#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear
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Got a Japanese grocery store near me. It IS kept very meticulously neat and orderly, but in a completely different way than what we usually see in the US — the “flow” of foods breaks up differently I guess.
Even so, despite now living on the East coast where literally anything from Japan is easily three to six times the cost as it was in California, many foods are still much cheaper.
And there’s WAY more variety. If you ever wanted to know about 21 different types of edible seaweed, and how to use them, that’s the place to go, and they WONT bankrupt you like a health food store.
The exception is some snack foods and other imports — but largely, the produce in that store actually comes from California; it often says so right on the boxes.
You see, the US has very weird food standards aesthetically, so we import a huge quantity of produce, and export the stuff that’s Ugly or that we just aren’t interested in.
But some of it stays here — and goes principally to markets aimed at minorities.
SO if you actually want to support US agriculture AND get cheap groceries, do absolutely find an Asian or even Hispanic / pretty much any minority market/store. I grew up next to the latter, with a similar butcher shop across the street. It was often times the only way we even could afford produce and meat; neither store was pretty by US standards, but it was INFINITELY better than relying on the quite literally rotten food that came in the food boxes. At some point FREE just gets used as a convenient excuse to dump waste somewhere and make it someone else’s problem; and while we did need to rely on those boxes at times, you bet your ass we nickel and dimed our way into those produce markets and learned to make preserves, because nobody should have to eat f-ing rotting food. But that is another story for another day.
Point is you are doing a lot more good for a lot more people shopping in a store like that than feeding the corporate overlords.
(And for the record, when I say cheaper, which is not a term most Americans associate with Japanese anything, I mean it — a bushel - that is about two pounds- of apples at Acme/safeway is like 4-6 bucks, so 2-3$ a pound. At this particular Japanese and sometimes Korean market, THE SAME APPLES are like 50c- 1.00 a pound, because They’re From The US and often are just not as pretty as ones you’d buy elsewhere. Yeah, you’ll have to cut around some nicks and bruises on that pear (and OMG do they have pears! Like 6 varieties!) but it’s perfectly edible and delicious.
Same goes for herbs. Whole Foods is a freaking rip off selling fresh mint for 2 dollars for like 12 stems. The Japanese market? You can get an entire damn mint plant for that price. Dried spices are sold in bulk like at Winco, from hoppers with bags. You pay by weight, not brand. So you can in fact get more than 6 stamens of Saffron for the 9$ that freakin’ McCormic sells that stuff. (You pay for the glass bottle more than anything).
The ONLY thing that makes this market unappealing to people: They put just about everything they can in Metric. Weights are sold by mg and kilo first; there are numbers that correlate to the respective pound /ounce on some things, and others are just in US imperial like the apples. But if you weigh the spices or pasta or anything like that, you’ll be charged for the metric conversion. Which apparently upsets dumb people who don’t understand that a gram is far more precise than an ounce, and that it keeps them from losing stock too fast since they’re pretty small fish — it’s owned by two people, and staffed by maybe 7 at a time. They don’t get priority on restock.
Anyway, small business grocery = best place to buy food
How to Shop at an Asian (or other ethnic) Grocery Store
Do you live in or near a city in the US?
Need to save some money on groceries?
Might I introduce you to... shopping at the local Asian grocery?
Asian grocery stores aimed at an Asian-American customer base almost always beat the prices of their western (or for-western) counterparts. Often by a significant amount, especially in categories like produce, meat, rice, and spices. Plus in addition to lower prices, you get the satisfaction of supporting a small, local business instead of a larger chain store.
(Note that a lot of this information applies to other ethnic grocery stores as well, but we're using Asian because they're common in many cities, and have particularly good prices on produce.)
But it can be a little bit of a learning curve when you first start to shop at them. This post will give you the information you need to navigate them.
So how do you find a good Asian grocery store?
First, go on google maps and search "grocery".
Note that you are NOT googling "Asian Grocery" or "Cheap Grocery". If you search "Asian Grocery" you will get results for Asian stores marketing toward a western audience, and because of this, will be neat, shiny, and very pricey. If you search "Cheap Grocery" you will get stores marketing themselves as cheap, which generally are only slightly less expensive than their "expensive" counterparts (think Aldi). Okay in a pinch, but you can do better.
Second, look at the pictures of all the stores you can easily get to.
Here's what you want: not a lot of printed ads, pictures of hand-written signs (especially in languages other than English), food in cardboard bins, and you want it to look kind of "junky". Bonus points if you can see prices listed in the pictures or the people shopping there are mostly older, ethnic women.
Third, If you couldn't find anything like this, go on your city's subreddit.
Search "cheap", "cheap grocery" and "expensive grocery". Why "expensive grocery"? Because you want to find people complaining about grocery prices, and you want to see the advice they get. Many times, that advice is Asian or ethnic grocery stores.
If you're still not getting anything, google "[city name] cheap grocery" and "[city name] expensive grocery" (see above). Scroll until you get to FORUMS discussing groceries in your city. You DO NOT want blogs or articles. Again, you're looking at the advice people are given when they complain about grocery prices.
