#i feel like crying but he is not fucking worth it

[nymphoheretic]

Not Through Yet

Warnings: implied marathon sex, implied breeding, mentioning of pregnancy, unprotected sex, squirting, overstim, reader/MC passes out, praise, dirty talk, oral sex (fem!receiving), cum eating, caleb's arm has a useful feature (let me know if I'm missing anything)

Word count: 2.1k (I wrote this with my pussy on the keyboard)

A/N: This is straight smut all 2.1k of it and is kinda like a continuation of Unwanted Reunion, but can be read as standalone!

AO3

Network: @eveningatthemoviesnetwork

“C-Caleb, gunna cum...”

How many times have you said this sentence? How long has it been since Caleb pulled you from that interrogation room to his quarters on the Fleet’s ship to fuck you over and over, driving your body into overstimulation and making you so sensitive that the feeling of your own sweat rolling down your body was enough to make you cry out so wantonly. 

Every methodical drag of his cock through your gummy walls was enough to make your body tremble with another onslaught of shivers. You whimper when he turns your head to face his, lips finding yours and his tongue delving deep. Your pussy squeezes his cock just right, milking his balls of his seed as you drench his shaft in your creamy arousal.

“Go ahead. I’m right behind you, princess.” He moans so sweetly against your lips, a string of saliva still connects your tongues as he pumps his hips into your at a much slower pace than he had been. It was as if he was contradicting his words and prolonging your orgasm. The steady wet clap of his balls smacking against your sensitive, overstuffed cunt was almost enough to send you back spiraling.

Your back arches away from the bed, arms heavy from exhaustion as you lift them to wrap around his neck. “Can’t cum anymore, Caleb...s’tired...need t’rest.” His lips move to brush over your forehead as he pants out, hips still continuing their slow roll into yours. Caleb peppers kisses all over your sweaty forehead and down your cheek until he reaches your lips again. They were swollen from the many times he’s sucked them into his mouth, nibbled on them, just tasting your lips repeatedly. He couldn’t get enough of you. Caleb needed more of you. Feeding you his tongue to silence your whine, his left hand crawls down between your thighs and rubs slow, steady circles on your clit, working you up to another orgasm after the one you just had. “You got plenty in there for me, right? Yes, you do. C’mon~ Give me what I want, sweetheart.” Caleb coaxes gently, yet his tone was still even. Like he wasn’t being affected by the sheer overstim he was putting you both through.

You moan as your cunt releases its juices quickly over the thrumming of your clit pulsing under his fingers as he plucks at it like a finely tuned instrument. Your slick dribbles out, running down the crack of your ass to join the large, growing wet spot under you, drenching the sheets. “Fuck! Caleb! I can’t anymore!” Caleb simply curls his arms around your head, caging you in as his hips pick up in speed, the lewd schlick of your velvet heat taking his cock ringing out in the room. He couldn’t stop; wouldn’t stop. Not until you were swollen with how much of his cum he’s pumped inside you. Not until he’s gotten his fill of you. Until he’s gotten in a year's worth. But even then he wouldn’t be satisfied. Caleb craved you; vowed to always be there for you; to always protect you. And that’s what he was going to do.

He drags his cock through your slick walls, grunting at the way your walls cling to his shaft and trying to suck him back in deeper. A chuckle vibrates in his chest tingling down your lips as he suckles your tongue briefly before letting go. His thumb comes up to break away the thin string still connecting your lips, smearing it over yours as he smirks down at you. “That’s not what she’s saying.”

His hips snap into yours, thick cockhead battering against your cervix, kissing at the entrance to your womb. Sweat rolls down the side of his face, the clear droplet hanging from his chin until it splatters down onto your collarbone. “She is squeezing me so tightly, little one. It almost makes it hard to keep thrusting.”  He brings his bionic arm up to his lips and licks the tip of his middle and ring fingers, coating them in his saliva. “My hand also has a special feature I thought about just for you.”

You gasp when the cold digits touch your hot flesh as he trails them down your belly, a gentle vibration skimming across your skin. “Caleb, what?” You look down at his hand and see the fingers whirling and humming as they shake softly. Your head falls back against the pillows as your back arches away from the bed, hips pressing more into his as his fingers touch your clit. “Fuck! That’s feels...ah~” Your words are cut off in another fevered moan as Caleb rubs slow circles around your throbbing nub.

Caleb smiles sweetly, eyes full of affection, desire, and need as his cock batters against your womb, vastly contracting against his sweet words as his fingers vibrate on your clit. His lips find your sweaty forehead, tongue slipping out to collect the droplets of sweat to taste the salt of your skin as he presses tender kisses. “You used to always like when I did this~” His fingers press harder against your throbbing nub, the buzzing from the vibrations sending the neurons in your brain alight as your body bucks.

“Oh my god! Caleb!” Your voice comes out in a loud cry as your tears fall faster down your cheeks as the sting of overstim settles in your bones. Your clit twitches violently under his touch as your pussy clamps down tightly on his girth. You manage to jerk your legs away from your chest to wrap them tightly around his waist. “You’re gonna make me cum again. Oh, please?!” “Please?” He repeats in a teasing mockery mimic of your voice as his free hand comes to cup your jaw, his chest pressing into yours and making your overly sensitive nipples rub against his sweat slick skin and making you cry out even louder. He could feel the way your walls quiver around him. “Come on, little one. Stop being stubborn and let her wet me up again. You know you want to.” the vibrations quicken as he turns your face towards his, his tongue dipping out to curl into your mouth and swallows your screams.

Your back arches violently, nails of one hand digging into the sheet under you as the other rips through the flesh of his back. You feel him hissing against your lips as your dig your nails deeper into the muscles of his face, pussy clenching tightly around his shaft as your juices leak out of you like a faucet. The spray of hot liquid drenches his lower abdomen, thighs, pelvis, and drips down his shaft to soak up his balls. Cooling droplets roll down the crack of your ass before joining the pooling wet spot underneath you.

