#i feel like crying but he is not fucking worth it
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𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑳𝒐𝒔𝒕 ᥫ᭡. c sturniolo
“I just-she left…”
✗ Angst, mentions of sex but no actual smut, cliffhanger
divider by @bernardsbendystraws
Love was a tricky thing - Bittersweet.
It could make you feel so whole and warm, like your life has meaning. On the other hand, it could break you down completely, as if you weren't worth anything.
This was something that scared Chris. He told everyone he had commitment issues, but they took it as he couldn't settle for one girl specifically, or he was scared of women. In reality, it was the idea of not knowing how your love with someone could end.
So when he dove head first into a relationship only for it to crumble right in his hands, he was distraught. It was so sudden, he thought everything was fine. He was happy, she was happy.
At least he thought she was.
"You're love is just too much Chris...I can't do this."
Her words hurt, they broke him.
He didn't understand how him showing how much he loved her was too much. Isn't that what girls want, for their partners to be open and loving?
After that night it was like she never existed, and it wasn't Chris's doing. The girl had deleted her socials, moved away from LA, and cut everyone off. He could only feel what was left of her, but he wasn't able to feel her.
He wished he knew where she went, what she was doing. He wished he knew how the hell she managed to make him fall in love with her, only to break him.
Did she ever love him?
He refused to be the type to marinate in his emotions, so he threw himself into his work. He forced Nick and Matt to film videos back to back, the brothers quickly becoming exhausted. He decided it was finally time to get his license and a car, hoping that if he betters himself she would come back to him.
But she didn't.
Everyone could see the change in him. He started going out more without his brothers, partying with Sam and Gnar. He'd come home with a different girl on his arm every night, and a bunch of money being spent from the joint account he shares.
That phase only lasted a month or so before Nick finally put his foot down, yelling at Chris and telling him to "Get the fuck over the breakup, she's not coming back."
"I know Nick I just....She left. She fucking left and said my love was too much! What does that mean? I-I did my best!"
He broke down, crying harder than he ever had in his brothers' arms.
"Why did she have to leave? Why won't she just come back?"
It seemed like after that, his whole personality and life did a 180. He grew quiet, no longer being the loud one. He was more snappy, staying in his room and locking himself away from the world.
When questioned about it, he told Matt and Nick that everything reminds him of her. The couch where they watched movies all night, the coffee shop she would force him to go to, and the overall energy of LA.
After a long talk, the three of them decided to leave LA. It seemed like a drastic change, but none of them were happy.
Matt never wanted to come to LA, Chris couldn't handle the memories, and Nick just wanted his brothers to be happy. So after a month of dealing with their management and trying to find a place back home, they finally were back in Boston.
Matt was happier, Nick was happier, and Chris was slowly doing better. He was eating more, laughing again, and even hanging out with friends. He still had trouble sleeping at night, his dreams filled with the memories he shared with her.
He'd wake up wishing that he spent more time savoring those moments instead of taking them for granted. He knew nothing lasted forever and yet he was naive enough to believe they would.
There was a specific night when he couldn't sleep, his mind silent as he stared at the wall. It irritated him, he was tired but something was keeping him awake. He dragged himself out of bed and went to the kitchen to find tea, hoping it would put him in a tranquil state, but there was no tea to be found.
With a sigh he slipped on his shoes and grabbed the car keys, sending a quick text to Nick and Matt, letting them know that if they woke up and he was still gone, he was just grabbing something from the store.
He planned on going to Walgreens, but on the way there, he saw a 24-hour coffee shop. It was small, the lighting giving up a warm glow that was already lulling him to sleep.
He parked the car and walked inside, the smell of the coffee grounds and lavender infiltrating his nose.
It reminded him of the coffee shop they would go to.
He stepped up to the register, looking at the menu for a second before ordering a large chamomile and lavender tea. It only took a second for the barista to hand him his drink, wishing him a 'good night' and telling him to 'be safe'.
With a brief smile he turns around, immediately locking eyes with her.
He could feel his heart fall to the pits of his stomach, his tea long forgotten and dropped to the ground.
"Hey Chris...."
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#chris girl#chris sturniolo imagine#christopher sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo angst#angst#christopher sturniolo angst#sturniolo angst
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OT13 Reaction -- to winning at MAMA awards
a/n: in celebration of our boys winning both AOTY awards at MAMA last night. i am so incredibly proud i feel like i raised them or something. like guys- it is that serious they are my family and im going insane.
SCOUPS: you're the first one he's calling once he's offstage - he's dialling your number and a whole string of nonsense rattles off him the moment you pick up. he can't string together proper words as you congratulate him. tells you how fucking happy the boys are - you should've seen them, love - did you see woozi crying? and DK - he smiled so big - needs you to bring him back to earth and remind him that this is his award too. he deserves it just as much as they do.
JEONGHAN: he's literally been bored out of his mind as you guys sit at home, watching the award show live. the only times he's acc been paying full attention was whenever groups he knew personally were on screen - and even then - you know you're losing him to how tired he is. lets out the tiniest, babiest gasp when seventeen is announced as the winner. is crying but turns away so you can't call him out on it.
JOSHUA: he runs home to you right after their dinner together and collapses into your arms. he's spent from the sheer chaos and adrenaline. mumbles sweet nothings about how this award is also yours. we won, baby. we share everything - this award is because of you - all because of you.
JUN: he's hiding out in his filming trailer so he can watch the award show through your phone on facetime - it's grainy and glitchy as HELL but he does not care. there's a 3 second lag when seventeen's announced as the winner - so he can hear you screaming but he doesn't know why. his mouth drops once the wifi catches up and he's practically glowing the entire day on set.
HOSHI: comes home wasted and a bundle of pure energy. he's on a high from the win- rushes home to yell into your ear how ecstatic he is as he tackles you for a hug. tells you he's literally so down to name your firstborn child AOTY just cause.
WONWOO: he comes home rather calm despite the chaotic evening he just had. runs you through his whole day- from getting his makeup done to winning the award to having celebratory dinner. you sit and listen happily, cause this is the most yapping you've ever seen this man do and you're SO happy. finishes his yap session by telling you that you make it all worth it - you're the real award, not MAMA.
