#but I’m just so tired of being alone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foxgloveinspace · 8 months ago

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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.

#delete later #I know I’m not a good friend #but i think it’s trauma related #and I know that’s not an excuse #but a reason #and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me #I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so #I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives #and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear #and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life #but I’m just so tired of being alone #I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too #and I wanna hang out with people #and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling #like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong #but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done #for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back #I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends #if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant #sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health #my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant #I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again #I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit #I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…

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wow-an-unfunny-joke · 10 months ago

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Okay I’m too lazy to check the actual timeline of things but wasn’t Falin like 9 when Laios left???? Am I making that number up???

Anyways Laios and Falin are the same flavor of weird but they do it differently- Laios doesn’t know when to shut up and Falin is generally more quiet, right?

Well when Laios talks about leaving he words it very “oh I abandoned my sister because people were treating her badly” which makes no sense right??? Why would he leave her behind if this is because of how people were treating her??? Well later with the Lion it shows little flashback things of Laios getting beat up- like my man was also being treated poorly which is probably why he left

Anyways my point is Laios didn’t get the same lesson beaten into him but Falin did

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wishingintotheunknown · 8 months ago

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I’ve never felt more alone and more useless than I do right now. I don’t know how to be better. I don’t know how to convince anyone that I’m worth knowing or loving. I try so hard to not complain about my pain and I’m so desperate to just feel like I’m more than disappointment and wasted potential. I know that disability doesn’t have to be the end, and I know people can move past trauma and learn to accept or even love themselves. I know people recover from Ed’s, even when they’ve been living this way for decades. I keep watching other people recover and find success and discover passion and go on with it all but I’m still here. I’m stuck. I’m trapped. I keep thinking I’ve found a way out but really it’s just another cage, or just another trap. Another path that leads me right back to the beginning. I don’t understand what I ever did to deserve to be stuck here no matter what I try to do. I’m so tired of pretending I’m okay with watching everyone else from the outside. I’m just so damn tired of being left behind without any explanation of why.

#depressiv #it's not as simple as just eating #sad thoughts #tw depression #lonliness #actually bpd #loneliest #ed implied #chronic pain #depressing shit #alone with my thoughts #im so tired #why am i not enough #abandoment issues #actually borderline #i’m sick of being sick

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devotedlyuniquewizard · 15 days ago

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was told that this guy that’s been harassing my friend said “shut the fuck up, you’re built like (my name)” as an insult to his brother

😊

#i’m so tired of being fat #i just want people to leave me alone

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henrysglock · 22 days ago

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#personal #not to sound like an edgy sack of shit but like #there is a certain amount of peace in accepting that no one’s ever going to love you the way you want to be loved #it’s sad but at least there’s no anger in it. like yeah. there’s something fundamentally wrong with me.#no clue what it is. people like me when I’m around them. but there’s just something…wrong. and i’d change it if i knew what it was.#but i don’t. so there’s no use being actively upset about it.#I’m upset about enough things already. At least all that isn’t another thing on the list of things I’m angry about.#like i’ve basically accepted that everyone leaves eventually and that i’ll probably die alone. it’s kind of whatever atp.#i didn’t even think i’d make it past 18 so really…who cares? i’ve already been here longer than i feel I’m ‘allowed’ to be.#so what does it matter?#me: yeah I’m a super chill guy #the chillness: comes from an inability to be fucking bothered #like. I’m tired man. idk.#the only things I’m excited about are tfs and st5.#anyway.

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kweenkatsuki-main · 1 month ago

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#I wish I could find women around me that want children so bad but struggle with their infertility #I find a lot of women on YouTube who are like ‘you’re not alone. I’m with you Mama. your miracle will come’#which does make me feel good and makes me feel less alone #but I wish they were near me too #but I also wish that I wasn’t so afraid of being vulnerable like that with other women who struggle with the same thing #someone there to hold me while I wail on the bathroom floor over the twenty fifth negative pregnancy test #that would’ve been my mom yannow?#I don’t know if I’ll allow myself to let someone else be in that moment with me #just cuz I’m so tired of feeling weak #but a women who knows every emotion I’m going through in that moment #because she’s lived it too…I think that would be nice…at least a little.#I feel like I’m running in circles over and over and over #I can daydream about fake kids with Katsu and Eiji and Ume my whole life #but will it ever be enough?#Ido if I can keep doing this Ollie…#I’m sorry I failed you. I’m just so tired. so so tired.#I’m tired of everything really. I’m tired of fighting and fixing and living and surviving and ‘just getting through it’#god….god I’m so tired.

