#I just haven’t had the money
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omg this is so important. I just went through hell about Adobe when I signed up for a couple months for school even though I hate Adobe and their Blackrock monopoly bullshit, but I had no choice. So I had to drop out because of chronic stomach problems and I go to cancel my subscription. Oh no, you can’t without spending $100. Which was certainly not advertised. I’m pretty sure there’s now a class-action lawsuit about exactly what happened to me, I’d have to look into it.
I also have been looking for graphic design opportunities, and I’m locked out of all of them because I use Affinity instead of Adobe. Adobe is awful, price gougy, AI ridden, ran by Black Rock, a Million apps that do similar shit, can’t own it, etc. Affinity is a pricey-ish one time payment that’s often on sale for less than $50 per program (there are 3). Then I use Procreate for Illustration (one time $12 iirc)
Please let’s get away from Adobe. If we all collectively do so maybe people can get into art jobs or college without having to use it. (Luckily Affinity can convert Adobe’s file types so you can import it that way, but I’m not sure about exporting which would be needed to lie to work about what program you’re using. Not that it would be feasible anyway). Also please someone on Skillshare make an Affinity course cuz currently there’s little learning tools that aren’t the books, further forcing people back towards Adobe.
Wait new hbomb video??? When???
From his most recent Patreon post:
"...my next main-channel video, tentatively titled Adobe Must Die, should be out before the end of the year, but don't hold me to that."
I'm reeeeeeally looking forward to that one, I hate Adobe so much and I wanna see it burn 😤
#Alex’s shit#Alex’s rambles#Adobe#Sorry for the ramble but I’m passionate about hating Adobe#I used to use illustrator and photoshop cs6 pirated#Because of course the pricing made talented people without much money locked out of learning#Affinity is so accessible and so much better#The only complaint is that there’s no how-tos#Because everything’s always Adobe#So your only option is to figure it out or buy their books which are kinda pricey#I wouldn’t mind because I wanna support them#I just haven’t had the money#This also isn’t to say there aren’t other options that aren’t Affinity#That’s just the one I’ve been using and I like it a lot
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Was nobody gonna warn me that I would fall a little bit in love with every character in Stardew
#I am literally following them around and getting excited like a little puppy its insane#I cant decide who I wanna marry I like all of them… I was a little torn between Sebastian and Harvey at first but now Alex is an#unexpected fav??? and I like Elliott and Sam theyre so goofy.. and I appreciate how down to earth Leah is#Emily is also quickly growing on me she feels like the valleys manic pixie dream girl to me. or at least Clint’s manic pixie dream girl#the only characters I don’t have much to say abt are Shane and maru.. Shane’s still a little mean to me like I know he warms up to u as#u get to know him but I’m not there yet.. and I’m just not all that interested in Maru sadly#it’s not just the marriage candidates its almost all the NPCs especially Granny Evelyn SHES SO NICE?? shes fun to talk to I love giving#her my best flowers.. I also like saying hi to Willy and Marnie they’re nice!!! I love Marnie’s smile it’s so cute#I’m also fond of gus after seeing Linus’ 2 heart event that was so sweet of him… mister gus I’ll give u my best ingredience……..#I’m too busy trying to finish the community centre and make money before I go around marrying anyone or building up friendship#so I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know everyone ;w; I’m trying to trigger the wizards heart events now that I’m at like 9 hearts#with him cuz I wanna be able to move my buildings around#I actually have 2 saves rn one on my brothers pc and one on iOS. but the one on iOS is cosmos file and it just playing as him as a character#not as myself and I think he would marry Alex. but my pc save is my personal file so I’m marrying Harvey#until my pen gets fixed I’ll be drawing at a snails pace pairing the stupid thing but Im making cosmo a ref definitely#I kinda wanna get to know Pam too.. she’s like rough around the edges but in a jaded way I wanna know what she’s like yk#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#Stardew#yapping
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I’m sure I’ve told you guys before about my coworker at my part time warehouse job that hates Duncan but I had to work with her again tonight and she was on her bullshit regarding him again.
I would like to clarify, this doesn’t upset me. I mean it does in the sense of “I can’t stand her and she’s a bitch” but also it’s fine. She can think what she wants to think. What matters is that I know Duncan is happy and I love him.
