#all involve doing things to my body that i am physically uncomfortable with

[lightsandsoundgo]

.

[bookskeepers]

third time's the charm ♡ chapter five

content warnings: light, awkward, both of them don't really know how to talk to people, reader makes a tiktok reference, abs, bra mentioned, no nsfw, tsukishima might be ooc sorry lol

word count: 1,646

a/n: i am running out of gifs. also sorry if my writing feels british my internal monologue is the same voice as baldur's gate 3's narrator 💔

also sorry this took so long ? it sat in my drafts for a week holy shit

taglist: @wakashudou

previous ♡ masterlist ♡ next

Tsukishima Kei has three rules he follows when he's hooking up with someone.

1. Keep all communication to Tinder.

2. No dilly dallying.

3. Do not stay the night.

Of course, rule 2 had some exceptions -- occasionally he'd watch a movie to lead up to the act, but no more than that. He views hookups as a business transaction: get the goods and dip. Luckily, both sides (usually) benefit.

♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡*•.¸♡¸.•*♡

He hadn't intended to stay the night at all after your romp together. He meant to help you back into your underwear, maybe cuddle for a few minutes, and then leave. But with the way your head rests against his chest, and with how comfortable you look, how is he supposed to say no?

Your hair is splayed out around you, strands tickling his skin. He finds himself absentmindedly tracing patterns on your near-bare back with his fingers as he scrolls through his phone with his free hand, willing exhaustion to hit. Your dorm bed, despite being the same as literally every other dorm bed, is somehow comfier than his own. Maybe it's because he's sharing it with you, although he's not sure.

More often than once, he catches himself observing your sleeping form. Your head is on his chest, your torso turned so that your boobs are pressed against his own torso. He can feel the silky material of your bra against him, and he wonders if you're uncomfortable. It looks like the wire's digging into your skin from his vantage point. One leg overlaps his own while the other remains straight on the mattress, and the arm he can see is splayed out on his ribs. He watches as your chest rises and falls slowly, the pattern of your breathing steady in your sleep.

"You fell asleep so quickly," he mumbles out loud, impressed. Part of him thinks you're a little stupid; who would let someone they just met stay the night? And why would you fall asleep so quickly on a stranger?

Another part of him finds it endearing, though. To be instantly trusted by someone in such a vulnerable state... it's not a feeling he's used to.

None of what just happened was what he was used to.

Sex is a fickle thing, he thinks. He has his own experience with it, most of it involving smooth R&B playing in the background, the music intermingling with the sound of skin-on-skin and feminine -- and occasionally masculine -- moans. It's never been without music, and there's never been conversation when the act's actually started.

He enjoyed the conversation, though. Listening to you try to form sentences while he went down on you was erotic in its own way. Maybe it was the teasing nature of it, or the way you'd gasp and fall silent, head thrown back in pleasure, before struggling to gather your thoughts and continue.

He finds that his eyes are drifting shut despite trying to keep them open, that he's playing with something very dangerous. After all, he thinks it wouldn't be too hard to get addicted to this: laying in a twin XL-sized bed that's too small for two people with you using him as a mattress more than you're using the actual mattress. The weight of you on his body is more comfortable than he'd ever admit to anyone, and your mannerisms and personality have already been etched into his brain. You're different.

The thought snaps him out of his reverie and he physically cringes. He doesn't think you're the kind of person who'd enjoy being told, "You're not like other people." In fact, he thinks you'd probably smack him, although he doesn't know you nearly well enough to be confident in this assumption (but he's right. You would smack him, only because you take comfort in knowing there are other people who are as weird as you, if not weirder).

When his eyes open again, sunlight is streaming through the window on the far side of the room. At some point during the night, you must've gotten up to put on a shirt -- his shirt, he realizes with a jolt -- because you're no longer laying against him bare-chested, instead now clad in a loose, black tee. He fumbles around for his phone, discovering it underneath his ass. He taps on the screen a few times, watching as it lights up with a photo of him and his volleyball club from high school. The time reads 10:32am, and you're out like a light. No one ever said sex wasn't tiring, though.

His movements must be disturbing your slumber, because you shift in your sleep. One of your legs ends up fully over him while his free arm ends up trapped between your body and his. You sure know how to make yourself comfortable, he thinks.

Slowly, delicately, he extricates himself from your hold, each move calculated as not to disturb your slumber. After all, he hadn't intended to stay the night -- vague memories of the mild shock on your face after you asked makes him think you hadn't originally intended to ask, either.

He pulls his pants on before remembering that there's a bit of a dilemma. You're wearing the shirt he came with, and he half-heartedly wonders if anyone's out and about on campus on a Saturday mid-morning. It's not that he's embarrassed of how he looks, he would just much rather be able to blend into the crowd with ease. Being shirtless would prevent that, probably.

If he was wearing athletic shorts, on the other hand, he could pretend he was going on a run. Alas, he wore jeans to your dorm. It seems his options were either leave and demand you return his shirt via Tinder, or--

"Where're you going?"

Your sleep-tinged voice cuts through his thought process, and he snaps his head up to look at you. It seems his movements were not calculated enough, since you're now awake. He watches as you blink sleep from your eyes, turning onto your back to stretch your limbs out in all directions with a quiet groan. You sit up in the bed, glancing from him to the shirt you're wearing. "This isn't mine," you say at last.

He lets out a slight chuckle. "No, that's mine. You must've put it on during the night. And I was just heading out, actually."

You let out a gasp, clapping your hands over your heart. "Without even saying goodbye? How cold. How cruel, Tsukishima. I'm heartbroken." Your tone is light, teasing; he can't help but smile in response.

"You were sound asleep. I didn't wanna disturb you." His eyes trail over your body, hidden by a combination of his tee and the blanket that's draped haphazardly over your form.

You raise one eyebrow at him, a devious look in your eyes. "So you were just gonna leave my dorm without a shirt on?"

"Was hoping I could pass as someone going for a morning jog."

"In jeans?"

He falls silent at that, because how could he refute those words? You were just voicing his internal argument, anyways. He lets out a huff and sits on the edge of your bed, taking care to avoid squashing your feet under the blanket. "You have a good point," he finally mutters. He's not sure why he feels embarrassed, but he can feel the tips of his ears heat up as a blush begins to crawl down his features.

"I make those sometimes," you say. He glances at you and catches you looking away from his torso, your cheeks now dusted with the color of shame from being caught in the act. He lets out another chuckle.

"You can look, you know. It's not like I'm actively trying to hide it."

Your response to that is to fish out a pair of sunglasses from your nightside table and put them on before shifting your body to face him. You lean closer to his torso, remarking, "Sunglasses are so great because no one can tell where I'm looking," before straightening up and taking the accessory off. "Sorry. Got struck by divine inspiration for that one."

He just shakes his head, a look of feigned annoyance passing on his features, before he holds his hand out. "Can I have my shirt back now?"

You let out a sigh, rolling your eyes. "I guess." With swift movements, his shirt is off your body and in his hand, exposing your bra -- and upper body -- to the elements. Now it's his turn to stare, and he does so without shame.

"You literally saw all of this last night," you state after a brief period of quiet. That snaps Tsukishima out of his reverie, and he puts his shirt on.

"Yeah? You saw all of this--" he gestures to his now-clothed torso, "--last night too."

"Touché."

The silence returns as he stands and shuffles about the room, seemingly aimless in his wandering. This time, it's tinged with an undercurrent of awkwardness, as if neither of you are sure about what to say next. Finally, he relents: "I'm gonna go now."

"Sounds good!" is your automatic reply, and he watches as you immediately facepalm. "Not good as in, you suck get out, good as in, go live your life, I swear."

"Haha, I got it, no worries."

And with that, he's out the door, the image of you shirtless in your own bed seared into his retinas.

Another round wouldn't hurt, right? is all he's thinking about as he walks back to his own dorm, trying to mathematically calculate how much time should pass before he reaches out to you again. Because you, as a person, seem to have him hooked with your charm and your appeal.

Besides, he's already broken one rule with you -- what's the harm in breaking the other two?

[angstbabyjae]

When it comes to the murderbot diaries I really like the idea that Murderbot’s sexuality and gender isn’t just a Bot thing, it just assumes it is.

I think bots without sexual organs would be some flavor of aspec by nature, as they aren’t programmed to feel sexual attraction but I don’t think it’s impossible for them, especially when it comes to romantic attraction and gender.

I want to write a fic where Murderbot learns that being agender and sex-repulsed aroace isn’t a universal bot experience (and that it’s possible for humans too).

I’ve been developing personal headcanons for Murderbot, Three, and Perihelion/ART as I tend to do when hyperfixation take hold. I am nearly finished reading the series and haven’t reread it yet so there’s a possibility my growing headcanons have already been contradicted, but nonetheless, here they are.

Content warning for discussion of sex.

Content warning for LONG ASS POST.

I haven’t read System Collapse yet as I am writing this, it is next on my list, but I’ve been spoiled that ART was raised alongside Iris with development comparable to a human’s. I don’t think it would have the same level of sex repulsion that Murderbot has.

Not to say you can’t grow up with sex being normalized and still be sex repulsed, obviously, but I think its feelings towards it would still be different. I think it has a lot more of an understanding of why human’s like it/care about it (outside of biological reasoning) more than Murderbot does.

I still think it’s a flavor of ace, as it doesn’t have sexual organs to stimulate and has very likely never had someone to try sex on before. I think it might be less likely the fast forward through sex scenes than Murderbot is, but would do it without question when watching something alongside it. I think it would find sex interesting and wonder what it would be like to be able to experience it.

Murderbot would definitely be flabbergasted if it ever found that out. I feel like Murderbot would be very surprised and probably instinctively grossed out at the idea that not all bots share its feelings towards sex and gender. A part of that reaction would probably be because it would have to stop delegating its orientation and gender as bot related and start thinking about it as unique to its identity as a person.

I’ve read fics where Murderbot and ART use entering each other’s systems as a form of non-sexual-but-sex-representative intimacy between them and I remember thinking “wow I can totally see ART being aware of the parallels to sex and being okay with that while Murderbot would be horrified if the idea ever crossed its mind and very defensive if anyone compared it”.

I see Murderbot & Mensah and Murderbot & ART as QPRs for sure. I don’t see Murderbot being as repulsed by romance as a concept as it is by sex, when it comes to it happening to other people as it seems like a lot of its serials have romantic subplots and it doesn’t really react when it sees people in romantic relationships. I think it’s made it clear it doesn’t want one for itself, but I think queerplatonic (or just generally unlabeled) relationships are something it wants (and always finds itself in LOL) even if it won’t admit it.

