#but well i am who i am w the experiences and knowledge that i have and that’s all i can be or have

[palms-upturned]

.

[sweetshire]

So, @silv-paru sent Sherlock Holmes for the character opinion bingo. thanks a bunch for this (and for your patience. my god, i’m answering this a week late. typical me behaviour). you’re a darling :D

Did you know, i used to tell these stories to my friends? they delighted in them AND i got a chance to sort of ramble on and on abt him and watson. it was a win-win, really. ah, those were the days! now i haven’t reblogged much of him this month at all. i miss him. I MISS HIM.

Onto the bingo: well. he’s The quintessence of gender™ to me. and i relate to him so so much. fav character of all time fr. i want to carry him in my pocket at all times & study him. like. do i want to BE him OR am i IN LOVE with him, ykwim? pssh who knows? certainly not me. uh-huh ‘a beast unleashed’ -does this refer to me or him? you choose. oh re: canon, i’m ignoring the part where holmes dies (or y’know, is dead for 3 years). that’s too angsty.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

had a hell of a time (good) bit ago watching elemental and feeling things including enjoying a film, great ride, i love a metaphor & anything vignettey (just living life, alongside but also including the [this is about the metaphor] threads), i do love it when a couple of fun people have an enriching dynamic that they enjoy and huaaaghwgh (good) & i liked the premise metaphor exactly as is for what it is for what it did with it & i liked overlaps & resonances w/other experiences i saw ppl perceive. i liked the way i was going oh my god that painting looks the way i feel b/c like navigating a complementary dynamic where what's holding one person back is what helps the other person along, vice versa, no interaction or relationship that develops by like having some [theoretically your trait/quality/behavior] contained in the other person, rather it being an interaction within yourself, such that i was going "i have this interaction Within Myself, right now, in life currently like always and the past years but also past months especially really, it's ongoing, i'm going Oh Goddamn Omg" scintillating to see it externalized as a conversation imagined by others. and also still different / more capacious on both ends than "wow Exactly that." feeling things going ohh my god. music is going for it so Noticeably. hot air balloon scene And track changing me with an immediate Resonance

easier when having fun but i was also like continually so hype gasping about intrigued about pointing at art direction decisions & execution and one especial element i was sooo noting was the use of Color b/c it's Really colorful like rainbow palette nigh constant noticeable saturation, And it was atmospheric, always readily visibly parsed, varying in styles but cohesive. the backgrounds babey, with obvious priority for working with a vivacious orange and/or blue. oh and the related use of Light like different visuals for different glows and just different effects and waugh....i collected mostly a bunch of bgs to point at often for that "look at the color design & atmosphere" but also so much more & foreground things big time too. semitransparent characters like bitch. the physics of fluid dynamics. optics like refraction like my God. i'm mclosing it and that these effects would be sooo prohibitively intensive w/o computer but it's so impressive w/computer and that Stylistic Decisions were made all over, it's clearly not ever simply just "oh this is what it'd 'realistically' look like if uhhh someone was made of fire or water" even as realism Based effects were employed for style and fun and our lives. the use of of course 2D animation / art conventions for style and effect and fun & our lives!!! maybe ember a bit too but wade has a whole like 2D style profile so the [curved droplet] shape always faces the camera, how are we doing that it's so cool & i love to see it. not to mention being transparent but also like clearly not!! first time i've properly thought about how inside of mouth 3D animation has Ever worked lmao

cut so i can go on & on (^ that's brevity up there lol) & post mostly various backgrounds to gesticulate at what i notice abt the use of color like oh my god. and some other things. laughed, cried, lived & loved like for real lol

oh my god

and like immediate intro theme going "oh my god blue and orange making Purple (magenta, pink) oh my god we're doing Additive Light with that holy shit yes"

so extra [!!!] about city nighttime shots especially. and the details of all the building designs, it's all the shit like i haven't even sat and Studied any given shot for all small elements like that but that you know they're There so that it looks this complex and "realistic" like you know the attention & effort is there & you get the Overall Effect baby. also the way purple/green are employed to contrast with blue/orange often. the Glows here, the Bluer upper half and the Oranger lower half that both also have some purplishness to them, the Green bridge breaking it up / spanning this

the colors in closeups even. first of all the expressions styles are after my own heart & got it, and i'm sure i'll go on & on more there. pull mouths down do the m upper lip n lower lip lines combo, you know what i mean, i Love it. wavy flowy design vs more triangular / ending in peaks/corners design for your water vs fire aesthetiques. i think that's [heat creating refraction in the air] effect like lord. the pink blue purple here. the slight shadow framing the pic for better contrast, the pink / glow around ember, wade slightly Glows from within too, the constant wave refraction there. okay obsessed again with both sorta transparent and fluid Figures like you've got the outermost layers. you've got the Inside. you've got the silhouettes and the lines that are "drawn," reddish outlines of flame shapes and constant highlight "outlines" for water so it never "realistically" blends in with everything / just Is clear and is impossible to easily parse. that those silhouettes are constantly Flowing and responding to motion / pressure as well. i can only imagine. oh and the colors again that the Glow for fire is often a Soft gradient, but there's this like, slightly convex polygonal style of "glow" / Light in backgrounds a lot and it works great for style and contrast with the important Soft Glow from fire and even also water, again the slight inner glow there too. and again the mutual [pull mouths down] expressiveness lol so much fun. the Elasticity is fantastic, same with like 2D style Movement like invoking a smear frame for example like fuck yes it's about What Works it's about style & effect & what things like lighting color faces can do that aren't just aiming for "be peak realistic" like clearly it isn't. note the sharper line of shadow in the upper corner with a deeper blue. we framing

oh this one was to point out "look at how you can see the full spectrum rainbow in the wave surface light refraction oh my fucking god" not to mention of course In Motion the shapes, the effect, some bubbles and flow for flare and seeing that constant Light Outline, the cyan leaning aqua that's put in along with the overall slight blue not b/c it's "realistic" but b/c it's what works baby the artistic design choices fuck like hell. and only when i took this one frame was it like oh my fucking god look at these split second flame shames flowing off of ember there above her head especially. all the more stylization required for fire without it being like, "realistically" mostly transparent, overly bright, not very strongly delineated / silhouetted....the shape, color, flow of flames on the "inside," outermost breaking off shapes & "outline" as well augh god. and look at the purples in the background's left side

AUGH the night city backgrounds. pottery burn haha yeah the blue orange AND purple my god!!!! it's thematic ([blue + orange = purple] b/w the blue & orange characters) and it fucks like hell holy shit!!!!!

meanwhile the green & purple here with One orange element getting to stand out / not that much blue either, but more ultramarine style than aquamarine, and LOOK AT THE MOON!!! the surface!!! check out that Polygonal glow around it and the green/purple there too!!!

and the use of bokeh. immaculate, not holding back, after my heart. the Purple/Pink additive light properties coming into play!! her reflection is more simply orange(tm) sometimes and i would presume it tends purpler when we are getting [emotionally connecting / recognition of the self through the other] but oh my god heaving overhead like a hero this additive light blue+orange=purple ingenious and stylistically fucking like hell choice. and again their "outlines" working so well while also retaining enough softness/fluidity to be part of them as a whole. everything is so cool

there's the mouth shape i was talking about. you see the slight m upper lip simply n lower lip and resultant (idk like a video game controller?) shape lol. flexible expressive asymmetry. the closeup transparency of [can always see the other side of shirt collar]. green bg for contrast while also incorporating the orange glow. the full spectrum rainbow refraction just also an immaculate and probably characterfully relevant lmao as a bonus. also hell of cute moments wauugh yes, fun, dying thanks

the additive light!!! (how magenta/purple/pink the reflection of Orange is off the Blue like employing what's realistic in another context for what fucks aesthetically & carries symbolism. like wade wouldn't Realistically be constantly [surface wave refractions] but it fucks like hell. also wouldn't be someone made of fire or water but it fucks like hell & embodies a central metaphorical layer to the literal material). also look at that curtain from deep purplish red to deep bluer purple!!! the line of bright blue!!! the glow in the Background with sharper polygonal lines / corners to contrast with the visual effects of glows elsewhere!!! wade default =3 as [wavy featured] and inherent =3 vs ember's more flame tipped => (not pictured)

ohh this one for rainbow color / out of focus usage and b/c it's like how the semi transparency but only So Much + constant outline of Highlights / constant inner glow and visible infusion of like aquamarine / bright turquoise cerulean color helps a water guy stay perfectly Visible / parsable. also besides ember being green, an effect subtly pictured at any given point: like cinders continually rising off fire but depicted so much like Sparkles :') there's so much colors and highlights and choices after my own sensibilities out here like i love a shoulder swoop design that flows right into the arms from the neck from the head. and that's exactly what we get precisely b/c it has so much flow!!! ember's like whole head Flaring out from her neck, terminal points like tips, or sources, of flames. Styles

the bokeh!! the blues and pinks and purples!!!

ouuwaah

UGH obviously in motion the like arcing falling curtains of water, the shimmering....the purple into pink into dusky orange!!! the little bit of contribution of the turquoise light aaa wahooo, ofc what the bridge adds in Composition for this & that previous shot

lmao this is b/c Wavy Scribble Squiggle Mouth again the design choices after my own heart. the constant extra wobbliness to Mouth Outline obviously works great to emphasize [water design] but it also works great b/c i love it

every shot of the background with this beach is gongious like jesus christ. the closeup of sand is like that looks amazing and So soft. look at the wavy swoopy shapiness of the clouds, look at the [in this shot] faintly detectable Polygonal outlines of Glow from the sun. feel free to look at that water like i said every shot of this, wrow. tasked with Pretty Beach Sunset and coming through big time

expressive design contrast, glow contrasts, refracting, silhouettes, those flame shapes breaking off again epic hot wheels style fuck yes....and the bg!!! look at the purple to muted purple pink sky, the atmospheric distancing on layers of buildings that goes from blue to purple!! the dimmer purple / blue / teal on the ground in the foreground here UGH the COLOR USE

ooh i was so Noticing the like, full ultramarine blue here, like it's been used Before in any night environments but the way here it's brighter, making it like "okay yeah night but more Lit Up. also the visual variety of [water curtain] textures there, the area of Pink, the Yellow that hasn't previously shown up too much but might be saved for associations with tension / "danger" lol. also love the "straightup a pool" designs lol wish i was swimming

oh the orange + blue = purple on display here / translating Outlines

amazing sequence and again look at the Purple shadows the Blues the Oranges the Greens!!!! aughhh again like So colorful and so bright but also ofc dimmed, atmospheric, balanced, waughhh!!!

oh my god what can i say. "bisexuality" for one but and also fr like the pink of the sky vs deep purple, lighter with more blue in the water, the streak of oranger light, pink atmospheric haze....augh!!!

