#and so much letting myself feel it
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i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way
#like i don’t actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isn’t bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you haven’t spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still don’t wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say ‘hey!#everyone pray for gwen’s social life bc it sucks and isn’t really getting any better even tho i’m trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl i’ve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain won’t let me#i’m trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc i’m bad at friendship#idk maybe that isn’t fair#but i still wouldn’t say i’m great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know won’t judge me but still#idk i’m still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like i’m bugging people#and i believe them when they say i’m not but it doesn’t stop completely me from feeling that way#literally ‘hey’ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know it’s my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl don’t care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#don’t wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post i’ve made but it’s what my thoughts are currently
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a tribute to celebrate the finale of the manga that has meant so much to me these past few years
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#ryomen sukuna#toji fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 271#i would tag everyone but ik the most frequented tags in this fandom smh ghsdhfgdfjs#THSI KILLED ME#3 DAYS#IM DEAD DECEASED IN THE GROUND#i knew the minute i drafted the sketch that i would hate myself for it and yeah i was right#but honestly it was worth it it was worth every single hour#i got . lowkey highkey emotional wrapping this up bc like. what a RIDE it's been#ive grown so much since starting drawing fr this series i owe it a lot im so grateful to the things its taught me abt how i like to create#im so grateful fr the people its let me meet#ik it's not over-over and ill be around while the anime catches up but still something abt the manga ending#i'm sentimental u kno?#so i hope that i was able to convey those feelings#to jjk and to every1 who has engaged with my art for it: thank u <3
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.
I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!
(2023 summary here!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#art summary#Since last year's independent variable was PD-WWX; this year I used Lan Wangji.#Unfortunately his appearances were not very evenly distributed this year! Lots of LWJ's early in the year#then a dead period in the middle. He is forever my silly rabbit. I love drawing him!#If I have to put a label on this year; I'd describe it as 'experimental'. I pushed myself to do llots of new things!#I drew lots for dungeon meshi and that really boosted my growth. More body types -clothing details - expressions!#Ryoko Kui is a great artist to learn from and It made me realize that I had a lot to gain from doing more studies.#I also started working on a whole new genre of art! While it has taken a backburner spot - I'm working on a game now!#Digital art was my enemy last year but I have been getting a feel for it now.#Goals for this year is to 1) keep working on my personal projects 2) finish PD-MDZS! and 3) practice animation!#I didn't (couldn't) draw as much as I did last year...but I had to take a lesson in humility and taking care of myself.#Drawing is something I do 'for fun' but there were many times it became more stressful than it should.#I'm still learning how to find and maintain balance with everything life throws at me.#We are all works of progress and I am trying very hard to love the process and the journey! I don't really know my destination!#But I will keep taking steps forwards. I never want to be stuck and lost as I once was.#If 2024 was a rough year for you too; We're in this together. Let's keep taking steps together. No matter how small.#Love you all so very much. You've given me strength on the darkest days. Thank you thank you thank you.
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YOU KNOW WHAT. I WANT EARTHSPARK PROWL AND BEE TO BE LIKE THIS
AND THIS
AND THIS
Some of the images are taken from this analysis btw it's great
#maccadam#prowl#bumblebee#make them friends#make them brothers or something#make them found family🔫#or I will make it happen myself#Prowl is a great sweet guy? Nice! Now let him be friends with Bee#Prowl is complicated and difficult to understand? Cool. You know what to do#tfe Bee and IDW Bee treated differently though. IDW Bee treated like an adult while Tfe Bee is kind of...idk. He feels much younger#so maybe I can headcanon him as Prowls chaotic little brother hehe
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So I got obsessed w a certain song for a short period there....
#homestuck#erisol#eridan#sollux#eridan ampora#sollux captor#artists on tumblr#hs fantroll#eridan ampora x sollux captor#eridan x sollux#lady gaga#die with a smile#bruno mars#oKAY SO I CAN EXPLAIN#I got rlly into this song and made a bunch of art#and i thought of erisol#and im like#im an artist#and i could do whatever i want#i HAVE SO MUCH POWER#And yeah....now here we are#this was a BITCH to color#i didnt want to post it#but i told myself to let it go#i see alot of imperfections#but i feel like#its okay to show that youre not great at art#and to just post what you have#let people see you grow#myart
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They both lost their team and their teacher....
