#Black and White Thinking

[vegetabletaxi]

i hope somebody found this helpful, i had my own wrong ideas about black-and-white thinking before i realized i've dealt with it all my life.

[hussyknee]

Forgive yourself for the way you behaved when you were in pain. You didn't mean to drag your loved ones down with you. You were only thrashing and flailing and trying to not to drown. They didn't leave because you were a bad person. They left because they couldn't save you and had to save themselves. It's not an indictment of either your worth or their love. You didn't ask too much, they just couldn't be what you needed and had to make space for someone who could.

In another life, where you had had the help you deserved, where you had had the space to breathe, where something had been different, it wouldn't have happened. Sometimes, it's all just a consequence of circumstances outside of our control. None of you deserved any of this, and you all get to hurt and grieve and be angry that it all fell out this way. But don't be ashamed that the pain got the best of you. You didn't fall short any more than they did. You just became overwhelmed.

[vixyz-aac-hoard]

AAC Symbol Dump!!

I don't owe you an explanation, Fuck your Syscourse

I'm not picky I have ARFID, don't talk to me like a child

Sick after seeing that, Black and white thinking

[spaghettimakesflags]

black and white thinking pride flag

[dissociativethoughtss]

No because bpd is so confusing.

Scenario: “person i deeply care about doesn’t show as much interest”

What I should do ; ask for reassurance and clarification

What I do INSTEAD : either fall into depressive hole and kms over it OR hate them to death and wants to hit them with a shovel

[isawthismeme]

[ineffectualdemon]

When you have black and white thinking it's hard not to react negatively to a post that technically includes you but isn't about you

And it's really hard to pull back and really think about who they are talking to and about rather then reacting viscerally

For me rn that's reacting to posts that are calling people, specifically women (even though I'm not a woman), stupid for not being financially independent

For not having their own bank account

For not thinking that financial abuse could apply to them

And it hurts. It hurts and is upsetting to feel like I'm being called stupid

But they aren't talking about me

They are talking about tradwives and even though I think their approach isn't productive that doesn't really matter because they aren't talking about me and my situation

My situation is that I am not able to be in control of my finances. I have impulse control problems and looking at the bank account too much sends me into a severe panic. It's been proven that being in charge of my finances is a bad idea

I am a listed person on all the accounts and have full access to them. But I choose to go through my husband because I am not confident in my ability to control my finances due to my disabilities

The posts I see that make me feel defensive aren't talking about my situation

But it still hurts and it takes a lot to not react

And I think that's what happens with things like make up and shaving

When people are raging against those things, they aren't talking about the people who actually enjoy them for themselves or use makeup as a form of artwork or shave for sensory reasons

They are talking to the institutions that require women to wear makeup and shave to be seen as "well groomed"

They are talking about the way the makeup industry has an insane markup and tells women they need to go through an intense skincare and make up routine to have value

They are talking about how women enforce these patriarchal standards on each other

But I get it

It still hurts

It still feels like a personal jab doesn't it?

It still feels like "if you like these things then you aren't really one of us" or that you're not good enough

But it's important to remember it's not actually about you

And breathe

And let the post go past

[yandereposting]

When we were talking, my life felt like it had meaning.

Now that you’re gone, it feels like I was never alive to begin with.

[momentsbeforemass]

Love and doubt

Every age has its mistakes.

One of the big mistakes of our age? Black and white thinking. The false assumption that something, or someone, has to be either all one thing or all the other. As if there were only two, mutually exclusive options. And nothing else was even possible.

Sometimes it’s easy to spot. Like in toxic workplaces. And toxic families.

Either you’re either on the good list. And can do no wrong. Or you’re on the bad list. And can do no right.

What’s harder to spot is when you and I internalize that false assumption. And assume that we can only be one thing or the other.

One of the common ways this plays out in our thinking? With doubt. The notion that if we have any questions, any doubt at all, then we can’t believe in something. And therefore, must totally reject it.

The idea that we could love something, or someone, and still have doubts?

We don’t know what to do with that. We can say the words. But the idea? It is so foreign to us, that it just doesn’t stick.