His grunts morph into moans as his hips studder, your slick walls massaging and trying to milk his cock for his seed. “Fuck...she’s clamping down on me so tightly. She must really be hungry for my cum? You want me to cum inside you. To fill you up and fuck it deeper before cleaning you up with my tongue, princess?” Caleb’s lips curl into a sweet smile when all you could do was let out babbles and broke pleas of his name. 

“Yeah? Say my name.” His left hand trails down your neck to your belly, fingertips swirling over the small bulge his cock was making. “Feel me right here, princess?” Caleb teases, making you whine out and tighten your legs around his waist. A chuckle vibrates through his chest as he leans back in and presses the sweetest of featherlight kisses to your lips as his cock twitches with your depths. 

A guttural moan leaves his throat as he snaps his hips and his back straightens, his heavy balls drawing up as his cum paints your insides white in his color. “Fuck, princess. That’s a good girl. Taking my cum like the slutty girl you are for me.” His right hand stops vibrating, your juices sliding down the digits as he brings them to your lips. “Go on, clean them up for me then I’ll clean up my mess.”

“Your mes-mmmph~” Your words are cut off in a muffled moan as Caleb slips his soaked metal fingers past your parted lips. You whimper at the musky taste of your own slick and the metallic tang of his fingers running over your taste buds and your eyes slide close. A hum vibrates in the muscles of your throat and chest as your curl your tongue over the cool digits, warming them with your saliva before swallowing around them.

“Atta girl...” His lilac eyes swirl with lust as he watches you clean his hand of your squirt as he slowly drags his cock through your sensitive gummy walls, his cum sloshing around from the movement. He eases his softening dick out your fucked out little hole and slowly dropped open mouth kisses down your chest. His tongue curls over one nipple, worshiping it his his teeth with light nibbles before moving down lower. His lips nuzzle against your belly; one day it will be rounded with his child.

 One day.

His kisses trail lower until he has your thighs cupping his head. Caleb’s eyes lock on the thin glob of his cum that oozes out of your hole and his mouth waters a bit. Resisting the urge to use two of his fingers to scoop it back in and push it in deeper, his tongue lolls out. The pointed tip of his pink muscle strokes over your slit from bottom to top, collecting the string on the flat of it. He moans at the taste of his sticky cum mixing with your slick as it spreads over his taste buds. Caleb feels you jolt, your hands flying to tangle in his hair to probably stop him, but he uses his evol to make your wrists fly above your head and pin them to the mattress.

He moves his hand from your mouth as his cups his hands under your ass to bring your cunt to his ravenous mouth. One taste of your combined fluids and he was hooked. His tongue slithers into your gushing hole, seeking out more of his cum because he knows that he’s stuffed you so full of it by now. He shakes his head like a hungry dog, sweat dripping down his forehead and making his bangs stick to it in wet clumps. Lewd slurping sounds come as his lips suckle at your clit, tongue wriggling inside your clenching pussy.

Your back arches even more due to his grip on your ass as he lifts you up, your hips off the bed as your upper back and shoulders still rests on the mattress. You try to pry your wrists from the strength of his evol to no avail as he begins to feast  on you, the lewd slurping and swallowing filling the bedroom. Your mouth parts in a scream as your nerves are driven past the point of overstimulation. “Ca-Caleb! I-” Your words die off in another scream as the white hot coil in your lower belly winds tighter and tighter with every greedy lick and slurping of his tongue.

He suctions his mouth to your hole to suck out every last drop of his cum out your pussy, his nose bumping against your overly engorged clit. His eyes slide close as the musky taste of your juices mixed with his seed continues to flow over his tastebuds, He couldn’t get enough as his cock twitches back to life and pre slowly beads in the slit to dribble down his shaft. “Come on. Let me taste her. Let her squirt down my throat.” His left hand raises slightly and smacks down on the firm globe of flesh that was your ass, the skin jiggles lightly.

You could feel black spot forming in your vision as your chest heaves, your stomach caving in as you cum hard on his relentless tongue. Squirt, hot and runny, filling his mouth and running down his throat as he eagerly swallows it all down. Your body goes limp in his hands as the black spots increase, spreading over your vision completely. “Ca-leb....” You whisper out before exhaustion finally claims you.

Caleb pulls away from your delicious cunt, his lower face wet and shiny. His eyes immediately try to catch yours and panic settles in his chest when he sees you passed out. “Shit.” He curses as he lays you down in a dry spot on the bed. He crawls up to cradle your face in his palms and looks at your peaceful sleeping face and lets out a sigh of relief. “For a Hunter, we need to work on your stamina, little one.” He chuckles as he presses a sweet kiss to your sweaty forehead. “Get some rest. You’ll need it for later. I’m nowhere through with you.”

2022-25 nymphoheretic - I do not give permission to copy, edit, alter, or distribute my work. Do not adverse on tiktok. Do not repost on any other platform. I only have tumblr and AO3.

[morganakang444]

pairing: hyunjin x fem!reader

synopsis: as long as i exist, someone loves you.

warnings/genre: bsfs to lovers, hyunjin is pining, insecure yn, heavy ass make out between reader and hyunjin

wc: 1373

based on this req

another saturday night.

another failed date.

yn laid on her bed, eyes filled to the brim with tears, texting her best friend about her terrible night.

yn: he was such a fucking asshole.

hyunjin: the guy who went on the date with?? what‘d he to do you??

yn: god, where do i even start 💀

hyunjin: hold on. i‘m coming over

yn was smiling on the inside at her best friend’s concern, but her grin couldn’t be brought to her exterior, as her feelings of greif far overpowered any joy she could fathom.

tossing her phone on her pillow with a heavy sigh, yn turned onto her back to face her ceiling, eyes locked on her fan spinning above her. she still wore her cute little sweater and skirt that gave the classiest old-money heiress vibe she picked out for her date with alejandro tonight.

yn finally sat up and made her way out to her kitchen and living room area the moment hyunjin arrived, letting himself in using the copy of yn‘s apartment key she gave him.