speaking of "and then really vivid striking colors in another overall palette we haven't seen before" the teal & golden yellow for this shot was new & noticeable. the yellow of problems, but not too bad lol, looking at that Contrast with the blue on the outer pool edge there. i wanna take a swim yippee....but fr like holding some colors more in reservation, finding new combinations, as Ever how bright the bgs are but atmospheric, non overwhelming of other elements, i Love it

bokeh!!!! colors!!!!!!!

bokeh!!!!!! colors!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fucking roy g biv like yes gorgeous. nice tree evocative bridge. composition. lots of lights and colors but the distribution being so balanced, but organic, broken up in all the right ways and all encompassing....the bright orange lights in shadowed blue/purple buildings in the upper left corner, leading down to the path of lights across the center of everything....ugh incredible great

out of focus bg, the lights, the purples, the blue/Green, look at everything on the right side ugh lovely, the slight Shapes of glows, can see that arc in the right side as well, the emotional relevance of all the colors and glows as this bg dims / desaturates a second later

and so similarly here, the Purple, the Glows....like the use of both the perfect balance of soft edges/borders but no sacrifice in clarity

oh and i suppose there's then any amount of spoilers following but like, in part only b/c i point them out as as much but also like. it's about the journey lmfao you see two screenshots, containing some information, well you've seen it all

and to pad that out i'll also note without screenshots about it like bringing in a very like Clear for Compositional Effect sort of Danger Yellow again twice over, with the harshest like chartreuse leaning yellow yet for it, v much a color that it'd just take more effort to fit into a palette / would have to be kind of the color centerpiece, vs the orange/blue/purple here

(but also not to say yellow was never used otherwise....some perfectly harmless golds, paler lighting like just Daytime vibe, constant presence w/fire of course. so the Particulars of a hazard yellow are all the more notable)

the COLORS....look at that orange that pink red the pink reflections the Purples....the just deep slightly slightly purple red in the bg and how like smoothed over / Immediate that background is to just make everything close & present!! the flame textures going!!! water textures going!!! cinders as points of light!! the colors the orange purple pink blue UGHH it's amazing they're really off the shits with it in every scene

spoilers they do kiss about it and i was like smacking hand to forehead like oh my god and they did another "breaking out a new Light thing" when we've glowed and refracted within and without, lit up or dimmed, sparkled, reflected, used further styles in environmental lighting....answer was Lens Flare rainbow refracting glow like goddamn!!! and again like putting In the purple, but also the blue, the orange, the out & out more cerulean / aquamarine that is not gonna simply come from elsewhere in the environment. nice commitment to also having someone smile into a kiss lmao we've all been like i Will make this work. i'm still just like ugh the focus on and variety of Light too, the backgrounds' like soft polygon/hexagon glow "fields," straightforward soft/even gradient glows, wave pattern refraction, refraction also separating light into rainbows, remember water is a lens, stylized light of fire, bokeh, additive color mixing....holding on to & breaking out Cinematic LENS FLARE is fr like ohhh my god they're just fucking On It, got this, here's another effect for you

i also have a gif b/c i couldn't note anyone's fluid dynamics / flowing / Interacting physics enough, and little moments giving that some extra flair are a delight, but holy shit a highlight i'm instantly obsessed with forever, now if there's something and nobody pours themself, i'm out

oh we sloshing!! all the water physics going on here to fantastic effect but also all working within the confines of "and it's some guy." immaculate joke 5 sec later around the "i am Not an inspector" line just What a delight. the vision....the manifestation of effort, craft....i'm not kidding at all i'm like okay forever treasuring [pours yourself] clip and if someone doesn't get it it's like it's called joie de vivre, panache, taking all kinds. some sloshheads out here

again i had a delightful time at the cinema (figuratively. i didn't go anywhere. though i did go "oh fuck re: even the idea of seeing plenty of this in theater format" like i was going oh Shit at visuals and music and every damn thing enough already, can only imagine) i was like bitch i love ppl living life vignettesquely with the emotional arcs aids of metaphor, symbolism. i love the styles and designs and i love paying attention to details and going damn how they'd do that, i love technical shit, noting techniques that are centered around 2D derived visuals, about aesthetic effect & visual purpose....i was going "oh my god same. lately, always, ongoing. oh my god it's me always crying at everything, but also never at anything, and also just sometimes at some things. it's me with the Temper it's me with one like everyone else but not about to let it out at all / not be making room for anyone else's. me like 'just powering through like arghhh' me like 'that, but [a puddle]' liable to spontaneously interact with randos by just doing your own thing, also [dying] and beloathed at that, going with the flow trying to carpe diem it, having these conversations and navigations like just as one person lmao, and also ofc it's different" lol like oh damn okay. and twentysomethings popular with the nebkids like wow in real life....and just having a great time entirely straightforwardly and expecting as much but also being increasingly delighted and surprised and going "wow my aesthetique sensibilities piqued" and going "wow okay a journey" and like Gasp at details and loving the overall effects and little moments and shots and entire deal. did weep repeatedly, when you slosh, when you soggy....delighted a lot, along for the ride having fun for the whole way, so much abt [bummed 20somethings who are nevertheless very vivacious Feeling Things, including About feeling things] and the way that's given sooo much space, Saturating things even, maybe with light & color....i liked it a bunch, [aaaaaa], great time, thinking about feeling things and feeling about it and about thinking about it & so on & so forth too like man hang on a second. and the soundtrack. and the character designs Overall there did i mention?? so cute & fun. wobbly wavy shivery tapering having Flow in the lines / shapes of silhouettes in different ways just like flow in [fluid dynamics] of flame or water in different ways. there's a lot i can say but i just mostly did the backgrounds / color / lighting noncomprehensive slideshow lol. i was very engaged like oh wahoo yippee aaa then mfs let's go and keep going

[fluideli123]

I've watched the DP&W movie twice in theaters and three plus times on a pirated site, and I wanted to grant my analysis on Wade and Logan's relationship that not only respects Vanessa--because Vanessa was literally Wade's Soulmate until shit hit the fan and you can pry that fact from my cold dead hands. But also explains how Logan and Wade actually represent a a-spec experience and relationship that I feel like no one has really gotten into. Am I saying they're a-spec? No. But that doesn't mean queer relationships that are fairly normal in a-spec spaces doesn't mean they don't exist outside of them as well.

First of all, the only two reasons I believe Vanessa and Wade broke up was 1) Wade went back in time to save Vanessa and he told her after his usual routine of jokes and lies and 2) Wade finally believed he could be something more, a hero, only to be turned down by the people who are known for their heroism, leaving him lost.

I genuinely believe Vanessa had a hard time taking in that knowledge, but knowing Wade and everything they've been through she would get through that like the badass she is and work through it using her plans A-Z, as she always does. But I think to really stop that woman from continuing to start a family with Wade like she wanted to in Deadpool 2, is if Wade was no longer within the right mindset to do so.

Deadpool 1 introduced Wade as someone who believed he was a bad guy who got paid to fuck up worse guys, he refused the term hero, and the moment he even tried to reach for something selfless. An act that would hopefully spare Vanessa from the pain of cancer, it all got fucked up and he got turned into a monster. Someone he deemed even lesser than he was before. So far gone and completely removed from what he was loved for (his looks and personality, but how could his personality stand alone when he looked so ugly? As ugly as he always felt on the inside?)

So he turned to what he's always known: Tracking people down and making them pay. In his mind this only confirms that he's a monster, he isn't deserving of Vanessa, of anyone. Which is why he finds comfort in Blind Al, a woman who will only have to deal with his personality and not be able to see how ugly he actually is. Symbolism for showing only half of himself and not him in his entirety (not that he can hide it from her, she's too wise, knowledgeable, caring, and knows Wade better than he knows himself at this point.)

Eventually, he finishes his hunt and is still loved despite what had transpired. Vanessa still chose him, still loved him. So maybe despite how ugly he is, he can still be loved. This grounded him, solidified his self worth, have him such stability that he had a thriving relationship with Vanessa that they were SO ready to start a family, aspired to live that dream. Another act of selfishness. Only to, once again, be met by pain. Get his dream taken away, once again resorting to what he knows: revenge.

Wade wants to be a hero? He gets forcefully mutated. Wade wants a family? Vanessa gets killed. Both are immediately solved by death, but that self-loathing and sickening hatred towards himself do nothing to cure that same confirmation he had once thought he got over: That he wasn't a monster, he could be loved, be something else.

So of course Vanessa is who, even in death, looks him in the eyes and tells him he cares, he has always cared. He cares so deeply about the people in his life he meets who unconditionally love him for him as time passes, despite all his flaws.

Wade wants to be a hero? Colossus believes he can be. Wade wants to save the 13-year-old abused kid? Vanessa knows he can. He saves lives by sacrificing himself. He scarified his comfort to show Vanessa the full truth of his ugliness, he sacrificed his life for Russel to give him a better life. Maybe he isn't a complete monster, maybe he can believe again. He can be selfish, he can be reckless. So he goes back and saves more people. Heroes do that. They save the people they love. You don't hold the whole world on your shoulders, no, like Miles learned in ATSV you think of one person of the few people you want to fight against the world to protect. And he did just that.

With Vanessa back and a big family he can finally chase after what he wasn't meant for. Because it's only happened twice, it wouldn't happen again-

Rejection. He can't be a hero because people don't need him. He is the needy one, the one who wants to be needed, needs to be wanted. So, it's the crash. The final straw. He breaks. He breaks so hard because what the fuck is the point to trying if every time he is met with failure? Rejection? Pain? Loss? He becomes so stuck in figuring this all out he neglects his relationship with Vanessa, causing issues. They go separate ways, but still so close, because you don't just lose your best friend like that, even if you're no longer partners. They're always meant to be together one way or another.

So you have this broken man who is searching for purpose, years later still harboring this tiny flicker of hope that he can be greater. He can be great. He can be a hero.

His world is in trouble, he doesn't think twice saving it. He accepts he isn't perfect for this, not like all the big guys back in Avengers headquarters, but he can't let his loved ones die because of someone he's had a vendetta against the last two movies.

He literally fights and fights and fights to find someone to help him, Wade can't save who he loves he has to find someone else you can, anyone else.

Than a broken, desperate man walks into a bar to see another broken man who has since long given up.

The thing about Logan and Wade is that they don't need words. Wade blew himself up in order to die in the second movie, Logan drinks himself away, both knowing they can't die no matter how much they want to. How much they believe they deserve it.

So Wade sees a Wolverine who has potential, who hasn't hurt him (unlike the others, he gets hurt so much, guys) and places his faith in him without hesitation. From that moment on he has never truly doubted Logan's abilities nor his heroism, because he knew his Logan and if his world was anchored by a Logan than all Logan's are built with something he isn't. They're made to be heroes, made to be important. Yeah, they fight, but I strongly believe that's how two broken men say everything words can't possibly describe.

