#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.

[bopbopstyles]

Best friend y/n taking pictures of H in a field of sunflowers 🧐😇

i made this a theyre in love with each other but no one wants to talk about it/quarantine situation and it kind of spiraled quickly

Harry had signed on to do the cover of GQ long before quarantine started, the cover supposed to coincide with the beginning of the tour and a bit of press. Quite honestly, he was excited to be doing it--the excitement from doing a big magazine cover never quite faded no matter how many he did. 

But now that quarantine had happened, he couldn’t go into the studio to do the photos, the original photographer having an immunocompromised family member, so the team had asked if he had someone he was quarantining with who could do them. They’d send out some gear, give some directions, but he’d have more creative control. 

Which brought him to you. The two of you were best friends, and so the minute he crossed back onto British soil you had decided to quarantine together. You were tired of being in your cramped London flat all alone and Harry hated being in his big house in Hampstead all alone. So naturally, you ended up at his in the guest bedroom. (Most nights. Sometimes you had sleepovers, all tame of course.)

You had been a photography student in college, and since then you worked at a couple of local London papers and magazines freelance, sometimes covering concerts, other times doing portraits, building a portfolio for when you could get a full-time gig somewhere. You weren’t 100% sure what you wanted to focus on yet, so the breadth of experience was to your liking. 

Harry had always been your favorite model, ever since you met him when you had ended up covering his London show. You’d become friends, despite your expectations, and he ended up liking you enough to continually reach out, and other the few years you two had become best friends. 

So when he had to get someone to take photos, you were the natural choice. He was comfortable with you and you were insanely talented, something he told you all the time. 

The only problem was, he was also head over heels in love with you and every time you took photos of him his crush got deeper and more intense. After spending weeks with you constantly, he didn’t know if he could take the intensity of a photo shoot with you.

But he didn’t really have a choice. 

When Harry asked you, you beamed at him, excited to not only be able to add Harry Styles, GQ to your portfolio, but also to have the opportunity to shoot again. You had missed it during quarantine. 

Which was how you ended up in a field of sunflowers a little ways out of town, your camera slung around your neck, the one GQ had sent as back up looped across your back. It was dusk, your favorite time to shoot, and you had abandoned all hope of using and additional props to capture the light. It was impossible with just you, and frankly Harry was so gorgeous he didn’t need it. 

You’d helped him get dressed, and he was in a simple soft pink button up, unbuttoned low, his chest exposed, and a pair of linen trousers that were tight around his strong thighs stretching down the length of his legs. His necklaces, the cross and his signature pearls, adorned his neck, filling the space the shirt exposed, and his tattoos littered his arms, the sleeves pushed up to expose his forearms. His hair was tousled and soft, a bit of product you had worked into it before you left the house helping hold the curls. Rings littered his fingers, glinting in the setting sun. 

You were trying to work, directing him on how to pose and trying to find the right lighting, but he was staring at you. His gaze trained on your face, eyebrows scrunched as you messed with some settings on your camera. It was moments like these when he nearly burst out his feelings for you, the shreds of self-awareness falling away. 

“H, shift your right leg slightly more towards me.” He blinked, refocusing, and followed your direction. He was leaning back on his hands, one leg bent, the other straight, you straight in front of him. “Now don’t more, squirmy.”

He wouldn’t dare. Music was playing from your phone, which was tucked into your back pocket, and he tried to focus on the lyrics. But instead he ended up watching you again. Watching as you shifted, getting different angles, shutter clicking. Usually he felt nervous in front of a camera lens like this, but with you, he was at ease. He could just watch you and his anxiety settled. 

“Laugh for me?”

“Didn’t say anything funny.”

You rolled your eyes at him, and he just smirked. “Just pretend?”

He did his best fake laugh, and you gave him a terse glare. “H.”

“‘m tryin’! Hard to laugh when there’s nothing to laugh at.”

You huffed. “Try laughing at me then. How sweaty I am out in this field, laboring away to make you look good, while I look like a mess.”

“You don’t look like a mess,” he mumbled. 

“Liar.”

“You look beautiful,” he said, the words falling from his lips with ease. “Always do.”

It was moments like these when being in love with Harry was really fucking frustrating, because he’d say things like that and how could you not fall for him immediately? “Shut up,” you told him, trying to disguise the blush rising to your cheeks. “Now laugh for me, you idiot.”

Harry followed your directions, dropping the act. You shifted closer, coming to your knees so you were at even height with him.��“Pretty close, love.”

“I’m trying to get some close-ups. Now shut it and let me do my job.”

You could tell he was getting bored and antsy--he always did. Only took him like fifteen minutes of sitting in one place before he would be itching to move, moaning about his bum going to asleep. His head fell to the side, and you sighed. It was hopeless when he was like this. 

“H, please, just a few more and then we’ll take a break.”

He nodded, picking his head back up to resume his former position. You moved a few inches closer, knees landing on either side of his, your body hovering over him. The camera was tilted down, getting an angle from able and he adjusted, eyes following the lens. 

He could smell your perfume mixed in with his laundry detergent, the hint of the cantaloupe you had both snacked on before you left on your breath. Sweet. He absentmindedly wondered, and not for the first time, what it would be like to kiss you, to run his tongue across your lip. What your gasps would sound like. 

Wrong idea. Fuck. Harry could feel his dick plumping at the thought of kissing you, the prospect making his blood race. He tried to think of anything else, tried to get it to go away, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want his fucking dick up in the photos, for Pete’s sake. 

“Y/N,” he mumbled, sitting up. You leaned back, your bum falling to his shins, which didn’t help one bit. “Can we stop for a sec?”

“Why? Just need a few more, H, please. Don’t want to miss this lighting.”

“I--fuck,” he fumbled with his words. 

“What is it?” Your voice was soft and gentle with an edge of frustration, a hand reaching up to brush a stray hair from his forehead. The sensation made his eye flutter shut, trying to keep his emotions in check. 

“i’vegotahardonandIdon’twantitinthephotos,” he rushed out, his words falling between you two, landing with impact. 

You blinked at him. “Oh.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Um...what happened?”

Good lord, you were going to make him die of embarrassment. You two usually danced around conversations like these, both uncomfortable talking about the topic for the same reason but not knowing. The idea of talking about sex with the person you were in love with wasn’t exactly at the top of your list. Did he tell you?

You were watching him, a. blush on your cheeks. You looked so fucking gorgeous, sitting there with the sunset behind you, your hair blowing softly in the wind, your camera in one hand. 

“....you.” He didn’t mean to say it. But then he did. 

And he couldn’t take it back. 

Your mouth opened, then closed. “Oh,” you said for the second time, the word hushed. 

“YN, I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, fuck I’m so sorry--”

“H, it’s fine.”

This time, he was the one blinking at you, eyes wide. “What?”

Your head bent, eyes falling to his dick. He could tell thoughts were swirling in your head, your hand reaching up to brush a hair behind your ear, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip like you did when you were thinking hard. “I--I could help you.”

“What?” He sputtered, brain unable to process the concept. 

But you just shrugged, as if it was no big deal. In reality, your blood was racing at the prospect of having him in your mouth, at tasting him finally. And for him, he couldn’t quite keep his thoughts in a coherent string. “If you want,” you said.

“You sure?” You nodded, and Harry cursed under his breath. “Then, um, yeah.” 

You placed both the cameras on the ground next to him, clasping the lens caps over the lenses, before looking back up to him. Then, your hands were coming up to his waist and Harry thought he was going to melt into the ground at the feeling of your fingertips on his lower stomach as you brushed over the button of his pants. You were narrowly avoiding his dick and he couldn’t bear it. 

Your hands tucked into the fabric once the button was popped, and pulled, the zipper moving down smoothly. You pulled off his pants and underwear at the same time and Harry groaned hotly at the fresh air on his sensitive skin. 

As he panted, you studied him. Red, weepy tip, desperate and hard. You had caused this? You chewed on your cheek, the thought crossing into your brain that maybe you had the same effect on him as he had on you. 

You decided to give him all you had. You shifted on his body, moving so your knees were pressed to the ground in between his legs. Then, you leaned in and as ladylike as possible, let spit fall from your lips and onto his dick. 

Harry moaned wantonly above you, one of his hands moving to your hair and pulling it together, making a tie of sorts to keep it out of your face. Then, your hand moved from his hip to his dick, your fingers wrapping around his wide girth, and tugging softly, the slick of your spit making it smooth. 

You watched in rapture as Harry’s head fell back, his hips bucking slightly at your touch. He was more sensitive than you had thought. You pumped a few more times, taking immense joy in the pants and whimpers falling from his lips as you worked him. When you decided you had teased him enough, you shifted your head back down, and wrapped your lips around his tip. 

The groan that ripped from Harry’s throat had you moaning onto his skin, the vibrations just making more sounds echo between you. Harry’s voice was low and heavy and you loved the sound as you bobbed your head once, your spit and his pre-cum mixing in your mouth as you moved your lips down the length of him. 

It was sin, he thought as he watched you. Having you on him like this, letting himself feel you like this. It was pure, unabashed sin. He was going straight to hell for the thoughts of you that were floating through his head. Of you on your back, of you moaning his name, of your hands on his skin as he pushed in and out of you. 

He was definitely going to hell. 

Then you pulled off of him and licked a hot stripe up the underside of him and rolled his balls in his hand, the combination making him buck his hips again, unable to control himself. But you didn’t seem to mind. You just smiled softly--he could see your face slightly from the angle--and then took him all the way into your mouth. 

When he hit the back of your throat, he thought he might die there and then. Or perhaps he was already dead and this was heaven. Or hell. He didn’t really care, as long as you were there with him. 

You loved the feeling of him inside your mouth, the taste of him salty and perfect on your tongue. You loved the sounds you caused him to make, the ripple of his abs, the soft hold he had on your hair. You loved when he pushed into you and then apologized under his breath. You loved him. 

You added your hand back to his shaft and in quick motions, moved your hand and head together, meeting in the middle and working his length in perfect rhythm. When Harry moaned your name you knew he was close, his grip in your hair tightening and his fingernails scratching at your scalp. 

“’m close,” he mumbled above you. 

You kept going, not wanting to let up for a second, and Harry thought he was going to lose it. Were you going to let him come in your mouth? The thought had him nearly letting go immediately, but he wanted to check. 

“You can pull off,” he said, voice rough.

But you didn’t move. You just stayed stayed, taking him as deep as you could and tonguing at his tip with soft licks that had his eyes squeezing shut, teeth digging into his bottom lip.

And then he was coming, in long ropes in your mouth, coating your tongue. Your only movement was your hand moving from his base to his thigh, gripping the exposed skin to encourage him. 

“Fuck, Y/N, holy shit,” he breathed out, mind whirling at the feeling of you warm and wet around him. 

When you pulled off, there was a small smile on your face, and a hint of his cum at the corner of your lips. He let your hair go and swiped at it, taking it and pressing it back to your lips, watching in awe as they parted and accepted his finger. 

“You,” he murmured, “are incredible.”

You giggled and Harry couldn’t stop the next three words from falling from his mouth, no matter the fact this wasn’t the time. 

“I love you.”

Your eyes widened again, his finger still inside your mouth. Your jaw dropped, releasing it, and he watched your expression absorb his words. “You--what?”

“I love you.” He was more emphatic this time, showing you he was serious.

The words settled in your mind, rolling backwards and forwards in your thoughts. Could it be true? Could he actually feel the same way about you? Maybe so, you realized. Maybe he was telling you the truth. You searched his face for any sign that he was lying, but couldn’t find one. He looked like Harry, the one you knew well, the one you trusted with your whole heart. 

So you said the words back. “I love you too.”

The grin that ripped across his face rivalled any other in existence. “Yeah?”

A giggle escaped your lips and you nodded. “Yeah.”

Then his lips were on yours, and you leaned into him, hands moving to the back of his neck. He was delicious--tasted like minty toothpaste and the grass he had been lying in, the edge of a watermelon popsicle he’d eaten on the drive over. 

You shifted closer, but something stopped you. You glanced down and chuckled--his dick was pushed between you. 

Then he looked and he groaned. “Fuck--lemme--love can you move so I can pull up my pants?”

“Don’t want it in the way?”

He huffed, tugging at his pants once you shifted. “God, it really does have the worst fucking timing.”

