his mouth.

“hurry up and get in front of me, why don’t ya’? yer acting like i’d let the overboss get hurt on my watch.”

they would pause for a moment at his words but feel a sense of reassurance knowing that gage had their back, despite his attitude towards them. “okay.” sole would smile at him softly and he’d scoff, fighting the blush threatening to creep up on his face. this stupid love bullshit was doing nothing but holding him back.

“yeah, yeah. lets get a move on before i leave ya out here to get eaten.”

[angry-geese]

For Myself

Sukuna x Reader

Warnings: nsfw mention. mention of violence, blood, injury, and cannibalism. implied murder. starts off kind of dark but gets fluffier towards the end. gn!reader.

obligatory warning for my poor editing skills. if theres any egregious errors i'll get to them when i get home from work

Summary: some fluff where Sukuna comforts the reader while they're sick

Word Count: 2.4k

He's certain you would be more comfortable in his lap than on the floor. Even as he beckons you to sit, you refuse, turning your gaze away. You adjust your position to a more comfortable spot on your knees. The floor is hard and cold, but you don't have much longer to wait anyway. Sukuna has grown bored of the man standing in front of him. A peace offering, in exchange for not razing their village. A young woman, brought here against her own will. Her life to replace yours. It's nothing Sukuna wants, nor can he make use of her. She’s no sorcerer, likely no good in a fight, and too frail to be worth eating.

Worst of all, it insults you.

An insult to you, is an insult to Sukuna himself.

The man was only delaying the inevitable. Humans have a habit of doing that. They’re resilient, like cockroaches. You can squash, poison, trap, or drop a nuke on as many as you want to, but they’ll always come back.

He planned on killing him from the moment he stepped foot in the door.

And when he kills him, he makes sure to have the woman watch. She lays curled at your feet as you regard them both with cold eyes. Not a scream passes her lips. She’s either frozen with fear, or knows that moving is the worst thing she can do.

She begs for her life.

Sukuna leaves it up to you to decide.

It was an insult to you, after all. In a past life you could see yourself letting her go. There's many things in life you used to do that are no longer habits of yours. You were in her shoes years ago. Time has hardened you, made you cruel. If a past version of you could look at you now, you don't know if you’d recognize yourself. Not all change is bad. People are meant to change, and they’re going to do so.

You give her a minute to start running. After that, it's up to Sukuna with what he wants to do with her.

She takes the opportunity, thinking she has a chance to survive, and flees. The guards and servants let her. Your word is second to Sukuna’s. The only person who could overturn an order put in place by you is Sukuna himself. He usually doesn't. The resulting chaos from anything you do is good entertainment. And he has all the time in the world. Being immortal leads to a lot of boredom.

Sukuna would hunt her down before she could escape the estate.

Nobody got away from him. Not even you. Nowadays you’re much less serious about leaving but you still threaten it if he dares piss you off.

He'd never let you go. You know that. Try as you will, you're never getting free.

Not that you have anything to go back to. And you're rather comfortable here. Comfortable may be a bit of a stretch, but you're housed, fed, and protected. The basic human needs are taken care of. Sukuna cares about you in his own, twisted way. You may have first been just a plaything to keep his stomach full and his balls empty—a toy to be discarded after a day or two—but you've earned a place by his side. He wakes up next to you, he goes to sleep next to you. He's grown used to having you around. And you to him.

You're just as much his, as he is yours.

Everything about the man is selfish, and all-consuming. But when he is with you, he finds himself giving for the first time in his life.

He gets a servant to draw him a bath. He has the decency to scrub the blood off before finding you, and asking you to join him. His bloodied kimono is replaced with a clean one. It's black, the sleeves are wide enough to accommodate his four arms. Blood doesn't bother you, but he doesn't want to track it all over his house.

Something is wrong.

He doesn't remember you getting hurt, but you’re acting like you’re injured. He thinks back to this morning, how he had to drag you out of bed. How sluggish you acted.

Worry creases itself between his eyebrows.

Your mortality was something he knew of, but never gave much thought. There was no need to. The mortality of others was something he didn't care about. You weren't supposed to be kept long. You were merely a sacrifice, meant to appease Sukuna, and in turn he wouldn't raze your village. While young, and pretty, not good enough to save your people. He planned on fucking you, burning your village to the ground, then eating you. Not necessarily in that order, but that was the plan.

He's taken everything from you. Your home, your life, your family. Even as you were forced to face your fate, you never gave in, never lost your bite. You defied him and lived. You had a malicious streak in you. You were never as sweet and as innocent as the people of your village first played you up to be. Years later you still put up the same fight. It's a constant back and forth between you two.

You’d never be able to hurt him. As much as you'd scratch and bite, you'd never so much as draw blood. Harming the King of Curses was not an easy task.

His 'love' was much more material at first. As you got settled down, survived more than a week, gifts appeared. Jeweled hair pins and beautiful, expensive kimonos appeared. All made just for you. He'd never admit to being behind it. You were not complacent, but you were comfortable. You were his spoiled pet. That didn't stop you from clawing at his eyes whenever he picked you up when you didn't want to be touched. Being spoiled didn't make you nice.

None of his pets have lasted quite as long as you have. At least eight times the trees of his estate have shriveled and turned brown in winter, and the ground has hardened with frost. At least eight times they've bloomed and have had the life of spring breathed back into them, and the ground has thawed and turned muddy. You just did what you had to in order to survive. You've more than just survived. Some would say you’ve thrived. You would beg to differ. If you were the begging type.

