#which isn’t bad in itself
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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in the pmd world it pays to have a sweet tooth
#Dusknoir#grovyle#pokemon doodles#original art#He’s so stupid I love him XD#The proud owner of half an IQ star#Which in itself isn’t so bad but I’m pretty sure dusknoir/celebi have a couple at least#Also what does hero/partner start with?#Somehow it feels like more then 1/2 😭😭#That explains why his plans are Like That
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Welcome to the “they’re just like me fr (derogatory)” club featuring no color because I would rather die than draw Sif with color
#keese draws#isat#in stars and time#isat siffrin#jackie stern#oxygen not included#ignore how I made sif look comically tiny I didn’t mean to even if I’m right#also the (derogatory) mostly applies to just jackie but sif made me remember I have hashtag issues so he gets a lil too#I do deeply adore both of them I just like jackie more because she’s a terrible person#which in turn means I bully her harder#I wish I could imagine fun interactions between sif and her or olivia but alas I don’t think it’d be very interesting#jackie would not be interested in talking to sif and olivia as much as I love her isn’t a very interesting conversationalist lol#I’d still enjoy watching her and sif interact but I feel like sif would get kinda overwhelmed by her technical questions#same with jackie if she actually did talk to them but I think she’d be more keen to seek the scientists of their world#and then she’s like this time craft needing immense power thing is bullshit I did it and it generates infinite power all by itself#and then she blows up this planet too to prove her point or smth#but yeah there’s smth deeply wrong with these guys I think they should die horrifically over and over again#but alas that only happens to one of them 😔#I’d love to put jackie in a timeloop she’d actually probably be actively happy for the first maybe few months but once she starts to crack#she’d just spiral soooo bad and shes absolutely incapable of self reflecting so her ass is not escaping#rly the most interesting question of looping jackie to me is how long would it take her to even for a second think she might have done a#single thing wrong in her life lol#sif vc aw shit I just messed smth small up time to have a breakdown over it#jackie vc wtf why did the earth blow up this must be dr.techna’s fault
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Not to be too rude on main but I have one friend (not on tumblr) who only messages me to vent about how their family drains them..you live halfway across the country, aren’t financially supported by them, and have a loving partner with a family that accepts you. Yes having a toxic family is difficult (I know from the way I grew up) but there comes to a point where it’s just, why stay in contact at that point?
#not to be an ass but I feel like whenever I hit them up it’s always the same thing#and they only reach out to message me personally when something happens with their family#and they’ll send a long text about what happened and then it’s like “that’s why I’m grateful for you#but the thing is I don’t feel like a friend#I feel like someone to vent to#which is a big part of friendship but that’s not the basis of what a friendship should be#and I can’t talk to them about it because they already have so much going on#it’s a first world problem at the end of the day just bugs me from time to time#but at the end of the day do you actually appreciate my company as a person#or do you want someone who can hold space for what you’re going through#which again the latter isn’t necessarily bad#but don’t say I’m a friend then ?#just someone you talk to when things are tough#like friendship itself is very different than just that#and girl will you have your identity forever orbiting around your suffering or will you actually save yourself
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one of my many favorite things about alhaitham is how he is unintentionally some of the best autistic representation i’ve seen in media the past few years 🫶 he’s literally just like me esp with the auditory sensitivity, his bluntness, and his aversion to socializing/collaborating with others. i relate to him So Much and it comforts me a lot, love him sm <3
live laugh love alhaitham fr
#one could even say that the unintended autistic traits make it more realistic#bc usually when a character is canonically autistic in media#it becomes the entire point of the character#where everything related to them is specifically related to autism#which isn’t a bad thing in itself#but it’s a tad annoying to me when said autistic character can’t exist in any storylines that don’t revolve around them being autistic#yknow?#def not speaking for all autistic ppl btw this is just my opinion ! /gen#anyways sry for rambling#genshin impact#alhaitham#genshin impact alhaitham
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oh that’s someone using the wrong pronouns for zach paranatural in the maintag
#cicada screams#and also being weird about the structure of pnat not being a comic anymore. which isn’t bad in itself but definitely sets off some alarms#can we please be normal guys. please#whatever. blocked!
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I was reading The Monkey King's Daughter (you can read the whole book for an hour) and apparently the protagonist is also Guanyin's grandchild? Can Guanyin be shipped?