WOOZI: tells you not to watch their acceptance speech even though he knows you already did :( is uber embarrassed at how emotional his speech was. I was gonna go up and accept it like a nonchalant cool mysterious man but NO! I just had to cry. he doesn't talk about the win much to you, preferring to just enjoy a quiet night in after the crazy evening. whispers to you once you fall asleep that this is why he does music and thanks you and the boys for being his biggest fans.
THE8: sends you the badass photo of him with all their trophies, followed with a long paragraph about how grateful he is to have you next to him through it all. he's unbelievably bright and happy for the next couple weeks, resulting in you kind of missing sassy Hao and asking for him back. side eyes you when you ask and quips "you didn't win a daesang- I did." Well...he's back ig.
MINGYU: comes home and the first thing he says to you is: aren't you proud i didn't cry? pouts when you rewind the clip to point out: he did in fact cry, he was just hiding his ginormous body behind his members. vows to you he won't cry the next time they win- and yes, he promises there will be a next time. and many after that.
DK: a bundle of joy upon his arrival home. keeps telling you he doesn't know what he did to deserve all this- completely floored when you start ranting about why he deserves it all. blushes and hides his face cause the compliments have him shy.
SEUNGKWAN: comes home fully ready to unleash his bragging rights. asks you to only address him by AOTY daesang winner for the next hour, until the joke gets old and he just wants to relax with you. gets a little sappy retelling stories about their trainee days as you both walk down memory lane together.
VERNON: hands you a wad of cash the moment he enters your shared apartment. oh well. i lost the bet. he literally bet against his team winning and ofc you took him on it cause obv seventeen is gonna win?? tells you he was confident svt was going to win he just wanted an excuse to give you cash.
DINO: promises to shout you out the next time svt wins a daesang. obv you don't believe him, so he defends himself, promising that he will 100% name drop his girlfriend on global television for shits and giggles. yeah, i'll just grab the mic and say "i dedicate this award to my WIFE" and watch the internet explode. why not?
#seventeen ot13#seventeen imagines#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#svt#svt imagines#svt fluff#seventeen#seventeen blurbs#scoups x reader#jeonghan x reader#joshua x reader#jun x reader#hoshi x reader#wonwoo x reader#woozi x reader#the8 x reader#mingyu x reader#dk x reader#seungkwan x reader#vernon x reader#dino x reader
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Dragon age the Veilguard spoilers??
Viago calls my Rook a damn fine crow and this bitch holds it together for a solid 5 minutes until she's left the diamond and full-on just starts crying in front of Davrin and Lucanis. And it's a slow build-up to that point because Viago's praise has such an effect after everything that's happened. Like their walking through the eluvian, heading back to the lighthouse and Rook is so quiet for once, and her eyes start tearing and the line keeps repeating in her head until she has to place her hand over her mouth but tears are just running down her face and she can't look at either man behind her because she doesn't want them to know how much that shit has hit her heart because oh my god, Viago really does think I'm an amazing Crow. And my Rock is an elf who is still reeling that her gods are a fucking lie to this world while trying to hold together this team.
But the feelings are so overwhelming that she has to stop walking and crouches down to put her face in her hands and just crying because oh my god Viago said I'm a damn fine Crow and still believes in me.
Anyways, this is a very emotional scene for me and my Rook.
So here is my little written scene;
Viago called me a damn fine Crow.
The words echoed in Rook’s head, like a drumbeat she couldn’t escape. It had been easy to keep her composure in the Diamond—her training demanded it. Viago’s offhanded praise had settled in her ears, light as a feather and heavy as a mountain, and she’d stood there with her usual unshakable snark and calm, smiling just enough to deflect attention.
But the moment they stepped through the eluvian, back into the faintly shimmering otherworld, it hit her all over again.
Damn fine Crow.
Rook walked ahead, silent for once, her hands flexing at her sides. The hum of the Veil pressed around them, but her mind was louder. She kept her back straight, her shoulders square, though the reality of it all was pressing in—the lie of her gods, the fractures in her team she'd been desperately mending, the constant strain of keeping herself steady when everything else seemed to fall apart. And then Viago—sharp-tongued, clever Viago—Her fifth Talon. Believed in her. Praised her.
The first tear slipped down her cheek before she even realized it. She clenched her jaw, brushing at her face quickly as if the action could hide her thoughts from Davrin and Lucanis walking behind her. But the line kept repeating, over and over.
Damn fine Crow.
Her breath hitched, and she bit down on her knuckles to stifle the sound. She didn’t want them to see. She didn’t want them to know how badly she needed to hear those words. How much she doubted herself—her worth, her leadership, her place in this shattered world. But Viago has praised her. He'd called me a damn fine Crow.
Her legs gave out. Rook stopped, crouching on the path, her face buried in her hands as the tears came. Silent at first, but then shaking sobs she couldn’t hold back. Her shoulders heaved, and she gasped for air, overwhelmed by everything she’d been carrying and those small words had cracked it all open.
She didn’t hear Davrin approach until his hand rested lightly on her shoulder. Lucanis crouched beside her, softer, concerned. “Rook,” he murmured. “What’s wrong?”
She couldn’t look at them, her voice muffled and raw. “Viago—he said I was a damn fine Crow.”
Davrin blinked, caught off guard. Lucanis let out a soft exhale, the faintest smile tugging at his lips. “Of course he did,” he said, his voice low and sure. “Because you are.”
Rook cried harder.
#I am very emotional about this damn scene#Rook#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#DA#DATV#DAV#crow rook#elf rook#nova de riva#de rive#rook de riva#Davrin#lucanis dellamorte#my writing#bitch is just sobbing on her own to the lighthouse#she fucking threats the two if they say something they're fucked
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!!! SEASON 2 ACT 3 SPOILERS !!!
Could I request Silco x reader where the reader has been transported from the show’s timeline to the au episode where everyone is alive and happy and she finally gets to see her love again. Mix of fluff and angst plsss 💞
Thank you for the ask anon!! Happy Silco THE love of my life. I hope you like it!!! CW: established relationship (kinda not since hes dead... but... yk...), petnames (dove, sunray), parental!reader x jinx mentioned like once. wc: 525 . * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚ . * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚
You were in the malaise of the Hexgates for what felt like centuries. Your senses - not quite with you, sudden pangs of hunger like you’ve never felt before and a constant feeling of pain circulating like blood in your veins. Then, light.
