#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also
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Omfgffggff I js found u through the nerd guy fic and I'm obsessed!!!
Ik we are all not so sane here so,,,
If I can request a silly rebellious reader and stepdad punishing the reader for hanging out with good for nothing guy friends with skimpy outfits
:3 Thanks!!! ( You don't need to do ... this is straight up crazy ik lol )
Author’s note: AHH HELLOOO IM SO HAPPY!!! AND OFC SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT!
Content below: use of y/n, AFAB reader, brat taming, punishment, use of nicknames such as babygirl, pet, cheating?, stepcest, minor writing smut, bratty reader, cigars, reader is 18+, dubcon.
Proceed to read..
“Ugh i told you, pick me up tomorrow. My stepdad is coming and i wanna act long enough so i can take some money from him. Then you and cain and me can have some fun! You bring the alcohol!” You giggle as you lay down in your very pink and girly room. The teddy bear your stepfather gave you for your birthday just slumping onto your pillows
You giggle as your best friend starts to ramble about how fun tomorrow will be and starts to ask the real questions “your stepdad is hot! Not gonna lie, i mean! Hes a silver fox!” She squeals as you gag “yuck no! Live with him for a day and you’ll see how controlling and bossy he is” you mumble.
The laptop was still on video call as you roll around on your bed. You sigh as suddenly you hear a doorbell “shit! Be right back!” You yell and slam your laptop closed.
Your feet scramble to the door and open the wood separating you and your money machine.
“Daddy! Welcome home” you giggle and hug him. Ugh disgusting…he smells like his cologne and smoke. He looks at you with disinterest and lets out a low hum. His eyes looking at your perked nipples from your lack of bra.
“Have you been studying? As i told you? I gave you two weeks” he says, pulling away from the hug. What the fuck? Does he have a stick up his ass or something?
Oh yeah about that “ah… yup!” You say with a lopsided grin, batting your eyelashes at the older man. He seems to see right through you but you dont really care, all you need is a few hours and his money and then you can meet your friends-
“Yeah? Ill be testing you tonight.” He says bluntly and starts to head to the kitchen to get dinner for himself.
“Well… im heading out cain and nicole” you say, a little more happily then you mean to. He takes out a cigar and looks at you dead in the eyes. “No.” He states bluntly “wearing a skirt that short? Thigh highs? And what is this..” he comes closer to you your chest almost just almost reaching his. He pinches at your left nipple “a flimsy piece of cloth, that you little ones call a top.”
You yelp and cover your chest “why the hell were you looking?”
“Im your father, and you are not going out like that, with your so called boyfriend who only wants you for your body” he states. Grabbing the back of your top like a cat would.
He goes to his office and throws you on the chair and locks the door
“Question one, look at the fucking paper. A, B, C or D?” He loosens his tie and undoes his pants. Sitting you on his lap “the faster you finish the faster ill let you go” he says putting his cigar down.
“Fuck! I dont know? B?” You say, you feel something warm against your cunt. You unconsciously grind on the feeling “bad girl” he says as he pulls your panties aside and shoves the tip inside. You feel the slight burn and you tear up. Sick motherfucker is gonna rape you?
He grabs your waist and shoves everything inside in one go. No lube no nothing. Just raw fucking cock.
You yell and cry “fuck you! You sick piece of shit” you attempt to get off his lap when he pushes you on your chest. His heavy balls against your clit.
“Its okay babygirl.. you dont need to use your smooth brain anymore” he whispers in your ear. Slowly moving in and out of you “you can be my personal pet from now on” his fingers gently rubbing circles on your clit. You moan gently, your eyes tearing up at the smell of your stepdad the one you used to love but now.. you’re not sure anymore
“Daddy…d-daddy” you mumble dumbly, his cock slipping in and out of you. Your feet barely touch the floor “im sorry baby, this is your punishment” he says before his pace becomes faster and faster. You squeal and try to hold on to him. Your pussy squelches and pulses. Your ass connecting to his hips.
