#like knowing she does love and care but they already emotionally stunted me so now i just feel weirdly back and forth with it

[a-ikuoliver]

alexa play slipping through my fingers by abba

[xecutivecucumber]

Executive Cucumber's thoughts on the Bad Batch episode 3×08 (spoilers after the cut)

Forgive me if these thoughts are less coherent than usually, I'm pretty freaking tired atm. Thoughts are as much in order as I can manage.

Firstly, this episode was a much needed, lower emotionally charged break from the last...seven episodes of the season. The thing about stories is that they can't be running at warp 9 the entire time. It will burn your audience out. Heck, I'm at a lower energy, transitiatory part of my long fic. So yeah, this episode didn't cause the emotional damage and stress that the last 7 did, but that's a good thing.

Omega has the neurodivergent ✨️leg jiggle✨️

Poor dear needs a hug and for someone to free the Tantiss clones.

PHEE MY QUEEN

Crosshair's face when Omega says 'liberator of ancient wonders' I love him.

Okay, I know that a lot of people are upset about Phee not being more emotional about Tech. I've got a few thoughts on that. My expectations going into the scene with her was that she wasn't going to be mentioning Tech. So when she did, I was really happy. She doesn't need to bring him up in the conversation, but she does.

So let's dive a little deeper into this. There are only two people who have brought up Tech without any prompting so far: Echo and Phee. Omega only mentions him when it's a direct answer to Crosshair's question. Hunter, Crosshair, and Wrecker have not mentioned him once by name. Now, I think this is because Echo and Phee have both known loss and know better how to handle it. The rest of the Batch hasn't, before Tech. We have watched practically all of Echo's loss, but not Phee's. However, we know that Pabu is a place for refugees, which Phee likely is. She's lost at least a home, if not family and friends. Add on top of that Phee is just in general a world wide person, and I think we can assume that she's someone who's got a more healthy way of processing grief than our emotionally stunted soldiers.

Something that you do with people that you've loved and lost is remember them. That's what I see Phee doing here. She's managed to process her grief in the last 4 months, and she's keeping the memory of someone she cared about alive by mentioning him in conversation.

So yeah. I liked that scene and it warmed my Tech/Phee loving heart.

Anyways,

Oooooh Fennec!!!

I love Crosshair not knowing anything but it also makes me sad.

Hunter: try to get Crosshair to get his hand looked at

Omega: what do you mean 'try'

Thoughts on Crosshair and Omega scenes:

What did my poor boy go through????

Poor man is probably resisting the idea that it's in his head because he already HAD a thing in his head that ruined his life

Omega: you don't like anything

Crosshair: true

Your honor I would die for them. Also I find his 'true' to be a little sad (and adorable)

OMG THEY'RE MEDITATING (and they have somehow stolen YET ANOTHER thing from my fic, this time before I've even gotten past the concept stage)

Omega: you missed a lot

Crosshair: I know

He's thinking of Tech in that moment.

Oh my gosh her hand on his and how he lets her move his hand THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME.

The Bad Batch says take care of your mental

Thoughts about Space Everglades:

I really loved Wrecker this episode. He really got to shine. He has the most banter with Fennec, he gets to do his demo thing, he freaking curb stomps space alligators, and he's the MVP in getting the bug man. It was really nice. Also, 'YOU HEARD ME!!!!' Let Wrecker go feral.

Bro, I really liked the bar music. I like seeing more of the music that plays in universe.

Wrecker and Hunter are definitely having flashbacks to Cid this entire episode. Except Fennec gives them more intel.

Fennec is a delight as always.

My prediction to who she's selling them out to? Ventress. And I don't think Ventress' intentions are bad.

So yeah, a solid episode! I'm honestly probably going to leave a lot of the star wars subreddits just to avoid everyone and their dog complaining about filler. Which this was NOT.

And as the next episode is called the Harbinger, I feel like this might be one of our last breaths before the plunge and everything goes sideways.

Oh, and in case you forgot. Tech lives ❤️

[luciality]

thinking ab nyo ace fam dynamics... amelia has first born son privilege and alice has boymom brainrot. shes naturally a tomboy and while she doesnt see alice as accepting of that at all, alice considers herself very permissive and encouraging of her masculinity. she forces the superficial aspects of femininity on her, yes, but she encourages her studies and athleticism and independence- up until a point of course cant be too independent haha nooo dont leave me bbygrl nooooo dont leave- but she does set up young amelia's life in a way that she was essentially a wealthy young woman in the colonies whose money gave the privilege of not needing to play silly little social games and local politics, essentially above it all, dont give a fuck about the humans darling they are beneath you, and the only men who had any power over her were the actual governers and of course parlement back home in england. But her daily life was privileged to the extreme in that england's money compensated for her being female.

maddie on the other hand uogh maddie bbygrlll she has eldest daughter torment. i think by the time she's in england's hands shes already a demure girly girl. i blame france. little maddie is cautious and yet desperate for attention but too scared to demand it so she does her best to be perfectly obedient and pretty and proper so that england will love her. i think even in modern day alice thinks of maddie as a crybaby, because she was a crybaby as a child and as an adult she's much more restrained but to alice nah shes still a crybaby. growing up as englands good little girl her pretty princess is going to fuck anyone up in the head especially when you're still not even her favorite so yeah maddie makes herself small and accomodating and fulfills whatever role alice needs her to be she shoves down her own feelings so she can be alice's therapist or mommy... average seven year old girl who is parenting her twenty two year old mother.... i think if she had tested boundaries and tried to grow more independent (as a PERSON lol) she maybe would have gotten even more leeway than amelia, but it would have come from a place of yeah do whatever you want kid i dont care... and maddie WANTS her to care so she doesnt push boundaries she has no reason to want to when all she wants is to be the favorite child she wants mommy to love her unconditionally. so she basically ends up stunted emotionally. she never really grows up she still depends on mom a lot... i think alice does see her as an overgrown baby like maddie is always asking for permission unnecessarily she feels like shes infantilizing maddie or that maddie is infantalizing herself. and now that they are both older alice may feel bad for creating this dynamic for them but god is it nice to have someone to call knowing she'll answer regardless of the time and listen to her drunken ranting and crying and being vulnerable to her babygirl the one person she can confide in, confident that it wont be used against her because maddie is so so loyal. and yet she still blames it all a bit on maddie and resents her for being that way. grow up. pull yourself together. why are you asking me. who cares. i dont care. grow up.

amelia and maddie can not reminice about childhood together for very long because when england comes up it is like they are talking about two different people and they start fighting about it.

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

BTS for "In This Darkness, I Have You"

Fic Specific Asks

BTS: I’ll write a DVD commentary about my personal favorite passage from [that fic]

OMG thinking about this fic for the first time since 2019. It’s been ages, so I’m just going to read through it and comment on anything that comes to mind!

So for context, the main premise of this is basically my take on the obligatory vampire period sex trope with alutegra lmfao. But specifically imagined as like a once a month no strings attached arrangement where integra REFUSES to ever acknowledge that there is like anything going on between them whatsoever. Mostly because she just can’t bear to actually unpack anything about their dynamic.

I tend to interpret Integra as just incredibly overworked and exhausted and also just. kind of emotionally stunted from having to bear the burden of acting like an adult from the age of twelve. She only knows how to compartmentalize and move on.

So this is obviously scene setting, leaning into the Tropes and horror angle. I always like making clear that Alucard is scary and gross lmao, and also that Integra’s super desensitized to it. This bit particularly though I also wanted to convey that he’s trying really hard!! It’s showmanship for her, he’s trying to put on a face that he thinks she expects and will be into.

So the fic takes place over the backdrop of a storm and the power going out. I think in context of the single one shot it feels a little jarring tbqh because of how things stop about twice to address it, but this fic fits into a continuity of a longer chapter fic I never actually wrote the entirety of. (Maybe one day?) And I think more mundane asides work better in that context. That being said it’s a (somewhat heavy handed?) metaphor. Integra just automatically blames him. He’s not correcting her, but it’s also like actually not his fault, and that comes up later. Idk tying into her perception of him as just more collected and in control of things than he actually is.

I’m generally very drawn to ship dynamics where one character just Can Not deal with being loved. But particularly in this case I think she just can’t like morally and ethically square it, because she feels immensely guilty for the whole… eternal servitude aspect but also doesn’t know what to do about any of it.

I think conversely Alucard truly just doesn’t care. He’s being honest when he asks if it matters. Sure, maybe their entire dynamic is fucked, so what?

This is condensed to see mostly the dialogue. I had a lot of fun with this back and forth! and like Alucard as a temperamental, mercurial type.

The return of the power outage subplot lmao! The Walter cameo was fun to me though. It’s really abrupt and it shakes up the mood a lot. I love writing a very over attentive Walter, perhaps because he’s perpetually feeling guilty…

I also just have a fun time writing him as a very intense mothering type. Kind of unsure how to care for Integra, especially now as an adult where she does not need caring for.

Anyway that last paragraph is a fairly crucial misunderstanding of Alucard I think. Again she doesn’t want to consider him being emotionally involved in anything! He does lash out and like deliberately fuck with her a lot but a) this would NOT be the time b) she views it as like this is just something he does as opposed to like letting herself see why.

And he plays into that perception! He’s like don’t mind me, I’m just silly!! Because admitting to genuine vulnerability is fucking humiliating and also when not in the heat of the moment, being bitter about the fact that she might like actually be grossed out by the prospect of him being in love with her, he absolutely knows that if they Have That Conversation she is going to fucking dump him entirely lmao. So he’s trying to shut the fuck up and not ruin things

And yeah this just further solidifies the points I was trying to make earlier. This fic is not subtle lmao. And if it wasn’t already clear, I just really like getting into Alucard being genuinely fragile.

Generally this fic doesn’t *resolve* anything between them. I don’t think anything I’ve ever written for these characters had a real resolution or solving of problems, just because there’s too much baggage to actually solve anything. But I think they end it with a slightly better understanding of each other. And Integra still has just as many issues with it rip.

Idk if this is potentially annoying to anyone who’s read it and liked the softer ending where she asks him to stay the night regardless of the dramatic conversations. But uh…. in the larger continuity that this fic falls into she’s absolutely going to start avoiding him after this lmao. Which Alucard, in turn, is not going to take well! They’re very dysfunctional.

Which isn’t the complete end of the romantic relationship either, because their boundaries are atrocious. But yeah this fic is def not the end/entire scope of that conflict.

[perilegs]

i was supposed to continue ati's rerun earlier today but i ended up booting dao. and then getting distracted for several hours. but i'm so back now! does anyone want to read about 5 pages of notes i've made about her as i've been playing? idc about the answer, here they are <33

Origin:

Killed one of the humans as an example. She can be very distrustful of them near her clan.

Cocky, Brash, A bit rude, very sure of herself, kinda rude and a menace, loves her mom (Ashalle). 

Is protective of the clan but like, physically, not verbally. As in, she will eliminate physical threats or ruffle a kid’s hair for doing a good job or put in extra effort to ask someone how they’re doing and sitting with someone if they seem like they need it or whatever. She does care. But she’s not going to say how much she cares out loud. She prefers to show it in other ways. Ati would find herself flustered if she actually had to tell someone how much love she has. That’s embarrassing. She can eventually sometimes be a bit less emotionally stunted around those she trusts.

“When mommy elf and a daddy elf love each other very much…” upon asked how the dalish came to be

Cannot bear the thought that maybe there was something that she could have done to stop Tamlen’s fate. “Why are you looking at me like that. It’s not my fault.” Very defensive about it.

Don’t cast me away, please

“I don’t want to lose you too.” Did the keeper have to say that. Ati already felt guilty about Tamlen. It would be later when Ati realized the keeper was right, it wouldn’t benefit anyone if she just decided to die in her clan. The keeper seems to hold the Grey Wardens in high regard.

Dragged out of the clan, kicking and screaming. Not really, she gave some very teary “I don’t wanna go, please this is all i’ve ever known” goodbyes. It was highly uncharacteristic of the overconfident Atish’an. She was always very sure of herself and raring to go and explore the world, and so very inquisitive, loving to ask questions about anything and everything from the clanmates who did trading with human villages.

Ostagar:

The trip to Ostagar made Ati a bit numb bc she realized there’s really no fighting her fate. More worn out than angry by Ostagar. Clearly unhappy. Still hostile to most, since i guess hostility and overconfidence are the only two acceptable emotions to show to the outside world.

I am no friend of yours, human lord

Finds Alistair alright, maybe a bit annoying (she does not realize they’re both Like That)

Alistair is a major history buff, knows everything about blights, grey wardens, and old gods

Definitely respected Morrigan at first meeting, she could see she was not like most humans, she felt closer to chasind than other humans. Morrigan is a random woman living in the woods and we were the ones who stumbled upon her area. Her mother seems alright albeit a bit. strange…

Tower of Ishal: confused as to tfs going on, she was dragged out of her clan to hold a torch so obviously she’s pissed but something’s not right.. The action is a nice change of pace and helps Ati forget other things. 

Seeing something like the darkspawn orge is enough to change a woman. If the blight isn’t stopped and darkspawn roam Ferelden. What if one of those showed up to her clan? Atish’an doesn’t even dare to think about it. 

Hearing Morrigan tell her the battle was lost, Ati’s stomach dropped. She felt helpless, but she wouldn’t give up on her clan this easily. It would have been humiliating to return now, all of her crying and anger in vain. She can’t yet again be the reason even more of her clanmates lives are lost.

Definitely respects Flemeth for reasons unknown. Ati thinks she has a strange, powerful vibe to her.

Seeing Morrigan’s mother cast her away in such a manner made Atish’an feel a pang in her heart. Morrigan was like her, yearning to experience what it was like outside her home, but not wanting to leave when it came to it. Ati admired Morrigan’s strength in how she handled the matter. Ati decided she’d stick close to Morrigan. Never thought a human could be so similar to herself. 

Lothering:

“yea might as well” type of attitude towards helping people. ati finds it strangely rewarding

“Blood isn’t all that important” @ Bodahn :’)

Ati decided she might as well get to know her companions a bit at camp since she’s going to have to stick with them for a looong time if they want to get help in stopping the blight. And she doesn’t want to feel any lonelier than she already does.

Morrigan dare i ask of your own mother - “I love her. What else do you want to know?” Why did she say that. She might as well have just opened her chest to bare her heart to a complete stranger.

Alistair is helping Ati have her silly moments. She sympathises with Alistair a bit, and is showing him compassion.

Atish’an appreciates the conversations she has with Morrigan. Morrigan seems nice in her own way, and she often says things that force Ati to stop and think. In the long run, it’s helping Ati mature a bit and Morrigan break down her walls.

Redcliffe:

The silly pathetic endearing human she’s been travelling with, who is her senior warden yet leaves all the important decisions to Ati, is technically the heir to the throne. She finds this hilarious

Down bad for the bann. (Ati has licked her fair share of lampposts and then some).

Circle:

Jumping at any chance to defend the mages

Oh? Wynne’s here? She’s kind of annoying but DAMN what a healer. Atish’an is thinking that she would be useful to have around to fight the darkspawn. Baby’s first rational work thought :’)

Loghain sent a fucking assassin after them? Atish’an is terrified but god if being powerful enough to have an assassin sent after you is ego boosting. For some reason beyond her, she doesn’t think Zevran is lying about what he’s saying. It could be because he looks like home. It’s been a while since she’s seen other elves around, and his tattoos remind her of vallaslin. Not that they’re the vallaslin she would regognize.

bislut4bislut but like. completely different brands of it. ati does it for fun whereas zevran is trained to be like that

The way Zevran talks so openly about his past is throwing Ati off. How can he just reveal these things to her? (Does Ati notice how Zevran is undermining his own experiences trying to tell what the crows did was practical and that there were benefits? Does she notice how he feels when Ati tells him what he went through was awful? I am going to cry about Zevran’t approval changes right this second.) 

