#At least for the One (1) that can drink
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ive talked to a lot of ppl who have taken vyvanse now and i think ik a bit more on how i need to live on it
#1) dopamine drops on lower dosages or high dosage but in the evenings feel like hell and it wont ever stop you have to just breathe#you will stop breathing well and you wont notice it so you have to remember to breathe deeply. this helps immensely for some reason#2) you will stop processing the existence of food as a consumable thing and not just an object like Table or Cardboard. you will not want to#eat anything. you have to buy meal replacement shakes. sweetness is one of the only pleasant flavours. eat protein. eat as much protein as#you can. down those meal replacament shakes. get enough for a day. try not to into calorie deficits on vyvanse.#3) your mind will be searching for cognitively complex tasks and everything else dwarfs in comparison. dont lay down. do something.#4) you have to exercise. fully exercise at the gym not a home 20 min work out. you need to push your body right now so that you can be ok#5) nothing will be as intense and vivid and beautiful and there will be a layer of seperation between you snd reality even on a lower dosage#this is fine. this is the primary price. sunlight helps and so does doing complex tasks but you cant avoid this. remind yourself that this#is a self-induced thing and its temporary and itll fade.#6) youve been ship of theseus'd into a new person and this effect only increases later into the day. any conclusion you reach about yourself#is most likely not applicable to your non-vyvanse self.#7) carry chapstick around. keep drinking water. dry mouth starts 5 minutes after taking it#8) some of your friends have a reduced range of emotion and this makes them more stable but less capable of experiencing intense joys#and sadnesses. look at them. listen to their perspective. live like them when youre on the medication.#9) music is still gorgeous#10) you will feel very hot very fast. wear layers you can take off.#11) pick up a bow and shoot. keep shooting. keep going. shoot at least 50 arrows if you can. feel the pain in your arms and your shoulders#and then keep shooting.
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niche things you learn as an adult
More white collar professionals do coke habitually than you assumed
Probably some 90% of other adults you meet are alcoholics
A lot of people in our society are very mentally ill and not receiving help
It actually takes a fair bit of alcohol to so much as get tipsy. People who get drunk either have a VERY low tolerance or have had A LOT of strong drinks. Like… a lot a lot.
People who get drunk drink with the intention to; it’s seldom accidental
#As a kid I used to think that ONE glass of wine would do someone in#you need at least THREE but over a very short time before you really feel something#but that is 1.) A lot of money. and 2.) Difficult to do if you’re drinking normally#the only time I’m knocking back ANY drink THAT quickly is water when I wake up and my mouth is drier than the Sahara#I don’t event drink a diet Dr. Pepper that fast over dinner#I can get through maybe ONE soda before the bill comes#Also. I cannot IMAGINE the heartburn from knocking back alcoholic drinks like that#no wonder people throw up when they’ve had too much. shit’s acidic as hell#When a dinner is 4 hrs long… 3 glasses of wine is no big deal#when it’s 45 mins then I just gotta ask: how?#I also don’t know how people’s mouths aren’t dry as hell. I always order a glass of water with any alcohol#1.) for the heartburn. 2.) for the dry mouth
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plane scene is so funny cause why is mine a sleeper agent that wakes up whenever daigo is mentioned
can’t wait to see it in dragon engine :3
mine has been the winner for Funniest Character Imaginable for 15 consecutive years and i have yet to see anyone come close i fear
#snap chats#originally i wrote 'funniest character alive' and then remembered. HAH im so funny //throws up//#all my fave charas know how to do is get crazy on planes over men they love its disgusting#utterly hilarious cause after making the last post i went on twitter and they mentioned ANOTHER plane scene i throw up over#diff franchise so not important it is just SIMPLY funny how coincidences work and further confirming I Have A Type#BUT NO BACK TO MINE IT'S STILL SO FUCKIN FUNNY I HAVE TO REWATCH IT#i have to replay it .... all of y3 ...#if anyone remembers my friend from college and how we used to stream she asked me if we could stream#and i was like 'girl i havent streamed in Fuck Ever huh' and yk what maybe i'll stream y3 with her#at the very least ill stream y3 for myself ... legend mode .....#ive beaten y3 legend mode one (1) time and it was the worst experience of my life because if its not shadow the hedgehog#i am not good at the game i am playing !!!!!!!!!!! it'll be funny tho#i remember wanting to do a y3 drinking run but i told myself id stop drinking so i simply think. i will substitute drinking for hot sauce#its an idea im ironing out and i also have to like. properly set up a twitch- or maybe ill stream through youtube#ive always liked youtube streaming more ... at least as a viewer#these are all details for plans i will not be enacting literally any time soon can i stay on topic#the topic being i love mine. i love that plane scene forever the casual Whats Goin On Here :)#and he is the embodiment of :) in that scene casue :] is gen friendly but :) has an underlying aura of Im Going To Kill You#thats him in that scene. and i love him. for the third time. im ending this post now forever and always stan mine#if and whenever y3k comes out i cant wait to see !! but i personally believe that's well and away from us at this point#not impossible since they did mention it but yk. i dont think itll happen within the next year or two#maybe next five or ten realistically. if that jVLAEKJVLAEKJ ok bye fr now
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Trauma Tea!