Which is why we struggle to understand Mary Magdalene’s actions in today’s Gospel. She sees Jesus, she talks to Jesus, but she doesn’t recognize Jesus. Not at first.

This makes no sense to us. How could someone who loves Jesus not recognize Jesus?

If you’ve ever wanted to see how bizarre speculation about stuff in the Bible can get, today’s Gospel is an absolute goldmine. And it’s all because of our black and white thinking.

If you’re not locked into black and white thinking, the truth of the matter is actually pretty simple. And something that we all do, but don’t admit to ourselves that we do.

Mary Magdalene loved and doubted.

The truth is, Mary is just like us. We might like to pretend that we’re all one thing and not the other. But none of us really are that way. All of us are a mixed bag.

This was common knowledge in the early centuries of the Church. Speaking about Mary Magdalene, Pope Gregory the Great put it this way,

“Because she loved and doubted, she saw Him and did not recognize Him. Her doubt prevented her from knowing Him, and her love revealed Him to her.”

Nowhere does it say that Jesus removed all of Mary Magdalene’s doubts. Or that she had perfect faith. Mary Magdalene loved and doubted.

You want to know why, in the end, Mary Magdalene was able to recognize Jesus?

Because she didn’t let her doubts run away with her. She didn’t fall for the nonsense that one drop of doubt somehow cancels an ocean of love.

Mary Magdalene kept on loving, even though she doubted. And in the end, it was that love, in the face of doubt, that carried her to Jesus.

Mary Magdalene’s lesson for us is something that you and I cannot hear enough in this age of black and white thinking.

You can love and doubt.

God won’t love you any less.

It’s okay to doubt. But don’t let it keep you from loving God.

Today’s Readings

[dropintomanga]

Neighborhood Story - A Special Chapter on Living Life with Color

As a fan of Ai Yazawa's Paradise Kiss, I couldn't help but pick up its prequel, Neighborhood Story. I've enjoyed reading about Mikako Koda and her feelings for her childhood friend, Tsutomu Yamaguchi. I'm glad it won the award for Best New Edition of a Classic Manga at the 2024 American Manga Awards. Neighborhood Story is a work where you really see what Yazawa was all about before NANA.

There's one particular side story in the volume 3 omnibus that I really enjoyed because it went into how hard it is to be accepted when you're bit too cool for the crowd and why trying to fit in isn't always the best idea.

Before the current story, Mikako attended a junior high school where she repeatedly violated the dress code. Her dreams of being a full-on fashion designer were in full swing during her 2nd year. She catches the attention of the class president, Sanae Seto. Seto admires Mikako, but lives a life where she just follows the crowd. She hesitates to speak up as needed and responds to people in ways that suit them.

Seto has a dream of being a shojo novelist and writes in her spare time. However, she's afraid of showing off her work in fear that she'll be made fun of. This is in contrast to Mikako, who shows off her style of fashion with full confidence much to the distress of the school faculty. Mikako gets bullied for her rebellious behavior while Seto doesn't.

Seto doesn't understand how Mikako doesn't seem to mentally break from all the bullying and someone tells her.

"She's already found the most important thing in the world to her, and her conviction in it is unshakeable."

Bullying is still a major problem in schools today and adults continue to fail children on how to face it. So what if there really isn't any help? What can kids do? One can do what Mikako does and that's to live your life. Don't bully back and don't retaliate. Practice confidence and stay connected to people who genuinely care about you. Mikako does all of these things. When Mikako gets bullied after coming back from a suspension, Seto tries to stand up for her. Seto's classmates try to tell her that it's none of her business to stand up for Mikako. Mikako responds with conviction by pouring water from a vase onto one of her bullies for picking on Seto (I did say don't retaliate, but only if you're the main target. You do have to stand up for your friends instead of being a bystander).

However, those solutions aren't enough. After Seto comes over to Mikako's house and sees how lively she is compared to at school, the two stopped connecting during their third year. It turns out Mikako wasn't going to school at the start because her behavior really disturbed the school culture. Mikako felt that she was too restricted in how she wanted to express herself in school.