He still views you as a pet. You’re human after all. Though sometimes it feels like you’re becoming more curse than human. Being viewed as an equal to him is impossible, but he values you. You're not something that can easily be replaced.

His hand touches your shoulder from behind. You don't flinch. You used to flinch. Then you started swinging. You're never able to hurt him. You're strong, but not that strong.

"She was far too frail to eat," you say, "I assumed you didn't want to keep her for that."

You don't eat human meat. Or try not to. Early on in your stay, before you knew better… It wasn't pork. Uraume was a wonderful cook, but not for anything you ate. Personally it's not your thing. Non-human meat is hard to come by around here, so you’ve stopped eating the stuff altogether. If you wanted it, Sukuna would make a servant get it for you, but you are content without it.

"You made the right call." He says. You always do.

He slips beside you, watching as you remove the intricate pins from your hair. You always loved your hair. Even at your darkest moment you took great care of it. It was a source of pride for you.

A wave of nausea rolls over you. Sweat beads in your hairline, rolling down your back, under the thin fabric of your—his—robe. You have little need for clothes. It doesn't get that cold here. Sukuna tears them off you anyway. Covering yourself up isn't necessary, but you do it out of modesty, and a sense of normalcy. You protest as he pulls at the fastenings of your robe, the flimsy fabric pooling at your feet. You have no plans on getting wet, you’d much rather go to bed. You’re tired, and you don't want to be bothered.

The tub is large enough to fit several of you. You guess it's fitting. The man is huge. He settles into the water behind you, pulling you to his chest. Try as you will, you’re not going to be able to struggle out of his grip. You’re too tired to put up much of a fight, though you do complain.

One of his sets of arms wraps around you, effectively trapping you in place. The other pulls a washcloth from the side of the tub, into the water with you. As much as you hate to admit it, the warm water feels nice against your sore muscles.

Sukuna is not a sentimental man. But with the way his hands trace across your skin, soft, lovingly, like he’s reading a book of braille, makes you think otherwise. He doesn't leer at the curves of your body like he normally does. His eyes scan across your body, looking for any sign of injury.

When he deems you clean enough, and your skin has turned a nice shade of pink from the hot water, he lets you go. You're the first to get out, drying yourself off. You never realized how cold the room was before.

He hauls you into his arms. You do little to protest, which worries him.

The King of Curses has no need for sleep. The bed mostly serves for asthetic purposes, though he's not opposed to fucking you across any flat surface, you seem to favor softer ones.

Much like the tub, his bed is large enough to fit several of you. You feel dwarfed by its size. The man is huge, he needs a bed to fit. You could sprawl out as wide as possible and never have any of your limbs hanging over the sides.

He follows you, silent.

He can't recall ever letting any of his pets share his bed before. Some have tried. Tried. He can't recall any of them surviving as long as you have, either. He finds himself irritated at the thought of anything bad ever happening to you.

He doesn't join you in bed.

He doesn't need sleep the same way humans do. He can, but if he were to decide not to, it would bring no harm to him. He used to never dream. It was something he did, back when he was human, but that time has long passed. But whenever he dreamed, he’d wake up next to you. Experiences like that made him realize just why humans like to sleep so much. Before he never woke up rested; he was never tired in the first place.

You shove the covers aside and crawl underneath. They smell like him. He snubs out the candle burning on the side table with his index finger and thumb. Though it's dark, there’s enough light in the room to make out his much-larger form.

You shiver, although sweat forms along your skin in a thin sheen. Sukuna knows it's not cold. He sits on the edge of the bed, the mattress dipping under his weight. The back of his hand presses to your forehead. You’re burning up.

You were warm before, but he thought it was because of the bath. He’s not really sure what to do. It's rare moments like these that he's forced to face your mortality. He knows you're fragile—compared to him—but he can't bear the thought of something bad happening to you.

One of his large hands moves to cup your cheek. It's just as warm as your forehead. The pad of his thumb runs across your cheekbone.

"Stay with me." You say. You stretch your arms out towards him, making grabbing motions with your hands.

You’re not one to beg. Even when faced with death, you look it straight in the eyes. Call it bravery, or lack of self preservation. He admired that about you. You ignored your mortality because it did not matter to you.

“What's the matter, pet?”

“I don't feel too good.” You say.

Though he doesn't say it, he can tell.

“I’ll get Uraume-”

“No,” your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him back towards your chest, “no. I’m okay.”

He settles down beside you in bed, on top of the covers. When he opens his arms, you go right into them. He makes sure to keep the blankets tucked around you. Sukuna runs warm naturally. You huddle close to him, trying to steal his warmth. Though your face feels abnormally warm, you shiver. His much larger body lays partially on top of yours, his head resting on your chest, ear pressed to your skin. He can hear your heartbeat. Steady, and alive. Something low in your chest rattles when you breathe.

He should get a servant to bring you water, or some tea. It occurs to him how little he knows about the mundane things humans do to make themselves feel better. Not that he ever needed to care. In all the years you’ve been by his side, he’s never seen anything like this happen. He can't decide, and instead calls for both. If you need medicine, he’ll get that too, but you don't seem to be at that point. Uraume knows more about humans than he does. He’s no doctor, but he’ll work. If he asks you, you’ll just say you’re fine.

He holds the cup up to you, beckoning you to drink. The glass is cold against your lips. Even as your hands wrap around it, he doesn't let it go. He sets the empty glass on the side table with a soft thunk.