#“Creature- you realize all your favorite characters have trauma right?”#No. No I didn't until you said that Friend Of Mine#So naturally#They all have to drink tea together and continue to not talk about it#At least for the One (1) that can drink#4c art#spender paranatural#paranatural#Murderbot#secunit#Hollow Knight#The Hollow Knight#murderbot#But geeze am I in a drawing mood today!#Just cranking stuff out
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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The fact you can just ask heather to dress up differently makes me feel nauseous (positive) (but also negative) but anyway she looks good whatever shes wearing to me.
#i know a lot of the girl on girl stuff in this game is def made to like#kind of pander to a specific demographic of men who play the game to some extent but like.#at the same time its not too bad. its not that 'fetishy'#to me at least other lesbians are free to disagree and so on and so forth but damn.#it is definitely sad if you want to play as a gay character because i have seen like. 1 guy you can flirt with to drink his blood#like. just one??? how???#is it based on how i interact with npcs so it only spawns girls for me specifically??? idk#duck vtmb time#anyway very interesting. this game handles things... interestingly.
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Can't believe I spent so much time thinking kiku and kinemon were dead... they really got me there...
#damn izo...... can we get back to that i do not care that much about raizo and this guy...#AND WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD??? damn the reverie..... and sabo#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1063#also the thing i said episodes ago about kaido being luffys foil because he loves fighting and they smile all the time... and then we get#king saying he thinks he is joyboy bc he saved him.... but the difference of those new worlds they imagine and how kaido wants to die and#luffy the complete opposite.... yeah yeah#toko..... and this swordmaker man just adopting little girls... he is the father that stepped up (multipile times)#kaido just having a drink.... he is just having some fun... fighting and drinking... average friday night for him... thats his love language#it is his love language... he said he just accepted him aldjsks i was just saying shit... see he is just having some fun witj his peer#luffy was so confused with all this he got hit akdhsks first person ever to bamboozle him.....#drunk kadio is so fun to watch.... crying about his son escaping and how everything goes wrong ajdkskskk#his impulsivity and like unpredictability just make him better while drunk akdhsksjk luffy should try shrooms if thats what he prefers....#what devil fruit???? also get robin's name out of your mouth!!!!!! OH ZOU!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE#IT'S LUFFYS DEVIL FRUIT.... WHICH HAS ANOTHER NAME....... WONDER WHY HMMM...🤔🤔#also kaido saying luffy likes him too much.... that's another secret fruit JAHSJAHA#episode 1064#zoro just bleeding out on the floor... nvm he died... well... there are other swordsmen.... this looks like an impressionist film#zoro doesnt get it... he is powerless against death....#IZO NOOO!!!! HE GOT STABBED!!! jesus.... MARCO HELP!!! MARCOOOO WHAT IS HE DOING#THE FUCKING CP0 NO!!! WHAT??? well i respect that decision... leave him alone get a job etc. NOOOOO YOU WON'T WIN!!!#do not make a deal with them either... izo.....#love how traffy and kid have each one (1) woman on their crew. its not ooking good on the diversity office#mugiwara no chibi.... exacty..... also how is big mom tired... i mean i get it but damn.... LAW GOT HER!!! YEAAHHH!!! FINISH HER!!!#law needs to cut her to pieces like he did with that guy.... come on.... punk corna DIO??? omg its a bull.... BUT IMPALE HER!!!#well i see progress now at least.... but until kid magnetos her ass idk... law needs to start cutting also.......#episode 1065
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pucci’s age aside ( and dio literally saying himself that the friend he needs for his heaven plan can't be into him, but i digress ), his relationship with dio is so much more interesting and fun as weirdo4weirdo besties than as a romantic ship.
