#hell yeah made it another year
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It's my birthday today 🎂
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vent post
#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once”#i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO#anxiety is a hell of a thing#and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever#i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up#and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken#but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship#i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it#i am cringe and i am free#self post#vent post#altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read#too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll#i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made#i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol#i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim#i think both things can be true#i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like#while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium#“perfectly balanced as all things should be”
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#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#virvox project#shirakami kotarou#kurono takehiro#vocal synth#voicevox#another one based off the memories of some post i saw a while back. i was like possessed. to redraw vsynth characters in popular posts#also low key this was what it was like being 22 in university classes full of 18-19 year olds for a bit there LHJSKHJFSDAjdfs#THEY WERE nicer about it. but sometimes they would find out my age and i could see the 'grown ass' flicker across their eyes#especially when they topic of discussion was shit like sororities and me not knowing shit about it. in my defence i was 1) confused about#'greek life' for a while because i am mixed race and kind of ambiguous irl so i just assumed it was a like a cultural based society thing#(we have a lot of those in my school its very multicultural) and they made an incorrect guess about my ethnicity again and 2) when I DID#finally figure out what the hell 'greek life' was supposed to be i signed up cause a friend asked me to but i missed the first day of#orientation cause i was sick and then the sororities started sending really passive agressive emails to me so i got scared off LOL#random sorority sidetrack aside. it was really funny when i was like yeah i dont really understand the whole deal#and a classmate was like oh well yeah i guess you wouldnt have the experience how old are you again like 18?#and i was like........................................................i turned 23 a month ago <:3c#and her face journey as she realized i was like 3-4 years older than her.... my apologies my dearest classmate#sowwy for being in my early 20s. it wont happen again <3
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Ramble time about Makoto and a little mini headcanon I came up with cus why not B]
Sometimes, I like to believe that Makoto gets really deep into stuff. Basically him in his own little world, hyper-focused to the max such as him cleaning, research, planning. Stuff like that. In the peak level of him in this state, he'd go, burst into a room, rummage around for anything he might need, and leave all while anyone who was in the now ransacked room is just 100% ignored. Bursting into rooms with the determination of the Kool-Aid Man (def not the strength tho) Makoto doesn't even remember that there were people in the room either. He could have been in a room with 58 other people for instance and if you quizzed him on how many people were in that room he'd just blank out like "People? What people?" This applies to whoever he lives with as an adult as well as way back with his parent's and sister. I can see his parent's never getting why he'd zone out like this. Like, they've tried to get it cus they of course wanna understand this weird part about their oldest child. They never really succeeded with it though and just accepted it as one of his weird quirks. Meanwhile, Komaru teased the shit about it to him cus of course she would. After all, it's the little sister privilege to completely dunk on the older sibling. 'Tis the law. Plus, it's not like it's the biggest piece of ammo she has on her older brother. This is Makoto we're talking about after all. Also, cus why not, (might as well be a BIT self-serving hehehe) I'm slipping in my mini headcanon of Makoto, Kyoko, and Byakuya living together casually in the same apartment/small house. Plus, it's funny imagining these two experiencing Makoto's little moments like this. Feel Kyoko would be more used to Makoto basically forgetting her existence when he gets into these hyper-focusing grind moments. Even when she first learned about it, I doubt it'd affect her much. Like, what is she gonna do? Have a little grudge for a solid week and a half with her roommate and lowkey boyfriend? And, besides, what idiot would have a grudge going on for that lon- oh right... Byakuya exists. Yeah, unsurprisingly, the heir is the type to be petty as shit about something like this. Has 100% without fail been disappointed to some extent and bummed out whenever he gets ignored like this. Or ignored in general. At the end of the day, he's a bit of an attention whore (the bit taking it lightly) It's his tsundere way to act like a needy, bastard cat. He'd basically take it personally while Kyoko's