“D-daddy!” You cry. The swirls on your clit becoming faster yet precise “becoming a dumb little girl already? Poor thing… must have been so pent up” he coos, your brain is turning into mush as your legs shake from the pounding. Your cunny fluttering around him, be groans “ah fuck…”
His hand that was once on your clit, now on your nipple. Tweaking them just painful enough for you to keep your sanity in check. “Need a new piercing on your nipples now. Maybe my initials?” He teases.
“I-im gonna cum” you manage to mumble out. The wet skin slapping is making your brain fuzzy “daddy.. i need your cum” you say your tongue lolling out, awaiting his tongue.
He smirks at your now dumb form and gives a few more thrusts but pulls out at the last second.
“Maybe after you get the questions right” he says his gentle smile making you feel warmer.
(SORRY THIS IS BAD ILL WORK ON IT BETTER SOON ENOUGH, I WAS MEANT TO PUT THIS IS DRAFTS BUT ACCIDENTALLY POSTED IT)
#yandere male x reader#yandere oc smut#yandere oc x reader#yandere male x reader smut#yandere oc x reader smut#yandere smut#yandere stepdad
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u prolly have already but pls i want in depth yap abt caitvi in arc3 and how they heal :)
oh anon i have NOT yapped about how they heal. not in detail at least. so here we go. there's not a lot that hasn't been said about them, but i'd like to put my perspective into the ring just because. as an eldest sister and as a lesbian i can relate to vi in a lot of ways.
i think my main takeaway for caitvi in act 3 is how they're both human, in the ways they love and in the ways they fight. arcane is a show that respects its audience and trusts us to be able to read between the lines and i appreciate how you can see every little detail of the words they're not saying if you look close enough.
in The Scene especially you can see just how real theyre being... im not gonna dwell on it, but by the skin of my teeth and the bones in my knees they LOVE each other. you can see it so clearly.
caitlyn walks in on vi questioning everything she is. violet legit just let her sister slip from her fingers, again. i cannot tell you how many times i've felt guilty when my sister or brother are hurt or do something wrong, even if i had no part in it. i cannot imagine how much it would hurt to lose them and keep going only because of the possibility of finding them again, and then when i finally do find then they're ripped from my arms. and it happens more than once. i would be in the same place vi is. blaming herself for all of it. making the burden of protecting her sister all hers and no one else's. wondering whether or not she's doing the right thing at all. (cough coughh petra minecraft is that you)
as stressful as they can be sometimes they're my siblings and i'd do anytning for them. and with the kind of person vi is, for her that means punching whoever's in the way. doing whatever she can. she has a big heart and she's never lost it.
after caitlyn basically dumped her in the most entitled way possible vi had nothing left. no one to protect and nothing to fight for. so she fought just for the sake of fighting. after getting her family back and losing them again (holy ballsockets she was put through the wringer) all she had was cait even if cait hurt her. i think even if cait never did anytbing to make it up to her, she would have stayed, because vi needs an anchor.
caitlyn's hurt a lot of people directly or indirectly. she grew up priveleged and stayed that way, never truly seeing exactly how much pain people are going through until it's too late to turn back. caitlyn's arc is a very interesting one because she never says the words "i'm sorry". she never tells vi that what she did was wrong and that she wants to fix it. but she does things that prove her remorse.
caitlyn works with vi in the end of act 2. i think this is partially because she was already skeptical of ambessa from the start, and partially because she wanted to find a way to make it up to her. caitlyn doesn't fold as soon as vi calls her cupcake, that's not what the look is. The Look is her thinking, "wait, does she not hate me? why did she call me her term of endearment even after everything i've done?"
in act 3, caitlyn takes all the guards out of the prison, because she knew vi would try to rescue her sister. in the words of another post i forgot to save (deepest apologies to the op of that one), vi could have taken jinx and ran. caitlyn might have never seen her again and she let that happen anyway. and cait even went to the cell to check to see if her theory was true, and lo and behold it was. and vi failed at trying to save her sister. again.
