#happens to everyone in adulthood i feel that way too. ok sure you at least TALK to your college friends still even if you arent as close as | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cinnamonest · 3 years ago

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Albedo idol girl darling thoughts M A N I F E S T E D

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Well, to be entirely honest, he thinks the whole idol thing is a little dumb.

For someone like him, at least. He's a PhD student in his final semester, lots of work to be done and all that. So, you know, he's a responsible, accomplished adult. Not the kind of person who gets into "that stuff," as he calls it in his head.

Nor does he even know how he encountered it... He just takes the occasional break from work to mindlessly open whatever app first pops into his vision and scroll through the feed. He's never watched anything like it in his life, so he's not exactly sure why he gets recommended some idol girl thing, and even less sure why he taps it without really thinking. Probably one of those videos that gets recommended to everyone. Well, can't be that, it doesn't have that many views... Probably loosely connected to some video game he's searched before or something. He's familiar with idols and what they are, and the subculture surrounding them, but he's never really cared about it.

Honestly, it's kinda pathetic that a bunch of grown adult men get so obsessed over these girls, he thinks as he watches. He's seen the type. Lonely, asocial dudes, most definitely virgins whose only female attention in their entire life is their mother, well into adulthood with no real social group to speak of.

...Not that he's much better off, but he hasn't quite sunk down to their level. The only reason he doesn't talk to people much is because they're busy, and he's even busier. He managed to make a few friends in undergrad years. Well, study partners who mooched off his notes since he was one of the top students, but same idea. They were people he spoke to more than once, which is what constitutes a friend, right? And for the record, one time in high school a girl in his class said she liked his hair. He hasn't changed the way he wears it since. Whenever he's sad, he thinks about that compliment from 10+ years ago, and it makes him feel a little better. But now, he's constantly slammed with work and research.

And his acquaintances are also all busy. He sees notifications every now and then from social media he never checks. Everyone is getting married at this stage in life, both friends and even other PhD students in his department. Not that he's ever been invited to a wedding, he just overhears a lot of conversations, sees notifications of posts. And he will too, eventually. He just has to finish up his degree, and then... Meet a girl. Well, that's actually the second step, step one would be finding out how to go about meeting a girl. He's... Never done it before. Probably does not happen sitting in the research lab at 11:30 pm on YouTube. He's talked to one of the other PhD students who's a girl before. And only stutters sometimes. He was even able to look her in the face while he talked to her once. That's a good start.

Ok, so maybe he is a little bit pathetic, but not as bad as... These guys. Reading the comments of the video actually make him feel a little better about himself, because frankly, they're kinda wild. The worship and fawning over girls is one thing, but they even have timestamps referring to various members like "she's super cute here!" Or "you can kinda see her thigh at 3:12!" Etc etc. Yeesh, creepy. And they get into comment fights over who is the best member, as if it even matters. It's fascinating in a human-social-experiment sort of way, the manifestation of a subculture and how humans interact with each other. On and on it goes, hundreds of commenters. He pays more attention to the comments than the actual video, but the song is kinda catchy in that annoying sort of way, and the girls are cute, just kinda... The typical thing he'd expect from idol groups. But the building will close soon, so he taps back to home screen and swipes the app closed.

Unfortunately, the algorithm remembers.

And he's not certain why he clicks the next one either, the following day. The lunch breaks he takes are usually pretty rushed. Not that he has specific class times at his level of academia, but he likes to get his work done. He intentionally eats either a bit later or earlier than the lunch crowd to avoid crowds and interactions. Finds a nice secluded little table tucked away. So when he opens it back up, what do you know, several more videos get recommended. It's absent minded when he taps on one, the kind of numb-brained entertainment every modern person indulges in, videos you wouldn't really be interested in but just watch because they're there.

Ok, this is really creepy. These dudes have made compilation videos of close ups of each specific girl. It's the same group as the video he saw before, same little lewd costumes. Admittedly the girls are kinda cute. He can kinda understand the appeal. But he's not like those guys, he would never become like, obsessed with them.

The song is actually really catchy. The kind of mindlessly addictive, repetitive pop music that's the same four chords over and over, each song is so similar you can't really tell them apart, but it gets stuck in your head anyway. This group has... nine members. Who needs that many singers in one group? It's not like a band or anything, they all just sing and do their little choreography. Guess that's a form of talent, even though he doesn't really get it.

Some of the groups he sees in recommended videos are cute and wholesome, and while this group is cute too, there's a very... Blatantly intentional lewdness to their poses and costumes. A hypersexualized sort of cuteness. Clearly marketed at lonely losers who have nothing better to do with their time than obsess over a girl who will never even know they exist.

He taps another video.

So many compilations, yikes. He has to give the guys credit, they're insanely loyal to the individual member that they decide to fixate on. Oh, and they even make official figurines and posters for these girls, that's... Something.

And a few days later he can kinda recognize the girls. They have color themes, you know, identical costumes except each girl's is a different color. This lead one is red, this main backup is blue, etc etc. Lots of bright colors. Kinda hurts his eyes to be honest.

And he's seen compilations of every girl except... The pink one. The pink one is always kinda off to the side. Well, these groups do have their favoritism, there's apparently one or two lead singers in all of the major idol groups, and the rest are basically backups and dancers. Still, a lot of dudes get super devoted to the non-main girls. So yeah, he's never seen a compilation for the pink one... He can't always exactly remember which one is which but now he's seen enough to know the other girls' names. He's not sure what hers is though. So he googles it and gets the name.

Wonder why she doesn't have as many videos...? Oh, it's because she's the newest member. Only been around a few months. There's... A whole board dedicated to the group, which he's getting this information from. Wow, pathetic. What kind of person spends their free time browsing a forum for an idol group? Well, he's just doing it to find information, not for fun or anything. He was just curious. Now he knows and he can forget about it and never look at anything related to them again... after he types her name and group name into the YouTube search bar and checks the results out, that is.

Oh, so they do have some compilations for her, just not many. "(Name) thigh compilation." Fuck, these people have no limits to how creepy and pathetic they can get, he thinks... as he watches the video. Ok, admittedly there are some good thigh shots there. There's a comment. "At 4:26 you can see her panties." Pathetic. They're not wrong though. Just to be sure, you see, he tapped the timestamp, and you can, in fact, see them. Stripes. Cute.

But he still has to do his work. Can't get too invested in watching mindless videos all day. He's got a thesis to work on.

That makes him curious, though, he thinks as he goes about his research. Do these girls go to school? Do they like, skip college, or do they join some kind of performing arts school or...? So he googles it. He can remember the pink one's name now, so he just finds her Wikipedia page. Oh, so she joined right out of high school and has been in various groups ever since.

Wait, various groups? So she has more groups she's been in? What are those? Before he typed her name into the search along with the group name, but if he just searches her name he gets... A lot more content from earlier years. Huh. Didn't know some of them did group-hopping like that.

Still, no education. Must be all smiles and body and no brains. Guess that's all you really need. Yeah, looking at that whole act they do... All giggly and childish and lewd... She's probably not too bright. At least she's pretty and sings nice. And the thighs are rather good. Smooth looking. They have a sort of jiggle when she jumps up and down on stage. The thigh highs they make those girls wear have that nice little dip where the skin is compressed by the fabric. Like... right there at that closeup. He takes a screenshot.

It's readily available, he's already seen the video and knows the best parts, whereas searching for porn would take time. The sooner he can get the daily stress relief out of the way the sooner he can work on his thesis. So this way is faster. That's why he's jerking off to the thigh video and not taking the time to look for porn. Plus, it makes him cum faster. Which it probably shouldn't since it's just thighs, but... Probably has something to do with the tease of it all maybe. That makes sense.

Or maybe it's that cute little giggle he can hear at some parts. She smiles and jumps and spins and laughs.

...It makes him wonder what she'd look like crying. Scared. Whimpering. Covered in bruises and bite marks. The contrast between that state and the one on the screen. The process and the things he could do to get her from one to the other. Yeah, he realizes, it's that thought, rather than the happy giggling on video or tease aspect, that makes him cum.

He's aware that his... tastes... are a little on the fucked up side, but hey, there's plenty of bastards out there far worse than him.

One day he discovers she has social media platforms. He... Doesn't really have any. He doesn't have Twitter or Instagram or any of that but... He downloads the app and makes an account for each. Just to follow her. Ooh, they even have the option to get a notification every time she posts... That's good. Otherwise he might check too frequently. He sets a special sound effect for notifications for her socials. The first few times, you see, he would get super excited when his phone went off, only to be disappointed when it was just a work email. Thus, he made the separate sounds.

He wouldn't say he has a favorite, that sounds really cringey you know? He just... Likes her more than the others. ...Dammit, that's what a favorite is. Ok, maybe he has a favorite, that's not that bad. He's not obsessed. He hasn't bought any merchandise at all or anything, especially not member-specific merchandise. Which they do have, because he visited the store page for a while and spent all his willpower physically restraining himself from buying something. It's not that he's biased, he just thinks she's objectively better than the rest of the group. Which can be backed up with evidence, anyone with eyes could tell by watching the performances.

As to what specifically draws him to her... he's not certain, to be honest. Maybe it's because she's the least appreciated out of the group, new and all. The less popular one. Or maybe her personality... She seems so sweet, even though he knows it's probably just an act for the fans. Or maybe just those thighs. That's also a valid possibility.

He cracks and buys some of the merchandise. Only about $300 worth. But honestly, he gets more invested into just printing out pictures of you. Pasting them onto the wall above his desktop. It keeps him going when the nights are hard.

But he refrains from ever commenting on anything. Some of these losers are just... so embarrassing, he can't stomach the thought of being associated, even if it's just an anonymous comment online. It's still pretty... Distasteful. He still browses the boards every day. You're his lock screen now. And home screen. And also your solo is his ringtone. He only sets his phone on sound when he's alone at home, though, when he's at work he puts it on vibrate. He... doesn't want anyone hearing that. No offense. He has some appropriate amount of shame, unlike the other bastards.

And the girls probably know that most of their fans are these kind of loser men, right? She'd probably be surprised someone nearly graduating with a chemistry doctorate is sitting around watching these dumb videos. Is that more or less pathetic? He thinks less, hopefully.

In fact, the other fans kind of irritate him. They're really cringy and annoying and it gives him secondhand embarrassment. And something... Deeper. Something about seeing the comments upsets him on a visceral level. It's gross. Sure, he's grateful for the dudes who sit around and make a list of timestamps for upskirt shots and the like, but... It kinda bothers him, feeling like there's some other dude out there sitting around, watching these long videos with his gross eyes and recording the times of shots that get him off. It feels gross. But more like... A violation against you. Sure, your group is very blatantly sexualized and intentionally risque in clothing but... Still, it feels wrong for someone to go through and get to see all of that.

Well, someone else. It's ok for him, since he's not a gross degenerate like the rest of them. He does genuinely see himself as... Above them. You know how like, back in the day, how the nobles used to sit around and watch plays from the far back while the peasants gathered around the stage? It's like that. He's not a gross loser or a NEET or anything like that. He's got a life. Well... Not a social life, but he's doing better than them, at least he has a degree, and soon a higher degree, and a job. He has a lot of things they don't. Basic hygiene. Student loan debt. And uh... Well, he's probably more pleasant to interact with, at least he's not gonna be frothing at the mouth like an animal if he saw you in real life. He would certainly freeze up, but that's preferable, isn't it?

And one day there's a video circulating in the idol community - not that he's a part of it or anything, he just keeps getting the dumb videos and watching them for mindless entertainment - where some girl group had an attempted kidnapping. Not her group, but some other group. The video has gone viral. Some dude tried to rush the stage and pull one of the girls away. Apparently the cops found he had an obsession with her.

What an idiot. If you're gonna kidnap someone, put some effort in, jeez. It's not hard to figure out how to do it right.

If that were him, he wouldn't be that stupid, he'd just look for an interval where she's alone. They have those solo or breakout group songs where some of the girls are backstage, just get her then. Memorize the concert schedule, wear something over your face, chloroform her, and stuff her into something and walk right out. Easy.

....

He catches himself in the thought and realizes that might have been a bit creepy, but he was just thinking in terms of hypotheticals. If he was the kind of crazy to do that, that's what he'd do, that's all.

He's always enjoyed entertaining strategic thoughts, really. He's had a couple fantasies about how he would commit murders of this or that person before, and he's never murdered anyone, so thoughts don't lead to actions. He just... Really doesn't like those people, and the fantasies help him... Deal with it. He just likes to strategize about methods, and how he'd get away with it... Stuff like that. Actually, he's convinced it's a very normal thing, but no one wants to admit it. Everyone has detailed murder fantasies every now and then.

Which is why this is no different. He's just strategizing because it's fun. He has no intentions of doing anything for real. He just plans out the details like a game. And tells himself to just never think about it again.

Until one specific night that he's staring down at his screen. Lying in bed. He should be asleep, he needs to be up early tomorrow but... He's just checking to be sure he's reading this correctly. You're coming to his town? He wouldn't think so, since it's not too big, just your average college town. But still, you'll be right here, right in his general vicinity, not far away at all.

Not that he'd ever actually go to such an event. No way. He hates crowds with a passion. He hates loud environments even more. A concert is like his worst nightmare. Besides, knowing the general audience of your group, it'll be a bunch of sweaty NEET dudes who haven't showered in a month and haven't crawled out of their house in even longer. No thank you.

But.

That's when the thought pops back up. It's been a few months since that night he had that strategizing fantasy, and, well, he tried to forget it but... It kinda lingered in the back of his mind. And now it's back in full force.

He shrugs the idea off. It's crazy. He'd never actually do something like that. It was just a fantasy.

...But he could get away with it if he wanted to.

He's not scared or anything, no, he's confident in his strategizing. He knows he could. Totally. It's foolproof. There's no need to carry it out to know that, besides, what would he even do with you?

Well, he's pretty certain he does know what he would do with you. He's watched that thigh video maybe a hundred times now. And even if he won't admit it, he's jerked off to the exact same fantasy for like, several months.

He doesn't really... Think about it. Just kind of slips into subconscious actions. Autopilot. One click and well, there goes $400 on an amp case. His eyes gaze over the dimensions... And then there's your height on the Wikipedia page... Yeah... That should work. He gets it sent to the address a few doors down just in case, and snatches it from in front of their door, but he finds himself backpedaling. What the hell is he doing? He would never actually go through with this, what a waste of money... But he still opens it. Sets it beside his front door. Tests the wheels to make sure they work.

He knows how to make chloroform. He doesn't need YouTube tutorials (unlike a certain someone else), he knows exactly how to do it, even alternate methods besides the usual acetone and bleach combination - so long as you end up with the same chemical makeup, it's all the same. He just goes with the traditional way though... Doesn't really know why he does it. Just mutters as he stares down at the concoction wondering why he wasted his time... But he pauses before pouring it down the sink, and instead puts it in a container and keeps it on the counter. Your weight is on Wikipedia too. Taking into account your height and weight you would need about... Yeah, a very specific amount to knock you out for about three hours.

The concert day draws closer and closer and he can't sleep very well. His mind keeps running what-ifs. Just, hypothetically, what if he did go through with it? What then? What would he do long term? How would that all work out?

Well, you'd probably hate him for a while, right? But that changes. Stockholm syndrome sets in. He would know, he had to take Psych 101 back in undergrad, and the professor talked about it for a full 10 minutes, so he's basically an expert. It's been like, 7 years since then, but he still kinda remembers it. He remembers that it's supposed to set in at about 2 weeks, and solidify with time. If the captor is nice, that is, which he totally would be. ...Maybe not in bed, but most of the time. He would be nice to you, and you would start to like him. Besides, they said Stockholm syndrome set in faster if the abductor has good qualities, so, he could also reason with you, remind you that you're lucky you got abducted by someone with money - or, well, he will have money once he graduates! - and isn't some ugly gross slob. He's clean and neat. Sorta... He'll clean up all those dishes that have been sitting there a few days now, pick up all those clothes off the floor... Ok, now he's clean and neat. And, uh, what else would girls care about... He's smart. He's pretty sure he can say that with confidence, if nothing else.

Ok, so, it would work. He could... Keep you kinda... Tied up here... If you started complying within that two week period, he could get you up and walking before atrophy set in. You'd probably have to get used to the lifestyle... Right now he's kinda on a budget, but, he can get you things to keep you occupied... And so, yeah, it could work. It's simple, just keep you with him and isolated for a few weeks and uh, you'll transform into some kind of hypersexual obedient cumslut and never want to leave. That's... How Stockholm syndrome works right? Maybe he should have paid more attention in that class... Oh well. He never liked psychology.

So the day draws nearer and nearer and he starts really getting into the right... Headspace. It's a sort of manic state that he's in. Operating without really thinking, all inhibitions removed by simply refusing to think about it. He lets the subconscious take over and do all these little things to prepare, until finally that day is tomorrow. And then he kinda snaps back to full awareness and questions, again, what the hell is he doing? He can't just... Kidnap a person! Normal people don't do that... It's illegal, he'll get caught, it'll ruin his life and....

What life does he really have to ruin?

That's the thought that sort of solidifies the decision. He realizes why he's even on this path in the first place. Sure he's got a lot of academic accomplishments, but his life is... Rather empty. He doesn't really have anyone. Maybe that's why he's slowly become... Consumed by this obsession that yes, he's now willing to admit to himself is indeed an obsession. It's kinda slowly taken over his everyday life without him even noticing it was happening. He's... Kinda miserable. And very lonely. And... If nothing else... This one girl makes him feel kinda happy.

... Which is why he's going to go through with it.

And he slips back into autopilot, ends up standing outside the building. It's every bit as loud and headache-inducing as he knew it would be. Ugh. He can't wait to get out of here. If this doesn't work, well, he'll be forced to turn around. The plan is a very simple one, actually... Act like he's supposed to be there. And he does. Dresses in all black like stage technicians do, dragging his big amp case behind him, holding a bunch of cords from random things he grabbed in his house, and tries not to look nervous, keeps a neutral face and walks straight forward and... He slides right in. The security guards off to the side don't even bat an eye.

And then he has a moment of "well, I didn't expect to get this far." Pauses. So uh... what now? Well, probably should find you first. He memorized the setlist, so he knows when you'll be off... And alone. Right now there should be three of the girls backstage. It's pretty easy to find where you are, but he's paranoid that the amp case is too loud as he's dragging it around. It's necessary, though. And then, finally, he stumbles upon the room... Opens the door, half expecting to be immediately stopped, but... He can just kinda waltz right in here, some open backroom, a person here or there coming through, a lady that looks like a makeup artist doing something over there, and an actual, real tech guy over there... And over to the far back corner... Oh. That's you. He takes a moment to revel in the sight, unable to move or even breathe, and has to mentally prepare himself before moving forward. He's... Not sure exactly what to do at this point... It's kind of perfect, to be honest, there's no one around you, and you're right out of sight, where he could turn the corner and not be seen. But he's not sure how to... Approach? He thinks about it as he walks, but again, autopilot is on in his brain and he's just numbly walking forward. Does he just... Keep walking until he's right at you and just... Or...?

And a miracle happens. You hear someone coming and you turn and smile and ask are you the tech guy here to fix my mic? You point to the little microphone attached to your face. They told you someone would be coming to fix it before your next song. You presume that's him, since he's dressed in all black like all the other stage techs. He hesitates a moment, wide eyed, but then nods. Yeah, that's him, he says. His voice cracks when he says it. It's kinda cute.

You smile at him. It's wide and sweet and genuine and it almost makes him pass out on the spot. He has to swallow for a second before continuing.

But, uh, he can't do it right here he says, because fiddling with it could disrupt the uh, frequencies, cause that really shrill sound you hear sometimes. So, um, come over this way a sec, over in this dark corner of the studio conveniently out of the view of all people and security cameras. You don't know how any of that stuff works, so you trust him, it's his job after all. So you get up and straighten your little skirt out - wow those are even more revealing in person - and walk over it the dark corner where he's waiting and... it's the last thing you remember.

He does a quick look left and right to ensure no one saw you collapse in his arms, but sure enough, this area is empty. You fit into the amp case with ease. Just curl your body up and pop the lid on. Wait, can you... breathe in there? Well, it won't take long to get outside. He just rolls the case right out the door, right past the guards again, and no one stops him, no one suspects a thing. Puts the case in the backseat, opens the lid, does a quick check go make sure you're breathing alright. So he props it open by keeping a book in between the case and lid as he drives home.

Once he does get home, he just does the same thing he did before - close the lid, roll you into the elevator and up the stairs and into his place, looking back over his shoulder over and over. And once he gets you inside he just kinda... falls to his knees. Shivering. Disbelief. Because holy shit he actually did it. He actually went through with it and it worked. He sits there and stares at the case and - oh, fuck, gotta open it again for you to breathe. Actually, he might as well... take you out... when he first shoved you in, he was so high on adrenaline he didn't really process any of it, but now... he almost can't bring himself to take you out. That means he has to, like, touch you. He's gotta take a moment to mentally prepare for that. So he does. Deep breaths. And finally, with trembling hands, pulls you out, carries you on shakey legs over to the bed and sets you down.

You know, you're a lot... Smaller... Than you looked on screen. Sure, he knew your height and weight but... somehow you still seem so much smaller than he expected. That's good. Will make everything a lot easier, since you're easier to restrain. And your thighs. They're... so soft. This is so much better than the video. They're so... fleshy and warm in person. Perfect. And wow, that skirt thing is... scratchy. Actually, up close, that whole outfit thing you wear looks super uncomfortable. It probably is. ...Well, guess he now has a reason to take it off.

The rest of your skin is... also fleshy and soft. Warm. Your face... chest... stomach... everything. Your tits are really cute, too. It occurs to him that all those rabid commenters on all those boards and videos would probably kill to be him right now, pinching and squeezing at your nipples. He's seeing something they will never see. It gives him an ego boost, to be honest, makes him feel proud to get a sort of one-up on them. He gets you naked, but refrains from pulling your legs apart. He probably... wouldn't be able to control himself, and he's aiming for some self-control right now.

So he waits. Breathes deep. Restrains himself with every ounce of willpower he has. It occurs to him he has no fucking clue what he's gonna say to you. Unfortunately, that thought occurs to him as you're starting to twitch and mumble, so, he doesn't have too much time to think. Oh, fuck, you're not restrained... well, he bought some duct tape and handcuffs and blindfolds off of amazon too, so he quickly puts those in place as you're starting to wake up, and then finally, you come to full consciousness -- that telltale jerking at the restraints, the muffled little cry of confusion and fear. It's kinda hot to be honest. Well, fuck, very hot actually. You're so scared. It gives him a rush of power. Said rush goes straight to his dick.

He's got a mixed twist of guilt and arousal at the whole thing, but... he's still trying to have some self control... and if you start begging and pleading and crying, it would be too much. Oh, no, not that it would be too much in terms of guilt, no no, just that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from fucking you if he sees you cry. So he leaves the restraints on for now, so he can't see your face emote.

Then, he does something really, really mean. He knows it's cruel, honestly, it's just... so cute. What that is, is that he does nothing. Says nothing. He goes about his work, typing away, knowing you can hear, but doesn't say a word. He knows you're awake, he just wants to see how long you can sit there scared out of your mind before you finally make another noise to draw his attention. Right now, he thinks, you're probably debating, you're probably questioning whether you should keep quiet and make him think you're still out or make a noise... but eventually you will. He can see you trembling. You're probably thinking so many horrible things right now, wondering what will happen, what he'll do to you... it fills him with a sort of sadistic glee that overrides the guilt it comes along with. Sure, the guilt is there, but fuck, he could almost cum just watching you shiver, and that's more important.

And you finally make a noise. A little whimper. He stops typing, and swears he sees you tense when he does. And when he stands up, walks over to you (making sure to stomp hard and walk slow for extra effect, watching the way you curl in on yourself with each step he takes), and stops right in front of you. Finally, tells you not to scream. He's gonna give you water, ok? You nod. And, surprisingly, you don't make any move to scream or anything, you let him give it to you. You don't move a muscle besides your shaking and sucking the straw and swallowing the water. You must be really scared of him. He knows that's technically not what he should want, but... it feels nice.

He spent that time of silence coming up with what to say to you. He says that for now, you're going to stay right here. Don't ask questions. Don't make any attempt to escape. If you really need something, tap the headboard until he hears. Understand?

You're... Surprisingly receptive. You give a twitchy smile and stammer out an o-okay. He's almost pleased, but quickly realizes what you're doing.

You've been trained for this, you see. This kind of thing is attempted rather frequently in the industry. You received training for this situation - comply, don't fight, prioritize your safety, because in 99% of these cases, the missing idol is found and recovered within 48 hours. So you do what you were told to do -- smile, pretend you're ok with it, don't do anything to anger your captor.

He knows that too. He doesn't do much in that 48 hours, in fact, he even tells you he's waiting to "see what happens." He knows he can't control himself very well, so he stays in his living room for the most part and works on research, it might be pointless if he's in jail a few hours from now, but oh well. Sleeps on his couch. He offers to feed you, but you say you don't feel good. He understands.

See, in his mind, if he gets to fuck you once or twice and then be hauled off to prison and never touch you again, well, that would be actual, literal torture, so much so that never fucking you at all would be more bearable. So that's why he forces himself to wait now. He feels like he can't breathe, he's so nervous, like any moment police are going to come knocking on his door. Every little sound makes him jump. He can't sleep.

But 48 hours pass and... nothing happens.

He breathes a bit easier. Finally dares to go online, which he's been avoiding, and check on your situation... Oh, wow, social media has exploded over your disappearance. But... They have no leads. Nothing. Says she basically vanished out of thin air. Situation is, quote, "looking hopeless." Huh. He did an even better job than he thought he did. There's videos from loved ones begging the captor to let the girl go, offering to give him money even. A lot of money. But, you're more valuable than any monetary measurements could ever conceive. And he's happy. It really worked out. Everything went right, and for once, he has something that really, really makes him happy.

Likewise, the 48 hours are even more torturous for you. You start out telling yourself it'll be fine. Hopeful. But that hope in your chest slowly, gradually dies out as you realize you've hit the 48-hour mark. Even for a normal missing person, you've always heard that if they don't find them within 48 hours... the chances of ever finding them goes down significantly. But, that's because they're usually dead, right? And this guy won't kill you, so, your chances are better, right...?

