#p&f! batsibling.

[yanmuffins]

asks 2.

context.

here are some more asks i'm replying to in a bulk about phineas and ferb reader!!

my favorite part in dc. vs vampires is when reader comes together with damian and damian to build a silly machine that un-vampifies people in like half a day so they can defeat the vampire king. it is canon.

@amethystjellyfish

perry really is reader's number #1 stan. they're his family, reader's had him since he was a small platypus baby!

he does his best to keep reader safe, which is why he doesn't like the batfam much. he keeps it professional on the rare occasions they go on missions together, but that's it. he hates how dismissive of reader they are in the beginning, and he hates them later on when they star showering them with attention because they found out about their inventions.

not tired, anon! i love seeing people enjoy my concepts and interact with them!! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

and i'm sure this has happened. more than once, actually. the power of coincidence is strong with reader. the life-saving laser beam comes from a situation involving reader's latest machine they built and tested with the help of jon.

unfortunately, one of his lasers richochets on the machine during testing, not only causing it to save batfamily's life, caught in a dangerous situation in a completely different location, but also destroys the machine so there's nothing to link it to reader.

ah, well. they'll just have to keep looking.

reader, seeing them run past her: oh! there's perry :)

i love how we have established tim is terrified of this platypus. nevermind the other pets in the manor, it's the platypus with its googly eyes that drives him insane. they don't get it, he got up to drink water at 3 a.m. and the thing was just there, looking at him. menacingly.

jason would though. meanwhile, perry is wishing he could just go back to metropolis. he didn't have to deal with reader's siblings in metropolis. he doesn't get enough hazard pay for this.

hm... good question!

i like to think that, much like with phineas and ferb, luck is on reader's side most of the time, so i don't see reader getting injured by their own inventions.

but, let's suppose they do: it's a nice sunday afternoon, the batfam has decided to gather around the living room and hang out, watch a movie, lots of popcorn and soda. they don't have to think about criminals or fighting, tim and damian are bickering, jason is around, peace reigns the manor.

until they hear an explosion. they run to the garage only to find reader on the floor, unconscious, bleeding, and an assortment of destroyed metal components to a machine they can't decipher. damian doesn't even feel good about reader finally being busted.

later, when reader is back home, awake and out of risk but with a bandage around their head and their leg in a cast, they're in for the biggest (and probably first) scolding of their entire lives. reader tries to play it off. it wasn't that big of a deal, they're fine, aren't they? and they're genuinely optimistic about it. but the entire family is talking over each other at first, until bruce signals for everyone to shut up and leave the room. he has a very serious talk with reader, and makes it very clear they're not to come near a toolbox ever again.

but he understands. it's partly his fault for not being attentive. he won't make that mistake again.

ofc reader is really upset. dick comes next, then stephanie, then cass, then duke, then barbara and they all try to convince reader in a much more amiable tone that hey, it's fine. who needs to do all that whacky stuff to have fun? just hang out with us. they can get another hobby, and this time they can make it a family thing! how's that sound? not fun? don't be like that... they're sure reader will come around.

tim is pretty much the only one who congratulates them for being awesome pulling all those stunts, one per day, it's impressive. but now it's time to step back a bit. who knows? try being careful and bruce will let you work with a welding tool again. one day. maybe.

damian and jason's reactions are more similar to bruce's. in other circumstances, damian is on reader's side and helps them sneak around to continue their shenanigans, but in the case of reader getting hurt he just wants them to not do that. any of that. ever again. and jason has to hold himself back not to snap and ask them what the hell were they thinking?! they could have died! he ends up just telling them to quit it. they're just a kid who shouldn't be messing around with that sort of stuff.

anon, i wouldn't go as far as say he'd use venom against them, but he's bit batfam before. as stated, he does not dig their vibe at all!

anon, that's a great idea! though i think p&f! reader is much too motivated by the creative process and experience that their inventions bring more than just willing them to come to life.

they have the power to create whatever they want, but what's the fun of it? what about hte process? the building? the friends they make along the way? the memories? i think reader would find the ring awesome at first, but the novelty would wear of in less than a week.

anon...

because i dig the idea of reader being friends with dipper and mabel. reader talks about their crazy inventions, and loves hearing about all the cryptids they came across during vacation.

reader invites the twins to the manor, they share their most recent summer memories. reader talks about that one time they built and drove a massive monster truck with their brother damian, but jason only comes into the room in time to hear about dipper and mable talk about the weirdmaggedon. he has several question marks around his head. aren't those kids a a little too old to be making shit up? or maybe... no, there's no way. or is there? no... he would have heard about this... but weirder things have happened. but what if...

