#Holistic Brain Care

[ecomehdi]

The Brain: Exploring the Benefits of Stonehenge Health Dynamic Brain Supplements 2023

In a world dominated by screens, notifications, and constant connectivity, it’s hard not to wonder: Is technology shaping our brains for the better or for the worse? As we dive into this thought-provoking journey, let’s unravel the intricacies of the relationship between technology and our brains, exploring the impact it has on our cognitive well-being. Introduction Let’s embark on a journey to…

[compassionmattersmost]

Understanding Life with ME/CFS: Navigating Fatigue, Brain Fog, and the Invisible Boundaries of Chronic Illness

A compassionate guide to living with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: managing symptoms, embracing pacing, and finding connection amidst invisible challenges Living with ME/CFS can feel like moving through a world where energy is always scarce, even after sleep or rest. Each day often starts with a level of fatigue that others might experience only after running a marathon,…

[thathilomgirl]

This is probably coming from me starting a new job and doing like 10 hours worth of CPD last week, but when I think about how Anna might be she does end up in some of health-related profession, it would really depend whether she’s more care-based or cure-based in her approach to her patients

[road-tosuccess]

Top Health and Wellness Products | Amazon Picks

Welcome to our guide on the best health and wellness products available on Amazon!

Whether you are starting your journey towards a healthier lifestyle or looking to upgrade your current wellness routine, this blog post will introduce you to some top-notch products that can support your goals.

From essential supplements to state-of-the-art fitness trackers, we’ve got you covered.

[capturelifedental]

Unveiling the Link: Alzheimer’s Disease and Oral Health Explained

Alzheimer’s disease, a progressive neurodegenerative disorder, is a growing concern as populations age worldwide. While the exact cause of Alzheimer’s remains elusive, researchers are increasingly turning their attention to potential links between oral health and cognitive decline. 

In this blog post, we’ll explore the emerging connection between Alzheimer’s disease and oral health and examine how maintaining good oral hygiene may play a role in preserving cognitive function.

Understanding the Connection

The idea of a connection between oral health and Alzheimer’s disease may seem surprising at first, but mounting evidence suggests that the health of your gums and teeth could influence your risk of developing cognitive impairment. Several proposed mechanisms shed light on the potential link between the two:

Inflammation: Chronic inflammation, a hallmark of gum disease, has been implicated as a contributing factor in Alzheimer’s disease. Inflammatory markers in the blood can cross the blood-brain barrier and contribute to the neuroinflammation characteristic of Alzheimer’s pathology.

Bacterial translocation: Gum disease-associated bacteria have the ability to enter the circulation, travel to the brain, and then potentially cause an immunological reaction as well as contribute to the development of pathologies linked with Alzheimer’s disease, such as the build-up of beta-amyloid plaques.

Systemic Health Effects: Poor oral health is associated with systemic conditions such as cardiovascular disease and diabetes, which are themselves risk factors for Alzheimer’s disease. By promoting overall health, maintaining good oral hygiene may indirectly reduce the risk of cognitive decline.

Exploring Research Findings

Several studies have provided intriguing insights into the potential relationship between oral health and Alzheimer’s disease. For example, a study published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease found that individuals with gum disease experienced a faster rate of cognitive decline compared to those with healthy gums. 

Another study, published in the journal Science Advances, identified specific oral bacteria associated with Alzheimer’s disease pathology, further supporting the idea of a link between oral health and cognitive function.

Maintaining Oral Health for Brain Health

Given the emerging evidence suggesting a connection between oral health and Alzheimer’s disease, prioritizing good oral hygiene may be more important than ever. Here are some tips for maintaining oral health to support brain health:

Brush and Floss Regularly: Brushing your teeth twice a day and flossing daily can help remove plaque and bacteria from your teeth and gums, reducing the risk of gum disease.

Visit Your Dentist Regularly: Regular dental check-ups and cleanings are essential for detecting and treating gum disease early. Your dentist can also provide guidance on proper oral hygiene techniques and recommend treatments to address any oral health issues.

Eat a Brain-Healthy Diet: A balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins can support both oral and cognitive health. Limiting sugary and processed foods can help prevent cavities and gum disease.

Stay Active: Regular physical activity has been linked to better cognitive function and may also help reduce the risk of gum disease. 

Conclusion

While more research is needed to fully understand the connection between oral health and Alzheimer’s disease, the evidence suggests that maintaining good oral hygiene may play a role in preserving cognitive function as we age. By prioritizing oral health through regular brushing and flossing, routine dental check-ups, and a healthy lifestyle, we can support both our smiles and our brains for years to come.

Visit Capture Life Dental Clinic for your regular dental check up. You can also avail amazing discount offers! Visit the website to learn more….

[jadedbirch]

Gather around, my young friends and fellow dinosaurs, let me tell you about some BULLSHIT no one ever tells you about. I'm talking about menopause and perimenopause. Now, menopause has a very stringent medical definition. You have to not have had a period for exactly 12 months and a day to be considered in menopause. All the bullshit before that day once you start going through The Change is considered perimenopause. Here's some bullshit you might experience that people actually talk about when you're in perimenopause:

- shorter time between periods

- irregular periods

- hot flashes and/or cold flashes

- fucked up sleep

- OMG NIGHT SWEATS

- Vagina as dry as the Sahara desert

- lighter periods and/or endless bleeding like it's The Flood but it's in your pants

- lack of interest in Adult Fun Times

This time of joy can last anywhere from a couple of years to a god damn decade and there's no medical way right now to predict it.

Here's some of the REAL bullshit they don't tell you about but your dinosaur aunt is here to let you know:

- You can start perimenopause in your 30s, don't listen to idiot doctors who tell you you're "too young" because they don't know your body like you do.

- Perimenopause will make you HELLA DUMB. Seriously, I'm talking Bigly broken brain. Brain fog? Check. Short term memory? Wave goodbye to it. Ability to make words form out of thoughts? Yeah, good luck to you.

- Perimenopause can cause horrible fatigue because in addition to losing estrogen, you're also losing testosterone. Oh and that also leads to muscle wasting, cool cool.

- Things might suddenly hurt more because estrogen is known to be neuroprotective.

- If you're super lucky like I am, and like to collect rare illnesses, you might even get Burning Mouth Syndrome 💀

- And meanwhile, while you're going through this bullshit, you'll be getting gaslit by doctors who are operating based on 30 year old debunked data about how HRT causes breast cancer (not really) and that they shouldn't put you on it until you're in actual menopause. (Data shows starting HRT early can potentially prevent Alzheimer's in later years.)

- There are entire online clinics right now (I use Midi Health) focused on providing care for peri and menopausal patients and they will happily prescribe you HRT even if your regular PCP or OBGYN do not (if you meet the criteria). I've been pretty impressed with how holistically they view the patient. For full disclosure, I learned about them from my integrative health doctor and they do not accept Medicare (yet).