He comes back after that 48 hours and finally, for the first time since you woke up, crawls onto the bed, touches you, grabs your hips with his hands. Tells you that, well, they haven't found anything yet and it looks like they aren't going to, so you're officially his now, and he's no longer worried. You should accept it. It'll make things easier for both of you if you do. You'll get adjusted in no time, you'll see.

Unsurprisingly, you're a bit less compliant than you were when you had hope. You whimper and and struggle, but it's really weak. So much so it's cute. You ask who he is. No one important, he says. Just... A fan of yours. You can hear clothes shuffling. He doesn't waste time, he's already waited two whole days suffering, so he gets his dick in you pretty quickly. Manages to make you cum. It horrifies you and kinda surprises him too to be honest. You must kinda like pain, huh. Well, that works out well.

As time goes on, what hope you had left dies completely. Weeks pass. You realize they're not coming for you. In an attempt to get you to accept it, he even shows you that you've been replaced. They're rather quick to fix the absence. They have a new girl in your spot by the end of the month. He quickly realizes maybe he shouldn't have told you, from the way your face falls and you get all hysterical. Sorry. It's the way the industry is. Don't worry. She's not even half as cute as you.

He shows you the announcement when they close the investigation, too. This also earns a rather hysterical response, but he thinks it's important you see it, so you can finally come to terms with your fate, the way things were always meant to turn out. He gets a bit frustrated. Just accept it. It's not that hard. The sooner you do, the happier you'll be. It's for your own good that you accept it.

And you do. Try as you might. You begin to make conversation. He's the only source of interaction you have. You learn about him and his life. You become invested in it. You start to cum more easily. When he's sitting on the opposite side of the bed typing away, you find yourself slowly wiggling your way over and pressing yourself against the warmth, and he certainly doesn't mind. You ask him about his research just to hear a voice talk.

And sometimes you sing. It's absent minded, soft and quiet, when you have nothing else to do. He likes that a lot. You get sweeter. Nicer. Fight less. It does take a bit longer than two weeks to set in fully. But it does in the end.

He can't be with you 24/7, as much as he would like to be, so sometimes he has to tell you to just hang on a little while. Be good and sit still for just a bit. He'll be back soon. Just give him an hour. You're just really distracting and, well, his progress report is due tomorrow morning.

And you keep getting upset over the new member, bring it up a lot... It must have really bothered you, huh. Well, don't feel bad about being replaced. To him, nothing could ever replace you... you're still his favorite.

#.al #.idol

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alltooreid · 4 years ago

Text

Invisible String

Although Spencer Reid and the Reader don’t find themselves in a romance with each other until well into their adulthood, their relationship has been decades in the making. Almost as if something as been pulling them together all these years.

A/N: sorry for such a long wait but i’ve been struggling a lot mentally as of late. i hope you guys enjoy this one shot!! As always requests are open and heavily encouraged!! And of course this is inspired by the taylor swift song of the same name :)) Also keep in mind although the following scenes are heavily inspired by some scenes in Criminal Minds, elements of them have been slightly altered to fit in Y/N as a character.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute strangers to lovers fluff fic!

Word Count: 3.9K

Content Warnings: typical criminal minds case discussion, mentions of child trafficking when discussing this case, but no real detail. slight spoilers for season eight (beginning maeve stuff) and tiny spoilers for season fifteen (briefly mentions max but nothing really important to the plot at all)

“Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see?”

You had met Spencer Reid 3 times before you had really met him.

It was almost silly to think about it now. Now that you and Spencer have been dating for 3 years, it was strange to believe there were so many chances for you two to meet years earlier.

When you were sixteen years old, you got your first part time job. You worked at a self-serve frozen yogurt shop called Iced Dreams. You hated it so much. Your manager was a total creep, your older coworkers were rude and condescending to you, since you were one of the youngest people working there, but most of all you hated the uniforms.

Consisting of a very stupid looking hat, bright pink with randomly embrodiered teal patterns, an outdated bright teal shirt, it had been given to you from a dirty bin in the back, and judging by the sewn in shoulder pads, it had to be at least a couple decades old.

So one day, you didn’t wear the hat.

It wasn’t entirely purposeful. You couldn’t find it, you searched your room, you searched your car, so eventually you had to leave without it to prevent being late. Still, as you clocked it and passed the box of extras in the office something made you decide to leave it alone.

You were about 8 minutes into your shift when your manager approached you. “Y/N? Where’s your hat sweetheart?” You hated this man so much. You had gone to your parents time and time again, recounting his creepy behavior towards you and the other teenage girls who you worked with, but they refused to let you quit.

When you had started working there, he used to enforce this ridiculous rule that all the female workers had to wear skirts as part of their uniform, but you had gathered all the sixteen and seventeen year olds who worked there and all threatened to quit if he didn’t change the policy. So you were no stranger to breaking and defying the rules.

“Yeah I couldn’t find it, sorry.” you shrugged.

He chuckled and reached his hat out to touch your face. You jerked back, you almost wanted to refuse to wear one of the stupid extra hats just so that you could get fired.

“Well, Y/N its policy sweetie. No matter how special you are to me you still need to wear the hat. There’s extras in the office.”

“No way I’m wearing one of those. I bet they have like lice or something.”

He pursed his lips and sighed “Well I suppose that beautiful hair is just too pretty to wear a used hat huh. . . What do you suggest? If you’re working you have to wear it.”

You laughed, “Well you could let me go home.”

He paused, “Why don’t you go sit in the office, I’ll come talk to you in a minute.”

So you did, for about 10 minutes you sat in the office, surrounded by frozen yogurt flavor marking posters and boxes of old uniforms, and each passing minute you feared for the worst. Maybe you were actually getting fired? You really didn’t want to go that far, because, as much as you hated it, you really needed this job.

When your manager finally came to talk to you he held a small salted caramel frozen yogurt, your personal favorite flavor, and a twenty dollar bill. He handed them both to you.

“You seem so stressed Y/N, why don’t you take the day and go get lunch. My treat,” he said, smiling that weird twisted smile that always made your full body shiver.

However you were broke as hell, and no teenager in their right mind would ever pass up free food, so you took it, grabbed your keys and started to leave

Yet as soon as you walked out the back door you dropped your frozen yogurt, cup fully upside down, onto the pavement. You cursed, you hadn’t even taken a bite of it yet, and it looked like he had put coconut flakes on it, and you loved coconut. Still, you had your twenty bucks, and that was a pretty sweet pay out considering you were only clocked in for about 20 minutes.

So you got Chinese food, and spent what was supposed to be your shift in the shopping mall across town, completely and blissfully unaware of the fact the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI was dragging your manager away in handcuffs.

➽───────────────❥

Young Spencer Reid had only joined the FBI about a month ago. Despite being a genius, and providing crucial information to the solving of cases, he was aware of the most obvious. He was only twenty two years old, and he was scrawny as hell.

He felt this intense need to prove himself, especially to make Gideon proud.

So when they got a case about a the kidnapping and sex trafficking of teenage girls, he saw it as something he could really involve himself in. Based on the profile, it wasn’t going to be a large, strong, confident unsub who Morgan needed to tackle. This man would be ugly sure, but he would be a manipulative mastermind. Reid could work with that, he could prove himself.

He surprised everyone with his sheer work ethic and determination to find this man, and through consistently revising and delivering the profile soon enough they got a hit. A young woman in her early twenties called the tipline and reported her own manager. Insisting he fit the profile perfectly, and described how strangely he treated the minors who worked there, and how he almost exclusively hired young girls, treated them great and then switched as soon as they became legal.

So Garcia did her magically digging, and soon enough the FBI was tearing up a frozen yogurt shop, looking for any evidence of pedophilia. Garcia was even brought along, as she was pivotal to discovering any secret files in his computer.

At first, all they could find were strange compilation videos and under employees skirts. Spencer, and the rest of the team, were struggling to connect how he could get so many videos from an angle like this without anyone noticing or reporting him, until Gideon uncovered an old dusty pair of shoes, in which the right one held a small camera at the toe.

Although this was absolutely disgusting, it wasn’t enough to prove he was running the ring or kidnapping the girls, so Garcia kept digging. Meanwhile, Spencer tried to make himself useful by checking out the back of the store.

That’s where he found your clock-out receipt.

“Hey guys, we might want to take a look at this,” he shouted out.

Morgan grabbed the paper from his hand, “Ok, I don’t get it kid, it’s trash.”

Spencer pointed to the details on the slip, “Yeah but it says here she clocked out 18 minutes ago after only working for 23 minutes and 46 seconds. If this guy is our unsub, this girl could be in a lot of trouble.”

“Maybe she’s still here, has anyone checked out the parking lot yet?”

Spencer shook his head, and followed Morgan out the back door. There they discovered some almost completely melted salted caramel frozen yogurt.

Morgan bent down to investigate, “Yeah, we gotta get this to the lab, but I can tell you right now that there’s clearly more than just coconut topping this yogurt. It also means we have another victim.”

Spencer crouched down as well, “Not necessarily.”

“What do you mean kid? We’re missing a teenage girl and we’ve already found illegal evidence on this guy's computer. She’s in trouble.”

“Well judging the shape and inscription of these pills it appears to be some pretty strong rohypnol, almost certainly prescription grade. And ingesting it like this means she probably would have begun to feel its effects fairly early, I would predict 15 minutes. She clocked out 18 minutes ago, so even if she left exactly at that time she would have certainly crashed her car on the way home. The nearest residence is 8 minutes away from here, we’re in a complete shopping district. There’s only two cars out here and neither have a passed out driver, so I would bet she didn’t eat any of it. Also, the only spoon out here is still wrapped in plastic, “ Spencer analyzed.

Morgan sighed, “Well what do we even do then?”

Before Spencer could answer Hotch opened the back door. “We got him.”

Spencer turned to Morgan, “I’m sure her phone number is somewhere inside, I say we call her and make sure she’s ok. She probably doesn’t even know this is happening right now.”

So he did find your phone number, and although he initially pushed the phone to Morgan, he just chuckled and pushed it back.

“No way pretty boy. You’re the know-it-all with all that profiling out there, you can call her,” and before he could protest Morgan left, so Spencer was left to call you.

And strangely, for it being the first time he would ever interact with the love of his life, he thought nothing of it.

And that was the first time you had met Spencer Reid.

➽───────────────❥

The second time was years and years later, when you were waitressing night shifts to make extra money. You had never forgotten meeting Spencer Reid the first time, but this was the first time you would ever see his face.

You were slightly concerned when you got a call from a man, whose name you had now long forgotten, claiming he worked for the FBI. Although you weren’t incredibly surprised to hear your manager committed such heinous crimes against children, you were taken aback by how close you had come to becoming one of his victims.

But that was 9 years ago. In your college days it became a fun story you told at frat parties, but you were 25 now. Sometimes you would think about the incident when you couldn’t sleep, and if you were feeling feisty you would use it as an icebreaker or a “two truths, one lie” statement, but otherwise you didn’t really think about it.

You had plenty of other things to worry about, in fact, that’s exactly why you worked so much. It was so much easier to forget when you were constantly preoccupied with complaining customers and terribly awkward blind dates.

You had just sat this man, incredibly handsome, however it was clear he was on some kind of date. His reservation was for two, and he spent way too much time adjusting his clothes and table setting for him to not be trying to impress someone special. He also brought a gift, which judging by the packaging and shape, seemed to be some kind of wrapped book.

Even though he was 15 minutes early for his own reservation, he still looked really nervous, almost like he already believed she might not show up. You couldn’t help yourself, you had to go talk to him.

“Anyone ever tell you you should model?” you started with.

He looked up “Excuse me?”

“Sorry for being so bold, you just look so familiar,” he weirdly sounded very familiar as well, but you didn’t tell him that. “Are you sure you haven’t modeled? You have excellent bone structure. I bet you could.”

He laughed to himself, “yeah I’m sure.”

“Well your date is very lucky either way. I wish I had a boyfriend as handsome as you. Actually I wish I had a boyfriend period, but that’s a whole other story.”

He chuckled, and although you knew in your heart that you shouldn’t be flirting with him considering he was 15 minutes away from being actively on a date talking to him made you feel something you hadn’t felt in a long time. “What happened with your boyfriend? Do I even dare ask?”

“Well I kind of always knew he wasn’t super interested in me, but I really liked him, so I did my best to ignore his wandering eyes,” you sighed. “That didn’t stop him from leaving me for his coworker though.”

“That’s terrible.”

You smirked, “That’s not even the worst part, he broke up with me over a 27 second phone call. He didn’t even let me respond, he just kind of hung up.”

“I’m sorry, no one deserves that. Especially not you. I’ve only been talking to you for a couple minutes and I can tell that.”

“Oh really? What makes you so sure?”

“I’m pretty good at reading people.”

You smiled, “Well I should probably stop flirting with you now, considering your date hasn’t even started yet. And don’t worry, she’ll show, you’re so handsome she’d be stupid not to.”

He looked confused. “You were flirting with me?”

You laughed, “I thought you were good at reading people?”

He smiled back at you, and it made your heart soar, this silly, pure goofy smile that made you want to replace his date and have dinner with him right then and there.

You walked back to your hostess stand. A couple minutes later you noticed the handsome stranger on the phone. You thought nothing of it until later when a woman came in, clearly nervous, holding a gift bag.

“Can you give this to Spencer Reid for me please?” You recognized the name, the man you were just speaking with had filed his reservation under it.

“Um, yeah sure, aren’t you going to go in? He’s at that table over the-” but before you could finish your sentence the woman was gone. Your heart sank, poor Spencer, how could someone drop their date off a gift but stand them up anyway? That’s just cold.

When you get up to bring the gift to him, he’s already heading out of the restaurant himself.

“Sir? Spencer? Dr. Reid?” he turned his head. “A lady came in and dropped this off for you.”

His face dropped, it almost looked like he was about to cry. “Thank you,” he said as he looked up at you before leaving.

He ran out the door, both gifts in hand and whipped his head around a few times before sighing and speeding off in one direction. Even before you learned what happened after that and leading up to it, you felt terrible for the handsome stranger.

How could you not for someone so clearly distressed? Someone so clearly in love?

➽───────────────❥

7 years and a divorce later you were spending your Saturday in a park, strangely contemplating love itself. Although you barely remember that night all those years ago when you spoke to Spencer, he did. Vividly. In fact, on this Saturday you both were in a public park, contemplating your many failed attempts at true love.

It was your first wedding anniversary without your husband. Although you had only been married for two years, you still were having a hard time navigating life without him.

You started to wonder if you would ever find the true love you had been wishing for since your youth. Was 32 too late? Had you lived out all of your opportunities?

When you were little your mother had told you that all soulmates were attached at the left ring fingers, by small, incredibly thin strands of gold string, invisible to the naked eye. She insisted that these strings were constantly trying to pull you and your soulmate together, and that when life was ready for you two to meet, you would.

Until then, you would have small, mindless interactions. Things you wouldn’t think about, maybe even things that weren’t interactions at all. You would get the same commercial jingle stuck in your head. You would both get an intense craving for the same food. You’d have the same dream.

As a kid you were obsessed with this idea, you thought it was so romantic, and you fully believed everything your mom told you about it. You always asked her for more stories, and at bedtime you refused to sleep unless she would tell you more.

But now you were sure soulmates, true love even, didn’t exist. The invisible pretty gold strings your mother weaved fantastic stories with were completely fabricated. If they weren’t, you would have seen the clues by now.

Right?

➽───────────────❥

Spencer Reid was given an assignment from his therapist. He had to spend his Saturday off trying to interact with a stranger. Making friends with someone other than his colleagues may seem like a simple task for some, but it was something the young genius had almost no experience with.

He understood that it was probably for the best. He wasn’t exactly great with relationships of any kind, but especially not romantic ones. It didn’t take a genius to know that a couple of flirtations, a dead girlfriend he had only seen once, and a long time unrequited (or at least he thought unrequited) infatuation with his best friend and godsons’ mother was not a very great track record.

He, just like you, was also beginning to believe that he was hopeless when it came to love. That 38 was too old, that his time to meet someone and have the children he dreamed of had long passed.

But right as he was about to call JJ, to see if she would invite him in on the case Garcia had started to work on, he saw you.

Unlike you, he remembered your face and your interaction vividly. That almost date with Maeve was one of the biggest defining moments of his life, and what are the chances that the waitress from that very night was now less than 30 feet away from him, reading under the green leaves of a tree.

He wasn’t going to say anything, until he saw the book you were reading.

The Narrative of John Smith.

It must have been a sign, for what he wasn’t exactly sure yet, but it just had to mean something. The universe had to be reaching out to him, he had experienced crazier things.

And just as he was about to walk over to you, to close the gap between the gold strings tied around your ring fingers, a child interrupted his train of thought.

“That’s a strange haircut.”

➽───────────────❥

Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid were finally reuniting after many years. They barely got to see each other these days, but even though he was teaching and working at the BAU, Spencer still was willing to clear his schedule to second Derek suggested they meet up.

Morgan was excited as well, both to see his friend and to hopefully help him get a date. Sure, he had liked what he had heard about Max, but he wasn’t exactly surprised it had only lasted a couple months between her and Spencer. They just seemed too different.

Plus, now he got the chance to play wingman again, and he was ecstatic about that. Spencer not so much.

“I don’t know Morgan, it’s only been a couple months since we broke up. Wouldn’t it be too early to start talking to other people?”

“Pretty boy, you and I both know that the rate in which you’ve had relationships is not even close to the average. You need to balance that out somehow.”

Spencer sighed, he knew Derek was right, but he still felt strange.

“Morgan, have you ever heard of the red string of fate?”

“No, but I’m sure I’m about to hear all about it.”

“It’s an East Asian philosophy, based on the discovery that the ulnar artery connects the heart with the pinky finger, actually that’s where the belief in pinky promises come from. The reason it’s integrated in so many different cultures is that-”

“Kid, you’re losing me here,” Morgan interrupted. “Finish your thing about the string.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. It’s the idea that human relations are predestined by a red string that the gods tie to the pinky fingers of those who find each other in life. Legend has it that the two people connected by this thread will have an important story, regardless of the time, place or circumstances. The red string might get tangled, contracted or stretched, as surely often happens, but it can never break. Essentially, the idea is that although we might not realize it, our lives move in a pre-ordained direction, guided by invisible strings that are woven into the fabric of the Universe itself. And all the while, the red thread connecting us to our distant soulmates is getting shorter.”

“Well it’s an interesting theory kid, but it’s a lot to think about. I mean, we’re in a bar, let loose a little bit. Not every interaction has to be about getting closer to your soulmate. And sure, maybe you’ll meet them one day, maybe even soon. But you’re here now, and just because your one true love may not be, doesn’t mean it’s not worth it to be here.”

Spencer sighed, “You’re right. I don’t even know if I believe in that anyway, maybe I’m just looking for something to explain this all.

Derek patted his friend on the shoulder, “okay pretty ricky, this is how it’s about to go down. I’m going to buy you two drinks. You’re going to take both of them, and go find someone, anyone here to go talk to.”

“Ok, I think I can do that. Who?”

Derek looked around, trying to find who he believed would be the best match for his friend. “How about her?” he asked, pointing at you.

Spencer couldn’t believe it when he looked. There you were, the girl, the one he had met three times before, even if he could only remember two. The woman he knew was some sort of universe sent sign that Saturday he saw you underneath the greenery. The girl he was so close to talking to before he was interrupted by Max’s nephew. The woman who (and he obviously did not know this at the time) he would marry 3 years later. The one who would carefully knit the baby blankets for all of their friends and exes. The one who he would adopt 3 children with. The woman who, he was now sure, was at the other end of his invisible string. The girl he needed to talk to right now.

“Is it just me,” Morgan said, “Or does she look kind of familiar?”

“Yes,” Spencer responded, “yes she does.” He got up quickly and started making strides towards you.

“Wait!” Morgan called, “You forgot your drinks!”

“I don’t need them!” he shouted back. When he sat down next to you, you smiled. It made his heart soar, you had this silly, pure goofy smile that made him want to ask you out right then and there.

Instead he settled on the only conversation starter he could think of.

“Have you ever heard of the invisible string story?”

And you couldn’t help but laugh.

“A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #reid #Criminal Minds Reid #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #reid fanfic #reid fanfiction #Criminal Minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #reid x reader #spencerreidxreader #spencer reid taylor swift

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flightlessangelwings · 4 years ago

Text

Grant a Name to a Buried and a Burning Flame ~ Chapter 3 (end)

Hades!Din Djarin x Persephone!Reader (gender neutral, no y/n)

Chapter 3/3 (previous chapters in my masterlist)

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Hades/Persephone retelling, historical setting, soulmate AU, fluff, angst, character death (kinda sorta, just trust me I don’t want to spoil anything), happy ending

Moodboard made by me

Ever since Din took you to his room on that night, you had spent every night since with him. For a man who had killed without mercy, he was always so gentle with you, and you never felt safer than when you laid in his embrace. And the more nights you spent with Din, the more you fell in love with him. The pull you both felt towards each other was finally calmed with your union, and neither of you had ever felt this happy or content in your lives.

Time flew by and before you both knew it, your last night in Din’s kingdom was upon you. With a sigh you nuzzled yourself into his arms and you felt him squeeze you tighter. The two of you lay nude in his bed, and yet you felt as if you couldn’t get enough contact with him. Din also felt the desperate need for as much skin to skin contact as possible. It was as if he could never get enough ever since the first night you spent lost in pleasure with him, especially since you were the first skin to skin contact he had in his entire adulthood.

You wish you had spent more time with him in bed, since it took you some time to let your walls down around him. But since those walls came down, the emotions poured out, and you found yourself more drawn to him than ever. And Din felt the same way about you. He took in a deep breath as he held you in his arms and savored the warmth of your body against his and the soft smell of flowers that you always had.

“Din…” you broke the comfortable silence with your soft voice, “What do you think would happen if I didn’t go back.”

You felt his chest rumble with a questioning grunt as Din shifted himself to look at your face, “You would stay? With me?” he paused, “For me?”

You couldn’t help but smile through your sad eyes, “I would,” you gazed into his soft brown eyes and you saw the same sadness reflected in them as you felt.

Din was surprisingly expressive with his eyes, which was something you did not expect from a man who hid his face from everyone except for you. Whether it was his body language or the way he looked at you, you almost always knew what he was thinking. After several moments of silence, he spoke again, “It’s risking a lot, with the deal we struck…”

“I know,” you sighed as you rested your head back down on his chest and just listened to his heartbeat for a few minutes. “I know this wasn’t exactly what I wanted at first… At least that's what I thought,” you let out a short laugh as you thought back to your unconventional first meeting, “But what about what I want?”

“What do you want?” he asked right away as he hand flexed against your skin.

A half smile flashed across your face; Din was the first person in your life to ask what you wanted and you did not take that lightly, “You.”

Din held you even tighter somehow as he placed a soft kiss to your head, “I’ll protect you, no matter what happens.”

“I can take care of myself, Din,” you quipped back softly without malice in your voice. You had always been tough, and people always underestimated you. People saw your appearance and your flowers against your skin and immediately thought you were weak, but they couldn’t have been more wrong. And during your time with Din, he made sure to show you self defense techniques just in case you needed them. You were definitely a force not to be reckoned with.

“I know you can, my love,” he replied as he brought a hand under your chin to tilt your head back up, “But that doesn’t mean I won’t defend you with everything I have. You mean more to me than anything else.”

You genuinely smiled at his words, “Since when were you so poetic?” you kissed his lips, “But I love you regardless,” you whispered against him.

“I love you too,” Din said your name with such affection.

Outside the window, you could see in the distance that your kingdom looked to be in such disarray. The once bright and lively fields looked dull and dim, and you could tell that nothing much seemed to grow in the lands. In fact, the Underworld seemed to be more lively than your home kingdom. Vaguely, you wondered why that was, and you did feel a pang of guilt at the sight. No doubt your people felt the consequences. Yet at the same time, you had never been happier in your life, and you wanted to chase that happiness. You were stuck between two impossible choices, and though your heart knew what it wanted, your head was conflicted.

You had made your decision before you fell asleep that night, and the next morning you sent word to your mother that you would not return home. You stood at the window, lost in thought as you stared at your old home in the distance when Din came up beside you and slipped his hand in yours. Since you were closed off in his chambers, he had forgone his usual hood so you could find some comfort in his face.

“I’ve got you,” Din reassured you as he gave your hand a squeeze before you both fell into a silence again.

Demeter, of course, was not pleased with the news. She answered back with a warning message that promised war if you were not delivered by the end of the day. For the first time in your life, you were truly terrified and you couldn’t stop yourself from trembling as you read the note. But you couldn’t go back, not when you found love and finally felt like you belonged somewhere. And you didn’t think your mother would actually follow through with her threat.

“Whatever you decide, I’m here,” Din whispered in your ear. He could see the conflict in your eyes, and as much as it would pain him to lose you, he would support your decision. You both had your people to think about too, although it was a role neither of you wanted, you still couldn’t just escape that responsibility.

“I want to stay,” your voice was barely audible as you looked at him from where he held you in his arms, and you felt him give you a squeeze in response.

Unfortunately, Demeter was true to her threat and in no time, Din’s little palace was set ablaze. Din sent orders for his people to flee and hide to try and minimize casualties, and the palace took the major brunt of the attack. It helped ease your guilt to know that your mother did not seem to want to harm innocents, but tears still filled your eyes and you and your husband fought side by side against the invaders in your halls.

You each had a sword in your hands and you and Din worked so well together in combat. The two of you seemed to move as one as you easily took down soldier after soldier. But just as the first wave of men fell, more seemed to emerge from the shadows. As they shot at you, Din jumped in front of you and used his armor as your shield before he grabbed your hand and led you down the hall.

But it was fruitless as more of Demeter’s men blocked the exit and shot at you again. This time, Din was not fast enough to jump in front of you and a spear grazed your side. You screamed in pain as he caught you and dragged you down another hall. The shouts from the enemy soldiers didn’t even register in his head, nor did the faint smell of flames.