I mean I can’t say like what are like the moral implications of shipping GuanYin itself cause that is so not my place but I’m still going to answer this cause it kinda of interesting when it comes to modern media. First off saying that like I have never really seen romance done with GuanYin. At least in a serious way. But if I had to take a guess it can be seen as 'possible' as much as like shipping anyone in Chinese mythos, in that isn't really taken seriously at all. In a lot of modern fan spaces there are a variety of crack ships for more humorous or hypothetical situations like I have seen literally the Star of Venus shipped with Jade Emperor just cause. But I don't see much with buddhas or bodhisattvas in either post-modern media nor in fan spaces. At least that isn't Wukong or Sanzang since they are both Buddhas. And I have done a whole thing about how Wukong for decades wasn’t seen as a romantic figure until like there was a huge character reconstruction, but that isn’t usually the case for most characters.
I would say that the most mainstream instance I can think off the top of my head is The Lost Empire (2001) where it had the main character has a romantic plot with Gaunyin herself. Of course, that wasn't really a masterpiece within itself but this was considered like a 'bad choice' more so that it was just a very strange and awkward romance at that.
Funny enough I think I see more romantic for humor's sake on Guanyin in comic books or games as likes gags at most. Like in Westward comics (later a tv series) Guanyin has a celestial-turned-demon trying to pursue him that he always rejects. Another is more play for laughs but Guanyin in the Fei Ren Zai where people just don't know it's Guanyin and think she is so attractive.
I've seen some games that have Guanyin as like a pretty boy/girl but otherwise nothing even close to a romance plot. Those are more just for like aesthetics of making every character look overly attractive to sell it.
The best I can say is that is just kinda strange and a little strange personally but I can't say that it can be taken seriously. I mean Wukong is supposed to be a Buddha by the end of the novel, so if The Monkey King's Daughter has it that a buddha can have a daughter then there wouldn't be anything stopping the author from having a bodhisattva having kids.
#anon ask#anonymous#anon#ask#sun wukong#monkey king#guanyin#chinese mythos#monkey king's daughter#Wukong is pretty self contained within Xiyouji himself so asking for a little bit of suspension of disbelief can be understood#but Gaunyin has a much longer history that is far more embedded with Buddhist mythology#She isn’t just a character in Xiyouji#and it would be limiting to her just to make it so#but I do think that might be the case in some media when it comes to portraying Gaunyin#esp since most modern interpretations of Guanyin are from xiyouji material just cause the sheer amount of xiyouji content there is#I rarely see Guanyin stand alone moves/shows and there are some trust me but most of her portrayals are within xiyouji spaces#there is a lot of conversation about xiyouji either being a reconstruction or a deconstruction of religion#and while the book is SATURATED in allegorical meaning whether in taoism buddhism or chinese lore it is also seen as satire of religion#people can take xiyouji as pointing out the flaws in humanity but also the flaws of heaven as well as it humanizes both gods and buddhas#this kinda of humanization can be seen as disrespectful to a certain extent but it is what makes these figures more engaging as characters#from a writing standpoint at least#this is me just rambling now about the interesting dycotomy that xiyouji has and has had with religion and how that can be see as today#to a certain extent a lot of directors take xiyouji plots as also their own way to show the heavens in their own way to convey satire#or humor as well depending on what their direction is aiming for#Some even go so far to make that heaven is just straight up the bad guy and that includes buddha as well which is a FAR more wild take than#just having romance in the heavens#But xiyouji does have it that we see these mythological figures have flaws#that heaven can lie or trick or they can take bribes and its up to the audience to interpretation as either satire or if it is critiquing#perhaps religion itself or rather the religious institutions since we do see both daoist and buddist monks as antagonists in the book#this as nothing to do with the ask at this point but i just wanna say my thoughts
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“Look for the strengths in yourself” this. “Your trauma doesn’t define you or make you inherently wrong” that. Do it out of spite. Value yourself out of spite.
What? Those douchebags told you that you weren’t worth anything? Fuck them! Treat yourself like you’re worth something! Get back at those fuckers!
Those assholes conditioned you into thinking you were terrible by treating you like shit? Condition yourself back! Keep valuing yourself and doing self care over and over until you drown them out. Until they’re as stupid and small in your brain as they are in real life.
Fucking win the emotional manipulation game! Win it! Draw something shit because it makes you feel happy! What, you can’t say no to people because you’re not worth as much as them? Fuck that! Say no all the time! Treat yourself like the most important person in the universe because they would hate it!
