#Bruce doesn't like thinking about it either

[arrowmaker15]

(Steph, Jason, and Tim sitting on the couch in Wayne Manor)

Steph: So, why did you and Rose break up?

Tim, curious:

Jason: Well, we broke up for the reason every other couple breaks up. We weren't having the amount of sex required to ignore the bad things about each other.

Tim: ....what...?

Jason, not stopping: It's just like this one phrase; "Love is blind. Lust is Hellen Keller."

Tim, spitting coffee out: JeEZus!

Steph: We don't have that problem, do we?

Jason: Oh, hell no. Three times a day is perfect.

Tim, partially choking: STOP TALKING-

[brucie-baby]

the fact that alfred was the one to put up jason's memorial is so important to me

[chiyana]

this is the stupidest crossover possible but I want Tim to make House his doctor

yes that House

why? He needs someone who is very good, will not give up or send Tim out to a different specialist just because his medical condition is difficult, will not be overly concerned about the danger Tim puts himself in, and will lie on Tim's medical records AND to Batman/Bruce Wayne/all of the Bats without hesitation or fear.

House is and will do all of those things without hesitation. He has no shame, no boundaries, he WILL get into a public fight with Bruce Wayne if it means keeping that man out of his patient's (and House's) business. He will help Tim lie to and gaslight the rest of his family without hesitation.

in exchange, Tim is his favorite patient. Not because they get along, necessarily, Tim is a know-it-all little shit and they constantly bicker and House hates how practically every facet of Tim's existence is a lie (and Tim thinks House is a smug know-it-all jackass who is needlessly cruel and callous bc he thinks the world owes him and never delivers just bc he's in pain, news flash a lot of people are in pain and manage not to be assholes) BUT, 1, Tim brings him really interesting cases and problems, and 2, Tim NEVER lies to House about his medical conditions or what he was doing when they happened.

He lies about literally almost everything else under the sun TO everyone else, but he is 100% completely upfront and honest about his medical history and what is going on with him with House.

admittedly it takes a while for House to realize Tim ISN'T lying to him because some of the shit he says is completely insane ("the vigilante thing is pretty obvious but what do you MEAN you got the Apocalypse virus TWICE, AND SURVIVED, AS A FOURTEEN-FIFTEEN YEAR OLD")

but once he realizes Tim doesn't ever lie to him, he becomes House's favorite patient because at least TIM gives him all of the data he needs as best he's able the moment he asks. At least House doesn't have to waste his time following up on bogus information or figuring out the truth, he can just get right into the meat of the medical issue at hand.

also it's so fun to lie directly to Batman's face, know the man knows, and know he can't do anything about it

[ekat-fandom-blog]

Dr Wayne AU

Idea from this post.

Bruce graduated from medical school. He went out and trained to become a vigilante. He came back and things mostly turned out like the original universe does. Until Dick. The stress was getting to him. Gnawing away at his morals and last shred of patients. Mysteriously, the building Tony Zuko was in blew up and Batman wasn't seen again.

Years go by, and more mysterious explosions kill more mob bosses and super villains. No one connects Bruce to the explosions except for a malnourished street kid who caught him in the act. Smart little street rat that is Jason Todd uses this knowledge to get some food. Bruce quickly takes a liking to him and brings him home. Jason starts helping Bruce rig these explosions after a while. While setting up a bomb meant for their slipperiest evil doer, Joker, it goes off while Jason's in the building. Bruce goes a little crazy (or maybe crazier. who's to say) after Jason's death.

He meets Tim Drake at a function being held by Mr and Mrs Drake and notices some things. The first thing he notices is how similar Tim looks to Jason when they met in that dark alley. The second thing he notices is that the Drakes are almost always out of Gotham. The third thing he notices is that Tim seems to light up when Bruce mentions Dick. He'd love to just snatch the kid up and bring him home, but he couldn't. Not without a reason to keep the kid. It was just luck that one of the many villains still populating Gotham decided to target the plane the Drakes were on a week later. In his gratitude for the opportunity to take in the sweet child he'd found, he made sure the explosion he set for them would only maim them instead of kill them.

Getting Jason was amazing and horrible. The sweet precious boy nearly killed Bruce and Tim with the minor explosive he'd put in Bruce's favorite car. But that didn't matter all that much. By the end of the entire debacle, no one was hurt and they'd even managed to clear up some misunderstandings. Bruce had all of his children under one roof again.