@randomlyappearingartist

you are so right. to be honest, i don't even think the batfam would even know of his existence, since he's pretty much a very minor villain acting in metropolis. after perry joins the league, or in the rare occasion of dr. doof teaming up with another minor gotham villian like condiment man, is when they get to know he exists.

and since perry seems to have him under control, they don't even acknowledge the guy.

i love love love this sm!

they assume it's just flash mobs. it's got to be. flash mobs with really weird themes, like an entire musical number dedicated to the squirrels in damian's pants. that was strange. bruce patrolling in the middle of the night and this new crime lord just burst into a song with a band and hired back dancers, because it's apparently a new trend a minor villain in metropolis started.

and what about that one time dick took damian (and reader) to the library and some guy just started singing about how he doesn't have rhythm? and damian just started playing a trumpet? and reader started singing? i mean, it was a bop and he started dancing, but it was weird anyway.

but now i'm thinking of damian and reader singing the "summer" song together (he sings the "it's noticeably warmer" and that's it) though! wholesome.

@lazyandannoyng

not annoying at all! you're good ⸜(˙꒳​˙ )

i have this little idea in my head that reader doesn't take the wayne name when find out bruce is their dad and move to gotham, and bruce is pretty secretive about this new kid of his for purely privacy and safety reasons. so when reader does their networking, it's often not obvious they're a wayne. not sure if this will make it into the fic, but it really resonates with this concept!

it's also funny to think that a lot of people don't even know reader and the waynes are related. even if they do know reader is related to the batfam, nobody really talks about them by name (just "your sibling"), and all of those little details like never asking about where the gloves came from (because why would he) or the misunderstandings where one party means one thing and the other assumes it's another (dick has many siblings! too many!) just end up helping reader not get caught. and i just think that's neat.

[yanmuffins]

I've been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that it wouldn't make much sense for Bruce to neglect one of his children.

Think about it, in canon, most of the mistakes he made that ended up harming his family were either because he was completely buried in work, or because he was slightly manipulated, both by the narrative and by third parties.

In addition, he also cannot fully communicate with others, both because of his early trauma, the loss of his parents, and all the loneliness caused by the grief he went through growing up. Not to mention the years of self-discipline and training he went through to become Batman. From everything he's seen and experienced, and all the scars he has, I can't imagine how much that grief and and especially a sense of justice, survived.

so I don't think he would simply neglect one of his children

What I propose is; accidental negligence. Think about it, if he is busy all the time with both Batman and his other persona, Brucie Wayne, and then the justice league, investigations, meetings of Wayne Enterprise, galas, charities, other rich people, the usual rogues gallery of Gotham, etc, etc, I don't think he has much time to spend with anyone.

He is able to spend more time with his other children because they are all vigilantes, like him, and are usually just as busy as he is. Having a civilian child in the middle of this mess wouldn't do much good, especially if that child doesn't know what they do most of the time, like, y'know, vigilantlism.

Imagine everyone's absolute horror when they realize, after the p&f reader is unfortunately busted, that they paid so little attention to that child that she managed to do all these crazy things right under their noses for the whole summer. And who's to say she hadn't been doing this before this summer? How many things have they inevitably missed in her life?

What I mean is that to counter the p&f reader's luck, everyone in the batfam is unlucky enough not to be able to spend time with her. And they are aware of it.

Their guilt would be immense and the angst would be delicious.

(And it would explain how Damian hás time to spend with p&f reader, since he's a kid and his only obligations are school, socialization and being Robin, so he would technically have more time??? If that even makes sense???)

context &. context.

YOU!! YOU GET IT!!

i wholeheartedly agree!

not that "accidental" neglect is any better, it's neglect all the same and has negative consequences in so many levels. but when we're talking about Bruce Emotionally Constipated And Terrible At Communication and Could Sometimes Make Better Choices Regarding His Kids Wayne, it could absolutely happen.

i'm not one to make character analysis because i have very shallow knowledge of Batman lore, but...

like you said, all of Bruce's children participate in vigilantism. they're all extraordinary, most have horrible trauma, and have relied on him for guidance. they are all Robin, and more relatable to him, in a way. that means he's consequently more involved in their lives, more physically there engaging with them, forming an emotional bond, acting as a mentor and father figure. on top of that, like you said, he has a whole life as Bruce Wayne and Batman going on.

which brings us to neglected! Reader, more specifically mine: P&F! Reader and Vampire! Reader.

on a... financial, material level, I believe they wouldn't want for anything. Alfred is the one managing their bank account and making sure they're well-provided for and though it's fun for angst purposes, i don't think they would have a tiny little bedroom isolated from everyone in the manor, mostly because it's our favorite butler who would select which bedroom Bruce's child would be staying at in this gigantic mansion with plenty unocuppied rooms. Alfred would NOT put you in the broom closet. it would be a bedroom that's at least as big as Damian's in Son of Batman, for example.

(i more than understand suspension of disbelief and playing around with all sorts of interesting concepts and characters, so I'm not criticizing anyone!)

in fact, i think it's kinda worse that, say, you have a bedroom that's a wall across from Tim's and he still kinda forgets you exist.

also, i believe Bruce's kid would absolutely have access to a more than generous amount of money. not broke at all.

so the only type of neglect going on here is of the emotional kind. your father and your siblings have created tight-knit bonds amongst themselves based on their shared experiences and the proximity brought by them all working as vigilantes, and you're just not a part of the club.

timing is also relevant.