Hearing Zevran be so very homesick and talking of his home he cannot return to broke Ati’s heart. At least she could eventually go back home. But the chances of Zevran surviving Antiva are slim. It makes Ati sad. She finds Zevran finding comfort in the smell of leather endearing. (I have far more thoughts on Zevran but this is what Ati thinks ok)

Brecilian forest:

Ati can't help but feel relieved after being among her own people after spending so much time with human affairs

Seeing the members of her sister clan in pain pains her too, she's stopped a demon possessing a child, an entire onslaught of undead, and she managed to save a circle tower from abominations beyond what she could have imagined. Ati feels unstoppable. Everything she has done, has worked out so far. It does not help with her cockiness. "I am good at non-trivial tasks."

Seeing the hunters like this… It takes some effort for Ati to not let it show how much of an effect it has on her. She could almost cry

Ati is getting used to Wynne. Ati's missing her mommy disease makes it so that Wynne's presence can be a bit comforting. And she appreciates Wynne's snark.

Wynne with elves who are mistrustful of humans, especially humans in authority seems to be a theme.

Seeing Danyla was painful. Atish'an knows she must be killed to end her suffering. It doesn't make it any easier. It's something that won't leave Ati. She's seen her fair share of death and suffering but this was something she couldn’t have prepared for.

Sided with the elves and the werewolves. Ati thinks Zathrian's actions were originally justified, but the clan is suffering and. Well. The current werewolves, though they are humans, they aren't the evil heartless creatures that originally assaulted Zathrian's children. They were just people who happened to be born to those people.

Leliana gets on Ati's nerves a bit every so often. "They are serfs. There is no slavery in Orlais." But. Leliana actually listens to Atish'an when she challenges her beliefs. It's refreshing.

Oh… Leliana also has a dead bio mom who had a friend Leliana considers a mother figure.

Denerim:

Ati got Sten at 100% approval after questioning him about qunari children. Her inquisitive nature and snark are a hit.

Ati approves after Alistair defended her to Goldanna. She was about to go off but Alistair's firm response was enough to not make her lose her marbles.

Denerim market district is a lot to take in. Ati has never seen a city this big so full of life everywhere. It's a bit overwhelming

Ati heard there was some Howe leading a purge in the alienage. She would show him no mercy would they ever cross paths

Haven:

"Kadan" Atish'an does not know what the word means, but she can feel its weight. Kadan. She thinks she feels the same way about Sten. Sten said he trusted her with his life… Also Ati appreciates someone who will challenge her. 

Ash wraiths look insane. Ati WILL have nightmares of them for years to come.

Okay so. There's a cult leader who wants to defile a relic holy to andrastians. Atish'an will not do that, but Father Kolgrim and his disciples seem like tough opponents. It would be smart to agree to do what he asked of her, and betray him, but Ati doesn't believe this guy could beat her. She's slayed several drakes in the past few hours, what's one guy?

The guardian mentions Tamlen and Atish'an's stomach drops. How does he know? Ati wants to leave. She doesn't want to be here any longer. She could say that her answer is her own, but a yes slips from her mouth. I could have searched harder. Atish'an knows Tamlen is dead, but, she never saw the body. The thought of the possibility of him being in the cave all alone looking for help has never left her mind. What if she did something when he touched the mirror? Why did she answer? Zevran commented on Ati's "self-flagellation," maybe he had a point, but Ati would not think about what he said for a while longer. No one had any fun here. Everyone paused for a couple of moments before moving on into the next room

This place fucking sucks. They really had to bring the Tamlen from Ati's heart here, and make him talk to her in front of everyone. She's heartbroken. Tamlen too told her she should stop blaming herself. But Ati knows Tamlen would do the same in her shoes. Who is anyone to tell her how to grieve? This was cruel.

Okay. Having to kill herself has been the least miserable part of the journey so far

Having to take all your clothes off in front of everyone was a bit weird in this context. 

Normally, Ati would think that she shouldn't be the one touching a relic so sacred to others, but she's too done to care about anything right now. She just wants out.

Yeah sure tell pilgrims to come here, whatever.

Finally, back at camp. Atish'an had a horrible dream about the archdemon. As soon as she woke up from it, the camp was ambushed. Tamlen? It. It can't be. He has been lost to the taint. Ati is frozen, she doesn't know what to do. She knows this isn't the Tamlen she knows, but, there's still some of it inside of him

"I don't want to talk about it." Alistair was the only one who saw what happened up close. Further away in the camp, the rest of Ati's companions are joking about the darkspawn attack. No one knows what exactly she just witnessed. Good.

-> inevitable what changes about you after the Joining. Alistair's humor does make Ati feel a bit more grounded after all this, but it's a good thing that this time, Alistair answered the question without further prodding.

"That's when a warden knows his time has come." Oh.

What happened to Tamlen, will eventually happen to her too. This is what the taint does to a person

30 years… It sounds like a lot of time, but. The inevitability of death looms over.

Returning ash & Denerim sidequests:

Leliana tells Ati she feels herself slipping, there is a part of her that loves the hunting and killing. I personally rlly dont want to harden Leliana, but, Ati sees nothing wrong with this, she tells Leliana to not punish herself for doing something she enjoys. Bc obviously Ati wouldn't know what saying that does to Leliana.

I almost thought I should've picked that Leliana is a good person, because Atish'an and Leliana a 100% have always agreed on basic human rights. Like not letting Sten starve even though he's a murderer, and letting Jowan go. But it wouldn't have fit Ati. Bc as much as she believes in not torturing people and letting people who regret their actions redeem themselves, she does enjoy putting a stop to someone who has time and time again wronged others (=not showing any regret or willingness to change or showing active want in wanting to continue inhumane treatment of others), like Howe. Who she will murder in cold blood once she visits the Alienage. But, not starving murderers and letting mages go free is not a sign of a good person to Atish'an, it's a given. Self evident. It's the obvious choice. It's not something she even thinks about. Letting people be free is built into her. Anyone who actively stops people from having their basic needs (hunger, thirst, freedom, safety) will receive the same mercy they show to others.

Which is to say, Atish'an definitely has a strong sense of justice. But the other side of that blade is that she will just straight up murder someone. the rest of this point is something i wrote way earlier and i’m not a 1000% sure what i meant by it (is there a typo?) but it’s probably too important to delete -> Btw her protectiveness doesn't get in the way of her justice. You might be thinking "Didn't Ati kill one of the humans as an example?" Which, correct. But she did it to protect her clan and she didn't deny food or water or enprison or torture them in any other way. She just murdered someone because she thought it was a just action. Idk how to explain this in a way everyone will understand what i mean and not reduce my dear Atish'an to a very one dimensional character.

Flemeth is dead, Morrigan is free and happy. It's refreshing to see her worries lifted

Orzammar:

Atish'an has never seen anything quite like this. Being underground is, well, unnerving to say the least. But the structures are grand. Ati had always wondered what Orzammar would look like, but she never in a million years could have guessed she'd actually end up visiting.

Dagna's enthusiastic interest in the world outside of her reach seems familiar

Atish'an thinks everyone is entitled to their own religion and not one is better than another. But she will absolutely not help anyone "spread the chant."

[tuiyla]

on bela: i don't even know how to feel, i'm so conflicted, right, cause in s1 she was my favorite (i couldn't even tell you why, she's not even really the kind of character i usually gravitate towards but smth about her was so charming, i was obsessed with her) and now.. i am just sad. don't get me wrong i still love her sm and i actually appreciate that she's making so many shitty mistakes bc, that's life, and that's part of growing up and learning to become a good person, but GOD i am sad -dan

Oh I feel that, you have every reason to be sad. I was hoping we might have hit rock bottom with Bela already and would start on a positive arc but nope, there was more!

The one reason I'm still... well happy isn't the right word but content with Bela's stuff is because I genuinely believe hers was the best written. Did it hurt, god yeah and she really tested my "support women's wrongs" stance. Girl did soooo many things wrong this season and these last two stunts with the Foxy and Georgia didn't help. But I do feel like the puzzle pieces all fit together and we have been leading up to this. During her last scene at first I thought she'd try and go back to the Catullan, but I suppose wanting to essentially run away is similar, in a sense.

Also in that last scene we saw the self-awareness she's been lacking all season, and that was reassurance that she does feel it, it's just too terrifying to face. And in that not only is Bela's story the most well-written but the most emotionally poignant. It sucks right now because she's in such a bad place and her future up in the air, but I this last scene made me have hope for the future. And, tbh, turned her into a much more interesting ch for me. This is how Bela has really arrived for me, with her broken admission that all she's ever wanted was to be liked and she messed it all up. Like, I just find it satisfying, despite feeling for her, how everything piled up to land her here. I especially appreciated that we acknowledged her 1.8 GPA and general lackluster academics because she more than anyone has been ignoring that and it should matter.

I feel like such an ass for saying her misery is by far the best storyline lmao but it's clear to me that most care was put into Bela's arc. And sure, that arc has been a downfall pretty much all season and those are inherently not fun to watch with chs we like and root for but at least I have something to root for, you know? No other character has made me feel so much for them this season than Bela did in that one scene. That was just so raw, you know? Like damn girl yeah you really have messed up, now let's put you back together. I'm really excited for Bela in season 3; I mean the only way from here is up surely lol.

There was also her throwaway line about being treated worse at the Catullan than she did Georgia and ashkjjs I'm so unwell about that, someone get this girl help.

[roseunspindle]

MHA kinda shigadeku?

- Shigaraki is emotionally stunted (purposefully so my all for one) and so his first real crush was always going to be...odd.  Naturally it's the green haired kid from the USJ. He got close, he knocked off "father", he cares for all might... (he has pretty big green eyes)

- Shigaraki only meant to get one picture of the green kid...only he ended up spiraling and he may have... a few more (he doesn't know why, maybe he needs to increase his hate! that's it...)

- Kurogiri may actually be sick of the sports festival by now, all Tomura has done is watch and re-watch nearly every moment. (Sometimes zooming in until the image is almost uselessly grainy)

- there may be a small part of Tomura, a part with a different name, that sees the look of relaxed relief on the Todoroki boys face, whatever Izuku said, and wonders, maybe even hopes, could Izuku say something to him that would unknot his very being? (That part is hidden beneath layers of pain and severed hands)

- the fight with stain in the bar is ridiculous already but Tomura and stain going on about "Izuku is a true hero" "only all might is a true hero!"

- Izuku has no idea why Stain says "ah, you must be Shigaraki's Hero" in a thoughtful tone of voice.

- there is no multiple Nomu, just one that may, may be luring Izuku to stain and to rescuing Tenya because maybe, possibly Shigaraki doesn’t want Izuku to be sad if his friend dies. 

- the Nomu is weirdly gentle when it tries to scoop Izuku up, and he almost feels bad that stain kills it. Stain declaring on tv that he acknowledges all might and "this boy that Shigaraki Tomura showed me was a also true hero" is just weird. Since when did Shigaraki think about him?

- all for one is...concerned... Tomura's obsession with Izuku could be a problem

- the mall incident happens almost the same, though Shigaraki doesn't put his hand on Izuku's throat (he knows it would be useless already he's never drop that finger) just an arm around his shoulders.

- the talk also is slightly different... he does still ask why everyone talks about stain so much and not him, but he also asks "what did you say to the Todoroki boy and why" some of Todoroki's story comes out because of that and Izuku isn't quite as frightened as Tomura isn't as unstable seeming more, he seems lost... and Izuku is also thinking about what stain kept saying, so he's more trying to figure out Shigaraki rather than fearing for his life

- Shigaraki lets more information about all for one "sensei" fall from his lips this time, accidentally or maybe, maybe deep down on purpose.  and there is a brief discussion on why Izuku loves all might and Shigaraki hates him...

- Shigraki has ideas when he leaves, but more confusion and no clear plan because, endeavor is bad really and all might, Izuku says all might is good and all might is Izuku's sensei and... (also he needs to get green apple shampoo, Izuku's hair smelled like that and it was...nice)

- Izuku does not know what to think (also he actually ended up signing a screenshot from the sports festival for Shigaraki)

- Dabi doesn't know what to do when he finds out that their first "target" is going to be endeavor... or that the reason is that he's an abusive asshole, and he's a very good example Shigaraki says of what is actually wrong with hero society.

- Himiko really wants to meet All Might and Deku, they are important to Mr. Stainy and Shiggy...

- there is no attack on the summer training camp, instead all of endeavor's dirty laundry (courtesy of Dabi, a little bit of Izuku from what he said at the mall, and Natsuo (who is not over the fact that his big brother is alive)) incidentally he is now a member of the league of villains (they needed a slightly less insane medical professional) Natsuo insists on being a medical semi-professional but well, he’s what they have.  He does diagnose Himiko’s iron deficiency and help her even out her diet, so she isn’t quite as blood hungry. 

- Dabi's revelation to the world is different and has a lack of body count at this point.

- it's phase one of "change hero society" which might be not what all for one wanted at all Tomura is supposed to destabilize and destroy it... this is problematic.

- Tomura is uncertain, Sensei has always said whatever Tomura wanted was okay but now that Tomura has chosen a direction, sensei isn't he seems unhappy with Tomura's choice...

- Tomura knows hero society is corrupt, so does Izuku and yet, Izuku thinks it can be changed but he does agree something must be done about "heroes" and a world that lets endeavor whose problems extend far beyond family abuse, be the number 2 hero.

- the dorms had been a plan and with the uncertainty of letting Todoroki go back to his father’s house at all, and such, they are instigated,

- all might however, is still the number one hero.

- people's faith has been shaken in heroes in general but two of them are considered "good" All Might of course and Deku (the wild wild pussy cats had to really put Izuku through his paces as the need for him to get his license is paramount)

- Izuku ends up in a split work study between Nighteye and All Might, Nighteye is still angry, but All Might knows Izuku and when the boy comes back depressed too many times he storms the Nighteye agency, there is a lot of shouting and maybe some crying and ends with Nighteye offering a deep, deep apology to Izuku for taking out his anger at all might on the unsuspecting boy.

- Twice still tried to bring overhaul in, Big Sis Mag is still tragically lost and Compresses arm...

- Izuku receives a few "presents" in the form of information on the "eight bullets of the shie hassaikai" he shares this and well, it's pretty obvious the league is the source. (also a burner phone, and maybe he doesn't show anyone that, but he does start texting the single number in it) (well, until himiko finds out and adds her own shiggy doesn't get to hog Izuku!)

- All Might joins in the Shie Hissaikai raid, though the final take down is still Izuku's (all might receives a few to many blows from spikes to his torso but succeeds in protecting Mirai

- it's as he's running over to young Midoriya who has started screaming, the little girl on his back glowing, her face contorted in terror... the light hits him. (Maybe just maybe, Izuku didn't say anything, even though he saw all might run over, because All Might has been coughing more, he's been so, sad he's in so much pain)

- eraser manages to turn of Eri's quirk, and for those in the know it's nerve wracking, wondering is all might's emaciated body will be releveled.

- only it's not, it's his hero body well, a little smaller(he isn't tensed up),  and his face is shocked looking, not smiling, his hand pressed to his side.

- recovery girl confirms, all might has been rewound, and from what she can tell, he's about mid-twenties, the weirdest part, is Eri re-winds time itself, and all might in his mid-twenties had not given up on for all, but iIzuku still has it and well, he sees briefly in his sleep that night, a gentle glowing woman crying and she pets his hair "thankyou, thankyou"

- all might has many feelings, but it's possible right now his biggest joy is just taking deep breaths and enjoying them. (also he will be eating a burger later) his stomach is back! other things are important but he will focus on the little things now. (he may also be planning to take Izuku to like, disney world or something, also tag on the beach, he realizes that he's excited to live not just for the newfound stability of the symbol of peace, but maybe, maybe also for himself)

[redpensandgreenarrows]

About Benedict Bridgerton:

Okay, so I want to talk about 2 scenes that I don't think are being discussed enough when it comes to our beloved Ben. One, because I think it shows how Benedict is more than just the "funny man", and why he's taking Anthony's paying for his art school so hard. And two, because the moments are small, but I love them so much!! (And I fall in love with Ben a little bit harder.)

Moment 1:

Moment 2:

Benedict cares. Benedict cares SO FUCKING MUCH. While you can consider him probably the snarkiest out of all the siblings - well male siblings - Benedict knows when shit is real, and he needs to be serious. Like the true romantic that his is, Benedict loves with his whole heart. And that definitely includes his family. He just wants them happy and will help in whatever way he can.