He thought he had all of his children under one roof until he learned about Damian. There weren't any words he could use to describe how upset it made him to learn that another of his children were being kept from him. He did have to thank Talia, however. Without Talia slipping up to Jason about Damian's existence he wouldn't have known until one of the Al Ghul's revealed it to him. Tim overheard Jason and Bruce planning to retrieve Damian and revealed that he'd known since he came to the manor what Jason and Bruce did. Told the two that he knew how to help gather intel on the League long term as long as they could slip a microchip into one of the League's mainframe computers. The Plan went well, all things considered. Jason and Bruce came out of it with a few scars and a broken rib, which was less damage than expected. They sadly weren't able to catch many of the assassins in any of their micro explosions, but they overall won the battle.

After everything was said and done, Damian fit in well with their chaotically violent family. Even if he did prefer swords to explosives. It was much less strange than Dick's proclivities to only do harm when he felt it was strictly necessary. He gets it from Alfred, Bruce supposed.

[trekkele]

Scrolling through the your blog (love your blog btw) and saw in a random post you had in the tags Bruce Stress Bakes and is there anything you wanna elaborate/share more about the hc? Cause I love that hc dearly, like a) I will never not be immune to giant muscular ass man making sweet treats and b) no one can tell me Bruce Control-Freak Wayne cannot only COOK WELL but baking requires such precision I KNOW he’s got difficult dishes DOWN PAT.

No because that's EXACTLY it!!! Baking, (and sometimes cooking but cooking is way more forgiving), actively encourages and rewards the kind of obsessive precision that Bruce is known for! Sure double triple and quadruple checking plans is annoying in the field but no one is complaining when you can whip up a batch of perfect croissants whenever they ask.

Also I think what he bakes reflects what stress he's under. Complicated case? Lots of petit fours and stuff that has layers and details and snickety things so his hands are constantly moving. Personal relationships? Repetitive motions like babka or rugelech or challah. If he's baking basic things like cupcakes or cookies it's based on quantity. A batch of cookies and some cupcakes? It's fine he was just lonely. Three batches of cookies and marble cupcakes and a Bundt cake??? Emergency something happened and he's spiraling.

The Justice League realizes how blunt Batman was in the last meeting corelates almost exactly with how many baked goods are at the next meeting. It takes them much longer to realize that Bruce goes home after criticizing his new coworkers and panics about them hating him and bakes to make up for it. Because deep down Bruce is still an 8 year old who isn't sure anyone still alive actually likes him and doesn't just want to benefit from being close to him.

[wellzofyouth]

That one post of my mine predictably aged like fine wine. Never let somebody on comic twitter in the writer's room😭😭😭 Like imagine a 1 to 1 adaptation of literally any event?? -1b at the box office. "Who are these people???"

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Jason, especially in that one Teen Titans comic, often complains about the lack of pants he has. And I'm haunted thinking about that at all times

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Shit Fae!Danny Has Said While Living With Waynes

Danny, making a 'got your nose' gesture: Hey Jason, look, I've got your name!

Red Hood, who suddenly can't remember his own name: What the fuck

Bruce, in a tired dad voice: Danny, please, we talked about this, return your brother's name back

Danny: Oh, come on, it's not like he even uses it

Jason, thankfully remembering his name: And I repeat, what the f u c k

Steph, at dinner: I was wondering, what do faeries even eat normally? Like, flowers and stuff?

Danny, his eyes two black voids inside his eyesockets: The souls of the innocent

Steph: So that's a 'no' on the flowers?

Danny, back to normal and shoving a bagel in his mouth: I mean, I can, but would you want to stay on the crumbs-only diet when you are in a 5-star Michelin restaurant?

Tim: It's actually 3-star. Michelin rating system only has three stars, not five.

Dick: Are you saying that people are basically food joints for Fae?

Damian, at Constantine: It would do you well to choose your wording better when speaking to fair folk-

Danny, very much a fair folk, appearing out of thin air in the Cave: Yolo, s'up bitches, guess who's back in town!

Damian: -even when they do not necessarily do so themselves.

Constantine, looking between them: Are you sure you're the human and he is the changeling?

Tim, 46 hours of no sleep: Hey, if you can take a name from someone, does it mean you can take, like, other things that have no real shape or form?