#// dio has many lovers but only one (1) bromance#// there are so many reasons why he enjoys p.ucci’s company and one day i will write a very long hc about it#// he's one of the only people dio grows genuinely close to and considers a true friend beyond what use he thinks he can get out of him#// and don't get me wrong. he's still gonna manipulate p.ucci to hell and back for his own gain. but there's a real friendship there too#// or at least the realest that dio is capable of experiencing#// when they're not talking about the heaven plan or stands they're hanging out drinking wine and shooting the shit#// reading together for hours in silence. building and painting model ships. getting into long winded philosophical discussions#// headcanons.
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The growing anxiety of realizing that I’m running out of time to text my dad happy father’s day 😬
#oh man our relationship would be so much easier if we just never tried#but I suppose that’s true for most things. not doing stuff is easier than doing stuff. wow what a concept.#but I do love my dad. I just don’t know how to talk to him#haven’t texted him since my birthday in December#lol just looked back and saw that the joke I was going to open with I already used for my birthday#’thank you for helping conceive me’#okay yeah not that funny but like I said I don’t know how to talk to him#so being weird and trying to be funny is like ‘hey at least I’m putting some effort into my tri-annual text’#I just… I dunno… blegh… I have nothing to say about my life that isn’t shameful or depressing#but hey! at least I’m the one (1) kid he has that’ll actually text him!#pretty sure my sis is still on the outs with him but she’s… got her own shit I don’t need to weigh in on#whatever. he’s got his whole ‘beach life’ Jimmy Buffet Florida day drinking ‘in a cool way’ BS going on so I don’t feel toooo bad#okay okay let’s see if I can get away with a quick text and not have to talk to him much#ugh… I’m a shitty son#or I’m not a shitty son but he really hasn’t done anything for me to avoid him like I do#just my own self-worth bullshit. well not just that. but I’m negative about myself so I’ll focus on that#oh hey sorry I forgot this isn’t a therapy session#why would you read all of this?#sorry to everyone having a shitty father’s day#I’ll be your dad#I’m proud of you.#if you made it through the day today then I’m proud of you and I love you or like you or whatever this is dumb#you can ignore this#text
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I think about that time aubree got a casual hookup a lot I think largely because it was a time something nice happened to her with no downsides
#I am imagining her being treated softly. I am imagining her being touched gently. I am imagining her falling asleep in soft arms.#aubree talks about cooking with a gnome who named herself after an herb and drinks wine and has sex and wakes up and makes coffee for two#and doesn't think or talk about The Horrors even once. for twelve blessed hours. what a concept#I've had three glasses of wine and I am now crying about my blorbo ahskfdlsh she just has NO SUPPORT in the PARTY!!#justin has built a world full of kindness and goodness where being kind makes a real difference#where you can form real and rewarding connections with people in a living and responsive world and it's so wonderful#but we travel because we're adventuring!! so aubree only has the party actually present!!#and the party consists of a bard who works overtime to be rude and mean and make a BAD impression everywhere we go for no reason#and an overwrought teenager whose trauma is 1) the only trauma that matters and 2) overpowers ANY of those real and meaningful connections#her player constantly like 'ooOHhhHh justin your GRIM WORLD you are PUTTING LISBET THROUGH IT hohohooo'#ACTUALLY the entire POINT of this grim world is to highlight the power of love and hope in the face of darkness and despair!!#but you keep CLOSING YOUR EYES TO THAT!! and CHOOSING TO PLAY GRIMDARK NO MATTER WHAT!!#so I'm just sitting here like :) this is a world full of kindness and hope and aubree doesn't get any#cause she's the only one IN the party BRINGING any!!#and we don't stay long enough with any one NPC for them to be there for her#LAYS on the FLOOR.#it's a weird contrast with mel who is ALSO profoundly lonely because mel doesn't understand that#and if she DID she HAS friends she could lean on-- zhartook at the very least and probably also claire#aubree grew up in a big family in a tight community-- she KNOWS she needs connection and right now doesn't feel like she HAS anyone#sucksss#about me#aubree
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Is that character gay? *points at Mine*
Allegedly.