With Benedict and Anthony being so close - being each others' best friends - he recognizes that Anthony is struggling terribly in these moments. After the disaster wedding, Benedict sees Anthony stressing out and is the only one to ask Anthony what he needs. All the noise and panic from the other family members is not helping. And when Kate is hurt, although she definitely takes priority, Benedict knows he can't help her in that moment, so he looks to who else he can help. And the one person in that room without any immediate support is Anthony. So, Benedict of course asks "Are you alright?", because Anthony is obviously affected by this situation too. He doesn't need a doctor, but he does need help. Benedict, without thought, offers that support.

Now, Anthony, being the emotionally stunted mess that he is, does not know how to process those questions, those invitations of help. He's so used to being the strong one and tamping emotions down. Emotions slow down a person, and shit needs to get done. This is why he runs. Anthony doesn't know how to accept the help.

Now, how does this factor into why Ben is so hurt? Benedict willingly offers himself to be the support, the cheerleader, because that's part of how you love! So, it's not a far jump to assume he would expect the same in return. It's his family! They all want to see each other succeed and be happy! However, you don't do that with money, status, or power. You show support by being there physically and emotionally for people. Because, if what you're doing is not affected by money, status, or power, then you want genuine input without all that attached. (And I'm speaking in the general sense. Do all those things make creating art easier, yes, but I mean anyone can create art, you don't HAVE to have those things.)

So, when Anthony - throughout the entire season - makes comment after comment about Ben's work, his "doodles", and then come to find out Anthony paid for his spot in the art school, Benedict finds it easy to accept all those negative thoughts that he really isn't that good of an artist. People just care because of a family name. When in reality, Anthony was so focused on himself, he couldn't pull his head out of his ass every once in a while and come up for air. Actions have consequences.

And why do I love these moments so much? There's just something about a man genuinely asking to help emotionally. And you hear it in his voice! (I could wax poetic about how I think Luke T is a fucking acting genius, but I know you know already 😉.) It makes me want to swoon! 😊

Well, that's my ramble. If you made it to the end, thanks for reading!

[graniairish]

Walking on eggshells

So this is my first own story here. I hope it is written in an understandable way. (Please ignore any grammatical errors. English is not my mother tongue.)

Title: Walking on eggshells

Words: 6761

Warnings: language (some explicit words), harassment and insults, heartbreak

Summary:

Daryl and reader have been close friends since the early days in Atlanta. They are deeply in love with each other but have no clue about it.

At some point new people join the community, including a young woman who is immediately after Daryl.

Reader is not exactly thin, no size zero, but also not fat, rather curvy, feminine. Even in this apocalyptic time. (you are just the way you are.)

Daryl has withdrawn more and more from reader, avoids contact. Reader believes he does that because he now has a perfect woman by his side.

However, Daryl avoids reader because he does not know how to deal with his feelings.

One day reader goes on a run that goes wrong. To save their group, the reader does a suicide stunt, that can cost her life.

--------------------------------------------------

"Ya even know what ya're doin’?"

Those were the first words Daryl Dixon had ever said to you.

It was still at camp in Atlanta. Daryl stood over you, the sun behind him, as he looked down at you as you made a stew from a basket full of leaves and mushrooms.

“Believe it or not, I know what I'm doing here. My mother taught me as a child which mushrooms and plants are edible, and which can be used as medicine."

He nudged his nose up in a nod.

"If ya say so."

With that he dropped something in front of you.

"Maybe the whole thin’ tastes like somethin’ with that," he said before he turned around and made his way back to his brother.

Your eyes followed him - confused. Only then did you notice that he had thrown about a dozen freshly hunted squirrels in front of you.

Maybe the grumpy redneck was not that bad after all, you thought to yourself with a smile as you started to skin and gut the dead animals.

It was not long before a friendship developed between you. You were the only one he really let near him after the disappearance of his brother and Sophia's death. And after the farm was overrun by Walkers, he was by your side to comfort you.

He was always there for you, just as you were for him. You cared for each other.

But you only noticed how deep the feelings really were on your side when Daryl - after the incident with Woodbury - had turned his back on you and everyone else and disappeared into the woods. Just to be with his brother.

The realization that you were infinitely in love with the withdrawn redneck hit you hard. And just seeing him walk away hurt you so much that you could not breathe.

Without knowing it, Daryl had broken your heart into a million pieces.

It felt like he took a part of you with him.

More and more you withdrew from the others. From time to time, you even slept in the old management office of the Prison, far away from the cell block, from everyone else, from your family. You just wanted to be left alone in your grief and heartbreak.

In the first time you had gone through hell emotionally and a psychological breakdown would not have been long in coming. And if it had not been for Maggie, you probably would not have found your way back.

She had been your solid rock and, without you really noticing, had become your best friend - your sister.

And after a while it got better. It did not hurt that much anymore. Although it was not quite true. It still hurt - hurt infinitely - but the distances that those waves of grief hit you grew larger.

And then suddenly Daryl was back.

It was a shock to you.

And the moment he moved back into his cell in the cell block, you moved out. There was no trace of you or your belongings in the whole building anymore.

Quietly, and without anyone noticing, you moved into the management's office - permanently. The thought of being so close to him - physically - without actually being able to be close to him was just unbearable for you.

And so you had retreated.

Daryl did not seem to mind. It almost seemed as if he had not even really noticed it.

You hardly had any contact with each other. He rarely talked to you, and if he did, then only what was necessary and as monosyllabic as possible. He even seemed to be avoiding you.

But that's how life works - hard and unfair.

And you cannot choose who to fall in love with.

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. But it only worked like that in movies and love songs, right? It did not work that way in real life, at least not for you.

As time goes by you had devoted all your concentration to your small farm. Your mother taught you how to handle plants as a child. In your previous life - before the apocalypse - you also had a vegetable garden with which you mostly tended yourself. So you knew the job and it was easy for you.

You lived in your own little world where you worked side by side with Rick and spent your meager free time with Maggie. Sometimes Carol would join you, but you had already noticed that she somehow always dropped a few comments about Daryl.

You did not want to talk about the redneck, let alone think about him. So, you ignored her as best you could - or at least her suggestions.

But it was not that easy. Your whole prison family knew how deep your feelings were for Daryl. No matter how hard you try to hide it, hide yourself from it.

Then Woodbury fell. New people came to the Prison and with them a young woman - Michelle. Probably only in her mid-twenties, model type, blonde, pretty. A typical homecoming queen.

To you, she made it seem like she had never worked hard in her entire life. She was the type of person who always muddled through, for her own benefit.

And just a few days after moving in, she was permanently on Daryl's heels. She asked questions, talked to him, spent most of the days near him.

But worst of all, she was openly flirting with the man you loved, and he did not seem to mind. Your stomach cramped painfully at the sight, and you had not been able to eat for two days.

Your heart, painstakingly patched together, broke one more time. After that you had avoided Daryl and his blond girl for almost a week, avoided them like the devil had shunned holy water.

But it could not go on like that. And at a certain point you realized: as long as Daryl was happy, nothing else mattered. At least for you.

To make matters worse, there was that cruel little voice in your head that kept whispering to you why Daryl was interested in Michelle and not you. It kept talking to you, all the time.

And then the little wheels in your head started spinning until you were caught in a vortex of thoughts.

She was thin and delicate; you were rather well built.

Her shoulders were narrow; yours were broad.

Her stomach was flat; but you had unmistakable love handles.

She had a firm, shaped ass; you childbearing hips - as your mother used to call it.

Her golden blonde hair always fell in gentle waves down her back. You always had your y/h/c ones in a messy bun. And after hours of hard work in the gardens, you always looked like a half-plucked chicken.

You would never have any chance of comparing yourself with this beautiful, gorgeous woman. Michelle was perfect.

You were just you.

But the worst part of this whole thing was that this woman could not leave you alone. She had won, the man was hers. What else did she want from you?!

Every now and then she dropped small comments, out of the earshot of others. But so that you could hear them very well.

"Hard to believe how one can be so well fed.”

“Are you secretly eating your way through our supplies?"

"Given your size, a whole bunch of Walkers could get fed up with you for a week."

It hurt, hurt infinitely. But you were willing to endure everything. You did not want to make a scene. Did not want to get upset, maybe to draw more unwanted attention to yourself.

In the depths of your heart, you only wanted one thing. You just wanted Daryl to be happy. Everything else does not matter to you.

But what you failed to notice in all your self-doubt and self-sacrifice was: Daryl was not happy.

You were both blind to each other's intentions, had no idea why the other acted the way he was doing.

But the inner circle of your family, especially Maggie and Carol, knew what was going on. And having to watch the two of you - while you did not notice it yourself - slowly but surely drove everyone to despair.

The whole thing was like a fucking soap opera!

You and Daryl had barely spent time together and avoided each other as best you could, so you had not noticed all the little signs that spoke volumes to all the others.

How his ears turn red when you have been near him.

How he sometimes looked at you a little longer than others.

How he changed his shifts in the guard tower just so he could take care of you when you were near the fences during your work.

The moment Daryl faced you for the first time since his return, the floor was torn from under his feet. When he saw your y/e/c eyes looking at him, he felt his heart swell. Warmth spread in his chest and he had thousands of butterflies in his stomach. The redneck had never felt anything like that before and it terrified him.

It was something he could not handle.

He knew he screwed up when he left you because of his brother. The way you behaved towards him was unmistakable. Daryl did not want to endanger the little friendship that was still between you. He could not risk losing you for good.

So he gave you your freedom and just adored from a distance - without you noticing.

But from a certain point in time all his thinking was focused only on you. Or rather, to hide what he really felt about you - how much he loved you.

Daryl was so busy hiding the love he felt for you that he did not even notice how much this young woman from Woodbury was constantly flirting with him. Of course, it had not escaped him that she ran after him like a lost puppy; and yes that annoyed him.

But weren't all of these newcomers a pain in the ass?

He was not interested in this blonde woman, not a little bit. Daryl does not care about her; he does not even listen to her most of the time.

If he was honest, he did not even know her name.

---------------------------------

In the last few weeks, it had become routine for the redneck to be on guard duty in the early hours of the morning. Not just because he was an early riser- and finally got some peace up here from the intrusive people from Woodbury - but because you went to work in the vegetable gardens shortly after sunrise every day.

And from high up there he had the opportunity to watch and admire you unnoticed.

You have always been used to working hard, and everyone who saw you knew that you had no problem with it and that you could lend a hand. Rick once joked that you could overshadow any Amish when it came to your work ethic. You just shrugged your shoulders and replied that you had no problem with that as long as you didn't have to pray for hours.

So you and Daryl spent the mornings together - without your having a clue about it. You, lovingly watching over the plants in the vegetable patches, he on the guard tower, lovingly watching over you.

As the sun rose higher and higher on its way across the sky, it made the sweat shimmer on your skin as you patiently devoted yourself to each of your tasks without taking a break. The black tank top you wore on that hot summer day stuck to your body and framed it perfectly. Your figure was like an hourglass, and each of your curves came out sensually.

At least as far as Daryl could tell. For him you were perfect, just like you were. He could watch you for hours without getting tired of it, could watch you for the rest of his life.

Only when the crotch of his jeans became uncomfortably tight did the redneck look away from you. His thoughts had taken a suggestive course, and the images that emerged in his head were by far no longer suitable for minors. Daryl would surely spend this evening in his fist again - dreaming of how you would feel lying under him, how you would smell, how you would taste, and what sweet noises would come over your lips if he would touch you where you needed it most.

"Everything's okay," he heard a familiar voice next to him.

Damn it, did the time really go that fast? Was his shift already over?

"Are you okay? You seem a little distracted to me."

Carol had come to relieve him. But Daryl, in his fascination for you, had not even noticed her.

"’m okay."

"Yes, of course, and your thoughts were on the task in front of you the whole time."

There was unmistakable amusement in Carol's voice. With a knowing smile, the woman leaned on the railing and watched you work for a while.

"Can you please finally tell Y/N that you love her. So that we can finally all get on with our lives? It's really not nice to see you two walking around each other on eggshells."

Daryl was embarrassed. He was caught with his hand in the cookie jar by Carol. Still, he tried to stay as cool as possible.

"I have no idea what ya're talkin’ about."

But the woman was not easily fooled. She knew very well what was going on in the man in front of her. Just as she knew how you felt about him.

"I hear what you say, but your ears say something else.”

Daryl flinched. Sometimes he hated the way his body betrayed him.

“What the hell,” Carol had to keep from laughing “I didn't even know that they could get so red."

"Stop it woman."

Again and again, Carol tried to get her friend to finally confess his love to you. Because in her eyes you were both wasting valuable time. And being able to spend time with loved ones was the most important thing now.

You had not noticed any of this. You were too busy tying up the tomato plants and removing the leaves so that they brought the greatest possible yield. After all, many mouths had to be fed, and you all needed supplies for the coming winter.

And it was precisely these necessary supplies that prompted Rick to ask you to go on a run the next day with others. Of course, you immediately agreed, after all, everyone went on these runs at some point. It wouldn't be your first time, and certainly not your last time, that you would take part in something like this.

But who could say that in these uncertain times?

What you did not know at the time was, that Michelle would be there too. Maybe then you would have refused. But now you sat in the back seat of the pickup truck in silence, staring stubbornly out the window.

Michelle just a few inches away from you.

It had been clear to Maggie from the start that this constellation would not bring any good. However, even the young woman would not have expected what dimensions the whole thing would take. And in what a heartbreaking catastrophe it would end.

During the entire journey Glenn and Maggie tried to break the mood. The four of you sat in the truck and drove a few hours until you finally arrived at your destination.

It should be a simple thing - in and out, quietly, quickly, unseen.

But what no one had expected was the behavior that Michelle had displayed when it came to doing her part. She had absolutely no desire to be actually a part in this job.

And Michelle let the three of you feel that very clearly.

She neither wanted to help find the necessary supplies nor carry them; even found it outrageous that she had been asked by Rick to join in and risk her life. She had never had to do this before, why now?

It took you so much strength to stay calm and not yell your opinion on Michelle's face - or beat her across the street.

You did not like this woman, not a bit. For you, she was a narrow-minded, self-centered, selfish slut who cared about only herself. And what Daryl saw in her was incomprehensible to you.

But when Michelle began to risk all of your lives because of her loud behavior, even Maggie's patience ran out. The eternal insults in your direction were just the cherry on top. Maggie would have liked nothing more than to give this snotty brat a huge slap in the face.

But to make a shitty day even more shitty, that was unfortunately your smallest problem.

Michelle's loud complaints drew the attention of more and more walkers, and at some point, you had difficulties getting back to your car.

You had just successfully cleared a pharmacy when you saw the horde slowly approaching on the street.

That was by far the worst scenario, and your greatest fear.

It was all happening so quickly, and the only thing you thought was that Michelle had to make it back to the Prison alive. You could not risk Daryl losing someone he loved again. No matter what a fucking bitch she was. You knew it would destroy him.

The way back to the pickup was long and the Walkers unfortunately closer than wanted. The heavy backpacks did not make it any easier to escape them quickly. So you stayed back when Maggie, Glenn, and Michelle started running back towards the truck. You knew your partners needed a distraction to make it through.

And what could be a better distraction than you.

"Come to me you damn motherfuckers! Here I am! Come and catch me you bloody bastards! You ugly fuckers!" you screamed on top of your lungs, tried to make as much noise as possible.

The walkers slowly turned to you and came to hunt you down - to kill you. You would be their lunch. Scared to death your heart was beating so hard in your chest that you thought it was about to pop out.

From that point on, you could not remember anything. Your brain just shut down, went into survival mode. You only ran on instinct, no more active thinking.

In a way, like the Walkers you tried to escape from.

Maggie turned when she heard your voice, and the blood froze in her veins. She thought you were right behind her, but you were still near the entrance to the pharmacy and the horde of walkers was on the way to you.

"Y/N!" her voice was desperate.

She was about to turn back to you – to help you - but Glenn could not and would not let that happen.

"Come on Maggie, we have to get the car. We'll come back for her; I promise."