"yn.." hyunjin quietly spoke, his gaze softening at the sight of his distraught best friend. her mascara stained her plump, reddened cheeks and her once neat, perfectly blown out hair was disheveled in the back from laying down on it. those same eyes he loved so much were no longer filled with the same happy anticipation he saw this evening. they were filled with a hurting frustration. one he yearned to put an end to.

"oh yn.." hyunjin‘s voice was as gentle as his touch when he pulled yn in for a hug, not holding her too tight in fear she would break. his large, veiny hand combed the back of yn‘s hair, tenderly fixing the little knots and tangles that formed. he softly shushed her, rocking her delicate body side to side with his as dejected sobs escaped yn‘s lips, mumbling incoherent nonsense about her despondent date with alejandro.

"oh, yn…a few bad dates don‘t mean anything. the right one is waiting there for you." hyunjin comforted the crying girl, pulling back just enough to cup her reddened face. "you‘re just one step closer to finding him." hyunjin shot yn a reassuring smile, his gaze never leaving her face.

"how…how am i ever going to find the one for me if there is nobody out there who wants me?" yn spoke through her sobs, her tone coming out frustrated as she gripped hyunjin‘s t-shirt, exerting some of her pent up anger at the world and towards men into her firm grasp.

hyunjin‘s hold on yn‘s face tightened ever so subtly—not enough to hurt yn, but to implicate the irritation building in him at yn‘s self-deprecating remark.

"you think nobody out there wants you? you really think you’re not worth loving or fighting for?" hyunjin loosened his hands on yn‘s cheeks, sliding down to her narrow shoulders, giving them light squeezes.

"do you know how lucky any man would be to call you his own?" hyunjin quickly adverted his gaze before locking those dark, passionate eyes back on yn. "to have a woman like you…to have the very definition of ethereal by their side would make any man the most envied creature this world has seen. you are worth more than all the diamonds on earth, more than any artifact in these deep oceans, and more valuable than time itself. never forget that, yn."

god, if yn wasn‘t already crying because of her horrible time tonight she most definitely would have started bawling her eyes out then and there at her best friend’s words. she knew hyunjin was fond of her—obviously. they‘ve been inseparable since fifth grade. but this made her question his feelings for her a bit more. yn never got the impression hyunjin had feelings for her beyond platonic, despite everyone else attempting to convince her hyunjin was in love with her. but this passionate statement that fell from hyunjin‘s mouth almost did the job of convincing her.

almost.

but yn simply kept quiet for a moment, searching those eyes for any lies but only finding a genuine, burning ferventness.

"you give me too much credit. i‘m not that special—"

"not that special?" hyunjin cut yn off, running his hands down her arms to hold her hands, his grip as firm as his voice like he was scolding her. "yn i am so sick of you feeling like shit about yourself! god, you are the most perfect girl i have ever seen, you know that? if you could see yourself through my eyes you would see just how god took his time crafting you by hand, each detail with the utmost care. your hair as soft as the finest silk…" hyunjin‘s hand ran through yn‘s hair. "your face that remains the most beautiful i‘ve ever seen no matter what expression crosses your path.." hyunjin’s hand cupped her jaw. "you have an intelligence and stubbornness that lights a fire inside of you impossible to smother. you have a kindness that is unmatched and a drive that challenges me and dozens of others. this ambition i have seen in no one else. and the love inside of you i see you giving everywhere…makes me want to be a better man. someone worthy of you." hyunjin sighed, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment. "it kills me when you say nobody loves you yn, because i love you!" he spoke passionately, his eyes opening, hands coming up to let his thumbs wipe away some of yn‘s new tears at hyunjin‘s unbridled love.

"i have loved you every day since i met you. and i plan to love you every day more, if you will so let me." hyunjin‘s voice softened as he pressed his forehead against yn‘s.

"you…you love me?" yn sniffled, a flicker of hope awakening inside of her.

hyunjin nodded against yn.

"then prove it," yn teased, wanting to see just how far this love of hyunjin‘s went.

with a lick of his lips and a clear understanding of his best friend‘s message, hyunjin leaned in, staying still for a sliver of a moment just in case yn wanted to pull away. when her eyes fluttered shut and her hands rested on his forearms, hyunjin finally closed the gap between the pair, capturing yn‘s plump lips in a searing, love-filled kiss. as their lips danced together, hyunjin poured every ounce of longing and pure infatuation he‘s felt for yn since they were little. seeking entrance, hyunjin‘s tongue licked along yn‘s full bottom lip, granting him the access he so needed to fully prove to yn he means every word he‘s said.

his large hand trailed up yn‘s body, coming to rest on the small of her back to pull the girl flush against him. her soft curves and supple skin contradicted the hard planes of hyunjin‘s body so so well as she pressed up against him, allowing her hands to travel from his forearms to his buzzcut, allowing her fingers to splay across the floor of blonde hair atop his head.

their tongues melted together in a rhythm crafted by pent up feelings and unspoken words that no longer needed to escape their lips, because this kiss spoke all.

reluctantly pulling away, hyunjin ran his thick thumb over yn‘s wet bottom lip, reveling in the way their heavy breaths synced.

"do you need more proof, love?" hyunjin breathily spoke, a teasing smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. with a nod, yn crashed her lips against hyunjin’s once more, this kiss much more demanding and lustful in nature.

finally moving, hyunjin backed yn against the couch, his hands coming up to the tantalizing curves of her ass to lay her down in contrast to his aggressive mouth work.

hovering over yn without breaking the soul tying kiss between them both, hyunjin‘s calloused hands roamed every curve and valley of yn‘s frame, feeling every inch of her soft skin both covered by the barrier of clothing and exposed.

when time came to finally pull away, hyunjin planted small kisses all over yn‘s blushing face, his lust falling back into his state of affection.