shaking her head cus he's taking it personally and Byakuya's all like "Tch. Stop making the assumption I'm taking it personally" and they go back and forth about it during the week all while Byakuya side eyes Makoto who's very much not aware he's even done anything wrong. His little stunt only happened once that week and he doesn't even remember Byakuya being in the room with him while he was rushing about their living quarters looking for junk like some toothpaste and a hanger. And this goes on until the week ends until Byakuya's basically over it, Kyoko gives him the whole "I told you so" look which for her is just her regular expression but with one of her brows slightly raised which she may or may not be actively trying to raise it higher but can't cus that's as far as it goes. Also this is a common occurrence for them all at least once a month. Oh, and the week is the minimum amount of time for Byakuya to hold a petty grudge for and they've lasted way longer ^v^
#danganronpa#danganronpa makoto#makoto naegi#danganronpa komaru#komaru naegi#danganronpa kyoko#kyoko kirigiri#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya togami#naegamigiri#naegirigami#tonaegiri#text sector#these 3 will never not be funny to me#the blorbos B] the goobers of varying quality which honestly sounds like one of them is about to spoil anytime soon#(spoiler alert. it's makoto.) pun unintended but happily made :)#he may or may not be the one spoiling because of the naeggy pun either which gosh. that's like a double pun. triple pun?#gotta love byakuya being ridiculous about dumb shit too b/c he's terrible with human interaction that doesn't involve business transactions#he gets better with age but he fumbles from time to time with kyoko at least having the courtesy to only “mildly” judge#meanwhile makoto's both of their cheerleaders while also fumbling his own general wellbeing from time to time cus of course he does#they'd be his cheerleaders too btw but kyoko and byakuya aren't exactly the most energetic types to be jumping around with pompoms like tha#their version of cheering him on is just a thumbs up and makoto's used to it anyway. probably finds it cute and flattering anyway#anyway tho they're all working themselves to the bone while going “no you” like a circle of spidermen#imagining they all are aware of it too but they sweep it under the rug for almost a year b/c they have so much other shit to do#since i'm too hopeful for them though i at least like to believe they get better and improve and actually get time to rest at some point#not saying their trauma bonding eyebags ever go away tho. those things are probably permanent with byakuya with the make up to hide it#gotta love them all rotting together too though <3 what a way to bond with the homies! hell yeah!#goodness i wrote about another paragraph from all these tags
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..
🏝️🤙🏄🏾♀️🏄🏼♂️💔
#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc#I don’t even want to say their names#if you know you know#purging them from my life has been depressing as hell#I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships#this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw#I’ve genuinely been in mourning#I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me#it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true#my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick#it was awful#but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger#I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons#I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write#I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi#I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh#feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan#she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot#I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did#I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion#but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all#apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today#and I needed to unload a bit#I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly#I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times#take me back to the season 3 hype#THIS is the bad place#personal#laura says things
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OC RNG stuff.
-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)
#i really love luce hes just so calm and collected in front of marcus and colette to try and look reliable#but hes actually one of the younger wardens who is made to replace his partner's old partner#so hes with sil and sil is just watching him for the first decade like why is he so awkward#when will he warm up to me or the other wardens he meets why is he always so tense#and then something happens and luce is sent into a panic because he learns that marcus used to laugh with sil and the retired warden#hes like ???? WHY DOES HE HATE ME ? WHAT DID I DO? and sil is like the guy is older than me and doesnt do change well#thats all there is to it he got used to my old partner and youre a wrench in the comfort zone hell get over it tho#and when marcus laughs for the first time in front of luce it is SO over for luce he would do anything for marcus#but then you get marcus who is telling colette i have to say things took an unexpected turn with sils partner#i went from fine with robert to being abandoned by robert to do you think luce is cute cause i think