Danny: Names do have shape and form, they even have taste. Yours is like a ping-pong ball made out of really dense cotton candy with banana-caramel flavor.

Tim, losing his touch with reality: Dense banana cotton candy...

Danny: By the way, I know you wanted to ask me if I could take your need to sleep from you, and theoretically, the answer is yes.

Tim, his whisper full of hope: ...will you?..

Danny: No. Either go to sleep or keep suffering. I'm not here to make your life easier.

Danny, after a half-an-hour rant on the Fae customs and traditions: -and Fae never tell the truth, but also never lie. It's a work of art, you know, say what you want but never in a way that makes sense.

Jason: So Fae just like to fuck with people.

Danny, looking him in the eyes, smiling and winking: Sure, humans are very fuckable.

Bruce, trying very hard not to pay attention to this: Can you make an example?

Danny: Sure. I lied.

Bruce: Where?

Danny: :)

Bruce, feeling like he is about to lose his mind: W h e r e ?

Alfred, right after he heard Dick's muffled screaming in the hallway: Young Master Danny, would you mind returning Master Dick his ability to talk in coherent sentences?

Danny, obediently standing up and walking out of the library: ...okay.

Bruce: How come he always listens to you?

Alfred: He knows what I will do if he doesn't.

Danny, returning to the library: He will change all the silverware to iron-ware. As well as the doorknobs and hairbrushes and lightswitches and everything else.

Alfred: Did you fix Master Dick's shoes?

Danny: I did. But I still think that making all of his shoes left ones was funny.

Alfred: Indeed, it was.

| <-prev | next-> |

There's also a fic now.

[solarplanet2]

Which one is in Danger?

Part 2

DCxDP Prompt/Drabbles

Part 1

"We have your son."

Bruce was expecting a very normal day. If you consider having to deal with the chaos of his children and being a vigilante at night as normal.

But nonetheless, a very simple day of his normal routine and once a week dinner with his family.

Only to be broken by a phone call by someone stating that his son has been kidnapped.

Bruce didn't answer right away, he was mentally counting his sons who, are all counted for, are on the dinner table.

"Which one?" Bruce eyed each of his sons and counted them again just to be sure.

"Timothy Drake-Wayne."

Bruce immediately eyed Tim who was sitting in between Jason and Cass.

Tim's here.

Then who's the one being kidnapped?

"Bruce?" Dick spoke up, thinking that something was wrong the way Bruce was looking at all of them.

Bruce slightly waved at Dick, telling him to calm down first. "What do you want?"

Dick's question seemed to catch everyone's attention since they were all looking at Bruce now.

"Two Million. Or he gets it."

A standard threat. The kind he was expecting.

"Can I speak to my son?" This earned confused looks of his children and Bruce waved them off gesturing that it was not what they were thinking about.

"Alright kid," The kidnapper from the other said grunted, almost sounding smug. "Say hello to Daddy."

Bruce could hear heavy breathing, almost sounding like a grunt. It made Bruce slightly worried. "...Tim?" Bruce decided to speak first. "Tim, Are you okay?" And Bruce hopes that he is.

A soft grunt responded. "Hi." A croaked voice managed to respond. It sounded young. And was punched in the stomach. He should know, almost all of his children had experienced that way.

"Don't worry, chum. I'm getting you out of there." Bruce tried reassuring the kid, worried about what they might do to him. Because this isn't Tim. Tim is right across from him and these kidnappers basically had kidnapped the wrong person.

He gestured to his children, a familiar gesture, for them to head to the cave and suit up. They quickly followed, not without worried glances and confused glances at Bruce's way.

"No.." The kid had said, choked out which made Bruce paused on his step in confusion. It caught his children's attention, stopping as well.

"Uhm...Dad? I'll be fine."

Bruce believed that, for some reason, but it didn't stop his worry. But the next words from the boy made him blink

"Please give me your permission."

"....To what?" Bruce asked confusingly. Permission to what?

"To hurt."

Bruce has raised enough children to know enough about silent words in some part of the sentences without right out saying it.

To hurt them.

The kid is asking permission to hurt his kidnappers.

Bruce should say no and wait for help. Should be saying that help is on the way.

Bruce should say that he'll come and save him.

Now, Bruce doesn't normally follow his gut. It causes too much mystery and had no explanation to either it would be a good thing or a bad thing.