You were panting when you ‘awoke’. “You okay?” Said someone you haven’t heard in a long time. Aged, tired but you knew it was him. You were in bed with silk sheets, ones you’ve asked your husband for, once or twice, as a birthday gift. The undercity was quite hot when the summer months ruled so it was a perfect gift. A perfect gift you never got, at least- in your reality.
“Hey.” Silco said putting his hand on the small of your back, moving it up and down to comfort you. After a moment of disbelief you turned to him abruptly and launched yourself at his neck, wrapping your hands around it. Quiet comfort.
“…” Unbridled silence.
You pulled away from him and cradled his face as if to check if it wasn’t some twisted dream the Hexgates bestowed upon you.
“Dove, what’s wrong?” He asked, genuinely concerned. Your eyes were full of tears threatening to spill as soon as you spoke up. You were hysterical from joy. “Silco- I’ve- I’ve missed you so much.”
“You’ve seen me not hours ago.” You were crying, the tears staining the silk sheets you’ve dreamed of for so many nights. Cold, lonely nights without him. “I can’t believe you’re actually here and… and you look so beautiful- so happy-” He cut you off. “Dove- dove.” You looked at him, your vision blurry from crying.
“I’m here, I didn’t go anywhere. I’m here.” He assured you, trying to calm you down.”
“...” You couldn’t utter a word. You knew what happened. Jinx was inconsolable. So were you. “I didn’t… I-” She tried to explain herself. You were both suffering, her maybe more than you, maybe… It wasn’t time to compare levels of ache. “Honey.” Jinx looked at you. “We need to get rid of-” the body. You couldn’t say it but she got what you were trying to convey.
After a while of sheer uncontrolled, frenzied glee you were experiencing you calmed down. “It was just a bad dream.” He said hugging you tighter than ever. “Nothing to be scared of my sunray.” He accentuated the possessiveness of the statement.
“My condolences.” Said someone random on the street. That was why you didn’t leave your house anymore. That was why Jinx had to force food into you and why you knew this stupid fucking walk wasn’t worth shit. Sun didn’t reach Zaun- what were you saying? The only person who had any chance at making Zaun reality was d-
Now, you were eating breakfast with Silco. You could feel the warmth radiating from him, both physical and metaphorical. “You’re staring dove.” You chuckled. “Sorry, you just look so good in your robe.” I haven’t seen you in years. He looked at you, daringly. “Is that so?” You hummed affirmatively.
“I’ll never get enough of you, dove. Never.” A smile creeped onto your face. “Oh, is that so?”
. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚ . * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚. * ✦ . ⁺ .⁺ ˚ masterlist
#x reader#writing#fluff#angst#angst and fluff#arcane silco#silco#silco x reader#silico#silico x reader#silico arcane
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Danny's Daycare Part 15
Masterpost
Jason didn’t enjoy killing per se. It wasn’t like, a favorite hobby of his or an addiction and he had to get his fix, but every once in a while there would be an asshole so completely deserving of a bullet to the brain that Jason couldn’t help but feel a bit of peace the moment they stopped breathing. Had he been a bit worried that Miguel and Santiago would hate him for killing their dad? Yes. But was ridding Gotham of one more child molester worth it? Yes.
After he’d pried Danny off of the body of someone he’d never seen before, he’d held the man close until his rage died down. He thought- well he thought he and Danny were different. Danny had some kind of explanation for how he’d come back to life and he seemed at peace with the whole kinda-sorta-ghost-thing but when Jason had first found Danny beating the shit out of another person, his eyes had looked… Lazarus green.
Jason knew for a fact that Danny’s eyes were blue (how many times had he gotten lost staring into them while the man raved about space or Gotham or some other special interest of his?). So despite not knowing the situation, Jason had fought Danny away from the man and held him close until what he assumed was pit rage went away.
He knew it was confusing, disorienting, to come out of an episode and instead of getting answers to the questions he so desperately wanted to ask (What happened? Do I need to kill this guy? Are you hurt? Are the boys hurt? Why are your eyes Lazarus green? Was the Pit Rage? Do you know who the league of Assassins are? What is your relation to them? how-), he told Danny to get cleaned up and checked on the boys.
It was both surprising and completely unsurprising that he found Santiago locked in a closet with Miguel crying in front of the door. He got the younger boy out in seconds and immediately had an armful of angry and scared thirteen year old boy. They only spoke for a few minutes before Danny had come back and he decided to give the family some time to talk.
But his eyes were BRIGHT green and he couldn’t shake the feeling that- was it just a dead person thing? That would make sense, right? His eyes glowed green but they’d always thought that was the Pit’s influence. But that guy- Phantom- his eyes had been green too. So three dead guys walk into a daycare with glowing green eyes- it was like the setup of a really bad joke.
No one asked him what happened to the kid’s bio dad which was good because while Jason was glad he’d stopped Danny from fully killing the bastard (Danny didn’t need to have another murder on his conscience, even if both would have been justified in his and most people’s books), he had no intention of letting the bastard get away alive. He’d looked into Miguel and Santiago when he’d first learned of their existence and the only reason he hadn’t killed their sperm donor then was because he was behind bars.
So he’d placed the man’s unconscious body on the fire escape outside the hallway and grabbed it on his way out. Once he was far enough away that the boys and Danny wouldn’t hear the gunshot and connect it to him, he put a bullet in the man’s head. He dropped the body in an alley near a police station and intended to call it a night before remembering he had to debrief with the bats.
Maybe it was his disappearing act or his short responses or something in the way he held himself, but for once B seemed to listen when Jason told him off.
No he wasn’t going to give B the card Phantom had given him- “Did he ask YOU to coffee? Didn’t think so, fuck off.”, no he wasn’t going to explain why he’d been trying to get a moment alone with Danny after the fight- “My personal life is none of your business, fuck off.”, and he definitely wasn’t going to explain why he’d left the daycare and come back to the cave covered in blood- “My personal business is none of yours, fuck off!”.
And after it all B had just let him. He pushed less than usual and not in the ‘afraid you’ll go into a pit rage if I push’ way but in a ‘you’re clearly not going to tell me so why bother’ way. (Maybe even a ‘you’re my son and I trust you to make the right decision’ way? Was that too much to hope for?)
He’d definitely confused the hell out of Duke with his questions but he just- he needed to get answers and he couldn’t rationalize getting them from Danny at the moment. He’d call Phantom tomorrow, tonight seemed too… forward. Especially since the ghost (King wtf) had essentially asked him on a date (that’s what was implied with the flirting and mention of coffee, right?!).