#snap chats#depends on what day you check the wiki. schrodinger's homosexual#i couldnt FATHOM showing mine to my mom i know she'd be so annoying 😭😭😭#actually i cant even imagine what'd happen. 'is he gay' 'yeah' 'oh-' LIKE WHAT. WHAT NOW MOTHER WHAT HAVE YOU SAY TO THAT#like i think my mom asks that so much as a cope for my existence when i dont even like men mom As Per Usual mother you got it wrong#she's so weird because her. 'best work friend(? boss?)' is gay so she doesnt care about gay people she just doesnt like. me LMAO#but my moms selective hating aside i do wish i could show her characters i like#not because i want to bond with her but because it always seems funny when everyone else does it with their parents#but id just be too embarrassed ... or i can just imagine her saying like. every other chara is scary lookin. or ugly. liek my grandma did 💀#my sisters keep telling me to show her daigo since they think he looks like our dad and im always tempted to#god wait that just reminds me how when i did a daigo cosplay last year my dad saw me and he was like 'you're like a mini me :)'#like .... cmon dawg youre not helping LCKAEJLKCJAE love him. hope to see him again soon <- literally just saw him#wait while im rambling my dad came over and our 'uncle' (no actual relation just dad's friend) gave us. 12 fucking bottles of wine#when no one in this house drinks enough to warrant TWELVE BOTTLES ?? so funny. at least my sis and her husband drink#and i have one (1) friend who drinks LOL so thats cute. do i have any other unnecessary lore bits to drop before i disappear for a week#our ac broke and its been hot as balls. yeah thats it thats the end of it see you guys next week
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#rehearsal tonight was rouh but still fun soits fine im just. exhausted#i was achey and brain-foggy as FUCC#so i came home and had meself a drink. and then when i was done i was like eh im still feelin. yk whatever so i made myself a Drink™️#and oooooh bITCH#started making a grillcheese halfway thru drinkin the Drink™️ so when that shit hit my siystem i FELT it lmfao#ooooooooooooh bitch#we good im Chillin chillin now im just. HOOooo bOY#ive decided that alcohol is always gross (save for the like. jack daniels watermelon shit bc that was fuckin GORGEOUS goddamn(#HOWEVER. cranberry juice makes everything better😌💕#AND ! so does grilled cheese<3<3#so vodka+cranberry juice is fun even tho it still tastes at least a little bit (or a lottle bit if u dont mix it right💀 oops) like alcohol#and my sandwich turned out perfect and my ''cocktail'' turned out fine and Very Alcoholic lmfao#3 shots vodka & can pineapple juice & buncha cranberry juice & splashes of grenadine+lemon juice#PLUS a squeeze of coconut cream which!! is also what i i sugared the rim of my glass with!! which felt all fun+fancy so im :>#i def could still taste vodka but eh it still tasted better than the one (1) drink ive had at a restaurant (raspberry lemon drop)(gross)#((not GROSSgross but. tasted like i shouldve been DRUNk after drinking it and i was decidedly Not so. hmph🙄))#aNyWaY this is all nonsense that doesnt matter but i felt like telling Someone so. void it is!#thanx for listenin/readin lmao#my friends are all sleepin and i should be soon as well -- hopefully i do but 🤷we'll see🤷#im still kinda 👁👄👁 from rehearsal so im trying to bring it down+chill tf out so i can Get Some Fucking Rest before too long yanno?#so like. yeagh!#hope yall are doin well#byeee<3<3#bee speaks
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i actually cant with this anymore ngl like. messaging my friends isnt an option bc theyre all out busy having actual lives. but i havent left my room all day and i have washing up to do and i have laundry to do but i cant fucking go in the kitchen bc being around my flatmates is so awkward. like. essentially i have zero friends right now because im nowhere near anyone i can speak to. the one person i could maybe consider as actually having made a friend lives on basically the other side of the city. i want to go get food from kitchen so bad but i cant im gonna have to wait until later im not getting the laundry done. cant focus on the assignment. i have no idea how the fuck im meant to remedy this lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
