#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

6mayhem · 14 days ago

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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL #i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort #but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome #and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP #he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him #were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond #its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other #there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes #while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time #theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car #and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk #in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time #to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship #him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil #he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits #all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did #they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him #also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now #but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other #he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that #makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary #if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself #sorry oversharing oh wow

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