#in my head yuji is the only one who understands#both of them deserve a hug#idk what it is about younger people taking care of adults that hurts so much#shoko deserves to have a breakdown moment lets be honest the shit she went through#jokes on me i know exactly how shoko feels and how you just dont want to move#not only her team but also her underclassmates#and now that megs is gone#omg#and nanami who meant alot to both of them#and gojo#im just making it worse for myself#pathetic#shoko ieiri#yuji itadori#jjk#236#jujutsu kaisen#found family between these two#i need fanfictions....#itadori yuuji#yuuji#shoko#IPMSSA_Panels#IPMSSA_canon!Fixit#IPMSSA_FoundFamily!Fanart
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gus is so cracked. he really came up to mike during breaking bad and was like "it is better to have pinkman on our side. its ur job now to make sure he doesnt kill himself. i know that the last time we tried to do this with nacho he killed himself, so lets try to avoid that. remember that?? how nacho shot himself in the head?? we should not repeat that mistake. make sure jesse does not shoot himself in the head. here is ur paycheck for this quarter. okay, goodbye."
#syd squeaks#season 4 of brba makes me want to yellow wallpaper myself.#i just have to know more. we know that mike started to actually develop legit fondness for jesse but like. what more did he know#what more did he feel. jesse was actually on the ledge for so long. how much did mike know abt that. more than he let on??#what would he have done if it happened again. if this business took another one. if history repeated itself#breaking bad#better call saul#bcs#mike ehrmantraut#gus fring
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Sylvia Plath
#You told me I feel too much#That i let myself unravel so easily#That there's no way I let myself have fun#But Darlin have you seen yourself the way I see you#Such petite beauty in one soul#That elegance and grace that you were made with#Have you known yourself that way i do#How i could not#When you're so divine beloved#When I burn for you#When I close my eyes and it's only you that I see#So utterly gorgeous#I feel too much#I know#And it scares me how empty I was before i loved you#It feels as if there was no life before I met you#No light before you#Just void
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#ohhh my god the way my cock feels right now#I haven’t smoked all day and got myself sooo worked up before finally getting high and oh my goddddd the way this feels is incredible#if you haven’t gotten high yet today I highly suggest teasing your pussy and getting drenched first before you do it#your pussy is going to feel sooooo much fucking better after you get high#it’s so fun trust me#let me know if you do 😋
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TOGAME JO ↳ for @feitanporter happy birthday my love <3
#togame jo#jo togame#wind breaker#windbreakeredit#» gifs#animangahive#anisource#allanimanga#dailyanimatedgifs#fyanimegifs#dailyanime#animangaboys#useradrienne#usericybtch#userrashed#hello my beloved#my most wonderful darling#happiest of happy birthdays to youuuuuu <3#i would like to let it be known that i really truly love you#we’ve talked about it more than once that what the two of us have is special#and it is#the way that i can shed my armor when i’m with you and never feel anxious in doing so is truly magical#i know i don’t have much of a filter in general and i talk about a lot of stuff with a lot of people#but the anxiety is still there#but not with you#with you i can truly and fully be myself without the anxiety and if that isn’t special i don’t know what is#thank you for everything that you have done for me through the years we’ve known each other#thank you for being my person#and thank you for loving me#happy birthday my love <3
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sry i dont know what 2 draw anymore T_T . elendira portrait #999
#trigun#trigun maximum#elendira#elendira the crimsonnail#my art#im sure u can see it but ive been so uninspired w art lately T_T#ive tried to remedy it by just looking and observing. breaking down other works that i want 2 take direction from#but i tjknk its like . just jamming ME UPPP#and now im tjinking Too much ab it and psyching myself out#help me sorry i blow up the tags on every drawing i post ab my art struggles😭���#its like im whispering in here thouggh. just talking 2 myself and no one has 2 know except the ppl dealing w the same feelings#HAJAHA#anyways. i drew this just to say i finally drew smth agajn and im just going to be ok w it#like sure its not exciting but i like the colors and that shld be enough . OK !!!!#smth smth saw a post that talked ab how u get too in ur Head about this and then u dont share stuff and it becomes cyclical#and youll never get anywhere unless u just throw ur hands in the air and let it Be .#creating 4 the sake of creating . love and joy in sharing what we made and what we like#YAAAY#and bc i love elendira so much.. my go to girlie 4 art block#i need to draw her in fight scenes . i need 2 make art of her like sweaty and bloody yah . clenching my fist#maybe a livio fight scene bc i love it so much T_T
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Vr46 academy keychains
Set of five charms that all match in different ways
˚ ✦ . . ˚ . . ✦ ˚
Open for detailed pictures of each one
✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚
ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·�� ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ
:・゚✧:・.☽˚。・゚✧:・.:
˖⁺‧₊˚⭒✮⭒˚₊‧⁺˖
. ݁₊ ✶. ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗
I ran out of tags so I'll say it here but i would greatly appreciate a reblog, especially if you share your thoughts on these pieces in tags (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
(Also i forgot that bez have matching part with luca so I didn’t add that to tags sorry