what does caitlyn do? she tells vi that she relieved the prison of the guards because of her. all confident and sultry and commanding like she knows what she's doing.
and then when they're getting into it caitlyn frantically pulls away. she realizes that, yeah, she still needs to make things right. she tries to be honest, tell vi that she saw someone else, and vi just reassures her and keeps going. i think thisnis because 1) vi wants the cupcake, who wouldn't, and 2) she's... not exactly forgiving, that needs more work- but she's showing her appreciation for caitlyn here. caitlyn did something huge for her, she let her break a prisoner out which could have dire consequences for both of them.
i think vi just absolutely smothering cait is also a way to show that even though cait hurt her physically as well as emotionally, she's gone past that. if vi hadn't at least given some thought about cait's actions she would not let this happen, i don't think, unless she's super desperate. this proves that vi is starting to move on and cait is starting to revert back to that sputtering stuttering pinned-to-a-wall-flustered woman she was in season one- that's the woman vi fell in love with, after all... and that woman is battered and bruised and has plenty of sins to stone for. but that woman is not dead.
The Scene in the cell is both them being desperate and them showing their love for each other without words. caitlyn's hand lingers on vi's injury, maybe about to utter an apology, but vi cuts her off anyway. there's SO many little things here gaughehgjf.
and in the end of the show, when caitlyn looks into the hexgates in her family's archives, she looks because vi probably asked her to. vi wanted to be sure. she looked because she cares about vi. whether or not she'll tell vi about this is an interesting thought- i don't think she would. it would undermine jinx's sacrifice.
jinx walked away so she could move on. so piltover could move on. so zaun could move on. so vi could move on. and caitlyn telling vi that she's alive would ruin the steps they've taken towards healing.
i think vi's main problem was dedicating her life to her sister and nothing else. and caitlyn's was just her exploiting a broken system and mever recognizing her faults. vi starts to heal because now that her sister is truly gone to her, she can move away from the past and build her own future. and now that caitlyn's fully realized her mistakes she can take steps towards changing piltover for the better. GAHH i love complicated sapphics especially when there's sapphic joy after all the suffering....
this was all written in one sitting so apologies if it's messy, and i've sort of compiled some other ideas and theories i've seen in here too; but yeah, these are my thoughts on caitvi in season 2. i think they could've been fleshed out a bit more, but overall their relationship is legendary. i'll never stop loving them. caitvi supremacy people 💪
#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season two#arcane season 2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane rants#arcane analysis#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn arcane#caitlyn#vi arcane#vi#jinx arcane#jinx#caitvi#caitlyn x vi#vi x caitlyn#waffles word wall
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Nooo cam u dont want to analyze the psychology behind mikes actions in the bite of 83 even though scott didnt put anywhere near your amount of thought into it noo dont do that. freak
#(guy who loves psychoanalyzing people voice) Yeah idk i just think that theres a difference in severity of mikes bullying of cc#compared to when his friends were around and considering mikes age and the impulse in teenagers to impress others you want to like you#(ie your friends) its likely he decided to do the thing he knew would upset cc the most bc he was focused on making sure his brother is the#most afraid possible so he and his friends can get a laugh and enjoy themselves and Fuck Thinking About Consequences We're Like 15 Bro#compared to when youre alone and have no one to impress / to egg you on / indulge your negative behaviors so he may not go as far as#actively putting him in a dangerous situation because without anyone around you to influence you youre more likely to think before you act#(to some extent) which is why prior to shoving his head in fbs mouth he only ever just jumpscared him and locked him in a room which wasnt#actively dangerous iirc. i dont think i have any more to say Does that make sense#if this is incoherent just know its getting late dont question me i may or may not be eepy depending on if this makes sense or not#anyway !! this is also NOT to say that michael wasnt to blame OR that he was peer pressured into doing it#im just saying that i dont think it would have happened if he was alone. for these reasons. thank you gn this has been my tedtalk.#and if you read all the way to the end then id like to say: what are you doing with your life /lh#am i putting too much thought into it? Yeah this is fnaf. of course. i doubt it was thought out much. but thats what i doooooo#they call me the thinker guy the way i. think. ok thats enough talking for today cameron#cam.txt#oh and if this is like. obvious. i guess. then shhhh i said nothinggg. perdóname. no oísteis nada
