#Black and White Thinking

[hussyknee]

Forgive yourself for the way you behaved when you were in pain. You didn't mean to drag your loved ones down with you. You were only thrashing and flailing and trying to not to drown. They didn't leave because you were a bad person. They left because they couldn't save you and had to save themselves. It's not an indictment of either your worth or their love. You didn't ask too much, they just couldn't be what you needed and had to make space for someone who could.

In another life, where you had had the help you deserved, where you had had the space to breathe, where something had been different, it wouldn't have happened. Sometimes, it's all just a consequence of circumstances outside of our control. None of you deserved any of this, and you all get to hurt and grieve and be angry that it all fell out this way. But don't be ashamed that the pain got the best of you. You didn't fall short any more than they did. You just became overwhelmed.

[justaperson-2010]

𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊-𝐀𝐍𝐃-𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆.

BLACK AND WHTE THINKING. THERE'S NO IN-BETWEEN. ALL OR NOTHING.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[tear-stained-lenses]

what are any lesser known signs of bpd? /genq cause i’m nervous i might have it

I'm not entirely sure what is considered lesser known because I experience my symptoms very heavily.

But some symptoms include, but are not limited to: (Below the cut)

- Black and white thinking. Ex. You thinking every little thing is either the worst or the best, no in between.

- Heavy obsession and attachment. Ex. Favourite person(s), you become attached to them and their presence in your life and how they interact with you determines your mood, and the things alike.

- An (almost) constant empty feeling. Ex. Never feeling satisfied with life, your accomplishments, your hobbies.

- Intense anger/rage. Ex. Overreacting, blowing up, getting violent.

- Fear of abandonment. Ex. Personal experience here, begging and pleading for someone to not break up with you when there's even the slightest hint that they might.

- Dissociation. Ex. Not feeling like you're in control of your body, as if you're watching your life from another perspective.

- Extreme Paranoia. Ex. Getting very scared about what your partner's true motive is when it comes to dating you.

That's just a few, but remember to do your own research, I'm not a doctor, and cannot diagnose you. I however am pro self dx. You can reach out in our dms if you need any support in these times.

[schizotypal-culture-is]

Schizotypal culture is being tired of splitting on people. Either someone is Unsafe and I avoid them out of fear, anxiety and paranoia or they’re Safe and flock to them for safety and comfort. Why can’t I just see people as a Whole.

[spaghettimakesflags]

black and white thinking pride flag

[vixyz-aac-hoard]

AAC Symbol Dump!!

I don't owe you an explanation, Fuck your Syscourse

I'm not picky I have ARFID, don't talk to me like a child

Sick after seeing that, Black and white thinking

[dissociativethoughtss]

No because bpd is so confusing.

Scenario: “person i deeply care about doesn’t show as much interest”

What I should do ; ask for reassurance and clarification

What I do INSTEAD : either fall into depressive hole and kms over it OR hate them to death and wants to hit them with a shovel

[rednexxsaysthing]

friendly reminder that there's a gray area between mental health conditions being "good" and "bad"

for example, my autism and ADHD:

I like that: -I have special interests -I hyperfocus on things -I'm a little different from others -I stim -I'm energetic during basketball games

I don't like: -My struggles with social cues -My struggles with making friends -My sensory issues -My trouble with balance -Some people view me as a "freak"

now, this doesn't mean everybody feels this way. i don't expect someone with depression to go "oh i love how i never have the energy to get out of bed in the morning!! >w<"

but i find it incredibly frustrating when the neurotypicals around me act as if my disabilities are something to be pitied or hidden.

why should i have to hide such an integral part of me?

without the way my brain functions, i wouldn't hold my hyperfixations so close

without the way my brain functions, i wouldn't be able to have goofy moments where someone has to explain what a metaphor means to me.

I don't care if you have ADHD, ASD, APD, ARFID, BPD, BDD, DID, depression, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, ED, GAD, gender dysphoria, HPD, ICD, kleptomania, MDD, NPD, narcolepsy, OCD, OCPD, orthorexia, PTSD, panic disorder, paranoia, PAPD, RAD, RLS, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, SPD, trichotillomania, Tourette's, whatever it is you've been labeled with, it is NOT something you have to feel ashamed of.

Obviously, if you don't want to embrace it that's a different story. But it's incredibly frustrating being pitied or felt like I need to be ashamed for being the way I am.

Would you tell a blind person that they should be ashamed that they're blind? No! (and if you would, then you're just a prick.)

Would you pity someone for being a human? God I hope not!

So why should neurodivergents be ashamed or pitied because our brains are bit funkier?

