#live and am constantly… like not to say it bc it’s so overused now but ACTUALLY literally genuinely g*slit. lol. like i need to not be in

[pepprs]

like i hesitate to make this comparison when i don’t actually have the condition and god willing never ever will but it’s like with c*vid how sometimes it alters your tastebuds forever and everything you once loved tastes rotten. that’s exactly what this is like. and it fucking sucks

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

[inkykeiji]

i don’t really know how to ask thsi n u don’t have to answer this ask if it’s uncomfortable but how did u not end up getting into drugs when (from what i’ve read) u were surrounded by drug addicts

both of my parents had—have—a severe drug addiction which i feel was the biggest factor that influenced me to do a shit ton of drugs as well, so i’m very intrigued by how strong u are for being resistant toward overusing meds

if i could tell my sixteen year old self to stop while ur ahead n get some fucking help asap i would bc now i’m beginning to deal w the consequences n shit n it’s so fucking hard to restrain myself nd these urges gnawing my mind

last thing,,,,u motivate me to not give up whenever i see ur posts so thank u very much for being one of the few lights of my life

since this is the only n probably last ask i’ll ever submit i j wanna say i fucking love u and coming across ur blog was like a blessing in disguise

hello anon <3

tw: drugs

well, my mother isn’t a drug addict. but her father was, and many of her uncles are, and i was raised by them (+ my dad) when i was young because she worked shift work for the majority of my childhood. i have really early memories of going over to dealers houses with them and being absolutely fucking terrified—they’re so vivid they haunt me at night. but i think the reason why i’ve been able to keep away from drugs is because of my mother and because i watched, very slowly, what they’ve done to our entire family. i watched what my mom had to deal with, what my aunts had to deal with, what my grandparents had to deal with, and it basically made me realize very young that it was not a situation that i ever wanted to find myself in. i didn’t want to be constantly fighting with my significant other over money. i didn’t want to live in a constant state of fear and suffering and fury, i didn’t want to live in such a volatile, hostile home environment. and i most definitely did not want to go through what my father was going through, and the demons he continues to battle.

so that’s the reason, i think. in addition to that, i had two really amazing support people: my best friend (who i’ve been best friends with since kindergarten) and my boyfriend (who’ve i’ve been dating since high school) who were my rocks throughout it all. they both come from very well off, stable families and i escaped to their houses a LOT. i believe they helped keep me from the path of addiction as well. the rest of my friends were addicts in high school, but it wasn’t super hard stuff until later, which is when we really started growing apart.

my sibling went the other way, like you. they’re also an addict. it almost feels like it was a fifty/fifty chance :/ which fucking sucks. i can’t tell you why they became an addict and i didn’t—why they didn’t see it the way i did, or why it didn’t impact them the way it did me. i don’t know their reasoning because they won’t talk to me about it, they don’t like to. i do know that they fell into the ‘wrong’ crowd very early, and we both have mental illnesses/disorders which i believe they self-medicated for early, whereas i ended up on a cocktail of prescribed drugs by the age of 13.

oh anon babie i am so sorry :( i am so, so sorry. it’s so hard. addiction is a monster that eats you alive from the inside out until you’re nothing but a shell of your former self, and it sucks so bad. but i’m so proud of you for trying. you can and will beat it, i believe in you!!! <333 i love you so much and i want you to know that i am supporting you and your fight <3 thank you so much for your kind closing words. i’m absolutely honoured to hear that i inspire you to not give up and to keep going, that warms my whole heart to the core <333 please keep fighting!! this is YOUR body and YOUR life and YOU are in control, not your addiction. you are so much more than your addiction. i love you <3

[wavebiders]

Operation: "Ignore the Shitty Live Action Winx Show and Just Rewatch the Cartoon for the First Time in Almost a Decade" part 50:

Things Are Fucked and Aisha is Valid

Rescue mission let's goooooo

...this is kinda sorta really fucked up

"Leave the young lady alone,slave" Wow me and Darkar actually agree on something

Maybe untie her from that table now pls she's a baby and it's disturbing

Does anyone have any other ideas? Brandon doesnt deserve this

"You could use a breathmint" haha overused one liner is overused but it never gets old

Aisha said "no thanks" to that so fast and I respect it

"There's nothing worse than not being able to do anything" oooh Riven/Musa parralel to her literally crying about not being able to help on that first mission

Obv the ship was as rushed as any of them but especially this season it's the only couple where I feel like real effort was made to show things they could connect over

Amentia is such a problematic fav

Also Aisha diplomacy skills for the win

Bloom constantly going on about how her friends are gonna kick Darkar's ass is adorable. She stans them so hard

Dude no dont touch her face like that I was trying to enjoy the cute, and you're making it weird again

Am I entirely too protective of fictional children/teenagers? Perhaps. But still get her tf out of there😭

Also not to be constantly bitching about Fate but this is exactly the kind of storyline they could have taken from uncomfortable to straight up horrifying if they actually bothered to adapt the cartoon's storyline

"A brave and beautiful fairy like you has nothing to prove. Want a cup of tea?" I've found him. The most relatable character in Winx Club

Dtyygcc she really is just sipping tea and casually watching them get destroyed im fucking cryibg

"Put your glasses back on before you run into something" and they say romance is dead

Im actually kinda relieved they triggered dark!Bloom if only so that it can go from genuinly uncomfortable to the funniest shit on the planet again

Side note: I've been calling her dark!Bloom bc that's an easy nickname but Darkar did just call her "Shadow Bloom" in this translation so Im starting to feel like maybe i'm not too far off there

[thoughtsfromthevoid]

Things my parents have said and done that terrify me (I have anxiety and depression, ADHD and currently have tics ((Or a Tourettes diagnosis they don't believe in)) from being so anxious all the time)-

-That if I keep coming home late (normally like 5-10ish minutes because traffic) I won't be allowed to go out at all. (I'm not even the one driving, and my friend(s) aren't doing anything to keep me out past that time.)

-"You're only the 357 thousandth teenager to pull the 'I'm down' all the time, its not going to change anything. Drama is drama." (Said because I've been severely depressed lately and not reacting to things like normal.)

-"There was a miscommunication between us (mom and dad) on what you're allowed to do at night." (Had to have me stop for a bit until I got on tic meds, it was very bad. Doctor told us to. I had been doing after school things and been on the meds for 2 weeks at that point)

- "Don't manipulate me into saying yes to things." (Accidentally said friends and I were going through the drive through at wrong restaurant which they wouldn't have said yes to)

-"Don't wake me up if the house is on fire." (Said not to me, but to other parent, out of frustration of being startled awake because they don't sleep well)

-Some more things I won't say on the internet

-Disagreed with my tourettes diagnosis so strongly because they didn't see the tics I referred to happening in the past and since they notice everything, it makes this invalid.

-Also said I don't have tics like others with tourettes and that they don't say random things and is more repeated and that I don't do that when I definitely do, said a wrong definition as well, even after research

-This morning I wasn't apparently allowed to talk when coming into the living room bc it didn't need to be said to them while cooking, not allowed to go in the kitchen at ALL during this time either

-Said every child who doesn't have to do the same amount of chores as me was a spoiled brat or had a ton of siblings when I was struggling with chores and schoolwork for a bit

-Constantly talks negatively about me behind my back to other parent thinking I can't hear when 90% of the time, I can, instead of having a conversation with me about it, its always me being in trouble. Also never sees my improvements and only the failures, it doesn't matter if im working to fix something until it's fixed

-Their autism being used as an excuse constantly as 'it just is this way' and whatever they saying always having to be the truth, even when it isn't. Its not the autism thats the problem, its the constant excuses because of it and toxic mindset and unwillingness to listen. They aren't the only neurodivergant one, I have ADHD. I struggle too. This doesn't seem to matter

-Getting upset when I talk too much and wanting me to be quiet, not wanting to know any of the details when im excited, even when its harmless, the overall frustration of it and wanting me to stop talking so often

-This is normally in effect especially when they are watching stupid (and passable) mindless tv, that I'm constantly triggered by. I constantly have to close my room door to not hear it while doing things like homework, is still always too loud, this is every day after school in the living room, or every weekend. I cant be in that room anymore basically because of it. They get frustrated when asked to pause it quite often, or when I ask for space when doing chores out there, because I hate them looming over me all the time, the TV also makes an unbearable noise for me recently as it is going to die soon of overuse, every time it is on, which stops me from watching basically anything out there or being in the room too long

-Not feeling comfortable enough to practice when parents are home because of looming, coming in while practicing when its not necessary, getting mad when i play things wrong and yelling across the house about it

-my room is my only space, one parent claims entire basement and sometimes I'm not allowed down there at all, even sometimes when I had to sleep down there to feel safe (unrelated issue but still) other parent has living room

-"I dont understand the want/need to go over there." Me asking to go to a friends house after school, everything needed to be done was done, after a really hard day and me feeling trapped in the house. Apparently I need a reason to go and hang out with friends. I do not feel safe going for walks or anything for other known reasons.

-Getting frustrated with my chair placement every concert in orchestra, never proud of me for anything like that either. (Or at least expressed to me) Makes me feel worse and worthless, to the point where I am considering quitting even though I love the instrument, the anxiety and depression now caused by these issues and pressures being put on me over the years is becoming unbearable. Pressure and anxiety lead to me quitting and hating piano after 8 years as well.

I'm really sick of being in trouble for things I can't control, or something I didn't do intentionally. If it was on purpose? Yeah, I get it. If it was something bad? Sure. I never do anything I think is bad, or know I'll get in trouble for. I don't want to be in trouble. I hate it. It makes me feel very afraid. I wish they would trust me more. I know my mental health is bad, but I'm not actively trying to do things wrong, and I do actively try to fix my mistakes. I wish they would really listen when I tell them these things, even be a little more lenient. I wish I was good enough, I really do try. I love my parents so much, they can be so very much amazing, but they can be toxic to me too. Even if the intent isn't there, it still is harmful. It makes me feel mentally unsafe in this household. I don't know whats going to be taken away at any moment. At least I feel that way. I want to move out. I really do.

[liesyousoldme]

i wrote a Thing but idk how i feel about it so i’m going to put it here and just... see what happens. maybe one day it’ll move to ao3 as a oneshot but for now i’m super unsure about the characterization aksdfjldsfs anyway if you’re interested here’s a post-battle fix-it fic where eddie AND stan live but you only see stan for like five seconds

tw for some serious internalized homophobia including dealing w religious beliefs because religion is a big part of eddie’s fear of being gay and i never really put it in fics bc it can be such a tricky subject but. here we are.

also tw for thoughts/plans of suicide (it’s super brief)

this is...angsty.

“Meet back in half an hour?” Mike’s voice was cheery as he looked around at the six other Losers that stood in the hotel lobby.

Beverly and Eddie spoke at the same time – Beverly suggesting they do breakfast instead so everyone could get some rest, and Eddie loudly saying: “You expect me to get this nasty shit off of my body in less than thirty minutes?” He noticed Richie wince next to him. “What?”

“Dude, you’re screaming,” Richie told him, just as Mike agreed with Beverly.

“No I’m fucking not,” Eddie countered, frowning.

“As much as I hate to agree with Richie,” Stan said, “you are. Clean out your ears while you’re in the shower.”

Eddie gaped at his friend. “My… my ears?”

“Bet you got leper puke in there,” Richie added, grinning.

Eddie was horrified. He hadn’t realized everyone else had already headed upstairs to their respective rooms to shower – except Beverly and Ben, who seemed to have entered the same room. He wasn’t even sure where Mike had gone; he hadn’t heard the door of the inn open and shut but he also apparently had leper vomit in his fucking ears -

“While you guys argue, I’m going to take a shower and call my wife,” Stan said, an embarrassed expression crossing his face. Eddie wasn’t sure what to say; they all knew the story: Patty had caught Stan in the midst of writing seven letters, stopping him from following through on his plan and calling Mike to find out what had been so awful that her happy husband had decided to calmly sit down and write suicide notes for her and six people she’d never heard of. Mike and Stan had explained the situation to her as well as they could; in the end, it had been Patty who convinced Stan that he couldn’t turn his back on a promise.

“Well, I’ll see you in thirty minutes, Eds,” Richie said, when the door closed behind Stan. He started up the stairs when Eddie’s voice stopped him.

“There’s… I don’t have a shower curtain anymore,” Eddie told him, voice still too loud. “Or, it has a knife hole and blood on it… Also, there’s blood in my shower...”

“Eddie Spaghetti, are you trying to get naked with me?”

Eddie floundered, face turning red. “Wh – I – No! I just. Shut the fuck up, Richie!”

Richie laughed, gesturing at Eddie to follow him. “C’mon, dumbass, you can use my shower. I’ll even let you go first.”

“Wow, my knight in shining armor,” Eddie muttered, following Richie up the stairs. He’d already brought his luggage back up and left it outside his own room, so he grabbed it and entered Richie’s room. Richie was already digging through the one small suitcase he’d brought.

“You know…” Richie started, then paused. Eddie looked at him, dropping his toiletry bag on the bed next to Richie’s luggage. Richie looked back, biting his lip. He finally shook his head. “Never mind.”

“What?” Eddie asked.

“Just take your shower, Eds,” Richie sighed. 

Eddie felt his stomach drop and knew the disappointment on his face was obvious. He hated when people did that, started to say something and then pulled a never mind, and Richie knew that. Richie was looking down at his bag, still moving clothes around like he was looking for something, but Eddie was sure it was just a way to avoid eye contact. He waited for Richie to say something for a few moments, and when he didn’t, he rolled his eyes and went into the bathroom.

It was disgusting work, peeling off the clothes he’d been wearing for over 24 hours. He realized this outfit had been on an airplane, in a rental car, at a restaurant, in the basement of the pharmacy, covered in Leper puke, bled on from his own stab wound, through the Derry sewer system, into It’s lair and finally into the Quarry.

He already began making plans to burn all of it. He’d get the others in on it, too. A big fire pit for all their clothes, something symbolic for burning up all the shit they’d been through - he’d ask Bill, Bill was a writer, he’d know symbolism. And maybe if they burned the clothes the memories would burn too, and if they didn’t have the memories of what happened down in the sewers then maybe the fear would burn right up with them.

The shower in Richie’s bathroom was exactly the same as the one in his own, down to the ugly green color of the curtain, and the sight of it made him shiver. He stood under the water unable to close his eyes, constantly checking to make sure a crazy escaped inmate wasn’t waiting on the other side of the curtain with a knife. He’d seen Bowers’ dead body, but he couldn’t help but think the sharp end of a knife was going to tear through the curtain at any moment.

He started by cleaning out his ears, steadfastly avoiding looking at the gunk that he removed, then moved onto his hair, because he knew he’d have to keep his eyes closed the longest to rinse out shampoo and he wanted to get it over with. It took three washes before his hair felt sufficiently clean, and he’d only peeked around the shower curtain four times. After that, he used a washcloth from the hotel, lathered in his own antibacterial body wash, to scrub every inch of his skin until he was bright red but clean. He checked for an intruder only twice as he did so. He washed only the bottom half of his face with his face wash, carefully avoiding his new stab wound, choosing to scrub his forehead with the washcloth so as not to risk soap in the eyes. It wasn’t until he had opened the curtain and begun to dry off that he realized how hard his heart had pounded the entire time he’d been showering.