P&F! Reader arrives at the manor some time after Damian, which means that not only have all relationships been formed over the years, Bruce has also experienced having kids, as well as having a biological child suddenly enter his life. they're a fish out of the water, and their dad is kinda awkward about this (apparently) normal child that showed up at his doorstep. while Damian is still kind of adapting, running around at night trying to bypass Bruce's security system and solve dangerous cases by himself, P&F! Reader is in their bedroom having a virtual sleepover with their Metropolis friends, streaming movies and eating caramelized popcorn.

fun fact: Damian and P&F! Reader are neighbors. he was not happy about Alfred placing his half-sibling on the room right beside his for the longest time. P&F! Reader has definetly caught him sneaking out, but they're no snitch. and you're right, he does have more free time, and he's also on summer break so no school and no homework to worry about. He's got free time to be his sibling's keeper.

and as we all know, the impression that P&F! Reader is just a normal regular kid that totally doesn't build ridiculous thingamabobs in their spare time, it's kinda easy to forget they're there amidst the Wayne family mayhem(s). Bruce is also kinda doesn't really know what to do with this kid or how to connect with them, but they don't really demand immediate attention and seem to be doing fine – so he probably shouldn't worry too much, right?

you could also argue that he's kinda awkward (emotionally constipated) with this kid and is very bad at consoling and accomodating them after the trauma that made them have to move in with him. he doesn't straight up forget they exist, although he starts paying more attention to them after Damian gets more involved in ther bio sibling's antics. and when it comes to siblings, it's just easier for their relationship to never evolve past more superficial interactions (with the exception of Damian who decides to mind P&F! Reader's business earlier on, more or less). P&F! Reader doesn't know about the vigilantism for a long time, so it's natural that they're excluded from any and all matters regarding that. and because everyone else is so busy with their own lives and P&F! Reader seems to be doing fine, so easy to overlook, has plenty of friends in and out of their new school and the Batfam is already a formed unit... Well, you get the picture.

there's also the matter of Damian. he is the kid that "needs more attention" because of his background. he's been through a lot. nevermind the possibility that you might also have gone throguh your own fair share of trauma, at the end of the day you're the easier kid. the "okay" kid with regular problems. which is sad and unfair, but that's what we're here for, isn't it? and Dick is the biggest offender when it comes to that.

not that P&F! Reader is bothered by any of that! They have an amazing summer ahead of them. 😎 It's definetly Batfam being unlucky that prevents them from spending time with P&F! Reader, but that allowed them to mostly enjoy summer without being smothered by their family. the guilt would be unmatched, that is for sure.

"And who's to say she hadn't been doing this before this summer?"

hehe :)

vampire! Reader (she was not mentioned but I'm talking about her anyway, spoilers for the fic because i want to rant) is a different story. again, timing. she arrived at the manor sometime between Dick leaving for Bludhaven and Jason being brought in, so she didn't really get a chance to develop a deeper emotional connection with Dick. that also means Bruce was a lot younger when he is faced with a biological child being thrown at his door, not to mention the less-than-ideal-circumstances in which she came to be in his custody.

and after trying to make her his newest sidekick didn't work, in the coming years he would dedicate most of his time to fighting crime as Batman and taking care of/mentoring Jason who had a rough past and is now his new sidekick. connecting and relating to Jason was easier than connecting with Vampire! Reader, but he always made sure to check on her and make sure she was okay (and the answer was always yes, because of course it was).

during this time Jason and Vampire! Reader were actually pretty close, but then he, uh. kinda died horrifically. so not only was Vampire! Reader dealing with the loss of her brother, her father was now full-on neglecting her, self-absorbed in his grief, so she felt the proper thing to do would be repress her emotions to accomodate her father and try to be his emotional support. not that it worked, but she was there! so we have the emotional neglect and we have Vampire! Reader starting to take a parental role for her own father because he's not being a parent for her. she was also completely alone in that huge manor with the exception of Alfred because none of the other kids were in the picture yet, and Dick had long since moved out. as you can see, not very nice :)

from then on she just kinda blends into the background. financially she's provided for. she is her father's daughter, so communication and expressing emotion are not her forté, but she tries her best to connect with the incoming batkids. it does not work. i have said this before, but she is the mature child, the (again) normal one who puts other people's needs before her, so she doesn't complain when Bruce makes time for literally every other kid who becomes Robin except her. but don't be mistaken: Bruce is definetly more controlling and aware of Vampire! Reader in comparison to P&F! Reader due to reasons (guess you can say early yandere signs?). Jason too is... Sort of complicated. the situation here is definetly darker and resonates with tone of the story better. and when Bruce realizes how terrible he was? oh, boy.

so I guess you can play around a lot with the neglectful! Reader trope, and that's what makes it so entertaining. yeah. that's all I have to say for today, I guess??

[yanmuffins]

speaking of a p&f! reader x gravity falls crossover, nobody can convince me mabel wouldn’t have the biggest crush on damian when she came by to visit the manor. alternatively, p&f! reader just deciding to go and spend a week at her friend’s shack in gravity falls and damian, flabbergasted that father has agreed to this nonsense, decides to burden himself with going with them. for supervision, of course.

it’s… an eventful week.