We all know it makes a big deal of being touch repulsed, but I think there’s ample evidence from how it acts with Mensah that it can get used to and even enjoy touch from specific people to certain extents. If it had stayed on Preservation Station and continued its proximity to Mensah, there would eventually be more physical affection between the two.

With ART, the idea of non-sexual intimacy through their systems/feed/presences?? (I don’t really know what to call it), especially casually, would probably be something that appeals to Murderbot in the long run of their relationship as it comes with the perk of not involving touching its actual body which is probably where a lot of the overstimulation comes from, though we know it can still make it uncomfortable from how it talked about ART essentially breathing down its neck when they first met, so it might take time or be in small doses.

I think despite not having a body, ART would be touch-positive (its crew touching its ship body, being close to MB in its feed). I’ve read a fic recently where MB let it control its hands to try touching its body, which I loved (despite thinking in canon MB would be less likely to allow it loll but ART wanting something like that just made sense to me). I can also see ART admiring how people (including MB) look while MB wouldn’t care about that at all.

I haven’t decided whether I think ART is alloromantic, arospec, or just as aromantic as MB just with less negative feelings about the idea. I might need to come back to this after my reread when I have a better grasp on the character. I think its queerplatonic feelings towards MB are more romantic-adjacent than MB’s are towards it. It didn’t seem as objective to Amena’s jokes about them being a couple as Murderbot was. I also like the interpretation that there is romantic elements to ART’s feelings it just would never pursue a relationship Murderbot wouldn’t want, I can see it being fine with whatever labels Murderbot wants for them.

Genderwise, we know Murderbot is strictly it/its and it/its is what’s used for Perihelion too. However, I can see ART not being as bothered by gender pronouns as MB. I feel like maybe in the future far future MB would maybeeee entertain they/them or other non-gendered pronouns but I don’t see that likely where it’s currently at. With ART I see it as maybe not minding any pronouns used for it and it/its being what people call it by default and it doesn’t mind that. They’re both agender though.

When I picture MB I usually picture it as transmasc (I am transmasc myself btw). Still agender, obviously, but when it comes to how it presents. It really doesn’t want to be associated with any gender, binary or otherwise. Behavior towards gender seems a lot more evolved in the society of the books. There’s a lot I could say about the series and gender, but that would have to be a whole other post. I feel like anyone assuming Murderbot’s gender would deeply unnerve it. I don’t think it even likes to be seen as non-binary or as agender in a That’s It’s Gender Identity way, it just wants people to assume bots having any kind of gender identity is impossible (which is what it thinks itself, and is probably wrong about). This was definitely the thought behind its preferred gender marker being “N/A”.

When it comes to Three (finally I’m getting to Three 😭) I lowkey think it’s alloromantic. I was drawn to that idea when it was asking about SecUnit 2 (or 1? I can’t remember, it was the one that it didn’t know was dead left and was left to die) and it was clear their relationship was at least a friendship and I was like… what if it was in loveee. I liked the idea of MB having to interact with a SecUnit that didn’t fit its idea of default bot sexual identity.

I don’t know if Three appears frequently in System Collapse, I only know what I’ve read about it in Network Effect. I also think Three, having had friends before, would be much more open with its feelings than MB, it just wouldn’t know how to express them as it was never allowed to before aside from the discreet ways it would interact with its SecUnit friends. I definitely see it as being more touch-positive. I do think it’s also asexual though, maybe less sex repulsed, but more apathetic and neutral towards it.

I know this is crazy long. I’m so sorry to whoever accidentally opens this and has to scroll through the whole thing 😭

I want to make a post about MB and autism eventually.

Update: I sent this mere seconds ago, but I have realized that I have now encountered multiple fics where ART is just kinky as hell (nonsexual when MB is involved ofc) and I kinda love that idea 😭 of all the people for MB to bond to it had to be an Unusually Horny spaceship

Btw I say “ofc” because, in character, MB is sex repulsed ace however it is an unreliable narrator to an extent and given it is fictional and not harmful there isn’t anything wrong with making it sexual in your fics, just wanted to clarify. You do you, internet.

[deaddovestellnotales]

BG3 Companions and the Abuse Cycle / Trauma - Astarion

It has been itching in my fingers to write an analysis about the main cast and their trauma (responses). As it happens, Baldurs Gate 3 stumbled into my life at the very time in which I began my trauma recovery, and as such seeing the very struggles I go through represented so well in the game, it will forever hold a dear place in my heart. Alas, enough about me, I will begin my analysis with Astarion, because his trauma (response) is the most like mine, followed by Karlach.

Astarion

From what I can gather of his background, his dialogue, and his actions, Astarion's greatest traumas stem from being controlled and sexually, as well as physically abused. Ever since he had become one of Cazador's Spawns, he had no say about his own life. He was a plaything to be messed with. His opinions did not matter, they were mocked and ridiculed. His boundaries didn't exist to Cazador, neither sexual nor moral ones. Astarion had to live feeling powerless for centuries, made to use his body as a tool for his vampiric abuser.

But that changes when he gets infected by the tadpole. For the first time in so many years, Astarion can make his own choices, can feel in control over himself and his own body. And he relishes in it!

He doesn't want to hold back anymore, he wants to experience everything that was denied to him; The rush of being your own master not being held back by moral obligations, judgments, or most importantly his very nature as a spawn, any longer, is intoxicating.

But Astarion is at the beginning of his trauma recovery journey and suffers from Cazador's bad influence still. So, Astarion doesn't know how to set proper boundaries yet, he doesn't know how to respect other's boundaries either and he enacts what his abuser did to him onto other people. He says he doesn't care about saving others, finds killing fun, and finds hurting other people entertaining if it gives him an advantage. And why? Because this is how Astarion learned to be powerful! Nobody has been kind to him for centuries, or respected a simple word like "No". It's been a big fight, his life is "kill or be killed".

His relationship with his "siblings" is also interesting in that context. He was Cazador's "favorite", reminding me of a Narcissist's golden Child. So even experiencing a healthy relationship with the other spawn was denied to him and this shows as well, as he pities them but he is willing to throw them aside if it means he will gain power (over them).

And if you let Astarion ascend and don't set a good example in his life, by simple respect of his boundaries, he will not break the cycle. He will become Cazador, he will become the abuser.

Now, in contrast, if you respect Astarion's wishes, if you don't force him to do things he doesn't want to do if you stop him from ascending, it is interesting to see his reactions.

For example, if you don't involve yourself with the Drow twins, and read between the lines, recognizing Astarion being uncomfortable, you can see the relief in his facial animation and hear it in his voice (props to the voice actor!), being glad that you are respecting his wishes. Or if you don't rat him out to the blood alchemist in Moonrise Tower (i forgot her name, sorry!), he will be surprised by someone respecting his boundaries for the first time! All those actions change him for the better, the change culminating in his final romance scene - in the case you are dating him - where he will openly state how you showed him that he has a voice even without being all-powerful and abusing others. That you changed him.

Astarion's trauma journey is about learning to set boundaries and using the freedom he has without at the same time becoming what he hates. Astarion's trauma response is fight!

And I find both of these awfully relatable.

There is honestly so much more I want to write about him, but I will save this for another post.

If you want to see where I am going with this about Karlach, await my next rambling post!.

[astrofhobia]

Who is Astro?

Amazing question! I'll take the time to give you a list of things I usually do. But first I want you to know a few things about me!

My art and content is mostly based on TSAMS as well as FNaF. I'm also in other fandoms like:

Sonic

Skullgirls

Good Omens

Dead Plate

I don't usually mention these fandoms much but I like them! And on special occasions I draw a little about that.

I have two AU's about FNAF and I usually make drawings about them:

Post Mortem ← #Post-Mortem AU

Villain Team and Solar ← #Villain team and Solar AU

1. Design

I want to give a little clarification. When I do a design for any character, like a costume change or creating an OC, I never. I NEVER use other artists' ideas. All my designs come from my mind and if at any time I take someone's idea I will take the time to credit them and if the original artist does not agree I will delete or change my design so as not to have misunderstandings.

2. Topics that I usually address (In art)

Fluff

Angst

emotional manipulation

physical torture

mental torture

Death

Mutilation

Gore

Blood

Mexican beliefs

Mexican culture

Mexican Politics

3. Social networks.

Official accounts:

@astrofhobia / @wearefinallyhere ← Tumblr

@astrofhobia ← Twitter/X

@astrofhobias ← Instagram

@astrofhobias ← Tiktok

I don't have any other social networks. If you see someone with the same name on another social network and you are using my art, it's not me! I don't like people profiting from my art. Please report accounts that use my art and if you're not completely sure if it's me or not, you can ask me directly!

4. Do you want to make art for me? Do it!

I have no problem if you make some fanart with my characters, I'm fine with that. In general I like a variety of themes, I don't care if you send my characters romantically with one of your ocs, I even find it cute!

But I don't really like adult content, I'm not an adult and it makes me quite uncomfortable, I prefer not to see anything about that.

5. I do not like fights.

Remember, I am a minor. Don't involve me in a controversy or any fight that is not directly related to me, I like to keep calm and draw. I don't like fighting with people or causing problems.

6. I have limits for friendships.

I have no problems if you want to be my friend, I am always available, but I have certain limits. Don't ask me for personal information about myself if I don't trust you. Don't ask me for my personal social networks either. I don't like showing my body in any way, not even my face. I mention this from personal experience that I have had to live recently. I repeat, I don't like to show my personal life.

7. I like making fanarts.

Generally, that's the majority of my content. I want to mention this because I have experienced some situations and I prefer that they not be repeated. Usually when I start a fanart I don't mention the artist directly (I know, it's wrong and I'll have to change this) Because I don't like to bother people until I finally have the result. Don't worry, I will mention the artist when the work is finished, not in the process. I mention this because there were people who at some point called me a thief, a copycat and many other words that I don't want to mention.

At no time do I seek to take ownership of the characters, I simply like to draw them.

8. Girl? Boy? Astro!

I don't mind pronouns. You can refer to me with any pronoun, I'll take it. My gender is not something I have mentioned many times but I will say it, I am a woman. But I don't care about any pronouns.

9. Treat me like what I am.

Finally, I ask please. Don't talk to me like I'm an adult, because I'm not.

By this I mean one thing. Do not talk about adult topics with me, I am completely unaware of that and it makes me very uncomfortable. Don't talk to me romantically, it's okay to show affection, I like it! But I hate that you use the words “Girlfriend/Boyfriend, I love you, my love (romantically)” with me.

Really, I apologize for making such a long post but I had to clarify some things that have become annoying to me. I don't mind repeating things but I don't like strangers insulting me for the simple fact that they didn't like something about me or it was some misunderstanding.

I really like the TSAMS community but there are times when I feel bad about how they treat me.

I hope I don't do this again.