So if he had green eyes sometimes, and Danny had green eyes sometimes, and Phantom had green eyes, and they also were all dead at some point, then maybe there was a connection? And Duke understood that kind of thing way better than he did because the kid could see auras and shit so maybe he could tell Jason something useful. And he did.
Useful and entirely meaningless at the same time because what the fuck did it mean that they all had toxic green auras?!
He’d patrolled for a few more hours, contemplating what it really meant, what he should do, if he should ask Danny, and so on and so forth, until he felt out of his mind with questions. At some point he decided to call it a night and head back to his apartment to sleep. But he had so much energy still- nervous energy too- he hated nervous energy.
When he was feeling… feeling too much, he baked. Or cooked. Usually he made more than he could ever eat and brought the leftovers to the safe houses he’d let homeless kids live in or down to a shelter or something else like that. Tonight he had one goal in mind with the food he made.
So he baked. He made a pan of brownies, a tray of cookies, three dozen muffins, a pie of all things, and he cooked. He made a pot of stew, a lasagna, two different soups, vindaloo, and a breakfast casserole, and when he was done he packed up as much as he could carry and took it to Danny’s.
Sneaking into the apartment was easy, he’d done it often enough for the last couple of months and despite warning Danny that he needed to get better security, the man never did. He probably forgot honestly, Jason didn’t think he’d ever met a man quite as busy as Danny. Whether that was because Danny was actually busy or because he didn’t know how to delegate, he wasn’t sure, but he always seemed like- well like Bruce levels of busy. Like he had a job and a secret other job and also he took in random kids and helped everyone he could as much as he could and gave away every part of himself without a second thought.
So. No security system.
Jason put the food away, some went into the fridge while others went into the freezer, and noticed the apartment felt empty. It would be weird to check if he was in his room but he had a feeling he knew where the man was if not his own home.
Keeping the breakfast casserole and a plate of cookies, Jason swung around the building and landed carefully on the boys’ fire escape. Sure enough, when he peered through the window he found Danny being absolutely drowned in cuddles from Miguel, Santiago, and their cat, Curiosity.
(He’d never admit it but every time he stopped by to drop food off or check in, Jason pet the cats. What? They looked lonely and he wasn’t heartless. He’d been confused and worried out of his mind when he visited for the first time unable to find Curiosity- that cat always came running first so where the ever-loving fuck was he?! But he’d had to leave before finding the orange cat and vowed to find him the next time he visited.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t find Curiosity the next time either. He’d come so close to asking Danny where his fucking cat went ((Curiosity was the one who’d been sick when he first found them what if he’d died?!))- should he leave a post-it note asking about the kitten? But again, he’d gotten pulled away by vigilante stuff and had to leave without an answer.
It was only when he’d come over as Jason the tutor that he figured out Danny had given Curiosity to Miguel and Santiago and the cat was over in their apartment most of the time. He was relieved that the cat hadn’t gone missing or died, but now he’d need to stop by and find that cat in their apartment and how had he not noticed the boys had a cat he literally visited their apartment more than Danny’s at this point!)
He slid the window open easily and slipped into the apartment stealthily. None of the boys stirred as Jason quietly put the casserole in the fridge, with a quickly scribbled note on top, and the plate of cookies on the counter. After he finished he moved back towards the window but paused as he sat on the window sill.
Miguel mumbled something and pushed his face further into Danny’s shoulder and all three of them shifted slightly until their limbs were more entangled than they’d been a moment before and it was hard to tell where one of them started and the others ended. He didn’t know how they didn’t see it- that they were a family- he really didn’t. Danny corrected anyone who called him their dad, they corrected anyone who called them his sons, and yet here they were, cuddling after a traumatic incident where Danny protected them with everything he had.
(He didn’t think about how he and Bruce fit into the exact category he was placing Danny and the boys, he DIDN’T.)
Curiosity chirped and looked around suddenly, seeing Jason and offering him a yawn. That was his cue to leave. He… he didn’t want to, not really. Something about Danny had made him feel safer than anything else had in- in years. The twink he found standing over the body of his murderer, the guy who’d taken on twenty-five goons without a weapon because they’d dared to hurt Miguel, the man he’d pried away from a child molester only hours prior- this was a man anyone would feel safe with.
But Jason wasn’t used to feeling safe and slipping out of the window and grappling back to his own empty and suddenly very lonely apartment was familiar enough. He didn’t feel as safe here as he had in the run down apartment of a practical stranger, but he should. It was his home. He should.
He didn’t sleep.
~~~~~~~~~
“I don’t know how to tell him!” She shouted, hands gripping her hair tightly.
“Just tell him. It will all work out.” He responded calmly.
Scoffing and rolling her eyes, she shouted back. “Easy for you to say! If things are going to turn out so well, why don’t YOU tell him? It was your idea after all!”
“It would not do well if I told him, he’d only be angry at me. He has a difficult time being mad at you.” Again, with a calm response.
“He’s not going to take it well- I wouldn’t and I’m literally him!” Dani reasoned.
Clockwork huffed. “You are not ‘literally him’, you are your own person and you have been for years. Do not diminish all of the hard work the two of you have put into being your own people. Tell him.”
“He’s gonna kill me! It’s not just him anymore- he’s got the boys to worry about you know this!”
“Tell him.” CW responded idly.
Face palming, Dani groaned. “I’m so dead.”
~~~~~~~~~
Shortly after Miguel’s explanation and panic attack, Danny convinced him to take a nap and spent the next few hours cleaning the apartment and putting things in order. He sent out another message saying the daycare would actually be closed for the rest of the week and he’d update the parents as soon as the building was safe enough to open back up. They were surprisingly understanding for people who were being inconvenienced in a big way.
After that he checked his email and reached out to three people who’d applied to the daycare to set up interviews. If all of them worked out he’d have three more full time employees, one who was old enough and experienced enough that he might be able to leave her in charge sometimes.
By one thirty he realized he didn’t know where his phone was and should really message Jazz and Dani about what had happened. Searching the couch cushions, he found his phone buried under where he’d slept the night before.
(17) Missed Calls
(38) Messages
(5) Voicemails
Well. Shit. Danny started with the voicemails, the first being from Jazz.