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[isawthismeme]

[ineffectualdemon]

When you have black and white thinking it's hard not to react negatively to a post that technically includes you but isn't about you

And it's really hard to pull back and really think about who they are talking to and about rather then reacting viscerally

For me rn that's reacting to posts that are calling people, specifically women (even though I'm not a woman), stupid for not being financially independent

For not having their own bank account

For not thinking that financial abuse could apply to them

And it hurts. It hurts and is upsetting to feel like I'm being called stupid

But they aren't talking about me

They are talking about tradwives and even though I think their approach isn't productive that doesn't really matter because they aren't talking about me and my situation

My situation is that I am not able to be in control of my finances. I have impulse control problems and looking at the bank account too much sends me into a severe panic. It's been proven that being in charge of my finances is a bad idea

I am a listed person on all the accounts and have full access to them. But I choose to go through my husband because I am not confident in my ability to control my finances due to my disabilities

The posts I see that make me feel defensive aren't talking about my situation

But it still hurts and it takes a lot to not react

And I think that's what happens with things like make up and shaving

When people are raging against those things, they aren't talking about the people who actually enjoy them for themselves or use makeup as a form of artwork or shave for sensory reasons

They are talking to the institutions that require women to wear makeup and shave to be seen as "well groomed"

They are talking about the way the makeup industry has an insane markup and tells women they need to go through an intense skincare and make up routine to have value

They are talking about how women enforce these patriarchal standards on each other

But I get it

It still hurts

It still feels like a personal jab doesn't it?

It still feels like "if you like these things then you aren't really one of us" or that you're not good enough

But it's important to remember it's not actually about you

And breathe

And let the post go past

[yandereposting]

When we were talking, my life felt like it had meaning.

Now that you’re gone, it feels like I was never alive to begin with.

[graciereadshannigram]

re: audhd, heuristics, emotional processing, and critical thinking*

hooo boy, can't wait for all the nuance here to be completely missed but walk with me for a minute? (tl;dr at the bottom)

in psychology, there’s this idea of mental heuristics, right? they’re the shortcuts your brain uses to make decisions or problem solve faster. and thinking about it, for someone with audhd (hi hello that is me), those shortcuts are probably even more important because we’re already using up so much processing power just dealing with daily stuff.

which brings me to emotional processing and critical thinking.

to paraphrase one of my fav tiktokers, jasminesgarden23, "if you're feeling triggered, your critical thinking shuts down." so when strong emotions like fear, shame, or disgust** get triggered, critical thinking stops being a priority! dealing with the Emotion and coming back to baseline becomes the priority.

and the bigger the emotion, the more our brain looks for the quickest way out, and that's when mental heuristics (like black-and-white thinking) really start to take over.

instead of spending a bunch of energy processing every angle of a situation, we can just jump to an either/or conclusion. it’s not great for nuance, but it definitely saves on brainpower. like, you don’t have to get stuck in the messy middle of a problem if you can just label it good or bad, right or wrong, move on.

i mean, we see this all the time with Tumblr Discourse™️, right?

for example, "if you read [insert 'problematic' ship or kink/tag here] fics, you’re automatically a bad person."

boom, a mental heuristic.

because why sit in the discomfort of processing a complex issue when you can just label something good or bad and move on?

it doesn't require deeper critical thinking, it validates your emotional trigger, and allows you to process and move on in a less energy-intensive way.

(i'm guessing disgust is a big driver in this particular example, but so might be this idea of moral justice, this feeling of wanting to be a 'good' person, which is a whole other topic to explore another time)

(this particular heuristic is also completely invalid on multiple levels, don't come at me please).

and i want to emphasize that our brains evolved these mental shortcuts for a reason! they can be useful! they can also be incredibly harmful.

but the thing is, if you develop an over-reliance on these shortcuts, and aren't interrogating why and when you're using them and whether or not they're helpful or harmful, when are you supposed to practice your critical thinking skills? and if you aren't practicing, critical thinking could remain this energy-intensive task.

idk man, would love to respectfully and thoughtfully discuss with others if you're interested in it. (on tumblr??? you ask? yeah maybe not the best platform, but here we are!)

tl;dr: black-and-white thinking is a mental shortcut that conserves energy, especially for audhd brains, but it becomes even more tempting when strong emotions like disgust or fear are involved. while it simplifies complex issues, it could possibly weaken critical thinking over time, making it harder to deal with nuance without getting overwhelmed.

*i am heavily relying on my undergraduate degree in psychology, my master's degree in social & behavioral sciences, and my career in qualitative psych research, but have done exactly zero extra research before word vomiting my thoughts up. so like. take this with a grain of salt.

**these primary emotions are sometimes expressed via anger, a secondary emotion

[garlicatthegrocery]

black and white thinking is actually ruining my life

[sunnywalnut]

I fully believe that the only thing that stopped me from identifying as trans when I was younger was the fact of my autistic black and white thinking.