#have we considered im not cut out for uni#unfortunately its the only thing ive ever wanted to do (go to uni) but turns out it lowkey sucks lol#i cant drop out because there is literally nothing else i want to do#vent#i do have an appointment with mental health services on tuesday#but they have such low availability i had to pick which lecture i was willing to miss in order to go#which is great!!#i dont have high hopes because the only advice ive been given in regards to the flatmate situation is#“give it a couple weeks and youll get to know them”#“just talk to them”#hello?? they dont want to talk to me thats why all the conversations fell flat on their face#plus they arent nice when theyre drunk and they are often drinking!!#my mum keeps being like “its okay if you drop out”#what the fuck am i meant to do then#like am i destined to permanently be living at home working at mcdonalds#will end it all if so#tw suicidal thoughts#like. my two childhood dreams were 1) have purple hair 2) go to university#succeeded on the first one at least#but also theres no job that i want to go into. other people can maybe name one or two jobs theyd be happy to do#or have some idea of a career path#but all jobs sound awful and not what i want to be doing in life#i dont know what im going to do if it turns out i cant hack uni#theres nothing else for me#everyone lied also when they said that ppl will be really open to making friends at uni#i tried to put myself out there and go out of my comfort zone and speak to people#and it became apparent that they were not interested#“go to a society youll meet people”#no. they show up with people they are already friends with. and even if you try to speak to them.#they are not very reciprocal and quickly go back to just talking to their friends theyve already made
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Omg and on top of it all I fuckin broke the straw off my water bottle so now I can’t,, drink water until I either get a new one or go buy a cup or plastic bottle of water and keep reusing that in the meantime. Didn’t want to do either of those things yesterday bc I was focused on Survival + my day had been fucked up enough I didn’t want another unexpected problem to fix.
The point of me sharing tho is I also need to find a new water bottle that’s dyspraxia accessible and i dunno where to look bc the one I broke was a (expensive) gift. And I wish nondyspraxics realized how hard it is to buy anything when all the little features make a difference in if you’re able to use it. You have one clumsy moment and now you’re like aw shit now I can’t Drink Water
#it sucked I had like finally taken all the steps I can for now regarding employment#and went to the pond which I’d planned to do hours before#enjoyed it for a good 10 mins in the sense of ‘my life is fucked but at least I’m not in a freezing cold room rn’#then proceeded to break my water bottle and start crying at the pond lol#and was like ‘man do I go check cvs or just kms’ which led to me calling the hotline#and I like woke up today being like ok things still suck but it’s a new day#I’m going to a fair and a concert w friends I haven’t seen in a while#and I like need a day in between today and yesterday tbh but I hope it will be fun#but I say that to say. I woke up and realized ah fuck I still can’t drink water#I can buy water at the fair at least but I should rly hydrate beforehand since I’ll be freaking moshing#my options are 1) go to a water fountain which only helps short term#2) buy a drink somewhere n reuse the cup which helps like. slightly more long term#or 3) go look for a water bottle today. which I rly don’t want to in this state#bc if I don’t find an accessible one I’ll be upset abt wasting more time#n then have to go be normal at the fair#so I think. I’m going w option 2#the thought processes u have to go thru every day when ur dyspraxic…#ALSO just now realizing I can’t take my pill without water#but I also only have 2 more pills left bc I don’t have insurance 👍🏻#luckily it’s not a pill that will have immediate affects from not taking it it’s more like a matter of months but yk#mine#txt#personal#vent post#suicide tw#(<- in tags)
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Just found out the water/sewage bill for the complex is actually Everyone’s combined then evenly divided which what the actual fuck
