#Homeless penguin

[keeperofallmasterofnothing]

Do you know? Do you know what it’s like to have no one? No one you trust, no one you can talk to? Do you know what it’s like to want to be seen? Really be seen. Do you know what it’s like to be so terrified of being let down, you don’t let many get close to you? Do you know what it’s like to sob quietly so that you don’t wake anyone? Do you know what it’s like to fall to your knees in the shower and wish to God you had never been born? Do you know what it’s like to lose the only person you have ever loved? The only person you could feel every cell in your body vibrate when they kissed you. Do you know what it’s like to hurt and let go of the one person in your life you can’t live without? Do you know what it’s like to feel your heart breaking inside of your chest and know there is nothing you can do about the pain? Do you know what it’s like to know that another woman is touching and kissing all that your heart desires and can’t have? Do you know what it’s like to sleep with your head on their chest and listen to their heartbeat knowing those beats are only yours and that no one else will ever hear them? Do you know what it’s like to look in someone’s eyes and feel the breath leave your lungs because you can’t believe you could love someone as much as you love them? Do you know what it’s like to kiss someone so deeply that when you open your eyes, for a few seconds you can’t see? Do you know what it’s like knowing you walked away from the laugh that calmed your heart, the eyes that saw your soul, the hand that made you feel safe, the one person you have dreamed of your whole life? Because you have a child that needs you and that responsibility does not allow you to keep your one true love? I do.

[apnourry]

last vain pictures in this house

[torahtot]

TIL one of my moms uncles is the leader of a tiny hasidic sect with ties to neturei karta and one of her cousins married a neturei karta

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Based on @sillymanwithocs idea of Vicki Vale helping Talia clean her name from slander and bad representation and Joker clear his name from having a cause and good representation.

Penguin: Miss Vale, I have a proposal...

Vicki: Absolutly not. You are a capitalistic mob boss who once feed a guy to a penguin I'm not joining your P.A departament.

Penguin: You don't understand-

Vicki: The media is prejudiced against you somehow and you aren't actually that bad?

Penguin: No, no. I mean I would preffer if they stoped making mean coments about my apareance and focused more on my crimes but that wasn't the point.

Vicki: Oh I can do that.

Penguin: Help me look like a good guy because I paid you a lot?

Vicki: Hell no! I'm not Jack Ryder!!! But I could try to make so they stopped focusing on your looks?

Penguin: And how much would I have to pay?

Vicki: To stop assholes being capacists and fatphobics? Nothing. I'll do it hapilly!

Penguin: Thank you, Miss Vale. I do have another question...

Vicki: I have no idea where Jack lives or how much you would have to pay for him to help you with your schemes.

Penguin: Well thanks anyway. I'll look around.

[...]

Scarecrow: But-

Vicki: NO! I'm sorry but I can't even begin to think of a way to explain that even if I somehow was insane enough to want to help you there's absolutly nothing I could do to make your "research" peer reviewed!

Scarecrow: You could at least publish it.

Vicki: Why though? It's unetical, isn't reviewed and it literally starts with a creepy laugh and you screaming "fear me, mortals"!

Scarecrow: But you published the first one.

Vicki: I didn't published it. I mentioned it on the program BECAUSE it was an interesting, ethical and peer reviewed research. Is not my fault you went insane and became a maniacal chemical terrorist.

Scarecrow: I preffer improved my reshearch tecniques.

Vicki: Well when the rest of the scientific comunity agrees with you, we talk.

[...]

Jervis: Please!! Please! I could be mind controlling you but I'm actually asking isn't it enough to show I have good intentions?

Vicki: Look while I understand it must suck to be wrongfully called a pedophile if I just publish an article saying you aren't one no one will believe me. I can try to help you. But you will need to actually act less predatory.

Jervis: I'm not predatory!

Vicki: Well not intencionally...

Jervis: What you mean?

Vicki: You mind control people, mostly woman, to play tea party with you, has zero notion of personal space and calls everyone pet names.

Jervis: Okay. Gotcha. So all I need to do is be rude and kidnapp more guys, enbys and elders.

Vicki: That not ... you know what sure.

[...]

Waylon: *enters*

Vicki: Sure. I will totaly help you.

Waylon: Eh? I was going to ask if you know where Harley is... I hear you two are friends now and since it is apparently unsanitary to keep it on the sewers she has my coffe machine.

Vicki: Oh. She is on the apartenent upstairs with Pam, they're hidding from Batman.

[...]

Vicki: Pam, I love you but I can't.

Poison Ivvy: Why not?

Vicki: Because while I understand where you are coming from I can't just write a piece about how we should genocide the human race barr some people.

Poison Ivvy: But it would solve the enviromental crisis! That's not fair.

[...]

Riddler: Hello, Miss Vale.

Vicki: Look I'm really tired I have actual jornalism to do, I can't stop just so I can try to make people stop calling you "poor man Joker's".

Riddler: They are still doing that? You make a jokey riddle ONCE!! Stupid fucking people and their inability to distinguish really different concepts!

Vicki: I also can't stop them from calling you "fairy" and "weird" and "not a treat" or "not a real villain"

Riddler: That's so rude! Who the fuck is even saying that???

Vicki: Jack Ryder and his viewers.

Riddler: That moron can't even solve the riddle of the Spinx! How dare him??

Vicki: Uh okay is that about the recent mayor discourse after you went to Arkham using you as an example and calling you a manchild and insulting you outfit? Oh wait is it about that famous gotham tiktoker theorizing you are an incel?

Riddler: Now you're just being mean.

Vicki: Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out what you want me to clear in your image so we can finish this conversation quicker.

Riddler: I didn't want to improve my image!! This was supposed to be a hostage situation but you ruined it!! Apparently everyone just made a laughting stock out me...

Vicki: *ackwardly* Not everyone... Just a bunch of people on the internet... and on TV... and the mayor.

Riddler: *crying* It's been a really though month, okay? I just wanted one thing to work out. But noo is just another lost for stupid Edward. Guess I'll just go home. *to his hiding henchmen* Sorry guys no heist today.

Vicki: *even more ackwardly* You can still kidnnap me if you want to?

Riddler: *angryly* I don't need your pitty. *leaves*

Randon Henchmean: That was really mean of you! I hope you're happy.

Vicki: I didn't... what just... what is my life?

[timmydraker]

Tim begins to distance himself from his family after Damian becomes Robin.

It was obvious in the way he ran off to rescue Bruce, but that was more of a physical thing at the end of the day. He was desperate and had lost any kind of safety net and support he had after Dick threatened Arkham and how badly he hurt Alfred with his instance that Bruce was alive.

Either way he was going to get Bruce back, if not because he felt like he was an aimless, nothing human being without Batman then there was that he wanted to be believed.

Then Dick handed over Robin to Damian who at that point genuinely despised Tim, though there was also a level of jealously in the young Wayne’s mind at the intelligence and analytical Tim.

