#actually trauma

[babyspacebatclone]

@autistic-af

I wanted to reply to your tags on that one post for the article about the (lack of) efficacy of ABA. It’s me, though, so this is going to be a wall of text and out of respect I’m not adding this to the notes of an important thread.

I believe you when you say your parents truly, and with the best compassion in the world, believed the therapy you went to as a child was “beneficial.”

Success for these kinds of treatments are measured on three different types of outcomes

Usefulness and comfort to the patient.

Usefulness and reduction of effort to the parents or other people in direct authority to patient.

Matching the expected behaviors of the surrounding culture - that is, “fits in.”

Traditionally, sadly, the primary viewpoint of ABA therapy is that achieving success in points 2 and 3 obviously means success for point 1.

I mean, obviously.

…..

Except in the wealth of experiences from other minority groups, look at (non radical) feminism and replace “parents” with “spouse” for point 2 for an easy case study.

The thing is, “fitting in” with “expected behaviors” and making life “easier” for the people in authority over you….

Doesn’t actually mean you’re living your best life.

Just that you’re not upsetting the people with power.

Now, and this is important, society as a whole lies about this.

We see this regularly, of course, and there’s never ending cycles of pushback between disenfranchised groups and the existing status quo over this.

But even seeing it play out in our own lives… If you do manage to at least break even in the status quo, it’s easy to slip into the complacency of believing the lie of “fitting in.”

That of your child who is struggling just - stops looking like they’re struggling, obviously they’re doing better.

The sad thing is, however, ABA and related philosophies sees “stops struggling” as the end goal.

It doesn’t matter why the patient has “stopped,” it just matters that it happens.

Compliancy, over actual healing.

And so, the patients are literally forced to lie for self protection.

You can’t show struggling, because you’re only going to be punished more for struggling.

You have to accept being broken, as the only alternative to being regularly hurt on top of being broke.

And parents who mean well? Parents we love, who honestly want the best for us, who we see hurting when we are hurting?????????

Well, one thing ABA teaches is how to lie about suffering.

And so, while it was happening, a child in ABA has every single reason in the universe to not tell their loving, well meaning parents that that are being made to hate themselves.

And this ends up with neurotypical people in authority - especially Applied Behavior Analysts- to think it worked.

Achieving compliance meant success, so obviously the patient is also now able to lead their best life.

Which is also why people who do mean well but have been experiencing the system from the professional end honestly believe it has been helpful, and the people complaining are either an insignificant minority or have ulterior motives.

Success was achieved. They saw it.

You have to convince them that, well….

Testimonies under torture usually can’t be trusted.

[fightingpoetry]

Dear child, I know that this heartache feels never-ending. But here’s how the story will go.

You will get hurt each and every day, by the ones who should be protecting you. You’ll go to school until you start skipping, and refusing to go at all. School will be horrible, but soon home becomes worse. You won’t feel safe anywhere.

But darling, you’ll survive. 

You’ll meet a guy who you think is your forever. He will beat you and hurt you and take advantage of your innocence. Until he takes that innocence forever.

But darling, god dammit, you’ll survive.

You’ll become an adult, but by then you’re not stable enough to move out. You’ll spiral, and relapse, and struggle to stay afloat. You’ll be emotionally drained, all the time, and feel like there’s no other answer. You don’t see a future for yourself in which you are happy.

But darling, love, you’ll survive.

You’ll meet the love of your life. You’ll find a job you love. You’ll move in with your soul mate.

And darling, you’ll survive.

You’ll realize that all these years, you didn’t deserve that abuse. And you’ll come to terms with the times you almost died. The future might feel brighter, but you’ll be unsure if you can ever heal from the past.

And darling, no matter what, you will survive.

Life will start to feel a little more beautiful. And a little more worth staying. The moments of joy make it worth it, even if they are fleeting. You now find reasons to live. They were always there, but you finally can see them.

Being in the arms of your lover and feeling safe for the first time. Walking in the rain at 2am, rescuing a kitty in need, until you finally have her safe and sound. Long walks on those first warm days of spring. Watching the daisies begin to bloom. Pumpkin patches and target runs. Buying yourself ice cream and watching your favorite movie. The purrs of a cat, fully relaxed in your arms. Soaking up the sun from your back porch on a warm summer day. Burning incense with the window cracked open. Sipping iced tea on a 90 degree day.

And darling, one day, you will finally begin to thrive.

C. Gray

[sleeplessv0id]

what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy

[tawnysoup]

Finally now that the comic is fully public on comicfury, I get to share it with all of you here, too <3

If you enjoyed, please consider supporting by buying a PDF of the comic on itch.io: https://tawnysoup.itch.io/home-in-the-woods

[evidently-endless]

i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.

[specks-of-time]

[cloud-ya]

outcast of the village

[mythtakens]

“these characters should be mentally healthy before they get together 😌” ummm no I actually think we should smash their mental illnesses together like clumps of play-doh and see what colors it makes

[livingfictionsystem]

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

[recoverr]

i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

[ed-recoverry]

Reminder that caregivers of children are, by definition, supposed to provide shelter, food, and clothing. They did not do you a huge favor by providing this. It was the bare minimum of the job description that they voluntarily signed up for. You are not indebted to your caregivers for giving you the very basics.

[happyherringbonkpickle]

[chai-penguin]

On Isolation

[cat-in-a-mech-suit]

Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.

[caintooth]

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!

[i-the-spoonie]