[yanmuffins]

Hiii, srry if this idea is rlly weird but even though the family alr knows that the reader is an inventor bc they caught the reader by accident, but I thought it would be rlly funny if the reason how they found out was because reader accidentally revealed that they were inventor (they thought the bat fam alr knew)

Like one day, the reader sees Dick training and says:

"Wow, that looks as hard as the time I made a gigantic robot clown ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) !!"

"Since you what."

Or Bruce finally decided to check what the reader wants him to sign this time before asking: why do you want me to sign this?

"for my shrink machine !!" The reader said casually.

"Your what?"

"My shrink machine! ദ്ദി(•̀ ᗜ <)" The reader says as they casually pointed at their backyard, having tons of equipment and tools on the ground.

"..."

see, but that's the thing, anon: reader is very open about their invetions, they're saying stuff like that all the time!

this concept relies on haphazard events coming together to disappear with reader's inventions and get them out of trouble, but it also relies on them being neglected by the batfam and, therefore, completely overlooked! like even if they say they're gonna build a giant robot or a shrink gun, the batfam just thinks you're a completely normal teenager with a lot of hobbies. like someone else already said, it's confimation bias.

like, cool. reader is The Normalest person in the family, who happens to like carpenting. and robotics. they got a medal at school for building a remote control toy car and they built a pretty awesome treehouse in the backyard. but it doesn't go beyond that. like i said, batfam doesn't pay much attention to them.

you're right about reader assuming their family, or at least their dad, is aware of what they're doing. so it goes a bit like this:

dick: hey, damian! wanna go to the arcade?

damian: i do not have the time, grayson. i will be keeping an eye on (Y/N) today, to make sure their schemes do not go unpunished.

dick: 🙂? alright. nice to see you two getting along.

reader: we're building a anti-gravity machine! wanna see?

dick, getting a message on his phone: uh... sorry, guys, something just came up. another day, for sure. you kids have fun!

[yanmuffins]

If dr. doofenshmirtz exists in ur universe, just imagine a scenario where he’s in the middle of a fight with Perry, but somehow he comes across reader and instead of continuing to fight perry… he just sits down next to reader and babbles on with them about inventions.

And Perry reluctantly lets it happen, cause reader is neglected and dr. doofenshmirtz isn’t the worst person in the world. It’d actually probably be good enrichment for reader and him to just sit in a room and invent!

-🪼

isn't that the plot of phineas and ferb across the 2nd dimension?

careful, reader might unleash evil-but-competent doctor doofenshmirtz into their earth and need to use all of their past inventions to fight off an interdimensional robot invasion!

but aww, that's actually a cute idea. they meet doof by crashing in his building and then they help him finish his dimensional travel-inator. good thing damian isn't with them, because he would have kicked this pharmacist's butt in a second. it surely is enrichment, provided this choice to help a villain open a portal to another earth doesn't backfire!

(somehow reader ends up in dc vs vampires)

[yanmuffins]

Have we ever stopped to consider that maybe Perry is the reason the Batfam doesn't find out about Reader's inventions? Like, as mentioned, the cameras! Perry must be constantly messing with them to cover up his escapades as a secret agent, or, if in the case of that one anon magnificent idea, (thanks anon, this'll be in my mind for a long time now) being part of the JL, to cover up his activities as a hero

And also, to make things more interesting, Dr.Doofenshmirtz exists in this universe, and he acts like a petty scientist engineering villain who refuses to fight any hero who comes to face him, because he will only fight the damn platypus

Dr.Doofenshmirtz have to do the classic Gotham villain stunt, which is to terrorize one of the members of the batfam and invade the wayne mansion in ransom and/or raid, only to end up becoming much more interested in reader's inventions than in the whole bullshittery bat thing in happening in the emo cave

Bonus points if this is how the batfam discovers reader inventions

(sorry for the english, it's my first time writing something like this and actually sending it!)

they say great minds think alike... since these asks are somewhat similar i'll answer them together! first of all, your english is perfectly fine, anon!

perry the platypus being reader's #1 supporter is an amazing idea. i like to think that the events are purely coincidental, as in perry will mess up the cameras just at the right time, delete or corrupt footage that shows reader up to no good when he's minding his own secret agent business, aka covering up his activity aroun the manor. but he's like the platypus equivalent of being a fly on the wall, so he does start taking action to make sure batfam won't find out about reader in what ways he can. the vibes are off with these people.

so yes, he will mess up the cameras even when he doesn't need to if it prevents batfam from catching you in the act, he will prevent them from seeing you inventions to make sure you can make the best of summer. like i said, the platypus is an eldritch entity in the manor at this point. damian will lead bruce to the garage where one of reader's inventions were, and everything, including welding gear and tools, is gone. only perry, the platypus, is left in its place.

reader walks in and looks equally puzzled, but exclaims, "oh! there you are, perry!" and walks away, leaving an indignant damian and a very annoyed batman standing there.

i don't think dr. doofenshmirtz, if he exists in this universe, would find the batcave or even be able to break into the wayne manor. but i raise you this: he keeps trying to one up lex luthor for the spot of perry the platypus' number one nemesis, but fails miserably everytime, because he's trying to compete with lex luthor of all people.