It was then that Tim decided he would bring Bruce back and then do his own thing, outside of Robin and outside of Batman.

He clearly had done his job hadn’t he? Sure Bruce was dead, but Dick was acting as Batman and that Batman had a Robin, so his reasoning for being Robin was extinguished.

Tim brings Bruce back and the older man praises and thanks him for several days and then, like everything else, the attention moves away. It goes to him connecting with Damian on a vigilante level and catching up on the last several months of him being ‘dead’. It goes to Jason who, now that he’s lost his foster father has decided that maybe he could try a little harder after all.

It goes to everyone and anyone other than Tim and this time? That’s actually the plan.

Tim isn’t as good of a hacker as Barbara, but she’s basically a god at it so compared to others he might as well be master level, just not against her. This he uses to shift around peoples schedules so Alfred has no choice but to let him go to school on his own (Tim may have also invented an early morning ‘club’ that was totally legit and not at all a fabrication). He makes it so when Dick is over or Jason takes the rare opportunity to visit he had to work at WE or DI, something important he can’t neglect.

He never has to walk Ace or Titus because he’s busy with his team mates.

Team mates who think he’s busy helping out Batman.

Tim still does work as a hero, but it’s entirely through his businesses after a while. A few times he has no choice but to go out in a boring black suit with a full face mask and hoodie. It’s got nothing on it, no symbols or gadgets. Nothing to connect him to anyone.

He starts with the homeless, dishing out vaccines like candy without even doing a campaign to showcase it.

Then he changes Bruce’s rather naive approach to orphanages and makes it so every single child who is put through is given a small amount of funding. He makes it so kids have more chance to stay with siblings, makes sure everyone who even so much as enters the ground of a orphanage have a real background check and sure the adoption rate drops, but so does the missing kids and DV cases.

Tim steals over fifty million from people like Luther and Penguin and all kinds of corrupt rich assholes for the majority of the funding and not even a cent of it is traced back to Wayne or Drake businesses. Whiles he’s digging into Lex be manages to get enough evidence to put a sizeable dent in his reputation, even if Lex manages to smooch a fair bit of it back.

He’s manages to take out a large sized trafficking ring and helps get the victims into a real recovery home that he hand picks out security for.

Later, as in a few days afterward, he discovers a dog meat farm and everyone medical veterinary student suddenly finds themself free of student loans and debt and with multiple work opportunities available and volunteer work being down right pleased for.

Tim knows he’s being noticed but given that he basically lives in his office in the heart of the city, he isn’t there to hear his old teammates and ‘family’ talk about the mysterious Dread.

Dread who was named that after a report came out about a theory of an unknown hacker or ‘cyber vigilante’ who was stealing money and information from rich folk and giving it to the poor, giving all of the 1% dread that he would hit them next.

The exact quote was ‘Those with money deeper than their pockets dread the hackers next moves. And they should feel that dread as a warning for this Robin Hood like legend seems to be getting braver.’

Dick was sure the hacker would have been called Robin if he hadn’t chosen that name already, to which Barbara responded with grumbles and growl because she couldn’t find anything other than holes and traps left by the hacker. It was like they knew her every move before she even made it!

Tim, obvious to his growing reputation until it fully took off, hadn’t even considered that his actions would be framed a threat by Batman. He would say it was because he didn’t think Bruce would ever really target him like that, but in actuality it’s because he knew Bruce was one of the few good rich folk. Surely he would be on the side of a secret vigilante hacker trying to use horrible people to do good? He embraced Dread quickly and was happy he make the rich squirm and brought a sense of hope to people, it was just like Robin but instead of them being safe and given light they were given a peace of mind in a mix of revenge and justice.

What Tim doesn’t know is that Bruce is still too far into his whole image of black and white, good and evil, that he tends to forget there’s grey areas.

At least Jason is on the side of Dread, even if he still thinks the myth of a story is just that, a myth.

It’s when Tim blows up a bank when everyone has gone home for the night just so people will find the underground money ring that and he visits the manner to get a few things that he hears them talking about it.

By that point it’s been around two years since he dropped Robin and as usual Dick always greets him with a look of a desperate puppy, “Tim! Hi, you’re here. I haven’t seen you in months, how have you been?”

Tim smiles at Dick even if he hasn’t gotten over his anger at his oldest brother and moves to sit at the breakfast table with everyone (Alfred, Bruce, Jason and Damian).

“Good. Busy, we’ve had a lot of donations lately.”

Jason snorts, “No shit. Isn’t Wayne Enterprise one of the few ones not hit by Dread?”

Bruce grumbles and shakes his head, “I wouldn’t say that. They’ve managed to get into our system and completely changed the Jason Project.”

Jason grins and laughs happily, “you mean improved! Crime Ally is doing great now. Not the best, but still a fuck of a lot better.”

Smiling at the man who once beat him to an inch of his life, Tim takes a sip of his tea and casually says, “You’re welcome.”

The whole table goes quiet as Tim continues to casually sip his tea.

The silence carries for a total minute before Bruce puts down his cup and leans forward with a slight growl in his voice, “Explain.”

“Explain what?”

Bruce stands over his son even from halfway down the table and very obviously tries to calm himself with a deep breath, “What do you mean ‘you’re welcome’?”

Tim makes an ‘oh’ expression before cocking his head to the side in confusion, “I was the one who fixed the Jason Project? Wait, did you guys not realise I’m Dread?”

Damian shouts out a ‘what?!’ That makes Titus jump and Tim laughs under his breath, “What did you think I was doing?”

“Running the business! Not stealing from people and black mailing politicians!”

It’s Tim’s turn to growl now and he stands up himself with a glare at Bruce that is as close as any of them have gotten to the famed Bat-Glare, “Are you fucking kidding me? Like are you a Tully kidding me with that horse shit?”

Bruce looks stunned and Alfred doesn’t even tell him not to swear.

Tim slams his chair into the table.

“What the fuck else would I be doing, Bruce? I’m not Robin, that was taken from me, so what else was I gonna do? I finished my job, not only keeping you from killing anyone but bringing you back, so I had do pick something else. I’m not stealing from the rich, I’m stealing from selfish cunts who ruin peoples lives for no reason and giving it to people like Jason. So, don’t you fucking yell at me and don’t try to make me feel bad for this, not when I’ve done more in two years than you ever have and- don’t you fucking speak Dick, not when you were the one who took my place here away from me! Now, I have a trafficking ring I need to expose so good. Fucking. Day.”

Jason is the only one who follows him.

[deadsetobsessions]

Danny used to be a vigilante, firmly on the side of good. Like, illegally, but morally good.

Danny’s 100% sure that whatever he is now, it’s not good.

Is Gotham’s influence just Like That?

He was homeless when he got to this thrice damned city (literally, because Lady Gotham was so cursed) and now he’s… here? In a mid-level penthouse with a rotation of homeless kids going in and out of his kitchen and eating out his pantry??