One of the first questions people ask upon walking into an Asian grocery store of the type discussed in this post is:
"Is the food I'm getting here safe to eat?"
The answer is just as safe as anywhere else you might shop.
You're probably used to very clean, pretty, well-lit, well-organized stores. This will probably not be that, but it will be regulated by the same health department that regulates those stores. They are held to the same standards.
It's a lot of work to keep a store looking like a western consumer expects. It's a lot less work (and thus less money) to keep a store looking like an ethnic career housewife or grandmother expects. That is largely where the savings comes from.
What's a good deal at an Asian grocery?
Produce. You're probably used to things like onions and carrots being the cheapest per pound. Here it's going to be greens, apples, pears, radish, cabbage and maybe squash and sweet potatoes. Check unit prices and prepare to try some new things. Also a pound of greens is a LOT of greens. Keep that in mind. Also keep in mind that you might see a few pieces of produce that are bruised or have mold on them. That's okay. Just don't buy those pieces. The rest of the batch is probably fine. Wash produce when you get home if you're concerned, though you should be doing that anyway.
Rice and dry beans. If you like to buy in bulk, you're in luck. Don't expect to walk away with a pound or two of these. They come in 40lb packages. But if you tailor most of your meals around them, those meals will be cheap af. There are also lots of different types of specialty rice if you want to make your own sushi or mochi. Learn how to soak and sprout beans.
Tofu. Tofu is expensive when you buy it at a health food store. It is not when you buy it at an Asian grocery. It probably won't be in pretty packages, but again, cheap is not going to be super pretty.
Meat and fish. Meat is generally going to be cheaper here, though maybe not by as much as the produce is. Pork will probably be your cheapest option. You may also see cuts you don't normally see, like tongue, intestine, liver, kidneys, blood, etc... "Weird," however, does not automatically mean cheap in this context. Check unit prices and prepare to be adventurous. If you don't know what else to do with them, dried fish and animal organs make fantastic stock when boiled.
Spices. Again with the extremely large quantities here. But very inexpensive compared with their western counterparts.
Candy. This makes a great inexpensive gift if you need one, since the candy sold at these stores is fairly exotic for a western audience.
What isn't a good deal at an Asian grocery?
Dairy. This includes fresh milk, butter, cheese, etc... If they have it, it will be very expensive. Consider buying elsewhere.
Eggs. Again, this will probably be as expensive or more than the eggs you could get at a western supermarket.
Snacks. Pre-made items will be expensive in general, even though they may be tempting because they are different from what you are used to and you don't need to learn to cook a new thing. Do your best to avoid these and make your own if you can. If you can't, frozen pork or vegetable dumplings are probably your best bet for a quick meal.
Bread. It's pricey. A lot of Asian cuisines use rice, noodles, or buns for their starch instead of western-style bread. So if you can find it it will often be a novelty item.
What else do I need to know?
It's okay to be overwhelmed by new ingredients. Look up some YouTube videos on how to cook certain ingredients if you're not familiar with them.
These are not supermarkets. They sell food and sometimes the kitchenware (steamers, woks, chopsticks, etc...) needed to cook it. You will probably need to get your soap and household items somewhere else.
Pay in cash if you can. Most of these are very small businesses and paying them cash makes it so they don't need to pay credit card fees. At the very least, make the minimum purchase before paying with a card.
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Hello, could you please do mihawk, benn, Rayleigh and shanks x f reader who is a lot younger? (like early 20s)
Younger S/O - Shanks & Mihawk
Content: female reader, age gap, younger (but not minor ofc) s/o
Notes* Hey! So I tried a few times to write for Rayleigh and Benn, but I just don’t know their characters like that- so here's the two I know I can do! I apologize for it being a little shorter than normal, I opened up requests and then immediately got cursed with writer's block again
Shanks
Shanks definitely does not look his age, so when you’d spotted him at the bar all those years ago, you had no reservations about flirting with him
He was totally into it, too. A young, pretty girl showing interest in him? Hell yes
At first, it was a simple fling. But then Shanks continued to return to your island again and again, seeking you out over and over until it wasn’t just coincidence anymore
You two became a couple, but on the low. Shanks didn’t need any idiot bandits, pirate or marines targeting you to get back at him
In the beginning of your relationship with him, he was very careful about the power dynamic between you two
He was a powerful man and an older one at that, so he makes extra sure that during the time you two spend together, he takes care of you very well
Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t tease you!
Around the crew or people he feels can take a joke, he calls you his sugar baby
You hate his dumb jokes, but you love him, and he loves you
Mihawk
Mihawk is the type of man that he doesn’t care who you are or where you come from
Age would not factor into his views of his wife. If he loves you, he loves you
While he’s not always the type to show that outright with words or constant physical affection, he prefers to show it with acts of service
Respect is his top priority as well- doesn’t matter the age. You will be respected and regarded highly as his wife
He’s a protector, but sometimes overly so. That’s where the age gap gets him- he often assumes that you need help or company with anything from household chores to a walk on the island (but to be fair, the island can be dangerous
He also likes to use old slang, which sometimes leaves you baffled as to its meaning
It’s actually pretty funny having to ask him what the hell he’s talking about when he says things like, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”
It’s one of the rare moments when you can watch him laugh, because the sheer confusion on your face amuses him
He gives you your own space in the castle as well. He values his own solitude at times, so he’s sure you want yours at times, too
#one piece#hwop#harleywritesop#harleyasks#shanks x reader#op shanks#one piece shanks#red haired shanks#op mihawk#mihawk x reader#hawkeye mihawk#mihawk one piece#dracule mihawk
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you ever just think abt Them
the mall video, the way moon followed sun, the way he immediately decided the yellow yogurt dispenser was for sun because it had his colors, the way he gave him a coconut popsicle because he wanted sun to be able to try it as well.