and as for jon, he loves participating in reader's shenanigans, and not just because he has a crush on them! he thinks it's genuinely really fun and loves being included. (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)

[yanmuffins]

Damian's Stacy is Tim, who is convinced the Platypus has something against him in particular (he doesn't, Tim is just delulu)

as if damian is trying to convince everyone that reader’s inventions are, in fact, the real deal wasn’t absurd enough, now tim is convinced the platypus (“what platypus?”, some members of the household say, since they’ve yet to come across perry) waddling around is actually evil and secretly out to get him. obviously, nobody believes him. what’s next? tim’s gonna say perry the platypus is a government secret agent who also works with the justice league? ridiculous. maybe he needs to turn off the screens and sleep a little.

things are weird at the wayne manor.

[yanmuffins]

Imagine if in the DC vs. Vampires universe, Reader dies shortly before Damian is even there? Dick having a lot of guilt and that's partly why he wants to turn Damian. So this baby sibling doesn't die. But Phineas Reader, Damian, Perry, and Doofenshmirts accidentally hop on over and Vampire King Dick becomes yandere? Especially when he finds out that, in a timeline you survived, his alternate neglected Reader.

Vampire Dick tries to bite us and turn us into a vampire. This registers to us as a murder attempt and we recognize the behavior in our Dick when he goes yandere? Reader just going, "He's suddenly nice to me. He's manipulating me to kill me, just like he did in the other dimension!" And Tim, who's babysitting Reader this time, flips and asks what we're talking about. "Oh. It was a really weird dimension. Dick was the Vampire King, slowly gaining power by turning all his friends and teammates into vampires, saving the Bat Family for last. But he immediately bashed your skull in after he ripped out Bruce's heart. He killed Cass and Steph and turned Damian, but the kid escaped. He tried to turn Jason, but Jason refused and the transformation didn't happen, killing him. Duke and Damian were leading the resistance against the vampires. So I helped make an invention that reversed vampirism."

Dick calls Reader cute enough to eat and reader is suddenly using aerosolized garlic like pepper spray.

i'm doing good, thank you!! ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

warning: spoilers for dc vs vampires universe.

so, assuming there was a reader in this universe who was not neglected and they're dead because of non-vampire-apocalypse-related reasons, p&f! reader's arrival causes quite the reaction. terrible timing, with the vampire quandary and all, but they're not unhappy. however, the most they can do is help p&f! reader and damian be safe and have someone with them at all times.

but i don't think dick would immediately try to turn reader. too unpredictable, plus he'd risk blowing his cover. so he wait. kills the batfam, he tries to turn reader and both damians since, well, there was an extra one so why not? but they manage to escape with only the og vampire damian being turned. and vampire king dick is so sad :(( why do none of his little siblings want to hang out and overthrow humanity with him?? :((((((

in his head he's thinking that since his alternate version couldn't appreciate his sibling (and how negligent do you have to be to not notice their inventions on bruce's backyard?), he doesn't deserve them. they should just stay here, in this world, let him turn them into a vampire so they can stay by his side! that's obviously the universe giving him a second chance.

so, when they manage to defeat him and return to their dimension, reader (and damian!) are following dick around, watching out for any signs of vampirism. tim recounts what reader told him about the vampires, and dick gets a good laugh out of it. come on, he would never do any of that!

but when dick's yandere-ness starts showing, reader will avoid him like the plague. he'll catch them eyeing him suspiciously while whispering to damian in a corner of the manor. he might not be a vampire, but sometimes there's something about him that's really unsettling...

[yanmuffins]

imagine p&f reader being so oblivious to jon's crush on them that they think jon have a crush on Damian instead

p&f! reader: i thought the two of you— a boy, a boy, alone in the city of love… i thought romance was a foregone conclusion!

jon: breaks his pencil from gripping it too hard

reader: jon— jon! are you okay?

jon: peachy. 🙃

[yanmuffins]

Omg you need to do a ask about stan trying to sweet talk bruce and in the background you see the kids fighting gnomes or zombies lol

not just an ask, this needs to be a whole chapter in the p&f! fic (which i am working on and hope to release the first chapter soon, but i don't want to jinx it by saying when!).

bruce wayne arrives at gravity falls with a shiny sedan that costs a few million dollars and suddenly stanley (and preston northwest, btw) is looking like this: 🤑

he will then proceed to make bruce’s stay in gravity falls even more unpleasant, as if having to take his private jet and then drive into the middle of the woods on a random thursday to pick up his children (who were not supposed to be on the other side of the country) wasn’t enough. but damian and p&f! reader convince him to let them stay one more day or two — and in the meantime, bruce might come to learn there’s several… strange things going on in town.

and the fact that his civilian child with no training is just out here exploring wildlife with, again, no training and no supervision (damian does not count as supervision, bruce says, though the boy insists otherwise), making cryptozoology breakthroughs and potentially battling a triangle-shaped demon doesn't really make him. you know. cheerful and happy either.

he's not going to ground them, but there will be a very serious conversation about proper communication and no more traveling for the foreseeable future.

i just keep imagining him standing there, hair slicked back, fancy overcoat, straight face, absolutely trying to filter stanley talking until he gets fed up with him again. he might get along better with stanford. but honestly, he just wants to remove his kids from this horribly dangerous and weird place and go back home. to gotham. where everything is normal as can be and p&f! reader gets into no shenanigans at all.