Danny adjusted the cuffs of his dress shirt, making the conscious decision to ditch the tie. He’s a tall 6ft 4 now, taking after his Dad. His head smarted all of the time, hitting doorframes when he was being a bit clumsier than the normal ghost-like grace he had learned to channel as The Phantom.

The Phantom instead of just Phantom. Why? Because Phantom was the name of a teenage vigilante in another dimension. The Phantom, on the other hand, is an intimidatingly tall, deceptively kind, extremely dangerous kingpin.

Honestly? Danny didn’t even want this life. Like, he had no idea it would snowball like this??

He supposed that it all started when the Penguin was trying to snatch kids off of his block on Crime Alley. Not officially his block, of course, because Danny didn’t actually enter this city to be a crime-shadow thing. But he hadn’t lost enough of Phantom the Vigilante to ignore kids getting hurt. He still hasn’t, if he’s being honest. He flew into a frantic search, tracking down the missing kids to Penguin’s bar. The Iceberg Lounge. Apparently, he wanted the kids to do some menial tasks and what not. Danny, rage flickering through his core, intangibly went in and robbed Penguin of every coin and secret the man kept.

Then? Danny blackmailed the Penguin to guarantee his kids a measure of safety from the Rogue. That began the slippery slope into whatever it is he does now. Penguin was being kept in line by Danny’s threats, the grip he had on the Rogue’s weak points, and a wonderful bit of intimidation.

——

“What, you stinking phantom? I’m stickin’ to yer rules!” Penguin snarled, forced to his knees by invisible blob ghosts.

Danny, salty and pissy from the lack of sleep he’d experienced trying to keep Penguin’s men in line as a result of Penguin trying to test where Danny’s lines were, dropped the temperature to the point where Penguin started shivering. Considering the place was already cold- the Iceberg lounge lived up to its name- it meant that Danny was standing nonchalantly in a room that was negative twenty five degree Celsius in a sweatshirt, Danny was already making good on his natural intimidation factor.

“It’s The Phantom to you, Oswald.” Danny said, in the tone of someone saying “it’s the shit, to you.”

Danny narrowed his blue eyes, letting a tiny tint of ectoplasm make his eyes glow a bit in the suddenly icing over room.

“Your people have been getting on my nerves, Oswald. Roughing up kids is so… uncultured. Are you sure you’re a Cobblepot?”

Penguin snarled, the effect of which was rendered ineffective due to his increasingly violent shivers. Plus, Danny loomed over him without even trying.

Danny, annoyed and asking himself “What Would Dan Do To Intimidate This Guy?”, gripped Penguin’s shoulder and hauled him up one handed. He dragged the mob boss over to one of the booths, avoiding the bodies he’d dropped (non-lethally) when Danny first walked in to ruin Penguin’s night. He shoved Penguin in chair he iced over, because Danny’s petty and if he saw one more bruise on his kids at Penguin’s hands, Danny was gonna go full Dan the Murderer.

He at least allowed to room to warm up before laying into Penguin, though. He stayed standing. Hey, he had the height advantage to use. He could have kept Penguin kneeling, but it was probably god the best that the mob boss got some sense of pride back.

(Danny had no idea that sitting as someone loomed over you to lecture and threaten you was even worse than kneeling. At least with kneeling, you knew where you stood. But sitting? It leaves you horribly off kilter.)

“I told you to keep your people in line. Kids are off limits, Oswald.”

“I kept them in line!”

Never let it be said that Oswald Cobblepot had a normal functioning sense of self preservation.

“Really?” Danny jabbed his pointer finger lightly on top of Penguin’s trachea and allowed his fingernails to sharpen into Phantom’s sharper digits. Penguin tried to lean away. “Then why did they start a gun fight when there were kids visible on the street? Why did I see one of my kids get hit by one of your poor excuses of a bouncer?”

“I-”

“Don’t care much for your excuses, if I’m being honest. I let you mess around with the little projects you have, without even breathing a whisper of your secrets. Sionis would love to know how you double crossed him the last deal, yeah?”

“I- I’ll keep them in line!” Penguin stuttered.

“Well, I believe in second chances,” Danny bullshitted. Ancients, how was this even working? “So I suggest you make an example of the guy that smacked Hailey around before I make an example out of you, Oswald.”

“Fine! Fine!”

——

And with that, he got access to Penguin’s resources and men and more importantly, the corrupt police officers. He made Penguin “boot out” the pedophilic ones (in a very violent way) and kept the rest.

Then? Mr. Freeze froze over the god damn pipes and Danny had to intimidate and make a deal with the Rogue so he and his increasing roster of orphans had access to warm water.

In exchange for Danny’s restorative and, more importantly, unmelting ice, Mr. Freeze was now Danny’s… on-call enforcer?? When he’s not researching cures for his frozen in a pod wife, that is.

Danny was satisfied with that. He was! But then Black Mask happened, with the man trying to engage in a battle of wits with Danny over the control of Crime Alley which, at that point, was firmly Danny’s territory.

The thing is, Danny doesn’t play nice anymore. Why bother with pointless mind games when he could just…

——

“So, you’re The Phantom.”

“And you’re Sionis.”

Black Mask twitched at the name, gloved hands pulling out his guns. Danny sat on the counter, head touching mid cabinet, and sipped out of Sionis’ favorite mug.

Because Danny broke into Black Mask’s safe house and stole his quality coffee. The man’s eyes were wary.

“How did you get in here?”

Danny shrugged. “Walked.”

Danny held the coffee out of the way as Sionis unloaded a clip into his chest and lunged forward to slap a mask onto Danny’s face. After waiting a bit, as Black Mask’s smug triumph bled into shock, Danny laughed and, using a bit of his natural strength, tossed the guy off of him. He casually took the mask off of his face.

“Jeez, I’m trying to be nice, here.”

“So, you’re a Meta.”

Danny grinned. “Eh. And you’re a cult leader with a mask fetish.”

Danny tuned out the rant about the “true face of Gotham” or whatever, already bored, and sipped at Sionis’ coffee. The ass might be a psycho, but his coffee tastes were wonderful. Danny stood up, rinsed his mug, and turned back to Black Mask.

“You’re trafficking people. Kids.” He said, cutting through Sionis’ chatter. He was sly about it too, committing violence and torture in a way that would ensure obedience and fear. Danny probably would have never caught on, Black Mask’s schemes being so ingeniously created and executed, had he not kept a hawk’s eyes on the more vulnerable members of Crime Alley’s community. And the rest of Gotham’s vulnerable communities, of course.

“My, a wonderfully obvious conclusion. Now, Phantom, I have a proposition for you.”

Sionis seemed to have gotten his bearings back. Danny tilted his head at him, looking down.

“You can work for me,” Sionis said, before opening a laptop with video feed to one of his masked men or whatever holding a knife to one of Danny’s more fearless kids. Danny snarled.

“Or, refuse, and your kid will lose a finger for every instance of your defiance.”

“I told you not to touch the kids, Sionis. I don’t allow trafficking either.”