the way he knew sun wanted to buy things, and immediately gave him all the coins he found in the mountain so he could buy whatever he wanted. ("Moon! I want to try everything, Moon."
"Okay.")
the laboratory video, with how excited he was to show the things he made off to sun, the way he allowed sun to use them on him in turn for the fact he used them on him.
("Moon, we can't just become a common crimina-- what's this?"
"A chocolate popsicle."
"A...chocolate popsicle?"
"I made it."
"Oh! Like a homemade popiscle? :0"
"Yep."
"Oh my goodness, thank you Moon- I knew you cared about me deep down!"
"Sure.")
-.-
("Don't worry. If you ask, I can make things for you, too.")
the video where they first met monty, where moon told sun that he'd be the one to lie for him, because sun wasn't comfortable doing so himself.
another thing i may note with this episode is that monty never once physically hit sun; he hit moon because he was in the way, but other than verbal threats, he never actually did anything. this carries on to later episodes, too, i believe.
("We can't lie to people, Moon!"
"Yes we can."
"Why?"
"I can. You don't have to; I will.")
he treats FREDDY better than he does SUN. which i find particularly strange because both sun and freddy have the same exact traits.
they're considered the dumb ones, too kind, a bit naive. but in the episode they upgraded freddy, moon was so soft towards him while threatening sun the moment before
("Your joints are connected by screws, I will take off your limbs."
"Freddy, help me! He's threatening to kill me!"
"Uhh..don't kill him, please."
"Freddy, you are a sweet baby boy, move out of the way.")
sometimes i think about how bewildered and offset sun seemed when moon was suddenly being nice to him, the way while happy about it he still chose to keep his distance because something was obviously wrong with moon.
("You're so good at this job."
"...I am?"
"Yeah! You're the best at it."
"..Okay! [nervous laughter] Let's just- now go downstairs!")
moon clearly holds sun in a bit of a higher care than he acts like he does. hell, he panicked when sun was 'missing', and told monty he'd do anything as long as monty gave him back (even if it turned out that monty had nothing to do with it, and that sun was just sleeping.)
("I don't have a ringer! I don't even know what a ringer is! Why are you hitting me?!"
"Because I just had to go get a necronomicon because I thought Monty kidnapped you!")
i will say that the demon and angel episode added a lot of insight on how moon does feel about sun. my only gripes is that it feels like NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT.
("I don't think we should be yelling at him--"
"You're right! i shouldn't be yelling at him! I SHOULD BE BEATING HIM TO A BLOODY PULP!
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I just wanted to share my cool science with you.."
-.-
("It's not like you try to get along with me!"
"I don't try to get along with you becase the first thing you ever did was just saying 'Oh, you're so annoying and dumb and stupid!' What do you mean, try?!")
-.-
"I've been trying my best! That's why I've been bringing you along for my adventures!"
-.-
("I made your favorite..."
"I want you to tell me right now what my favorite is."
"Gingersnap.")
it feels like after they got foxy, it went downhill. or maybe it was after roxanne on her own. maybe that isn't fair to them, maybe it is. i don't know. but there was definitely a shift in moon's behavior, to me at least.
because it feels like foxy brought a surge of violence...
("Hey, by the way, Monty? Sun ran onto oncoming traffic."
"I'm not too surprised, the way you treat him.")
...which only seemed to spiral further once they got bonnie.
("You just- he just hit me with the bottom of his gun, Moon!"
"Let the Sheriff do what he needs to do."
-.-
("It doesn't matter anymore, no one likes me."
"If no one likes you, then you'd think you'd try and be a little different."
"Why- why should I at this point?! Screw you, Moon.")
moon considers sun one of his best friends, which we know from freddy of all people because sun's name is literally part of the password to their internet.
("It's the names of his three best friends! Himself, you, and me!"
"I- I don't think you can be friends with yourself."
"Moon's very self-oriented!"
"Yeah, I know that one...selfish guy."
"No, not selfish! Self-oriented.")
can i just say that it's a terrible fact it can even be part of a bar when this is one of the few episodes moon doesn't physically attack sun, and that's only because hes too focused on investigating?
("So you're saying that Sun's the problem because he keeps getting caught!"
"No, you are in fact still the problem, Moon."
"HA!")
that entire conversation with foxy and roxanne both in the video that sun finally, perhaps rightfully if not in the best way, snapped.
("Just drop the gun, Sun- just drop the gun and we'll be okay- this isn't you- this isn't you, dude-"
"This isn't me? YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS! I'm going to enjoy watching you dissipate to nothing.")