Then he pulled you back in, re-claiming your lips. He never wanted to let you go. 

~~~

WELL THIS BECAME LONG SUDDENLY! ENJOY!

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

[just-jordie-things]

00:02:30:17 - Richie Tozier

word count: 2871 warnings: swearing request: @oceanspray5​: Richie x Reader soulmate AU with the timers counting down to meeting their soulmate? With Reader being a sweetheart and trashmouth being himself yet absolutely smitten with her anyway because she's the best thing in his life. And maybe focus on Richie and how he's nervous to meet his soulmate because of being insecure thst he's unlovable. Feel free to take this in any direction you would like or even modify the type of prompt! Thank you! ___

[ 00:02:30:17 ]

“Two hours, thirty minutes, and seventeen seconds,” Richie announced to Beverly, eyes darting between hers and the tattooed timer on his wrist.  “That’s how long you have to teach me how to be a good boyfriend”

“Richie-”

“Fifteen seconds!” He cut her off, watching the last two digits on his arm tick downwards.  “Fourteen!”

“Are you gonna do that the whole time?” Bev sighed.

Richie had begged her to meet him at a little diner in Derry that the Losers often hung out at.  Today was the day he was supposed to meet his soulmate, and he’d gone to bed last night excited, eager to meet them, who wouldn’t?

But this morning, he woke up feeling awfully anxious, not realizing how big of a deal this really was.  He was going to meet the love of his life today, the one person that was made for him, his other half, and as wonderful as it had sounded twenty four hours ago, now, he wasn’t so sure.

What if he wasn’t what they were expecting? What if he was too cude? Swore too much? What if they didn’t like that?

Overthinking was a hallmark of Richie Tozier’s personality.  It was right up there with ‘Makes Dirty Jokes’ and ‘Literally Can’t See’.  And now he was overthinking about whether his soulmate would hate that he overthinks.

“They’re literally going to fucking hate me, I can feel it.  I just know” Richie told Bev, who furrowed her brows while she sipped on a milkshake.  So far, she had just been sitting there listening to Richie ramble on about all his unecessary nerves.

“That’s impossible.  Really, impossible” She said calmly, but her kind words fell on deaf ears, and Richie babbled on.

“What if theyre- like- really fucking popular? Huh? What if it’s the most popular- what if they’re a cheerleader? Do you really think I should date a cheerleader,  Bev? I mean I do but I shouldn’t be with one-”

“You’re not even making sense anymore,” Beverly shook her head.  “You’re worried they’re gonna be…?”

“More popular than me keep up,” Richie groaned.  “No one wants to find out their soulmate is that weird kid! And I’m that weird kid!”

His yelling was making other customers turn heads, but neither Beverly or Richie cared.  They were used to the frustrated attention of adults.

“Alright, how about you take a deep breath, and we’ll start from the beginning,” The red haired girl suggested, sitting up straighter in order to get to business.  “First of all, no matter what you say or do, they won’t hate you, Richie.  Not only is it impossible, but this person is going to fall so in love with you when you meet”

“What if-”

“No.  No ‘what ifs’. It’s the truth.  You could literally stab them when you meet and the bond between you will still be unbreakable.  Do you understand? That should trump all else.  It’s unconditional, Richie.  Do you get that now?”

He shrugged his shoulders, picking up a fry from the basket in front of him and poking at the other fries with it

“I just- I don’t know, Bev.  I feel like- I feel like I won’t be…” He trailed off, feeling vulnerable and angry about it.  Luckily, Beverly was patient, and waited quietly while he tried to find the words.  “Enough” He finished, staring down at his food.

“Oh, Rich,” Beverly smiled, and reached across the table to set her hand on top of his.  “That’s the best part.  You’re going to be more than enough.  You’ll be everything, just like they will be for you”

Richie looked down at his wrist once more,

[ 00:02:15:48]

and a slight smile tugged on his lips.  In two short hours, and fifteen short minutes, he was going to meet his everything.  Some people weren’t so lucky, some people’s timers ticked on for sixty years, but Richie had only waited for seventeen.  And he was meeting them tonight.  At approximately seven o’clock.

“I can’t believe this,” richie said through a heavy breath.  He put his elbows on the table and hung his head in his hands.  “I can’t believe this is happening.  It’s too fast”

“Too fast? You’ve only known your whole life that this was happening today,” Beverly laughed, earning a glare from the stressed out boy.  “Come on.  It’s gonna be magical.  And romantic, and beautiful, and, oh you’re going to remember this day for the rest of your life”

“If I don’t have a goddamn heart attack and die right now, yeah maybe,” Richie mumbled.  “It’s only the most important thing to ever happen to someone.  And I’m not… ready”

Beverly gave him a soft smile, knowing that everyone would feel that way in the minutes leading up to the timer hitting zero.  But she also knew that he would be just fine, and all his worries were for nothing.

“I can’t wait to meet them,” She told him, her smile growing on her face.  “And I can’t wait to get an invite to the wedding…”

“Okay okay that’s enough advice outta you,” Richie cut her off, but she could tell he was trying to suppress his laughter.  “I gotta go”

“Go? You literally have two hours” Bev said, gesturing to the timer on his wrist.

“Yeah, but I gotta get some stuff first” Richie shrugged, sliding out of the booth and putting on his jacket.

“You have to go grocery shopping?” Beverly laughed.  “You don’t want to hang out some more?”

“Not grocery shopping-”

“Are you gonna go buy a new outfit to impress your date?”

“Nope,” Richie grinned, eating one last french fry.  “I’m gonna go buy flowers”

And with that, he raced out of the diner, leaving Beverly to laugh and shake her head.  

He was a mess.  Whoever it was that he met tonight was sure going to be someone special. ___

(y/n) had been wandering around Derry all day, checking her wrist every minute to see the timer ticking down.  Hours to minutes, her eyes were glued on the tattoo.  It led to her bumping into a few people, and doorframes, but even so, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the numbers.

She was terrified.

And now, after spending the whole day walking around town, she was sitting at the overlook at the quarry.  The bench there was worn down and usually required some dusting off for anyone to feel comfortable to sit there, but the view was too nice to pass up.

The sun was setting, and she liked watching the ducks swim around in the waters below.  The relaxing setting helped calm her nerves, since she’d been over-stressing all day.

All that was left to do now, was wait.

She was enjoying watching the ducks bob their heads under the water to eat when a loud sound pulled her from the scene.

“Fuck!”

The girl leapt up, spinning around just as Richie Tozier tripped over his feet and face planted onto the grass.  She gasped, and was quick to rush over to him.

“Oh my god!” She squealed, crouching down to his level.  “Are you alright?”

“Yeah- just- fuckin’ slipped”

She giggled as he pushed himself to sit up.

He finally looked up at her, and he just knew that the timer on his wrist hit zero.  He could feel it, like his heart was suddenly full and there was no chance of it ever being empty, ever again.  And just by looking at her, this stranger that he would spend the rest of his life with, he knew she felt the same way.

“Hey,” He mumbled, dusting the grass off his arms and legs.  “You… You’re-”

“Are those supposed to be for me?” She asked, smiling and pointing to the bouquet of daisies in his hand, slightly flattened on one side from catching his fall.

“Ah, fuck,” Richie groaned, trying to make the flowers look less ruined, but (y/n) just laughed again and took them from him.  “Yeah, they… were supposed to be… for you”

“That’s cute,” She mused, effectively making him blush.  “I’m (y/n)” She introduced herself, sticking her hand out towards him.

“Richie,” He replied, shaking her hand.  “This is… not what I thought” He said, and (y/n) sat down on the ground, a thoughtful look on her face as she studied his features.

He was cute, he was really cute.  She wondered if it was the fact that he was her soulmate that made him so goddamn attractive to her, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, his wide eyes from behind his glasses met hers, and her heart melted, spreading warmth and butterflies throughout her body.

“What did you think, then?” She asked with an amused smirk.

“Honestly?” He asked, and she nodded curiously.  “I thought it’d be pouring rain, and then we’d see each other from, say, twenty feet away, and then you would run, literally, into my arms, and we would kiss all dramatic like”

(y/n) laughed at the detailed description, before looking up at the sky.

“Well, it’s clear skies, definitely no chance of pouring rain…” She trailed off, eyes nervously meeting his again.  “But, I’m still here?” She shrugged a shoulder, lips twitching in an anxious sort of smile.

“That you are...” Richie grinned, leaning forward a bit.  

(y/n’s) eyes fluttered shut as their lips met halfway, and for the first time in her life, she saw stars behind her eyes.  Soulmates were magical, they were perfection, and she’d never felt more at home than she did right now.

Richie’s lips were so soft, and she could tell already that she was going to enjoy the rest of her life with him.

When they parted, there was a warmth that could only be described as the spark between them.

“Wow,” (y/n) let out in a breath, her eyes fluttering open, finding him with the same surprised expression.  “Um…” She bit her lip, her cheeks burning pink while her heart started to beat out of her chest.

“Yeah” Richie agreed softly.

They both laughed quietly to themselves, and when Richie finally stood up, he took her hand to help her up as well.

“Well?” (y/n) hummed expectantly, and Richie furrowed his brow in confusion.  “Um, was it- uh- worth it?” She asked, showing a bit more of her shyer side than she had a few moments ago.

He just laughed, not sure how to tell her that this was even better than he could have imagined. ___

(One Year Later)

“Did you make sure to turn down the heat for the la-”

“-Last five minutes? Yes,” RIchie answered.  “You don’t trust me with cooking at all, babe, do you?”

(y/n) glared at him from where she sat on the counter.  Richie had decided he was going to make dinner for them tonight, all on his own.  She wasn’t allowed to help in any way, this was his treat to her.  However, she wasn’t all that much of a fan.  Richie didn’t have a great track record when it came to the kitchen, and this is what led to her always cooking or baking for them.  He was allowed to help her, sometimes, but she never let him cook by himself.

“Since you tried to make me a birthday cake and covered the floor with flour, melted the batter, and nearly started a fire? No, babe, I don’t trust you with cooking” She replied sassily.

“Well this is gonna be the best goddamn tortellini you’ve ever had!” He declared, and stirred the pot of boiling noodles.  “Sausage and cheese stuffed, manually, by yours truly,” He said, casting her a wink that she rolled her eyes at.  “And homemade sauce too!”

She had to smile at his efforts, he really did want to impress her.  But she was just so worried he was going to burn their food.

“Just a little longer, hon” He said, setting the spoon aside and taking the few steps over to stand in front of her.

She rests her hands on his shoulders and smiles down at him.  She’s barely any taller than him, but she enjoys having an inch or two on him for once.

Richie smirks back up at her, hands landing on her hips as she kisses his nose adorably.

He tugs her forward and helps her to her feet on the ground.

“That’s better,” He says with a small snicker.  She gives him a pout, but it goes away with a short kiss.  “Much better”

His eyes wander and land on her wrist, which was resting against his chest.  With a gentle hand he takes it, and his thumb smooths over the inked skin.  00:00:00

A smile tugs on the corner of his lips at the sight.  Sometimes he just has to check, to make sure this is real, and he’s not just daydreaming.  (y/n) knew this, and she found it incredibly sweet, every time.

They’d been together for a year now, and he was still in disbelief.

She leaned up on the tips of her toes and kissed him, for a satisfyingly longer amount of time than before.  Her fingers latched onto the collar of the flannel he was wearing, pulling him down a bit towards her so she could deepen the kiss.  And just as he was contemplating lifting her back up onto the counter, she pushed him away.

“The pasta!” She all but screeched.

Richie just laughed, and turned off the stovetop to finish up dinner.

After ten minutes of fixing up the sauce and assuring (y/n) repeatedly that’s it’s neither undercooked or burnt.  She wasn’t all too convinced, but she was too hungry to care all too much.

He made her go put on pajamas before making up her bowl of tortellini.  And when she came back, her heart melted at the sight of him setting up the sofa with blankets, a selection of her favorite movies on the cushion.

“You pick a movie, and then I’ll set it up, and you can relax and enjoy this sweet ass meal”

She giggled, and picked out a movie before settling in on the sofa.

He kissed her cheek as he settled in next to her.

At her first bite, her eyes widened, and she almost forgot to swallow.  She stared at her boyfriend in surprise, and he waited impatiently for what she had to say.

“Well?” He asked, motioning for her to say something, anything.

“Damn” She mumbled, before swallowing thickly.

“That good, huh?” He asked with a giggle.  It was a little out of character, but adorable nonetheless.  “Is it really? You like it?” He asked hopefully.

After swallowing, she grinned at him.

“Richie! I’m actually proud of you! This is amazing!”

“Great- wait, actually proud? You’ve never been proud of me before-”

“From now on, you can cook whenever you want.  But! You have to read the instructions every time!”

“Deal” He laughed, and they settled into a comfortable silence as they ate and watched the film.

After going for seconds, (y/n) was stuffed and exhausted.  She propped her feet up on the coffee table, and leaned against Richie, her head plopping onto his shoulder.

He loved when she did that.

And it didn’t take long for her to completely cuddle up against him, half asleep.  It was his favorite thing.  It was rare for her to make it through a whole movie.

(y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck, and then kissed his cheek.  When he turned his head to smile down at her, she reached up and pressed a much more passionate kiss to his lips.

He was taken by surprise, but enjoyed it nonetheless.

Even when she pulled away, his lips were still a bit pursed, and he quirked an eyebrow.

“And what was that gift for?” He asked, and was amused by the blush that dusted over her cheeks.

“Just cause,” She hummed, and gave him a sheepish shrug.  “Cause I love you” She added in a quieter voice.

It wasn’t her first time saying it, but she’d only said it a handful of times, and it still made her nervous to admit out loud.  Even knowing that Richie was her soulmate, the destined love of her life, she was still worried about such things.

Richie smiled, loving how her blush darkened when she’d said it.  He loved her so goddamn much it hurt sometimes.  And this was one of those times.  She could be so shy sometimes, even though it’s been a year now and they had forever to spend together.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close.  He kissed the crown of her head as she nuzzled into his shirt.

“I love you too, sweets” He tells her.  He can feel her smiling against his chest.

Her hand settles against his wrist as they continue to watch the movie, tracing over the black ink rhythmically.

00:00:00

They had to be the luckiest people alive, finding each other so young, leaving them plenty of time to spend their lives together.

00:00:00. ___

xoxo ~ jordie

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

Hamilton!firstprince au

(cross posted from twitter with a couple of edits b/c i couldn’t make them there)

in which i loosely follow the plot of hamilton except its firstprince and alex and henry get a happy ending. inspired by the striking similarities i noted between our favorite first son and his namesake hamilton in the broadway musical

the similarities:

both have/will have a political career

both often talk too much/don't mind their words

both began as lawyers

both extremely motivated but overwork themselves (“nonstop” +  “you have a fire under ur ass for no good goddamn reason)

both had some sort of sex scandal that impacted their career plans

hamilton speculated to be bi

the story

the setup of the colonized country alex lives in is similar to the usa vs england but fictional bc alexs race would have limited his opportunities in america's early years

idk names for either of these countries so its now the colony and the motherland

alex + his mom live alone in the poorer southern part of the colony

but his dad + june live elsewhere + they dont rly contact e/o (tho they do know of e/o’s existence)

june becomes a journalist who writes important pieces abt independence

when alex comes of age his mom reveals she used to be part of the rebellion

thats actually why his dad left to raise june bc it was too dangerous

his parents met in the rebellion but oscar left first for june while ellen stayed until she realized she was pregnant w alex

ellen still has some rebel contacts but she mostly sheltered alex to keep him safe

now tho alex decides to join too + the rebellion sends him up north to the capital for an education bc he's smart + they need people like that

he attends uni + meets like-minded people there

tension grows btwn the colony in the motherland, and alex + his friends write/speak out often and this goes on throughout their schooling

they’re also troublemakers in general too, much to the annoyance of the motherland soldiers stationed in the capital to prevent rebellion

henry is one of those soldiers

he's from a noble family in the motherland but was sent overseas as the sort of black sheep of the family due to his sexuality

the idea was to let him be in charge in the colony + reestablish a reputation there w/o embarrassing the main family back home

henry hates his job + feels bad for the colonists but still does what he's told anyway

alex + fhis riends like to bug motherland soldiers for fun

nothing  enough to put their lives in danger too much (although yes that too esp when drunk)

henry becomes a favorite target of alex's bc he's awfully stoic + statue like + on the way to uni - overall fun to antagonize 

there's also the fact that alex is angry at all the soldiers for oppressing the colony + holding up the motherland monarchs tyranny (but also alex just is the type to fight literally everything and anything) 

it becomes almost a daily ritual for them to argue 

henry wonders why this colonist keeps on picking a fight w him but soon almost looks forward to it

many of the other soldiers know or speculate why henry is in the colony but none make the effort to get to know him; some even call him arrogant or undeserving of his position

alex doesn't 

of course alex also doesn't know him

and alex hates him

but he doesn't whisper behind henry's back

henry comes to read some of the essays alex publishes speaking out against the monarchy + also hears alex speak to crowd in the square

alex is a talented + charismatic public speaker

henry finds himself growing increasingly sympathetic to the colonists cause

at the same time he and the other soldiers are order to be stricter and dole out more punishments

the others gleefully do so which makes henry concerned about alex's safety bc alex often seems to have no self-preservation skills

henry asks alex for a word when he's alone 

“am I in trouble?” “no but you bloody will be if u keep going on like this” 

“this is serious” “so am I” “you can't go around saying things so openly you'll get yourself killed”

alex tries to leave at this point “I think I'll be ok” but henry shoves him against the nearest wall 

“listen to me! stop acting like this is a game! ur putting ur sodding life in danger! I dont bloody care what ur opinions r but why must u declare them around enemy soldiers? how is this helpful 2 ur cause? u cant fight if ur dead” 

“you'd b surprised how effective martyrs are” 

cue enraged henry noises 

alexs gaze turns hard “listen i  appreciate/the advice” he says sarcastically “but I dont need an enemy telling me what to do. I can take care of myself” 

there's a stirring in alexs chest after he removes henry's hand and stalks off that he's pretty sure is anger

like it can't be anything else 

while alex is trying to convince himself of that, the tensions boil over + soon the two sides are on the brink of war then the fighting starts

henry + alex don't talk much for a while bc they're both busy on their sides preparing

school is on hold during the war so alex + his friends are looking to serve + bring glory to their names 

alex esp is recognized for his intelligence + becomes the recognized general rafael lunas secretary

luna is the george washington figure in this case who is impressed by alex wants him as his right-hand man

alex is disappointed his role is not on the battlefield bc he knows he has a good tactical mind + he could change the tide of a losing war + gain honor and status thru it, which would put him in a good position to be elected in the future

as secretary, alex is in charge of a lot of important correspondence eg for more supplies + men, so the motherland soldiers figure ambushing him off the battlefield would make things hard for the colonists

henry overhears this plan + immediately worries for alex's safety but he's cornered by another soldier to talk strategy + misses the chance to take out the men then

henry manages to catch that they're going to attack alex at night when he leaves + henry arrives just in time to kill them in a panic

alex hears the gunshot + yells “drop ur weapon”, drawing his own gun

henry obviously does + alex inspects the scene he keeps a gun fixed on henry

“what's going on?” he asks, eyeing henry w/ suspicion

henry explains everything + looks positively terrified bc he just betrayed his side even tho the motherland and his family has treated him like shit since he came out but still. 

becoming an outright traitor is not something henry ever planned + leaving behind everything he's ever known w no hope of ever going back is terrifying

but he also doesn't regret protecting alex

alex questions henry but can quickly tell henry is sincere + is telling the truth

henry explains his change of heart + they have a heartfelt moment in/just outside luna's office.

alex almost died + henry just switched sides, emotions are running high and they escalate into a kiss. the moon is out + it's all very romantic but they don't admit their feelings yet

soon after they go to luna, explain the situation + talk w the other generals/people in charge

henry is sent away on an assignment + is watched closely at first but he proves his loyalty quickly

henry and alex write letters back + forth that turn into love letters 

besides managing correspondence for luna, some of alexs ideas of sneak attacks/stealing supplies help turn the tide of the war andhe also writes to other countries for foreign aid

eventually the colonists win in this huge up start that no one anticipated bc the motherland is known as the most powerful country in the world

he + henry reunite in the capital of once the war is over

alex finishes up his studies + practices law + soon is chosen to be part of the new lawmaking body

things are going pretty well for alex w his legal + political success and his relationship with henry

they dont live together but theyre dating tho no one else knows

alex pretends to be single instead + says he doesn't want to be tied down

it works while he's still in his early 20s but as he gets closer to 30, people start to find it strange + tell him he needs to settle