#so had a epiphany with a client the other day#essentially this#spite is the best way to do anything#and yes I’m in the mental health field#which would shock the tumblr bot who saw my blog and tried to send me to a therapy blog#which was adorable but jesus#and shocking to people who’ve commented saying I’m way to cynical about mental health and asking if I’m okay#I’m so unbelievably stable I help other people get stable lmao#it’s just sometimes the sunshine and rainbows approach works for people#and sometimes it doesn’t#and I’m just incredible super blunt about how I feel and experience things#which is sometimes yucky when it’s mental health or cptsd or my experience being neurodivergent in this society#you have points when your brain isn’t gonna believe that you’re good#that things can get better#rationally you will but emotionally your brain has conditioned itself out of hope and self regard#so sometimes you gotta motivate yourself with anger and spite#those assholes don’t deserve your life#and then you’ll get to the actual hope and happy feelings point#and then you’ll drop again#because this is how it works#and yucky emotions are not always bad or shameful#sometimes spite and anger is justified and can motivate you to change#sometime stress helps you survive#sometimes sadness helps you stop and realise somethings wrong#fuck depression though that one is just bad#(I’m kidding lmao)#seriously for me who gets depressive spirals often#and likely will for my entire life#depression feelings tells me I haven’t been making time for myself#and I’m overwhelmed
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god FUCKING damn it now i’m contemplating the actual parallels between Mouthwashing and How Fish Is Made
#fuckinnnggggggg Do Fish Feel Pain vs. I Hope This Hurts#Curly being trapped in a death machine further denied autonomy by someone whose hurt him under the pretense of speaking & acting FOR him#<- consider perhaps the tongue louse#(i joke about being tongue louse stan number 1 but CHRIST actually thinking about it thematically is. eeegghh#on one hand the only way to live happy in the death machine is to become perpheral accomplice to it - just enough that its success brings#YOU success but not so much that you in turn are caught in the slaughter-#on the other hand that sorta parasitism when given the perspective of humanity is just. good lord its bad.#the louse would’ve 100% taken the cryo chamber herself though lol she isn’t a direct parallel to jimmy despite fulfilly his role re: curly#(& by extent anya’s) fish. louse is closer to the individual pony express ‘brand’ in the broader sense- itself expendable but only able to#function so effectively due to the broader mechanism)#(‘effectively’ being itself relative- here the purpose of the corporation is presumed to not be to make money or to be stable#as iirc the pony express is going out of business? or theyre just discontinuing their manned shipments program icr which#but rather torturing its employees)#rather likewise saying the louse is ENABLED by the obvious metal hellscape its in is somewhat inaccurate but viewing the location as an exte#extension of consumption and predation in general the analogy can be somewhat visbly constructed)
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Never ever EVER buy household appliances with ai in them. Most ridiculous things I’ve ever encountered
#to be clear i did not buy one but had to use one to do a load of laundry (who needs ai in a laundry machine??) and let me tell you it was#useless.#first the thing apparently ‘senses the dirty ness of your clothes to calculate the wash cycle’ which then would only ever decide to do a#cycle that took 4. freaking. hours. never have i encountered a washer that takes longer than an hour to wash your clothes.#and without the ability to manually say you want it to be a specific time? makes no sense. who has that kind of time in their day.#NEXT we go to dry the clothes and it also wants to run it for an insane amount of time. so we click it anyways (horrible decision)#and think oh we’ll just open it halfway through#well. upon stopping the cycle halfway through the damn thing says that the door is locked because it’s ‘too hot.’#never have i seen something that thinks i’m going to burn myself on my hot clothes. like cmon#also cause opening the door would be a surefire way to cool the clothes down you’d think??#so we try all sorts of troubleshooting things and even unplugging it and it STILL WOULDNT UNLOCK.#the damn thing is still locked btw. dunno if ill ever get those clothes back#so glad this at least isn’t actually a dryer we spent money on and just one that was here while we’re traveling and need to do laundry#but like. cmon#there’s no reason we shouldn’t be able to decide how long to wash our clothes for and instead let a ‘smart’ (hint: it’s not smart) machine#do it for us#(hint part 2: this isn’t just about the clothes)#soni rambles#more like soni RANTS#i was already angry about the idea of ai in appliances but experiencing first hand how bad they are makes me even more angry#and a little scared for the future#now it’s 2am and the laundry is still stuck and im too upset to go to sleep. gah#and i don’t get mad easily.#oh and did i mention that to dry your clothes it wouldn’t let you select a temperature?? that it only said it would sense it itself??#see i like to dry all my clothes on low heat cause ive had a history of them shrinking#so not only are they trapped in the machine but it’s ‘too hot’ because it wouldn’t let us select a lower temperature.#luckily i didn’t put anything in that’s a material that usually shrinks
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i’m someone who sees things in like constant shades of grey and i quite often try to see the light side of things and i think i’m constantly reminded of all the great stuff i have in my life. also i am full of gratitude all the time and also every time something bad happens to me i’m like yknow what this makes sense🫶 all these bad things suck but they lead to so many amazing things i’m hyper aware of the butterfly effect. so uhm i’m a pretty resilient person if i do say so myself. so today when i came to the realization of OH. i’m having a BAD YEAR!