-.-
("Why do you want to kill Bonnie so bad?"
"He has done nothing except torture me ever since he has come here!")
i don't know what moon was expecting, when trying to confess to him. moon, bestie, i think the first sign that you fucked up should have been the very moment he assumed that it was a prank. that eclipse was messing with him.
("I'm in love with you-- what?
"So Eclipse is doing something to you, right?"
"What?"
"Eclipse is doing something to you?"
"…n- no?"
"Yeah, okay, I get it. Eclipse, this some kind of big prank trying to get me to say I like Moon in some romantic light because he treats me like garbage all the time? Eclipsee?-- oh.")
that something was wrong with you.
-.-
("...Because I like you?"
"That's not possible. Improbible!"
"I mean, you're a good person, you're nice, you're kind."
"YOU LITERALLY BEAT ME UP EVERY DAY!")
the fact monty was surprised that moon liked sun. which says a lot because it feels like monty's one of the few moon hangs out around, besides foxy and bonnie.
("Yeah, it's because he doesn't believe i'm in love with him."
"Pardon?"
"Byeee.")
the fact that freddy's been trying to talk to moon about it. been giving moon advice. and moon hasn't been taking it whatsoever.
("He's been talking to me about it. He didn't know how to go about it because he thought you would hate him."
"I do hate him!"
"Yeaahh…I know. But I wanted him to learn his own way."
"He literally started beating me for some trivial reason-- for no reason??"
"Yeeeahhh… I know. I wanted him to learn from his own mistakes.")
while roxanne was..close to being a friend to sun, she's also- as much as i hate to say it- more of an...observer? like she doesnt have the- yknow- courage to actually prevent it outside of words. she was on that route of "she has the spirit, but she's too weak-willed to actually do anything about it" i think. because she like,, she did try! but she never actually followed through. all she said was "maybe we shouldn't do that?" and then never actually tried to stop them
and freddy- while he isnt actively doing things...did turn a blind eye to bonnie's antics in the carnival video. he, too, has never once actually said anything about how sun was treated.
the only one who EVER said anything about it was monty, and that was offhand. that and the fact monty said he cheered when sun pulled the trigger on foxy and bonnie. which honestly might as well be the closest person to an almost-friend sun has! because while monty hasn't been particularly helpful, he hasn't outright hurt him either!
for all the times eclipse has tried to send people after sun and moon to kill them (which so has bonnie! so has moon!), at least he hasn't once went under the guise of actually caring for sun. he hasn't lied to him or anything. also!! that time on the roof, with him and bonnie? while eclipse didn't say anything, he didn't dismiss sun either as he ranted about all the things bonnie did to him. he never once interrupted, let him get it out of his system.
which maybe thats the bare minimum! but honestly? despite all his faults, i'd still think sun was better off with him. because at least he knows eclipse doesn't outright care, and so he can't get sucked in that continious cycle of mixed feelings.
this is all just mostly my opinion though so. feel free to disagree, this is just from what i noted, and honestly i might not have worded it the best but its the best i got rip
i dont even know what im trying to say with this tbh. they are just... idk. i miss what they used to be. i wish things were better for them.
#moon and sun minecraft#masm#masm sun#masm moon#masm foxy#masm bonnie#masm chica#masm monty#masm freddy#masm eclipse
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Save the Cat is a snappy read, and only 8 chapters, so I'm just doing a liveblog of them unless I get bored or distracted.
Chapter one is about the pitch, the logline, the title, what you put on a poster and how you sell it. It doesn't necessarily come first, but I get the sense that for Snyder this would be his preferred way of doing it. (A logline is just the one-sentence "what is it about" that you use to sell people on the idea.)
Snyder says that writing loglines is awful, soul-crushing work, and I agree there. I'm awful at it. But Snyder also says that if you don't have a good logline, maybe there's something wrong with your movie, and that I don't agree with.
I think there's a fairly wide set of stories that have good, snappy, easy loglines, and are also good stories. But I think there are other stories that are good stories and don't have a great way to pitch them. The lack of a good pitch can exist for a lot of reasons, and sometimes it's just that it's more complex than can be summed up in a single sentence, or even a handful of sentences. I think in practice writers will often dumb down the story for the logline, lying about what's contained within, just to make sure that it will sell, that people will want to know what's inside.
One of the other main points of the chapter is that a good logline has irony to it, a twist inherent in the title, some kind of thematic tension, and I disagree with that too, maybe not from the standpoint of selling a script, but from the standpoint of storytelling.
Why does everything have to have an irony to it? Why does everything have to have a twist? Why can't we have stories that are just well-told explorations of conflict and character? It's like at some point people decided that they only wanted Distinct Pieces of Media, so if you wanted to tell a story that's been told before, something with its own unique texture, you're just shit out of luck.
I find this all the more irritating because often the twist/irony/idea/pitch is good, and then the execution is shit, and then people don't want that idea again. It's not like you can say "like that thing that flopped, but good".
Blake Snyder is trying to tell good stories, but he's also trying to sell stories, and this is a good thing for authors to know how to do. I accept this. I just don't like it.
