#and so much letting myself feel it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i may know itâs healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesnât mean i find it easy in any way
#like i donât actually mean to isolate myself i just get lost in doing my own thing#which isnât bad in itself#but then i find myself feeling sad and idk why#bruh you havenât spoken to your friends in quite a while#if i was a sim my social bar would be red#but i still donât wanna talk to people sometimes#like i have to physically force myself just to say âhey!#everyone pray for gwenâs social life bc it sucks and isnât really getting any better even tho iâm trying my hardest#i do wanna push myself more and talk to ppl iâve always wanted to talk to#but my stupid brain wonât let me#iâm trying to push past it though#it would be nice to make new friends that i then neglect bc iâm bad at friendship#idk maybe that isnât fair#but i still wouldnât say iâm great at it#idk i just feel dumb for begging people to talk to me#or even just sending messages to new people#or even my friends who i know wonât judge me but still#idk iâm still sensitive after my episode and i just feel embarrassing and annoying and like iâm bugging people#and i believe them when they say iâm not but it doesnât stop completely me from feeling that way#literally âheyâ feels like i just pissed on the floor in front of them#like god! way to be annoying gwen!!#yes i know itâs my brain talking but literally i use up so much energy trying not to feel it#and so much letting myself feel it#and i only have so much energy as it is#not that it matters#bc most ppl donât care as long as i check in sometimes#but again i repeat my earlier statement#donât wanna check in i feel cringe#need friends and communication but cannot maintain them#like the 100th post iâve made but itâs what my thoughts are currently
4 notes
¡
View notes
Text
a tribute to celebrate the finale of the manga that has meant so much to me these past few years
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#nanami kento#ryomen sukuna#toji fushiguro#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk 271#i would tag everyone but ik the most frequented tags in this fandom smh ghsdhfgdfjs#THSI KILLED ME#3 DAYS#IM DEAD DECEASED IN THE GROUND#i knew the minute i drafted the sketch that i would hate myself for it and yeah i was right#but honestly it was worth it it was worth every single hour#i got . lowkey highkey emotional wrapping this up bc like. what a RIDE it's been#ive grown so much since starting drawing fr this series i owe it a lot im so grateful to the things its taught me abt how i like to create#im so grateful fr the people its let me meet#ik it's not over-over and ill be around while the anime catches up but still something abt the manga ending#i'm sentimental u kno?#so i hope that i was able to convey those feelings#to jjk and to every1 who has engaged with my art for it: thank u <3
2K notes
¡
View notes
Text
i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
1K notes
¡
View notes
Text
YOU KNOW WHAT. I WANT EARTHSPARK PROWL AND BEE TO BE LIKE THIS
AND THIS
AND THIS
Some of the images are taken from this analysis btw it's great
#maccadam#prowl#bumblebee#make them friends#make them brothers or something#make them found familyđŤ#or I will make it happen myself#Prowl is a great sweet guy? Nice! Now let him be friends with Bee#Prowl is complicated and difficult to understand? Cool. You know what to do#tfe Bee and IDW Bee treated differently though. IDW Bee treated like an adult while Tfe Bee is kind of...idk. He feels much younger#so maybe I can headcanon him as Prowls chaotic little brother hehe
802 notes
¡
View notes
Text
So I got obsessed w a certain song for a short period there....
#homestuck#erisol#eridan#sollux#eridan ampora#sollux captor#artists on tumblr#hs#hs fantroll#eridan ampora x sollux captor#eridan x sollux#lady gaga#die with a smile#bruno mars#oKAY SO I CAN EXPLAIN#I got rlly into this song and made a bunch of art#and i thought of erisol#and im like#im an artist#and i could do whatever i want#i HAVE SO MUCH POWER#And yeah....now here we are#this was a BITCH to color#i didnt want to post it#but i told myself to let it go#i see alot of imperfections#but i feel like#its okay to show that youre not great at art#and to just post what you have#let people see you grow
479 notes
¡
View notes
Text
They both lost their team and their teacher....
#in my head yuji is the only one who understands#both of them deserve a hug#idk what it is about younger people taking care of adults that hurts so much#shoko deserves to have a breakdown moment lets be honest the shit she went through#jokes on me i know exactly how shoko feels and how you just dont want to move#not only her team but also her underclassmates#and now that megs is gone#omg#and nanami who meant alot to both of them#and gojo#im just making it worse for myself#pathetic#shoko ieiri#yuji itadori#jjk#236#jujutsu kaisen#found family between these two#i need fanfictions....#itadori yuuji#yuuji#shoko#IPMSSA_Panels#IPMSSA_canon!Fixit#IPMSSA_FoundFamily!Fanart
2K notes
¡
View notes
Text
gus is so cracked. he really came up to mike during breaking bad and was like "it is better to have pinkman on our side. its ur job now to make sure he doesnt kill himself. i know that the last time we tried to do this with nacho he killed himself, so lets try to avoid that. remember that?? how nacho shot himself in the head?? we should not repeat that mistake. make sure jesse does not shoot himself in the head. here is ur paycheck for this quarter. okay, goodbye."
