#Idk i just hate it like I felt like crying just now and im so tempted to sleep through lecture but Im also like i dont want to waste the gas | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

andragoras-in-vanity · 3 months ago

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for the love of god someone convince me from texting my ex, i daydreamed too closr to the sun and now i want attention😭

#its not a door i should open #but idk if im crazy and i need to drop my suspicions and try again or if im really going to be right some day #and we get involved again then that person comes along and its a messy awful breakup and i just cant do that to them #but fuck i wish i could be with them #i would love them but the problem is (aside from their drinking) it would be so easy to fall in love with them #but they want long term and aside from me knowing im leaving the province soon i dont think wish how i am now id be okay with pretending #its not fair #i want to see them again #im jealous of attention they probably get and that theyve probably given #and i really hate how i was made and that i cant just go with the flow #but again drinking and dark eyes aside theyre practically perfect #i miss them so much sometimes that im actually posting more on instagram in the hopes theyll notice me again #i wonder if they think about me or if theyre too busy getting laid #cause theyre in a band so duh obviously theyre getting laid #I FUCKING HATE MY INABILITY TO BE ATTRACTED TO PEOPLE #ITS NOT FAIR #I HATE MY SUPERSTITIONS SO DAMN MUCH I WANT TO LET THEM GO AND BE HAPPY BUT I CANT #I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THE PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH WITH PRETTY BLUE EYES AND BIG HANDS #fuck nate was so close to perfect and i love that theyre so interesting and fuck i think id just give in if they had blue eyes #i could ignore the other problems and feel better about trying to be with them #mostly i just want them to kiss me and hug me again #they were so gentle about it and it felt so safe and i wanna cry cause i know its not fair to contact them #but fuck i wish i could #i dont want to be alone anymore and they made me laugh #i dont know what to do but i wish it was easier to at least meet people if not date them #i just want to feel something for someone new so i can feel like im over them #but sadly they work at ikea and its not even the closest one to me but i have to go there for a new mattress topper and jars #and i keep imagining running into them AND ITS FUCKING ME UP i want to talk to them but i cant do that

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yutadori · 2 months ago

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feeling a sudden surge of anxiety while thinking about finding a dentist godddd why is it so difficult to find a good one..... i've needed braces for FOREVER and im mad at my younger self for not trying hard enough to convince my dad to help me get them because i feel like it'll be way more expensive now that i'm an adult -__- i know fuck all about anything and it sucks that i dont have an adult to ask about this kind of stuff this sucksssss why is insurance so annoying why is looking for a doctor soooooo annoyingggggg i hope i die

#fawkkkkkkkkkkk #felt tooth pain and i started to get crazy anxious like what if all my teeth fall out what if im fuckeddddd #i need braces so bad . it's bad . god #why do they have to be thousands of dollars !!!! fuck !!!!!!!#why didnt i do this soonerrrrr why was i so scared lol . like im a bit scared now but like . come onnnnn #fawk #i'm feeling so anxious just thinking about it i wanna throw up #i hate that my immediate response is to think of the worst fucking situation which does NOT help with navigating the situation #bc then it just makes me want to put it off longer which causes more anxiety #im sooooo sick of myself omg . when will i be free #fuck..................#and im too ashamed to talk to anyone about dental stuff because my teeth are so bad . idk if that even makes any SENSE #WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO COST MONEYYYYYYYY #im so anxious i feel like crying idk why oughhhh god #i hate feeling like i have to take on everything on my own . ouagh #ss

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silverselfshippingchaos · 5 days ago

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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

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anthroparian · 8 days ago

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i will say compared to the other games in the series. wow. the companion i chose to romance felt Meh whatever. this is maybe the first time i have come out going should i have just went with someone else...? like are they all just barely there...

#^ lucanis. like damn should i have made cat shoot her shot with neve instead.#for other reference: zevran. anders & fenris (poly mod). dorian. then on a replay of dao and dai ive started alistair & solas #so like. idk. i was just. damn huh thats it. ok #OP #literally thought maybe i bugged my game out because i did non commit start romances with half the cast #um. no. it is just like that. huh!#i just felt like you seem to be saying very strongly felt things and then i feel nothinggg.#i was crying more over dorian&my trevelyan 😭😭😭😭. like damn how'd it end up im still more engaged in the romance from the game prior #datv spoilers #so Meh. shrug. it has me going i should go replay inquisition even though i hate the combat #idk if i had an insane build or what i cranked it up to underdog (couldnt change to nightmare) right before the endgame #and was still shredding shit. 2h only warrior reaper spec build #cat just wants isabela and teia i think. watch out shes trying to fuck everyones boss #now in my heart shes desperately trying to break into dorian and samirs marriage except neither want their ass.#um. despite being a shadow dragon. she sure doesnt gaf about the city and lets things happen to it.#i dont think either of them like her. and even in a good end/nevemance. well catellus is just fucking obnoxious.