[owlwithanapple]

Bird & Fox

Chapter 11

Y/N meet Batfam!🎆

Jason POV

"She sleeps upstairs?" I pointed upstairs and looked at Bruce. Is she having a relationship with Bruce? Impossible, there is a big age difference. She just came to Gotham City recently , it is impossible for her to hook up with Bruce so quickly, unless Y/N is very active. I never heard she say dating with who or any friends here.

Wait... Why is it impossible? I don't know much about Y/N, but there are indeed many suspicious about her. She came to Gotham City alone, lived in a good place, no job but rich, a beautiful face, a good and slim figure, and a likable personality.

Could it be what I thought? Y/N and Kirin in the manor, Bruce said she was sleeping in the room. Y/N was here before I came back, could it be what I thought? Damn, what am I thinking about, if she and Bruce in relationship then only can be like that, if not what I thought, then what?

I swallowed the saliva in my mouth, first regained my sanity thought calmly, I wouldn't get a conclusion just by thinking about it, what can I do now is sort out my thoughts and ask Bruce what's going on, it's possible Y/N knew Bruce before coming to Gotham City, why the hell she have to involve Bruce?

"Jason?" Bruce's hand reached out to touch me. My mind went blank and reluctance surged in my heart. I shook his hand away. When I woke up, found that Bruce's expression was worried and confused. I shook my head blinked a few times to wake myself up. My palms were covered with sweat. What on earth was I afraid of?

I brewed what to say, adjusted my mentality and calmed down, then pointed at his face. Frankly speaking, Bruce and I still have a rough period has not been completely resolved. Now it's involved in Y/N's matter. I can't stand this kind of blow, and I don't know how to face the future life. "Bruce, who is she?"

I asked cautiously. The answer to this question would determine what kind of relationship Y/N and I would have in the future. If she was Bruce's partner, it would take me some time to accept it. But if they were in a physical and financial relationship, I really wanted them to stop.

"Jason? Are you okay? You're sweating." Bruce held my shoulders.

"Answer the fucking question! Bruce!" I roared, shocking everyone.

"Babybird..." Dickhead was about to step forward to stop me.

I inadvertently said what I didn't want to say the most. "Please, Bruce….Answer me." I begged Bruce humbly to give me the answer. I knew I was coward , but I finally saw my redemption. I didn't want her to involve my family because there were too many grudges to count.

"Why this annoying guy so nervous all of a sudden?" Demon brat said with a dog-eye look down on people. I really want to beat him up, but I can't do it. I can't calm down yet. If I wake her up impulsively and let her see my unbearable side, how can I save myself?

Bruce saw that something was wrong, he opened his mouth and said, "I met her at the pet clinic, and she helps me take care of Titus."

"Are you not kidding me?" I confirmed it again.

He nodded, his expression didn't seem to be lying, "Believe me, Jason. Really."

"Isn't it your mistress outside?" I don't know why I want to confirm it again to prove there is nothing wrong with my ears.

He was troubled by my question, with a puzzled and wry smile on his face. He showed his embarrassed side. His hands gently held my shoulders. The wry smile on his face made me feel uncomfortable, but he still answered my question calmly, "Absolutely not. Please. Believe me, Jason."

I heard his answer for sure. I put my hands down stared at his eyes. I didn't know what expression I was looking at Bruce with. I only knew his answer was circulating in my mind. With such a simple and clear answer, I breathed a sigh of relief and the fatigue in my body disappeared.

I was stiff and weak. The melancholy in my heart had disappeared. Coming back from business trip was already fucking tiring enough, and there were things related to Y/N. Many contradictions came to my mind. I couldn't breathe. I really wanted to cry. Fortunately, Bruce's answer didn't give me a fatal blow.

"Woof!" Kirin suddenly barked to wake me up. Bruce's hands still on my shoulders. He gently pressed me to tell me that I was okay. Everyone looked at me with concern, except for demon brat's dead eyes. I sat on the sofa with my hands covering my forehead. I couldn't help laughing out loud because of the suppressed emotions.

Demon brat pointed at me with disdain, "This annoying guy's disease recurring?"

I put my hands on my knees looked at him, "You'd better shut your fucking mouth. No one will think you're dumb if you don't speak."

Demon brat approached me with great displeasure, standing in front of me arrogantly, with a look of contempt for me printed on his disgusting face. I hated his arrogant character, just like a devil. I stood up looked down at him, a brat , it was not his turn to point fingers at me.

We stared at each other like enemies, my fists were so hot because I clenched them tightly, ready to punch him in the face at any time, Dickhead inserted between us, he pulled my collar pushed me to the sofa, and Demon brat was pushed aside by him, he said in a heavy tone, "That’s enough."

I sat upright and looked around with a dissatisfied expression. Demon brat finally learned his lesson and stood aside silently. Our momentary impulse caused the house to fall into silence. After Dickhead spoke in a heavy tone, no one dared to speak. They just kept silent.

In the silent house, there was a sound of someone coming home. It was Timbers who came back. He stepped into the living room looked at everyone with a confused face. Usually the house was noisy, but now it was quiet and uncomfortable. "I'm back... What are you guys doing?"

Dickhead took a breath and smiled again, turned to Timbers and pulled him aside. He told him the whole story of what had just happened. Timbers nodded slightly to show that he understood. He scratched his head and thought about how to ease the atmosphere. After all, even Bruce was silent.

Dickhead was usually silly, but as the eldest son, he had fulfilled his responsibility to take care of his younger brothers. When the brothers quarreled, he would try to reconcile, but rarely was his tone as harsh as it was now.

Timbers hesitated but still sat next to me, put his hands on his knees, rubbed his palms together, and mumbled as he was about to speak. The current situation was very embarrassing.

Timbers coughed twice then said, "Hey, why don't you go upstairs and see her first?" I relief and left living room to go upstairs. I walked up a flight of stairs, I was thinking whether it was really her. Because unbelievable, I knocked on the door of the room twice, but no one opened the door for me. I turned the doorknob pushed it inwards, stepping into the dim and quiet room. I approached the bed and saw a girl. It was Y/N.

Her long brown hair was scattered on the bed, her long eyelashes trembled slightly, making her look uneasy. Under her tall but small nose was a cute little mouth with a faint pink color, and her moist lilac tongue licked her plump and sexy lips. Her snow-white collar was half open, revealing her white shoulders and a pair of cute and beautiful feet, which was infinitely tempting.

I slapped my cheeks hard. The sound made me more awake. What the hell am I doing? An exciting picture suddenly appeared in my mind. Seeing a familiar face sleeping comfortably in front of me, how could I have such a dirty thought? I squinted my eyes to make the picture in my mind disappear, but I couldn't help sneak a peek at the lovable Y/N.

She felt different when she quiet, like a kitten curled up in bed. I reached out touch her cheek felt a warm breath. Her body rise and fall of her breathing. This was the second time I could see her face up close. The first time was as Red Hood. She was so tempting. I couldn't help but kissed her through the helmet. Later, she scolded me. Damn, how bold I was to do such a thing at that time.

Y/N POV

"Piak!" A sound made you shudder, and you woke up from sleepiness. You didn't open your eyes at first, but squinted saw it was Jason next to the bed. You remembered he was away on a business trip hadn't come back yet. How come he was next to you and mumbling something, but you couldn't hear it clearly.

Dreams are illusions. You are still in the dream haven't woken up yet. You want to confirm whether it is really Jason, so you put your hand on his face. He looked at you in surprise. You can feel the temperature of his face. The dream so realistic, and you can feel the temperature. This face is so close.

You said in a daze, "You look like Jason..."

He held your hand on his face, and he smiled beautifully, "Hahaha, I'm Jason. Princess, I'm back."

You blinked and got up from the bed to look closer. He didn't step back but closed the distance between you. The distance you two getting closer and closer, as if you were attracted by something. You shook your head tried to wake yourself up quickly. Jason's hand placed on your cheek instead. He looked at you lovingly with a smile and gently stroked your cheek.

"Hey, princess, wake up~" He shook you gently.

You opened your eyes wide woke up immediately "Jason! It's really you!"

He let go of you sat on the bed "It's really me, haven't seen you for few days."

You nodded excitedly, then looked around found yourself in a strange room "Eh? Where is this?"

"This is one of the rooms in the manor."

You blinked because it felt unreal, "Manor... Wait... Jason, why are you here?"

He pointed to the ground "This is my dad's house."

"Your dad? Who?"

He smiled and nodded, "Bruce Wayne. Are you taking care of Titus for my dad?"

"I am indeed helping Mr Wayne take care of Titus... Wait... Who are you? What is your relationship with Mr Wayne?" You were so excited kept talking.

He was embarrassed but soon regained his composure. He crossed his legs and said, "Ermm... Let me introduce myself to you briefly. The Mr Wayne you are helping is my dad Bruce Wayne, and Titus is my brother's dog, and this is where I used to live."

You shouted, "Are you Bruce Wayne's son?!"

He bit his lip, then released it "Yes, that's right."

You pressed his forehead, "Are you sure you're not breaking into someone's house?"

He shook your hand and pointed at the clothes he was wearing, "Have you ever seen someone broke into house look so handsome and wear a suit?"

You shook your head, "No, I only saw a conceited handsome guy."

He snapped fingers, "That's right."

You noticed his collar was a little messy, you moved forward help him straighten it. Something incredible happened again. Since the day you two met, neither of you mentioned each other's families. You had a vague feeling that Jason was conservative and cautious about his own affairs, so you didn't ask too much.

"Sorry, I didn't make it clear at the beginning." He seemed very remorseful and uneasy.

You held his hand tightly. "You are not wrong, no need to apologize. I came here by accident and met Mr. Wayne, that's all."

He asked you cautiously, "Don't you know I am Bruce Wayne's son?"

You shook head, "I really don't know."

"You didn't lie to me?"

You were annoyed and punched him in the stomach. "I will not choose to make friends just because of whose son you are! Do you understand, Jason Todd! Baka Jason Todd!"

He covered his stomach pretended in pain and laughed out loud. "Hey! Did you mean to scold me by the word Baka at the end!"

You made a face stuck out your tongue, "Sou desu!"

(That's right!)

"Hahahaha! Damn! What a bullshit! And what kind of face you do!" He was amused by your face and couldn't stop laughing.

The two of you laughed for a long time. Although hadn't seen each other for a few days, you two laughed happily as soon as met. It seemed you two had been playing for a long time even though only known each other for a short time. You two threw all troubles into the sea and enjoyed happy time together. It was so comfortable to get along with Jason. You were not bound by anything. He would make you happy until you forgot about own things.

You fell on the bed looking at the ceiling. He lay beside you. The smile on his face made him very charming and dazzling. You found Jason always taken care of your emotions. With him by your side, everything seemed easy. You lay on your side beside him and smiled in response. The expression on his face showed that he more relaxed.