I'm 46 years old right now and I've been symptomatic for perimenopause for the last 8 years, although it's gotten the most dramatic in the past 2 years or so, which I hope means I'm almost done, holy hell. Yeah I was on the early side, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, so it's never too early to think about these things. And I hope to at least spare some of you the mind-fuckery I've been through because no one told me about most of this stuff, including my own mother who just DOESN'T REMEMBER what happened to her and now I completely understand why. And because I also have a connective tissue disease, I used to just dismiss my pain and fatigue as being caused by that illness rather than the loss of hormones.

Anyways, this is why we need Elders in our lives, so they can do Grandma Story Hour like I just did and validate you when the entire medical field tries to gaslight you. I hope you've found some or all of this educational/useful. Please share with your friends because we really do NOT talk about this stuff enough. (Ewwww Moon Blood!)

Stay well, and don't let the bastards grind you down!

[stuckinapril]

So tempting to keep embarking on the same self destructive cycle over & over & over again . But at some point you have to put ur foot down w ur own behaviors & be the thing that truly saves u

Honestly it boils down to reparenting yourself & rewiring your own neuronal pathways & telling yourself a firm “stop” when you notice your mind slipping down negative loopholes & being present in the moment & enjoying being mid task rather than waiting for it to end & not thinking of inertia as your baseline and natural way of living

[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?

[renphousa]

What is Foot Reflexology?

Foot reflexology is a popular alternative therapy that involves applying pressure to specific points on the feet, corresponding to different organs and systems in the body. This practice is based on the belief that these points, known as reflex points, can help relieve tension, improve circulation, and promote overall well-being. Reflexologists use their hands, fingers, and thumbs to stimulate these points, believed to release blockages and promote healing throughout the body. Many people turn to foot reflexology as a natural and holistic way to address various health concerns and to promote relaxation and stress relief.

Foot Reflexology for Stress and Anxiety

When it comes to relieving stress and anxiety, foot reflexology can be an effective way as it stimulates specific reflex points on the feet. Remember that there are some specific reflex points that can help in managing stress and anxiety, including the Diaphragm Reflex, Pituitary Reflex, Spinal Reflexes, and Adrenal Reflexes.

The potential benefits of massaging these specific reflex points include promoting relaxation and reducing muscle tension, improving circulation, and balancing hormone levels. By incorporating foot reflexology into a regular self-care routine, individuals may experience a reduction in overall stress and anxiety levels.

Does Foot Reflexology for Stress and Anxiety Work?

Foot reflexology can be effective in reducing stress and anxiety by targeting specific reflex points associated with the body's stress response.

Its application directly impacts the peripheral nervous system, crucial in the body's stress response. By targeting specific reflex points, foot reflexology can help to improve the flow of energy and promote a sense of balance and harmony within the body, leading to reduced stress and anxiety levels.

Beyond its effects on the nervous system, foot reflexology promotes relaxation by triggering the release of endorphins, which are natural "feel-good" chemicals in the brain. This can further contribute to stress reduction and overall well-being.

In essence, foot reflexology can be an effective stress management strategy, offering a holistic approach to addressing stress and anxiety by targeting specific reflex points and promoting relaxation within the body.

Effective Foot Massage Techniques to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

Effective foot massage techniques for reducing stress and anxiety include effleurage, a gentle stroking movement that helps to promote relaxation by increasing blood flow and releasing tension in the foot muscles. Thumb walking involves using the thumbs to apply pressure in a walking motion, which can help alleviate stress and reduce anxiety by targeting specific pressure points in the foot.

Another beneficial technique is kneading, which involves using the hands to gently knead and manipulate the foot muscles, helping to release built-up tension and promote a sense of calm and relaxation. Additionally, toe rotation can be effective in reducing stress as it targets the toes, promoting flexibility and relieving tension in the foot muscles.

Finally, ankle flex and stretch can help reduce stress and anxiety by promoting flexibility and relieving tightness in the ankles, ultimately leading to a more relaxed and tension-free state. Overall, these foot massage techniques effectively reduce stress and anxiety by promoting relaxation, increasing blood flow, and releasing tension in the foot muscles. Incorporating these techniques into a regular foot massage routine can provide significant relief from stress and anxiety.

[eeechooo]

Aligned Minds

Fandom : Lockwood & Co.

Pairing : Female Reader X George Karim

Request by @thestrangerblog "Intellectual reader is tired of vain guys who are good looking and know it and think that's enough to get every girl they want. Then reader meets George who is proud of his intellect and who sees brains and character strength in her and not just a pretty face and hot body."

You were tired of them. The peacocks. The guys who sauntered into the room, all confident smirks and perfect hair, thinking their good looks alone could win them the world. They were everywhere, especially in places like this—academic conferences on the supernatural. You had hoped for serious discussions, intellectual stimulation. Instead, you found a sea of vain, posturing boys who thought a charming smile and a well-fitted suit were enough to make them experts on ghostly phenomena.

Sitting in the back of the lecture hall, you scribbled in your notebook, full of doodles and half-formed ideas about the origins of ghosts. The current speaker droned on about the latest theories, but your mind was wandering. You glanced around, noting the usual suspects—guys trying to network rather than truly engage with the material. Typical.

Then he spoke.

“What about the spiritual residue left by traumatic events? Your theory doesn’t account for the variance in Type Two ghost manifestations,” said a voice, sharp and probing.

You turned to see the source. A young man with disheveled hair and a look of intense concentration on his face. He was scribbling something in his notebook, quick. It was messy, you just knew it.

The lecturer, a renowned but notoriously complacent professor, stumbled over his words. “Well, uh, that’s an interesting point, but—”

“But nothing,” the young man cut in, his tone sharp. “If we don’t consider the psychological impact and the nature of the trauma, we’re missing half the picture.”

You were intrigued. This wasn’t the usual superficial debate. This was someone who cared about the truth, who dug deep into the complexities of the supernatural.

When the professor tried to dismiss the question, you couldn’t help yourself. You stood up. “He’s right,” you said, your voice steady. “Ignoring the emotional resonance of traumatic events skews our entire understanding of ghost origins. We need a more holistic approach.”

The room went silent. The professor looked flustered, and several attendees turned to see who had dared to challenge the status quo. But the young man—George, you remembered—smirked and nodded approvingly.

__

During the break, you found yourself gravitating towards George. He was still scribbling in his notebook, muttering to himself.

“Mind if I join you?” you asked, trying to keep your tone casual.

He looked up, surprise flashing in his eyes before he smirked again. “By all means. I could use someone who actually gets it.”

You sat down next to him, feeling a strange mix of nerves and excitement. “I’m really tired of these guys who think they know everything because they look good in a suit.”

George snorted. “Tell me about it. They’re more interested in networking than actual knowledge. It’s infuriating.”

You nodded vigorously. “Exactly! It’s like they think their charm can substitute for real understanding.”

“Unfortunately, that’s the world we live in,” George said, his tone slightly bitter. “But there are a few of us who see through the facade. Want to grab some pizza for lunch? We can discuss how wrong that professor was.”