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lesbiansanemi · 1 month ago

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Currently trying not to vomit over the fact that I essentially just lost almost a thousand dollars brb

#why me. why is it always fucking me am I just not allowed to have good things WHAT have I done to earn this kinda karma #my stupid fucking idiot roommate decided to resign the lease at the complex so I naturally contacted the landlords like hey. how does that #work with the security deposit cuz I paid that years before she even moved in do you guys need to come inspect the place after I leave #and they were like oh no ☺️ it just carries over to her. and I’m like. so. so even though I am not living here nor am on the lease #whether or not I get NINE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS BACK hinges on this JACKASS not wrecking the place???? actually not even then because say #she DOESNT wreck the place when she moves out TURNS OUT the deposit goes to her cuz it’s her name and account attached to the fucking #apartment and I’m just left sitting here like how. how is that fucking fair how does that make fucking sense I have to trust that she doesnt #ruin the place OR GET FUCKING EVICTED BECAUSE SHE HAS NO JOB AND NO WAY TO PAY RENT and then also trust her to just give it to me when she #moves out. I’m actually sick I’m actually gonna fucking throw up and the landlords were like yes exactly ☺️ perhaps you could work something #out with her and she could buy you out of it and I’m just like. she doesn’t have a job she still hasn’t paid me for LAST months utilities #let alone this months do you HONESTLY THINK she is EVER going to pay me the 900 dollars I’m fucking owed #and it’s like does this actually affect anything? no. I didn’t budget with that money cuz I didn’t actively have it and that’s not smart but #like…. 900 dollars….. I could have paid off the rest of my credit card with that and also it’s just infuriating that that money is basically #just being GIVEN to this fucking bitch who I KNOW is not gonna keep that apartment in good shape and that’s again if she somehow doesn’t get #her ass evicted cuz she’s not paying bills why they even LET her sign her own lease there I do not understand she literally has no proof of #income but ig they probably didn’t check that cuz she technically already lived there I’m just so. I’m so tired and I’m so done can I PLEASE #stop being the one who constantly gets screwed fucking over in EVERY situation no matter fucking what #while all these fucking idiots and shitty fucking ppl get whatever they want and actively BENEFIT from me getting fucked over???? I’m done.#I’m so fucking done I am never living with someone ever again never being finanacially tied to anyone fucking again and you know what. thats #great goes well with me basically being convinced atp to never be vulnerable with anyone ever again and never trust anyone ever again and #never dedicate ANY part of my life in a genuine sense to anyone ever again I will be fucking alone in every sense for THE REST of my fucking #life and that’s that. it’ll be better. this kinda shit will stop happening. financially emotionally psychologically I will stop suffering #because holy fucking shit I can’t do it anymore man I’m sick of it I’m sick of trying to be a good person and depend on people and be #vulnerable and always uphold my side of the responsibilities and arrangements just to get fucking spit on like man if this is what being a #shit person gets ppl maybe I should try because they sure seem to get all the benefits and whatever the hell they want consistently and #always while I try and be considerate of others and devote myselves to them and this is all I fucking get for it #and ik I KNOW this is just the straw on the camels back and this is a lot of issues compounding and it’s not even about the money atp #but I’m just. I’m so fucking sick and tired and beaten down and I’m tired of trying I just want to be completely on my own #so at least if bad things happen or I feel like shit I only have myself to blame and it’s safer that way and I’ll have to stop feeling like #this and dealing with these types of things UGH

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pink-lemonadefairy · 6 months ago

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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee #i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to #it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar #space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder #but i will surviveeeeeee #counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim #fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and #watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself #i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting #can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i #i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day #not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully #i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up #i hope everything goes well #anyways bye bye #♡ dear diary…

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unknowinglydeceasedlol · 1 year ago

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it’s always “how do you think they’ll feel when something happens to you?” but never “how do you feel about having to be pushed to this point?”