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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that
if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it
#snap chats#no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game#oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k#OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think#my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious#rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final#HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE#i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that#i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki#someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it#like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but#i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital#the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe#cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3#its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think#it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little#and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly#idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me#THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED#i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell#is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form#i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments#BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow#im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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the ramblings of a crazy man
#in case anyone is wondering how i plot my fics#it all looks like this#because the only way i can get any plotting done is if i take it as unseriously as possible#bc otherwise im like oughhh this all looks terrible im a failureee#but if i see it all is written like how i write tumblr posts#then my little pea brain goes ooh yes this is meant to look bad !! we can keep doing this because it is Supposed To Look Like That#dont question how i get anything done ever. its. a struggle what with my executive dysfunction and self worth issues#random#writing adventures with van#tw death mention#also the fic is called lorewaiter on ao3 if anyone wants to check it outtt....btw........#oh yeah and#tw hospital#tw car accident#tw car crash#just in case. stay safe sillies :)
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Thinking about going to World Most Boring Bible Study Ever. Idk yall. Idk. Idek.
#the number of times i have faked a call yo leave early. the number of times ive played solitaire on my phone. i got to the potty to kill tim#like! just answer questions its not that hard!!!!!!#you dont even need to be right just throw some spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks!#also group leaders stop reading questions from a script from your phone#ALSO PLEASE CAN WE STOP GOING THROUGH THE SAME VERSES WE GO THROUVH ON SUNDAYS#this is why we have a split in our life group/church crowdm just sayin#i just. i just miss doing bible studys with people who were way smarter than me#being a church kid in a college church is just 👁👄👁#i shpuldnt be dreading going to bible study!!!!!!#so its probably a me problem right?!#and also the group leaders have had to tell me to stfu more than once (politely. which was really annoying. dont pussyfoot around!!)#also our only bible study is also our ~only space for new comers~ so i get in trouble if i get too meaty in my excitements and theology#EHICH SHOJLDNT BE MY FAULT!!!!!!!#and YEAH it IS my fault that its my only spot where im spiritually feeding. but also there is a secret eomens group people mention that..#i guess im just excluded from? but also i know most of the women dont like me bc I have interminable Doesnt Shut Up Disease l#like i understand fhat yes it is a little my fault rhat me talking about deep theology makes them feel inadequate but also THAT SHOULDNT BE#guh. i also forgot my meds today so im a little bit more mulish and hard hearted#and i KNOW its a teachable moment amd God is usimg this to temper me or something else but im feelimg grumblr#and ill probably delete this later.#and i have to got to work ok bye
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#genuin question and im really sorry if i sound dumb#but where did the Laios was being racist to Toshiro thing come from?#i dont think i can read it that way#its an intesting thought for sure but it felt like it was more a show of oblivious boundary crossing then racism#laios didnt know anything about toshiros culture and tbh was treating toshiro as if he was any other close freind#and toshiro wasnt complaining about laios calling him slurs or making stereotypes of him#he was complaining about him being to forward and not reading the room#im japanese. im a minority who has lived in America my whole life so ive experienced a lot of micro aggression#including ones like- having someone call me annoying or a push over because i was 'Too polite' bec they didnt understand what a soft No was#but thats not whats happening here?#laios isnt talking down to shiro for his more reserved demeaner#laios was man bec toshiro didnt explain it better yeah but only because he thought they were genuinely good freinds#not bec he thought toshiros culture was bad#idk maybe im missing something?