But right now, for once, Bruce would agree with his gut.

"....Alright."

Static came in the phone, like it was losing signal but he could clearly hear the boy voice coming out like an echo.

"Good."

"What the-- AAAHHH!!!"

Beeeepppp

Bruce blinked as he looked down at his phone after the call ended.

.....Should he have not give him permission?

"B? What's wrong? Did something happen?" Dick asked, increasingly worried now as he saw Bruce staring at his phone.

"....Suit up." Bruce concluded. They should find the boy as quickly as possible. "And call an ambulance."

Bruce could see the confused look at everyone's faces as he walked passed them.

"Wait, B!" Duke had spoke up running after Bruce with his siblings. "Was someone hurt? Is it another gang fight?"

"No. The ambulance is for the kidnappers."

".....What??"

: )

Parts: Part 1

[aingeal98]

Headcanon that Tim introduces Cass to reddit and helps her make an account. But she mostly uses it to ask questions and user batgirlfan99 accidentally becomes a meme and an urban legend. Half her posts are AITA situations listing either horrible trauma done to her which she doesn't acknowledge as trauma or moments where she was most definitely the asshole but seems massively confused as to why. To make things more baffling the other half of her posts are questions to various subreddits like "Why does food have out of date labels when it tastes fine?" or "How many bones can I break when I'm fighting someone before it becomes cruel and not OK?" and "How can I get a real passport if I don't technically exist?"

She's so completely serious about all of this people aren't sure if it's an elaborate bit, shitposts like dril, or if someone should call a hospital and get her help. Tim's having too much fun watching it all happen so he strikes a deal with Babs to make sure Bruce never finds out and shuts it down. Babs agrees because it's nice to see Cass interacting with civilians even if it's anonymous and online.

Unfortunately Cass goes a little too locally viral on a discussion thread about Gotham water, insisting that she drank it for two years both during and after No Man's Land and she's fine, so people are clearly exaggerating about the chemicals. Bruce gets wind of it and starts making plans in case the account is run by a new Gotham joker variant but the more he looks at it the more these questions seem familiar...

The next time they're having a family dinner he mutters to Cass: "I still don't think I was the asshole during the Soul fight. You didn't give the full context ."

After this reveal, the rest of the dinner is spent with both of them arguing their case and everyone voting on if Bruce was NTA. Dick, Tim, Duke and Damian vote YTA. Cass and Bruce vote NTA. Dick says Cass was also the asshole for punching him in the face which sets off a whole new round of discourse.

batgirlfan99 deletes her account the following morning, leading to widespread mourning across her frequent subreddits. Cass still thinks it was worth it. She knows the difference between laundry detergent, fabric softener, and fabric conditioner now.

[bhaalsdeepbat]

OK BUT GO OFF YOU ARE SO RIGHT

that boy LOVED his mom. he did EVERYTHING for her. he took care of her for a year when she started getting sick.

Anyway fic where Jason's best memory/person he loves most/deepest desire is revealed through magic or something but instead of anything to do with the bats or being a vigilante it's him and Catherine. His best memory is his first time visiting the public library with his mom. The person he loves most is the first person who ever loved him. His deepest desire is that his parents never died and he grew up in that little east end apartment and he graduated top of his class and he became a doctor and he got his folks a bigger house and he visits them regularly with his normal civilian boyfriend and they accept him and he's happy. If any of you even care.

[tims-missing-spleen]

(I like to think that) Lex Luthor gets clowned on by literally everyone, and Bruce is the absolute worst.

Like he'll attend an event and a literal millisecond later, Bruce will roll up and steal all the attention. And when they're inside, him or one of his crazy "children" will "accidentally" spill very red wine all over his expensive ass suit.

And what can Lex even do?

Last time he retaliated and mildly shoved Bruce, the man very dramatically flung himself across the room and fell straight into a table. He hadn't even gotten hurt- not a single bruise or cut- but that drama queen didn't appear in public for an entire month after the incident. The backlash Lex had gotten was so not worth it.

And it doesn't stop there. His kids join in on the "fun" and bully him too.

Tim permanently bans him from all the platforms owned by Wayne enterprisese, which is like borderline illegal, so Lex sues and somehow always loses.