BUT ALL THAT TO SAY! It is so funny to me that she is a grown woman and this is who she has beef with. He’s just a little fella. Girl you are so dumb to be beefing with a cat.
Anyways he’s mad in this video because I stopped him from trying to eat Gertrude’s breakfast and gave him a bath.
#I haven’t had to see her in a few months bc I only work a few hours a week there and she had a temporary schedule change#and tonight she was like ‘oh I saw you did a fundraiser for Duncan… hmmm what is the point of that?’#‘if his condition isn’t curable what can the neurologist even do for you?’#and like a regular person this could be genuine curiousity#but I am not dumb. she believes I am wasting ppl’s money#she is just jealous that ppl like Duncan more than her#I keep the peace bc I don’t want to make the work environment hostile but I won’t give her the time of day anymore#I also went to HR and was like ‘you guys have to make her leave me alone before I kill her’#and they actually switched her department so I won’t have to work directly with her anymore#my post#Duncan
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The most appropriate response to what’s happened is very obviously to find a clearance steak for Jack and cook it for dinner with some to add to the dogs’ and cat’s meals. Buy a JUMBO bag of sunflower seeds to spoil the birds. Get myself a slurpee, a big box of freezies and Jack a case of beer. Then just sit in the house, play a good game, and occasionally go “AND ANOTHER THING” in a bitch fest circle
#we haven’t been able to buy anything remotely nice for ourselves because of how much he was leeching#plus if we did buy anything even remotely frivolous like a $3 slurpee#it would immediately be a matter of#I see you have money to spend so where’s money for my Totally Used For His Gas Tank And Not Drugs#so even if we could we would t buy anything nice for ourselves#just pasta and flour to make our own sauce and keep it keep as can be#also got some fruit today!#so excited to eat a fruit!#and if I had bought freezies with him here he would again say we have money so where the money he wants from us#or eat all my freezies in one go#like the $40 box of chocolates he downed a third of in one night#and pretended he only ate one bar#which he never asked to have either#anyways#we’re still financially Tight#but Loose Enough that we can eat something other than $1 bag of pasta and .30$ sauce to sustain life
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Thinking about getting a desktop computer in the future and I’m already overwhelmed just by looking at all the different ones out there.
#okay so I haven’t had a ‘real computer’ since like 2019#just been using my iPad this whole time#but I want to learn to animate so I been looking into desktop computers#mostly ones that work with certain animation programs#but it’s all so damn confusing#like I’m not good at all that technical stuff AT ALL#and I have to save some money on the side for it#so I’m just kinda 😵💫 rn#💬 chy chatter 💬
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my parents keep telling me I have to work for for profits to get an idea of how the “real world” works especially when I talk about housing policy and I’m like. I have exactly as much respect for landlords and developers as rational economic actors who are needed, in our current capitalist system, to “provide” housing, as I need as a professional. and as someone who will not never, until they die, have as much housing security as they have ever experienced, and as someone who spent the entire pre-covid vaccine period talking to landlords and tenants individually and witnessing people barely escape getting thrown out of their homes into a pandemic with no job, I am not ever gonna respect them one iota more. sorry.
#‘our friend Blah Blahblah rented a unit in DC to people with perfectly good jobs who just stopped paying the rent one day and there was#nothing they could do about it! tenants have too much power!’#1) I literally don’t think that’s factually true that that happened to your friend Mrs. Blahblah 2) try not to ‘own’ an entire spare#apartment or get fucked idc#personal#nyc tag#ish#maybe that’s unfair to them they don’t come from a ton of money. but they haven’t had to worry for the last 35 years#and I’ll be worried for the next 30 years. if I’m lucky
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made gf sourdough today and i didn’t have very high hopes (it was just the recipe on the flour bag that called for the starter to be made just the day before) but it turned out actually pretty good!!!
#the last time i made bread it was like. completely solid and stodgy bc it hadn’t risen at all so any air bubbles at all feels like a huge#success!!#and it tastes good! not super sourdoughy obvs bc. day old starter. but i haven’t had good crusty bread in years 😭#i want to make an actual gf sourdough started but gf flour is sooooooo expensive so discarding half every day for a while to get it#started sounds so agonizing....... even if i'm able to use the discard it's just SO much money that i wouldn't've spent. but sourdough.....#oh my god and i made it in a dutch oven that apparently my mom got for christmas years ago and never used it's a GORGEOUS#marquette like bright red and giant and i didn't know we had it!!! so i'm gonna use it for other stuff i think bc it's just gotten dusty in#the back of a cupboard for god knows how long. i'll save you princess
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“and why did u take so long to file a claim?” bc i was told i had to wait for the damn police report and they finally gave it to me do NOT piss me off.