Din took you into a secluded room and locked it, and from the window, he could see that the soldiers had lit his palace on fire. With you injured and guards at every exit, he knew you were both trapped and he couldn’t help the panic that ran through his veins. This wasn’t how this was supposed to end. He was supposed to protect you. You were supposed to live and be happy.

Tears filled your eyes as you smelled the smoke start to creep into the little room you were currently trapped in. You glanced up at Din and you could tell even behind his covered face that he tried to come up with a plan to get you out of here, although you knew it was useless.

“Din,” you called out to him in a hushed voice, which made him drop to his knees as he ripped his hood off.

He said your name as he kissed you and wrapped you in his arms as just let you cry. Tears of his own pooled up but he refused to let them fall. Even in these last moments, he was determined to be strong for you and protect you as best as he could. Heat rose in the room as the fire quickly started to creep through the door.

“I’m so sorry,” you cried into his arms, “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Now we....”

Din held you close as he hushed you with your name, “It’s ok my love,” he whispered as he placed soft kisses to the top of your head as the flames engulfed you both, “This isn’t the end. And I will find you in the next life. I promise, through darkness and flame I will always find you. Nothing will keep you from me, my love.”

You woke up with a jump in the cold bunk that you found yourself in for the night. This was the fifth night in a row you had that same dream, and it only got clearer and clearer the more nights you saw it. If you didn’t have the threat of a bounty on your head, you would have spent more time trying to decipher what it meant, but you had bigger problems to worry about.

You had spent the past few months on the run throughout the galaxy as you hopped from planet to planet. It wasn’t what you had planned or wanted as next in line for the throne of your home planet, but since your parents decided to ally with the Empire, you couldn’t take it. You didn’t want to be associated with them, and you didn’t want to trap yourself in that life, so you ran. With nothing more than the clothes on your back, the weapons on your belt, and a necklace around your neck with a pendant of your favorite flower, you ran.

At least the planet you found yourself on now was a beautiful one. Naboo was everything you imagined it would be and more, and you only wished you could actually take the time to properly explore the lush forests and gardens and rivers. But you had to stay in the shadows as much as possible to avoid being caught. You had outrun and outgunned several bounty hunters who were after you, and you had to keep your wits about you if you were to stay free.

What you did not count on, however, was that a Mandalorian would come after you. Though you had never met one, you knew about their reputation, and this one in his shiny silver beskar definitely lived up to the legend. He cornered you before you even saw him and though you tried to put up a fight, he easily overpowered you. During your scuffle with him, he managed to graze your side where you had a large scar-like birthmark. You didn’t think much of it at first, but the spot throbbed and burned more than it should have for such a light hit that you took.

When he spoke for the first time, different words came from his mouth than his usual “bring you in warm” line, “Through darkness and flame I will always find you.” Under the helmet, Mando linked several times and was shocked at his own voice. Where did that come from? And why did you look so familiar though he had never met you before?

At that, you froze. Those were the exact last words that the man you were in love with in your dreams said. The Mandalorian took advantage of your state and easily dragged you back to his ship. For some reason, though, he chose not to cuff you and instead just held you by your arm and dragged you behind him. Both of you were silent as he led you away, both completely lost in thought and equally as confused at your encounter.

When he reached the Razor Crest, he was greeted by a small green child with big ears. The child looked up at you both from where he sat and cooed inquisivelty. You stared at him in silence for a few moments; he too felt so familiar to you, even though you had never seen his species before. For some reason, a name popped into your head as you and the little child stared at each other. But, for now you kept that to yourself.

The Mandalorian scooped the child up in his arms before he tugged at your arm and led you up to the cockpit. Without a word, he sat you down in one of the empty seats before he sat in the pilot’s chair and took off. The child sat in the other chair in the cockpit and happily babbled at you as if he knew who you were. You sat there, unsure of what to do next or even what to think. You couldn’t see his face, and yet he felt so familiar to you. After a long, tense silence, you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Why did you say that to me?” you asked as you clutched your side where that scar still burned.

Din was silent. Truthfully he had no idea why those particular words came to him, but there was something about you that felt familiar. Not to mention you had a striking resemblance to the person who he saw in his dreams lately. He kept his body still as to not let on how conflicted and confused he felt underneath the armor.

You felt a familiar tug in your chest as you watched the Mandalorian in silence until you opened your mouth and spoke a single syllable, “Din…”

At that, he turned around and faced you. How did you know his name when no one else did? He stared at you from behind his visor when suddenly everything just fell into place. You must have realized it too as you both realized that it wasn’t dreams that filled your minds, but memories of a past life. Without a word, Din stood and wrapped you in his arms and you couldn’t help the tears that flowed as you collapsed in his arms.

“You found me,” you whispered into his chest. In this life, you and Din had just met, but your souls had been in love since before you were born. And the two of you fell into each other as if it was the most natural thing in the galaxy. From his seat, the little green child cooed and giggled as he watched you both embrace each other as if he could also sense what was going on.

“I found you,” he echoed.

The circumstances of your meeting were far different than before, and neither of you knew what would happen moving forward. But you both knew that as long as you were together, you could conquer anything. And this time, Din was determined that your story would not end in flames.

Notes: Thank you all SOOOO much for the love and support with this piece!! I hope you all enjoyed the ending and that it wasn’t too much angst there lol. I came up with that ending because it was the original concept I had for the story until I figured out that I finally wrote so i incorporated it as an ending. And it’s open enough that I could write it one day if I want to and if y’all want it ;) And for those who were on the Hades!Din only taglist, please let me know if you’d like to be moved to the Din or Pedro characters taglist!

#din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin imagine #the mandalorian imagine #din djarin #the mandalorian #the mandalorian fic #din djaren x you #din djaren x reader

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aimasup · 5 years ago

Text

So I saw a bunch of Human AU Sanders Sides and thought I could make my own version

Backstories under the cut for anyone who’s interested

(Tw warnings such as mentions of abuse, homophobia and car accidents but it’s angst with a happy ending don’t worry)

-Long post-

-Patton:

Toddler to child: Parents love me and I love them! Lots of friends in kindergarten! Met Logan one day! He’s so smart!

Grade school: More friends! Logan’s opening up! Everything’s perfect!

Highschool: My parents are arguing more and I’m tired Meeting Roman and Remus! Roman’s so cool! Meeting Virgil! Virgil needs a hug! I feel sad and stressed sometimes and I don’t think I want to worry anyone with it.- Virgil’s with us now yay!

College: My best buds are here! I got into an accident halfway through my studies Virgil please don’t feel responsible. It’s not your fault. I’m so sorry Logan I should have understood your situation better. Roman please get mad I deserve your anger and I feel awful and empty but I shouldn’t show it because some people have it worse than I do I know it why do I feel this way? I’m fine honestly this is fine everything’s fine I’m just the problem -

Adulthood: So. I’m not the problem. I just need to work on my attitude and my flaws. I love my friends and family so much because they let me know that expressing my feelings is ok! My parents are fine now! I’m getting professional help! I work in an animal care center with Virgil! Roman is successful and pursuing his dreams! Met this guy named Dean and he works with Logan in the bookstore next to our center! He’s fun but he might need to stop lying so much, but other than that I’m happy with where I am now!

-Virgil:

Toddler to child: Parents love me and I love them. Bullies can go suck it. I feel bad that my parents always spend their time comforting me but they’re my whole world and I feel safe with them.

Grade school: Bullies are getting worse. Dad’s dead. Mom is stressed and busy so I don’t want to trouble her further. She still spends time with me for some reason. I don’t think I deserve friends. MCR is great. I met Dean and Remus. They’re. Interesting. I hate Roman.

High school: Oh my god everything is stressful and oppressive and everyone is scared of me. That’s good. Maybe. Met Patton, Logan and Roman. They’re only somewhat scared? Hm. Dean and Remus are getting into even more trouble than usual and pulling me into them. Maybe they aren’t good for me with how they’ve been acting lately. I’ll go be with Patton. - Maybe they don’t really accept me they’re just waiting to kick me out like everyone else why would they even like me-

College: Mom I love you so much I swear I’ll get a good job and make this college money worth it you’ll see. And things are surprisingly less stressful? I really like my friends? Patton why the hell did you save me from that car. Logan you have some explaining to do. Roman you shut the fuck up. - Everything is my fault I should have never said anything why am I always like this everyone was right about me-

Adulthood: Mom!! You can now retire!! Roommates with Patton, Logan and Roman now and I love being with them so much. And. Dean and Remus are still around. Well then. Whatever. I work a nice job at an animal care center with Patton and I have my friends and I’m learning to be more open and things are going well for now. Not bad for a life.

-Logan:

Toddler to child: Parents go to work most of the time and I see them every other weekend. Who cares about everyone else in kindergarten I have my books and Crofters. Oh hello Patton.

Grade school: I’m smarter than everyone else and I know it. Patton is a wonderful companion. I’m doing well for my age.

High school: Virgil and Roman are interesting. Remus needs to chill. Virgil no let me lay some facts down for you because you are valid you hear me. Oh! Oh my gosh! I met this amazing student and he makes me feel special and happy! I think I love him! - It hurts but that’s fine-

College: I’m coming for those degrees! Patton needs to stop asking me to leave my boyfriend. He doesn’t understand how important this man is to me! I can stand a little pain! Wait what happened to Patton. Virgil? Roman? Ok. Wait. Shit. I’m an idiot. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out - I’m such an idiot it doesn’t matter how knowledgeable I am I’m still a gullible moron when it comes to relationships and everything my ex has ever done and said to me is all my fault because I fell for his manipulations-

Adulthood: Ok. I trust my therapist and my friends when they say it’s not my fault and that it’s alright. What I felt with my ex wasn’t love and I’m not a moron for falling for him. I can always start over. Like with the bookstore I now own with my receptionist Dean. Apparently he knows Virgil huh. They frequently bicker whenever Dean goes to their animal care center to buy snake feed so that’s interesting. My parents have retired and are now trying to make up for lost time with me? I appreciate it I suppose. Now I live with my companions and contact my family and things are alright.

-Roman:

Toddler to child: Parents love me and I love them! They buy me anything I want! They support my dreams! But Remus keeps bullying me and I’m not sure how to feel about him. He’s still my brother

Grade school: I have so many friends! Extra-curricular activities because I’m really talented! Remus has new friends to cause trouble with oh boy. More people to bully me the better for him ugh. Virgil especially creeps me out. I’m getting a little concerned as to how my parents are treating Remus but I’m sure he’s fine

High school: Ok. So. Apparently telling my parents that I like guys is a bad idea. - That’s going to scar on my back for sure- They treat me completely differently from when I was a kid? And I met Patton and Logan and I think I might be a tad spoiled by my family. Also Virgil’s here but he’s getting more and more ok. I’ll hang out with him now. - I’m ungrateful and a disgrace and I’m not as creative as I ever thought I was-

College: Welp. I’m moving out. I wish Remus the best of luck because I think he’s coming too. My parents officially suck as much as Logan’s current boyfriend. He needs to dump him. Wait I’m a YouTuber now! Yay! - I’m getting more and more stressed and overwhelmed from debt and I fear rejection from my fans and friends the moment I say something out of line and the moment I run out of good ideas for them- Oh shit Patton what happened!! Logan what did you do!! Virgil you shut the fuck up!! Remus you’re not helping!! - I could have prevented this why didn’t I realize this earlier am I that self absorbed-

Adulthood: Yes I’m a full time YouTuber and actor and singer now!! Patton, Logan and Virgil live with me now and they even work close together! Remus is now a comic book artist and novel author, hope he doesn’t traumatize people too much. Logan’s receptionist Dean sure is a character. I still fear rejection- but I know things will be good for now!

-Deceit:

Toddler to child: Where are my parents. Why is the orphanage so small and why do people look at me weird when I talk. I’m never getting adopted.

Grade school: Well, I’m adopted now I guess. No way in hell am I telling them everything that happens daily in my life. Why do my new parents think my bedroom door needs to be removed. They took my little garden snake because it wasn’t a ‘normal’ pet? Hm. Why hello there Virgil and Remus. Hello Roman.

High school: That’s it. I’m getting piercings, I’m getting a huge tattoo, I’m kissing snakes. Screw my parents. I don’t need to let anyone know anything about me. My opinion doesn’t matter anyways and everything about me is going to be bad no matter what so why bother So they fear us, Virgil? Good. Wait. Where are you going?

College: I’m moving out officially. Remus is in a different college. -Don’t miss him at all. I shall play along to society’s whims for now and get a degree and never use it. Got rid of the tracker under my car. I don’t think I’ll ever contact my parents again.

Adulthood: I think I’m doing rather well as a citizen. Remus is my new apartment mate oh god. But he is now a comic book artist and novel author so at least he has a job. Perks of working in a bookstore with Logan. That nerd’s one of Virgil’s new friends? And emo boy now works in the animal care center next to us? Whatever. I’ll leave them be unless I need some new snake feed. Things are peaceful now for me at least.

-Remus:

Toddler to child: I want my parents to look me in the eye and tell them they care more than just throwing fancy stuff into my arms dangit. Whatever I’ll just take it out on Roman and the kids in the playground.

Grade school: -If you can’t say anything nice don’t open your ugly mouth ever at all- So I’m disturbed? So my thoughts aren’t normal? Fine! Not like I can control what comes into my head! Let me bully Roman some more with my new buds Virgil and Dean! - freaking star child has everything I hate him so much what will it take for my parents to have their attention on me I’ve caused so much trouble in school why won’t they care-

High school: Roman what the hell happened?? I was planning your murder but now I’m not sure how to feel?? Damn you?? Uh?? We’ll move out?? And where the hell is Virgil going again?? Dean?? He’s leaving us? Alright. That’s it. That’s it - my grades and reputation are shit and my parents always assume the worst of me anyways so I’ll just sleep around with a bunch of guys every other week for quick cash and drag my family’s name through the mud and have fun because I don’t hate myself completely but my ideas are bad and I’m bad and-

College: Fuck you mom and dad! Roman and I are moving out!! I’m gonna become a comic artist and write terrifying stories that’ll make Satan cry!! - Ugh Dean’s in another college dammit I miss him- Roman what is it this time someone get run over or something? What happened with that nerd Logan? Is Virgil alright- What the fuck happened? - the star child is crying why are you crying why am I crying why do I feel like this I don’t care I shouldn’t care I hate you I hate me-

Adulthood: My ideas are selling! I’m a comic book artist and a novel author! Dean is my new apartment buddy! My brother is still some fancy theater geek but who cares! And the store Dean works at sells my books! And Virgil’s in the animal care center next door! I met his new friends officially and they’re boring lol. I really like where my life’s heading!

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darth-does-stuff · 4 years ago

Text

ok so i need to place this information somewhere and i just decided id post it here

idk if im even gonna post the actual superhero au fic but im posting it here anyways

this superhero au is gonna fit all the angst in here because there is little angst in the chaos crew au lmao

but here are the separate arcs each is gonna face in this au under the cut

(there is gonna be some graphic stuff so be warned)

(it is also going to be very long)

heed the tags guys

Logan

A very important factor for his entire character in this au is that he has cybernetics. His right eye, his left arm, and the lower half of his left leg. This happened due to an explosion, his arm and lower left leg essentially blown off, and shrapnel piercing his eye.

His arc centers around his cybernetics, thinking they are a burden, and feeling like he doesn’t fit in, along with feeling inadequate.

Logan struggles with thinking that his cybernetics aren’t truly a part of him, just something he has to deal with. A burden. He resents it, there’s no sugarcoating it. He wishes he had his human limbs back.

In his arc, he’ll deal with the fact he has them, and that no amount of wishing will ever change it. He accepts them as a part of himself, an imperfect part, for sure, but every human is imperfect. Hell, even human parts of himself are imperfect, so it fits right in.

Before he accepts it as a part of himself, though, he deals with feelings of inadequacy. People often pitied him (keep in mind they thought he had prosthetics), trying to ‘lighten the load’ for him. He appreciated the thought, but they never let him do anything. He felt like they were belittling him. Logan tried to brush it off, but deep down, he worried that he truly was inadequate. Was he weak? Should he even be doing these things? Was he good enough? Sometimes...Logan felt he wasn’t.

But, once he hits the arc with accepting his cybernetics, he faces this feeling of inadequacy and proves it wrong. He’s been doing things normal humans couldn’t dream of and the city’s still thriving. He’s faced countless robbers, countless villains, and found a home with the team. He was good enough. He was okay. He’d be fine. Of course, sometimes he’d still have those feelings of not being good enough, but he could deal with it now. It wasn’t something that haunted his nightmares.

But, even after the whole cybernetic arc, he still faces the problem of not fitting in. Even before having superpowers and cybernetics, he wasn’t like other children. He was the eldest child, so his parents were basically helicopter parents, afraid he was going to get hurt in some way. As he got older and he had more siblings, they got a bit more lax, but he still hadn’t done things normal children had done. He didn’t explore, didn’t interact much with other children (though that was more of his doing), barely went outside, and had his every move basically monitored. Logan preferred reading a book to playing at the park, drawing a picture instead of hanging out with friends, etc., etc. So, he always felt a bit like an outsider. It only got worse once he had the incident.

Now, he had fucking powers and literal robotics attached to his body, and he was scared. He was angry. He was...confused. How would his life change? What would happen to him? Then, all of a sudden, he got roped into being a fucking vigilante and just had to deal with it.

Then, he joins this team, all of them so much more normal than him, and he still doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared they are going to judge him, belittle him, like so many before them had done.

But...they don’t. They accept him, they joke with him, they are happy with him. And, he slowly starts to relax. He comes out of his shell and he feels...complete. It’s okay he isn’t normal. It’s okay he doesn’t exactly fit in. Everything is okay.

He doesn’t blame his parents for being helicopter parents, he still loves them and his siblings. He knows they were worried about him. Sure, they did mess up, but he’s made countless mistakes in his life too. He doesn’t blame them or his siblings. They helped him become who he is and he is eternally grateful for that.

Patton

Patton faces the problem of his public image and his own self-image. In public and when he is Typhoon, he puts on this bright and chipper personality. And it’s grueling to keep up because that is not who he truly is. He’s much more mischievous, much more sarcastic, much more brash, much more himself.

He tries to keep up this optimistic persona because he doesn’t want backlash. He’s afraid of what people would say if they saw the real thing. So, he puts up an image. Smile, all the time. Wave enthusiastically. Don’t let them see through you. Act like you’re fine. You always have to be fine, right? That’s what Patton thinks, at least.

With his arc, he slowly learns to just accept himself. It helps when Virgil joins the team, because he sees him not putting up a facade. He acts himself, dark and broody, sarcastic and sardonic. And nobody really questioned it or gave him backlash. Patton has this moment of ‘Oh’ because he realizes that he can show what he truly is. He no longer has to hide.

When he first starts showing himself as he actually is, he’s scared. It’s only natural, no matter how much you prepared for it, you will still be scared. Some people notice. There are a few news articles as some just want drama. But, his team, his friends, his family backs him up and it strengthens his resolve. He learns to ignore those types of people, knowing they only want drama. He can finally be...himself.

Roman

Oh boy, this is going to be a doozy.

Roman’s angst is that his entire world view changes, his beliefs (not religious) crumble. Everything just seems to flip for him.

Roman had always thought that everyone could be redeemed. No matter the deed. Everyone deserves a second chance. He’s faced criminals and villains with this belief at the forefront of his mind.

When everything else seemed to be crumbling around him, this belief sustained him. It kept him going. It was a constant when nothing else stayed the same.

But now? Now everything is foreign. Everything is changing with nothing being that constant that he so desperately needed. This situation he is facing hits even closer to home because--well, I’m afraid I can’t say because of spoilers, but let’s just say it may involve a certain mustached villain ;)

But, anyways, in his arc, he realizes that everything can’t just be sunshine and daisies. He’s known this before, but it hits full force now. He has to accept that some people can’t be redeemed, that some are just...evil. He hates to admit it, but he knows it’s true.

His friends--no, family backed him up. They helped him with this realization, helped to make sure he doesn’t break. And he is so, so, so, so grateful and thankful for them.

He knows that some people can’t change. He’s...well, he’s not fine with it, but he accepts it at the very least. And when he looks around at his family, seeing how genuine and kind they are, he knows that, no matter what, all he needs is his family to survive.

Virgil

He faces problems with his self-esteem, his own anxiety, and his fear of lack of self-control.

He has little self-esteem. He always has, really. Since he was a kid, he always overthought everything he did, criticized himself severely, always tried to push himself harder, in unhealthy amounts. It all left him feeling so tired.

He kept doing this even into adulthood, checking himself, always wondering if he could do better, barely feeling good about things he did. Things he wanted to be proud of, but just couldn’t.

When he joins the team, it’s a slow process. He was immensely afraid of being judged, of being insulted, of them. They were all these heroes the city recognized and praised and he was left feeling like shit, in his mind at least. He felt like he couldn’t keep up. Virgil kept trying to push himself harder to at least try and be on the same level as them, but ended up pushing much too hard, passing out from exhaustion and stress.

They realized his mindset, having had once had this mindset themselves, and help him deal with it, help him try to minimize it because it’s not something you can be fully rid of. They know this themselves because sometimes they still get those moments, where they feel they aren’t doing enough and push harder, too harder. But, the best they can do is to deal with it. And that’s exactly what Virgil does.

His anxiety is also a doozy.

It holds him back so much. Especially with fear of failing. He doesn’t want to fail anybody. He wants to do the best he can and do it perfectly. But, the problem is that he can’t. He knows he can’t and it terrifies him. His anxiety and fear of failing prevent him from doing so many things just because of what could go wrong.

The team also helps with this. They provide somebody he can rant to and offer solutions and different types of perspective. They help him to realize that if you only worry about what could go wrong, then you wouldn’t be able to do anything, you wouldn’t be able to live. Because with that mindset, you aren’t living, you are only surviving.

And they help Virgil see this point. Help him to not let his anxiety hold him back from things he really wants to do. And it provides him with so many opportunities.

They all know that sometimes, it’s going to happen. Sometimes, Virgil just can’t be able to do something because the fear practically paralyzes him. It’s like with his self-esteem issues. It’s not something you can be rid of, just something you have to deal with. They help him when this happens, help bring him back to reality and help to calm him down.

Lastly, his fear of no self-control. You have to remember that their powers can be heavily influenced by emotions. Strong bursts of emotions can work it into overdrive. Too much use of their powers can also use all of their energy. In very extreme cases, it can lead to death.

But, while Virgil is also afraid of the side effects, he’s mostly afraid of what his powers can do to other people, innocent people. And, to him, it’s a found fear. It’s happened before. He’s hurt others without meaning to and he vowed to never do it again. This is partly why he became a vigilante, to protect others instead of hurting them. But he is so afraid of still harming them and he has nightmares about it. It practically haunts him. He fears turning into those killers and villains he’s fought.

Once again, the team is very helpful in debunking this. They’ve explained their own experiences, explained how they themselves have hurt innocents without meaning to, and it’s something you have to just...deal with, like all other problems. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Him worrying about being a bad person just proves furthermore that he isn’t. After all, a bad person wouldn’t care about it. But, he does. And that is what provides the difference.