He was going to have to find a place with a walk-in shower, the kind with a glass door and glass walls - not even the foggy kind, just plain old see-through glass - once he decided where he was going to live after he left Derry. Not only did his house in New York have tubs with shower curtains, but it had Myra and years of unhappiness, and he had already decided he was not going back before he’d even left.

Once he was dry, he stepped out of the shower and frowned, wincing when it pulled at his injured cheek. He knew he should go to the emergency room, knew he needed stitches, but he was so fucking tired. Every muscle in his body ached from overuse and he wanted nothing more than to sleep for 12 hours.

He wrapped the towel around himself tightly and exited the bathroom, already planning to avoid Richie’s gaze and letting his eyes go directly toward his suitcase on the bed.

However, they landed on Richie in nothing but a white t-shirt and boxers on the bed, instead. He was clean, dark hair wet against the pillow, and he grinned wolfishly at Eddie.

“Oh,” Richie said. “Do you have something you need to tell me, Eds? You sleep in the nude? I’m sorry, but I’m not your wife, so – “

“Shut the fuck up,” he groaned, his face heating up. For a moment he worried that blushing would make his cheek gush blood, but Richie didn’t react and he didn’t feel any wetness, so he figured that was probably paranoia. He really needed fucking stitches. “I forgot to bring a change of clothes with me. How did you shower?”

“I used Ben’s, since he’s busy fucking Beverly in hers,” Richie answered casually.

“Christ, Rich,” Eddie muttered, shaking his head. “Don’t… You can’t say shit like that, they’re our friends.”

“Just because they’re our friends doesn’t mean we have to pretend like they’re not absolutely having sex right now.”

“I’d prefer not to think about it, actually,” Eddie said, kneeling down to the floor where Richie had placed his luggage and looking for something to use as pajamas.

“I’d prefer to think about it,” Richie grinned, waggling his eyebrows at Eddie, who had glanced up to give him a disgusted look.

“Stop thinking about Beverly naked, Richie.”

“Oh, it’s not Beverly I’m thinking about,” he said.

Eddie whipped his head around, clutching a t-shirt in his hand.

“Oh, come on,” Richie said, looking in the opposite direction. He’d tried to hide it but the change in tone was obvious to Eddie. Richie’s fingers fidgeted where they rested on his chest. “Ben’s super hot now, and Beverly’s like… my sister.”

Eddie wasn’t sure what to say. Was this a joke?

“Um,” he cleared his throat when his voice cracked. “What?”

“Don’t act all oblivious now, Eds,” Richie continued, though Eddie could still hear the discomfort in his voice. He always resorted to that fake laughter, to jokes that didn’t quite land, when he was nervous.

“Uh – Is this…” Eddie trailed off, staring at Richie’s poker face. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious about Ben. Like, are you actually attracted to him?”

Richie glanced to the side. “Attracted to him how?”

Eddie felt the urge to stomp his foot. Richie was being difficult on purpose and he wasn’t sure how, but somehow this was a ruse to make fun of him. “Attracted to him the normal way, Richie. Like, physically. Sexually. Whatever.”

“Well I certainly wouldn’t say no if he offered,” Richie shrugged.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, “but is this you coming out to me right now?”

“I thought I did that at dinner when I talked about how hot Ben was.”

“Can you be serious for like, five seconds?”

“I am being serious!” Richie insisted, sitting up. Eddie pulled his t-shirt over his head without removing the towel from his waist. “I mean… if you’re okay with that?”

“If I’m okay… With you being attracted to Ben.”

“No, you fucking dumbass!” Richie rolled his eyes. “I don’t give a shit about Ben!” He paused and shook his head. “Okay, no, I give a shit about Ben, just not like that. I just meant… if you’re okay with me being… not straight.”

“Oh,” Eddie breathed. He was clutching his towel.

“I uh, probably should’ve done this at a better time, huh?” Richie said, cheeks red. He laid back down, staring up at the ceiling. “Like, when you’re not naked.”

“I’m not naked,” Eddie argued weakly.

“You’re naked enough,” Richie muttered.

“I don’t know what that means.”

“God, Eddie, please tell me you’re not this fucking stupid.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Eddie asked angrily.

“Nothing,” Richie answered, shaking his head. “Just go back to your room, Eds. I’m sure your bed doesn’t have blood on it.”

“Dude, no,” he said.

“I’m not asking, Eddie. You need to leave.”

Eddie stared, eyes wide. He’d never heard Richie’s voice like that and it made his stomach twist into knots. He was glued to the floor, watching as Richie sat up and put his feet on the floor.

“Eddie,” Richie said, his voice still cold. “I can’t do this right now, okay?”

“Do what?” He knew he sounded whiny but he couldn’t help it, Richie wasn’t making any sense.

“I can’t talk about my fucking feelings with you, Eddie,” Richie yelled, standing up from the bed. “Not when I just came out to you and you had no fucking reaction, and you’re either stupid or purposely ignoring what I’m trying to tell you, and you’re fucking naked!”

Eddie exhaled heavily. “You said you were attracted to Ben.”

“Oh my God,” Richie laughed to himself, though there was no humor in it. “So you are actually just that fucking stupid, then.”

“I’m not stupid, Richie, I understand what you’re telling me!” He shouted, finding a pair of underwear and gripping them in his hand. “I just – I don’t know what to say! I don’t know what you want me to say!”

“Just say you don’t hate me,” Richie choked. He looked up and there were tears in his eyes. Eddie’s heart lurched. His eyes drifted down, taking in the way Richie’s t-shirt was tight on his broad shoulders, the way it was so thin he could see the pink of his nipples and the black of his chest hair, and even lower than that more black, leading down… “Eddie?”

His head snapped up, heat crawling down his chest. “I-�� He took a moment to regain his thoughts. “I don’t hate you.”

“You sound very believable,” Richie snarked, falling back down onto the bed. “Now that we’ve had this shitty conversation, can you please just leave?”

He was trying to sound unbothered, even verging on annoyed, but Eddie could hear the hurt underneath. He didn’t know how he felt, but he knew he hated to hear Richie sound like that. Gathering his resolve, he found a pair of pajama pants in his luggage and marched back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He made short work of dropping the towel and dressing, ignoring the way his hands were shaking.

He'd never thought of another man like that. The way Richie seemingly thought about him. He’d never –

But that was a lie, and he knew it.

He had thought, he’d just ignored it. Even though he’d told Myra he wasn’t coming home, she was still technically his wife. And for his entire life, he’d technically been a straight man.

(Straight men don’t want a better look at their male best friend’s happy trail, his brain told him, and he shut his eyes tightly to try and make the mental image go away.)

So he occasionally spent a little too long looking at other men. And he occasionally thought of strong thighs and broad shoulders and low groans when he got off. But it wasn’t…

He thought back to childhood. Had he felt like this about Richie then, too? He remembered how close they had been, physically. Had he been leading Richie on, all those times he climbed into the hammock with him? All the sleepovers where they shared a twin bed? The movie nights where he hid his head in Richie’s shoulder during the scary parts?

Was it leading someone on if you wanted it, too?

What if you didn’t even know you wanted it?

Did he want it?

He didn’t notice he had begun to wheeze loudly until there were two knocks on the bathroom door. He jumped, gasping for breath he didn’t have. He felt dizzy.

“Eds? Are you okay in there?”

There was concern in Richie’s voice, none of the hurt from before. Eddie yanked the door open to find Richie standing on the other side, his worried look exactly how Eddie had pictured it.

“I’m sorry, Eds,” he mumbled, stepping back so Eddie had room to get through the doorway without getting too close. Eddie didn’t move. He tried to breathe in deeply, gripping onto the door handle. “I didn’t mean to freak you out-“

“Can you help me?” He asked, interrupting Richie’s apology. Before he could answer, Eddie went on. “When I – When I breathe, can you count? Slow; 4 in, hold for 4, out for 4?”

He wasn’t sure if Richie could even understand what he was saying, but Richie was nodding, grabbing his hand and leading him to the bed. Once he was sitting he closed his eyes against the dizziness and gasped for air, ignoring the tears that leaked out the side of his closed eyelids.

Richie’s voice was quiet as he counted. It took a few minutes before Eddie was breathing on time with Richie’s count without his chest feeling deflated, and it was only then he realized they were holding hands. With his free hand, he wiped the stray tears from his face. Once he felt like he could speak again, he turned to Richie.

“Panic attack,” he whispered. “Not asthma. Myra always just made me use my inhaler but… I saw a therapist, for a little bit. Right before the wedding. She taught me how to… How to make it stop, without it.”

“Why would she still think you needed your inhaler if it’s not asthma?” Richie asked, keeping his voice at the same quiet level as Eddie’s.

Eddie huffed a laugh. “Because it makes me weak. She likes me weak.”

“Eds, you’re not weak. You’re probably the bravest of all of us.”

He shook his head. Richie didn’t say anything else, just sat next to him while he focused on keeping his breathing even. He didn’t want to think about Myra, or about the kinds of things you need to be brave for. 

Richie was still holding his hand, and he let his eyes wander his direction, past where their hands lay in between them and to Richie’s legs, bare in just his boxers.

He’d never paid much attention to his own legs, or really the legs of other men. It wasn’t something that had crossed his mind-

(except maybe it had, when he was younger and laying in a hammock, but it wasn’t really about legs then, was it? It was about skin, the electricity he felt on days they both wore shorts)

-except in his dreams, the fantasies he pretended he didn’t have, the ones where thick, hairy thighs were wrapped around him, around his waist, around his head, on either side of his own – and he pretended not to think about what was in between, either, how lightheaded he felt when he got fucked up enough to really let himself think about it, to think about what was inside Richie’s boxers-

(but it wasn’t Richie’s cock he dreamed about (wasn’t it, though?) when he took enough of those anxiety meds that his filter turned off)

-and he could see it now, at least the outline, where thin material didn’t do enough to hide what was inside.

He was breathing too quickly again.

“Eddie-“

“You need to put pants on,” he choked out, taking in a deep breath.

Richie stood up immediately but Eddie couldn’t look at him as he spoke, embarrassment evident in his voice. “Fuck, Eddie, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it – I – fuck, I swear I’m not – I really don’t want to make you uncomfortable-“

“It’s just-“ He sucked in another deep breath, clenching his fists. His mouth started moving without his permission. “It’s – It’s hard to have a fucking gay crisis when your legs and your – your fucking dick are right there and I want-“ he closed his eyes when he heard Richie’s breath hitch. “I just… want. And I can’t have because the second I do I’m – I can’t – It’s wrong, Richie. It’s wrong, right?”

Richie had put on a pair of sweatpants while he was talking, and now he knelt next to Eddie, making sure to keep some distance between them. His face was red, and Eddie could tell his breaths were harsher than normal, could see his hands clenched into fists. But he didn’t say anything, just looked at Eddie, who choked out a sob. “Help me,” he begged, though he wasn’t sure what exactly he was asking for. He just wanted, and he needed that to be okay.

“It’s not wrong, Eds,” Richie finally said. His voice cracked. One hand came up to rest on the mattress next to where Eddie sat. “I know it – it was fucking hard growing up when we did, right? Getting called names and listening to people talk about AIDS like it was punishment, and even now, hearing all the bullshit from people who swear it’s all a sin, like it’s something we chose. But we didn’t, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong, and if you… If you choose to act on it, you’re still not doing anything wrong.”

“How do you know we won’t go to Hell?” Eddie whispered, grasping the comforter in his hands. He felt young, like a child asking for reassurance, but he was trapped in his own mind, trapped in the church he went to as a kid, where taking the bread was an act of courage every day, because God was going to know somehow, and He’d come right into the church and damn him straight to Hell.

“I don’t, really,” Richie answered. Eddie looked at him, helplessly. “But I think… You go to Hell for doing bad shit, right? For being a bad person. But there’s nothing – there’s nothing bad about love. I’m not doing anything bad by loving you.”

“What about sex? That’s – that’s the bad part, right? Love is great and whatever, but when it’s sex…”

“That’s not bad, either,” Richie promised. Eddie jolted when he grabbed one of his hands, uncurling his fingers from the blanket. “It’s natural and normal. But I don’t – I really don’t know what else to say, Eds. The whole religion thing was never a major issue for me. That’s probably more suited for like, intense therapy.”

Eddie nodded jerkily, laughing a little and squeezing Richie’s hand.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, “for talking me down. You were always the one that took care of me.”

“Yeah, well,” Richie shrugged, voice still soft. “I love you, so I’m gonna take care of you no matter what.”

Eddie wanted to tell him, wanted to say he loved him, too, but the words stuck in his throat.

“I’ll always let you take care of me,” he said instead, and hoped Richie understood what he meant.

“What are you going to do next? With – As far as, you know, your marriage?”

Eddie sighed. “She already knows I’m not coming home, but… I still have a job in New York. I guess I’ll have to find an apartment. I don’t know. And you’re right, I should go back to therapy, because I clearly have some shit to work out.”

Richie nodded. “I don’t think there’s a single one of us that doesn’t need to go to therapy weekly for the rest of our lives.”

Eddie snorted. “I don’t know how well a therapist would take it if you walked in and started talking about how you fought and killed an evil alien clown.”

Richie laughed. “Eh, I’ll write it into a stand-up routine instead. Comedy is basically therapy, anyway.”

“No,” Eddie said, vaguely alarmed, though still amused. Richie was grinning at him. “No, Richie. It’s important to me that you understand joking about your trauma onstage to a bunch of strangers is not the same as therapy.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie said, waving him off. He crawled backward until he was leaning against the pillows again, the same way he’d been when Eddie had gotten out of the shower. The bed was big enough that if Eddie were to lay next to him, they wouldn’t be touching. He thought about it. “And if you want, I have an apartment in the city. I’m not there very often, I spend most of my time in LA or on tour, but. There’s two more bedrooms than I need and… I mean, we could split rent or whatever. Even if it’s just til you find a place for yourself.”

Eddie looked at him. He wasn’t avoiding eye contact, but he wasn’t making an effort to look at Eddie, either. His hands were folded on his chest again.

“Okay,” Eddie agreed, taking a leap and situating himself next to Richie on the bed. His head hit the pillow and he sighed. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about how close Richie was. He fell asleep to the soothing sound of Richie’s even breaths, and when he woke he felt more rested than he had in years.

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[winkyjinki]

author asks 1-30 GO!

WHEW OK STRAP IN BUCKO (I already answered 1&29 uwu)

2. When you’re writing a new story, what is the one thing you need to know before you can start?

This is gonna sound so like “duh bitch” but I always need to know AT LEAST how I want it to end. Or like the almost-end. Bc it’s like if you know where you want to go then you can figure out how to build up to that moment. 

They always say it’s not abt the destination, but the journey. But like in this case, you need to know the destination to figure out the journey oop--

3. How do you know when a scene is “done”?

This is gonna sound so vague but like... when I feel like it’s complete? Like when I think it’s served its purpose in the fic.