You couldn’t help but smile. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

And that is why, over slices of pizza in a quiet corner of a nearby café, you and George talked non-stop. He told you about Lockwood & Co., the agency he worked for, and the various cases they had handled. His stories were captivating, filled with danger and mystery. Jesus, it seemed better than the work you had in your agency, boring, usually the same routine everyday.

“I’ve always been more interested in the origins of the Problem,” George said between bites. “The nature of ghosts. It’s not just about dealing with the manifestations, it’s about understanding why they happen in the first place. This is just... fascinating”

You nodded, feeling more connected to him with each word. “That’s exactly what drives me too. There’s so much more to uncover, so much that the mainstream theories just… gloss over.”

George leaned back, looking thoughtful. “You know, we should team up. Present our own findings. Show these superficial idiots what real research looks like.”

Your heart skipped a beat. “You mean it?”

“Absolutely. I can tell you’re serious about this. Together, we could really make an impact.”

He was right.

__

Two months flew by in a whirlwind of research, late nights, and shared passion. You had spent the majority of your free time with him, and it felt so, so, so nice. As the day of the presentation dawned, nerves mingled with excitement. Standing side by side in front of a packed lecture hall, you and George delivered your findings with confidence and conviction.

The audience was spellbound, hanging on your every word. Even the skeptics couldn’t deny the weight of your evidence. And when the final word faded to black, applause erupted throughout the room.

As the attendees filed out, exchanging compliments and inquiries, you and George found yourselves outside, the air buzzing with post-presentation energy.

“Pizza?” you proposed, a smile tugging at your lips.

George’s eyes lit up. “Absolutely.”

The pizzeria was bustling with activity, but you managed to snag a quiet corner booth. As you sat down, the adrenaline of the presentation still coursing through your veins, a comfortable silence settled between you.

It was George who broke it first, his voice soft and contemplative. “I can’t believe we did it.”

You nodded, a warm glow spreading through your chest. “We make a pretty good team, huh?”

He smiled, a rare, genuine smile that reached his eyes. “The best.”

As you both dug into your slices, savoring the victory and the delicious food, you felt a surge of courage. You glanced up at George, meeting his gaze head-on.

“It’s a date,” you said, your voice steady.

George’s eyes widened, and he choked on his slice, coughing and sputtering. After a moment, George regained his composure, his cheeks tinged with pink. “I—I mean, yes. Yes, it is.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. For a man that smart, he can sure as hell be clueless sometimes.

__

It was fun writing this, thank you for your request, i hope it was good enough! I'm trying to get back to writing for hours after stopping for maybe a year and oh my i missed it SO MUCH???? also yes i feel like food keeps appearing but oh well it just gets people together. again if you've got request DO NOT HESITATE, i write them based on who commented first but they're all going to be posted! thanks for reading this hehe, take care!!

@neewtmas @cielooci (this is the taglist, if you don't want to be there anymore or if you want to be just tell me!)

[1d1195]

Protection VIII

Read the rest here: Protection

Hi, this is kinda fast paced, idk. I'm def not confident about this section at all. I feel like it's got potential but I don't think I know what I'm doing. But I don't have a choice but to give it a shot anyway. I know I've mentioned before, but I like Grey's Anatomy and stupid cheesy movies with scenes like this.

Warnings: angst, blood, weapons, lots of sad sad stuff. I actually don't know how blood loss works or g*n shot wounds either but it's for the plot also this is very dramatized because the writing side of my brain is a drama queen. I don’t think it’s very accurate scientifically or logically so if you would be as so kind as to look at it “holistically” and try to just envision something super serious along these lines I would GRATEFULLY appreciate it. Also, I don't know how tech works. Sorry if it seems a bit awful

~5.9k words.

Thank you oh so much to @freedomfireflies for beta reading so I could feel a little better about actually posting this.

More than anything he wanted her to be there. Sitting on her bed reading or sleeping as she always was. He imagined her smug smile and her lilting voice murmuring “gotcha,” like this was the funniest prank.

Harry, for better or for worse, prided himself on being a hard worker. But for the last three days, and especially today, he didn’t care. He had spent the first half of that horrific day answering thousands of questions. The latter half was spent learning his new office job. When he got back to his apartment—a place he’d hardly spent any time in over the last two weeks—he finally let the tears and frustration course through him. He tried to call her again, but he received a message that his number had been blocked.

He called his mum and broke down.

So, he entered the building. It would be this way now. Day three of filing paperwork that he had spent so many hours writing for her. Now he was at the other end of it. Learning an office job when all he wanted was to head right to her flowery little place and beg her to explain. He wanted to kiss her, touch her, and promise her anything her heart wanted. He didn’t understand and he was floundering. How did he fix this? How was he supposed to breathe? After all that. After all the kisses, all the touches. All the touches he didn’t get and all the ones he deprived her of because it wasn’t protocol. What a stupid idiot.

Good luck, honey bun :( his mum texted. She texted it yesterday too and he wondered how long she would have to text it to him before the frowny face disappeared.

Harry was destined for another hundred meetings explaining that he had no idea she was feeling this way. Because of course, despite the fact he did know what she was feeling—because he felt it too—he felt so much loyalty to her. He didn’t know what her game was or why she was trying to sell it that it was one-sided, but despite how sad he was, she was brilliant. A biochemist in the making, of course, and if she had to break his heart, he believed (or wanted to believe) that she was doing the right thing.

Harry sat at his newly assigned desk and looked at the papers in front of him. Eventually, he would make her grovel for forgiveness. This was too much paperwork for him, and she had to have known how much he would have hated it. But he also thought that she would just look at him through her pretty eyelashes that drove him mad, smelling like flowers, and say sorry and that would be plenty.

There had to be an end to this. He was certain of it.

Niall wasn't allowed to tell him anything that he heard. Harry wasn't allowed to ask about her either (Niall, naturally a stickler for protocol, was following the rule--he didn't even know what she was up to. His job was to train Harry. Their supervisor saw to it that she was under his own surveillance.

"It feels m'being forced t'write with m'left hand after being right handed for m'whole life," he explained to Niall dejectedly. For five months his thoughts were consumed with the flowery girl he fell so incredibly hard for. Overnight she was just gone.

Harry began flipping through papers and tapping at his keyboard for all of four minutes when Niall suddenly dragged him out of his seat, down the hall, and back out the front door without a word. “Niall!” He ground out bitterly. He wasn’t in the mood. He wanted to kill his friend a bit for even recommending he be part of this. He wished he wasn’t her bodyguard. At least he wouldn’t be sour with heartache.

But honestly, Harry owed Niall his entire life for bringing him to her.

“She’s gone.”

Harry stared at him blankly. “Who?”

Niall slapped him across the face—not quite hard but enough to stun him and knock some sense into him. “She’s gone.”

Harry felt like this was a dream. His brain was floating distantly. “What are y’talking ‘bout?”

“There's an email on my phone, to my private email, from a random address, a random IP address. It’s her. She said DSS is compromised...that someone in the department wants her out of the picture and if I’m reading it, it means that she is not in her apartment regardless of what they say. The very same email is going to be sent in ninety minutes to everyone at DSS.”