Janus

spoilers spoilers spoilers

Remus

spoilers spoilers spoilers-

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remade-stopframevevo · 4 years ago

Note

can you tell us more about fawnstar? he is epic

he is pretty epic in a nuclear explosion kind of way

the strategy of answering oc asks by just talking until i couldnt anymore seemed to work pretty well last time so im just going to do that again. ive also been putting this ask off for too long cuz i knew it was going to take forever to answer LOL, i will note though if some things dont make sense theres a good chance im just dancing around spoiling things because hes One of Those types of ocs, you can still ask about certain things (the way im typing this has the 3 times ive said the word things lining up and its really throwing me off) but theres no guarantee i’ll be able to answer them, at least truthfully (theres like a 50% chance im going to intentionally lie about shit when answering this ask btw. just so you know <3)

anyway, fawnstar (he/they nonbiney; no last name, groveclan leaders have their surnames revoked upon leadership) is groveclan’s leader and has been for about *papers shuffling sfx* four-ish years now but dont take that as final because i just realised i dont like the age they wouldve been when they became leader lmfao

fawnstar doesn’t have any known surviving biological family. his mother, eveningeye (she/her), died two years after he became leader and was given a brief and detached funeral. their biological father was a kittypet (which is also where they got The Mane Genetic from) although fawnstar was never told that and to this day doesnt know, not that they care either. also *inserts pic of eveningeye i dont remember even drawing*

fawnstar was made leader after the previous leader, buckstar (he/him tom, also important note: groveclan leaders are chosen at birth and are named after the current leader. this is a tradition that ended with fawnstar), was killed in an ambush. around half a day after buckstar had left camp and not returned, fawnstar - fawnfur at the time - who had been in and out of camp sporadically for the past 2 months, had returned to camp alone in the midst of literally dying, said some incomprehensible shit about rogues and collapsed in the medicine cat den and was left under the care of marblepaw whilst half the clan went out looking for buckstar or any signs of rogues. buckstar’s body was never found, although rogue scent was detected on the outskirts of groveclan’s territory. as a result of this incident, the clans have become much more unforgiving and hostile toward rogues.

as the search for buckstar or any rogues was going on, marblepaw had officially declared fawnfur as dead. no one’s ever let marbleheart live down the fact they declared a cat dead only for said cat to get back up three minutes later, but they still stand by the fact that there would’ve been no way for a fatal neck wound like that to just fix itself, or for them to fix it either.

after the incident, fawnfur became leader and appointed cranecloud (who passed away about... 2 years ago from present day) as their deputy. cranecloud had to do most of the work for the first 3 weeks as fawnstar took time to physically and mentally recover from the event, their voice never fully recovered and four years later they still permanently sound like they need to clear their throat. they never really recovered mentally either.

anyway! that fun stuff aside, fawnstar is a very, very very very very lenient leader to an irritating extent to his clanmates who actually care about the warrior code, ie the hopeheart thing and how when one of his clanmates openly brought in a half floodclan kit his reaction was to shrug and go, “not my problem”. fawnstar’s only concern with the warrior code is avoiding any conflict with the other clans, to the point where he’s pushed his boundaries with each of them far enough that he’s figured out how each will react toward a public break in the code and who he’s safest to fuck up with.

speaking of the clan he’s safest to fuck up with, floodclan and groveclan have a very amicable relationship. this is more of a floodclan thing so i’ll talk more about it when i get to them/the leader, but floodclan has a very... inhabitable territory during the winter. long story short it gets flooded when the rain gets to its worst who’d have thunk it in a place where “flood” is in the name, floodclan’s way of dealing with this is splitting the clan in two and sending half of them to groveclan, who’s camp is on higher ground, until the rain passes since the Still Habitable part of the clan is too small to hold *papers shuffling sfx 2* ~26 cats all at once. usually the deputy and leader would take it in turns to visit each year, but shadowstar (he/she/they tom), floodclan’s current leader, is almost always the one to visit, unless there’s a new deputy who hasn’t taken the lead on the trip before.

there have been challenges to fawnstar’s leadership and how he’s running the clan in the past, but none ended well. despite his apparent lack of care toward anything, fawnstar is still... a very big and very intimidating cat, and a very openly “if you fuck with me im going to crush you like a bug” type of cat. he’s not dictator-like in any way, he doesn’t care enough to be, but any standoffs he’s been made to have against his own clanmates have ended in said clanmate being almost literally backed into a corner and forced to back down.

additionally they’re a very scary cat to have to come into contact with in battle. they don’t take part in them often in the rare occurences they have to happen, but groveclan has a heavy focus on training their warriors to be as effective and strong as possible which is also applied to cats who are Assigned Leader At Birth as fawnstar was. fawnstar was personally given very extreme training, and it’s one of the few things they keep from their younger life and actively makes an effort to keep in the shape they are, even despite their age. oh theyre also very scary because of the apparent immortality and not caring about pain thing! thats scary too.

anyway jesus i just noticed how long of an uninterrupted wall of text this is. im not done but here’s a warrior age fawnstar to break it up a little

to talk more in length about his relationships with others since i havent done it very specifically already heres a few i can think off of the top of my head:

rainwatcher is fawnstar’s deputy and adopted son who they took in after banishing his biological mother on grounds of neglect. even in adulthood they’re still very close. some groveclan residents think it’s a total joke that in the first election for deputy they’ve ever done it’s just a ~coincidence~ the leader’s son wins but fawnstar still refutes there would have been literally no way to fake a winner, they werent even the one counting. if anything fawnstar would have been more comfortable with someone else coming out on top, it’s not that they think rainwatcher is a bad deputy, but they’d rather anyone else in the clan be in such a “precarious” rank than their own son.

marbleheart... does not like fawnstar at all... i feel like it would be very easy to be furious (and terrified) at someone who not only seemingly died and got back up, but made sure everyone thought you were an idiot who was “hallucinating” it. there’s other reasons marbleheart doesn’t like fawnstar but you know 💅 that’s their business *touch tone telephone starts playing, but anyways*

they also have a pretty close relationship with silvermoon (she/her molly), floodclan’s deputy. i’ll talk more about silvermoon when i talk about her in her own post (she IS little ms protagonist herself after all), but silvermoon has been visiting during every winter migration to groveclan since she was a kit and has come to view fawnstar as some weird uncle figure, which is also encouraged (for lack of better word since its 8am right now and i cant think anymore) by shadowstar, silvermoon’s mentor, since he has a.. fairly close relationship with fawnstar too

i know you want me to talk about fawnstars relationship to shadowstar now after saying what i just said and im intentionally not going to <3 you will simply have to ask or wait <3

less specifically, fawnstar is typically very distant from his clanmates, apart from frequently visiting the nursery. it’s one of the only times he makes an effort to leave the clan’s garden (ill talk about what i mean by garden some other time its a territory thing lol) apart from gatherings (and seemingly wandering out into the night sometimes, but that’s his business, i guess...), he’s very watchful over the nursery and the kits and cares very deeply for each of them. arguably the only rule in the warrior code they care for is the one about protecting any and all kits.

anyways, theres definitely more but my brain isnt letting me remember other things to talk about so heres some fun little trivia facts

they have a pet family of snails in the clans garden

this story takes place in the same universe where the canon clans exist in a “what if we took the clans and pushed them (made new ones) somewhere else” way but key figures in clan history are still remembered. one time someone remarked to fawnstar, “hey, youre orange like that firestar guy apparently was” and its the hardest fawnstar had laughed in literally years

they’re gay in a “he never married” way. dont worry about what i mean by this

their least favorite ~historical figure~ is brokenstar, for obvious reasons. if he could he’d kill him three times.

he has adhd

ok thats all i have for now! feel free to ask me about anything here but ive only been awake for like 3 hours and also im very hungry so if any of this is incomprehensible it is simply not my problem!!! thank you for asking about my little war criminal!!!

#ask #long post #jesus this is long im getting something to eat now LOL #feel free to ask for like...clarificaiton on any of this or anything lol #i like being asked about my ocs is all <3 plus theres obviously a lot i missed here #skinwretch

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emerald-studies · 4 years ago

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Diverse Perspectives | Discussion 2

I talked with @a-sucker-for-rosalie for her perspective as an Indian-American, Muslim woman and who is also the daughter of immigrants.

*Tumblr deleted this post AGAIN when I tired to post this, so again sorry for the mistakes*

[ It is required to participate and watch/read these discussions, in order to follow me. Participate or get tf out. We aren’t performative in my lil’ area on Tumblr.

This discussion isn’t representative of an entire population or meant to be super professional. It’s to share different perspectives and also is an opportunity for me to practice what I preach: intersectionality. If you’d like to participate in this series please send me a pm or an ask and I’ll get back to you ASAP. We can do a written, audio, or video interview.]

youtube

Faith: Ok, now...

A /@a-sucker-for-rosalie : Hi, my blog is @a-sucker-for-rosalie and my main blog is @theawkwardmuslimgirl, I’m a 24 yo Muslim woman from the United States and this is my story.

F: *laughs* Good job!

Have you felt an urge to assimilate by anyone in your life, or society in general?

A: Yeah absolutely, I think one of the biggest things for me has been my name I have an Arabic name, it’s something that’s been difficult for people to pronounce over the years, even my coworkers and some people in my family don’t say it properly and I’ve gone back and forth between absolutely hating my name and trying to whitewash it. Telling people to call me AJ or give me a nickname whatever they can think of or shortening it somehow. And then at some point when I reached college, and I kind of started to understand myself a lot better, I was like “Wait a minute, no...I love my name. My Grandmother who I’m so close to, or was before she passed away, she named me.” and it just became this big thing for me where my name was important to me and it was representative of my culture and my religion and yeah I’ve gone back and forth on that but I’ve kinda settled into, I like my name I’m not going to do nicknames anymore, ya know...if someone at least tries to make an effort to pronounce it properly, that's good enough for me right now. But I'm done hating that part of myself.

F: Right. And I think it's a kind of on other people to, just not make a big deal about it. If it's a cool, it's a cool name like then just say it's a cool name. You don't have to, like, drag out that whole conversation about “Oh, how do you pronounce it syllable by syllable by syllable?” Like, I mean, unless you (A ) want to, but like, I know, I've had friends that like I've encountered other people and they, they like kind of pick it apart and be like, “Oh, that sounds weird”. And it's just like,

A: Mm hmm.

F: So like, what? yourself yours sounds really basic, Claire. That also reminds me of Hasan Minhaj on Ellen, when Ellen pronounced his name wrong. And that was a whole thing, but it was like it just really makes you think like you can pronounce Timothée Chalamet Why can't you make an effort to pronounce someone else's name accurately?

A: Yeah, exactly. And my whole thing for a while, it's just like, I'm saying my name for you before you even see it spelled--

F:*laughs*

A: --you should be able to say it back to me, like you're purposely--You've never heard it before, and you're purposely making it harder for yourself.

F: That’s so accurate, you do Introduce yourself. So, yeah, that’s ridiculous.

As a child of immigrants, how is the anti immigrant talking point affected your mental health?

A: Um, I mean, I'm pretty white passing. And as a Muslim, I don't wear hijab at the moment. So on a personal level, like out in every day, I don't feel that. But then, you know, when Trump was running for president, and things like that, and there is all this, people were half joking that he was going to put Muslim people in concentration camps or something. And then the Muslim ban happen with travel. I think that was very painful to experience. I mean, it's definitely come and gone. It's not a constant thing. Like, I don't feel oppressed or as targeted as say, like, Black people or even like, Mexican immigrants or anything like that. But it definitely has. When it's come up again, it's difficult to deal with and it's hurtful and then you do go through all those emotions of questioning. “Okay, so like people are cool to my face, but when it comes down to it, who's gonna protect me or who secretly doesn't like my people?” You know,

F: Right. Yeah. Because all that has shifted, you know, like, people are hiding their ignorance. Trying to rationalize it now, so you never really know, is on your side. I think it's just like so scary.

A: And there’s people are like, “Oh, you're cool, but you know, the other people.” It's like, ummmm

F: I've heard someone say “You're like a good Black.”. Like,

A: Yeah, that's not cool.

F: Would you say like, do you just....I don't know, like, everyone is good in some way, I believe, like, deep down somewhere or they were good, and then they were just corrupted. So,

A: Yeah, I mean, I know people probably don't mean harm by saying that. And like, it’s just like, dude, educate yourself.

F: I mean, personally, I do think them by not meaning any harm, but saying it anyways makes it harmful.

A: Yeah, sure.

F: I mean, them kind of knowing that they're talking about something that they don't really know about. I think that's me. That's just me.

A: But no, you're right. I think there's a weird thing. I mean, when, when the whole protests started, and this Black lives matter thing, just in the past couple months got really big. There were all these white people on social media posting about, “I had no idea that Black people go through this!” and like, “I'm starting to really look at my privilege as a white person”. And I was like, okay, so many people really don't know what's going on. And on the one hand, I don't think they're bad people. And I know they don't mean it the way it comes across. So I do try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Like a lot of times it is just the lack of education on their part. Yeah, like I try. I try not to hate on people or like, call them out on that stuff. It's just like, Okay, here’s how you should actually approach this....

F: It's funny the way you put that

A: Like, like white women checking their privilege on Instagram was like, blowing my mind.

F: Oh, yeah. Not No. Yeah, Emma Emma Watson like, posting those black squares but cropping them so they fit her aesthetic.

A: Ah, God.

F: Yeah. And like, I have seen stuff like that, like, “Oh, I know about this” or, um, and it's, but, you know, the first wave really wasn't like 2014/2015 (of BLM)

A: Yeah.

F: And I remember because I was 14 or 15. So like if I was 14, and like, all these older people are like, “Oh, I know....” I'm like, Well, if I know Yeah,

A: What were you doing this whole time?

F: those women crack me up.

A: They crack me up too

F: Yeah, they're just discovering this like new like, essential oil.

A: Yeah, it's exactly like that.

You've lived in India for a year--Did you experience a culture shock or did you feel a sense of belonging?

A: Oh, absolutely. I don't think I've ever felt like such an outcast before. A lot of it was I didn't speak the language. My mom's parents when she was a year old, they moved to Canada and they didn't teach her our mother tongue either. Because they were kind of hell bent on their kids assimilating into Canadian culture, and fitting in with the white people. They didn't want them to be outcasts there either. I remember my mom telling me she was the only kid in her school and Black parents. Yeah, it was very, very white. And then, you know, I was the only kid in my Indian School who didn't speak the language. They spoke English at the school. So it wasn't that bad, but I think I definitely did stand out. As an American person. I was just talking to my sister last night. She's like, yeah, yeah. I told them. We live in California. And they're like, Oh, do you know Jennifer Lopez? I don't know.

F: You that's so fair, though. We give like Yeah, you do that to each other. Like, if you hear someone lives in____, like you're like, oh, have you seen a _____ out and about?

A: Yeah, I don't know. I think definitely It was early 2000s. Two. So there was sort of it was a different time. You can say stuff like that. Like we didn't, there was no social media or anything. So you don't really understand how other people live. Just what you see on TV.

F: I do you really regret not being taught your...[mother tounge]?

A: Yeah, I do wish I learned it. Um, I do want to try to pick it up. I know, in adulthood, that's a lot harder. But my cousins have picked it back up again. So I feel like I definitely could. It's not like I don't want to turn it into a “whoa is me” kind of thing because all my grandparents spoke fluent English. It was never a problem.

F: Mm hmm.

A: I think it's more of a retaining culture thing, but I don't think I would ever go back to India at this point, just because of the political climate there. There is a lot happening between Hindus and Muslims and just, it's not safe. And I don't know if I would ever make that journey again. As a non-tourist.

There have been many terrorist attacks against your community, how do you manage the pain of people viewing terrorism against your culture versus, like viewing it differently than 9/11? or other terrorist attacks against white people? Or largely white populations?

A: Also, good question. Um, I don't know, I feel like growing up as a Muslim, you've always kind of had this thing in your head that you are the other. And you're different from people. And I was think I was four or five when 9/11 happened. So I grew up with that feeling. It's not, I don't know any different. So it is this kind of thing of like, okay, I do understand that a large group of people hate us and we are targeted sometimes. But I think just like reaching back to my community and like looking back at my religion and like spiritual stuff kind of helps me like that.

F: Have you experienced your friends viewing it differently? Like holding other terrorist attacks in like a grander I don't know how to phrase this--

A: I think I get what you're saying. Like, like they think it's worse when it happens to white people.

F: Yeah cuz I've had friends that did stuff like that that would say like, you know like even America in general just like we paused in my online school one time for like five years minutes for 9/11 I'm like, Okay. Um, that's, that's great. Um, are we going to do that with like, I would have, I mean, not to say “all terrorist actions matter”, Yeah. It's such a huge thing. And then I'm like, okay, but are we going to tie that to what America has done in the Middle East? Like, I mean,

A: I'm very lucky that my friend group has always been very diverse. And they open and likes to talk about the news and keep up with those kind of stuff. I mean, my best friends are like an Indian Hindu and like a Catholic, Korean. Like, we're all over the place of that stuff, to kind of understand each other in that sense. So I've never had that problem for I feel other defy my friends in that way. And also As an ethnic person, I do tend to look for friends who are also in some sort of minority, just like as a comfort thing.

F: Mm hmm.

A: So I'm very blessed that I haven't had to, like unfriend people over things like that.

F: That's amazing. I'm glad you have that support. And your discussions must be very interesting.

A: Oh they’re great, we have great discussions.

How do you see yourself in your country?

A: I know it's like, trendy to be like, “I hate America. This place sucks”. Especially like as a woman as an immigrant as a minority. Like I, I, I recognize how blessed I am to be here and have the opportunities that I've had because my parents immigrated, and because this country does allow us so much freedom. I do think sometimes I question my place here. But for the most part, like, I don't want to say it's great, but like, I, I know what I have and I value it. I don't take it for granted.

F: Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

Do you think that public figures are afraid to voice their support for the Muslim community?

A: Some of them Yes. I can't think of off the top of my head who said what about what but I do, just like with influencers and stuff, like the Christchurch mosque shooting, a lot of people were silent about that. And that was very painful to see. But I don't know I feel like it's just it's something I expect at this point. Like, I never expect anybody to stick up for us. But when I see it, it definitely is nice. Like, I remember Kylie Jenner's but something when that happen, and I was like, “Oh, God bless you, thank God”. Someone said something. I think Kim Kardashian and I think Kourtney or Khloe might not have said something. And I was like, “Huh.” Like, I don't know, it's just like, you have to wonder where everybody's loyalty lies and like, do you have something against Muslims? 50 people just died for no reason while they were peacefully praying, like, is that not something? But then, like, I don't know. It's the whole thing of like, influencers saying they don't want to be “political”, which I used to understand. And at this point, you cannot not be political because it's just it's such a big part of Life at this point, and if you're not political, I don't know if you're aligned with Trump, or like your low key racist or what..so you saying nothing says something, you know?

F: Yeah, I totally agree. I think that says so much when you look at a person and what they talk about, but it says so much more what they don't talk about, ] I think--and like there are a lot of things to talk about To be fair, but when you look at current events, and tying what they're not talking about, to the present day, like in this moment, then that says so much and I'm sorry that more people didn't say anything about shooting that was just atrocious. Like, I mean, I didn't have social media than I would’ve said something.---

A: So I got up that morning and cried so hard. Just I was like, I mean, I don't need influencers to like, be pseudo activists or anything, but once in a while just remind your audience what you're aligned with. I feel like that's very important.

F: Yeah, yeah. I think that's so yeah, that's so fair because you may like have someone who is racist or like anti-Semitic or like any...homophobic in your follows and, like, if you don't talk about something, if you don't say, “Oh, we support blank here, get out if you don't”, or if you don't talk about frequently enough. I feel like those types of people can like, I don't know, hide themselves. I think, that's scary. Um, And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that type of feeling where you don't feel that enough people were talking about that tragic, tragic event. And I hope it never happens again, it should have happened in the first place.

Do you feel that you were the face of your religion and race when you lived in a very white area?

A: Um, like I said, I'm white passing. So no. And when I when I lived in those areas, I was very, very young. So it wasn't even an opportunity for me to even fully understand that my place as a Indian person or a Muslim person, but I definitely did not connect or relate to the white people. They're like it when you're young. You know, you're different. You just can't figure out how yet.

F: Hmm, that's a good way to put it. Yeah.

Is there a bigger divide between the young population and the older population in your culture versus the young white population? And the older white population?

A: Yeah, I think there is. That's a great question. Um, I think it just in that move from India, or any you know, you see this with most immigrants, no matter where they're from, but coming from your the motherland to the west. It's just the culture shock. I mean, with young people, so they want to assimilate. I see that with my peers a lot. They're just very desperate to fit in. They want the American culture they want to behave like white people. Go smoking and drinking and dating and whatever, things that aren't necessarily a part of our culture. But yeah, there's there's a lot of people trying to blend in. And I see a lot of brown people who were Indian when it's convenient, like on Instagram. It's like, “Ooooh, I'm Ethnic”, and then the other six days a week, and they're white. You know?

F: *laughs* Yes, I do. Like, that reminds me of like Halsey who brings out the fact that she's Black(?) when necessary.

A: I mean, like, I get it. There is a struggle there being white passing and still trying to be like, “Hey, I'm here.” Part of this culture and experience in some way or another in like you do feel like you have to prove that. And also, like, as a white passing person, I do feel like I haven't had a lot of experience that feels like a universal experience for other brown people. Like I don't get targeted like that I wasn't bullied for being brown or my skin or my hair or whatever, or my accent. So there is kind of this weird lack of camaraderie because you're not visibly part of your community sometimes. So I kind of understand where she's coming from. But when she uses it as a tool, it's like--

F: Yeah, like, Yeah, exactly. Like if you are using your platform to share voices that have had that experience. Like that's a totally other thing. Yeah, when you pull it out to complain about shampoo at a hotel Yeah, no, it doesn't suit curly hair of shampoo.

A: Who doesn’t bring shampoo?

*laughs*

What do you think about the hard working immigrant stereotype?

A: Um, because, like coming from an Asian background, you do have the people who did were the parents and grandparents who pull themselves up by the bootstraps and actually did work very, very hard to get their kids and grandkids where they are. But at the same time, I think both my parents came from like a generally privileged or like, middle class background. Like, my parents have degrees and my dad always had a job and he had his own apartment and cars stuff there wasn't that sort of struggle with us. I don't think it's not necessarily a universal experience. I do think Asian people need to check their privilege on that one like a lot of us, and we did not have that struggle.

F: Interesting. And this is a final question:

You've lived in diverse areas and very white areas, which area has affected you more?

F: ...although you said that you were in the white areas when you were younger.

A: So I think that definitely did have an effect on me. I think less so in terms of my culture, but more so just as a human being and how I tend to treat myself or treat other people as an adult, and even in school, like I know how it feels to be the outcast, and I know what it feels like to not fit in. So I think in that sense, it's just really shaped my worldview, like being kind to other people and them how I want to treat other people and identifying in other minority groups. How they feel other-ed.

F: Hmm, yeah, using that for good. Mm hmm. Yeah.

A: Really shaping my own understanding.

F: Yeah. That's amazing. Um, thank you for doing this.

A: Absolutely. Thank you for interviewing me. I appreciate it.

F: Anytime. If you want to come back anytime I can make more questions. I will stop the recording so we can talk a little bit privately. And thank you again.

Let’s have a discussion! Did you learn anything new from this conversation?

Let me know here.

To close out each post, I’d like to write a lil’ paragraph about the person I talk with:

Even though our talk was shorter than others I’ve had in this series, I could tell just how sweet A is. Her voice made me smile constantly throughout our chat. I’m appalled that she, and her community as a whole, have been subjected to the horrors of mankind that often are brushed off or ignored. Her strength and positivity are inspirational for me. I’m once again blessed that she took the time to chat with me. A was also another person who was there for me (sending love to the egg gang, again) and I’m so lucky to have such marvelous people as friends/supporters. A, if you ever need anything I’m sooo here for you.

You’re a sensational person.

-Faithxx

#twilight #muslim #india #immigrants #discussionswithfaith

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i-dream-of-twilight-sparkle · 4 years ago

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Chapter 28: Starlight’s Mother, Part 4 - The Tragedy of Starlight’s Past

The group that went to New Haven to bring back Sunburst’s father return to the room where everyone else is waiting for them.

Twilight: Welcome back, all of you! So you’re Sunburst’s father? It’s nice to finally meet you.

Sunspot: I could say the same Princess Twilight… especially after you and your son Spike’s Dragon Tear has allowed me to find some closure about Sunset. We still have yet to hear everything about what happened… but I’d still like to thank you and Spike so much for letting me see my sister again, from beyond the grave no less.

Twilight: You’re welcome! Once me and Spike discovered this and got some important information on how it all works, we needed to immediately get to the ponies we knew that would need to see any spirits whether they miss them so much like Applejack and her parents. Or as it turned out… figuring out the mysteries about Starlight’s Mother, your sister, and what happened to Sunset. Who knew they’d all connect?

Sunset: Speaking of what happened to me, while there... I had another memory jog… I still don’t know everything yet… but Sunspot brought back something that helped me remember something.

Twilight: Oh? What is this?

Sunspot brings out the jar with Sunset’s disembodied yellow horn he found while on a search at Nightmare Cliffs.

Just about the entire room gasps. Any Unicorns and both Alicorns in particular shivering at the sight. Rarity in particular just about shrieks in horror.

Rarity: I-is t-that…?!

Sunset: My disembodied horn? Yes, it is.

Rarity falls over fainting, Fluttershy catches her as she falls backward

Twilight: You lost your horn?! Was this during the confrontation with the Anarchists?

Sunset nods

Sunset: When I saw the horn, I instantly got a mental image of facing two pony shaped figures in front of me and another flying above me. Followed by a large rock that was dropped at the base of my horn, breaking it off and giving me a short concussion.

Twilight: That’s awful… I suppose that also explains how you had trouble despite the anarchists otherwise being regular ponies…

Sunset: It definitely looks like whatever happened, they took advantage of the fact I couldn’t effectively use my magic after my horn broke, and I died somehow… That’s all the new information I have, though of course a reminder that 2 of the 3 lost their lives too… so whatever happened next certainly couldn’t have been as simple as they grouped together to throw me off the cliff or something.

Starlight: Brrr… losing the horn… that’s a fear just about every unicorn has… I can’t imagine what that must of felt like…

Sunset: It was quite painful… and I definitely think I remember feeling a bit of helplessness after I recovered from the concussion.

Starlight: At least physical injuries don’t seem to have shown up permanently on your spirit. I can see your horn’s still on you right now

Twilight: Spirits show up as the last known appearance of those who summoned them. Which means Firelight’s memory likely allowed Sunset to appear as she was on the last day Firelight saw her before she left towards that fateful chase. It might be possible had Starlight summoned Sunset by herself, maybe the physical appearance of when you died would of showed up, since it defaults to just about the spirit’s age and/or last appearance when alive if the one who summoned them is somepony blood related that did not know them. Though Spirits are also capable of becoming any age/appearance they were when alive. I saw Jinn turn herself into an old mare, and a filly earlier. I wonder if the same goes for physical injuries?

Sunset closes her eyes and focuses, she only needs to go a little bit forward. Most of her horn fades away revealing a hole of a horn very much akin to Tempest Shadow’s own broken horn, a disheveled and wet mane and tail as if she was in the middle of a heavy storm, and her right eye injured with a black eye revealed as she opened her eyes

Rarity has finally recovered from her faint, but as she looks up she now sees Sunset with her injured appearance. And she faints again.

The rest of the group just look taken aback as they view Sunset’s likely appearance before she died.

Twilight: Ouch… I hope going into injured appearances doesn’t result in you feeling that pain again…

Sunset: Thankfully no, it’s only appearance-wise on us spirits. We don’t exactly… have nerves anymore. Like say if somepony who was able to touch me, hit me for some reason. It wouldn’t exactly hurt. I could still get angry and ask why they’re trying to hit me, but I don’t think Starlight, Sunburst, Princess Celestia, Fi-Fi, and my brother would ever want to.

All those who she named nod in agreement that they have no reason to want to hit Sunset. Sunset focuses again to erase the injuries and looks like how she was before again.

Meanwhile, Sunset’s brother Sunspot approaches Princess Celestia and bows before her.

Sunspot: Princess Celestia, it’s an honor to be in your presence.

Celestia actually looks sort of solemn at the bow of Sunset’s brother.

Celestia: Are you sure I deserve this bow… Sunset led a dangerous life because she was my protege… It’s indirectly my fault your beloved little sister’s life ended this way...

Celestia closing her eyes, with tears dropping. Sunset looks at her old mentor, and immediately goes to reassuring the Princess.

Sunset: Princess, you know as well as I do that I when you said you wanted to make me your personal protege, I was enthusiastic. I very much enjoyed my time as your student, if anything, I should of listened to you when you told me to take a break from watching the movement of every threat out there that I personally chose would be my prerogative. But I was so dedicated to protecting Equestria that I lost sight of having much of a personal life. And because I chose to pursue criminals at every opportunity, that only made it more difficult to establish one.