#ᡣ𐭩 wonhes silly thoughts#she said “… oh”#guys i’m tweaking so bad#her insurance literally had the nerve#to also ask me#WHY i haven’t fixed my car#BE SO FR.#why would i pay#when SHE damaged MY car#do i look like i just have money sitting around too 😭😭😭#like be so fr with me rn! 😭
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Applying for 50 jobs within 12 months and not getting a single offer is almost an accomplishment woah I’m so talented x
#it’s killing me j wasted the last 3 months of my life working full time unpaid (internship)#and I was like. j need to suck up this bc it’ll get me a job#and I’ve applied to 25 jobs since starting this internship and I have not succeeded in getting a job#I just want to kms I’m ngl#my current org has offered me a full time job buy for a salary that’s literally minimum wage#so. that’s pretty fucking crap#I applied to 25 jobs in the last month while working full time . like I am so exhausted#I had an interview yesterday morning literally the morning of my grandmas funeral and just got emailed now that I haven’t gotten the job#yknow? I’m just heartbroken at this point#and I still have 1 week left working this internship and there’s literally no point#I was literally a middle level manager in this current job for no pay even worker across a weekend once#and it’s literally for nothing 🤣🤣🤣#I have a masters degree !! and 4 months of full time work experience and another several years worth of working part time#it’s not like I’m one of those grads who’s never worked a day in their life#and like i know no one can get a job these days. like barely any of my friends have anything#but money is beginning to become a little terrifying. so shelving the corporate applications and time to go back to being a barista again#not that I’m even guaranteed getting a job in that.#just spent a week living with a friend in Boston who IS employed straight out of undergrad for a rly cool nonprofit#literallt living my dream yknow what that rly challenged my ability to just be happy for my friends#I just don’t know how I keep on going like this tbh
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the new season of iasip is so good i love how they’re all being nicer to each other but not in a way that’s out of character
#even though they’re still being dicks to each other you can tell they care about each other#i also love episodes where dennis and dee get to team up#and the fact that they’ve had a scheme for sixteen years to take frank out once a year to steal his money is so siblings of them#the new season is just so great so far#the last couple ones haven’t been super good so i was worried but they’re way better#they’re funny as shit too#i love season sixteen#iasip#trash twins#dennis reynolds#charlie kelly#dee reynolds#mac macdonald#frank reynolds#it’s always sunny in philadelphia#it’s always sunny
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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what’s really crazy about the laundry thing though is that it had to have been WEEKS of it sitting there waiting to be picked up. and i wonder if the women who worked there keeping it there waiting for the soldiers to come back and pick it up even considered the horrific implication that it hasn’t been picked up because there’s no one to do it. like was she really that naive to think maybe dozens of men had forgotten to come back to her shop? there’s no wayyyy. that scene was BONKERS it’s been haunting me for days. there’s no one to think about picking up their laundry. just a devastating way to show how many little things one person’s life touches and how much crumbles under the weight of such a massive war. as i said the other day. world war 2 was genuinely one of the all time bummers…
and of course this goes to show just how well done the show is at neither glamorizing or vilifying the war and the people who were affected by it. like i think the show gives proper weight to everything without being like. american military propaganda you know? the fact that the characters take “trophies” from people they kill is crazy to me and i think that’s an example of how the writing is handling disturbing topics with a certain nuance that’s usually absent in most propaganda esque war media. we’re supposed to be disturbed that they’re so insensitive to the fact they’re taking someone else’s life, but we’re also made to understand why they feel that way and how deeply The Enemy has been dehumanized to them over all their training. i mean that’s just how i see it maybe i’m being too complimentary. i think it’s a good show though i’m allowed to be complimentary when i normally just watch garbage
#and yeah guess who didn’t watch her episode 4 last night.#because i spent too much time ‘decompressing’ scrolling on tiktok and then got stressed out about how much stuff i needed to get done that i#wasn’t getting done and how i had work in mere hours and didn’t want to go and the general stress of the holiday season and the general#stress that comes from being a sad and anxious person in the world and i feel like my one coworker doesn’t like me and then of course that#spiraled into all the coworkers i feel like don’t like me because there’s something inherently Wrong with me and everyone knows#and then i cried so hard i almost threw up and had to text my manager at 5am asking if it was okay if i didn’t come to work today#and then of course i slept through all the six hours i would have been at work. and no i haven’t eaten and the laundry of it all is still#kicking my ass in a deeply sisyphean way.#hard to be holly jolly happy holidays when the holidays are always. like this#like why do we have holidays when all they do is create more unnecessary chaos. what are doing#all that just to spend money on gifts people don’t even want and attend gatherings we don’t have fun at#i literally stand with the grinch pre his heart growing three sizes
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This week was another long week and I'm just. Exhausted. Sad. Frustrated. Burnt out and tired and. Done.