Harry shook his head. “No, that’s a lie.”

“Harry,” Niall said. “It’s going to...blow everything up. You have to—”

“Niall, that’s ridiculous. She would—”

“She said to tell you the email is from Miss Wildflower.”

The words died in his throat. “No,” he shook his head. That wasn’t something he’d ever written down, wasn’t something he called her to anyone else. That was for him and her...and... “No...it’s not her. She’s fine,” he was in denial. How could he not be? The thought that something happened to her? This wasn’t just some long routed way of her anxiety taking over and ruining something before it started. It wasn’t getting Harry off her detail so they could spend Christmas together (something he had convinced himself of when he was crying to his mom the night before).

“No, Harry, and I'm gonna have to go make a scene and tell them but I’m giving you a head start because she's giving you a head start. You don’t have time to waste here. I’m telling them I sent you home. That you’re too distraught to work.”

Swallowing hard, he nodded. “Okay.”

“She didn’t want you to get hurt,” Niall said. “She was...scared.” Harry frowned and nodded even though he thought he was going to be sick. He winced as he thought it over. Put his hands on his knees as he took heaving breaths. “Harry,” Niall said gently. “You don’t have time—”

“Jus’ shut up, Niall,” he croaked. Niall was silent, biting the inside of his cheek. He couldn’t imagine the heartache and anguish his friend was feeling.

“At least...at least there was a reason, right?” Niall murmured.

If it meant her harm or kidnapping or...worse. No. It wasn’t worth it. It didn’t matter the reason. “Yeah...” he mumbled.

*

Since Harry was no longer on her detail, he assumed he wouldn’t be allowed into her apartment building—at least not through the main entrance.

Even if he was allowed in the main entrance, he had to work under the assumption that whatever compromised agents would be waiting out front for him. So he would need an alternate route.

He hurried up her fire escape and opened her bedroom window just as he knew she did the very first day he met her. He was suddenly grateful for her never listening to Harry about protocol. He was glad the window was unlocked. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

More than anything he wanted her to be there. Sitting on her bed reading or sleeping as she always was. He imagined her smug smile and her lilting voice murmuring “gotcha,” like this was the funniest prank.

Her pretty poinsettia and snowdrop apartment enveloped him like a hug. He wanted to bask in the smell of her pine-scented Christmas tree, the way her perfume made him feel at home, and just be there with her. But instead, he was trying hard to keep focus while he wanted nothing more than to break down and sob into the pillow that smelled like her shampoo.

He listened quietly and heard no one in the rest of the apartment. He searched for clues of any kind but there were none. No sign of a struggle. It was like she went with them willingly. Knowing her, she probably convinced them to let her walk on her own. But part of him believed she would have put up a fight. She had to have, right?

Her phone was on the counter. So there was no way to track her, he saw the tens of messages that came from him before he was blocked, a few from Niall, and several from the professor she would be working with next semester.

But it was Harry’s phone vibrating in his pocket was the one that pulled him from his thoughts.

Unknown: Video Attachment.

She was there. He could see her in the preview. Seeing her was like breathing again after being stuck under water for a hair too long. She was alive. She had memorized Harry’s number.

Harry thought memorizing his number was...

If it were possible to fall more in love with her, he did. It couldn't be possible because there simply wasn't room. He was already so in love with her. And it was just his phone number, after all. But he did. He fell so much harder. It felt like the marrow in his bones were aching for her touch.

Harry swallowed and sat on her sofa as he played it.

“Hi Dad...um...” she swallowed hard, like there was a lump in her throat. She looked okay. Her hair was in a braid, strands of it coming out and there was a redness to only one of her cheeks...like she had been slapped. Harry gripped his phone tightly to keep from throwing it. Her eyelashes, those pretty fluttery things that drove him nuts with desire for her, looked wet. His heart pounded. “You know,” she took a deep, shaky breath and she sucked her lip into her mouth.

“Hurry up,” he heard in the background. Wherever she was was nondescript. A construction site by the look of it. Nothing in the video sounded or looked like anything of use to finding her location. She shook her head quickly and tried again. Swallowed again.

“When Mom died, I thought the people that murdered her should have just...ended my life too. I know you know someone murdered her. No one believed me. Not one person. And I thought...I was the only person left in your life. You were supposed to love me and take care of me the way she always did. It killed me every single day that you didn’t—that you don't. It hurts so much that you hate me. Please. Just do what he asks; give him whatever...I don't want to die," she was being so brave. It was the way she held herself. How she seemed to stand straighter in the video. But Harry could hear the nervousness. Who wouldn't be nervous? It broke his heart that she was fighting and being so incredibly brave. "I’ll never bother you ever again. I’ll...go....I'll leave the country...I’ll just go."

“You have two hours,” and then he received a message from the same unknown number, the location of the park he went to when she twisted her ankle.

Harry only had a little under an hour because he knew DSS was going to be on their way soon—especially after Niall sent them on their way. If they received this message too, they would go through some inane plan that would decidedly not work--especially knowing that they were compromised. He was going to send the messages to Niall’s email from an rerouted IP address as soon as he watched the videos a few more times because if they were going to terrify her, Harry was going to help ruin their plan. They would wait for the park. It was what they did. It was the surest way. Protocol.

Harry would have given anything to see her roll her eyes at the word.

He watched the video again. And again. On the third time he was looking at the screen so closely, his eyes looking for some secret message hidden in the pixels. She looked okay, cozy. She was wearing the sweatshirt that Harry wore when he was soaked with rain—when the worst thing that happened to her was that stupid guy leaving her injured in a park. She didn’t look injured now, at least. His heart was aching. It had to be something. She wouldn’t have sent this to him for no reason--it was intended for her dad. It had to be a sign. Moreover, she said something about leaving the country--that had to be for Harry.

Harry felt like he would die if he didn’t figure it out on the next play through. It couldn’t be too hard. She may be a biochemist, but she couldn't have made it something ridiculous for him to solve. He wasn't a biochemist after all. That concert seemed like a lifetime ago. His agitation for losing her phone seemed stupid in comparison. He would tell her such as soon as he found her.

Now he was thinking about everything, every interaction they had as he stared at his phone, trying to will the hidden message to appear. It felt like it was a miracle she lost her phone at that concert. At least he told her she needed a failsafe at that point in time. Although he thought it would be for a guy that was too forward.

It was her hands.

They fidgeted throughout the entire video. He didn’t notice at first. She was nervous, her hands were tied together. Her fingers had to be going numb. He wished he had taught her how to break out of zip ties, maybe she could have escaped all on her own.

But that was when he noticed it. If it weren’t for him knowing the basics enough to know his own name when he saw it, he might not have paid any mind to the shape of her fist. Her fingers were shaking near the middle of her stomach. Her left hand was fidgeting wildly. But her right hand had a pattern, a fist, her pinky, her index and middle finger, another fist, her index finger.