being married to his work is also not a valid excuse anymore

it turns out alex made quite a few political enemies due to his strong opinions that he always vocalises + can be unwilling to compromise on

they don't like his ideas or more often hate him and hence his ideas too

they look for some dirt on him bc atm he has lunas support which has a lot of sway + decide they need to find out why he hasn't married

they manage to find out about henry + threaten to tell the public

alex is obviously distraught re the consequences personally + politically

so alex and henry discuss what to do 

henry is willing to put alexs political career 1st but firmly explains their relationship can't continue if that's the case

henry gave up his whole life + any possibility of going back to his family so he's not willing to be someone's dirty little secret  

alex doesn't know what to do so he goes to consult luna who he's become very close with over the years

luna is not quite old enough to be his father but he's like an uncle + he always calls alex “kid”, much to alex's annoyance

but alex knows he'll have some good advice

alex + luna end up having a long conversation

like washington luna has always been very vocal abt his regrets re his naivety + desire for glory back in his youth

hes always said that this was his greatest regret in life. but then he tells alex like he had another great regret in life- letting go of the love of his life

alex is surprised bc luna's never mentioned anyone special

“who is she?” 

“he” luna corrects “he was my best friend. we had something a relationship but it was short-lived bc I decided I wanted to join the military + attain glory. i thought thats what i wanted in life. turns out that stuff is meaningless w/o anyone to share it w. nor did I even achieve it. perhaps i did accomplish some things but now in my retirement I have no one by my side. i have found that life is meaningless without love and family.  

“i tried to find my friend to reconnect after all these years even as simply friends but he died in the war. alex, I see many similarities between us. don't make the same mistake that I did, alexander. glory + lasting legacy mean nothing if you're alone in the end

“if you make choices that are motivated by love and family you will be a lot happier”

alex takes his advice even though he kind of hates sort of giving up to his enemies

he decides to choose henry and his own happiness over politics bc in the end he's done a lot of good work and that much is enough

also his enemies probably would try to blackmail him throughout his career if he was doing something against their interests

so he + henry leave the capital and move uptown and the two of them have a quiet retirement + engage in philanthropy for the rest of their lives

separately they've amassed a decent amount of money - henry kept a portion of his inheritance despite being unofficially disowned and alex made a lot of money as a lawyer and then politician

as it turns out alex still has a tangential role in politics when some of his former allies go to him for advice

all in all, alex happy with his final decision to be with henry and step away from politics

the two of them live happy and full lives together

[xianglingslesbian]

oh I'll give u a character alright: Izuki, Kiyoshi, Riko and Aomine <333 technically that's four, but what goes around comes around (I'll keep this circle of love goin forever buddy)

VICCCC ily my man <33 thank u!!! aight putting this under a cut bc it got long

Izuki

Why I like them: izuki’s just overall so amazing! he inspires me to give my best in the stuff i do, and although it sounds a bit silly i try to be a person that he’d be proud of. his puns are hilarious and well-thought-out (as a person who loves words and word jokes, i’m naturally drawn to him lol). they’re also a way to take the heat off the team, he’s so hardworking and never views obstacles as obstacles, rather as hills he must climb to find newer skies. he’s also rather clever and employs his brains to great effect when his body fails him! izuki embodies the meaning of ‘eagle’ in the truest sense - waiting to strike when the time is right and not failing when it is.

Why I don’t: *sweats* can’t really think of a reason i don’t like izuki, at all??? i guess he can overwork himself a lot and tends to keep his true emotions hidden which could lead to misunderstandings between friends (although this is totally headcanon territory lol)... i also didn’t like the ableist comment he passed on hayama (“i’m just glad you weren’t smarter than me”). but i think he can (and will!) grow from that kind of stuff, he is that kind of person so yeah no particular reason for me to dislike him at all

Favorite episode (scene if movie): how dare you make me pick s3 e8 izuki vs kasamatsu, hands down. i know its like cliche or whatever but that moment just told me so much about izuki as a character? he’s willing to do what it takes to win, he’s adaptable and dependable and he doesn’t let shit get him down ever. it’s gorgeous

Favorite season/movie: s3, he got some fantastic moments in there!! although i will say i loved the spotlighting he got in s1 in the seihō match

Favorite line: “Fear isn't a bad thing. There are some things that can only be done by cowards.” this is first of all such a nice thing to say. ‘fear is not bad’ is just... so fucking wise? keep in mind that this boy is 17, i’ve met 30 year olds who are less mature. secondly it feels like izu’s speaking from experience?? like he has a lot to be scared of, i’m sure. particularly of falling behind and being a burden to his teammates. but it’s that ‘cowardice’ that drives him to practice so so hard. that visceral terror of weighing on seirin is what pushes izuki beyond his limits - which is why here he can empathise with furi’s fear, and knows how best to employ it.

Favorite outfit: look i hate last game w/ a passion but that lil tie/shirt/hoodie thing he had going? that was literally so cute. izuki in general has a p great fashion sense but his last game outfit takes the cake <3

OTP: hyuuizu oh my god i could talk for years about them but since this post is gonna be very long i’ll refrain. just. they are perfect they are fucking perfect

Brotp: kiyoizu!! kiyoshi is izuki’s biggest enabler and i love that for him <3

Head Canon: izuki can be very very passive aggressive when he’s angry at someone/sad and gets cold and withdrawn. it’s not fun to experience but tbh if you upset him you probably deserve it

Unpopular opinion: izuki should’ve been naturally better in canon. it’s not fair to shaft him and give the ‘trier’ thing off to himuro. that being said i am p happy with who he is as a person

A wish: i want to know how izuki felt after middle school! izuki’s and riko’s backstory focuses so much on hyuuga its dumb >:( he also would’ve been demoralised but he didn’t quit bball and i would like to know his thought process!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: i. uh. i guess izu quitting basketball. because i genuinely cannot see that happening. it brings him so much joy, he should never stop cold turkey. i can imagine old man izuki hobbling about a court giving little kids pointers and making them laugh T-T

5 words to best describe them: “big brain caffeine-powered clown baby” 

My nickname for them: babyzuki/izu/shunshun

Kiyoshi

Why I like them: lots of reasons! kiyoshi is an admirable person. he’s strong, yet friendly and gentle, and he loves his team above all else, which i just find beautiful. i find his manipulative side also pretty cool, bc it shows off how multifaceted he is.

Why I don’t: this is more of a fandom reason but i really dislike how kiyoshi is always said to have had the greatest impact in hyuuga’s story. he badgered and manipulated hyuuga, and while some may argue hyuuga needed that push, it only worked bc hyuuga had had time to think about shit. he’d also been given space by riko and izuki (two integral parts of his life whom the fandom looooves to sideline for uwu kiyo//hyuu). 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): yousen match (can’t pick the episodes)! i loved the backstory we got for kiyo vs mura and i loved how kiyoshi was willing to smile and play but also refused to lose. he truly stole the show despite kagami being the one to finally take down murasakibara, it was gorgeous <3

Favorite season/movie: s2 for sure. kiyoshi wasn’t allowed to shine much after yousen imo - all the focus was on hyuuga kagami and kuroko, and to a lesser extent izuki. not complaining, but yeah

Favorite line: “Let’s go have some fun.” i know it’s kinda cliche but i do love how kiyoshi’s always thinking about playing a good game and enjoying basketball. he wants to play because he loves it and as someone who loves a sport as much as kiyoshi loves b-ball, that love is so poignant and tender

Favorite outfit: practice clothes! kiyoshi looks great in pink <3

OTP: kiyohana. hateshipping amirite ;)

Brotp: kiyohyuu! i love them as friends so so much <3

Head Canon: kiyoshi is half-iranian on his mother’s side and is muslim. i won’t say too much because i am not muslim myself, i need to do more research into this but i’ve had this headcanon for quite a while now!

Unpopular opinion: he should be bullied more for the fact that his canon power is having yaoi hands

A wish: kiyo finds something he loves as much as b-ball. he can’t canonically play at this level again, so if he found another sport/competition/anything, it’d be amazing

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he should never become demoralised. kiyoshi at heart is a dreamer, so let him dream, let him look towards tomorrow with a smile always

5 words to best describe them: “useless dreamy dumbass cheerleader clown”

My nickname for them: kiyoyo, bc my feelings about him have yo-yoed a lot lmao

Riko

Why I like them: im a lesbian, next. /j i love her because she’s so tenacious and driven. yet she’s also kind and gentle, and never loses her humanity. she cares, and she cares hard. she’s so fucking smart too like... coaching a hs basketball team at 17 against players of NBA calibre and making them win? i could never. seirin without riko is nothing.

Why I don’t: i dont like the constant slapstick of her beating up her boys. also, i dislike how the narrative forces her to act ‘feminine’ and then has the boys think of it as nothing. like first of all if someone like her offered me a kiss i would so take 100, and secondly... why is a girl’s worth so tied to her femininity? it’s awful

Favorite episode (scene if movie): her sending in furi vs kaijō, early in s3. it was an exceedingly smart move that could have only come from her knowing her players’ strengths and weaknesses intimately, and being a brilliant coach. just amazing <3

Favorite season/movie: all of them! riko has some amazing moments each season, so i can’t really pick

Favorite line: “Humans grow. Don't act like you understand when you don't even realize that!” here, riko knows and knows well that she is in her element. momoi might have the data, but riko understands adaptability and knows how to predict stuff. in that way, one can draw parallels between takao vs izuki and momoi vs riko: takao and momoi are recon experts, whereas riko and izuki are strategists. momoi uses raw data; riko manipulates the data to her advantage

Favorite outfit: idk if this is exactly an outfit but her glasses are so cute oh my gosh. (i’d kill to see her in a leather jacket tho)

OTP: rikomomo!!! i’m 100% sure that momoi’s fixation w/riko’s boobs is just... repressed lesbian sentiments. also sports girlfriends gimme

Brotp: hyuuizuriko. i hc that hyuuizu were tgt since elementary school and riko joined them in middle school so... childhood friends feels!

Head Canon: riko knows how to shoot a gun. her father owns one so it makes sense

Unpopular opinion: riko does not need to have bigger boobs in fanart. please stop sexualising a 17 year old girl

A wish: white suit riko please

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her ever leaving behind sports in any way shape or form. it’s her thing. in the same vein, she should never have to change herself or become more traditionally feminine to be ‘appealing’

5 words to best describe them: perfect perfect perfect perfect perfect

My nickname for them: ai/riri

Aomine

Why I like them: aomine is just a pure, hurting young man that deserves help. he’s passionate, and his fire died down out of no fault of his own. that fire’s reignition through kagami is one of my favorite scenes <3

Why I don’t: he’s perverted as hell and i dislike that. it plays into the ‘brutish dark-skinned pervert’ stereotype which is yikes. also i thought we were done with pervs in anime

Favorite episode (scene if movie): s2 seirin v touou when kagami enters the zone!! aomine’s finally happy and it’s so amazing to watch <3

Favorite season/movie: s2, he finally got happiness and peace of mind

Favorite line: “You’re the best!” there’s just so much of pure joy in this line. he’s so so beside himself that he finally has someone he won’t destroy. kagami sees aomine the person, and that person is so happy, it’s beautiful

Favorite outfit: the leather jacket from the finale lmaooo he looked so cute

OTP: AOKAGA BABY i could write an essay tbh

Brotp: aomomo!! theyre such good friends and bi/lesbian solidarity too!

Head Canon: aomine cannot dance. he has stepped on kagami’s feet multiple times. he has also attempted to twerk when drunk. kuroko recorded the whole thing and uses it as blackmail in case the puppy eyes and “but aomine-kun you didn’t fist bump me back” don’t work

Unpopular opinion: more a fandom thing, but you all need to stop making aomine the aggressive/possessive top/‘seme’. it’s racist as fuck

A wish: aomine goes pro. it’ll be amazing for him, a huge challenge and kagami will be there too so its a win-win ;)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: he quits again/b-ball loses its allure. aomine at heart is someone who needs passion to drive him so i just want that passion to always burn bright within him

5 words to best describe them: “bastard baby needs a hug”

My nickname for them: dai-chan, momoi rubbed off on me

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[01010010-posts]

— am I your future?

request: Okay but pls imagine the rk's meeting an ex-boyfriend of readers... Like theyre home alone for the day and a stranger comes up to the door and theyre like "whomst the fuck" and then he reveals he's readers ex and he wants to talk with them. Imagine these jealous nervous bois freaking the fuck out because AHHH READER USED TO BE IN LOVE WITH THIS OTHER GUY AND HOW HE'S H E R E... And like what if theyd heard of this ex and knew he was bad news (im sorry im a hoe for protective/jealous rks...)

is this ok?? you wanted jealous type & bad ex baby?? did i do this right??

Connor:

• “come on, ordering dessert too?” he giggles, drawing soothing circles on your back, his pupils dawdling with a dreamy gaze on your features, raptured in your love, basking in that soft tug of your mouth • you laugh, rolling your eyes “yes, dessert too” and then you mutter “since someone’s always eager to burn some calories with me” • he bites his lips, blushing a bit blue on the tip of his nose “that’s not fair at all, it’s your fault for being so cute” • “ahh now it’s my fault” you continue, his palms exploring your skin, lowering until they get in contact with your bottom • “yes, [name], it’s your fault” he murmurs near your lobe, teasing you to no end • well, no, there is an end • an end with a very distinct name and surname • “get a room, you two!” the shout of your ex between the chatter of your friends • ugh • your boyfriend goes rigid, a nervous titter, slightly embarrassed, touch lingering but devoid of the same warmth as before • perfect! just perfect! you think, you were busy having a moment but nooo of course they’re gonna ruin it • it was awkward enough when you got invited to this dinner without being told your ex was there too • but you didn’t imagine it would be this bad • don’t worry, as things can and will get worse • in fact, watch!, your last partner is slowly snaking their way to both of you, a sly grin on the face and two bottles of beer • they sit next to your precious robot, offering him to drink together, he politely refuses • “can’t taste? a shame!” that stupid no-good begins a wishy-washy speech, obviously tipsy, trying to get a reaction, probably wanting a fight • they do strike a nerve with you tho and you start tapping your nails on the marble table • he notices, analyzing you from the corner of his lashes, his chords humming off and on, not paying attention • he tries, i swear, he tries resisting and being his usual collected self • but seeing you like this? fed up? distressed? casually checking your phone while he’s stuck listening such endless ramblings   • “um, sorry” he excuses himself, suddenly whisking you away from the room, hiding with you in the restroom • “what– what are you doing?” breath hitching you find yourself against the wall, trapped by his body pressed onto yours • “if your ex keeps talking I’m surely going to have a short circuit” • you snort, not expecting him to be so brash but welcoming his behaviour with a gentle cupping of his jaw • “besides” he kisses you “I was” another kiss “getting” kiss “kinda” again, a kiss “jealous” 

RK900:

• he’s been waiting for the whole week, finally, a day where you two can be alone, rest, cuddle, simply indulge in each other • he’s super happy about it, he can’t stop kissing you while you’re both playing some boring board game • i mean, it’s not boring since you know, he’s a super clever AI, he can switch on your competitive side in every match • the bell?? he looks in your eyes and you in his • “are we expecting someone?” he questions and you nod in disagreement • “I’ll go get the door” he plants a tiny peck on your forehead and leaves the couch • but as soon as you hear the voice of the person behind the (now open) door your blood freezes • “baby? it’s for you” his tone is neutral but he doesn’t move, effectively blocking the entrance • you reluctantly join him on the threshold and stare at your ex • “what do you want?” you lean onto your lover, a deadly mix of fear, bad memories and utter annoyance clouds your mind • but he’s not stupid, he picks it up the moment you speak, already angry at the fact that his afternoon was ruined by some random scum • actually, not random, that’s what makes him livid • it’s your fucking ex, you had feelings, you had sex, you had a relationship • all things that you have with him now • to say he’s jealous would be terribly kind • he’s almost denting the door jamb his hand is resting on • yep speaking of that, the other free one swiftly grabs you by your hip in a lovely grip, tender, sweet, how he is • the complete contrary of your ex btw • the only time he asked you about them you got tense for the whole night • and he felt so guilty about not being more careful and so mad with your last partner • “you’ve got yourself an android? wow, sunken so low?” • you close your lids for a second and sigh in exasperation, really? very predictable • “yeah, you’re right, he treats me nice and loves me, the bar’s sunken pretty low” • this dork can’t help but let a low and quick chuckle escapes his lips • the same that go onto yours, kissing you deeply, passionately, nearly leaving you gasping • he tilts your head, caressing your cheek, then turns to the person standing on the doorway again • “i’m sorry, as my partner said before, do you truly have business here?” • your thoughts still hazy, your ex about to speak but— • he closes the door in front of their face with a loud bang 

RK800-60:

• it’s a chilly summer evening, fresh breeze, a limpid sky, honestly the only thing to do is go out and enjoy detroit’s nightlife • plus, it’s your boyfriend we’re talking about, he’s the embodiment of having fun 24/24 h • you find a nice club, music not too loud but there nevertheless, if he wants he can go dancing while you’re sipping your drink • which is a thing that might or might not happen • he doesn’t want to leave you alone but gosh the beat is totally calling him • “hello, is this seat free?” • a familiar tone drills through your ears, you whip towards the sound • your ex • god, your ex • you briefly mentioned something about them to your darling but • “yes, it is” he smiles and replies, unaware of the situation • “oh but it’s you, [name]! how long has it been? six months?” • “more than that” • “seriously? time flies then!” • “you know this person, sweetie?” he half-whispers, his expression that of a lovesick puppy, already oddly getting the hint of something being wrong, probably because of your accelerated pulse he can feel with his fingers on your wrist • “y–yeah, it’s my ex—” • “so clumsy of you, [name], you should introduce me properly” • he’s dumb when he wants but not this time, his LED blaring red, fidgeting and moving closer to you, an arm around your shoulder, protecting you • “don’t worry, I can do that myself. nice to meet you, I’m [name]’s boyfriend.” • there was absolutely no need to but he did it anyway • he’s so nervous please excuse him • not only he’s jealous because he’s a champ in inferiority complex • but he’s also fuming? it’s pretty obvious how mean is this asshole you don’t have to tell him • “you’ve found someone else? thought our relationship left you quite heartbroken, but then again, you’ve always been the promiscuous type, haven’t you?” a snicker and there’s nothing after that • your android doesn’t hesitate and strikes a punch, perhaps putting too much force and fracturing their nose • he’s not even completely conscious about his action, he just felt the urge and did it, his LED slowly returning to yellow and then blue • “what the fuck—” your ex doesn’t get to finish the phrase, him grabbing the collar of their shirt, his fist feigning another hit and they put their hands to cover the face, scared, trembling • “don’t you dare approach [name] ever again, clear?” he grits through his teeth but there’s no response “I said, are we clear?” • after a feeble choked ‘yes’ he loosens the grasp, letting your old partner falling to the ground • he takes you home immediately, too pissed off to talk about what he did • he’s a bit scared you’ll scold him but there was no choice, believe him, he felt he had to • he spend the rest of the night cuddling and reassuring you

[whatmack]

are you continuing 'im not making u eggs' :D

Anonymous asked: hi its ur crackhead mattneil anon again :))) r u rlly gonna leave us all hanging like that (also i think u forgot to tag the 2nd part of im not making u eggs) 

Anonymous asked: VOFMSKCN ’VE OW JVKW JS WHY DID U LEAVE IT THERE U HEATHEN

@lunylovegoodlover asked: Your mattneil fic is KILLING ME like OH MY GOD like THEYRE SO SOFT and WHAT GOOD HEALTHY COMMUNICATION THEY ALL HAVE i love them all so so so much. Everything about that series is so soft and perfect and lovely, I’d kill for more of it whenever your fancy strikes. (like seriously though I’ve basically been staring at my laptop in shock for the last five minutes trying to process how much I love this)1) YELL HEAH I AM listen despite knowing before I started which couple was endgame I’ve been riding this mattneil train since day 12) HELLO HELLO and thank you! It should be fixed now?3) ;)4) YOU’RE SO NICE GOSH HELP communication is so! good! A lot of what I write has to do with communication, or miscommunication, I’ve been realizing. It’s so important!

“Hah—wh—n—yeah?”For a terrible moment Neil thinks Skype has cut out for his confession. Hegathers himself to say it again. Matt forestalls him by leaning forward, the crinkleof the blankets loud over laptop speakers, touching his fingertips to the outsideof the camera as if he’s holding Neil’s face. “You, um. Like. You mean like…like?”Neil fists his hands in his lap. Matt has cut right to the heart of it. It mustbe easier for him to think that way, all heart as he is. If Neil’s stomach keepssquirming it’ll wiggle right out of his body, maybe down a leg first to beextra uncomfortable. “I think so? I want to kiss you. And I like spending timewith you. And you’re…you look good.”Especially now, in a threadbare t-shirt that clings to the definition in Matt’schest, the yellow light from his bedside table warming the angles of his face. Neil’snot used to this. It’s similar enough to how he feels about Andrew for him torecognize it, but it’s not the same.Less edge-of-the-world. More…lazy Sunday morning. Though lazy Sundays withAndrew are some of the best parts of Neil’s week, so that division doesn’t makesense.