hes cute#and marcus is very much IM SO GAY which is fair cause colette is like MM YEAH SAME#and then you guys gotta realize i love my silly lil prince group where the oldest bro has a really cool future wife#and then the second oldest is like hey bro im stealing your wife for the afternoon and lucinda is like i see i see#and then the second oldest and lucinda just spend the entire afternoon dancing and shes happy to indulge him#then the third oldest is the original main one where he and the castle witch are on a mission to help another kingdom#but like the fact the oldest has an arranged marriage with a woman he loves#and the second youngest is in love with the son of two castle aids#who happens to be 40 and very worn out with stress from having to turn the second oldest down all the time#then the third oldest has a crush on a prince from the kingdom hes trying to help but the crush is on like an 18 year old#so the 2nd and 3rd oldest are constantly bickering over what the other sees in their crushes#anyway hi i love my ocs (gestures to them)#and ink was a really minor character in the plot bc it was mostly me paying attention to a dumbass vampire#and this thief who had to help the dumb vampire get home bc he has no sense of direction and had been abducted
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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People who age up Jeanne just to be the same age as Ren are cowards
#text#I also don't agree with the headcanon interpretation of Ren treating her like a “kid” either in the BP era because of their age difference#If anything I like to believe they treated eachother as equals and have mutual respect for one another#I personally find it boring to keep restricting your enjoyment on the ship all because of their 4 year age gap. When they literally have#no power imbalance in their dynamic neither theyre unhealthy. Theyre both mature for their ages if anything#Like yeah its ok to be uncomfortable and grossed out because theyre a adult x teen ship I get it. But still again they have a pretty#mature and healthy relationship by the end of the day as it even shows in their adult years. Idk why ppl have such a hard time#grasping the concept that Ren and Jeanne had a mature healthy relationship during the BP era and still wishes#for jeanne to be aged up or make her the same age as Ren because 4 year age gap is too much apparently#also lets not forget theyve been through hell in their childhoods and had to grow up fast in the toxic environment they were in#. but nah ppl think a 4 year age gap is much worse and it'll make both parties even more traumatized ever then before#than the hell they were put through as kids. Lord#I think their tragic backstories were MUCH worse honestly to the point it gives them life long trauma and endless nightmares#But them dating I literally dont give a fuck as they literally healed each other when they got together romantically#Also note: I still believe people can do whatever they want by the end of the day. Sometimes not all aus are made for everyone and thats ok#Do whatever that makes you feel the most comfortable and see fit-- I just find it a tad bit sad when ppl restrict themselves strictly#when it comes to fictional age gap ships in general when they could break loose and go all out having fun without thinking about#irl morals because this is fiction but thats just me
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HAPPY NEW YEAR GANG LETS GO
#pro tip don’t go on insta it sucks the life out of you#HELL YEAH WE MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER YEAR LETS GO RAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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.
#so oscar pistorius was in the news this morning#and like i have nothing to add in a conversation about him being granted parole#but it did remind of the trial and the general coverage of reeva steenkamps death#and i was like i have a vague memory of one betting company letting you bet on the outcome of the trial#because i remembered it being on the last leg and adam hills very passionately condemning it#but i was kinda hoping id either dreamt it up or it was more satirical#but i looked it up anyway#so uh#fuck paddy power#not only did they offer bets on the trial with ''money back if he walks'' (AS IF REEVA STEENKAMP WASNT BRUTALLY KILLED)#but theyve also offered bets for potential extinction of polar bears in 2009 or which species will be driven to extinction quickest by the#deepwater horizon oil spill#oh also on prospective assassinations of barack obama#oh they also had an advert for ladies day at cheltenham festival - whatever that is - where they said they were going to send in some#''beautiful transgendered ladies'' and basically encouraged you to ''spot the stallions [among] the mares''#which yeah fuck that you transphobic assholes#oh and they also apparently made an error when they offered odds in 2017 on ugo ehiogu - who had died earlier that year - becoming the#new manager of brum city footie club#which hell of a fucking cockup#most gambling companies are immoral nightmare corporations in one form or another but wow way to go paddy power to use borehole technology#to limbo under an already subterranean line
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like a decade later or something and hellaween/christmizzle still live in my head rent free
loool at this point the joke has gone on way too long to stop now...