Harry was glad her backpack was untouched. He grabbed one of her index cards and searched on his phone for the American Sign Language alphabet. He knew the first one was A because of his own name. Her pinky meant I. An R. Harry got it...it was her failsafe.

“Good girl,” he murmured to no one. Air. It took him four extra seconds to discern between S, M, N, E, A before he finally moved to the last two. He settled on T because the next letters were another A and G.

AirTag.

What would have an AirTag on her? He didn't have time to question it. He slid her computer out of her bag next, an index card falling from it.

His heart broke.

Harry— I Am SO sorry. I am so, so, so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you. I know you’re going to find me because...you’re you and you make me feel safe. And because...well... I adore you. So much. I tried so hard not to, and I tried so hard to push you away and... Please TRY to forgive me. I promise I did it with reason. I’m so sorry, Harry. SO sorry.

He didn’t have time to cry but he shoved the note in his pocket, wishing he told her he loved her at least once. Ever. He couldn’t pore over her words. Couldn’t guess what she was thinking or doing. There wasn’t time for him to guess how she knew he would find this note. Of course, she couldn’t just put all the answers on this index card because if she did, anyone could find it. Someone at DSS would have found it if she hadn’t perfectly planned for Niall to send him here beforehand. He had to find her faster and before that stupid, corrupt building got there.

Now he was tasked with her password.

Please be easy.

He clicked on the “forgot password" link. A helpful little reminder was there: Flower!number. It seemed daunting immediately. Especially because he was so distraught and worried. There were so many flowers she could have put. He tried Sunflower!14. Snowdrop!14. Peonies!14. How many times could he try? He was terrified it would lock him out. He took a deep breath and he only had moments to figure it out because he was certain people would be hurrying to her apartment from DSS soon.

Tilting his head back at the ceiling he almost felt embarrassed at how easy it seemed now.

Wildflower!14 did the trick.

With a sigh of relief, he searched AirTag on her computer. He opened the application.

She had no less than 50 AirTags. Forty-nine of which were in her apartment with Harry. All labeled with various names for her shoes.

Good girl. He thought. It was in her shoe. When would she be without shoes?

The only shoes that weren’t in her apartment were in a warehouse across the city. He scribbled the address on another index card and shoved it in his pocket alongside her perfect note telling him she loved him.

Harry could hear a commotion starting in the lobby. Sirens were ringing outside. They were coming up the stairs. He closed her laptop, slid it back into her backpack and hurried to her bedroom hoping everything look untouched. He quietly closed the window behind him as they entered her apartment. He descended the fire escape before they made it to her room.

If she could see him breaking protocol, he imagined she would laugh.

*

Harry parked a block away from the address. As soon as he entered the building, he hurried up two flights of stairs to where he heard talking. “It was a risk I had to take!” It was a man’s voice. Harry felt sick. “It was suspicious!” He shouted. “She said she would get more money. How was I supposed to know that?!”

“Get up,” he snapped.

She yelped and Harry thought he might die before he made it to her if he heard her getting hurt even slightly. If he pulled her hair or caused her to stub her toe, Harry would genuinely contemplate murdering him.

Harry pulled the gun from the holster around his ankle. He pointed it down toward the ground and waited by the entrance to the floor and peered so very briefly around the corner of the wall. He caught a glimpse of her beautiful being walking on her own. A gun pressed to her back. Harry swallowed the bile rising in his throat.

If something happened to her, Harry would never forgive himself.

"Listen," she said almost gently. Like she was going to reason with someone with a gun. She was going to get herself murdered and Harry couldn't stop her right now. "I know...I know you want money. I get that, honestly I do. Who doesn't, right?"

God Harry envied her serenity in a moment like this.

He wasn't actively putting bullets in her so she continued. "You're a smart guy. They wouldn't have picked you to do this if you weren't, but you...you have to realize you're their fall guy. This is a national security matter. The first sign of trouble they're going to say you kidnapped me, you hurt me. They will come out clean because they have to," she explained so rationally it would have been obvious to anyone with a pulse. "You don't have to take me there," she finally whimpered the true emotion she was feeling. Harry winced as if her pain was in his own body--he certainly felt like it was. "I can just go...I have a plan. I...or we can fake my death. It doesn't have to be this way," she promised. Like they were going to be a team.

But Harry knew what it was: all her rambling. It was a distraction, it was stalling.

Because she had no way of knowing if Harry made it in time to save her--but the one thing she did know? If she was brought to the park...it was all over.

Harry took a deep silent breath trying very hard to keep as calm as possible because he could not afford one second of hesitation or any kind of slip up. He turned the corner aiming his weapon toward the man holding her at gunpoint. “Harry!” She gasped and made three bold steps toward him; hands still bound up in front of her. The man behind her fired off a round right toward the concrete wall just feet away. Harry didn’t waver, holding his own gun steady in front of him as she yelped again, pausing her steps. It was long enough that he snagged her back before she got any closer to Harry.

The person behind her had his arm around the front of her shoulders. He pressed the cold metal to her temple. She wanted to scream or cry or something. Her hands clutched to the man’s forearm trying desperately to wriggle free. He was using her as a shield—the coward. Harry wanted to scream too. He held his gun aimed directly at his head from several meters away. But it was way too close of a shot for him to even think about taking it. Not with her right there. Not with a weapon held to her beautiful, perfect face.

It felt like all those times he watched guys lean too close to her at the bar amplified by ten thousand. It felt like the realization that stupid prick slipped something in her drink multiplied by a million. His lips were near her ear. Harry was so grateful she was alive and awake.

And maybe, most importantly to Harry, she looked pissed.

“He’s going to kill you,” she hissed at him, tears in her eyes. Bless her angry little heart.

That’s my girl. Harry thought. Harry was going to kill him. Especially if he harmed her in any capacity. He pressed the gun harder against her skin and she winced. Harry faltered for half a second.

“Are you okay?” He asked, sounding so much braver than he felt. He was a mess internally. It was a wonder his hands didn’t shake holding his weapon. He wanted to surrender himself—him for her, he would have taken her spot in a heartbeat. He would do anything to get her out of here.

“Right as rain,” the man said. Harry wondered if he should just take his shot right now. Damn it all because he wanted to kill him for thinking this was funny.

She nodded, just barely. Harry felt the most minor amount of relief.

She could try to run for him again. She was certain she could make it—she almost did. Harry would stop him before he even realized she managed to get away from him. A kick to the shin—or worse. The only thing that stopped her was the metal against her head. She was terrified that one wrong movement would set off a reflexive action that would take her life. Harry inched closer. Six measly feet away from her. She could nearly smell his fresh cologne probably applied habitually before he headed to work.

But six feet may as well have been six thousand miles.

“I can kill her, now,” he said. “Makes no difference to me. I get paid either way,” she inhaled sharply. She thought there would be a bruise from the circular barrel pressing to her skull.