#syd squeaks#season 4 of brba makes me want to yellow wallpaper myself.#i just have to know more. we know that mike started to actually develop legit fondness for jesse but like. what more did he know#what more did he feel. jesse was actually on the ledge for so long. how much did mike know abt that. more than he let on??#what would he have done if it happened again. if this business took another one. if history repeated itself#breaking bad#better call saul#bcs#mike ehrmantraut#gus fring
485 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Sylvia Plath
#You told me I feel too much#That i let myself unravel so easily#That there's no way I let myself have fun#But Darlin have you seen yourself the way I see you#Such petite beauty in one soul#That elegance and grace that you were made with#Have you known yourself that way i do#How i could not#When you're so divine beloved#When I burn for you#When I close my eyes and it's only you that I see#So utterly gorgeous#I feel too much#I know#And it scares me how empty I was before i loved you#It feels as if there was no life before I met you#No light before you#Just void
327 notes
¡
View notes
Text
TOGAME JO âłÂ for @feitanporter happy birthday my love <3
#togame jo#jo togame#wind breaker#windbreakeredit#Âť gifs#animangahive#anisource#allanimanga#dailyanimatedgifs#fyanimegifs#dailyanime#animangaboys#useradrienne#usericybtch#userrashed#hello my beloved#my most wonderful darling#happiest of happy birthdays to youuuuuu <3#i would like to let it be known that i really truly love you#weâve talked about it more than once that what the two of us have is special#and it is#the way that i can shed my armor when iâm with you and never feel anxious in doing so is truly magical#i know i donât have much of a filter in general and i talk about a lot of stuff with a lot of people#but the anxiety is still there#but not with you#with you i can truly and fully be myself without the anxiety and if that isnât special i donât know what is#thank you for everything that you have done for me through the years weâve known each other#thank you for being my person#and thank you for loving me#happy birthday my love <3
322 notes
¡
View notes
Text
sry i dont know what 2 draw anymore T_T . elendira portrait #999
#trigun#trigun maximum#elendira#elendira the crimsonnail#my art#im sure u can see it but ive been so uninspired w art lately T_T#ive tried to remedy it by just looking and observing. breaking down other works that i want 2 take direction from#but i tjknk its like . just jamming ME UPPP#and now im tjinking Too much ab it and psyching myself out#help me sorry i blow up the tags on every drawing i post ab my art strugglesđđ#its like im whispering in here thouggh. just talking 2 myself and no one has 2 know except the ppl dealing w the same feelings#HAJAHA#anyways. i drew this just to say i finally drew smth agajn and im just going to be ok w it#like sure its not exciting but i like the colors and that shld be enough . OK !!!!#smth smth saw a post that talked ab how u get too in ur Head about this and then u dont share stuff and it becomes cyclical#and youll never get anywhere unless u just throw ur hands in the air and let it Be .#creating 4 the sake of creating . love and joy in sharing what we made and what we like#YAAAY#and bc i love elendira so much.. my go to girlie 4 art block#i need to draw her in fight scenes . i need 2 make art of her like sweaty and bloody yah . clenching my fist#maybe a livio fight scene bc i love it so much T_T
1K notes
¡
View notes
Text
bleh
#hi all. lucy here#i have barely been drawing lately because ive just been unable to#like i feel like i lost my spark. i dunno#i used to draw so much and make so many comics when i was absolute rock bottom mentally#like the funnier i was the worse i was doing#ive been better lately but i truly feel like ive almost sacrificed my ability to draw or create stuff for some more mental stability#i just....i dont know. i feel like i can't do anything i used to do with art. like im not funny or have no ideas or just think stuff like#oh ill just draw this because people will wanna see it#but i gave that up because not even i wanna see it anymore#i hope that i can feel like drawing again one day i just dont know how to get it back. it really feels like ive lost a major part of myself#this is my rambling here just to let you know i am still around just kind of laying low because im drained
478 notes
¡
View notes
Note
May I ask for some details about your Tav? What do you mean by hasnt really lived as a tiefling before? Like literally has never seen another tiefling? Seems like being abducted by the mindflayers introduced major life changes to your Tav
I'm sorry this took so long to answer, but I ended up doing a whole bunch of art to answer this!
