#Idk i just hate it like I felt like crying just now and im so tempted to sleep through lecture but Im also like i dont want to waste the gas
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andragoras-in-vanity · 3 months ago
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for the love of god someone convince me from texting my ex, i daydreamed too closr to the sun and now i want attention😭
#its not a door i should open#but idk if im crazy and i need to drop my suspicions and try again or if im really going to be right some day#and we get involved again then that person comes along and its a messy awful breakup and i just cant do that to them#but fuck i wish i could be with them#i would love them but the problem is (aside from their drinking) it would be so easy to fall in love with them#but they want long term and aside from me knowing im leaving the province soon i dont think wish how i am now id be okay with pretending#its not fair#i want to see them again#im jealous of attention they probably get and that theyve probably given#and i really hate how i was made and that i cant just go with the flow#but again drinking and dark eyes aside theyre practically perfect#i miss them so much sometimes that im actually posting more on instagram in the hopes theyll notice me again#i wonder if they think about me or if theyre too busy getting laid#cause theyre in a band so duh obviously theyre getting laid#I FUCKING HATE MY INABILITY TO BE ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE#ITS NOT FAIR#I HATE MY SUPERSTITIONS SO DAMN MUCH I WANT TO LET THEM GO AND BE HAPPY BUT I CANT#I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH WITH PRETTY BLUE EYES AND BIG HANDS#fuck nate was so close to perfect and i love that theyre so interesting and fuck i think id just give in if they had blue eyes#i could ignore the other problems and feel better about trying to be with them#mostly i just want them to kiss me and hug me again#they were so gentle about it and it felt so safe and i wanna cry cause i know its not fair to contact them#but fuck i wish i could#i dont want to be alone anymore and they made me laugh#i dont know what to do but i wish it was easier to at least meet people if not date them#i just want to feel something for someone new so i can feel like im over them#but sadly they work at ikea and its not even the closest one to me but i have to go there for a new mattress topper and jars#and i keep imagining running into them AND ITS FUCKING ME UP i want to talk to them but i cant do that
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yutadori · 2 months ago
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feeling a sudden surge of anxiety while thinking about finding a dentist godddd why is it so difficult to find a good one..... i've needed braces for FOREVER and im mad at my younger self for not trying hard enough to convince my dad to help me get them because i feel like it'll be way more expensive now that i'm an adult -__- i know fuck all about anything and it sucks that i dont have an adult to ask about this kind of stuff this sucksssss why is insurance so annoying why is looking for a doctor soooooo annoyingggggg i hope i die
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my-thirteenth-reason · 5 months ago
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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)
#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit#ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise#guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice#(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD#okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with#shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a#simple question#and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people#but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny#(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip#so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me#then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me#then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it#like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you#i wanted to cry so bad then#ugh i hate it#like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem#this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes#and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy#but its still so frustrating#we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday#then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home#bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends#rant
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girlthativealwaysbeen · 2 months ago
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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy
#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists#and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful#she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place#also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow#say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying#so many tours#idk i want#i wish my life was bigger#i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment#what about everything everyone else#i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent#find happiness within hobbies interests#but it feels like a losing battle#i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing#i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy#i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend#i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house#and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working#i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost#always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice#i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september#but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them#and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent#like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life#but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025#how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever#and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college#but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own
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zhinee · 3 months ago