She swallowed, staring at Harry. Perfect, wonderful Harry. If this was the last time her eyes were opened, at least he would be the last thing she saw. Harry had to focus on staying as calm as humanly possible. Even though the thrum of his pulse was like thunder in every inch of his body. She looked unharmed and said she was okay...other than her wrists tied together. “If you kill me, you’ll never get to my dad,” she reminded him. Harry was surprised to hear her talk about her dad. There had to be something more. But he didn’t have time to think about it. He had to get her out of here.

He eyed Harry as he inched even closer. “Keep moving, I’ll kill her,” he promised with a shrug. Harry stopped in his tracks, and she tried to pull her head from the gun. She was so brave, not even the tears in her eyes were stopping her from trying to get away.

Harry was going to give her anything she wanted. A thousand coffees, a million movies, a new set of pens and a fresh batch of index cards, or a hundred fake bouquets to decorate her place. Whatever she wanted.

“Harry,” she whispered breathlessly. He wanted to cry at the sound of worry in her voice.

“I know, love,” he murmured, trying to feign this wasn’t killing him.

“I’m sorry,” she croaked.

He wanted to wince, but he couldn’t blink. It felt like if he dropped his gaze for even a second it would be over. He would lose. He could not lose her. He didn’t respond to her. “Shut up,” the man snapped. She dropped her hands from his arm and Harry wondered how he didn’t drop his gun at the sight. It looked like she was giving up. It felt like they had to give up. What were they supposed to do? It was so quiet; even the cars outside the building seemed to be silent.

Harry and the unknown man stared at each other unmoving from their positions. It was almost like he was watching her in his peripheral vision he saw her fingers fidgeting just like they had in the video. A repetitive movement. Except this wasn’t quite sign language.

This was her thumb and index finger forming the shape of a gun and then her thumb pointing back toward herself shifting ever so slightly so her movement wouldn’t alert the man holding her hostage. Harry shook his head imperceptibly.

“Please,” she begged.

“I said, ‘shut up’,” he gripped her tighter, shaking her and Harry allowed himself to wince. He shook his head more obviously.

“Harry,” she whimpered.

“I’m going to put a bullet right in your mouth, shut. Up,” he pulled on the safety which clicked so loudly in her ear she thought it was the trigger on its own.

She released a horrific, terrified sob. “Harry, please,” she croaked.

Harry thought his heart was going to break. He nearly closed his eyes as he pulled his trigger right when she sobbed.

The sound of her cry marginally covered the ear-piercing ring of the weapon. She tore herself from the man’s grip impulsively. It was primal, the need to tend to her new wound. The sound and sight of Harry shooting at her had clearly done exactly as she wanted: completely distracted him. Trying to grab at the burning pain in her thigh with her wrists held together. She screamed so violently, so loud, Harry swore it was louder than the sound of the bullet.

As she dropped to the ground; Harry had a clear shot of the man and took it. It pierced directly through his forearm, so he dropped the gun. Harry placed another precise shot to the opposite shoulder rendering both his arms useless.

She was writhing in agony but somehow managed to reach for his weapon with her tied arms, and awkwardly shoved it out of his reach. Harry thought she was his hero. He was going to give her anything she wanted for as long as she lived.

Blood was pooling from both parties and Harry grabbed the man by his injured arm, nearly digging his thumb into the wound to make it worse. He groaned and yelled. He sounded worse than she did. He tried not to think about his beautiful angel bleeding with a wound he caused. All of the wounds he inflicted were well out of harm's way. They would repair eventually.

But Harry didn't need to be shot with a bullet to know it hurt. There was a reason people used the expression I need it like I need a hole in the head when they talked about something they definitely didn't want.

Harry thought honestly about snapping his neck. Instead, he shoved him behind the pole facing away from them, blood dripping in his path and wrapped his arms around the pole, handcuffed them together so he couldn’t escape with a set of zip ties he brought with himself--because Harry was not taking any risks when he found her. He had to be dealt with quickly, but he wasn’t important in the grand scheme of things.

With the few seconds it took Harry to rid himself of the nuisance now stuck behind the pole, moaning in agony until he could get DSS and the cops, (and everyone under the sun) here. It took a moment for Harry to realize he hadn’t heard her screams of pain as he did. She was lying on the ground, eyes closed, face paling, blood pooling around her lower half.

Oh fuck.

“Love?” He whispered brokenly. Harry dropped to his knees beside her. She was bleeding so much. Too much. The training he had from his EMT days was kicking in reflexively thank God. His movements were quick: yanking his belt off, violently pulling himself out of his coat and ripping the bottom part of his shirt off. Her jeans were soaked with her blood, seeping its way up her sweatshirt. He yanked her wrists free of the zip ties finally. I have to get her a new sweatshirt he thought uselessly.

Harry wasn’t nauseous about blood. But the thought of her dying because of blood loss made him feel so sick. Why did he listen to her? Why would he shoot her? Why, why, why!?

He was trying to do too many things at once. His right hand was holding pressure with the piece of his shirt against her wound. He pressed so hard; an insane amount of pressure—he thought he might break her already fragile leg, but it would be worth it if she would wake up. He nicked something. Something bad. Or she had a clotting problem. Something was amiss. This...this was one of the safest places he could have aimed. It had one of the highest recovery rates. All he had to do was follow her stupid fucking plan.

But it wasn't stupid. It was exactly what she wanted. It was what she expected. Harry just had no idea she had prepared for that.

If she could talk Harry down she would have. It wasn't his fault. He followed her plan even though she never explicitly told him. Even though he had no idea she didn't know her own anatomy all that well and accidentally lined up one of the arteries (but fortunately did miss her femoral artery--just barely).

His left hand dialed 911. He didn’t let the operator talk, he was spewing out the address, who he was, what the issue was, barely getting the details out in a messy rush. Harry barely waited a moment before he hung up and called Niall. He didn’t listen to anything he had to say at the other end of the line and repeated the same summary again, this time losing it the longer he talked, his voice coming out in a strangled cry and if it was anyone but Niall he would worry more about professionalism.

“Baby,” he croaked leaving the phone on, shaking her by the shoulder, he lifted her head out of the puddle of blood, her face and hair sticky with the substance. He slipped his jacket beneath her head, a cushion something to get her off the cold, bloody floor. “You gotta let me see those beautiful eyes...” he shook her head. “Love, please,” he begged giving her a squeeze. She moaned and her eyes fluttered behind the lids a bit. The slight relief he felt seemed like hope. “That’s good. Hey, hi, angel,” he cooed. Her eyes turned to little slits as she opened them so very barely. “Good job,” he praised. “Y’jus' gotta stay awake for like 10 more minutes, sweetheart. Okay? Ambulance is coming,” he promised. He continued working on her leg. He was wrapping his belt around her thigh, high around the top. He pulled it into a tight knot. She moaned at the feeling.

“Stop,” she whimpered reaching with her freed hand uselessly for his ministrations.

“I know, love, m’sorry,” he felt his voice dying in his throat. This was bad. So horrifically, bad. “Y’got a bit of a gash here, Miss Wildflower, jus’ like when y’were cooking,” he reminded her. “Remember?”