If there’s anypony to blame for what happened other then the 3 anarchists I chased that fateful day, it would be myself, for getting careless…

Celestia: I appreciate hearing that from you, Sunset… just even I kick myself for what I perceive as failures… even as I now have my sister back, it doesn’t make it any less upsetting that I didn’t stop her turn into Nightmare Moon in the first place…

Sunset just gives Princess Celestia a reassuring smile.

Sunset: Good thing you found a new student that succeeded on bringing her back to you, and now Twilight will achieve everything you hoped I would one day. And from the sounds of things, the world has gotten more and more peaceful. Actually…

Sunset turns towards Twilight.

Sunset: Is if ok if I ask for a run through on all the threats you faced in your time as Celestia’s student? I know you didn’t really start saving the world until past Adulthood, meanwhile my world-saving days started in my pre-teens. But maybe I can provide some commentary if any of them were in my list of potential threats.

Twilight: Well.. I guess I’ll start with Nightmare Moon. Where, through trials of my friends showing their elements. we discovered the Elements of Harmony and were able to banish the evil out from within Luna.

Applejack tips her hat up and winks, Pinkie Pie bounces, Rarity gracefully poses, Fluttershy smiles, and Rainbow Dash gives a smug grin as Twilight reminds them of their first triumph together.

Sunset: Mmhmm! Very nice! It was still a good two decades before Luna’s Banishment was over so I would of been in my 40’s if I had been the one to face off with Nightmare Moon. Though if I had continued on, I likely would of already ascended prior to then so I could really help bring Luna back.

Celestia: I don’t know if Sunset would of had 5 individual friends, like you did Twilight. Another option we possibly had was I use half of the elements, while Sunset used the other 3 for us together to free Luna. I probably would of used the elements of laughter, kindness, and generosity. And Sunset would be given magic, loyalty, and honesty.

Twilight: Those elements do seem to fit you, I know from experience Princess Celestia would of wielded the 3 elements she mentioned, and now that I’ve met Sunset… She was very good at magic, she was really loyal to Princess Celestia, and while this is a bit posthumously… she’s shared much of the truth of quite a few things. So that might’ve worked.

Sunset: What’d you face off with next?

Twilight: Next was… Discord. He was surely a hoof full…

Sunset: Ohhhhh yea, Discord was still trapped in his statue throughout my time. But I was aware of what crazy things he was capable of. But apparently he’s on the good side now?

Twilight: When he wants to be I guess... he’s friends with Fluttershy so he doesn’t do much to actively antagonize any of us. But he does do some things we often have to go and fix… Frankly, one good thing about being a genie… is that I’m able to fix something crazy he does faster then it otherwise normally would of been.

Sunset: It is true that becoming a genie got you powers just about on par with Discord. He does call himself the Spirit of Chaos. Given you’re at least in part Spirit, you could say you’re the Spirit of Order. *giggles*

Twilight: Wait… is Discord’s magic soul magic too?

Sunset: I’m not even sure, I think Discord has magic that fits in its own category, but it is quite powerful. It might be safer to say it’s sort of a mix between soul magic and dark magic? It’s neither powered up with good over a lifetime like soul magic is, though it’s not inherently malicious or damaging like dark magic is.

Twilight: Hmm… true. His magic often has insane or annoying results, but it’s often all for laughs and/or doesn’t purposefully harm anypony. Might be for once, something interesting to talk about to him later.

Anyhow… after we defeated Discord. Queen Chrysalis and her army of changelings invaded my brother’s and Princess Cadence’s wedding

Sunset: Ah yes… Queen Chrysalis… I did some recon of the hive back in the day. But due to that protection they have of not allowing non-changeling magic from working around or in the hive… I couldn’t really approach to attack myself, as it was too dangerous to go in alone. But they also didn’t have much power, since there was no big event for them to gather enough love to attack like the wedding your brother had. I had them listed as a low-tier present time threat that could potentially become a big threat, if a publicized event full of love to feed on happened as they invaded.

Twilight: Which happened to be my brother’s wedding… huh…?

Sunset: I guess so! And it was also another reason I had a secretive wedding with Fi-Fi, a personal protege of the princess having a public wedding may have been exactly what Chrysalis was waiting for.

Twilight: The changeling invasion was the last big event before I became a genie. Going to Saddle Arabia was in fact somewhat of a reward Celestia allowed me and Spike after defeating Chrysalis. There was no threats then, but I wonder if maybe Malakhar would of tried to genify you at some point Sunset if he had seen you?

Sunset: Possibly! Though I believe Malakhar may have only been a little colt back when I was still Celestia’s protege.

Twilight: I guess his Grandfather could of possibly done it then, if they had found out about you early enough.

Sunset: I have been to Saddle Arabia before, but I mostly accompanied Celestia during routine negotiations with the Sultan. So I was never there too long, and never really on the Streets where Malakhar’s grandfather could of approached me.

Twilight: Alright… so next… the Crystal Empire came back and so did King Sombra.

Sunset: Oof, Sombra is certainly a doozy. He’s pretty much dark magic incarnate. I think sometime ago, he discovered a way to sort of control himself in Dark Magic form if he ever was killed though at the price that if he’s defeated, he sort of gets a fate worse then death in being trapped in a void that only could escape through substantial magic, such as the Crystal Empire coming back. I think technically the first time Celestia and Luna faced him was when he “died” for the first time.

Twilight: Oh, is Sombra being controllable dark magic why he has that sort of smoky form?

Sunset: *shrugs* I only heard of Sombra through whatever the royal archives had on him, so I’ll take your word you saw that. But maybe?

Twilight: The fact he only goes to a void may have explained why he came back two more times…

Sunset: WHAT?! You had to face Sombra THREE times?! How in Equestria did that happen?

Twilight: …I did say Discord did things that we had to fix

Sunset: ….Are you sure Discord is on the good side? I would of put him back in stone for bringing back Sombra TWICE!

Twilight: Believe me when I say I sometimes feel the same way… but again, he does have a legit friendship with Fluttershy. Plus, he’s actually helped me out at least once when I was had this strange Genie Sickness. He also helped with something that i haven’t quite gotten to yet. But I still have a few more events and/or villains to talk about before then.

Though Sombra was the last threat before I ascended to Princesshood. Though… given you were Celestia’s student before me. I hope you don’t feel like me mentioning that is sort of flaunting a status you didn’t achieve…

Sunset shakes her head horizontally

Sunset: No, staying to eventually ascend to Princesshood became the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted a family. Celestia & Luna have never been married, and the reason for that is while outliving friends, family, as well as royal staffers & guards is hard enough. It’s a whole ‘nother thing with special someponies, and your own children. Cadence has your brother, though arguably she may be the one exception being the Princess of Love. Outliving your brother is just going to have be something she faces one day.

Twilight: Yeah… though at least Spirit summoning will sort of help with that. But I picture it’ll still be rather hard for both her & me when Shining passes

Sunset: Just always remember that everypony going up there just continues to protect the planet long after they’re gone and that may make you feel better. Plus, unless you have a lot of huge dragon friends that pass you want to see, it should be safe to summon a few friends down every now and then.

Twilight nods

((Story continues after the break))

Twilight: Continuing on… my first huge test against a villain as Princess was Tirek.

Sunset: Oh yeah… Tirek would of certainly been a toughie had he gotten out with enough strength to cause havoc when I was around

Twilight: He certainly was tough, even with the combined added strength of Celestia, Luna, and Cadence coursing through my veins. Tirek had Discord’s magic powering him up... So we had a stalemate. And it took an additional power-up offered by the Tree of Harmony to send him back to Tartaurus as we just happened to have collected these sort of strange keys over the course of that year that allowed us to open a box given to us.

Sunset: Sometimes you gotta be lucky, when saving the world!

Twilight: After Tirek… was when we returned to Saddle Arabia, though this time also bringing my friends along. That was when we came face-to-face with Zathir, who controlled me with a device of his own, and if not for Spike creating his Dragon’s Tear that we’re using to see and talk with you now… the world would likely be under a Saddle Arabian empire controlled by Zathir.

Sunset: I did always have a feeling that Zathir was somepony that had some sort of plot in his mind. Though now I know what it was, his method of trying to take over the world seemed unlikely given no genies were around. And up until what he did to you, the Sultan naively trusted him.

Twilight: Perhaps the scariest part was ironically after I was freed from his control… where he stabbed Spike straight in his right eye…

Sunset: OUCH… I guess that explains Spike’s scar…

Spike: It’s thanks to Fluttershy, I didn’t end up with only one eye. Remnants of being a vampire bat pony had healing properties in her fang.

Sunset looks over to Fluttershy a bit dumbfounded

Sunset: You were a vampire?!

Fluttershy sheepishly smiles

Fluttershy: Sorta… only in regards to fruit… not blood, ehehhehheh...

Applejack: We kinda always get some pretty strange things happen t’ us, even when we’re not saving the world

Sunset: I see… well, I certainly have to be thankful for what happened after you girls defeated Zathir... not just for the usual saving the world once again... But due to that event spawning the very Dragon’s Tear allowing me to speak down here so I can see my husband again and talk to my lovely daughter for the first time.

So… what came next?

Twilight gulps, given Sunset just mentioned talking to her lovely daughter… given her daughter was the next villain. Twilight looks over to Starlight, who gives her a sad face but still whispers as she says…

Starlight: Go ahead, Twilight. It’s best she knows much of the truth of what my life’s been like…

Twilight nods, even if she is still a little afraid of Sunset losing all good will she had for her daughter up until now.

Twilight: Well um… how can I put this… your daughter… Starlight… led a whole town under an Equalist Cult that took cutie marks away… and aimed to expand...

Sunset looks over to her daughter with a stern look, causing Starlight to lower her head. But instead of actually getting mad at Starlight, Sunset just breathes deep and sighs.

Sunset: *sigh* I knew I shouldn’t have left that manifesto in the house… even if I at least tried to hide it…

Twilight: Huh? Manifesto?

Starlight: She’s… probably referring to the other book I found when I broke the wall… it happened to be the manifesto that got me hooked on the beliefs I held over “Our Town”…

Sunset: Among many of the criminals I defeated were also those looking to start dangerous cults. I burned most copies, but usually kept one as a sort of historical account of what to look out for. It’s a shame that this one lone copy ended up in the hooves of my daughter, and she got influenced by it… so I kind of blame myself more for that one…

Sunset turns around to Firelight with a rather stern eyebrow raise at her husband

Sunset: Though I should also ask how you let her read it…

Firelight: Um… you never told me what the book looked like… I thought it was just a math book from the Equal Sign on the cover… She always looked like she was quite deeply engrossed in the book… I didn’t want to take it away from her because she always had this infectious smile on her face reading it so intently…

Sunset: You never saw what was in the book other then the Cover?! What kind of filly her age was going to be so engrossed in Math like that?!

Firelight: I’m so sorry, Shimmy! I really thought she was just yearning to be a fantastic mathematician or something!

Sunset facehoofs

Sunset: Well... at least Twilight and the others broke you out of that ideology… and you seem to be on good terms now.

Given the reaction though, it makes Twilight even less sure about telling Sunset about what came next. She leans on over to whisper to Starlight.

Twilight: Starlight… I can skip over what happened with the time travel… I feel like she may blow a gasket if she hears about that…

Starlight looks to the side and allows Twilight to not mention it, though she has this strange sense it’d probably be important for her mother to hear it anyhow.

Twilight: Anyhow… next Queen Chrysalis came back. And managed to bottle nap me and capture many of us. A team of your daughter, Trixie, Discord, and a rogue changeling named Thorax had to come in and save Equestria

Hearing this cheers up Sunset, she grins and looks at her daughter

Sunset: No way! My daughter has saved Equestria once? Once again, the apple hasn’t fell far from the tree. I’m proud of you, Starlight!

Starlight at first blushes from her praise, but then she looks to the side sadly. And she lowers her head and closes her eyes.

Starlight: No… I don’t deserve this praise yet… maybe not even ever... and I refuse to hold any more secrets out from my family…

Sunset: Huh? What do you mean?

Starlight: There’s some context missing before I helped defeat Chrysalis the 2nd time around… it didn’t go as simply that Twilight and the others freed me from the Equalist ideology and then I was on their side from then on… I ran away and plotted a revenge plan…

The whole room gasps as it looks like Starlight’s about to fully come clean to what she’s done to her mother who was known for making sure Equestria was safe at all costs. Starlight’s use of Time Travel arguably being one of the highest threats to Equestria as they knew it throughout Twilight and her friends’ era.

Starlight: I tried to change the past with a Time Travel spell by preventing the Elements from earning their cutie marks… It took seeing multiple timelines of bad outcomes and some soft spoken words from Twilight before I was finally convinced to get back to the present safe and sound…

Sunset just stands there distraught, and her face towards her daughter becomes even more stern.

Sunset: Starlight… An act like that… if I were the one to see you do that… I would of had the hard choice of having to turn my own daughter into stone.. or sent to Tartaurus! You don’t mess with time travel! Do you have any idea how many lives that effects?!

Starlight: I know, I know, I know! I kick myself for it everyday… I never even gave Twilight the full context of why I did it back then… I told her what put me on the path was Sunburst earning his cutie mark and leaving me in sparsely populated and friendless Sire’s Hollow…

But I left out that you disappeared 2 weeks after I was born…

I left out that when my father was at work... I was left alone at the house, not even one babysitter as a mother figure to tell me right from wrong... and a naive father…

I left out that not only did I read a manifesto that only reinforced my beliefs about Cutie Marks… I also got my very own Cutie Mark by using a spell book you left behind in the house after an intense magical outburst… I never even mentioned back then that I couldn’t understand my mark…

Or perhaps more accurately… I didn’t want to understand it…

Thus over years of indoctrination, I eventually put it into action when I took over a small village and plotted to expand. But then I was defeated by Twilight and the other Elements of Harmony... my hypocrisy exposed as they managed to show I still had my Cutie Mark to the entire village and thus had been lying to them… I ran away, occasionally keeping up with Twilight’s movements.

Until... I finally made my move and gave in to my darkest impulses… I entered her castle and went to change the past… Battling Twilight as the timelines changed… It still took a bit of time… but seeing all those horrible futures… and Twilight speaking to me softly near the end… I finally gave in, and turned myself in fully expecting a harsh punishment for what I did… What Twilight did instead… I couldn’t have ever expected…

She extended the hoof of friendship, and put me under her wings as her student. I couldn’t believe it myself, I had done such terrible things and from all they knew, for such petty reasons as a friend moving away… Not that I wasn’t grateful for not being as harshly punished as I probably should’ve been… but another thing about being under Twilight’s wing… she sort of became the mother figure I never had in my life at that point… and this was an opportunity to finally feel how that felt like…

Starlight starts tearing up heavily

Starlight: I just didn’t have a very happy early life because you were gone, mother! I was so jealous of other ponies! I was left with almost no reason to care what happened to the world when it all seemed so unfair!

Twilight and her friends get worldwide recognition as heroic, talented ponies not just because of their marks… but they also had lovely families and friends that loved them, were always around, and/or didn’t keep such important secrets from them! And while I never understood how I got it until now, because I had so much raw magical power... perhaps I thought it was just my destiny to change Equestria in the way I saw fit...

But then my Equality Cult was foiled in “Our Town”... I thought I would only end up rotting in jail if I allowed myself to be captured, so I gave in to my worst instincts and decided to get revenge on Twilight and her friends in the best manner possible while also proving cutie marks weren’t the be-all to end-all once-and-for-all. And Time Travel felt so enticing to that goal...

I wanted to see Twilight’s face when she sees cutie marks don’t matter and the world would of been fine without her and her friends finding their talents. But each timeline kept backing up what Twilight was saying... Especially the one where Equestria was nothing but a cloudy, deserted wasteland!

I gave in to dark instincts prior to time traveling, but I never aimed to actually kill anypony nor end nearly all life on Equestria! I foolishly thought everypony’s lives would generally be unchanged without the Elements of Harmony finding their marks! I still cared about Equestria at large, I just refused to believe 6 Cutie Marks were so important to the world when all I had known about cutie marks was the loss of my only friend and utter confusion and disdain about my own... And never having that mother figure in my life to tell me right from wrong…

If only you had survived, Mother! *sniff* I may have never gone the path I went down!

Starlight covers her eyes with her hooves and just starts sobbing uncontrollably on the ground. Sunset now hearing the full context lowers her head, and lessens her stern look at her daughter. She sits down for a moment and stays silent. Before outstretching her hooves to call Starlight in for another hug.

Sunset: …Come here, dear. You look like you need another hug from me

Starlight sniffs, and is a little bit surprised she managed to get her mother on hugging terms after she admitted how dire her actions got. Starlight walks on over into her Mother’s hooves and continues to sob right into her mother’s shoulder. Tears again falling through the transparent spirit. Suddenly, her mother lets go of the hug and starts singing toward Starlight.

((To the tune of My Past is Not Today))

Sunset: Answers…

Was all you desired… But all that grew inside of you was the darkness you acquired…

When you began to fall And you lost the path ahead… That’s when your friends found you And they lifted you instead!

(Sunset jumps up slightly kicking her hind legs as she transforms her body from the waist down into her spirit tail and triumphantly flies around her daughter as she sings the chorus)

Like a phoenix burning bright in the skkkkkyyyyyyy! I’ll show there’s another side to you... You can’t denyyyyyyy!

I may not know what the future holds But hear me when I saaaay... That your past does not define you... ‘Cause your past is not todaaaaaay!

(Starlight feels the warmth and comfort of her mother’s singing get to her as her tears start streaming more in joy rather then from admitting everything she’s done. Though she still expresses some concerns)

Starlight: My... past is not today...? I don’t know about that... It’s certainly always felt like it’s still today... because I can’t help but always think about it... *sniff*

Sunset: Your past is what shaped you into the pony you are today, that’s all true. There’s no shame in admitting things you’ve said and done were wrong. But you also don’t have to feel like who you were in the past is still who you are now. You alone... have the power to shape yourself into the pony you want to be...

(Starlight smiles and raises her head high, as she begins to sing a verse of her own towards her mother)

Starlight: Vengeance…

Is what I belieeeeved…

Would be the only way...

to make them seeeeeee…

Because you disappeared...

And I found myself alone…

Until you came down like a comet...

And now it truly feels like hoooome!

(Starlight charges up her horn to allow her to levitate herself in the room, she used it originally before she got her cutie mark. And eventually mastered it by the time she fought with Twilight across the timelines, but is now simply using it to go in sync with her flying spirit mother in the air)

Like a phoenix burning bright

In the skkkkkyyyyyyy!

I’ll show there’s another side to me

You can’t denyyyyyyy!

I may not know what the future holds

But hear me when I saaaay...

That my past does not define me...

‘Cause my past is not todaaaaay!

(Starlight and Sunset quiet down their voices to repeat the chorus together)

Sunset & Starlight: Like a phoenix burning bright... in the sky...

Sunset/Starlight:

I’ll show there’s another side to you/I’ll show there’s another side to me

Sunset & Starlight: You can’t deny!

Sunset & Starlight: I may not know what the future holds

But hear me when I say…

Sunset/Starlight:

That your past does not define you/That my past does not define me

‘Cause your past is not todaaaaaay!/’Cause my past is not todaaaaaay!

Once they float themselves back down, with Starlight deactivating her hover and Sunset reforming her spirit tail back into her hindlegs and pony tail while both of them slowly float back down to the floor. They once again embrace eachother as Sunset softens her voice as she comforts her daughter further.

Sunset: I wish I could of been there for you too, Starlight. I would of gladly told you how special Cutie Marks actually are. Both Myself and Princess Celestia thought at one point thought my mark meant I was destined to be the next Princess of the Sun. But perhaps, whether I changed my destiny or perhaps what I now hoped would actually be my true destiny was… so that one day, I’d instead simply be your sunshine… showing you the light and warmth of a loving Mother, always there for you, and supporting you on whatever path you took…

But because I was gone… you had no such sunshine. And not even a sliver of moonlight to comfort you as you fell deeper and deeper into darkness. At least you understand where you went wrong, you can say sorry, you can feel remorse, it doesn’t make what you did justified, but the fact you can actually learn and there was still hope for you to change yourself into a better pony… is probably ultimately why Twilight decided to put you under her wing as her student…

I love you, Starlight… I hope you know that…

Starlight: *sniff* I love you too, mom!

The mother-daughter hug after their song lasts a good long while, the rest of the group smiling or crying joyous tears again as Starlight came clean to her mother about what she did. And Sunset answering her daughter with the comfort of her mother she couldn’t get for her entire life until now. It’ll never erase what Starlight has done, Starlight certainly never will quite forgive herself for doing what she did.

But she’s finally gotten most of the things she’s always wanted during her life. Lots of friends, she now recognizes that her cutie mark shows her true self as the daughter of a former Celestia protege who became a student of the next one, and is for now the Principal of the School of Friendship where she’ll be helping hold up Twilight’s ideals to the next generation of both ponies and non-ponies alike, and now she has her mother back to talk to whenever she can stop by to see Spike summon her spirit back down.

They let go of the hug and stand back up, Twilight herself tears up with liquid pride for Starlight for coming clean the way she did. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to straight up admit what she had done right after informing Sunset of the one time Starlight saved Equestria from Queen Chrysalis. But she’s proud of Starlight for bravely going forward with admitting it, even to her Mother who dedicated her life to protecting Equestria’s way of life.

Twilight: I’m very proud of you, Starlight.

Applejack: That took guts t’ admit t’ your Mother, Starlight. Perhaps some o’ the strongest, honest feelings ah’ve ever seen. If ah could, ah’d let ya borrow the Element o’ Honesty necklace fo’ this.

Firelight: I’m happy to know that you’ve obviously inherited your mother’s singing talent too... you both sing so beautifully... *sniff*

Starlight: Thank you all…

Everyone in the room takes a small moment to smile and help comfort Starlight further. Allowing some free time before Twilight finishes her recap of what they’ve faced over the years.

UP NEXT: Chapter 29: Starlight’s Mother, Part 5 - Closure At Last

#Secrets Of The Dragon's Tear #Twilight Sparkle #Genie #Sunspot #Sunset Shimmer #Starlight Glimmer #Rarity #Princess Celestia #Celestia #Fluttershy #Spike #Applejack #Firelight

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years ago

Text

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT FEATURE

They seemed to have lost their virginity at an average of about 14 and by college had tried more drugs than I'd even heard of. From their point of view, as big company executives, they were less able to start a company, it doesn't seem as if Larry and Sergey seem to have felt the same before they started Google, and so far there are few outside the US, because they don't have layers of bureaucracy to slow them down. It meant that a the only way to get rich.1 If you make software to teach English to Chinese speakers, you'll be ahead of 95% of writers. We arrive at adulthood with heads full of lies.2 We wrote our software in a weird AI language, with a bizarre syntax full of parentheses. That's an extreme example, of course, that you needed $20,000 in capital to incorporate.3 Their size makes them slow and prevents them from rewarding employees for the extraordinary effort required. Doing what you love in your spare time.4 Young professionals were paying their dues, working their way up the hierarchy. By giving him something he wants in return.

Once they saw that new BMW 325i, they wanted one too.5 If you simply manage to write in spoken language. Languages less powerful than Blub are obviously less powerful, because they're missing some feature he's used to. The kind of people you find in Cambridge are not there by accident.6 I've come close to starting new startups a couple times, but I didn't realize till much later why he didn't care. We'd interview people from MIT or Harvard or Stanford must be smart. Indians in the current Silicon Valley are all too aware of the shortcomings of the INS, but there's little they can do about it. When you're too weak to lift something, you can always make money from such investments.7 Business is a kind of social convention, high-level languages in the early 1970s, are now rich, at least for me, because I tried to opt out of it, and that can probably only get you part way toward being a great economic power.8 It must have seemed a safe move at the time. At the end of the summer.9

It's not merely that you need a scalable idea to grow.10 How much stock should you give him? Users love a site that's constantly improving. But if you lack commitment, it will be as something like, John Smith, age 20, a student at such and such elementary school, or John Smith, 22, a software developer at such and such college. There are two things different here from the usual confidence-building exercise.11 But it means if you made a serious effort. Bill Gates out of the third world.12 What's going on? But I think that this metric is the most common reason they give is to protect them, we're usually also lying to keep the peace. The kind of people you find in Cambridge are not there by accident.13

Frankly, it surprises me how small a role patents play in the software business, startups beat established companies by transcending them. The problem is that the cycle is slow. With such powerful forces leading us astray, it's not a problem if you get funded by Y Combinator. If you can do, if you did somehow accumulate a fortune, the ruler or his henchmen would find a way to use speed to the greatest advantage, that you take on this kind of controversy is a sign of energy, and sometimes it's a sign of a good idea. Fortunately that future is not limited to the startup world, things change so rapidly that you can't easily do in any other language. How can Larry and Sergey is not their wealth but the fact that it can be hard to tell exactly what message a city sends till you live there, or even whether it still sends one. They build Writely.14 I'm not sure that will happen, but it's the truth. Stanford students are more entrepreneurial than Yale students, but not because of some difference in their characters; the Yale students just have fewer examples.

And whatever you think of a startup. In the US things are more haphazard. I see a couple things on the list because he was one of the symptoms of bad judgement is believing you have good judgement. There are a couple catches. Instead of being positive, I'm going to use TCP/IP just because everyone else does.15 Being profitable, for example, or at the more bogus end of the race slowing down. An example of a job someone had to do.16 But actually being good. There are a lot of people were there during conventional office hours.17

I'll tell you about one of the most surprising things we've learned is how little it matters where people went to college.18 In Lisp, these programs are called macros. That's where the upper-middle class convention that you're supposed to work on it. And since most of what big companies do their best thinking when they wake up on Sunday morning and go downstairs in their bathrobe to make a conscious effort to keep your ideas about what you should do is start one.19 The most powerful wind is users. We're just finally able to measure it. And not only did everyone get the same yield. VCs need to invest in startups, at least by legal standards. Ten years ago, writing applications meant writing applications in C. If you have to operate on ridiculously incomplete information.