Ember has a really extensive backstory that's kind of long, but the short version of it is: she was caught in the crossfire of a deal her parents made with a devil. They couldn't have a child of their own because her mother was too severely ill, so they made the deal in the hopes of returning her health and along with it the ability to bear children. Unfortunately devil deals being what they are, they ended up with Ember who the devil stole from her birth parents.
Her mom was a high elf and her dad a half-elf, and her mom's side of the family were quite vocally anti-Tiefling. Because of her mother's health problems, however, they couldn't just sever contact with her parents because they relied on their money to cover the cost of healers, expensive potion ingredients and the like. They couldn't be trusted not to be a threat to Ember though, so the decision was made to disguise her as their biological daughter throughout her childhood.
Here's an age chart!
As a result, Ember didn't even know she was a Tiefling until she was around 4 or 5, when she began to present as a sorcerer and accidentally undid the disguise spell (she ends up a bard thanks to her mom, but her control of magic comes from sorcery).
Before the events of the game, the most time she ever spent as a Tiefling was when she was 13- when her mom died and her dad disappeared, the disguise spell having relied on her mum's magic. She went through hell for a while after that and as soon as she could learn how to cast the spell herself, she jumped at the chance and went back to living as her old half-elf self. So when she gets taken by the Nautiloid, it's her being forced to actually live as her real self and as a Tiefling for the first time. As a result she doesn't have great control over her tail, because she's just straight up not used to having one.
She also spends a lot of Act 1 jumpscaring herself whenever she walks by a mirror lmao.
I do plan to do some comics that are set earlier in the game at some point, and those ones will explore more of her backstory. What I've done so far has just happened to be set in Act 3, after she's already sorted a lot of her shit out. I just have no idea when that'll actually be!
#rhubarbtonapalooza#sharky speaks#I could go on pretty much forever about Ember's backstory if I let myself#So please feel free to ask more questions about her please enable me#I tried to write her with the same level of complexity as the other companions including Durge#so she has a full character arc and side quest that resolves in Act 3#but I wrote the main stuff out in bullet points once and it ended up being 1.5k words#so there's a reason I can't just lay it all out in one go#I'd end up with Do You Love the Colour of the Ember Lore#baldur's gate 3#bg3#my tav#sharky's tav#tav: ember#oc: ember#Ember lore drop#sharky art
375 notes
¡
View notes
Text
quick PSA for any cookie run fans who like my art:
please do not use my past-shadow milk design without permission and especially without credit!!!
my friend just told me about people on tiktok using my blueberry milk cookie design, i went and looked and i found two videos by the same user, one video without credit. please do not do this!!! please ask me first, i know my ask box is closed (ill reopen it after i post this) but my DM's have always been open!!! its a design/character that's become very personal to me, yes i know it's just a concept design for a canon character but it still means a lot to me, and it makes me highly uncomfortable when people do stuff like this.
if you want to use my other art in edits that's okay! but please ask me if you want to use ANY of my designs, not just cookie run, for any reason! this is why i get nervous posting AU designs, because i'm scared stuff like this will happen, and now it has.
and of course PLEASE credit me. why do i even have to say this, it's common courtesy to credit the artists you take art from, but apparently some people don't have enough respect for artists to even do that.
edit: also, just in case i'm being too vague:
fanart is completely fine with me, just please credit me (and tag me because i want to rb it)
also, i'm fine with people taking inspiration from my designs as well. i'm not trying to gatekeep, i just want people to ask me first please.