Neilcan’t define how he feels about Andrew. Has never been able to, to hissatisfaction. He just knows that the feeling is there. Maybe if he’d tried harder to categorize it, he’d be able tofigure out how he’s feeling right now, about Matt.Sensing the beginnings of a headache, Neil presses his fists into the seatcushion through the gap in his crossed legs and pulls back. He first thought ofAndrew in terms of actions; actions are something Neil understands. He wants to kiss Andrew. He enjoys kissing Andrew. He wants to kiss Matt. He likesholding Andrew’s hand. He likes holding Matt’s hand. He likes going places witheither one of them, or both, the few times Andrew has agreed to it. He likessex with Andrew. Does he want–Warring answers clash in Neil’s chest, sending his head spinning off. There’s ajubilant, hungry yes that presseseager pictures of Matt’s smile, his hands, his body, reminds Neil how good itfeels with Andrew, whispers that Matt would be good as well. It batters againsta spike of fear so sharp Neil can’t breathe. It’s not only the memory of hismother’s slap. It’s also his general unfamiliarity with non-Andrew-related desire, thecertainty that despite Andrew’s permission he’s not supposed to feel like thisfor anyone else. It’s not how he’s put together. He’s been silent for too long. Matt has messaged him, the text popping up belowthe pixelated worry sketching wrinkles across his eyebrows, digging lines oneither side of his mouth and poking dimples in his chin.  Neil can u talk to me?

Kinda worried about u

Neil?The panic ebbs, notbanished but content to wait. This is Matt. Matt is safe, warm, giving. Hemight have answers Neil doesn’t, but even if he doesn’t, he’ll help Neil findthem. Neil unclenches his aching fingers and rests them on his knees.

“Do you?” he asks.

Relief breaks across Matt’s face. Neil knows Matt hasn’t heard him over thereassurance of him speaking again, so he repeats himself. The pencil lines ofMatt’s expression rearrange themselves. Thoughtful; holding back. Internally,Neil shakes his head.  The most neutral faceMatt is able to make is a beaming grin.

“Do I want to….” Matt’s lips close in the shape of a kiss. He touches the backof his hand to them, and then blinks and looks away, embarrassed at thegesture. Neil’s not sure why. “Uh. I mean if you’re down?”

His voice cracks. Matt jerks a hand up to cover the bottom of his face. Neiltilts his head. He’s never seen Matt be shy.

It’s fascinating.

“Sorry,” Matt says, muffled by his hand. “Never—actually.”

“You cut out for a second,” Neil says, and Matt swears. He sounds more likehimself as he lowers his hand to try again.

“I just said, I never thought this would happen.”

Neil frowns. “You thought about it?”

“Dude,” Matt groans. He flops back onthe pillows, tipping his image back and forth. Neil’s glad he doesn’t getseasick. “I might have been thinking about it for a while.”

His face is hidden by his pillow and the angle of his chin. Neil doesn’t thinkit’s an accident. “Why?”

Matt’s eyes appear as he cranes his neck. He’s got his t-shirt pulled up overhis nose. Neil misses the sight of his mouth until he notices that Matt’s bellybutton is now exposed. It’s a sight Neil has seen more times than he’d honestlylike to, but this new feeling welling up inside of him urges him to stare. Theskin there looks smooth, a patch of tiny curls meandering down into Matt’swaistband. Neil wonders what it would feel like, to touch. Would the musclesjump if he tickled? What if he scratched, lightly like he does to Matt’s head?

“Hey.” Matt’s voice is gentle. He comes out of his shirt, friction working onNeil’s side for once in his life and keeping it rucked up. “Do you want this tochange anything? It doesn’t have to.”

Neil nods, firm. Of this he’s sure. He wouldn’t have said anything if he didn’t want his words to have an effect. He’s too good at hiding forthat. Unfortunately, that’s where the sureness stops; Neil doesn’t know whatkind of change he wants to happen, just that he wants something. And hopefullyit can involve kissing, but that isn’t necessary. He stares at Matt through thecamera helplessly, wishing he could pierce the miles between them and lean againstMatt’s strong chest, rest in the knowledge of Matt’s breathing and that thingsare, for the next few hours at least, going to be all right.

“How about…um. Can I take you on a date?” Matt bites his lip and then smiles,boyish exuberance trickling back into his frame. He sits up against theheadboard and takes the laptop with him, gesturing with his free hand. “When Ifirst got signed Dan and I used to do these video dates. I’d still like to takeyou out for real, but it’s not that far off from the real thing, we can dressup and everything…” he sees how Neil’s not moving and with visible effort calmsdown. “If you want that. We can do something else.”

“I’d like it. The date,” Neil says, feeling a bit topsy-turvy himself. He’sonly vaguely sure what people do, on dates; he and Andrew don’t tend towardsthat sort of thing, or if they do, it’s more one of them dragging the othersomewhere and them insulting each other and seeing how soon they can get the maître-d(or cinema worker, or park concert usher) to kick them out. Neil has never regrettedthe lack of traditional romancing. It’s a pointless ritual when he and Andreware already wrapped past each other’s deepest twistings. But with Matt….

Matt is so excited, and Neil feels himself pulled along. A small spark ofanticipation pricks under his breastbone. “We can try it.”

“Great!” Matt beams at Neil, and Neil finds himself blushing. Starting to workout why Matt’s smile is affecting him differently now hasn’t dampened thereaction. If anything, it’s made it stronger. “Now where’s my little boy?”

Neil recognizes the distraction tactic for what it is, and is grateful for it.There have been too many feelings for today. He relates the story of the newkitten’s latest exploits to Matt’s rapt attention, which runs right into Mattsharing the story of the puppy he saw on the way to the gym this morning, andthey exchange subjects until Neil gives a cracking yawn and Matt demands thathe go to sleep.

“No,” Neil says, to be contrary.

“What if it will make me feel betterif you go to bed?”

“Guess you’ll never find out.”

Matt laughs. Matt’s laugh has never made Neil feel excluded, the way thelaughter of other children did when he was younger. No, Matt’s is aninvitation, and Neil is smiling without really knowing why. “Okay. Goodnight, babe.”

There’s a slight hesitation before the babe,and it makes Neil want to wrap himself in his bedclothes and hum. He raises hishand to wave as Matt mimes a video fist-bump, and then cuts the call.

It seems he’s got a date.

[thefloatingstone]

In 2012 I did not think I’d be able to make this list as I was convinced anime was on a permanent decline towards nothing but trash, but I am so happy that has changed! And so I give you a quick list of;

Favourite Anime made in the last 4 years!

Mob Psycho 100 (2016)

A no brainer, really. With a 2nd Season having JUST premiered earlier this week, MP100 is easily one of not only best LOOKING animes in a very very long time, but also one with an extremely strong empathetic message that’s completely opposite to most shounen anime. The theme of “having outrageous powers doesn’t make you any more or less special and important than any other human being” and how all the villains in the show are people, either super powered or not, who believe themselves “more important” than others is at the heart of its story. And our protagonist who is a person with horrifically strong powers, but who is trying to develop as a human being, and finds himself to be a rather emotionally brittle person who relies very heavily on others for emotional support. As well as focusing on the people willing to grant him that. It’s got some strong influential roots in the Earthbound and Mother 3 games and despite never saying anything along those lines, I can bet you anything the original Mangaka, ONE, drew heavy inspiration from their tone and presentation, as well as emotional core despite the oftentimes wacky setting.

The anime should also not be overlooked for its incredible Sakuga sequences, as well as using mixed media in its animation from pencil drawings, to paint of glass, to charcoal to sand, cementing it as easily one of the most visually interesting and ambitious shows in the last decade or so

Made in Abyss (2017)

An anime that understands concepts of Scope and Scale and manages to bring what is normally reserved for feature films to an episodic storyline. Made in Abyss’ entire theme and story is that of exploration of the unknown and everything in this anime’s power is honed to bring across that feeling. Its art direction headed by Osamu Masuyama whose previous work include working on the background art for both Spirited Away and Howl’s Moving Castle, is painstakingly rendered to bring as much gravitas to the setting as possible, aided by the soundtrack written by Kevin Penkin which is just as much atmospheric as it is musical in nature. Every ounce of talent is focused on making Made in Abyss’ world, culture and characters feel solid and real. And unlike other anime with cutesy art styles but dark subject matter, Made in Abyss’ darker tone is established right in the first episode and gradually builds to its first season’s climax, rather than blindside its audience out of nowhere.

I sincerely cannot sing this show’s praises enough.

It also doesn’t hurt that the animation itself is fluid and lively.

Re:Creators (2017)

When I gave this to an animator friend of mine, one who is NOT as big a weeb as I am, he referred to it as “if Ready Player One actually knew what it was doing.” Re:Creators is one of a trend of some anime where the narrative is extremely meta in nature, but rather than use this as a form of parody, Re:Creators instead focuses itself on using its meta storytelling to shine a light on Japanese popular media as a whole, both from the side of the creators who MAKE such things, as well as the side of the fans and not only their response to media, but their interpretation and addition to popular media. And unlike the more critical approach several horror anime have taken in the past, Re:Creators also shows the positive effect stories in the form of anime, video games, manga etc both on those who read it as well as those who create it. And show how fan creations and their responses and reaction to media are just as important and enriching to works like this as the very people who create them.

It’s also one of the first shows from any country that correctly portrays what online fan culture is like. Both good AND bad.

Erased (2016)

HOO BOY. The Big Guns. Most mainstream anime set in a modern setting inevitably seem to involve high school or at least characters who are high school aged. Erased, however, deals with a protagonist who is 28 years old. Due to time travel shenanigans, he is transported back to 1989 when he was 11 years old growing up in Hokaido. So already, this anime is complete skewing the generic setting for stories of its type, further hammered in by the fact that the show has no romantic subplot in it. There might be a smidge of something like “preteen romantic feelings” among the children but as far as “female hero the protag is going to fall in love with at the end” goes? Yeah there’s none of that.

Erased is an extremely dark anime, but not in the way Made in Abyss is dark. Whereas Abyss’ dark tone comes from things like getting eaten by monsters and body horror caused by the Abyss’ curse, the dark theme of Erased on the other hand is much more horrifying as it comes from “reality”. And it’s because of this I WILL have to warn people about its plot points because it WILL and DOES get uncomfortable.

The plot of Erased is our 28 year old protagonist gets hurled back in time to when he was 11 years old in Hokaido, as I said. In the winter of 1989 there were a string of child abductions and murders, and it’s up to our main character, again in his 11 year old body, to solve these crimes to prevent a tragedy in modern day. Not only does the show deal with the very uncomfortable topic of child abduction and murder, but a MASSIVE part of the plot revolves around the would be murder victim, Hinazaki Kayo, who is living with her physically abusive mother. And unlike shows like “Magical Girl SITE”, the abuse is not shown as “suffer porn” and blown up to be so over the top in how bad it is, ut is instead extremely grounded and feels waaaay to real to the point of being very upsetting. However, the abuse is not there to make the audience sad. The abuse is in the plot to further press upon the audience the borderline helpless state our main character is in. As a child, he has to rely on his experience and ability to think like an adult to try and prevent the serial murders, as WELL as try and get Hanazaki out of her abusive situation. It also serves as a learning experience for our main character, and him figuring out how he hasn’t changed at all since he really was a child, and how his own stagnation in life itself needs to change and be redirected. The show is bursting with tension and every episode exists to turn the stakes up just a little bit higher.

I’ve heard some people are extreme disappointed by the show’s ending which I will not spoil, but personally going into it completely blind, I didn’t find any of it to be a let down and its very quickly become one of my favourite anime of all time.

The Ancient Magus Bride (2017)

(I actually don’t like the intro to Ancient Magus Bride so it only gets a link since I can only embed 5 videos)

https://youtu.be/KuZbmLLv1vM

Based on a manga by Kore Yamazaki, who has stated that her reason for writing the story was out of frustration that in “Beauty and the Beast” type stories, the beast always turns back into a human at the end. However this anime is far more than just a monsterfucker’s romance novel (although it... DOES follow a LOT of those tropes but hear me out.)

Set in the English countryside (although our female MC, Rise, is herself Japanese) the show makes heavy use of english folklore. Faeries are a constant presence throughout the show, and these are not the “nice” kind of faeries you’d see in Disney. Despite theyr good nature and honest want to help, these are the kinds of faeries that will kidnap you to their realm if you so much as let your guard down. We also have excellent portrayals of Titania, the queen of the faeries, and her heated relationship with her husband Oberon. Several other creatures from folklore make an appearance too, as well as old traditions such as faerie rings, seeing stones and the magical properties of herbs and flowers.

But beyond all of that, and even beyond the romance tropes or monster protector who is also a threat and powerful lead female who also needs protecting, the core theme of the show is on life. Or more specifically, death. Rise is a girl who is suicidal. And despite her not making any kind of suicide attempt in the show, this is a fact. The majority of the show is focused on Rise learning to “be alive” again, as well as process what life is, as well as what death is in its many forms. The show is a slow build of Rise reclaiming her will to live, not because of a romantic partner, but for herself. Reclaiming her own importance as a person removed from who she could be useful towards, and a slow coming to terms with a truly terrible event in her past and letting go of a traumatic past.

The show has some pacing issues here and there, but I still qualify it as one of the better modern anime shows to have come out in years, and can only praise its life-affirming message it’s trying to tell.

Osomatsu-San (2015)

I am.... not entirely sure how to explain Osomatsu-San.

Based on a manga published in the 1960s by Doraemon Creator Fujio Fujiko about 6 identical sextuplet brothers and their friends... the current and newest anime adaptation has borderline nothing to do with its original incarnation which was more your typical Showa era “hi-jinx” type gag manga. I think the very first episode of Osomatsu-San (which is not available for official purchase last I checked due to copyright issues) sets up the entire show perfectly, as the 6 boys and their friends learn they have a new anime adaptation coming up and realise that nobody in the modern age will want or even understand Showa era manga. So, instead, in an effort to be like “a real anime” they go about parodying literally every popular trope and show that’s out at the time. From yaoi-incest baiting to Jpop boy band to Attack on Titan to Sailor Moon, they keep cranking up the “modern anime” aesthetic until it literally explodes and collapses in on itself. And after realising they don’t have what it takes to compete in a modern anime word, the characters resign themselves to being losers who will never achieve anything in life.... and that’s where the show starts.

I can only refer to the show as “Millennial humour: the anime.”. 90% of it is just comedy with our 6 main characters who are, at their core, pretty terrible people. However, their issues and struggles of trying to be adults make them some of the most relateable anime characters out there. The show bounces from parodying popular culture both in anime as well as in movies to outlining the problems of trying to be a late 20-something year old in modern society to actual hard hitting drama that actually makes you angry because how DARE this stupid show actually make you FEEL things???

It’s borderline impossible to try and explain this show because, just like its 6 protagonists, it doesn’t seem to have any direction in its life. Which is exactly the point.

[sulevinblade]

(Talesfromthefade) things you said when you were drunk, for the DWC?

OH MY GOD this was a little idea that got away from me in a big big way but I’m still pretty happy with it. For this and for “cafune - the act of running your fingers through the hair of someone you love,” from @contreparry! For @dadrunkwriting!!

Alistair/Leohta Aeducan, T for language, dumb suggestive jokes, and alcohol use, 4k+ words (awaaaay from me, I wish I had time to edit it but uh I spent the entire time writing it instead). 

On the cusp of the party’s visit to Orzammar, Alistair learns what kind of drunk Leohta can be, and shares a little lesson of his own. Light angst, serious fluff.

He finds her standing on the rocky beach, well away from the dim glow provided by the Spoiled Princess’s small windows. It takes a moment for Alistair’s eyes to adjust to the complete dark–the night watch Templar doused all the torches at the dock, as clear an indication as anything that no one else would cross Lake Calenhad tonight–but even if he’d had to follow her blind he could’ve found her by the sound.

Bloop.

Normally finding Leohta by sound means the clank or grind of armour, the grunts or barks of Leon, or even her rare laughter at something Zevran said (it was always Zevran making her laugh), but tonight the sound is completely unfamiliar. It’s still enough to guide him, though.

Bloop.

Last he’d seen her, she was swapping some of the coin they’d made selling things to the Templar quartermaster for three large bottles of deep pink liquid. It seemed a bit of a racket to Alistair, that they should collect the mages’ items as they cleared the Tower only to sell them to the Templars who would then in turn sell them back to the Mages, but surely if that wasn’t how the economy of the Circle usually worked, Wynne would’ve said something. That was Alistair’s hope, anyway, as he’d watched Leohta count the coins before they left, then again at the tavern’s bar. She’d tossed the bag back to him before collecting the bottles and heading outside, and he in turn had left it with Zevran.

Bloop.

“You have known our illustrious leader the longest among any of us. Has this always been a habit of hers?” Alistair squinted across the table, trying to determine Zevran’s game, but succeeded only in giving up his own. “You think I see this as a weakness I can exploit, but I would think even you would see that if I were going to do so, I would have done it by now and certainly would not draw attention to my plans by involving you.” His eyes only narrowed further–how does Zevran make talking down to him still seem so seductive?–but Alistair did sit back in his chair.

“I haven’t known her all that long, really, but I don’t think so. Why d'you ask?”

“My Antiva makes the finest wines in Thedas, so it is not uncommon to see those there who overindulge, but there are many types. Leohta, she is young and exploring her limits, yes, but she is also trying to drown things she does not want to feel. Her limits are low and the things she seeks to kill are very large. It is a dangerous combination.”

Alistair glanced again toward the door. Of course she hadn’t come back inside, that’d be too much to ask for, but what was he supposed to do?

“If it is too much for you, I will go after her, but she should not be alone.” Both of their chairs scraped back at the same time but Alistair was the first to stand, something that for some reason brought a sad smile to Zevran’s face. Alistair could only look at it for a moment before looking away.  "I know you do not think much of me, Alistair, and while that is entirely your loss, I do know that one thing we have in common is how much we care for her. Go see to her, my friend, before her sorrows are not all she drowns. It is probably for the best; I am not much of a swimmer myself.“

Bloop.

So now here he is, approaching carefully, pretending to be taking in the constellations while Leohta hurls rocks at the water like she’s trying to knock the waves down before they can reach the shore. The night is perfectly clear; Kinloch Hold is merely a dark space in the sky where the stars are missing, but everything else is black sky and white twinkles. He clears his throat in case she somehow hasn’t noticed since he doesn’t fancy getting one of those stones thrown at him, but she only pauses for a moment before bending to search the area around her feet for another suitable candidate. One bottle is already empty, stuffed mouth down among the pebbles and into the sand underneath them, and as Alistair finishes closing the distance Leohta gives up her search and instead tips to land on her backside, legs out in front of her and a second bottle in her hand. He knows they’re not small but her stature makes them seem even larger; it makes the sight of her lifting one to her lips almost comical but the effect is spoiled by how long it stays there. Maker’s breath, Zevran was right when he talked about drowning.

"You planning on coming up for air any time soon?”

There’s a pop as she breaks the vacuum she’s created, then a dry laugh. She still isn’t looking at him. It makes his chest hurt, how badly he wants her to turn her head. “Breathe through your nose and you can use your mouth for whatever you want.”

“You’re spending too much time with Zevran, saying things like that.” Sighing, Alistair drops down crosslegged at her side and extends a hand. “What are you even drinking? I’ve never seen anything that color in a tavern before.”

“One of the Templars told me about it. I guess–” there’s a pause and she bunches up her eyebrows, apparently trying to put the pieces back together, “I guess the mother started making it as a tribute to her daughter and now of course it’s all very sad but the owner still makes it as a specialty. Sweet mead made with roses.” She passes over the open bottle, not bothering to wipe the top, and the expression on her face, like she’s sharing a secret, distracts him so much he can’t be bothered either. She wasn’t kidding when she said it was sweet but the roses are strong too, floral and delicate. He passes the bottle back after just one mouthful.

“I’ve never had a mead like that before. It’s very… different.” Leohta seems to accept that answer, nodding before lifting the bottle to her lips again.

“There’s nothing like this in Orzammar. Not even in the palace. Not even to make it. No honey, no roses, and when there is if you said you wanted to make something like this with it, you’d be laughed out of the kitchen.” She holds the bottle in front of her contemplatively, swishing the contents back and forth gently and tilting her head in time with the motion. Alistair’d almost think it was a contented sort of gesture but then she sighs and drops her head back, hair falling over her shoulders as she lifts the bottle skyward. “Nothing like that, either. No stars, no sky. Some of the caverns are so high the ceilings are invisible, but you still know they’re up there.” Slowly, she lowers the bottle but keeps her gaze fixed upward.