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looked at old pics of myself at the wrong time and now im crying.,
#i always thot i was just kinda ugly and weird and lame and like. i wasnt. not that it would matter if i was but like. i wasnt i was just. me#in my memories im so mean to myself and then to like look back at who i was at that time is like. so hard like why was i so mean to myself#and why am i still so mean to myself. like who does it benefit to remember myself as awful and annoying and ugly and unlovable#like the only person in my life who thought i was all those things was me. like the only person that hated me that much was ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fine :)#this was a nice wakeup call i suppose.#also all those old pics i looked so hot im crying actual tears im so mad i could have been getting so much pussy if i wasnt so depressed#idk im just like. trying to be nice to my inner child and my inner teenager is one thing but like. being nice to me early 20s is even harde#i always thought ppl hated me and its like no bitch..... You hated YOURSELF................... anyways im dehydrated#this blog turning 13 sent me into a real spiral ill tell u WHAT.#having spent all my formative years online to then become almost completely offline after getting a job. its drama to say grieving but like#idk it felt like looking at pics of a dead relative. like it looked like me and i could remember taking those pics. but like. thats not me.#GOD. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#AND ITS ESPECIALLY CRAZY TO LOOK BACK NOW HAVING GAINED ADULT BODY WEIGHT AT PICS OF ME AS A KID WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. AND I WASNT.#AGAINNNNNNNNNNN NOT THAT IT WOULD MATTER IF I WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS#but i spent my whole life being treated as FAT without actually being fat. WHICH I AM NOW. and now im the happiest and fattest ive been.#like i actually wasnt a horrible ugly fat freak of nature. i just needed to get away from my mom#i really am rambling at this point. i know i need to Look Within and Figure Out Who I Want To Be and What Kind Of Person I Want To Become#but also i have work#and the answer is some kind of transgender. one of em. thats for sure. but like. im a waitress so like. rain check that convo....#anyways. i am not a bad person. and i wish i didnt spend so much of my life convincing myself i was. but u live and u learn i fucking GUESS
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ningningkittie · 7 months ago
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the anxiety pills arent even working :c
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flugame-mp3 · 7 months ago
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SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE
#theo.txt#I DID NOT REALIZE DEMON DEAN WAS NOW#DESPITE KNOWING THAT YEAH HE LOOKS ABOUT THAT AGE OR WHATEVER IN THE SCREENCAPS IVE SEEN#WHEN I TELL YOU I CHEERED AT THE END WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!! i love crowley pulling some bullshit at the last minute. classi#king of hell shit#and in the end scene where it's just mark sheppard's stellar monologue and the EYELID NOISE... chefs kiss that got me so hyped for s10#i do think this finale got me really interested to see what s10 brings generally#AND DOESNT ROWENA SHOW UP THIS SEASON?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT IM EXCITED#rip gadreel though he was an interesting character. sad he had to die just to prove a point and blow up a cell. but a fitting end ig?? :(#i also loved cas's plan at the end though with the angel radio thing. get his ass lol#but also god i felt so bad for him. can the narrative give him a fucking break. he is trying his god damn best#the curse of free will and the curse of loving. painful but you do it anyway. castiel when i get my hands on you#also if i am not mistaken... the shot parallels to sams first death with deans death... we cry#IS SAM JUST GONNA BE ALL ALONE NOW?? I ASSUME CROWLEY TAKES DEAN WITH HIM?#OH NO 😭😭😭 SAM BABY IM SO SORRY#not that he doesnt always have a rough time but he has a particularly excruciating season. someone give this man a hug#i feel for him very deeply#'i lied' 'ain't that a bitch?' got me. i hate them. SOOOO brothers.#anyway#AAAAAAAAUGH#also why was metatron the worlds number one destiel shipper at the end of the season here im DEAD. MULTIPLE pieces of dialogue hes like 'yo#did it all for HUMANITY... for your ONE HUMAN of CHOICE... the HUMAN who motivates you...' JUST CALL HIM A SLUR WHY DONT YOU#im dead#idk what the general community thoughts are on that episode but i did enjoy it. wild fucking ride from start to finish#s9 wasnt my favorite and definitely did not hook me in the second quarter for some reason. def was not as compelling as like s7 for me but#the points that i liked i really enjoyed#loved sam resorting to summoning crowley. he wants his ass dead SO bad. i think sam deserves the world after the shit he was put through#this season#anyway overall. i am gnawing on the walls and pacing around my room at incredible speeds. what is UP with this show.#man.
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wingsofhcpe · 8 months ago
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one of those fifty things was a classist af post about how fanfic writers can't actually write for shit, yes all of them apparently bc they aren't educated in proper literary devices or whatever.
are you fucking hearing yourself
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a-ikuoliver · 9 months ago
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alexa play slipping through my fingers by abba
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very heartbroken right now:((((
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jamesbukkakebarnes · 2 years ago
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yousaytomato · 2 years ago
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Trying my hardest not to be anxious and sad about things that have already happened and that I can't do anything about now. But How
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alaskan-wallflower · 2 months ago
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wonderful, one of those times where everything i’ve pushed down just bubbles up. great.
