#you spell it where the issue just begets itself. im in such a doom spiral of that and i have to break it but every day i just lose more and | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 1 year ago

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like i hesitate to make this comparison when i don’t actually have the condition and god willing never ever will but it’s like with c*vid how sometimes it alters your tastebuds forever and everything you once loved tastes rotten. that’s exactly what this is like. and it fucking sucks

#purrs #i was looking back on stuff i wrote in 2020 today which was also DEEPLY. VISCERALLY hellish for obvious reasons but i think the difference #is that then it felt like there was a very clear way things would get better (the lockdown ending even though the way it did fucking sucked #and covid isn’t over even though everyone thinks it is etc etc) but now it’s like.. the world is just bad. and my life is just bad. and #there are ways to fix things but they’re small and there are some things that in my lifetime i will never transcend or if i do it will come #at excruciating consequence that i am not currently in a position to even fathom let alone experience given the fact that i live where i #live and am constantly… like not to say it bc it’s so overused now but ACTUALLY literally genuinely g*slit. lol. like i need to not be in #this situation and that’s the key to everything but i don’t have the strength to transcend it rn so it’s an ouroborus situation or however #you spell it where the issue just begets itself. im in such a doom spiral of that and i have to break it but every day i just lose more and #more of my will to try. i heard a story on the radio the other day about scientists inducing depression in mice by pinching their arms over #and over until they gave up fighting and that image has been stuck in my head all week. that’s what it feels like rn. except im the one #doing most of the pinching and i don’t know how to stop #delete later

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