#for anyone not in the know my christmizzle tag was from a post about snoop dogg wearing a santa hat reading a book#and i came up with hellaween because early 2010s teens but especially tumblr teens really did say hella a lot back then.#the way the kids talk in life is strange was already pretty dated by the time it came out but we kind of did talk like that for a while...#and actually at the time i liked the band helloween and i was like. what if i made it hella instead. hella halloween. yeah thats sick.#fresh from skeleton hell is another archaic joke tag. the skeleton war was a meme for one year and then everyone but me was sick of it#and i still use a ton of stupid joke/pun tags on my main it makes finding shit on that blog a nightmare sometimes skdjfksjhf#sparkle emoji#< god yeah and my personal post tags are all dumb shit like that. if it aint broke dont fix it ig but it reminds me of a younger#more annoying version of myself. however if i ever talk about deleting/moving blogs shoot me bc ive been replaced by an evil clone#and if i ever stop rambling in the tags. what were we talking about.
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There is a point at which school becomes just completely useless. There are skills you learn later on that (there's a big chance) you'll never need for your future job.
In maths, I consider it important to learn about converting numbers into percentages and working with scales. Everyone should know what a 20% discount on your 50$ shirt means‚ and how to look at a map with a scale and understand how far you gotta walk up to your destination. But trigonometry (the study of angles)? analytic geometry? fvcking prime numbers?? A kid should be able to opt out of that.
I'm personally too much of a sciences fan to tell you anything that wouldn't come around as useful later in your life‚ but mandatory physics is kind of an overkill. Why do schools force you to learn how to calculate which bus is gonna get the most damage from a boulder falling from heaven considering it's windy in Hawaii?
In my birth country‚ PE wasn't mandatory if you proved you were enrolled in sports outside of school. Not trying to flex here, but you could focus on karate‚ swimming‚ hockey‚ whatever - instead of being forced to be good at every single sport.
Mandatory English classes (not as a foreign language) are also just stupid after you learn basic grammar and the different media types. The ability to classify words and where they should go in a sentence, to know where to put a comma - that's useful. Classifying clauses is a waste of time.
Sure we should know about our countries' classic literature pieces. I can't find two kids who enjoy being forced to read those old books though. Recently, in the country I moved to, kids have been given 10 minutes out of English class to quietly read a book they brought to school themselves (and it can't be in a foreign language). They're encouraged to ask questions about unknown words and such. That's interesting. That's gotta be way better than reading and interpreting a news article the don't give a fudge about.
I'm sorry for the long text, but school system is so disgustingly flawed. I didn't even talk about speeches and presentations, that are the number one fear of many children regarding school.
#I always got straight As at maths and physics if you got the impression i only hate those because i sucked at 'em#nah I'm a natural genius. I do maths for fun. so trust me when i say kids will NOT need trigonometry#because I can't find a single fvcking excuse to do trigonometry in my day to day life#not a single reason to calculate when the orange's gonna hit the ground#TEACHERS NEED TO BE GOOD WITH CHILDREN BTW#teachers need to have a sense of sympathy at the very least#my autism hates the sound of balls being kicked or bouncing on the ground so PE was a nightmare#of course i didn't have a diagnosis so i just kept being punished for my meltdowns. it pulled my grades down obviously#it wasn't until eight grade that a teacher FINALLY pulled her head out of her ass and told me to get this checked out#she made me realize “holy shit. yeah maybe this isn't fvcking normal.”#up until then‚ teachers would just glare at me and move on#i never did any speeches at school up until tenth grade because‚ well‚ I couldn't freaking speak.#and I'm telling you - teachers *yelled* at me when i refused to do the presentations#had to endure six years of teachers scolding me over and over for not speaking about a topic they chose in front of another 20 children#and listen#I was lucky enough to end up with excellent‚ friendly classmates. Always got along well with everyone since 7th grade#but I can imagine what it'd be like to... *not* get along with all of your classmates. to have a bully spend 40 hours a week beside you.#this isn't okay#this is bad#this all sounds like hell and nobody does sheet about it#sorry that's a lot of tags#I just fvcking hate school#school life#interacting#text post
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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3
#it’s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot#am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor#this is. for a bake sale. pray for me#I’m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning#this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it#however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over £100 which isn’t bad#TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES#I’m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff#primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer#there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey I’ve been having such a good time this past week while I’ve not had to stress#abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay#like okay I’ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer#(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair#we talked a BUNCH last night and he’s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I don’t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway!! he’s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. I’m being insane but oh my god this is torture#I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like#this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ‘reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feeling’ if you will#where there’s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. it’s NICE that doesn’t sound good but it is#is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just don’t watch/read much anymore but also#there’s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyone’s in this city so I can get my shit together#ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but it’s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but he’s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory I’m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me I’m just gay#boy 😔. they shouldn’t be allowed to do this#on Wednesday he’ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend#2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks I’m just trying to decide whether that’s too much to put on her. I think I’m being insane there#luke.txt
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Yandere Bisexual Best Friend
Male Yandere x Fem Reader He just wants what's best for you. If he has to tell a few white lies now and again, then so be it.