I mean what words could describe the way they go all out on each other, knowing the other can't die, the way Wade looks up at him, not wanting to regrow his entire body because he needs to save his world and understands Logan and has to decide to say something that'll convince him to help. Wade doesn't know if stopping the machine will completely save his world or if a new Logan will patch it up too, it's his own educated wish he passes onto Logan. Because just like Russel, he cares. He understands. He wants to help.

It's that faith, hope, and resistance and face of humor despite it all that causes Logan to stick by that dumb asses side. He lost everything, he is seeing someone like himself before he stumbled home drunk from the bar to find everyone dead. Someone who is capable of doing something he wasn't able to. He wants to help, more and more for Wade and less himself, a silent journey of healing following Wades steps everywhere they stumble into.

Because Logan was just drunk at a bar before being told he was needed to save a world, told he was the worst before being offered help anyone, getting praised over his capabilities, and than told again and again how he is able to be someone he never thought he could be. Much like Wade was and is.

Logan sees it. Wade most likely ignores it, much like anything else. He isn't very open with anyone other than Vanessa as we've learned.

So just- of course Wolverine is the honest one, of course he hits low, he sees himself and Wade and wants to hurt him. Wade wants to hurt him back, but only when he's directly attacked by his words and threats, a way of not taking shit. Logan took shit from the world and than didn't from Wade and his emotional rollercoster right. And I think without whatever happened in that Honda Odyssey things wouldn't have been the same. They needed that fight, that release, that hatred from themselves to burst into the form of someone else who could take it just as much as the other could.

Logan listens to Wade's home at the borderlands. Logan is given kindness and tough love. Logan joins. Logan begins to understand how most linger by Wade's side despite everything. He sees why. He's a force, he doesn't give up, he doesn't quit, not for others. It grants strength, though imperfect and messy.

Logan believes Wade deserves better. So he plans on sacrificing himself only for Wade to once again show how much of a Hero he wants to be and could be. Only for those two idiots to hold hands to madona and come to a mutual understanding and comfort that has Wade making room for Logan in his and Al's apartment.

And there is something so inherently a-spec about not being explicitly sexual with each other, having an understanding that goes beyond direct words and full truths. They they can hurt one another and it feels so good, so wanted and cherished. How they support one another by being fucked up and sloppy. They're wrecks and they help the other heal, do what they're too afraid to do.

What is more a-spec than two people looking at each other with adoration and trust? To be two people who cannot be placed within a single both because their relationship and meaning to one another isn't so neatly cut and within expectations? To love in a way that blood and standing side by side is a comfort? A steadying point in which everything becomes clearer with time?

They make me so fucking sick, they make me so FUCKING SICK.

[melodic-haze]

h-hey 👯‍♀️😕😜🎀

Since you said in your other post that you wanted to write for either Miko or Ei, I HAD AN IDEA!!

What if Miko and fellow kitsune!Reader who start their breeding months (in january obviously) and have Ei volunteering herself to them not knowing that they can’t obviously be sated in just one day 🙄 (r.i.p her cunny)

☆ — DEMO TRACK: switch!Miko x sub!Ei x dom!Reader

☆ — TYPE: NSFW

☆ — CONTENT WARNINGS: Reader and Miko can shift what they want (specifically their genitals 😄), knotting and breeding (not really)

☆ — NOTES: You. YOUUUUUU. Are such a genius ily anon ty for this 🙏🙏🙏

Ohhhh this bitch REALLY fucked around and found out LOL I almost feel bad.......almost

Have to hand it to Ei though, she DID try to research before proposing the idea in the first place. Especially since this is set in the first year since she got out the PoE........but studying it obv won't be the same as the real thing LOL

You and Miko have fared relatively okay on your own—the two of you have ABSOLUTELY mated before to ease each other's heat but it always felt like something was missing. You both made sure to take procedures to make sure neither of you ever concieved a child after the process with the excuse of the two of you being way too busy to care for one but like. The actual main reason was that if you were to have a child, you both wanted to have the third piece of the puzzle there with you

Now that the third member of your polycule's back, your heats are STRONGER THAN EVER bc wtf she's acc here??? Ughfhghfhh neeeeeed......like do you get me I hope you do

It wasn't as if it was a normal discussion to have out in public (you both always talked about it indoors until neither of you needed to really talk ab it anymore from all the time spent w each other) but it was a nice picnic between the three of you; Ei's head was on Miko's thighs as she ate up yet ANOTHER skewer of tricolour dango while you were leaning on the latter's side when she brought it up

Ei cleared her throat with a slight tinge of nervousness, "Could I perhaps, ah.. assist the both of you in your mating period?"

You choked on the dango that you were about to swallow as you see Miko startle the slightest bit, nearly dropping her novel in the process.

When you managed to regain your composure (or at least a modicum of it), you could only rush out a simple "'scuse me?" as Miko placed her book down to the side with a raised brow.

Miko combed her fingers through Ei's hair as she questioned, "What brought this on, dear?"

"Well..." The Archon licked her lips as she slowly got her words out, "I've.. left you two for over five hundred years. And while I'm glad that you both had each other for company whenever the season hits, I cannot deny that.. well, I feel bad, I suppose."

"You feel bad," the shrine priestess mocked, which.. really, wasn't all that undeserved, despite the fact that she was mocking the nation's leader.

"For a lack of a better word, yes." She sits up and turns to the both of you, putting the now-empty skewer aside, "Now that I have returned from my admittedly self-imposed isolation, it would be remiss of me to.. avoid my duties as your lover."

"I don't mean to be rude, Your Excellency," you teased, "but do you even know what you're saying? You've been in the Plane of Euthymia for so long; I worry for your safety."

You hear the pink fox envoy let out a quiet snort of amusement for your slight condescension (all in good faith, of course) as Ei sighed, "I think you forget that I am not a fragile mortal who needs to be coddled—I can withstand brutal wars and come out victorious."

"Besides," she adds, "I have done a fair amount of research to refresh my knowledge. I assure you both that I can take whatever it is you give me."

Miko mused, "I thought you knew better than to rely on textbook information rather than actual experiment, Ei."

"You're trying much too hard to dissuade me from my offer."

"We both deserve to rib into you for at least a couple hundred years."

"Especially considering how we've been left to fend for ourselves..."

"I.. suppose I do deserve that. And I want to make amends for it all, starting with this. So.. will you let me help? Please?" She looked at the both of you with such sincerity despite the subject matter.

...

The fact that Raiden Ei herself was begging the two of you though...

The both of you jumped her sides with sharing grins, your ears flicking in sync as you let out your own laughs.

"You should hope that you don't regret that, Ei.."

"..Because we are rather.. insatiable."

Then comes the actual thing and ohhhhh girlie was NOT prepared

When I said your heats get worse bc of how Ei's back, I fucking MEAN IT. It's the fact that that familiar sweet smell isn't just a not-quite-forgotten memory for you two anymore that it's just driving you both abslutely NUTS

When she gets to you two she gets POUNCED ON and there is. Basically no break for her at all and foreplay is basically foreGONE atp tbh

Eat her cunt like a bitch STARVED it's like both you and Miko are competing and assisting each other at the same time like who can eat her out better, who can make her squirt, etc etc

SO MANY BITE MARKS ON HER HOLY SHIT like okay yes on you and Miko as well but both of you want to mark Ei EXTREMELY for all the time you've lost with her. The both of you wanna show both Ei and perhaps the entirety of Inazuma that archon is YOURS at the end of the day......at least, if the loud noises didn't give them enough of a hint 🤷‍♀️

You're so right anon rip Ei's cunny indeed bc both you and Miko ABUSE the living HELL out of it❗️❗️❗️ You do often have to personally pry Miko off when she's overstaying in the spot you're supposed to share 🫶🫶🫶🫶 just tell her she's being a VERY bad girl rn and she'll fold. Usually she wouldn't but the haze (lol) in her mind is sooo fucking thick she can't think straight and she can't think of the witty remarks she would've otherwise made :((( poor baby the only thing she wants to do is breed and get bred :(((((((

I need to spitroast her with Miko so very badly I'm ngl to you I neeeed I NEEEEED I need to see Ei being impaled on both ends, both sides basically slobbering

It'd be very messy and would 100% take so long before you finish but when you do, it's with your fellow kitsune's own pussy practically filled to the brim and Leaking as she's laid out and finally passed out as your hips are locked in on your Archon's own; you cumming inside of you for like the nth time and stuffing her full w a mix of both your and Miko's cum and essentially plugging it with an inflamed bulb :3

Whether Ei has a system that allows her to get pregnant or not, gen who knows.......but one thing's def for sure. Or like three things acc: one, you two are VERY clearly excited that your shared lover is finally back; two, turns out she absolutely LOVES being used and bred by her two partners; and three?

It was an unusually hard thing to do, waking up. Despite having an artifical body and being an archon that has faced true horrors and extreme exhaustion, she found herself absolutely spent from the marathon.. copulation.

Ei had hoped that her exhaustion meant that the two of you were much more tired than she was, even despite your inhumanity, and yet...

Her eyes couldn't help but flutter open as a sudden gasp left her lips—she sees you push into her roughly with a lust-addled look on your face. You were already inside her when she fell asleep, considering the animalistic knot that held the both of you together, but even when it had shrunk to a more.. manageable level, you still hadn't taken it out.

Then Ei looks slightly to the right and there she sees her pink-haired familiar, heavily breathing as she grinded her wet, hot pussy onto her thighs with such loud, obscene moans.

(If the Archon listened close enough, which she did, she would've noticed the slight growl to the sounds she made—such a sound was at its most clearest when she ducked down to press another bite mark on porcelain skin.)

She couldn't even utter a word to remark that she had just woken up, didn't even have the room to do anything to stop you before you started pounding away at her like your life depended on it.

..And she could. Really, she could. She wasn't the feared Raiden Shogun for nothing.

She could stop you if she wanted to.

If she wanted to.

But when she feels the residual fluids within her gush out as you essentially resculpt her insides over and over and over, when she feels the desperate whines that Miko lets out as she cums and covers her thigh in slick, well.

She finds that she doesn't really want to.

(And really, not only was it her fault for volunteering, but this is her responsibility as your lover.)

(She knew that, and she wasn't going to start shirking her responsibilities again.)

(Even if it costs her her mobility for a while. But it's fine, she can just do a lot of maintenance after.)

[librarycards]

Hello! I am trying to read “the right to maim” by jasbir k puar and I am getting almost nothing out of it, bc of the depth + breadth of academic concepts :( I’m particularly frustrated by it bc it seems to talk about subjects I think about, talk about and do daily, like disability, transness, and (anti)colonialism. I’m most of the way through the intro and it’s gone almost entirely over my head except for a couple isolated paragraphs that are meaningful.