#literally got picked on by a prof in december that like momentarily zapped all my curiosity for everything academic#family stuff that actually makes me wanna die so bad#a couple ocd episodes that made me go insane#severely boring winter semester#my cat got sick and i drained my entire savings account#BROKE AS SHIT#also the fucking emotional stress of having my new cat get critically ill and almost dying#insane arguments with my mom realizing i don’t feel comfortable in my home <4#down bad severely down bad for a man#non stop work my life is non stop deadlines#two back to back courses that like took over my entire summer didn’t get a break at all#didn’t get the internship i wanted more than life itself#(which ended up being a positive but still)#underemployed up until three weeks ago#MENTALLY ILL!!! STILL#constant chronic pain and nausea that is unexplained#lost enough weight to see my ribs cause i couldn’t fucking eat#all my friends gone this summer#just feel blue so often#so many amazing things happened this year and i am excited and i still love life#but damn i feel beaten down like a dog#oh and did i mention the ongoing stress of watching your people get genocided through the internet :)#the absolute erosion of identity that like you already felt so disconnected from#as you watch the place you yearn for more than anything get completely nuked off the earth :)#and actually your moms homeland isn’t enough they need to start bombing your dads homeland too ;)
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Hypothesis: Any TV show that runs for [undefined, high number] seasons eventually starts to write even their main characters as their one or two most defining character traits and at least somewhat forgets the depth the characters initially had in earlier seasons.
#fandom#tv shows#it’s not actually Every show (notable exceptions include doctor who) but I’ve seen it a lot#it’s not usually to the point of being Bad#but it is noticeable#I think writers spend a lot of time creating believable characters with depth#but once they’re established and the writers feel like they know them#they stop trying to show the depth etc. and just write stories#which isn’t bad in and of itself#but once you’ve gone two or three seasons without a character doing anything but what their#‘sterotyped fandom interpretation’ would do#then you’ve got a problem
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#idk why i’m even talking about this but like. treating this blog like my diary#thinking about the cody ko controversy & the response of the internet in general & it’s so weird#like i watched cody but i unsubbed a couple years ago just bc i didn’t like his vids anymore but i did like tmg & their music & noel#which isn’t the weird part because i’ve parted with things that turned sour & problematic etc. there’s a little bittersweetness but not muc#the weird thing is just how people have responded (cody hasn’t which speaks for itself 🧍)#like some people take it seriously but there’s also been a lot of jokes. which i would argue is okay because it’s clowning on the abuser—#& it spreads a wider rhetoric of ‘hey this guy sucks let’s all make fun of this guy for committing statutory’#it’s strangely validating as someone with my trauma#ofc i’ve talked about it before but as someone who was groomed & sa’d at 17 by a 22 year old man i remember constantly (even still)#second guessing how bad it was & arguing that like ‘4.5 years isn’t that bad’ or ‘well the SA was ‘only x’ and not ‘y’’#even though i feel a lot of nuance about the concept of. this is being treated seriously while simultaneously being treated as the—#joke of the week & so many people have said that he won’t face consequences (it seems like these influencers never do)#even despite all that…there’s a strange validation of my trauma whenever i see other people speak out and gain support regardless of the—#circumstances.#idk does that make sense or am i talking in circles#tw grooming#tw sa mention
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welp, the thing i have been dreading for literal years is happening tomorrow and i am. Unhappy, but thankfully calm, for the moment.