"believe me now, baby?" hyunjin playfully asked.

yn smiled bashfully. "yeah…"

[hencheri]

▸ 18+ mdni.

| pairing: jock!jeno x nerdy girl!reader

| warnings: noncon, unprotected sex, squirting, perv!jeno, reader wears glasses.

the cold breeze bites your skin, tears gracefully streaming down your face, reaching your neck and disappearing into the material of your polo shirt. your lashes are wet and stick together as you blink, quietly sniffling, jeno's low moans reaching your ears.

perched over the bleachers, the dents of the metal stairs imprinted on your stomach as your shirt has slightly ridden up, he rocks his hips against your ass, hard cock pulsing in you.

you just wanted to get your bag back as you forgot it earlier in the evening when you went to watch the baseball game with your friends. your university ended up winning, and in the midst of all the cheers and screams, you left without your belongings.

jeno is part of the university baseball's team, and when you came back to the field, he was still there.

you've always known he had an interest in you, but you never reciprocated. maybe you should have—just to avoid this.

your panties sitting on top of your sneakers prevent you from moving too much, giving jeno the liberty to handle you how he desires. his hands hold your hips in place, your skirt flipped up over your ass and his sweats pulled down just enough to free his cock.

"i’ve always wanted you, you know…" he pants loudly as your glasses fog up, being as out of breath as he is. "such a shame that you never let me have this pussy before," he groans, slightly frustrated.

jeno has been waiting for quite a long time now. he never pushed you or went too far, just some attempts here and there, but you always had a negative answer for him.

jaemin once said you were a prude dressed like a slut. a stuck-up; a girl too obsessed by her studies and her image to allow guys to fuck her.

but you weren't too difficult to convince tonight. a little whiny, but oh so docile.

his mouth agape, he fucks his engorged cock into your soppy pussy, his hairy pelvis meeting the curve of your ass each time he bottoms out, making the flesh bounce.

the night is harsh, cooler than usual, the tips of his fingers becoming cold as the time passes. it contrasts vastly with the high temperature of your body.

you slowly turn your head to look over your shoulder, eyes inching up jeno's body, glancing at his hips moving back and forth and then his bare face, illuminated by the bright street lamps all around the field.

he licks his lips before locking eyes with you, but eye-contact is soon broken when a thrust rougher than the others makes you jerk forward, the end of the bench under you digging into the bare skin of your thighs. you gasp, scrunching your eyes shut and involuntary clenching around his girth.

your glasses slip down a little, sweat accumulating where the frame of the glasses sit on your nose. when you open your eyes, you see a foggy silhouette of jeno, your hot breath meeting the cold air of the night creating mist in your lenses.

"fuck," he chokes out, "i knew you'd be tight, but that much..." he chuckles, telling you his unholy thoughts about you. "you have the perfect pussy, i swear. so warm, and fucking wet... god," jeno comments—something you've never thought someone would tell you, even someone as perverted as him.

more endless minutes pass, stopping himself when he feels his orgasm building up in his stomach, going again when the feeling has disappeared—basically edging himself as long as he can.

but eventually his pace gets faster and faster, almost knocking the breath out of your lungs. you cry and whimper under him, the coil at the pit of your stomach ripping, cumming messily around jeno, droplets of clear liquid flooding out of your cunt.

"oh, shit-" he curses, moaning in sync with you as he keeps pounding you.

soon after, weeks worth of jeno's cum spurt in you, filling you up till it drips out of your pussy.

he pulls out and the quivers of your pussy make more of his creamy cum fall, running along your inner thigh.

"so fucking pretty," he exhales, admiring the mess he made of you.

[capcollector]

we could make this place beautiful

thinking about when bunny finally gets a day off, but she has no idea what to do with it. like prewar she was constantly working, after she woke up she had her whole journey getting shaun back, after all that she focused her energy into building up sanctuary and assisting the minutemen and railroad with establishing more community, driving out the brotherhood presence, in-between all that always going on supply runs and random quests……and she wouldn’t have it any other way. every minute was worth it. she loves being busy, and in some ways it is partially so she can just keep her mind off other things, but she genuinely just loves doing stuff. she gets stir crazy easily.

but there comes a point several months after the BoS is gone where there is just. relative quiet. there’s a collective sigh of relief, and she’s so thankful for it, but she’s not sure what to do now. she fills her time w a lot of smaller projects, like patching up parts in buildings and repainting some things, setting up/fixing furniture. she’s still a few weeks away from her due date atp so it’s not like she has a newborn to fill up her time just yet either. and eventually deacon sits her down and tells her to take a day for herself, for her own sake. she’s tired, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. you’ve done more than enough. rest. so whether she likes it or not, she’s faced w the first day off she’s had in over 200 years. and it drives her up a fucking wall. deacon tells her to just relax but she’s like. a little worried she forgot how. she almost feels bad for taking a day, like there’s so much she could be doing. but she promises him she’ll take the day off.

i think she spends a majority of the day w shaun. it’s not like she doesn’t spend time w him normally—he often tags along when she’s working on small projects in sanctuary—but today it’s just all about the two of them. eventually duncan and maccready tag along for a bit bc shaun and duncan like playing together, and bunny and mac always enjoy spending time together. just chatting while watching their kids play. the day goes on, the sun begins to set. mac has to go for his lookout shift at the red rocket, duncan and shaun decide to go inside and read some comics, and bunny is left alone.

and i think that’s when it hits her. she’s watching the sun set across the water, across the skyline of concord. the sky’s a pale blue, oranges and pinks bouncing off the clouds. the air is cool and crisp and it’s a beautiful evening…and she just starts crying. her grief finally catches up to her. it’s in this moment she understands she will never see her mother, her old friends, nora ever again. they won’t be able to meet her children, or laugh at their old inside jokes, or share a drink ever again. bunny wouldn’t change a day of what she’s been through; it was worth it to get here. it was worth it to make this place what it is now. but what she wouldn’t give for just one more day. one more day to say goodbye and hold them close, one more day to let the people from her past know they’re what made her into who she is now. one more day to say i love you, thank you for everything.