“Do you miss that?” It’s not something he’s given a lot of thought to but it’s hard to imagine. Even within the walls of the Chantry there were windows. The sky was always there, or not-there maybe, when compared to a ceiling of stone. Trying to imagine life without it or everything it held–the sun, the moons, the clouds and stars and birds–was virtually impossible, but here was Leohta not just imagining the opposite but living it.

“Dunno. I still don’t understand all this. What keeps it up there?” Her hand waves up at the stars but only briefly; even sitting down she’s unsteady without both hands to support her. “With the stone, you know that even if you can’t see the ceiling, it’s still held there by the stone. Nothing floats, nothing rises or sets.” Watching her profile, he can see the way it hardens as her train of thought jumps the track. “Nothing changes.”

He shifts a little, the pebbles grinding softly underneath him as he leans to try to catch her eye. “You changed.”

This time when she looks over at him, it gives him a chill. The stone she’s been so contemplative about has found a home in her eyes, the set of her mouth. They seem cold and stiff and almost lifeless, soft evening blue turned to lapis lazuli. Still beautiful but hard. “I left, and not by choice. You wouldn’t know how much I’ve changed, Alistair. You have no idea what I was like before we met.”

“I suppose not, but I do know you’ve changed in the time I’ve known you.” He keeps his voice softer now, speaking carefully to avoid that stony shift becoming somehow permanent. He hasn’t seen her look like that since before Ostagar, and to lose all the little ways she’s softened since then would be the greatest waste. “Do you miss that? Or her, I guess. Do you miss who you were before?”

Her laugh is a single humorless sound that moves her entire body, shaking her shoulders and flexing her stomach. “What does that matter? She’s dead. Worse than dead.” There’s venom in her voice but Alistair doesn’t flinch since for once he’s certain it’s not directed at him. He watches as Leohta stands, a wobbly process that involves repeated planting of hands and feet before she can push herself vertical. There’s a powerful temptation to offer her help but the set of her jaw makes him stay his hand, even if whatever effect she might be going for is already ruined by her own unsteadiness. “Nobody mourned her, nobody misses her, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead. Bhelen killed her as sure as he killed Trian. The prince is dead, the princess is dead. Princess Aeducan is dead.” Her voice is raising, getting louder and more raw the longer she speaks, until finally she’s yelling out at the water. “Princess Leohta Aeducan, second born and best beloved daughter of House Aeducan, is dead!” She punctuates the last word by throwing the empty bottle into the water but it’s a bad throw, short and shallow. The bottle makes only a small splash then floats, reflecting the moonlight as it bobs its way back toward the shore.

Alistair rises, brushing at the back of his breeches, and makes his way up to stand beside her. He’s well within punching range, possibly a dangerous gamble, but if the way she’s carrying herself is any indication, it wouldn’t hurt very much right now. Plus, if she punched him, at least it’d prove she was feeling something. “I’d mourn her but like you said, I never did get to meet her. I’ve met Warden Aeducan, though, and I think she’s pretty great. Accomplished a lot, too.”

She’s bent back down and is sorting through the stones at her feet, tucking some in the bend of her other arm. Standing back up is a careful process but she’s shaking her head the entire time. “They’re not gonna think so.” Her voice is normal again but her profile is still stony.

Bloop.

Was this was he was like heading into Redcliffe? Of course, he hadn’t gotten drunk on sickly sweet mead to deal with it, but he’d had his turn as the prodigal royal-but-not-really. The main difference was he never wanted it, but she spoke so little of her life before the Grey Wardens. Was the crown of Orzammar what she’d really wanted? Not that it really mattered now. “Seems to me they had their chance to appreciate you and they blew it.”

“Oh, no. That’s the thing. Up until the end, they loved Princess Aeducan. That was the whole problem. She was too well-loved. Luckily, I’m not.” Leohta stares out at the ripples from her last throw but the fight’s going out of her. It ought to be a comfort, less risk of being punched, but instead it just hurts more. He curls his hands into fists at his sides to keep from reaching out, swallows the words that’d tell her just how deeply loved she is and not only by him, as much as he might wish it were so.

“We could go back to Denerim without going to Orzammar.” Aaaaaaaalistair, what’re you doooooooing? He ignores the voice in the back of his head, prepared to make an argument for mounting their assault without the help of the dwarves, but Leohta shakes her head. She’s drunk and she’s still got better sense than you.

“Just because I don’t want to go back doesn’t mean we don’t have to. Being a Grey Warden isn’t supposed to be fun, hasn’t been so far, why start now?” She seems to consider the matter closed as she turns her attention back to the rocks she’s holding, sorting through them as though looking for a particular one. They start to slip away and clack into the pebbles below and with a frustrated sigh she picks one, letting the remainder drop. “This is supposed to be, though. How the fuck do you do this?” Another windup, another bloop.

“Wait. What are you trying to do?”

“Make it…” She shakes her head, the word apparently lost, and instead makes a bouncing motion with her hand.

“You’re trying to skip stones… by heaving them at the surface of the water with all your might?” And there’s the punch he was waiting for, exactly as painless as expected. It’s not even hard enough to stop him laughing.

“I saw you and Zevran do it in Redcliffe before we left and it seemed to calm you down so I thought I’d try. You made it look easy, but if you’re just gonna laugh then forg–”

Alistair intercepts her before she can start to walk away. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just that I never would have guessed that’s what you were trying to do. I thought you were mad at the lake or something.” She’s looking up at him, wary, so he holds his hands up in innocence. “If you still want to try, I can show you.”

“No more laughing?”

“No more laughing. Warden’s honor.” When Leohta seems satisfied with his intentions, Alistair finally looks away from her, crouching down. “The first thing you need is the right kind of rock. It needs to be pretty flat and you want a triangle shape if you can find one, but flat will do for now.”

She’s crouching as well. “I thought it would be better with a round rock, like a ball.” She’s quiet, almost chastized, and Alistair has to duck his head and cough into his fist to hide the grin it conjures.

“No, that’ll break through the water and sink. A flat rock will bounce better. Something like these.” He shows her the three he’s found, all rounder still than he’d like but they should do the trick. She holds up a couple of her own and really, they’re no better, but they’re only for learning. “Yes, those will do. Now.” Alistair drops to his knees and crooks his fingers around one of the stones. “You have to hold it like this, because the important part is that you get it to spin. That’s what makes it skip.”

Leohta’s squinting at his hand, then she tries it out herself. Her hands are smaller so she can’t quite circle it the way he does, but Alistair hopes it’ll work out. “Like this?”

“Just like that. Now, the other trick is not to throw it up but to flick it. You want it to stay flat so you have to kind of–” He turns his arm out at the elbow and flicks the rock out onto the water. Four hops, not his best work but not bad.

When he looks back at Leohta, though, she’s entranced. She watches the ripples so long he has to clear his throat to get her attention back, but this time every trace of the stone is gone from her face. She looks eager, determined, but also a little embarrassed. Surprised to have been caught, probably, but it’s a charming expression nonetheless. She turns to face the water again, weighing the rock in her hand, then moves her arm and throws.

It splashes and sinks just like all her other attempts. Leohta curses softly and starts to turn away but Alistair catches her wrist.

“Hey, no way. You’re not giving up after one attempt. C'mon. We’ve got two more rocks, so two more tries, then I guess I can let you give up.” He starts to move before she can start to argue.

“It’s not giving up, Alistair, it’s accepting the inedible. Inedibibble. Ined… remind me to compliment the tavernkeeper tomorrow. His stuff is good.” Her voice gradually gets softer, a delayed reaction to where Alistair has taken up a position just behind her. It’s extremely convenient for him: she can’t see how his face is burning up from the presumptuousness of being so close to her, but it’s also the best position to show her how to move her arm. He wraps his hand around hers and lifts her arm into position.

“From here, you have to flick your hand out. Try to imagine the rock spinning out from the inside of your thumb and taking all that energy with it. The harder you can flick it, the more it’ll bounce and the more hops you’ll–all right, that’s it, you and Zevran are officially being separated because that’s not even dirty and now you’ve made it dirty. I hope you’re happy.” The woman in front of him is struggling to contain her laughter, he can tell, and as much as he wants to keep her focus on him, it’s hard to be genuinely upset. She doesn’t laugh nearly enough and especially not around him. The fact that whatever is so funny is lost on him is a far distant concern.

Alistair waits for her to compose herself then takes a moment to compose himself in turn when she settles back into a proper posture that puts her in contact with him from shoulder to hip. She’s nearly as tall as he is when he’s on his knees like this, a fact he’s thought about many times but never quite in this situation. Leohta gives herself a little shake, tossing her hair in his face as she does. He tries to blow it out of the way but there’s just too much. All right then, one thing at a time.

“Now. Just remember, angle your hand back and then flick. That word is ruined for me now, I think. You’ve ruined flicking.” In front of him Leohta snorts and Alistair make a private vow to forbid Zevran from using that word. He wants it to be their joke even if he doesn’t understand it. “Do you think you can manage?”

“To flick? I’ve done all right for the last few years anyway.” She giggles and clears her throat. “All right. Angle my hand back,” and her hand is moving inside of his so he loosens his grip, “then forward and flick!”

Alistair peers over her shoulder and sure enough. Blip, blip. One hop, but it’s one more than she’d managed before. He puts his hands on her shoulders and squeezes. “There you go! Well done, Warden Aeducan.” She lifts one hand to pat his but he can tell she’s still looking at the ripples.

After a moment, he releases her shoulders and, feeling a little bolder by the fact that she hasn’t elbowed him away yet, reaches forward to comb his fingers through her hair. It’s a practical gesture–even as he’s speaking, her hair is getting in his mouth–but hardly exclusively practical. Her hair is thick and her scalp surprisingly warm underneath it. In front of him she’s gone very still; he thinks she might even be holding her breath but then again, so is he. He focuses on his own hands until he’s gathered her hair at the back of her neck, but then the tension in it changes and oh.

Alistair looks up and she’s right there, her head turned to look at him. Maker’s breath but she’s close, her mouth gently open and her eyes searching his face. Her breath smells like honey and roses and his hand is still in her hair, it’d be so easy and it might be perfect but she’s been drinking and that’s not right. Or might it be OK, with her looking at him like that? The motion of her lips is so mesmerizing that it takes him a moment to realize she’s speaking to him.

“Alistair.” And like that, the moment is over, or at least set aside. “Would you do that again?”

“Of course.” She could ask him to fetch the moons from the sky right now and he’d say yes, but… “Wait, do what?” He didn’t do anything other than have a whole lot of thoughts in a very short span of time.

“Touch my hair. That was nice.” She’s leaning more of her weight against him now and it’s nice but also just starting to make him concerned. Still, he already said yes, so Alistair releases her hair from where he’s holding it and threads his fingers through it again, starting at her temple, mindful of and parallel to the little braid she’s so meticulous about. As he does it, her eyes drift closed but her face is relaxed. It’s not quite a smile but he’ll take it. “Again,” she murmurs as his hand comes to rest on the back of her neck.

Alistair laughs softly but he complies with her request, stroking his fingers through her hair again. And again, and once more, until she leans forward completely and drops her head onto his shoulder. Her breath is warm on his neck as he gives her one last stroke, then stops to reach out away from her. She grumbles softly in protest but he hushes her. “I’m just getting your other bottle. It’s bought and paid for, no sense leaving it here.”

“Why, where’re we going?”

“I don’t know yet about myself but you are doing to bed. Sleeping standing up is only good for horses and probably Sten, and sleeping on your knees is good for no one. Now, come on, up you get.” He hooks the hand holding the unopened bottle of rhodomel under Leohta’s knees, his other arm coming up behind her shoulders. She grumbles again as he starts to stand and he pauses before beginning to walk.

“You’re carrying me like a princess.” The humor in her voice warms him but now he feels a little more confident about deflecting it.

“I’m a Warden carrying another Warden like a Warden. No princesses here. Well, except for the tavern but I’m certainly not trying to pick that up. I could throw you over my shoulder if you wanted, but you have to promise not to throw up on my back.”

“No promises.” She slumps against his shoulder as he starts to walk. It’s only a few steps from the beach to the door but he takes his time. Who knows what Orzammar will do to her, or what she might do to Orzammar? The answer is liable to be complicated but this, for as unexpected as it is, feels strangely simple. She might not even remember it in the morning, but it’s not a feeling Alistair’s going to forget any time soon. “Alistair.”

“I don’t have a free hand to pet you, but if you can stay awake until we get inside, maybe I’ll give you scritches once I get you upstairs.” He’s trying to figure out how he’s going to open the door when she shakes her head and answers.

“Thank you for coming out tonight. I’m sorry I’m–”

“None of that now. You have nothing to be sorry for, and if anything I should say thank you for having me.” Alistair manages to hook the latch with his pinkie then wedge his foot into the gap, kicking the door open as he maneuvers her inside. “You may not have found it so, but I think being a Warden can be a little bit fun, if you’re with the right person. Or people,” he continues, scrambling to cover for himself while trying to ease the door’s closing with his foot. Once he’s got both feet back on the ground, he looks down at the woman in his arms. Fast asleep, looking as young as he’s ever seen her and more peaceful than she has possibly the entire time he’s known her. The inn’s main room is empty, the fire doused, and he’s almost loathe to speak again and interrupt the silence, but he does.

“Or person. Just the right person.”

[sailingintothenight]

“Heart Shaker.” T.H imagine.

The cast's jokes towards Tom's crush on you makes his heart shakes constantly.

(Not my gif but thanks to the incredible people who make them)

Request made by slythxr: Heyyy, I was wondering if you could do a Tom x reader and she works on the CGI and behind the scenes stuff of movies and maybe she works on the set of a marvel movie(my dream) and she has to work on set one day and tom gets kinda dumb and messes up his lines and either theyre together and the cast teases Tom or he just has a crush on her and they kinda call him out but she oblivious? If you could do something like that it would be amazing, if not I get it, and thank you for even reading this!

@slythxr you were the first to make a request so thank you so much♥ I hope this looks like what you imagined. (Sorry for the possible grammatical errors) And I want to thank @cherryhollands as well for helping me overcome this fear of starting my blog. Thank you. Glad to be part of your squad.

From the first day of shooting of AIW, watching you from afar had become a habit of Tom. Standing next to the cast and wearing his suit already, he took every opportunity to steal glances from you, the young assistant of the CGI team, who was next to the supervisor and the technician on the set. There you were, with the opportunity to be part of that amazing cinematographic universe, with your hair tied following the movement of your body every time you drew with your hands invisible silhouettes in front of the green screen that surrounded the set, giving new ideas that in post-production would become the special effects that would make the audience exhale with surprise. There you were, with those eyes full of life every time you shared your ideas on how to make the film even bigger, even more visually amazing. So young, so passionate that Tom told himself that your imagination seemed to have no end.

"I'll give you some advice, kid..." Robert said calmly next to Tom, taking Tony Stark's attitude. "If you want to be an expert in stalking someone, be more discreet... or blink at least. I thought you were frozen or something."

Tom had already looked away from you, but he turned his body away from your direction when Chris and Dave chuckled.

"Don't mess with the child." Pratt smiled, ready to be part of the mocking. "He has a crush on (y/n). Oh! Hello, (y/n)!"

With his heart hitting his chest suddenly, Tom turned around to where you were, only to see that you were still far from him, taking note of the final details before recording.

"Hey!" Tom complained when he heard the laughter. "That’s not right, man."

"Why don't you just ask her out?" Dave asked, calmly under his Drax character. "You are young, she is young and beautiful."

Chris laughed in surprise when he understood that Dave insinuated that Tom wasn't attractive.

"She's young and beautiful and she's coming here." Robert murmured. "Hello, (y/n)!"

"I won’t fall for that again." Tom crossed his arms, slightly annoyed with them.

"Good morning, Robert." Your voice echoed in his ears, making him turn on your way to a safe place behind the cameras, watching as you greeted everyone until you looked at him. "Morning, Tom."

"Hi, (y/n)!" He said, a little more excited than he should have as you walked away. "Good Morning."

"Ha. Ha. Pathetic." Dave said, perfectly making Drax's voice before walking away to his mark for the scene.

Although for the group it was lovely to see that the youngest one had a crush on you, everyone decided to continue playing with Tom until it stopped being fun. Robert shrugged, silently telling him that if no one took Tom's crush seriously he couldn't do it either, and he walked away too, followed by Chris. Tom dropped his arms in defeat, surprised by the lack of support from the team he worked with.

"Thank you, guys." He mumbled, walking towards his own mark.

•••

"... millions of miles away from earth without backups."

"I'm back hug... Back up!" Tom squeezed his eyes when he realized his mistake, listening to the director's cut and the laughter of his co-stars, who had already witnessed Tom's earlier mistakes. "I’m sorry!"

"Let's take 5, everyone!" The director said from behind the cameras, assuming Tom was nervous about his first day.

Growling at his constant mistakes, Tom approached Ben and Robert who seemed to enjoy it.

"What's wrong, kid?" Ben clapped him on the back, as a way to comfort him. "Are the arachnid senses not working? Is it because of a certain girl over there?"

Tom's first reaction was to follow Ben's gaze, far to the next location where the director was talking to you and the supervisor, giving you all new ideas for the effects. As your gaze fell on Tom, just a second while the director pointed behind him, Tom realized that Ben also knew about the internal joke of the cast.

"You told Ben?!" Tom growled towards Robert under his breath, looking like a little boy whining.

Robert, still playing Stark, looked at his wristwatch, checked in which direction the sun rose and in which direction the air moved before speaking.

"I guess by this time everyone already knows."

"What?!"

Tom felt the warmth in his cheeks and the shame at his abrupt reaction that attracted the glances of the people around him, including yours. It had been a long time since Tom felt nervous next to a girl, and suddenly, you were there witnessing everything, and long before he could be great in his spider-man costume, Tom had managed to attract your attention as the timid and clumsy Peter Parker. But Robert, who was the first avenger to witness everything too, would take the matter into his own hands before Tom quit because of his constant mistakes.

"(Y/n)?" Robert yelled from the platform that took the image of a spaceship, with his hands around his lips so you could hear him on the other side of the set. "You like movies?!"

Although the question was strange, you nodded.

"How about you dating an actor who makes movie references in this movie?"

Tom felt that the world moved under his feet because of the direct way in which Robert spoke, especially since you would soon know that he was the one who made the references. However, you were so far away from the fake spacecraft that you understood only part of what Robert said, but long before you had the chance to make the gesture of I didn't hear you, the director called your name again, causing you to do that same gesture before moving away.

"Damn..." Robert and Tom sighed, their bodies falling in disappointment and relief respectively.

"Don't worry, kid. This is just the beginning. There are still many scenes to be recorded and more opportunities we can take."

"You know what?" Tom, who had almost been exposed, felt he had enough. That almost heart attack he almost had was proof that he could not take another one. "I will not stand this again."

As Ben saw him walk away, the decision in Tom's eyes caused an idea to appear in his mind.

"I guess that means he'll ask her out."

This time, Robert didn't need to play Tony Stark to make fun of his brilliant deduction.

"No shit, Sherlock."

[abs0luteb4stard]

My spiritual war began half a lifetime ago. And I will carry it on even after I'm dead one day. Ω

Most people are raised with a religion or beliefs.

Some of them lose faith. Some become atheists. Some stay where they are in believing.

I I suppose I haven't fully stopped believing in a spiritual power/experience.

Call it the "God Gene" (VMAT2) or illogical stupidity, But I just can't purge that notion from my head.

According to the God Gene Hypothesis: "Spirituality is supposed to provide an evolutionary advantage by providing individuals with an innate sense of optimism."

I do not feel that optimism that there is a God or sentient universe out there. Or that "God has a plan".

I feel unspeakably betrayed.

When I was a young kid. I think I was very well behaved. I cared. I had a great heart. If that wasn't good enough for any god. Then they don't follow their own teachings.

When I got to middle school. I was scared. Three local schools were merged all my friends were lost in the shuffle. I thought it'll be difficult to make new friends, but I had hope.

Well, that hope wasn't lost. It was gouged out and raped from my spirit. Not just spiritually but my spirit of hope caring and goodness.