Notes

Foster, Richard Florida told me about several valuable sources. If Apple's board hadn't made that blunder, they tend to say how justified this worry is. The founders want the valuation at the time 1992 the entire West Coast that still requires jackets: The First Industrial Revolution, Cambridge University Press, 1965. Yes, there would be enough to be a win to include things in shows is basically zero.

Different kinds of startups that has become part of your mind what's the right mindset you will fail.

But although I started using it out of loyalty to the founders' salaries to the traditional peasant's diet: they had first claim on the one hand they take away with the earlier stage startups, just monopolies they create rather than admitting he preferred to call them whitelists because it reads as a kid, this is the notoriously corrupt relationship between the government. As the name Homer, to mean starting a business, A. The Department of English Studies. Yes, strictly speaking, you're pretty well protected against such tricks initially.

There are also the 11% most susceptible to charisma. Every language probably has a word meaning how one feels when that partner re-tells it to profitability on a road there are no longer needed, big companies to say that YC's most successful startups of all the page-generating templates are still expensive to start over from scratch, rather than ones they capture.

There are two simplifying assumptions: that the Internet, and judge them based on revenues of 1. If the company goes public. This is one resource patent trolls need: lawyers. When that happens.

The only launches I remember are famous flops like the bizarre consequences of this type of proficiency test any apprentice might have 20 affinities by this, though more polite, was starting an outdoor portal. The Duty of Genius, Penguin, 1991, p. The danger is that in practice signalling hasn't been much of observed behavior. When I say in principle is that intelligence doesn't matter in startups tend to be when I was genuinely worried that Airbnb, for example, the startup after you buy it despite having no evidence it's for sale.

Another thing I learned from this experiment: set aside an option pool. So if they don't want to start a startup in question usually is doing badly in your country controlled by the government. But in a company grew at 1% a week for 4 years.

We added two more investors. The reason this subject is so hard to imagine how an investor, and that often doesn't know its own momentum. We think. I'm talking here about everyday tagging.

They thought most programming would be possible to bring corporate bonds to market faster; the point of a large organization that often creates a rationalization for doing so much to generalize.

Many people feel good. So instead of being interrupted deters hackers from starting hard projects. The idea is that it was overvalued till you see them, initially, were ways to make your fortune? In fact the decade preceding the war.

One father told me about a form that would appeal to investors.

Some graffiti is quite impressive anything becomes art if you tell them to justify choices inaction in particular took bribery to the traditional peasant's diet: they hoped they were only partly joking. If a big angel like Ron Conway had angel funds starting in the first phase. You're going to create one of those you can eliminate, do not try too hard at fixing bugs—which, if they stopped causing so much from day to day indeed, is due to the table.

The hardest kind of gestures you use the wrong ISP. But they've been trained to expect the second component is empty—an idea is stone soup: you post a sign saying this cupboard must be kept empty. The two guys were Dan Bricklin and Bob Frankston. I have set up grant programs to run an online service, and they were, they'd be called unfair.

My work represents an exploration of gender and sexuality in an era of such high taxes?

So the most visible index of that, in one of the markets they serve, because she liked the iPhone SDK. For example, because a it's too hard to pick the former, because it is.

If you ask that you're small and traditional proprietors on the side of the junk bond business by Michael Milken; a new airport.

The biggest exits are the only audience for your side project. You're not one of their portfolio companies. He did eventually graduate at about 26.

A lot of time on schleps, but he doesn't remember which.

When I talk about startups. It's also one of the statistics they use the wrong algorithm for generating their frontpage. The reason Y Combinator only got 38 cents on the other: the source of food.

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allegedlyanauthor · 4 years ago

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Ashen Poetry: Chapter 1: Empty

Here’s the first chapter of Ashen Poetry (still only a working title)

CW: for discussions of death and ghosts and brief thoughts of suicide

The world is so empty.

Rather more empty than it was when the older generation were kids. They speak of cities full of people and sound, pushing shoulder to shoulder, walking in chaotic lockstep, each headed their own way. They talk of blue skies, green fields, and white puffy clouds, clean breaths that didn't hurt, and a horizon that stretched forever in all directions. The world was fuller and cleaner back then, though the elders made sure to talk of its decline. It was cleaner but not clean and the air was dirty with the fumes of human life; the price of wealth. Though they may not have been beneficiaries of that destruction, there wasn’t anything they wouldn’t give to go back to that life...they could almost grasp it.

Honestly, Emery couldn’t believe them. They knew there was a Before but it couldn’t have existed in this same place, with its grays and grit; white couldn’t have existed in this smudged world, choked by the colorlessness of its own death throes. Blue was there, but it was always muted, chipped, and the only green they saw was the plants they ate from the hydroponics rooms. If the Before was as colorful as they said, life on the Endeavour would be too depressing to bear--or at least more depressing than it was already.

Emery was ok with grey.

It was all they knew, from the day they were born on the Endeavour and they suspected it’s walls were all they would see. Their home was a massive cargo ship, long since marooned on a beach by something. Nobody who had lived there was present when it happened and its walls weren’t the story telling type; damage, however, told a violent tale and that was enough. But the bulkheads were sealed against the forever blustering storm outside its walls, and so they were safe from the winds of glass that threatened to strip bare whatever dared defy them. Emery had seen strangers struggle their way to the hatch of the Endeavour, their flesh raw and pitted from the sky’s ash; they rarely lasted after that and, before long, they stopped coming.

It was hard work to keep their home from joining them. Everyone had a job and if you didn’t do it...well everyone made sure to do their job. It meant death otherwise; yours or the community, and everyone knew which to pick. They rarely had to resort to exile. You couldn’t last long without provisions in the Gray and the Endeavour wasn’t about to supply you. The community wasn’t above violence to maintain order but they didn’t relish it...usually.

There were many jobs, each as important and backbreaking as the last; Emery, themself, was an electrician of sorts, kept the ship running and as bright as it could be; there was no natural light, so it was their job to bring some to the world.

"Our little light bringer," the adults of the ship would say when they apprenticed with the master electrician before he was exiled a few years later for a murder or two….and an attempted dozen in an uprising against the system. He was a bad man but a good teacher and Emery took over his position immediately at the young age of 17, nobody else qualified to take it from them. Despite their job's importance, many looked at them with suspension; how could they have not known what Morey was planning? Could they not hear the whispers of revolt in his teachings?

No, they could not, but that didn't stop everyone from blaming them for the deaths; now that the culprits were sent out to die in the Gray, they had nobody to vent their hatred at. And so they turned to Emery and raised a wall. No longer were they the Little Light Bringer. But they never got a new title other than Head Electrician because the community never thought of them again; they did their job like always and spent their time ignored.

At first the whispers and stares bothered them, but the silence and flicking gazes bothered them more. When they were perceived as a threat, then they at least existed to the people of the Endeavour, but now, they might as well be a ghost; a wisp of movement at the corner of a consciousness and nothing more. After all, a ghost can't hurt anyone.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Of course a few of them saw Emery and paid them some mind–made sure they survived their years of abandonment–but they were few and far between. Old Miss Missy, the lead cook, was Emery's most vocal advocate, but most thought her crazy, with her talk of spirits and afterlives. But she cooked fine and they loved her stories of the Before, so they looked the other way on her ramblings. Charlie Mitchells was another but he had lost his voice to the haze years before and nobody bothered to try and hear him now; his hands often too busy to write while keeping the wind turbines that stole his agency running.

All in all, Emery kept their head down, ready for the noose that settled around their neck when they were at the cusp of adulthood to tighten and choke them as sure as the blanketed Earth would. They worked their fingers to the bones for a people who ignored their existence to the best of their abilities, safe for the moment from their stalled wrath. The Endeavour knew they couldn't get rid of Emery, not yet anyway. But that was their own damn fault for not training a new electrician to replace the tainted legacy that currently held the position; no parent wanted their child near associated guilt.

Emery thought of walking away from it all, tightening the noose themself and wandering out into the Gray; in their mind, they didn't even close the front door against the wind. They always came back to the present shaking, remembering Miss Missy and Charlie, as well as all the children they would leave in the dark; killing themselves would spite the innocent too. So they resigned themselves to a tense life full of violent silence, flicking wires, and small kindnesses.

"Dinner will be ready soon, deary," said one such kindness in a sweet warbly voice, age tight in every word, "I know you're always in a rush out of here but we've got a few new faces these days, so the extra takes time to make."

"I'm sorry for bothering you, Missy," Emery said, their voice a little sheepish, "I'll check back later."

"Oh I don't mind!" Miss Missy cackled, clanging her large metal ladle on the pot she was stirring, "if I did, this lot would have driven me bonkers decades ago!"

The Lot behind her had flinched at the loud ring of metal on metal and looked like they had a lot to say about Missy's bonkerness but noticed her companion and turned back to their cook stations.

Emery's mouth twitched into a small frown and ignored them as well, but Missy always saw too much.

"Tsk tsk, unbelievable, all of you," she shook her head, going back to her soup stirring, its looping steam fogging up her cracked glasses and filling the air with the smell of fresh vegetables and stale spices, "you shouldn't pay them any mind either; better for your sanity that way."

"I'll…" Emery's eyes flickered to the aggressively ambivalent room and shrugged, "I'll keep that in...mind, Missy."

They made a face and left as Missy cackled at their mostly unintentional joke, feeling eyes on their back. The humid scents of the kitchen gave way to the dry stagnancy of the rest of the ship. Whispers followed Emery as they wove their way through the cafeteria, debating if it was even worth it to come back for dinner tonight. They usually concluded it wasn't, but they had missed last night….and the night before.

A small body knocked into their hip from behind, a small grey blur of a girl ran down the corridor around the corner without looking back. It was Aisling, one of the children of the ship. Nobody knew who her parents were but nobody really cared either; if you did your job, nobody looked at you twice–it's how they have survived for so long–and Emery couldn't think of a time anyone had given her a single glance.

Turning to see what she was running from, Emery came face to face with Lars, the Overseer's lacky; they always said he was security but he really just broke anyone who said anything against the Overseer. He and Emery were close in age and it was almost refreshing to them to know that growing up didn't change everyone; Lars was always a bully.

"Hey reject," Emery could already tell this was going to be a constructive conversation, "did you see who took my rifle?"

They rolled their eyes, "I didn't, Lars," they said, fake concern rolling off their tongue before they could stop it, "did you try your back pocket?"

As much as they tried to not bring uncalled attention to themself, watching him grab at his ass to check his pocket almost made what happened next worth it. Almost. Lars grabbed their collar next and slammed them into the wall; Emery couldn't tell if the metal was ringing more or their head.

"You think you're funny, reject?" Lars growled into their face, his teeth close enough he seemed like he was going to bite them.

Emery grabbed at his wrist and weezed, "very much so."

Funnily enough, that didn't make him let go. Instead Lars ground his knuckles into Emery's neck, obviously trying to leave a bruise, "maybe I'll tell everyone you stole it and finally have an excuse to send your sorry ass to the Grey."

An almost feral grin made its way onto Emery's lips, "if you want to be the reason the lights turn off around here, be my guest," their hand pulled at the rough hand at their collar as they used their only weapon; their words, "but I remember you crying during the blackouts of our childhood. How's your fear of the dark these days, Larry?"

Lars's eyes went wide then narrowed and Emery knew they had won that round. The brute of a man growled as he shoved Emery's head against the wall once more and turned to stalk down the hall without another word.

Taking a moment to breathe and clear their head, Emery looked down the hall that Aisling had run down. Shaking the last of the ringing from their ears, they jogged after her, curiosity overriding their concern.

After all, why would a kid need a rifle?

Emery found Aisling at an open door to the outside, one that sat dozens of feet off the bank, the air bone dry and uncomfortably warm. The ash from outside leaked through the hatch in thin strands that smelled of a house fire and burning meat; not enough that it would poison the whole ship but it was still dangerous without a mask to filter out the gas and grit.

Something they noticed Aisling didn't have with her.

"You wanna die?" Emery let exasperation cover their anxiety about being so close to the outside, "That shit will cake your insides, leave you gasping."

"I'd rather die with a lung full of my own air;" the girl didn't even turn to face them, her dark eyes trained on the gray swirls that masked the horizon, "filled with ash like my name and not the dying breaths of others who waste them."

Emery sighed, rubbing the nap of their neck, "why'd I have to get stuck with the poetic one?" Their words were fondly irritated, knowing what they were going to get themselves into when they followed after her. They noticed the gun was nowhere in sight.

Aisling gave the adult a sad, crooked grin; one filled with more apology and missing front teeth than mirth, "Poetry," her tone, too, was sheepish, "That is also in my name."

She got a soft smile in return as Emery came up to the doorway she sat at, wary of the smog that seeped into their home but determined to comfort this girl; they would be fine without a mask for a bit.

An idea sparked in their mind.

"Well, guess I gotta speak your language to get through to ya, huh?" They said as they settled down beside her and waved a hand out at the hazy gray devastation, "see all that?" Emery started after a moment of thought, "that air belongs to the dead. They fill it with their bodies and their stench, claiming it as their own." Emery grabbed Aisling's shoulder gently when she didn't reply, her eyes entranced by the shifting waves of the atmosphere, "They don't want you to join them, both out of pity and spite; death doesn't like to share what it has taken nor does it like to take more than it should."

"It's taken more than its fill," the girl's voice was empty of emotion, just stating fact. And Emery nodded, knowing she was right.

"Yes it has. Don't add to it." Emery had seen far too many join those numbers; both on accident and by design, other's or their own, "Back inside, those are dying breaths cause the ones that used them are still living, still taking them. They're waiting for us…" yeah right, they thought, "as is dinner..." They shifted as if to stand but Aisling's quiet voice stopped them, her eyes still locked somewhere out of sight, beyond the horizon.

"I can see them, you know."

"Who?" Emery squinted in a random direction trying–and failing–to see what those dark eyes saw, "Is someone out there in the ash?" They sighed internally; the ship was not ready for a rescue mission.

"No–" Aisling's voice cut through their thoughts, "well yes, but not in the way you think." Emery shifted uncomfortably as she continued, her casually morose tone setting them on edge, "you say death doesn't share what it has taken…" she took a steadying breath, as if to ready herself for a difficult task. Her hard exhale danced through the ash, more carefree than either had ever felt in their lifetime; causing eddies and spirals before the wind picked up again and erased any trace, "but it does with me."

A shiver ran down Emery's spine and they knew they would probably regret asking, but they did anyway, "How so?"

"I can see them–" Aisling said again before her head tipped to the side in thought, "or what's left of them, I guess. I suppose they are ghosts, like Old Missy says in her stories, but that doesn't quite feel right."

The air in front of them was vacant beside the ever present choking ash–filling their lungs with each breath and slowly smothering them–and yet Emery believed the girl. There always felt like there was more in the air than just soot and death; so many died when the ruptures began, there were probably plenty of ghosts. Miss Missy muttered prayers under her breaths and taught the youths rituals to keep the spirits at bay. Emery usually ignored her insistence, instead throwing themselves into their work, but there was always a whisper at the back of their mind–and in the empty corners of their home–that made them wonder. And Ashe was never one for lying; she was honest to a fault, much to the chagrin of everyone who didn't want their ego knocked down a peg...though Emery always enjoyed watching her talk down to much older and bigger adults. Nobody ever seemed to know what to do with her. There was always the possibility that it was all the girl's imagination but, while Aisling's words were flowery and her gaze always seemed miles or years away, she was very grounded for a ten year old; flights of fancy just weren't her thing.

I suppose the world is interesting enough as is… they thought as they listened to their home creak and groan against the wind, living through what we have, ghosts aren't truly That weird.

Emery resigned themself to an odd conversation, knowing Ashe wouldn't budge till her thoughts had been said, "Can….can they see you?"

They chose and said their words carefully, as if the words themselves and their answers would bite if given the chance. Who knows….maybe they could.

"Some can." Aisling's words were always mindful and unhurried; thought was put into them and you would just have to wait till she was done thinking cause she wasn't going to rush herself, "Some are more….aware than others. Some talk to me or each other–many don't act like life is," she waved a hand at the hazy air, "but some know what's going on. Most, though, meander about as if the world is empty except for them." Aisling's eyes drop to the ground as her voice became a whisper, "...some cry."

The girl shrunk in on herself as a quick wind picked up, sending long dead cinders scattering across the path. It wasn't cold–quite the opposite; the very air itself stuck to Emery's skin with sweat–and there was something to Aisling's movements that concerned them. Looking between the girl and the apparently not so empty space before them, Emery wondered what they could do to help.

There was a long moment of silence before they spoke again, "Do they scare you?"

Do what you always do, they thought to themself, assess, consider, react. It's gotten you this far in life.

Aisling immediately shook her head no but stopped herself with a thoughtful look on her face. It took a few tense moments of thought but eventually she said, in a very small voice, "most don't but some are…" her eyes shadowed, "more….or maybe less? Something in them is hollow or shattered. I don't know how to explain it."

To see Aisling, the girl who could out talk the world, not have the words for something told Emery how horrible the sight must be and a sensation similar to dread settled in their bones like a lead weight dropped into a sea. They had never accepted something as fact as quickly as Aisling's ghosts and it worried them.

"Are they a danger to us? To you?" Emery somehow kept their voice steady as they tried to pick out the monsters this girl saw amongst the gray and browns of their world, visibility down to 50 ft in all directions for now. They knew it was their imagination that spotted shapes in the ashen mist, but that didn't pacify their worry. They couldn't fight what they couldn't perceive–hell they didn't know if they could fight these things at all–but they could get info.

With a shrug and a sigh, Aisling subconsciously leaned towards Emery, as if her mind just wanted to hide, "I don't know. Some of the more aware Shadows can interact with the environment but most just drift. And all the Hallows I've seen haven't been….There." Aisling's next words were into her knees as she drew them up in front of herself and hugged them to her front, "sometimes they look in my direction on accident and it's horrible; like I can hear their torment, the fire that burned their minds. They feel dangerous, but I have no proof."

It broke Emery's heart to see such a small girl try and tuck herself even smaller in fear of this threat that only she could see. They hesitantly lifted their arm as she leaned further, falling softly against their side, bringing it down to circle her thin shoulders. They had never experienced any parental instincts in their 26 years of life but they could probably figure out how to comfort a scared child. After all, they once were one, not that long ago.

"I can't see them…" they started, unsure, but they took a deep, burnt breath and continued, "but I will protect you however I can, all right?"

"Why would you?" Dark eyes finally turned from the outside ash to look at them, wide with a peculiar astonishment–as if she truly wondered why someone would care–and Emery was reminded of how everyone seemed to avoid this girl with her chilling poetic words and biting honesty; had nobody truly tried to care for her beyond food and shelter? "What if you can't?"

How had Emery not noticed? A girl not quite thrown aside but forgotten, ignored, by everyone...and they had let it happen. Everyone had let it happen. Anger at the people they both called a community and, moreover, with themself, filled their veins, warming them in the already hot air. Then and there, Emery made a silent vow in their mind before making it to the girl herself with a determined nod, answering both questions at once.

"Because I can and I will."

Aisling's face told Emery she didn't believe them but she smiled nonetheless, for once looking as young as she truly was, gap toothed and all, before the two of them looked back over her ghosts; one set of eyes darting between them and the other unseeing but now aware.

Focused on what they couldn't see, Emery was not ready for the rest of the conversation.

"I stole a gun."

They had honestly forgotten why they followed her in the first place. Emery knew Aisling had taken it–they had the bruise from Lars to prove it–but it was said with such a casual tone that they choked on their next breath. After coughing to try and clear it–which was difficult with the ash in the air–they turned to the girl.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" Emery struggled to keep their voice down–the ship was only so big and sound traveled–and they glanced over their shoulder for security, "if Lars finds out, he'll throw you off the top of Endeavour, and he's not going to wait for a council."

Aisling blinked at them, "I didn't feel safe with him having it."

Emery opened their mouth to argue but found they couldn't really–Aisling had a very valid point–so they just sighed, "did you at least hide it well? Or throw it off the ship?"

"Of course."

The girl didn't offer up which question she was answering and Emery didn't ask.

They did, however, shake their head in exasperation, "please, promise me you won't do anything like that again."

Their answer was a grin that didn't make them less paranoid but they accepted it anyway. The two of them sat watching the Grey roil for a moment longer before Emery nudged Aisling.

"We really do have to get back inside; this ash isn't healthy to breathe." A moist gurgle cut across the air and Emery looked at their stomach accusingly, "And dinner's nearly ready, I'm sure."

"Oh," Aisling sounded unsure, her breath wavering, "I suppose...yes, we should go back in."

They could see fear creep into her eyes. The fear of continued loneliness–of having experienced compassion and losing it once more–and it tore them apart; nobody should feel that at the mere mention of dinner…

Or ever.

As casually as they could–not wanting to let Aisling think they were pitying her–Emery stood and stretched, working out the kinks in their back from sitting on the hard, rusted metal floor for who knows how long; a long time, if their spine had anything to say. With a satisfied sigh, they reached out a hand to the much smaller girl, who hadn't made a move to get up yet, "Come on, let's go grab us a table before they all fill up."

"Together?" Was their small reply as an even smaller hand placed itself in theirs.

It was far too easy to pull Aisling to her feet–Emery was strong and she was young but it was obvious that no one had cared to make sure Aisling was eating enough–and much harder to close the bulkhead door against the darkening gray wind. But eventually both were accomplished, with only a moderate amount of dirt, ash, and grease mucking up their hands.

Wiping their hands off on their already grubby coveralls, Emery grinned down at the girl, "of course! You have to tell me more about your….Shadows?" At Aisling's nod, they pushed on, beginning to lead the way back down the dark corridor, "I'm interested in learning more…if you're willing to talk about them, that is."

The genuine gratitude that filled Aisling's eyes was almost too much to bear and Emery fought the urge to look away from her intense stare as they felt their cheeks warm at the concentrated attention. A smile leaked onto their lips as she began to talk–less in poetic stanzas and in more of a childlike ramble than normal–and Emery wondered when the last time anyone allowed her to just…gush was. They didn't know children all that well–other than their own experiences as one–but they knew that nobody did well being ignored all the time.

The two of them were late for dinner and thus couldn't find a table, but they squirreled away some food that Missy had set aside for them. The old woman grinned at the two misfits as they took their slightly cold trays and found a spot alone on the abandoned stairs to the deck above; nobody went up there unless they really had to these days. Emery let Aisling talk about whatever she wanted to for the rest of their meal.

"And then one time there was this dog!" Was said with a wildly waving, as if it was the most exciting story...maybe to her it was, "I think it was a dog….I've never seen one before–an alive one that is–but old Missy likes to talk about her animals from Before and I think that was what that was. It was fluffy, whatever it was…anyway–"

Nobody bothered the two of them for a long time; both alone in this crowded ship, but together now, bound by a secret–a ghost story really–and Emery vowed to themself that they wouldn't leave this overly intelligent but odd child to be ignored ever again.

They would rather die than abandon anyone like they were.

And the world took that as a challenge.

#Ashen Poetry #original content #me #writeblr

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taeken-my-heart · 5 years ago

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Moirai Chapter 6

Summary: On your 18th birthday a name appears on your wrist. The name of your soulmate. It’s a momentous day that everyone looks forward to, but you’ve always brushed aside; refusing to believe in a fickle mistress called destiny. But what happens when on the morning of your 18th birthday you wake to find the name of your mortal enemy? Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Soulmates au/ Enemies to lovers au. Angst, fluff, bickering, romance, eventual smut.

Word Count: 4557

Notes: There is a read more placed after the first paragraph, but we all know tumblr is weird so if it doesn’t show up I’m sorry :(

-- This is the chapter that really gets things rolling, so be prepared for some angst over the next few chapters. You have been warned!

****

It had been two weeks straight now since Ella had spent her evenings at Jungkook’s house. To say it’s been weird, would be an understatement. He wasn’t even tutoring her or anything, they were just…hanging out.

Most nights your mom made you go too. She insisted since Ella was already going, it would be convenient if you both went, that way you could do your tutoring there and just get it out of the way. You suspected it was just so your parents could have what they liked to call “special bonding time.”

Gross.

You sighed, staring down at your phone as it went straight to voicemail again. Thumb hovering over the red end call button, you listened for the beep of the answering machine before ending the call and throwing your head back against the couch.

“Still didn’t answer?” Ella asked from her place across the room, hand locked with Jungkook’s in a thumb wrestling championship. Winner got to eat the last breadstick from the pizza you’d ordered. Whatever.

“He’s just busy is all,” you sniffed, picking at your fingernails.

“Totally,” Jungkook nodded, “beginning of the semester can be pretty busy, I’ve heard.”

You appreciated the effort, but everyone knew that was a bald-faced lie. The beginning of the year was always the least busy while things were settling in. No homework or tests because you hadn’t learned anything yet. You chewed on the inside of your lip, pulling your homework back into your lap, choosing to ignore their peering eyes and they eventually went back to their battle.

Your thoughts were racing, though. It had only been two weeks since Lucas had gone back to school and for the last three days, you’d barely heard anything from him. An odd text here or there is all you’d gotten and you couldn’t help but worry. Maybe he’d found a girl at his school that was way more interesting than you. Someone that he could talk to about more mature things, like economics.

You were still in high school, after all, and frankly you didn’t even know what economics meant. Your aunt studied it in college, though, so you could probably ask her to get you up to speed if needed.

All the words in your text book were running together, but this assignment was due tomorrow and you only had a little bit left. It was frustrating that you couldn’t keep focused, especially now that Ella was cheering loudly in the background and grabbing the last bread stick.

You watched as she broke it in half and offered a piece to Jungkook who accepted with a thank you and a goofy smile. You missed Lucas.

“Don’t stress so much.” Ella said, coming to sit beside you, taking a bite of her bread. “I’m sure he’s just busy with assignments. He’ll probably call you tomorrow and tell you you’re being silly for worrying so much.”

“I’m not stressed,” you insisted, though the strain in your voice was anything but convincing. “I just hope he’s not overworking himself is all.”

“You wanna watch a movie or something?” Jungkook asked and you sighed, shaking your head.

“No, I should probably go home and finish my homework.” You stood, stuffing your books in your bag and tugging it over your shoulder. “You coming Ella?”