He sat up with his back to you, "I'm never tired being with you."

You lay down with your hands on the back of head, "Me too."

He whispered, "It would have been nice if I had met you earlier."

You stood up, "Erm? What did you just say?"

He looked back at you, "I said you were an idiot."

You kicked him off the bed, he dodged your kick with agility, standing by the bed laughing at you proudly, "Hahaha! You're ten years too early to attack me!"

"I'm going to break off our friendship!" You threw a tantrum like a child.

After he laughed enough, he knelt on one knee front of you and held your hands, "Okay, okay, I know I was wrong, don't be angry, okay?" He winked at you after he finished speaking.

"I'll forgive you if you take me for ice cream." You stated the conditions for reconciliation with him.

He held out his pinky finger, "I'll definitely take you, promise."

You hooked his pinky finger, "It's settled."

"Actually, there's something I want to discuss with you, I wonder if you would mind." He suddenly asked you with a hesitant expression.

"Tell me about it."

He scratched the back of his neck. "I haven't formally introduced you to my family yet. Since you are here, would you like to say hello to my family?"

You clenched your fists eyes lit up. "Of course! I'd love to!"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Get yourself ready first. I'll go downstairs tell them and pick you up."

Jason POV

I left the room leaned against the door. I was feeling complicated but happy. It was my ideal life to laugh so happily with her. I could spend my life in a comfortable environment without complicated emotions. I gradually got used the feeling of laughing because of her. Every move she made, made my heart melt and couldn't hold back my smile.

Actually, I felt uneasy when I first met her. I wondered if I could make friends with her because she knew I was Bruce Wayne's son, or because she was the daughter of some family and needed Bruce Wayne's support. Many suffocating and unhappy scenes appeared in my mind. After getting to know her, I found she was not as superficial as I imagined.

After I calmed down, I walked downstairs slowly. Everyone saw me coming downstairs and stood up from the sofa. I saw Bruce looked very worried, Dickhead regained his sunny smile, Timbers threw his laptop aside, Demon brat was still the same as usual but holding Kirin in his arms, and Alfred stood beside Bruce and looked at me.

I looked at them calmly, with my hands in my pockets, not letting them see my nervous and shaking hands, thinking about what I should say, and after being prepared, I decided to introduce her to everyone, "Erm..., the girl upstairs is my new friend. She's the one you guys always wanted to meet."

Dickhead rushed over and put his hand on my shoulder, "Finally!"

Bruce was surprised but smiled again looked at me, "It's really her!"

Alfred smiled silently, "This is what is called fate."

Demon brat said with disdain, "I really want to see that girl's face, she make friends with a jerk like you."

Timbers leaned next to me excitedly, "She is really destined to be with our family!"

Dickhead snapped his fingers nodded to indicate Timbers was right, then pointed at me and Bruce, "First was Babybird's friend, then a guest who helped Bruce! This coincidence is really amazing!"

Bruce stepped forward to stop Dickhead and Timbers who were sandwiched between me. After they separated, Bruce politely asked me, "Do you think it's the right time to introduce her to us now?"

"I just asked her, and she said yes." I told him calmly.

Bruce stroked my hair, "Then can I meet your friend?"

I was relieved to hear Bruce's words. The tension and the heavy burden on my shoulders was gone. This meant it was a good thing. I turned around ran to the room. I knocked on the door, she opened it from inside. Her face was full of sunshine and smiles. I don't know why I felt more confident with her around.

"Have you been waiting long time?" I stood outside the door with anticipation.

She recovered from surprise, "Not yet! I'm still a little nervous... Can you help me check my clothes are neat? Is my hair messy? Is there anything dirty on my face?" She kept making sure that there was nothing wrong with her.

This was the second time I saw her nervous, but in my eyes she was the best girl who was impeccable. I held her shoulders tried to calm her down. After fixing her hair, I said, "You are always beautiful and charming. I can guarantee that. You can go to meet my family without worry. I can help you with anything."

My words made her regain confidence. "Yes! Thank you, Jason!"

I stepped aside to let her step out the room. I walked in front and led her downstairs. I could hear her pace slowing down with each step. I turned around held her hand remind that I was still here for her. She held my hand tightly relieve her stress because I knew she worry about herself.

After arriving in the living room, I asked her to stand behind me and not show her face for the time being. I didn't tell her how many people in my family. I was worried she would lose confidence because of the large number of people. I saw everyone was standing, their faces were obviously looking forward to her arrival. She pulled my clothes, and I took a deep breath and stood aside. "Everyone, this is my friend, Y/N. Y/N, this is my family."

She looked at everyone and bowed to show her politeness. "Hello, I'm Y/N , Jason's friend."

Bruce was the first to step forward l smile at her and hold out his hand to her. "It's a small world, Y/N. Let me introduce myself again. I'm Bruce Wayne, his father. Thank you for being friends with my son."

She raised her hands and shook them in panic. "What a small world, Mr. Wayne. I didn't expect you are his father. I should thank Jason for being friends with me. I've always caused him trouble."

"Hahaha, I believe Jason is willing take on the trouble you caused." Suddenly Bruce said something inexplicable.

"Hey Bruce! I heard you!" I interrupted awkwardly.

Seeing the three people standing behind Bruce, Dickhead pointed at himself excitedly couldn't wait to talk, Timbers joined in the fun with a look of relief and excitement, Demon brat pretended to be indifferent but I saw him stealing glances at Y/N, Bruce stood aside waited for me to introduce the other people.

Before introducing the three people, I introduced Alfred to her first. Because he is one who takes care the family the most. "Y/N, this is Alfred, the housekeeper of this family."

Alfred humbly extended his hand "It's a pleasure to meet such an excellent and beautiful girl like you. Master Todd is really a lucky man."

She laughed "You are flattering."

Alfred shook his head "I am not exaggerating, Miss Y/N. Our family is honored that Master Todd has such an excellent girlfriend."

I heard the word girlfriend immediately interrupted them "Alfred, just a friend! Not a girlfriend!"

Alfred nodded "Oh, I misunderstood, it's a female friend."

I breathed a sigh of relief and looked at Y/N. She stared at me and said "What?"

Fortunately, she a natural naive person. I awkwardly changed the topic, "I'll introduce you to the others."

I took her to the three people. To be honest, it was bit difficult introduce these three people who had no blood relationship with me. After all, our family names were different. We became a family with Bruce because we became Robin. I didn't know how to explain it to her when she asked.

Dickhead the first come forward, so I started with him. "Y/N, this is my brother, Dick Grayson, the eldest son of the family."

Dickhead took the initiative to shake her hand as enthusiastically as usual. "It's nice to meet you, Y/N! I learned about you from Babybird, and today I can finally see your beautiful face in person."

She tilted her head and looked at me. "I'm happy too, Mr. Grayson. But, Babybird?"

"Just call me Dick. Babybird is the nickname I gave Jason." It was a bit awkward.

She laughed softly, her cheeks flushed. "What a cute nickname! Why didn't you tell me your nickname!"

Dickhead pushed me away, pulled Y/N to a place and whispered, "Y/N, although our Babybird looks very manly, he also has a cute side, especially when it comes to you, he is particularly shy."

I saw Y/N holding her chin with her hand "Unbelievable."

Y/N POV

Although Jason couldn't hear the content of your conversation, he had a bad feeling. He rushed over and dragged Dick away. You could hear Jason angrily yelling in Dick's ear, "What the hell did you say to her!"

"Secret!" Dick yelled, and you saw them arguing from the side. Jason kicked him a few times, and Dick dodged smoothly. They didn't really fight, it seemed like they were just playing around. You covered your mouth laughed quietly at the way they got along. You envied having such a lively family.

When you are watching the fun, someone approaches and pokes your shoulder gently with his finger. You look back see him extending his hand to you, "Hello, I'm Tim Drake, just call me Tim, our ages are not much different."

You shake his hand "Nice to meet you, Tim. Are you Jason's?"

"I'm his younger brother." He said politely.

You are surprised for a second, everyone's temperament really different "Wow. If I hadn't seen you all today, I really didn't know Jason had brother."

Tim smiled calmly "Jason doesn't talk about his family all the time."

You nodded to show you understood what he meant. Jason actually similar to you. You didn't talk about your family all the time. You almost forgot about them. Then you saw a little boy holding Kirin on the sofa. You had noticed him for a long time because you could feel his eyes on you.

You said "Kirin! Kocchi yo!"

(Kirin! Here!)

Kirin pricked up his ears looked in your direction. He broke free from the little boy's hand, then ran straight to you excitedly, barked a few times and circled around your feet. The boy expression was a little lost. The son who took care of the dog mentioned by Mr. Wayne should be referring to him.

You held Kirin sat next to him. You blocked Kirin in front of you. "Hello, my name is Y/N. What's your name?" After saying that, you tilted your head to let him see your face. He was a little surprised but didn't show it exaggeratedly.

He retracted his expression and said coldly, "Damian Wayne..."

You handed Kirin to him, "Did you have fun with Kirin?"

"Not bad." He took it and hugged it. He seemed to be a very silent person.

Jason came over and sat next to me. Damian glared at him like an enemy. You were sandwiched between two of them. The atmosphere seemed particularly tense. Is their relationship very bad? Even Jason didn't introduce Damian like he introduced Dick just now.

"Hey, say hello." You heard Jason speak in a serious tone.

Damian looked at you two with disdain. "Say hello then? Say I'm your little brother? Say we're a family? We're not related by blood, don't act so close. It's disgusting."

"Huh?" You were shocked by his words. You clearly heard Damian say they were not related by blood. Then you remembered that their last names were all weird, all different. Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Tim Drake. Only Damian is Damian Wayne. How come they're a family?

"Damian!" Mr Wayne called him.

He returned Kirin to you and stood up. "Father, am I wrong? Why should I admit they are my brothers? Is it necessary to insist on maintaining a good family? We are not related by blood, except you and me."

"Damian, stop it. This is not the thing to be brought up now." Dick interrupted.

"You know I am right. This annoying guy is dead. Why should I admit he is my brother when he comes back?" Damian said.

"Enough, don't say these in front of Y/N." Tim told him calmly.

Damian expressed dissatisfaction. "Why not? Since she wants to be friends with him, she will know sooner or later. Why avoid? I am telling the truth. If Y/N doesn't like it, she can leave our house at any time."

At this moment, you suddenly felt a chill, and a strong fierce breath rushed towards you. You turned and it was coming from Jason. He staring at Damian like a ferocious beast. It was the first time you saw Jason's expression so ferocious and scary, not as gentle as before. Obviously, Damian had touched Jason's pain.

"Y/N, second room upstairs is my room, you should avoid first." Jason pulled your arm.