Well yeah. That guy is trans. And I think he's super cool. But I couldn't be trans despite the fact that I feel more like myself with him because he embodies everything I wish I could be but stop myself from being.

Oh no I absolutely could not be transgender at all! I didn't know I was a dude since I was three like all these other people who were taught the concept of gender and the fact that gay people exist from a young age and I only learned lesbians existed after I was ten years old.

Of course that person is transgender. The whole reason I changed the name on the sticky note set on their desk was because they're my friend and I'm an ally. Totally not because I want somebody to do the same for me.

Nah bro. I don't think my obsession with gender neutral names and wanting to change my name to Alex because it was the only gn name I knew at the time had any transgender reasons for it. I'm just super attached to the idea of accidentally being mistaken for a boy. Even if it's just by name.

The reason I specifically searched for books with male protagonists my age when I was younger was totally because of super straight reasons and not because I identified with them more than any of the female leads, despite being extremely similar to a lot of them.

Oh totally I'm not jealous of my brother who's only one year older than me, therefore I get to see him embody all these manly traits like getting a cool low voice and be taught things that I wish I could learn but I wasn't explicitly invited so I stay where I was.

What do you mean it's not normal to treasure the blue Finding Nemo basketball cap that I sneered at on Christmas Day for "looking too boyish" and wearing it inside the house while I crawled up on my grandfather's lap so he could read to me.

Of course my best friend of over seven years is my sister! Despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable when she claims that I am hers. Not because we're not family. Because something is wrong with the word "sister" and I can't tell what.

I mean shit. The only reason I realized that I could've been queer was bc somebody told me that if I(a "straight girl") liked a trans guy, then I would be pansexual.

Untrue, obviously, since trans guys are still guys, and my little 13yo brain thought the same way, but the fact that somebody said it so casually just opened the floodgates of "what ifs" for me.

And you know what?

The year after that, I came out publicly as bi. Then ace. Then two years after that gender fluid. Then in the same year, transmasc. Then lesbian a couple months later. Then transmasc but not lesbian after a couple weeks because my partner was also genderfluid. And now? Transmasc/trans man and bi, specifically for the girls and gnc folks.

Had that person not told me I was pansexual, I'm pretty sure I would've just gone around being indifferent to my romantic partners thinking that friendship was the romance all along this entire time.

Six entire years. And I was autistic the whole time.

It was always about being a good person for the "other" people who needed me until I realized I could be the other people as well.

The whole reason I didn't "show signs" of being transgender during my childhood?

Same reason I didn't show signs of being autistic.

I was mirroring people. I was mirroring what I thought was needed of me. Ignoring my interests or things I was curious about. Because I knew what was expected of me. That part of it was explained thoroughly, at the very least. The gender part of it all. And by God, I was going to do a good job at it.

And yeah. I was happy when I found dresses that were pretty.

Not because I was the one wearing them.

But because it meant that my mom thought I was doing such a good job at Gender that I deserved a skirt. In order to show it off to everyone.

Same reason I allowed my hair to be done. Little jewels to be twisted into my long locks that I grew myself and refused to cut. Because this was what I was good at. Everyone, even if they didn't like me, they liked my long, feminine hair. They liked my frilly, feminine dresses. And my shiny, feminine jewelry.

And well... I liked being liked. I liked being admired.

Because nobody noticed me any other way.

Unless it was for my art.

I was good at art.

I'm still good at art.

My "feminine" art.

I no longer get joy from long hair and frilly dresses and shiny jewelry.

But I still get joy from art.

Even if it isn't feminine.

Even if it isn't shown to anyone.

Because it is mine.

It is me.

It is the one thing that I grew up seeing that everyone could do. Regardless of skill. Everyone was thrown in a class together. Everyone crowded around the girl who drew anime in class. Everyone knew of the famous men like Van Gogh. Everyone was able to do art. Everyone was able to be creative. To get messy. To work with their hands.

And everyone meant that there was space for me, too.

There were finally shades of gray.

And I clutch them dearly to my heart, right next to the rainbows of devotion I painted on the inside walls of my ribcage.

Each palette I've created is a labor of love, used to picture the world in each wonderful shade of admiration.

And that is still the one thing that I have found that try as they might, they cannot sort into sexes.

So I keep my shades of gray. I keep my rainbows and my flags. And I paint them with all the colors I like. Because art showed me a way to be free. And I refuse to live my life in a cage. Regardless of who's hands made it.

I just know that it won't be mine.

[justatorturedpoet]

I recommend skipping the phase were you resent and hate your friends out of jealousy and idealization