#side note.. the icing on the cake to me is that this person used my design for 3ldershadow edits like. LOL?#most if not all of my posts w blueberry are vanilla milkshake#i dont even ship 3ldershadow.. in fact i dont ship sm with any character other than pv#thats whats really funny to me about it#but yeah i hope you guys can all be considerate about this for me#its not just blueberry that im cagey about .. my sonic au designs i post sometimes are personal to me too#i posted them on twitter once and it got over 1k likes so i had to delete it just bc i was uncomfortable over it#i made that sideblog so i could stop feeling uncomfortable posting blueberry but this still happens ig#ill try not to let this bother me too much#i know it means something to people other than myself so i dont want to stop posting it but im just upset rn i guess#hope u guys understand#psa#not art#txt
78 notes
¡
View notes
Text
What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)
#witch hat tag#orufrey#er.... i'm too tired to have anything to say..i worked several days on this.#wait.. didn't i say just recently here that i probably wouldn't ever depict 'what if alaira is qifrey's sort-of ex'. What's going on#i don't even remember deciding to draw this..it's all a blur..i'm not sure why i WOULD decide to draw delicate scenes in my head#that i wouldn't really want to share with anyone/discuss so why did i draw it...#some part of me really really wants to draw things that are more and more true to myself...#maybe because of my alienation with most romance/shipping/dynamics the rest of the world depicts.#orufrey really is perfectly suited to me - what i read in the text and what is in my head. well anyway#i am TIRED of drawing poses and angles and..maybe now i will actually take a break from drawing bc of the tediousness of Angles#btw it really is a 'stretch of time' . . . assuming witches graduate age 18-20#well orufrey are canonically 30-ish. they've only had agott around for presumably about TWO years (?) bc she took the test age 10#and it feels like oru moving in/unknown atelier acquisition/building (?) .. i guess that could be a year or so before agott at most#(she was the first disciple) so... ????????? What about the other 7 or so years ?!?!?!!?!?! Unemployed Brimhat Hatred era#that time is very nebulous. after qifrey went to the tower i feel like it's been implied he and oru drifted apart a little.#certainly they didn't live together at first... no way. that doesn't feel like how it is based on things oru has said about becoming Eye#idk. I'm tired now. i don't usually think of alaira as necessarily qifrey's ex and this being how things went in that 'sliver of time'.#i usually prefer the idea that they have their first kiss with each other in their 30s cause That's Just The Orufrey Lifestyle#just felt like making a more relatable alternative view of my own Cai Orufrey Canon one time. btw im a big monoshipper and it hurt a bit#let's leave it there. this is surely the most i've worked on a 'single' art - though now i realise just how much longer the fic took :')
229 notes
¡
View notes
Text
the princess of what?
#mush art#holy fucking shit balls i am so peoud of this#look at it. its besutiful#mind blown#i made that#shitttttt im so happy its so good#shouout aloe for emotional support during the making#if i ever say i suck at drawing again send me this post#im so happy with it#its beautiful its art#sorry i just love it so much#LMAO im so full of myself idc isc i need to feel good sometimes and i do#PLEASE let me know what u think#voltron#vld#voltron legendary defender#allura#princess allura#allura of altea#voltron allura#vld allura#fanart#voltron fandom#voltron fanart#allura fanart#digital art#art
104 notes
¡
View notes
Text
So, despite some faults, I really enjoyed totk, and on its anniversary I want to say something about it. Other people have said similar things before but itâs really important to me and actually a big part of why the story of totk was meaningful to me, so I want to also say it:
Zelda needed to come back from draconification. The story needed that. It wasnât lazy and just ignoring âconsequencesâ because (imo) that was the *point*
The point is to feel like there are going to be terrible consequences and then say actually, no. You can come back from this, with the help of other people.
To me at least, that was the theme of the whole story.
If botw was about how the world goes on past loss and grief and starts to heal (how flowers grow in the ruins and the world can be beautiful again, be worth saving, even if it has changed)âŚthen totk was about a more personal kind of healing.
The weight of the world should not be on your shoulders aloneâŚyou, alone, should not have to fix everythingâŚyou should not have to sacrifice yourself, but when you do, someone will be there to save you from it.
This turned into a really long ramble so:
You (Link) gained so much and now itâs gone. It feels like youâre back to where you started and yet you know you have to do it all againâŚyou were weak and you failed and youâre weaker nowâŚbut
You go down to the surface. Monsters swarm across it once again. Other people are fighting them too though. You help, but itâs not just youâŚ
You go to the Rito, the Gorons, the Zora, the GerudoâŚjust like with the divine beasts, there are friends who help you save each region. But this time, part of them comes along with you when you leave. Itâs nice, you realize, the first time one of them protects you from a monster you werenât prepared for. Youâre still weaker than you were before, but someone has your backâŚ
When you go up to the sky you see a strange new dragon there. Thereâs something about them that feels familiar. You try not to think about it.
You go down to the depths too. Itâs terrifying at first. You hate it. You only want to get what you came for and get out of the darkâŚ.but slowly, the light grows. You get stronger. The dark feels like a challenge you can face (and someone has your back).
There are spirits down there. You donât know when theyâre from, but some part of you wondersâŚare these all the people you let die in the Calamity? (You help them find rest from their wandering. The weight on your shoulders feels a little less heavy).
Thereâs so much gloom. The first few times the sky turns red and hands chase you (a reminder of what youâve lost, how you failed) you just run. Eventually though, you have to fight. It feels like the (second) worst day of your life again. But you manage to get free of the grasping gloom and stand and fight, as wild and desperate as it is. Beneath the manifestation of your worst fears, thereâs another thing to fight, but this time it has a face (a voice in the back of your head saysâŚyou know this isnât all on you and your failureâŚitâs really Ganonâs fault right?). You get through it.