Black Mask chuckled. “Cut off a finger, Sadness.”

“Yes, bos- ARGHHHH!”

Danny watched as Mr. Freeze froze the goon’s arms before breaking them.

“I’ve got her, Phantom.”

Danny nodded at Freeze, keeping an eye on Sionis in case the fool bolts.

“So, what are your cards now, Sionis? You’ve sure pissed me off with nothing to show for it.”

And that was the last night anyone heard from the one that was supposed to be the King of Crime.

But Gotham knew the head mounted on a pike at one of Black Mask’s hastily abandoned bases was a warning, that The Phantom was watching.

——

Then he somehow got a gaggle of more orphans that were undead zombie “Talons?”

From there, he just obtained influence over the crime bosses of Gotham. Because his Talons kept bringing him heads and blackmail and his crime alley kids and Gotham orphans kept bringing him information for food and safety?

But like, Danny never wanted anything in exchange for the safety he provided. His core could give less of a shit whether he got anything in return. But he couldn’t convince his kids of that! They’re putting themselves in danger and ugh-!

Danny checked himself once more in the mirror. Ready, he stepped out into the night to wait for the Bats at his new favorite VIP spots.

On the way, he passed Ivy and Harley, who he waved to. Pamela worked under him because he controlled Gotham’s criminal underground (which also mean the official parts of the city considering the sheer amount of corruption) and influenced them into more plant friendly methods. His dominion over Undergrowth also helped immensely.

Harley? They’re friends. He beat up and crippled her abusive ex. She gave him therapy and stopped torturing people for fun.

Danny stepped into the back door of the Iceberg Lounge. No one stopped him. No one dared to.

He settled onto a velvet couch, nodding respectfully at the server that had immediately and nervously set down his mai tai. He glanced around for cameras and wire taps, before giving up and upping his ectoplasmic output to short any recording devices out.

He sipped his drink as he waited.

“Batman.”

“Phantom.”

“Oh, good. You didn’t bring Robin,” Danny said, watching Batman tense. “Kids shouldn’t be in places like these.”

Batman stayed silent.

“Come on, sit.” Danny gestured to the couch across from him.

“This isn’t a social call. I’ll stop whatever you’re scheming-” Batman growled.

“Oh my god, you’re so dramatic. Is this where Nightwing gets it from?”

Batman snarled.

“Sit, sit.” Danny rolled his eyes.

Batman stayed stubbornly looming. Danny sighed, allowing his voice to slip into velvet danger.

“I told you to sit, Bruce Wayne.”

“You-”

“I won’t repeat myself again, Bruce. You’re testing my patience.”

Bruce sat, wary and hyper vigilant. Danny sighed, settling back in his chair.

“You’ve heard of Red Hood, yes? Don’t answer that, it was hypothetical. I know you’ve heard of him.” Danny waved a hand impatiently. “I don’t really care why he’s setting up shop in my Alley, but he’s upsetting the other crime lords. They’re asking me to interfere.”

“I don’t work for you.”

“No,” Danny acknowledged with a nod. “But I could make you, if you push it. Politeness would serve you much better right now, Bruce, seeing as I am doing you a… favor. And since I’m not shouting to the world who you are under the cowl.”

Danny gave Batman a pointed, patented, mom glare.

“… Apologies.”

“Now, you might be wondering what that favor is.” Danny watched Batman’s cowled face carefully. “I thought you should know that the Red Hood is your “Jason Todd.’”

Batman was still. And then Batman leapt at him, snarling, “How dare you-!”

Danny caught the vigilante by the throat and squeezed.

Batman’s flurry of punches- which, mildly ow, those gauntlets kind of hurt- quickly changed to clawing and maneuvers to get out of the choke hold. Danny held steady, cutting off the vigilante’s air supply until he began to go limp. He’s not Superman. Danny will bruise and kill, if he had to.

“Are you going to listen to me now?” Danny asked mildly, emulating both Black Mask’s drawl and Dan’s effortless psychosis.

Batman gave a weak nod. Danny plopped him unceremoniously back onto his couch. He sipped on his drink once more as he waited for Batman to cough some sweet air back into his lungs.

“I’m telling you to get your little birds in line before I have to go hunting, yeah? Keep your kids out of danger, Bruce, and I won’t have to step in.”

“He- how do you know..?” The growl isn’t there anymore, and Danny felt a smug sense of vindication of having smothered it out of the guy. Woah, no, that thought was too Dan and too little Danny. Danny handed him a cup of water, which Batman didn’t drink.

Danny rolled his eyes and raised an eyebrow. “Drink. If I wanted to kill you, I would have done it by now. And as for how I know…”

Danny held up a beat up copy of Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility, filled with Jason’s writing. He tossed it to Batman, who caught it with blank eyes.

“Water,” Danny reminded him firmly, feeling like a mother hen. Batman gulped down his water, eyes flicking between the pages of Jason’s annotated book. Ancients, Danny couldn’t believe he annotated his book. A crime lord, like that? Well, it’s not like Danny could say anything.

Batman looked up at him, a silent demand- no, plea, because he’s not in a position to make demands- for an answer.

“Broke into his safe house. You should contact your fling, Talia. Seems like she dunked him into these “Lazarus pits” and told him you replaced him with the current Robin.”

Danny could see Batman’s emotional gears hard at work and honestly, he doesn’t have time for that.

“Now, we’re done here. You owe me one for the information. I’ll collect later.” Danny grabbed the Dark Knight, who stayed oddly unresisting (shock, maybe?) , and hauled him up.

“Tell Tim Drake to eat more. He looks too skinny.” With that, Danny dragged the Dark Knight to the window and punted him out. His kids were waiting on hot chocolate night and Danny had to go shopping for quality ingredients.

——

“YOU COULDN’T HAVE TOLD ME THE BIGGEST CRIME LORD OF YOUR CITY WAS THE FUCKING HIGH KING OF THE INFINITE REALMS?!”

“Hn.”

“BLOODY HELL, DON’T YOU GRUNT AT ME, YOU BROODY BASTARD!”

Constantine let out a scream. Shite, the king who held his soul contract was a crime lord. Great.

——

The reason intelligence and convoluted schemes and genius doesn’t work against Danny is because he’s got weird standards of what he’ll tolerate and the fact is that his normal dumbassery and mother hen tendencies cancels out and coherent thoughts or plans he might have had.

[thevoidstaredback]

Danny smiled from his place on the clocktower roof. He'd been in Gotham for a while now, two years to the day exactly, but he'd never get tired of the view. Sure, he hated not being able to see the stars at night, but there were worse things. He did make sure to leave the city every night to see them, though.

He liked being up high. It reminded him of, not simpler times, but times when he wasn't as alone. Jazz had made her way to Harvard, Tucker was MIT, and Sam was at Pomona. Danny was nowhere.