Do you have any advice for how I can get the most out of this book? My main limiter is time, bc I got it out from the library and it is highly requested so I can’t have it for very long

Hi anon! First of all, in terms of time, I recommend piracy. I recommend it in general. I'm not going to post links here in order to protect the places I use, but dm me if you want them.

If you're having difficulty with the concepts (which makes sense - right to maim is a challenging book!) I recommend going back to basics with some background reading. You can get some of Puar's rec'd background reading from the bibliography, and from the keywords she uses in the preface of the text. a few that I see (i'm looking at the PDF now) include debility, rhizome/rhizomatic, soverignty, biopolitics, homonationalism, impairment [in the disability studies sense], precarity, and neoliberalism. if i was teaching this preface, i'd have students break down each of these terms (and probably others, this is just from a skim) using outside readings. it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when jumping into a scholarly text w/o any context, and most people who use and cite this book have past experience reading Puar's interlocutors and existing familiarity with this language.

you can get up-to-date while reading using resources in tandem with this text. For example, you can read Puar's discussion of debility at that link to get a sense of the context. You can read a decent summary of Foucault (the coiner of the term "biopower") and his thought at Brittanica. I recommend using Google Scholar for terms you're not familiar with, and taking quick notes so that you don't have to google them all over again each time. if you think you have enough context with a new word but aren't 100%, keep reading and use other clues. think about academic reading like learning a new language. the strategies are very similar! because it basically is.

I recommend using the annotation strategies i just mentioned in this post (and/or developing your own). i also recommend looking up Puar's talks on youtube - she's a well-known scholar who does a lot of events, and has spoken extensively about this book and its genealogy (especially in relation to praxis / Palestinian liberation). You can also read her talk with the hosts of Death Panel, my absolute favorite podcast.

Below, I'm going to give you an example of how I close-read, annotate, and analyze a paragraph from Right to Maim (and, by extension, other academic texts. This strategy may not work for you 100%, but hopefully it gives you some solid suggestions. Overall, remember that learning to read scholarly work takes time. A long ass time. Even when it's about things you've experienced yourself! Academia has its own conventions, verbiage, knowledge base, etc, and it's a learning curve for everyone. Don't expect yourself to read as fast or get as much as someone more familiar with the conventions of academic writing - anticipate reading all of these works many, many times, and getting more with each reading. Progress is more important than perfection, and improvement, even if slow, *will* happen, as long as you don't give up. <3

Below is a quote from the preface to Right to Maim, where Puar lays out her argument. I recommend everyone highlight/remember paragraphs like these (pretty much every ac text will have something like this in the beginning as a roadmap) to anchor their reading practice and help them get the most from a book (emphasis mine):

In The Right to Maim, I focus less on an impor­tant proj­ect of disability rights and disability studies, which is to refute disability as lack, as inherently undesirable, and as the sign, evidence, or fetish of injustice and victimhood. I am not sidestepping this issue. Rather, I centralize the quest for justice to situate what material conditions of possibility are necessary for such positive reenvisionings of disability to flourish, and what happens when those conditions are not available. My goal ­here is to examine how disability is produced, how certain bodies and populations come into biopoliti­cal being through having greater risk to become disabled than ­others. The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography.

In the bolded part, Puar outlines what she's not doing: she's not taking a mainstream (white, colonial) disability studies approach, which is, in her words, to refute disability as "lack." She's stating that her goal isn't simply to prove disabled people as equal to able-bodied people, or to claim that disability can be good and liberating (though it is/can be!). Her point is to look at the conditions in which people become disabled, and stay disabled. Often, these conditions are violent and unjust. Acknowledging this injustice kinda throws a wrench into western models of disability pride.

So, if she's not interested in just arguing that disability ≠ badness, what is she arguing? she's looking, in the latter half of the paragraph, to how people become disabled in multiple ways. One, using the verbiage in the book, she's interested in how people become debilitated - physically incapacitated in a way that may not line up with the social category of "disability"). She's also interested in how "disability" as a social identity is constructed - that is, why do disability rights groups look at Palestinians maimed by the IOF and see an injured civilian, but not a disabled comrade? words and context matter immensely. she's looking at why, and what are the implications.

that last sentence sums up the distinction she's making: "The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography."

the difference, she argues, between disability as western disability studies sees it and debility as experienced by people under colonial occupation isn't because we experience our bodyminds differently, or because Palestinians (for example) magically aren't as hurt by occupation as their white/western counterparts would be. rather, the reason she's using debility over disability is because the category of disability isn't objective: it's informed by biopolitical forces such as the ones she listed. her meta-argument is that what we call "disability" can't be divorced from its settler colonial context, not because colonized peoples are immune to disabling violence, but because the category of disability (and health, and violence) is itself affected by settler colonialism.

in "right to maim," Puar is offering a major shift in the way we collectively discuss disability, because the category is not applied equally across sociopolitical, geographical context. it means Palestinians and others living under occupation are either left out entirely, or unsuccessfully co-opted into western-/colonizer-centric disability discourse that doesn't acknowledge the different conditions under which they live. ultimately, "right to maim" means to make that difference, and its implications, visible.

Let me know if this makes sense! it's wordy and tedious, but lots of academic texts are. i hope that breakdown helps you make some more sense of Puar's main argument/the architecture of the text, and maybe serves as a model for future engagement. :)

[lets-try-some-writing]

okay but what about robots in disguise?? its not a favorite of mine but it’s still pretty good. russel and his dad are decent lol

Frag that show.

It disrespected TFP on every level and for that it has my eternal hatred and contempt. The humans were annoying, and I HATED how many interesting plot threads there were that were either done poorly or with so little tact that the writing team should have just scrapped it. The designs are tolerable, but I hate how canon TFP characters lost so much of their individuality in their designs (coughtheopticscough). Smokescreen is fricking GONE, which bothers me more than I care to admit. We see the rest of the team enough to be reasonable, but they all appear in ways that don't really make me happy.

Ratchet was done well enough in my opinion. I like his RID design. It suites him. Optimus's design can go die in a hole, they brutalized that mech. Same with Jazz. Frag those stupid shoulder pads.

Grimlock is fun, I appreciate Sideswipe, although his helm hair thingies I think need a redesign to make sense in relation to his alt mode. Strongarm was HORRIBLY underutilized and I hardly saw any character growth in her. Drift and his crew were interesting, but similarly not given much room to grow. I really liked Windblade for the most part, especially the episode where she tries to baby Optimus and comes out having relearned that Op is still a PRIME with MILLIONS OF YEARS OF WAR EXPERIENCE.

The Primes who've done nothing but sit on their rears had NO RIGHT to belittle Optimus at every turn. Nor did the show have the right to make him an idiot for the sake of making Bee look smarter. As @nova--spark has pointed out, the personality Bee got in the show matches Smokescreen better. Bumblebee wouldn't have SUCKED so much at the whole leadership shtick. What happened to all that skill shown in the movie huh? HUH WRITING TEAM????!??!?!

While I am on this train. OPTIMUS DIED SO GOSH DARN LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! He should have stayed deceased, or if they REALLY needed him back, he should have either returned as an Civi or came back with actual issues. Like dang hear me out mate.

Optimus is forcefully returned to life, beats the Fallen with his borrowed power, but then has to actually deal with the consequences of essentially being a walking bomb for a while. Make him start losing plating, make his frame HURT, make him slim down again into the TFP base design. Just, give him a reason to have to sit back and RECOVER. Not this whole half hearted limping around garbage. To add to that, don't baby the mech. Let him stay at base and fulfill the role Ratchet did in TFP. Let him use his knowledge to teach and offer wisdom, plan battles and locate enemies. For Primus's sake he could have gone undercover on Cybertron or something if they really needed him to go be useless elsewhere.

THEY COULD HAVE EVEN HAD AN ARC WITH HIM GIVING THE TEAM A WAKEUP CALL!!! SIdeswipe has no respect for the mission, Grimlock is a fool, Strongarm is too snarky, and Bee in this seems to have largely forgotten about the seriousness except for during key moments. They could have made Optimus a minor antagonist, forcing the team to follow wartime standards since they laid down this plot thread regarding issues between leadership styles and Optimus trying to take control of the operation more than once.

I would have paid money to see Optimus's wartime mentality show itself in the best and worst ways through how he worked with this group of non war vets on a Decepticon capture mission. Maybe even have him use lethal force once or twice, or at least hint at it so that people can be reminded that he is a mech who went to war, killed countless bots, and both drove their people to and saved their people from extinction.

Bee could have had to teach Optimus to calm down. He could have helped eased his leader out of his wartime mindset. Or following that whole council running Cybertron route, Optimus could have had his moment of being very much right when he points out WHY he fought at all and gestures towards the new council. There was SO MUCH potential in this show, so many good threads and interesting Decepticon character that could have given so much depth to the war and the aligned continuity as a whole, but they were almost ALL ignored.

*deep breath*

Alright, sorry about that. I have big feelings in regards to how dirty Optimus was done. Moving on, the Predacons were killed off supposedly and that pisses me off ESPECIALLY because it was done in a fricking offscreen setting. What the hell happened to Predaking??? WHERE DID HE GO????

Starscream's design was rad though, not going to lie.

Where is Shockwave? No seriously where is that fragger? After several years of the map he MUST have an army growing in a tank somewhere.

Soundwave. Why. ARe. YOU. HERE??!?!?!? I love you man but dang you are so out of place. He made sense in the context of trying to get to Megatron, but idk he felt like he deserved better. He should have been the big brain behind the Cons on Earth if you asked me. It would have made everything far more intense, especially if the Cons dont follow Decepticon creed as seen by Soundwave.

The humans were annoying. Sorry they just were.

Fixit is Primus's gift to RID and he's one of the few individuals who makes it less annoying. Idk, I just like him in reasonable doses.

WHERE ARE THE TFP KIDS?! WHY HAS BEE NOT CALLED THEM?? GOOD HEAVENS THERE IS A WHOLE SUBPLOT RIGHT THERE!!!

*yet another deep breath*

Apologies.

To put things simply, I would rather a group of fanfic writers put RID together than whoever the writing team was. They could have made a coherent story with deep characters that actually address the ramifications of millions of years of war and lingering functionalist mindsets. They would have done the lore and the world justice even if there were no main characters popping up.

I think RID has so much potential, but that almost all of it went right down the toilet due to either the higher ups sticking their noses where they don't belong or because the writing team couldn't go two minutes without retconning or otherwise destroying established everything.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[glitterforashes]

hi, i was curious if you could do sally face character w someone who plays the bass (guitar) it can be platonic and gender neutral if you want. feel free to ignore and dont forget to take care of yourself (sorry if im not doing this right, its the first time i've made a request)

𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬 ; 𝐬𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐱 𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

>>> thank you to @flo0werry for requesting! i am so honored to be your first request experience. i am very sorry for taking so long to get to this, had to have a break from social media for a while! that being said, my writing is probably very bad and rusty so not too much on me please. 🙏🏼 mainly fluff and giggles, gender neutral reader, platonic-ish (?). hope you enjoy!

sally was a quiet, odd little dude and everyone knew it. he didn’t have many hobbies besides playing video games and ghost hunting, but when he met (y/n), that changed. they were like the modern day stevie nicks to everyone in the apartments, known to carry their base strapped across their back at all times. he avoided them for a while, not knowing what to say to spark up conversation, but that changed when fate brought them together in the way of getting them stuck in the rusty old elevator.