His large hand smoothes over your head, brushing your hair out of your eyes. His nails feel nice against your scalp. Nothing about the man is soft, but when he’s left alone with you, moments like this are bound to happen. You allow yourself to be pet. The heat, combined with the weight of his body, threatens to lull you off to sleep. The ache in your joints keeps you from doing so.

When he kisses you, you taste like a curse.

[peterrparrkerr]

Gaslighting - read on ao3

Tagging: @snowstark @someonepostedart @thegreenmetblue @sinditia @just-things-things @andacheesyoneliner @lokitonypeter @bluestarker @lilcoffeecup @useless-fanfictions-for-mcu @tnpt

Peter isn't spiderman in this fic, but Tony is Ironman.

*-*

"Tony?" Peter calls, walking down the stairs and into the lab.

"Yes, baby?" Tony answers, lifting his head up from his project to smile at the boy.

"Dinner's ready," he said softly. "I tried to call you earlier but you must've been busy."

Tony steps away from the work bench and pulls Peter towards the stairs again when he saw the curious glint in the boy's eyes.

"I was, I'm sorry, baby. What are we having?"

Peter's Bambi brown eyes flicker up to Tony's, the question momentarily side tracking him from voicing his questions on what Tony was working on.

Peter wouldn't approve, Tony knew. Best to keep him out of it for as long as possible.

"Uh, chicken alfredo, with broccoli and garlic bread," Peter said, leaning into Tony as they both took the stairs up to the main floor.

"Sounds wonderful," Tony smirked, pressing a kiss to Peter's temple before sitting him, then himself at the already set table.

*-*

"What are you working on?" Peter asked, padding over on bare feet. A yawn pulls his mouth open as he rubs at his half lidded eyes.

"Nothing important, baby," Tony hums, closing the lid on the small sample.

"If it wasn't important you'd be in bed with me," Peter pouted. Tony chuckles and steps over to him, making sure -again- that Peter won't get too close.

"You're right," Tony nodded, wrapping his arms around the younger man and kissing his pouty lips. "Lets go to bed, hmm?"

Peter nods sleepily and allows Tony to walk him back up the stairs.

He waits until Peter's fast asleep before returning to the lab. Hes so close to finishing, he can get it done tonight if he focuses.

*-*

"Tony, please, harder," Peter cries, back arching, exposing his neck. Tony snaps his hips in harder, giving the boy just what he's wanted.

Ever since the test, Tony's gotten more energy. He's gotten stronger. Its made their sex all the better.

His next round of shots is in a day. He can feel his whole body changing on a molecular level.

He's more connected with the endo-sym than he ever thought possible.

Peter cums on a wail, and Tony's not far behind, burying himself to the hilt as he fills Peter up.

The two lay beside each other, panting and sweaty.

"What happened to your eyes?" Peter asked softly, turning his head to look at Tony.

"What do you mean, baby?"

"They, flashed," Peter tried, stilted with an effort to find the right word. "I swear for a second they turned blue."

Tony lets out a huff of laughter, turning his head to look back at the boy.

"Must've been a trick of the light," he mused, pulling Peter close, even as the younger scowled in confusion.

"Are you sure?" He asked, lithe form pressed against Tony's more athletic build. If Tony wanted to, he was sure he'd be able to snap the boy in half with his bare hands.

Instead, he nuzzled against Peter's jaw, kissing his skin.

"I've never seen the light do that before."

"Theres nothing wrong with my eyes, baby."

*-*

"What is that?" Peter asked, eyes wide. Tony glances up, inwardly cursing. He didnt realize the boy had made his way down into the lab.

"Its something new," Tony said, deciding it best not to avoid it any longer. The boy was already getting too curious. If Tony didn't give him something, Peter would either leave, or find out for himself.

Tony reaches for Peter and the boy walks into his hold, letting Tony pull him in close and wrap his arms around him.

"Its called endo-sym," Tony hummed. "Its an armor."

"For the ironman?" Peter asked, brown eyes shining with the shifting reflective silver.

Its in a small chamber, vacuum sealed shut so it doesn't get out. Tony's got a problem linking with it still, and doesn't want so many months of hard work going down the drain if the thing decides to leave.

"For something better," Tony said softly. Peter frowned and glanced up at him, pouting slightly.

"What is it?" He asked. "What does it do?"

The endo-sym jumps at the rim of the chamber before falling back down like the waves of a storm. Angry and restless.

"It works like the nanotech from my last suit," Tony lied. "This is just- a smoother version."

"It looks alive," Peter said softly, leaning closer to see through the clear lid. The endo-sym jumped up, sensing a human close by, and Peter jumped back, right into Tony's chest.

"Its not," Tony lied. Peter doesn't look like he believes him, but Tony's not worried about it. He just needs the boy ignorant for a little while longer.

*-*

Tony's expecting the boy to freak out. Expecting it and already ready to explain. The endo-sym is nearly finished. The last injection of Extremis taken the night before, and Tony's eyes are bright blue.

Theres no hiding them from the boy. He wakes up first and makes his way down to the kitchen, making coffee and heating up some leftovers for breakfast.

Peter pads into the room a short time after Tony's second cup of coffee, wearing his tshirt and nothing else, curls a mess on top of his head.

"Good morning," Tony hummed. Peter's too sleepy to pick up on the change as he accepts Tony's coffee.

He barely looks at Tony as he brings the half mug of coffee to his lips and takes a sip.

Tony leans against the counter, waiting for the inevitable. It happens when Peter lowers his mug and finally looks up at him.