Glenn took his girlfriend's hand and pulled her forcefully with him.

Michelle had not noticed anything of that, she was the first to take a seat in the pickup and firmly locked the passenger door behind her.

When Glenn finally started the engine and Maggie - now in the back seat - turned her eyes back to the pharmacy entrance, you were gone.

Your best friend was in a panic.

"Where is she? Oh my god, where is she?"

Only then did she see you on the canopy of the building - the backpack with the bandages still firmly strapped around you.

"On the roof, Glenn, she's on the roof! We have to get her!" the young woman screamed in desperation.

She could not and did not want to lose her friend. Not now and not like this.

“and preferably before these things figure out how to climb”, was Glenn's addition when he turned the truck and drove towards the pharmacy.

"Are you crazy," squeaked Michelle, "do you want to die just to maybe save her life?"

Maggie's eyes darkened, and Glenn realized immediately that she had now reached the limit. Another word from Michelle and his girlfriend would feed this woman to the Walkers with no trace of guilt.

"You shut up now, bitch! You're to blame for all this shit. If you’d shut your damn mouth and done what we've all done hundreds of times before, none of this would have happened! These fucking things would never have noticed us."

Michelle gasped to give Maggie a neat answer, but Maggie was faster.

"If I hear one more word from you, if you just beep, I'll feed you to these Walkers!"

Michelle's reply was interrupted by the gruesome sound of breaking bones as Glenn brutally drove through the horde of walkers who were now confused and trying to understand what was going on around them.

You were still standing on the roof. Your gaze was focused on the scene before you but not fearful, as if your self was not there at that moment.

"You have to jump," Glenn called to you when he brought the pickup to a stop right under the roof.

And with that you jumped onto the back of the truck. The fall was higher than expected, and there was a thump as you hit the flatbed. Immediately Glenn had accelerated the car again and drove away as fast as he could in the direction of Prison.

Desperate, Maggie kept calling your name, but you just did not answer. Maybe you were in shock. After all, it was not common practice to voluntarily sacrifice oneself as a meal for these monsters.

A few miles out of town, Glenn finally stopped the car, and Maggie was by your side in an instant. But she was not prepared for what she saw. You were passed out and a small pool of blood had formed under your head. The thud she had heard - when you landed - had been your head when it hit the loading wall.

"Oh my God."

Immediately Maggie was at your side, looking for your pulse with trembling hands. And there it was - weak - but she felt it.

"Please open your eyes Y/N/N", the young woman pleaded as she lovingly brushed the hair off your face.

"Maggie?" Glenn's voice was timid, almost frightened, as he stood next to the pickup and stared at your broken body.

"We have to get her to my father as soon as possible!"

Maggie's harsh words seemed to loosen Glenn from his stupor.

"Okay, no problem, I can do that."

And with that Glenn was back behind the wheel and gave full throttle. Maggie stayed with you on the flatbed, took off your backpack and trying to stop the bleeding on your head.

-------------------------------------

Rick and Daryl were in the courtyard of the prison, discussing the next runs when the pickup truck drove through the gates with screeching tires. It was immediately clear to both of them that something bad must have happened.

Without wasting time, the two men ran towards the car.

"What happened", Rick called out.

But Daryl could not hear Glenn’s answer. Everything around him fell silent and vanished when he saw you - bleeding, passed out - in Maggie's arms.

Without thinking further, he jumped on the flatbed and leaned over you. He caressed your pale cheek with trembling fingertips before desperately looking for a pulse on your neck.

Frightened, he held his breath until he felt it, your heartbeat.

Even but so weak.

"We have to take her to my father."

Maggie had not even finished the sentence when Daryl had already taken you in his arms - bridal style - and was on the way to the infirmary with you.

With a lover's desperation, he clung to you as he ran all the way.

“Don't do this to me. I beg ya, please don't die to me."

-----------------------------------

Daryl never left your side for a moment. He sat like a statue and held your hand. He did not say a word, did not move. Neither when Hershel examined you, nor when he sewed your laceration.

He listened quietly to the vet's diagnosis and what he thought might happen in the next few hours or days.

Only when Maggie came with a bowl of water and a cloth to wash off the dirt and blood did he break free.

"Let me …" Daryls voice cracked, and the knot in his throat made it difficult for him to say anything else.

He took everything from Maggie's hand and put it on the little table next to your bed.

The redneck looked broken. The young woman could clearly see how much he loved you. And she knew that if you died, Daryl would vanish. He would just cease to exist.

“I'm so sorry,” Maggie said quietly, and a tear rolled down her cheek, “I thought she was right behind me. But … but she wasn't."

"It's not ya’ fault." Daryl's voice was barely perceptible.

Slowly he dipped the cloth into the warm water and began to carefully wash the blood off your face.

"Daryl I’m ... I’m"

"I know."

“Y/N is strong, she is tough. She will be okay."

Daryl just nodded absently while he concentrated fully on washing the blood off your temple.

And so Maggie left the redneck alone with you in the infirmary.

With trembling hands, he began to clean your neck. Little by little he washed your whole body- took care of you quietly and lovingly- making dirt, blood and sweat disappear, made you as clean as he saw you before you went on that fucking run.

Then he sat there, hour after hour, just looking at you, holding your hand. You looked so fragile. You lay there injured and pale, almost like a corpse. Only your quiet, even breathing told Daryl that you were still with him.

Inside Daryl, everything contracted painfully at the thought that you might not wake up again. Slowly he leaned towards your face. He looked at every birthmark, every wrinkle, every freckle, as if he wanted to burn them into his memory.

“I don't know if ya can hear me,” he finally began with a trembling voice.

“But I ... I ... I “, he had to laugh bitterly.

“’m a bloody coward. Why can' I jus’ say it?"

Daryl took a deep breath, he had to get his fear under control somehow. He had to tell you. He would never forgive himself if he did not do it now.

What if you died.

"I love ya Y/N. 've been in love with ya since ... I actually have no idea how long. But I love ya. I should have told ya much earlier. I don' know why I didn't. But I love ya."

Daryl fought back tears but lost.

"Oh God please, I beg ya, please come back to me. Give me a chance to show ya how much I love ya. Just one chance to prove myself to ya." and with that Daryl collapsed on top of you, crying and sobbing.

----------------------------------

It took you two days to open your eyes again. Two days in which Daryl had not left your side. Two days of going through hell and back again. In which even he had sent a quick prayer or two towards heaven.

It was as if you had been awakened from a deep sleep far too abruptly. And it took a while before you knew where you were. You felt dizzy and tired. Your head hurt like hell. And you were confused.

First, why you were in the infirmary, and second, why Daryl was sitting next to your bed looking like he had not slept in days – your hand in his.

"Hey," he whispered, "how are ya feelin’?"

"Tired", your voice was scratchy from not using it for a long time, "my head hurts."

“You hit ya head bad. Hershel had to patch ya up."

"What happened?"

"Can't ya remember."

"No ... Yes …. but not ... not really ... only up to a certain point."

You were nervous, were not used to Daryl being so close to you. You did not want to make a fuss about yourself, and yet you liked the attention this man was giving you.

“I can still remember the horde of Walkers who came up to me, but then … nothing ... I can't remember what happened then."

You had not noticed that tears had started to run down your temples until Daryl lovingly wiped them away with his thumb.

"Hey ... shh ... take it easy. Everythin’ is okay. Everyone’s fine. Please don't get upset, ya have a concussion. Hershel says ya need a lot of rest now."

And suddenly you were silent. Never before had Daryl spoken to you with such a loving tone in his voice or had touched you in this way. You did not understand what was happening here.

But he said you had a concussion. Perhaps it was to blame for this filter through which you noticed this whole interaction.

“I'll let Hershel know that ya woke up. I'll be right back; promise."

Confused, you looked after the redneck. Something had happened that you had no idea about. But you did not want to worry about it now. Your head hurt too much, and you just wanted to sleep.

---------------------------------------

When you opened your eyes again, Hershel was sitting in the chair on which you had previously seen Daryl.

"It's nice to see you again with your eyes open Y/N," said the older man with a friendly smile, "you worried us very much."

"‘m sorry. "

"It's okay. How do you feel?"

"Okay. Tired, head hurts."

"Something else?"

"No, except that I feel like I'm wrapped in cotton wool."

Hershel sat and listened to you before nodding.

"Daryl said you can't remember what happened."

"Not really."

"Don't worry, that's nothing unusual with this type of head injury."

He patted your shoulder encouragingly.

"Will I be able to remember one day?"

"You know kid, sometimes it is really good not to be able to remember some things."

"Probably."

“But now you should rest first. I know you have questions, but answers will come later. After all, you have to regain your strength."

------------------------------------------

You knew you had slept, but not for how long. Because the next time you opened your eyes, Carol was sitting on that same chair. But there was something else. Could it be that it smelled of her venison ragout?

"How are you, Y/N/N?"

"Still tired, but the headache is almost gone."

"Good to hear. You gave us all a real scare."

"I'm sorry."

"Especially Daryl. I've never seen him so frightened."

You looked questioningly at the older woman next to you. You were used to it that she kept dropping allusions about Daryl - at least when she talked to you. But you just did not understand that statement at all.

Daryl was never afraid of anything. Why would he ...

"Well. Are you hungry?" Carol had a friendly smile on her face when it broke your train of thought.

At that moment, your stomach made a loud rumbling noise.

“I'll take that as a yes,” smirked the gray-haired woman, “Daryl went hunting so that I could cook this. He knows it’s your favorite."

Unsure you looked at Carol before you took the bowl from her hand and slowly began to eat. It was true, that was your favorite food - if there was such a thing at all in times like this.

"You know that he loves you," she suddenly began out of nowhere

"Of course, we are family," did you try to belittle the matter.

“Okay, let's reformulate the whole thing again. Daryl is in love with you, absolutely and one hundred percent madly in love with you. A 'you're the only one for me' love. Without any misunderstanding."

When she said that, you choked on the stew right away and now you sat in front of her, coughing and snorting.

“And I know you love him too. So don't try to deny it at all. Everyone here knows that. Or how blind do you think we are? Although ... apart from Daryl. He has no idea. He probably wouldn't even understand if it bites his ass.”

At this picture you had to laugh.

“Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith in order to reach their goal. You two really have to start talking clearly to each other. You two belong together like pepper and salt Do you actually notice how much you waste your precious time? Neither of us knows how much of it is left. You should know that now, because honey it was damn close."

---------------------------------------------

Sleeping was your main occupation right now. A concussion took time and a lot of rest to heal. So it wasn't uncommon for your life to consist of short scenes at the moment.

With a sound - like a purring cat - you stretched in the hospital bed before opening your eyes. You no longer had any sense of time, and only the sunlight falling through the barred windows told you that it was probably afternoon.

"Hey."

Only now did you notice that Daryl was with you again.

"Ya feel better?"

"Yes."

Daryl seemed kind of nervous. But that wasn't possible, why should he?

"I've been here before, but ya slept and I don't want to wake ya", his words just gushed out of him.

Could it be? Was he nervous?

"Okay ... yes ... uhm ..."

You were easily overwhelmed with this situation, and somehow your head just seemed to have been swept clean. You could not find any words.

"We take turns. Hershel thinks there should always be someone with ya. Because of the concussion. Rick has already been here, and Maggie of course."

"And Carol."

"Yea."

"I wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For the food. Carol said you went hunting especially for it."

"No problem."

“I still appreciate it. And for ... that you are here ... with me."

He nudged his nose up in a nod.

And then there was silence. The conversation with Carol kept going through your head. What she said. Could it really be true?

You knew that Daryl has always been more of a man of action than a man of words. And it was clear to you that if you did not take the first step now, you two would probably never get anywhere.

"Carol spoke to me", you started when you sat up

The man across from you was obviously nervous now. You could tell all too clearly by the fact that he was starting to chew the inside of his cheek.

"With me too."

"Apparently something like an intervention is going on here, could that be", you smiled, trying to loosen up the mood a bit.

"Seems so."

Daryl looked at you for a few moments. You could see the wheels turning in his head.

"I'm a coward, Y/N," he finally began.

You had expected a lot, but not a statement like that.

"No, you’re not. How did you come up with such an idea?"

"I was a complete idiot and too cowardly."

"What are you talking about Daryl."

In your opinion, this was going completely wrong right now. You actually wanted to tell him you loved him, and now it seemed to end in a vortex of self-doubt.

"I love ya, Y/N.”

And with that your thoughts became silent.

“I am terribly in love with ya. And out of fear I didn't say anything. But then I saw ya lying on the flatbed of that fucking truck, covered in blood and passed out. At that moment, my heart stopped. And I swore to myself that when ya're okay again, when ya've got throu’ this, that I'll finally tell ya what I feel for ya. Y/N I love ya. "

During Daryl's monologue you forgot how to breathe and just listened intently while thousands of butterflies fluttered around in your stomach like they're having a bloody party there.

It took you some time to realize that Daryl was waiting for a reaction from you as he gnawed his thumb in fear.

"I love you too," it gushed out of you before you even realized you had said something.

And then there was silence again. You and Daryl just looked at each other. Unsure what to do now. After all, you were both in uncharted waters.

"And ... and now," you asked uncertainly.

"Don't know," Daryl just shrugged.

"I mean ... um ... are ... are we ... together now?"

You carefully ventured out of cover.

"Um, yea ... if ya ... if ya want that."

"Oh my god, yes please", you replied in one breath.

Suddenly the tension between you had dissolved and you both had to laugh. It was so surreal. Two adults acted like teenagers in love who had no idea what to do.

But then Daryl slowly leaned in towards you. Your heart was pounding when you could finally feel his breath on your face. But before your lips touched, he stopped. He wanted to give you the opportunity to evade him if you did not want this.

But you wanted it, wanted it more than anything else in your life. And when you had overcome the last few inches, you finally felt his lips on yours.

The feeling was amazing. As if at that moment an electric shock had run through your whole body, and at the same time it was like coming home.

Everything around you no longer existed, was no longer important. Here and now, it was just you and Daryl. The way his lips moved with yours, how his fingers slowly ran up your arms until they were in your hair.

Everything was so intense. And when you finally parted to take a much-needed breath, Daryl leaned his forehead against yours.

"Ya have no idea how long I've been dreamin’ about this."

"Probably as long as me."

-------------------------

When Rick was about to visit Y/N in the early evening hours, he saw Carol and Maggie standing in the door to the infirmary.

"Everything's okay," he wanted to know.

The two women turned around with their index fingers over their lips.

"Shhhh."

Both did at the same time.

"Be quiet and come here," Carol whispered, "you really have to see that."

Rick approached the two women curiously. What could be so interesting that Carol and Maggie were half-hidden behind the door, staring into the infirmary?

He was confused, but when he saw what fascinated them so much, his heart swell. A satisfied smile played on his lips, as he was seeing what was going on less than five paces away.

Daryl was lying - half sitting - on the bed. His back supported on the wall behind him. Y/N was snuggled close to him, head on his chest and her arm wrapped around him. Absently, the fingers of his right hand traced patterns on her upper arm as he read to her from an old paperback.

Everyone could see the love that bound these two people. And thank God the two finally understood that.

"Seems like we finally have a happy ending," said the former deputy with a broad smile.

"Thank God", Maggie exhaled, "nobody wanted to watch this puppy love shit anymore."

“Yes,” laughed Rick, “but you have to admit there was something exciting about the whole thing. As if it had been our very own little soap opera."

"You're right, but I prefer my best friend happy."

"And what do we do now. I mean this seemingly endless heartbreak theater has come obviously to an end."

"Gossip- Rick is afraid he'll get bored?"

Maggie's voice was teasing.

"No, that's not how it was meant."

"Don't worry, Rick," said Carol with a smile, "I think the whole thing has a sequel anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, has someone told Michelle yet?"

All three looked at each other with big eyes before they having to resist laughing convulsively.

This story could get really interesting after all, they agreed.

part two

[fukurodanni]

love for the rich and emotionally stunted: a comprehensive guide

ch. 2/7 -- prev. -- next. pairing: jumin han x f!reader warnings: n/a series summary: in the months following the incident with his father's most recent paramour, glam choi, the corporate heir of C&R finds himself discovering exactly what it is that makes a person in love so blind. ao3 link

note: sticking a read more right at the beginning. u kno how it is. thank you for sticking around i'll try my best to keep updates within a week or so!