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was gonna make a post bitching about how being a princess of heart works but then i remembered the whole union cross 'the 13 darknesses are sentient' thing and came up with my own theories but ive looped back around to being mad again. goddd why does shit actually work when you think about it im so mad
#i was hung up on the singular sentence in kh3 abt them releasing the lights into new vessels (EXPLAIN PLS?)#and ive come to the conclusion that the 7 lights are their own sentient beings like the darknesses who can interact with their hosts#and they explained the situation and all went 'hey jasmine/belle/etc id usually only do this if u died but like#the baddies all know where we are now. can we fuck off to new hosts so they dont find us'#and the princesses all went thumbs up emoji and off they fucked to arendelle#n then that leaves a couple options for kairi#first off her light went 'oh she has a keyblade? im staying here then. no need to ask her'#second off it asked her and she decided to keep it. which is INTERESTING and i will have to think abt to decide what it means#bcos like. im keenly fucking aware that we get Three whole sentences abt the situation in kh3#and neither kairi nor the former princesses r there for it. so like. Assumptions R Being Made!#like i know the princess of hearts logic is literally just 'we made the disney princesses into macguffins'. but like. augh#this also brings me to question like. yeah yeah heart wont make a nobody. but like. what ELSE does lightdom grant#bcos we KNOW excess darkness has an impact (hi terra)#and if the only ppl without darkness are those currently hosting the light (and ven. hi ven)#then moving to another host like elsa requires purging them of their darkness. which i feel should. do something#IDKK im pontificating with shaky knowlege but like. u undestand#anywho leftover stir fry is calling my name xoxo
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i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS
#the bhiohazard in question? a couple of nastyass turnouts!!!! a jacket and some pants!!!!!#yeah theyre sitting abt three feet away from me but dw!!! theyre in a big garbage bag so its ok ^-^#basically the EMT program (that im almost done with. as a side note but woot woot) is selling their old student ambulances#since theyre a bitch to maintain and we have a newer indoors simulator (its like. the back of an ambulace built into a room)#(like the back and one of the sides are open and it doesnt have a drivers compartment (duh) and no tires but is otherwise a Real Ambulance#which we use for practicing)#anyways so these old student ambulances gotta get cleaned out before they can be sold yeah?#and as it HAPPENS!! theyve been storing a SHIT TON of nasty filthy smelly turnouts in there for the past While#like probably 12-16 Large garbage bags full#(for those who dont know: turnouts are what those fucking. firefighter uniforms are called. like the ones they wear In Fires)#and they dont know what to do with them so theyre gonna get thrown away next week#so my TEACHER!!! was like 'yall if anyone Wants any of that shit you can literally just help urself'#so i went down today and poked thru some bags and GOT STUFFS!!!#anyways i am excited not only bc Turnouts Cool but ALSO bc theyre Super Fucking Insulated#bc theyre meant to be worn inside Massive and Super Hot fires#which yeah protects u from extreme heat but my GENUOS BRAIN also realized this: they would be STUPID COZY in cold weather#and i happen to be moving to a rather cold part of the states in a few months!!!!#so now i have free winter gear and its EXTRA SEXY STYLE#however u CANNOT clean turnouts at home bc#a) they gotta be washed with Extra Strong Industrial Fucking Machines#(called 'extractors' not 'washing machines')#and b)#they can and WILL leech nasty fucking toxins from structural fires into your machine and contaminate everything forever <3#so ive reached out to some 'send away' turnout laundry services#idk if theyre gonna do it tho cuz um. im Not associated with a fire department <3#so if that fails ill just do the best i can at home!!! <- research mode Engaged#either way theyre sexy and Yes i can still smell them despite them being bagged in a Super Rugged Industrial Manly Garbage Bag#(i didnt tie it super tight)#btu thats ok whats life without Danger <3#whatever the fuck
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prefacing this by saying im fine and its whatever and im mostly numb to it. but it kinda fucking sucks that being gaslit about my own sexuality leads to… doubting my own sexuality lol!