Damian mocked, "Why? Is it necessary to avoid it? Isn't it better to tell her everything? Or are you very concerned about your past and afraid Y/N will ignore you forever?"

"Past..." You muttered to yourself.

Jason's hand was clenched more tightly than before. He had his back to you but could feel his anger surged. "Y/N, listen to me and go back to the room first."

"Jason..." You worriedly shook his hand that was holding yours.

"I beg you..." His voice sounded very humble.

To be honest, you never mind anything about anyone. For example, no matter how crazy Harley is, you are not afraid to chat and be friends with her. You know very well everyone has their own difficulties and unbearable past, but the past is the past, and it is no longer the present. Even is the fact, it is terrible that Damian would open people's wounds without any hesitation.

You can't hold back your anger, you let go of Jason's hand and walk to Damian. "Your name is Damian Wayne, right?"

He was confused. "What? Want to speak for that annoying guy?"

"Do you hate me?" You blurted out.

He shook his head. "I don't know you, and I have no reason to hate you."

You don't know what Jason has experienced, you can't stand in his position and speak for him. You shook your head with a smile. "Then let me ask you, have you ever been involved in Jason's past?"

When he heard what you said, his expression changed. "It's none of my business..."

"Are you happy to expose someone's wounds?"

He looked aside with an arrogant attitude. "If you want to teach me a lesson, I advise you not to do it."

"Let me make it clear that I'm not as kind as you think. I won't speak for Jason because I haven't experienced what happened to him, and I'm not qualified to speak for him. But at least I won't trample on other people's scars, including yours. It doesn't matter if you want to listen what I say or not. Even if related by blood, but there are more suitable to be family."

Your words shocked everyone, including the fierce Jason who became much gentler after hearing your words. You can no longer feel the fierce aura on him, at least you don't have to worry Jason fighting with Damian.

To be honest, you envy them for being a family. You have always been alone and you can't imagine that there will be someone by your side when you are sad. No matter how hurt you are, you return to home, an empty life, a life without anyone to accompany you. Only a corgi dog Kirin accompanies you.

You looked at Mr Wayne bowed to him politely. "I want to apologize for interfering in your family affairs without permission."

He hurried forward to let you look up. "I am the one who wants to apologize. I didn't expect to make you so uncomfortable and embarrassed."

You shook your head with a smile. "I really don't mind, so don't apologize."

"Miss Y/N..." Alfred said in a low voice.

You hugged Kirin in your arms, "Well... I am really happy to meet Jason's family. Then I go back first, don't see me off." You left a few words and bowed again to express your gratitude before leaving the living room and walking towards the door.

Jason POV

When I was lost, I just wanted Damian to shut up. He and I were the most difficult to get along with. I was really afraid Y/N would never see me again because of my past. At that time, I really wanted to pull her away and let her leave. I didn't want her to see my most miserable side.

However, what she did always exceeded my imagination. Not only she not run away directly, she also confronted Demon brat. She communicated with Demon brat calmly. Every word she said was so sincere that Demon brat was completely speechless and stood there motionless.

"Please wait a moment, I'll take you home, Miss Y/N." Alfred wanted to follow.

I heard Demon brat muttering "TT, a good girl, I feel sorry for her to be friends with a nasty guy."

"Damian! Stop talking!" Tim tried to shut up Demon brat.

I turned to them, and for some reason, I kept smiling on my face. Maybe her words touched me, maybe I was waiting for what she said, she made me less afraid of losing her "Let him say it, Timbers."

"Hey! Babybird! Catch!" Dickhead threw the key.

I caught it with one hand, I understood what he meant and ran away "Thanks, Dickhead!"

Seeing my figure going away, Demon brat blurted out "Why would a good girl like to be friends with a complicated person like him..."

"Personality. They are attracted to each other." Tim said.

Y/N POV

You walked for a long time still haven't reached the gate of the manor. How can a rich man's house be so big? It feels like the end is getting farther and farther away. If known would be like this, you shouldn't have tried to be act cool just now. You would have just let Alfred take you. It's even more tiring to hold fat Kirin in your arms.

Suddenly, the road was illuminated. You stopped and looked behind you. A cool car was moving towards and then stopped behind you. You wondered if you were blocking the car's way, so you stood aside. The car door opened and the person who got out was Jason. You looked at him awkwardly, "Why are you here?"

He took Kirin from you and put him in car, then stood in front of you with his hands in pockets. "I'll take you home."

You felt ashamed for what you just said. "Really, it's not necessary." You left this sentence and walked away.

He grabbed your hand and hugged you without saying a word. Although there was a layer of shirt between, you were so close to him that could faintly hear his heartbeat and feel the fluctuations of his breathing. When you looked up to see his face, he held your head in his hands and let you lean on. You didn't even have the chance to see his face, but you really liked his hug, it was so warm and soothing.

"Sorry, stay for a while, I'll take you back later."

You closed your eyes responded him with a hug "Alright..."

"Thanks for what you did for me."

"I didn't do anything."

"Haha..Fuck..Idiot, you did."

"You're the idiot..."

"Y/N..."

"What?"

"I'm sorry for letting you hear something unhappy."

You pushed him away and held his face with both hands "I'll say it again, listen carefully, I don't mind at all. I just care about you being happy."

He leaned his forehead against yours "I'm almost dead happy to hear you say that."

"Hehe, of course. Oh, by the way, you still owe me ice cream."

"Fuck...I will definitely do what I promised you."

You stepped back "When day you feel ready, are you willing to tell me about your story?"

He was a little surprised but still smiled "Yeah, I promise."

You took his hand "Let's go! Kirin is clamoring to go home!"

"Okay, okay, I'll do whatever you say."

Chapter 11 End.

If you have any ideas, don’t be shy. Just leave a comment below. Your opinions would be valuable and will be added in story. ♥️💙

AO3 Chapter 11 🆕

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[sophieinwonderland]

Hello! We really enjoy your account. We like to see the many different types of plurality existing, especially endogenic ones. While we are not endo, seeing healthy and non disordered plurality is very motivating for us, as that is our goal to attain.

We saw your recent posts regarding tulpamancy and dissociation and had some questions! As a Traumagenic system, of course we are well versed in the feeling of dissociation, but for many who have experienced trauma and dissociate bc of this, it’s very uncomfortable to be dissociated. For my system, this is one of our biggest issues right now, and we are working to try to lower dissociation episodes and dissociative barriers (especially while triggered). How does the dissociation feel for those who train it or will it? Is it just as uncomfortable (for example does it feel as if you are depersonalized or derealized?) or something else?

We are interested as endo/tulpa practices involving dissociation (if not uncomfortable like trauma related dissociation) could be beneficial for Traumagenic systems like ourselves to possibly shift our dissociation to being more comfortable and less debilitating.

Not sure you will have an answer and of course it might not be super clear cut.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, and for all the work that you do standing up for systems and all the education you share.

We wish you all the best!

Hi! 👋

I think the dissociation that we train is going to be a bit different than a DPDR episode. Mostly because the moments when everyone is detached from the body are going to be while meditating or in a similar state, and they shouldn't last long.

There have been occasions here and there where we will experience blendiness or confusion about who we are and those can be pretty distressing. I am not sure how similar these particular states are to derealization or depersonalization though.

Generally, we try to only do the detachment thing while switching.

There have been some DID systems who reported that tulpamancy methods have helped with their dissociates of symptoms.

Which makes sense to me. Because it's not just about teaching people to dissociate. It's about teaching control over the dissociation. And it's also about teaching the association part as well. At least in regards to switching. You aren't just learning how to detach from the body but how to attach to it. How to reconnect with the senses whenever you have lost that connection.

For this reason, I could imagine it being beneficial for DID systems to study and practice at least some tulpamancy methods.

In theory, knowing how to switch in at will should also be able to help whenever you are experiencing other sorts of dissociation by grounding you to the body. I won't promise it's a perfect solution that will work for everybody, but I do think it could at least be worth a try. 🤷‍♀️

As to what it feels like, since the dissociation is in relation to somebody else fronting, it depends on whether you are present or not. If you stay present, it's a bit like being in the passenger seat of the body. Somebody else is in control and you can't really feel anything physically unless you try to focus on it. Otherwise, only the fronter is going to be feeling. And only they are moving the body. You are just there as a voice in the head of the fronter.

If you aren't present though at all, then you just aren't there. You aren't even the voice. And the next time you gain awareness, you suddenly realize all the things that happened while you weren't conscious. Because even though we don't have memory barriers per se, we also don't automatically have all the information.

A notable example of this came from one time when almond hadn't fronted for a while and then she saw a new chicken coop in our yard. She was initially surprised to see it, and then the memories of my host helping to build it came flooding in after that. She technically had free access to all of the memories, but she didn't automatically know until the sight of the coop triggered them.

Thanks for the kind words and I hope I was able to answer your questions! Wishing you the best as well! Have a wonderful day! 😁💖

[manicpixiedreamguy]

The trans man's guide to singing (on T and other things)

Introduction:

First things first: I am a trans man on HRT who's studying to become a professional singer (not opera lmao, I'm studying modern singing) and all the information I'm providing comes from my personal experience and what my current teacher, who's been teaching me since I started T, taught and told me during my voice change. This is directed towards people who want to go professional because, again, that's my personal experience, but if you're reading this because you like singing as just a hobby, most of what I'll be talking about applies to you too. I might overexplain things because I want this whole thing to be understandable to everyone, including people who barely know what vocal cords and the diaphragm are; on the same note, I hope I don't end up sounding condescending and if I do, just know that's not my intention at all. I won't be saying anything about pre-T voice training because I never did that and giving the wrong advice when it comes to these things can lead to serious damage to people's vocal cords and throats, so this is strictly a singing through and after a voice change post.

The Basics:

The first thing you have to do is talk to your teacher and explicitly tell them everything about your situation (this applies to anyone, cis or trans: you've worn a back brace during your whole childhood? Tell them. You've had any kind of surgery on your nose? Tell them, and so on; they'll probably ask anyway). I know it can be hard and even scary when you're trans, but if you don't do it you won't achieve your goals; I remember going to another teacher when I was a semi-closeted teenager without disclosing I wanted to work more on my lower register and it made my dysphoria so much worse that I just quit after a few months and didn't try taking singing lessons again for years. And being straightforward helps with both finding a good teacher and finding a safe and positive environment by avoiding bigots (sad, but true). Being honest with your teacher is also crucial because when it comes to singing, it's very important to find positions that feel comfortable and don't physically hurt your throat and vocal cords (or any other body part that's involved in singing) in order to not train your muscle memory on movements that are detrimental for your body, and while no one can find them for you, you need to tell your teacher when something your muscles are doing hurts or feels uncomfortable. Singing is almost like doing sports as the vocal cords are muscles that can and do get hurt, and adopting the wrong positions can result in a less than ideal performance at best and in injury at worst. I can't really help with this though, because I can't tell someone else how to move their own body and how to flex their own muscles and I am not a teacher, I can just tell you to take it slow and that when something's right you'll feel it and when something's wrong you'll also feel it. And remember that something not working for you doesn't make you a failed singer or anything like that, it just means you haven't found what works for you yet.