[genderqueerdykes]

Really appreciate this blog and what it shares. Got into an arguement with someone who was a transfem TIRF (didn’t realize that was even a thing at the time lmao) and it left me feeling really upset due to the both gross ways she’d talked about trans men and the fact that she got a lot of support in the notes. So coming here and seeing in fact most people love and care about us transmascs is nice.

Won’t argue again next time I see an account like that cuz it’s kinda obvious people in those circles are prolly not getting out but yeah.

i am so sorry you had that experience. i'm glad you're advocating for yourself and choosing to not argue with that person again.

i honestly refuse to socialize with a person when i see them be that openly hateful with no attempts to change. i stopped talking to one of my old roommates after he started saying all kinds of transandrophobic shit, shitting on transmascs bodies and calling them gross because he's "gay" and could never be into vaginas or breasts. my ex (trans)gf literally fucking yelled at me for not wanting to be his friend after this. like actually fucking yelled at me numerous times. i asked her if she would be comfortable staying his friend if he was transmisogynistic toward her and told her her body was disgusting, and she said yeah of course, as if somehow that wouldn't cause her pain. nobody gave a flying fuck about how transandrophobia affects transmascs, so i said fuck all of you and stopped being their friends.

there are so many people who have gladly jumped on the rad fem train and it's so sad. that's no way to live your life. that's such a hateful ideology. rad feminism is nothing but hate. it's hate for yourself for being a woman because you equate womanhood to suffering. it's hate for other women because they're not women "right" like you are. it's hate for transmascs and trans men. it's hate for nonbinary people. it's hate for genderfluid people. it's hate for trans, nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid, gnc, bi, & pan lesbians. it's hate for butches who are men. for TIRFs in specific, it's hate for other trans people because they're "trans wrong". rad feminism is hatred all the way down no matter how you look at it. rad feminism will never be productive or progressive. it's about wallowing in your misery, mining for sympathy and pity, and crying about how you're powerless and defenseless instead of doing something about it. it's admitting defeat.

as a fellow transmasc, i'm just over it. i'm not gonna stew in self hatred. i had a friend who WAS transmasc who basically forced me to hate myself for being a trans man. always going on and on about how they hated certain transmascs and trans men, how they were "Whiny and entitled"... yikes dude. you can keep hating yourself over there, but i genuinely love being transmasc & a trans man. coming out as a trans man literally saved my fucking life. i was a depressed mess that hated myself before i came out. i've never loved myself more. and if someone else can't love what i love about myself? they're not worth my damn time.

i'm not here to throw transmascs under the bus just to kiss up to transfems to try to look progressive for brownie points. that shit is underhanded and dirty. we can support all trans people at once. we aren't football teams. you don't have to pit random queer identities against one another. we're on the same side. none of us are enemies. none.

thanks for taking the time to stop by! take care of yourself, i'm glad that i could help in any way. i am just OVER people forcing transmascs and trans men to hate themselves and exist solely to talk about trans women and transfems and nothing else. i am just over people making men and mascs feel like shit. it's done. it's over. i'm not participating, and neither are you. pack that shit up into a box, and throw it in the garbage. we're working together whether or not you like it. the only way we get out of this is together. our fight for liberation is NOT a crab bucket- you do NOT have to pull someone else down when you see them rise up and advocate for themselves.

[illubean]

Habits (Stay High)

"You're gone and I gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind."

Characters: Suguru Geto

Type: Oneshot, Gn!Reader I think?, NoCurse!AU

idk if i need to say this or not but my writing is fiction and in no way am i trying to promote drug abuse; pls be safe out there ESPECIALLY if you’re under 21

and remember; no man is worth your health or life

Warnings: heavy drug abuse/addiction, overdose, mention of sex, major character death? attempted suicide? (up to interpretation)

Never in your life did you think that you would get dumped by possibly the sexiest man alive. Especially when he didn’t give you much reason. As far as you knew, things were going great between you two. Yet here you were, sitting alone in the center of your once shared bed, all of Suguru’s belongings in boxes stacked in the corners of the room. You watched silently as he came in and out of the room, the piles of boxes growing smaller and smaller with each trip until none remained.

Part of you wanted to scream, cry, beg him to stay, tell him that it wasn’t too late but you just couldn’t. Who were you to force him to stay if he were unhappy? So, you kept your emotions to yourself as he left for good. Standing from your spot on the bed, you made your way to the window and watched while the man who was once yours loaded up his car and took off, never once thinking to turn back. You stayed silent, expression blank while tears slipped uncontrollably down your cheeks and onto the window sill. No matter how angry you wanted to be, your soul was crushed by this overwhelming sadness and despair, settling in the depths of your core that made you feel physically ill.

As the days went by, you spent who knows how long brewing in your own depression, reminiscing on all the time spent with Suguru. He plagued your thoughts constantly, your mind never once forgetting his face. Never once forgetting the angle of his jaw, how his silky locks spilled down his back, his galaxy like orbs that once held so much love for you.

Never once forgetting him.

You decided you couldn’t keep living like this. You couldn’t keep letting your body rot away while Suguru was out in the world having probably already forgotten you. You needed a distraction. So, you got up from your bed, took a shower and put on the sluttiest outfit you owned. You called an uber to take you to the nearest club where the madness first began.

It became a regular occurrence; going to whatever shitty club or bar was around, getting totally wasted then taking home some sleazy bastard looking for a quick fuck. You lost count of these meaningless hookups, each of them ending the same. You would forget about Suguru momentarily, give some poor loser whatever he wants, he’d leave the next day while you stayed in bed feeling empty and missing your ex boyfriend more than ever. Then, you would get up to repeat the cycle the next day. It was a destructive cycle that over time, stopped working. Your mind would wander to the man who owned your heart, silently comparing him to your partner for the night and forgetting to react to his ministrations.