He gasped, eyes widening and promptly dropped the mug of coffee.

Neither of them were fast enough to catch it and it shatters on the tile floor, spilling the still hot coffee over his bare feet.

"Tony!" He exclaims. Tony steps towards the boy, glass cracking under his shoes, and he quickly lifts Peter off his feet by his underarms.

"Stay here," Tony orders after setting the boy onto the counter.

"Tony, your eyes are blue!" Peter exclaimed, as Tony crouched down to pick up the glass from the floor.

"They're contacts," Tony hummed, dropping a handful into the trash can before picking up the smaller pieces.

"Those aren't contacts," Peter scoffed. "How did this happen- what caused it-"

"Stay," Tony ordered, glaring up at the boy when Peter moved to jump down again.

The blue eyes really must be shocking, because Peter stills, eyes still wide and breath hitching.

"Tony, please," he says softly, tears beginning to well in those pretty brown eyes. "You have to tell me."

Tony doesn't say anything, just dumps another palmful of glass into the trash before standing and grabbing the paper towel.

"Please," Peter continued, voice wavering. "You've been lying to me for months. You- you're hiding things from me and- and I can't-"

A wet sob cuts Peter off, and Tony looks up from soaking up the coffee spill to see the boy with his hands over his eyes, scrubbing away the flow of tears as he tries to calm himself down.

Tony sighs and stands up, stepping between Peter's knees and grabbing his chin.

He tilts it up, forcing Peter to uncover his face, which is growing splotchy with his tears. His breath hitches on his inhales, and Tony leans in to kiss him softly on pouty lips.

"Do you trust me, baby?" Tony asked, making sure Peter looks him in the eyes.

The boy sniffles and nods, lower lip trembling and body sagging towards the older.

"Then trust that me keeping things from you does not lessen my love for you," Tony said.

"But-"

"No buts," Tony interrupted, wiping the tears from the boy's cheeks. "You don't need to know everything I do, sweetheart. You'll know when I want you to know."

And with that, he crouches down again and continues to soak up the last of the coffee spill.

Above him, Peter continues to cry, face hidden in his arms to muffle the tears and sniffles. He doesn't move though, which is all Tony cares about.

[bleufrost]

Guiding Light

Summary: Even though your team finally trusts Loki enough to give him a chance, you still have to help him realize he's not the monster he sometimes thinks he is.

a/n: this is within the same universe as There's Just Time but it can also be read as a standalone (: more notes at the end for anyone who wants to read them!

Words: 1,921

Warnings: angst, self doubt, theres also fluff so dont worry!

If we come back and we're broken Unworthy and ashamed Give us something to believe in And you know we'll go your way

You never really realize how loud everything is until Loki cuts you off from his energy. Now, that isn't to say that Loki leads a tranquil existence, it's actually quite the opposite. Loki's emotions are incredibly sporadic and loud; so loud in fact, that they have become nearly identical in nature to the crashing of waves against the shore. Deafening, yet with the promise of calm once you come to recognize it as home. Without the roar, everything you’d rather drown out comes back to the forefront of your mind. That is exactly what is happening right now.

Tony’s bubbling anxiety to get his hands on something new clashes with the forced control of Bruce’s psyche as you enter the lab. The opposing energies nearly incapacitate you. “Hey, have you guys seen Loki?” You sit next to Bruce, your focus on his hands as he moves some things around on a screen. It’s a lame attempt to center yourself, but it helps a bit when a drill sparks to life in Tony’s hands. Bruce smiles at you apologetically and you shake your head.

“What’s that, kiddo?” Tony’s voice barely registers over the monotonous sound of the drill and you try to signal for him to turn it off, but the attempt is in vain. Instead of continuing to scream, you wait it out until Tony finally seems to be finishing up. The drill powers down and he smiles at you in that way that only he can; as though he truly believes that the world can wait for him. You can’t exactly blame him, you did wait, didn’t you?

“Okay, what’s up?” He places the drill down and brushes his hands off on his pants.

“I was just wondering if you’ve seen Loki around?” He looks to Bruce and they both seem to mutually agree that they haven’t. Tony shrugs at you.

“Sorry, kid. No Reindeer Games around here.” You roll your eyes at the nickname and he lets out a loud laugh. “Okay, thanks.” Getting up, you exit the lab and head for the common room.

It takes a few more tries, and by the time someone finally tells you they spotted him, your head is racing. There are so many different emotions and waves of energy in so limited a space, it exhausts you. Often you found navigating it all to be a fun game, but that was only when you had an anchor. Unfortunately, your anchor seems to be a little lost at sea.

When you do find Loki, he’s staring out a large window on one of the top floors of the compound. There’s a book abandoned in his lap, his finger resting on the page as though he had drifted mid sentence. The bright sky reflects on his eyes in a beautiful show of light. Anchors and waves, you knew Loki was all of it to you.

“Hey.” It comes out as only a whisper as you approach him slowly. It’s so soft, you almost doubt he hears it at all. Of course, he does though. He’s a god and, with great pain, you also know that he’s very used to being on his guard.

Loki’s eyes move from the clouds above and over to you. You’re not sure if the lights are playing tricks on you, but you swear that there are small hints of unshed tears in his crystal eyes.

“Hello.” If you thought your voice was soft, Loki’s is hardly there at all. It shakes ever so slightly at the end of the word, and if his shielding emotions wasn’t a dead giveaway, his demeanor most definitely is. Something’s wrong.