So as a writing exercise, here are some loglines for things I've written, without the amount of care and polish and revision that a good logline needs:
Worth the Candle - A teenaged dungeonmaster gets thrust into the worlds he's created, where his recently deceased friend is a historical figure. (This is bad, not short and snappy enough.)
This Used to be About Dungeons - Five young adults team up to delve dungeons and bake pies. (I don't know man, I said I was bad at this.)
Thresholder - A man travels through portals to different worlds and genres, gathering powers and skills as he fights other people just like him.
Shadows of the Limelight - In a world where fame gives you power, a fanboy saves the life of the world's greatest hero in full view of the public.
The Dark Wizard of Donkerk - An orphan raised by two dark wizards adventures north with a wayward princess.
Millennial Scarlet - A gig-economy demon hunter grapples with the death of his mother and the plans she set up before she passed.
Alright, I found that less soul-sucking than usual, but I don't think that these are the oiled, muscular, perfectly toned and smiling loglines that are necessary to sell, just to be clear. The marketing unit of written fiction is not really the logline, though that helps, it's the blurb, and I am equally awful at writing those. I just don't agree with Blake Snyder that a blurb or logline coming poorly is a sign that you don't know the story.
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SCREENSHOTS I GOT FROM THE JEREMY JORDAN LIVESTREAM YESTERDAY. especially love the comments on his duck drawings. he was very proud of some of them since he needed to practice before the stream. he admits he does not draw much lol
and here's Lucifer's signature that Jeremy came up with: a cursive capital L attached to a pentagram!
the stream was SO FUN and literally only felt like 20 minutes even tho it was almost an hour
at one point he mentioned he's making pancakes with olive oil now since he has high cholesterol, and that he LOVES how the pancakes turned out. someone responded:
(later someone joked he should make pancakes with bacon grease and he almost shouted (not angrily) "DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE? I JUST SAID I HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL. I just said. I had high cholesterol. Are you TRYING. To kill me."
anyway back to screenshots lol)
"Take that, depression!" was a popular quote to write on prints, and he said he hoped we're not depressed and it was very sweet
some more quotes written during the stream and other notes:
"I'm gonna be signing these prints of my boy Lucifer, the short king of Hell"
he drank both a cold smoothie and hot tea during the stream. "Doesn't make any goddamn sense, but here we go."
"It's never too late to fuck up--too late to fuck shit up" (a legitimate accidental stammer. but still perfect in its own way)
"Every time I hear the name 'Shay' I think of my daughter's friend at school. My daughter's obsessed with a friend named Shay. 'S all she talks about. 'Shay Shay Shay Shay Shay Shay.' Shay and Madeline. It's like 'You can be your own person. Clara. You are your own HUMAN.' …HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KATHERINE."
hopes to go to some conventions for Hazbin Hotel. more likely to go to cons in New York, New Jersey (where he lives), or Philly area
"He's just a li'l cutie. :3 Is he really da bosh? :3" (wondering if Lucifer really is the Big Boss of Hell Himself or if it's just more of a title)
"Hope you're not depressed"
" 'Write something Lucifer would say to cheer someone up.' And I think Lucifer would think that… 'SINGING MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER!' At least when it comes to rebuilding your relationship with your daughter."
"Guess what's in my smoothie. There are six ingredients. Go."
"…said draw a little duck, so I drew the smallest duck I could. (holds print up to camera then says in small high-pitched voice:) It's a little duck!"
MORE QUOTES UNDER THE CUT. THIS POST IS GETTING LONG ASFQJSKSKSKKS
_____
about his smoothie again: "Obviously, I just went to the gym. So I gotta have some kinda supplement in there. ... WHAT'S THE BASE, Y'ALL? YOU GOTTA HAVE A BASE." (someone could use that audio and give a character a bass guitar lol)
(still about people guessing smoothie ingredients:) "WATER? Why would I put water in my smoothie. (mutters:) Water is for losers. ... Kale! -grins and points at camera- That's it! You win. That's my smoothie."
his smoothie was blueberries, bananas, strawberries, protein powder, almond milk, kale
"…with a hUUGE shmiley faysh! :3" (about a little " =) " smile he wrote with an autograph)
"THAT DUCK IS CUTE!"
"We love, we stan Lilith"
AGGRESSIVELY, ABOUT A JOKE HE MADE: "GET IT?"
Some fatherly advice from Lucifer: "Don't fuck up your lives like I did 😎"
HE SANG THE START OF HELL'S GREATEST DAD AND WANTS A MIMZY-LESS VERSION THAT ACTUALLY HAS AN ENDING QSJFKSKKSKS
he's only seen Hazbin Hotel once, and he had "~champagne fountains, caviar mountains, that's just to staaart~" going through his head for the two+ years between recording his lines and the show airing. he wasn't able to tell anyone it because of non-disclosure stuff, and eventually he even forgot what that song line was from. but it still went through his head
"[Person he was signing an autograph for] is a bi girl [bisexual], and that's pretty baller"
"AN INCREDIBLE DUCK YOU SHALL HAVE"
"Take that depression!! Quack"
"Hold please!" (i just liked imagining Lucifer saying almost any small thing)
Jeremy Jordan says Lucifer is short, and not just that all the other characters are tall (i cannot confirm that that is canon even tho that's what i want LOL) "What gives!? There are short people in this world, and they need some love"
someone asked what he thinks about OC x canon ships. he was confused about what OC means and then when the chat explained, he was confused about how "OC x canon" works. but he figured it out after thinking for a moment. "So basically everybody wants to fuck Lucifer. GOT IT."