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my-thirteenth-reason · 5 months ago

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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit #ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise #guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice #(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD #okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with #shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a #simple question #and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people #but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny #(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip #so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me #then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me #then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it #like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you #i wanted to cry so bad then #ugh i hate it #like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem #this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes #and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy #but its still so frustrating #we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday #then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home #bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends #rant

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girlthativealwaysbeen · 3 months ago

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it would feel so nice to work towards a career that has meaningful impact and makes millions of people happy

#i follow this person cleo abrams on youtube and she's always talking so excitedly about scientists #and their amazing discoveries cool facts and she's so excited and starry eyed and hopeful #she genuinely just wants to educate people and has so much hope that we can make the world a better place #also like idk maybe unrelated but i saw the mv of new romantics and just. wow #say what you will about her but there's no doubt she's made an insane number of people happy SO HAPPY that they're crying #so many tours #idk i want #i wish my life was bigger #i feel so isolated and always just focusing on myself my career my health my enjoyment #what about everything everyone else #i keep trying to be completely okay with being alone i keep telling myself to not need anyone and be 100% independent #find happiness within hobbies interests #but it feels like a losing battle #i don't know i just. miss everyone 😭😭😭😭#but it hurts too much tbh always more sad than happy always more crying than laughing #i miss my bestfriend i don't know what i did wrong but she won't pick up my call she keeps saying she's busy #i don't want to be clingy because she hates that shit i don't want to drive her away but she's my only friend #i miss my fucking mom she doesn't care if i live or die obviously but i miss just having her presence in the house #and even tho my sister is here she's never fully present always on her laptop working #i wouldn't really say i miss my dad but wow it's been so long since mom and dad stayed together at home it was almost #always miserable but sometimes at the lunch table it was nice #i don't know everything and everyone is moving and changing so fast and i can't breathe under it and it's already september #but this entire year felt like a blur it's like everyone who left took a chunk of my heart with them #and i should be happy because im so close to the exam which will get me out of this house finally be financially independent #like i wanted since i was 11 i could finally start my life #but it all feels so. i don't know the whole future seems black like i can't imagine life past november 2025 #how do you imagine happiness if you've never been happy?#and all these feelings are making it so hard to study and studying is so fucking important because if i don't ill be stuck here forever #and i don't want to go thru attempts fail and pass again atleast back then i had a reason first heartbreak‚ not getting to go to college #but what now why now i don't even understand i know objectively i do not have it that bad it's literally better even if i compare to my own

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zhinee · 3 months ago

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looked at old pics of myself at the wrong time and now im crying.,

#i always thot i was just kinda ugly and weird and lame and like. i wasnt. not that it would matter if i was but like. i wasnt i was just. me #in my memories im so mean to myself and then to like look back at who i was at that time is like. so hard like why was i so mean to myself #and why am i still so mean to myself. like who does it benefit to remember myself as awful and annoying and ugly and unlovable #like the only person in my life who thought i was all those things was me. like the only person that hated me that much was ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im fine :)#this was a nice wakeup call i suppose.#also all those old pics i looked so hot im crying actual tears im so mad i could have been getting so much pussy if i wasnt so depressed #idk im just like. trying to be nice to my inner child and my inner teenager is one thing but like. being nice to me early 20s is even harde #i always thought ppl hated me and its like no bitch..... You hated YOURSELF................... anyways im dehydrated #this blog turning 13 sent me into a real spiral ill tell u WHAT.#having spent all my formative years online to then become almost completely offline after getting a job. its drama to say grieving but like #idk it felt like looking at pics of a dead relative. like it looked like me and i could remember taking those pics. but like. thats not me.#GOD. GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD #AND ITS ESPECIALLY CRAZY TO LOOK BACK NOW HAVING GAINED ADULT BODY WEIGHT AT PICS OF ME AS A KID WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. AND I WASNT.#AGAINNNNNNNNNNN NOT THAT IT WOULD MATTER IF I WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS #but i spent my whole life being treated as FAT without actually being fat. WHICH I AM NOW. and now im the happiest and fattest ive been.#like i actually wasnt a horrible ugly fat freak of nature. i just needed to get away from my mom #i really am rambling at this point. i know i need to Look Within and Figure Out Who I Want To Be and What Kind Of Person I Want To Become #but also i have work #and the answer is some kind of transgender. one of em. thats for sure. but like. im a waitress so like. rain check that convo....#anyways. i am not a bad person. and i wish i didnt spend so much of my life convincing myself i was. but u live and u learn i fucking GUESS

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ningningkittie · 7 months ago

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the anxiety pills arent even working :c