It wasn’t until one of your quick fucks suggested doing a line of coke off your chest did things reach the point of no return.

Curious and desperate to free yourself of Suguru, you agreed on the condition that you could do it too. Without a second thought, you inhaled the substance and lied back to let this guy do whatever the hell he wanted to you. After a ten minutes or so, a sudden rush of energy surged through your veins, high hitting you like a freight train. Your pupils blew to the size of saucers, body feeling hot and overall much more sensitive than normal. But most importantly, you managed to forget.

The next morning, you woke up dazed and naked in your bed, the stranger from last night long gone by now. You didn’t remember much about him, but he left you a note on your bedside table.

‘You seemed to enjoy your high. XXX-XXX-XXXX if you need a plug’

And now here you are, standing in the back alleyway of some shitty fast food joint late into the night, coughing up large amounts of cash in exchange for the substance.

Everyone around you grew increasingly worried. You’d long been fired from your job, having not showed up for weeks on end. It was a miracle how you haven’t been evicted yet. No one ever saw you anymore, and when they did, your body was a lot thinner than it used to be, eyes now adorned with dark circles and sunken in. You only kept spiraling further, your initially emotional descent turning physical as well.

One night in particular, you truly lost it. Somewhere along the path to self destruction, you’d discovered mixing substances. Cocaine, LSD, opiates- whatever you could get your hands on with whatever money you had left. So now here you were, sitting fully clothed in your tub, water running and long overflowed. You sniffed, rubbing your nose as you reached over to the lid of your toilet, syringe sitting atop it. Taking the syringe, you injected a dosage of heroine into your veins. Leaning your head back to rest on the tile wall behind you, your eyes blinked slowly as your breathing began to slow. Your phone was long since forgotten, sitting discarded somewhere in the apartment. It was probably on your bed, or maybe even the kitchen counter. Who knows? Who cares?

Little did you know though, was your closest friend was currently blowing your phone up. You had hundreds of unread messages and missed calls. Growing increasingly worried, they decided to give the man who started this whole mess a call.

“Hello?”

“Geto! When was the last time you heard from Y/n?”

“…not since we broke up.”

“You broke up!? Oh my god, that just makes this worse! You still have a key to the apartment right? Can you please go check on them, they wont answer any of my calls!!”

Alarmed by the urgency in your friend’s voice, Suguru dropped everything and made his way to your house. He sped through and around traffic, haphazardly parking before sprinting his way up to your unit. Upon practically busting the door open, he sees your once shared space in shambles. There were different objects and trash strewn around the space, dirt and dust coating most surfaces. But what concerned him the most was the sound of running water. Stepping through the mess, he stops momentarily to see water seeping out from underneath the bathroom door. He tried turning the handle, only to find that the door was locked.

“Y/n, are you in there!?”

No response.

Panicked, the black haired male rams his body into the door a couple of times in order to break it down. Once inside, his shoes are wet by a large puddle on the ground, his gaze turning towards your unresponsive form lying in the tub. Your eyes were disassociated, a singular stream of blood trickling its way down from inside your nose. Suguru notices the syringe on the ground and white powder residue on your counter, an old gift card and rolled up dollar bill next to it.

Ignoring the overflowing water, he kneels next to the tub, propping your head up before lightly slapping you a couple times.

“Y/n!? What the hell is wrong with you!?”

Your eyes came in and out of focus, an immense feeling of dread washing over you. For the first time in a while, you were once again seeing Suguru. This can’t be real.

Freaking out, one of your arms weakly come up to hit him, trying to grab, claw and push to try and get him away from you.

“Leave me alone! You’re not real, LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Suguru leaned away slightly, trying to steer clear of your attacks while reaching to restrain you. Gripping your wrist in one hand while you tried to wreathe and wiggle away, he uses the other to turn off the faucet and reach in the back pocket for his phone. You were screaming manically as he contacted authorities, your words slurring and not making any sense. After handling his phone call, Suguru pulled you up out of the tub and held you against his chest, effectively immobilizing your upper half.

Your legs kicked and flailed around, only to slowly come to a stop as you felt your body become heavy. Noticing this, Suguru quickly lied you on the wet ground and put his ear to your chest. Your heart rate had slowed significantly as well as your breathing.

You fell nonverbal, vision fading in and out before blurring completely. Everything around you was fuzzy and it felt as if you were underwater. The last thing you heard before slipping into unconsciousness were the muffled yells of a voice you knew all to well.

No matter what you did, Suguru Geto was still somewhere in the back of your mind.

[tj-dragonblade]

[Fluffbruary Fic] Learning From Old Mistakes

Fandom: The Sandman Pairing: Dreamling Rated: T Word Count: 1284 Tags: Fluffbruary, Fluffbruary 2025, pre-relationship, future fic, a few years post-reunion, we're ignoring comics canon, mild violence

Notes: This could have been fluffier, but. C'est la vie. Possibly could be the same continuity as Mementos, a few years earlier. Maybe I'll come up with a series name and link them later.

Fluffbruary 2025 Prompts: Day 1: dark | defend | wander Day 2 : ocean | jest | patience Day 3 : uncertainty | myth | pause

Summary: Hob and Dream are accosted by a thief on their way home one evening

On AO3

"Hey—!"

Hob pivots abruptly on the pavement, lunges behind Dream, and there is an answering yelp.

Whirling in turn, Dream finds that Hob has caught a would-be thief—an armed one, no less.

"Fuck off!" the thief snarls, swinging at Hob with a small knife and yanking at his captive arm.

"Don't think so," Hob grunts, letting go to catch the fist with the knife in both hands. He twists the weapon up and out, pushing the man back—away from Dream.