#one of my teachers today started comparing me and my older brother and i straight up felt like i wanted to cry#it’s mortifying being the dumb one#because everyone expects you to be great when i’m just…average.#i don’t know where i fit in#not online or offline#like i just feel like i don’t belong anywhere#and i never know how to be vocal about my problems because everyone always assumes i want attention and i don’t#i went to the school psychologist today who’s the closest thing i have to therapy but she isn’t required to be tight lipped#and i wish i could vocalize this#i don’t even think id be able to tell a therapist this because im a weak piece of shit#another thing that bugs me is how when my brother came out my parents were soooo proud of him and my aunts were so proud too#which good dor him#but when i came out as bi i was yelled at and told i was too young to know and that i was just making it up#everything just hurts right now#i hate school#i don’t have the motivation to go to clubs i enjoy#i don’t have the motivation to engage in activities i enjoy#and i know i can’t tell my doctor any of this when i elf checked up because my moms gonna interject with “BuT YoU NevEr ToLd Me!”#and it’s gonna be another “you want attention” thing#i still remember when i used to journal and my mom went through it and screamed at me for two hours because i mentioned being suicidal#never journaled again#idk how to copd honestly#and then i feel like a brat because they do nice things jit then they use it against me#i hate it#i’m just going through a lot this week#sorry#o know you guys are getting tired of my dumb ass bitching
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sleepydreamybunny · 4 months ago
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me to me: done is enough
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evvlogetarian · 6 months ago
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Ugh I'm seriously considering showing up just for lab tomorrow...
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fanonsupremecy · 4 months ago
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Mickey they could never make me hate you. Even WHEN you were the dirtiest white boy in America. V THAT MAY BE TRUE but he's also soooo pretty so he gets a pass cuz he's so babyboy and babygirl and an angel that deserved so better like fucking love and compassion and pride and adoration from his fucking shithead father. (if you can't tell I'm on my season 2 shit) honestly he was so much more dirty white boy tm in season 1 tho...
”I came out for you, you piece of shit”
YES YOU DID MICKEY. YES THE FUCK YOU DID.
#mickey milkovich they could never make me hate you#mickey milkovich is a perfect angel#babygirl has never done anything wrong a day in his life#the babygirlification of mickey milkovich#the dirtiest white boy in America#i think crying in iggys arms about all the shit terry used to do to him would heal him honestly#like i think maybe mickey had suicidal tendencies that iggy never knew about and he almost succeeded one time#when the shit with svetlana happened and she brokenheartedly made him promise to fucking stop when he overdosed on some pills and he did#but it didnt stop him self harming until the day he didnt feel so trapped with no way out and hearing all that fucking broke iggys heart#and he apologizes to mickey for abandoning him because thats his lil bro and he never knew he was hurting that bad#and maybe mickey always thought iggy would kill him for being gay if he ever ran into him but wouldnt seek him out cuz of his worthlessness#so when he finally runs into iggy on the west side hes fucking scared cuz he was wrong iggy finally decided to hunt him down and kill him#and that broke iggy almost as much as the feeling suicidal for the longest time and he didnt even know thing#and he ends up telling mickey that hes actually known mickey was gay since he was 13 and he now wishes he would of been there for him#wishes that he wouldve protected him and let him know it was ok but he cant change the past but he wants to be there for him now if allowed#i just fucking need mickey and iggy bonding#i need mickey and iggy hurt/comfort#maybe its revealed that mickey used to sneak into iggys room as a little boy at night after/when terry was a monster and cry in his arms#while iggy kissed his hair until he fell asleep when mickey falls to his knees and starts crying like a baby in his arms and iggys rocking#with mickey and kissing his hair and telling that hes here for him just like old times and mickey says “ 's the only time i ever felt safe#“ 'y were my safe place” and iggys all like i know im sorry babybrother and maybe lip walks in on it and is an asshole about it#cuz he thinks its weird but ian is having NONE of it cuz his baby NEEDS this but lip also feels bad for mickey#cuz its fucked up that he wanted off himself cuz his dad had him feeling trapped and dead inside and wanting to do anything to get away#and maybe hes not so much of an asshole to mickey after cuz ians right mickey DID need that#idk where the fuck this came from cuz this so wasnt the original point of the post or the reblog at first but here we are#and i really need this fic cuz just mickey and iggy hurt comfort like this would be heartbreakingly beautiful#mickey milkovich#i think i need to iterate that its mandy that makes mickey promise to stop trying to commit suicide not svet#cuz he would do anything for mandy even when she leaves and the urge still stays cuz she was heartbroken when she saved him from the attempt#and hed never wanna hurt her like that again even when she leaves and hes fucking hurting still but hed never want to put her through more
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