In theatre, every single scene has a purpose in building up to the climax & resolution, so I always try to make sure that each scene has served its purpose in moving the plot along/gives you something for a later plot point.

4. How do you know when a chapter is “done”?

Ummm... I try to end it at a good point. Honestly this is the hardest for me because I always want to end it at a good point but also where it feels like the equivalent of a half-cadence in music (it doesn’t feel complete).

That’s like my best explanation.

5. How do you know when a story is “done”?

I think my story is done when I’ve neatly wrapped up the plot to my liking while also leaving as little loose ends as possible.

This is a boring answer lmao but it’s really my best explanation.

6. Where do your titles come from?

Most of my titles come from songs that my fics remind me of. I try to make it be like ~poetic~ bc I can’t come up w titles from the pits of my brain but I can def try to find the perfect song lyric LOL

7. How do you feel about prologues?

I feel like it’s really useful for setting some background info that you want to reference but don’t actually want to explain in the main story LOL but it’s def not necessary

8. How do you feel about epilogues?

Another thing that I feel is def not necessary but sometimes you want a little “what happens next?”...as a treat

9. Do you tend to have an external narrator or use one of the characters?

I like the idea of using a limited POV, so I like to use one of the characters for narration. Bc in my opinion it’s a little much when you’re like spending so much time being ~omniscient~ but that’s just my opinion.

10. Does your narrator move from character to character? 

Ummm honestly it depends for me. Like for me it’s like...if the story calls for it in my heart. 

I usually like to keep it to one character unless I’m planning a more complex story that calls for a lot of different POVs!

11. What punctuation do you love too much?

Bruh... Commas, semicolons and this bitch (–) are my holy grail I feel like I’m the queen of run-on sentences.

12. What punctuation do you hate with a passion?

Okay I don’t HATE them but I really don’t like the overuse!!!!! of exclamation points!!!!!! I use them a lot when I’m just posting about stuff I’m really passionate about like that’s cute I just am not too crazy about that in like prose & creative writing. I wouldn’t say it’s a pet peeve, per se, but it’s just not my cup of tea :/

13. What grammar tends to cause problems when you’re writing?

Idek what this means but like I guess I struggle with writing verbs in the right POV bc, like I said, I'm the queen of run on sentences so I tend to lose focus on what’s the subject of the sentence.

14. What’s the one word you can never spell/use properly, no matter how hard you try?

I am actually illiterate so I always end up misspelling words ALL the time just bc like my brain will turn off. I used to use the word “futile” incorrectly all the time but once I like actually found out how to use it correctly, I’ve been pretty good :0

15. How do you write a really good metaphor?

Bro when I figure it out I will SHARE

I don’t have a strategy--sometimes I just write good ones and idek how it happened oof--

16. What is your best piece of advice for writing angst scenes?

If you are HURTING by the time you’re done with it, you did it right. When I write angst, I know it’s good if my heart hurts by the end of it LOL

17. What is your best piece of advice for writing hurt/comfort scenes?

Kinda the same as 16, like it hurts but in a better way. This will probably also be the same as my answer for 22, but if it just makes you soft, you’re doing well.

Soft & hurt is the combo you need for that.

18. What is your best piece of advice for writing comedy scenes?

I like to share these scenes with people (beta readers, friends, etc.) and see how they receive them. Even if they don’t laugh like SUPER HARD, I think it’s worth keeping if they make positive comments and they say stuff like “That’s a mood.” or “I related to that hard.” bc in my humble opinion that’s good enough for me.

I’m working on a Trashmouth comedy special series, and I literally just read the skits to my friends and see what lands and what doesn’t.

I just like to treat any comedy scene as a comedy skit. Just see what lands !

19. What is your best piece of advice for writing action scenes?

Oh man, I don’t do a lot of those, so I don’t really have much advice for that :( maybe in like a year I’ll have something for that lollll

20. What is your best piece of advice for writing smut scenes?

Now I’m no expert on doing the dirty, but I did read up on how to write like...good sex scenes....and a lot of the sources say to (in my own words) overload on thought and emotion. 

Like honestly I don’t read smut for the sex (I mean like.... I get hype when my ship gets nasty but that’s beside the point), I read it to see how someone comes undone for their lover and I think that’s IMPORTANT. Tbh anyone can write sex, but like I need that connection.

21. What is your best piece of advice for writing romance scenes?

Overload on that thought and emotion, dude. Make your heart THROB. I like to make this a matter of building tension and setting the release. Like no I will not be giving you that kiss yet bc that’s too easy. Build it up a little bit.

Talk about slow burn

22. What is your best piece of advice for writing fluff scenes?

If you read it and you feel like you might explode from how much these characters love each other, you are doing amazing, sweetie.

23. How do you balance your characters in an ensemble story?

I like to list out the primary, secondary, and side characters and figure out where they come in the story, what the relationships are, what purpose they serve the plot, stuff like that.

In a theatre standpoint (obviously), any character in a play has their own purpose and without even one of them, you can’t wrap that story up neatly. Like in Ancient Greek plays, even the smallest part played an integral part in moving the plot along.

24. How do you balance your characters when there are only a two or three in a story?

I like to think about what purpose each character serves in the story. I also like to think about whether this story revolves around one character, or if it delves into each character’s story and they kind of intertwine. Maybe they’re family or a team or roommates, or maybe they’re strangers whose lives are connected in some way if you wanna take that route.

I think when there are so little characters, you get more room to make them their own people. And you have that possibility of making it a collection of stories that come together without making it so confusing.

I think about that in, like, a theatre standpoint obviously.

25. How do you create an original character?

AAA I’ve never really made an OC but honestly I like to think it’s like making a sim LOL I’m so sorry to EVERYONE who’s ever made an OC.

I don’t even remember was my OC building process was like when I wrote original stories in, like, middle school.

26. How do you go about world building?

Oof ok I’ve been writing fanfic for as long as I can remember so that’s kinda cheating a little bit LOL it’s self explanatory.

But in the few original stories I’ve written (and honestly even when I write for some AUs), I base a lot of things on my own reality. So like people I know, places I like to go to, events that have taken place in my lifetime, they’re like the template, and depending on the nature of this world (realistic, fantasy, modern, futuristic, etc), that’s like how I’ll mold it to be part of that world.

27. Do you try to do most of your research ahead of writing (when research is necessary) or do you do it as things come up?

Honestly, I research things as they come up because things are always gonna come up. I’m constantly coming up with little things I can add into my fics, and I like to try all my ideas to see if they work with the story. I don’t want to scrap an idea just bc it’s not in my archive of research.

I also think when you get too wrapped up in technicalities, you lose focus of the actual story, so I like to jump in and do all my fact-checking as I go along!

28. How do you make sure your plot points are there while also making them blend in with the story?

This is something that I’m still figuring out because I’m just now getting back into writing longer fics, but I think as long as you make them fit in a way that they serve the plot or they play into one of your characters’ motives then it’s a good plot point!

30. How do you edit your stories?

This is gonna sound so extra, but I rewrite ALL OF IT from the beginning. When I do this, it really helps me figure out how to write thing in a more efficient and effective manner.

And I cannot stress this enough, beta readers are SO useful. You can do all of the proofreading you want, but someone who’s reading your writing will probably catch more spelling and grammar mistakes honestly. Also, they can give you insight on what might need more development, what might not make as much sense, and what really isn’t that necessary.

[flora-jimin]

Petals In The Wind

Pairing: Writer!Jin x Botanist! Namjoon

Genre: Fluff| Very light angst | Smut

Word Count: 6.3k

Prompt: Cherry Blossoms

Rating: 18+ (bc of the smut, thats about it)

Summary:  Jin, a young writer in Seoul has always had problems writing in the Spring. He can’t seem to find any inspiration, even in the season where many others write of love and flowers in bloom. Everything changes when he meets a young, handsome aspiring botanist named Namjoon.

A/N: @kimlinebiased Hey honey! This is your gift uwu. Also I know the prompt was Cherry Blossoms but I suppose I got a little carried away with the plum blossoms too, huh? Please enjoy and let me know what you think c’:

AO3 Link

Kim Seokjin never considered Spring to be one of his favorite seasons. It rained too much for his liking and despite the fact that it gave him ample opportunities to flourish and write, the artist found that the very concept of Spring was overrated and overused. Jin believed there weren’t many things that could inspire him to actually finish his work in Spring, and that the season would just be a dead zone of sorts as far as his writing went.

Until that day.

He had been in a cafe he frequented often, staring at the blinking cursor on his screen. It had been taunting him for over two hours now and Jin was calling it close to quitting when he saw him the first time. Half-lidded eyes drifted over to the window, not expecting anything to really catch his attention when he saw a man standing beneath a tree.

Jin stared at him, watching as the tall man in a brown coat stood beneath the pre-bloomed tree, his eyes calm and serene as he admired the soft pinks of the cherry blossom buds. His hair was an ash blonde, with the wind sweeping his bangs over his forehead. Jin watched as his eyes slid closed, his face still tilted up towards the tree, as if he was taking in all the energy the unbloomed tree had to offer.

The author wasn’t aware how long he sat there staring at the man, brows furrowed at how hard his heart thumped.

He wasn’t doing anything. He was just standing there under a cherry blossom tree. It wasn’t even in bloom.

...he was beautiful.

“Hyung?”

“Aish!” Jin startled, putting a hand to his chest as he watched his close friend and fellow writer Taehyung sit down across from him. He sent Jin an apologetic smile, barely stifling the small laugh that bubbled out of his chest from how easily he could startle his hyung.

“Ah, you rascal! Didn’t I tell you about sneaking up on me?!” Jin barked, pointing a finger in Tae’s direction. Taehyung only widened his smile, sliding over an Americano to soothe his hyung’s embarrassment.

“To be fair, I did say hello, but you seem very intent on staring out of that window so I left to get us drinks and you still didn’t notice me.” He explained, fingers tapping around the little alpaca logo on the cup in between his hands.

“Why are you staring so intensely out of that window, by the way? Looking for some inspiration?” Tae pressed, his own eyes drifting out of the window to see the unbloomed tree. Jin frowned and looked out of the window again, brows pinching together when he noticed the man from before wasn’t there anymore.

His shoulders slumped without him noticing and he let out a slightly disappointed sigh.

“Ah...he’s gone…” Jin trailed off, the disappointment evident in his voice. Taehyung blinked and looked out of the window, confusion all over his face.

“Who?” he inquired. Jin snapped back into reality and blushed, looking down at his keyboard.

“Aish, why are you such a nosy junior? Don’t you have some writing to do yourself?” He huffed, clearly deflecting attention away from himself. Taehyung took it in stride, taking a long sip of his Americano.

“You’re right. Maybe I should find someone to dreamily stare out of a window at, too. Just like you, Hyung~”

-4 Days Later-

Jin stuck his hands deep in his pockets as he walked home, unable to get the image of that smiling man from the other day out of his head. He couldn’t figure out why that simple image of the man under the unbloomed cherry blossom tree had left such an impression on him. Tae had playfully made fun of him at every possible opportunity about how he always seemed to be gazing out of windows as if he were looking for someone.

Jin realized the absurdity of it all, constantly looking for a stranger he had never met before. Besides, Seoul was huge and it wasn’t like he’d easily find him again.

Or so he thought.

As he rounded the corner, making his way to the building his studio was located inside, he saw that familiar coat again. He paused, seeing the man had stopped in front of the tree just outside of Jin’s complex. A light bulb went out in his head, and Jin remembered that the tree outside the buildings were also blossoms of some sort.

The man was gazing up at the hot pink flowers with a small, dimpled smile, his hands in his pockets. Jin walked up to him, standing beside him.

“They’re pretty.” Jin was the first one to start conversing. The way the other man jolted, told Jin he hadn’t even noticed the writer had walked up to him in the first place. Putting a hand over his heart, the man turned towards him, eyes wide behind the black frame of his glasses.

“Sorry I scared you. My name is Kim Seokjin. I live in this complex.” Jin suppressed a chuckle as he extended a hand to the other man. Having relaxed his rapidly beating heart, the man shook his hand, sending him a small, dimpled smile.

“Kim Namjoon. I’m not trespassing, am I? I saw these plum blossoms and I wanted to enjoy them a bit before I continue my walk, but I don’t want to disturb anyone.” He shuffled, glancing around to see if there were any angry residents that didn’t want him there.

“What? No, no, you’re not trespassing. Not many people stop and stare at these flowers. They’re around for a long time compared to Cherry Blossoms, so no one gives them too much of a thought. I just thought it was interesting that you were giving them such attention.” Jin explained. It was a half-lie, but he couldn’t exactly tell this stranger he had seen him out of a coffee shop window and had been unconsciously thinking about and hoping he’d bump into him again. That would be a bit more than uncomfortable, no doubt.

Namjoon stuck his hands in his pockets, looking up at the hot pink petals.

“Nature is beautiful year round. All of these blossoms should be appreciated and admired. Not just the fleeting ones like Cherry Blossoms.” He mused, closing his eyes and taking a deep inhale, the fragrant scent bringing a smile to his face again.

Jin felt his heart skip for a moment, and bit his lip, looking up at the brightly colored tree.

Time and time again, he walked past this tree, thinking nothing of the blossoms. But now he took everything in. The blossoms were small, though there were many of them in number, painting the branches with a lovely, vibrant hot pink color. Every time the wind blew, the two got a sweet whiff of the aromatic flowers.

It brought a smile to Jin’s face without him noticing.

After what seemed like a peaceful eternity, Namjoon rolled his neck, turning to Jin.

“I’ll be leaving now. Thank you for not calling me some kind of flower-sniffing weirdo.” Namjoon bowed. Jin blinked in surprise, only managing a small bow and a muttered ‘oh, goodbye Namjoon-issi’ before he watched the man walk away.

“....Shit, I didn’t get a number.” Jin cursed, a frustrated hand moving through his hair. He drug himself into his complex, fishing his keys out of his pockets. After he let himself into his apartment, he shuffled over to his window, sitting by the table he’d set up near it.

His fingers tapped against the table for a minute or two, trying to figure out what he should do now that he’d blown his chance to ask Namjoon for his number.

The writer still couldn’t place what it was about Namjoon that made him so interested to know more. Idly, his gaze drifted out of the window as the sun began to set, falling on the form of that familiar plum tree.

Something went off in his head and he sat up, moving to grab his laptop out of his bag. His foot tapped as he opened it, creating a blank document. A wide smile spread across his lips as his fingers began to fly across the keys. That day, Jin wrote a short story of a mysterious, yet gentle man bathed in the light of the sun, surrounded by the lovely scent of plum blossoms.

-2 Days Later-

“Woah, Hyung, this is really good!”

Jin sat back in his chair as Taehyung read over his work in the coffee shop. The younger man’s eyes flew over the lines, absently taking sips of his iced latte every now and again. Jin shuffled slightly, worried his work would come off as cliche and overused.

Tae finally reached where Jin had left off with his writing, sitting back in his chair and finally making eye contact with his friend.