"Am I going to Hell for this" (about all the pentagrams he's drawing)
"…so i just did a bunch of stars and hearts around Emery's name 💜"
someone asked about his favorite Hazbin Hotel song, and he answered that season 2 has a rock song he really likes 👀 👀
"(a requested phrase for an autograph:) 'Duck lord loves you no matter what.' ...Don't know what that particularly means but…"
#jeremy jordan#hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#hazbin lucifer#hazbin hotel lucifer#duckies#streamily#IF SOMEONE KNOWS WHO MADE THE 'TAKE THAT DEPRESSION' DUCK STICKER THAT JEREMY WORE AND THE SHIRT LMK.#THE ITEMS WERE BROUGHT UP A FEW TIMES AND I'D LIKE TO POINT FANS TO THEM IN CASE PEOPLE ARE INTERESTED.#IF SOMEONE NOTICES I GOT DETAILS WRONG LMK AND I'LL EDIT THE POST. I MAINLY WAS TAKING RAPID NOTES DURING THE STREAM AND#I MAKE MISTAKES SOMETIMES#also i felt i should say somewhere but didn't know where in the post that i am NOT depressed lol. but i hope my followers and#you other peeps are doing well!!!! <3 <3#lucifer notable#<- FOR HIS SIGNATURE SQJFKSKSKSKS#AND ALL HIS DUCK DRAWING REFERENCES#OH LOL. I HAVE A MESSAGE OR TWO IN THE SCREENSHOTS. DON'T WORRY I INCLUDED A STREAMILY URL WHEN I FINISHED THAT FIRST COMMENT QSJKFSKSK#someone said they'll get one of the duck drawings tattooed or smth and that's a great idea honestly LOL#will reblog with a link to the saved Insta video since i don't want this post to get hidden in the tags. that happens right?#that's a thing if you link to non-tumblr sites i think. lame and dumb (and even frankly concerning) agh#oH. ALMOST FORGOT:#LUCIFER META AND HEADCANON#<- FOR HIS L + PENTAGRAM SIGNATURE. CANON FOR ME#heart-of-the-morningstar#<- for the video clips i linked
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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.
#delete later#I know I’m not a good friend#but i think it’s trauma related#and I know that’s not an excuse#but a reason#and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me#I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so#I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives#and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear#and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life#but I’m just so tired of being alone#I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too#and I wanna hang out with people#and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling#like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong#but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done#for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back#I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends#if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant#sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health#my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant#I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again#I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit#I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…
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I’m starting to think a lot of people on Tumblr think “doomed by the narrative” just means “bad things happen to a character”.
#Like. I dunno man.#“Doomed by the narrative” is generally a specific type of story where the narrative is itself a character#Rosencrantz and Guildenstern in R&G Are Dead are doomed by the narrative#Your average character who has bad things happen to them because they made a dumb decision is not#Characters are PART of the narrative#That’s how they work!#And if you want to analyze a peice of art then the characters#and the way they interact with the rest of the narrative are a HUGE part of it#Then you have to take that into account#“Doomed by the narrative” seems often used to take away agency in characters#And that is SO BORING.#In a story focused on characters then the things characters do ARE the narrative#The things in the story that happen are THEIR FAULT#If you want to talk about characters poorly conveying things because the author had something they wanted to say#And said it poorly#That’s one thing#And I KNOW that a lot of people just us the phrase as a joke#And that’s FINE#I just get frustrated sometimes#Not meant as a call out of any kind just bitching#Am I making sense?
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i also find it very funny how people think laura actually cared about james at all when his name is only mentioned 4 times in the secret diary and they all occur in the same paragraph in which she's mentioning lying to dr. jacoby *scratches head* ... meanwhile here's just a few of the times she mentions bobby
like idk you tell me who she was actually in love with
#she basically says multiple times that when she finally gets rid of BOB she wants to actually work things out with bobby - that she's saving#him and his love for when the 'REAL' laura comes back#god.......... their relationship makes me so fucking sad LMAO#people who don't get laura truly just need to read the book like it's such an amazing read and so haunting and sad#just. peak. to me#i truly can't understand how people thought she loved james at all when she knew donna loved him LMAO#like she did not give a SHIT about james and it's very easy to tell from everytime she actually talks about him when he isn't around#their last interaction kinda says everything imo like i don't think she hated him#i do think she treasured him for being like. an escape for her. something unrelated to all the drugs and sex related entanglements#but other than that it's like. she thought he was 'sweet but so dumb' and rolled her eyes when donna said how 'great' he is LMAO#like there's a reason james didn't understand the 'it's happening again' feeling like bobby and donna and cooper did#because they actually have Real Connections with laura. and laura loved them (excluding cooper but they do have a strong connection ofc)#the two loves of laura's life were bobby and donna. that's all i gotta say. bc she mentions donna only slightly more than bobby like. wow#i really think ppl only care about this show bc of cooper sometimes... and i adore cooper too but... c'mon...