Seto realized that it's not easy to care about what people think about you or be free for that matter. She admits that she was jealous of Mikako because compared to her, her life seemed dull. Seto also says something when going through a life change that made her move away to another school,

"Still, I had a new mold to fill. So I changed my color and shape to fit in perfectly there. That's how most of us live our lives. It makes things easier."

To be fair, sometimes, this is necessary. But being just a singular color is limiting. You're surviving, but not exactly thriving. And the connections you make by trying to fit into a cog aren't necessarily the best. Do they value the same things you do? That may not be true. When there's an overwhelming majority that's you're totally not align with and only enjoying being a part of it due to the benefits you get, you start to have some cognitive dissonance when you run into someone who makes you question what you're doing.

Seto finally realizes this after Mikako sends her off with a parting gift in the form of cute eyeglasses and a letter thanking her for being a friend during a tumultuous time in junior high. Mikako expresses her desire to get through junior high despite the bullying because of Seto. Seto then decides to chase her dream of being a shojo novelist. At the end of the chapter, a now award-winning future novelist Seto (who's in high school) decides to write about her experiences with Mikako as her potential debut novel.

When you're all by yourself and not feeling connected to what's really important to you, you can fall into black or white thinking. You're falling into a one-color scheme. I sometimes see this happening with youth who struggle to deal with uncertainty in their lives. That's why it's important to show them the varieties of people they can meet and experiences they can find that can change their perspective for the better. School is important, but it is black and white as hell and its lessons don't apply to what actually matters in real life. Seto was a victim of this until Mikako entered the picture.

Seto says a very profound thing in the end as she begins to write her story.

"As my fingers struck the keys, the emotions that poured from my heart were so colorful."

I feel that this side story chapter in Neighborhood Story was also about embracing the diversity of emotions and how important they are to make us connected to those we value in our lives. This applies to both Seto and Mikako. After all, there's a reason why life is more than just black and white. It's colorful, good and bad. Dreams and communities that are truly welcoming are full of color. Embrace the rainbow because colors are the smiles of nature.

[alyceinwonderland777]

I need to vent because some people are just dumb as hell

A few minutes ago I was messing around and came across a post on Reddit where a user was criticizing a post about Alastor that they read here on Tumblr.

Basically, the Tumblr post in question was saying that the fact that Vivziepop portrayed Alastor as charming, sexy and with a sympathetic side is problematic because, according to them, it erases the harm that Alastor has done to his victims. They also added that since Hazbin Hotel is a show for adults it should treat the topic seriously and not make the audience feel sympathy for a serial killer.

Now...let's unpack this.

You can write a villain as charming, sexy and/or sympathetic while at the same time making it clear that their actions are wrong. An example of this is Aro Volturi from the Twilight movies. He is not sympathetic, but he is extremely charming. Despite that the movies made very clear that his actions and the Volturi's actions are wrong. Is Aro charming? Yes. Does that erases the fucked up shit he did? No.

It all depends on how you depict things.

Nuanced and sympathetic characters show us that, except special cases, things aren't always black and white. A bad person can have positive traits and do good things from time to time and a good person can mess up. They also show us that sometimes unresolved traumas can lead a person to become dangerous to themself and others.

If you want my opinion, this black and white thinking is an almost fascist way of thinking.

Furthermore, since Hazbin Hotel is a show for adults, it's assumed that an adult is able to distinguish right from wrong. It's children who need moral guidance, not adults, so please leave us the fuck alone.

Furthermore, many serial killers have managed to attract their victims by exploiting charm. Two examples of this are those pieces of shit Ted Bundy and Rodney Alcala. These two freaks of nature lured many of their victims by appearing charming and charismatic. This is a fairly common move for serial killers, so portraying a fictional serial killer in this way is only accurate. It shows how even the most unsuspecting people can be ruthless and sadistic beings.

With that said, I'm done. Learn to think critically and expand your mind or you will end up becoming a bunch of breathing puppets.

Anyway here is the Reddit post. As I said in the beginning, OP was criticizing the Tumblr user who said all that bullcrap:

[sunnywalnut]

I fully believe that the only thing that stopped me from identifying as trans when I was younger was the fact of my autistic black and white thinking.