“well this blows.” (y/n) said, slumping down into a seated position against the wall, which was probably the most unsanitary thing they had done all day. sally nodded slightly in agreement, stealing a quick glance at them from the corner of his eye. “so what’s your deal?” they asked, looking up at him from their spot on the floor. sally’s face flushed behind his mask and he turned to face them as they said, “you talk or what?” he looked down at his shoes and moved his hands behind his back, tucking them between the wall and his bum. “uh, yeah. yeah i talk. my names sally.”

“cool. i’m (y/n).” they reached behind their back, took off their guitar, propped it up between their folded legs and started to fiddle with the tuning pegs. “i know.” they paused briefly, as if shocked, before going back to what they had been doing. “you know? you some kind of stalker or something?” sally’s face fell, his eyes going wide. “what? no! no, i’m not a stalker. just, everyone knows you here. you’re kinda hard to miss when you’ve got that thing poking out of your back all the time.” he pointed to their base.

“oh, this ‘ol thing? yeah, guess you’re right. her name’s daisy.” sally blinked. “you named the guitar?” (y/n) turned their head up to him and grinned, raising an eyebrow. “do the things you love not have names?” sally didn’t respond, only slid down next to them and tucked his knees close to his chest. “you play?” they asked, strumming their fingers over the freshly tuned strings and nodding in approval at the sound. “no.” he said, scooting towards the corner nearest to him to give them and ‘daisy’ some room. “wanna learn?” he was silent for a few moments, feeling (y/n)’s stare on him. he might never get the opportunity to talk to them again if he turned this down, so.. “sure.” he muttered, scooting back as (y/n) lifted daisy and handed her to him. “i know all the strings.” he said as he took the guitar, holding it awkwardly like it would explode.

“why’re you holdin’ it like that? she’s not gonna bite you. here,” (y/n) gently grabbed his arms and adjusted his hold, placing his fingers on the b and a strings. “i’ve just never held something so expensive before.” he said. (y/n) laughed and moved so they would be sitting in front of him, optimum placement for teaching. “we’ll start you off with something easy, yeah?”

(y/n) and sally spent close to thirty minutes learning the opening to a song (y/n) loved, sally impressing them with his knowledge of rhythm and pace. “that’s so sick, man. start from the beginning.” they said, scooting back a little to observe him. sally strummed all the strings once, twice, before breaking out into the music, playing each chord perfectly. (y/n) was grinning like an idiot when they picked up the chorus, starting to sing the words. their voice was raspy and smooth and edged and feminine all at the same time and it made sally feel ways he didn’t know were possible. (y/n) was watching his hands but he was watching them, the smile on their face as they sang like it was the only thing they knew how to do. (y/n) didn’t even notice when he started playing past the part they’d taught him, too lost in the song to care.

just as the song came to an end, the elevator doors dragged apart loudly, making an awful screeching and groaning sound. “oh, hey man.” a male voice said from behind them. (y/n) turned around to see larry the rocker boy and lisa the maintenance lady standing in the doorway, larry with a crap-eating grin and lisa with a doe-like expression on her face. “hey.” sally stood up from the floor with daisy still cradled in his arms as lisa started apologizing about the inconvenience, saying how the elevator was such a piece of rusty old crap. (y/n) stood up next, running a hand through their hair as they faced larry and lisa. “i heard you playing. i didn’t think you still knew that song.”

larry said. (y/n) turned to sally with an eyebrow raised, hands on their hips. “still?” they asked, looking between the two boys. sally had gone stiff and they seemed to almost be communicating telepathically. almost, because larry continued talking. “oh yeah. that was the first song i ever taught him on base.”

the gears clicked into place in (y/n)’s brain and a slow, wicked grin spread onto their face. “you, sally, are a liar.” they said, taking daisy back from him and slinging her over their back. they huffed a little laugh and looked between the two boys again, shaking their head. “see you around, sally.” they sauntered out of the elevator and regarded lisa with a few kind words and a gentle pat on the shoulder as they went, giving sally one last smirk over their shoulder before they disappeared around the corner.

larry turned on sal immediately, a ‘no-way’ expression on his face. “you talked to them?” he asked, grabbing sal by the shoulders. “yeah.” “and you told them you don’t know how to play??” “yeah.” “you sly dog, you!” larry slapped him on the shoulder like a proud dad, a smile breaking out onto his face.

“did you invite them to the thing tonight? at the lake?” “…crap.” “Sally!”

(y/n) stood around the corner, hand covering their mouth as they giggled and hurriedly scribbled some words onto an old napkin they found in their pocket. when they were done, they oh-so conveniently dropped the piece of paper on the ground, knowing they’d see it and pick it up.

the note read, “room three oh two, seven o’clock. be there. see you then.”

(y/n) quickly turned and hurried to their room as they heard sal and larry’s voices get closer, slipping through the door before they saw them.

one second. two, five, ten. then, the most excited whoops and shouts. (y/n) laughed so hard their stomach hurt, shaking their head. “aw, man.” they walked across their living room and pat their cat on the head, a little extra pep in their step as they walked towards their bedroom to get ready.

“imagine if he knew that i’ve been watching him too.”

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 154 spoilers n thoughts n all that yeah

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HE DID THE THING HE DID THE >:3 THING YESS YAYYYY YAYAYAYAYY HAHAHAHAA

GOD HES SO FUCKING SILLY WAHAHAHA

jesus christ running from the cops every which way LMAO i really like their faces here javier w exasperation and lloyd just. being him

AND THE UGLY COSPLAYER BIT WHAT 😭 HELP LOL?? i guess cosplayers walking around isnt really a common thing in korea idk i feel like. they didnt really commit an offense until lloyd tried bribing that cop guy lol

like it makes me think back to dkc and how michael and the other guy (I FORGOT HIS NAME SORRY) went to seoul for a bit and kind of caused several accidents and i feel like that fits better w getting the cops attention compared to,,, rummaging thru trash? but also i am not familiar w korea's police system! nor do i know their policies on foreigners n whatnot so who am i to say yknow

i also really really wish that besides the cop chasing, we got to see a lil bit more of javier's reaction to seoul and its citizens, the clothing and the culture and how the buildings look, what does he think of them? whats his feelings on an environment so dissimilar to his own, and does he notice anything abt it that reminds him of lloyd and his sudden acquisition of all his knowledge? maybe theres more of that in the webnovel,,, itll be a while before i get there tho unfortunately

anyways thoughts aside more reacting

UUUAGHHHH JAVIER NOTICING EVERY SINGLE TIME LLOYD APPEARS SICK OR UNWELL BUT LLOYD BRUSHING IT OFF. EXPLODES INTO TEN BILLION PIECES. AAGHH AAGHHHH AAGHH screaming crying god that engineer needs a god damn hug

also them in civilian clothes! they look so dorky lmao the hats r super cute tho AND I REALLY LIKE THAT JAVIER HAS GLASSES THATS SO SILLY how can he see though wouldn't it be like vaguely blurry . most glasses are prescription,,, tho they did find this stuff discarded so maybe theyre just,,, decorative??? do people still wear decorative glasses???

i have more thoughts on their attire but it coincides with some thoughts i have for the latter half of this ep so i'll bring it up then!

THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE EPISODE THE MOUNTAIN TRAIL AAGHHH AAAHHH

i started tearing up oh my FUCKING god i feel so insane ohhhhhhhh ohhhhhhh my heart ohhghhh

trying to keep his bluff up all the way through even though he's visibly struggling im gonna throw up im gonna throw up

most if not all the panels in this latter half of the episode make me feel like this so i'll try not to be repetitive and jump straight into my thoughts LMAO

i think the way lloyd is drawn in these panels is really, REALLY well done, and not in just an "oh the art looks good" kind of way, but the choices they make with the posing and the camera angle makes me feel insane

because the moment we cut to the shot where they're on the trail, we do not see lloyd's entire face at ALL. the most we see is his nose and mouth, and that makes my heart squirm like a motherfucker, because who else did we see that way in the webtoon?

kim suho, all the way at the beginning.

we don't actually get to know suho's face until way, way later in the webtoon adaptation, which is once he's way more secure in his position as lloyd frontera

so seeing this,,, it's like we're thrown back to then, it's like LLOYD is thrown back to then, back to when he was just suho kim; someone who thought of himself as nothing, as someone who just couldn't function correctly in this world, and god does my heart ache

and lloyd right now feels it too, the anxieties he once had coming right back. and i think that makes the clothing choices for lloyd specifically really impactful too, specifically upper body

the blue poloshirt is eerily reminiscent of the blue tracksuit suho used to wear, and it's the layer underneath a green jacket with a collar similar to lloyd's usual coat. it's like a reminder to the reader that once upon a time, he was just suho wearing lloyd's mask in a strange, new world. i think this experience is a reminder of that to suho, too,,,

also, the bucket hat is able to cover most if not all of his hair. in some of these panels, you can't even tell that it's lloyd underneath. it might not be the same body, with the way the camera is positioned, especially with some of them being from javier's point of view, it's like,,, "who is speaking right now? the face of lloyd frontera, or the heart of suho kim?"

and in the middle of this, we hear javier speak and ask suho if he hated his behavior, blamed himself for his anxieties, and only then do we get to see one of his eyes, but just one.

idk if the timing of this is intentional (i dont know if ANY of this direction is intentional) but id like to think that javier responding in search of clarification (rather than responding in silence or in disgust) helped suho be a little more inclined to opening up and being honest with who he was in this world. i really really like that

AND THIS ARGHHH ARGHHH AAAHHHHH ROLLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR LIKE A PILLBUG HAVING A SEIZURE AGHHHH

it makes it so so telling that he's the type to live for others, he always has been, to the point of being a workaholic. a quiet, good kid, trying to make amends for the struggles he has by burdening himself with the responsibility of protecting his parents names, of protecting the people he loved. he's done that since the beginning and he keeps doing that over and over and over, both here on earth and there in lorasia.

it makes me so upset (in a character drive way! not in a "this is bad" way) that he thinks of himself as nothing without this responsibility, when this ability to move forward and endure and fight for people is something beautiful in and of itself. it's not every day that you meet people like this, selfless and hardworking and tenacious to their core. back then he encapsulated his identity based on his inability to function in a world that requires social and physical interaction - something that isn't his fault! - and while he was able to move past that in lorasia, he was thrown back to this encapsulation once in seoul. he started to think of himself as "suho in lloyd's body" again, instead of "i am lloyd frontera" as he said before his "bluff" failed. MY HEART HURTS.

and i think that's why javier's concluding note, that in the knights eyes he is just the same person, is so impactful too.

because javier doesn't see lloyd based on his anxiety. he sees him for who he is. someone who protects the people he cares about. someone who is brilliantly cunning, quick on his feet, rational and brave and tenacious tenacious tenacious. for all the things suho admitted to javier, these truths haven't changed for the knight. he's the same person.

javier sees a guardian. javier sees kim suho.