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God. God. God. Holy fucking shit i love Avatar so fucking much
#horse.txt#im being so real right now it breaks my goddamn heart that so many people hate it on principle and go into it waiting to be disappointed#like. god. seriously? how do so few people seem to see the shit im seeing? how do people not GET its RIGHT THERE???#idk man im like. high and the hd release is out so it feels like Christmas but this shit has been on my mind and its at like a precipice#its one thing when ppl just aren't into it but the absolute LOATHING and DISDAIN people harbour for these movies is just. baffling#i cant understand it#i hate statistics. why did it have to pan out this way#how can anybody hate this production literally decades in the making? the fucking DEFINITION of a Passion Project?#the labour and love and inventive GENIUS that has gone into these films--and#you know what? the writing ISN'T that fucking awful. its not perfect because no movie is ever fucking perfect and sometimes you#have to give a script and characters breathing room. room to make mistakes!!! because this fucking obsession with#'characters dont have to be realistic!' is BULLSHIT. and NO saying that does not conflict with the idea that Characters=/=real ppl in#discourse!the ideas can fucking coexist! having realistic characters is GOOD its fucking GOOD when theyre stupid and do shit you dont like!#because thats what REAL PEOPLE DO thats what makes them fucking COMPELLING thats what youre SUPPOSED to let draw you in!!!!!!#but noooo no no no no keep repeating your smurf pocahontas jokes and roll your eyes at anyone who does like it like theyre stupid#because you can't be assed to give something a chance just because everyone Else is calling it stupid#and you dont want them to roll their eyes at /you/#i know this is dumb to be so heated about but im just. im sad man. im happy im having a great day!! but im sad#about how few people i can share it with yk..???
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"
People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"
Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"
#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse#like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont#ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean#i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun#lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly#oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well#the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that#oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour#as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little#so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends!#ha ha. this is agony.#i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone#which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one#also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse#i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy#its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking#yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much#im also just really snappy sometimes#I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine#they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them#i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents#they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them#sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone#i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it#sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay#I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor#again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon#if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed#personal rambles#vent tag
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its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.
anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.
She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”
yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.
all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.
#NOT TOH FANFIC#see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this.#the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR.#*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though.#my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people#its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus.#anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to--#--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS#still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria#they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot...#actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up.#we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh.#anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner#i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them#and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose.#STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH.#we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS.#...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up.#shitposting shit#idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how#mentally ill i was back in 2020#talking into the void yk how it isssss
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Me: I hate [insert thing here] discourse
Also me: *gets so annoyed when people are blatantly stupid and do things thay make zero sense therefore making me go along with discourse bc I can only handle so much stupidity*
#yes this is about queer discourse bc oh my god its painful#yes let people be themselves but also stop being stupid#sometimes things contradict each other and you can be both and that's fucking ok#its like the shit where ive seen people literally just too afraid of one label for whatever reason so they make up a middle label#god i sound shitty out of context#i mean like bi lesbian- you cant be bi and a lesbian that doesnt work#its ok to be bi its ok to be lesbian fuck its ok to be straight i just wish people would stop skirting around labels for dumb reasons#and this is all coming from someone who struggles like hell with labels#i also hate slur discourse bc its very simple who can and cant say what#like if youre cishet ofc you cant say a slur#and nonbinary people are trans so we can say a slur dont fuckign diminish our transness you transmed ass freaks#god damn i hate getting riled up about stupid probably 14 year olds on the internet#people are dumb and im tired of them#long story fucking short do what you want just dont be stupid or an asshole#this was a lot of tags
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I get very tired of dealing with people who are so busy being "practical" that they're just totally prescriptive
I tend to be, I think, a fairly pragmatic person. Like most years I spend about... maybe $50 on myself for the whole year (this year is going to be a bit higher, but there's also specific utility to what I'm spending it on). I tend to not bother buying myself snacks, cause I know I'm mostly hungry, and if I'm hungry real food is a better deal (I sadly tend to fail to get ahold of the real food either)
My point is that I tend to be very goal oriented (not in a ladder climbing way, in a I set goals and then work towards them kinda way), I tend to be very focused on what will push my situations into being sustainable, I tend to look for high efficiency, low cost, long term solutions
I was... I was talking to that friend I'll say is Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass (I was more trying to talk to my dad, but they were both there). It was definitely Mr Dumbass today
For one thing, he was already saying a bunch of really fucking dumb shit where... it's so stupid I'm not even going to repeat it, where it's like the answer for why we don't do that is because it's obviously a moronically stupid idea on top of being immoral, and also totally ineffective you dipshit
So I already wasn't in the mood for him
Then, while talking about visiting my grandma, I mention how in order to start cooking I need sharp knives, none of my knives are sharp (cause my mom's a fool and dulls them all), and how it would really help if I could just take a knife from my grandma since she doesn't cook anymore and just... keep it as my personal knife that I keep sharp
(I can't do this, cause my grandma is... bug fuck crazy, and legit believes that if you gift someone a knife they'll kill people with it which like... where do you even get that idea, like she has literally said before that she'd give money to buy a knife but wouldn't give one as a gift... what?)