They say after he turned fourteen, he died. It, to say the least, wasn't a pleasant or painless death, though it didn't hurt past the initial shock and revival. When he was sixteen, he realized he wasn't aging. Sure, Danny Fenton aged until he was sixteen, but Danny Phantom stopped at fourteen. Good for keeping a secret identity, but horrible for wanting to half live normally.

The day after he turned eighteen, exactly four years after he died, Danny disappeared. He left everything behind and hid out in the one place he'd always said he'd avoid. It was the one place no one would look for him. The one place where he was just another face in the crowd.

Gotham City allowed Danny the anonymity that normally came with death. Instead of just another headstone in the graveyard or a body in the harbor, though, he was just another kid on the streets in a busted hoodie and jeans. No one looked twice and no one asked questions.

In the two years he's spent on the streets of Gotham, he's learned a lot. Survival was something all humans are born with, but growing up with neglectful parents amplified that instinct. Dying and becoming an unwilling hero honed those instincts. Living in Gotham gave him a chance to learn more.

Learning the lay of the land was another thing he learned very quickly. Batman is over all of Gotham except for Crime Alley. That's Red Hood's haunt. Gotham Proper was split into blurry lines and shared between Batman and Robin, Red Robin, Orphan, and Spoiler. Nightwing is over Gotham's sister city, Bludhaven. Signal is the only day shift, so he had the most ground to cover in the least amount of time.

Of course, the Rouge's all had their own territories drawn with hard, barely flexible, lines. Black Mask was really the only one to breach those lines by trying to take Crime Alley, but Red Hood had been keeping him in check.

Learning the rules for each territory and how to interact with each person, Rouge or Vigilante, took time, but he managed. His own experiences had probably helped with that.

The next thing Danny had mapped out was where the neutral stations were. Every territory had them. They were places no one attacked because the important ones have standards. In Crime Alley, it's The Club. In Penguin's area, it's the Iceberg Lounge. Ivy marked off Robinson Park. Etcetera. The Joker is really the only major Rouge without a neutral mark on his map, but that's because he's more of an asshole than the rest. An asshole with standards, but an asshole nonetheless.

Very few of those neutral areas were available to spend the night in. Even fewer we're hiring. So, the homeless population of Gotham City stuck to the streets and back alleys.

However, there were two places Danny knew he could go where he'd be safe from scrutiny if someone looked too close at him. The Club in Crime Alley where all the working girls and boys checked in and reported any Bad Johns or Bad Janes, and The Iceberg Lounge in the richer parts of Gotham.

The clocktower was where Danny liked to spend his nights when the streets were too loud and the lights too bright and the fights too close for comfort. Oracle, who was Batman's eye in the sky and ear to the ground, worked from the clocktower, but he made sure to avoid her. It wasn't easy with what's basically super hearing that he can't turn off, but he found a spot near the very top where he could block out all Bat Business. Plausible deniability and all that.

Danny misses the stars. He misses being able to peek his head out of his bedroom window and name of each constellation he could see. He can't do that in Gotham because of the light pollution that clung to the sky like black mold. It was part of the reason he'd sworn to never go to Gotham.

There are Shades in Gotham. Shadows of people who have died but aren't quite ready to move on. He helps them as best he can, but there's so many that he sometimes feels like he's cutting off a Hydra's head. He gets to see results, though. Some days the parks are more colourful, the clouds have drifted enough to let natural sunlight through, and the graveyards are buzzing with thankful energy.

Danny forwent the thought of trying to get a job a while ago. As far as the world is concerned, Danny Fenton is missing, likely dead. Being dead, in case it wasn't well known, is a legal barrier. Sure, most jobs in Gotham didn't do background checks, but Danny didn't really want to join the Goonion. He's just fine living on the streets.

Ectoplasm is scarce compared to Amity Park, but that's to be expected. Besides, the miasma crushing the city like a weighted blanket was enough to sustain his basic abilities. Food was a bit harder to come by, but, like sleep, he could survive longer without it than a living being can. If anyone were to ever ask - though the likelihood of anyone even finding out - how he was alive, his answer was "Photosynthesis, but for ghosts."

Danny liked being just Danny. No name, no responsibilities outside of keeping himself alive.

Danny Fenton, the loser nerd who fell to the bottom of all his classes, who's obsessed with space and everything in it, who could tell you exactly how long it would take to get from Earth to Betelgeuse and back, is dead. He died the day after he turned fourteen.

Danny Phantom, the hatefully loved vigilante who appeared with the throngs of ghosts, who grew more powerful with every fight, who won more fights than he thought he could because there was no other option, is gone. He disappeared after exactly four years.

Danny just exists. He lives on the streets of Gotham City, staying away from trouble because he learned how to recognize it as soon as he could walk. He loves space and finds every opportunity he can to get out and watch the stars and moon and planets. He likes heights because being up that high reminds him of when he was living and not just surviving. Was there really a difference anymore? He hangs out in graveyards and the docks because the dead are so much more tolerable than the living.

Danny liked being just Danny because Danny doesn't have the world of Infinite Realms and Possabilities on his shoulder.

Danny likes to be able to just be for once.

Storyboard Part 2

[intheupside]

Sidney Crosby was his usual humble, appreciative self on Thursday morning after being informed that he was the Penguins' nominee for the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy, awarded annually to the player who best exemplifies the qualities of perseverance, sportsmanship, and dedication to hockey.

No, he's not overcoming a terrible injury or health issue, and he didn't have to battle adversity off the ice. But with the work he puts into his game, there's nobody else that best exemplifies a dedication to hockey. With his role as a leader on the team, an ambassador to the game and just an overall great human, nobody else best exemplifies sportsmanship. And with him having the season he's having at age 36 -- 39 goals and 45 assists in 76 games, on a mission to drag the Penguins into a postseason spot at any cost, he's a model of perseverance in his own way.

While Crosby may not quite agree with his own nomination -- the second nomination of his career, after he was a finalist in 2013 after his bounce back from concussions -- his teammates sure think he's deserving.

"It's everything he stands for," Rickard Rakell said. "It's about the leadership on and off the ice, the time he puts into getting to the top of his game. It's obviously well-deserved."

"It's the way he carries himself," added Marcus Pettersson. "He represents the game, in a way. He doesn't only represent us, for a long time he's been the face of hockey, too. The passion that he brings, and the love for the game that he brings, he's a very, very well-deserving nominee."

As far as sportsmanship, Crosby is a model of that both on and off the ice. Off the ice, he's an ambassador to the game. He never turns down media, and is almost always available to speak in the locker room after games and practices. He's generous with his time, as exemplified in a story Brian Boyle recently shared of Crosby spending nearly an hour playing bubble hockey with Boyle's young son Declan after a game when Boyle's family was in town during the 2021-22 season, and taking the time to FaceTime with Boyle's kids when they were back home in the Boston area. He's accessible to fans, with Mike Sullivan noting that he's never seen Crosby turn down a kid seeking an autograph or looking to meet him.

"Some of the small gestures for me are the ones that mean most," Sullivan said. "Not everybody gets a chance to see that side of Sid."