“Where did this come from, Hyung?” He inquired as they both stood up. They exited the shop after Jin tucked away his laptop, intending to meet up with a few more friends for dinner. Jin wrapped his fingers around the strap of his carrier bag.

“I met someone. I guess...I got inspired after meeting him.” He mused. Taehyung stopped walking in front of him abruptly and the taller man nearly collided with his back. Tae whirled around, his puppy-like eyes narrowed curiously.

“You got a boyfriend? When? Why didn’t you tell me?” he pressed.

“What are you talking about? I don’t have a boyfriend!” Jin huffed, gently pushing him to get him to start walking again. Taehyung blinked, a confused frown coming to his face as he began walking.

“But...you said you met a guy…” He trailed off. Jin sent him a look out of  the corner of his eye,ignoring the blush to his cheeks.

“Yeah...He was the one I saw in the shop that one day I was staring out of the window. I saw him again a couple of days later and got to talk to him a bit. I guess I felt inspired after that.” He told him hurriedly, glossing over the fact that he had been secretly hoping he could bump into Namjoon every day since he first saw him. Taehyung hummed, tapping his chin.

“That’s so weird… reading your writing, I figured you’d fallen in love or something.” He mused.

Jin nearly tripped over his own two feet.

“L-Love? I didn’t say anything about love in my writing-”

“You didn’t have to. It’s fairly obvious with the way you’re describing things that you’re fond of this nameless character you’ve created. Plus, I’ve never seen you write so vividly, hyung.” He teased, ducking away from Jin’s hand as the older writer moved to flick him.

“Yah! Are you saying I’m not normally as descriptive, you brat?!” He snapped, brow twitching when Tae sent him a toothy smile before disappearing into the restaurant. Jin muttered something about annoying hoobaes as he walked in after him.

“Hello. Table for two?” There was a waitress that greeted them as soon as they walked in. Jin and Taehyung bowed politely to her before the oldest spoke.

“No, we have a reservation for 7pm, it should be under the name Min Yoongi?” he informed her, watching as she nodded and told them to hold on a moment. She perked at the name and nodded.

“Right! The party of seven! Come, follow me.” She beckoned them to follow her as she tucked two menus under her arm, making her way deeper into the restaurant. Tae and Jin exchanged a look.

“Seven?”

Nethertheless, they followed her until they saw a familiar head of burgundy hair. Yoongi was seated at a both, idly talking to Hoseok, another close friend of theirs. The waitress left the four men alone once they were seated.

“If I knew you were going to take us to such an expensive restaurant, I would have brought more money on me, hyung.” Taehyung complained, shooting the man across the table from him a pout. Hoseok smiled, settling his chin on his cheek.

“I talked him into it. I wanted to celebrate since our Yoongi got his first collab.” He beamed.

Yoongi’s cheeks went a light tint of pink as he looked away, flustered.

While Taehyung and Jin were writers, the other members of their close friend circle had taken up different occupations.

Yoongi was the second oldest of their group of friends, and he was a self-made producer, having taken up a music major. Hoseok was a dancer, and he and Yoongi also collaborated on tracks the latter was working on. Yoongi taught Hoseok how to produce music, and even how to rap, and in return, Hobi taught him how to dance and gave him crucial feedback on his work.

The two missing members of their group were Jimin and Jungkook. Jungkook was studying Computer Science while Jimin was currently taking Ecology and Biology classes so he could learn the basics in his journey to become a veterinarian.

Which made six.

“By the way, the waitress said something about a party of seven? Are we eating with someone else?” Jin inquired. Yoongi nodded, sipping from his glass of water.

“Right, you haven’t met him. Jimin made friends with someone in his Ecology class and he practically begged me to let him come eat with us today to see if we liked him. Of course, Jimin and Jungkook are bringing him, so I’m not surprised they’re late.” He hummed, earning a snicker from the other men at the table.

They held off on ordering until the other men joined them and after around ten more minutes, Jimin’s voice cut through the idle chit chat the four men at the table had begun. They startled as the small Busan man nearly collided with the table, dragging along two men with him.

“I’m so sorry, I overslept!” Jimin panted, releasing both of the men’s arms in favor of putting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. Jungkook put a comforting hand on his back, seemingly perfectly fine with his run while the man beside them both put his hands on his hips, panting as well.

Jin nearly dropped his glass of water when he noticed the man panting beside them.

“N-Namjoon?” He inquired, eyes wide.

Namjoon turned to him, sending him a wide smile.

“Oh, Seokjin! It’s nice to see you again!” He bowed, moving to slide into the booth beside Jin. The writer shuffled over to give him room, swallowing nervously as Namjoon held his gaze. The moment the man sat down, Jin got a strong whiff of something distinctly floral, and idly he wondered if Namjoon had been admiring any more blossoming trees.

“You can just call me Jin. You know Jimin and Kook?” He inquired. The two men in question slid into the booth on the other side, eyeballing Jin and his interest in Namjoon. Taehyung watched on smugly.

“Ah, yes. I’m in the same Ecology class as Jimin as a Teacher’s Assistant. I’m studying Botany, but my professor talked me into being a TA and that’s how I met Jimin. He insisted I come out to dinner with him and some friends and Jungkook came to pick us up. And well...here we are.” He chuckled. Jin nodded, heart thudding in his chest over how handsome Namjoon was, especially up close. He hadn’t gotten much time to admire the man the past two times he saw him, so Jin figured he’d take this third chance to do so.

“That explains why you were so interested in those blossoms before.” He blurted before he could stop himself, mentally cringing. Namjoon didn’t seem to mind, nodding in agreement.

“I’ve always really loved being outside and being around plants and such so I guess Botany was the first thing to come to mind when it came to choosing studies. I’m hoping I can learn, and then teach others the true beauty of the plants around us, y’know?” He began talking intimately about his studies, and Jin listened diligently, his nervousness ebbing away as Namjoon disarmed him with that gentle floral scent, and the sophisticated, relaxed tone of his voice.

“Am I missing something?” Jungkook inquired, eyeing the two and raising a brow when he noticed they were off in their own little world.

Tae grinned behind his menu, side-eying Jin and Namjoon.

“Jin-Hyung found his inspiration.” he whispered, a knowing smile on his face.

-After Dinner-

“Hobi-ya, why do you drink if you can’t even hold your alcohol?” Yoongi grumbled, taking Hoseok’s arm to make sure he didn’t fall. Red-faced, Hoseok only sent him a wide smile.

“Cuz...I know my hyung will take care of me.” He grinned, drawing laughter from the other men in the group. Yoongi rolled his eyes half heartedly, but held him a bit more firmly as they spilled out into the night.

“I can drive you home, though my car only fits four more people…” Jungkook mused, tapping his chin.

“Shotgun!” Jimin cheered before Taehyung could claim the spot, drawing a pout from the younger man.

“How do we decide who doesn’t go?” Yoongi inquired.

“I can just walk home. It’s not far.” Jin offered, not wanting the boys to start arguing when he could just as easily walk. Taehyung perked.

“Oh! Namjoon-ah, you said your apartment was in that direction, too, right? Maybe you and Jin can walk together?” Taehyung suggested, smiling in such a way that came off as harmless and innocent to Namjoon, but to the other five men who knew Tae well, it was nothing less than mischievous.

Jin sent him a wide eyed stare, about to protest when Namjoon nodded.

“Sure. I like walking, anyway.” he hummed, nodding in the direction that they had to start walking. Jin sent Taehyung a sharp look, but the younger writer only waved cheekily.

“Enjoy your walk! See you soon, hyungs!” He called to their retreating forms, putting a hand on his hip as they watched them disappear from sight. Jungkook put an arm over his shoulder, cocking a brow.

“So what’s going on with that?” He inquired as Jimin helped Yoongi keep Hoseok from falling. Taehyung turned and started walking towards Jungkook’s car with the others in tow.

“I’m just giving Hyung the opportunity to get to know Namjoon-ah better~”

-With Namjin-

Namjoon and Jin walked in comfortable silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the night air in Seoul. Namjoon was the one that broke the silence after a while.

“Thanks for not making fun of me for my work.”

Jin blinked in confusion, looking over at the man.

“Why would I make fun of you?” He inquired, brows pinching up together. Namjoon brought his hand to the back of his head, ruffling his own hair as he tried to find the right words.

“I guess I’m used to people telling me I’m wasting potential by having an interest in botany. You wouldn’t believe how many people told me I was a lesser man for how often I enjoy blossoms. I even started to smell like all the flowers I work with.” he mused, letting out a humorless laugh. Jin frowned.

“Why? Why are they being so rude? So what, you like blossoms and plants?! That gives them no right to belittle you! As much as people go to Cherry Blossom festivals, how dare they try to insult you for taking an interest in them-”

Jin’s tirade was cut short by Namjoon putting a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s alright, Jin. I tune them out, anyway. I appreciate you getting so passionate to defend me even though you’ve just met me.” He bowed, a small smile on his face. Jin shuffled, face slightly hot with embarrassment at how carried away he’d gotten. He noticed the smile on Namjoon’s face looked slightly...lonely.

“My apartment is down this street, so I’ll head off, now. It was nice seeing you again, Jin.” Namjoon bowed and Jin gathered his heart, not wanting to make the same mistake he made the last time he’d parted with Namjoon.

“Hey, can I get your number? I don’t mind you talking to me about your botany interests, as long as you’ll humor my boring literature talks.” He joked, bringing out his phone. Namjoon chuckled lightly, bringing his own phone out so he could exchange numbers.

“I love reading, don’t worry. Text me when you get inside, alright?” Namjoon slid his phone back into his pocket and Jin nodded, waving farewell to him.

Jin’s smile fell a few minutes after he’d parted from Namjoon, remembering the lonely tone of his voice and the small, forced smile from before. He didn’t understand why anyone would go out of their way to torment someone over their dream. Especially since Namjoon had spoken so passionately about his fondness for blossoms.

Jin shot Namjoon and the others a message as soon as he got in, disappearing into his bathroom for a shower.

Namjoon’s sorrowful smile stayed in his mind as he held his head under the spray. He still wasn’t sure what it was about the blonde had him so invested in him so fast, but what he was sure of, was that he hated seeing that bittersweet smile on the younger man’s face.

When Jin dried off after his shower, he opened his laptop and wrote about a lonely man, standing alone in a field of flowers.

-3 Weeks Later-

Jin rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans as he walked up to Namjoon’s apartment. It was Spring Break for the aspiring botanist and Namjoon had persistently asked Jin to help him out with setting up some new plants in his home. Jin agreed to it without missing a beat. Not only would he get some alone time with Namjoon, he got to help him do something he had also began to take interest in through their recent friendship.

Jin checked his phone a few more times before knocking on the door that matched up with the directions Namjoon had sent him. There was a shuffling behind the door before it swung open, the disheveled botanist appearing in a flash. He blushed when he realized it was Jin, running a hand through his hair before sending him a smile.

“Hey. Sorry about the mess. Come in, Hyung.” He beckoned Jin to follow him inside.

The first thing the writer noticed was the smell.

Namjoon’s house smelled exactly like he did, a gentle mix of floral scents that created a sort of calming natural perfume. Without realizing it, Jin felt his shoulders relax and a small, calm sigh leave his lips.

Namjoon heard it, glancing back apprehensively.

“Are you allergic to any plants or flowers? I should have asked first, I-”

“No, it’s fine. I was just thinking about how calming it was. You always smelled so nice, but now I see your house smells just as comforting,” the older man confessed, his cheeks hot with embarrassment. Namjoon smiled shyly.

“T-Thanks. I’ve never had anyone say that to me.”

He motioned for Jin to follow him, leading him into the kitchen. There were some hanging plants sitting on a few spread out newspapers on the table. The blinds were open, with the natural light pouring into the kitchen and bathing everything in a gentle glow. Jin felt like he’d been punched in the chest, completely losing track of thought as he stared at Namjoon.

The younger man noticed, looking up from the planters he’d bought to go with his new plants. He shuffled under Jin’s gaze, waving his hand to catch Jin’s attention.

“Hyung? Are you alright-”

“You’re beautiful, Namjoon.” Jin blurted. Namjoon blinked in surprise and Jin went beet red, looking away, muttering a curse.

“S-Sorry, forget I said anything. W-Where are we putting these?” Jin inquired hurriedly, motioning to the colorful plants on the table. Namjoon set the planter he had in his hands down, moving around the side of the table to stand beside Jin.

“Hyung...do you like me?” He questioned him bluntly. Jin froze, staring at him like a deer in headlights. He stammered a bit, breaking eye contact after ten seconds that felt like forever. Namjoon took a step closer to him, crowding him against the kitchen table.

“Answer me, Kim Seokjin.”

Jin sighed in defeat.

“I...I guess I do. I saw you a few weeks ago through a coffee shop window by chance, near an unbloomed cherry blossom tree and I haven’t really been able to get you out of my mind since then. I promise I’m not some kind of weird stalker or anything-” Jin paused when Namjoon put his hands at either side of his hips, effectively caging him in.

“I like you too, hyung.”

Jin could swear his brain went offline for a moment or two. He stared dumbly into Namjoon’s eyes, heart thudding at the way the botanist’s cheeks went its own shade of red.

“I invited you here because I wanted to spend some time alone with you. I didn’t expect you to like me. I’m not the most interesting person in the world, you know…” he trailed off, but Jin placed a hand on his cheek, making him focus on the older man.

“Don’t say that. To me, you’re one of the most interesting people in the world. Before I saw you, I couldn’t find any inspiration in Springtime, but since I met you, I’ve written more these past few weeks than I have in the past month or two. You’re a humble, beautiful person, Joon, that’s just part of why I like you.” He told him, speaking a bit more boldly than before. Namjoon looked like he was at a loss for words, clearly flustered.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Joon?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Jin responded by pulling Namjoon closer, pressing their lips together gently. His eyes slid closed, feeling the heat rolling off of Namjoon’s body from their proximity. They separated after a moment, though Namjoon didn’t move his face too far from Jin’s. They both cracked their eyes open, noticing how flustered the other was from the simple kiss. Jin’s eyes flicked down to Namjoon’s lips for a moment and the younger man closed the distance again, initiating a series of small, chaste kisses, each getting a little bit longer and intimate than the last. Namjoon’s hands moved from the table near Jin’s hips to dangle over his shoulders while Jin settled his big hands on Namjoon’s waist.

They separated after a few minutes of the slowly escalating kisses, both of them breathless and panting as they pressed their foreheads together.

“So...is it fair to say we’re dating?” Jin inquired, cocking a brow hopefully. Namjoon smiled, nodding as he leaned over to give the writer another kiss.

“I’d say that’s about right.” He confirmed, finally breaking away from Jin’s personal space. He moved to pick up one of the hanging planters he’d bought, looking at Jin with renewed energy and a wide, dimpled smile.

“Let’s get these plants up, shall we? Maybe we can see about more of those kisses after we’re done?” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Jin snorted, putting his chin on his palm as he stared fondly over at Namjoon.

“Bold of you to assume I won’t kiss you while we set this up anyway.”

Namjoon smiled and beckoned for him to follow him into the living room.