(weeks prior.)

Jumin Han has entered the chatroom.

Jumin Han

She talked to me today.

ZEN

??

Who?

707

She??

There’s a she?!

Jumin Han

Oh.

I must have neglected to mention it.

ZEN

????

Last time there was a “she”...

Jumin Han

… No.

There’s a woman at my office.

Jaehee Kang

Does she work for you?

Jumin Han

Yes

707

That took an awfully long time for you to type lolol

Are you sure~~

Jumin Han

Yes. She wears a lanyard.

Jaehee Kang

Do you not know her name??

Jumin Han

I should think it would seem impolite after… all that.

Jaehee Kang

???

ZEN

?????

All that WHAT?

Jumin Han

I only caught a glimpse of her lanyard. I don’t know.

ZEN

Dodged my question… T_T

Jaehee Kang

Is this that woman you see in the mornings?

Jumin Han

How did you ....

ZEN

?!?!

707

Is our Jumin finally getting some?!

I’m so proud. Haha T_T

Jumin Han

Getting some… what?

Jaehee Kang

I can look into her.

For research purposes. Of course^^

Jumin Han

;;;

I only just started seeing her this month.

At the door. Seeing her at the door.

707

Seeing her OTL

Maybe she’s your future lover come to save you^^

Jumin Han

I doubt that.

ZEN

Yeah lolol

I doubt it too

And right after the Choi thing?? No way.

707

T_T

Ur right

There’s no way...

-

“Do you play video games, Mr Han?”

That’s a new one. “Where would I find the time?” He asks, thinking of Yoosung. “It’s a useless hobby.”

“That was a quick answer,” you reply. “Who hurt you?”

Jumin raises a brow, inquisitive. “No one.”

“Okay,” you say, the beginnings of a grin playing on your lips. “Who ruined video games for you?”

He thinks of the dark smudges under Yoosung’s eyes, the awful typos and the messages at 3am. It’s only a little funny. The door closes behind them. “No one in particular.”

“You’re smiling, Mr Han. Just a little.” You smile too at this, tilting your head in that curious way of yours. When you reach the lobby and then your separate ways, Jumin spares a glance at you.

He wants to say something more, something lodged very deep in his throat that comes out dry breath. He’s never been too good at small-talk, not with colleagues, not with business outside of work. He wants to be, just a little.

He’s not quite sure how that came to be.

-

It’s beyond embarrassing the way he comes up to you in the cafeteria. “You work here,” he says, a very belated realization.

You blink a few times, as if processing. “Yes,” you say slowly. “I have a lanyard.” You wave the offending item around and Jumin finally, finally catches a glimpse of your name.

“I see,” Jumin says, because that’s all he really can say. “Work hard.”

He consults his phone right away, willing the heat from his face and opening the messenger app. It goes as well as expected when he mentions it so vaguely-- Hyun rags on him for his lack of conversational skills and Yoosung drops a line or two about his own miserable love life. In any case, Assistant Kang’s information on you had only reached him earlier today and in a way he’s still coping. It had been baffling to say the least, finally having everything in front of him rather than scattered in the bits and pieces of your dialogue.

You work, technically, in the same position Assistant Kang does. Only in the fashion department, of which Jumin had strategically ignored after Echo Girl and the Chois. It really isn’t his fault he hadn’t noticed you-- not since before this month when you began arriving so consistently.

“Something on your mind?” Assistant Kang asks, looking up from where she’s shuffling through a stack of papers. It isn’t unusual for her to break the silence with a quip-- she’s always been good at easing into a mode of conversation that takes the edge off. As a good assistant and employee should, of course. Jumin wonders if he should relay this to her.

“Nothing,” he says instead, because surely she already knows. “Is it polite to bring gifts for someone you’re sure you will be seeing every morning?”

She raises a thin brow. “Who-- that woman at the fashion department?”

Jumin deigns not to answer right away, looking down at the state of his nails and the tick of his wristwatch. “Surely there must be some etiquette about that.”

-

Jaehee Kang

Buy her coffee.

ZEN

Get her a promotion lol

707

A new car!!!

Yoosung★

Maybr a nicce pen

??

-

“Any favorite TV shows?” You ask one morning. “Personally, I’m fond of office romances.”

Jumin lags for a moment, waiting to catch up. It isn’t an unusual occurrence. “Is that an innuendo?”

You smile, a little flushed-looking, and wave a hand. “Nope. Not at all.” When you look at the second coffee in his hand, though, it seems you need a second to catch up yourself. You’d mentioned offhandedly how you take your coffee the day before, and today something had stopped him at the threshold of the coffee shop he stops at every morning. Funny how things work like that.

“This is for you,” he says determinedly, and you smile a little but there’s still an edge.

“You dodged my question.” You state simply. Jumin does not know what to say.

He thinks about it for a moment, really thinks about it. The only thing that really comes to mind are the Sunday morning programs, and he doesn’t really know them off the top of his head. Maybe the morning news. “No TV shows. Next question.”

“Okay then,” you say, “Any pet peeves?”

Jumin smiles a little. It isn’t really conscious, but he’s finally figured out a way to respond and he just hopes it takes well. “Women who stop me at the door in the morning.”

“Oh,” you say, taking a sip of your coffee. You hum appreciatively. He feels strangely, indirectly accomplished. “Shame. Mine’s men who give me three word responses when I ask them things.”

He scoffs, although it isn’t as hard as it usually comes out. “I answered that in a sentence.” He says, very assuredly. When he looks back at you there’s a softer smile at your lips, rounded at the corners and not quite so mischievous as he’s seen it look before. It looks fond.

“I know,” you reply. He feels a little warmer now, turning the corner where you two part ways. You offer him a two-fingered salute, a “See you in the morning!” and a final turn.

And then you’re gone.

-

The next time the conversation lingers long past the lobby it’s because you’ve coaxed him into talking about Elizabeth III. There’s a point where you’ve reached the elevator and he’s talking to you about her care routine and the minutiae of what it takes to keep her fur so soft and pristine (much of it is her own work and her natural beauty-- of course) and he’s only barely aware of how long he’s been going on, but he pauses to look at you. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, between Jaehee’s hesitancy and Luciel’s rabid praise and Hyun’s outright disgust--

But there’s something about the way you’re looking at him when he’s finished, curiouser and half-curved into a smile. And he’s been on the receiving end of that before-- his father’s lovers, interviewers and subordinates-- but none of them have ever seemed so affectionate.

He’s seen the same look before when it’s Jaehee with a new photocard, the way Yoosung danced around Rika. It’s the glint in Luciel’s glasses when he gets to working and it’s something, something.

You look like you’ve seen something beautiful.

Which is understandable to him, really, having just shown you pictures of his Elizabeth III. What he understands less is the way you’re looking at him and not the open phone, caught up in a silence that seems way too heavy for a conversation about his cat. Even when the elevator dings it’s with some trepidation that you leave first, a memory, a discovery pulled taut between you two.

“I hope I get to meet her sometime,” you say.

Jumin nods, wordless. The delight on your face at such a simple gesture fixates itself in the forefront of his mind until he returns home to Elizabeth, flickering like hell and unbidden and unexpected but not exactly unwelcome. It’s just as confusing to him as it sounds on paper.

-

Somehow Jaehee gets to you first.

For all the time he’s spent working with Jaehee, working around her and in her general proximity, he doesn’t actually know what time she gets into the building. She seems like an inevitability, something constant and fixed and always there.

So when he holds the door open for two women, Jumin is feeling like he had seen something he wasn’t supposed to. Especially since the two of you seem to be chatting so jovially, shaking her hand with both of yours when you go to part.

There’s another something clogging his throat, a cloying want and a halfhearted desire to draw that same laugh from you, that same open brightness. He hasn’t let himself feel so much about one person-- one particular and fixed point in his life. Jumin feels like he’s chasing-- some feeling, some unnamed ball of fire-- a meteor, blazing and brilliant and too much to be real.

It’s too much to be compared to anything else, not when Sarah Choi was an unlit match next to what a beaming bonfire you are. Suddenly Jumin feels more tightly wound than he usually does.

And really, truly, it feels like a lot to handle, so he turns on his heel after silently handing you the coffee and begins to march. It feels like karmic debt for not having experienced these things as a schoolboy, and then only once as an adult. He doesn’t even know if the one time counted.

“Mr Han--” you say, and it happens at the same time he holds his breath to turn again. Just to look, to see if you appeared as off kilter as he felt. Maybe the world had rotated wrong today.

You stop there in your tracks and he really does believe for a moment that the world has gone astray-- because then it would explain the way air isn’t getting to his lungs right. He inhales just to make sure and before any other dialogue comes from your lips he asks, “Walk with me?”

You both take the elevator then.

-

Jaehee Kang

She’s a very nice woman.

Yoosung★

Huh?

707

U met her?!?!!

Tell me everything

-

It makes your mornings longer, the introduction of the elevator route. He isn’t sure how it became mutual agreement and routine, the same way the cup of coffee steams in your hands and the way you ask after Elizabeth III. The way the door gets held open.

Jumin isn’t sure how many mornings go by, how many of them are spent dreading the chime of the elevator, but one of them brings a much quieter you. And you’re usually such a whirlwind of life, pulling him toward and towards you-- he’d be lying to himself more than usual if he said he wasn’t worried.

You look like you’re steeling yourself too, and you’ve never done that-- there isn’t a thing you’ve said to him that was measured or prepared. You’re kind of like an overexcited puppy, and he’s never been too fond of dogs.

He feels something slide out of place, something like a realization that’s far grander than he knows, hovering at the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t know what it is yet, not really. He’s barely out of his head, ready to ask if you’re alright--

And you cut him off. Like you did that first morning, knocking the breath from his lungs and everything else out of place. Jumin likes things neat and tidy, likes things where they should be, where he’s used to seeing them. You aren’t too good for him, he thinks.

Then you ask, “Would you want to go out sometime?” And he has no reference materials and no forewarning and no prepared response. The odds are against him.

So against all odds and every simmering nerve in his body he says, “Yes.”

tags: @vandysgf @mrs-han

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Strangers | Joaquín Torres

✦ pairing — Joaquín Torres x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 5.8k (I’m sorry, I don’t have much self-control left)

✦ loosely based on the song Strangers by Mallory Merk

✦ request — I’d like to ask for something where Bucky and the reader are roommates but she’s younger (Joaquin’s age) and one day Sam and Joaquin are there for whatever reason and that’s how Joaquin and Reader meet and they get along (and flirt obv) and Bucky is like a protective older brother and Sam vouches for him but Bucky doesn’t loosen up until Joaquin saves reader from danger or does something nice for her

✦ warnings — angst, awkwardness, Bucky acting like a jealous brother, mentions of beverages and food, light depictions of anxious worry, fluff.

════════════════════════

Bucky and you were in the middle of discussing whether you should adopt a cat or not when a rhythmic knock on the door interrupted the urgent conversation.

“Are you expecting someone?” he asked, eager to go back to the pressing matter at hand.

“You know I am not. I didn’t order anything either...”

Bucky sighed. “I’ll check.”

“No!” You stood up abruptly from the couch. “You’ll scare whoever is behind the door off like you scared our poor neighbor.”

“Can you let that one go?”

“Nope,” you replied as you crossed the small living room.

You would never. The lady still tried to hide from him when she saw him down the hallway which was hilarious because it wasn’t due to the fact that he had famously been The Winter Soldier but because he grumpily opened the door when she needed a favor and closed it on her face.

As you opened the door, you found two attractive men standing in the doorway.

“Is Barnes here?”

“Oh, God. What did he do now?”

“I didn’t do anything!” he exclaimed in your ear, making you jump.

“Jesus, Bucky.”

“Sorry.” He then acknowledged one of the men in front of you, the one who had asked for him, “What’s wrong, Sam?”

“Can we come in?”

Both Bucky and you moved out of the way so the pair of handsome men could come inside.

“So you’re the roommate?” Sam asked.

“I am.”

“And you don’t think he’s the most annoying person you’ve ever met?”

“No. Should I?”

“Hey!”

“I’m joking, I’m joking.”

“I’m Sam Wilson,” your interrogator introduced himself properly. “And this is Joaquín Torres.”

“Nice to meet you.” You smiled at Sam, then at Joaquín who smiled back.

Bucky cleared his throat.

Sam looked tense as he ominously said, “We need your help.”

“Give us some privacy, sweetheart,” Bucky told you.

You retreated to your bedroom, wondering what the secrecy could be about. You knew who Bucky was, what we had done, and everything in between.

And sure, some people thought you were crazy for being his roommate, but you weren’t scared of him. You trusted him and cared about him. In the few months you had gotten to know him he had become an important person in your life, one of your best friends.

His visitors didn’t stay for too long. You hadn’t even gotten comfortable on your bed after having put on a tv show to have something on the background when you heard the front door close.

A couple of minutes later, Bucky knocked on your door and opened it just enough to ask if he could come in.

He sat on your bed, fixing his eyes on your desk.

”So...” you broke the silence, “should I be worried?”

“No.”

“Bucky. Look at me.”

He turned to the side, fully facing you. “What?”

“You don’t have to hide things from me or coddle me.”

“I know. But it’s nothing that can’t be fixed,” he assured you.

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He gave you a small smile. “Now, about that cat...”

════════════════════════

After a long week of work, you found yourself relieved to have the apartment just for you. Bucky was a lovely roommate, you just wanted an alone moment.

Saturdays were usually the day you had the apartment for yourself, Bucky had a strict routine until something extraordinary happened and you were comfortable with adapting to it.

To your luck, somebody knocked on the door. You hoped it was somebody looking for the neighbor or something because you weren’t in the mood for people.

Your mood, however, did a 180 as soon as you opened the door.

Joaquín gave you a small smile. “Good evening, (Name).”

Why did he have to come by when you were in sweats and an old t-shirt?! You smiled at him. “Hi.”

“Is Bucky home?”

“No. But he should be back in a couple of hours.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll wait for him outside.”

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” you asked. A part of you wanted to be polite, the other wanted to chat for a little bit. “I just started a batch.”

“Uh—“ Joaquín cleared his throat. “I would really like that.”

You motioned for him to come in. His eyes fixed on you as he did, but for some reason, you didn’t feel uncomfortable. There seemed to be no malice in his eyes.

“Free day?” he made small talk.

“Yeah. I actually don’t work on weekends.”

He shifted in order to face you and asked more about your job. You hoped it wasn’t part of his small talk anymore.

As the conversation progressed, you were sure it had been. His gaze remained on you whether he was speaking or listening, interest never wavering as he found more things to ask about you.

His eyes were such a peculiarity and you couldn’t understand why. Brown eyes were common, you had seen them thousands of times.

“I think the coffee’s ready,” he murmured.

“Right!” You abashedly stood up, smoothing your t-shirt as though it really mattered anymore.

“Do you need help?”

You shook your head. “I’ve got it.”

Glancing at him as you poured the beverages, you saw him staring at you too. Either you weren’t being subtle and were making him uncomfortable or he wasn’t being subtle either. Both options were terrifying.

You walked slowly towards the living room and put both cups down. “Sugar?”

“Please.”

As you went back to the kitchen, you checked the state of your hair on the microwave. Deciding there was nothing you could do to it, you left it as it was and took the container of sugar in your grasp along with a teaspoon.

You placed the sugar container on the table. “Cream?”

“No, thank you.”

Joaquín sweetened his coffee as you sat down next to him once again.

“You don’t like it with cream either?”

“No. I only remember to buy it for Bucky.”

Giving you his entire attention back, Joaquín lifted both eyebrows. “He takes his coffee with cream?”

“Oh, yeah.” You nodded enthusiastically. “I was as shocked as you are.”

“My grandma loved coffee with milk. She added so much that I don’t think it was coffee anymore.”

“Did you ever try it?”

“I didn’t. Well, maybe as a kid?” He tilted his head as he tried to remember. “I would prepare her coffee all the time...”