Crosby is just a giver too, whether it be for teammates or complete strangers. I've seen him before in front of me on the drive into PPG Paints Arena for game nights, and he's cut across lanes approaching an intersection to get next to the median to give money to a homeless person. One of my favorite stories about Crosby came courtesy of Joseph Blandisi, who recalled what Crosby did for Adam Johnson after Johnson's NHL debut in Nashville in 2019.

"I remember that the day after (Johnson's) first NHL game," Blandisi told me after Johnson's death in October. "Crosby had his tailor in the dressing room and got Johnny a suit from his tailor as a congratulations for his first NHL game. That's a story I always tell when people ask me how it was playing with Sid, I always tell the story that he bought Johnny a suit after his first game. That always stuck with me."

Crosby reflected on Letang's win last season on Thursday, after he succeeded him as the Penguins' nominee.

"Given the fact that he had gone through (the stroke) once before, and then having to go through it again and seeing over the years how hard he's worked and what he's gone through to still be playing to a level that he is, it's really impressive," Crosby said. "It was much more deserving, probably, than my nomination."

sid for masterton 🥹

[yes-i-write-fanfiction]

Reasons as to why I think it would be funny below:

-Cyclonus and Tailgate have been mentioned before but come on, it would be so funny. Here's Cyclonus that looks like a full on rogue even in his holoform and then there's his sunshine husband Tailgate that decides that he wants to be a hero. Cyclonus decides that sure, he'll go along with it if only to make his conjux happy. Too bad everyone thinks Cyclonus is the hero and Tailgate the sidekick.

-Ratchet has also already been mentioned but it would just be hilarious to see him try to tackle Gotham and all the shenanigans that comes with living in the city. I can also see him picking up Robin like a kitten.

-I just think Arcee and Damian would get along. Arcee is an ancient warrior that wields swords and Damian would take one look at her and go "I want to be like her when I grow up". Killer robot grandma and her little killer kid vigilante grandchild.

-Jazz would open a club and it would become the most popular place in Gotham. Fuck the Iceberg Lounge, Jazz's club is the place to be! Becomes the next Gotham celebrity, his himbo playboy persona on par with Brucie Wayne.

-Listen, Bumblebee is old. Old and tired and filled with rage. But he takes one look at the chaos that is Gotham, sees the homeless people and the struggling kids and decides that he has to do something to help. And if that means dropkicking Black Mask then by Primus-!

-Vigilante Drift. That's it. Gotham is so similar to Dead End and Drift knows that he could help people. So, he does. Mainly busts drug rings and protects the homeless population. Might accidentally become a gang leader.

-Riptide would 100% accidentally become a crime lord. He just stumbles into it. His goons know this but they just like him so much. He's nice to them, doesn't make them to terrible stuff and the pay is good. Riptide doesn't even know he's a crime lord, he thinks he's just in some kind of club.

-Accidental rogue/antihero Nautica. In her attempts to find a way back home to her own universe, she commits several crimes, breaks into Wayne Enterprise, leads the batfam on a 3 hour chase, starts a revolution and befriends Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy.

-Fortress Maximus to damn big for this damn city. Accidentally steps on the batmobile. Accidentally kidnaps Nightwing? Nightwing in turn listens to this 52 feet tall robot have an anxiety attack and calms him down. Now they are friends.

-Swerve living life in Gotham. He loves it. Yeah, it's chaos and people are a bit weird but it's also so exciting! The heroes and villains are so cool! He's got various fan blogs. Opens his own (human) bar and it becomes a hangout for rogue goons.

-Blurr starts working in the Iceberg Lounge as a bartender. His holoform is hot so he gets hit on a lot. He loves the attention. Penguin loves the revenue he brings in and promotes him to the poster boy of the place. Batman, as Bruce Wayne, decides to seduce Blurr to get some info on the Penguin. Shenanigans ensue.

-Little sad meow meow Waspinator gets found in the dumpsters by Damian and is subsequently adopted. Alfred takes one look at this pathetic bot and his heart breaks. Bruce returns home to find Waspinator in his living room, snuggled up in a blanket and asleep. Damian threatens to disown him if he makes Waspinator leave.

[damianbugs]

i get so irrationally sad when i read fics where bruce is shown as indifferent towards children in gotham, or worse, when children are scared of batman. like well done team, we have failed step one in batmanism.

this is the same guy who used to take less fortunate children on camping trips outside of the city for no reason at all other than the fact that he wanted to and could. or the guy who was good friends with the teens who worked at the boy's club, sponsoring their training and making time to watch them. he got shot repeatedly and ran around with arrows sticking out of him to protect a child. he runs into burning buildings to save children! penguin used homeless children to draw out batman because he knew bruce wouldn't ignore them. he used to foster children while searching for ways to reunite them with their families!

he sees himself in every child in gotham, but more importantly, he doesn't WANT to see them follow the same fate as him! he doesn't want them to grow up scared and lonely, lost and hurt — everything he does is to avoid another batman from existing! he is the beginning and the end!

Batman Kings of Fear #4

of course he can't save all of them — he's just one man — and that is quite literally his WORST FEAR, and of course that means there are going to be children who are lost and scared and alone... some moulded by his own hands.

but he tries and he will literally never stop trying, and that's still not enough — but its as close as he'll get to penance.

[mysteryinkkat234]

Trafalgar Law Rockstar Headcannons

This was an idea I got from this post, and my friends and I came up with some fun ideas. And then I thought of maybe writing one-shots or a full chaptered story of a Rockstar Law x Reader.

Let me know what you think and if you have any requests for one shots, One Piece related, my DMs are open

DISCLAIMER: these headcannons have talks of drug addiction, Doflamingo and his bullshit, and NSFW topics such as bondage and dirty talks

Hope you enjoy!

* grew up with his parents wanting him to become a doctor, instead he started a rock band, called the Heart Pirates with Shachi (Bassist), Penguin (Keyboard and 2nd Guitarist), and Bepo (Percussion) and a bunch of other people

* He’s both a guitarist and singer, playing mostly Hard Rock, Prog Rock, and Alternative Metal like Blue Öyster Cult, Queens of the Stone Age, Slipknot

* They mostly play at underground stages, bars, Law tries to keep it indie and not spread too quickly

* They do start getting fans, but also majority of them, mainly feminine individuals, who really like Law. I mean how can you not? Tattoos, tired eyes, nice voice, chill attitude.

* Law’s family is actually pretty stacked, his mom and dad being both Doctors and his sister Cami studying to be one. He doesn’t really tell people about his family though

* As he was going to medical school he sadly fell into a bad crowd, following them to a group called the Donquixote Family. He soon was kicked out of school. He couldn’t tell his parents about it either, being homeless for a while.

* He soon meets Rosinante, a DEA agent and Doflamingo’s, the head honcho of the Donquixote Family, little brother. He lets Law live with him in his apartment, helping him with rehabilitation.