When you first saw him, he had his tongue down your boyfriend's throat.
It sure as hell would not have been the start of a friendship, except...
He was the one who ran after you when you stormed out of the club, mascara and eyeshadow running in silvery streaks down your cheeks.
He was the one who hugged you and apologised and said your boyfriend was a piece of shit for doing that to you.
He was the one who got you home safe, cleaned off your makeup and left aspirin on your bedside table.
In your half haze of alcohol and tears, you clung to him and nuzzled into his neck and told him you were so grateful, that he was such a nice guy.
It wouldn't have been the start to a friendship and maybe it shouldn't have been. But you called him the next morning.
You apologised for being such a mess, stuttering just a little at the deep gruffness of his morning voice. He laughed and told you not to worry about, that you should've seen what a fool he made of himself when his boyfriend cheated.
You weren't sure how, but a phone call turned into lunch together. Both of you just a little tipsy from bottomless mimosas, his arm tossed across the back of your chair as he sketched out the horror of his last situationship.
"So you're gay?"
You should have noticed it then - the way he narrowed his eyes just a little, the way he let his fingers graze your bare shoulder, the way he seemed to take just a second too long to answer.
"Yeah. I'm into guys."
That was the first lie he told you. Not entirely untrue. He was into guys.
He was just into girls too. And he was especially into you.
He could have been honest with you, he could have told the truth. But you were still reeling from your boyfriend's betrayal, too guarded and hurt to let another man into you life.
And he so desperately wanted to be a part of your life.
The next time you asked him to hang out, you were so at ease. You hugged him when you saw him, your tits squished against his chest. You held his hand and dragged him along behind you. You fell asleep with your head on his shoulder.
He smoothed your hair away from your face and any idea of telling the truth crumbled.
He told himself he just wanted to be your friend. Lord knows you needed one after such a nasty break up. But anyone who looked at you together could tell friendship was the last thing on his mind.
He took you to watch his favourite band performing live and hoisted you up on his shoulder for the encore, his hands inching further and further up your thighs.
He took you to his favourite club and bought you drink after drink until you danced with him, your arms thrown back around his neck and your ass grinding into his crotch. It was only the pulsing neon lights that kept you from seeing his hard on.
He invited you over for a movie night and pretended to lose the AC remote, just so he could share a blanket with you and keep his arm around your waist.
And the longer it went on, the worse it got. You were cute and clever and funny. You could yap together for hours about fashion and music and video games. You brought him little presents every time you came over - small packets of his favourite sweets, a new flavour of ice cream, his go-to Starbucks order.
Could you blame him for wanting you?
He started calling you his wifey, even in front of his friends. Would crack jokes about getting married if either of you couldn't find a guy by next year. And you went along with it. Ran your hands up his chest and fluttered your eyelashes at him and called him your strong, handsome fiancé - oblivious to the way it made his heart race.
When he walked in on you changing, he kept his face deadpan and told you red was definitely not your colour, even as you scrambled to cover up and spluttered at him to get out.
"Why? You aren't exactly my type babe."