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nashdoesstuff · 7 months ago

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ship discourse my beloathed

#god why can’t people like. leave other people alone #“i can’t believe you’re a proshipper you have such young impressionable fans!!1!1!1” girl. shut up #such “young impressionable fans” probably shouldn’t be on the tumblr/twitter/whatever anyway.#also like. if a creator has sufficient warnings it shouldn’t???? matter????#just block the tag and move on lmao you antis are fucking crybabies #don’t doxx or harass people over FICTIONAL SHIPS #one of the things that drives me fucking crazy in the utmv fandom is ship discourse. like good fucking lord #it’s okay to be disappointed in people for being proshippers. i was disappointed when i found out zu was.#do i care? no! i still love her other content. i just blocked the dreammare tag and moved on #it’s not like she posts about it everyday anyway. grow up utmv community.#nash talks #probably delete later #nashdoesstuff #this is exactly why i’m so tired of this fandom’s bs and have considered leaving as many times as i have #you guys don’t know how to fucking behave.#will i leave? probably not considering utmv is my special interest #but my point still stands. grow the fuck up.#fandom discourse #ship discourse #i think the only proshipper i’ve ever blocked was flowey because he’s weird in other ways. it wasn’t even because of proshipping :/

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gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun · 1 year ago

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Okay but like

How much of the Tolkien fandom is homophobic?? Because from my experience Tolkien nerds are always either very homophobic or very queer positive, and I have no clue what the pie chart would show for how large each population is. It’s made me quite afraid of the fandom because I don’t know how to end up in only the gay parts and have had too many unpleasant encounters with the homophobic parts…

I know my exposure is only to a specific set of fans, so I don’t feel like I have enough experience to estimate and I’m just like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#sam and frodo out here being jonathan and david levels of obvious #and yet the christians will wail if i choose to see them as more than besties #i have no issue with christians but i’m t i r e d #i’m so tired of people throwing a fit just because their homophobia reacts with my gay #let me read my books in peace i want left alone #but maybe i’ve just been exposed to a loud minority in the fandom?#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#tolkien #lotr #silmarillion #sam and frodo #bagginshield #is also a super cute interpretation #i know tolkien didn’t write Gay on purpose #but for valar’s sake let me ship fictional characters in peace

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ihavea-natural-curiosity · 1 year ago

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me looking at the fact that the only disabled characters in the atla la were cast with abled actors (as far as i know):

it just really hurts to think about how actors who are in wheelchairs, and even actors who are like me (not in wheelchair but still are actually disabled and have trouble walking) feel about this.

like how many disabled actors auditioned and were so excited to finally have a chance and have a roll but some abled guy got cast instead, i don’t even have a wheelchair yet and im upset, i can’t imagine how they feel. (i’m not upset at the actors for this, im upset at the directors and other people in charge of casting people)

i probably shouldn’t have put so much faith in netflix to cast things like this well, but still. i don’t even have the energy to be upset about things like this anymore, im just. tired.

(also if either of these actors are actually physically disabled, please tell me, i really hope i’m wrong)

#as a young disabled actor #(i act in physical theaters so it’s different but still)#if there was a role casting for a disabled character and some abled kid got cast #i can’t even describe how upset i would feel #let alone on a big name show like this #i’m personally against the idea behind (most) live action remakes #but if they’re gonna do it i wish they’d do it right #i’m just so fucking tired of young physically disabled people being so ignored #fucking sigh #natla #avatar the last airbender #atla #teo atla #toph

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strafethesesinners · 1 year ago

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:( :( :( :( :( :( :(

#idk man #I could write whole paragraphs about how bad I feel rn but #wouldn’t be saying anything new #I’m just so so tired #but I miss y’all and I miss writing about my boys #I just have no energy for like being alive #let alone anything creative #personal

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enrapture · 9 months ago

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It’s so hard to find good people in the world.

#I’ve lost faith in humanity a long time ago #im tired #im tired of feeling so alone #im tired of being sad #my heart can only take so much #I’ve got enough wounds and bruises to prove it #I know it falls into you need to be around the right people #but it’s always I thought they were the right people and they seemed like it and I have so much so many chances and opportunities #just to be let down it’s fucking exhausting #I give people room and chances to change for the better to grow and I’m always stabbed in the back in some way #I know it falls into you’re just around the wrong people but agdhdjaks UGH