“Danny? I saw the news- are you okay? Are the kids okay? It’s all over the news- apparently some kids were out nearby and recorded what happened through the window? Oh my Ancients- call me back Danny!”
She sounded more worried than mad, that was good, he could work with a worried Jazz- and angry one? Not so much. An angry Jazz would tear him apart molecule by molecule until he was nothing but a puddle of separated atoms.
The next one was from Sam.
“Danny Nightingale what the actual FUCK-”
Tucker cut in. “Holy shit dude! Did you actually fucking TACKLE the Scarecrow?”
“Tucker! More importantly- did your clone tackle Scarecrow? Cause the recording got fuzzy after that but not so fuzzy we didn’t notice the GLOWING FUCKING PHANTOM!”
“Sam’s right dude, the cameras caught more than usual- maybe it was because they were farther away? Or just because your energy was being expended keeping a clone around? Not sure, but the videos show a vaguely humanoid vigilante flying around and kicking ass.”
“Call us back Invisio-Bill.”
Okay, so people being able to see Phantom wasn’t great, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. It wasn’t like he planned on going out as Phantom again- he hadn’t come to Gotham to be a vigilante and team up with the birds and bats. Valerie and Wes left similar voicemails to Jazz.
“Can’t even keep off the news as Danny, eh Nightingale? Let me know if you’re okay.”
At least Valerie’s message was teasing and not angry. Seriously, why were all of the women in his life so terrifying when they were angry?
“Dude! So Phantom’s back, huh? And you got to meet Batman, Robin, Red Robin, and Red Hood? Seriously man- that’s- that’s wild! You know it’s pretty funny that that guy -Duke Thomas- works for you and was there that night because-” There was a loud honking sound cutting him off. “Oh shit, I’ve gotta go, I’ve got a hot date. Let me know you’re okay! Bye Danny!”
The last voicemail was from a number he didn’t recognize but with a Wisconsin area code.
He deleted it without listening.
The messages were similar to the voicemails, Jazz, Sam, Tucker, Valerie, Wes, Tim, Damian, Jesse, and a few others just checking in. Jason had messaged to cancel their tutoring last minute citing a family emergency- thank Ancients he’d canceled because Danny had completely forgot they’d had an appointment.
He deleted the text messages from the Wisconsin number he didn’t recognize.
He didn’t care to read them.
At some point people from Amity Park and his past life were going to find out he’d moved to Gotham and set up shop so to speak, but he’d hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. Maybe after he’d been here for a full year, with an established ‘business’ and connections and friends and whatnot, but not earlier. Even then, he’d hoped the only people who would really notice were peopel who didn’t care that much.
Flash, Pualina, Kwan, people who would go ‘did you hear Danny’s in Gotham now?’ and then have a laugh and move on without reaching out.
He didn’t want to hear from Vlad.
He didn’t want to think about what it meant that Vlad was reaching out.
If Vlad knew where he was then they knew where he was ant that meant he wasn’t safe. Worse- it meant the boys weren’t safe around him. Danny had grown accustomed to his life being in danger at all times a long time ago. He’d grown used to it when lab equipment malfunctioned throughout his childhood, when he’d died, when his parents' security system started targeting him, he’d always known he was in danger at all times. But he was supposed to be the one stable and safe thing about the boys’ lives and he couldn’t be that if he had the GIW and the Fenton’s breathing down his neck.
So, knowing it was something he should have done a long time ago instead of banning ghosts from coming into Amity, Danny sent a text to the group chat.
Crime-Fighting, Night-Stalking Vigilantes
The-Next-Bruce-Wayne: Get in losers we’re going to take down the GIW
The-Next-Bruce-Wayne changed the group chat name from ‘Crime-Fighting, Night-stalking Vigilantes’ to ‘Operation Take Down the Plastics’
Chaos is typing…
TooFine is typing…
Cassandra is typing…
The-Next-Gotham-Rogue is typing…
The Midwest Princess is typing…
And with that taken care of, Danny shot quick responses to his Gotham friends before turning off his phone. He told Tim, Damian, Jesse, and any parents who’d privately messaged him, that he was all right and would be getting the daycare in order as quickly as possible. He messaged Duke to check in and let him know that therapy was included in all of his employees’ benefits and that the teenager should take full advantage of it.
Jason had first messaged to cancel their scheduled tutoring session and later (much later he noticed) messaged to ask if he was all right and if there was anything he could do to help him or the boys out. Danny apologized for not getting back to him sooner, thanked him for the offer, and returned it due to his own family emergency.
Setting his phone down he started planning how they’d do it. He’d need to talk to Clockwork and the rest of his council about how to go about getting the Justice League on their side. He could do it without them probably, but Danny had a strong suspicion that if he brought the Anti-Ecto-Acts to the JL’s attention, they’d get them abolished faster than any other route they took.
Except for war, maybe.
But Danny had overruled that suggestion years ago and instead banned Ghosts from Amity Park. He couldn’t stop them from coming through altogether or he’d be preventing many of them from their obsessions which was dangerous. It also wouldn’t really be fair to ban them from a place that might have once been their home.
He’d instead cracked down on their behavior. Any ghost who wanted to come to Earth needed to be approved by someone Danny had selected for that exact purpose. They needed to know enough about human culture to not cause chaos everywhere they went. Of course some of them *cough* Skulker *cough* didn’t listen to these rules and still caused chaos on some scale.
It wasn’t a perfect system but it was the best Danny had been able to do while also recovering from severe injuries and learning to be the King of the Infinite Realms. It had been a lot and he could admit that not all of his decisions had been winners.
“Danny?” A voice cut through his thoughts and he realized he’d been sneaked up on.
Offering Santi a smile, Danny moved his feet and offered the spot to the boy. “What’s up Santi?”
“Miguel’s bein’ weird.” He made a face. “What’d you two talk about after I left?”
Licking his lips, Danny tried to decide how much he should share. He didn’t want to break Miguel’s trust by revealing too much, but Santiao deserved to know that Danny knew certain things about their dad and oh god- was this what it was like to be a parent?! “We talked a bit about… about your dad and his feelings. Is he all right?”
Santi nodded slowly. “He’s… fine. Kinda… clingy. Din’t want me ta leave the room but not-” He considered his next words carefully. “Not for the usual reasons.”