#purrs#just went to my first ever lavender graduation ceremony and had a convo w my dad after that touched on the EXACT horrors lol like i need to#learn to not bring this shit up around my parents bc they’re just gonna say the same things. and also it doesn’t matter bc idc about labels#and (to quote ricky) it’s a conversation not a constant. but like fucking hell. just bc ive never ‘’’’’’been with anybody’’’’’’ doesn’t#mean that i can’t know im not straight. the HORRIFIC psychic damage that did to me 5 years ago this month. the way i can’t think about#sexuality or being part of the lgbtq community since and like before then when that happened i thought i was a lesbian and was gonna try to#get involved with the school lgbtq student union . like it’s so ficking stupid and sad. and i can’t trust myself anymore i can’t tell if#anything ive ever felt for anyone is actually real bc according to my (straight and biphobic) parents ‘crushes don’t count’ and i haven’t#even had a crush in months anyway and yeah ive never ‘been with’ anybody. but like god damn. you DO NOT get to tell me i have to call myself#questioning. yeah im questioning but only i can call it that and only if i want to. i get to know me. i get to call me what i am. which also#means i get to work through the years of psychic damage this thread of conversation coming from my own parents has done to me#but i own that. i want to own that. ive had the feelings i have had. maybe they were wrong and misplaced and maybe there are other ways to#interpret them like me jus t having projection issues and whatever. but they were real to me and are real to me and shape how i show up#every single day. i get to know myself. i get to call myself what i am. even though you’re my parents you don’t get to tell me that. and you#should be sorry for how fucked in the head this has made me and how cut off i have become from other people who have felt what i have felt#and from the parts of myself that felt and hurt and loved. like lolllll. i was in a good mood and then that happened and now my heart hurts.#delete later#like i don’t talk abt this shit anymore for a reason 🤪✌️ i am not involved in lgbtq groups or communities online or offline for a reason 🤪✌️#and it’s yet another manifestation of impostor syndrome too like. ppl wonder why im like this…. there is a very good reason 💖
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after extensive thought (not finding any men actually attractive) i have concluded that i am in fact a lesbian. if ur wondering how that works w my gender ive decided since i think gender isn't real and i like the people a lesbian would like in a queer way therefore it makes sense for me to call myself a lesbian. also i present pretty fem nowadays anyways so the attachment to womanhood that's assumed with that label isnt like. that much different than when i wear something and i look very obviously like a woman imo. and i feel like thats the label that most accurately captures the group of people im attracted to without like. a lot of extra explanation. and like 80% of the time i call myself queer anyways lol
#this conclusion has taken me 3 actual months#im so not attracted to men that it's kind of funny i thought i was#girl im dating and i went through the lesbian masterdoc yesterday and like#i said yes to like All of the “are u actually attracted to men” questions#yknow the ones that if u agree with them ur probably not attracted to men#also i have like very little desire to even be friends w men let alone fucking. date one#so that's pretty concrete#and then i think im okay w being like. assumed to be a woman (only by people who don't know) so i think im also okay w that label#and anyways i just fucking like girls in a gay way 😭😭#and i feel okay calling the relationship im in rn a lesbian relationship#soooooo#yeah#life update <3#andddd now i can go back to NOT constantly thinking abt my identities lol
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im starting to feel the "dead" in deadlines
#one big one due tmrw#but i might be getting feedback on it and having to fix some parts up till early feb so the deadline doesnt necessarily end the work here#another one till next friday and sometime after ill have to go to uni and present it so its another soft line#and then theres this vague one that doesnt have a date yet so im calling it the deadarea#thats prolly gonna be due mid february and will also require a presentation#and THEN theres another one that doesnt have a date yet but its The Big Boy Project and im gonna give a presentation and answer questions#and THATS WHEN I FINISH UNI WOOOOOOOOO#i so cannot wait i CANT#and i hate that so many dates are not set yet cause i cant have a specific day to wait for until its over and done#cause rn the only way i can look at it is that i'll for sure be a free man before march#which is a month and a half away and thus doesnt seem particularly optimistic#but hey at least tmrw ill have one thing 98% taken care of and im already done with the hard part of the second thing#im just. tgeres so much work and its already been weeks of this and theres weeks more?? motivation is negative#one good thing is that time passes no matter what u do. so every second of this is inevitably getting me closer to the end !!!!#yeah. i sound a lil bit like a negative nancy but rly im mostly positive just tired heh#straytalks