The bullying. They called me faggot, poor boy, foreigner (born here but was given a "foreign" name) on and on. They spit in my books. They knocked my books out of my hands everyday, between every class. Choked me, beat me, spit on me. There wasn't just a group, the group spread rumors and enlisted others in their attacks on me. Even my old friends from elementary school abandoned me because association with me was repugnant to their social standing. I once saw a buddy from elementary and said hello at his locker only to be ignored like I didn't exist.

Those 2 years of middle school left me completely empty. I remember I went to sleep every weeknight praying to die in my sleep. Ashamed at how that would hurt my parents if it came true. Then I would be woken up for school the next morning secretly crying because I was still alive and had to go through another day.

If there was a gun I would have gladly killed every one of those motherfuckers who were bullying me.

Especially Chas. He was the one who got the ball rolling on my destruction. How a dickhead who was seemingly proud of his failure of the 7th grade the year before I came there had such social clout with these pieces of shit I'll never understand.

High school was hell, but it slowly matured. Not without its own degrading moments where I was bullied or attacked or pushed down or spit on. But I think those who were there were preparing for their college or next step.

My grades were average. My spirit was broken already. My hope was nowhere. I was lucky to graduate probably.

I'm no longer normal. Those years of abuse at school changed me irrevocably. Everyday for 2 years. Non-stop. Physical, emotional, mental, pen tips pressed into the back of my neck till a bled. A pen cap pushed into my ear luckily it didn't hit my ear drum.

Principals, counselors, nobody did anything. Anything they did do was either a warning or giving me a punishment for retaliations.

I was punished for someone abusing me.

So I dropped out of local community college after a spotty 2 years. Continued schooling just came with anxieties and fear. I'd already had my life's share of that. I needed surgery and after I just let go of further education. Of a career of any kind.

Now I'm 33, soon to be 34. And these things that have effected me since half my life ago still affect me today. Call it C-PTSD or anxiety or trauma, social phobia, agoraphobia. It's all the same to me.

The bullies are gone but make no mistake theyre haunting me.

So where the fuck was God?

Where was his miracle for me?

Why didn't he spilt the red sea for me? I'm not as important as Moses. Where was his warning that I should build a boat like Noah?

No burning bush, no "hey Abraham, go kill your son", nothing. Not from this god or any fucking god.

Not once.

But some stupid genetic marker (VMAT2) anchors me to believe?

In the years since school I went through the divorce of my parents which was particularly hard if you knew me you'd understand.

My dad needed a 2nd open heart surgery which led to a big stroke from a clot that broke off. His arm and leg that were effected mostly came back. But his mind was effected permanently. The parts of the brain that were injured left him with memory problems. He couldn't live on his own, he'd already come back home with my mom and me before that to live with us after a hard hip replacement surgery.

Then I went through my mother's surprise lung cancer diagnosis, surgery, and so far no signs of it returning. Luckily it was found early after she had a cold and cough they wouldn't go away and got a chest x-ray.

Now my dad 4.5 years after his stroke and ongoing memory problems, he woke up yesterday the happiest man who ever lived, he had so much love and kisses and hugs to give.

But shockingly he completely forgot who I was. He thought I was a visiting neighbor. He forgot who my mom was. But he was happy to meet his son and wife for the first time again in this new place (it's the same place and the same people he'd always known before).

But I am crushed. I'm so deeply affected. He's happy and jolly enough for 3 people to meet us...

But my mom and I are very sad. It's such a shock. While he is thankfully happy and comfortable with his 'new family' that we are. I've cried more than my muted emotions have let me cry in the last 15 years.

He told me he's sorry that he missed being part of my life before now. Nothing cut my heart up quite like that. He apologizes for not knowing or recognizing me.

I've been betrayed by God all my life or at least that VMAT2 gene chemically telling my brain there's a higher power.

I'm just not important enough. No miracles to help me get out of this PTSD or my other medical issues. No reprieve from these life threatening illnesses my parents got one after the other. And now my father doesn't know who I am anymore.

Maybe god like those bullies just hate me too? If were created in his image then he's as capable of hate and torturing as we his human creations are.

After all he made a bet with the devil that Job in the bible would keep the faith in God no matter what god did to him. He gave him diseases, killed his livestock, killed his family with sickness, and burned down his house. But the dumb motherfucker still loved god.

He gave him all be house, animals and family after the ordeal, but the other wife and children didn't deserve to die for a bet. "But they went to heaven". They still had potential energy, lives to live grow old and have their own families, but "God" killed them to prove he was right in bet to the devil. That an idiot would still love him after all that.

So maybe I can't stop believing in God, or have some leftover spirituality.

But I'm not as fucking forgiving ad that dumb motherfucker Job. But I'm also not willing to just walk away from God's game. I'm more than ever cemented my hate for God. I'm giving the devil sympathy or joining his side. If there is such a thing.

I'm instead giving God - ALL MY HATE.

I've got infinite amounts of anger and hate in me. For every millisecond of my torture in school I hate those pieces of shit, at one point that was all that kept me from killing myself. I'm filled to overflowing.

Now there's nothing and no one I hate more than God. I don't care about abortion, I don't care about pollution, I don't care about animals raised in cages and mutilated.

My dad is apologizing to me for what his stroke did to make him forget me. He's apologizing to me with regret, shame and love in his eyes for something that's not his fault.

WHERE IS GOD!? hmm? His love and miracles? His bullshit?!

God. Guardian Angels? Any God or Goddess. Any religion, pagan gods, gods that we don't even know existed. Where are they? Spirits? Demons? Satan himself? Useless.

I have declared a war on God deep down in my soul. I'm not here to preach or change your religion, make you an atheist or garner views or to promote the devil.

But rest assured I am going to kill God. My determination is absolute.

Not in a social or political sense, I'm not going to become Nietzsche 2.0.

I'm going to prepare my heart and soul. My physical body, my mental attitude, my spirit, my soul. My life might go until I'm 120 years old and I'm fine with that.

But God will know fear because I will teach it to him. God has a death wish and I'm that wish come true.

You think Abu Ghraib looked terrible? What I do to God will make that seem like a Kumbaya summer camp.

I don't know what god is, what makes a deity, fucked if know if such a thing even exists. But I will torture, maim, and kill God.

These neo-pagans with their "All Gods are one God."

That's fine by me. Get the all Gods in one place so I can kill that motherfucker with a smile on my face. Even if he's holding the universe together, like Atlas holding the world. If it means the end of all things then I'm more than satisfied to end reality.

If there's a physical aspect to him on some spiritual realm or whether it's simply a psychic thought of the living mind or some genetic predisposed delusion. Maybe I've lost my mind too, maybe there's nothing left but my madness.

My wrath makes God in the old Testament look like a spoiled 3 year old child. God will get what's coming to him.

He is mine and I am his.

·

"Nor sleep, nor sanctuary, being naked, sick, the prayers of priests, nor times of sacrifice shall lift up their rotten privilege and custom against my hate to Martius. Where I find him, were it at home, upon my brother's guard, even there, will I wash my fierce hand in his heart."

—AUFIDIUS; Shakespeare's "Coriolanus"

·

·

"I'll fight with none but thee, for I do hate thee."

—Caius Martius Coriolanus; play of the same name.

[transkirishima]

sorry to bother you but uhh, i'm someone who regularly does bnha headcanons and i take requests, but recently i've gotten one for trans bakugo headcanons. i'm not trans, so i thought i should ask around and find out from a bunch of trans people whether or not to do the request, and things to avoid if i actually do them. you don't have to respond. i'm just trying to be cautious since i'm cis, but i really don't want to do something wrong without realizing it.

im gonna like, try to give the best answer i can with such a vague ask, but if you want more clarifications on things dming a trans boy whos up for it would be best, my mains dms are always open (i cant guarantee how fast ill respond though)

this ended up being longer then i intended cos i just kinda went off on things but, i hope its helpful

trans bakugou is my jam man, there are definitely ways to portray it wrong (such as the ppl who heavily fetishize/sexualize him) but the headcanon itself is fine. like while i definitely side eye cis ppl who jump to him for their trans headcanon (as hes violent and has a history of being a bully), its fine and basically all my other trans buddies love trans bakugou (well, trans boy bakugou, dont even dare do trans girl bakugou for the love of god. since youre asking abt transcanons, while youre here ill just say this: dont hc canon boys as trans girls and dont hc canon girls as trans boys, unless many trans girls or trans boys themselves have rallied around those respected hcs)

cis people making transcanons is fine- it helps in normalizing us, however when it comes to being cis and making trans headcanons, just know that your trans headcanons should not center around the character being constantly ashamed and in agony over things like their dysphoria (not all trans people have physical dysphoria) or their general transness; rather focus on their gender euphoria of how right it feels for them to be trans. it shouldnt all hinge and focus on their body. of course, hcing a character as trans and with dysphoria is fine, but dont make that the center of their trans experience. that seems to be what cis ppl take most from our lives when thats really only a section of it for those of us who have bodily dysphoria. but there are trans boys who dont bind- hell there are those you CANT bind, and if you want to discuss those kinda hcs, actually like dming a trans boy would be best. 

most likely youll say something that makes a trans person uncomfortable or something bad because you dont fully understand us and just learn from those experiences. really the most important thing is listen to trans people if theyre telling you youre doing or saying something transphobic. if a trans person is saying smth you did or said is transphobic, dont take it as an insult, rather a “oh shit, what did i do wrong and what can i do to be a better ally?”

just talking to trans ppl abt these things through dms would be fine, and i bet talking to them you would learn more than you thought. like- one of the ways i project my transness onto specifically bakugou is how he wears primarily black clothes like i do, and thats how i hide my curves. lots of cis people wouldnt even think of that but its just small things like that that can go into a persons or characters transness. our daily way of living and our relationship with gender is varied and complicated. some people know from when they are young they are trans, some people dont figure it out and begin transition until well into adulthood- ive heard of people above 50 coming out and beginning transition. some trans boys love embracing masculinity to the best of their ability, and some still like wearing skirts and dresses. there isnt one true trans experience and all of them deserved to be portrayed with the utmost respect.

but something basically we’re all sick of: the whole “looking into the mirror and seeing ourself with the WRONG BODY!” trope. lots of us dont identify with that for many reasons. some feel a total disconnect to their body, some embrace their body for what it is, some see the beauty in what they can change in it. just DONT do the thing where they look in the mirror and are like “im really a girl :(” cause really like, personally for example, yeah i get discouraged when i see myself but not because i “look like a girl” but because im PERCEIVED by society as a girl. i fully see myself as a dude with who i am and really most elements of my physical transition can be attributed to survival and passing. lots of the things we end up doing are just so we can survive. this trope really just shows how cis people see our experience, its dumbed down and way to simplified to the point where it loses most if not all connection to trans folk themselves.

this has kinda gone into a long tangent and idk where else to go but. yeah. you can make transcanons, thats completely fine. i think the most important question you could ask yourself is why you see certain characters as trans, such as if any stereotypes are effecting your headcanons. making trans headcanons themselves is fine, trans bakugou is fine.

[jazzmckay]

fallout 2 liveblog, lads. got distracted with things and took awhile to finish this post up but it is finally here

this is incredibly excessively long. fo2 is like 5x the size of fo1 and i just ramble a lot more this time too

seriously i just popped the text into word out of curiosity and this is 10.5k ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- the beginning is so vastly different from fallout 1 and its great. there are a couple cinematics, including a chilling introduction to the enclave, and an introduction to the elder of your tribe, in contrast to the one with the overseer in fallout 1. super cool, feels fresh. also the upgraded game engine is def noticeable. starting in a tribal village instead of a vault is rad

- so, fallout 2 is not messing around. the TUTORIAL kicked my ass so bad i ended up restarting it lmao i was able to figure out what i was supposed to do alright but the combat was brutal until i got a technique down. also this was my favourite part:

- early fallout games, a summary:

- checking out everything in arroyo was nice. tons of little things to do and people to chat with, some of which are stated to be relatives of the chosen one which is neat. i already feel more connected to home here than i did with vault 13 in the first game, while still feeling like character creation is fully up to the player; they arent IMMEDIATE relatives, its just a “this is a family and community” feeling without forcing certain close relationships. real good. it doesnt force you to act a certain way because of relationship bonds, but it does make arroyo feel like home

- most notable things i did in arroyo: rescued a dog named smoke from some geckos. bless. the geckos kicked my ass pretty easily too, i ended up sneaking past half of them to get the job done; fought some sentient plants in the shaman’s garden. interestingly, these are similar to the plants you find in vault 22, zion, and big mt. how did big mt.s death plants get over here

- off to the first town; klamath! i helped a guy guard his brahmin. i bought everyone a round at the bar. nearly got killed by some more geckos

- also stumbled into a crashed enclave vertibird (fun fact, in fallout new vegas, one of the enclave remnants members, daisy whitman, says that the only time she ever crashed a vertibird was by klamath so we can assume this is hers), complete with some corpses. one of them had a keycard on them and i have no idea what thats about but im guessing itll be important eventually?? guarding the vertibird was a damaged robot

- between that and this quest ive got to kill some “rats of unusual size” im starting to encounter all the references fallout 2 is known for

- its time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel

- the rats ALSO kicked my ass. everything is kicking my ass. normal rats are fine because you can manipulate their action points but anything bigger than that is tough and the boss itself, was REALLY tough especially because i only had one gun and the gun only had one bullet

- so, i took a break and went back in town to pick up my first companion: sulik! he’s really awesome i love talking to him. my charisma is 7 so i think that means i can have 3 companions but theres way more than that in the game and i want to travel with all of them at least a little but i have a feeling im not going to want to ask sulik to leave hes my good pal. 

thanks, small child

- anyway sulik and i ended the rats it was good. other than this one mishap:

- got to the den which was initially pretty unsettling. in the time between fo1 and fo2, jet has been invented and most unnamed npcs in the den are addicted to it. there’s a slaver guild on one side of town. also, all the kids in the den try to pickpocket you when you pass them. atmospherically, fo2 is a lot lighter than fo1, but the subject matter is much more mature. that said, i started going around and picking up little errands i could do for people and theyre all very nice. not as scary as i thought it would be. i rescued a guy from the slavers and got a new companion: vic! when im much better equipped, i am coming back here and killing the entire slaver guild, no doubt about that, but sadly i still have barely any decent equipment for myself, let alone anything to equip my companions with

- theres a ghost hanging out in an old house and she wants her locket back. ghosts exist in fallout. cool. got the locket and she turned into bones, which i then went and buried in the town graveyard. i checked out all the other headstones and they were incredible here are some of my favourites

- a guy in the junkyard is willing to sell me a car if i bring the right parts. i can have a CAR 0: definitely dont have the parts OR the funds yet but...... im coming back for this car

- while heading for vault city, i discovered modoc, a quaint farming town going through some struggles due to a drought and a farm up north that is apparently run by ghosts and is decorated by dead bodies. wild

- lots of the quests here required some sleuthing and running all over the map talking to people but i think i got it all figured out. turns out the bodies are faked to scare people away and the ghosts are just some people living underground under the farm. i managed to resolve things peacefully and now i think modoc will be okay, yay!

- i got myself into an eating contest, also, here’s the eventful part of it. i will let anyone reading this experience what happened for themself

this reminds me of the time mass effect tells you just how many balls krogan have

- continued on to vault city and man just. a real roller coaster of an experience. at first, vault city looks like the most safe and stable settlement ive seen in fo1 or fo2. its very clean and organised, its well populated, it has good defences, has a more elaborate (reminiscent of the old world) social structure etc. a GECK was used here and id say part of this areas purpose in the game is to show you what youre actually trying to do for your village

however, vault city is full of self-righteous, bigoted, slaving assholes. “outsiders” are kept outside the bounds of the inner city until they can get a day pass and theyre searched before they can go in during the day, if they make it that far. there are slaves but the people claim its not slavery and get mad if you call it such. i hate these people. 

and they sent me off to a ghoul inhabited town because the power plant the ghouls live in is infecting their water and its pretty understood they want me to kill the ghouls and destroy the plant or whatever. no sir. 

- so yeah vault city sucks BUT I RAN INTO companion number 3: JOHN CASSIDY!!

hello soon-to-be father of one of my all time favourite fallout companions!!! welcome to the group

- headed up to the ghoul town, gecko, to see about this malfunctioning power plant. its so good and refreshing after vault city, i love this place and all the people in it so much. here comes a lot of screencaps of chats i had with some lovely ghouls.

harold again!!! and since fo1, he’s gained the famous tree, herbert, or bob or whatever. 

this ghoul, lenny, came from necropolis and also saw the vault dweller. i believe hes a potential companion but i couldnt ask him to join, either because i already have 3 or maybe my reputation in gecko isnt up yet. hes excellent though and i will come back for him when i have a convenient chance to leave a current companion somewhere safe

i love this

ghouls are so good

relatable, my dude!!! also you can play that card game with this chap. i did so and won. now i have two sets of cards. im the king of games

idk why but this is so fucking funny to me. that ghouls in general can just go on an epic power nap and be assumed dead. and that this ghoul in particular just wanders off and sleeps for ages. i got a quest to find him. he was at the den and in a coffin and one of the citizens was convincing people to pay to see a “mummy” and honestly? honestly. this is one of my favourite fallout quests across ALL games, maybe. its so funny. heres a bit of it:

you tell woody to leg it and he just thanks you and bolts. incredible

- I GOT THE CAR (feat. vic, cassidy, and sulik)

- we drove in the car down south. i’m aiming for ncr territory because a) i think thats where the main questline advances and b) im ready to see tandi again, who at this point is like 96 years old i think. super excited. however, new reno is on the way so i thought id pop in and check it out real quick, not intending to stay and do anything yet but then SOMEONE STOLE MY BRAND NEW CAR.

- getting my car back cost me almost all my money. god damn

- anyway i took off right after to the ncr and then vault 15 to move along the main story. once again, the khans are causing trouble and really the only option is killing them. i guess the khans change a lot between the early games and new vegas. certainly explains how frustratingly anti-khan the ncr is in new vegas though. in rare ncr playthroughs i get so mad about how the ncr treats a potential alliance but. man, i know the history now. getting to see where faction tension came from helps, especially since in new vegas you mostly hear about bitter springs, not all the crap that happened before that to make the tension more two sided. im still mad at the ncr and think they could stand to be more civil after what happened at bitter springs but its still interesting to know how things progressed. the khans caused trouble in the first two games but eventually chilled out and the ncr still hasnt gotten over it

the fight with the khans was VERY difficult. lots of them had automatic burst fire weapons id never even seen before this point and it took a handful of times to get it done to my satisfaction. BUT this is where i encountered my first sniper rifle, my preferred weapon in the first game, and it proved just as useful this time around

- i looked up how long i had before all the dream sequences (id only gotten the first by this point) because i was anxious about the “time limit” and it turns out i have all the time in the world to mess about so main questline went on hold. time to drive around to all the places i bypassed earlier and return to other places to finish things up. also it occurs to me that the chosen one had probably never even seen a car before leaving the village?? they just fucking buy a car and cruise the wasteland in style despite having no prior knowledge of cars. i cant believe the companions willingly get into the car with them. other than sulik who i imagine is down for whatever. i love sulik

- stopped in broken hills and hit someone with my car. remember how i literally just said that the chosen one doesnt actually know shit about cars