* Sadly, he’s unable to get him out of Doflamingo’s debt, Doflamingo asks for Law to work for him once in a while, playing music and entertaining guests at his local clubs and casinos, all while doing doing his Heart Pirates band, now with an ‘anonymous’ sponsor

* How Law meets the reader was a classic meet-cute. A record store, the reader was organizing records and bumps into Law. They bond for a bit, banter.

~~~

“You know I play guitar, in a band.”

(Sarcastic)”Seems that every guy that comes to me says they’re in a band.”

“Hehe, yeah sorry, did they invite you to their shows?”

“No, they say ‘we’re still looking a place to let us play’ and then forget about me.”

“Trust me when u say I have a band that has done a bunch of shows, lots of underground places if you’re interested.”

“Mayhaps~”

~~~

* and that’s how Law and reader met, and soon fell in love. The Heart Pirates get introduced to them, they rag on Law for being a softie but the reader likes them, they’re good to her.

* As Law and the reader are dating, she lets me sit in the green room, watching on a TV of the show, cheering for their boyfriend without the sound of other people gooning for him.

* Does Rosinante know about Law’s partner? Yeah but also he’s out of the house most the time, they’ve never bumped into each other before. Law tells his partner that they’re roommates and that’s all.

~~~

NSFW Headcannons:

* He doesn’t tell his fans that he has a partner, stuff like crazy fans trying to fight them in real life

* He’s heard some wild stuff at concerts yelled out by people. And in the back of his head, he’s reminded of his partner… and all the naughty stuff he’s going to do when he goes home

* Law likes the dirty talk, and the praise. “Every time I’m on stage, I think of fucking you in the green room, and no one would know.” “You’re the only fan I’ll fuck, and I’ll fuck you good. You have all of me, and I have all of you.”

* He likes fingering their partner while wearing rings, he likes to see them shiver from temperature play

* And bondage, loves tying his partner to the post of his bed, or partner tying HIM to the bed.

* Sex has never left the apartment, there have been some heavy make-outs in the green room and some perverted touches but he soon kept it cute and sweet in public in front of his friends.

* Shachi and Penguin will recommend the wackiest kinks to then get beat by Law.

[wondersinwaynemanor]

Batkids discussing what Christmas movie to watch during patrol:

Nightwing, doing a somersault somewhere in Bludhaven - I vote for Home Alone.

Oracle, typing on her computer - I agree with Nightwing. Also, the building across from you, the drugs are kept there.

Nightwing, heading towards the building - Got it, O. And O's got good taste.

Robin, kicking one of Riddler's men on the shin - Tt. Poor taste. Gremlins, I suggest that one.

Red Robin, using his bo staff to hit one of Penguin's men on the back - I say The Polar Express.

Spoiler, punching one of Penguin's men, literally just a few meters away from Red Robin - Great choice, RR.

Batman, using the batarang to hit Riddler on the arm while trying to hide his smile as he listens to his kids in the comms.

Red Hood, reloading his gun as the robber at Crime Alley runs away from him -I thought Robin was gonna choose Mickey's Christmas Carol.

Nightwing, Red Robin and Spoiler laugh lightly in the comms.

Robin, rolling his eyes - Tt.

Black Bat, taking a homeless kid to one of Gotham's orphanages - How about White Christmas, the musical?

Batman, for the first time talks - I agree. (you can literally hear Robin whine in the background)

Red Robin - Batman has a favorite child.

Nightwing - I'm gutted.

Spoiler - I'm not surprised.

Red Hood, taking his gun out from the holster - How about we do Die- (shoots his gun twice ; everyone heard it. Red Hood becomes silent)

Oracle - Hood, you okay?

Batman, concern on his voice - Hood, report.

Everyone stops what they were doing, waiting for Red Hood to response.

In a few seconds...

Red Hood, laughing ; his voice modulator making him sound evil - I'm messing around. I shot my gun cus I was gonna suggest Die Hard. Get it? Die... (imitates the sound of his guns) Hard.

Batman growls. Nightwing, Red Robin, Spoiler and Black Bat laugh. Oracle just sighs with a smile. Robin with his usual tt.

Nightwing - And I thought I was the dramatic one.

Red Hood - Got it from you, Big Wing.

They ended up doing a marathon of the Christmas movies except Die Hard cus there was a family argument if that is even a Christmas movie.

[tumblingxelian]

Thoughts on Stephanie Brown, Crime & Community

A lot of the posts I’ve been reading lately about Bruce’s brutality towards low level criminals and whether Jason betraying his own community or not, the double standards and meta analysis has all been very interesting. 

And it has also left me musing on Stephanie Brown’s character. 

Specifically how she operates in a really fascinating position that was likely not intended by the writers but one can reach anyway. 

So a quick primer: 

Stephanie Brown came up in a low income (at best) family in Gotham. Her father was consistently in and out of prison only briefly holding down a steady job and when he was home he was violent towards both Stephanie and her mother.

Crystal was neglectful and a substance abusing addict until Stephanie was about 15 and even then their relationship was quite messy with Stephanie still forced into a parental role. 

(She also escaped sexual assault as a child and was clearly traumatized by the event and given her ‘boyfriend’ who got her pregnant looed significantly older than her one could argue she was a victim of grooming.)

Her first team up with Batgirl (long before she receives any training) Shows she has an intimate and immediate understanding of criminal operations that can only come from either self study or experience. One of her earlier team ups with Robin & the then Green Arrow (Investigating gun runners selling to kids) had her note she felt her community was neglected by the heroes. Her first team up with Batgirl also had them basically steal money that would have gone to evidence to donate it to charity and she also reveal hinted at different times a dislike or lack of faith in the police. 

Now, not everything was hunky dory, as there were some writers who basically decided her motive was “Impress Robin”. Fortunately this only cropped up every now and again and she’d often try and seek out team ups and mentors elsewhere. And given it doesn’t line up well with her initial character I am content to view it as an artifact of the writer. 

But I digress, how does this go into her relationship with her community and criminals in general? 

Well, suffice to say her relationship with them is bad. 

Her first time out as Spoiler she tries to murder her father and has to be talked down by Batman. She later reveals to Crystal she was doing this to protect her because she was tired of seeing Arthur come back and ruin their lives over and over again. She also used visitation rights when he was in prison to beat the hell out of him because he orchestrated her kidnapping and near missed murder for money, while the guards just let it happen. 

In one of her first team ups with Robin they fight criminals in a snow covered building and his cutting of support beams leads them all to be buries. Robin insists on finding him and saving him, while Stephanie suggests leaving him to die, dismissing his motives along the lines of, “I was poor, daddy never loved me, ETC.” She only agreed trying to save him was a good idea when they accidently found a homeless woman and her child also buried. 