Your feet take slow, tentative steps forward. Neither one of you breaks eye contact, and when you attempt to push your energy over to him as some form of comfort, it hits a wall. He’s using his own magic to deliberately block yours from reaching him. Your feet stop moving and you can see in the way that his eyes glint that he’s aware of how distanced he is keeping you.

“Loki, what’s hurting you?” It’s a simple question, but that’s all it takes. After over a thousand years spent dancing around problems and masking insecurities, your willingness to openly address such intimate pains was still so novel to him.

The first few times he had spoken to you, really spoken to you, all illusions set aside and with no intent to trick you, he had been struck hard by your lack of judgement. All Loki ever knew was how to hide the most vulnerable parts of himself because others would use them against him. WIth you though, the vulnerability was exclusively used as a bridge to growth. You had told him once that energy flowed toward energy. It was made to grow. Naturally, because he was composed of all different kinds of untamable energy, it was only inevitable that he would continue to evolve into a stronger version of himself if he chose to recognize the points that were draining him.

Energy moves toward energy, and so he allowed his to move to you.

“I don’t feel I belong here. I’m not worthy of forgiveness.” The confession twists your heart into a knot. It hurts to hear the insecurity lacing his voice, but the emotions that seep into you hurt even more. With his wall down, you can feel the nervousness, fear, anxiety, and overall sense of loathing that Loki has been carrying by himself. You understand why he blocked himself from you, but you’re so incredibly relieved to be sharing his burden.

It takes a second for you to acclimate to the new feeling, but your feet take you the rest of the way to him as soon as you do. You’d never run from him, no matter how intense it may be to stay.

“No, no. Even just your ability to share that with me proves that you’re more than worthy, Loki.” The unshed tears come to the surface, slipping past his eyes and running slowly down his cheek. Your hand instinctively comes up to rest against his face.

“There’s not one of us here who hasn’t done things that we regret. Things that have hurt people and that we wish we could take back, but we can’t.”

More tears fall from his eyes and he looks at you so lost and frightened that you fear your heart may break.

“How do you live with it?” His eyes search yours for answers, and you wish you could tell him something that could help right now. Unfortunately, all experience you have with this calls for an agonizing amount of time to pass before even a hint of relief begins to seep in. There’s so much to do before forgiveness can come; not from others, but from yourself. It does come, though.

An idea sparks to life then, as you recall everything you’d done to make amends for the lives you had damaged, Forgiveness, understanding, healing. You knew these feelings and, luckily, that was all you needed.

Your other hand raises slowly, a soft blue light wrapping around the edges of each finger as it hugs around your skin. You hold your hand out to Loki, knowing that he needs to be the one to initiate this. You can offer yourself, but he has to choose to accept.

His large hand comes up, nearly meeting yours before he stops mere centimeters away. He can feel a slight wave of the emotions that you hold in your hand, but that same fear of being unworthy holds him back. Does he even deserve this kindness that you show him? You know he deserves that and so much more, but the doubt still makes him struggle.

The back and forth pull is not lost on you. Your thumb strokes the sharp curve of his cheekbone, finding your own comfort in providing it to him. His eyes close at the motion, and when he opens them again, the fear is gone.

Loki slips his hand into yours, finding the empty spaces between your fingers to be a perfect fit for him. He clings to you like a lifeline, and you very well may be one to him. You know he is for you.

Your light engulfs him, flowing up his arm and straight into his chest, his mind, his heart. Anywhere he needs it, your light will find him and help him feel okay. Every memory you had, every emotion, and every tear was placed into that light. Relief. Forgiveness. For Loki, it was hope.

“You do whatever you can to make up for it. You can’t fix everything, but sometimes just trying is enough.” Loki takes in your words and continues to let your energy hug him like a warm blanket. Trying. He could do that.

When he’s ready, he lets your magic go. Immediately, some of the doubt returns, but it’s nothing he can’t handle. Not when you’re here.

“Thank you.” The air around you seems to spark to life and you find your energy starts to pull toward Loki. It was odd; unlike anything you’d felt before.

Of course, there were certain people that naturally caused your powers to want to be near them. Their energies were calming enough or provided with just the right amount of curiosity that stoked the childlike wonder in yourself. You always knew exactly why you were being drawn to them. This time, with Loki, it was different. You couldn’t pinpoint the exact emotion of yearning that drew you to him. All you knew was that you felt connected.

Deciding that this moment held enough excitement for the two of you, you left it alone. Maybe you could ask about it some other time when things were a bit calmer. Right now, you just wanted Loki to relax. There were many things about your abilities that you were still yet to explore. This was probably nothing.

Loki’s hand guided you out of your thoughts and back to him. He brought you closer and smiled. “Sit with me?”

You immediately reciprocated his smile. Loki may think that his well crafted charm is the most endearing thing about him. You know that’s not true. By far the most compelling and radiant thing about Loki was the unfiltered appreciation he had for the smallest things in life. Sitting beneath a blue sky sounded like heaven when he offered it up with such a gorgeous smile.

“Of course.” You let go of his hand to lift yourself onto the cushioned bench he was sitting on. It’s long enough to provide you with enough room to place distance between yourself and Loki, but you don’t. When you’re settled, Loki finds your hand once more. He squeezes it gently and lifts the book with his other.

“Would you like me to read to you?” He raises the book a little higher so you can see the cover, but quite honestly you don’t care what he’s reading. You just like to hear his voice. You nod happily. “Yes, please.”

Loki offers you one more genuine grin and sets to work, reading the words on the page like a poet sharing their most prized work. You can feel him, deafening the world around you until you’re lulled back into a calm that only his noise can guide you to.