Another lie. Not even remotely true this time.
And soon you got used to him walking in on you. Started asking him for fashion advice while you were in just your underwear and heels. Started asking him to tie your bikini tops and unzip your dresses. You didn't notice him always slipping away afterwards, one hand shoved deep in his pocket. You didn't notice the way his hair was always slightly messed up when he got back, his cheeks just a little flushed.
And if there were ever any warning bells - any subconscious instincts that told you he touched you too much, hugged you for too long - they were drowned out by his parade of boyfriends and flings. Why would he be into you when he could be dating a ripped surfer or hooking up with his personal trainer?
You never realised you were the reason his relationships were always so short lived. He couldn't fall for any of them the way he fell for you. They were all just quick fucks to get the frustration out of his system.
He could have continued just like that - fucking a new guy every weekend and getting brunch with you right after.
But then you went and met someone.
He froze when you told him, his smile a rictus, hand clenched so tight around his wine glass that he was lucky it didn't shatter.
He gritted his teeth and managed to choke out a congratulations. You beamed at him, flushed pretty with young love. You squeezed his hand and said it was only a matter of time before he found his love too.
He had to excuse himself after that. Had to splash cold water on his face and fight down the urge to scream. God, why was he so fucking stupid? He should have made a move on you ages ago, back when you first met. If you rejected him then, at least it wouldn't hurt as bad as it did now.
He somehow managed to make his way back to the table and smile at you like you hadn't just clawed his insides to shreds.
"So when can I meet the lucky guy?"
When you got up to wash your hands he slipped your phone out of your bag. He scrolled through your gallery, over analysing every pic of your new boyfriend. Cute, but you could do so much better. And he wasn't even that much taller than you. God, are you really gonna date this loser?
You kissed him on his cheek when he left and he spent the entire walk home rubbing the spot and thinking up ways to get rid of this new... disruption.
Later that afternoon you called him up and asked if he'd like to come to a bar with you and meet your new man. And just like that, the wild ideas in his head clicked into place.
"Sure wifey, I'd love to come."
He showed up late and spilled a drink down your dress before you even finished saying hello. And while you rushed off to try and get red wine out of satin, he scanned the bar for your new boyfriend.
And when he finally found the bastard, he turned on all his pretty boy charm. Bought him a drink and slung an arm across the back of his chair and pretended not to hear when he said he had a girlfriend. Managed to get the guy flushed and stuttering even after he claimed to not be into men.
When he pulled your boyfriend into a kiss, the fucker had the nerve to actually kiss him back.
He was careful with his timing - going in for a second kiss as soon as he saw the flash of your dress through the crowd.
He pulled away just as you reached the table and looked up at you with oblivious innocence.
"What's wrong baby? Why do you look so shocked?"
Your boyfriend shoved him off and stood up to grab you, to claim he didn't kiss someone else, the guy just came onto him swear to God. But the damage was already done.
Who would you believe was at fault? Your best friend who didn't even know what your new boyfriend looked like? Or the asshole kissing someone else while you were gone?
You threw your drink in your boyfriend's face and called him a filthy liar. When you grabbed your best friend's arm and dragged him away, he struggled to hide his smile.
He took you back to his apartment and popped open a bottle. Poured you a drink and kissed your forehead and let his hand settle on your lower back.
"Men ain't shit baby. We're all just manipulative assholes deep down."
He let you drown your sorrows in the bottle and then pulled you onto his lap when you were too drunk to object.
"I'm the only man you need in your life, yeah?"
You sniffled, too drunk and hurt and dizzy to notice his hands moving to your bare thighs.
"Yeah."
"C'mon, say it. Say I'm the only man you need."
"You're the only man I need."
His fingers slipped under the hem of your dress and he pressed his lips against your skin, teeth oh so close to your jugular.
"And I'll take care of you. So just sit still and I'll make it all better."
#Not sure about this one chat#Might delete later#Yandere#yandere imagines#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere scenarios#reader insert#x reader#yandere oc#Yandere best friend#Fem reader
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