David Brown, nineteen years old, Dream ascertains of their assailant. His life has not been kind.

"Leggo! Lemme go!" David is yelling, but Hob is unswayed.

"No, you think you're going to threaten my friend? Oh, you are very much mistaken, kid." Hob's grin is fierce, frightening. They are fifteen minutes or so from Hob's home, still, a relatively quiet part of the city more industrial than not; there is no one around despite the early-evening hour and Hob has backed David into the alley they were passing, pressed him against the wall. "You picked the wrong target."

David is panicking, Dream can see; he had thought them an easy mark—easy to intimidate, easy to rob, and he does not know what to do now that his minimal plan has gone utterly awry. He lashes out, unrestrained fist swinging for Hob's head.

Hob avoids the hit, twists, punches David in the stomach and David goes down, knife falling from his grasp as he tumbles backwards with a cry. Hob is advancing, ready to hit again, but Dream steps in. A breath of his sand and David is out, dropping into a deep slumber sheperded by dreams of peace and plenty.

"That's one way to end it, I suppose," Hob says, tone almost disappointed, his stance relaxing somewhat. He glances back at Dream. "You're alright?"

"What harm do you imagine he might have done me?" Dream lets his amusement color his voice.

"He meant to rob us, Dream."

"I have no pockets to pick, Hob Gadling."

"Yeah, well. Had a knife, didn't he."

"A sizeable blade, certainly, which surely would have wrought terrible injury to one such as I."

Hob rolls his eyes. "Alright, alright, I get it—I need not come to your defense, you're unfathomably beyond human understanding. Just." He glances down at David sleeping on the ground, tugs at his earlobe. "Maybe I think you're worth protecting, is all. Maybe you deserve someone looking out for you just in case your phenomenal cosmic powers get thwarted."

Dream has not forgotten the first time Hob leapt to his defense, with a ready teacup and fists primed to follow; he had been amused then as well, but this time—

Maybe I think you're worth protecting.

Such words are unexpected, and sit warm in Dream's chest.

He will examine this feeling later.

"Damned hoodlums always looking for an easy mark," Hob is muttering, still looking down at David, kicking lightly at one foot.

"He is homeless, and hungry," Dream offers, "and short on choices."

Hob's face goes through several different expressions in the span of a heartbeat, falling into something like resignation. "Ah, hell." He steps back, sighs deeply. "There's better options than this, kid, c'mon." He takes out his wallet, pulls out a card with the New Inn's logo emblazoned across it. "Dream, can you let him wake?"

"Of course." It is barely a thought to draw David's consciousness back up from his realm.

David blinks awake, startles to find Hob crouched beside him.

"Peace, kid," Hob says, before David can speak. "Not interested in hurting you or pressing charges or anything. Here." He offers the card. "Go to this address. Show the barkeep this card. They'll get you a good meal, no charge. If you need a place to stay, they can put you up. If you're interested in finding work, they can help you out. If you need to get clean they can connect you with the right resources."

"…what?" David is blinking, flummoxed, wary.

"Go to the New Inn," Hob says patiently, indicating the card again. "Show this to the barkeep. They can get you a meal and a room for the night. Can help with finding work and getting clean, if needed. My cousin owns the place and the staff are very hands-on with community involvement and stepping up when people need help. I'll put you in a cab, if you like, or you can walk there in about an hour." He waggles the card.

"…Was set to rob you," David says, then, reaching for the card uncertainly, pausing, pulling his hand back halfway. "Why…why would you—?"

"I've been there," Hob says, matter-of-fact. "I remember starving in the streets. I've hurt people for my own survival. A kind hand made a difference to me more than once. Maybe the Inn can be a kind hand for you. At the very least you can get a good meal."

Tentatively, David takes the card.

Hob calls a cab, pays the driver and sends David on his way to the New Inn, which Hob had sold to his 'cousin' two years ago, effectively leaving it in the hands of the loyal long-term staff he'd gathered over the decades he'd called it home. David is wary and tired, jaded, ready for disappointment, but there is a glimmer of hope within the boy all the same.

"Shall we?" Hob asks, offering his arm once David's cab has driven off; a gallant gesture, accompanied by a broad and charming smile, and that warmth in Dream's chest stirs. I think you're worth protecting. He recalls the way Hob had smiled at him after dispatching Constantine's minions, notes how the smile he wears now is softer around the edges but much the same.

"Of course," Dream says, curling his hand into the crook of Hob's elbow, and the warmth in his chest unfurls a little more.

~

Hob can't help the way his smile grows as Dream actually accepts his offered arm. He'll say nothing of it, of course; it wouldn't do to spook him. 1889 was enough to drive that lesson home and he has tempered his approach since then.

He can be a patient man, after all. He has had a lot of practice. He'd waited for Dream after 1989 and been richly rewarded for that faith thirty-odd years later. He's allowed to call Dream 'friend' with all sincerity, now, and with meetings far more frequent than once a century, the last decade or so has been absolutely enlightening. He's learned Dream's name, finally, six hundred years or so into their acquaintance. He's been trusted with the truth of Dream's absence from their last centennial meeting. He's been trusted with some measure of explanation as to Dream's function in the universe, and he even understands some of it. He knows that Dream likes his tea with four spoonfuls of sugar, a splash of milk, and a story when possible. He knows Dream better than he'd ever dared to hope he might by now, lending depth and weight to his easy claim of friendship and honestly? Hob thinks he might be starting to feel a little more than friendship, perhaps, but he's definitely not going to examine that possibility any time soon. What he's got right now is more than enough, is cherished and hard-won, and he has the patience to let it grow as it will for as long as it must.

He places his hand over Dream's tucked into his elbow, delighted to have his old-fashioned offering accepted, to be allowed the touch, to be gifted with Dream's small smile in return; together they stroll on through the evening toward his home.