#motogp#marco bezzecchi#pecco bagnaia#valentino rossi#celestino vietti#luca marini#mb72#fb63#vr46#cv13#lm10#vr46 academy#okay so i fear tags won't be enough for me this time but I'll try tell everything anyway#firstly i used nicknames (should have used maro but didn't think at the time) for everyone because it brings more of a family feeling than#when i do initials and that's exactly what i wanted with them. on the same note the wolves#the wolves were tge first thing that started this idea because i wanted to make bez charm and picked one up and then it expanded very fast#because let's all face it - they are basically a wolf pack and it's extremely fitting. also after taking these pictures i found mettalic on#for cele. and it's a huge slay because i really don't like mismatching colours of metal#probably the only one that i did mismatch is vale but amazingly it looks pretty neat. i also put as many turtles as i physically could#also except for wolves he also has matching beads with cele and luca if you can spot them#while cele matches luca and bez#bez matches cele and pecco while pecco matches only bez. it was quite a challenge to find beads that would suit their different#colour schemes while looking organic in keychains#also for bez i used a wrench bc of his family and i think that's pretty neat detail#it was absolute mindfuck to find beads for five different keychains at the same time because of how different they all are but i tried#also put a lot of effort into not repeating myself as much as j could in structures so they all have their own personalities outside of set#also i love that “bez” part looks like fangs icl#if you see bead that stands out by colour from all others in keychain it's probably for their eye colour because i love to add that too#also used old bez livery because what we had this year was horrible#actually i made it some time ago just never had time to post
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bleh
#hi all. lucy here#i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to#like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno#i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally#like the funnier i was the worse i was doing#ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability#i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like#oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it#but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore#i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself#this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained
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May I ask for some details about your Tav? What do you mean by hasnt really lived as a tiefling before? Like literally has never seen another tiefling? Seems like being abducted by the mindflayers introduced major life changes to your Tav
I'm sorry this took so long to answer, but I ended up doing a whole bunch of art to answer this!
Ember has a really extensive backstory that's kind of long, but the short version of it is: she was caught in the crossfire of a deal her parents made with a devil. They couldn't have a child of their own because her mother was too severely ill, so they made the deal in the hopes of returning her health and along with it the ability to bear children. Unfortunately devil deals being what they are, they ended up with Ember who the devil stole from her birth parents.
Her mom was a high elf and her dad a half-elf, and her mom's side of the family were quite vocally anti-Tiefling. Because of her mother's health problems, however, they couldn't just sever contact with her parents because they relied on their money to cover the cost of healers, expensive potion ingredients and the like. They couldn't be trusted not to be a threat to Ember though, so the decision was made to disguise her as their biological daughter throughout her childhood.
Here's an age chart!
As a result, Ember didn't even know she was a Tiefling until she was around 4 or 5, when she began to present as a sorcerer and accidentally undid the disguise spell (she ends up a bard thanks to her mom, but her control of magic comes from sorcery).
Before the events of the game, the most time she ever spent as a Tiefling was when she was 13- when her mom died and her dad disappeared, the disguise spell having relied on her mum's magic. She went through hell for a while after that and as soon as she could learn how to cast the spell herself, she jumped at the chance and went back to living as her old half-elf self. So when she gets taken by the Nautiloid, it's her being forced to actually live as her real self and as a Tiefling for the first time. As a result she doesn't have great control over her tail, because she's just straight up not used to having one.
She also spends a lot of Act 1 jumpscaring herself whenever she walks by a mirror lmao.
I do plan to do some comics that are set earlier in the game at some point, and those ones will explore more of her backstory. What I've done so far has just happened to be set in Act 3, after she's already sorted a lot of her shit out. I just have no idea when that'll actually be!
#rhubarbtonapalooza#sharky speaks#I could go on pretty much forever about Ember's backstory if I let myself#So please feel free to ask more questions about her please enable me#I tried to write her with the same level of complexity as the other companions including Durge#so she has a full character arc and side quest that resolves in Act 3#but I wrote the main stuff out in bullet points once and it ended up being 1.5k words#so there's a reason I can't just lay it all out in one go#I'd end up with Do You Love the Colour of the Ember Lore#baldur's gate 3#bg3#my tav#sharky's tav#tav: ember#oc: ember#Ember lore drop#sharky art
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What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
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