As he reads, your connected hands glow with an energy that neither of you intentionally brings forth; it just happens. Even without trying, some things just do.

a/n: I realized that I was making little references to moments/memories in the main story that I really wanted to write, so thats what these mini pieces will be! on that note, the second chapter should be up by saturday at the latest. i had some computer problems which sucks lol, but its getting done! after that, i'll be trying to get the new chapters up before the premiere of the next loki episode. have a lovely day yall!

[earth2068]

Script writing is a very personal process and I've seen you answer asks about your scripting before, I'm just curious about how much detail you need to add to your scripts in order to feel like it makes sense.

A friend of mine and I are working on a small project and I'm currently writing the script for it but I'm finding it hard to write all the detail that's necessary, do you find that drawing out what you have scripted adds more to what you initially plan?

How many drafts does it take to finalise the scripting of each page or does that vary from page to page?

Do you change dialogue a lot? And are you able to get into each character's head to understand how they'd react to certain situations?

Sorry if this is a lot, I hope you have a good day! :D

a very important element of script writing (when it comes to writing a script that other people will have to read in order to make the final product) is not giving too much information. the people youre working with more than likely know what theyre doing and can be just as creative as you, so as the script writer you should tell them what you NEED. sometimes you need to go more into detail if those details become relevant. who knows, those might be chekhovs runic symbols! and sometimes theyre just set dressing (not worth describing in the script).

in general, as long as youre covering every detail required to make the story make sense, youre good. scripts are not the place for pretty imagery, theyre for the basic required information to be expanded on later on in the process. if theres a gun on the table, you may need to just say "theres a gun on the table," or you may need to specify that its a pistol, it all depends on what the story needs to be true.

when im drawing out my scripts, i inevitably end up adding a whole lot of material (or retroactively deciding certain details dont matter and i can cut them for ease of drawing) because thats just what ends up happening when you turn a basic description of a room into a room you see with your own eyes. and because the script is always in flux, i can even add dialogue that i realize would be funny when drawing (theres a visual gag on the next page thats referenced in dialogue, said dialogue was added after i finished the sketch)

i dont write a specific number of drafts for specific pages (nor do i know where the pages will start and end before i begin the thumbnailing phase), the whole chapters script just remains in editable form until the pages go online. there was a point where i added dialogue to a page 2 days before it was supposed to be uploaded.

hot tip here: never say a script is "finalized," ever. EVER. it will NEVER be true. musicals on broadway STILL get edited, webcomics will have pages changed or added AFTER a page is up to clarify the subject of the audiences confusion or missed implications (rarely happens but it does). scripts are always, always, always editable*.

(*in theatre, when youre doing a workshop/production of a show you wrote, there might be a point in the process (usually around tech week or opening night) when your script gets "frozen," which is production team language for "please, were begging you, stop changing this, we cant keep redoing these cues, please, god, think of the stage manager". its not unusual for scripts to continue to change throughout the performances though)

and yes, i do change dialogue a lot. when i start writing a character, it may take me a while to really Get them (cough cough phil), which is why revisions are great, so i can retroactively make a character act in the right way after ive had enough time to figure them out. there are some characters that i get so well that it feels like there is a portion of my brain dedicated to emulating their behavior, particularly flynn, leon, vermillion and lucille. viridian and violet are quickly building their own zones too.

however, dialogue isnt just about staying in character. dialogue serves a function. jokes need to be funny, conversations need to get through all their beats, etc. the first draft of dialogue may be the most in character, but it will more than likely serve its function less. because of this, its very easy to write dialogue thats LONG (real conversations are typically very long), but its very difficult to write dialogue thats SHORT (serving its purpose quickly and efficiently).

the way i do this is that i write the scene, however long it ends up being, then identify the significant points it goes through. once ive done that, i can cut material between those points (with natural scenic flow in mind) such that the scene becomes streamlined, going through all the necessary beats as efficiently as possible.

its important to not enter too utilitarian a mindset for this though! sometimes a piece of dialogue is frivolous at best but you just like it a lot. keep it! filler can be a nice experience even if it doesnt accomplish anything. that "and if anyone offers things like drugs or alcohol dont take them up on that" joke in chapter 2 couldve been easily cut, but the way i reused it pages later was WAY too funny to me, so i kept it anyway! i even recently ADDED some frivolous dialogue to a scene in a later chapter simply because it added a character detail that i enjoyed, simple as that!

[imaginedxlan]

Miscommunication (Neville Longbottom)

a/n: first #harrypotter imagine look at me, told you I would have some random things coming to this account. I have and always will be a simp for Neville Longbottom so heres that

Being friends with Draco and his minions is never easy, especially when you have a secret crush on a certain Gryffindor that you know they’d never let you hear the end of if they knew. When your roommate confronts you about your feelings for one of your closest friends, you’re forced to spill.

warning(s): cussing, sexual allusions

Part 2

––––––––––––––––––––––

Pansy walks into the library in a huff. This isn’t out of the ordinary, she can be quite dramatic, but today her huff seems to be heftier than the other. She drops her things next to a table close enough to you where you can see her making a ruckus and plops in a chair, burying her face in her hands. Usually you let her sort out her thoughts before she inevitably complains to you about whatever Goyle said to her that day or Hermoine calling her pugface again, but not today. She’s actually crying.

“Pansy?” You ask, but she doesn’t lift her head. “Are you alright?”