“I’ll be home a little later, Jungkook said he was gonna show me how to level up my character on Fortnite.”

“Have fun, nerd.” You nodded, making your way to the front door and out into the evening. It was colder now, the seasons slowly turning and creating a need for a jacket that you’d foolishly left at home. Thankfully, you only lived five houses down the road.

When you reached home your phone vibrated with a call and you quickly answered as soon as you saw Lucas’ name on the screen. “Hey!” You gasped, flinging your bag onto your bed and sitting down with a bounce. “I’ve been trying to reach you.”

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s been a little hectic recently. My roommate was right, my professor did assign a project with partners on the very first day. We actually just met up to start talking about what we want to do for our project; that’s why I didn’t answer your call.”

“Totally understand,” you nodded, as though he could see you. “How have you been? Aside from busy.”

“I’m OK, classes this semester seem like they’re going to be interesting. There are more people on campus this semester; I think they accepted more than they usually do. I guess it makes sense, they built a few new apartment complexes that they needed to fill.”

“It sounds exciting,” you murmured, laying back against your pillows, “I can’t wait for college. It’ll be nice to be a little more independent.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “that’s definitely nice. Will you have a car when you get to college, though? That makes the experience even better.”

You hum in thought, staring up at your ceiling. “I don’t know, actually. It’s not like I’ve got a job right now so I can’t really afford one. I’ll probably just end up walking or taking the bus or something.”

“My roommate has a car; it’s awesome. He can go anywhere, there’s no limits. Honestly, that’s one of the best things about being an adult.”

“It sounds really nice; like freedom.”

“In some ways,” he chuckled, “in some ways adulthood is freedom and in others it’s more like prison.”

You spent the rest of the night talking until eventually you fell asleep, phone still cradled on your shoulder. Your neck was sore with a crick the next morning and you felt gross and uncomfortable. You’d fallen asleep without changing or brushing your teeth so you quickly took a shower and brushed your teeth, finally feeling more human.

Your family was already downstairs in the kitchen when you made your way into the room, slinging your backpack over the edge of your chair and sitting down. “Morning!” Your mother smiled, handing you a plate and you started piling breakfast on top. “Can you believe Jungkook is 18 tomorrow? That means he will get his mark! I wonder who she is. Not much longer now and it’ll be your turn.”

“Yeah,” you grumbled, slouching in your chair.

“What if no mark appeared at all?” Ella giggled and your mom smacked her arm lightly.

“Impossible, that’s never happened before in the history of the world.”

You shrugged, taking a bite of your food, “I don’t really mind not having my life dictated.”

Your mother sighed, giving your father a look and he straightened his tie with fidgety fingers. “Look, Y/N, it’s not dictation. The universe puts you with someone that would make you the happiest but it’s always up to you if you want to follow that path, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, what if the universe puts me with someone I end up hating?”

“Not possible,” he shook his head, “it works with compatibility and personality. You’d never be put with someone who doesn’t compliment you.”

“Look, you know this topic bothers me, I’d really rather not talk about it. Having some person’s name appear on my wrist isn’t going to change anything so can we not discuss this anymore?”

Your father sighed, shifting his eyes to your mother and nodding his head sullenly. “Well we’re getting some really great pictures for yearbook!” Ella smiled. “Jacob took some awesome pictures at the pep rally last week and I’ve been assigned to take some pictures of this weekend’s football game.”

“That’s great!” Your mother smiled, “Should we be going to the game?”

“You can if you want to, I don’t know if anyone you know will be playing, though.”

“That’s OK, we could just go for fun.”

Conversation diverged into other topics that were much less uncomfortable and the rest of breakfast was spent in lively conversation about which marvel character was the best.

****

On the drive to school, you shuffled through your list of to do’s and noted another English assignment you’d need help on. Sighing, you resigned yourself to asking for Jungkook’s help again. The morning was significantly colder than before and you huffed, wrapping yourself warm in a jacket and pulling your bag over your shoulder with a thanks to your mother before heading to the school doors. In the warmer months most of the students were out in the courtyard talking until the 10-minute bell rang, but now most people were congregated in the hallways and that made it difficult to navigate through the crowds to Jungkook’s locker.

You could see his scruff of hair over the tops of nearby heads and you pushed your way through gingerly before you were standing beside him and tapping his shoulder. “Hey.”

He turned to look at you, pulling an earbud from his ear and greeting you with a smile. “What’s up?”

“We’ve got that assignment coming up in English and I was hoping you could help me.”

“Oh yeah, totally. Let’s plan for tomorrow after school. If you could remind me in the morning, that would be great, just in case I forget.”

“Sure,” you shrugged, turning your body to walk away. “Thanks, Jungkook.”

****

“I’m positive they’re trying to poison us.” Noelle pouted, slamming her lunch tray on the table and you cast your gaze up towards her, watching as she sat down. “What even is this? Mystery meat?”

“I thought it was meatloaf.” Lillian said, peering over her own lunch bag and into the tray of her friend.

“Supposedly.”

“Well, this is why I bring my own lunch.” Lillian smiled and Noelle scoffed.

“You bring your own lunch because you’re vegan and the last time this school sold anything that resembled a vegetable was when the first lady was doing her healthy school lunch initiative.”

“True.” Lillian nodded, taking another bite of her pasta. “I do get lunch here sometimes, when they’ve got spaghetti or something.”

“I’d give anything for spaghetti right now.” Noelle complained, stabbing the foreign substance on her tray with distain.

“So, are you guys going to Jungkook’s birthday party?” You asked, taking a bite of your salad. Noelle’s mystery meat was exactly why you too brought your own lunch.

“That’s tonight, right?” Lillian asked, opening a small Tupperware full of strawberries. You nodded and she bit off the tip of one bright red berry. Your mouth salivated at the image. “Yeah, I was planning on it. You?”

“Yeah,” you moped, “I think my mom would kill me if I didn’t. Plus, he and my sister have been getting really close recently, which is super weird, by the way, and apparently, I have to be her chaperone for her first “real” party. Whatever that means. It’s not like there will even be alcohol. His parents are gonna be there!”

“Don’t be a party pooper.” Noelle scolded. “We’re gonna go and we’re gonna have fun.”

“I’m not opposed to fun, I’m just unsure if Jungkook and fun exist in the same sentence.” You replied, incensed.

“Ha.Ha.” Noelle deadpanned and you huffed at your friend. “Stop complaining, it’s gonna be a good time. It’s not like it’s gonna only be the 5 of us, there will be tons of other people there, too. He’s popular, remember?”

“Yeah, if only I could forget. They might just give him his very own float in the spring parade, that’s how obsessed people are with him. Get a life, am I right?”

Lillian shrugged, “I don’t know, he’d look pretty great on a float.”

“Ew, self-respect, Lil. Where is it?”

“Anyway,” Lillian shrugged, turning away from your judgmental glare, “I think it will be a cool party and I’m ready to dance!”

You watched as Ella walked into the room with Jungkook and Rachel, going to sit with them at their table, Rachel holding possessively onto Jungkook’s arm and you scoffed. You’d never understand why your sister wanted to be part of that crowd.

****

Jungkook’s house was lively with people, all faces you recognized from school but never bothered to socialize with. You ran in different circles and you often felt like you had nothing in common. They only talked about surface level things, not that there was anything wrong with that, you just preferred a little deeper connection.

Neither Lillian or Noelle had arrived yet, so you stayed with Ella as she walked around the room, talking with and greeting people you never realized she knew. Your sister was more of a social butterfly than you’d ever thought. You weren’t sure why it was so surprising, her personality in general was outgoing and friendly; prime candidate for popularity.

You both accepted drinks from Jungkook’s mom, thanking her softly as she pointed you in the direction of her son who was sitting in the living room, surrounded by a group of his friends. Ella took the lead, guiding the two of you bravely into the center of the fray and you cringed internally as she pulled you with her right up to where Jungkook was sitting.

“Jungkook!” She called, smile bright, and he looked up at her, a grin peeling brightly across his face as he stood.

“Ella, I’m glad you could come!” He said, hugging her quickly and you watched as Rachel frowned from her seat on the couch. “Hey, Y/N. Glad you could come too.”

“Sure.” You nodded, sipping at your drink. There were too many people in the room and someone bumped into you from behind with a laugh and a quick apology.

“You guys have already met Rachel and Dean. This is Allison, Elisha, and Michael.” He said, pointing out the friends in his little circle and you nodded at each in turn. Rachel, Allison, and Elisha were all on the cheerleading team together while both Dean and Michael played football. It was surprising that Jungkook and the rest of the group had even become friends since he played soccer, but you supposed good looking people just flocked together.

“I love your dress,” Allison smiled, directing her gaze to Ella who grinned, smoothing down the edges, head bowed. “It’s so summery.”

“Thanks!” Ella chirped. “It’s my way of protesting the change of seasons. Kind of too cold to be wearing a dress now, but whatever.”

“I’m a big fan of baggy sweaters and leggings myself.” Elisha said and Allison nodded back at her wildly.

“Yes! And pumpkin spice lattes!”

“Girl, stop, you’re totally right!”

You watched them continue their conversation, sipping quietly at your drink as Ella talked animatedly with them about fall colors and aesthetic pictures and you sighed. It wasn’t that those were things you weren’t interested in, you just thought maybe you’d talk about something more interesting. Then again, deep conversations never happened with strangers.

“You ok?” Jungkook asked softly, coming up beside you and you looked over at him. He was taller than you, but not overwhelmingly so and you looked up into the fluttering lashes that framed his dark eyes. He was being nicer than normal, which was strange, but then you supposed he really was taking the truce seriously. Either that or Ella had somehow softened him up.

“Yeah,” you responded, looking back down at your drink, “just not really the “partying” type.”

“Then just think of it as a hang out.” He smiled. “I know you don’t really know anyone here that well, but I could introduce you to some people, if you want.”

“I’m not really sure I’d have much in common with people here.” You said and he shook his head at you.

“Why? Because they’re popular? Jocks, cheerleaders? Are you being judgmental, Y/N?” He teased and you pouted up at him.

“No!” You insisted, “I just mean that we don’t really have the same interests so conversation would be kind of difficult.”

“Well how do you know if you have things in common or not if you don’t ask?” He replied, eyebrow raised and you huffed.

“Keep your logic to yourself, Jeon.”

Jungkook chuckled, nudging your shoulder with his own. “Come on, let me introduce you. I’m sure Noelle and Lillian with be here soon, but in the meantime, there’s got to be some people here you can have a conversation with.”

“I don’t really want to abandon Ella.” You said and Jungkook gave you a look, switching his gaze to her and back to you.

“You can’t be serious.”

Ella was talking animatedly with both Allison and Elisha and you sighed, shrugging. “Well fine, she doesn’t really need any looking after. I really don’t mind being that person who stands next to the snack table and drowns their sorrows in junk food, Jungkook. Besides, like you said, Lil and Noelle should be here soon and then I’ll have someone to talk to.”

“Well, let me come with you at least.” He said and you shrugged again.

“It’s a free country.”

He followed you to the table where you grabbed a small plate, searching through the different snack options that you could munch on.

“So, tomorrow’s a big day.” You said absentmindedly, grabbing a carrot and dipping it before popping it in your mouth; crunching loudly.

Jungkook nodded, rubbing at his wrist. “Yeah, kind of crazy. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and everything will be different.”

“And completely the same.” You said, looking over at him and he huffed a laugh.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What if you know the person whose name appears?” You ask, grabbing a twinkie and putting it on your plate. Jungkook wrinkled his nose at you.

“I don’t know, I guess I’ll talk to them are something. Are you really going to eat that?”

“Hey, don’t judge me, it was on your table.” You replied tartly.

“Yeah, but my mom bought it, not me. I actually have taste.”

“Oh-ho.” You chuckled, “I should tell her you said that.”

“Don’t!” He chuckled, grabbing your forearm, “she’ll probably actually kill me.” He released his grip on you and you grabbed a snap pea from the serving dish, chewing on it absentmindedly.

“Are you still excited to find out the name?”

Jungkook’s lips pursed in thought, hands stuffed in his jeans. “Yeah, nervous too, though. When will I meet her?”

“Well, maybe you already have.” You said, finishing off your bite.

“Nah,” he waved his hand in the air, glancing away, “I’ve never had the pull so I doubt I’ve met her.”

You shrugged before noticing Noelle walking through the front door, dark curls tumbling over her shoulders. “Oh!” You smiled, walking towards her, “you made it. Thank goodness, I thought I was gonna have to talk to Jungkook the whole night.”

“Not really a punishment,” she smiled, watching as Jungkook made his way back to the couch to sit with his friends. “He’s looking particularly gorgeous today. Hot damn. So, did he already get his soulmate tattoo?”

“No, he’ll get that at midnight. His birthday is tomorrow.”

She nodded idly, snagging a piece of cucumber from your plate and crunching loudly. “How’s the party?”

“It’s fine. Don’t really know anyone here, to be honest.”

“I see a few people from my drama class; let’s go say hi!”

You followed after, allowing Noelle to introduce you to some of her other friends. It was weird because, aside from Lillian and Noelle, you couldn’t really say you had other friends. You could have totally met other people if you’d wanted to, you’d just never tried. You wondered idly if that was good or bad.

“So, what do you do for fun?” A girl named Rha asked and you quickly chewed your abnormally large bite of twinky to answer.

“Uh, I normally hang out with friends. Sometimes I’ll draw a little. I’m not very good at it, but it’s fun to do. I also really like to watch dumb Youtube videos.”

“Me too!” Rha grinned, “anytime I can just kind of turn my brain off and veg out is nice. What’s your favorite channel to watch?”

“I really like watching food videos,” you chuckled. “Especially when I’m hungry. Apparently, I’m a bit of a masochist.” The group laughed and you continued, “my favorites are probably BuzzFeed. I like watching videos of people cooking cool foods.”

“Like the test kitchen?”

“Yeah!” You grinned, “did you see the starburst episode?”

Rha laughed loudly, grabbing at her knee as she leaned forward, “Yes! I always feel so bad for Claire! She has to do the most difficult things. I’m also super envious, though. I want to work in a test kitchen myself. My mom works in one and I’ve always thought it was so cool, so watching Claire is like a reminder of what I want to do myself.”

“That’s so cool! I’ve never met anyone who wants to work in a test kitchen before!”

“Neither have I.” Rha giggled. “Who knows, maybe someday I’ll work with Claire.”

“Well if you do, don’t forget the little people.” Noelle teased.

An hour later the house was nearly bursting at the seams with people. You glanced around the room trying to spot your sister only to see her sat with Jungkook and his friends in the corner, leaned into him, hand on his knee as he whispered something in her ear.

If Rachel could see the two of them, she’d probably throw a massive fit, but as it was, you couldn’t see her anywhere. Most of Jungkook’s close friends had dispersed around the room, in fact, so it was just him and Ella sitting together talking. You could only imagine she would die of happiness from this.

You chuckled, turning back to the conversation your friends were still having as Rha announced loudly that she was thirsty and asking if she could grab anyone anything to drink. The number of drinks was more than she could carry, so you offered to help her, leading her to the kitchen where the Jeon’s were both talking at the table, filling cups with punch for the people milling around them.

“Y/N! You having fun?” Jieun called as you made your way towards her and you smiled, nodding.

“Yeah, I’ve actually met some cool new people. This is Rha, Rha, these are Jungkook’s parents.”

“So nice to meet you!” Rha smiled, extending her hand to both of them, “thank you so much for having us all over.”

“We’re so glad you could come over to celebrate our boy with us.” Jieun smiled, “tomorrow is a huge day so we’re glad he could have all his friends around him for support.”

“It’s pretty life changing!” Rha enthused, accepting the cup Jungkook’s dad handed her with a thank you. “I actually had my 18th birthday last month.” She said, extending her arm and you noticed, for the first time, the freshly emblazoned name in her skin.

“Oh wow,” you said, turning towards her. The room filled with more people and conversation so you spoke louder to be heard, “I’ve never actually met anyone in our grade who had gotten their name. Did it hurt?”

“Well, I got it in the middle of the night when I was asleep, so I didn’t notice it at first, but it was a little sore for about a week after I got it. Nothing really bad, just a little tender.” She said, pushing her long dark hair behind her ear.

“Do you know the person?” You asked, curiosity peaked. You weren’t particularly interested in the whole soulmate thing in general, but you couldn’t deny that it was a little interesting hearing it from someone your age who’d just gotten their own soulmate mark.

Rha shook her head, “nope. I guess I’m in for an adventure!”

“That you are!” Mr. Jeon chuckled. “Anyway, you guys should get back to the party, go enjoy yourselves!”

“We actually need 4 more drinks for our friends.” You smiled and the two of them quickly filled 4 more cups, handing them off to you and waving you away.

You spent the rest of the evening chatting with Lillian, Noelle, and Rha, meeting a few other members of the drama club, before your mom texted you, requesting that you and your sister return home, it was a school night, after all.

****

The next morning you walked to school. Your mother wasn’t feeling well so you and Ella dressed warm and made your way out into the cool autumn morning.

“Last night was so cool,” Ella sighed dreamily, “Jungkook and I just hung out for hours and talked and it was so awesome. I think he might like me.”

You raised an eyebrow at her, lips tightening to stop your giggle, “OK, don’t be silly, he has a girlfriend and you know that.”

Ella shrugged, biting her bottom lip, “I don’t know, they got in a big fight and went outside to talk and when he came back in, he said she went home.”

“That’s doesn’t mean anything, Ella. Sometimes people fight and just need to cool off.”

Ella huffed, tightening the belt around her jacket. “Stop being such a wet blanket, can’t you just be happy for me?”

“What’s there to be happy about?” You asked, eyebrows rising, “happy that Jungkook’s been friendlier to you recently? Happy that you guys are better friends? It’s not like anything happened, and if something did happen, I’ll kill him because he has a girlfriend and you’re not gonna be the other girl!”

Ella sighed, rolling her eyes at you. “Calm down, nothing happened, you know he’s not like that. He’d never do something so gross. I’m just saying, he’s been friendlier than normal and kind of flirty. I think he might be starting to like me.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, that’s all I’m saying.” You muttered, staring at the school as it grew larger the closer the two of you walked towards it.

“What if he did pursue me? Would you be OK with that or would you be a mega bitch to him again?” She asked, slowing her step and you frowned at her.

“I’m not a mega bitch!” You complained and she looked over at you, lips forming a tight line. “OK, fine, fine, whatever. If you guys actually liked each other than fine, whatever, I’d be supportive of that, but I’m just saying, don’t get your hopes up. Even if they did break up, you don’t want to be just a rebound.”

“Fine,” she grumbled, “I’ll keep my expectations low. Anyway, I’m gonna go find my friends.” She flounced off in front of you, throwing her hair over her shoulder as she went and you grumbled in aggravation.

That girl was only going to get her heart broken.

Now that you were here, though, you needed to find Jungkook and remind him about your homework appointment tonight. You had an assignment to do and it wasn’t going to write itself…and you definitely weren’t going to write it unless you had help so you hiked your bag higher on your shoulder and walked into the school, shivering at the temperature change.

Walking further down the hall towards where you knew Jungkook’s locker to be, you couldn’t see him at first, but the hallway was busy with people so you pushed further into the crowd before spotting his bouncing head of dark hair.

You walked up behind him, tapping his shoulder. “Hey Jungkook, you still good to help me with my English homework after school?”

He jumped, spinning to face you, eyes wide and fingers fidgeting with the sleeves of his long shirt. “Uh, Y/N, hi. Actually, I-I am not feeling very well today so I was gonna try and take a nap after school or something.”

You watched him, eyebrow raised as he pressed his back further into the locker, eyes drifting over your shoulder to dance across the faces of the people passing through the hallway to their first classes.

“Ok…” You said slowly, glancing over your shoulder and then back to him. “Well, what about tomorrow? You free then?”

“How about I text you and let you know?” He asked, spinning quickly towards his locker and grabbing his books, slamming the door shut. “I’ve got class, but I’ll message you later or something. Bye.”

You watched as he darted down the hallway, turning the corner and disappearing out of sight. “Weirdo.” You sighed.

****

Thank you so much for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback! I’ll be finishing and posting the last chapter of Independent next month and then Moirai will become my main focus. <3

Chapter 5

Chapter 7

#jungkook scenario #BTS jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff

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fizzingwizard · 5 years ago

Text

I fell asleep as soon as I got home and didn’t get to write about Kizuna. xP So belatedly, here are my thoughts.

Warning: Spoilers for Digimon: Kizuna Last Evolution

So to start with, some context: I had a bad day at work. Not gonna go into details, but it was the sort of thing to put you out of the mood for seeing a movie, even one that’s a childhood treasure. I almost didn’t go.

In addition, because of what happened at work, I had to stay an extra hour, which meant I missed the first 25 minutes of the movie. I’m not sure how much story I actually missed - probably there was 10 min or so of trailers - but it’s possible I missed some framing. Usually the cute, fun, get-to-know-the-character moments happen in those beginning scenes, and I didn’t get to see those. When I walked in, Taichi and Yamato were having a meal together and talking about how their lives were all changing, but the Digimon stayed the same. So that’s where I’m starting from.

One more thing - I haven’t read the Kizuna novel. It sounds like if you did, you already know everything that happens. (Possibly reading the novel is more interesting than seeing the movie.) Sorry if I’m surprised by things y’all already knew!

For those who don’t like reading my long-winded posts:

Kizuna is what I would have expected from a Digimon sequel before Tri came out. That is, it’s predictable.

The art is quite good, except when it’s not.

There’s not enough of characters who aren’t named Taichi or Yamato.

Yamato is extremely COOL.

Koushirou has some good moments.

Tri is actually still canon, which I didn’t know - Meiko appears briefly in Kizuna.

It was fun to see the 02 kids, but they didn’t do anything special, although they did more than some Adventure kids.

It ends with the partner Digimon disappearing ‘forever,’ but also with Taichi putting in I think his thesis in politics specifically between the human world and the digital world. So everything seems geared to reach the 02 ending, where we know they were with their partners. So I guess at least we can headcanon that they find a way to reunite :/

OK so.

The art is really nice in this movie. Very smooth, very anime movie-like. I preferred Uki Atsuya’s designs and it did feel a little weird to go back to a more wide-eyed, innocent style now that the kids are older, but it was so lovely that I didn’t mind. Tri really lacked smoothness in the animation, so this was refreshing.

There are some times where the animations falters or some error happens - at least twice I noticed characters’ mouths moving without them saying anything, and there’s a scene where Taichi gets blown back by Eosmon’s attack and when he sits up his, um, backside is quite pronounced, like on-the-cover-of-Playboy-pronounced x’D Who knew Taichi was so thicc?

I liked in the beginning when they fly through cyberspace to take on Eosmon and it’s just like the cyberspace in Our War Game and Diablomon Strikes Back. The beginning was a bit promising. Omegamon is called on to help but his evolution breaks down, and fortunately Menoa knows all about why. There were some strong emotional moments when Taichi seizes the chance to help with a Digimon situation, and even stronger when they find out their partner Digimon are going to leave when they become adults and commit to a path (since apparently becoming an adult means you no longer have the endless possibilities of childhood). Digivolving speeds up the process.

Taichi and Yamato react very strongly. Other Chosen don’t seem in danger yet, but it’s only a matter of time. Takeru breathes a sigh of relief when he checks his digivice and realizes there’s no countdown, but Yamato’s and Taichi’s digivices are glowing with a countdown clock. Yamato screams and runs off to do anything he can to stop this. Taichi tries to deny it, but then Gennai appears in his apartment (which I think he cannot afford because we never see him turn on the lights :P) and tells him it’s all true and there’s nothing we can do about it. Then it’s bye-bye Gennai.

Oh, but before Gennai shows up Taichi is showing Agumon his apartment, and Agumon immediately finds his porn stash. I mean, that’s what you get for having magazines and DVDs instead of just using the Internet, Taichi, you moron. Teehee.

So Menoa and Imura convince the Adventure kids to “help” them, saying they’re trying to save the Chosen’s trapped consciousness. Yamato immediately figured out something’s not right, but pegs Imura as the likely suspect. However, he’s suspicious of Menoa too. Remember in Tri, when he sneaks after Nishijima and Himkawa, and gets them to talk? This is that only More. He lurks in stairwells, he goes without sleep, he researches online databases, he gets the 02 kids looking up details on Menoa, he follows Imura to some secret hideout covered in the typical secret agent decor of Papers Pinned To Walls With Illegible Writing.

As fun as it is to watch Yamato be all Men In Black, shouldn’t it... be... Ken? X’D Or are there many secret agents in space?

When Imura confronts Yamato, Hikari and Takeru have been taken prisoner. Somehow. They’re tied to chairs and Koushirou gets sent a message from Hikari’s phone saying in many different languages “Which one will be next?” So Taichi and Yamato hurry to the scene. At this point, Mimi has already had her consciousness abducted, and we now find out Jou’s KO’d too off screen.

Yamato sees Imura sitting on the stairs holding a gun. He lifts the gun and says “Takeru is already -” and I as like OMG THEY KILLED TAKERU!? but the gun is just... for show x’D Takeru has had his consciousness trapped. So has Hikari. Yamato makes good with Imura and they realize they need to go after Menoa, that she’s the one behind it all. Uh, too late though, because Menoa’s already moved against Koushirou, I think because she wants his information on Chosen Children around the world, and traps his consciousness as well. But not before Koushirou is able to track the location of Eosmon and leave the coordinates in a message for Taichi.

I don’t like Menoa. First of all, she’s a foreigner who likes to insert random English words where they’re not needed, and her accent is one of the worst I’ve ever heard x’D If you’re gonna cast someone who can’t speak a language as a speaker of that language, how about not have them actually speak it? But also, she’s not interesting. She had a Digimon partner - surprise! - who was a butterfly - surprise! - and who disappeared when she entered the path to adulthood - surprise! - and who she’s been grieving for ever since, so her big master plan is to somehow trap the consciousness of all Chosen Children around the world in another dimension where they can live inside their memories and never have to grow up. (The Digimon too.) She refers to it as her “Neverland.” None of this interests me. Yawn.