#I can promise u I don’t use as much water as at least Most of the other units#for one I don’t have a washing machine yet#and I live alone most people here live with at Least one other person#and I know there’s a few families#my water bill is like $150 a month when the only water I use is for showers that are less than 10 mins for me#washing dishes#and like. filling ice trays#some water that I put in my brita filter#but during the time I’ve been unpacking or working 24/7 I’ve been getting bottled water#cause something easy to grab is the only way I won’t end up dehydrated#cause otherwise I’m just gonna drink soda or nothing at all#I’ll stop getting bottled water once I’ve gotten settled and everything#but even then I really don’t use much water still#ghost rambles#it rlly doesn’t feel legal for them to just. combine everyone’s bills#this is a big complex too#I think 6 or 7 buildings each 3 stories#with 4 units on each floor#idk frustrating to learn cause I’ve actively been trying to use as little water as possible knowing bills are expensive#edit: my numbers for how many units is wrong somewhere cause that added up to 84#and ik there’s at least 100#but idc to go digging for how many there are#edit 2: forgot there’s two sides to each building I’m so smart#so like 168 units ish I think#fuck ton of people basically#and 1-3 bedrooms each
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i want to watch the things on my watchkist but i also never do its rly tragic
#i have plenty of time i always could but instead im like idk what abt laying in bed#whatever. im having a stupid gay moment so i have to like do that instead. <- this judt means i have to sit here and go God i want to be#loved god i wabt to hold somebody i need to be held i should buy a revolver. not elaborating on the last one there are several ways you can#interpret it.#DJFBFJFNFJGNGN#IT JUST. SIGHHH. SIGHHHHH. its my fault for engaging with romance media bc it always makes me so lonely. which sucks#bc it also makes me giddy at times like i like it. but then im likr I dont have this and then i get all emo#its whatever one day when we spontaneously grow and become a real person maybe we will be able to like go out and do like. i dont know#something#almost 1 year its crazy yk. idk.. sigh. i need 2 get my ged#not rly related to any of it but it is ged is the Thing i need to do so i can do everything else#like i need a ged to get a job i need a job to fix my life (itll force me to keep a schedule again) and to get money and i need money to#do Anything at all. sigh#i miss alcohol but also drinking alone sucks. but i cant drink with ppl anymore bc i get too sad. not like my friend edibles who never make#me sad At least not abt that. there was that post abt like humanity through the ages that i cried at RLY HARD for a full hour bc i kept#crying until my screen turned off and then calming down a bit and then turning my phone back on and seeing the post again and immediately#crying again DJFNJF#anyways ive been thinking and i rly wish there was likee. sigh. unfortunately ignoring the mushy stuff i need a partner for utility purposes#1 finances 2 i cant drive and i dont think ill ever be able to . ik i should just try and learn but the thought makes me real life nauseous#but i also uppn reflection would like to live in the countryside maybe. idk i change my mind constantly#bc city is convenient and i havent lived in Cities very much i dont like suburbs bc you cant walk anywhere and theres nothing 2 do#cities you can walk everywhere country you cant but you get to be outside and i want to start being outside again... creek rly solidified#this. my dream house it has a creek nearby#in fact its kind of exactly the same as the creek at granny n papaws house. but without leeches LOL. and maybe less cow shit#but ya. thered be a creek... well in one of my dreamhouses at least#my dreamapartment there isnt a creek bc the apartments in a city with lots of food options. which is a requirement#but maybe there is a little creek in the park in the city but i couldnt swim there i bet. unfortunately.... sigh. but this is where partner#with car clmes in in both situations is in rhe city they could drive me out to a lake . we would go together and maybe wed paddleboard#or we could get one of those little boats that you umm. with the umm. feet. what the... what r they called#whatever we had those at family reunions w papaws family when i was a baby. they were fun. paddleboat???????
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