#i think someone stole packages from me because i came home and didnt find them#legit sad because they were xmas gifts for my sisters and i haven’t had the time or money to go and get them something nice#and i really wanna get them something nice because the past couple months since the one sister got out of the hospital have been hard for us#and then people were just so rude at work#just all the little things that culminate into a breaking point#had a cry in the bath and now im sitting with a book and some Ben & Jerrys🥲#gonna try to write tonight too#totally unwind#jojo vents
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just finally bought myself some nice headphones, and hearing my favorite songs in high fidelity is a game changer
#haven’t had the money before#and honestly don’t have it now but I let myself spend the money hehe#it’s the audio-technica m50x headphones#they’re for DJs I think but they work great for just listening as well!
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#meg talks#feeling sad abt union failures (so far. not giving up yet.)#not to fandompost but like ndsbdnxn every day it becomes more and more embarrassing to think abt the communist book club in de#like damn actually it rlly is just u and one other guy who sees ur vision. if ur even that lucky#and u have to push through the embarrassment of being brushed off and ignored#and the mortifying ordeal of laying out all the ways that ur caught in a vulnerable position and in need of solidarity#only for ppl to not rlly be interested bc their position is more comfortable and so they don’t feel the need#even tho they do actually need it too bc their position could be lost at any moment for no reason at all#and also the envy and shame looking at ppl who pulled off what u haven’t been able to#my friend at my job quit without even having another job lined up bc work conditions became so bad#and i just feel rlly sad and ig guilty that i couldn’t mobilize people sooner so that this wouldn’t have had to happen#like idk. maybe if i was more charismatic or had the money and the constitution to go hang out more w ppl#but well i am who i am w the experiences and knowledge that i have and that’s all i can be or have#so ig ill just keep on pushing and embarrassing myself and smelling of failure jssbdjxn bc how else do u get anything done#sigh. whatever. i just wish i felt less alone in this
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I cannot survive this day lol
#it’s only noon and I need to go to bed immediately and start over#our one triumph today: at the dentist he had his first truly epic blowout - we’re talking poop all up his back inside his onesie#no changing table in the bathroom#and my mom had taken the car so no access to the more elaborate changing setup in the car#so I had to change him on the floor using the three remaining wipes in the pack#while he screamed like he was being tortured and kicked poop everywhere#but we did it we made it and then he chugged a bottle of milk like a soldier who’d just survived his first skirmish with the enemy#I have to take ruthie to the vet in a couple hours but she’s started acting fine today so I’m afraid I’ll be wasting a huge amount of money#meanwhile Pip has started vomiting everywhere#but I think he’s just stressed about baby/sudden change#naturally though I had to have a huge crying jag in the bathroom about the fact of his mortality#anyway friends I’m hanging in there#I need to just simplify simplify simplify#I will lie down for a bit now#then I will try to walk the dogs so it’s out of the way#need to leave by 2:30 to get Ruthie in#and I can listen to a hockey podcast and feel more human on the way#then once that’s done I can just do nothing tonight if I need to#my mom is leaving around 4 for the evening but#I’ve mixed the formula and cleaned all the bottles so I think I can just like#hopefully lie around with the baby#the other thing I need to do is write my mom a thank you letter before she leaves#I just haven’t had the energy but maybe I can ask her to take the baby for an hour tomorrow#and sit outside somewhere and work on it#postpartum tag#today has just been a higher difficulty level lol but I’ll have other kinds of days too#all will be well
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