AND THAT is what gets suho to his feet and we finally see his full face again. AND OOHHHH THE LOOKS THEY GIVE EACH OTHER AGHHHH AHHH

the marks of tears streaked on his face but he's smiling with so much renewed energy and javier softly smiling back IM GONNA THROW UPPPP THESE TWO MEAN THE WORLD TO MEEEE AHHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHH

exploding. exploding. exploding. exploding. exploding.

anyway that's all (for now. if you see me on twitter i might still be agonizing over this /pos) i will SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! i hope we get a cool view from namsan tower and javier reacting to that that'd be nice :3 ANYWAYS BYE

[the-s1lly-corner]

Can you write the TADC cast with a male ballet dancer reader? The reader experiences gender dysphoria 24/7 because they look very feminine and all that.

TADC cast x male!ballet dancer!reader w/ dysphoria

back to finishing up the current line up of requests!! reminder that im only doing requests that have been sent in prior to them being closed! any requests that are sent in while theyre still closed will not be taken and will be deleted so i can keep track of what was sent before closing; its nothing against any of yall and you guys can resend your stuff when they are reopened (i will make it very obvious when they are so dw!!) on a different note i could have sworn i did a cast request with a reader who does ballet; but i guess it was only for jax and i was confusing the group request for the ballora type! reader from this morning huh anyways!! i hope you enjoy this anon! quick warning that i know literally nothing about ballet so im

CAINE:

i think he enjoys a bunch of art forms; from music stuff to dance stuff to painting stuff, this man has taste. i think he would give you a bunch of outfits for you to wear and swap around that fits your aesthetic. bro would give you a whole walk in closet. as for dysphoria, i think he would do a similar thing with jax and reinforce how masculine you are to him, usually through affirmations, but he also shows it through just being there for you, bro is not only your number one fan but hes also your biggest supporter

POMNI:

i am yet again stumped on what to put in for pomni, since i think pomni is. bad at comforting people. very awkward, do not go to her for advice she will fumble so bad. now its not like shes not trying, but i think she would be all over the place trying to cover everything that could possibly help you; perhaps you two ultimately settle on cuddling one another... if this werent the digital world you two would probably put on a movie to take your mind off of it. as for her thoughts on ballet! i think she would find it neat, similar to jax she would have a form of respect for it!

RAGATHA:

she thinks it looks pretty, the dancing! she wouldnt know all the history or more in depth parts of it but she would watch you practice if you allowed her too... i think she would make you a binder, if your digital body causes any gender dysphoria for you.. though now that i type this i recall it being said that the characters clothing being stuck to their body.. so maybe she would just make you clothing thats more masculine as well? im not sure on this one!

JAX:

doing jax first since he already got a similar post and i can use it as a basis; ive said this in that post as well as the ballora one but i think he would at least appreciate the dedication and hard work that goes into ballet... to like, fully commit to something like that impresses him you know? as for dysphoria, i think he would make it a point to call you more masculine terms. hes gonna be trying his best to try to help you with your dysphoria in the way that best helps you. lays off on his teasing on days where its worse

KINGER:

i am yet again distraught that i do not have many ideas for kinger this time, which is sad because hes my favorite character and i can relate so hard to the dysphoria thing... thinks.. probably throws all of his knowledge at you. i mean hes been in the circus for a while, hes probably seen at least a few people come and go; and sure what are the odds that he has some experience helping someone fight through their dysphoria... a boy can dream! takes you to his pillow fort and lets you stay for as long as you want

probably sits and watches you dance on a makeshift pillow thrown. claps when you're done, probably throws roses... i think caine would throw roses too except he would throw way more simply because he can literally. manifest as many as he wants

ZOOBLE:

i dont usually like sharing my lgbt hcs about characters out of fear that it would be met with discourse but if i recall correctly zooble doesnt really have a gender/a set one (if im wrong correct me!) so they understand the dysphoria thing; i think they would offer to let you hang out in your room and vent your feelings out. probably tries to give advice on how to feel better in general if you want advice, but if you want comfort theyre gonna do your best to give it to you. i dont think zooble would have much of an opinion on ballet; neither negative or positive, simply knowing thats its an art form! supports you if it makes you happy, though!

GANGLE:

while not the same thing, i like to think gangle used to do ribbon dancing in the real world... because... ribbon girl. see look im so so creative

but also i think it looks pretty

so you guys can bond over your hobbies! you might have to pry gangle to open up and talk about her interest in it, assuming she picks it up again in the digital world! as for dysphoria, i think gangle would be like zooble in terms of lending you some support; offers to help distract you if you dont want to tackle the issue at that point in time. i dont know about you, but sometimes i just, dont want to deal with my own dysphoria, but perhaps thats just a me thing

[cyberrose2001]

could i have a couple hcs about tfp ratchet and optimus (seperate) having a s/o that has pains/aches all over their body that pop up without warning? just some comfort hcs, if that’s okay

TFP Optimus and Ratchet w/ reader who has sudden aches/pains (hcs)

I'm assuming you mean those ass hole stabbing pains that hurt like a biatch... those are a menance fr. I especially get those in my stomach often, so that's what I went with. I hope you enjoy these headcanons!

Warnings: SFW/fluff, reader has sudden pain, very slight mention of death.

Word count: 693

Optimus

- You both would be resting together in your shared berthroom. Optimus would read a data pad while you scroll aimlessly on your phone. It'd be relatively peaceful until you feel a cramp in your abdomen. It makes you wince a little, but you'd ignore it and continue your internet surfing.

- Then, the pain hits you, your face twists in agony, and you let out a silent scream, clutching your abdomen.

- Optimus notices from the corner of his optics and instantly jumps into action, not hesitating even once as his spark sinks to his tanks.

- He won't know what to do, servos hovering over you in hesitancy as he watches you writhe around on the berth like a tortured snake.

- "What's wrong?" "Did something happen to you without my knowledge?" "Should I take you to Ratchet?"

- He would eventually scoop you up into his servos and cradle you until whatever was going on inside your tiny body stopped, optics never leaving your face, worry etched into every crevice of his frame.

- After a few moments, the pain stops, leaving a dull ache where the piercing pain once was, and he watches as you sigh in relief.

- This poor mech would be so confused. He'd ask you what happened and why you're suddenly not in pain anymore.

- You then had to explain to him that humans sometimes have 'hiccups' in their nervous system, thinking you're injured when you're really not.

- The amusement you gain from his confused facial expression is somewhat entertaining, but you'd ultimately need to reassure him that you're not hurt in any way. You're safe, and he breathes out a shaky ex-vent. 

- "It seems I still have much to learn about your kind, but I am glad you are okay."

- Proceeds to snuggle you for the rest of the night until he is sure you are unharmed, and you decide that reassurance cuddles from Optimus are the only cure for anything your fragile body throws at you.

- But if you ask, he'd massage the area to soothe the remaining aches for you. He'd be delighted to assist.

Ratchet

- It would be a typical day for you, lounging around on the couch watching Ratchet work on, well, whatever experiment or research he was conducting on the computer. It didn't matter what he was doing; you'd always admire him from a distance, and he would do the same, glancing his optics over to you occasionally to ensure you were still there.

- During your 'medic daydreaming', as you like to put it, a sharp sting hits the side of your abdomen, and you yelp in agonising pain. Tears pool in your eyes as your face scrunches up, trying to bear the sudden wave of pain.

- Ratchet abandons his station and is immediately beside you, reaching over the guard rail and scooping you up. His optics flutter over your frame and potential multiple diagnostics courses through his processor.

- "What the frag??" "Why are you holding your- for Primus' sake, move your hand! I need to see!" "Why didn't you tell me you were in pain?!"

- He'd be frantic, racing you to the med bay with you cupped in his palm.

- Ratchet has June on speed dial, and as soon as she is about to pick up, he no longer hears your whimpers.

- He'd be confused, gobsmacked even, when he sees you laying on the gurney, not a sign of pain on your face. It's like it never even happened.

- "What-" "Were you not just in distress?" "Why are you acting like you're fine?!"

- You'd hold back a chuckle as you explain to him that humans can get a little 'quirky' at times and cause you unexplainable pain for absolutely no reason. All Ratchet can do is stare at you wide-eyed as you tell him exactly why he dislikes the primitive design of the human nervous system.

- He'd be relieved, though. Thanking Primus that you weren't in danger or worse. He'd pick you up again, mumbling profanities and words like "Don't fraggin' scare me like that again." and "You humans and your body's strange aversion for death and dying scare me."

- You won't be let out of his sight for the rest of the day, keeping you cradled to his chassis. His thumb would rest against your chest in a self-soothing tactic, reassuring himself that you were okay.

- Much reassurance and thumb kisses are prescribed to him until he's calm again.

[grapenehifics]

I have the house to myself this weekend which means I get to have musicals on in the background (I am the only one in my family who appreciates this art form) and this morning I've had The Sound of Music running and...I'm having thoughts. Fascism thoughts.

Anakin is nearing the age (early 20s) when he should be taking the Trials and he *says* he's sure he wants to continue on the Jedi path (his mom sure always really wanted him to! He doesn't want to disappoint his Master!) but he's always been a little unorthodox, a little different, and Yoda and Mace and the Council and even Qui-Gon try to (gently) tell him that it's okay if he wants to or needs to take a different path and this life isn't for everyone and there's no shame in it; there's lots of ways to serve the light.

Obi-Wan meanwhile (Force sensitive but his parents said no thank you when the Order came calling when he was a kid?) is fairly recently widowed with seven (or maybe not seven, but some number of) children who he doesn't see all that much because he's...not *the* leader of Stewjon but definitely a higher-up in their government (maybe like a House of Lords/ruling council sort of situation?). And he - like the Republic - sees the writing on the wall about the encroaching threat of the Empire and the members of the Republic who are against this idea (Padmé, Bail, etc) are very interested in keeping Obi-Wan on their side - he's maybe trying to convince the rest of his government to join the Republic? and if they do have to go to war Obi-Wan is one of the few with actual military experience (I'm picturing some sort of Admiral Yularen/Republic Navy-ish) - so when Obi-Wan asks the Order to send a Jedi as a governess for his kids (some - or all? - of them are Force sensitive too, but Obi-Wan and his wife kept them home as kids rather than sending them to Coruscant), even though the answer would *usually* be no (you can't have it both ways Obi-Wan; there are no part-time Jedi) the Republic basically begs the Jedi Council to say yes.