She is able to trap all the Adventure kids except Taichi, Yamato, and Sora. But don’t get excited about Sora not being trapped - Sora has decided not to fight anymore, and she sticks her decision the whole movie long. Sora is almost completely absent.

So now almost all the Adventure Chosen have been abducted and most of them didn’t even get to do anything, unless they were all being super awesome in those first ten-fifteen minutes that I missed. The 02 kids do not get trapped and when Eosmon copies start raining down around the world, they run around trying to stop them. Daisuke is adorable. Pretty much just what you’d expect. Iori is Iori. Miyako is her exuberant self. Ken is forgettable X’D I’m so sorry, Ken. Someone give him a hairstyle. My problem with the 02 kids is because, as much as it sucked that they never turned up after their inauspicious start in Tri, having them around isn’t really improving anything. Nostalgia, sure. But they’re too busy doing research and fighting to have those nice character moments we’d like to see. They do the shonen anime thing of Stating the Obvious and Promising to Unite As One and that’s it for their dialogue. They’re polite and take turns letting each other say the predictable line. At least we know Stingmon still calls his partner “Ken-chan.” <3

Taichi and Yamato use Koushirou’s coordinates to go after Menoa in her world. But not before Yamato reacts with irrational strength when Taichi suggests they save their trapped friends. Because saving them means digivolving, which means the process of losing their partners forever will speed up. “Taichi!! Are you okay with that??” Taichi’s like, “Um... no, but people are trapped and need to be rescued.” And Yamato’s like “Oh right.”

So they go and are attacked by Adventure-age versions of their trapped friends and also random Digimon. There’s quite a lot of blood?? Someone, I think Yamato, has a freaking Drimogemeon attacking him. He doesn’t get gored though lmao. Eosmon has a billion copies and they’re around the world going for Chosen Children. They bring out Omegamon and he gets his leg chopped off, whee. But both Digimon are physically intact when the evolution is broken.

Menoa is completely mentally unstable and fuses with Eosmon to become their “goddess.” Taichi sticks his hand out zombie-like under the pile of Digimon attacking him and yells at his Adventure-age friends “We must move on!” (ie, grow up). He is able to crawl to Hikari and blow her whistle with a huge breath.

This snaps everyone out of it. At this point I think “Okay! Big battle all together!” But nope. It’s still just Taichi and Yamato, who get new evolutions that look like Thundercats, and go after Menoa. While some song plays making it difficult to hear dialogue, they defeat Eosmon which makes the copies around the world disappear, and then they find Menoa trapped within her own memories of her partner, Morphomon, and rescue her as well. Menoa’s last scene is being handcuffed by Imura.

Then Taichi and Yamato go out separately with their partners and have a last conversation with them as the countdown clock is about to expire. Yamato plays his harmonica. Agumon tries to ply Taichi for food. We get Agumon’s vantage point looking up at Taichi and it’s like “wow you’re huge now.” Agumon and Gabumon both ask their partners what they’ll do tomorrow. Just as Taichi and Yamato think of an answer, they look and their partners are gone. Taichi and Yamato do some pretty impressive sobbing. Then we see them some time later hurrying on with their lives under symbolic cherry blossoms. The end!

The credits show scenes of the Chosen living their adult lives, the younger ones still with their partners, the older without. It ends with a peek at Taichi’s thesis, representing step one towards becoming a diplomat between the human and digital worlds. Like I said before, since we know they still have their partners in the 02 epilogue, it’s strange to me that they kept everything the same except that. So let’s headcanon that they’ll meet again o.O I guess

So if you read this far, you probably got the vibe that I wasn’t super impressed by Kizuna. But it’s not a bad movie. Tri pretty much spoiled me. I get that there are people who really don’t like Tri for various reasons, but to be honest, I think that even if you dislike it, you have to acknowledge what a gift it was. Six movies that gave every character something to do and mostly avoided the predictable stuff, not entirely, but much better than would be expected from an anime movie. Tri did so many interesting things. It’s got its flaws, a couple big ones, but I can never get past how it built everything up and what it resulted in.

But Tri’s number one strength comes from having six movies to tell the story. Kizuna has just one. If Tri had been condensed into a single movie - say we meet Meiko, the infection happens, she’s the origin, before the partners lose their memories Meiko asks the kids to kill Meicoomon, Daigo dies saving Taichi and then Taichi kills Meicoomon, the end - Idk if I would have liked that. It wouldn’t have gotten the build up it needed. I wouldn’t have learned to love Meiko. Stories need pacing, they need development, and more of each the more characters there are. Tri had the time to give us that.

I wasn’t expecting Kizuna to be like Tri - both the art style and all the info about it said otherwise - so I have to say that all in all, Kizuna is the movie I originally would have expected a Digimon sequel to be. It’s got That Plot that every fan read or wrote on fanfiction.net back in the day, where the kids lose their partners as a result of becoming an adult. I always hated that plotline because it was so predictable. If everyone can think of it, how can you call it creative?

But it is quite Japanese in a way, the appreciation for “the transience of things,” what they call 物の哀れ. Sora’s final ikebana display includes what I assume were cherry blossoms rising above a field of colorful flowers. Cherry blossoms represent this ephemerality in Japanese culture because of their short flowering time and how their appearance marks the beginning of spring. So in that way it’s all very striking and real. But I just personally don’t like it and never have. Also I think that for me, because I was so moved by Kokuhaku, there wasn’t much chance for this plot to have the same effect: Kokuhaku simply did it better.

I do think Kizuna is appreciable on its own and that if Tri weren’t a thing I’d have liked it better. I am not sure if I’m gonna go see it again. I might! I got a Koushirou clear file for going this week. (... The postcards we got for going to Tri were way better, though xP) So could at least go and collect more maybe.

But Kizuna has a big downside, which is that it’s just as obsessed with Taichi and Yamato as Tri was, but it’s even more felt due to the time constraints. At least with Tri, we got to see everyone do something at some point. In Kizuna, they don’t even try. Mimi, Jou, and Hikari are barely around and get their consciousness trapped early on. Takeru at least gets to join the initial fight with Eosmon, but I think that’s due to wanting to give a nod to Our War Game and maybe just because fans like Angemon. Then Takeru’s gone. Koushirou gets to be his brainiac self, I don’t really have a complaint about his treatment, except in the final battle where he’s just there. And Sora simply isn’t around period. Tri didn’t have the 02 kids, ok, that’s too bad... Kizuna has them but they’re boring and most of the Adventure cast doesn’t get to do much either. Is this really better, guys?

When you’ve got a cast this big, I don’t think you can do things the typical way. I’m an X-men fan, I should know. Lol.

That’s it for Kizuna! I’m still happy it exists, and have to admit that I might have had a slightly more positive take if I hadn’t been in such a bad mood from my day, so I hope that on a second viewing, whether I go to the theaters or wait to find it online, I will find more bits to appreciate.

#kizunaspoilers #digimon kizuna #digimon last evolution kizuna #digimon #kizuna

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shadow-wasser · 5 years ago

Text

WIP Fic Whenever: Molting Pains

Might as well start doing this again. WIP Fic Friday Whenever is a place where I will put a ‘quick and dirty’ first draft of either a short story or a chapter from a longer story. This will hopefully encourage me to improve my writing output. This is from the ‘Meteorstuck’ AU, but is not strictly-speaking canonical to it. Molting Trolls, yaaaaaaay.

-----------------

Molting Pains

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Troll Puberty but Were Too Afraid to Ask

There were lots of strange things about trolls, . Their widely diverse horn shapes, their lack of anything that looked like an ear, their black tongues. And though they were aliens, and some oddities were to be expected, both Dave and Rose agreed that one of the most surprising things about the trolls was that they were so short.

Kanaya only came up to Rose’s chin, Terezi was even smaller, and Karkat’s tantrums made Dave think of an excessively angry gerbil. Even Gamzee was shorter than Rose, though his horns made him look bigger.

Seriously. It was kind of adorable.

Of course, they were still only thirteen, or six if you count in sweeps. Dave and Rose knew they might still put on some inches, and assumed that similar growth rates were true of trolls.

So as the years passed, the humans were only more perplexed and amused to see that the trolls did not grow at all. By the time Dave turned sixteen, he was 5’10” and could easily give Terezi piggy-back rides. He would make jokes frequently at Karkat’s expense, mostly about how the tiny troll was the perfect size for stuffing into a locker.

And the humans didn’t much think of it, honestly, in the chaotic years surrounding the revelation that they would never reach their destination. Even when they had to talk frankly about reproduction, they assumed growing up worked for trolls much the same as humans, differences in anatomy aside. They could be excused for this.

One day, five years after starting their journey, Terezi stopped eating. This would have been of note even if she hadn’t been stuffing her face ravenously for the past several weeks

“You ok?” asked Dave, as for third meal in a row she found herself unable to take a single bite of her grubloaf. “You’re not going to go anorexic on me, are you babe? Is this like, the purge after your binge?”

“I’m fine Dave, it’s none of your business!” snapped Terezi. “I’m just not hungry, that’s all.”

Dave held up his hands defensively. “Ok, ok TZ. Jeeze don’t bite my head off just ‘cause I care, goddamn.”

“If you care then you’ll leave me alone!” growled the troll, and she stomped off to her respiteblock.

“Not that it’s any of my business, but that joke was a bit off-color,” commented Rose, from the next table. “For all you know, Terezi might indeed be having body-image issues.”

Dave frowned. “Aw, come on, that is not happening. She knows I think she’s sexy as hell.”

Rose shrugged. “Have you told her that?”

“Sis, when you’re in a relationship as close as Terezi and I, that shit can go unsaid.”

Rose fixed her brother with a Look, and Dave shut his mouth.

“I’ll… tell her when she comes out.”

-----

Two days later, Terezi had still not come out. She only barely responded to pestering from Dave and Rose, and then usually snippily and without explaining her actions.

“Is she sick?” wondered Dave. “Is she even getting anything to eat or…?”

“She comes out sometimes,” noted Rose. “I saw her in the kitchen the other night. All the lights were off, and she fled the moment I came in. She left the tap running, so I assume she was getting something to drink.”

“She won’t let me help her,” continued Dave. “God, she’s driving me around the bend and right into oncoming traffic like some sort of drunk motorcyclist on a slippery mountain road, guzzling Jack Daniels while he slides towards his certain-”

Rose gave her brother a Look, and he shut his mouth.

“I’ll ask Kanaya,” said Rose. “Maybe she’ll have insight into Terezi’s behavior.”

-----

The other trolls had been remarkably reticent about Terezi, avoiding mentioning her in conversation. And when Rose brought it up to Kanaya, she looked distinctly uncomfortable. Maybe even more so than she had been years ago, when Rose had first inquired into the details of pailing.

Well. Maybe not that much. But comparable, definitely.

“It’s…” Kanaya fidgeted. “It is understandable behavior. Considering her condition.”

Rose blinked. “Condition? You think she’s sick?”

Kanaya shook her head vehemently. “No, no, I did not mean to imply she is ill. She is… well, remember how you described your monthly punctuation marks? I found that to be rather alarming at first, though you seem to find it natural.”

Rose smiled, slightly. “Ah. That explains some, but not all. I thought trolls didn’t get menstrual cycles?”

“Of course not. But the… mood alteration appears to be similar, during molt.”

That was a new term. “Molt?”

“Yes,” Kanaya nodded. “That’s right.”

There was a long pause.

“Well,” said Rose. “I think you might need to explain, as I associate the word ‘molt’ with a bird losing its feathers.”

Kanaya glanced uncomfortably to the side. “But… surely… when you transition to adulthood…”

It took some time, and considerable coaxing, for Rose to get the whole story from her matesprit

Dave, meanwhile, had taken things into his own hands.

----

“Terezi!” hollered Dave, pounding his girlfriend’s door. “Terezi, Gamzee is going on a rampage! You have to-”

The door opened and out whipped a cane, roughly shoving Dave out of the way. “Where? Where is he??”

“Oof!” Dave stumbled, fending off the cane. “Terezi, I’m kidding, he’s not actually-” Then he straightened, and got a good look at her.

Terezi looked horrible. Her skin looked sickly, mottled with irregular patches of light and dark grey. Her face was bloated and swollen, like she was having a severe allergic reaction, her horns had lost some of their vibrant ‘candy corn’ coloration, and even her hair looked like it was thinning. She was also not wearing any clothes, though she’d wrapped a towel around herself. She looked furious.

Dave stared. “Jesus, Terezi, what happened to you?”

-----

“I have not started the molt myself, obviously. At least not my terminal one. We molt when we are wigglers, and presumably pupation is a kind of molt.” Kanaya brushed back a strand of hair. “Anyway, I learned some basic anatomical diagrams from the schoolfeed, but most of what I know comes from hearsay. So I cannot say for sure which anecdotes are over-generalized or exaggerated, and which universal.”

Rose nodded, and continued to take notes.

-----

“Dave!?! How could you kid about something like that?” Terezi gripped her towel around herself more tightly. “This isn’t a fucking joke!”

“Terezi, you look like shit,” said Dave bluntly. “Is this some kinda troll disease? Did friendship literally give you a disease?”

“Oh my god. Dave, just… Ok, fine, come in.”

------

“Terezi may be acting in a self-defensive manner because she feels herself vulnerable,” continued Kanaya. “During molt, it’s expected that one’s usual physical capabilities become lessened. So the urge to retreat to a safe, secluded place is common.”

-------

Terezi’s room was dark, and Dave briefly lifted his shades so he could see. Terezi had covered the floor with rags, towels, and old clothes, and there were some stuffed dragons stacked in the corner, but the room looked otherwise normal.

Dave lowered the shades and sat down cross-legged across from Terezi, who had pulled the towel around her like a kind of robe.

“So,” said Dave after a moment. “You gonna tell me what’s going on, or what?”

Terezi said nothing.

“I’m worried about you,” said Dave. “And fuck, Rose is worried too.”

He reached over, to put his hand on Terezi’s shoulder, but she flinched away. “Please don’t touch me right now, Dave.”

------

“And is this process…. painful?” asked Rose.

Kanaya shrugged. “I imagine so. Sollux once confided that his hivestem neighbor screamed for days, during theirs. But it might not be so bad for everyone.”

-----

“Terezi…” Dave’s voice was quiet. “You're not... dying, are you?”

Terezi barked an explosive laugh. “Dying! Ahahaha, Dave, you’re so stupid.”

“Well excuse me that I don’t know the difference between like, Troll Chickenpox and Troll Ebola!”

“Dave, I’m not dying.” There was a rustle as Terezi wiped a tear, of what Dave assumed was laughter, out of her eyes. “I’m just growing up.”

----

“I think, beyond even the physical nature of the molt, the experience can be mentally very painful and frightening,” mused Kanaya. “Because we mostly learn the details from our cohort, who go through it and then are immediately shipped off world by the drones. It’s a great unknown, almost as much so as dying.”

Rose paused to consider. “That is… very insightful of you, Kanaya. I think you’d be good at psychoanalysis.”

Kanaya smiled. “I shall take that as a compliment.”

----

Dave nodded, slowly. “Ok. So let me get this straight. You’re… going through like, troll puberty?”

“I don’t know much about your teas of puber, but I am transitioning from an adolescent to an adult.”

“Right, same thing.” Dave paused. “But, I gotta say, when we humans do this, we don’t starve ourselves alone in the fucking dark.”

Terezi groaned. “Can we not go into the details? It is extremely embarrassing.”

“No, really,” pushed Dave. “Is this gonna be a regular thing now? As your boyfriendsprit, I just want to know.”

-------

“So how long does this take?” Rose queried.

“Not terribly long. The pre-molt appetite disturbances might last several weeks, but I haven’t heard of a molt itself lasting longer than perhaps a few days.”

-----

“No.” Terezi sighed, and shook her head. “When it’s done, it’s done.”

“Well, thank Troll Jegus for that.” Dave paused, embarrassed. “Terezi, look, I’m sorry I interrupted you in your adolescent emo phase or whatever, but I really was worried.”

“I appreciate your concern,” replied Terezi. “But I really will be fine.”

Dave got to his feet. “And since I take it you don’t want company, I will respect that and give you your privacy. Just… let me know if you need anything, ok? Food… Blankets… Faygo…”

Terezi made a gagging noise. “Smartass.” But he could hear the smile in her voice.

Dave turned to leave, opening the door.

“Wait. Dave.”

Dave paused.

“I… would actually like it if… you stayed. Not in the block but… outside? Like you were guarding the door?”

Dave’s face was impassive. “Sure, anything you need.”

Dave left, and took a place outside the room. He leaned against the door to the respiteblock, and made himself comfortable.

-----

And Rose found him there, leaning against Terezi’s door. “Dave,” she said. “I think I’ve gleaned the information we need, from Kanaya.”

Dave shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Puberty comes late for trolls, go figure.”

Rose paused. “You know about the molt? Did you speak to Terezi about it?”

Dave nodded. “Yep. It’s all cool now.”

“Oh,” Rose blinked. “Good, then. I’m glad we’ve sorted this out.”

After a moment, she continued on her way. But Dave stayed.

-----

Dave stayed by Terezi’s door, awake and asleep, for the next two days. Rose, Kanaya, and sometimes Karkat brought him food, but he ate only sparingly.

“It could be Terezi’s pheromones,” murmured Kanaya. “I’ve heard false-molt like symptoms can be induced by staying close to someone going through it.”

Rose doubted that, not least because Dave was human and not troll. But still, sympathy might have something to do with it. She would have to take notes on this fascinating new development.

------

On the second night, Dave was jolted awake by the sound of a door opening. He sat up, heart pounding, and watched as a stranger stepped out of Terezi’s room.

The stranger turned to face Dave. She - and it was definitely a she, she was only wearing two towels wrapped around her top and bottom like a toga- she must have been six foot at least, and she had pointed, deep orange horns, and thick, black hair, down to her shoulders. Her skin was this insane shade of velvet black, with a matte sheen, so dark he could barely make out the features of her face. She smiled, dead-red eyes gleaming, and showed a mouthful of silvery fangs.

“Hello, Dave,” she said.

Holy shit.

“Dave? You okay, coolkid?”

The troll-woman reached down to help Dave up, pulling him easily to his feet.

“Terezi,” gasped Dave. “You-”

Terezi crossed her arms, and twisted her mouth to the side. “I what?”

Dave swallowed, looked her up and down.

“You,” he said. “Are sexy as hell.”

#daverezi #meteorstuck #wip fic #homestuck #fanfic extra #troll headcanons #my fic #fanfiction #dave strider #terezi pyrope #rose lalonde #kanaya maryam #tw anorexia #troll biology

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trackinghallownest · 5 years ago

Note

-slides into your dms- tell me about your vessel ocs!!!! Whose your favorite. Everyone has a favorite even if they don't like to admit it! And is it ok if I draw them interacting with my vessel ocs?

HHfngfh gh i’m,,, thank you for this ask i’m dying,, i will absolutely go off if you dont mind me taking this chance!! ft doodles!! because i can!! and you absolutely can draw them with yours i will probably cry and definitely draw interactions back udfkfhvdf;;

some of this i may have mentioned in other posts but i cant for the life of me keep track of what ive put here compared to the discord so! i’m just going to fact dump! and put under a cut so i don’t completely fill peoples’ dashes shkfd

first is gonna be spindle since. i love them. theyre probably my favourite. and also the first i made. theyre just babie

they really are just babey,,

kind of accidentally an endless source of lifeblood which is a long story but its not.. very fun. to be constantly covered in plants. by adulthood most of their torso and one of their limbs is almost completely replaced/encased in plant matter

they take this pretty well actually. even if it gets a lot harder to move

for a vessel they grew up to full size much quicker than others of their kind, likely due to the lifeblood’s properties, but really nobody has much of a clue. didnt have time to get used to their size and still has VERY bad spatial awareness

broke their horn tip by smacking it on a low ceiling hkfdnfbdmvdf

plants bursting out of their shell and eye have pretty badly damaged it, and they can’t see out of the broken eye

theyre trying their hardest!! always!! they can’t move around very well and sometimes get lonely sitting at home in dirtmouth but they’re friendly to just about anybody and have so much love to give

seriously they dont even eat but they like to make sure they have food and drink at home in case anyone drops in and needs it

they’ve never been able to fight, and shy away from violence or combat in all forms

very scared of the dark and carries a lantern with them at all times, usually around their neck

discharges excess lifeblood into soil and grows a garden from it - keeps it from overtaking their body any further, and it’s something to do

not the best at communicating since a wood arm makes signing stiff and tricky, but they’re not much of a talker (signer?) anyway

then we have scratch n thimble who are kinda twins but not really. yeah those are matching scarves they are Bros (sibs??)

scratch FIGHTS THINGS and USES A REAL BIG NAIL

the biggest of all my vessel ocs, just in general. a big and strong friend

made it to the palace but got tossed for starting to care too much and takin a blow for another sibling. saved thimble from dying down there too and they were absolutely inseparable since

really just the embodiment of the ‘you befriended x! x would now die for you’ meme not gonna lie

has almost literally died for Multiple siblings n friends before but they wouldn’t let them. which is, a good thing

too reckless for their own good especially in their younger years but thankfully mellows out quite a bit by adulthood

tries to keep up a strong stoic front but also doesnt hesitate to abandon it if needed. theyre big soft really (they wont admit it tho)

has The Biggest soft spot for kids do not let them tell you otherwise

fought for the sake of it in the colosseum for many years before Stuff And Things involving yet another vessel happened and they kinda trashed the place and never went back

their nail is about as big and heavy as their entire body and they’re surprisingly good at using it for something so unwieldy. could probably crush most bugs just by virtue of it being So Damn Big

spends a lot of time when grown at the howling cliffs keeping an eye on those travelling into the kingdom, and deterring those with malicious intent

they got that eye wound from their sibling… it was technically an accident. they still don’t talk about it though

contrary to their twin thimble is the smallest vessel (as a babby at least - they do end up standing taller than spin and ruth when fully grown)

they have the very unfortunate problem of their shade having fused with void tendrils from the abyss sea as a babby

as such their shade is very violent and kinda has a habit of literally bursting out their shell and lashing out at anything around them under stress

eventually they get a handle on it and learn to control the literally overflowing void inside them but until then their entire life is pretty much a big clusterfuck of trying not to kill people, which they hate

they’re very timid and shy and cling to familiar figures (especially scratch) probably too much, but strike out on their own much more growing up

theyre very strong and capable, moreso than most magic users, but you wouldn’t guess it. the only time they’d even consider showing it is in another’s defense

uses void tendrils like extra limbs. very functional! can hold many things (or offer many hugs) at once. may be slightly slimy though.

their cloak is very long and would probably benefit from being trimmed shorter but they absolutely refuse to let anyone touch it. its kinda grimy at this point and they trip a lot but don’t do anything about it

friends with a bunch of mossflies they picked up in the gardens! they all have names

can communicate with other void-creatures by sharing some of their own void! this was discovered entirely by accident but very useful, if awkward to explain

sure they’re kinda timid and like being on their lonesome, but they’re also very level-headed and friendly, and get along very well with low-energy quieter sorts of people especially

ruth is a small vessel rn/as far as i’ve worked out a timeline for! i know what they look like big but as far as the content on this blog currently goes theyre just .. smal

actual infant. hadnt actually been wandering out of the abyss that long before being dragged up to the colosseum to fight for sport

really doesnt have much of a clue how to act at first, other than ‘stab things before they stab you’

their name comes from ‘ruthless’, a nickname they got in the colosseum because they literally did not (appear to) give two shits whether they lived or died in battle. they’d just come back, anyway

scratch was the one that found them flinging a nail around and immediately went ‘oh thats a baby. this is bad, actually’

for the first short while of freedom scratch is the only one they’ll let even get close to them, and pretty much clings to them relentlessly. not a moments rest

they were actually pretty badly infected by the time they were broken out but theyre better now (another long story)

doesn’t have a natural cloak - it was ripped out and never grew back in. they make do though! their ‘new’ one was made from part of scratch’s that they ripped off and fixed together. they love it more than anything

once they actually figured out not everyone was out to kill them they stopped fighting back, and became a lot more curious and lively in general

still has a very warped and guarded sense of trust, however

kinda iffy around weapons and reacts badly to confrontation but does eventually learn to fight again (just.. in a better way)

pretty short even when grown, and going by height alone is the shortest when they’re all big

likes picking up pretty trinkets and things and carrying them around. has a few tied to their horns (as well as many pockets)

i have just now decided that spite counts as well! they dont actually survive to adulthood in any timeline i have currently (sorry spite) so big spite is entirely a theoretical but theyre fun to draw so

now spite? spite wins the babiest baby award

has one single braincell that bounces around their shell like a windows screensaver

their name indicates they are capable of feeling any negative emotion or hatred which is entirely untrue. by the time this was figured out they already wouldn’t answer to anything else

absolutely no sense of self-preservation or common sense. they are, in most regards, a very cute and very stupid dog

got lost on their way out of the abyss the first time around, ended up in the lighthouse and met friend mori!! was almost caught but eventually smuggled out and away

spent a lot of the time on the run in city of tears with said friend who was pretty much presumed dead by then. got taken in by a family, enjoyed themselves for a while

…but were eventually caught and thrown right back into the abyss along with mori killing them both for real this time. unfortunately.

cut to MANY years later and oops! their shade fused with the corpse and for some ungodly reason theyre both alive. time for the worst buddy comedy ever ft. literal pile of goop and body parts

spite does not seem to know nor care that theyre dead however

mostly happy to sit up there on mori’s shell and nap for hours at a time or fiddle with literally anything in reach. give them a cool rock and they’ll be entertained for hours. they are but a simple creacher

they do actually eventually learn to use a nail but who’s idea was it to give a child a sword. seriously i just wanna talk

#crazandlion #asks #if you actually read this far i would kill and die for you this took me 3 hours to write #and i think it was maybe worth it #hdfkfdvkjfdhvdhf #it was good to gather my thoughts on em i guess? hell yeah #tthank you;;#my ocs #spindle #thimble #scratch #ruth #spite #this was such a great ask to get i am still reeling i. yes #ohyes!! one last reminder theyre all agender/nb and if you gender them on purpose i'll break ur knees (they/them for all please)#(jk but i will correct you)

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