Ah, yes. Danny remembered Miguel admitting to never leaving Santiago alone with Danny intentionally and why he did it. A part of him melted to know that Miguel wasn’t worried about that anymore. “Sometimes people need comfort but don’t know how to ask for it. Miguel seems like he might be one of those people.” Danny whispered conspiratorially. “I was like that when I was his age.”
“Danny?” Santiago started hesitantly.
“What’s up kiddo?”
The boy shifted uncomfortably. “Did Hood… Is- Is my…” He inhaled sharply. “Is my dad dead?”
There was something about the way he asked it that Danny couldn’t put his finger on. His voice was fearful, afraid, worried, and it was also hopeful, anticipating, relaxed and it seemed like he couldn’t figure out which set of emotions were his true feelings.
“Honestly, Santi?” Danny filled his lungs and let out a deep breath. “I don’t know.” He looked the boy in the eyes when he answered, unwilling to miss even a single microexpression. “Hood said he took care of him and I don’t know exactly what that means.”
The boy looked at his hands. “Red Hood kills.”
“Sure, but he doesn’t always kill.” Danny tagged on.
Santi squirmed as if deciding whether or not to say what he was thinking. Deciding to share his thoughts, the boy looked away from Danny. “He kills people who hurt kids,” Before Danny could respond, he whispered, “an’ rapists.”
Closing his eyes tightly, Danny pushed back the red that threatened to overtake his vision like it had the night before. He wouldn’t go there- couldn’t go there- not again. Hopefully they’d never have to see that piece of shit again. Ancients he hoped Hood had killed him.
“Yeah.” Danny felt his throat drying out by the second.
“Good fuckin’ riddance.” Miguel said from the hallway that led to their rooms.
Santi’s head whipped up to see his brother and they studied each other for a moment before Santi nodded once. “Good fuckin’ riddance.” He decided.
Danny wanted to sit in this moment, bask in the fact that these boys who’d been through hell and back were finally rid of their tormentor emotionally and physically and would be able to heal and move on eventually. But it would seem Hood had other plans for him as he felt the tug in his gut of a personal summoning.
“Shit.” He cursed. The boys looked at him, confused. “Sorry, sorry to ruin the moment.” Danny stood up, slipping his phone into his pocket. “I want to tell you boys something but I don’t really have a lot of time so I promise I’ll explain everything when I get back, okay?”
“What?” Miguel frowned.
The tug in his gut was getting stronger and Danny wished he could ignore it but a personal summoning was pretty difficult to refuse. “Listen, I’m- well- I’m not a meta exactly, but that’s the quickest way to explain it right now and I have to transform and go meet someone who’s calling me right now. Don’t do anything crazy, stay in the apartment please, I should be back in a couple of hours tops, okay?”
“Uh…. Okay…?” Miguel shrugged, looking between his brother and his guardian.
With a nod Danny let the summoning pull him away and transformed before arriving in a shabby alley.
“I thought we were going to get coffee, eh sugar?”
Prev. Next
#danny phantom#dp x dc#fanfiction#danny phantom/jason todd#danny's daycare#dpxdc#batfam#Sorry I stopped updating#I'll be dumping a bunch of updates here now#for anyone who might only be reading this on tumblr
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very heartbroken right now:((((
#you know that crush i had since april#and it felt like such a dream that we clicked so well#and we are friends obviously but i always wanted it to be more#we saw eachother today after a month or so and it just felt different#like this isnt it anymore#and you know that feeling when you think you mean a lot more to someobe#and you are blinding yourself and being delusional and excusing their every red flag#it just hit me today that if he really wanted something he would show it#and want to spend more time with me#and maybe be different idk#thing is i have hoped for this for so long and now it just feels empty#and i know im gonna get over it and its gonna be fine#but he was the only one on my mind for so long :(((((#fuckdickfickfickfick#i hate this:((((#and i hate that i ignored every sign that this is not it#i feel like crying but he is not fucking worth it#and the worst thing is that we are friends and i cant just stop being that#and it just hurts so fucking much to even think about it#obviously we are gonna hang out#and i will obviously be hung up on him still#but i just uhhhh#dont know what to do#dont know how to hang out with him without being flirty as we have always been#or a complete dick#anyways#i feel like shit#random#crush#fucking hell
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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#thanks dad#thanks for making me feel guilty for existing#i don’t understand him really#i’m sure it’s the screens dad#it couldn’t be the fact that you constantly tell me i’m not doing enough#or making me feel like i’m not worth anything#it also couldn’t be the fact that i’m fucking scared to cry near you#every time i cry near you you scare the shit out of me#you make me feel worse#this all started because of a question#i asked him if it’s okay for me to plug my ipad in overnight not by the door#he got mad at me#he started to make me feel bad#i don’t know what to do#he makes me feel guilty for existing#he makes me feel horrible#and i doubt everything i write#i doubt if i’m even telling the truth#he says i have a good life#people have it worse from me#i deserve to suffer#i don’t deserve his kind words#i don’t know#please help me lord and just make him not scare me#my parents have two sides#my dad is anger and scares me#my mom is sadness and guilts me#to be fair i was playing roblox the whole day but i did what i needed to#and my mom is having a hard time mh grandma has issues#but i just wish they wouldn’t hurt me (yeah i said hurt they have seriously damaged my mental health)
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I have another gig in a week and I'm so nervous 😭 I get paid hundreds of dollars for only five hours of work, but it is so nerve-racking and the work environment is so stressful, like literally every time I'm there I'm on the verge of tears or I have to take a 2 minute break before the show starts just to run to the restrooms and cry bc I get so stressed out. And then when I clock out I just cry my eyes out in my car while driving home. But hey!!! Hundreds of dollars!!! For five or six hours of my time!!! Only a few days a month!!! Hundreds!!! Of dollars!!! So it would be totally stupid to quit.