broken hills is great, its super mutants, ghouls, and humans all living in peace and the sheriff is marcus, who you see in jacobstown in new vegas!! you also find out marcus’ backstory a bit more. in nv he does talk about naming jacobstown after a friend but you get the longer version here, which is that jacob was actually w/ the brotherhood of steel and they were fighting each other but so evenly matched that they ended up just talking and becoming friends. everyones very nice and its a neat town. theres a scientist with a scorpion hes experimented on to make it smarter and stuff and you can test your own intelligence, agility, and perception against it. i won agility and perception but failed to beat the scorpion at chess rip. the main quest here requires getting something from new reno though so i moved on. ill get back to it on the way back south

- dealt with some raiders i wasnt properly equipped for earlier (the first time i checked them out i barely made it past the many many traps and the scorpion den). went back to vault city to let them know the raiders were dealt with. they made me a citizen after i fixed the power plant in gecko and tbh i hate that the npcs here call me citizen now i hate this place lmao that said, i left vic here, in his daughters shop. as far as i know, companions will just wait exactly where you leave them even if you never come back, they dont actually return to any kind of daily routine but in a roleplaying sense i like the idea that ive parted ways with vic here so he can try to work on his relationship with his daughter. after that, i went and got lenny, the ghoul from gecko whod been in necropolis when the vault dweller blew through. cassidy keeps says he smells. shut the fuck up, cassidy. also vic used to complain about sulik and that is why hes the first to get cut from the crew, js. 

- finished up a couple things in gecko and modoc then headed for the den. got a monty python reference special encounter

i got too caught up in it and forgot to screencap the last question oops. but they asked for the prerequisites for a specific perk, and the potential answers were various levels or agility points. i think i guessed agility 6 but i was wrong and i died lmao

- got back to the den and killed all the slavers finally. feels good man. the citizens seemed pleased. one of the bar owners even paid me for it

- suddenly started getting this mysterious message even though i was standing in the middle of the street and my cursor wasnt even on “tell me about things im pointing at” mode. i have no idea what this means

- went down to redding. the first thing i see is this kid

- as if that werent enough, a bartender and a shopkeep both refused to properly speak to me and kicked me out of their places just for having a ghoul in my party. redding is on my shit list

- its a mine town and i was asked to help get one part of the mine up and running again. theres a chip missing and also the mines are full of “critters”. it turns out redding is kind of the place where the politics between multiple factions starts to become more noticeable. there were hints of it between vault city and ncr, but redding is a small town with literal gold mines underneath it, and the chosen one gets to decide who to put in charge of the mine once they get it back in working order: the crew that wants redding to join the ncr, a faction thats aiming for expansion and prosperity and ruling out as much criminal behaviour as they can, or new reno, a vice city ruled by a bunch of competing families living in casinos and bars. considering the one time i went to new reno my car was immediately stolen i think id be in favour of the ncr side even if it were the ncr as they become in new vegas. there has been an undertone of “the ncr wants to bring as many towns into the fold as possible and enforce their laws across all of the state” in other places, but you get more of an active say in it, here. a precursor to the major mojave changing choices you get to make in new vegas

- i got a bit ahead of myself there with the politics and rpg game design talk. i didnt even mention yet that the critters in the mines were aliens

yeah. THOSE aliens. at first i thought it would be just a little easter egg and the rest of the critters would be a mix of rat variants or maybe id finally see some deathclaws but nope its all aliens

they were kind of reminiscent of deathclaws though. they were certainly on the perceptive side and while they didnt hit as hard as a deathclaw, it was easy to get swarmed by a lot of them and still take lots of damage fast. for the first time while playing the classic games i had to pull a stealth move. i do it occasionally in new vegas but kind of felt like in these old games going in alone was a quick way to die. but it worked wonderfully. i left my companions on one level of the mine and then me, my sniper rifle, and my mediocre but decent enough sneak skill went and cleared out the rest with no trouble at all. aim for the eyes and all that. im not sure how sneak criticals work in these games but theyre effective

also i inspected one of the corpses just in case there would be more flavour text and just

fair enough.

- once i finished up small quests in redding, i continued to new reno. i kind of still didnt want to do anything there tbh it all kind of seems like Bad Karma stuff going on here. but i needed that one part in order to help out broken hills. pretty much got the thing and left again, just like last time.

- finally got a deathclaw! in was in the mine where i fixed the broken hills air purifier and it was called “lesser deathclaw” which makes sense because i killed it in one shot. a very easy first deathclaw encounter

- after finishing up most of the broken hills stuff i went back to the ncr because id literally only done the main quest and then taken off again. except everyones like “well we have this problem but dont ask me about it youll need to talk to this specific dude” and I Cannot Figure Out How To Get To Him

- so instead i drove west until i hit san francisco just for the hell of it. i just wanted to know where it was. and also i want to get into the brotherhood asap for power armour and special stat implants tbh but the brotherhood dude asked me to fucking infiltrate navarro alone and im not super prepared for that, first of all, and second of all i really feel like anything to do with the brotherhood and enclave is solidly “act 2″ stuff and this is fallout so you can do whatever you want but for the sake of a good First Time Playing story progression it makes sense to finish the whole vault 13 geck thing first u kno

- but those ncr quests were bothering me and so i went back and continued trying to figure out what i was missing, which ended up being that im just. allowed to ask the guard to be let in. i could have sworn the previous time i tried to interact with someone on the other side of a force field i got the “you cannot get there” message so i just ASSUMED... BUT. not in this case, it seems. before i even got to that though i did the caravan run for him thats available through a merchant in town and thought that would be fine and easy and might make working for the dude easier. in the first game, i escorted a caravan once and we just had to kill one pack of raiders and that was it. nothing to worry about. [freeze frame] little did i know this would be the worse mistake i ever made

- first of all i got the second dream sequence just as we left ncr. pretty sure im still several months away from the last of them but it did remind me that Time Is Advancing, SECONDLY there were like 6 encounters along the way and two of them had super mutants & abominations, one of them had multiple deathclaws (tough ones this time), and the others were raiders and such. it was all i could do to keep myself and my companions alive, especially against the super mutants holy fuck. after a truly harrowing journey, we made it to the caravan destination, redding, and we were without the car. i never thought i would miss the car so, so much. walking from redding back down to ncr took FOREVER and the encounters were near constant. once again, keeping everyone alive was not easy. cassidy especially was having a lot of trouble; one of the encounters included him getting absolutely swarmed by centaurs and having to run out of combat while saying things like “my heart is giving out!”. HARROWING. eventually we made it to new reno, which is about half way between redding and ncr to do some trading and take a damn breather, but we still had just as far to go and time was ticking faster than it had since we first got the car. everything happens so much. i think overall, this took like 2 months. before the brahmin run i was like “i have SO MUCH time” but after the brahmin run i was like “okaaaay time to get back to the main quest then i guess”. not to mention that i felt like doing something Different after that, so in the end i never even went to talk to that one dude

- so!!! vault 13. the vault has new inhabitants and i love them

hell yeah!!!! they were all so nice and cute. i was even allowed to go into the deathclaw mother’s cave and talk to her, though my companions had to stay outside. there were some humans living here, including a mother and daughter who’d found safety with the deathclaws, a person who’d been at vault 15 before and i had a pleasant talk with, and a terribly depressed man whom the deathclaws were trying to help, even by way of medication. these deathclaws are so good they are So Good. 

- and here we have...... a new companion!!! hello there pal

i had to leave lenny behind in order to recruit goris, but how am i to resist a deathclaw friend? i figured vault 13 with all these lovely deathclaws would be a perfectly safe spot to leave him for the time being [cue dramatic irony if anyone reading this has played the game themself]

- i offered to help the deathclaws fix their computer, because the voice recognition was broken. popped over to new reno, got the thing, went back, the deathclaws love me

- i went right to arroyo with the GECK and discovered that my entire village was killed or taken by the enclave! ay! i already kind of knew this is what happens no matter how long you take getting back with the GECK (ive read that even if you speed run to vault 13, you still always get the last dream sequence after that says everyones dying and even so it wouldnt really matter because the enclave ends up being the problem, not the lack of water and food rip). in retrospect, i guess this means theres no point in rushing and its beneficial to stick around in places and gain as much xp as you can to level up. i suppose if you dont get the car as soon as possible youd run out of time a lot faster. but even if the outcome is the same i still Feel Bad for not going faster in a roleplay sense, you know so its fine im glad i continued as soon as i felt prepared and equipped to do so. in these classic fallout games i certainly felt more compelled to advance the main questline for the sake of the people waiting for me waaay more than, say, the main questline in a game like skyrim. dragons are rising all over the place and killing tons of people and the fate of the realm rests on the dragonborns shoulders? yeah ill be there in a year leave me alone. i like that the urgency in fo1 and fo2 is felt honestly even if you have a lot of time left or the enclave will show up and ruin everything no matter how long you take

- since i was already so far north, i came back south by way of another round trip through the towns with decent merchants to unload some more inventory because im constantly overloaded, cassidy is constantly overloaded, the car trunk has no space, i need to Stop Hoarding. at vault city, goris told me he sensed his pack was in trouble and said he needed to leave. i didnt really think that much of this, just thought it might be a minor thing. it was not a minor thing. 

- since goris left and lenny was also back at vault 13, i stopped in broken hills to recruit marcus. we went back to san fransisco, i left all my companions with the brotherhood guy who wanted me to solo infiltrate navarro and took off on my own

- cue me making the following hard save:

- as expected, the road to navarro alone was not easy. the first time i did it, i encountered centaurs that heavily irradiated me before i was able to kill them all on my own, and then an enclave patrol that just obliterated me. the second time i did it, i encountered the cafe of broken dreams special encounter!! which means i could get dogmeat from the first game :D unfortunately i couldnt keep him. the whole point of this trip is to be without companions, after all, but the cafe stayed on my map so i can go back for him if i want to

- finally got to navarro and was able to convince a guy at a gas station that i was a recruit. he gave me a password, but then when i tried to go inside, he got all “this is private property, leave”. idk what i did wrong but whatever i killed him. it didnt turn anyone hostile because they werent close enough to see or hear it. i think maybe the greeter was directing me elsewhere and i just missed it? it was nighttime, so its possible the darkness made me not see it properly. to reference the enclave remnants quest in new vegas again, one of them (i think its cannibal johnson) mentions the sergeant finding a recuit out of uniform and im assuming thats implied to be the chosen one. i figure there was a way for me to get in on the ground level where that incident would have happened, but instead i went down into the basement and geared up there instead

- infiltrating navarro ended up being on par with exploring the glow. theyre both atmospheric and scary as hell, just in different ways. the glow is more environmental, more “if my rad-x wears off ill probably die of radiation poisoning within a minute”, and navarro is more about being undercover, more “if i say the wrong thing to the wrong person i might reveal myself and be alone against an entire base of enclave soldiers”

- but i pulled it off okay. the first person i encountered was suspicious because i wasnt in armour but when i said i was new they told me to go gear up in the armoury, like i mentioned, which gave me my first suit of power armour and also a bunch of other goodies. i released a trapped intelligent deathclaw, got put on guard duty by the sergeant (who patrols around and will force you back into place if he sees you somewhere else. it was very scary), aaaaand.........

dog dog dog dog!! his previous owner was super shitty and had a soundproof lab because he ran gross experiments. he disabled the robodog for biting him and you can find a part to fix him and also kill the scientist (thanks to the soundproof room no one else is hostile) and take k-9 with you instead :D my dog now, asshole

- here are the overly cautious save files i made while navigating navarro and feeling like things would go bad any second

- got back to san fran, gained access to the brotherhood bunker which is super small, just an outpost really, but it had brotherhood power armour which i immediately passed on to sulik because i desperately want him to make it out of this game alive. and it also had the special stat implant computer and i was able to take charisma right away. i think i must have picked the module up in navarro? i didnt know what it was when i grabbed it so i didnt take much note of it. i didnt even know that in this game you need the modules in order to get the stat upgrades. but boosting my charisma by one did indeed allow me another companion, so i was able to bring everyone with me even though i also had k-9. also the computer had a kind of ai named “ace” and told me they were lonely. god damnit :( ill come visit u as much as i can, ace. they said some really sad stuff about artificial intelligence developing mental disorders god i didnt ask for these feelings

- then the enclave showed up and killed my new brotherhood friend while i was out shopping. enclave can you fucking stop

- decided to go back to vault 13 bc i wanted goris back but the old military base the vault dweller blew up was on the way, so stopped there first

- there were a ton of wolves around and at first they didnt mind me passing through so i got right up on the door and all the rubble from the explosion and then suddenly the wolves all swarmed together and attacked us. wolves nooo

- marcus threw a flare at the wolves. my throwing skill across both games has been very bad and also im stubborn and cant be bothered to equip flares so this was literally the first time id ever seen a flare in use. incredible. thanks marcus for showing me this mechanic i refuse to use myself

- the military base was full of rats, super mutants, and some dead enclave soldiers. we fought through the first two levels but left the third alone because my companions had been taking some heavy hits and were kinda soaking up my stimpacks. didn’t really matter, i got another set of power armour and another stat implant module so i feel like i got the best the military base had to offer for the time being. i can go back later if i really want to. gave the power armor to cassidy. marcus cant wear armor, being a super mutant, and ofc k-9 cant either so i officially had enough power armour for every member of the party who could actually equip it

- made it back to vault 13 to discover that the enclave came by and slaughtered all the deathclaws. ENCLAVE. STOP. all thats left are blood stains on the floors. im so sad. goris was still alive, though, and luckily so was lenny. i was worried for a second that the map would be effectively reset somehow and hed be gone but he was still there. i left marcus with him so they can pal it up in a nice vault that is. now. all theirs. :( and took goris back with me instead. 

- travelled back to san fransisco. i still hadn’t done much in either san fran or new reno. i know i missed a companion in new reno but from what ive heard i wont like him nearly as much as the crew i have now. if i could take another on, id would be marcus or lenny still, so. also i think you can get a robobrain as a companion from a location you only get through a quest but im not sure?? what that is. its fine. again, i really like the crew i have. 

- the captain of the ship that will take the chosen one to the enclave wont chat unless you get some reputation, so i talked to a fella who gambled away his spleen while drunk. yep. another amazing quest, honestly.

not quite on par with the ghoul mummy quest, but its up there man. its up there.

- NOW the captain is willing to chat and tell me what to do to get this ship going. it requires a couple things from navarro and vault 13, and fuel. luckily some of that was already done. unluckily, simply getting fuel proved to be on the complicated side. the main faction of san fran has all the oil and obviously they wont just hand it over, i had to do some stuff for them. they wanted the same item the brotherhood dude wanted and since brotherhood dude just made a copy, i still had the original and could immediately pass it over. cool. the second thing they wanted was for me to kill the leader of the enemy faction. im not normally the type to go in guns blazing without seeing if theres something i can do for the other side and maybe resolve things peacefully, but the hubologists are. unsettling. and remind me of the children of the cathedral from the first game. i did try talking to the leader first and his only offer was to get me to kill the shi leader instead and i wasnt about that so. had some fun shooting my way out of there

- the shi allowed me to have the fuel and now all the citizens in the streets have much nicer floating dialogue. before it was stuff like “are you a spy?” and “leave us alone” but after taking out the hubologists its stuff like “guess youre alright after all” and “you did a good thing for us” so i guess..... thats good. still not sure if there was a peaceful way of handling things or if it really was simply “pick a side” but from the reaction, i think i made an okay decision

- to install the parts on the ship i had to go below deck and found a shit ton of aliens, centaurs, and floaters. it was a real pain in the ass tbh, these enemies are only hand to hand combat so they swarm you and you cant MOVE and its so hard to see whats going on bc the outlines all overlap. they suck. there was a lost person down here as well that i could help back up to the deck

- and with that all squared away, off to the enclave oil rig!

you got it, cassidy. there’s my endgame crew: sulik, cassidy, goris, and k-9. mightve been a good idea to bring marcus instead of k-9 but. dog. his damage output isnt the greatest but sometimes he knocks people over which can be helpful.

- there was a terminal right inside that i could use to disable some defence systems but anything more than that was above my skill level, it seems, and i got locked out. i took a staircase down to the next level and found my tribe as well as the inhabitants of vault 13 whod been there before the deathclaws took residence. we shot our way through a ton of enclave soldiers and scientists but luckily it seems that defence disabling i did meant some robots on this floor never attacked

- that said, i still lost goris almost immediately on this level. while most of the robots had been disabled, the turrets were not and they sure can do some mean damage. one of them took goris out in one hit. rip deathclaw friend

- i couldnt free everyone right away, the leader of the vault 13 folk told me the best bet would be to disable the power generator 3 floors below.

- the next floor down included a maze with electric floors. it was. troublesome. after a couple attempts i ended up leaving my companions outside the maze and working through it myself until i was able to get rid of the electric floors, at least, so we werent all constantly taking damage while i figured this crap out. there were two supply rooms on either side of the maze as well so i got some more useful items AND another geck. ive got two now, incredible. for some reason the guards in both siderooms werent armed at all??? i pretty much stood in the doorway which allowed only 2 of them to get close enough to attack and even then they were punching and kicking which isnt very effective when your opponent is in advanced power armour so. that fight was more time consuming than stressful or anything

- after that is a floor with very powerful enclave soldiers protecting the president. in contrast to the unarmed losers on the previous floor, these guys had energy weapons and miniguns and shit. did not go well the first couple times. i ended up doing kind of a cheese thing which was going down alone, getting a sneak critical on one guard, and then sneaking back up the staircase, ending combat. eventually enough guards were coming over to investigate that sneaking was no longer possible so that method only worked a couple times but after that i brought my companions down with me and we worked our way through everyone whod been alerted. 

- then i stopped to do some healing maintenance before figuring out the best and safest route to the president and............. the game crashed. this was the first time either classic game crashed on me. i dont think it liked me spamming “heal yourself” dialogue with cassidy or something. or maybe its completely unrelated. i HAD been bouncing up and down staircases a lot so maybe the frequent loading was unappreciated

- so we had to redo some of the fight but luckily id been saving a lot bc i wasnt sure if my weird tactics were gonna get me in a rough spot haha

- met the president. killed the president. killed the presidents vp and secretary. fun times. its at this point that you get the most clear idea of what the enclave wants to do: kill every mutant, but not just full mutants but anyone who has been exposed enough to the outside world with all its leftover radiation that theyre “less than human” so basically they want to kill the entire world except themselves and the people who were still in vault 13. it seems to me at this point, most vaults have either opened naturally, been forcibly opened, or have metaphorially or literally self-destructed so yeah good plan, enclave. there is no one left by your shitty standards and also get over yourselves, mutants are the Best. have you seen lenny and marcus? have you?

- when dealing with the pres i tried out a new gun i got off an enclave guard and holy shit

im not as accurate with it as i am with the gauss rifle but damn