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why'd they give the IT help desk guy at [university] the same mics they use at drive thrus 💀💀💀
#me and my audio processing issues were having A Time Of It#he was very patient too i feel so bad for asking 'what? huh? im sorry could you repeat that?? I DONT UNDERSTAND YOU IM SO SORRY???'#in increasingly higher pitches#ya girl was desperate lol#the website is so broken the only option is literally to call them bc the other stuff doesnt work#theres also a typo in the hours listed and like 8 broken links#[university] website dont be impossible to navigate challenge (impossible)#now i AM excited to go there but like. christ on a cracker babes#and with my audio processing stuff i can often get a vague idea that words Are Sure Being Said but this poor guy. just a wall of sound#anyway finally enrolling like#WAYYYY too close to the deadline. here's hoping it still works bc otherwise my parents are gonna idk kill me probably#anyway yeah it was like pulling teeth every question and im sure it wasnt any better for him. minimum 3 repeats per question im not kidding#pain death bury me already
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Getting continuously pissed off during my enterprise data management class bc they're teaching shit I already know, but Different. Like what do you MEAN this is an ERD??? You're representing attributes as possibly having multiple values without separating them into classes of their own??? You're allowing many to many relationships to exist???? And on that note, representing "many" by a fucking N except if there's more than one then it's N and M??? What the fuck are you TALKING about?????? I'm gonna fucking kill you
#speculation nation#one guy bringing up the many to many thing and her being like 'oh yeah you would need a table between them'#THEN REPRESENT THAT??????#this doesnt look anything like the ERDs i learned before and it is pissing me off#and now i have to go home so i can do my manager meeting that didnt happen yesterday#they didnt even use the fucking online app for attendance today. despite me making sure i had it.#getting harder and harder to wanna go to this class. unfortunately it's required for my major 🙄🙄🙄🙄#this instructor just pisses me off in general tho. she's the type who's way too presumptuous#'do you have any questions? you should. if no one asks any questions then im going to call on someone to ask Them a question'#like shut the fuck up. what if we just wanna listen & absorb? dont force us to talk. fuck you.#this is the class i stormed out of last week & im fucking feeling it again.#god i hate this fucking class#AND!!!! WE HAVE A FUCKING EXAM NEXT WEEK???????#i dont feel like ive learned ANYTHING new in this class but we have an exam???? what the Fuck#why would you have an exam after only 3 weeks of classes. one of which you didnt even hold#today was only the 4th one that's been held. we'll have only 6 classes by the time of the exam. like. what??????#hate this fucking class. so fucking pointless.
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testing out the waters w the new kid in my class to see if he's accepting of trans people or not
#ive been doing this thing where i call people 'brother' regardless of gender and relatiom and my guy friends have started doing it too#but only to each other#so then this guy just said it to ME and then corrected himself like 'eh no sister i mean' and im like. dude no. stick with brother#mostly because it sounds better and we need to stick to the bit!!!! but also hearing sister just feels a bit off yk?#so i didnt say it directly but its strange enough for understand or at least question it#if he does get it then he'll be the first person i'm out to!#well technically not BUT i had told my friends that im no longer a trans boy and that it WAS really just a phase bc i truly did not connect#w it anymore but THEN#these past few months ive started questioning again#so yeah.#what a ride!#i've got a stinking suspicion that he wont be the biggest ally#BUT!!!!!! i can hope#okay#personal#random#text
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