They (reluctantly) agree that sending Anakin to Stewjon might be okay - they wouldn't send anyone else but he's on the fence anyway and this might give him some time to decide if he really wants to be a Jedi or if a home and a family might suit him better. Anakin has to be talked into it - "you're kicking me out??" "NO, Padawan Skywalker..." - but he goes. Of course he actually bonds really well with all the kids (I love Anakin with kids!) and his new boss is surprisingly hot, especially in his Stewjoni military uniform.

Obi-Wan got (quite quickly, after his wife died) engaged to the Duchess Satine of Mandalore, which both parties (and everyone in their respective governments) know is a political marriage but they do also genuinely like and respect each other, and enjoy debating politics with each other - if war breaks out, Satine is determined Mandalore will remain neutral, and Obi-Wan argues against, and that it's their moral obligation to fight - but whatever happens, Mandalore wants Stewjon on their side and vice versa. She's busy running her own system but comes for a visit, and meets Anakin, and picks up right away on the rampant UST between Obi-Wan and his new nanny. (She finds this hilarious.)

Obi-Wan throws a Mandalore/Stewjon unification-type ball at his house (mansion, palace, w/e) and Anakin has the kids show off the more impressive of the Force "tricks" he's taught them (floating rocks, etc). The kids tell Anakin that their dad can move things with the Force, too, and he used to all the time, but doesn't anymore. Anakin is intrigued by this new knowledge.

They get word from Coruscant that Palpatine did as threatened and has staged a coup (?? haven't really worked out the finer details yet) and despite Obi-Wan's best efforts Stewjon as a collective whole looks like it's going to fall on the side of the Empire. He's not the only one determined to fight but he's definitely the most vocal/highest-ranking of the dissenters and Satine warns him that he at least needs to get his family out of harm's way, and if he can get them to Mandalore she can protect them and they can join the Rebellion from there. (Form the Rebellion? This part is still a little muddy).

(Obi-Wan checks that this offer still stands even though he's breaking up with her. She's like a) I called that and b) "oh my god Obi-Wan I'm a pacifist not a monster. I'm not going to let your family *die* just because you're marrying Anakin instead of me, what do you take me for?")

Their escape plan - like in the movie - is to perform in some sort of National Stewjon Talent Show, except swap the Force for a cappella singing. The Jedi - let's say Palpatine hasn't gotten around to Order 66 in this AU - attend this Talent Show, and *obviously* it's a cover for getting Anakin and the Kenobis out (they have to have the same conversation - "you mean you'll still help me even if I'm getting married instead of becoming a Jedi Knight?" "yeah, we're not dicks, it's the right thing to do") but no one can actually call the Jedi out on it even though while they're blinking their eyes all innocently they totally have bolt cutters and stun guns hidden under their robes.

Also there's a subplot where Obi-Wan's oldest breaks up with her boyfriend because "I DON'T DATE STORMTROOPERS."

(Someday I will be able to watch a movie without having Obikin thoughts about it. But it is not this day!)

[lovingaquarius]

💐 ANOTHER ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS BY MOI 💐 #3 i believe?

‼️ DISCLAIMER this is completely based on my personal experiences and observations do not take what i say literally i am NOT a professional astrologer‼️

🌸 there’s something with aquarius suns and when upset just going silent. i can attest to this but i’ve seen this alot like if i’m upset at you and can’t leave the immediate vicinity i go MUTE like i can not conjure up the energy or tolerance to say anything. i’m absolutely the type when i’m upset to be on the FARTHEST side of the seat closest to the door cause i just wanna GET AWAY

🌺 maybe it’s bc cancer is ruled by the moon which is a feminine but all the cancer sun males i’ve known have been more feminine or in touch with their feminine and kind of “emotional” (not to cater towards the stereotype that all women are emotional! but we are inherently more emotionally intelligent) they seem to take it rlly personal if you don’t like them back as well. the type who could not be friends with an ex yk

🌼i feel like virgo and capricorn are the placements that like colder, dimly lit environments with a whole bunch of candles lit and blankets -also i feel like cap placements are the ones to be more winter people than summer or spring? lmk if this is resonates with you!!

🌹 maybe some can relate but me and my mercury ruled friend group all will make the most random noises out loud at the most random times. it’s therapeutic honestly 😩 we usually have a random word we’ll make up and keep adding on to it over time until it becomes our own little language LMAO

🌷 idk if this is a gem moon thing because we’re known to be sharers of random knowledge but istg all my friends and some of my family come to me for answers about virtually anything but esp about spirituality. they will literally expect me to have all the answers in the world. i’ve said i don’t know a couple times and ppl have been like “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!!” LMAOO

🪻 can anyone with 6h neptune or maybe more specifically w piscean energy there (i have aqua sun, neptune in the 12 degree of pisces and than pisces uranus there as well ) have very vivid dreams to the point that you can’t figure out if some things that happened in your life were dreams or not+ frequently have dreams within dreams. i get deja vu at LEAST once a day or i think the correct term would be deja reve which means you feel as if you’ve dreamt that moment before. i’ve had dreams that became real but it’s never important things. for example: before i got my youngest cat i had a dream we got him a year earlier. and then just last week i had a dream that my washing machine started leaking and i ran in there and fell LMAO and then two days later my washing machine started leaking (and this has never happened before) thankfully this time i was careful and did not fall 😌

🌻 let me know if im alone in this but i think it’s kind of funny. i have 11h cancer saturn (rx) and i have all my life struggled with connecting with kids and have never really felt maternal but for my friends i suddenly morph into a whole mother, making sure they’re eating well and sleeping like HUH??

🪷 aries mars/aries 1h

-holding alot of tension in head ex: jaw, eyebrows, neck

^ also getting headaches after crying or getting angry+ have frequent headaches or some kind of headache disorder

a chiropractor could probably be useful for this placement. just ALWAYS be discerning when finding one, getting a good one you trust is essential.

+ face getting flushed easily

(my mom has aries in the 1h and i have aries mars and we both 1. cry when we’re mad, 2. face gets soo flushed from wine, and gets red fast when angry) like sometimes something will make me mad or annoyed and my face will flush and get so hot and red) -its also the same for when i get a LITTLE embarrassed which is NOT often it’s so annoying 🙄

💐 this is specific but as someone w a 7h pieces venus i attract a lot of men with venus in pisces for some reason and i finally get a taste of my own medicine bc they will project all their fantasies onto me and be like “i’m in love with you”…sir we have not had one conversation where you asked anything about me…

🌸 if you have ur moon in the 5h you may be a natural with kids or rlly want to be a mother/parent my mom has this and she is so unbelievably good with kids. all of her family would always drop their kids off at our house so she would take care of them and the PATIENCE SHE HAS WITH THEM?!? unreal. they will be having a whole tantrum and she’ll be holding them just joking around which either made them angrier or calm down but they always would come to respect her and listen. even if they are known to be bratty. they would send their naughty kids to our house and call it “angie boot camp” lmaoo

thank you for reading lmk in the comments if any of these resonate for you! until next time <3

[falsenote]

what is truly most joyful about this film is scenes like this. the constant gay teasing throughout the plot towards robert hossein's character hits at exactly where it should bc the source of the joke isn't the spectre of homosexuality itself but how much of a ridiculous terror he experiences each time. there are a few things to be said about this character, but it all comes down to his patriotic military persona he is trying to insist on desperately, being as much of a facade and hollow performance as his masculinity itself. it is such an absurd, hysterical dynamic when catherine spaak and tomas milian's characters spot this insecurity and annoy him about it just for the sake of it. bc spaak, to his knowledge, is supposed to be man but is really a woman all along (or is she), so when there is some sort of attraction building between them, she notices this and goes out of her way to create situations where he would have to address his attraction to her, believing himself to be gay since she is a boy, of course. these little scenes leave him so humiliated, and her, in control and amused at the situation, not bc how could he be so stupid he doesn't realize ~the truth (?), -since in this narrative we have to suspend our disbelief anyway and accept that catherine spaak is made to look in any way boyish in her appearance- but he is ridiculous bc he insists so much on a set way of seeing the world. bc her and milian's characters exist completely outside of this norm he is representing and they are the ones ridiculing *him* for clinging so much to it, it's like he's in the minority in the film's narrative. it is to be noted that when the final reveal happens and catherine spaak wears a dress instead of a uniform and tells him of being a woman and being in love w him as well, robert hossein keeps calling her as her 'boy name', theodore, even after their final kiss. it's not the person who has changed, from "man to woman" but only a dress was put on. there is also the fact to be noted here is that catherine spaak never once says, 'i will use this boy name as an alias bc circumstances demand it' she says, 'i am now theodore and i wish to be called that and be a man from now on'. it is completely insane.

^while on the note of clown behaviour and gay jokes, the tomas milian's subplot is practically that he also falls in love w catherine spaak (only bc she wears men's clothing which is so so funny and there really should be a fucking dissertation about clothes as a symbol in this film bc it is relatively so simple and yet says it all) and she does reveal to him that she is technically a woman which does not change his feelings (they said here's how bisexuality can still win) but when other, unaware characters question why he is in love w another man he simply does not correct them. why? because he is insane and also bc just as catherine spaak does w robert hossein, he literally just enjoys shocking ppl with the concept of homosexuality. and this is how you make a fun gay film.

[suckeddry]

hi i’m sorry to send u beckett again like last anon but beckett and brujah who has mood swings + struggles to cope w being a vampire? in terms of how they interact reader would be kind of irritated and nosy towards him since he’d be nosy towards them.