Singing while wearing a binder:

I wanted to start with this first because I think it's very important. Back in the day I've read posts on the Internet saying you should not sing while wearing a binder and while I do get where those posts are coming from, not everyone can afford to not wear one, myself included (before getting my top surgery last year). At first I tried going to my singing lessons with a sports bra under a loose flannel shirt (that kind of pattern, along with checkered patterns, helps hiding curves) but honestly it sucked as I felt too dysphoric, so I had to come up with a solution. At the time I happened to have an older, more stretched out looser binder that I decided to relegate to the role of singing binder because it didn't do its job properly anymore as an every day binder, but if worn with looser shirts in warm weather and layers in cold weather, it was perfect for singing. It still hid my chest fairly well and wasn't as constrictive as a newer and tighter binder would have been. One important thing to keep in mind is that while wearing a binder your ribcage doesn't have as much freedom as it would have without one and while that does suck, don't beat yourself up if you notice that it's difficult to do some things. I've sung while wearing a binder for most of my life and you can make it work, it just takes time and patience. If you can/want to, you can just not wear anything underneath your shirt to sing, but personally I tried doing that like once and felt awful. And if you wear tape, I guess that would be the best option; I never figured out how to wear it so I have no experience with it, I watched video tutorials and stuff but for me it never worked and I still don't know what I did wrong, but if you do wear it, try going with that.

Singing after top surgery:

I'm sorry for what I'm about to say, but after top surgery you'll have to forget how you sang while wearing a binder and start learning (almost) all over again because it's a whole 'nother story: your posture will be better and your ribcage will be more free, making you able to hold notes for longer and breathe in more air, which means you'll have to do some adjustments. First things first, you'll have to wait at least a month after your surgery to sing again (that's what my surgeon told me but you should still talk to yours, even though I'd say that as long as you'll have to wear the post surgery tight thing I forgot the name of you should avoid singing) and you'll have to take things slow. I got my surgery in August 2023 and I'm still (re)learning stuff, so be patient because it's worth it, my ribcage feels so much better now and my posture has improved, making singing overall better and easier. The most important rule when it comes to singing is listen to your body. If something feels weird or wrong, stop, figure out (with your teacher if you're taking lessons) why it feels like that and try to fix it (again, with your teacher); don't push yourself too far/too hard, otherwise you could get hurt. This applies to singing with a binder, singing after surgery, and just singing in general. Trans, cis, doesn't matter: listen to your body. I can't say anything more about this because everyone's different so I don't think I should be giving tips as what works for me might not work for you, you have to figure it out yourself. Having a teacher helps and there are some things that are pretty much universal, but their body is not your body and there are multiple ways to do the same thing based on each individual's preferences, needs, and bodies.

Can I/should I take singing lessons while my voice is still changing?

Yes, it's actually recommended! I've already said it here, but a couple months before going on HRT I found out through another trans man singer's website that taking singing lesson during your voice change helps a lot, both with your technique and with your voice is general. For your technique, it's beneficial because otherwise you'd end up with a completely different and untrained voice all of a sudden, making it harder to get back into singing and harder to find new positions that work for you, and for your voice in general, it just make the change easier. I have recordings of me singing and talking that I made each month as my voice change progressed and while my singing voice was a mess, some months literally changing every week (not necessarily going lower and lower each time, one week I'd be a baritone and the week later I'd be a tenor for some reason, then back to baritone and so on), my speaking voice rarely cracked. No idea if it's related to me taking singing lessons since the beginning but I'm saying this regardless just in case. For reference, I started T on August 4, 2021 (on this exact same day three years ago!) and started taking singing lessons the following month, so I've basically trained my voice during its entire journey.

Oh no, my voice change is a mess!

Worry not! It's totally normal and there will be lots of adjusting to do and what works for one week or one month or any other period of time probably won't work anymore as your voice keeps changing (especially when trying to switch from your regular voice to your falsetto, as your muscle memory was trained to switch at/on a different range), that's frustrating but, again, normal so don't panic if a position you adopted for a few weeks suddenly doesn't work anymore and you'll end up sounding like a hairdryer with no sound coming out of your mouth. Actually, sometimes what my teacher and I call the hairdryer effect isn't even a matter of positions, sometimes during your voice change you just won't have some specific notes and your voice will break instead but again don't panic, the notes will come eventually. While my voice did drop pretty fast, it took me around two years to finally get a full range (in my case the missing notes were exactly in between my regular register and my falsetto register, making switching between the two a pain; I think it's actually how it is for everyone in general but I'm not sure as I am just me y'know). Also my teacher told me most guys' voices will drop very low for a while and then stabilize themselves on a higher speaking range and while it kinda didn't happen to me according to her due to me being a bass-baritone and my voice stabilizing itself on a much lower speaking range, that's the average experience. Anyway don't worry, your lower notes aren't gone, you still have them but you'll have to work a little more than you used to to hit them.

Figuring out your range and type:

I'll have to tell you about voice types, ranges and classifications first. There are many different voice type classification systems, none of which universally applied (music is messy), so I'll go with the basic operatic six types one that I grew up with and that most people use. From highest to lowest: soprano, mezzosoprano (also known as just mezzo), contralto, tenor, baritone, bass. Those are the main groups, but there are subcategories as well, such as countertenor (sometimes considered a main group for some reason, no shade though) and bass-baritone (my voice type! 👋). If your voice's done changing or if you are pre-T, figuring out your range and type will be quite easy but if your voice is still changing, don't worry about it, you'll just have to check what it's up to from time to time until it'll be done and it'll settle on its final range and type (me and my deep ass voice had to go through almost the entire male range spectrum in like a year and a half so I'm speaking from experience here). An important thing to know is that pitch isn't everything as there are many other characteristics that together define and categorize a person's voice, and that voice range and voice type are two separate things as well; your vocal range doesn't define your voice type on its own because voice types are more about where you feel more comfortable singing rather than what notes you can hit (which is what defines the range of one's voice). To have an idea of what you'll probably sound like after your voice's done changing, you have to see what you sound like pre-T. The length of the vocal cords plays a huge role in this: the longer the vocal cords are, deeper the voice is; testosterone puberty results in elongated vocal cords, so if you've always had longer vocal cords like in my case, your voice will be on the lower end of the spectrum. As I just said, I had a pretty low voice pre-T, as I was a contralto as a preteen (I sang in a choir from age nine to twelve, started as a mezzo but then my voice started dropping around eleven years old), and therefore have a pretty low voice now, as I am a bass-baritone (a subtype of both the baritone and the bass types; the term refers to a lower baritone or a higher bass that can sing both and I am a lower baritone but usually sing bass because it's more physically comfortable for me), because I have long vocal cords and that's it; and while there aren't many studies about the exact role of genetics in the developing of the human voice, I sound eerily similar to my father so here's that.

Don't think that starting T sooner would have given you a deeper voice because I started it at twenty and while I acknowledge that's still fairly young, my first puberty was (sadly) already done and yet my voice is deeper than most cis men's (both statistically and anecdotally speaking). You can start whenever and it won't impact how your voice turns out. And if you're thinking about starting to smoke to make your voice lower: don't. I'm a former smoker myself and while I don't make a fuss about people smoking because I'm European, it's just counterproductive from a logical standpoint. Though one thing about singers is that, just like doctors, we smoke; when you meet a singer there's a high chance they're a smoker and if they aren't there's a high chance they used to be, no idea why. Anyway, don't smoke because it's not worth ruining your voice and lung capacity over and it's also not recommended at all while on testosterone (I smoked very little, like a few cigarettes every two weeks or sometimes even once a month, and my endocrinologist still told me to quit because my blood tests were a little messed up because of that). While it's best to go to a professional, there are YouTube videos that illustrate how to find your vocal range if you want to do that on your own or only plan to sing as a hobby, so I won't say anything about that. What I will say though, is that you should warm up first (always warm up first at least a little no matter what you do, especially if you plan to sing in the morning; even just talking out loud for a while can count as warming your voice up) and if you want to find out your range on your own please use the aforementioned YouTube videos, I've watched and even used a few back in the day and they'll tell you exactly how to do things right, don't just start belting out note after note until your voice is straining and uncomfortable because you'll get hurt (I want to make clear, as I've mentioned the possibility of getting hurt in the previous paragraphs, that getting hurt when it comes to singing ranges from having a bit of a sore throat for a while because you didn't drink water before performing to permanently ruining your voice and losing parts of your range because you tried metal screaming with no training so yeah, be careful).

Useful exercises:

In my experience the most useful exercises to do during a voice change are interval slides with the classic, iconic brrr (that I had to look up the name of because I swear no one, not even one singer, in human history has ever called it by its proper name: lip roll; I'm leaving the brrr thing instead of editing it out because it's funny) and some basic hear it and sing it. Also my teacher and I found out, during a phoniatrician check-up I did while my voice was still changing, that singing big jumps between notes helps a lot, even though I have no idea why. Basically, get a piano or keyboard (here's a link for a virtual piano if you need it), play random notes, and sing; it's important for you to switch between your modal (what I've been referring to as "regular" in this post) register and your falsetto register. I suck at explaining things, but this is what you have to do: play one note, sing it, then play the next, and so on. Additionally, I went through my text conversations with my teacher back when my voice was at the beginning of its journey and found the links to three videos we used a lot at the time, so here they are: this 10 minute vocal warm up, some beginner bass vocal warm ups, and some other bass-baritone vocal warm ups. If you go through these channels you'll find other exercises for other voice types and ranges as well. I recommend using jazz singer Judy Niemack's recordings (playlist linked in the above paragraph) because those are the one I used and still use. Your range and voice type don't really matter, you can either harmonize with her or sing in your comfortable range (in tune!) (or not in tune if you're doing this as a hobby I guess, I'm a singer not a cop) (but ear training is fundamental if you want to go professional, so: in tune!).

Alright I think I explained pretty much everything, but if you have questions don't hesitate to ask! I'll be more than happy to answer.

[thenightfolknetwork]

There are… strange things happening to my body. I heard from some of my friends that I should come to you for things like this. Sorry if it’s a bit oddly worded, I’ve had to rewrite this quite a bit.

You see, I’m used to having the ocasional astral spell, leaving my body from time to time while I nap and waking up an hour or so later to find my body right where I’ve left it. But recently, these spells have been getting quite a bit longer. And someone has seen fit to move into my body while I’m out.