She doesn’t even bother to move her face from her hands before she says, “Like you care.”

This was out of the ordinary. Pansy has been your roommate as well as best friend since the two of you met on your first ride on the Hogwarts Express. You stand up from your cross-legged position on your chair to sit in the empty seat at her table

“Pansy, darling, how could you say such a thing?” You ask, genuinely confused and slightly hurt by her accusations. “You know I care about you.”

She turns her head to look at you, her eyes red and her sleeves stained beneath her. She doesn’t change her face, still scowling at you, you’re not sure what you’ve done but you know she can’t be mad at you for long.

“Would you tell me what I’ve done so we can talk about this?” You plead with her, you hated when the two of you fought, it always created a weird tension in your lives.

“You must love the way he looks at you,” She starts, sniffling all the while she’s reprimanding me. “Draco just can’t get enough of you, huh? You know how much I like him, y/n, did you have to go after him too.”

“What in Godric’s name are you on about?” You ask, more confused than you were before. “Draco? Pansy there is no reality where Malfoy and I have feelings for each other.”

“I see the way he looks at you.”

“Babe, he’s looking at you!” You exclaim, rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. “Malfoy doesn’t want me. Even if he did, I don’t like him like that one bit. You know I don’t like his type.”

Blood purity this, death eater that. It all got fairly boring quickly when you spend as much time with the miniature Malfoy as you do. Truth be told, you were at first obsessed with the blond, following his every move through your first few months at Hogwarts, but after a while his constant complaints about Harry Potter and his threats about his ‘father hearing about this’ hindered you from ever entertaining the thought of being with Malfoy in any sort of romantic sense.

Everyone you associated with in your house was very similar to Malfoy, just a slightly less whiny version with less daddy issues. Crabbe, Goyle, Theo and Blaise, they all had their hang ups, so you started to look outside of the Slytherin common room. You hadn’t planned to fall for a Gryffindor, you had hoped for a Ravenclaw at least being the intense hatred your friends held for the red and gold clad students, but it just happened.

You’re quite smart, just second to Hermoine Granger in many of your classes, all except herbology. That’s when Neville Longbottom entered into your life. After going to Professor Sprout, hysterical about your most recent marks in the class, she decided to take pity on you and employ her best students to help you.

You could tell you made him nervous, the whole time you were asking about mandrakes and gillyweed his cheeks stayed the same shade of crimson they had from the minute you walked into the library and gave him your signature Slytherin smile. You like the way he looked at you, the way he hung on your every word, the way he wasn’t condescending in the way most of the male friends you have made at Hogwarts are. Neville is kind just for the sake of being kind, it was something you weren’t used to.

“No, y/n, I don’t know that.” Pansy says, not in a mean way, more pleading than anything. “You never tell me about anything when it comes to boys, you always just let me go on and on about Draco, there has to be someone.”

You let out a deep sigh, Pansy is your best friend, she should be the one to know about your little crush on the Gryffindor, but you can’t help but dread the day she accidentally lets it slip to her beloved Malfoy.

“Pans before I tell you I need you to know I am not even remotely embarrassed about liking him, I just haven’t told you because the gits we call our friends would ruin him, alright so you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

Pansy sticks out her pinky and waits for you to link yours with her. You interlock both of your little fingers and kiss your thumbs before pressing them together, solidifying her promise. You take a breath and turn your head to look a little further back in the library where you see Neville explaining some phenomenon to Harry Potter who looks bored out of his mind. Pansy’s gaze follows your before she gasps, smacking her hand to her mouth. 

“Merlin, y/n, you like Potter?” She whisper screams, making your head snap in her direction, widening your eyes at her.

“No you idiot, the other one.” You clarify before turning to look at him again. The way he is so deep in thought, obviously about something he’s passionate about, is so intriguing, makes you fall for him a little more every time you catch him in this state.

It’s not before Longbottom can feel two pairs of eyes burning into the side of his head. He cautiously looks to his left to see the two Slytherins looking his way. When he catches your eyes, he immediately blushes but doesn’t look away, neither do you. You simply give him a gentle smile and a small wave before turning back to Pansy who can’t contain her growing grin.

“You really like Neville?” She asks and your nod, seemingly not able to wipe the smile off your face either. “Y/n, I think thats lovely.”

“You know, I didn’t plan on liking him, but after he tutored me in herbology I just couldn’t keep away,” You gush, you can tell your face probably looks like it’s in a dream state but you don’t care. You snap back to reality to tell her again, “You see why you absolutely cannot mention this to the boys. Especially Blaise.”

You didn’t mean to add that last part, you’re cursing yourself for it actually. You hadn’t meant for anyone to find out that for a brief period of time, solely out of desperation on your end, you and Blaise had been each others extra curricular activity so to speak. It ended the minute you realized you actually had feelings for Neville, you never told Blaise the true reason but if he knew it was Neville he may well murder him.

“Blaise?” Pansy ponders, a knowing grin forming on her lips. “Don’t tell me Zabinis been in your lady parts.”

You gag at her choice of words before nodding sheepishly. “It was a year ago and it was purely out of frustration, I promise. I wanted to tell you but he made me promise to keep quiet since I was the one who ended it. I told him I liked someone else, he thinks it’s Theo. He wasn’t mad because I think he thinks Theo is the best looking out of them. I obviously disagree because I didn’t let Nott in my pants now, did I?” You realize you’re rambling and Pansy is taking in all of this information while stifling a laugh. You shake your head before continuing. “But if Blaise knew it was Neville all along he would hex him or something. You see the way Crabbe and Goyle shove him in the hallway and Draco torments him, and I don’t want Blaise joining in on it okay Pans? I really like him.”