“That’s so sweet.”

He took a sip of coffee. So did you. For a moment both of you remained silent, and although it wasn’t uncomfortable you found yourself wanting to ask more about him.

You were out of practice in terms of social interaction. It was terrifying to admit, but the fear only made it truer. The blip changed and ruined lives, and while you were getting back on your feet, you still found yourself socially and emotionally stunted at times.

Joaquín didn’t seem to mind the silence. You wondered if he sought it.

Peacefulness and silence didn’t last. The front door opened unexpectedly and Bucky’s heavy steps cut the harmony of Joaquín’s and your breathing.

“I didn’t know you would be coming over,” Bucky grumbled.

Joaquín jumped off his seat. He took the file in his grasp and handed it to Bucky. “Sam wanted me to give you this.”

Humming, Bucky opened the folder. He gave the contents a quick read, then closed it again. “Well, you gave it to me already.”

“Right. Uhmmm...” Joaquín turned to the side and lightly bowed. “Thank you for the coffee, (Name).”

“Anytime,” you said, voice too enthusiastic even for your liking.

Joaquín gave you another smile before leaving the apartment, causing your face to flush.

You attempted to entertain yourself by washing the cups, but you still couldn’t believe you had spoken like a teenager with a crush.

Bucky leaned onto the wall. “I saw the way you were looking at Torres.”

“With my eyes?” you teased.

“With too much enthusiasm.”

“He’s cute,” you admitted as you twisted to look at him.

“Nope, not happening.”

“Not happening what?” Feigning innocence never worked with him, but you still liked trying. However, his glare told you this wasn’t the time to be playful. “Bucky, come on, I just admired the view. It’s not like I’m planning on running after him to ask him to marry me.”

He narrowed his eyes.

“Do you believe me capable of asking somebody I barely know to marry me?” As soon as the question left your mouth, you added, “You know what? Don’t answer that.”

“He gave you the same eyes you were giving him,” Bucky said grumpily.

“He did?”

“Can you be serious for a moment?”

“Oh, Buck, I’m being more than serious.”

He rolled his eyes. “Is this my first time seeing you with a crush?”

“Do you find it charming?”

“You weren’t this cocky with him.”

“Were you eavesdropping?!”

“I thought you had another type of company. Wanted to make sure it was safe to come in.”

“That’s such a bad excuse.”

“Not as bad as your flirting.”

“Just because you used to be a good flirt doesn’t mean you still are. Be humble, Barnes.”

“I’m still better than you.”

You stuck your tongue out. “I’ll become the best flirt in the world. You’ll see.”

“Absolutely not. And Torres is off limits!”

“Awww, do you want him for yourself? Can I have Sam then?”

“You don’t even know him!”

“Sam or Joaquín?”

“Joaquín,” he grumbled.

“Whose fault is that? I couldn’t even get his number because you had to show authority or whatever macho bullshit is clouding your judgment.”

“My judgment isn’t clouded.”

“You need to get laid so I can get laid.”

“What’s wrong with taking things slow? The last date I went on was a disaster.”

“Nothing,” you assured him. “I just think you need to de-stress, have some clarity and see I just have a mild crush.”

“Mild?”

“Yeah. I was kinda intense in high school.” You feigned a shudder. “Dark times.”

“What about college?”

“We don’t talk about that. I had terrible taste.”

“See?”

You tried another approach, “We’re acting like children and I’m pretty sure we are adults. I pay taxes, dude, I can have a crush on whoever I want.”

“Of course. You’re a big girl.”

You could tell he was only going with your flow. But you would take it.

════════════════════════

Bucky sat in front of Sam. Brows furrowed as he went through the same file Joaquín had given him a few days ago.

He didn’t like the idea of going after anybody. He had left violence to the side already. Did this count as ruining it all so soon?

Glancing at Sam, who was expectantly watching him, Bucky sighed. “What about (Name)? What should I tell her?”

“I could send Torres—“

“NO.”

“Barnes,” Sam sighed, “you know we can trust him.”

“For this type of stuff. Not with (Name). You didn’t see the way he was looking at her the last time.”

“He might have a crush,” Sam conceded, “but you’re acting like he wants to murder her.”

“He might,” Bucky said without really meaning it.

Sam crossed his arms. “Do you like her or something?”

“Not like that,” Bucky replied, almost offended. “She’s like a sister to me, Sam. I care about her, I want to protect her.”

“By not letting her see people?”

“You don’t get it.”

“No, I do. And I know damn well this isn’t the right way to do it.”

Bucky scowled, yet knowing Sam wanted to say something else, remained quiet.

“Think about this. You’re worried something will happen to her while we do this, and I’m telling you Torres could keep her safe but you’re being childish because you think you should act like a jealous brother.”

“What if he breaks her heart? Huh? What then? She likes him!”

“He’s nice, of course she likes him! You should be glad he likes her too, dumbass.”

“She’s not ready to date people.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

Bucky shifted in his seat. “I’m not trying to be a dick, Sam. She’s been through hell.”

“Something might not even happen between them, you’re jumping to conclusions way too quickly.” Sam then added, “Unless both are into fast dating in which case things would be fine too.”

“You don’t know that. He could hurt her.”

“You already managed to run a background check on him and—“

Bucky interrupted, “How do you know?”

Sam nonchalantly shrugged. “I’d do the same.”

Bucky hung his head, staring down at the file on the small table. “Can I beat him up if he does something he shouldn’t?”

“He won’t.”

“But can I?”

“Will you shut up if I say yes?”

“Maybe.”

Sam withdrew his phone, tapped the screen a couple of times and brought the device to his ear. “Torres. Are you busy?”

Bucky huffed through his nose and then went back to read the file for the hundredth time.

════════════════════════

The forecast that morning had forced you to carry an umbrella and a jacket that you ultimately had to shed. It rarely rained around your workplace; you couldn’t say the same about your apartment.

You weren’t sure what type of natural phenomenon was at play —or fault, really— but you were not happy about it.

Hoping you hadn’t forgotten to close your bedroom window, you quietly wished your coworkers a good night and made your way towards the exit.

You found a face you seemed to see everywhere. Mostly due to your daydreams, but who could blame you apart from Bucky?

Joaquín slid his right hand off his pocket and waved at you.

Waving back, you approached him. “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t home so I contacted Sam so he could ask where you could be and Bucky said you worked here so I came here.”

You couldn’t hide your smile upon hearing his convoluted explanation. “I imagined as much. What I meant with my question is why are you here?”

“Oh! I’m making sure you get home safe.”

You frowned. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “But we don’t want to take any risks.”

You didn’t know who was we exactly although you could assume he was talking about Bucky. And about himself. The realization made your stomach flip.

“Are we walking?”

“I drove here,” he explained, hesitating to make the first move towards his car.

You gave the first step forward, getting slightly closer to him. A whiff of his cologne hit you and just like that it was gone. He started walking too.

“Had a nice day?”

“It wasn’t too bad. How about you?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary.”

You wanted to oh so badly ask what his ordinary was. Fuck, it was like you were having a crush for the first time all over again.

“So... are you staying at mine or...?”

“I’ll sleep here in the car.”

“There’s a couch right there. Kinda comfy if you ask me...”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“Please, you’ll be there because of me, it’s the least I can do.”

“It’s no problem,” he hurried to assure you.

The streets looked different from the car. Bigger. You were so used to public transport, to see people from afar — to perceive everything from the perspective of somebody trapped in a box that had been created to make things easier for them.

You didn’t feel small per se, yet people looked bigger too. It was as though you had forgotten that people outside of your bubble existed.

Friends were almost nonexistent in a world that still was trying to recover from a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

The people you considered friends kept their distance from you and each other because they didn’t have other choice. Work, school for those privileged enough, debt, grief... all those things got in the way. And perhaps it was better that way for now. Everybody needed to heal.

An empty hallway greeted you. It wasn’t too late, but your neighbors kept mostly to themselves. Bucky preferred it that way.

You pushed the door open after unlocking the two locks, allowing Joaquín to get in first.

He shed his dripping jacket, bashfully hanging it on the coat hanger.

“Can I offer you anything to drink or eat?” you asked, placing your belongings next to the couch.

“Whatever you’ll be having.”

You tugged the fridge door open. “Are you allergic to anything?”

“Not that I know of.” He approached you, leaning on the kitchen bar. “Surprise me?”

“Oh, yeah, I will. With a visit to the ER.”

“Hey, it’d be a surprise nonetheless.”

You giggled and took a glance at him. The ghost of a smile crept into his face before he started laughing too.

“You don’t have a boyfriend that would get mad at me for staying here, do you?”

You chuckled. “No.”

“Are you even into guys?”

“I am.”

“That’s good.” Realizing he had sounded too happy, he added, “I mean... it would also be good if you weren’t, obviously.”

“I get what you meant.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, it’s cool.”

“Cool.”

Neither of you stopped smiling. You only moved when the fridge’s door alarm interrupted.

You ended up ordering takeout and talking to him past midnight.

But not every night was lighthearted. Such a thing was true to life and to this particular week.

Joaquín was a good distraction before and after work, but the moment the time to say goodnight arrived, worry heaved on your entire body.

You tiptoed your way towards the kitchen, desperate for a glass of water. Hoping the stream of water wouldn’t make too much noise, you filled the glass and stood in the middle of the kitchen, slowly drinking it.

“Can’t sleep?”

You jumped, splashing water onto you and in consequence the floor. A couple of days or so weren’t enough for you to be completely used to Joaquín’s voice. Albeit nice, it was still new.

He turned the light on. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

You clumsily placed the glass on the counter. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Sleep was elusive, something you had assumed was in the past. Insomnia had been your loyal friend throughout the blip, then grief joined.

Bucky was the closest thing you had to a family now. What if you had to grieve him too?

As though he had been reading your mind, Joaquín softly said, “He’ll be okay.”

“You sound so sure...”

“He’s strong and skilled. Sam is too.”

“I’m scared,” you confessed. “I don’t wanna be all alone again.”

He placed his hand on your shoulder. It almost burned you. “You won’t be.”

You pursed your lips. You had heard that one many times before.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just... you know...” You started laughing instead of truly explaining yourself.

But you didn’t need to explain anything. “It’s okay, everything will be okay.”

You laughed again, louder this time, nodding because what else could you say? That you couldn’t believe him if you wanted to?

He looked at you with worry. “Do you have any tea?”

You nodded once more, unable to speak as you continue laughing and pointing to the top cupboard.

“I’ll fix you a cup.”

Crying out of laughter, you sat at the small table, leaning on your forearms as you tried to watch him — the tears didn’t allow you to truly assess the damage.

Said tears worried you. The last time you had properly cried seemed to have been too long ago to be healthy.

Then again, not many people were in a healthy position as of now.

Before you could even realize what was going on, Joaquín softly set a cup on the table. “Sorry for not adding sugar, I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

Embarrassed due to the fact that you couldn’t stop laughing, you avoided his eyes and wrapped your fingers around the cup. “Thank you,” you mumbled.

“Hey,” he said softly, “it’s no problem, okay?”

You hummed, inhaling the scent of the tea before taking a small sip.

He made you company as you drank the hot beverage at your own pace. In complete silence, trying to hide from you that he was playing with his fingers under the table.

“Better?”

“I think so.”

“Do you need anything else?”

“I don’t know.”

“You have work tomorrow...”

How could you forget? You stood up with the cup in your grasp and went into the kitchen to wash it.

“I can wake you up for work if you want,” he offered.

“My alarm is loud enough.”

“Oh, yeah,” he said as if he was just remembering, “I’ve heard it.”

You huffed a laugh. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

Before he could turn around, you called for him, “Joaquín?”

“Yes?”

“Would you keep me company until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.”

It felt strange to have somebody that wasn’t Bucky in your bedroom. Joaquín curiously eyed the room while you got comfortable in the bed — his eyes eventually landed on you.

He gripped your desk chair and took it out.

Before he would sit down, you told him, “You can sit on the bed if you prefer. That chair ruined my back.”

Considering the offer, he approached the bed, slowly as he looked at you in case you changed your mind.

You patted the empty space. “I don’t bite.”

Tentatively sitting down, he asked, “Why haven’t you changed the chair?”

“I like the color.”

He softly laughed. “It’s pretty,” he agreed. “Looks nice with your decoration.”

“Thank you.”

His hand brushed your forearm as the two of you shifted at the same time. Your face heated up, and now you wondered if his palm contrasted the softness of the back of his hand.

Joaquín cleared his throat. “Try to sleep,” he whispered, “I’ll be here.”

You took a deep breath before closing your eyes. Focusing on trying to remember what you had been thinking before falling asleep the last time you got some rest, you got lost in your own head.

The door creaked as it was pushed open. Bucky opened his mouth.

Joaquín brought his index finger to his closed lips, signaling for Bucky to not make a sound.

Joaquín looked down at your form, still fast asleep. Your head was on his shoulder, face semi-buried in his t-shirt.

Bucky watched as Joaquín softly removed your head from his shoulder, delicately making it rest onto the pillow — he then left the bed in silence and tucked you into the covers before leaving the room.

”Everything in order?”

Bucky grumbled in affirmation. “What was that?”

“She was worried about you. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Nothing else?”

Joaquín shook his head, hoping he was managing to mask his disappointment.

Bucky hummed. “Thank you, Joaquín. For everything.”

“It was no problem.”

Joaquín collected his few belongings in a minute, taking a glance at the ajar door that separated your bedroom from the lounge area.

“Bucky...”

“Mmh?”

“Could you text me when she wakes up or if she needs anything?”

Bucky stood silent for a few seconds. Seconds that for Joaquín felt like hours. “I will. Go home.”

════════════════════════

Having Bucky back at home was relieving. Except for the fact that he looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t know how to spill it.

“Is there anything you want to say?” you yelled from the couch.

He stopped chopping carrots to lift his head. “Did you get Torres’s number?”

Turning the TV off, you pushed yourself to a sitting position and eventually left the couch.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Have you called him?”

“I sent him a meme.” You extended your hand, taking a piece of carrot. “He laughed and sent one back.”

“I assumed you would have asked for his hand in marriage by the time I would be back.”

“Ha ha, you’re so funny.”

Bucky snorted. You munched on your cube of carrot.

“Maybe you’re reading too much into it. He’s genuinely nice, you know? People can be friends regardless of gender.”

“What happened to wanting to get laid?”

“I doubt it’s mutual.”

“He likes you and you like him. That’s practically the definition of mutualism.”

“You said he was off-limits,” you accused.

“He isn’t anymore.”

“I didn’t get the memo.”

“Don’t get grumpy with me.”

“I’m not grumpy.” You pouted. “But what if he doesn’t like me that way? He’s a really nice person, maybe that’s it.”

“Oh my God,” Bucky exhaled, shaking his head. “You’re impossible.”

You whined, “Buuuuuuuuucky. Don’t be mean.”

“Don’t act obtuse then.”

“I haven’t dated anybody in years. I don’t know how to do it. He’s fun to talk to, don’t get me wrong — I’m the problem.” You sighed dramatically. “We should throw a pity party for me,” you sarcastically said.

“Why do you think I’m making lasagna?”

“I honestly thought Sam was coming over for dinner.”

Bucky blushed due to his inability to be subtle which was the most shocking thing you had learned about him.

Truth to be told, Bucky’s words stayed in your mind for days. You continued casually texting Joaquín, not sure if you should ask him out or let it go.

You wanted to, and it wouldn’t be the first time you had made the first move — that didn’t bother you. What bothered you was the mere idea of asking him out too soon.

Seeing your phone light up with Joaquín’s name and a message attached to it genuinely improved your day every single time.

It was so hard not to be in his orbit when apart from being handsome he was so nice and easy to talk to.

You liked him, you really did. You also liked that things didn’t feel awkward with him when you knew they would’ve been unbearable with somebody else. It was liberating.

Are you home?

Nope.

If you were looking for Bucky, he’s out on a date.

I know. But I’m not here to see him.

You’re there?

Yeah. I’ve been here for a few minutes now.

I’m having drinks with my coworkers. Two of them are celebrating their birthday. I can ditch if you need anything.

I wanted to see you.