Anyway, Mr Dumbass starts going on about how I can just buy a new knife, and it's like no... in your quest for objective practicality you've lost all pragmatism
I don't need to buy a new knife, I need to learn to sharpen knives which... which I just have a bit of a block on cause I've had trouble figuring out how to sharpen stuff so far (I've come to suspect that which of the hard and soft stones you use first and second isn't intuitive and I've been trying to hone with the sharpening stone and sharpen with the honing stone)
Like... to get mean for just a slight moment, shut your fool mouth, you've got more money than I've ever even touched, and while you were poor at one point when you were younger you've clearly forgot, and not everyone can just buy stuff
Also you're saying a bunch of dumb shit tonight with such confidence and it's pissed me off
He's capable of being a very very smart and compassionate person, and then other times he's a damn fool, and far too often he... he talks about practicality without actually understanding how to be practical
Being practical requires working in the confines of reality
...I don't know, I don't think I have all the words I need to explain what I'm saying, but the point is he's annoyed me and people who act like him annoy me where it's like... nothing matters in the end other than if you actually solve something
You can talk all day about what someone "should do", but what matters is what they will do
So it gets frustrating talking with my family with him cause he has all this ideas where it's like... that functionally won't work, and like some of his great ideas are how I can just wait for my grandma to die and get the knife then and it's like... yeah... but I need a knife now dummy, and I have knives, and which is more useful?
Dropping a pretty penny on a new knife, or finishing learning a skill I really fucking need badly and that makes it so I can sharpen things for next to free forever?
...I'm just tired of having to do everything myself and getting no help, that's all. How about you shut your fucking mouth, stop trying to offer advice that's worse than my plans I'm already slowly turning the gears on making happen, and just let me bitch about my idiot relatives?
Laughing at this fool antics when he chooses to do that, legitimately is more helpful than any attempts to help
#last two paragraphs are things that sadly a lot of people could learn#sometimes you need to shut your mouth and just listen#and this is why I have my no advice without action policy#if the rolls were reversed; I'm not willing to suggest someone buy a knife unless I'm willing to pay for it#most I'll ever do is something like say 'Just wondering if this is something you've already tried'#like know someone who go hacked here; and I just asked if they're running two factor authentication now cause if not it might help#like that's the outside amount of advice I'm willing to offer without action#because it acknowledges that they may have already thought of it; and it more just tries to float an option than it does suggest shit#honestly... I think I'd be less annoyed if it was like 'what about buying a new knife?; rather than 'you should buy a new knife'#advice in the form of a question makes for a dialogue rather than dictation#lets the other person just explain why something won't work if they've already considered it#like in this case... money; way rather just sharpen shit and get to spend money on food instead of a knife#like... this is the crux of what I complain about with my grandma; that groceries are my number one desire with money#are you my grandma? suggesting that I just flippantly spend money once it becomes something you'd want to spend it on?#...and the answer honestly is that yeah that's usually how people are#they can laugh off wasting money on shitty over priced clothes; but when it's what they like spending on that's what everyone should do#...maybe I fail at it; but I try not to do that#try to just be a back up to people and support them in whatever matters to them#and once again; only offer advice when I'm actually willing to do something like drop the money on getting them the thing I think they need#eh... I don't want to share the other dumb shit he was saying cause... dear god#edgy stoned dipshit talk; you know?#framed as actionable policy#good guy; helped me move shit up (I mostly needed a driver) but... utter fucking ass too much of the time#there's reasons we're not closer
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It is so fucking funny how someone telling me to do something is the fastest and easiest way to get me to want to Actively grind my life back to halt instead.
#horse.txt#vent //#its dumb. im being dumb let me be clear. this is about getting a fucking job. writing my resume. my mom told me i need to#'start getting serious' about it#and i do. i do.#im just. ghhhh i feel like im going to fucking explode. its so easy its so easy everybody has to do it i dont get to be fucking special#but knowing that never fucking Means anything i can know that like its tattooed to my eyelids and it doesn't change the fact that#i have no idea what the fuck to do#i have lists and lists and lists of advice and tips and help and links and i appreciate them bc at least now i have a foundation to jump off#but i still can't fucking get through them#i cant figure it out. its right there but the second i start to try i run into some roadblock and i start freaking the fuck out#and then i cant fucking go back to it bc by then ive spent an hour crying and im too tired to do anything but sit and cry some more#i hate the fucking options here. i hate the options everywhete. i dont want to fucking work dude im just. im not fucking there#but theres no other fucking option and people get so fucking mean when you try to say that bc im just being fucking lazy lazy lazy#i dont know. if i am im not sure i care that much anymore#im just tired of feeling so fucking miserable and useless but it's hard to ignore because i just amm!!!!!#the only thing i can do better than some people is draw and the idea of doing That for a job makes me feel sick to my stomach#man. i dont know. idk#sometimes i just have to catastrophize things to get it out of my system . iygiygi#ill be fine#just might be a tense Christmas apparently.
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