#maybe a little bit actually #before i took it i felt hysterical and my chest burned and i cried #now after a while i dont feel that as much #i just feel empty and hollow #im just so upset and sad #why cant he understand how much i love him and what i'd do for him #or maybe he does understand he just doesnt care about my love?#idk ... maybe i just keep hurting him? idk i jusg wish he'd tell me #and i wish .. he could see that i dont mean to hurt him. but maybe... he wants me to know and not do it? idk #anyway... the pill might've helped a little but i still cant stop thinking about it #i cant believe i was dumb enough to not learn my lesson #and that i kept venting and being crazy and aaying dumb shit #and that some of my mental breakdown vent that i dont even mean hurt him #i should've just stopped using my blog for that from the start #now he doesnt even follow me anymore.....#i know it sounds utterly silly but the fact that im not important enough for him to follow hurts so bad #i feel worthless now why do i even exist if he doesnt see me?#i get why he wants his ex though. she's x10000 better than me in every way #i wish i'd never came into his life and messed with him like that #i dont wanna hurt him and i feel so bad. i should've just left him alone and not caused a meas #mess*#fml i wanna cry i hate myself so bad

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flugame-mp3 · 7 months ago

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SEASON NINE FINALE WAS WILD. I HAVE MANY MANY THOUGHTS. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. A FUCKING ROLLER COASTER FOR SURE

#theo.txt #I DID NOT REALIZE DEMON DEAN WAS NOW #DESPITE KNOWING THAT YEAH HE LOOKS ABOUT THAT AGE OR WHATEVER IN THE SCREENCAPS IVE SEEN #WHEN I TELL YOU I CHEERED AT THE END WHEN I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON!!!!! i love crowley pulling some bullshit at the last minute. classi #king of hell shit #and in the end scene where it's just mark sheppard's stellar monologue and the EYELID NOISE... chefs kiss that got me so hyped for s10 #i do think this finale got me really interested to see what s10 brings generally #AND DOESNT ROWENA SHOW UP THIS SEASON?? WE LOVE TO SEE IT IM EXCITED #rip gadreel though he was an interesting character. sad he had to die just to prove a point and blow up a cell. but a fitting end ig?? :(#i also loved cas's plan at the end though with the angel radio thing. get his ass lol #but also god i felt so bad for him. can the narrative give him a fucking break. he is trying his god damn best #the curse of free will and the curse of loving. painful but you do it anyway. castiel when i get my hands on you #also if i am not mistaken... the shot parallels to sams first death with deans death... we cry #IS SAM JUST GONNA BE ALL ALONE NOW?? I ASSUME CROWLEY TAKES DEAN WITH HIM?#OH NO 😭😭😭 SAM BABY IM SO SORRY #not that he doesnt always have a rough time but he has a particularly excruciating season. someone give this man a hug #i feel for him very deeply #'i lied' 'ain't that a bitch?' got me. i hate them. SOOOO brothers.#anyway #AAAAAAAAUGH #also why was metatron the worlds number one destiel shipper at the end of the season here im DEAD. MULTIPLE pieces of dialogue hes like 'yo #did it all for HUMANITY... for your ONE HUMAN of CHOICE... the HUMAN who motivates you...' JUST CALL HIM A SLUR WHY DONT YOU #im dead #idk what the general community thoughts are on that episode but i did enjoy it. wild fucking ride from start to finish #s9 wasnt my favorite and definitely did not hook me in the second quarter for some reason. def was not as compelling as like s7 for me but #the points that i liked i really enjoyed #loved sam resorting to summoning crowley. he wants his ass dead SO bad. i think sam deserves the world after the shit he was put through #this season #anyway overall. i am gnawing on the walls and pacing around my room at incredible speeds. what is UP with this show.#man.

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wingsofhcpe · 8 months ago

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one of those fifty things was a classist af post about how fanfic writers can't actually write for shit, yes all of them apparently bc they aren't educated in proper literary devices or whatever.

are you fucking hearing yourself

#idk man but seeing that after writing fic for 11 years in a language that's not my native one & evolving ON MY ABSOLUTE OWN and then-#-going as far as to study literature now that i have the chance & finally gain enough confidence in my skills to start working on-#-my own original work after years of daydreaming about it just to read THAT from a posh spoiled bitch really fuckin' felt like a kick to the #-balls that i do not possess #like fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU #among other things like being fully purposefully deadnamed AGAIN today after yesterday's family fiasco #and getting swamped by fifty fuckin academic tasks left and right #AND a constant bombardment of imagss of mulilated children in posts with notes full of zionists excusing said massacre #and then THIS fuckin post abt fic writers or whatever #i cant take it seriously im at my fuckin limit but Unironically I'm about to start crying out of sheer anger and fury #i dont like feeling so angry. i hate it and it makes me feel like a monster but i cant DO this shit anymore #it's only Tuesday and i have less than 1% drive left for the week what the fuck #tw vent #maybe delete later idk

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a-ikuoliver · 9 months ago

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alexa play slipping through my fingers by abba

#like why am i crying ab a detoxing mask she got me for christmas #i told her i was having issues with my deodorant in august n she got me a detoxing mask and 5 aluminium free deodorants to try and it just #like it felt like a really thoughtful gift and im using the mask and it feels nice and i just feel strange #like knowing she does love and care but they already emotionally stunted me so now i just feel weirdly back and forth with it #idk im being emo on main today lmao #hate having mummy issues lmao #「mercury speaks」

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yesyoutubeisruiningmylife · 1 year ago

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very heartbroken right now:((((