“You’re more than welcome to, Hyung.”

-1 Year Later-

“They aren’t picking up. Should we stop by Jin and Namjoon’s apartment?” Hoseok turned to the others, his hand on his hip as he lowered his phone from his ear. Yoongi pursed his lips for a moment before shaking his head.

“We should leave them be.They did just finish moving in together. The cherry blossom festival will be going on this whole week, they can join us some other time.” He told the younger men, turning to look towards the festival in question a few blocks down. They could already smell the food and hear the music being played, even from this distance.

Jimin and Jungkook’s eyes lit up as they all but broke out into a mad dash towards the festival with Hobi quickly following just as eagerly. Taehyung and Yoongi stuck to walking casually behind the excited trio, watching on with fond smiles.

“Those two...you think they’re doing something dirty right about now?” Tae inquired bluntly. Yoongi hummed wistfully.

“Honestly, I’d be surprised if they weren’t.”

-Namjin’s Apartment-

“Hyung...hyung, hurry up-”

“I will not.”

Namjoon groaned in frustration, unable to help the way his body reacted as Jin pressed his lips against his pulse, kissing and nipping at the skin. He wouldn’t be content until a dark mark had bloomed against Namjoon’s neck on this side to match the one under his jaw he’d left earlier.

He had crowded against Namjoon’s left side, their legs slightly intertwined as he stroked the younger man at a nearly agonizingly slow pace. They had been at this for nearly half an hour, rubbing against one another, leaving love bites of varying sizes and colors on whatever they could get their lips on, hands roaming every inch of heated skin they possibly could. Jin had thought it fitting to scatter both cherry and plum blossom petals all over the floor and sheets like the hopeless romantic he’d become and now was treated to the lovely sight of the light and dark pink petals sticking to various parts of Namjoon’s body.

Who wouldn’t take their time with such a gorgeous view like that?

Jin could, however,  tell Namjoon was getting tired of the pace, if the sharp, defiant nip to his bottom lip was anything to go by. He met Namjoon’s eyes, a thick brow arching in amusement, but he obliged him, feeling around the nightstand for the lube they’d dropped inside of it earlier while unpacking.

The tips of his fingers brushed it and he pulled it out in one fluid motion, triumphantly wiggling the bottle at Namjoon. The normally patient botanist spread his legs eagerly, though he looked away from Jin, a rosy color decorating his cheeks. Jin sat up, kissing Namjoon’s cheekbone as he coated his fingers in the cool liquid.

Jin’s fingers rubbed small circles over Namjoon��s quivering hole, smearing some of the lube over his pucker before he slowly pressed his index finger inside. Besides the small exhale above him, Jin heard no resistance from Namjoon, so he continued, sliding the slick digit in and out, taking note of how tight the younger man was.

“Relax for me, baby. I don’t wanna hurt you.” Jin cooed, his voice gentle as he kissed at Namjoon’s collar, muttering other sweet nothings to slowly ease the younger man. It worked, and after a minute or two of slow stretching and gentle words, Jin had all three of his fingers inside of Namjoon, stretching and curling them ever so slightly.

“H-Hyung,” Namjoon breathed, unconsciously rolling his hips back towards Jin as he loosened more and more for the writer. Jin’s lips curled up, that sense of pride arising again. He hadn’t done much, but already Namjoon had that soft, pleading tone in his voice. With a curl of his fingers, Jin only hummed in response.

“Yes, Joon? Is there something you need?”

“I want you, hyung.”

Jin wanted to tease him more, he really did, but when he looked up and saw Namjoon’s half lidded eyes, so full of love and lust for him, he felt like he’d had all the wind knocked out of his chest. Slowly, he pulled his fingers out of the younger man, grabbing more lube to slick himself up.

While he was stroking himself, Namjoon moved from below him, pushing him so he was sitting instead. He opened his mouth to protest, but Namjoon straddled his waist, gently knocking Jin’s hand away in favor for grabbing his cock himself.

“Oh? You’ve never ridden me before~” Jin chimed, holding Namjoon’s hips and rubbing soothing circles against his skin as the younger man slowly seated himself in Jin’s lap, closing his eyes as he felt every inch stretching him.

“You were taking too long.” He breathed in response, wrapping his arms loosely around Jin’s neck. He raised his hips until Jin nearly slid out of him before sitting back down in one fluid motion, groaning as he felt himself loosen with every roll of his hips.

Jin’s fingers laced into his hair, pulling Namjoon down for a sloppy kiss. He rolled his hips up every time Namjoon brought his down, meeting him in the middle and groaning against his lips as the younger man rolled his hips just right.

“Jin! O-Oh fuck, yes.” Namjoon swore, a small bead of sweat rolling down his temple.

“Y-You’re doing so good Joonie. Look at you,” Jin pressed his forehead against Namjoon’s looking into his eyes as the slap of skin against skin rose in volume just like their moans and panting. Namjoon pulled his hair at one point, the intense focus in his eyes from earlier clouding over and leaving him with a lewd, wanton expression.

Jin let out a small ‘fuck, Namjoon’ before he cupped Namjoon’s ass, gently lifting him off of his cock and dropping him back onto the bed.

The blossom petals bounced from the weight, sticking to various parts of Namjoon’s sweaty skin as the botanist blinked in surprise at the whirlwind of motion. He sat up on his knees, frowning at Jin in disapproval.

Jin didn’t bother answering, instead hooking one of his arms under Namjoon’s knee, oh so slowly pushing his cock back into Namjoon’s wet heat. Namjoon groaned, arching his back slightly as he hooked his arms around Jin’s neck, letting himself go as the older man reestablished their pace from before.

Jin pressed his face into the crook of Namjoon’s neck, the normally comforting scent of flowers that followed the man wherever he went now serving as more of an aphrodisiac, driving Jin mad.

“I love you.” It slipped out of Jin’s lips before he could stop himself. Namjoon’s moans caught in his throat, and Jin couldn’t tell if it were from the sex or the gentle confession. Either way, he peppered Namjoon with more and more kisses.

His neck, the underside of his jaw, the corner of his lips.

“Hyung, please. Faster, faster!” Namjoon groaned, his eyes slipping closed. Jin sat up, holding both of Namjoon’s legs open and apart as he thrust into him, drinking in the sight below him.

Namjoon’s brows were pinched up, his face turned away from Jin, though the older could still see the blush decorating his face. His skin was slightly shiny with sweat, the petals stuck in his hair and clinging to his skin as he started to arch his back from the pleasure.

He looked beautiful.

Jin gripped him tighter, suddenly quickening his pace as he watched Namjoon with half lidded eyes full of love. Apparently he’d struck something delightful, if the way the younger man pulled at the sheets was anything to go by.

“Hyung! J-Jin, please please do it again-fuck!” Namjoon cursed, unconsciously clenching around him as Jin obliged him, thrusting at the perfect angle. Jin released his hold on Namjoon’s legs once he wrapped them around Jin’s waist, desperate to keep him as deep as possible. Jin turned Namjoon’s face, making him look up at him as he fucked him, feeling his own hips stutter at the sight.

“L-Look at me Joonie.” Jin’s voice was low, slightly breathless and Namjoon almost missed it over the sound of the bed creaking, his own moans, and the fireworks that had started not too far from their home at the Cherry Blossom Festival. Namjoon looked up at Jin, the sheets balled up in one of his fists as he reached for the older man’s hand.

Jin laced their fingers together, feeling that heated coil in the pit of his stomach wind itself tighter and tighter the closer he got to his release. They gripped each other’s hand tight, never breaking eye contact as Jin’s thrusts lost their rhythm. Namjoon panted, thighs quivering around Jin’s waist as his cock leaked onto his stomach. Jin took his hand away from Namjoon’s chin, stroking Joon’s cock as quickly as he could, lips quirking when he saw how desperate Namjoon was for his release, thrusting into his closed fist desperately.

“Hyung I’m-”

“C’mon, Joonie. I’ll cum with you baby.” Jin cooed, rolling his thumb over Namjoon’s weeping cock head, watching him with hearts in his eyes. Namjoon loosened his grip on the sheets, pulling Jin down for a deep, sloppy kiss. They moaned against each other’s lips, and after a few more wild thrusts, Jin spilled himself inside of Namjoon, drinking in the sound of Namjoon’s muffled, slightly higher-pitched moan as the younger man came all over his fist and his own stomach.

Jin broke the kiss after he was sure he’d milked every last pearl of cum from Namjoon’s cock, slowly moving to get off of the younger man. Namjoon kept him from going too far, panting as he looked up at Jin, a dimpled, tired smile brightening up his face.

“I love you too, Jin.” he cooed, cupping Jin’s cheek. Jin’s heart stuttered for a moment as stared down at Namjoon, kissing the tip of his nose as a gentle smile came to his own face.

They cleaned up, showering to get any excess petals and sweat off of them before climbing back into their bed, cuddling under the freshly changed sheets.

Namjoon fell asleep first, curling into Jin and tangling their long limbs together as he tucked his face against Jin’s collar. Jin ran his fingers through his hair idly, taking in the serene look that graced Namjoon’s sleeping face. He kissed his forehead, closing his eyes as a smile came to his face.

Tomorrow, while Namjoon tended to his bonsai plants and wrote up a new lesson plan for the Ecology class, Jin would sit at the window, filling each page of his writing with words of love and beauty.

All while enjoying the sight of scattering blossom petals in the wind just outside.

Maybe Spring wasn’t so bad, afterall.

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[sorikkung]

i asked @softbams to ramble about bambam just bc i love seeing other ppl love bambam as much as i do and now its my turn so here we go,,, warning i get soft easily,, , dont hurt me,,,,