At every turn in your travels, it seems like something reminds you of Zelda. Her passion, her curiosity, her kindness. You miss her.
At first, the tears you find reassure you. She may be in the past, but sheâs safe. Sheâll come back somehowâŚbut then you hear the word draconification for the first time. You want to believe she wouldnât do it but you know her and the fear sits cold inside you. (Zelda is a lot of things. Sheâs been allowed to be more of them, since she was freed from her hundred year battle, without her father holding her back. But deep down inside her, thereâs a vein of self-sacrifice that still runs strong. Itâs what saved the world before, after all).
She did it. She really did it. Sheâs gone from you (from Hyrule) forever, and itâs all your fault. If only you hadnât failed so utterly in the battle (you can hardly even call it that) under the castle. If only youâd caught her. If only you hadnât let the sword break. You should have protected her you should have been better itâs all your fault and now she has to live with the consequences, forever. Everything really is on you, you should have been better.
(Zelda POV: you couldnât call upon Hyliaâs power in time, you were too content to let it wither and fade away from you, ready to be free of it. You shouldnât have. He got hurt, the sword got hurt, itâs your faultâŚSonia and Rauru help you channel it again, Sonia helps you learn how to turn back timeâŚbut you donât save her. She dies because you couldnât save her. Rauru dies not long after. There is no one left to guide you, once again. You could spend years trying to figure it out on your own. But you did that last time. It didnât work. Self-sacrifice, stepping in front of someone you love, that worked. (You do what you can, to call upon the sages, to help Link in the future, first). And then you swallow the stone. Youâve come a long way, in the past five years, allowing yourself to exist. But in the end, self-sacrifice worked last time. Itâll work this time too.)
You (Link) go down beneath the castle. You were supposed to bring the sages but you didnât. Itâs nice, for someone to have your back. But no one else should get hurt to fix your mistakes.
They follow you anyway. They fight with you, against the hordes, against the greatest enemies you defeated together, along the way. Theyâll have your back, even if you donât think you deserve it.
You fight Ganondorf, and then the demon king, in the hardest battle of your life. You think itâs over and then the demon king decides itâs better to lose himself completely than let you win. Youâre exhausted and afraid of yet another battle, but up there in the sky, when youâre falling, the Light Dragon catches you (you wonder why she changed her path to catch you, you wonder if thereâs still something of Zelda left in there to save). With her help, you win.
And then youâre in some other realm. The spirits of Sonia and Rauru are there. You remember how the two of them and Zelda channeled such incredible power together. You think about Recall. Turning something back to the memory of what it was before, like Sonia said. You stand with them and you allow yourself to hope. Maybe the Light Dragon can remember the form she took so long ago, the person that she was.
And then youâre falling, and Zelda is falling, but this time you catch her. You catch her. Sheâs back home with you, finally, finally.
And maybe, one mistake doesnât have to be the end of the world. You donât have to be perfect. Sometimes, someone else can stand with you, and itâll all turn out alright. (You can put the weight of the world on your shoulders, you can sacrifice yourself, but someone will be there to catch you, someone will be there to pull you back to yourself, when all is said and done).
#loz#tears of the kingdom#Link#Zelda#I will say also that I think part of the reason totk is special to me is very personal#like when it came out I was still struggling with the worst burnout of my life#I had had a few months of exhaustion between January and March and in May that exhaustion was still sticking to me#it was hard to get out of bed hard to do anything I felt so tired that I almost felt sick but I wasnât sick#and the thing is Zelda games are my biggest special interest#and having a new one to play like genuinely Iâm not joking it gave me bsck so much energy#I was doing really badly but when totk came out I played it for an entire weekend straight basically#and like my mom came to visit me and help me out with basic life stuff#and like sit with me while I played just like enjoying being together#and that was really nice#over that summer and the fall after I started getting to know someone I work with better#largely over conversations about totk at first#and theyâve become a good friend#(and become someone that I feel safe to be fully myself around)#and so I just have this really strong personal connection to totk#like I will not claim to be impartial about it#there are definitely criticisms that I can acknowledge#in particular I donât like that they un-amputeed Link let Link be disabled#and also ganondorfâs characterization was shallow and one dimensional#and Iâm sure thereâs other things I could think of#but the overall narrative#including Zelda becoming the light dragon and then turning back in the end#I really like that#it felt like a narrative of healing to me#and playing it at the time that I did felt really healing to me too
158 notes
¡
View notes