Jason Duke and Steph team up and make it a game to throw things on his head without him realising. And when Luthor catches one of them, he can't even shout at them or whatnot cause hes actually scared shitless. Jason, the absolute tank of a man, just grins at him while placing his hands on the very noticeable gun at his hip. Duke and Steph stand on either side of him, gripping literal knives in their hands.

Damian just outright walks up to him and begins insulting him in a couple of different languages. He always gives Lex a final disgusted look before turning and walking off.

Dick might seem the sweetest, approaching him while smiling in that nice way of his. He's the worst, though, cause he always makes sure to bring a few reporters with him before he innocently starts outing Lex's latest evil scheme in front of the audience. He makes sure to bring solid evidence of the nefarious plans, but right at the end, he goes, "idk I could be wrong," before shrugging and walling off.

Cassandra doesn't do much, but she's definitely the scariest. Whenever Lex has had enough and is about to call a hit on Bruce, she appears out of nowhere, stares straight at him, and just shakes her head while saying, "No. Regret"

Basically, Lex Luthor, public enemy #1, gets (justifiably) bullied by the entirety of the human population (honestly, only the Waynes).

[unfortunately-obsessed]

In this silly little head of mine, Jason never saw Bruce and Dick fight. When he came into the manor and Dick felt like he has been replaced, he had the conscience to not scream at Bruce in front of the kid that has no fault on the matter. So screamed and cried because Robin, his mantle and his parents' legacy, was robbed and given to another person without his consent, he threw hands at Bruce for that. But never in front of Jason. Because Jason can't be blamed by Bruce's actions.

And as general rule, Bruce doesn't raise his voice when he's close to kids. Especially his kids, and especially kids that are traumatized, that are still raw from leaving a particularly difficult situation. He took this from Batman, from the very first year, and carried the habit to his sons

But after Jason dies? They're both drowning in blind grief

So when they fight, and they do fight, viciously, Tim is the one that is there to see it. He's the one the see all the ugly bits, the imperfections behind the mask– not only that, I don't think Jason as a kid ever saw his father cry. Bruce knew neither of his sons should ever carry his emotional baggage.

But Tim? Oh, Bruce's grief is a weight that presses upon his chest until he chokes, and the manor is so haunted by Jason's absence, emerged in such deafening silence, that Tim inevitably heard Bruce cry more than once. Until his own chest became so tight he needed to go and comfort Bruce too. This or he was going to go insane. He needed to fix it all, somehow

While Dick and Jason got to make play and silly tricks while in patrol, Tim, Cass, Steph and Damian got a Batman extremely paranoid with protocols, rules and safety measurements. Dealing with Gotham is a serious commitment and is not to be joked about.

So there's that. I'm not saying either Dick or Jason got a perfect version of Bruce. And I'm not saying that, in either case, Bruce is/was a bad father. On the contrary, Batman must always be a good father because of what he represent– what he is as a character

But, yes, being raised by Bruce pre and post Jason's death is a completely different experience

And it got me thinking about how Jason reacts to this after he comes back

[lotus-lost-n-found]

Some Batfam Headcanons because the brain never stops;

Jason hates being called "Bruce's Son". But he hates it more when hes called "One of Wayne's Orphans/Wayne's child" because fuck you I'm his son-! wait no--

With the exception of Damian, they rarely refer to Bruce as "Dad/Father". Either it didn't occur to them/didn't see the need to/thought it would be strange. But when Dick/Jason/Tim/Cass are tired or injured it might slip out. And Bruce might just crumble a bit at it

Doesn't mean they don't say it to their siblings when Bruce is out of Earshot.

"Dad said you couldn't." "What do you mean Dad said I couldn't use that mug? It's my mug!" "You snooze you lose Timmy Boy-" "Jason don't be an asshole-"

That being said Bruce says "son/daughter/child" at every available opportunity he can after he knows that they have acclimated enough that they wouldn't be uncomfortable/know they can tell Bruce that they don't want to be called that.

First time Bruce called Dick "son" in a way that meant "You are my kid" and not in a "This police officer just called me son with a brow furrow" way Dick grinned and carried on with the conversation. Later he wondered if his dad wouldn't like someone else calling him Son; but Dick thinks about the life he was given because of Bruce and thinks maybe his dad wouldn't mind.