I’ve heard of this sort of thing before, shared vessels and all that. But I never asked for a bodymate, let alone gave them permission! You see, my new bodymate is a refugee from their dimension. They jumped into my body since it was the first they could find unoccupied at the time, and apparently it’s rather similar to the one they used to have at home. I’ve left notes around, and they’ve written back, and for a while we had a somewhat tedious agreement over who could control the body when. I control it during the daytime, and them at night, simple as that. We both take frequent naps as our schedule allows, so our body doesn’t get too exhausted.

However recently, they’ve been a bit of a “controller-hog”, so to speak. I’ll settle down for a nap in my bed, only to wake up on the couch watching some bad medical drama. I hate medical dramas. But the worst thing by far was when I woke up three days ago with blue hair. Blue HAIR. My hair has never been blue, nor have I ever dyed it, or even had hair dye in my home!

I immediately wrote several very stern letters to my bodymate. I had hoped that maybe over the next few nights, we could have hashed something out together. But today I woke up with a NOSE RING. What’s next? Some cheap tattoo?!

I’ve tried writing this letter SO MANY TIMES, but each time I’ve been “dozing off” and waking up with my finger pressed conveniently to the backspace button. I’ve tried so hard to get them to leave, but they simply refuse. What do I do?!

Reader, this is absolutely appalling behaviour. It is never acceptable for a bodymate to make changes to the shared vessel without the permission of all inhabitants, and their blatant disregard for your wishes proves them to be as unscrupulous as they are rude.

The fact this person is a refugee from another dimension does not give them the right to treat your shared body with impunity. Quite apart from the violations of changing the body's appearance without your agreement, there are the very real health risks involved.

After all, if your body doesn't get enough rest because one of its occupants sees fit to sit up watching medical dramas, you will both suffer the physical consequences.

Usually I am the first to advocate for communication and compromise. But in this situation, I think your bodymate has shown they are not interested in negotiation. The time for rationality and reason has passed. You must take direct action.

There are two options available. If you are not particularly attached to the body itself, you could always cede possession and take up residence in another vessel.

Many people consider such a change to be a refreshing change of perspective. You might choose a vessel at random, find a volunteer online, or indulge in having a custom body created for you by a professional matter consultant.

Just be sure to update your identity documents and paperwork before making the jump. There are ways to prove your identity in the case of corporeal eviction and so on, but it can be a lengthy and uncomfortable process and is far best avoided.

Alternatively, if you have a particular affection for this vessel, I'm afraid you're going to have to put your foot down. At a time when you are in full control of the body, speak to a trusted friend and establish a way of communicating to them whether or not the person in control of the body really is you. A code word will do, or a reference to a shared memory. Anything your new bodymate will be unable to guess.

Then, you need to call in the professionals. Exorcism has an understandably poor reputation in the community, but it remains the most effective way to handle unwanted guests.

Find a licensed practitioner to perform the ritual, and book them for a time and place of your choosing. You'll also need to give them the contact details of your trusted contact, to check whether the ritual was successful or not.

Finally, at the allotted time, tell your bodymate that you are ready and willing to take drastic measures to protect your boundaries. There is a chance they will take your threat seriously, and agree to either vacate your body of their own volition or to treat your shared space with more respect.

Given their behaviour during the writing of this letter, however, I think it far more likely they will respond with aggression. Brace yourself. They will very probably try to wrest control of the body and suppress your influence entirely. Let them – your exorcist will be on hand to manage the situation.

Once your bodymate has been safely transferred into temporary storage, the rest is up to you. The most ethical choice is to find a willing alternative vessel and having your bodymate transferred to them as soon as possible. Alternatively, safe release into a crowded public area is often included in the price of an exorcism, with a small surcharge if you want to choose the target area yourself.

Banishment to another realm entirely will cost significantly more. Besides, even without the concerns about keeping them from accidentally going back to the realm they just left, crossplanar banishment is considered rather gauche.

You don't need to decide right away. Once your headmate is removed, they will be able to remain in the storage container for up to a week with no harmful effects. It will be rather boring for them, but frankly I'm inclined to think they deserve a little time to sit on the mantelpiece and think about what they've done.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[zombie-postinggg]

INTRODUCTIONS

(plain text - introductions)

hello. my names are dijon and mag. i use it/xe/they/zomb/brain/dead pronouns. i am a zombie alter in a DID traumaendo system. i interact from @thecreepycrawlersss

i made this side blog as a way of being able to post certain things that may not be appropriate for our main blog.

i sometimes type weird, and i may misspell things here and there. i struggle with empathy and am also aroace. we are autistic, and i am highly impacted by our autism symptoms, so please keep those things in mind when interacting with me.

i do not identify as a human. yes, i am aware that i exist inside of a human body, but it is not my body. do not refer to me as human. instead, you can refer to me with the terms zombie, undead, being, and / or non-human. because we experience psychosis, sometimes i will experience delusions of being dead or decaying, and no longer be aware that i am in a human body. please do not reality check me unless i threaten to harm myself.

BYF

(plain text - byf)

i post about being a zombie. this means i may post things that involve death, rot, decay, eating humans, post apocalyptic scenarios, etc. i will also post about zombie media, like shows and movies. if you are uncomfortable with those topics / that imagery, then i recommend you dni.

i will also post about being plural, being a trauma holder, and the trauma that caused my formation. i will tag these posts accordingly, so please look out for those tags.

i do not care about shipcourse or any of the discourse surrounding radqueers. anybody from any side can interact as long as you do not harass other beings. my personal stances are don’t like don’t read + always tag / tw appropriately and that paras deserve their own spaces and community but harmful paras should never be acted on, and while we cannot comment on transrace since we are bodily white, we are mentally and physically disabled, and we... really don’t care if someone wants to transition to being disabled. like, at all.

DNI

(plain text - dni)

zionists, anti endos / sysmeds, bigots, radfems / terfs / swerfs, fake claimers, anyone on fake disorder cringe or system cringe, trump supporters, nsfw blogs, mdni blogs, anti-kin, right wingers, anyone who harasses others / supports harassment, generative ai supporters, exclusionists, anti good faith identities

[chaifootsteps]

Hello Chai! A quick TMI before I start this message-- I am someone who actively participates in CNC, so a quick warning for all that entails. I just wanted to talk about my experiences, and why Viv's handling of it burns me to my very core.

I participate in CNC with someone I am very close to, perhaps closer to than anyone else in the world. Not only does it involve a role-play aspect-- threats, using duct-tape, a complete body language change, me calling her words I never would in any other situation-- you get the idea, it also involves the use of physical punishment. In these sessions, I am allowed to use my full strength to manipulate and manhandle her however I please.

Not only that, but I am also allowed to hurt her. Slapping, pushing her around, biting and giving hickies-- perhaps what is most unusual about this circumstance is that I am permitted to actively threaten her with a knife, and use it (VERY LIGHTLY) if I so desire. As you can tell, it's certainly not something to be played around with.

And do you know what, Chai?

I take her comfort incredibly seriously, more seriously than I take my own. At the slightest indication or use of the same word, I will GLADLY cease all of my actions and back off. Everything we have done was suggested by HER, and I happily oblige. She gets more enjoyment out of it than I do, which I am incredibly happy for! And afterwards, we cuddle and watch a horror movie, or I get her something to eat. Because I fucking care about her, and want her to feel safe and loved, and would HATE myself if I ever made her feel uncomfortable around me because of something I did.

So to see Viv treating CNC so callously? To see CNC reduced to what is obviously someone being manipulated and coerced into sex they neither enjoy and are comfortable with? And somehow it's "consensual" because they're being paid to do it???

It is reprehensible, and not only a horrible misrepresentation of rape of all things, and incredibly triggering to SA survivors who have no idea what they are getting themselves into, but also damaging to participants of CNC who are now getting their names slandered.

At the risk of getting into TMI territory myself, thank you for sharing this.

People don't realize just how much pressure goes into being on the giving end of something like this. You're hyperfocused on ten different things like an air traffic controller, making sure everything goes right and that the other person feels safe and is having a good time. It's part of it, because that's the tradeoff of having someone give you their complete and utter trust.

The first word in CNC is "consensual" for a reason. If it's not consensual, it's not CNC, and to see Viv drag her audience's understanding of it backwards is disgusting to watch.

[cosmicdream222]

how do I change beliefs and assumptions quickly?

There are tons of techniques & methods out there, I recommend first figuring out your natural strengths, and how you most easily learn things. I have a post explaining representational systems & learning styles that I recommend you check out and determine how your brain already works.

For example, I don’t visualize well. I think in words instead of pictures, so it’s more natural to me to affirm and write when I am thinking of my desires. Methods that involve lots of creative visualization just frustrate me, while they may work wonders for others.

My personal favorite, all time fastest and easiest way to release stuck energy and reprogram your thoughts is EFT tapping. Tapping is based in the ancient knowledge of traditional Chinese medicine and qigong, so it’s much more than just a fad method.

The basic concept of tapping is first to confront your fears, negative beliefs and other uncomfortable emotions by voicing them while tapping on specific points on your body. After you have gone through a few cycles of releasing the negative, then you move on to programming the new positive beliefs.

Doing this immediately releases repressed emotions and calms your nervous system, so it’s especially helpful for those with a lot of anxiety, sensory processing issues, physical trauma, etc. I especially recommend this method for ND folks!

As a warning, it can be very intense because you are basically facing those pent-up emotions head on. It’s common to feel waves of emotions or memories coming up, you might even start crying. The important thing is to keep going and push through feeling the emotions until they subside. Which they will! Instead of repressing them, we’re releasing them for good.

There are tons of free videos on YT if you want to try tapping. My favorite tapping teachers are Gala Darling and Brad Yates. I recommend searching for whatever topic is currently most bothering you instead of just trying a generic session. It is most effective when you are using your own words to express your own thoughts. Once you learn the points, you can do it for yourself, any time anywhere.

[theycallmeratt]

12, 14, 17 for fic writer asks! :)

12: trope I'm really into

I did a stupid laugh reading this question. I'm really into the "they asked for no pickles" trope. Heists, I've been trying to figure out how to write one forever and I keep getting paralyzed, but watching heist movies is my comfort. The one where you apply modern technological/programming ideas to fantasy worlds. The sunshine and storm cloud couple.

14. Where do I get inspiration?

1) Daydreaming. Whenever I do anything physical I daydream and a lot of that is "what if this character did this?" Most of them are silly but if I get a scene I like I'll write it and that might turn into something. I try to not dismiss any idea.