“You’re secret is safe with me, don’t worry.” She assure you with a kind smile. “Have you snogged him?”

You shake your head, “I haven’t even spoken to him about it, we don’t talk outside of herbology. I don’t know why, I feel like I can’t muster up the courage around him.”

Her jaw drops before smacking the table in front of us, “Y/n, you are hottest sixth year in this place, quite possibly the hottest witch to walk these halls ever. I know for a fact you’re the hottest bitch to show Longbottom that kind of interest, it’s not like he’d ever say no to you.”

“That’s the thing Pans, I’m not the kind of girl he goes for,” You sigh, letting your chin rest in your hands. The thing about you and Neville is your relationship is strictly academic. If you were to tell him you had feelings for him, ones that he didn’t reciprocate, he’d probably never tutor you again. You’ll take any time with him that you can, even if it’s just to listen to him go on and on about plants. “I don’t want to freak him out, he might never want to talk to me again. I’d be so embarrassed.”

“If he’s stupid enough to take one look at you and think ‘eh, not my type’ then he’d be the one who should be embarrassed.” She tries to assure you, it doesn’t make the thought of telling him any less scary. You never want to see a look on his face when he’s disgusted with you, and you fear that’s what you’d get if you told him. “Do me a favour and look in the mirror, remind yourself who you are. I don’t just mean your face, I obviously think you’re gorgeous, me and half of this school think so, but also right here.”

She points at you heart and smile. You shrug your shoulders and before you know it, Pansy is making a big show of her exit and making the fact that theres and empty seat across from you extremely apparent, calling out as she leaves, “I won’t be back, darling y/n, don’t save my seat.”

You blush and shake your head as she sends you a wink, leaving you alone in the library. You’re not alone for long before you hear a voice behind you ask.

“You mind if I sit here.”

“Not at all.” You reply, knowing full well who it is. “Hi Neville.”

[thetidemice]

this will make NO sense because i wrote it all at like 4am

ok ok so im thinking more about the future kajemac au that @/nodudeshutup came up with. and. i just rly wanna think about how everyone is feeling in it?? because i feel like future kj would get internally REALLY stressed out when 3 kids, one of which identical to her wife, show up at her doorstep, she'd just do a better job of hiding it and keeping a semi-cool demeanor than erin did. on the outside shes like, ok guys, come sit down and explain wtf is happening. but in her brain shes like 'oh my god i can't deal with this, i can't do this without mac, i need her to come home, but if we reveal to small mac that we're married it'll fuck up the future and she'll freak out, i need to call her, but what if this time travel thing has affected her too, what if she's hurt rn????'

she doesnt rly know how she's supposed to interact with them without ripping the space-time continuum apart or something, but they get along fine, even if mac doesn't trust her, so she's being relatively quiet and brooding and making snarky comments, with a few homophobic remarks thrown in for good measure (because of course kj's incapable of not talking about her unnamed wife). kj's like, wow, you were even meaner than i remember, and mac's like 'what's that supposed to mean?' and it's not like she can explain any more, but getting thrown back so hard makes her emotional and 'oh my god kj, you are 42, you can't cry in front of these teenagers, they'll make fun of you.'

and when mac finally comes home with 1988 kj, shes still confused as hell (but relieved) but now future mac's the one panicking because oh my god theres four of them.

she leaves small kj with the other girls to reunite with them (and make eye contact for 1 (one) second with mac, who looks like her insides are on fire and wow, isn't that an interesting piece of carpet that i'm not going to tear my eyes away from for as long as humanly possible now) and goes to the kitchen with *her* kj to ask what the hell is going on, and how did they get here, and are you okay??!? but kj does a good job of calming her down and explaining what little she knows, and they hug for a minute before they're prepared to go back and deal with whatever the fuck is going on in the living room.

and maybe mac sees through the ajar door, and sees what will inevitably be her and kj, being each others' first priority in the face of possibly-the-world-they-know-ending?-or-at-least-getting-fucked-up because theyve grown up to be safe havens for one another. they grew up and they're still best friends, in love or not. maybe she looks back to her kj, negotiating a plan with erin and tiff, and thinks, it may as well be like this. i can't hate kj for a future neither of us can control, because i want us to survive this whole stupid time travel thing, even if this is what happens 30 years after.

she may as well stick with her until this is all over. after that we'll just see what happens - because she can't really process the idea of liking girls at all right now, so she's just going to have to shelve this whole thing until she has the capacity to even try to deal with it, or until she gets a moment alone with kj, to talk about, you know, this.

so, feeling unusually unbrave for mackenzie coyle, she wanders to join the rest of the group and stands awkwardly next to kj, as some sort of peace dove to say, hey, i won't be weird about this if you won't. and maybe she doesn't notice, but kj's biting back a relieved smile. she had been holding her breath for a minute, as soon as she noticed mac walking over, expecting her to want nothing to do with the girl that's probably the catalyst for her lesbian awakening. except it was less of a gentle, fully-rested awakening, and more of a violent, sudden awakening with cold water involved or something. does that make sense?

mac has no idea, but kj's not quite as confused as she is. believe you me, she's still incredibly confused, but after she touched that monster thing, it... sort of lines up with finding out she's going to marry mac? she'd never admit it, and she's ashamed that this is what she's worried about, but the biggest thing on her mind right now is 'wow. i really hope that vision comes true, then.'