hnggnhkgsnj so like BAMBAM right,,, he’s,,, a DORK there is literally no other word i could use to better describe him and ill have you know i may seem to throw around the word dork online, specifically here on my blog but in actuality i use it extremely sparingly for those people that are so dfjklshjkf dUmb but i love them so much??? like ill only call my closest few friends dorks, i just use it a lot here bc i post about what i love and i love!!! bambam!!!! idk ppl express their love in different ways and “i love you” just seems so overused and meaningless and calling people a dork is just more me and honestly its the most endearing thing i could say about someone ANYWAYS so like why is he a dork??? he’s so wild in like every way my first impression of this kid was literally him spazzing on the floor and dabbing while got6 hyped him on and i was like??? THAT ONE. I WANT TO STAN THAT ONE I- I WANT THE TRASH CHILD thats literally how it went down and as you can clearly see i haven’t changed lanes since,, honestly to me the most attractive trait in any person ever is stupidity, and i dont mean shitty grades i mean like their sense of humour!! someone who isn’t afraid to make fun of themselves and be loud and wild and random and is just a little (or a lot) drunk on life every now and then, its just so,,, refreshing??? maybe its bc im like that and i find it hard to find people who can keep up with me in a sense but honestly with bambam its like im the one trying to keep up with him. it’s just so endearing to watch him screaming and roll on the floor and??? to watch him bambam around the place. he’s just so funny and it always makes me smile like an idiot??? and it seems like its not just me bc!! the rest of got7 seems the same!! his happiness and silliness is honestly so contagious like they call jackson the moodmaker and yeah he is (i LOVE HIM TO PIECeS hes a dork too) but like have you ever realised that like 90% of the time yugyeom is being a crackhead, bambam is like within a leg’s distance away?? and i say leg bc DAMN have you seen bambam’s legs, he prides himself in his legs WITH GOOD REASON TOO and he always has to show them off with those tight ass leather pants like calm down you’re killing me here. but ofc he’ll never calm down the boy has no control and i LIVE FOR IT bc its always unpredictable??? like you get bored of the same thing after a while but bambam is always so new and wild and!! keeps you on your toes!!! hes just so exciting??? and like omg i mentioned yugyeom before hE REALLY LOVES YUGYEOM (me too man, me too,,,) AND!!! ALL OF HIS MEMBERS!! like whenever the situation is tense he’d do something stupid to make them all laugh and the way he talks about his members??? its SO heartwarming to see him love them all so much?? i mean they practically raised the kid, like jackson and mark especially bc foreign line stuck together as trainees as TRAINEES do you hear this shit they have stuck together for YEARS before got7 debuted and they still love each other to death AMERITHAIKONG IS FRIENDSHIP GOALS IM SOBBING I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH like you know they’re soulmates when one gets a laptop thrown at him but he still looks up to him as a hyung alkjhlkgahsdfgs ill never live that down sorry its too funny,,, also like he may be a fucking idiot at times but i dont think enough people take him seriously?? like he has this mature side to him and its so nice to see that even though we all joke that he has no chill, he does actually have it when necessary?? like!! in that recent thai interview and he talked about his mum oh my god he loves his family sO MUCH I AM SOFT literally like he bought his mum who biases jaebum lmfAO a house bc they grew up under a tin roof WHAT AN UPGRADE and he bought his sister a car and like hes so modest about his achievements too like in that one hard carry episode where he and jackson in the back of a taxi at 4am had to take turns boasting and trying not to be modest, he had to brag about his achievements, this episode was so memorable to me bc only one of them was actually about him??? he mentioned that something along the lines of 8,000 fans went to the airport in thailand to greet him but then he mentioned about the concert tickets that sold out but it was GOT7′S concert like he had to mention his group bc they achieved that TOGETHER and like he then said he bought a house for his mum and a car for his sister like he was meant to brag about how much money he had but instead he said the good things he did so generously for his family im??? so soft??? his love for his family is SO SO SO precious (like him) and when he talked in that thai interview i was talking about earlier (i apologise that i keep changing subjects so quickly this entire thing is so messy) he talked about how his mum is the reason for his dreams to be a performer and how he wanted to provide for his family and dAMN HE DID!!! but like omfg hes so passionate about what he does??? its so so so inspiring to see, he went to korea at age FOURTEEN without knowing the language, the culture or really anything bc he went to rain’s concert and was so inspired and learned all his dances and songs and like it kinda reaches out to me bc like??? he started off as nothing but a random international fanboy and LOOK HOW FAR HES COME IT GETS ME SO EMOTIONAL!! and his mum kept on telling him that its ok if he didnt make it, that he could come home if it didnt work out, she’d welcome him with open arms but he kept going!!! bc he loves music!!! and hes so talented!!! and hes just so passionate,,, and so determined too!! such a hard worker!! like i dont think most of you realise just how intensive trainee programs are??? like he was fourteen and training 12 hours a day, he said it was from 10am to 10pm every day, and now he gets even LESS sleep like hes constantly talking about how tired it is like let the poor baby sleep oh my god he deserves rest but apparently thats too much to ask for in the kpop industry,, but no matter how tired he is he always has tons of energy on stage and off stage to make everyone laugh and keep everyone in high spirits and like he’s actually a ray of sunshine, a precious angel, a blessing to this world oml im rambling but thats fine that was the point of this lmfao i just!! MY HEART IS SWELLING FOR HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM!! and everything he does gets me so soft like i literally have an instagram saved collection of his smile that makes me smile and not like his smirk (which is,,, whew,,, REALLY attractice im weak for smirks) but like his full teeth, face wrinkled and eyes scrunched up smiles where he looks so happy and cute and i wanna pinch his cheeks hes just SO CUTE and whenever i see him smile like that i swear 7 years are added to my lifespan and it just MAKES ME SMILE SO MUCH bambam always makes me so happy like i think my parents i convinced i have a boyfriend at the amount of random smiling i do at my phone but like 90% of the time its just bambam,, hes just so aesthetically pleasing like we all know he is the fashion KING, like his style is so stunning but like i think his visuals are highly underrated tbh he had THE most iconic glo-up of all time, i remember during early realgot7 episodes he’d talk about how he wanted to no longer be the cute/aegyo type member and he wanted to be sexy and charismatic and oH bOy iS hE sExY aNd ChArIsMaTiC,,, if only the members that kept telling him he couldnt and that he was adorable would see him now, still just as cute and squishy as before but also a fucKIGNF BEAST????? like i think every time he does that prrah in never ever a part of my soul leaves my body. idk if thats even related. but like WOW HES SO PRETTY EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS JUST SO ATTRACTIVE PHYSICALLY like he has rlly pretty eyes, esp w/ contacts they really just make you notice them so much more and his lips?? everyone talks about his lips but NOT ENOUGH like theyre so plump and kissable and honestly i could kiss them all day if hed let me omg is that a bruno mars lyric ANYWAYS if you do era killed us all, dont deny it, even jinyoung noticed his lips i just LOVE BAMBAMS LIPS and like his JAWLINE is so sharp it could cut a bitch it just defines his face so well and his makeup too like bambam’s makeup is always so on point, kudos to the stylist noona like its not that he needs makeup, makeup needs HIM like it compliments him so well  and adds to his,, aura?? idk about you but he owns the stage, like he has this aura to him he has made the stage his bitch, he’s not on the stage he owns it do you HEAR ME???? HE!!! IOWNS!! THE STAGE!! his dancing is so mesmerising?? and his voice??? he has every ahgase wrapped around his long ass legs finger whether you like it or not. and what i was saying about makeup like without makeup he transforms into the cutest, squishiest bean that i just want to PROTECC like his dUaLiTy you can hear that about any kpop idol but still, bambams duality is so crazy, he’s just....so sOFT AND FLUFFY offstage (when he isnt screaming like a maniac, but even then,) his laugh. is so cute, and so contagious i feel like ive said that already but its not any less true and like barefaced bambam just being barefaced and wholesome and cute and????? im??? adjhgjkahkldghalkj,,,, he just,, just him smiling makes my day fUCK ive said that already but as you can see i am whipped asf for his smile i,, and also how hes so bad at aegyo when he needs to do it but he has natural aegyo when hes not?? ??? ? HES SO CONFUSING i love it honestly i love him i just ugghhhhhhh. and hes so talented too!! SUCH AN UNDERRATED DANCER GOSH he has been dancing since he was a really smol bean and HES SO SHARP AND FLUID AT THE SAME TIME like nobody appreciates his dancing as much as they should and that makes me really sad bc its so enthralling to watch him dance, he really puts his all into it you can see it, but nOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT ENOUGH???? WHERE are your fuckign eYES YALL ARE BLIND AND MISSING OUT and his voice oh my lord his voice makes me fEeL thInGs especially when he does that thing when he talks all low and raspy and his accent is attractive too and like i would pay good money just for bambam to just talk to me like that all day like sure he isnt the best rapper in the industry, jyp never really had impressive rappers until stray kids but like he does his job as a performer well and UGH HIS VOICE IM WEAK IN THE KNEES like i die on the inside every time he says baby or honey or smth like that and usually i hate those specific pet names, but have yall seen that video of him saying “goodbye honey! awh, im your honey?” or just him saying honey in whos that or jsut AJAKLKAJKJKGFJ HIS!! VOICE!! and when he says double b i just FEEL his confidence and that aura i was talking about before now i have the habit of yelling out or at least mouthing double b along with him its actually everything??? omg and his meme game like i know i already rambled about how dumb he was but like specifically his meme game and his TWITTER OML like the whole dabbing thing, idk who started it but he made dabbing his bitch like he gave zero shits what other people thought, dAB ON THEM HATERS AMIRITE, and even on that one vlive where he claimed that dab was history he ended up saying he IS the history of dab and then dabbed in the next japan promotions with yugyeom anyways. the dab is not dead. the dab will never die. and his twitter holy fuck did you guys see the whole steven deng fiasco where he agreed to his petition to rename bambam to dabdab bc he couldnt be stopped then he INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS AKA DABDAB ON LIVE TV WHAT AN IDIOT IM SO IN LOVE and like in the video where everyone was saying you dont pick your bias, your bias picks you (bambam didnt “pick” me, he grabbed my hair and yanked me down into hell) he fucking said “i pick you” like hES THE KING OF FANSERVICE FOR A REASON OMG hes always flirting with his fans on twitter and calling them baby or babygirl and like at fansigns and concerts whenever a fan goes on stage with him he just flirts with them so much and calls them his queen, his everything etc, just i cant even begin to list all the times where he flirts with ahgases idk if hes naturally flirty or he just likes to give the fans what they want but BOTH IS GOOD TBH bc flirty ppl are attractive and like if its just for fanservice then that just proves how much he appreciates and cares for his fans like wow he really loves ahgase?? REMEMBER THAT CONCERT WHERE HE TEARED UP AND CALLED AHGASE “THE BEST GIRLFRIENDS EVER” I GOT SO SOFT HES SO GENUINE aKDFJLSJFLgdfklgjalfk and back to how stupid he is like he is also a petty ass bitch like he casually exposes his members a lot i LIVE FOR IT like the whole mark throwing a laptop thing or like other shit i cant remember off the top of my head and hes just so sassy and petty all the time like i love it so much oh my gosh sassy bam is an underrated concept bc savage jinyoung steals all the spotlight rip :(( nothing against jinyoung i love him to bits too but!! sassy!bam is just, my will to live tbh oh also can we talk about how hes literally a model like he made the camera his bitch too not just is his face gorgeous and his makeup stunning and his hair on fleek and his style amazing but like you can feel his aura through the camera too, he just stares with this LOOK its like hes actually looking at you his visuals are SO POWERFUL again not talked about enough bambam in general isnt talked about enoguh outside of being a meme and :((( it makes me sad esp when people still baby him like no hes a grown ass man hes had his glo up like have you seen him??? sure he can be effortlessly cute but also effortlessly sexy like he really is the entire package and oh my fuckign god he LOVES CATS HE REALLY IS THE ULTIMATE PACKAGE like everyone knows about pudding and latte but even before then he loved jb’s cat nora and apparently nora liked bambam more than jb and would wake him up at 9am every day and bambam would play with her for a while then go back to sleep and nora would sneak into his bed and omfg bambam and cats, two of my favourite things wow what a concept?? i just DIED when i saw his insta story updates calling his cats his babies or his sons and its just so precious i want to cry. speaking of social media again can we just appreciate that he runs most of his social media in ENGLISH, not hhe language he usually speaks (korean) or his first language (thai), but ENGLISH, just to accommodate for the international fans, hes going outside of his comfort zone and its so considerate of him and that once again proves how hes the sweetest person ever and loves ahgase so much and i feel so honoured to be an ahgase and i love BAMBAM, kunpimook bhuwakul, dabdab, double b, lil’ shit whatever you wanna call him, so much, and this got way too fucking long and random and the subjects changed too much lmao its rlly messy but like its a ramble so there you go i like bambam im out

[niksemosmusic]

MANIA Album Review 🌊

I have been waiting for this album since they announced it last April, so of course I had to write a critique of the album. 😅

Let me start by saying this: Song order matters. When I got the digital download, I thought the songs were out of order (which I now know they weren't), so that's how I listened to them. Being in the proper order, I feel like the tracks are grouped in pairs (the next one complementing the previous, showing a different POV from each other). It gave me a sense of the back and forth thoughts and feelings a person has on a day-to-day basis (at least I feel that way most of the time). Later, when I listen to the album in the order on Spotify, I had a different view on the album. The correct order gave me a sense of tentative hopefulness, and the other made me feel like I was floating in despair. The musical styles on this album jump around, and the lyrics seem autobiographical, so they have to be arranged properly to convey this story. Period. Also, I feel like I must add that I LOVE the hip hop and soul influence on this album. It is what I grew up listening to, and they used it properly, not trying to fit into the hip hop/R&B mold but mix it into what they do naturally. BRAVO! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Now, let's move on to the actual breakdown of tracks (in order).

Stay Frosty ❄️ is a powerful song to open with. The fact that the kick/low tom and guitar follow that same, accented beat pattern is incredible. (The distortion and reverb really help bc that musical idea has been used before & can get hokey if you aren't careful). Lyrically? Bitch! It's dope!  The opening line "I think I got too many memories getting in the way of me" is the best way to start an album entitled MANIA. When you have bipolar disorder (or are just an overly self-critical person), you hold onto the past way too much. (Honestly, there's little things from YEARS ago that still bother me that I should let go, esp. since most of them are super petty.) The lyric "You only get what you grieve" really expresses that feeling honestly. Anyway, back to the critique haha  So yeah, lyrically, this song really shows the anger & frustration you have w/ the world, esp. when you're trying to grow & aren't in the way you hoped. And musically, it's powerful yet danceable (I really want to vogue to it  And if you think voguing can't be powerful, go watch Paris Is Burning or videos of The Haus of Ninja on YT. You'll take those words back).

Moving on to Real Ones 🔮. An openly hopeful song. You recognize how painfully lonely and hopeless you were, and then you found true love (or at least you think it's true). I say that bc the lyrics hint that the protagonist doesn't completely believes it. "You were too good to be true/Gold plated/But what's inside you?" (They're slightly questionable of this love, mostly bc they've been wrong before, but they took time to get to know the person so most of their suspicions are gone.) The lyric "I'm done with having dreams/The thing that I believe/You drain the fear from me" touches on that. Now musically, it is amazing. The way the piano feels like it's floating front and center is incredible! The bass line drives most of the song (as bass should). The music feels upbeat and skeptical (yes, it is possible to feel them simultaneously; I do most of the time). Overall, great. 👍🏽

Okay, moving on HOLD ME TIGHT 💀. It is not my favorite, but I don't hate it. I actually made a thread for it back when it was released, so I'm just gonna attach the link to it (my feelings about it are mostly unchanged): https://niksemosmusic.tumblr.com/post/167519897006/niksemosmusic-okay-now-that-i-got-some-sleep **Okay, I thought I had broken down the lyrics but no. 😑So this song is about loving someone more when you're away from them. The lyric "The distance between us/It sharpens me like a knife" in the bridge is a clear representation of this. Verse 2 is very telling: "I got too high again/Realized I can't not be with you/Or be just your friend/I love you to death/But I just can't, I just can't pretend/We weren't lovers first/Confidants but never friends/Were we ever friends?". They love the other person, but they are too afraid of love (or of loving the other person too much and it ending) that they do not want to be constantly be there with them. (If they stay away, their love won't change and won't risk destruction.) 😐

Going to Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) 🏐, this track wasn't released that long about before the album, and I have a previous critique of it as well so I'll attach the link (again, my view is mostly unchanged): https://niksemosmusic.tumblr.com/post/169580442026/falloutboy-get-your-wallets-ready-youre-about **In my previous critique of Wilson, I said the lyrics seemed a little stream-of-consciousness. That is kinda accurate of mania. Your thoughts race back and forth, either between joy and sadness,between different points of happiness, or between different points of sadness.

That takes me to Church ⛪️ (pun not intended lol) The new video? GORGEOUS! (Though in a few of the band scenes, Trick's words seem out of sync ) & I love they included an interracial couple (which they've done before). & Patrick's corpse makeup is to die for (pun intended ). **(Going back to the inclusion of an interracial couple, I am glad they weren't pandering for diversity. A lot of the time, POC are added just so the creative party can say "Look! We have Black people! See! We're good people." FOB didn't do that. They are a couple, a pair of human beings living their lives like other human beings. They aren't at odds with a world that says they shouldn't be together bc of their race. That troupe is overused and lazy, and as a person of color, I really appreciate they didn't do that. Also, the fact that the couple is a black female/white male pairing is good. Most of the time, an interracial couple is portrayed as a black male with a white female. Generally speaking, I wish black-and-white-people-together wasn't the only view of interracial relationships in media. And can we have more queer couples in general? And not have their queerness be a us-against-the-world troupe? Again, that's overused & lazy.)** Now, as for the music, it’s wonderful! They really made sure it felt like going to church (that pipe organ was amazing. I kinda doubt they used an actual pipe organ instead of a plugin, but they could have. It just sounds too clean to be real). Let me move on to lyrics, and frankly, I really don’t see how so many people are hearing this as a very sexual song. "If you were church, I'd get on my knees"? Yeah, that does sound sexual, but when you listen to the rest of the song, it's obviously not the case. This is another unconventional love song, filled w/ anger and hopefulness. "Take the pain/Make it billboard big and swallow it for me/Time capsule for the future/Trust me, that's what I will be". The antagonist is trying to let go of the past & their new love is helping. And this lyric also suggests if anything goes wrong with this love relationship, they will get that old anger and pain back (they know how this has worked in the past for them).

Heaven's Gate 👼🏾 It is the most hopeful and happiest of any of the tracks. "I got dreams of my own/But I want to make yours come true" The protagonist is giving up their selfishness to fully commit themselves to the one they love. (Though giving up your dreams for someone else seems like the other person is selfish, but hey, love is often selfish. And if the "dreams" equal "fantasies", then those could be abandoned. Fantasies tend to hold a person back.) "If there were any more left of me/I'd give it to you/And I'll tell you that I am fine/But I'm a missile that's guided to you" They are fully committed. Their life is nothing without the other in it. (Again, their selfishness is gone.) Musically, it's amazing. I grew up listening to doo-wop and early soul w/ my mom, so this hits very close to my heart. (And Patrick can do no wrong vocally, so the fact that he let lose & put that range of his on full display deserves plenty of accolades 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾) And this song ticks all of the doo-wop/early soul boxes: Minor key (which may just be a major key in disguise)✔️ Lyrics that show how desperately in love you are✔️ Vocal runs and leaps that put the heart in a panic✔️ The whole song is just incredible! 😍

Moving on to Champion 🏆 When you are questioning everything in your life, this is the song to listen to. It is telling you that you will get through whatever your situation is. It's not telling you that everything will be amazing, but it's not gonna be as bad as it is now. I don't really need to dive deeper into the lyrics. Their meaning is kinda given to you at face value; they don't take much deciphering. Musically, it's a fight song. It is meant to pump you up. Period. There's nothing else to say. It's just good.