#i think i’m just so used to being stressed all the time at this point that the new stress isn’t as noticeable#but my focus was CLEARLY shot so that killed schoolwork a few hours early#the combo of this Thing happening tomorrow and finding out i’ve had my first (known) ✨COVID exposure✨ is simply incredible#my brain is attempting to fold itself up a million times smaller and smaller until it disappears#like. for the record.#i do not believe i have COVID. i think i’m fine there#(but gonna test tomorrow just to be sure)#and the Bad Thing is ENTIRELY routine and normal and fine and i LITERALLY planned it myself#but it’s just specifically REALLY triggering for me for reasons that even i don’t understand#so i just know it’s gonna be a mess#i will probably cry and hyperventilate and possibly have a breakdown for a few hours#but i DON’T think i’m gonna go into a months-long and possibly unrecoverable depressive episode#which is what i USED to think was gonna happen when i did this#so uh? improvement??#it will be fine#but also. Why
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No matter whether AI does a good job at what it does or not, rage against the technology isn’t going to solve the labor issues. It isn’t going to stop artists and writers from losing their jobs. Whether it’s able to do the job adequately or not, it will be used to replace that job if all we do is protest against the technology itself. It will similarly do so if we rally around liberal principals like “copyright” and “intellectual property.” Most of the “intellectual property” belongs to conglomerates, not to intellectual laborers. The same if you misrepresent AIs water and energy consumption. None of these will get you anywhere productive, and some of them (“intellectual property”) even show a petty-bourgeoisie outlook.
Of course we should be concerned about small independent artists having their lives be less stable—even if it’s not our chief concern. Whether someone is an artisan proper or has some semi-proletarian characteristics (that is if they are working a side hustle to get by while they work on their passion project) that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take their interests into account, but it does need to come from an industrial proletarian perspective first and foremost. Who will get laid off if AI technology is adopted? Who will lose their income? These are far more primary than independent artists.
The industrial proletariat is the most concentrated and unified force we have. It is this force with which we can fight and win. If we want to fight and win on the subject of AI, it must be fought with the organized industrial proletariat. Unions represent one lower form of this fight. The higher form of this fight is a political leadership that can lead to political reforms and regulations being adopted by the government as concessions, or perhaps even AI and other means of production being seized by the proletariat and regulated and technologically improved by the proletariat.
#AI may such at making art and writing but it’s hard to say whether it fundamentally does so#it may be a tool for an artist or writer to use like a paintbrush in the future as the technology develops#or it may otherwise find other uses#the technology itself isn’t fundamentally bad#the class that currently controls that technology is the problem#if your criticisms are focused on the technology and not the class than your thinking is fundamentally in error#and if the technology improves your criticisms may not hold water anymore especially if they fixate too much on the quality of its output#technology iterates and improves#that may not be true any more in a few years#the water and energy consumption of this new technology will likely be down#it’s output will likely be of higher quality than it is now#make deeper critiques than aesthetic ones jfc#and stop looking at liberal ‘solutions’ which benefit only the owning class
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how funney hilarious would it be that one of the driving factors for jacks getting the fates out of the cards would be to get chrysi out too, since she took his spot, but then it’s like. she wasn’t in that card for, like, the last seven years. he’s been tormenting himself over getting the deck and freeing her and finally apologizing, but she’s BEEN free and she’s BEEN reunited with her soulmate in the kingdom over. that sucks for jacks to realize. plans foiled again, i guess
#memorie.txt#s.chrysijacks#tentative timeline for this au is chrysi gets jacks out of the card like right before paloma went missing#which does mean she snuck into the dragna household BUT i like this because it makes sense why paloma would take chrysi’s spot later#plus i could have little scarlett meet chrysi which meanssss that when she sees her in modern times#she recognizes her & can’t quite figure out why she’s so familiar#but yeah. it would b interesting to have a chrysi and paloma convo#where chrysi’s like listen. the deck of destiny is bad (‼️) and the guy who came up with the card game itself isn’t any better (‼️)#but unfortunately i care abt him and i’m taking his spot ☺️ so. there.#and later paloma feels bad for chrysi—who (she thinks) unfortunately fell into the same trap she did#of falling in love with an immortal#but then later righttt before she takes chrysi’s place in the card she sees chrysi’s fated name and she’s like wait a fucking second#coming to terms w the fact that her star lover had a half-star heir this whole time that he’d ??? been raising for someone else??? weird.#anyway i want chrysi to take jacks’s place in the card like a couple years before paloma disappears but then it messes w the timeline#of tella picking out jacks’s card from the deck#but… yk what… i can jst shuffle that bit around#everything else makes sense it’s FINE i’m making SENSE it’s OKAY#au.childhood fates
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