- you can convince a scientist in this area that what theyre doing is bullshit and to give you the fev cure and also cure your village/the vault 13 inhabitants before flooding the oil rig with fev to kill everyone else. this seems like its a really handy and useful thing to do but on this particular run, both cassidy and i died and when i went through the next time, this scientist joined in the fighting and i wasnt able to talk to him again. oh well

- the next floor had the power generator. i put an explosive near it and took off. the path back up to the top floor drops you in an area i never bothered to clear on the way in and we were Obliterated. i tried a few times but seriously this floor was tough as hell. i started doing the stealth thing alone again and that is when i discovered that if you dont have your companions with you, you can just walk through most areas because youre in enclave power armour. i am a Fool. everything could have been so easy!!! i could have left everyone chilling on the top floor, gone off to take care of stuff in simple style, and waltzed back out to the boss fight. but it was too late. i had to reload pre-destroying the generator anyway so this time i did indeed leave my companions in peace while i took care of it and it was so much easier. god. goris could have survived this easily if id done this in the first place. oh well, next time ill know exactly what im doing i guess. 

- so with the countdown going and only the frank horrigan fight left, i talked my way into getting an enclave group to join my side. youre supposed to be able to access the terminal here to get his own turrets to turn on him as well which presumably makes for an easy fight but OF COURSE this is the computer i fucked with when i first arrived and got locked out of. i had the enclave group support but let me tell you. they were not the most effective. they were a distraction at first, but i still only made it out of this fight with almost no stimpacks and one less companion. cassidy died here, unfortunately. in the middle of the fight i had to loot his corpse for all the stimpacks id given him because i needed them for myself, it turns out. it really was tough, and i also ended up using chems for the first time. i dont like using chems in fallout, generally, but i was willing to take whatever edge i could to actually finish the game

- a couple of the enclave people on my side survived, and sulik and k-9 were ok as well. we headed for the exit with about 5 minutes left on the countdown to destruction. classic fallout protags really have a habit of blowing shit up

rest in pieces!!!!!

- cue ending slideshow. to summarise: the arroyo villagers and the remains of vault 13 used the geck to settle a new community together, the den, modoc, and san fransisco simply prospered well, gecko was taken over by vault city because i optimised the power plant and i suppose that caught vc’s interest but vc ended up withering away themselves and were taken over by the ncr so i hope that means my ghoul friends were eventually free again, redding joined the ncr as well, broken hills dispersed peacefully (and we know from nv the super mutants from there settled happily in the mojave), ncr and vault 15 did well and expanded, the vault 13 deathclaws were unfortunately killed by the enclave and the end card kinda blamed me for it :(, new reno stayed exactly the same because i never bothered to do much there oops, and while there were no ending cards for it, we know from nv that the ncr took over navarro pretty shortly after the enclave oil rig fell. 

- and there you have it! sulik, k-9 and i were deposited back on the docks of san fransisco and i now have the option of finishing things i didnt do before (like new reno) and/or exploring around gaining levels until i either reach 99 or im bored. i will check out new reno and prob go chat up some of the major characters who may have new things to say now that the enclave is gone and TOTALLY NOT get distracted for ages by fallout week and replaying the entirety of fallout new vegas which was really great now that ive played both classic games. oops- anyway, picked up lenny and marcus from vault 13 since sadly, my party was halved by the oil rig adventure. in future playthroughs i think it would be kinda cool to assemble all the companions and leave them hanging out in vault 13 when theyre not with me like how you can send everyone to the lucky 38 in nv

- started driving around to places with good merchants again because as always i am overencumbered. i lost some good shit on the oil rig when cassidy died because sulik and i could not carry it :( first stop was ncr for selling shit and checking in with tandi. she wouldnt speak to me and her bodyguard/secretary dude also told me to fuck off. kind of thought they would be willing to comment on the enclave deal but i guess not, fine.

- then back to vault city, where i DID get new dialogue about how awesome i am and was also instructed to go log my exploits in the vault 8 terminals. i put my pip boy in the terminal and got some behind the scenes info as well as a cheeky hint to go look at a certain other terminal which, when interacted with, gave me so much xp i instantly levelled up. i did it twice more and levelled up even more. what the heck. incredible. all this levelling up would have been even better if id had marcus and lenny with me because especially marcus has not travelled long enough with me to completely level up BUT EARLIER ID TRIED TO BARTER and the people CALLED FOR THE GUARDS and everyone WENT HOSTILE because i had a super mutant and a ghoul in my party HEY VAULT CITY JUST A REMINDER I HATE YOU

- whatever. i decided to drive around unlocking the rest of the map even though im pretty sure there are no new locations, it just looks nice to have it all coloured in properly. got some combat encounters on the way and prior to dealing with the enclave i tended to skip ones that seemed too dangerous but now im like COME AT ME this party is 3 ppl in power armour, a cyber dog, and a super mutant, with guns that will disintegrate you. TRY IT

- one of the encounters i got was this fucking incredible thing:

this person just kept saying “oil can” over and over so i grabbed the can off the ground, used it on them, and then they opened up dialogue to thank me, saying theyd been stuck there for ages, and then walked off. lmao what a wild encounter. curious that theyre in enclave armour. did they find the armour and not have training in proper use and management? is this a former enclave employee that just fucked up? who knows

- speaking of former enclave i totally forgot that when i went back to ncr i talked to a doctor there and got new dialogue to ask if he knew about the enclave and it turned out to be dr henry, one of the remnants and eventual residents of jacobstown o: i DID notice they had the same name but i assumed henry would have been at navarro like the rest of them. turns out he had a falling out with the enclave before everything went down and the remnants left to the mojave together

- based on the end clip, i wasnt sure if id find my village in arroyo or not. the voiceover described the new settlement as “miles away from their old home” or whatever but that might have been about the vault 13 ppl specifically, which arroyo IS far away from. also its not like the settlements that disbanded or anything in the slideshow already look like that post-storyline so really i did not know what to expect or if i could actually access my people again. unfortunately, the bridge to arroyo was still destroyed and everything still looked pretty bad up there. so i guess we do not get to know where everyone eventually went

- i still had an outstanding quest in broken hills as well. first of all, a sentient plant wanted to be moved to a different garden which was a simple thing but required a shovel that i didnt have at the time. it was p funny, i went up and immediately used the shovel and the plant was like “dude dont just start digging me up give me some warning first” IM SORRY. but yes i talked to the plant and then moved him and then he gave me a hint on how to defeat that scorpion at chess that i was playing against ages ago. also, one of the ghouls in broken hills is the son of set, the ghoul leader of necropolis from the first game. if you get him a bunch of stuff he’ll eventually tell you the location of some “treasure” that ends up being bottle caps, the currency of the first game. kind of weird that they went back on the bottle caps as currency thing in fo2? i wonder why. glad the new games have caps again. but anyway the chosen one was not amused by getting caps instead of money lmao the caps were in a well so you have to enlist some help and then you get so riled up about it being caps instead of money you forget to help the guy back up

- OKAY. NEW RENO.

- i went to talk to this myron bloke ive heard so much about since i know hes a possible companion and god he annoyed me so fast

- this is the first time ive ever pissed off a talking head enough for the animation to change to their “angry” face i think. i once pissed off killian darkwater in the first game but i have no idea what id done to cause it since it was after id already worked with him and it wasnt nighttime or anything i think it was a bug idk but with myron i was intentionally smartassy with him bc he was just SO ANNOYING and also hes the creator of a drug that has fucked up a lot of people and he doesnt seem to even understand what hes doing?? or care??? not to mention hes got slave labour. when i saw that going in i was kinda feeling like id be more likely to kill him than ask him to join my party (which was already full anyway, i really had no intention of bringing him along) but huffs i dont think theres a quest attached to that kind of thing so it would probably just be considered assault/murder and maybe get more people hostile than im willing to deal with. so. i just left

- so that aspect of new reno sucked as expected but then!!! THEN!!! i became a BOXER! i convinced a guy named stuart little to hire me as the lone woman boxer, he gave me a list of nicknames to choose and i decided on “hurricane” and then i beat the hell out of a guy

this is the second guy i fought, after id gained some popularity and i fucking killed the dude. i killed him. i was really scared for a second that id have to fight the entire room but they didnt even care, accidental death is just something that happens in this line of work sometimes i guESS?? okie doke. but after literally murdering a man in the ring i decided to take a break from boxing

- theres a dude in new reno that i spoke to once ages ago and im not actually sure what his deal is but i talked to him again since last time he passed out and it looked like hed finally got back up. he had new post-game fourth wall breaking dialogue and he gave me a book that acted a lot like the terminal in vault city, it gave me a shitton of xp AND levelled all my skills to 300%, which is the highest they can go. holy shit?? im just. as op as possible now. nothing can stop me.

- so with my newfound opness i decided to start working for whichever of the new reno families seemed the least shitty. the wrights are by far the easiest to talk to; the bishops are practically impossible to communicate with in any meaningful way, the salvatores arent bad but sure do have twitchy trigger fingers, and the mordinos seem sketchy as hell in general and are the ones already mostly in charge. the wrights wanted me to investigate the murder of one of the familys sons and it turns out one of the other families poisoned him. then they sent me to the sierra army depot to look for weapons, presuming there might be a fight with the other families. the wrights seem nice enough, all they really want to do is protect their family, not necessarily fuck everyone else over so. alright. and i really wanted to get to the sierra army depot one way or the other

- it ended up being even cooler than i expected. its surrounded by turrets which didnt stand a chance now that im op as hell, and the doors are super sealed shut so i got to fire a massive howitzer gun at it to blast them open. i felt really cool

- inside are lots of robots but again, 300% science skills means hacking everything without problem. this place has a LOT of amazing loot. most of it is useless to me now but i did pick up a lot of stimpacks and other drugs that are valuable and weightless so why not. i also found a cookie. doesnt seem to have use but hey, i have a cookie now.

- turns out an ai here wants to get out and see the world, and tasked me with making a robobrain body for it. this involved finding biogel and looting other robobrain corpses and such for parts. also there are terminals where you can literally harvest a variety of brains and other organs. i know robobrains and other splicing was being done at big mt. but it looks like a lot of that stuff was happening here, too. ive got a human brain in my inventory now, as well as an eyeball that i can use to give me retinal scan access. im not sure why the eye is just. there. actually. ALSO there are holodisks you can pop into your pip boy to learn about some old world shit and it was actually fascinating. it was all great but as a canadian and a lore gremlin, this was my fav part

there is SO MUCH going on here. so much. god. all the info in these disks was incredible. the entire location was really fucking interesting and i loved searching and reading everything. i saw something about like. viruses/plagues and stuff on one of the terminals but i couldnt see everything before it shut down, im gonna have to reload a save or just. keep it in mind for future playthroughs i guess. amazing

- but back to the ai thing. i assembled “skynet” a robobrain body and was able to recruit them. unfortunately i already had a full party, so theyre still chilling there. eventually ill need to drop off a couple companions at vault 13 or something and grab not only skynet but dogmeat, who is still at the cafe of broken dreams on my map, just waiting for me to return.

- so when i went back to the wrights, they said i was now part of the family and i got to take a name with them just like i did when i became a boxer. there were a lot of really good and funny names available, but since i tend to prefer long range weapons and stealthy combat, heres what i went with

- id had a quest for the salvatores but didnt finish it before becoming part of the wright family and now when i go back to them, theyre pissed and attack me haha WELL ALRIGHT i guess that makes sense but i think that also means im pretty much done with new reno already. i suppose if youre methodical about it, you could work for all the families until the end of each branch, like you can do with the factions of new vegas until you piss them off too much by working with others etc but i did not plan anything going in. its cool though, i like the wights well enough. theyre the only family that didnt outright threaten me or something so its all good. too bad i dont get to see how this would change the slideshow card for new reno in this playthrough. next time, though

- and thats it for real now!! as far as i can tell, ive done everything still available to me unless its something bad karmaish that im not interested in doing in this particular playthrough

- another random thing: since i did a lot of driving around the map just because, a fair bit of time has passed in-game and my age went up. the game actually kept track of how much time has passed and acknowledged my birthday. thats actually SO GREAT

if you read all of this, thats p incredible. this is long as hell. thx ily

that was really a wild ride and i loved it. its so much bigger than fo1, such an enormous expansion, both in gameplay and in lore. the world really does develop massively between both games, and i found the tone shift to be very interesting. the first game, in my opinion, is definitely post-apocalyptic, as the name calls it, and even dystopian. its very dark and creepy feeling, and the music really backs that up. some of the music tracks are creepy as HELL (”the vault of the future” always creeps me out, especially when it plays in vault 22 in nv god and “city of the dead” really does make you feel the way the title suggests). the first game nails a desolate wasteland atmosphere incredibly well. 

the second game, though, is what id call post-post-apocalyptic. there are a lot more proper settlements with a lot more people to talk to and do quests for. in the first game, shady sands is smaller than modoc, the tiny farming village. in fo2, ncr territory is massive and incredibly well off, with vegetation and force fields as security and shit. people are making it work, in fo2. but the further we get from the old world, the more things change, too. tribal culture is a thing. many mutants of the wasteland have settled down well, now that theyre away from the influence of the master. post-war chems have been invented. slavery is a new problem. people have been able to survive well enough that theyve gone back to age old ways of being shit to each other. people do things not to survive but for profit or fame or just because they want to. you, the player, can have sex on multiple occasions in multiple ways for multiple reasons. the world is full of so much again! the first game is about survival and power struggles and adapting to a new status quo. the second game is about living, and about people. theyre both remarkable in their own ways and do such a good job setting a tone both times. honestly, i dont think i can say, at this point, which i liked better because they were both the best at being what they are. maybe after time and more playthroughs ill settle into a favourite but for now all i can say is both of them were so solid in unique ways.

gameplay-wise i definitely found fo2 more challenging, though once i upgraded to advanced power armour and a gauss rifle it felt like i was at the top of the food chain. something i love about fallout games is you usually start out so squishy and end up godlike, which makes you feel like you progressed as a character while progressing through the story and get to constantly do more and more awesome, badass shit. they also improved some mechanics with the companions that made life a lot easier which was great. my only complaint is that there isnt a single female companion. at best you can argue that certain characters dont have a gender (k-9, skynet, technically marcus as a super mutant but really all the mutants get gender coded anyway, i dont recall there being a mutant who wasnt blatantly male or female aligned, so,,) but pretty much katja is the only female companion across both games. but i suppose ill let it slide bc in new vegas they give us an incredibly diverse selection including both a gay man and a lesbian so alright alright. they improved majorly.

anyway. i already want to replay both games lmao. since i did character creation mostly based on what would make life easy and a more blank slate in terms of personality since i like to go into first playthroughs just doing whatever i feel like at any given time, i might like to actually craft a specific kind of character and do some more serious roleplaying. nice

thanks for reading.... again... since i failed to stop talking after the first time i said it. [finger guns]

[terra-kat]

ashcdm said: But… its simply just another work of fiction. If you watch the film, it turns out hes a superhuman in the Unbreakable universe. You dont see families whose loved ones were murdered boycotting Friday the 13th. They are just works of fiction, most movies/books are. Theyre not personal attacks or generalizing people. I know you obviously hate hearing it, but don’t take it so personally. I certainly didn’t walk out of that theater feeling re-educated on people with DID or mental illness, noone did             

A post I saw on this recently that explains this a little bit, here’s another post that explains more of this.

I won’t be able to get too deep into this/explain as much as I want to because today has been awful, I’m very low on ability to communicate with people (especially people I’m having to work hard to bite back anger at because they didn’t seem to read the original post before commenting), and I just lost another $140 a month bc of an ableist society you don’t seem to care about fixing.

Let me say this again.

I have DDNOS, and my mother has DID.

Listen. To. Us. When we speak about this.

Do you know how many times she’s had psychiatrists, doctors, and therapists gaslight her because of her DID diagnosis? How many times she’s been victim-blamed, yelled at, misdiagnosed, forced to take medications that cause all sorts of absolutely horrid and extremely painful side-effects, petitioned, strapped to a table for hours on end with the bands so tight they cut off her circulation, thrown to the floor, been preyed upon, had her privacy invaded, had her personal belongings stolen, etc etc. because of the stigma against mental illness--stigma which is spread and accepted because of media like “Split”?

I’ve had to live my life watching my mom get abused repeatedly, watching her work so hard and do so much to try and get better while ableists knock her down (sometimes literally) each time instead of HELP her like they’re SUPPOSED to be doing because they’re DOCTORS.

I’ve had to live in households where roaches are constantly underfoot, where bugs get into the food we manage to buy and cook despite our low income and disabilities, where spiders crawl in our carpets and bite us all over our bodies where we sleep, where bedbugs are in every last nook and cranny and school textbook.

I’ve had to live in places where street fights go down constantly, where peoples’ houses are lit on fire, where I’m not safe (and have been traumatized/assaulted, and regularly harassed) just walking around the neighborhood.

I’ve had to watch my mother get her dream job, and for us to have actual money for a few months, only for her to essentially get fired because they won’t accommodate for her disabilities.

Ever since I’ve been little, the question of “will we be able to keep our house? will we have to be homeless?” has been present, and it’s even stronger now that I’m an adult and a ton of our income has been cut and they won’t register me for disability because of ABLEISM (key word here; that thing that is the cause of movies like this, and which spreads and becomes stronger and more socially justifiable and accepted because of movies like this).

I had to drop out of high school because of lack of accommodations and harassment from teachers (both in relation to my disabilities), haven’t been able to get a job because of lack of resources  + ableist job-filters, I don’t even have the resources I need to be able to survive, and honestly I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to stay alive.

And movies like this? Will just make all of this harder. People aren’t usually educated about what actual mental illnesses look like, and when they do, most of the time they’re being fed false information because of movies like this.

People refuse to take us seriously, make fun of us, lock us up, take away our rights, and it’s all accepted, because of movies like this.

People with DID + DDNOS already have to deal with having been severely traumatized/abused as a child, and having to suffer through all of the struggles and difficulties the disorder (developed because of the trauma) presents--which is a lot (including reliving/re-experiencing the trauma in the form of flashbacks).

And then they have to deal with people acting like those who have that disorder are terrifying, horrible monsters. As if those who developed a disorder because of horrific child abuse are evil “crazy”* abusers themselves because of the disorder.

*”Crazy, psycho, insane, etc.” are slurs meant to dehumanize neurodivergent people. They’re used to keep abusers in power and make the neurodivergent person question their own reality, doubt everything they experience and think and do, lose all self-confidence and self-esteem, and depend on the abuser. They’re used to sensationalize neurodivergency in a way that justifies the actions of these abusers and to further silence neurodivergent people.

They have to deal with the constant jokes, the gaslighting, the victim-blaming, the very dangerous misinformation.

They have to deal with the medical abuse and deadly malpractice that comes about because of misrepresentation.

And then they have to deal with people telling them that it’s “just another work of fiction”, and that the very real oppression and abuse they face is just them taking it “so personally”.