Sunshine Riptide ☀️🌊 It is lyrically genius. The beginning talks about being isolated and lovelorn ("She said I love you till I don't/I'm just playing house/No idea what I'm doing now"). But after a new love comes in ("The sunshine riptide/You came in like a wave when I was feeling alright"), they're happy once again ("You are my truest feeling yet/I love you so much/It's just like oxygen"). Or the affects of the drugs are giving them a false sense of happiness ("Driving down the coast again/The pills are kicking in"; "Smoking in my fucking ride...Feel like I'm bulletproof, bulletproof, baby"). You could argue for both. I love how they went full calypso/dancehall/afrobeat on this track. It works perfectly for the lyrical content. It's like a peaceful daze (another argument for the drug scenario). Overall, amazing! **(I'd also like to add how much I appreciate the reversed lyric at the beginning. It reminds me so much of "Work It" by Missy Elliott. Missy is one of my favorite rappers, so that really hits close to my heart. 💜)**

Young & Menace 😈 The 1st single from this album, & it holds a close place to my heart. It lyrically & musically describes true mania the most accurately. I can't put it into words, so I'm attaching a link to an interview Pete did when Y&M was released: https://niksemosmusic.tumblr.com/post/160090326586/rocksound-interview-fall-out-boys-pete-wentz

That leads us to the last track: Bishops Knife Trick 🔪 Some people think it is a breakup song, and in a way it is. It's a I-love-you-so-much-that-if-we-break-up-I-don't-know-what-I'll-do-with-myself song ("I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate/It doesn't wanna live in a cage/A feeling that I can't housebreak/And I'm yours/'Til the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away/I'm struggling to exist with you and without you, yeah"). This is some Mary J. Blige-type emotion they’re on right here. This song will break you in half. (I can barely listen to it without tearing up 😭). ("I'm sifting through the sand, sand, sand/Looking through pieces of broken hourglass/Trying to get it all back/Put it back together/As if the time had never passed/I know I should walk away, know I should walk away/But I just want to let you break my brain/And I can't seem to get a grip/No matter how I live with it") This is some deep stuff. �� The protagonist is debating whether they should stay in this relationship: "I love you, but do I really love you? Do I just love the way you make me feel? Is this really happiness or a trick? Maybe I'm holding onto the past too much". And the way the music is arranged rips my heart to shreds!  There is nothing like a simple bass line that pads the keyboard. The drum pattern is not overly complicated. The electric guitar moves the whole song along, just picking & strumming. The vocal melody doesn't have lots of embellishments, only at the start of the last chorus. And Patrick's singing sounds broken and contemplative. BKT is just... 🔪💜

So that concludes my review of MANIA. I am officially calling it my favorite album (Folie now takes the number two spot) I am so appreciative of this album, Fall Out Boy. Thank you for this album. Thank you for pushing it back. Thank you for making art on your terms. 🙏🏽

[tristinleighhh]

✨☀️ my heart & soul are so full.

This was truly the best experience of my life. Envision is something else. I danced and sweat out every negative energy that I had stored away before I came here. I feel like a new person..

🌊 I loved the whole vibe of the Uvita area. Everyone was so nice. I've missed the salty air in my hair and on my lips. Being surrounded by the jungle and the ocean is a euphoric feeling. 🐟 I ate a lot of good fish outside the festival and I am definitely missing it. I loved the fresh fruits and coconuts everywhere 🥥🌴🍍🍌🍓

🏕️ our air b&b was just a couple minutes away from the festival and our host Jose was the nicest human ever. He was constantly making sure everything was perfect for us and coming back to get sleep in the ac was prime. I'm very glad we did that. Cabinas yuriel 💛💚❤️☁️

🐳 we went on a whale watching tour and we're blessed to see a male and a mama and her baby playing around! Humpback whales are my flavorite animal and I haven't seen them since I was in Hawaii so it was an epic treat.

🌄Then Dan and I watched our last Costa Rican sunset for the trip and took a nice stroll home. On the way we saw a sloth in the tree, a crazy poisonous snake and a gnarly looking centipede. 🐍🌙

I have fallen in love with envision and everything it stands for and for the beautiful country of Costa Rica. I will be back there's no doubt about that. I want to explore everything. Thankful for this trip and all the lessons learned and friends I met along the way. Until next time 🥥✨ Pura Vida ✨🥥

✨ Top Envision Moments & Music ✨

🔥 the sunset and fire spinners on the beach with the drum circle. I had hoped to spin some fire down there but I'll be a little more prepared next time.. you walk up the path onto the beach and you are met with various vendors with cool bones and jewelery, cheap beer and food as you emerge into a sea of people on the sand. The sky was on fire and the vibes were hiiiigh. The drum circle was tribal and euphoric. Looking around me being surrounded by jungle and ocean and beautiful people was straight bliss.

•

🍄 seeing Paul staments talk about mushrooms. I only caught one but it was so cool to hear him share his stories and experiences with us.

•

🍽️💦the dishcoteque

The waste at this festival was pretty much non existent. It always makes me sad how people can leave a place so destroyed and covered in trash. I had to pick up no trash from the ground and all the volunteers who were picking up trash barely had anything in their buckets. When you got food at any vendor here you received an actual dish, bowl, silverware or cup. When you were done you'd bring it to the "dishcoteque" and recieve a voucher for your next one. No plastic at all barely any paper products besides some paper straws .. the bathrooms also did not have toilet paper in them.. you had to get it from the outside and bring it with you so they were not overflowing with paper and and overuse of products.

•

✨🎨✨ the art & the stages

There was so much phenomenal art. I was blown away by the murals everywhere and the art gallery was bursting with talent and creative energy.

The bars and booths were all made from the materials surrounding them. Everything was made from the earth. The Sol stage was surrounded by a beautiful design with a big screen in the back that had really awesome visuals on it

The lapa stage was filled with house n deep techno vibes all day and night. It felt like something out of an epic movie in there with all the mist and the lights. The entrance to the beach was right there too. It was a great place to go to just dance and chill out.  And finally... The Luna stage. W o w. The most incredible stage I've EVER seen in my life and I've seen quite a few cool stage setups. It was a huge tower of Earth and wood and vines and beauty. There was a portal where people danced behind. The lighting was a1 from the lasers to the mapping on the funktions. It was truly other worldly there.  I will be riding the high of that stage for a long time. There was water refill stations in all the right spots which made staying hydrated in the jungle heat so easy.

•

🌮🍓🍦🥑🥙 the food

It's usually hard for me to eat at festivals lately because I don't eat meat anymore. Chicken fingers was always a go to for me but I've sadly become very picky. Everyone was pretty accommodating to my needs ( I wish I thought about asking for no cilantro before the last day 😞 I hate that shit )and everything was so nourishing and healthy. I have not been eating well lately and I feel so nice and full after all the smoothies and juicy goodness I ingested over the weekend.

•

🕷️ the huge tarantula like spider that happened to wander through the crowd of people dancing with the bass vibrating the floor and onto our blanket. It was SO BIG how did you even make it through the crowd?! Stealthy dude. That was wild.

•

☕🍵The tea party!

I went to the bathroom and I came across a tiny but huge tea party. Everyone had tea cups along a very small rectangle table/stool and they were singing jungle tea time jungle tea time and cheersing to life it was so cute

•

🎭🤸‍♀️🔥💃 the performers...

Wow. I haven't seen performances like that ever. Every collective blew my mind they all had a vibe of their own and absolutely slayed it on stage. Serious inspiration

•

🎶🔊 the music

Every set was so good. Nothing was like oh that was cool .. everything i was was so we'll put together and everyone definitely out out jungle vibes.

•

I'll just put this first in case you don't want to read all the way cause this was my flavorite part 💓

👽 Tipper 👽

This was my 30th show.. in the jungle...and the Luna stage couldn't have been any better. He played so many fat unreleased tracks and vips I have never heard before. Serious deep jungle vibes. I can honestly say that was my flave set I've seen by him so far. There were no visuals but I was so okay with that. the lights were so on point and the performers were so freaking good and well paired with what he was putting out. I am sooooo freaking thankful for that experience and to have had it with all my tipper family. This community has Brought me all over the country and now out of the US. I am constantly overstimulated and it's just getting more intense as I get older so traveling can be difficult for me. The high energy if the airport is a lot for me. Music festivals are even a lot for me but I eventually get comfortable..I just love the epic moments of euphoria through music and these experiences that I'll push myself through the rest of it. The way tippers music makes me feel is so worth trooping through a sea of energies to get to that moment. It's truly beautiful for me and I know others feel the same. Blessed to be alive for the making of tipper music

•

Thursday

✨ the first real full set of music we saw was jpod.. someone ive never listened to and I'm so glad I know about him now. It was so fun I found all my friends and it was the perfect way to kick off the weekend.

✨Naughty princess was someone I didn't know as well and she threwwwww down a dirty heavy dubstep set. It was proper as fuck and she looked like a boss in the dj booth.

✨Honerable mention to Govinda and an-ten-ae

✨🔮Clozees first set on Friday night was so surreal. Seeing her live is a true experience. It got so heavy and blissful it was by far my flavorite set I've seen from her. She's so humble and cute and beyond excited to be doing this for us. When she plays she emmits such a powerful feminine vibe. The high that gave me was super intense.

✨ Honerable mention to

Stylust beats with the filthy dubstep set

Nico luminous

And attya to close was super smooth

•

Saturday

✨ The funk hunters played two sets. The but their Saturday night set on the Luna stage was so fire. They're so fun and energetic

✨ Random rab was so beautiful. Probably the most beautiful performance I've seen by him yet. His voice is absolutely amazing.

✨LAZY SYRUP ORCHESTRA...... If you don't know them please go listen to their sets on SoundCloud. The sun had risen and the people were vibin.. 6am set - ???? It was so freaking good ahhhh words can't even decribes

They're all so talented I want to return to that moment forever.

Going to the beach and jumping in the ocean after that was so freaking cooooooool.

✨Honerable mention to symbolico for throwing down two dope sets & moontricks on the Sol stage

•

Sunday

✨ Drrtywulvs ... Wowza. That was so fun and uplifting.. all the booty shaking..I love his music and all the noises. It always makes my body move in the weirdest of ways.

✨SUPERTASK..he's one of my flavorite artists ever and he threw downnnnnnnnn such a dope set in the jungle.

✨ SOOHAN was everything I wanted. His music makes me dance in all the best ways

✨🌄 Clozees played a sunrise set @ 545 and it was beautiful. She was very downtempo and played a lot of slower vibe songs.. it was perfect and blissful.

✨ and finally emancipator. They are forever one of my flavorites. They played at 7 am and closed out the Luna stage with the most magical morning vibes. I feel like they played a lot of new music and it was a perfect way to bring down the high energy from the night

✨Honerable mention to dirtwire on the Sol stage who pulled me out of my funk bc of the rain I love their music so much and Seeing them live is a huge treat.

If you've made it this far thanks for reading! Envision is my new flavorite place and I am already counting down the days until I can go back. ✨🥥

[bastardnev]

Steal Your Heart Ch. 1

so for whatever reason when i shared the first chapter it didn’t show up in nev’s tag, so im gonna repost it because i can (i’ll be putting chapter two in another post bc if i put them together then this post would be Too Long)

also i am SO sorry to anyone on mobile lmao

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: World Wrestling Entertainment, Professional Wrestling Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Wade Barrett/Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added Characters: Wade Barrett, Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Character Tags to Be Added Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Thieves Summary: Random happenings in the lives of Wade, a detective, and Neville, a thief who took a liking to him and decided to tag along with him during his investigations.

Ch. 1: Buddies

Why could Wade never be assigned to a simple case?

Even though he had been busting his ass for years, Wade's rank as a detective was still fairly low. Maneuvering has way through Manhattan to get to the office was no easy feat due to the traffic and groups of pedestrians everywhere he turned, and it was a miracle that he even showed up on time some days. His efforts were constantly being overlooked by his boss, however, who was far too preoccupied with the higher ranked sleuths to pay attention to him. Wade was forced to watch his superiors be assigned the easier cases, the boss claiming that they'd been working 'far too hard' lately and 'deserved' something less complicated. The cases that they should have been given were handed over to Wade and everyone else who wasn't 'deserving' of a break, lack of qualifications be damned.

This time, a man had been murdered in his room at a fairly prestigious hotel in Miami. At first glance, it looked like the suspect was easy to pinpoint -- an ex-business partner was apparently staying in a room on the same floor. There were rumors that he had been jealous of the victim's success, going on record saying that he felt like he should have gotten that big promotion, but no one ever thought he would resort to murder. He was 'too nice of a guy' for something like that. Wade, however, wasn't buying such a cheap and overused excuse, and he was ready to bring the suspect into custody and call it a day.

There was more to this case, though, as Wade soon learned once he further looked over the file. Everything was far more complicated than it really needed to be. In addition to the rumors of the suspect's jealousy, there was also some speculation that a few members of the hotel staff were in on the killing. The victim had died due to poison, and it appeared likely that one of the workers had slipped something into his food once he ordered room service. Despite all of that, there was still no concrete evidence, and Wade was required to find irrefutable proof that they were involved.

To do so, he needed to go undercover, which he hadn't had to do in quite some time. Wade reserved a room on the floor directly below where the murder had taken place, pretending to be a delivery person who was staying in town for the next few days. It wasn't the best occupation that he could have chosen, but it was better than nothing. Better than being a murderer, that's for damn sure. Wade thought to himself.

The first day on the job was relatively uneventful. Wade's flight had been delayed due to poor weather conditions and he didn't arrive to the hotel until late in the day. All that he had been able to do was scribble down a few points in his notebook, outlining what he would do on the second day of the investigation. As of that moment, Wade was planning on keeping an eye on anyone involved in delivering room service. If he chose to believe the rumors that a staff member was involved in the poisoning, then the most appropriate choice of action would be to order food and learn just who he was possibly up against.

It was while he was plotting that Wade remembered that he hadn't eaten anything since he had gotten off the plane. It was too late at night for him to be getting room service, so he settled on a snack from a vending machine down the hall. He kept telling himself that he needed to start packing extra, more healthier snacks in his suitcase so that he wouldn't have to rely on junk food all the time, but in the end he couldn't be bothered. Besides, he loved Doritos too much to give them up.

The vending machine was in a small room that served as a sitting area of sorts. Wade remembered passing by it on his way to his room and spotting a few couches around a coffee table. He had made a note to himself to spend some time there once his work the next day was done, compiling whatever new information he had gathered. Hopefully no one would be there and he would be able to work without fear of getting caught.

When he arrived at the machine, Wade inserted the money and punched in the number for his chips, crossing his arms as he waited for it to fall down. Once it did, he crouched to get it, pausing when he saw the slot. How the hell was he supposed to get it open? He couldn’t push it in like he usually could.

“Who the hell designed this?” He wondered aloud, sighing frustratedly. The genius who built this damn thing should be fired. He was going to find away to get this bag even if it killed him. Trying a few more times to push the slot in, he gave it a light smack. “Fuck you.”

And someone laughed.

Wade jumped, hitting his head against the machine in a somewhat embarrassing fashion. This just caused the person to laugh again. Once he had composed himself, Wade stood up, turning to face whoever had been watching him. He found a man not too much younger than him sitting on one of the couches, covering his grin with his hand. Wade could see that there was a DS sitting in his lap.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but that was really funny,” the man said, giggling. “The machine tricked me up when I first got here, too.”