The struggles of unlife

Brujah!Reader x Beckett

It has been a few months since your embrace. Thankfully, you got lucky and was found by a famous anthropologist sooner than a Sheriff of the local Camarilla. Now Beckett was an intelligent man, full of knowledge and wisdom. This however did not mean that he was the best teacher you could wish for. Beckett had his own problems and always put his research above anything else. Sometimes you could swear you were just part of some experiment, he didn't tell you about. Now he was not mean to you or tried to cause you harm but Beckett sometimes struggled with being empathetic to your own problems.It was just one of the moody nights where you were irritated even with the way someone breathed around you. And there he was sauntaring towards you, with a pile of papers. “Say, fledgling, would you say you youth were brought to have this constant need for entertainment or are you just slacking off?” Beckett looked at you, noticing the phone in your hand. Now with the way he said it, it was clear he just accidentally worded his question to sound like he was scolding you. Yet you were not in the mood to discuss with him what the youth was or was not brought to. The  silence and roll of the eyes seemed to confuse the Gangrel. “Well…I think it is a fair question, fledgling. I am just trying to understand the newer generation.” He hummed. You knew that he didn't mean harm but again he could sometimes be just so damn irritating. When he didn't get any answer from you again, he spoke. “Are you alright, fledgling? You seem very quiet tonight.” He looked at you through his tinted glasses, studying your face. “Was it normal to bother someone who doesn't want to speak with you in your times, Beckett?” He did not expect this answer. It was probably the first time you ever saw the scholar speechless. He tilted his head to the side, giving you an almost worried look. “Is there a problem between us, fledgling? Or are you just living the angry Brujah trope tonight?” It almost seemed that he was trying to lighten up the situation. But the punch you landed to the table in front of you wasn't exactly the reaction he had hoped for. “Fledgling, if you are not going to speak about your troubles I can't help you.” The Gangrel sounded now more irritated that you weren't cooperating with him. You nodded. “Even if I told you what was going on, you wouldn't listen again.” With this sentence Beckett seemed confused, was he not attentive enough? He did try to distract you with work. It always helps him. “I'll try to listen more.” The scholar sounded serious now, no jokes, no small quips. It took you by surprise. You nodded and started about what has been bothering you this whole time. From things like missing breathing and tasting your favorite ice cream, or how much you missed your close ones, to more philosophical thoughts about being damned and never belonging or being able to love again. Beckett sat quietly, taking everything in. Once you were finished, he gave you a soft smile. “I see. Well…I can't help you with that, fledgling.” He sighed. “Because of all the knowledge about the kindred existence. I too have not figured out how to tune out the feelings of loss and fear. I wish I could help you, but the only thing I can offer you is my company on these cold nights. So you don't have to feel alone in them.” You didn't realize you were crying, not until the gangrel scholar took you in a cold embrace and whipped away the bloody tears from your cheeks. AN: Heyyy, anon! I hope this is what you meant by this ask. And thank you for it. <3

[librarycards]

Hello! Sorry if you’ve posted about this somewhere already/if it’s redundant, but I thought your coinage of “transMad” was very cool and I’m wondering what that term means to you? I’m really happy to see other people talking about madness being intertwined w their gender/transness and looking forward to checking out your reading lists :))

thank you so much for asking about one of my favorite things to infodump about!! rather than rehash a bunch of stuff, if it's okay, I'm going to borrow a few quotes from past!me that i've published in different places // offer you some things of mine to read.

broadly, though, i use transMadness as a way to explore the identificatory, epistemological, methodological, and theoretical implications of an orientation (to use Sara Ahmed's term) toward bodymind noncompliance and self/selves-determination. this orientation refuses to delineate diagnostically between Maddened / transed experiences of the world/our many worlds, and instead takes this shared/overlapping ground as a jumping off point for solidarity and speculation - that is, something that allows us to imagine otherwise worlds / make them manifest through creativity and collaboration.

(Ha, and I claimed i wouldn't talk too much...famous autistic last words)

ANYWAY. here are some clips that might help explain more dimensions of transMadness. note that, in my dissertation-in-progress, i'm focusing on xeno/neogender and/as self-diagnostic cultures among queercrip and transMad internet users. i'm interested in the anti-psych liberatory potential of this digital community work, especially as it centers forms of knowledge and scholarship devalued within Academia Proper, especially because so much of it is made by and for disabled, Mad, queer, trans people, esp. youth. Onward to quotes!

On transMad epistemologies: citation/power/knowledge:

I’ll spend most of this piece looking not at what transMad is, but what it does. First and foremost, transMad cites. Even its name alludes to other portmanteaus: neuroqueer and queercrip being the best-known among them. Many people have offered many different (ever-“working”!) definitions of these terms; today, I offer co-coiner Nick Walker’s (2021) definition of neuroqueer: a verb and an adjective “encompass[ing] the queering of neurocognitive norms as well as gender norms” (p. 196). In terms of queercrip, I also return to its coiner, Carrie Sandahl (2003), who for whom the queercrip (as person and as method/movement) confuses the diagnostic gaze, bears sociopolitical witness, and performs glitchful[4], incongruous, confusing in(ter)ventions into possible community. At base, “queer” and “crip” appear as analogous, reclaimed slurs signifying marginalized transgression. When combined, they describe a loop, perhaps a Möbius strip: crip (ani)mates queer, queer tells-on crip. The specter of crip haunts queer—and even more explicitly, as we will see, trans—and the crip(ped) bodymind holds, moves, and fucks queerly. Who knows where “queer” stops and “crip” and “neuro” begin? Likewise, transMad, whose citational style leaves little room for diagnostic clarity amidst a pastiche of noncompliant text.

On transMad epistemologies: multiplicity (h/t @materialisnt):

They encourage us to remove others’ names from our bodies, to reign in unruly citations, to set “boundaries” which violate Mad, crip ethics of care (see Fletcher, 2019). In truth, any framing of individual authorship in which the body text is “mine” and the citations gesture “elsewhere” belie the inherent interdependence of all intellectual life, and particularly of transMad intellectual life. transMad plural scholar mix. alan moss (2022) argues in relation to the pathologization of multiple systems: “all people, indeed all that exists, is a system that itself is constantly enmeshed in several overlapping and interconnected systems.” In short, I am full of Is, and will continue as many more. Just as disability justice helps us understand all life as interdependent and deserving of access, a transMad approach sees our selves as numerous and fuzzy. We have permission to dispense with the need for tidy texts, with our interlocutors, edits, and iterations either obfuscated entirely or exclusively relegated to a bibliography. transMad citation may thus be considered akin to visible mending[6], creating flamboyantly messy, multiplicitous work that does not seek to pass as objective or discrete.

On the value of (crip) failure and/as "virtuality":

Don’t get me wrong: Zoom PhD work is a failing enterprise. That is to say, it is a queercrip, transMad enterprise, which is to say, it is a beautiful, beautiful project. Mitchell, Snyder, and Ware describe such “fortunate failures” in the context of “curricular cripistemologies.”5 Coined by Merri Lisa Johnson, the term “cripistemologies,” refers to “embodied ways of knowing in relation, knowing-with, knowing-alongside, knowing-across-difference, and unknowing,” ways which frequently exist outside the purview of mainstream academia.6 Curricular cripistemologies, then, refer to an intentional, queercrip deviation from normative pedagogical approaches which trades the corrective impulse of “special ed” and other rehabilitative programs, and offers instead a generative noncompliance.7 That is, rather than trying to identify, isolate, and ameliorate difference, curricular cripistemologies lean into difference as it is experienced by disabled students ourselves, querying how atmospheres of in/accessibility shape normative approaches to education and how the embrace of “failure,” not as a last-resort but as a first choice, poses potentially transformative possibilities.

On transMadness and fat liberation: (for @trans-axolotl's Psych Survivor Zine)

A transMad, fat approach to disorderly eating requires making connections with humility and understanding, and, as I discussed above, engaging in compassionate, critical interrogation of our own anti-fatness.

[...]

A transMad, fat, abolitionist politic is one that makes room. We imagine beyond the cage, even if the details of that imagining are not yet clear. Just as we have carved micro-sites of support within violent digital and in-person contexts, just as we have learned to think about our lifeworlds beyond the paradigm of “recovery or death,” we can also reconceptualize fatness not as the enemy, but as another form of bodymind noncompliance in alliance and/or entanglement with disorderly eating practices. For thin disorderly eaters, this requires us to fundamentally challenge the way we view food and embodiment, even while maintaining a Mad respect for alternative ways of approaching reality.

On xenogenders, virtuality, and self-determination:

It is this very “irrationality” –– the “unrealness,” the “you’ve-got-to-be-kiddinghood,” that is most frequently weaponized against xenogenders, as well as their newly-coined sets of xenopronouns. The perceived and actual virtuality of xenogenders is often placed against the notion of “actuality,” in this case, of “real” (or “practical”) genders and pronouns to be used in one’s “real life.” Disabled activists have rightly resisted the distinction between online and (presumed-offline) “real life,” given that this categorically excludes homebound bodyminds, as well as those without IRL social and support circles. That said, I believe the virtual –– as almost, not-quite, proximite, making-do –– is incredibly useful in thinking about xenoidentities as transMad tools –– particularly, as transMad tools of underground collaboration / co-liberation.

[...]

What if gender was a project we wanted to fail? That is, what if trans- was a process not of getting better, not of moving-toward a bodymind more sane, more straight, and more cisheteropatriarchially desirable, but rather a line of flight on a longer trail to illegibility? Indeed, what if we replaced pathology’s narrow “path” with a trail lighted by the language of our comrades, whose linguistic interventions make and break gender in ways heretofore unimaginable? Xenoidentities, both individually and as a trans-gressive M.O., are fundamental to a broader transMad project of crafted, collective illegibility; intersubjective citation (imagine what it feels like for someone to be the gender that you coined!); and collective care that refuses a politics of cure. Crucially both virtual and digital, xenoidentities are furthermore a manifestation of the power of trans, predominantly disabled digital counterpublics, who overturn the hierarchy which places the IRL-real above the digital-unreal, making unruly, Mad space in which (with apologies to Donna Haraway) a hundred xenoselves might bloom.

On Maddening queer "diagnosis":

In her indictment of all “Kwik-Fix Drugs,” Gray further indicates the practice of forced treatment as in and of itself as a project of violent normalization, regardless of specific target or reason. The intentional ambiguity between her narrative of Madness and her narrative of asexuality disrupt mounting demands for a healthy (sanitized, neoliberal, and consumable) queerness. A Mad ace approach identifies these demands as, indeed, comparable with cis heteronormative notions of sexual maturity and responsibility – the idea that participation in culturally-normative sexual practices is a prerequisite for health (Kim, 2011, 481) and thus, personal autonomy (Meerai, Abdillahi, and Poole 2016, 21). By fusing the “lack of sexual appetite” attributed to her medications for bipolar disorder with her asexuality, Gray destabilizes the binary between healthy-sexual-diversity and unhealthy-psychopathology. She is once again disrupting contemporary queer impulses to dissociate from ongoing histories of pathologization. Here, Mad and queer/asexual activism are as inseparable in text as they are in Gray. Gray and her comrades collectively refuse both sexuality-as-“rehabilitation” (See Kim 2011, 486) and asexual acceptance predicated upon normative “health” (Kim 2010, 158) – that is, they Madden asexuality. Twoey, in her own voice, remixes the sources of her own pathologization, staggering the supposedly-divine pronouncement of the DSM across pages and bookending its extracts with her own writing and art. In this undermining of the DSM’s epistemological polish, Gray disrupts the domination of written prose over poetry and visual art, while also critiquing the role of the DSM in commercialized health “care.” Her zine opens with the lines “sex sells and sex is sold / sex was being sold and i didn’t buy” (Gray 2018, n.p.). Gray indicates a pathology perceived not only in a refusal to practice sex, but also in a refusal to buy (into) it. After all, a refusal to buy into existing sexual paradigms is for her also a refusal to buy into a feminized reproductive mandate.