I wouldn't have been able to afford pampering myself on my last two F/O anniversaries (and currently placing an order for a rose bouquet for Six's anniversary for the 18th) if I didn't have this second job... but if it didn't pay me such a large amount of money each time, I probably would have quit by now bc it makes me so damn anxious. The show isn't even for one week and I'm sitting here stressing about it! I have one thousand other things to stress about and this job shouldn't be one of 'em 😤
I just keep trying to think about Ken hugging me while saying "Aw, sweet girl, don't be nervous! You JUST started this job, you've only worked three shows -- you think you're gonna be perfect your first try?? You're gonna be so good once you get the hang of it. Just look at me! I've been doing Beach for 62 years now, and I still don't know what my job is supposed to be... but I know I look So Cool™ 😎"
#my god i love ken SO MUCH i am so grateful to have an F/O who brings me comfort when im anxious#and grateful i am not as numb as i was three weeks ago#i am still struggling to self ship like i used to - and i think i always will bc of [gestures to 2023] - BUT#the fact that i thought of ken and felt some relief is a rly good sign bc three weeks ago i felt *nothing*#i am depressed and miserable as fuck today but he still gave me a crumb of comfort. THATS SOMETHING ✨#woof#plus I'm gonna be able to meet a TF voice actor in September bc of this job#I'm gonna give him my charms... and... say I liked his character...#and maybe it'll make me feel better around that character. or maybe it won't. but it's worth a try!!!#and how cool is it that I get to work in a place where so many big celebs do their shows?? and MEET them???#one day I wanna meet John Legend if he comes back again and tell him I LOVED him in La La Land 🥺#This job is impossible to get hired for unless if you have connections bc it's so... idk the word. fancy?#that's not the word but it's a Big Job and I am SO STRESSED MY GOD#but I'd be wasting opportunities if I didn't keep trying at least for a few more months#and if I gotta cry my eyes out in the parking lot after my shifts that's fine as long as I work the full five to six hours#I'm celebrating *THREE* F/O anniversaries in September which is ALSO MY BIRTHDAY#so I'm gonna need the extra cheddar to absolutely spoil myself. Officer K and Driver are two big main F/Os#and I still haven't celebrated my Barbie/Ken anniversary as much as I wanted#so!! I!! will!!! tough it out even though this job makes me cry. give me that money#I am stressed every day of my life bc I have a Complex Stress Disorder you might as well pay me hundreds to be stressed
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If leander "good" end is him dying (breaking free from his fucked up cycle), then imagining MC having to mourn and live on without him
#I LOVE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!#redstrewn talks#THATS THE PROBLEM WITH FLOWERS THEY DONT LAST LONG AAAUGGGGHHHHHHH#THE TIME WITH YOU MAY HAVE BEEN SHORT BUT IT WAS WELL WORTH IT#TRAGIC HERO CODED. HE MUST DIE.#hey what i love is forever unrequited love. bc i love torture#there are bad ends where you have each other but its like obviously not good. yeah it can be sexy but obviously the toxicity of the#immortal endless bad end “loveWillNeverEnd” still remains as a toxic kind of thing. yes sexy but still fucked up and “incomplete” feeling#you have each other but at what cost? something is missing#for completion to break out of the cycle. finality of death. freedom from the torment of eternity.#UNREQUITED LOVE HE MUST DIE#idk im talking out of my ass i just love pain#in the idea of “loveWillNeverEnd” you are TRAPPPED. TRAAAPPPED INA CYCLE.#neither of you are complete. you are both holding each other BACK. there is all this space for growth SCREAMING at you both that youve#locked yourselves from#I WANT TO CRY AND I WANT HIM CRYING#FOREVER SEPARATED BY A BARRIER OF SOMETHING MISSING OR DEATH.#Hes long overdue for death i think. Running away from it. Death is catching up. Death will find him. He must let go.#AAARGHHRBRH you must embrace loss or that youve lost#idk wtf im talking abt i just want his route to DESTROY me
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Franky saving nami and her calling him big brother..... the connotations of this... big day for me especifically
#yamato shogun actually fits the oden theme akshakaj.... but momo.is the rightful heir and all that......#yamato just carrying luffy again ahsakanak#YAMATOS CHAINS MAKING AN EXPLOSION TO ENTER THE ARENA AJDHAHAAHSJ YEAAAHH!!! YOU TAKE CARE OF KAIDO!!!!#they are waiting for the samurais.... hell yes.... DAMN KINEMON!!!#THEY GOT HIM!!!!! kaido is so fucked up he is seeing oden and all.... wooow.....#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 995#BANGER MUSIC FROM THE JUMP!!! HELL HEAH#the oden isnt oden without being boiled theme its there too omg#nami and zeus akdjaksja together again......#kinemon reciting prophecy while they stab kaido...... banger#kinemon trusting luffy to bring the sunrise to wano and to be the king of the pirates.... hell yes#episode 996#what is law doing... searching for the poneglyph???#episode 997#<- not many thots#i feel like we've been trhu so much with the pink haired samurai.... if he dies i am crying#yamato is such a character.... strong and violent and hates his father and he LITERALLY IS kozuki oden... DO NOT GET IT TWISTED#SHINOBU!!!!! AND EVERYONE JUST STARING!!! DO SOMETHING!!!#OHHH MOMO IS FREE!!! TUNR UNTO A DRAGON!!!#oh his fear of heights.... WHATS THAT as queen said lmaoo#sanji??? protecting momo??? about time he arrived also#and sanji died cut in half.... so sad.....#'its only natural... he is my son' YAMATO ABOUT MOMO AJSKAHSKAJQKAJWKS#one ikoku for luffy killed 1898 samurais... goodbye brave soldiers ajdjsksb was that worth it luffy... the dodge...#nami saying she has never lied in her life ajdhsksjsk#FRANKY!!!!!!!!!! and he is singing and everything.... RUN OVER BIG MOM HELL YEAHHH NAMI CALLING FRANKY BIG BROTHER YEAAAAHHHHH YEAAAAAAHHHHH#you guys dont know what this means to me. i could cry. i am cheering and hollering. i am ripping my shirt off and swinging it.#episode 998
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#my father is such an entitled fucking asshole with a superiority complex sometimes#its such a small thing now but it just opened up years of repressed rage in me.#motherfucker thinks he can be passive aggressive to me like that. out here making himself feel better at my expense#and yeah of course he can. what the fuck am i gonna do to him#god im just so. fucking livid#after Years of making me feel stupid and inadequate. after i put in So Much Work into redefining my self-worth#but no he can do whatever he wants if i want to pursue academia cause he still supports me financially#and i. ghhh im just so fucking. ill see a glimpse of emotion in him and my empathy is in overdrive#so OF COURSE we have to help him with his stupid ass fucking endeavors to create a foundation or whatever.#OF COURSE i have to support him in his literal Theatrics and support his coming out and whatever. because OF COURSE#i have to support someone who is experiencing difficulty. even if that someone has done unimaginable damage to my entire psyche#(unintentionally but still)#i wish i could just tell him to fuck off and leave me out of whatever fucking bullshit he comes up with next but he thinks#we can bond over queer stuff like I wasnt the first one to come out in this family. like he could bridge over YEARS of emotional neglect no#and besides. he once called the savings my parents had for our college an “investment” that he would “hate to see wasted”#fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you#seriously. i cannot fucking believe we are related.#god. i think im gonna go cry a bit. fuck him and his entire fucking life.#delete later