All Wade could do was stare at him for a moment. Aside from being embarrassed as hell at the fact that someone had witnessed the whole scene, he was also confused. How had he not noticed that someone was sitting there watching the whole time? “Yeah, it’s… it’s a pain,” he responded, averting his gaze and looking back towards the machine. “Stupid.”

“Here.” The man put the DS down on the couch and stood up. “I’ll get it for you. Watch and learn.” Wade watched as he crouched in front of the slot and pushed it down from the top, pulling out the chips and handing them over with a smile. “See? Easy!”

“You had to pull it down?” Wade’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah! A bunch of machines are like that nowadays.”

“Who decided that?”

“Someone who’s clearly lost in life.” The man made his way back over to the couch, plopping down and putting his feet up on the coffee table. He crossed his arms behind his head and asked, "So, what's your name? I'm Neville."

"Neville?" Wade repeated. If he was being honest, it was a bit of a dorky name, but Wade kept that thought to himself. Now wasn't the time to be rude. "I'm Wade."

"What brings someone like you 'round these parts, Wade? You on vacation or something?"

"Uh, not exactly," Wade replied. Whatever he did, he absolutely could not give Neville any hints about his real profession. "I'm a delivery person."

"You're a delivery person? Seriously?" Neville looked confused. He appeared to eye Wade up for a moment, his eyebrows quirking up briefly. "That's... interesting."

"Yep. I've got some, uh, packages and things to deliver in this area. I'll be staying here for a little while."

"How much do you have to do if you gotta stay in a hotel for a few days? Seems like a lot."

"Yeah, well... It's part of the job. I don't get a say in it." Wade shrugged. Now that he'd said it out loud, the whole 'delivery person' thing was the worst lie he’d ever come up with, and that was saying something since Wade had had his fair share of bad lies in the past. Neville didn’t even look like he bought it. His eyes were slits and he was pouting, deep in thought. Wade could almost see the gears turning in his head.

Then Neville snorted, a smile returning to his face. "Sounds wild. I'm a professional thief."

"Oh, that's nice--" Wade stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening. "Hold on, you're a what?"

Neville shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal. “I’m a thief. I steal shit. Oh, son of a…” He was looking down at the red light on his DS. He switched the system off. “I need to charge this damn thing.”

Neville had already moved on to the next subject, but Wade still couldn’t believe what he had just been told. This man who he’d met only a few minutes ago just admitted to being a thief as if it were nothing, like it was a regular 9 to 5 job. How was Wade supposed to react to that? Seeing as he technically worked with the police, should he bring this guy in? Or should he let him go? Neville might not even be worth the force’s time.

“What’s with the look?” Neville asked when Wade hadn’t said anything for a little while. “You’re making a weird face at me.”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Wade assured. “You… are a very interesting person, you know that?”

"I do know that, actually." Neville grinned cheekily. "And I'm also a pretty honest person. I don't feel the need to lie about my profession like you do."

Wade froze up, and he swallowed. How did Neville know that he'd been lying?! He knew that his excuse was lacking, but he didn't expect to actually be called out on it. "W-What makes you say that I'm lying, huh?"

"Because you are." Neville had begun to fiddle with the DS stylus, casually slipping it in and out of its slot. "I can tell."

"How?"

"Your badge is sticking out of your pocket. It has been the whole time."

"Are you serious?" Wade looked down. Sure enough, Neville was telling the truth -- his badge had been on display the entire time they were talking. Wade stuffed it back in, nervously shoving his hands in his pockets. "I, uh... Listen, you didn't see that."

"But I did!" Neville looked a little cocky.

"Neville, I'm being serious. You cannot tell anyone about who I really am, do you understand me?"

"Wade, don't worry. If there's anything that I'm good at, it's keeping things secret," he said. "How the hell do you think I've been living here for as long as I have?"

"Wait, you live here?" Wade cocked his head to the side. "How long have you been here?"

Neville thought his answer over, looking up towards the ceiling before looking back to Wade and saying, "About a month or so."

"How have you gone this long without being noticed? Does the staff really pay that little attention?"

"You would not believe the amount of unfilled rooms in this place. I just hole up in them and come out at night when no one's around. The patrons all think that I'm a really accomplished businessman since I always tell them that I'm here for a conference. They buy it every time."

"What about when someone reserves a room? What do you do then?"

"Then I move on to the next one. It's not that complicated." Neville stood up. "So, now that I've told you all about what I do, do you think you can fill me in about what your job really is? Pleeease?" He clasped his hands together, wearing puppy dog eyes. "If you have a badge, then it must be super interesting!"

"I really shouldn't..." Wade sighed, tapping his foot. Telling Neville the truth would defeat the whole purpose of going undercover. It was true that Neville had told him some pretty incriminating things about himself -- he admitted to a detective that he was a thief! Someone who was that brutally honest couldn't possibly have any malicious intent, could he? Besides, those eyes... Wade was weak for that sort of thing.

"Come on! At least tell me a little bit?"

"Well, if it's only a little..." Wade took a deep breath. "Okay, so you know that murder that took place here not too long ago? The one on the floor above us?"

"I know of it, yes. People were freaking out about it."

"I was sent here to investigate it, but I had to go undercover. The suspect is still staying here, and I need to gather information on him and a few other people who might be involved. There, are you happy now? I told you everything you need to know."

Neville pursed his lips, closing his eyes and crossing his arms as he processed what he'd just been told. "So you need to get some dirt on people, huh? Who else besides the suspect?"

"Some hotel staff members."

"Ooh, scandalous!" Neville rubbed his hands together, suddenly looking excited. "Lemme see the case file! I wanna know some names."

"I can't show you that," Wade said firmly. "That's confidential information."

"How do you expect me to help you if you won't even let me see the file?"

"You-- When did I say I wanted your help?" Wade's mouth fell open. "I never said anything like that!"

"Wade, I'm serious about helping you. This is a pretty big case. I've been staying here for awhile now and know the schedules of pretty much all the employees. If you need a second set of eyes to keep an eye on a suspicious staff member, then I'm your guy. So, what do you say? Are we buddies?"

"I'm not sure if 'buddies' is the right word to describe it..." Wade had to admit that Neville was onto something. There was no way that he would be able to keep an eye on so many people on his own. Even having just on extra person to help him would make things easier. Then again, could he really trust a thief? This definitely wouldn't look very good...

...Then again, his boss never gave a shit about anything that he did, so what would it matter?

"Fine..." Wade finally gave in, gesturing for Neville to follow him out into the hall. "Come to my room. You can read the file in there."

"Yes!" Neville pumped his fist into the air, hurrying after Wade. "Believe me, you won't regret this!"

"I'm sure I won't." Wade knew he would.

A day had passed since Wade and Neville were first introduced. Wade was seated at the writing desk in his room, his prior plans to work in the seating area thwarted by a family of five who insisted on hanging out there at that ungodly hour. It's too damn late for these little kids to be running around... Doesn't anyone have a bedtime anymore?

Wade tapped his pen against the page, propping his head up with his left hand. The second day of investigation bore a little more fruit than the first one, though Wade still didn't have any substantial leads to go on. After ordering room service for breakfast and dinner, all that he had learned was that the hotel had really good buffalo wings. Those things should be illegal... But I can't charge someone with murder for food.

He hadn't heard from Neville since last night. If he really only came out when it was dark, then that must mean that he spent the whole day lazing about in his room doing nothing. Why was Wade so worried about giving him the case info if he didn't seem to care too much...

Wade suddenly looked like he'd made a breakthrough, and he hurriedly wrote something down, smiling. He then crossed it out a few seconds later, frustratedly tossing down his pen. Those little kids aren't undercover spies, Wade. Get over the seating room thing and focus.

A knock on the door snapped Wade out of his thought, and he slammed the notebook shut. It wouldn't look very good if a staff member showed up and saw him speculating about their involvement in a crime. Then again, what would any employee want with him this late at night? He didn't order anything.

Then Wade remembered that there was only one person who would want to speak with him at that time. This should be interesting.

Wade stood up from his chair and went to unbolt the door. Sure enough, Neville was waiting for him on the other side, leaning up against the door frame with one hand and the other one on his hip. "Howdy," Neville greeted him with a wink.

"Alright, kid, what'd you find?" Wade stepped out of the way and allowed him to enter, shutting and re-locking the door. "Assuming that you actually found something and aren't just here to screw with me."

"I found out some top secret info." Neville leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "You ready? I learned... that this hotel..."

"Yes?"

"...has really good quesadillas." Neville pulled away with a cheeky grin.

"Are you kidding me?" Wade rolled his eyes, bumping Neville with his shoulder as he walked back over to the desk and sat down. "You're not taking this seriously at all."

"Oh calm down, would you? It's only a little joke to lighten the mood."

"Look, if you don't have anything relevant to add, then please leave." Wade came across a little harsher than he intended to. Neville didn't really mean any harm... Still, this was important. Now wasn't the time to be screwing around.

Neville sighed, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out some printed documents. "Okaaay..." He said, sauntering to the desk and showing the papers to Wade. "If you don't want me here, then I guess I'll have to leave and bring these with me."

Wade read over the contents of the papers. They were a series of emails, each one of them containing instructions.

Instructions about the murder.

"Holy shit--" Wade reached for the papers, but Neville pulled them away.

"You don't seem to want me here, so I'll just be taking these with me. Haaah..." Neville let out a dramatic sigh and slowly walked towards the door. "Maybe I'll catch up with you later."

"Hold on, kid!" Wade stood up again, grabbing his shoulder. "Where did you find those?"

"A thief never reveals his secrets." Neville winked at him from over his shoulder, but the look on Wade's face forced him to continue. "I, um, snuck behind the front desk when no one was around and printed these out."

"It was... that easy?"

"Mmhmm! You need to stop overthinking things. Sometimes the solution is right in front of you! Just like how I am right now." Neville patted Wade's arm. "But, y'know, you don't seem to want me here so... I'll be taking this back to my room with me."

"Nev, please. Stick around. I need that info."

"'Nev'?" Neville repeated, a smirk spreading across his face. "Is that gonna be my new nickname?"

"I guess." Wade shrugged. He didn't even mean to call him that -- it just slipped out.

"So am I like your little sidekick now? Are we... buddies?"

Wade took in a deep breath. He didn't really have much of a say in the matter, did he? He slowly let the breath out through his nose before responding, "We're... buddies."

"Hell yeah!" Neville grinned broadly and plopped down on Wade's bed, lying on his stomach and saying, "I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship."

"It's certainly the start of something, alright..." How does Wade keep getting himself into these situations?

[taylornock]

the little things

“so i fall in love just a little oh a little bit everyday with someone new” - Hozier

a few weeks ago, one of my ~sisters~ in my sorority said something to me that has me feeling inspired on this fine sunday night. we were trying hard to rally after a long day of block and go out that night; and my tired ass was all like “we STILL have two and a half years to go out. im staying in” and she responded with:

“yeah but we ONLY have two and half more years”

Its the little things like that that flip your perspective, make you think. Oh sh*t! Glass half full just got fuller.

ever heard the expression, stop and smell the roses? overused as f*ck, but like seriously true. its so so crucial to slow yourself down and notice the little things in life; the simple pleasures + the moments you cant get back no matter how bad you want to. life moves faster than any of us can control. so stop and smell the damn roses! I am extremely guilty of always being onto the next thing, unconsciously worrying about whatever is coming next. today for example i spent the whole morning in anxiety about the traffic getting downtown for a browns game. girl, chill. like what seriously is going to happen if there is traffic?*the world still turns.

and no one ever said that when you stop and smell the roses they are all going to be alive. sometimes you stop - and the roses are dead.

things are dark, times are tough, and the last thing you want to do is look for the little things when it seems like the cloud over you is going to shade any possible light you find. but thats life - thats okay. its ok to look back and say, “wow that was one of the best moments of my life” but also be able to say “ok wow that F*CKING sucked…. thank u, next”. i learned very well when i came to college and especially through a lot of my best friends to laugh at things you shouldn’t. erika dropped her laptop from the top of her bed freshman year? HA! idiot! after she had to pay for the repairs on that, not so funny. but in the moment - instead of going worst case holy crap you are screwed and will never be able to pay your loans and will be broke forever because your dumbass dropped that freaking laptop…. slow tf down and laugh. yes there’s a time where it isn’t appropriate and you should be taking things seriously bc life comes with a lot of hard shit. but, when you can, take the little things and don’t make them bigger than they are; laugh it off and keep on swimming, baby.

smell the damn flowers. look at the little things. you think you don’t have enough time to chill out in the kitchen and bake cookies with your loved ones in the kitchen? trust me, you do. what’s gonna happen if you have one less hour of study time? you miss a few extra questions, okay. but things change so freaking quick and i am one hundred percent confident you would rather have those moments in the kitchen than you will that perfect exam score. im frankly very irresponsible, so that advice doesn’t go far for some people. but im serious - its good to have priorities but its also good to give your mind and soul a break. you deserve it queens! you can turn a “damn it its raining” mindset into a “let me watch the rain through my window and have an SVU marathon with my mom / best friend before our planet dies”. ok slightly negative ending, but you get my drift.

nostalgia is a beautiful feeling,,,, but its also sickening. it drives me mad thinking about how great things were; i so often lose focus of how great things are. again, im not over here trying to act like i wake up every morning and just EXUDE positivity and happiness. life is constantly kicking my (and everyone elses) ass but im doing what i can to keep myself sane. take in the purest moments of happiness + even the rawest moments of emotion and remember exactly how you are feeling right now because you might not ever repeat that.

“i fall in love with a stranger, the stranger the better.”

fall in love with something new; or fall in love with whats right in front of you. first off, let me say Hozier live this summer was a spiritual experience that made me feel more things than any church service i have ever attended did. the range of that man’s voice is unbelievable, and makes his songwriting resonate with you so much more. that song reminds me even more to pay attention to those little things. me having enough (barely) funds to buy myself an iced coffee this morning? that’s a little thing. waking up WITHOUT a headache, thats a little thing! walking downstairs and being greeted by someone who you love; thats a HUGE thing. but that HUGE thing is something we let ourselves get used to — and you don’t f*cking know what you have until its f*cking gone. my heart hurts for a million reasons on most days, but it also beats a trillion times with the little things i let bring the light in. and let me acknowledge when i write this stuff a lot of you probably think im just a ray of sunshine or im doing some hard drugs. i really need to start taking my own damn advice, and when i talk about this stuff it makes me realize that what’s coming out of my own ass is true! if you’re reading this; there’s a good chance i love you. i don’t believe anything happens by chance and i hope that if you came across this it brought some new thoughts up in yo mind.

i love you i love you i love you: thank u for sticking around in my life and following along in the irresponsible mess that it is. if you’re reading this, think about the small things that happened today that made you laugh or cry for a sec. think about how you won’t ever relive that EXACT second again and let that sink in. let the little things keep your soul happy. i love writing and i love writing down the little memories — that’s something i will never regret doing in years and years when i can remember that one time this this AND THIS happened. start writing more, start looking around more.

smell the damn flowers.

peace out babes

xoxoxoxo little gossip girlllllllllllllllll