[yanmuffins]

Damian: I'm NOT gonna get on this tiny tricycle!

P&F!Reader: Damian, we are on a hurry, just get on the tric—

Damian: There is no way—

P&F!Reader: GET ON THE TRIKE!!

Everyone: *is startled*

the scene anon is referencing.

jon, in the background: oh. they’re yelling at their brother. must be a special episode.

[yanmuffins]

I saw you mention in a few comments that Talia approves of P&F! Reader and their shenanigans. How do think that happened?

I imagine her thinking that Reader isnt much at first glance, just another genius Wayne with their fair share of acompishments. But then she notices the inventions or Damian popping off about Reader and the adventures they go on and how "Father must be blind Mother. How else does he not SEE ANYTHING?"

That or Talia meets them by getting dragged into an adventure with Damian and Jon.

context.

to be honest, talia wasn't exactly thrilled when she heard of p&f! reader's existence. she runs a background check and finds nothing impressive, the kid is a civilian and their mother is one of bruce's old flings. but there is that petty, unpleasant feeling of knowing her son is not bruce's only blood child, not even the first born, provided p&f! reader is a little older than him.

but she doesn't seem them as a threat, either. impressive academic performance, very creative, but overall normal kid who was raised in a normal environment and poses no risk to damian. this is before p&f! reader gets comfortable and starts pulling their stunts, mind you, so she kinda pays them no mind until damian brings up the many schemes of their elusive half-sibling, which mysteriously disappear without fail and never get caught by the rest of the batfam.

and honestly? she thinks it's amusing. talia is yet another person who eventually goes on an adventure or two with her son and his half-sibling, and will not say a word to bruce (with the exception of cryptic jabs only she seems to understand, and fly over bruce's head). and no, she won't help damian bust p&f! reader at all — if he must do it, then he shall accomplish it himself.

and she ends up growing pretty fond of p&f! reader. it mostly comes from watching damian interact with them. it's awfully fun.

[yanmuffins]

COUGH COUGH p&f reader thinking mabel has a crush on jon (← if he comes along, which he prob did) instead of damian and then getting all (oooh! it's a love trangle! the drama!) 'cause she thinks damian has a crush on mabel, who has a crush on jon, who has a crush on damian! and dipper it's just there- COUGH COUGH

(she fails to notice that jon wants her, not her brother, and mabel wants her brother, not his best friend turned into rival turned into ally, and again, dipper it's just there with his secret crush like, standing in the background with Perry-)

we are literally so close to recreating midsummer night’s dream by shakespeare 😭

tbh, this is a whole mess. i like to think that jon did not come along initially, but as soon as he heard damian mention that he was stuck in this ramshackle lumber town all the way in oregon (we'll go back to that) watching over his sibling and their friends, one of which behaves like a buffoon around them (damian would immediately catch up on dipper having a crush on p&f! reader, but he never outright says that), he just immediately flies there.

and what ensues is jon and dipper passive-aggressively fighting over p&f! reader while they're none the wiser, misinterpreting every interaction among the group for something incorrect. damian is looking at jon and dipper like this 🤨 because it's embarrassing how they're fighting over his sibling, he will be judgemental about it. mabel catches up on jon having a crush on p&f! reader, but since she's obviously team dipper (not just bc he's her family but, also bc pair of pine siblings + pair of wayne siblings, she just thinks it would be so cool!), she might try to get in jon's way by talking to him and diverging his attention somehwere else.

also, kind of unrelated, but i cannot stress enough that p&f! reader and damian are in OREGON, where gravity falls is supposed to be located. we don't really know exactly where gotham is supposed to be, but from what i've seen, the general consensus is that it is somewhere around new york. look at the distance:

i am POSITIVE that when p&f! reader asked bruce if they could spend a week or two at their friends' he assumed it was in metropolis, where p&f! reader used to live. or even in gotham. now imagine his surprise when he gives damian a call for whatever reason, to question him about something vigilante-related or to check up on him (... and reader), and he learns not one, but TWO of his children are almost THREE THOUSAND MILES (or FOUR THOUSAND KILOMETERS) away from home. and both damian and p&f! reader are so casual about it.

alternatively, bruce put a tracker on damian and p&f! reader before they left, did not check it for at least four days and when he finally did check, he just sees the two little red dots all the way in oregon and he's like. no, there must be some mistake. and then he calls damian and his children are indeed at the other side of the country.

he goes to pick them up personally.

[yanmuffins]

Unfortunately with the p & f reader. I think you’re missing out so much hijinks.