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guess whose oliver plush got stolen because the delivery driver cant follow instructions or even bother looking at the address AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#in neg city#dialtown#fuck you it goes in the dialtown tag#dogman STOP MAKING PLUSHES WITH MAKESHIP THEIR DELIVERY SERVICES ARE AWFUL#THEY DONT GO THROUGH UPS OR USPS AND SO THERES NO WAY FOR ME TO GIVE THEM DELIVERY INSTRUCTIONS#THE DRIVER DIDNT EVEN DROP IT OFF AT THE RIGHT /DOOR/#AND THIS TIME I HAD THE DOORCODE FOR THE DOOR /IN MY ADDRESS INFORMATION/!!!!!!!#and of course makeship doesnt tell you something has delivered until TWO HOURS AFTER THE FACT#meaning even if i couldve had my landlord come scoop it up from outside no he fucking couldnt bc IN TWO HOURS THE PACKAGE WILL HAVE ALREADY#BEEN STOLEN#i feel like a fucking crazy person but how hard can it be to just FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS#DO I NEED TO STAPLE THEM TO YOUR FUCKING FOREHEAD?#I WORK A FULLTIME JOB I CANT BE SITTING AT HOME CAMPING OUT PACKAGES#HENCE WHY. I INCLUDE. MY DOORCODE!!!!#BUT THE DRIVER COULDNT EVEN BE ASSED TO DROP IT OFF AT THE RIGHT DOOR#im so mad i just wanted a fucking oliver man. i put in another service ticket but i doubt they will ship me another one#i dont Have another address for them to even ship to. im so mad im like crying right now#so frustrating!!!!! i want to support an indie creators work but i cant even get it bc makeship is a USELESS MERCH COMPANY#at this point im tempted to cancel my mingus plush order which sucks bc i REALLY want mingus!!! shes one of my favorite characters!!!#but if i have to go through this fucking rigomarole its not worth the $40!!!!
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God I still need to finish the inquisitor Yumi playthrough
#I’m still in the jaws of hakkon dlc T_T#I mean the hakkonites and the whole Ameridan thing is awesome plot stuff#and hakkon is a fun boss fight#but damn does everything leading up to that feel like a slog#especially when I’m like I could be playing trespasser rn LOL#but it’s worth it#I need to cry abt dragon age again#and taking a long break before trespasser feels so authentic#does anyone else remember that like terrible grieving empty feeling at the end of the base game before trespasser came out#and then the wonder and joy of seeing your friends again once trespasser dropped?#I’m artificially inducing that in myself so that I cry when my inquisitor Yumi starts dying and she sees solas and the music kicks in#god the music always brings me to my fucking knees dude#trespasser fucking SLAPS as a solas friend like he’s not my canon romance but he is always my bro
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No but like. Men could be the lowest of the low, not be knowing the most basic shit, inept at wit or anything else pertaining to the brain or mind or conscious, and yet the audacity be there. Like. How.
#legit listening to my brother tall of how many qualities he has which mainly just includes having a nice face and using his voice#like this is the dude who is in his last year of high school and absolutely refuses to look at a book for more than half an hour a day#you can imagine the amount of basic knowledgeable he would have with that time period dedicated to studies (not even dedicated hes forcedto)#he knows nothing of the most basic thing needed in class#knows nothing of even the language subjects#and yet thinks just because he can talk he can land a job#theres delusional and then theres this piece of shit#like this family is on the verge of struggling financially and this dude decides to use the lakhs of the rupees worth of tution to eat out#with friends and learn NOTHING#like#im legit so. like i wish he would succeed in life by the sheer power of luck and wishes bc god knows hes a degenerate#yet we care enough to not have him roam around like how it looks like he might bc lets be real if not that he'll end up being a worse pain#but seriously tho how does one be SO behind the very fundamental of human experience and still think their gaming skills and music taste#can save them in this world?#this dude is more or less addicted to his phone and literally like im not exaggerating hes so dumb you have one conversation with him and it#becomes glaringly obvious bc hes so delusional about it that he talks with full confidence but you realise hes not really talking hes just#spitting bs that hes heard on youtube 😭#not to drag him or anything but im seriously so sympathetic. how much of an idiot do you have to be?#to think HIGH SCHOOL education is worthless? hIGH SCHOOL. Tgats like. the very bottom of it.#worst part is he refuses to acknowledge he should get better 🗿#so theres no point in helping bc its one steo forward ten steps back with him#and also feels shitty as fuck to be guiding a fucking 18 yo thru SCHOOL#its fucking SCHOOL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
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what came first, the body dysphoria flare up or the internet deciding now was a fantastsic time to show me transmasc content
#rin rambles#tw i get real heavy in the tags#SLAMMING. MY. HEAD.#HHHRGHHGHHH I GET SO ANGRY AT MYSELF#WHICH I KNOW IS STUPID AND POINTLESS BUT ARGH#every time i like. even have the twinge of these emotions. my brain is like ah.#so you're a failure? you're a fucking disappointment? man. sucks to be you. you should do something about that dysphoria. OH RIGHT.#and then i cry a little in Adoration it's okay#it doesn't feel okay. but like. ah.#i just feel like a disappointment to God. like He gave me this body and i hate it. and i hate that i hate it.#idk i just feel like i'm in so much pain. and then i try to talk with other Catholics about it and i'm seen as a wounded animal. or inhuman.#and they're like 'your dysphoria isn't causing you the anguish it's something else' LIKE IT CAN BE BOTH?#is it so bad to say that YES i am sad that i can't transition? that this causes me grief? but i follow Christ because ultimately He is worth#that pain and suffering?#is it bad to say that love is a sacrifice? and that the whole point of sacrifice is that it hurts?#where was that one post about the ai generated Bible verse. bc it wasn't /totally/ theologically correct but ough.#it made me feel things. i know God sees me and loves me. despite everything. there is love
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