= Started: 1/31/25 Drafted: 2/2/25 Posted: 2/3/25

[libby-for-life]

(Hope you don't mind me adding something—)

Adam felt like giving up, the weight of his unrequited feelings pressing heavily on his chest. Every attempt to get Lucifer to see him as more than just a friend had ended in humiliation, leaving Adam feeling like a fool chasing after an unattainable dream. Each moment spent in Lucifer's radiant presence made his heart race, yet it seemed to pass unnoticed by the one he desired most.

The First Man felt the sting of tears welling up in his eyes, but he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to swallow the emotion. Men don’t cry, he reminded himself, even as he battled the urge to collapse under the strain of his longing. Yet, every glance exchanged with Lucifer ignited a fierce yearning within him, a desperate hunger that left him both exhilarated and heartbroken. Adam couldn't shake the feeling that with every lingering look and casual touch, he was silently pleading for a love that felt eternally out of reach.

"Adam? What's wrong?" The voice cut through the silence like a knife, and Adam couldn’t help but glare at Lucifer, whose bright eyes were filled with genuine concern. The late afternoon Hell light filtered through the window, casting a warm glow that contrasted with the tension in the air.

"Forget it," Adam snapped, attempting to pull away from the conversation, but a strong, reassuring grip fastened around his wrist, preventing his escape. "Don't care? How can you say that?" Lucifer's voice trembled slightly, his expression a mixture of disbelief and hurt that tugged at something deep inside Adam.

Adam's glare intensified, a storm brewing behind his storm-gray eyes. "You don't care how I want you to. You never will." Each word dripped with frustration, revealing a pain that had been festering for far too long. The atmosphere crackled between them, heavy with unspoken truths and unresolved feelings, leaving an ache that lingered like an unfinished melody.

"How do you want me to? Adam, I don't understand!" Lucifer exclaimed, frustration lacing his voice as he raked a hand through his tousled hair. The hotel room was thick with tension, the air heavy with unspoken emotions. But Adam was done holding back. He had reached the breaking point, his heart pounding as he took a step closer, defiance igniting in his eyes.

“Fuck the consequences,” he thought. He didn’t care if the guests overheard their argument or if Lucifer looked at him with disgust. The risk was worth it. With a deep breath, he shouted, “I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE YOU!” His voice echoed off the walls, charged with raw emotion.

There it was, the truth laid bare between them. Adam braced himself, ready for Lucifer's wrath, anticipating the moment he would be picked up by the scruff of his neck and thrown out into the cold night, banished from this fragile world they had shared. But he couldn’t hold back any longer; he had to take this leap, no matter the cost.

He suddenly felt a hand on his face, bringing him to look at Lucifer. Adam couldn't even see properly because he was crying. "Oh, Adam...why didn't you just tell me?" He gently kissed Adam and he would have collapsed if Lucifer didn't hold him up. Adam blinked the tears away when they broke the kiss, the devil's gaze hot. "Now...enough of all this beating-around-the-bush."

Adam shivered when Lucifer smirked. "So...are you certain you don't have any other symptoms of prostate cancer?" He whispered in Adam's ear. "Because in my professional opinion, I need to have another look..."

Oh...shit.

Adam trying to get Lucifer to have sex with him but Lucifer is obviously at every turn.

-

“I love popsicles. Licking them, how they feel in my mouth, swallowing.” Adam moaned sinfully, “but sticky drool always covers my chin, dribbling down onto my chest.”

Lucifer looks up from his duck, towards Adam. Sees the sticky mess doing exactly as Adam said. A string of saliva from the popsicle to Adam’s open mouth. His face flushed. He chuckled. Poor Adam must be really desperate.

He conjured a damp cloth so Adam could clean up the mess on his face and chest. “Here you go, buddy!” Lucifer’s went back to his duck.

-

Adam lay on top of him. His voice husky and he moaned out. “So sooorry. I tripped.”

He straddled Lucifer’s waist, laying there with Lucifer’s face in Adam’s soft pecs and chest hair.

Lucifer reached up, grasping Adam by the hips. “That’s alright.” His voice was muffled by Adam’s chest. He teleported them so that they were standing, and pulled away. “Accidents happen.” He let go and continued on in his search of Charlie.

-

Adam gasped as he scrolled his phone. “Lucifer!” His voice panicked. “I think I have prostate cancer!”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “You’re dead, Adam.”

“The internet says it matches my symptoms.” Adam moved from sitting at his end of the couch to kneeling and clinging to Lucifer’s arm. “Can you check?”

He must be very worried if he wanted Lucifer to check. So he pressed his hand to Adam chest and checked. “You’re all good.”

Pouting Adam sat back down.

Idly, Lucifer’s wondered if maybe Adam was having trouble adjusting to hell. He sure had been clingy lately.

[yesyoutubeisruiningmylife]

very heartbroken right now:((((

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[faaun]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

[thechaotichorselord]

[redstrewn]

If leander "good" end is him dying (breaking free from his fucked up cycle), then imagining MC having to mourn and live on without him

[californiaquail]

the other day we had a dog come in that very clearly did not want to be alive anymore and was completely checked out of existence and wouldn't even walk we had to stretcher it in and out on a towel. anyway the owners main concern was its arthritis ? but he thought carprofen had made the dog "crazy" before....so boss took some rads and labs and said ok you can try librela if you want....coworker and i both felt he did not impress strongly enough upon this man that his dog was literally and obviously dying. so he gave the librela and then the dog died the next day. so then i was overhearing today how he had to report it to the relevant authorities as a possible librela reaction. bad timing as everyone is currently freaking out about librela killing their dogs (btw boss opinion on that is basically that it's been given to so many thousands of animals that there's bound to be such cases where correlation ≠ causation). anyway the moral of the story is please do not force your animals to die of natural causes it is almost never anything but awful.

[moe-broey]

Ooufhgh.

[hauntingblue]

Franky saving nami and her calling him big brother..... the connotations of this... big day for me especifically