later on she also didn’t want to save a villain who managed to kidnap both herself and Robin. We also see her shrug off the prospect of accidentally killing a serial killer she was in combat with. She also has a violent exchange with Penguin after he started using children as gun runners which hinted at wanting to wipe people like him off the map. When he was dismissive of even facing charges because “I've got people for that” she legit scared and injured him and Batgirl needed to stop her from going further. 

(She also shrugged off Dick killing Joker while everyone else was freaking out but like, come on. Joker fills literal graveyards in universe and had been terrorizing the world minutes before, he’s not a ‘normal criminals’ by any stretch.)

Overall, her relationship to criminals in general was varying degree of contemptuous and she was quite comfortable with the prospect of doling out lethal punishment to criminals, though she never got the on screen opportunity. I think her general attitude is best summed up as “yes trauma sucks but its no excuse to take it out on your community” while holding those who profit off those circumstances in utter contempt. IE, she disdains petty criminals for victimizing their fellows and she hates the kingpins who run everything. 

(Though I doubt this was intended by the writers.) 

But I digress, I’m not expert enough to say whether this is a realistic or positive response to her circumstances, but I do find it an interesting one. I also think its a lot more nuanced than Batman’s brutality even if one could argue its problematic. Though that also broached the “Are we discussing in universe or out of universe” and so on. Really not sure where I was going with this. I maybe just wanted the chance to discuss Stephanie cos I think she’s really interesting. 

So uh, yeah. 

[fandomly-obsessed]

Why I would Die pt. 2

Gotham

Mc: *jumping around the rooftops in full costume*

Batman, exiting from the shadows: “The Penguin.”

Mc, trying to stick my pointy nose back on: “Um… yes?”

—————

Mc: *stabs Joker bc fck that guy*

Batman, aiming his weapon: “You killed.”

Mc: “Yeah? People do it all the time around here, it didn’t seem like a big deal!”

Batman: “I don’t allow murderers in my city.”

Mc, pointing exaggeratedly at dead Joker: “So, what, I gotta have some weird homoerotic relationship with you, first?”

Barbara: *mutes comms bc everyone is laughing*

—————

*In Arkham Asylum*

Crocodile: *ignoring mc*

Mc: “So what’d you do to get put in timeout?”

—————

Red Robin: “Batman doesn’t like vigilantes in his city.”

Mc, just walking around looking for fights: “What’s he gonna do, adopt me?”

—————

Nightwing: “it’s not safe to be on the roof at night.”

Mc: “… *shrug* safer than on the ground.”

Nightwing: *sigh* “Look, can I walk you home?”

Mc, pointing: “Yeah, sure. It’s about five feet that way.”

Nightwing: “You’re homeless?”

Mc, sarcastically: “We are in Gotham, y’know.”

—————

*watching Red Robin fight criminals*

Mc, idly: “Red Robin - yum! 🎶 “

RR: *looks around for mc, gets stabbed*

Mc: “oops.”

—————

Mc: “I never understood why people have a Daddy kink. I mean, what? You want him to beat your ass and be emotionally unavailable?”

Bruce: *bruce noises*

Mc: “Uh oh.”

[half-dead-writer]

𝔹𝕒𝕥𝕞𝕒𝕟: 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕝𝕝𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕖 𝕊𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤 𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

Joker / John Doe

First Impressions (Best Pals 1/3) gender-neutral (masculine) reader | ~1,4k words Reader, a homeless thief, gets to stay at the abandoned subway where the Pact resides. John’s the one to show him around.

Just a man-crush (Best Pals 2/3) gender-neutral (masculine) reader | ~1k words John is very jealous of you and Harley hanging out. He can’t take it anymore.

Best Pals (3/3) masculine reader | ~1,8k words After John figured out he likes you more than Harley, he’s determined to swoon you over. Discreetly, of course.

Penguin / Oswald Cobblepot

none yet

[moonspirit]

Moon, hello-hello 💚🌿

Hope you're doing well, and sending you some (⁠*⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠)⁠/⁠～❄️❄️ for the Christmas mood~

So, about the Christmas mood... What are your thoughts on Ambassadors Christmas "party" (in quotes because I don't think they would do as "party-party", you know, but I have no idea how to make it otherwise...) ?

What do you think they would gift each other, how would they spend their time? Knowing this chaotic team, some hilarious stuff would totally happen :D

Anyway, I hope you'll have fun with this, and have wonderful *timezone*, Moon (⁠っ⁠˘⁠з🌖 ⁠)

Hello Anna chan :3 Thank you so much for asking me this because HAHAA I had a complete laughter fit thinking of how fucking WRONG the Ambassador's first Christmas is going to go xD

For starters I'm just going to assume the Paradis boys are new to the concept of Christmas and that they celebrated something different back in Paradis during the winter. So, Santa Claus? Never heard of him but omg, seems like a great guy! How do we sign up for presents?!!!!

(Pieck tells them they have to become members of the Elven Association first and sends them on a wild-goose chase around town to find the Elven Lord for the sole benefit of her entertainment)

Reiner meanwhile, makes the mistake of taking up the role of Local Santa Claus for the kids in the neighbourhoods, and honestly? fair? The dude is LORGE and can do a great HO HO HO. Giving him a pillow-belly and an itchy beard turns out to be the best idea the local government has ever come up with in its 300 year history of failure.

However... it is a mistake. Dude is LORGE, remember? His first delivery and he gets stuck in a chimney.

In the middle of the Christmas market, Annie, hoping to be left alone in undisturbed peace and a chance to try out the sweets in the stalls, accidentally ends up following a cat to an abandoned street where a group of very misunderstood angry kids lurk in conspiratorial conversation, and sensing a sort of sisterhood in her similarly arranged resting bitch face, they convince her into dressing up as Krampus.

Basically this thing, the opposite of Santa Claus. For funsies and to kidnap children.

They have high hopes that Anniepus will be able to terrorize the town on their behalf because Christmas is for the happy and weak.

Unfortunately... Anniepus ends up being a very small Krampus and nobody's frightened of her as she skulks around town searching to put children in her bucket. Not like she really cares tho. She just wants those goddamn sweets 🥲

Update (very late into the night): Reiner is still stuck in the chimney and his itchy beard is starting to give him a rash. Not that anyone can see tho, the chimney is dark!

Update (from somewhere very far away, on a snowy cliff overlooking a big chasm, great snowstorm blowing): three boys, dressed in worn out clothes, holding staffs, squint wistfully into the swirling wind. "Is that him? The Elven Lord's abode?"

(it's a bush)

Update (sometime later and somewhere else): Anniepus is stealing collecting cats from children and putting them in her bucket.

Update (even later into the night): Reiner's sleigh driver is getting tired of waiting for his Santa and incurring heavy parking fees.

Update (from the next continent): Three boys, scruffy and homeless, chase after an ostrich. "Elven Lord, please let us join your association!"

Update: Anniepus starts a cat cafe.

Update: The local government deploys a crane to get Reiner out of the chimney. It is a failure. The crane cannot lift Santa's booba.

Update: The boys are in the South pole. They come across penguins and believe they've arrived at the Elf Factory!

Update: Pieck gets bored of everything and opens a sexy santa-girl strip club <3