I also wanted to ask...

Are you busy next Saturday?

Your heart skipped a beat. I’m not.

Eyes glued to the three dots that signaled he was typing, you finished your drink in a single swig.

Would you go out with me?

You can pick wherever we go, I don’t mind.

I would love to!

Was the exclamation mark too much?

Fuck, you felt like a teenager again.

And I don’t mind if you pick.

Why don’t we make that decision later?

Sounds good to me.

Sorry for making you wait outside for nothing.

I’m the one who appeared unannounced, but it’s okay. I got almost everything I wanted.

You’re making not ditching really hard right now.

Good to know I’m doing something right.

But you should hang out with your coworkers.

And be careful. If you remember, text me when you get home.

It was stupidly hard not to be smitten by him.

════════════════════════

“For the millionth time, you look fine.”

You glared at Bucky.

“He’s right,” Sam assured you from the couch. “You look fine, and it’s just a casual date. You’ll be okay.”

“Just a casual date?” you asked in a high pitch that surprised the three of you.

“He’s seen you in the morning already,” Bucky reminded you, lifting his eyebrows. “I don’t understand why you’re so nervous.”

“I’m not nervous,” you defended yourself. “I’ve had these jeans for literal years and I’m scared I’m gonna rip them.”

“Take a jacket or coat with you just in case.” Sam offered the solution immediately.

You did as Sam suggested and carried your favorite jacket over your forearm.

In contrast to what you saw every morning, there wasn’t a single familiar face in the subway. As you checked the time to make sure you wouldn’t be late, you saw that one of your other friends had wished you good luck on your date.

The fact that somebody apart from Bucky —and Sam— openly wanted you to succeed at something outside of work improved your mood. You had lied to Bucky earlier regarding being nervous, less due to embarrassment, and more because you didn’t want to admit you were scared of still not knowing how to handle things when they went wrong.

Rejection was easier to take in comparison to the way things crumble after they seem to be going well. Rejection is quick, it eventually passes — regret and what-ifs potentially stay forever. You had the scars to prove it.

You had to walk a couple of blocks from the station to the place you would meet Joaquín at. The area was new to you, colorful and lively from what looked to be brand new businesses.

Upon arriving at the diner, you understood why Joaquín had chosen that place. It wasn’t crowded by any means, but it looked far from empty. It was the perfect middle ground for a first date.

Such observation didn’t ease up your nerves, yet giddiness couldn’t stop itself from bubbling up.

“Oh!” he exclaimed from behind you. “I was about to text you.”

You turned around. “I just got here.”

Joaquín silently stared at you, taking a shaky breath and bobbing his head open and closed.

He settled for a short compliment, easier to say than the jumbled mess of euphoric reactions he internalized, “You look great.”

“I—“ You weren’t expecting that. “Thank you. You look really nice.”

You might have been selling it short, he looked as handsome as ever and more — but you didn’t want to sound intense or say too much and scare him off.

He looked down for a moment, trying to fight the warmth crawling up his skin. “Thank you,” he said quietly before looking up once again.

His bashfulness was a good sign, it would be less awkward if both of you felt the same way about the prospect of a first date.

“I found this place by mistake a few weeks ago,” he told you as he opened the door for you. “Their coffee is great.”

He let you choose the table, arguing that it was your first there and he wanted you to have the best experience. You appreciated his effort.

Bucky and Sam mentioned you could come across as being uncomfortable around others, he must’ve been under the same impression.

In all fairness, it was less about being uncomfortable and more about being scared of oversharing.

“Are you a big coffee guy?”

“Kind of. I’m used to instant coffee even though I don’t like it so I try a different one every time I can.”

“I have a coworker who is obsessed with that stuff.” You chuckled. “But they drink it cold.”

Joaquín huffed a laugh. “It might taste better like that.”

The conversation deviated from mindless small talk to work, and then to your interests — it was refreshing to know you shared a few and even more so to find he was open to giving things he didn’t know a try.

After eating, the two of you decided to take a walk just so you could talk some more.

Your hand brushed his by mistake. Joaquín looked down. He pressed the back of his hand against yours, momentarily pushing his fingers between yours.

“Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

He pulled away then slid his hand under yours. Clasping his palm against yours, he stared at your face in search of your reaction. “How about that?”

“Also yes.”

He smiled. “Good thing I listened to Sam when he said I wasn’t imagining things and you were into me too.”

“You know, I almost made the first move.”

“What stopped you?”

You shrugged. “Maybe I would have drunkenly asked you out if you hadn’t beat me to it.”

He hummed yet made no further comment.

“You don’t believe me?”

“I do, I do!”

“Buuuuuuut?”

“It took us a while to exchange phone numbers. Imagine if it had taken us the same to go out?”

“Oh God, we would be stuck third-wheeling Sam and Bucky.”

“I’m so sorry you have no escape from that,” he joked.

“I just hope they never have sex when I’m in the apartment or I will need therapy I can’t afford.”

He lightly squeezed your hand. “I’ll rescue you, don’t worry.”

It was your turn to smile. “I’ll take that as a sign that I’ll be seeing you again.”

“As long as you don’t see it as a threat...”

You giggled. “I would never.”

According to the blog posts you read online, guys seemed to like it when the other person assured them they had a good time with them. You hoped he had gotten the hint.

In case he hadn’t, you said, “There was this coffee shop near my childhood home that I used to love... They had the best chocolate cake I’ve ever tasted and the coffee was delicious too. I heard it reopened...”

“We should go there next time.”

“Sounds good. I haven’t visited the neighborhood in a while.”

“Any reason in particular?”

“I don’t know anybody around there anymore.”

It was getting late and you knew your time together would be over. At least for tonight.

He walked you toward the subway station, swinging your intertwined hands. The conversation didn’t seem to end, he could thread on any topic and you would’ve listened to him until his voice was hoarse and his throat dry.

You couldn’t leave without properly telling him what a great time you had. It was too soon to know what would happen, you weren’t naive, but you also really fucking liked him.

“I had a great time,” you reassured him. “Thank you.”

“Me too. I hope it repeats soon.”

You did too. All those nerves had thankfully paid off.

He scratched the back of his head with his free hand. “I’m sorry if I’m being too forward, but... can I kiss you?”

“You’re not being too forward.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes.”

Joaquín licked his bottom lip and cupped your cheek with a hand. His other one tightly held yours, giving you time. You wetted your lips too. Then he leaned in and kissed you.

You basked in the kiss’s bliss. Short, sweet, perfect in every single aspect. The kind of human contact you had longed for years and had been too scared to look for.

His eyes were on you as you opened your own — shining with a happy glint.

“You’re even prettier from up-close,” he commented lowly, hand still on your face.

Your gaze fell to his wrist for a second. Then you held his. “I could say the same to you.”

“Thank God.” He giggled.

“You said you needed to wake up early tomorrow...” you said, much to your own dismay. You didn’t want to be selfish.

“I’ll wait for your train to get here.”

And so he did, and you almost cursed the stupid giant can when it arrived.

You reluctantly let go of his hand. “Text me when you get home just so I know you arrived safely, yeah?”

He nodded. “Promise.”

“Goodnight.”

He kissed your cheek. “Goodnight.”

[ramblingguy54]

Edalyn Clawthorne: A Loner Created Through Tragedy

     Seeing what happened to Edalyn’s father in Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door greatly explains why she looked so saddened by Lilith talking about hanging around their dad more by Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances conclusion. She harbors a lot of guilt in scratching his face up badly from years ago. After an incident like that for someone around an age that young in their life definitely contributed to Eda’s resolve of keeping herself away from others not just solely because of her own ideals about magic and how to properly use it, but also to prevent more people from getting badly hurt because of the owl curse, too. It’s sad to look back on what Lilith said to her mother, “Mom, I heard you, but I couldn’t stop myself.”, because that’s exactly what Eda went through when she attacked her dad. 

     No matter what her father could’ve said it wouldn’t have reached Edalyn, due to not having much experience with controlling the curse at that time. The amount of guilt running through Edalyn’s mind after coming back to her senses must’ve been unbearable as Hell. It’s already bad enough when hurting random people under a nasty spell, but to injure someone who helped bring you into the world? Anyone would want to put a large gap between themselves after such an awful experience of this magnitude. Season 2 of The Owl House has been doing a lot of great things in its story, such as showing more of Eda’s vulnerability being the point of my post I’d like to delve more into about.

     Eda’s development of opening up emotionally more in Season 1 was certainly good, however we didn’t get a real look into what makes Edalyn who she is as a whole. Season 2 has been allowing more in-depth exploration about why she guards herself as frequently as possible from others. It isn’t a matter of, “I like being a loner, who lives by their own rules about how our world operates.”, rather it centers around, “I’m a bad influence and don’t want to hurt others I care deeply about, or even possibly could grow to, because of my cursed affliction.”. Gwendolyn stating her curse was something that should be cut it out if need be certainly didn’t help in contributing to Eda’s loner nature she develop onward. These moments made her feel ashamed as if she didn’t deserve to be apart something greater like a family, having friends, or finding her own respective lover to boot.

     Eda’s long amount of solitude made her into a more powerfully independent and capable person, magically speaking, but it came at a serious cost of something important, one’s own self-esteem. The curse stunted Eda’s emotional growth for a very long while in having to take up the mantle of being unable to face her fears head on. Even in spite of her lesson to Raine about not running away from your own demons, the saying of practice what you preach rang unfortunately true here. Edalyn has been a very closed off person for so many years, where the idea of having to present yourself to someone else, warts and all, scared this witch away into living in seclusion at her Owl House. Despite gaining a family eventually through Luz & King, Eda never told them about her curse until it happened, wasn’t big on showing affection, and struggled with teaching Luz consistently in a good chunk of Season 1.

     Eda’s biggest challenge to overcome has been actually letting people into her life which costed her a healthy social lifestyle, became distant toward the Clawthorne family tree, and resulted in Raine calling off their romantic relationship. They were tired of Eda’s distant attitude in not being able to commit emotionally with expressing more of her compassion, vulnerability, or love either. This is something problematic Eda’s Requiem did explore too when King wanted to speak with Eda, yet she kept on either changing the subject last second, or made up a convenient excuse to hold off on discussing this matter. Edalyn was afraid of change because she had finally become used to King being around for so long. Knowing Luz would have to leave inevitably hurt already, so now finding out King possibly wanted to go find his actual father and stay there with him instead scared Eda outta her mind in facing a reality without the both of them. 

     Change is a word for Eda that’s a thing she never wants to hear. It’s why she makes the decisions that went on to define her serious solitude. Eda is used to being alone without having to rely on much of anyone else, but that doesn’t mean she obviously has enjoyed it, either. Edalyn only lived in seclusion because she thought it was necessary for safety reasons not outta love for a hermit lifestyle. The tragedy of Eda’s personal background is she allowed this curse to rule over her life for those three decades. Now, to be fair, Gwendolyn contributed to Eda’s baggage with viewing her curse as a disgusting attribute does indeed share the blame here in these events, but regardless Edalyn made unwise decisions she clearly regrets. The biggest ones being not letting anyone, as seen with Raine, get closer to her and avoiding changes to a status quo in Eda’s complicated life. What happened to Eda’s dad was obviously not her fault whatsoever, as it was entirely out of her control. However, Eda’s choice to live in seclusion away from many, make things impossible for a healthy honest relationship work with Raine, and running away from King’s possible separation in Requiem’s story paints a different picture on Eda’s loner nature. 

     Eda may try to carry herself as this loner with a sassy attitude, but it’s all just a facade to mask deeper issues of self-esteem, loneliness, and regrets. I find it so beautiful in how she didn’t want Luz running away from her feelings to Amity because she didn’t want her to make the same mistake, like what happened with Raine. Eda let her fear of commitment get to herself and it caused nothing but a mountain of regrets, so she’s correcting this flawed mindset through helping Luz & Amity’s romance. Like, real talk, the way Owl House has explored LGBTQ+ has been simply excellent in building organic romances with Luz/Amity & Eda/Raine, but still giving important development to their characters in making sure their sexuality isn’t the only defining trait they have. That’s been like a pet peeve of mine when incorporating representation for this community of people. I’m all for seeing this kind of equality in fictional entertainment, but don’t make this the only thing that defines their characterization as a whole and Owl House totally understands this about using LGBTQ+ related content.

     Season 2 of Owl House has been greatly expanding upon Eda’s emotional dilemmas around her curse, which I love as it deepens this character’s motivations on bettering herself. Edalyn has become a super relatable mentor figure in these recent episodes taking time to showcase the complexities of Clawthorne’s family dynamic being shaken by Eda’s curse and how she finally comes to term with it here in Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door. Rather than viewing it as a monster to be afraid of, Eda is viewing this creature as another living thing deserving to be treated as an equal and not a threat thanks to the help of those elixirs she drinks on a daily basis. I thought Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door would be a serious comedic breather, but instead it gave us more insight on this cast of main protagonists. Edalyn’s backstory revelations were such an amazing surprise, as I didn’t think we’d be getting to see her father this soon and what caused a big rift between the two, as well.

Knock Knock Knockin’ on Hooty’s Door exceeded my expectations in more ways than one. Season 2 of The Owl House has been continuing to impress me. 

[nutellaneedsanap]

The Three Way Proposal(Part 1?)

“Quand il me prend dans ses bras/Qu’il me parle tout bas/Je vois la vie en rose,” Marinette sang into the spatula, twisting and spinning throughout the kitchen. She paused for a moment to measure out the sugar and poured it into the dough, sticking her finger in for a taste. The dough wasn’t finished, so it didn’t come as much of a surprise when it didn’t taste like it should. But it was alright. If luck was on her side (and it always was), everything would be perfect and ready for tonight.

She smirked, mentally going over her plan for about the 72nd time that day. It was her and the boys’ anniversary and she had enlisted the help of Duke, Cass, and Babs to keep Damian and Jon occupied and away from the kitchen for the next couple hours.

For the first time ever, she was grateful Bruce was such a paranoid bastard. The manor walls were already lined with lead and filled with white noise machines, and had been since a month after Superman’s first appearance. The only way Jon would be able to see or hear what she was doing would be to come into the kitchen, and she had taken measures against that as well. The vents, the security cameras, and all other things that the pair could use to spy on her were under the watchful eye of Babs while Duke and Cass were spending all their time spying on Damian and Jon respectively.

She just had to get this bread in the oven, pack the picnic basket and pick up the two rings. Then, it was go time.

***

Across the manor, Damian smiled. He loved it when he heard his girlfriend singing through their soulbound, and he knew Jon did too. It was hard not to love the voice that had kept him company for through his ten years in the League of Assassins. He bookmarked the page of his book and tilted his head, letting the warm soprano wash over him. Absently, he began to hum along.

While it was not uncommon for him to hum with his soulmates, it was rare for him to join his soulmates in song for multiple reasons(most due to his unorthodox upbringing). For the first 12 years of his life he hadn’t uttered a note, preferring instead to listen to the beautiful voices in his head. He thought he was crazy, but the voices were just so stunning that he couldn’t ever bring himself to care. It was the best moment of his life when he learned that the voices proved he had soulmates.

Damian was sure the duo had felt a similar relief the first time he had sung. He remembered the excitement and joy he felt through the bond that very first time. ‘I thought I had one soulmate, which I was fine with. Ecstatic about, actually!’ Jon had told him. ‘The bond between us was strong, but it never felt complete before we heard your voice.’

Marinette had said nearly the same thing. ‘I didn’t realize it then, but until I heard you something about the bond never felt quite right. Everyone else talked about feeling whole and we thought that was what we had but now we realize that we were still missing ⅓ .’ Damian fondly shook his head. “Those two are far too sentimental,” he murmured. “They are going to be the death of me one day.”

But, as he fingered the two boxes taking refuge in his pocket, he couldn’t seem to remember why that was a bad thing.

***

Jon loved Marinette’s voice almost as much as he loved her. There was something about hearing her voice that made his heart soar just as high as he could. That’s why when he heard her voice while flying from Metropolis to Gotham, he found a clear patch of land and sat there.