She didn’t respond and Harry found a piece of metal, like something from the construction that was left lying around, to slip in the knot he made. He twisted it causing an involuntary scream to rip from her throat. He winced at the sound of her agony.

“Harry please,” she begged, eyes dripping with tears. Her hands reached again for him to stop. “It hurts!”

“I know, m'love. M’sorry. Jus’ gotta...” he kept twisting and holding pressure on the wound. Her hands reached for it again, he grabbed both, she was too weak to do anything anyway, but he held them both against her side. “There,” he felt a pinch more relief seeing the gushing had stopped.

“S’cold,” she whispered after a moment of stillness. The burning seemed to stop. It was overshadowed by how cold she was.

Harry thought he might die if she died right in front of him. His heart was racing, the adrenaline was violently coursing through him. “I know beautiful, I know. Goddammit,” he hissed. “Niall, I need back up. Now!”

He pressed harder on her wound and looked at the pool of blood surrounding her. It was too much, too dark. “Ow, Harry! Please, stop! It hurts!” She whimpered.

“I know, honey, I know. I’m so sorry m’angel. I’m so sorry.” He could hear the sirens. “Jus’ another minute.”

She groaned for a few seconds before silence took over again. Harry pressed on her wound again. He was covered in her blood as well. She moaned again at the fiery pain. “M’sleepy,” she managed.

“I know, beautiful. I know; but y’can’t sleep yet. Not yet. I’ll let you sleep soon, I promise.”

More silence. “S’really cold.”

Harry wanted to cry. He sniffled and realized he already was. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

“M’sorry I ran away,” she mumbled. He didn’t say anything because he didn’t want her to know how mad he was even though she seemed close to dying. “I had...had to...get you away...they’d kill you. And then... I’d have no one…at least this way...” she trailed off.

“Kitten,” he said firmly, he swallowed back the tears. Squeezed her hands. “You are going t’get in an ambulance in thirty seconds and you are going t’live a long, beautiful life. Please jus’ stay awake for jus’ a few more minutes.”

Harry swore she smiled faintly. “...With you?”

“God, if s’what y’want. I'll stay forever, love. Jus’ stay awake, please,” he begged. She didn't respond and Harry began to panic. Where was the fucking ambulance? “Angel, Tell me the functional groups.”

“Hmm?”

“Please, love. Tell them t’me again.”

“Ketone. Carbonyl. Acyl…” she sighed.

“Describe aldehyde,” he croaked. “Niall! Where is it?! Please, baby,” she could feel his hand on her face, but she realized she couldn’t see him anymore. “Kitten, honey, please open your eyes.”

Was he crying?

She wanted to say she loved him out loud. Wanted to say she was sorry for everything one more time but unfortunately her tongue was suddenly too heavy to speak. She swore she heard Harry crying, shouting, and whispering he loved her right in her ear as she drifted off to sleep.

--

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @youdontcaredoyou @tiredinwinter @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach @straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals @angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams @summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland

Protection taglist: @youcouldstartacult @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @luxiorchive @ameerakane20 @be-with-me-so-happily @cherryshouse @foreverxholland @tenaciousperfectionunknown @samanddeaninatrenchcoat @cherrystyle @kaiohnsa

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[tarotfairy0919]

✧—⊹ ˖🥟⊹ ˖—✧Health meanings in tarot Minor Arcana edition - Suit of Wands✧—⊹ ˖🥟⊹ ˖—✧

©tarotfairy0919 - all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter or repost my work.

Please REBLOG if you find this information useful! ༄˖°🪐.ೃ࿔*

The wands get their health meanings from their astrological connection to Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius.

Aries rules the head, the cerebrum, eyes, face, upper jaw, carotid arteries, and the front of the body.

Leo rules the heart, vena cava, back, spine, spinal cord, back, thymus gland.

Sagittarius rules the hips, thighs, ilium, femur, sacrum, coccyx, ischium, blood vessels, sciatic nerves, and pituitary.

🔥Ace of wands ~ A new approach to health. Getting your energy back. Exercise. Approach your body holistically.

🔥Two of wands ~ A tendency to sunstroke, inflammation of the brain, brain fever and delirium, shooting pains in the head, insomnia, and wounds in the head.

🔥Three of wands ~ Three of wands in a health reading can also mean acne, hair loss, strokes, eye problems. Take care of your blood pressure.

🔥Four of wands ~ Four of wands in a health reading can indicate that stress in the home is getting in the way of a healthy lifestyle.

🔥Five of wands ~ Five of wands in a health reading can indicate chronic fatigue, unhealthy weight loss, and anxiety.

🔥Six of wands ~ Six of wands in a health reading can mean the seeker must use their common sense in health matters.

🔥Seven of wands ~ Seven of wands in a health reading can indicate the Seeker needs to look after their heart health.

🔥Eight of wands ~ Eight of wands in a health reading can mean injuries from exercise, arm, legs, shoulders, hips and thigh injuries.

🔥Nine of wands ~ Nine of wands in a tarot reading can also mean the Seeker feels under attack, emotionally and physically.

🔥Ten of wands ~ Ten of wands in a health reading can also mean osteoporosis, teeth problems, and joint pain.

🔥Page of wands ~ Issues with the heart, back and ribs. Exhaustion, incontinence, and fevers.

🔥Knight of wands ~ Overindulgence in sugars, alcohol, and fatty food.

🔥Queen of wands ~ Disfigurements, pimples, rashes, facial inflammation, eye problems. Watch out for poor outcome from plastic surgery, tattoos and piercings.

🔥King of wands ~ Watch out for head injuries and issues with head aches, strokes, and encephalitis. Men worrying about going bald.

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡ ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡oopsie you already reached the end ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

[compassionmattersmost]

How Yoga Nidra Can Benefit People Living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS)

Living with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) is a daily challenge that requires careful management of energy, rest, and stress. For many, finding effective ways to support the body and mind in this delicate balance can feel overwhelming. Yoga Nidra, often called “yogic sleep,” is a practice that has been gaining attention for its potential benefits in managing ME/CFS.…

[studentbyday]

{ 05.11.24 } · { 50 days of routine } · { day 7 }

I was never “popular” at school. Not that I ever cared to be. I don't have the personality for it. And I don't really care to have the personality for it either. I'm not and never will be That Girl™ material, a “high-value woman”, or whatever feminine persona is trendy on TikTok these days (and i'm not even ON TikTok, but ofc the trends spread everywhere like wildfire) because I don't look the part (nor do I want to...i quite like my personal style) or think or speak or act the way she would if it goes against my values and/or it won't actually improve my wellbeing. I say I don't care. And I really truly don't because a lot of it and what it leads to is straight-up problematic for my personal case, running counter to the life I want to live and all my reasons why. But as with anything, being yourself has its pros and cons.

Sometimes I still feel like it's hard to truly belong anywhere...even the places I make for myself like this blog... Sometimes when I feel like this, I feel like the only place I most belong is in my head. It's not good. That's not where I need to be, nor do I need to be much concerned about trends on social media and what drives people to follow them. And I certainly don't need to compare myself to anyone else. I need to be in the real world and focused on my work only because I think it's worth it and because I think I'm worth it as I am.