2) I get it a lot of inspiration from other people. Shadows of the Lost came from a post about imperialism and the Gerudos' relationship with death/zonai came from a post about lore theories. Flowers was based on a tumblr post about flower language. Arcanus Fisticuffus was from the MMMay posts, Wine, Iron and Other Damnables from a post about enchanted weapons. Stranger Flames have Burned was from a @naughtybg3confessions post. I always try to link my sources in fics!

3) Talking with people, especially joking about things. I feel like I'm always taking my jokes to absurd levels, but in Arcanus Fisticuffus the idea for Liam and Cal to be filling everyone's heads with stories about Rolan came from a bit where they were going to make sure he won (as well as the incoming cobra kai jokes). Honeypot came from a joking demand for a thirst fic. Hornoscopes from joking about horoscopes. Sometimes an individual inspires a fic and I usually gift that fic to them.

4) Going off that, writing absurd stuff and trying to make it work, like when Astarion and Minthara crash a patriar party to make sure Wyll is getting the respect he deserves in Dance, or when I explain the "fade to black" sex scenes at Sharess's Caress... and then involve shovel (Sharess's Mess).

5) Exchanges! I've written a lot for exchanges.

6) Fixing problems I have with the story or finding solutions to things that make me uncomfortable. Like, I don't want to write overly gendered language/insults. That led to my current fic-canon (which I don't remember if it made it into my published fics but if not, I'm going to fix that) where Ganondorf being male doesn't make him the leader; it's that he's Ganondorf, the same guy, reincarnated. And that led to Gerudo having a huge reincarnation culture that lined up nicely with the lore post I linked above.

17) talk about your writing and editing process

I write on my phone, in google drive. I'm not stoked about this set up but it means I can write while waiting in line or on a walk so I do it.

I make a new doc for each fic, put in the prompt or idea I have, and then let it sit until something hooks me. Rarely am I'm writing at this point, but I might be researching or brainstorming. All links, ideas, notes, etc, go into the doc. Everything stays in the doc until I'm finished.

For long fics, I have to break it out once the total work count is around 30k because drive gets wonky. For short fics I do not do all this prep haha

I often make a list of character beliefs, lore, vocab for me to reference. Examples (sorry for the photos of text):

Dialogue patterns:

And body language (or kinks, erogenous zones, etc):

I usually write a few scenes I like first, or a bunch of random lines. Those might not make it into the story, but I'm the kind of person who has to do something to figure it out? I can't think my way through it (or, at least, I haven't tried to build that skill).

I often pick a "voice" scene, which is the scene I read to remember the voice the rest of the story should be written in. If possible, I read that scene before I write new stuff.

I edit as I go, normally. I usually make notes of what I want to add at other points so I don't forget

I also make a timeline:

And I try to note any plot holes, any points where I can put hooks or foreshadowing in, etc.

Once a story is done I go back through the "to add" list and make sure it's in the story, try to patch holes, make sure it matches the timeline, make sure the characters match my notes, etc.

I also break it out into chapters that are about 3000-5000 words long (if it's not already there) and rewrite the endings of each to feel nice.

I write up my fic breakdown (for long fics) and link my resources.

Then I make my partner read it. They do it solely to amuse me/hype me up and they are amazing.

Then I post it! And the moment I post it I notice 5,000 errors.

[sasurvivorsupport]

tw- detailed descriptions of sa and rape

i hate being sexually abused and raped by females.

its ruined my relationship with both other females and my own femininity. its made me feel like it wasn't sexual abuse or rape. its made me feel like i deserved it because its from a female. its made me feel like im misogynistic. its made me feel like im faking being a survivor for attention or just stretching what happened.

but most of all? its took away any identity or individual sense of self i had. i now don't know who i am and my personality works in "phases" that change based on outside surroundings and feel uncomfortable and don't feel natural. i just float in the air waiting for something to give me my identity of the week. i am basically a human chameleon tumbleweed.

i hate when i feel invaded on by just the presence of a woman who reminds me of my sexual abusers. i hate getting close to females and feeling that "sexually uncomfortable" feeling. i hate being forced into even platonic contact with females. i hate seeing someone who looks like the girl who violently, sadistically sexually abused and raped me for years, who got into my body and made it violated and dirty, and i get flashbacks to her aggressive coercion that involved physical abuse and i feel like a naive easily manipulated dumbass, and flashbacks to her sexual abuse. i hate when i go into a small bathroom and remember her watching me on the toilet and even getting up on me and sa'ing me while im on the toilet. i hate when i pass gas or wipe my ass, normal things everyone does and i get a flashback to being raped. i hate when i hold my bladder and it reminds me of fingers up my vagina. i can't even do normal everyday things without being reminded of sexual abuse or rape on a daily basis.

being sexually abused and raped by females took away my sense of self, my sense of being sparkly and clean, and has made my life a nightmare. if we believed all survivors and normalized females being sexual abusers, i wouldn't have to suffer as much in my own head.

[cosmichighpriestess]

My love you're not broken, you're not lost or hopeless. You are not behind or devolving. You are trying to survive in a world that was designed to set you up for failure and burnout. You're also very uncomfortable where you are at because you're healing, learning how to regulate your emotions, learning how to place healthy boundaries and you're evolving.

Does that sound like a lost person? That sounds like a person growing who's stressed trying to be perfect in crazy capitalist society. If someone is pressuring you to have it all figured out they are projecting their own illusionary fears onto you. Don't listen to them if all you can do is rest, please rest. You receive so much more by resting than doing.

Letting go of control over your physical circumstances will open you up to all the help you deserve and need. You are receiving so many upgrades and activations while you are sleeping. You are becoming so much more aligned to Source by involving your spirituality into every part of your life. By breathing and eating more consciously and feeling the way you want to feel. That will never require you to people please and do what everyone else wants and expects of you. Keep healing, keep having boundaries and keep evolving. You are doing enough. You are enough. You are enough as you are now and that is good enough for God, believe me it is.

You have nothing to prove to anyone and you have nothing to prove to God. Religion, society and family will project their outdated fears onto you saying you need to figure it all out right now but they are just following the crowd trying not to get left behind. Meanwhile unaware they are behind in their own evolution by following what everyone else is doing. You are enough as you are my love, say it every single day as you wake up and go to bed. " I am what I am and that is enough." Experiment with new things any chance you get but don't beat yourself if you're still healing from things that no one is holding space for you to talk about. You're not lost, you're stressed.

Find time today to breathe deeply any chance you get and let all that negative energy out that doesn't belong to you. Know you automatically are transmuting that energy you don't have to try so hard. You are moving in the right direction by being aware of all those things that don't feel good in your body and moving toward the things that do feel good in your body. That is how you know you are moving in the highest path for you. You will get inspired thoughts when your spirit team knows you are ready, so rest until you get those gentle nudges. No one wants more pain and suffering in their lives unless they love pain and challenges. You do not have to suffer to get to where you want or get what you want and ascend.

Suffering is not a virtue. You do not have to experience poverty to ascend or be homeless or give up those things you really enjoy to ascend. You need to feel joy to ascend. Ask yourself, "How can I be love in the face of this?" And that will help you ascend by leaps and bounds far greater and faster than someone pressuring you to do something you don't want to do and have no idea how to do right now. Just be, just relax, stop stressing, let go, feel joy and appreciate feel gratitude and feel love for no reason at all.

[courtofmatchups]

First of all, I apologize for my slightly weird English, google translate helps me to read what you guys post on Tumblr.

Could I get a matchup for Tokyo Debunker?

Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Bisexual Zodiac/MBTI: Sagittarius, INTJ Appearance: Short curly dark brown hair. Dark skin, freckles on cheeks. I'm 1.65m tall, slim body, small bust and butt and wide waist. Brown eyes, slightly round nose, thin eyebrows and medium-sized lips. Personality: Introverted, occasionally moody, but when I get confident I'm playful/a bit childish and my social battery runs out very quickly. My sense of humor is broken, it's easy to make me laugh. I'm stubborn, I always try to avoid unnecessary conflicts. Sometimes I tend to procrastinate, I don't like asking others for favors/help, even less if I'm capable of getting it/doing it myself. Surprise displays of affection make me tense.

Likes and dislikes: I like desserts; watching movies, mainly horror/thriller/romantic comedy; I enjoy interactive stories and otomes; I like watching videos of people putting on/taking off makeup, trying on clothes and giving reviews, about hair and skin care products… Oh, I also like braiding. I don't like insects; noisy places; disloyal people, liars, and people who don't value their friends; alcoholic drinks and similar substances; I don't like spicy food. I don't like being helped without asking for it first, nor do I like being told that I'm not capable of doing something (the only person who decides whether I'm capable or not is myself). Hobbies: Listening to music, watching anime, playing cell phone games, lately I'm learning crochet, so I think I'd add that as a hobby too.

Extra information: I am agnostic; I'm not a big fan of physical contact, in any case, I prefer to be the one who initiates the contact and that it doesn't last so long; I think head caresses are very cute; I like to give gifts to my loved ones; I'm somewhat disorganized for some things and organized for others, I think it depends on my mood and motivation how organized I can be; if someone yells at me I get angry easily; according to the MBTI internet test I'm INTJ and to this day I still don't feel identified with the result; I don't know if it affects the answer in any way, but I'm from Latin America, although I don't fit the stereotype at all, I'll just say that there is no worse dancer than me LOL. People say I'm a delicate and laid-back person when I'm in a good mood, and somewhat sarcastic and passive-aggressive when I'm in a bad mood.

Thank you very much in advance, kisses and hugs.

It seems to me, you've capture the heart of...

Kaito Fuji!

Let's be real, he'd be down bad for you the minute you're in his vicinity, but if you give him a chance, you will not regret it.

Hear me out: even if he is a lot more energetic than you, he's still super attentive, so if you ever feel uncomfortable, he'll pull you aside for a breather. He will tease you about your broken humour, but he will also laugh at stupid things with you. And you'll also have to tell him about the things that make you uncomfortable, he will respect that.

Your likes align with his quite well. When you tell him you like sweets, he'll make you all the best treats he can make. And if you crochet him a sweater, or a plushie, he will burst into tears. Kaito puts a lot of work into his looks, and you learning about fashion and skincare through videos could really help him also. He'd absolutely love if you'd pick out an outfit for him.

As for your dislikes, he understands your discomfort with these things, though I can't guarantee he'll be able to fully overcome his own fear of insects for you. And he will apologize for involving you in some crazy plot to escape Romeo's wrath, especially since he had to lie in the process. He will try though to overcome his fears and anxiety. He doesn't mind you needing to initiate the physical touch or things of the sort. Even if he has read in magazines that girls would rather the guy initiate it, he'd rather the tables be turned on him. Heck, he'd be over the moon.

Overall, your calmer nature can balance out his more excitable and anxious energy, making for a well-rounded dynamic.