Well yeah. That guy is trans. And I think he's super cool. But I couldn't be trans despite the fact that I feel more like myself with him because he embodies everything I wish I could be but stop myself from being.

Oh no I absolutely could not be transgender at all! I didn't know I was a dude since I was three like all these other people who were taught the concept of gender and the fact that gay people exist from a young age and I only learned lesbians existed after I was ten years old.

Of course that person is transgender. The whole reason I changed the name on the sticky note set on their desk was because they're my friend and I'm an ally. Totally not because I want somebody to do the same for me.

Nah bro. I don't think my obsession with gender neutral names and wanting to change my name to Alex because it was the only gn name I knew at the time had any transgender reasons for it. I'm just super attached to the idea of accidentally being mistaken for a boy. Even if it's just by name.

The reason I specifically searched for books with male protagonists my age when I was younger was totally because of super straight reasons and not because I identified with them more than any of the female leads, despite being extremely similar to a lot of them.

Oh totally I'm not jealous of my brother who's only one year older than me, therefore I get to see him embody all these manly traits like getting a cool low voice and be taught things that I wish I could learn but I wasn't explicitly invited so I stay where I was.

What do you mean it's not normal to treasure the blue Finding Nemo basketball cap that I sneered at on Christmas Day for "looking too boyish" and wearing it inside the house while I crawled up on my grandfather's lap so he could read to me.

Of course my best friend of over seven years is my sister! Despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable when she claims that I am hers. Not because we're not family. Because something is wrong with the word "sister" and I can't tell what.

I mean shit. The only reason I realized that I could've been queer was bc somebody told me that if I(a "straight girl") liked a trans guy, then I would be pansexual.

Untrue, obviously, since trans guys are still guys, and my little 13yo brain thought the same way, but the fact that somebody said it so casually just opened the floodgates of "what ifs" for me.

And you know what?

The year after that, I came out publicly as bi. Then ace. Then two years after that gender fluid. Then in the same year, transmasc. Then lesbian a couple months later. Then transmasc but not lesbian after a couple weeks because my partner was also genderfluid. And now? Transmasc/trans man and bi, specifically for the girls and gnc folks.

Had that person not told me I was pansexual, I'm pretty sure I would've just gone around being indifferent to my romantic partners thinking that friendship was the romance all along this entire time.

Six entire years. And I was autistic the whole time.

It was always about being a good person for the "other" people who needed me until I realized I could be the other people as well.

The whole reason I didn't "show signs" of being transgender during my childhood?

Same reason I didn't show signs of being autistic.

I was mirroring people. I was mirroring what I thought was needed of me. Ignoring my interests or things I was curious about. Because I knew what was expected of me. That part of it was explained thoroughly, at the very least. The gender part of it all. And by God, I was going to do a good job at it.

And yeah. I was happy when I found dresses that were pretty.

Not because I was the one wearing them.

But because it meant that my mom thought I was doing such a good job at Gender that I deserved a skirt. In order to show it off to everyone.

Same reason I allowed my hair to be done. Little jewels to be twisted into my long locks that I grew myself and refused to cut. Because this was what I was good at. Everyone, even if they didn't like me, they liked my long, feminine hair. They liked my frilly, feminine dresses. And my shiny, feminine jewelry.

And well... I liked being liked. I liked being admired.

Because nobody noticed me any other way.

Unless it was for my art.

I was good at art.

I'm still good at art.

My "feminine" art.

I no longer get joy from long hair and frilly dresses and shiny jewelry.

But I still get joy from art.

Even if it isn't feminine.

Even if it isn't shown to anyone.

Because it is mine.

It is me.

It is the one thing that I grew up seeing that everyone could do. Regardless of skill. Everyone was thrown in a class together. Everyone crowded around the girl who drew anime in class. Everyone knew of the famous men like Van Gogh. Everyone was able to do art. Everyone was able to be creative. To get messy. To work with their hands.

And everyone meant that there was space for me, too.

There were finally shades of gray.

And I clutch them dearly to my heart, right next to the rainbows of devotion I painted on the inside walls of my ribcage.