For example:

- luthor thinking reader is his kid and petitioning a paternity test to try and take custody

-or giving a full scholarship to said reader and internship at LuthorCorp

-the league of assassins coming after reader when everyone is out of the house and reader casually home alone-ing their way to safety. (Damian knew, still has no evidence, has no idea what reader did with the bodies)

-reader building a complete android copy of Alfred so he can go on vacation and have help around the house

-_doing the same to Damian for mild psychological warfare. (He started it)_

-improving the bat gadgets because reader is annoyed when they don’t work as well, and gaslighting the family into thinking Lucius Fox did it

-reader making an artificial Lazarus pit but only for pets.

-winning back to back science fairs, being shown in magazines, and has scholarships galore but the family still doesn’t notice. (Much to Alfred and Damian’s rage)

-it taking Damian being nice to her and trying to be a good sibling to actually get the rest of the family’s attention and to reveal her semi secret genius.

this is brilliant!! all of this!!! love how this leans a bit more into the malicious p&f! reader version rather than oblivious one. few things i want to comment:

i cannot even imagine (i can, actually) how bruce would react to lex luthor just waltzing in and saying hey. what if we, high-profile CEOs of huge companies, go to court over the paternity and custody of your child who i think might be mine? that's absolutely not going to be a media scandal :)

this implies either that:

1) lex luthor has fucked p&f! reader's mother

2) p&f! reader's mother has fucked both lex luthor and bruce wayne. who is she.

or

3) lex luthor is aware he cannot be p&f! reader's bio dad but just decided he wanted to try and steal bruce wayne's kid one day because of their brilliance and potential, and that's such a petty?? absurd thing to do just because???

but unfortunately for luthor (and any other villains), p&f! reader is a nepobaby who can very well work in their father's company if they want or need an internship and that's where bruce is sending them. no such thing as "i want to make my own way in the world" for p&f! reader in this one. bruce will not let them work anywhere else.

(on another note, it's so fun writing about a reader who is filthy rich for a change. a villain comes up to them offering full scholarships and a promising internship in their evil companies but like. their father is literally bruce wayne.)

and like. still on the paternity drama thing. lex luthor can always handle that privately, but why would he? and something like that wouldn't stay under wraps, tbh. lex luthor better sleep with one eye open from then on, he might find wayne enterprises has acquired a sudden interest in absorbing lexcorp…

i think i've answered an ask regarding the league of assassins? not sure, but a "home alone" setting for neglected! reader would make such a good one-shot fic in general (christmas is just around the corner too!). i don't think p&f! reader would kill anyone but they would sure know to defend themselves and immobilize any threats through their gadgets and last-minute traps.

there's two possibilities as to how this could end,

1) batfam comes back from whatever mission/vacation they went on to find the manor in complete disarray and a bunch of unconscious bodies piled up on the garage with p&f! reader just standing there, unphased.

2) batfam comes back from whatever mission/vacation they went on to find the manor just the way they left it, perhaps even a bit more tidy. there's no bodies, the footage has been deleted, damian knows the league of assassins has been in the manor but once again, cannot prove it. he's fuming but has a newfound respect for their blood sibling. roll credits.

realistically, they would be made aware of people raiding the house through its security system and come back running, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's p&f! reader we're talking about here.

as for the gadgets, i can imagine p&f! reader finding out or figuring out their family are vigilantes except the batfam doesn't know they know, and so they come and go the batcave when no one is looking. improves the gadgets out of pure boredom and leaves. except they do it in a way that is so subtle that the batfam take a certain time to consider there's someone messing with their stuff. it's like that one prank where you just keep replacing a person's pen before it runs out of ink.

"reader making an artificial Lazarus pit but only for pets."

that's essentialy pet sematary by stephen king, and we all know how that went. evil little undead pets running around the manor trying to murder the batfam because... p&f! reader was feeling bored and unhinged, i suppose.

you're right about damian being one of the reasons why the batfam starts paying attention to p&f! reader. alfred has been trying to get them to notice their cast-aside sibling for a while now, but damian being close to reader (trying to bust them or just hanging out) makes it impossible to ignore them. first, by associating with damian, and second by being a gifted child who has been pulling dangerous, insane and impossible stunts that deny all logic.

but looking back, it should be obvious. their room is filled with trophies, medals, rosettes, newspaper/magazine cutouts speaking of their achievements, were featured on the metropolis as well as gotham news multiple times, and pretty much everyone seems to know what they're up to. and yeah. "they feel pretty bad" is an understatement.

damian noticed, though. he might gotten into trouble himself for participating in some of those stunts (which he thinks is unfair), but at least he can brag about being a decent sibling and triumphantly say "shame on you" to everyone else but alfred.

[yanmuffins]

asks 3.

more asks i'm answering in a bulk about p&f! reader! there's two for vampire! reader at the end of the post, though.

@amethystjellyfish

jon better keep an eye out for selener.

ok, to be fair, damian knows the family's gotten pretty overbearing at this point. father was not at all pleased to discover the stunts they (damian included) pulled over the course of the summer. and he, too, knows that his sibling is feeling cooped up with all the excessive supervision. but.

but.

just who does jon think he is to try and take their sibling away from their home? he was supposed to be damian's friend, and it is for the sake of their friendship he'll overlook such an absurd suggestion and not tell his family on the condition jon never says anything like that again. let's just hope tim wasn't listening, else he would rat them all out since he (and everyone else in the family) has zero issues with kicking jon out the manor if he keeps putting those ideas in p&f! reader's mind. poor jon (╥ ω ╥)

@akatsukki677

the referenced scene!

one of my favorite candace moments.

also, why is this so in-character for them? i am begging someone please draw this.