I'm not sure why I felt like saying this.

~~~Friendly PSA: STOP 🖐🏻 scrolling social media of any kind when feeling low in self-esteem.~~~

got up at 7, continued filling in the CBT workbook then decided to move my answers elsewhere because the annotating feature in the ebook app is getting annoying, started my day at 8 with the usual minimalist morning routine

10/30 mins of the same beginner pilates workout i did a few days ago except i forgot to breathe and ended up so light-headed i couldn't go anymore...

filling in CBT workbook because i can't get the reflection questions out of my head until i answer them... 😣 so far, nothing new has been revealed to me, but in the busy-ness of the day-to-day, i tend to neglect ALL the other dimensions of my life and then forget that that's why i feel so shitty and the problem is the self-prompted reflection i tend to do at this time carries a lot of negativity and pessimism and comparison and judgment and it's not very organized, it's actually not organized at all, it's always just a word vomit. but when i do it now, with the tone of the categorized prompts not being judgy at all, i'm able to look at my problems more objectively and holistically and like "oh okay, i'm not doing as bad in this dimension as i thought and the REAL problem is this other dimension of life and all the specific things you mention are lacking here" and idk, sometimes i think it's weird that my brain works this way, it's like i was looking at the same picture the entire time and all i had to do was turn it a bit to the left for it to make sense. is this how brains normally work? 😅

finished last week's microbio module

researching for global health assignment...will begin writing tmr 😅👍

finished section 1/2 of last week's immunology module and started the loooong second section 🥴👍

🎧 some nights – fun.

@zzzzzestforlife tagged me to do this picrew! it was fun. and it's so coincidental that i've been thinking about ghosts lately! the past versions of us that we follow without question when they tell us what to do, what not to do, and what we should aspire for... ☁️ sometimes those ghosts are right...and sometimes they're just plain toxic.

tagging @whenmemoriesfrost @chemblrish @ecologie-txt @winryrockbellwannabe @obakanosandoitchi if you want to :)

[memory-lane-and-back-again]

Case File Compendium Thoughts

Alrighty, just begun reading

And this first thing that really strikes me is the biopsychology and psychology used in it.

He Yu’s initial dislike of Xie Qingcheng stems from smell. Now, smell is a surprisingly strong trigger for trauma (I believe, but it's been a while since I looked it up so could be misremembering) so his association of bad memories with Xqc is rather strong and something Xqc’s cold demeanour only really reinforces.

Learning theory suggest fear is learnt via association and maintained via reinforcement.

So, I think it is pretty cool that, upon seeing Xqc in person again, one of the first things He Yu considers is how he is no longer afraid of Xqc.

I don’t know whether to count anything else as spoilers, so I'm just going to stick anything else under the line

And then when we get Xqc’s perspective of his divorce. I find it so interesting that he calls love a response related to dopamine.

I believe dopamine is responsible for initially falling in love, and the high feeling of elation because it makes up part of the reward pathway in the mesolimbic (emotional) part of the brain. So it has kind of a euphoric feel.

However, oxytocin is also more associated with long lasting love. It is a hormone (and neurotransmitter, I believe) released during sex and also during childbirth and mother-infant bonding and involved in trust and romantic attraction. It is also an inhibitor of cortisol which is responsible for stresssss.

Anyway, I find it really interesting that Xqc’s idea of love, even in his very biologically reductionist model, is based on dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with addiction

Like reducing anything down to biology is already very dehumanizing, but then to eject the consideration of an existing hormone (oxytocin) involved in long term romantic attraction in favour of dopamine takes what little romance there was even out of that. And he must know because he is a doctor, he must.

and then he proceeds to become addicted to smoking to cope with his divorce. It has a kind of almost poetic justice to it, that a relationship he has no care for outside of responsibility and duty drives him to addiction—the one thing he seems to conflate love with and avoid

I'm not really sure what I want to say about this, but I’m going to assume He Yu’s interpretation of humanity is much more holistic and romantic, like he quotes Tang Dynasty poetry 40 pages in, so I assume that counts for something.

And I'm also going to assume that Xqc’s interpretation of love comes back to bite him because he is just not going to realise how much he cares until he loses what he cares about.

The same with his stringently cold composure, at some point it is going to break. And it is going to happen when no one expects it to. Maybe something innocuous and seemingly simple that is just one step, one inch, one millimetre too far… I dont know I’m just speculating after 70 pages of book. Sooo…

Side note: He Yu’s behaviour towards Xie Xue is so going to cause him more problems with Xqc. It must!!! I wonder if Xqc will find out about how He Yu schemes and how he will react. Because it is very much not normal and also slightly horrifying if I’m honest.

[monratarot]

Health indicators in tarot - Minor Arcana - Suit of Wands

Please like and reblog if you find this information useful! 🌸🎀💕

//don’t claim it as your own and/or repost it on other platforms//

The wands get their health meanings from their astrological connection to Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.

Aries rules the head, the cerebrum, eyes, face, upper jaw, carotid arteries, the front of the body.

Leo rules the heart, vena cava, back, spine, spinal cord, back, thymus gland.

Sagittarius rules the hips, thighs, ilium, femur, sacrum, coccyx, ischium, blood vessels, sciatic nerves, pituitary.

🔥Ace of wands ~ A new approach to health. Getting your energy back. Exercise. Approach your body holistically.

🔥Two of wands ~ A tendency to sunstroke, inflammation of the brain, brain fever and delirium, shooting pains in the head, insomnia, and wounds in the head.

🔥Three of wands ~ Three of wands in a health reading can also mean acne, hair loss, strokes, eye problems. Take care of your blood pressure.

🔥Four of wands ~ Four of wands in a health reading can indicate that stress in the home is getting in the way of a healthy lifestyle.

🔥Five of wands ~ Five of wands in a health reading can indicate chronic fatigue, unhealthy weight loss, and anxiety.

🔥Six of wands ~ Six of wands in a health reading can mean the seeker must use their common sense in health matters.

🔥Seven of wands ~ Seven of wands in a health reading can indicate the Seeker needs to look after their heart health.

🔥Eight of wands ~ Eight of wands in a health reading can mean injuries from exercise, arm, legs, shoulders, hips and thigh injuries.

🔥Nine of wands ~ Nine of wands in a tarot reading can also mean the Seeker feels under attack, emotionally and physically.

🔥Ten of wands ~ Ten of wands in a health reading can also mean osteoporosis, teeth problems, and joint pain.

🔥Page of wands ~ Issues with the heart, back and ribs. Exhaustion, incontinence, and fevers.

🔥Knight of wands ~ Overindulgence in sugars, alcohol, and fatty food.

🔥Queen of wands ~ Disfigurements, pimples, rashes, facial inflammation, eye problems. Watch out for poor outcome from plastic surgery, tattoos and piercings.

🔥King of wands ~ Watch out for head injuries and issues with head aches, strokes, and encephalitis. Men worrying about going bald.