#and loss of self

[futuristic-koala]

[remanence-of-love]

[suslucicek]

[haleyincarnate]

Forgive yourself.

[thebibliosphere]

There are a lot of things I'm sad about in my life. You don't get to go through the kind of medical trauma I've been through and come out unscathed on the other side.

But one thing I'm really bitter about is that I can't remember my wedding anymore. The pernicious anemia took it from me and wiped my brain clean. Except it's not clean, not really. I remember it in patches. Like red wine stains on a white rug that have never quite lifted out no matter how hard you try.

I look at the pictures on my bookcase, and they feel like remembering a story someone else has told me. There's a young woman in a white dress wearing my face, and she looks happy. I'm happy for her. But you can see the strain around her eyes, too. The pain she's hiding because no one with authority believes her when she says her body doesn't feel right. That something is Wrong.

They won't believe her for another decade. They won't believe her until it's almost too late, and it's that lateness that will rob her of her memories and turn them into a wavering rainbow suspended in the fine haze of watery sunlight that occasionally surfaces through the blanks.

There's one memory that's real, though. Solid. It's not my vows. It's not my father walking me down the aisle. (Though those are there, just hazy and dream-like). It's our first dance.

It's the lights dimming around the room as the staff cleared the floor, causing the fishbowls full of white roses and LED lights on the tables to wobble like pools of moonlight against dark paneled walls.

It's the band inviting us out onto the floor and us giggling because we know what's coming next, and no one else does. It's the twang of a banjo reverberating around the room through the speakers, followed by the dulcet tones of Kermit the Frog wondering why there are so many songs about rainbows.

It's us waltzing around the enclosed circle of light, singing to each other out of tune and grinning like idiots as everyone around us starts to laugh.

It's everyone joining in on the song because it's the Muppets, and everyone knows the words. It's 100+ people singing the Rainbow Connection, some laughing, some a bit tearful, because it's bringing back memories. Because it's making a new one.

It's looking up at my new husband through the brain fog and all the pain in my body and thinking, "I want to remember this moment forever."

I don't know what entity was out there listening to me at that moment and chose to grant that wish. I don't know why this is the one memory that stuck while everything else in my brain got decimated into scattered, fragmented snapshots. But I'm so, so thankful it is.

[soul-from-another-era]

Never try to repaint them.

[asoftepiloguemylove]

WHY ARE YOU HAUNTED? // ON HAUNTED HOUSES

Frederick Kiesler Inside the Endless House // The Haunting of Hill House (2018) cr. Mike Flanagan // Lisa Robertson Magenta Soul Whip // Joan Tierney Why Are You Haunted? // V.C. Andrews // Heather Havrileskyb Haunted Womanhood // Shirley Jackson The Haunting of Hill House // The Haunting of Hill House cr. Mike Flanagan // Tracy K. Smith Ash // Anatomy (2016) cr. Kitty Horrorshow

[kalmeria]

not me finding out from the divorced tourney that the shiloh creators have a new wt out

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Kiss Kiss Fallen Tree!

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[healthfullysol]

it's the small steps that lead to meaningful progress. remember every little effort counts. 💫☁️

[memoriesndew]

fall is here. It's time to lock in. weight loss edition.

intro:

after taking a miniature break I have finally decided to track my weight loss journey here, to keep me motivated and to track my progress.

there are approximately 3 months left in the year (without september) and in that time I want to focus on my weight loss and lock in. I will take a break from creating notion templates and focus on skills and hobbies.

why 3 months? simply because that's what's left in this year and also because most people start seeing results after 3 months.

details:

so I started this challenge last week and here are a few things I've achieved last week. I worked out for the whole week. I hit 10k steps daily from tuesday didn't do so well on monday. I also completed my daily workout cycle for the most part.

✿ my main goal is losing weight really just reaching my weight goal which is 42kg - p.s I'm short

✿ I will try my best to update daily and I also have a physical journal that I will update every night before bed

here are my current stats

𝑮𝒐𝒂𝒍𝒔

( 🍨 ) 63𝒌𝒈 Current weight: 59.1kg

( ) 57𝒌𝒈

( ) 52𝒌𝒈

( ) 49𝒌𝒈

( ) 46𝒌𝒈

( ) 42𝒌𝒈 gw

( ) 40𝒌𝒈 ugw

i do think the stakes are not in my favour and I might not reach my goal at the end of the year but at least I can try.

so I will be uploading my workouts weekly, at the beginning of every week as to keep myself motivated to do them and for as many that would like to go on this journey with me. at the end of those 3 months, I will update this blog post.

✿ This is the habits i want to achieve each day also I plan to have a set eating time between 12pm and 8pm everyday. i will write about what I eat I'm also not going to be really dieting or cutting out foods just minimizing my portions

habit tracking:

maintain calorie deficit of 1200 hit 10k steps 7+ hrs of sleep 2l of water 30mins+ of movement journal progress movement cycle [3/3] eat between 12 pm and 8 pm

✿ : my days will mainly be filled up with reading (adrinette fics), language learning, crocheting, organizing, blogging, Bible study, watching(might continue Gilmore Girls) and more

decided to add workouts to my daily updates instead

i will start updating tomorrow

post tags : dews wl lock-in

[girlboyburger]

you're nice to people who are bald or balding, right? you're nice to people with high hairlines? or weird hair growth? right? you don't make mean jokes about going bald at the expense of people who are going through the very scary and usually very isolating process of losing hair?? right???

[shepscapades]

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [PART 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Don’t Let it Reach the Heart]

Part 4 is finally here!! The last few months got so busy, but I would be lying if i said i didn't spend almost every day daydreaming about/ wishing i could be working on this instead; this project has been such a fun break from work and i feel like each part makes me crazier and crazier as things gets worse and worse (better and better) LOL. The composition has been sooo fun to play with, and I've been having a blast trying to figure out how to write these guys in character despite the angst and chaos :] And, considering this comic project kinda came out of nowhere and disrupted some other comic plans i had for dbhc, finding little ways to rearrange how i'm presenting lore has been really fun >:3

[This comic is part of my dbhc au, following the chaos and panic that ensues after Doc and Xisuma try to get Etho back online at the start of s9 after a very rough s8 finale that leaves him a little. broken. It's set to the vibes of Joywave's Destruction!]

[suslucicek]

[feral-ballad]

Elena Ferrante, tr. by Ann Goldstein, from The Days of Abandonment

[Text ID: “I was afraid that the effort I had made not to lose myself had aged me.”]

[desultory-suggestions]

I promise you that this heartbreak you think you’ll never recover from will be a distant memory one day. I promise that you’ll look back on it with a new perspective and lessons learned instead of guilt or pain.