NOT DAMIAN SECRETLY LIKING DUCKY MOMO!!! you are all so big-brained. you know, dick would ask p&f! reader about it next time they bumped into each other. and he will find out about damian's love for ducky momo one way or another (not that reader would snitch, but dick is dick. he would notice).

i don't much to add, but here are some more gems (jason being cute with perry, though, i love it sm):

i have a sinking feeling that if jason somehow came to know of perry's secret identity as agent p before everyone else he would have so much fun gaslighting tim. yeah. he's a platypus. just a platypus, tim. chill. go to sleep.

... then he fistbumps perry when tim's not looking.

p&f! reader and damian bringing in cryptids and magical creatures into the manor like it's another ordinary day seems like something that would absolutely happen, yes.

the horse with fins is just what they salvaged from their very succesful trip to atlantis, they'll find horsie a good home eventually. and for every unlikely creature and plant they stumble upon, they just blame it on damian. they're his thing, after all! i don't think it would happen often, but damian still wouldn't enjoy getting scolded for animals that aren't his. nevermind that he may or may not be connivent in finding those animals, sneaking them into the house and finding them proper homes. that's not relevant.

trying to blame it on reader will just get him incredulous looks from his family. no, reader did not find a dodo bird, that's impossible. there's no way they could do that.

@amethystjellyfish

not only is he trying to convince p&f! reader that their pet platypus is secretly evil and plotting tim's demise specifically, he's trying to convince the entire manor. he has a powerpoint presentation. he has flashcards. he has become damian 2.0 but instead of reader's, he's trying to bust the platypus. obviously, p&f! reader thinks it's silly. damian straight up laughs at tim. bruce is too tired to even sigh.

"it's just a platypus, tim, they don't do much", they say. fools, the lot of them. there's something off about that semiaquatic egg-laying mammal and HE'S GOING TO PROVE IT.

yup, he's p&f reader's isabella! and yes, i think besides damian and jon, they very much have a group of friends from metropolis. damian wouldn't get along with them too well, at least at first, but jon integrates fine into the friend group.

@randomlyappearingartist

good question! i guess we'll just have to chalk it up to p&f! reader's cartoonish luck that they haven't come across any actual evil villains who want to user their genius for their own nefarious purposes.

it would be interesting to just see a bunch of villains arguing and fighting between each other to offer p&f! reader an internship or kidnap them so they can build evil contraptions. but, in the end, reader never gets kidnapped, never becomes aware there are villains out there wanting to scout them, because the villains keep thwarting each other before they even reach p&f! reader. so something like this:

evil goon: hey kid, kid! i gotta talk...

evil goon from another villain: immediately tackles him to the ground and they start fighting. reader is none the wiser.

one of my favorite gags is people who shouldn't have guns pulling out guns at dramatically appropriate times. and it makes sense! i mean, p&f! reader is bruce's kid, so them being prepared for every possible situation just feels natural.

although... i reckon they'd be more creative than just straight up having a gun. probably a more creative non-lethal item of their own making that was meant as a weapon but could absolutely be used as such, which would also be so, so funny.

like this:

vampire! reader try to hide her vampirism (impossible)

the asks i've gotten about reader being terrible at hiding that she's a vampire in the manor (and the implications that her family is kinda brushing it off and accepting her excuses) are so great. yeah, sure, reader fell and that's why she's covered in copious amount of blood, stephen king's carrie-style. it does make them very suspicious but like.... what else would it be?

and honestly, tim and steph have no idea how relieved they should be that reader is staring at crime scene photos when there's two human beings full of blood right there with her. i'm surprised no one has sent in a bruce scenario where she's being completely erratic and he's just sitting there, perplexed, unsure on how to proceed

[yanmuffins]

what happened to p&f reader's parents? is their mom or other dad (it's DC, everything it's possible) dead? or they just away? Like, they're in military and in a really long mission? or they just kinda flug reader at bruce?

or secret fifth option, p&f reader other parent it's Dr.Doofenshmirtz, and the reason reader got taken away was because bruce kinda of found out about the villany thingy he got going on and "said hell nah" and then proceeded to neglect the shit outta p&f reader

second paragraph is WILD.

hmm... to be honest, i'm not very sure myself. i'm pretty sure i'll stick with p&f! reader's mother being a single mom who died and that is the reason they now have to live with bruce. whether bruce already knew p&f! reader existed or found out after they are plopped at his door is yet to be decided.

tim, after being woken up by damian at 10 a.m. in the morning (he went to sleep at 4 a.m.), making a stop to grab his coffee, looking at the construction site in the backyard from the kitchen window:

"wow, didn't know i could lucid dream. that's awesome. okay, back to bed. good thing that platypus is not around."