He heard Damian begin to hum along and smiled. The now-22-year-old was so different from the stubborn 11 year old he had first gotten to know. For one, Damian had grown so much he claimed to be taller than Jon (although Jon maintained the stance that half an inch does not really count as being taller). He was no longer quite as emotionally stunted, largely thanks to Marinette and her open approach to emotions, and was the most quietly thoughtful man Jon had ever had the pleasure of meeting(and his dad was Superman!).

Their voices fit together perfectly. While many saw Marinette as Damian’s opposite, quite the reverse was true. If anything, He and Damian were the opposites and Mari was the super-glue and duct tape that held them together. Her cunning and plans rivaled those of a Bat’s and her willingness to help was bigger than the Super’s. It was no accident that Marinette became the Grand Guardian and a Hero, although they all regretted the way it happened, and it was no coincidence that she was their soulmate. God, or whoever is up there, knew that only the strongest could be suitable for Damian and Jon.

He patted his pockets, double checking that the square lumps were still there. He smiled, mentally going over his to-do list for the night. He already had step one over and done with, and he couldn’t wait until he saw his partners and enacted step two.

[perilegs]

im doing a rerun of my canon da:o playthrough and. does someone want to read my notes on my mahariel so far. bc here they are

ok so my canon warden is Atish’an Mahariel (it’s her name bc I'm finnish and Rauha (lit. peace) is a common old woman name here so i thought it'd be funny). she has a vallaslin representing Sylaise. (here’s her toyhouse for a pic but there’s pretty much no text there (at least not any that’s not written here anyways)

Origin:

Killed one of the humans as an example. She can be very distrustful of humans near her clan.

Cocky, Brash, blunt, very sure of herself, kinda rude and a menace, loves her mom (Ashalle). 

Is protective of the clan but like, physically, not verbally. As in, she will eliminate physical threats or ruffle a kid’s hair for doing a good job or put in extra effort to ask someone how they’re doing and sitting with someone if they seem like they need it or whatever. She does care. But she’s not going to say how much she cares out loud. She prefers to show it in other ways. Ati would find herself flustered if she actually had to tell someone how much love she has. That’s embarrassing. She can sometimes be a bit less emotionally stunted around those she trusts. (this is something she improves on during the game a bit but it takes a long time)

“When mommy elf and a daddy elf love each other very much…” upon asked how the dalish came to be

Cannot bear the thought that maybe there was something that she could have done to stop Tamlen’s fate. “Why are you looking at me like that. It’s not my fault.” Very defensive about it.

Don’t cast me away, please

“I don’t want to lose you too.” Did the keeper have to say that. Ati already felt guilty about Tamlen. It would be later when Ati realized the keeper was right, it wouldn’t benefit anyone if she just decided to die in her clan. The keeper seems to hold the Grey Wardens in high regard.

Dragged out of the clan, kicking and screaming. Not really, she gave some very teary “I don’t wanna go, please this is all i’ve ever known” goodbyes. It was highly uncharacteristic of the overconfident Atish’an. She was always very sure of herself and raring to go and explore the world, and so very inquisitive, loving to ask questions about anything and everything from the clanmates who did trading with human villages.

Ostagar:

The trip to Ostagar made Ati a bit numb bc she realized there’s really no fighting her fate. More worn out than angry by Ostagar. Clearly unhappy. Still hostile to most, since i guess hostility and overconfidence are the only two acceptable emotions to show to the outside world.

I am no friend of yours, human lord

Finds Alistair alright, maybe a bit annoying (she does not realize they’re both Like That)

Alistair is a major history buff, knows everything about blights, grey wardens, and old gods. That’s cool! Ati WILL ask him about Everything

Definitely respected Morrigan at first meeting, she could see she was not like most humans, she felt closer to her kind than other humans. Morrigan is a random woman living in the woods and we were the ones who stumbled upon her area. Her mother seems alright albeit a bit. strange...

Tower of Ishal: confused as to tfs going on, she was dragged out of her clan to hold a torch so obviously she’s pissed but something’s not right.. The action is a nice change of pace and helps Ati forget other things. 

Seeing something like the darkspawn orge is enough to change a woman. If the blight isn’t stopped and darkspawn roam Ferelden. What if one of those showed up to her clan? Atish’an doesn’t even dare to think about it. 

Hearing Morrigan tell her the battle was lost, Ati’s stomach dropped. She felt helpless, but she wouldn’t give up on her clan this easily. She couldn’t disappoint them any more. It would have been humiliating to return now, all of her crying and anger in vain. She can’t yet again be the reason even more of her clanmates lives are lost.

Definitely respects Flemeth for reasons unknown. Ati thinks she has a strange, powerful vibe to her.

Seeing Morrigan’s mother cast her away in such a manner made Atish’an feel a pang in her heart. Morrigan was like her, yearning to experience what it was like outside her home, but not wanting to leave when it came to it. Ati admired Morrigan’s strength in how she handled the matter. Ati decided she’d stick close to Morrigan. Never thought a human could be so similar to herself. 

Lothering:

“yea might as well” type of attitude towards helping people. ati finds it strangely rewarding + it’s not like doing that is making the blight stronger

“Blood isn’t all that important” @ Bodahn :’)

Ati decided she might as well get to know her companions a bit at camp since she’s going to have to stick them for a looong time since they want to get help in stopping the blight. And she doesn’t want to feel any lonelier than she already does.

Morrigan dare i ask of your own mother - “I love her. What else do you want to know?” Why did she say that. She could have just opened her chest to bare her heart to a complete stranger as well.

Alistair is helping Ati have her silly moments. She sympathises with Alistair a bit, and is showing him compassion.

Atish’an appreciates the conversations she has with Morrigan. Morrigan seems nice in her own way, and she often says things that force Ati to stop and think. In the long run, it’s helping Ati mature a bit and Morrigan break down her walls.

Redcliffe:

The silly pathetic endearing human she’s been travelling with, who is her senior warden yet leaves all the important decisions to Ati, is technically the heir to the throne. She finds this hilarious

This bann is kind of a baddie, wonder if he’d be down to. We’re on a mission here. (Ati has licked her fair share of lampposts and then some).

Circle:

Jumping at any chance to defend the mages. WHY do these people keep their mages locked up that’s so fucked up??

Oh? Wynne’s here? She’s kind of annoying but DAMN what a healer. Atishan is thinking that she would be useful to have around to fight the darkspawn. Baby’s first rational work thought :’)

Loghain sent a fucking assassin after them? Atish’an is terrified but god if being powerful enough to have an assassin sent after you is ego boosting. For some reason beyond her, she doesn’t think Zevran is lying about what he’s saying. It could be because he looks like home. It’s been a while since she’s seen other elves around, and his tattoos remind her of vallaslin. Not that they’re the vallaslin she would regognize. Maybe they have different ones in Antiva, she thinks.

Ati thinks she found someone more whorish than herself.

The way Zevran talks so openly about his past is throwing Ati off. How can he just reveal these things to her? (Does Ati notice how Zevran is undermining his own experiences trying to tell what the crows did was practical and that there were benefits? Does she notice how he feels when Ati tells him what he went through was awful? I am going to cry about Zevran’t approval changes right this second.) 

Hearing Zevran be so very homesick and talking of his home he cannot return to broke Ati’s heart. At least she could eventually go back home. Right? But the chances of Zevran surviving Antiva are slim. It makes Ati sad. She finds Zevran finding comfort in the smell of leather endearing. (I have far more thoughts on Zevran but this is what Ati thinks ok)

Brecilian forest:

Ati can't help but feel relieved after being among her own people after spending so much time with human affairs

Seeing the members of her sister clan in pain pains her too, she's stopped a demon possessing a child, an entire onslaught of undead, and she managed to save a circle tower from abominations beyond what she could have imagined. Ati feels unstoppable. Everything she has done, has worked out so far. It does not help with her cockiness. "I am good at non-trivial tasks."

Seeing the hunters like this… It takes some effort for Ati to not let it show how much of an effect it has on her. She could almost cry

Ati is getting used to Wynne. Ati's missing her mommy disease makes it so that Wynne's presence can be a bit comforting. And she appreciates Wynne's snark.

Wynne with elves who are mistrustful of humans, especially humans in authority seems to be a theme.

Seeing Danyla was painful. Atish'an knows she must be killed to end her suffering. It doesn't make it any easier. It's something that won't leave Ati. She's seen her fair share of death and suffering but this was something she could have never prepared for.

Sided with the elves and the werewolves. Ati thinks Zathrian's actions were originally justified, but the clan is suffering and. Well. The current werewolves, though they are humans, they aren't the evil heartless creatures that originally assaulted Zathrian's children. They were just people who happened to be born from those people.

Leliana gets on Ati's nerves a bit every so often. "They are serfs. There is no slavery in Orlais." mkay sure. But. Leliana actually listens to Atish'an when she challenges her beliefs. It's refreshing.

Oh… Leliana also has a dead bio mom who had a friend Leliana considers a mother figure.

Denerim:

Ati got Sten at 100% approval after questioning him about qunari children. Her inquisitive nature and snark are a HUGE hit. They were already at super high approval with each other bc Ati LOVES asking questions (i love how she’s both like cocky sure of herself rude & snarky but also so very cunning and inquisitive. you can be smart and a bit of an asshole)

Ati approves after Alistair defended her to Goldanna. She was about to go off but Alistair's firm response was enough to not make her loose her marbles.

Denerim market district is a lot to take in. Ati has never seen a city this big so full of life everywhere. It's a bit overwhelming

Ati heard there was some Howe leading a purge in the alienage. She would show him no mercy would they ever cross paths

Haven:

"Kadan" Atish'an does not know what the word means, but she can feel its weight. Kadan. She thinks she feels the same way about Sten. Sten said he trusted her with his life… Also Ati appreciates someone who will challenge her decisions. Their bond is strong. (Starts calling Sten lethallin? idk how that works. is vhenan romantic only?)

Also Ati’s specialization is druid. Sten understanding how intelligent mabari are and talking to Falon (i love dumb names) in such a regular manner is something Ati does too. I can’t believe i forgot Ati and Sten are besties before this rerun.

anyways this is all i have so far. does anyone have any thoughts? some suggestions for improvement? does anyone have a similar warden

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

[dadgonedeku]

Hi let me start by saying that your writing is immaculate💖👌 may I request a scenario where Bakugou has a gf that has always struggled with deprssion in her life and he knows about if? Like he noticed how she's been isolating herself lately and know it's getting bad so he enters her room and finds her laying in bed, staring at the roof with tears but no sound or emotions just numb. And bakugou takes care of her and helps her with it :) I hope it's not too much. Have a nice day/night 💞💞

Bakugou taking care of his depressed s/o!

💥~Hello love! Thank you for requesting and I hope these hcs are okay!! I apologize they’re so late! Thank you so much for the kind words!! 💝

💥~SFW & Fem!Reader

💥~Happy Reading!

💥~ Ever since the two of you had gotten close as friends he had known about it. You had told him everything on one particularly bad night, where you couldn’t stop shaking and crying no matter how hard you tried. He took care of you then and pulled you out of the void.

💥~ Now you needed him to do it again, this time as your boyfriend, not the former.

💥~ Your depression seemed to hit you in waves almost, a few days being better than others. But some days were almost too difficult to bare, some days all you wanted to do was force yourself to stop crying or shaking, but you couldn’t no matter how hard you tried. You lost count of the amount of times you’d cried yourself to sleep.

💥~ That’s where he came in, to guide you back to the surface and pull you from your thoughts, your anxieties, and most importantly your demons. Through it all he stayed, and you couldn’t help but wonder why. Weren’t you a burden? Why on Earth would he stay if he had to take care of you all the time? What have you done for him? You lost yourself in your thoughts once more, staring into the plain wall ahead of you as you sat on the edge of your bed. You were crying, you could feel the tears, but part of you just couldn’t muster the strength to wipe them away. The void had trapped you yet again.

💥~ Bakugou had become quite good at observing your behaviors, reading your moods quickly and adjusting to them accordingly. He would never fight with you if it wasn’t necessary, and his patience was better with you than anyone else he knew.

💥~ He knew you like the back of his hand, and the same would go for you too. You gave him a safe place to express his feelings whenever he needed to, and in turn he would take care of you when you needed it. It never bothered him, so why did you feel so awful about it. Why did you feel like such a burden?

💥~ You were aware that he had taken notice of your bad moods lately. You barely ate, most times barely slept. You were mentally and emotionally exhausted all the time, and your motivation would tank to an all time low. It was almost like a routine, and you hated it. Why couldn’t you just feel productive for once in your life? Living shouldn’t feel like such a struggle.

💥~ Bakugou stops outside of your door, a backpack slung onto one shoulder as he holds two knuckles up to knock on your door. He hesitates though, is this right? It was right every other time. His gut was screaming at him to check on you, to be with you and hold you and take care of you. He didn’t know how though, he was emotionally stunted himself, but when it came to you, he always knew exactly what to do.

💥~ Fuck it, he knocks, calloused knuckles gently rapping on the wood of your door. Your eyes move to look, but that’s all you feel like doing. He knows to come in whenever he wants to, and frankly you didn’t feel like moving.

💥~ “Hey s/o, the hell are doing ignoring my calls like that? You in there?”

💥~ That’s when the tears begin spill over even more, and the sob that you let go of sends a harsh shiver through your body.

💥~ He opens the door slowly and his heart drops at the sight of you. It’s happening again. Whenever you didn’t text or call him back without reason he knew. He drops his bag at the edge of your bed as he pads over to you, gently taking you in his arms. You cling to him like a baby, wrapping your smaller arms around his neck and burying your head in his chest. He moves you to sit on his lap against the headboard, one of his hands rubbing circles into your back while the other dries your tears.

💥~ “Talk to me s/o, what’s going on?” He’s doing what he always does, and you respond in the same way too. You don’t know, you’re trapped in your head again and it’s hard to get out. You want out, you want him to pull you out like he hero he is, you want him to save you like he always does.

💥~ He lets your tears soak into the fabric of his tank top, and he presses a short kiss to the top of your head. His embrace is so warm, warm and safe and comforting. You feel the slight pressure of his strong forearms against your back as he holds you close. It’s like magic. You’re the only person who’s ever seen this side of him. He’s only like this with you, because you’re so much different than everyone else, so much better than everyone else. You were never just ‘some extra’ to him, that’s why he asked you to be his girlfriend. He had never cared about relationships or love until he met you. Your relationship was living proof that yes, even the hot headed and arrogant Katsuki Bakugou could find love.

💥~ “You wanna talk about it or something?” He presses on, placing another short kiss to the top of your head. You’re slowly coming back now, feeling a little more in tune with reality than before. You want to, you want to talk about it. You want to rant for hours. But you don’t know what to say...and frankly, you’d rather not think about it at all anymore.

💥~ You pull your body up a bit, letting go of his shirt and rubbing your eyes with your fingers. You sniffle and dry a few tears, your eyes locking with his. They’re so red, so calm yet so fiery. You loved them.

💥~ “Well?” Shit. You haven’t answered the question yet.

💥~ “...no.” Your voice cracks, weak and raspy from crying so much in so little time. He only nods and takes you in his hold again, cradling you softly against his chest. He’s strong, strong and sturdy and you know he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. You know he’ll stay with you for as long as you want him.

💥~ “I’m sorry s/o, I wish I could do more to help. But listen, those demon bastards in your head aren’t real, and whatever they’re telling you is wrong. You’re stronger than anyone I know, and you’re going to win this fight. I’ve got you the whole way through. We’ve made it this far, so let’s just keep on like we always do.”

💥~ You can only nod a little in response as tears start to pour again. He always knew exactly what to say didn’t he? Of course he did. He always had your back, and you already knew that the rest of night would be like this. You, fragile and vulnerable in the moment but still so safe and comfortable in your boyfriend’s strong arms. He always made you feel powerful, confident, and strong. Better days are ahead, you both know that.

💥~ He continues to hold and caress you for what feels like hours, rubbing your back and placing a few gentle kisses to your skin every now and again. He mutters sweet praises to you, about how strong and beautiful you are to him. Soon enough you’re falling asleep in his hold, and he only smiles and kisses you again. Another night that’s like this, but he’s grateful that he can be there for you when you need him.