Each palette I've created is a labor of love, used to picture the world in each wonderful shade of admiration.

And that is still the one thing that I have found that try as they might, they cannot sort into sexes.

So I keep my shades of gray. I keep my rainbows and my flags. And I paint them with all the colors I like. Because art showed me a way to be free. And I refuse to live my life in a cage. Regardless of who's hands made it.

I just know that it won't be mine.

[itspixthecrazybitch]

I hate that when I’m splitting the way my mind deals with the fact that I felt okay earlier is literally to go “that wasn’t me” and/or “that wasn’t real” and rationally I know that’s not true but god it’s so disorienting. Like. As soon as I stop feeling something my mind rushes to convince itself that it never happened.

[rigormortisangel]

no i actually dont have the ability to be suicidal and go to a fucking hospital or ask for help. im either fine or im already attempting and theres no in between

[graciereadshannigram]

re: audhd, heuristics, emotional processing, and critical thinking*

hooo boy, can't wait for all the nuance here to be completely missed but walk with me for a minute? (tl;dr at the bottom)

in psychology, there’s this idea of mental heuristics, right? they’re the shortcuts your brain uses to make decisions or problem solve faster. and thinking about it, for someone with audhd (hi hello that is me), those shortcuts are probably even more important because we’re already using up so much processing power just dealing with daily stuff.

which brings me to emotional processing and critical thinking.

to paraphrase one of my fav tiktokers, jasminesgarden23, "if you're feeling triggered, your critical thinking shuts down." so when strong emotions like fear, shame, or disgust** get triggered, critical thinking stops being a priority! dealing with the Emotion and coming back to baseline becomes the priority.

and the bigger the emotion, the more our brain looks for the quickest way out, and that's when mental heuristics (like black-and-white thinking) really start to take over.

instead of spending a bunch of energy processing every angle of a situation, we can just jump to an either/or conclusion. it’s not great for nuance, but it definitely saves on brainpower. like, you don’t have to get stuck in the messy middle of a problem if you can just label it good or bad, right or wrong, move on.

i mean, we see this all the time with Tumblr Discourse™️, right?

for example, "if you read [insert 'problematic' ship or kink/tag here] fics, you’re automatically a bad person."

boom, a mental heuristic.

because why sit in the discomfort of processing a complex issue when you can just label something good or bad and move on?

it doesn't require deeper critical thinking, it validates your emotional trigger, and allows you to process and move on in a less energy-intensive way.

(i'm guessing disgust is a big driver in this particular example, but so might be this idea of moral justice, this feeling of wanting to be a 'good' person, which is a whole other topic to explore another time)

(this particular heuristic is also completely invalid on multiple levels, don't come at me please).

and i want to emphasize that our brains evolved these mental shortcuts for a reason! they can be useful! they can also be incredibly harmful.

but the thing is, if you develop an over-reliance on these shortcuts, and aren't interrogating why and when you're using them and whether or not they're helpful or harmful, when are you supposed to practice your critical thinking skills? and if you aren't practicing, critical thinking could remain this energy-intensive task.

idk man, would love to respectfully and thoughtfully discuss with others if you're interested in it. (on tumblr??? you ask? yeah maybe not the best platform, but here we are!)

tl;dr: black-and-white thinking is a mental shortcut that conserves energy, especially for audhd brains, but it becomes even more tempting when strong emotions like disgust or fear are involved. while it simplifies complex issues, it could possibly weaken critical thinking over time, making it harder to deal with nuance without getting overwhelmed.

*i am heavily relying on my undergraduate degree in psychology, my master's degree in social & behavioral sciences, and my career in qualitative psych research, but have done exactly zero extra research before word vomiting my thoughts up. so like. take this with a grain of salt.

**these primary emotions are sometimes expressed via anger, a secondary emotion

[that-vexaholic-cryptid]

It is so wild to me how neurodivergent people get hit with the "black and white thinking" trait so often when literally the vast majority of America is incapable of any thoughts more complex than RED VERSUS BLUE CAPITALISM 4EVR and BROWN PPL BAD