Calling Jason "son" is a hit or miss situation, even before he died. The first time it happened he was confused, he didnt think that was the relationship they had and it made everything change for him. He got frustrated--not angry--with himself and Bruce at this sudden emotional turmoil. Wasn't he just the kid Bruce picked up in an alleyway? Wasn't he just some street rat in bright Robin clothing? (He lets himself believe that he can be Bruce's son. If for only a little while).

Tim cries after Bruce is out of earshot, it would've been a year or so after his parents died and he was adopted. He didn't think he could have been wanted like that again. Even if you think the Drake's had A+ Parenting or not, I don't think he would have gotten a lot of confirmation of being wanted otherwise.

Cass smiles, emotions carefully concealed under her expression. She's grateful she found Bruce and he doesn't mention it if she leans a bit closer in a request for closeness.

Damian doesn't expect anything less, he only appears satisfied. But also relieved that he has gotten the confirmation that yes, Bruce wants and accepts him.

EDIT 10/11; hiii, i have added Duke, Steph & a Bonus in a reblog you can find on the same blog under my 'batfamily headcanons' / 'sore rambles' tag. have fun :)

[gothamite-rambler]

Headcanon Jason Todd is versed in like many different languages like the rest of his family because he travels for his missions, but his family is surprised at the strangest ones he's learned

Jason, on the phone: Zasranets, ya skazal, v magazine na uglu! (Asshole, I said, at the corner store!)

Dick: Um, who are you-

Jason, still on the phone: Ryadom s gastronomom, a ne s Makdonal'dsom, u tebya yest' desyat' minut! (Near the grocery store, not McDonald's, you have ten minutes!)

Jason hangs up the phone.

Jason: Okay, we got ten minutes. Also can you not talk while I'm on the phone next time.

Dick: You... You speak Russian?

Jason: I learned it a few years ago.

Dick: What do you use it for?

Jason: To meet ... Friends from a far. So when three men enter this store, it's for totally legal reasons.

Dick: For my sake and yours, I'll pretend that's true.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Bruce: Jason are you reading Le Comte de Monte-Cristo?

Jason: Oui.

Bruce: You're reading it in the original langauge?

Jason: C'est mieux de le lire dans sa langue originale. (It's better to read in your original language.)

Bruce (doubtful): Say a quote from the book in French.

Jason (rolls his eyes before speaking French): Je ne suis pas fier, mais je suis heureux ; et le bonheur aveugle, je pense, plus que l’orgueil. (I am not proud, but I am happy; and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride.”)

Bruce: Jason... when the hell did you learn French?

Jason (Bruce glances at Bruce annoyed then goes back to reading): Cet idiot ne pense pas que j'ai étudié d'autres langues pendant que j'étais loin de lui. Je n'ai pas besoin de connaître tous les aspects de ma vie. (This idiot doesn't think I studied other languages ​​while I was away from him. Doesn't need to know every aspect of my life.)

Bruce (annoyed): I can speak French.

Jason: That's why I said it, maybe don't judge the guy who believes in the right to bear arms. I have layers.

Bruce: Comme un oignon. (Like an onion.)

Bruce returns to reading a sherlock holmes book (in English).

-----------------------------------------------------------

Tim: Jason, Jason! I need to talk to you.

Jason (groaning): Anong gusto mo?!

Tim: Did you speak... Was that Filipino?

Jason: Shit my brain got confused for a second, I was talking to some... Friends about a... Meeting in a week and it's hard to switch back to English. Teaching yourself Filipino ain't easy, am I right? I asked you 'what do you want?'

Tim: I completely forgot, I'm low-key impressed.

...

Damian: Hallo, Todd hast du den neuen Film gesehen? (Hello Todd have you seen the new movie?)

Jason: Ja. (Yes)

Damian: War es gut? (Was it good?)

Jason: Mittelmäßig, das Ende zog sich hin. (Mediocre, the end dragged on.)

Damian nods and walks off.

Barbara: When did either of you learn German?

Jason: I learned it to travel to Germany to meet with a crime boss and shoot him in the brain. This was before I got better, not like last week or anything. Then I taught Damian.

Barbara: Cool. I'm glad you were honest with me.

Jason: Yeah I respect you enough not to lie. That and you scare me.

Barbara (pridefully): Habe es immer noch verstanden. (Still got it.)

[februarys-wednesday]

i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

like

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

-

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

-

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

-

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

-

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

-

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

-

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

-

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

-

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

-

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.